


From the Sky

by Pansexual_Pixie



Category: Gentleman Jack (TV)
Genre: Ann is tougher than she looks, Anne is actually a total softie, Anxiety, F/F, Love, Modern Setting, Romance, Sexy, Slow Burn, Sweet, age is just a number, cute as fuck, desperation to have what you can't, sexual assault trauma, who is teaching who about life?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:26:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 402,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21900151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pansexual_Pixie/pseuds/Pansexual_Pixie
Summary: When Anne Lister and Ann Walker meet by chance at a party one night their attraction is instant and sets off a chain of events that will alter their lives forever. Will a misunderstanding and the conventions of society force them apart? Or will they find a way to wait it out and make it work in the mean time? After all, the most magical things come from the sky.
Relationships: Anne Lister (1791-1840)/Ann Walker (1803-1854)
Comments: 724
Kudos: 585





	1. Beautifully Awkward

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Lovelies. This is my first pic for this fandom and though I am far from an experienced writer, I have had this idea in my head ever since I first watched and fell in love with Gentleman Jack a while back. I will be taking some creative licence along the way which become apparent from the first chapter. For example you'll notice I've set the story in Australia rather than England and Harriet is in fact Harry, a rather endearing and funny gay male bestie to Ann.
> 
> I know Ann only being 17 is controversial, but I wanted to play with the age difference between them at a slightly younger age which would have been perfectly acceptable for courting when the real Ann and Anne's were alive but is obviously more taboo in modern times. I ask you to hold tight and see where I go with it. 
> 
> I really hope you like this. I wasn't sure If I should post it or if I should even make it a single chapter story but I really have a lot more to tell so here goes nothing.
> 
> xxx

Anne Lister sat on the couch in her therapists office feeling generally disenchanted with her life as it was. She felt she had no right to feel the way she did. At 30 years old and the mastermind behind Shibden enterprises she was one of the most successful PR and marketing gurus in Australia and was also a household name in her native England as well as other parts of Europe. She had amassed considerable wealth, was considered to be extremely charming and charismatic and women fell at her feet. Which would have been marvellous if it wasn’t for the fact that she was so damn bored with them. And the fact that when she made the mistake of getting too attached to them and letting them in, they left her. Like Mariana had, Like Vere had and most recently Lucia.

“Why do you think it is that you continually pursue these older women who are emotionally unavailable or already entangled in some form of relationship with another man or another woman? Is it the challenge?” Dr Hobbs asked her and Anne sighed.

‘I suppose so, it keeps life interesting” Anne mused with a cheeky smile and Dr Hobbs regarded her carefully. “And when you end up getting hurt. Does that keep life interesting?”

Anne looked down and sighed “Well it’s certainly one of the less desirable parts, but I’m always alright in the end. Besides, Mary is still in my life and I wasn’t to know that Luce would turn so vindictive when I ended things. I thought it was perfectly reasonable. She was cheating on me. It’s not like she was ever going to commit to me”

Dr Victoria Hobbs felt her heart go out to the woman sitting in front of her. She really shouldn’t have been counselling Anne given their relationship a few years back but she’d just been so relieved Anne was willing to discuss her destructive relationship patterns and Anne had been so unwilling to see any of the other doctors she had recommended that Victoria had taken a gamble to see if she could help Anne. But her the infamous Miss Lister sat, guarded, making jokes to hide her pain. Anything to avoid admitting how she really felt.

“And If I was to take off my therapist hat and it was just you Anne and me Victoria. How would you tell me if I asked how you felt?”

Anne looked out the window and took a deep breath, allowing her guard to slip just for a moment then looked Victoria in the eyes. “Lonely”

Victoria stood up and went over to where Anne sat and squeezed her hand sympathetically. ‘At last, she speaks the truth’ She smiled kindly at Anne and Anne leaned back against the couch.

“I don’t know Vicki what kind of woman do you think I should be with?”

Victoria laughed “Now there’s a loaded question and one a therapist wouldn’t normally answer.”

“But I’m not asking you as a patient!” Anne reasoned as she took Victoria’s hand and ran her thumb along the palm.

“Which is exactly why I didn’t want to treat you and don’t you go making a move on me Anne Lister I know exactly what you’re doing!” She said laughing as she took her hand away and Anne chuckled, shrugging sheepishly.

Victoria thought about it for a moment. “I think your ideal woman should actually be younger than you. Less worldly and jaded by life perhaps. She should have her own means of financially supporting herself and not be dependent on you financially while still being appreciative of your generosity. She should be gentle and sweet but not so much so she’s a push over and have traits submissive enough to compliment your natural dominance while not lacking the ability to challenge you, go head to head with you and tell you no when you need to hear it. She should be beautiful, clever and kind but most of all she should keep that huge heart of yours that you so rarely show the world safe. She should intrigue and enchant you”

Anne listened carefully to Victoria’s description. As loathe as she was to admit it, that did sound like a rather lovely and intriguing combination.

“And where does one locate this magical elusive creature, I suppose she’s just going to fall from the sky?” she remarked dryly.

“You never know!” Victoria countered and then looked at the clock ‘Now you need to get out of my office and go to your party. I have actual patients to see!”

Anne stood up and went over to the mirror in Victoria’s office, straightening her black perfectly tailored pants and bow tie, white dress shirt and bow tie. She ran her hands through her dark collar bone length hair which was blow dried into a sleek bob and tossed her suit jacket over her shoulder.

“Thank you Vicki!” She said as she turned and walked over to Victoria, giving her a soft kiss on the cheek. “If you ever get bored and you want to give this couch a real session let me know!”

She grinned as she backed away cheekily and Victoria shook her head in exasperation ‘Goodbye Anne!”

Anne laughed as she left the office and closed the door behind her. Things weren’t all bad. She had a Shibden party tonight for their many clients and there were bound to be many beautiful women. Finding one to take home shouldn’t be too much trouble.

*******************************************************

17 year old Ann Walker sat putting little ivory coloured organza flowers in her intricate bun. Being a Friday night, the entire University student housing estate of Lemon Grove was abuzz with social occasions and parties that would be held that evening but no one was buzzing more than Ann. Buzzing with nerves. She and some of the other University dance students would be performing at a Shibden Enterprtises party. Anne Lister was a very big deal. Ann only hoped she didn’t disappoint. Being so much younger than her co-performers she always felt out of step somehow even though her teachers assured her she was actually better which is why she was selected to perform a solo piece that evening. It was also why she was accelerated to the same level of the third and fourth-year students in aerials. It wasn’t always easy juggling her final year of high school and her University course responsibilities. But the university pathways opportunity her prestigious highschool offered to her had been a god send with her parents both gone and her home situation with her sister and brother-in-law being unlivable. It was the easiest way to secure independent accommodation while technically still a minor as any enrolled student had the right to apply for on campus housing.

The piece she would be performing aerial hammock to that evening was one of an extremely personal nature. It was to a track she had organised to be mixed two years ago but hadn’t been able to bring herself to perform it. And then her final English assignment for her HSC had been set. To write about a defining moment. Something that pushed her right out of her comfort zone and forced her to face fear and adversity head on to step to the other side. She couldn’t bring herself to write about the death of her much loved parents 4 years earlier. It was still too raw to delve that deep. But maybe she could push herself to do this. To honour them in this way. And have something truly worth writing about.

“Wow!” gasped Harry Parkhill as he stood in the doorway of Ann’s bedroom. “If I was straight I would 100 percent do you!”

Ann giggled as she stood and picked up her large dance bag with all her equipment. “You say that all the time! But thank you!” she leant up to kiss her best friend and room-mate on the cheek”

“Well it’s extra true this time! You look crazy beautiful. How are you feeling though babe. You ready to do this?” he asked her in concern, knowing how meaningful this piece was to her and Ann shrugged. “As I’ll ever be. Come on, let’s go before I lose my nerve.”

*************************************************************

Anne Lister stood smiling to herself in satisfaction. The party was a runaway success, The top hat she’d added to her outfit gave her an even more dapper edge and even more passing looks from beautiful women around her and everyone seemed to be having an absolutely wonderful time. There was only one hitch. Lucia had shown up with her new lover. Anne looked the barrister who had overseen some contracts for Shibden enterprises up and down. At 42 she was starting to widen a bit in the hips and fill out in the stomach. This is something Anne knew her to be very self-conscious about. And though she claimed to be completely enamoured with her new toy Lucia kept looking across at her every chance she got then pretended she wasn’t.

Anne decided that nothing would give the woman a taste of her own medicine better than seeing Anne cosying up to one of the many beautiful bodied young performers she’d booked for the evening. That would tie her and her naturally jealous nature up in knots. Shibden had a very good relationship with the neighbouring University and a couple of high schools as Anne very much believed in the importance of education and one furthering their life prospects with it. She had been most impressed with the 3rd and 4th year dance students so far that evening. One of them was young Harry Parkhill who was a good lad of about 19. She’d done business with his father Robert Parkhill many times and he was a decent chap too.

“Anne this has been a fabulous evening, well done and thank you again for continuing to market my products so successfully!” William Ross remarked to Anne as he passed her towards the bar and Anne smiled “Thank you William! And it’s my pleasure!”

“Idiot!” she muttered under her breath when he was far enough away. She knew full well he’d been in discussions with a competing firm to take his business there. How she longed for something pure, honest and true for a change. She knew she was in the completely wrong environment for it but it didn’t stop her from wanting it none the less.

Suddenly she became aware of a large red aerial hammock being lowered from the ceiling in the centre of the room and stopping rather high off the ground still and a large “Crash pad” being pushed beneath it which she insisted on for all the aerial performances that evening. It was then that she looked up to see a little blonde doll perched in the middle of the hammock in a white beaded costume that glimmered in the light and had a skirt made of different lengths of chiffon. Anne pulled out her program and looked for the performer information. “Miss Ann Walker, Fourth year Aerial hammock student”. How interesting. Another Ann. “Well Miss Walker, let’s see what you’ve got” Anne mused to herself.

The crowd began to quieten and Anne gasped as “On the nature of daylight” by Max Richter began to play. It was one of her favourite pieces of music. The girl began to spin slowly and make shapes in the hammock, the red colour of it a stark contrast to the white of her costume and fair complexion. And oh she was glorious in her grace. She looked as though she was born to do this. Voices began to play over the track.

“Look Daddy! I’m flying! I’m flying just like you and Mummy, I’m flying high in the sky!” a little girl said.

“Go Annie! Climb higher! Into the sky! Everything magical comes from the sky!” came a male voice.

“Point your toes beetle” came an adoring female voice and then the little girls voice could be heard again ‘I’m pointing Mummy, I’m pointing and spinning like a real fairy!”

“It’s the girl and her parents”. Anne realised and then she was stunned to hear the same voices reading “It’s opener there in the wide open air. Out there things can happen and frequently do. To people as brainy and footsy as you!”

“Dr Seuss ‘Oh the places you’ll go’” Anne gasped aloud. Her Dear Aunt Ann had read that to her growing up and continued to quote it right up until she passed away 2 years earlier.

“David get the camera screens on” Anne commanded one of her tech crew. She had to see this girl perform properly but she was so far away. And as the cameras pointed towards the silks were switched on and the image of the young woman doing aerial dance tricks that had the entire crowd breaking into applause lit up the screen Anne’s breath was taken away. Doll-like was accurate. She was beautiful and her face was contorted with such emotion, tears streaming from closed eyes down her gorgeous face as the same voice overs played on repeat intermittently as well as more quotes from the book. This piece was obviously one of great sentimental significance to the young woman. Anne held her breath as the girl performed a series of very intricate spins, her petite body bending with an ease that both aroused and captivated her. And then when she came to a stop and arranged herself in a beautiful pose that reminded her of a gazelle mid-leap she opened her eyes and looked directly into one of the cameras.

“Dear god” Anne exclaimed as she beheld them on the large-screen. Huge, bright and so endlessly blue. And the absolutely heart-rending expression in them. Anne never wanted to stop watching this. Watching her. She was magnificent. In fourth year she was likely only 21 or 22 at the very most. But oh the incredible emotiveness and maturity with which she performed.

Her tricks became more and more intricate as the music built to a crescendo and another Dr Seuss quote was heard.

“You’ll be on your way up, you’ll be seeing great heights. You’ll join the high-fliers who soar to great heights!”

And then she was climbing up the length of the hammock, wrapping it around her legs in intricate patterns, climbing higher and higher and as the music reached its climax and final note she suddenly dropped from a great height to hang upside down with her arms outstretched like a fallen angel, held only by the wraps around her lower calves and ankles.

Anne felt her very breath leave her lungs and the entire room echoed in a collective gasp. Then there was silence. Then came thunderous applause and no one was applauding more loudly than Anne. “Bravo!” she cried out and it was then she realised she had tears in her eyes. Turning her head to the side she discretely wiped them away and as she turned back to look at the stunning human centrepiece hanging from the ceiling she saw the point being discretely moved across the room with the girl hanging from it in her finishing position so very still. When it got to the end of the room the lights were dimmed and it disappeared behind a curtain.

Anne’s feet were moving before she even became aware of it and she was heading behind the curtain. When she got there she watched in awe as Miss Walker swung herself back and forth until she got enough momentum to flip herself up high enough to grasp the hammock wraps at her ankles and she then climbed her way back up into a standing position, released her ankles and lower legs from the wraps and then sat down in the hammock, seemingly shrinking into the cocoon of it for a moment. Steadying herself.

“Take all the time you need gorgeous! You were upside down for a while. But god you were incredible!” Harry called out in encouragement and Anne realised Harry and Miss Walker must be quite close.

“Are you gonna spew?” Harry asked.

“Ew no!” came an indignant reply in an irritated but still kindly sounding voice from above and Anne found herself chuckling.

“Well If I’d just ripped my heart out and tossed it still bleeding into a room full of people like you just did I’d probably wanna spew!”

‘So that piece did have significant sentimental significance” Anne thought to herself.

‘Yes but that’s because you’re soft!” came the same gentle feminine voice and Anne laughed quietly. So Miss Walker was funny. And to her delight, also British.

“True! But you still love me!” Harry called out and Ann agreed. ‘Yes, very much”

Anne watched as she started to make her descent and Harry moved underneath her “I’ve got you babe just drop down.

“Harry!” Anne said softly as she moved to his side and had a quiet word in his ear. Harry looked surprised but then took in the way Anne was looking up at Ann and grinned, stepping away.

“Good lad!” she said before moving directly under Ann just as she dropped down from the sling and catching her around the waist. Ann cried out in surprise once as she felt a pair of unfamiliar arms catch her and then again as she was spun around and swept completely into the arms of the most gorgeous woman she’d ever seen. Ann instinctively wrapped her arms around the woman’s neck to steady herself and she gazed down at her with magnificently dark chocolate eyes and a smirk at the corner of her lips.

“It’s alright Miss Walker I’ve got you. I’m Anne. Anne Lister!”

Ann realised it was a very good thing she was in Miss Lister’s arms or else her legs might have turned to complete jelly and betrayed her. “I know who you are. I mean I’ve seen you from a distance but I’ve never actually met you. It’s nice to make your acquaintance Miss Lister!”

“Believe me Miss Walker the pleasure is all mine!” Anne said slightly provocatively as she took in the little pixie in her arms. She was tiny, featherlight and so incredibly, heart achingly pretty that she was well, quite Exquisite.

“You look exceptionally beautiful Miss Walker!” Anne whispered genuinely

“Thank you!” Ann said softly as she smiled and looked down, blushing. “Good god” Anne thought to herself as she took in the pretty pink hue staining the cheeks of the petite little pixie in her arms and her pulse begin to race. She found herself wondering if she blushed across other parts of her body. ‘Please don’t be straight little girl’ she silently pleaded to herself.

Anne suddenly became aware that Ann was trembling. “You’re shaking, are you alright sweetheart?” she asked in genuine concern, surprised at how easily the term of endearment left her lips and Ann nodded looking terribly shy. “Yes thank you…..My body gets a bit shaky after aerials, it takes a lot out of me.”  
“Yes I’m not surprised. It must take so much strength!” Anne said in genuine admiration. “And it also looked to be of an extremely emotional nature?” she enquired a little further and Ann’s face suddenly took on a very bittersweet expression. “Uh….Yes. You could say that!”

She looked so vulnerable and small in that moment that all Anne wanted to do was wrap her up in her arms and protect her from everything bad in the world.

“You can put me down if you like. I’ll be okay” Ann said sweetly and Anne shook her head. “No…I find I rather like having you in my arms. I’m not ready to let you go just yet my beautiful little pixie! Unless that is of course you want me to?” she looked at Ann with longing that wasn’t even remotely filtered and watched in delight as Ann blushed again and bit her lip. “Um….No…this is nice”

“Not straight!” Anne thought to herself victoriously and they slipped into a comfortable silence for a moment until Ann looked up at the hammock and then back to Anne.

‘Thank you for helping me get off!” she said sincerely and Anne bit back a snort “Oh darling trust me if I’d actually helped you get off you’d know it!” She said suggestively and Ann looked a little bewildered and confused and then said innocently “Oh is that like flirting? I’m not really good with the whole flirting thing. It often goes over my head. I’m kind of awkward!’

Anne’s eyes widened in surprise at her young companion’s transparency and then she found herself bursting out laughing.

“What is it? Why are you laughing?” Ann asked a little anxiously, worried she’d said the wrong thing.

‘It’s nothing. And it’s everything. You’re just wonderful, the way you were so honest was wonderful. You are just so very lovely!”

Ann found herself feeling a little overwhelmed as Anne beamed down at her in such approval and intrigue.

“Well you’re very lovely yourself. I really like your hat. It’s rather fabulous!” Anne exclaimed as she looked up at Anne in appraisal and Anne grinned “You do?”

“Yes!” Ann continued as she broke into a dreamy smile “You look very dashing! Can I try it on?” she asked and Anne chuckled indulgently ‘Be my guest!”

Ann reached over and took the hat off Anne’s head and put it on her own. She posed and made a little pouty face. “How do I look?” she asked playfully and Anne felt herself melting.

“Too cute for words!” she said emphatically and Ann giggled before taking the hat off her head and placing it back on Anne’s then her face fell as she realised some glitter from her hair had transferred to the hat and was now sprinkled around the lapels of Anne’s tuxedo jacket.

“Oh no you’ve ended up with some of my glitter on you, I’m sorry!” Ann said nervously and Anne looked down to her collar then smiled reassuringly at her.

“That’s quite alright, what kind of pixie would you be if you didn’t leave a little sparkle wherever you went right?”

Ann’s face lit up and all Anne wanted was to make her smile that beautiful smile that made her heavenly blue eyes sparkle so for the rest of the night.

“I wonder if you’d do me the honour of sparkling at my side now your performance duties are over. Perhaps I could convince you to leave the sky behind for a night and dance on the ground a song or two?”

Ann felt butterflies flood her stomach and she nodded “I actually love dancing on the ground!”

“Fancy that! So do I. I think I’d love it even more with you in my arms!” Anne surmised and Ann felt the urge to squeal in excitement just a little. Anne Lister was without a doubt the most charming charismatic woman she had ever encountered and she wanted to dance with her!

“I’d need to get changed into something a little more formal and appropriate, less revealing.” Ann said almost apologetically and normally this is where Anne knew she would have made a sexual overture but there was something about Miss Walker’s apparent shyness and innocence that brought out an overwhelming urge in her to protect the younger woman.

“That’s quite alright, I’m more than happy to wait! That is if you’ll allow me to walk you to your dressing room?”

“I’d like that!” Ann said happily as she smiled up at Anne and Anne reluctantly lowered Ann to her feet. When Ann stood fully she faltered a little and Anne encircled her in her arms ‘Careful Little One!” she said affectionately as she steadied her and Ann smiled up at her gratefully.

Anne held out her arm for Ann to take when she was certain the smaller woman was ready to walk, which she took and they walked to the performers dressing area in a comfortable silence, one that floored Anne because it was the kind that would ordinarily take years to build between two people and yet here they were, virtual strangers yet there was such an air of intimacy between them already.

When they reached Ann’s dressing room she turned to Anne and said “You look so amazing. I’ve never seen anyone look the perfect hybrid of extremely beautiful and handsome all at the same time but that is how you look!”

Anne found herself quite overwhelmed by the sincerity of Ann’s praise so freely and sweetly given and felt herself very nearly blushing. “Why Miss Walker, I don’t quite know what to say!” she exclaimed in delight. This girl played absolutely no games whatsoever. And it was so incredibly disarming and utterly charming.

Ann winced as she realised she had likely put her foot in it. “I’m really sorry Miss Lister If I’ve said the wrong thing, I have this habit of what I’m thinking or feeling coming out like word vomit sometimes. Like I said I’m awkward!”

Anne stopped her by placing her fingers on her lips. She was a little awkward. Beautifully awkward. But it was very sweet and endearing. She was so incredibly refreshing in her honesty and sincerity.

“Please don’t apologise, and don’t ever change. You are magnificent the way you are. The truth is I’m a little awkward too sometimes, accepting praise. But what you said meant a lot to me, I want you to know that.”

Anne moved her fingers from Ann’s lips to gently cup her face.

‘Oh!” Ann said as a smile spread across her face and Anne traced the curve of her cheek, the delicate line of her jaw and landed once more at her lips, tracing her lower lip with her finger as Ann shivered.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” Anne asked, her voice an aching whisper.

She cupped Ann’s face with both her hands and leant in to place a kiss on her forehead.

When she pulled back and took in the sight of Ann standing there, eyes closed, long thick lashes fanning her flushed cheeks, lips slightly parted, it took every ounce of strength she had not to kiss her. But something in her gut she needed to take her time with this little one. That she was most certainly worth it.

So instead, when Ann’s eyes fluttered open so prettily, Anne took her hand, lifted it to her lips and placed a gentle kiss on it. “Take all the time you need and I’ll be waiting out there for you. Until then Miss Walker!”

She gently lowered Ann’s hand and backed away, grinning at her cheekily before disappearing around the corner. Ann barely managed to open the dressing room door her hands were shaking so much. When she did she closed it behind and leant against it, sighing.

“Oh my goodness”


	2. Disarmed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely responses and support for my story. In this chapter you'll notice that my version of Ann is slightly less timid. It's inspired by the moments from the show when Ann just let her guard down and allowed herself to just "be" with Anne like when Anne was playing games and said she thought she was a little bit in love with her and Ann was completely transparent about her feelings. Or when Ann asked Anne Lister to come for dinner and stay all night. And I was totally besotted with the teasing banter between them at the end of the final episode so you'll see a lot of that in this story. This is essentially Ann without the influence of all the meddling trouble makers in her life.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this and Merry Christmas!

Anne stood at the bar collecting two glasses of champagne and as she turned around she beamed at the sight before her. Walking towards her was Miss Walker wearing a strapless lavender coloured dress that fit her petite body in the bodice like a second skin and showed off a much fuller bust than Anne was expecting while still being modest. “Lovely!” she said aloud and it fanned out in a full tulle skirt and she was wearing it with beautiful pearl earrings and a pearl necklace. She was a vision. But Anne’s favourite part was that she was wearing it with pastel lavender converse high top sneakers.  
It added a queer and very quirky edge to the outfit.

‘Cute shoes Walker’ Anne teased and Ann covered her cheeks with her hand ‘Oh it’s dreadful, I have to admit I have a thing for dresses and sneakers together but I certainly wouldn’t normally do it at a party this formal, I packed my dance bag in such a hurry I unfortunately forgot heels. I actually came out here with the intention of apologising and then leaving if it was going to be an issue.

Anne took her hand and squeezed it softly as she shook her head “No, you won’t be leaving. It would appear I now have a thing for you in dresses and sneakers too.” She gave Ann a saucy wink and Ann pointed at her with a cheeky smile and said “Flirting right?”

Anne’s face lit up “Well look at you! She’s a fast learner folks!” Ann broke into giggles “Oh shush you! Can I have one of those please?”

“Since you asked so sweetly!” Anne said as she handed Ann one of the champagne glasses, noting the way she seemed more at ease with her and the way she sipped her drink very slowly.

“You don’t like the champagne little Pixie?” she said affectionately and Ann blushed a little at the term of endearment. “No I do…” She said a little uncertainly and Anne probed further. “But you’re not much of a drinker?”

Ann didn’t want to tell her that she sporadically took diazepam to calm sudden flare ups of anxiety and she’d needed to take some after her performance and all the memories it brought up. She drank sometimes and she certainly drank on her medication even though it wasn’t advisable but she had built up a resistance especially living on university campus. But she didn’t normally do it if she wasn’t at home or in a place with a group she trusted and she certainly didn’t do it when she was just getting to know someone.

“I think I just need something to eat first, all the spinning. I can’t really eat before I perform!”

Anne was horrified “Oh of course you must be famished its almost 9’oclock, we have plenty of canapes and….”

“Actually just orange juice and a banana would be perfect. And then champagne?” Ann cut her off and stood there biting her lip so adorably and self-consciously that Anne wanted to lean in and bite it herself.

“Orange juice and a banana? You are the sweetest little thing. Okay, let’s go find you that!” Anne said indulgently as she offered Ann her arm but much to her delight Ann took it with both hands and leant into her side.

********************************************************  
“So now the bitch is going to win the dance contest that I started, at my own party because she’s better than me and I’ll look a total fool. And of course all eyes will be on me as everyone knows we’ve broken up!”

Anne stood against the fridge in a quiet corner of the function centre’s commercial kitchen and Ann sat perched on the opposite counter Anne had lifted her up onto. She had finished her banana and juice as well as two glasses of champagne and was now making her way through a punnet of strawberries.

“Wait why is she better than you?” Ann asked and Anne put her hands up “Because she’s sexier than I am!” Ann scrunched her face up “Oh Nuh Uh. You are totes sexy!”

“And you my dear are tipsy!” Anne laughed at her, she was so very lovely even tipsy.

“Oh I know that’s why I switched to lemonade! But So are you!” Ann said as she sipped her drink and Anne had to hand it to the young woman, she knew her limits and was very good at staying in control.

“Yes I am but not on two glasses little light weight!” Anne teased and Ann shrugged “I’m a busy woman, I don’t get a lot of time to party, I’ve got all my school work, dancing, jobs, you and I are going to win that contest later because she isn’t better than you. It’s a lot to have on my plate”

Anne chuckled “Oh we’re going to win are we? And what makes you so sure of that little Pixie?”

Ann looked at her seriously. “Because you’re strong, and you’re confident and you hold space. And that is very sexy in a dance partner. I saw that in the video of last years performance you showed me on your phone”

Anne stopped chuckling. Miss Walker utterly captivated and beguiled her like no one else. She had the ability to go from a wide eyed little ingenue to a woman of the world in mere seconds and fluctuate back and forth between the two. The combination was very alluring.

“Lucia pelvis thrusts and bumps and grinds and it’s nothing special. I see it all the time in the dance world. The pressure for teenagers and young women to do these sexualised routines and I’ve even been in them myself because that’s the place the choreographer has chosen to take them and sometimes its empowering and fierce and sometimes it's not but that’s flying solo. When you’re dancing with a partner too that’s not always sexy. And I know that I don’t have as much life experience as her or you but sexiness in dance partner work is passion, connection. Emoting, touching one another in a way that even the audience can almost feel the electricity. Telling the story of the attraction. And yes, highly overt ways of doing this have their place, like when you’re out on the dance floor at a club with your friends after a few too many drinks or more formally, say a really steamy tango or paso doble. But it can be done very successfully in a low-key way that still utterly radiates sensuality”

Anne was positively spellbound listening to her speak. How was this girl only in her early twenties? She had never in her life been so turned on listening to someone talk about dance. Ann was so incredibly intelligent and articulate with a maturity beyond her years and she was completely right. Anne had never thought of Lucia or her style of dance that way. And oh the way her beautiful pink glossy lips looked when she said the word ‘Sensuality’. She wanted to dance with Ann like that, touch Ann in that way. Perhaps it was the alcohol but more and more she was beginning to believe that they could have a truly remarkable story to tell.

Ann played with her pearl bracelet self- consciously as Anne stood staring at her with an unreadable expression.

“Oh gosh listen to me rambling on. I’ve probably bored you half to death, forgive me!” Ann said sweetly and Anne shook her head as she moved closer to Ann.

“No I was just thinking how much I love listening to you talk like this, so freely and openly”

Ann’s eyes widened in delight “You were?”

“Yes sweetheart” Anne said softly as she came to a stop so close to Ann that her torso bumped her knees and Ann parted her legs slightly to let her stand between them.

“And I was also thinking how cute you look with that smidge of dried strawberry Juice on your chin and how much I want to kiss it away from your perfect, beautiful face. What are you thinking?”

Ann took a deep breath “I was thinking how strange and wonderful it is….that I’m not really like this with anyone but you!”

“Really?”” Anne whispered as she leant in to Ann’s chin and Ann nodded “Well aren’t I so very lucky” She took Ann’s jaw between her hands and ever so gently pressed her lips to the red juice stain on her chin, kissing the skin there before flicking her tongue over it for just an moment and kissing the same spot once more.

“There…all gone!” Anne said as she used every ounce of will-power she had to pull back from Ann and was stunned to see her beautiful cheeks flushed rose and her eyes peering back at her in the most intoxicating mix of wonder and desire.

“Anne….I…..” Ann began hesitantly as she wrapped her slender arms around Anne’s neck and Anne almost moaned at the goodness of having this gorgeous little pixie enveloping her. “Yes sweetheart…talk to me” Anne encouraged her as their faces moved closer and closer then suddenly an almighty crash was heard through the kitchen that frightened Ann so much she jumped off the counter and clung to Anne, her eyes darting frantically around the room. Even Anne jumped.

They both saw one of the chefs begin yelling at one of the kitchen hands and realised what had happened.

‘It was just pots and pans, someone’s knocked a lot of them over” Anne reassured Ann and then became aware of how much she was shaking. “Hey Ann, are you alright?”

Ann nodded as her hand clutched her pearls at her neck anxiously “Yes, I just got a fright!”

Anne very gently took her hand from her neck “Yes I can see that, come here my sweetheart. I've got you” she said as she enfolded Ann in her arms as though she were made of china and held her, gently swaying her from side to side. There was something about this girl that made her want to equally ravage her and wrap her up in her up in her arms and keep her safe forever. She realised if she was honest she wanted to do the latter even more than the former which went against everything she had ever known about herself. What was Ann Walker doing to her?

Ann sighed in relief as she nestled into Anne’s protective embrace. She could feel the tension leaving her body. Everything just felt quiet, calm and safe. She was so close to her she could smell the fresh citrus scent of her cologne and hear her heart-beat.

“There you are!” Harry’s voice came from the doorway “Seriously Ann you need to get out here and give these basic bitches on the dance floor a lesson in what poetry in motion looks like!” he said urgently and then turned and left.

Anne looked down at Ann “And how do you know Harry Parkhill? I’ve done business with his father.”

“Gay husband and housemate. Exasperating, loyal and very lovable!” Ann said sheepishly and Anne chuckled “Well he’s right about one thing you are poetry in motion when you dance, in fact I think I want to see it again. Are you sure you’re alright?” She asked in genuine concern as she cupped Ann’s cheek and Ann nodded “I’m okay, I’m going to quickly freshen up and then I’ll see you out there?”

Anne took Ann’s hand and placed a gentle kiss on it “Yes of course!”

Ann backed away giving her a cute little wave and then turned and left the kitchen and Anne watched her go. She couldn’t shake the feeling that the delightful Miss Walker had been through some things.

*********************************************************  
Ann finished up in her dressing room and walked to where Anne stood across the room. As she got closer she noticed Anne seemed to be involved in some kind of confrontation and stood at a slight distance. She could see it was with that Lucia woman.

“You’re pathetic. The only reason you’re parading that little flying fairy of yours around is to make me jealous. My lover heard you tell one of your side kicks at the bar that you were going to bed the first dancer that took your fancy and flaunt them to make me jealous.”

“You’re right I did say that, and it was pathetic.” Anne spat back and Ann gasped from where she stood.

“Because I could have let toxicity and nasty games stop me from meeting the most utterly beautiful, magical young woman and I haven’t been parading her around, we’ve been off in our own little corner quietly because all I want to do is spend time with her and get to know her”

Ann walked away with a sinking heart ringing her hands, Anne was just using her all along to make Lucia jealous. And of course she was, why would someone that incredible want anything to do with her when she was so ordinary. But then she stopped. *don’t do this, think rationally* she willed herself. She knew this is what her anxiety did to her. Yes Anne hadn’t had the best of intentions to start with. But the way she’d held her in her arms after her sling dismount earlier, her concern that she hadn’t eaten, their moments in the kitchen and the way Anne had just rocked her in her arms when she was frightened. Her honest confession to Lucia just now. That was real, she believed it was real because she felt it.

She turned back and moved close to them again just in time to hear Lucia maliciously say “And what would a stunning little ballerina who likely isn’t even gay and could have anyone, want with a cold and heartless fucked up bitch like you?”

And before Ann knew what had come over her she stepped up to where Lucia stood and said “She isn’t cold and heartless. She’s funny, gentle, warm and kind. And the truth is we’re all a little damaged in one way or another though some more than others” Anne watched in awe as Ann looked Lucia up and down scathingly while Lucia spluttered indignantly and then huffed and stormed off.

Ann caught Anne staring at her again and began to twist her hands nervously “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have interrupted like that. I can tell you’re more than capable of handling yourself it just made me so cross when she was saying those awful things about you that weren’t true and…”

Ann stopped as Anne grasped her by the waist and picked her up in a hug, holding her close. “You were magnificent!” she gasped in admiration and Ann broke into a smile as she held onto Anne tightly.

“Truly?” she asked as she pulled back to look at the taller woman and was stunned by the pride and warmth she saw in her gorgeous brown eyes. “I hate confrontation it always makes me nervous and flustered…. And I completely forgot to tell her that she’s wrong and I am gay.”

Anne’s heart skipped a beat and gave her a cheeky grin as her instincts and yearnings were confirmed. “Well we could text it to her if you like. Flick her an email perhaps?” Ann burst out laughing as Anne gently lowered her to her feet “You’re so funny. I haven’t laughed this much in ages” she said honestly and Anne beamed at her. She couldn’t remember the last time she enjoyed listening to someone laugh so.

“Come on little tiger let’s get go scope out the competition before you get the urge to start throwing punches!” Anne teased and Ann bit her lip “Was it very bad?” Anne shook her head “It was very sexy, I was totally into it!”

“Anne stop!” Ann said through her giggles.

“I’m serious I just want to line up all the assholes in my life and have you tear them to shreds while I watch, with your little hand on your little hip and your pouty lips and that adorable crinkle on your forehead when you get cross and your piercing blue eyes. So sexy…and you know, kind of intimidating in a pastel tulle sparkly tinkerbell kind of way” Anne remarked dryly and Ann shook her head through her laughter “You are completely incorrigible, are you going to come scope out the competition with me or not?”

Anne suddenly realised none of it mattered anymore. All that mattered was this deeply complex, highly layered and captivating young woman in front of her and how in a single evening she’d managed to make her feel things she couldn’t eve remember feeling this quickly or vividly. It’s as though they just instantly connected.

“No…I’m going to take you home. Well my driver is. But nothing would make me happier than to be able to sit in the back with you and hold your hand if of course you’ll let me. Anne said with an awkwardness that surprised even her. There was something about this girl that completely unhinged and disarmed her.

Ann’s expression was one of surprise, then joy, then confusion. “But the competition. Lucia will win it.”

Anne shook her head as she gently smoothed some wayward golden strands back from Ann’s face and looked at her with a reverence that took her breath away. “No she won’t. I’ve already won!”

Ann’s eyes widened as she caught Anne’s meaning. “Oh” she exclaimed as she looked down, a delighted little smile on her lips that absolutely melted Anne and she gently tipped her face back up to look in her eyes again.

“So what do you say Pixie girl?” Anne asked her with hopeful eyes and Ann’s face lit up with a dazzling smile that took the older woman’s breath away as she slipped her hand into Anne’s. 

“I say let’s go!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Anne finds out how old Ann is in the next chapter..........


	3. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the chapter where the magical evening our two fated love birds are having hits a major snag and Anne discovers how young Ann is. I wanted them to have some time together before it happened though. In this chapter we focus on the way Anne is very dominant and toppy but when it comes to Ann she turns to complete mush, just like in the show ha ha. We also explore the way Ann is gentle and sweet but when she loses it she really loses it.

Ann looked up at the roof of the limo that twinkled with soft fairy lights , the gentle sounds of Ed Sheeran filling the back cabin of the car that was like their own little private hideaway. It was utterly magical.

“So where in England are you from? I’m from Halifax originally” Anne said as she held Ann’s small hand in hers in the back of the limo and gently stroked it with her thumb while they each had another champagne. Ann was now wearing Anne’s top hat and as long as she lived she didn’t think she’d ever forget the image of this little pixie with golden haphazard strands escaping her elegant bun, her lipstick a little smudged and slightly tipsy wearing her top hat. She was beyond adorable.

“I was from Crows Nest but we moved here for my Dad’s work when I was 10.” Ann explained.

“What kind of work?” Anne asked and Ann steeled herself. This was always a tricky topic. She could come out with the story right there and then but she didn’t want to risk having a breakdown and scaring Anne away so she took a deep breath and spoke about things present tense without blatantly lying. An art she had managed to perfect over the past 4 years.

“Medicine. A brilliant man and gifted surgeon by trade but that was never enough for him. He was too driven by passion and a desire to make a difference to end up doing elective breast enlargements like his colleagues. He’d already worked in the middle east doing reconstructive surgery on victims of acid attacks but he couldn’t bring his family there because of the political unrest so when he heard about the work being done with the Fred Hollows foundation in Australia restoring vision to people that had lost it and/or reconstructing around the eye area he wanted to help. My grandma on my Mum’s side was already out here and not doing so well so we came here for an intentionally short term and just ended up staying here. We’ve been all over Australia in rural and remote parts of the country for Dad’s work but they always tried to make sure we had a home base for school and stability and that was Sydney.

Anne was absolutely captivated by the love and pride in Ann’s expression as she spoke of her father. But there was something else. Was it pain? It was hard to tell. She was quite good at putting up a wall. 

“Sounds like a rather fabulous gent. And your mother? What does she do?”

Ann smiled genuinely as she pictured her beautiful mother “Well she was the Juliet to his Romeo. Part English, part Australian. An extremely wealthy blue blood, a free spirit. Stunningly beautiful. A classically trained dancer who chose to dance contemporary and do aerial arts because she said she was born to fly. She met my father when he was a circus hand trying to pay his way through medical school. He was very strong, handsome and naturally graceful. It wasn’t hard for her to teach him some basic tricks and soon they were performing together. My grandma and grandpa staunchly disapproved of them marrying because marrying “well” was something she was expected to do but they ran off and got married anyway and in time my grandparents came to see what an amazing doctor and husband and then father he was. She always taught dance and circus arts but when we moved here she started teaching English to refugees, children and women from disadvantaged communities.”

Anne grinned. It figured such an amazing young woman would come from amazing stock. “They must be so proud of you.” She said genuinely and Ann’s breath caught in her throat as the beginning of tears filled her eyes. “I hope so” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Anne was shocked and turned Ann’s face towards her “Hey what’s the matter little Pixie?”

Ann quickly wiped her eyes “It’s nothing, I guess I’ve just been questioning my choices a little lately that’s all. Wondering if I could have done some things better.”

“Shhhhhh” Anne soothed her as she stroked her cheek. “I know the feeling. I’ve been doing that a bit myself lately actually. Just this afternoon in fact. But then I walked into my party tonight and the most beautiful, magical heavenly little creature I have ever encountered literally fell from the sky into my arms. I understand regret Ann. I have a lot of it. But one thing I’ll never be able to regret is that I met you tonight. I’m sorry if I’ve brought up anything painful my beautiful girl. It’s just that I so badly want to get to know you. You enrapture me.”

Ann stared at her with wide eyes “I do?” and Anne gently pressed her lips to the younger woman’s forehead. “Yes! Now come here” she commanded slightly dominantly as she easily took Ann in her arms and picked her up to sit her in her lap.

“I know I’ve only just met you, but for some reason I just get the feeling that you need to be held right now.” Anne said in a voice full of emotion as she took the top hat off Ann and she instinctively curled in her arms and placed her head on Anne’s chest and her hand up on her shoulder.

Ann couldn’t believe how accurate Anne’s instincts were when it came to her or how good it felt when Anne just took charge of everything like that. How amazing it felt being curled up in her arms.

“I thought I loved dancing and flying so much because when I’m doing it it’s like I’m the best most amazing version of me. Everything else, all the other bad stuff just goes away. But then tonight I met you and I don’t quite know how to describe it but that doesn’t even begin to compare to how it feels to be in your arms. And I don’t even have to be the best most amazing version of me. I can be a little messy and unglued and it still feels so right. It’s even more amazing.”

“Oh you sweet, divine little darling” Anne gasped as she held Ann close, overwhelmed by her incredibly open and poignant confession. Her entire adult life Anne had chased after women who played games and so she had learnt to play them even better. But there in her arms was a young woman who was so sweet, so kind, so good that Anne didn’t even think she would know how to play games with someone’s heart if she tried. She gave praise, affection and reassurance so willingly, so freely and with such generosity of heart.

“It feels so right to me too Ann. I know there’s an age difference between us and we’re at different stages in life but I so badly want us to find a way to make this work. I don’t want tonight to be the end”

Ann was struck by the genuine yearning in Anne’s voice. This woman had been hurt terribly. Ann could tell. And here she was revealing her innermost feelings and thoughts to her. She didn’t quite know what had come over her but she knew she had to reassure Anne. So she pulled her head from Anne’s chest and took her face between her hands.

“Tonight isn’t our end Anne” she said softly before placing featherlight little kisses on Anne’s cheeks, forehead and eyelids. ‘It’s just the beginning” she whispered as she placed a kiss on her nose

Anne felt her heart beat a little faster at that beautiful and genuine confession desire curling in her belly at the innocent sensuality of Ann’s kisses and even more so when she opened her eyes to see Ann staring at her shoulders intently.

“What is it Ann?” she asked in a husky voice and Ann blushed “Oh um….it’s nothing. I was just looking at your shoulders and arms, Your amazing muscles. I’ve been feeling how strong and beautiful they feel all night. I suppose I was just wondering what they look like without your shirt.”

Once more Anne was awestruck by the beautiful fumbling honesty of the little angel in her arms. How genuine and sincere she was. Her entire adult life she’d felt somewhat out of place as a lesbian. She certainly didn’t identify as Femme like Ann likely would in all her stunning femininity, but with medium length hair and a wardrobe that wasn’t completely masculine she certainly didn’t pass for butch or androgynous in any of the circles she’d been in and though she was extremely dominant all her partners had welcomed the sexual thrill of her dominating them and calling the shots but none had ever acknowledged or let her show her softer side. But here was Anne Walker who had called her beautiful twice in one night and was encouraging her to be vulnerable while still making her feel so incredibly strong and powerful. And it wasn’t even a game. It wasn’t conniving. It was just who she was.

Ann caught Anne staring at her so intently that she became completely self- conscious “I’m sorry, I’ve obviously said the wrong thing. Like I said earlier, I’m awkward and I say things all wrong. I really don’t have a lot of experience in these things.”

“Please don’t apologise Ann, you don’t realise how right the things you say feel to me. I suppose I’m just a little overcome with the emotion that comes with it sometimes, if I’m being honest” Anne confessed with downcast eyes and Ann felt relief flood her veins.

“Oh” she said softly and stroked Anne’s hair “I understand that!’ she said sweetly and as Anne looked up into her eyes full of understanding and affection she knew this little pixie really did understand. And she knew she couldn’t plunge head first into her usual seduction routinevbecause she couldn’t imagine anything worse than scaring her away.

“Ann have you ever kissed a woman before?” she asked gently and Ann pursed her lips together tightly before shaking her head and looking away.

“Have you kissed a man?” she enquired further and Ann froze as painful memories flooded her but she forced them at bay. “Um well, he tried to kiss me but I pushed him away because I didn’t……it wasn’t what I want and…..”

“It’s okay sweetheart. I’m just trying to gauge where you’re at so I don’t push you too fast because so quickly you’ve become so important to me. I want things between us to be good. I want to make you happy, to make you feel incredible. Which is why I ask these questions.” Anne spoke to her in a very soothing tone and rubbed circles on her back which began to relax her.

“So you’ve been intimate to some degree with a man, I understand. So many women discover their true sexuality after feeling the disconnect in physical intimacy with a man.”

Anne almost held her own breath but there was just something about Ann’s wide eyed innocence and naievety. She had to know. “You’ve been intimate with a man to some degree…..are you a virgin Ann?”

Ann was completely unprepared for the question and started to feel overwhelmed. She wanted to be, she so badly wanted to be untainted, undamaged. She didn’t want to be the way she was. How could she possibly explain it to Anne without disgusting her.

“Um, I don’t know. There’s been some things….that I’ve done.” She said feeling very flustered and Anne held her a little closer “Has anyone penetrated you, been inside you or had their mouth on you here.” Anne said in a tone that was like a caress as she gently pressed her hand against the layers of tulle until it was lightly pressing on Ann’s pelvis. The moment Anne touched her Ann felt heat pool there and Anne tried desperately to ignore the flush that appeared on her face and neck.

“No, never” she replied honestly and Anne nodded. “Then you’re a virgin sweetheart.”

Ann felt Anne’s words run through her like a river. It drifted through her in waves. She was still a virgin. She’d never thought about it so methodically before. That animal had taken so much from her but not that. She still had that.

Anne could see how anxious and shaken she was from their conversation and all she wanted to do was reassure her.

“Ann, my beautiful little Pixie, I don’t wish to make you uncomfortable. But I needed to know where you were at so that I don’t accidentally take something from you in my immense desire for you that you’re not ready to give. If we’re doing this It’s my job to protect you and take care of you and that’s something I take very seriously. To show you that you can always tell me to stop and I will stop. That you can always tell me if something is too much and I will wrap you up in my arms and you don’t ever have to feel anxious or worried or lesser than for being where you’re at because we all start somewhere.”

Anne took Ann’s face between her hands and looked deep into her magnificent crystal blue eyes that were shining with unshed tears. “This is how I keep you safe. And how you believe that I can”

Ann couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Anne was so incredibly sensitive to her and protective. All she could do was nod her head as she fought to stop tears from falling and throw her arms around the older woman’s neck. “Thank you for being so wonderful. I’m so lucky” she said shakily and Anne held her close as she rocked her in her arms. “Sweet baby, you’re so welcome. I’m the lucky one.”

Ann stroked her fingers across the bare skin of Anne’s neck innocently but became aware of the way she shivered under her touch. When she pulled back to look into her gorgeous brown eyes the air between them was electric. Ann hesitantly shifted her position so she was straddling Anne and ran her hands from her forearms, up over her muscular shoulders and to the top button of her shirt.

Ann looking at her so earnestly with so much yearning was almost Anne’s undoing and as her small fingers slowly undid each of the buttons on her shirt, she could feel her breath hitching. Despite her inexperience this girl managed to turn her on like no other. In fact her innocence and sweetness made her even more desirable because the thrill of discovery on her gorgeous face as she experienced things for the first time was magical.

When she had all of the buttons undone Ann gently pushed the shirt off Anne’s shoulders and pulled her arms free to reveal a fitted white singlet over a sports bra. She traced her finger tips along Anne’s very toned and built shoulders, down her biceps and around into the dips of her triceps. “Oh Anne you are so gorgeous. So strong. I just knew you’d be beautiful” Ann said reverently as she placed a kiss on Anne’s shoulder blade 

Anne sighed in bliss as Ann’s words of praise washed over her and her whole body began to burn with need at just the touch of her lips on her arm. She needed to get things under control before she was too far gone.

“Ann, my sweet beautiful girl look at me” Anne commanded in a voice full of urgency. Ann complied and Anne took her face between both her hands just studying every inch of it and staring at her with an intensity so strong that she began to tremble. Anne could feel it.

“Hey…..you’re trembling again. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do okay? Ann nodded and Anne caressed her face gently. “Do I frighten you?”

Ann shook her head “No…you just give me so many butterflies in my tummy and make me feel like my neck is too small for my throat” and said honestly as she brought her small hands up to her neck and Anne’s eyebrow raised at the younger woman’s extremely cute admission and she tried to bite back her smile.

“That probably doesn’t even make sense” Ann said self-consciously as she looked down and Anne kissed her forehead “Oh sweetheart it makes perfect sense.” She held Ann close to her and kissed the top of her head. “That’s what makes you so special. You just cut through all the bullshit and make perfect sense. Look at me” Ann looked at Anne seeing all the concern and reassurance in her eyes and instantly relaxed. “You make perfect sense to me”

Ann smiled shyly and nodded “Okay” she said softly and Anne beamed at her adoringly as she traced the curve of her jaw with her index finger. “Good god though you are without a doubt the prettiest little bit of business I have ever laid eyes on.”

“Flirting.” Ann said, her voice barely a whisper as she leaned in closer to Anne’s touch and Anne pulled her closer still “Very good, little Pixie”.

Anne pressed her lips to Ann’s in a very tender and chaste kiss. She was unprepared however, for the way Ann wrapped her arms around her neck and parted her lips, encouraging her to deepen the kiss. Her responsiveness was a total and incredibly arousing surprise and Anne began to kiss her more passionately, feeling want burn through her like wildfire when Ann moaned so sweetly and offered her tongue.

“Mmmmm Ann…I want you so much” Anne gasped as she broke away from Ann fighting for control. “I want you too” Ann assured her as she kissed Anne this time and Anne felt herself being pulled into the heady depths of her floral scented perfume, ethereal beauty and heavenly, hungry lips once more.

“Baby…” Anne gasped desperately “Baby…. baby no we have to stop” Anne broke away from Ann and gently pushed her at arms length, leaning away from her.

“But why?” Ann asked in a slightly whiny tone and as Anne took her in sitting there with her arms folded and her kiss swollen lips pouting it was all she could do to stop herself from grabbing her, throwing her on the seat and ravaging her.

“If you could just stop being so bloody cute for a minute little miss pouty so I can concentrate!” she said affectionately and Ann broke into a little smile.

“Argh how are you so adorable? You are going to be the death of me Ann Walker!” Anne exclaimed in exasperation and gently pushed Ann off her lap to sit beside her but held her very close and with such tenderness that Ann didn’t feel rejected.

“I want you but I don’t want to rush you. I want to take my time with you. And I don’t want it to be in the back of a limo. You deserve so much better than that. I want to take you out to dinner and dancing and romance you. I want to make you see how special you are!” Anne explained gently and Ann looked up at her with a very serious expression “I feel like I’ll feel special if you keep kissing me”

Anne’s jaw dropped at her sass. It was adorable “Hey! Walker! What did I say about being cute I’m trying to focus. Adorable brat!” Ann giggled and it was a very naughty giggle that Anne longed to hear more of.

She took both of Ann’s hands in hers ‘I want to do things this way because it’s how they ought to be done when you’re…..” Anne hesitated for a minute as though she was trying to say something very hard and then looked at Ann adoringly “When you’re already so special to me.”

Ann bit her lip, over-come with emotion and wrapped her arms around Anne, hugging her tightly. Neither of them said anything for a little while. They just held onto one another in comfortable silence until Ann said.

‘Just to be clear though you’re not going to stop kissing me right?” Anne threw her head back and cracked up laughing and soon their combined laughter filled the cabin of the limo “I’m not going to stop kissing you. Insatiable little minx!” Anne said in mock accusation but her eyes full of joy and the sparkle in her smile betrayed her.

The car came to a stop and Ann looked out the window. “Well this is me!” she said sadly and Anne kissed her nose “What are you doing tomorrow night. Can I see you again?”

Ann’s face lit up “I would love that. Here let me give you my details” she said as she reached for her purse but it dropped on the floor causing the contents to spill out.

“Oh dear!” she said with a giggle as she picked everything up and Anne helped her. When the contents of her purse were back where they belonged Ann held out her phone “You could put your number in here?”

Anne was vaguely aware of Ann saying something but she couldn’t hear what it was. All she could see was the date of birth on the bottom of her University Identification Card. It couldn’t be right. It would make her 17, almost 18. But still, 17. It must have been a mistake surely.

“Ann how old are you?” Anne demanded and Ann looked at her in confusion “17. But I’ll be 18 in 6 weeks. Why?”

Anne felt ill. “Oh my god…..Oh jesus. How. How are you only 17? You’re a 4th year Aerial dance student. I knew you were young but I thought you were 21 or 22, never for a second did I think you were 17.”

Ann folded her arms defensively “They accelerate me because of my Aerial experience and my high school offers university pathways to year 11 and 12 students. I’m in year 12 at Riverview college. Well for another couple of weeks then its graduation and HSC stuff.”

Anne looked at her in horror “You’re in high school? At Riverview? I offer career guidance to students interested in PR and Marketing there at the moment second period on Monday mornings as a favour to your principal. She’s a friend of mine. I have never seen you there”

“That’s when I have swimming on the other end of the school” Ann said sheepishly and Anne reached for the vodka bottle in the cart at the side of the limo and poured herself a glass. “I need a drink…..and you! I was giving you alcohol and you were drinking it!”

Ann shrugged “I live on university campus Anne it’s a non stop booze fest that I choose not to actively indulge in to excess for the most part but I drink all the time!”

“And what are you doing living on campus you should be at home with your parents. You’re a baby, and oh god…the things I just did to you. They’re probably going to have me thrown in jail when they find out about our statutory limo ride!”

Ann rolled her eyes “Oh don’t be so dramatic Anne there was nothing statutory about it. I’m over 16, the age of consent, we didn’t have intercourse and you’re not in a position of power and coercion over me and I’ll be 18 soon. There’s not a court of Law in Australia that case would hold up in and…..” she paused looking down sadly “My parents can’t have you thrown in jail, that much I can promise you”

Anne was too panicked and horrified to catch the hint Ann had given her about her background. “You’re so smart. See? Do you see how smart you are? What are you doing letting a fuck-up like me man handle you in the back of a car. Do you know how old I am Ann? I’m fucking 30 years old. You’ve got your whole life to be a grown-up you silly reckless little girl. And of course you’re inexperienced. Why wouldn’t you be. You only finished going through puberty like last year!”

“ANNE STOP IT!” Ann snapped feeling her anxiety start to overwhelm her and the edge and volume of her voice completely silenced Anne.

“You are not a fuck up and you did not man handle me. You were gentle, respectful, kind, loving and so very attentive to me and my feelings and so careful with me. I know what being manhandled feels like and…….” Ann’s eyes filled with tears as she took a deep breath “trust me, that wasn’t it. I’m sorry about the misunderstanding with my age. From the moment I dropped out of that sling into your arms it’s like I was swept away in the most magical evening and it never came up. I knew you were older, I just never thought of putting an actual number on it because it was so nice being with someone I just fit with effortlessly when I spend my entire life feeling like I’m out of place with my peers. Too adult to be a teenager and still too much of a teenager to be an adult.”

“And you deserve that. You deserve that rite of passage and for it to not be taken from you. Everyone goes through that stage of late teen early adult angst. I did!” Anne tried to reason with her and Ann shook her head “I’m not talking about teen angst Anne you have no idea about some of the shit I have been through or what I’ve done. No Idea!”

Anne grasped Ann’s face “Sweetheart nothing you’ve been through or that you have done removes your right to a childhood or for someone to take it from you whether they’re aware they’re doing it or not!”

Ann saw the change in Anne’s expression instantly and it broke her “Stop that. Stop looking at me like that. Like I’m an upset child”

Anne tried to put her arms around her “Sweetheart you are an upset child!” Ann shook her head and pushed Anne away, moving farther across the cabin from her “No I’m not”  
Anne felt desperately torn. One half of her brain was reasoning that in 6 weeks Ann would be a legal adult and if She were an older man no one would think anything of it because it happened all the time or if it were the 1800s she would likely be twice her age and pursuing this gorgeous young woman and the other half of her brain was screaming that she’d just molested a little girl in the back seat of her limo.

“Do you want to call your mum? I mean I’m sure she’ll want to kill me but I don’t care, I just want you to be okay. I’ll wait with you. We can go inside to your house or we can wait here. Or I can drop you to your parents place” Anne tried to comfort her and that broke Ann. That Anne could be so terrified about being thrown in jail only a few moments earlier but willing to risk any repercussions to support her in that moment. It wasn’t fair. They were meant to be together. It wasn’t fair that this was happening. It wasn’t fair that she couldn’t call her mum.

“I can’t call my mum. And I really wish I could because she would love you. I know she would have supported us. She would have understood when she saw us together and I hate that I can’t call her because she’s the only person I want to call right now” Ann sobbed and it was destroying Anne to see her that upset.

“Oh baby please don’t cry so. Is it because you’re in a fight? Is that why you’re living out of home?” Anne tried to get closer to Ann and this time Ann allowed herself to be pulled into Anne’s arms “No we’re not in a fight, and don’t call me baby you don’t get to say all the things you’ve just said and then call me baby”

Anne felt awful “You’re right, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to send such mixed messages. It’s just that I cared so much for you so instantly. It was like a once in a lifetime connection. You don’t know what I was thinking before….”

“What you were thinking before you found out I was just over 3 years younger than you thought I was right?” Ann spat and Anne brushed the wayward tendrils of hair back from her forehead “It’s not that simple little Pixie. Almost 18 and 21 are very different stages. You deserve to get out there and see the world without an older woman holding you back. You deserve those rite of passage moments of attraction and fumbled awkward kisses in movie theatres with the girl you’re crushing on and lighting up when a text comes through on your phone from them. Frenzied one night stands at university parties with the girl from your dorm you’ve always looked at longingly but never really spoken to. A summer fling. The one that got away. You deserve to have all of that” Anne reasoned.

Ann picked up her purse and stared down Anne with a fire that took the older woman’s breath away. “Well call me crazy but I was counting myself lucky that I got to skip past the fumbled, awkward kissing stage and be with a woman who touched me, who kissed me like I was so special, so precious. And when she asked if she could see me tomorrow I was handing her my phone knowing that I would have had it glued to my side all day just waiting for a text from her. I would have thought it apparent by now that I’m not really the type to have one night stands and just for the record I would have wanted to see the world with you. And I never would have felt you were holding me back. I would have felt privileged. We would have been partners in crime having a summer fling all over Northern Italy and Greece. But fine. Since you’re so determined to make this a numbers game and there’s nothing I can do to change your mind I’m going to go.”

“Ann wait” Anne pleaded but Ann reached for the door of the limo “Just leave me alone” and before Anne could reach for her, Ann was out the door and running to her house sobbing her heart out.

Anne sank back against the seat in utter hopelessness. In the course of an evening she had managed to lose her defences, wits, mind and heart to a seventeen year old girl. And the worst thing was, she already missed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! I'm evil for leaving it there. I promise they make up....later. ;-)


	4. Finding a way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after the explosiveness of the last chapter, there's a little more exploding, and then the dust settles a little. And Is it even an explosion if it doesn't end in AW and AL cuddling? I think not! :-)
> 
> So A few Aussie things for anyone reading from other countries
> 
> Year 12- Senior Year of high school  
> HSC- SATS/final year exams. Our school year is broken into 4 Terms but Year 12 finish and graduate at the end of Term 3 which is usually end of September, have 2 weeks school holidays then the HSC exams commence during the first part of term 4. The lead up to which, a lot of students find very stressful.  
> Year 12 Formal- Senior Prom/dance.

Anne Lister sat in Olivia Jacob’s office at Riverview College running her hand through her hair in frustration.

“How can you possibly already know what happened?” she asked and Olivia looked at Anne kindly. Anne had an ill- fated romance with her eldest daughter when they were in their early twenties but for Imogen it had just been a curious exploration and she had gone back to her boyfriend, much to Olivia’s disgust and the two of them ended up marrying and living their perfect self-centred life in Manhattan. But Olivia had always had a soft spot for Anne and over the years they had become close.

“Anne remember in the past couple of years when I’ve checked in on you whether you’ve liked it or not and you’ve asked me if I have a habit of taking in strays and making them surrogate daughters and I’ve told you no, just the two. A very special two.”

Anne’s jaw dropped “Ann Walker is the other?” Olivia smiled and nodded. “I’ve been a friend of the Walker family since they moved to Sydney.”

Anne shook her head in disbelief “How is it that we know the same people, we’ve been moving in the same circles and we’ve never met until now.”

“Perhaps that’s the plan fate had for you” Olivia chuckled and Anne sighed. “I can’t stop thinking about her, wondering if she’s alright. Desperately wanting to hold her and take her pain away and kiss her senseless then remembering the cause of it, that I can’t because she’s only 17.”

Olivia took a deep breath “Anne, I’m not going to break any confidences I have with….little Ann. Wow that’s going to get tricky talking to my Annes about each other. Anyway, what you need to understand is that she is as far from your average almost 18 year old you will ever encounter. That little girl has had a terrible life and has had to grow up very early and very quickly. Not that you’d ever know it with that smile of hers that I swear is made of pure sunshine.”

Anne narrowed her eyes “What do you mean? What’s happened to her?”

Olivia sighed “It’s not my story to tell Anne. All I’m saying is that she’s going to be 18 in less than 6 weeks. I reached out to her partly because I knew yesterday wasn’t going to be a particularly easy day for her and partly because the head of our English department had been so impressed with the piece of writing she submitted for her final assessment on Saturday afternoon that She forwarded it on to me as Ann will be receiving full marks which is almost unheard of. And so I went over to Ann’s on Saturday night and she confided in me. It sounds like the two of you could be something special together and maybe its because I know you both that I can say that. I completely agree about not pushing her into anything physical before she’s ready and I respect your insistence to not do that to an underage girl but Anne I’ve watched you be restless and get your heart broken time after time for 9 years in one destructive relationship after another. What if this amazing young woman is the solution to that because I am telling you she would never ever be careless with your heart. And maybe……”

“Maybe what?” Anne said as she held on to every word Olivia said. Olivia shrugged “Maybe you could be the love and the home that beautiful girl needs to finally allow herself to rest and heal.”

“Heal from what?” Anne asked as she stood up and paced to the corner of the room but they were interrupted by a knock at the door and then Ann entering. Anne took in the sight of her in her school uniform. She would have thought that she’d look 10 years younger for some reason and that she would feel as a result, even more of a paedophile but she looked stunning. She looked like a model. Again. She was wearing her school blouse with the pleated royal blue grey and white checked skirt that fell to her mid-thigh, over the knee white socks and sky high high heeled black patent leather mary-janes with the school royal blue blazer to finish it off. Her Hair was done in two soft elegant braids around her head and pulled into a very neat bun at the nape of her neck and while she wore a lot less make-up than she did on Friday night she wore a bright red lipstick. Anne couldn’t stop looking at her. For someone petite she was all legs. And she recognised those shoes and the price tag they would have carried. This girl had money or she came from money but she was living in a university share house at 17. Why? 

“Shoot is finished!” Ann said softly and Olivia beamed at her “You look stunning darling did you do it in your uniform?”

“Yes, I thought given the unfortunate tasteless pics of the half-naked Year 11 girls the press picked up at one of our picnics recently it might be a good PR move to do a newspaper interview focusing on the University pathways the school offers in academia and the arts in uniform and let them take their pics wearing this. I added the socks to cover a bit more skin and the heels for a classy touch. I posed in “Secretary” leaning against the lyra with one leg crossed over the other.” Ann explained.

“Cute! And genius move darling well done” Olivia said in approval and Anne who still had not been spotted in the corner by Ann looked at her with pride. That was a very impressive move even by her standards as a PR guru. Ann Walker had a rather brilliant mind she didn’t seem to have a lot of confidence in.

Ann sipped her coffee and flopped on the couch reaching for her school bag.

“You know darling an extra-large caramel latte isn’t breakfast. And definitely not combined breakfast recess”

“It is for me” Ann said with a cheeky smile as she blotted her lipstick off and took off her false eyelashes and put them back in a case.

“Are you alright? there’s whispers you were crying in the bathroom this morning.

Ann shrugged as she took off her Mary Janes and long socks “Is it even the last two weeks of year 12 if you’re not crying in the bathroom?”

Anne’s stomach sank. She hated the idea of her crying in the bathroom. She hated the idea of her crying at all.

“And you haven’t RSVP’d for the Year 12 formal darling it’s in two weeks. It’s a crucial part of graduation and you’re a prefect and one of the schools most loved and respected student representatives”

‘I don’t have anything to wear” Ann said softly as she pulled out little socks and put them on then slipped on low-top navy-blue converse sneakers.

“Nonsense Darling you have beautiful clothes” Olivia reasoned and Ann shrugged out of her blazer, folding it up and placing it back in her bag.

“Not for that kind of theme, its ‘Once upon a time’” it’s like fairytale level dress code. That’s like next level princess formal.

“And you look like a Disney princess. You could wear one of your dance costumes and with your hair it would be so lovely. Or I could go with you and help you choose something” Olivia offered and Ann just went into shut down mode “I don’t really wanna talk about this right now Liv” she said emotionlessly and Olivia knew better than to push her.

“Alright, well I love those shoes, where did you get them from?”

“Yves Saint Laurent” Anne let slip from across the room and Ann smiled “Good spotting!” then suddenly realised it wasn’t Olivia’s voice and as she looked around the room she was stunned to see none other than Anne Lister standing in the corner.

“What are you doing here? Have you been there the whole time?” Ann asked in horror then turned to Olivia “What is she doing here?”

Anne moved closer to where Ann sat on the couch “I thought you’d be at swimming…since you said that’s where you usually were at this time?”

“They’ve advised anyone with fair hair to avoid the pool while they adjust the chlorine levels because it was turning our hair green at the end of last week” Ann explained and Olivia looked at Ann’s gorgeous golden hair “But you seem to have escaped unscathed darling”

“Only the parts you can see, the lighter bits towards my ends are a different story, it’s like the grinch who stole Christmas back there.”

Anne chuckled, she was such a funny little thing without even meaning to be. Very quick witted.

Ann glared at her “Why are you laughing at me?” Anne forced herself to stop laughing “Because you’re funny sweetheart”

“You don’t get to come in here and laugh at me and call me that!” Ann said vehemently and Anne nodded “Of course, I apologise!”

Olivia looked between the two of them and bit back a smile. Each of them had both certainly met their match in the other and the chemistry between them was insane.  
“Ann darling I have to run to a meeting would you be so kind as to show Miss Lister to the spare classroom on C block as the room she usually uses for career advising is in use.”

“You do not have a meeting, I synch all your calendars, I know when you have meetings and I can tell when you’re lying to me you know!” Ann argued and Olivia took her by the arm and stood her up. “Well something has just come up!”

‘Fine!” Ann said in a highly put upon tone and picked up her school bag and stormed out of the office. “I’ll wait for you outside” she said to Anne without even looking at her.

“Cute when she’s cranky isn’t she?” Olivia said and Anne smiled in spite of herself “Adorable!”

“But very stubborn” Olivia added and Anne nodded “Yes I’m beginning to realise this!”

“Reminds me of someone else I know!” Olivia said with a knowing smile and Anne laughed as she shook her head.

“Anne I was 19 when Sebastian proposed and he was 40 and everyone said he was a pervert and I was a fool and an old man’s whore and he almost cracked under the pressure, not because he was ashamed of me but because he wanted me to have a better life. But we rolled the dice and it turns out the best life I could have had was with him. I regret nothing. Even when I lost him to that heart attack a few years back and I felt like my entire world had collapsed I still regret nothing. And I’ll be 50 on Saturday and I know he’ll be looking down on me telling me to have a fabulous outrageously good time at my party because the two of us just worked. From the moment the two of us met we were just like magnets and sure we were at different stages in life and we had our ups and downs but no matter what that connection was there. Kind of like what I just saw between the two of you. I have to go, try not to kill each other dear.” Olivia kissed Anne’s cheek and left her office. Anne stood in the doorway and called after her ‘Enjoy your fictional meeting!”

Ann chuckled and Anne smirked and looked at her in surprise ‘What are you laughing at?”

‘Nothing” Ann said defensively and Anne moved closer to her and gently nudged her shoulder. “You can’t just come in here laughing at me you know!” she playfully imitated what Ann had said to her a few minutes earlier but all it earned her was an eye roll and a groan. 

“Come on, C block is this way!” Ann said as she headed off down the corridor and Anne followed her watching as students of all ages smiled and said hello to Ann and she sweetly acknowledged them in return.

“So what are you like Taylor Swift or something?” Anne quipped and all Ann did was glare at her.

“Oh Ann!” A woman called out to Ann and took her by the hands “I read that beautiful piece of writing you did about your performance on Friday night and literally falling into the arms of that young woman, so romantic! And the way it linked back to what your dad said about all the most magical things coming from the sky. It was just beautiful. The entire English faculty are all just so proud of you.” 

“Thank you so much Mrs Crummins, that’s so kind of you. Have a lovely day!” Ann said as she gave her a smile and then kept walking.

Anne was very touched and pleasantly surprised. Partly that at such a young age she was openly out as gay and that even after their awful row in the limo when she found out Ann’s real age, she had still written about her. About them.

“You wrote about me!” Anne said and Ann turned bright red as they continued to walk “Don’t!” she warned but Anne continued “Can I read it?”

“No!” Ann flatly refused her and Anne could see she was genuinely struggling and looked as though she might burst into tears. She knew better than to believe the young woman would accept comfort from her with things in the state they were between the two of them so she thought levelling the playing field a bit might help.

“If it makes you feel any better I spent the entire weekend thinking how much I missed you already and stalking you on social media in hopes of seeing what you were up to.

“School work, laundry, grocery shopping and cleaning the house. It was a truly exhilarating experience” Ann replied sarcastically as she opened the door to the classroom Anne would be using and Anne gestured for Ann to enter first which she did.

“Yes and I could barely even find so much as a profile pic on facebook and Instagram” Anne continued. “Your privacy settings are very tight.

“Well I’m a private person!” Ann said with her arms folded across her chest. “Not very typical of a teenager these days” Anne mused and Ann threw her hands up in exasperation “Well like I keep trying to tell you I am far from your typical teenager!”

Anne looked at her gently “Yes, and I’m beginning to see that. And I did spend all weekend missing you, wondering if you were alright. And feeling just awful about what happened in the car. And I should have told you that as soon as you walked through Olivia’s office door but I got two distracted by your little strip session on the couch and then listening to you talk, having an insight into the world of Ann Walker and I definitely should have told you when we left the office but I suppose I was rather intoxicated by you getting so adorably cross with me in your sexy little skirt and sneakers. You know I did tell you I have a thing for you in dresses and sneakers!”

“Don’t do that, it isn’t fair for you to come in here with your flirting and being all dashing and charming and amazing and making me feel things when you’re just going to freak out about my age 5 minutes later.” Tears filled her eyes and she looked so vulnerable and small that Anne had to hold her. She couldn’t bear it.

“Sweetheart I’m telling you that I handled things badly.” Anne said as she took Ann in her arms and rubbed her back “I got an awful shock, but I’ve been talking to Olivia and I don’t have the answers but I’m wondering if there might be a way for us to deal with the age difference and……

Anne was shocked when Ann pulled away from her very suddenly.

“You know for the past 4 years of my life people have been telling me that they cannot believe the pain and suffering I have had to live through at such a young age. They’ve been telling me how remarkable and strong I am and that things will get better, that there’s something better out there for me in the darkness of a life that I have had to fight with everything I have to make brightness out of and I’m glad that I have because I want to live. I don’t just want to exist and then I meet you and finally it seems like that moment has come. I feel so happy and everything painful just disappears. And then I get told I’m too young to have it. Too young to deal with what I’ve dealt with but too young to have anything better”

Anne was awestruck by the pain in Ann’s eyes, looking at them you would think they were the eyes of a 40 year old woman. “What things sweetheart, what’s happened to you?” she asked her but Ann ignored her question.

“And you. You were so quick to dismiss me as a child last night when the truth is I haven’t been a child for years. I moved out of home and onto campus just after I turned 16 and I’ve lived there ever since. I’m completely financially independent, I’ve been given early admission to 3 universities here, and an art and design college before I’ve even finished my HSC. Which is all moot anyway since I’m honestly considering moving back to crows nest the second I turn 18 at this point for a fresh start. I’m considered an event management prodigy and would likely put some of your staff in their late 20’s to shame particularly your personal assistant who encouraged the kitchen staff to break OH&S practises just to get a higher turnover of dessert for the guests at your party on Friday night and whoever it was who forgot to make sure the event was accessible for people with a physical disability which it was not and a number of other things I picked up looking around”

Anne was blown away by what she was hearing. This really was no child and she was right, she was more accomplished than a great many of the people on her team and had an eye for detail that was second to none. What was she saying? What had made her this way, made her have to grow up so quickly? And she was leaving? In just under 2 months she was leaving? She didn’t want her to go.

“Come and work for me” Anne said as she grabbed Ann’s hands and Ann looked at her in utter bewilderment. “What?”

“You want to be in design or event management? The prestige of my company on your CV would be invaluable, I could introduce you to all the best designers, you could apprentice at large scale events then run your own. You’re absolutely brilliant you can do anything”

“I’m not looking for a job offer Anne” Ann said in frustration and Anne nodded a little desperately. “I know, It’s just that I don’t want you to go, I want you in my life. I want you around.”

“Just not as your lover or partner right?” Ann asked pointedly and Anne threaded her hands through her hair in frustration “Ann please….this isn’t easy for me either”

“I know it’s not. I see you Anne Lister. I see how you act like you have it all figured out and put on this “Tough corporate bitch and playboy” front but you’re actually quite the hot mess. You chase women who won’t love you and who use you because the chase and the challenge makes you feel powerful and in control until you get left and terribly hurt that is and the whole game helps you ignore how much you yearn to be loved as you are which is stupid because you’re so damn lovable just as you are and the fact that you’re a bit of a hot mess is in my opinion one of the most endearing things about you.

And you’re not a bitch. You’re gentle, warm, tender and kind. You’re completely amazing. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever known. And standing before you is someone who would never hurt you like that, who has more life experience in a lot of ways likely than the women you chase but because of 6 pitiful weeks and a bit of an age difference your junior even though you’re always chasing women 15 plus years your senior you’re willing to throw away even the chance that you could be genuinely happy. Did you know that on Friday night I didn’t just overhear the awful things Lucia was saying about you, I heard that you just wanted to find a dancer to use and make Lucia jealous and I started to get upset thinking I could have just been anyone to you and that it was all just a game and I started to walk away. But then I thought of how lovely you’d been to me and how sincere and genuine our connection seemed and that maybe you deserved a chance. Yet you’re not willing to give me one. Age is not always a determiner of emotional maturity. I think you and I are living proof of that.”

And just like that. 30 year old Anne Lister got a crash course in being an adult from 17 year old Ann Walker. And Anne knew it too. She was completely stunned. Why did this infuriating little pixie have to be so……so….right?

“I don’t quite know what to say” was all that she could muster, beyond disappointed in herself that Ann had overheard the entire exchange with Lucia and had still given her the benefit of the doubt yet she’d been too caught up in panic over Ann’s age to give her the same chance.

Ann looked at the clock. “You’ll have people coming to see you soon. I should go.” She turned away from Anne and unzipped her school bag, taking out a paper booklet.

“Here. You’ll learn more about me from this than you would from my social media” 

Ann tossed it on the desk on front of Anne and then left the room quickly.

Anne picked it up curiously to see a marking criteria as well as numerous glowing accolades and as she flipped through the booklet she came to a cover page that said “From the sky” by Ann Walker.

Anne sat down at the desk and with a shaking hand turned the page and began to read.

“My name is Ann Walker. I am 17 years old and this weekend is the 4th anniversary of the day both my parents died.”

Anne gasped and looked up at the now closed door Ann had just hurried out of. 

“Oh Ann…sweetheart”

Ann headed back towards Olivia’s office feeling absolutely awful. The way she’d blown up, the things she’d said to Anne. She’d been overwhelmed by everything that had happened and just lost it.

“What have I done?”

************************************

Anne sat in a meeting at Shibden enterprises but she could have been anywhere, she was so disconnected from what was being discussed. All she could think of was Ann and her essay. The way she’d been so brave to perform to that mix at her party she’d had made as a tribute to her parents and never been able to bring herself to do. The significance of the Doctor Seuss book and the way they used to read it to her, falling into her arms and how it was a bright spark in her grief because her father had always said the most magical things come from the sky, her poignant reflections on how much she’d grown since her parents had passed in the horrific car accident that took their life and how she’d changed and that she was meant to write about a defining moment but sometimes the defining moments are just the small battles she wins against letting the darkness win.

She thought about the heart break in Ann’s voice and eyes the previous evening when she said she couldn’t call her mum and she was the only person in the world she wanted to call at that moment. It must have been absolute agony to hear Anne suggest that and on the anniversary weekends of all weekends. All she wanted to do was go back and un-say anything she’d said about the Walkers.

She’d clearly completely blown it with Ann. She was right, she hadn’t been given a chance and the thought that she’d completely slipped through her fingers was tearing Anne to pieces. She couldn’t stop replaying what Ann had said about her dismissing the chance to even see where they could go. She may have been very young but she was right. Anne chased women who were wrong for her all the time, even ones who were married. But she had been so quick to dismiss one who could be right if they could just find a way to deal with the speed hump of her age. If she hadn’t have gone off like a bull at a gate like she always did and let her emotionally dysfunctional nature and ability to handle meaningful relationships put her foot in it. 

Her phone buzzed saying she had a voice mail message and she used it as an excuse to slip out of the meeting she wasn’t paying any attention to and go out on to the balcony for some fresh air. Dialling her voice mail box she heard an extremely upset Ann and gripped the balcony in surprise.

“Anne I’m so sorry for how awful I was. I just got so frustrated and cross because I want to be with you so much and its been a really hard weekend for me but that’s no excuse for me to take it all out on you. Those horrible things I said to you and the way I spoke to you when you were trying to apologise. I had no right, it was nasty and I know you’ll probably never want to talk to me again and I understand because you could do so much better than me but I just wanted you to know how sorry I am.”

“Oh my darling” Anne whispered as her own eyes filled with tears and she listened to the message again. She hadn’t lost her at all. The poor little thing had been sitting there freaking out over exactly the same thing she was. And Ann hadn’t been nasty at all she’d still said lots of lovely things mixed in with some home truths which were definitely tough love but totally accurate. That was why she was so incredibly shocked it was the first time someone had ever called her on her bullshit, apart from her beloved Aunt Ann before she passed away but even then it was never as direct and so succinctly phrased as her little pixie had managed to do.

She knew full well the way she often shut down in emotional situations and she couldn’t do that this time. She was also beginning to suspect that Ann suffered from anxiety, just from things she had observed in their interactions and from her essay which wasn’t at all surprising given what she had been through. It was up to her to reassure the younger woman, to be her calm in the storm.

“Please don’t screw this up” She pleaded with herself as she dialled Ann’s number and groaned as it too went to voice mail. Closing her eyes she pictured Ann’s beautiful face smiling up at her sweetly, nestled in her lap in the limo and just spoke from the heart.

“Ann, my sweet beautiful girl, hearing you so upset just then was heartbreaking. I’m so sorry I missed your call. Please don’t apologise, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for. Everything you said about me was true. It wasn’t nasty. I don’t believe you have a nasty bone in your body little one. You’re so good, so sweet, so kind. And so incredibly strong and resilient. I read your essay and I’m so sorry for adding to your pain in such a traumatic weekend. There are so many things I want to say to you and I will. But all you need to worry about right now is that you haven’t lost me. I’m right here. I’ve been going crazy worrying that I’d lost you. I need you to know something though, you were wrong about one thing. 

When you said I deserve better than you. My darling, there isn’t anyone better than you. I am proud to know you. I so badly want to hold you in my arms right now but I have some meetings I can’t get out of that will take me into the evening. But I want you to know that everything is okay and I will come to you first thing tomorrow morning. I’ll take you to breakfast and then to school. Because as much as your age complicates things, I’ve taken my shock and frustration out on you unfairly and I’m sorry for that. I want to get to know you. I need to be near you Ann. Please try to be kind to yourself for the rest of the afternoon darling and if you start to get worried for any reason you call me and now I know it’s you I will leave what I’m doing and pick up straight away. I’ll see you soon. Bye for now gorgeous.”

Anne put Ann’s contact details in her phone and then went inside, passing the samples and product department as she headed back to her office. A pair of very unusual converse sneakers with delicate pastel water colour designs on them. They kind of resembled a monet painting. They were delicate and beautiful

“What are these?” Anne asked and one of the staff held up the shoes “A high end converse collaboration with an up and coming artist from New York fashion week. Each pair is hand painted and one of a kind.”

Anne found herself smiling and quickly fired off a text to Olivia, hoping she would know Ann’s shoe size. Thankfully she replied almost immediately and Anne picked up a piece of Shibden stationary and wrote on it “My darling, these shoes like you, are beautiful and completely one of a kind. If you start to feel anxious put them on, think of me and know that everything is alright. Your father was right. The most magical things do come from the sky. You came to me from the sky. You are the most magical thing Ann xxx A.L.

She scribbled out another “Thank you for talking sense into me Liv” note and then some details on a piece of paper and grabbed the attention of one of her staff.

“I need a pair of the sneakers sent to Ann Walker and the new Tiffany and Co pen messengered over to Olivia Jacobs at Riverview College, both packages care of Mrs Jacobs immediately please.”

Anne pulled out a size 6 and slipped Ann’s note into the box and handed it to her staffer with the other notes. 

“Right away Miss Lister”

“Thank you” Anne said as she hurried back to work. She wanted to get to Ann as soon as possible.

*******************************************  
Ann headed back to her place after leaving the university pool, showering and putting on her Pyjamas and an oversized hoodie. Harry and his friends had looked like they were settling in for a big session and she really didn’t want to have to deal with people, she just wanted to go into her room and go straight to her room and curl up.

Anne had been so incredibly wonderful to her. When she’d heard the beautiful voice mail she’d left her, she had burst into tears and then again when she got the exquisite sneakers with the note she knew she would keep forever. All afternoon she had wondered if she should text her to thank her but she didn’t want to interrupt her work but she couldn’t go to bed without calling her to thank her. And she so badly wanted to hear her voice.

Anne approached the doorstep of Ann’s house to hear very loud music playing. It sounded and looked like there was a party going on in there. She realised she was calling on her unexpectedly but she just couldn’t wait until the next morning to hold her and make sure she was alright. She wondered If she should call Ann and ask if it was alright for her to come in or if Ann wanted to pop out. She didn’t want to invade her space when she was already quite fragile.

Walking away from the house she headed to a little park that was a part of the accommodation estate. And there, walking towards her down the path was none other than her sweet beautiful girl. She was wearing a huge oversized grey thin hoodie that came to her mid thigh and her golden hair was piled high on her head haphazardly. She didn’t look to be wearing any makeup whatsoever and she was barefoot and carrying a pink Nike sports bag on her shoulder while she smiled at her phone. She looked tiny and vulnerable and for the first time that Anne had seen, her actual age. It should have been a deterrent but it wasn’t. It was very endearing and Anne was just relieved Ann was taking a moment to breathe because she was beginning to suspect that they were few and far in between.

Anne’s phone began to ring and she beamed as Ann’s name flashed up on the screen. It was then that Ann’s eyes locked on hers.

“Anne?” she said in surprise and Anne put her phone back in her pocket.

“I couldn’t wait until tomorrow sweetheart. I hope that’s alright. I needed to know that you were okay!”

Much to her surprise and delight Ann ran towards her and jumped into her arms, wrapping her arms and legs around her.

“Wow” Anne gasped as she closed her eyes at the completeness of just holding her. She smelled of peaches and raspberries and cream.

“I’m so glad you’re here. Oh Anne your voice mail and the shoes and the note were so beautiful. I was just trying to call you. Thank you so much.”

“No sweetheart, it’s me who should be thanking you for challenging me and not giving up on me”

Ann held onto Anne even more tightly and bit her quivering lip “How could I give up on you. I meant what I said in my essay.”

She pulled her face away from Anne’s shoulder to look into her eyes “The sky brought me you. You’re my magic”

Anne stared at her, completely stunned. It was like she was looking at her for the first time. She’d known Ann was beautiful but she’d only seen her wearing so much makeup. She hadn’t seen her like this. She was exquisite. She had the softest, sweetest most delicate little face. It was a baby face but at the same time her defined cheek bones and bone structure stopped her from looking too child-like. And she had a splattering of the cutest little freckles across her nose and cheeks that were so perfect they looked as though they could have been painted on. Her cheeks were naturally rosy, her lips a lovely shade of pink. But she could also see the shadows under her eyes. She looked tired.

“Ann you are absolutely gorgeous like this. Why do you wear so much makeup?” Anne asked and Ann shrugged “I guess you’ve seen me on two occasions where I have to perform, look like I have my act together. Be more mature and more adult than I really am. It makes me look older, I have a baby face. And makeup turns it into my game face! I keep it pretty natural though when I’m at home or on a regular school day or for casual events”

Anne nodded in understanding. “I understand my darling, it’s your armour for when the occasion calls for it. You do have a baby face, but it’s such an incredibly beautiful adorable face. Don’t worry about looking young we’ll just tell people you’ve had work done. You know, started early as a preventative measure” Anne teased and Ann broke into giggles.

“You know I actually feel like this is some kind of ploy on your part Walker to make it even more impossible for me to do the honourable thing and keep my hands off you for the most part for the next couple of months. Revealing this stunning exquisite face in all its natural glory, running and throwing yourself at me with no pants” she continued and Ann began giggling even harder and Anne lit up watching the sparkle in her blue eyes and her bright smile, her sweet laughter like music.

“I tell you those first kisses are a slippery slope. It’s like a gateway drug. One minute you’re an innocent and 3 days later you’re jumping unsuspecting women and committing acts of public nudity in playgrounds”

“Anne stop…seriously I can’t breathe” she gasped through her laughter ‘And for the record you incorrigible shit I am wearing pants they’re just too short for you to see”

Anne raised her eyebrow at her suggestively “Well I like the sound of that. You must have them in every colour, I think they shall be my favourite pants”

Ann broke into another fit of giggles and Anne kissed her cheek softly “I’ve missed your laugh”

“I’ve missed you!” Ann said genuinely and Anne cupped her face, holding her easily with one arm “I’ve missed you too little Pixie” She brought her nose to Ann’s hair and inhaled. “You even smell like a fairy” she said softly and the embers always ready to ignite between them caught alight, their faces mere inches from one another. “You smell like my Dude” Ann said with a soft smile and Anne’s eyes widened with pleasure at the masculine term of endearment she’d given her. “Your Dude?”

Ann nodded shyly “Yes, yummy, fresh, clean, sexy, strong, soft, handsome, beautiful. My dude!”

Anne swallowed a lump of emotion. This incredible young woman really did see her and accept her just as she was. In a way that no other ever had. What had she ever done to deserve her?

“Did I say something wrong?” Ann asked self-consciously and Anne had to bite back tears. “No sweet baby, I wish there were words to express to you how right it was, and how much it meant to me hearing you call me that.”

“Oh” Ann exclaimed softly as she broke into a sheepish smile and placed both her hands on Anne’s cheeks, looking nervous again and Anne felt desire coil in her belly at the sweetness of the gesture. It was Ann’s innate sweet sensuality that she was certain would be her undoing.

“What are we gonna do Dude?”

“Sweetheart you know there’s just some things we can’t do just yet because of your age don’t you? Because it’s not right. But I need you to know that it not being right doesn’t mean you’re wrong. You, my sweet beautiful girl are heaven. You are heaven. It’s just the situation. And it doesn’t mean I don’t want you. I want you so much.”

“I understand where you’re coming from a bit better now” Ann said softly.

Suddenly resigned that she was powerless to fight their incredible pull towards one another, Anne chastely kissed Ann’s cute little nose and smiled gently at her “ I think we’re just going to take our time getting to know and enjoying one another and do our very best to handle the hurdles as they come. Together.”

Ann broke into the most beautiful smile that went all the way to her eyes and just about rendered Anne breathless. “I’d really like that”.

Anne pulled her closer and sighed in contentment as she snuggled into her neck. “Me too”

"Do you think we could have another big fight when I turn 18?" Ann asked as she pulled back to look at Anne curiously and Anne raised her eyebrow in surprise "Why sweetheart?"

Ann shrugged 'Well cause I've just heard makeup sex is supposed to be so amazing and I kind of feel like I've missed out!" She grinned cheekily as Anne's jaw dropped.

"Miss Walker you are a naughty little Minx! What am I going to do with you?" Ann leaned in and whispered in Anne's ear "Whatever you want!" then giggled. Anne groaned and pleaded with herself for the strength she was going to need in the next couple of months. Who was she kidding though

She couldn't ever remember being this happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now they begin to get to know each other while trying to keep their hands off each other. Let the games begin! ;-)


	5. Keeping my composure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter picks up immediately after Ann jumped into Anne's arms at the park near Ann's home. We get to know Ann a little better and a lot more cute shit ensues (Anne Lister dancing with Ann Walker on her feet anyone??) cause hey they have to be something with their time if they can't have sex ha ha. These two are getting totes loved up and they don't even know it.
> 
> The song used is "I should go" By Levi Kreis as I thought it very appropriate. You might wanna give it a listen!

Anne reluctantly put Ann down and walked over to collect her abandoned swim bag she’d tossed on the grass. “It’s only 8.30pm is there something you’d like to do?” she asked and Ann thought for a moment.

“It’s kind of loud in the main living spaces of my house right now, we could go hang out in my room though? Or we could get something to eat if you haven’t eaten?”

Anne so very badly wanted to go hang out in Ann’s bedroom, background noise be damned. But she wasn’t sure she could trust herself on a bed with her just yet.

“Actually strangely enough I’m craving a decent hot chocolate and a glass of sparkling and a really good cake” Anne said and Ann’s face lit up “I actually know where we can get you all of that. Close by too.”

“Do you need to get changed because I can wait?” Anne offered but Ann shook her head “No I can go like this!”

Anne looked her up and down in her hoodie and bare feet ‘Well now I’m rather intrigued”

Ann giggled “Come on let’s go!” She went to take her swim bag from Anne but Anne placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and put it on her own shoulder “It’s okay I’ve got it”

“Thank you” Ann said sweetly as she slipped her hand into Anne’s and pulled her in the direction of their destination. She wasn’t used to someone taking care of her like this. It felt strange but in a good way. It was actually really nice.

“So tell me about your day Dude!”

Anne began relaying the events of her day to Ann and couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this settled, just walking along chatting with her little pixie’s small hand inside her own. And Ann was genuinely interested in everything she was saying. She wasn’t used to this. Having someone to tell about her day at the end of it. Having someone who genuinely wanted to hear about it. It was so lovely. She was so lovely. Just the most lovely caring, warm and kind human. 

After they’d been walking for a little while Ann went to the front pocket of the bag and pulled out some keys “We’re here!” She said as she swiped a card and then unlocked the front door of what looked to be a large building.

They went inside and Anne punched in an alarm code and then turned on the lights.

“Welcome to the performing arts centre! This is where the magic happens” Ann said with a cheeky smile as she led Anne through the theatre to a mini café/bar that was obviously for patrons and unlocked it.

“Is it okay that we’re here?” Anne asked and Ann nodded “Yes, that’s why I have the access key and codes. I often rehearse late and I help run this Café on performance nights. Some of the more responsible dance students kind of take turns.”

“I’m beginning to suspect you’re a girl of many talents Miss Walker” Anne said proudly and Ann winked at her “Oh you have no idea!”

Anne looked at her in surprised pleasure “Are you flirting with me?” Ann shrugged “I don’t flirt. I seduce with my awkwardness” she joked with a playful giggle and Anne laughed with her. The thing is she flirted better than she thought and her sweet awkwardness at times was more than a little alluring.

“Indeed!” Anne agreed as Ann went to the fridge “What would you like first, hot chocolate or wine?”

“Wine thank you sweetheart!”

Ann pulled out a piccolo of sparkling wine and poured it into a glass for Anne and grabbed a bottle of sparkling water and popped a straw in it for herself.

“You’re not drinking?” Anne asked and Ann shook her head “No I just trained I need to hydrate and I have a big school swim meet tomorrow.”

“You swim too?” Anne asked and Ann held her hands up “Kind of. I mean I love being in the water, If I could be anything other than a human I’d be a fairy or a mermaid for sure!”

Anne smiled adoringly at her. She could totally see that

But I don’t generally swim competitively. Just 50m butterfly and the butterfly leg of the medley relay. I honestly didn’t even start doing it until I came to Riverview and my P.E teacher noticed I had a knack for that particular style, I think because it’s quite tricky in the coordination required and suits my strengths from doing aerials. Because I’m younger than most of the year 12’s though I can do the under 19’s relay with them but also the under 18’s relay with 3 year 11 girls.” She explained and Anne looked at her hopefully.

“Sounds like a big day. Would you let me know how you go? I’d love to hear about it!” Anne said genuinely and Ann’s face lit up. ‘Really?”

“Yes sweetheart, I want you to text or call me anytime, for the little things as well but especially the big things”

“Okay I will” Ann said sweetly as she took an impressive cupcake out of the fridge. “Now you have to try one of my famous butterfly cupcakes. They’re fresh, I whipped them up this afternoon for a seniors concert that is on here tomorrow. The raspberry jam is home made from a Walker family recipe and that’s Chantilly cream in there!” 

Anne took the beautiful cupcake from Ann and marvelled at how pretty it looked. She took a bite and closed her eyes in bliss. “Oh my god, this is incredible. Ann you can really bake” 

Ann blushed a little “I try. I like cooking.” but Anne was insistent “No you’re so talented, so multi-talented in so many things but this is amazing. Here have a bite!” 

Ann leant in and had a bite of the cupcake and when she pulled back Anne beamed at her. “You’ve got jam on your nose cutie!” Anne leant in and softly kissed the jam off her nose and Ann laughed ‘Well you’ve got cream on your lip” Ann gently flicked the cream off Anne’s lower lip with her tongue and Anne felt electric shocks run through her entire body.

She cupped Ann’s face and gently kissed her. It took super human strength to pull away before the kiss became too passionate but Anne did it. “I just couldn’t help myself. I had to kiss you.” She said breathlessly and Ann took the hand on her face and kissed Anne’s open palm and then the front of it, before holding it tightly in hers. “I’m glad. Drink your wine Dude and I’ll whip us up some hot chocolates” Ann said as she turned on the barista machine.

“Cuban style okay?” Ann asked and Anne grinned. This girl wasn’t at all pretentious but she certainly liked the finer things in life just as she did while still having an appreciation for the simple things and she was incredibly cultured and sophisticated for her age. It was becoming more and more apparent despite the age difference, just how compatible they were.

“Perfect. My favourite actually!” 

Ann smiled softly. “Mine too!”

***********************************************

Anne and Ann sat on the stage drinking their hot chocolates and Ann had lit up the entire back drop and ceiling with twinkling fairy lights and a really good playlist of chilled out music was playing.

“This is seriously cool!” Anne said as she looked at them all and Ann nodded “It’s my favourite lighting setting.”

Anne looked at Ann carefully ‘Can I ask you something sweetheart? What is the deal with you and the Year 12 formal that Olivia was asking you about today. You’re so skilled it looks as though your hair and makeup is professionally done. I would have thought dressing up is something you’d love to do. Why don’t you want to go?”

Ann sipped her hot chocolate “It’s kind of a long story!” she said very quietly and Anne smiled at her gently “I’ve got time!”

Ann took a deep breath and brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. “My mum was the most amazing dance mum. She was so naturally stylish and had such an eye for putting things together. She would either source me or make me the most beautiful costumes. And I was very good I guess and would win a lot. When she died I was in a really dark place and I guess I lost my mojo. When I first went back to dancing my costumes were a bit rough around the edges, my hair and makeup wasn’t polished or fancy like the other girls. I was really disorganized. I was only 14 and just doing the best I could and my 23 year old completely self-involved sister was too wrapped up in her new marriage to help me. I stopped winning. The other mums didn’t help me because if I wasn’t winning their daughters were. And then one day I decided this is it. That I was on my own, enough was enough. 

Only I could decide how successful my life was going to be and I started learning how to be self-sufficient. Pinterest, YouTube and Instagram tutorials. I would practise hair and makeup looks for hours and I got really good. I learned how to embellish the costumes I had differently to reinvent them until they didn’t fit anymore, first with a glue gun, then by hand sewing and by the time I needed all new ones I’d learned where to buy costumes that suited me, how to adjust them to be a better fit if need me and even how to make modifications. I got myself to competitions however I needed to. Bus, Train, walk, Uber, Plane even sometimes. I taught myself how to do all the girl stuff without a mum and it got to the point where it didn’t bother me seeing all the other girls at comps with their mums because it was just something I had to do on my own so I didn’t even see it that way. It was just my new reality.”

Anne swallowed the lump of emotion in her throat and willed her tears to stay at bay as she listened to how this little angel who was so beautiful inside and out, so very sweet and kind had suffered. How incredibly alone she’d been and how remarkable she was in her ability to rise above it all, drag herself from rock bottom to be self-sufficient and still come out on top.

“I’ve tried to buy a dress for this formal 3 times. It’s not really the kind you can buy online or I would. And every time I go into a store I see girls there buying dresses for their formals with their mothers….and for some reason, its different with this. It bothers me and I leave. The last time I tried on a dress and it wasn’t “the” dress but it was very nice and I would have bought it just to be done with it but then the woman asked me if I’d like to bring my mother back to show her. And I ended up taking it off and running out in tears because I did want to show her. More than anything in the world I wanted to but I couldn’t. I can’t. And that hurts. Which is why I don’t have anything to wear. And why I don’t want to go.”

Ann’s eyes were full of tears and she blinked them away and turned her head from Anne to hide the ones that had fallen.

Anne’s heart absolutely broke for her. “Oh, my darling, you poor little thing come here” she said as she reached across and picked up Ann, cradling her in her lap. Ann held her body stiff “No it’s okay. I’m okay. I’m being a sook” she said dismissing her emotions and Anne placed little kisses on her face, trying to get her to relax in her arms. “No, you’re not darling you’re hurting and you have every right to be. You’re not on your own anymore you know, you have me” 

Ann realised how right she was and looked up at her in wonder ‘I do don’t I? And I know it mightn’t seem that way because I’m awkward and a bit spesh but I’m so grateful that you’ve come into my life. Please don’t think that I’m not. It’s just that I’m so not used to having anyone that I really open up to. Being able to be this unglued. I’m so fortunate to have people like Olivia and Harry and a few others but when it comes to slicing open my heart and just letting it bleed…..I can’t explain it. As much as I stumble in the process no one has ever managed to get me to do it like you do.” 

Anne couldn’t stop the tear that fell down her cheek. “Shhhh it’s okay my darling, I understand. You’re doing amazing! I am so proud of you!”

“Thank you…..for being you” Ann said in a shaky voice and Anne was almost undone as she relaxed like jelly in her arms. She was overwhelmed by the trust this incredible, broken, exquisite little goddess showed in her so early.

“Sweet baby” Anne said vehemently as she rocked Ann gently in her arms ‘My beautiful incredible strong brave girl” Anne placed little kisses all over her face and head “I’m the lucky one, I’m the one that should be grateful, so forever grateful that you fell out of the sky into my arms. That you chose me. And you were so incredibly understanding about my moment of being unglued in the limo the other night so please don’t apologise.” Anne sat just cuddling Ann for a while and much to her relief and delight she let her.

After a little while Anne broached the subject she’d been dying to address “So you have an older sister. Did you move in with her after your parents died?”

Ann nodded “Yes. Lizzie was 23, her husband was 28. All the social workers thought it was best since they had an established home and marriage. They felt they could both effectively parent me. Except James is Army and away a lot of the time and Elizabeth has enough trouble looking after herself. I have beautiful grandparents. My grandmother is English and My grandfather Australian. They live on a farm/homestead outside of the hunter valley at the moment. It’s been in his family for years. The death of my mother broke them. The shock of it gave Nanna a stroke. It’s taken the past 4 years to come back from and even still she’s not quite the same and Pop has deteriorating eyesight so neither of them can really drive. I try not to bother them with anything. They offered for me to come live with them but as much as I love the farm and could see myself settling there one day, for now my life is here.”

Anne nodded and kissed Ann’s forehead. “And you moved out of home at 16? Why sweetheart?”

Ann bit her lip. She couldn’t tell Anne. She couldn’t bear it if Anne knew what had happened. She would never want anything to do with her again.

“Irreconcilable differences” Ann said and Anne looked at her sympathetically “That’s very diplomatic. I can’t help feeling there was more than that”

Ann put on her best poker face. “I guess I just figured since I was trying to pick up my pieces and was always picking up Lizzie’s pieces and by pieces I mean pieces of her at bottomless brunch, off the toilet floor, from the local pub, from the floor downstairs in the kitchen. Wherever she had happened to pass out at that time, I might as well just be out on my own with my own pieces. I tried to get her into rehab first but when she couldn’t and wouldn’t acknowledge she had a problem I realised I had to go. I heard that anyone who was successful in gaining entry to a University course through the high school pathways course was still considered a Uni student and eligible for accommodation as long as they were 16. I auditioned when I was 15.

They were super impressed with me especially because Aerials is so niche and I told them I might have to go live with my grandparents but they assured me there was a very nice residential village where underage students are matched with appropriate roommates and it has active tight security and I accepted their offer for the following year and literally moved in on my 16th birthday. And When Harry’s dad moved to Melbourne and he was accepted into the same program Mr Parkhill moved Harry who is in my year at Riverview into my dorm because he thought I’d be a good influence on him. Better than if he sent him to boarding school. “

Nothing Ann said about why she moved out was untrue. There was more to it. But Anne would never want her if she knew. She couldn’t ever find out.

Anne shook her head. As if Ann hadn’t suffered enough losing her parents, she’d had to suffer a brother in law always away on duty and a sister, the person who was supposed to be her support network by all accounts being what sounded to be a completely destructive alcoholic. And having to make plans to move out while she was still only 15 years old? Doing it the day she’d turned 16. She had been far too young. She had no business having to do that. Now that she had Ann in her arms and her life all she wanted to do was take care of her forever.

“And you said you were completely financially independent. If you don’t mind me asking sweetheart, at such a young age how is that possible” Anne asked as she rubbed soothing circles on Ann’s back.

“Our parents left us extremely well set up. I have a significant inheritance coming to me when I turn 18 but I sold one of the properties left to me. A house on the beach in Bondi.”

Anne knew that had to have given her a couple of million at least but she had to ask.

“If you don’t mind me asking, if you love water so much why would you sell a property in such close proximity to the beach that would likely increase in value over time”

Ann fought the urge to throw up as she started having flashbacks. “Because when I was weighing up which one to sell I knew I honestly never wanted to step foot in that one again. Too many painful memories.”

Anne nodded “I understand, It must be incredibly hard to be in the places you shared so many happy memories with your parents”

Ann did her best to change the subject “It paid the bills and kept me in my vices” 

Anne raised her eyebrows suggestively “Vices? Do tell! Now I’m intrigued.”

Ann giggled “Well clothes and makeup. You might have picked I have a little bit of a shoe fetish!” 

Anne grinned and tried not to focus on how sexy the word ‘fetish” sounded on her lips. “I have! And you have such cute feet I look forward to seeing them in all the shoes!”

“I like high-end lingerie, even though I don’t wear it for anyone, I just like it” Ann continued innocently. “All of the above come from my mother.”

Anne took a deep breath and tried desperately not to imagine how sexy Ann would look in high end lingerie. What style did she prefer? What designer? What colour? ‘Stop it Anne’ she chided herself.

“And I love wine. I actually collect it. And cars, the fast and the functional and my quad bikes. I got those Vices from my dad”

Anne was impressed “You have a quad bike?” Ann nodded emphatically ‘I have a couple. You’ll have to come to my grandparent’s farm with me sometime and we can quad bike down to the river and just sit there chilling and swimming and drinking. You’ll pass a sign that says “Annie’s corner” because I crashed the bike there trying to take the corner after a big day of day drinking there last year. No one got hurt except the bike a little. It was pretty funny” Ann was laughing in earnest as she retold the story and Anne found herself laughing with her. She was so very lovely like this.

“What about you Anne? What are your vices?” Ann asked and Anne thought about it for a minute.

“All the latest technology. Like you, Clothes but particularly suits and well-tailored shirts. Cars but the luxury and the fast, boats, travel, the gym, Wine, sweets. A few others and you Ann Walker. I’ve discovered my darling that you’re my biggest weakness of all.”

Ann looked at her with wide eyes. “I am?” Anne traced her index finger over Ann’s delicate features “You sure are.” Ann blushed the prettiest shade of pink and it was all Anne could do to not ravage her. “I will say though that sometimes I feel like I’m with two different Ann’s. One who is anxious, tense and afraid and one who is carefree laid back and bubbly. The Ann from the party was very different from the Ann at school earlier today”

Anne watched as her little Pixie’s face fell and she realised she’d gone in like a bull at a gate as usual “Oh shit, sweetheart I’m sorry I was thinking out loud, I should have been more delicate please forgive me.”

Ann shifted out of Anne’s lap and reached for her bag and Anne was sure she was going to pick it up and just walk out.

But instead she opened her bag and pulled out a tablet container. “There are actually 3 different Ann’s and you were right; you’ve met two of them. The one where I am in control of my anxiety. And the one where the anxiety is in control of me, the degree of which varies.”

Anne was stunned by how open she was being. This girl was only 17 but she was possibly the most remarkable woman Anne had ever met.

‘And the third?” Anne asked softly and Ann shrugged with a smile “The one who starts bubbly and carefree but then because she’s triggered things start to go downhill but she manages to catch it in the nick of time and be somewhere in the middle of laidback care free and anxious hot-mess. These tablets help me keep it under control. Some I take daily. Others I take topically if I’m really struggling. Combined with regular therapy I’ve gotten very good at self-managing. And I’m sure you’re probably sitting there thinking “Wow she is crazy but…..”

Anne gently leant forward and put her fingers to Ann’s lips. “No, my sweet beautiful girl, I was actually thinking how much you honour me with your transparency. And now I understand a bit better, when you’re struggling I’ll hopefully be able to help you and ease your anxiety a little if I can.”

Ann couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Anne was being so incredible about all this.

“You know, if you don’t tell me to sod off for being a no filter having indelicate bitch” Anne said regretfully and Ann tossed the tablets in her bag.

“I could never tell you to sod off. Even though you have definite filter issues sometimes” Ann teased and Anne gazed at her curiously “Why not?”

Ann shuffled back to where Anne sat on her knees and wrapped her arms around the older woman’s neck ‘Cause you’re my Dude. And you’ve just been so amazing about one of the darkest messiest parts of me. And I’m so grateful. And like I said today. You’re not nearly the bitch you’d like to think you are.” Ann hugged Anne tightly and as she held her little pixie in her arms Anne felt inspired by her to stay in therapy and start working through her issues and addressing them more seriously. She didn’t want to ever hurt Ann or destroy the magic growing between them with her dysfunction. 

Feeling the oversized hoodie creating a barrier between them Anne pulled back and grasped the zipper at the top, looking into Ann’s eyes to gauge her reaction carefully. “May I?” She asked softly and Ann nodded with a soft smile. Anne slowly unzipped the hoodie and removed it from Ann’s body but as she lifted it off her shoulders the hood knocked the clip out of Ann’s loosely fastened hair and Anne watched in complete awe as it tumbled all around her in a golden hap hazard halo of lose waves and ringlets that fell past her waist

“Oh Ann” Anne gasped as she took in the sight of Ann in frilly little white broderie anglaise cotton pyjama shorts and a matching baby doll top that fitted tightly at her bust and tied in little bows at her shoulder then fell slightly away from her body. And her legs! For someone petite she was like a little gazelle with impossibly long, slim toned legs. It was like she was something out of a fairy-tale. “My god do you have any idea how exquisite you are” she exclaimed like a prayer and Ann blushed as she reached for her clip to put her hair back up. But Anne gently grasped her wrist. “Please don’t. Don’t do that my darling. Just let me look at you. My goodness look at all this beautiful hair. You are absolutely stunning”

Anne ran her fingers through her thick luscious silken tresses and when she got to the ends she pursed her lips together before looking back up at her with sparkling eyes ‘Wow it really is green!” Ann cracked up laughing “It is! It’s awful, thank goodness it’s fading” Anne laughed with her. “Alien chic” Anne she said as she scooped Ann up in her arms suddenly and a slightly startled Ann wrapped her arms around Anne’s neck to steady herself. Anne caught her alarm and pressed her forehead against the younger woman’s

“It’s alright baby I’ve got you” she reassured her. Anne breathed in the heady scent of peaches and raspberries in her hair, the sweetness of her impossibly soft bare skin and stared at her full slightly parted pink lips just waiting to be kissed. And before she could stop herself, Anne pressed her lips to Ann and began kissing her, really kissing her, groaning when Ann’s tongue entered her mouth and began caressing her own. For someone so inexperienced she was so good, so sensual, so responsive. 

She kissed a line down Ann’s jaw and buried her face in Ann’s neck, lightly kissing, nipping and sucking her pale creamy skin. “Oh Anne” Ann gasped as she writhed in Anne’s arms. She moved her hands to the back of Anne’s shirt and slipped them underneath, trailing her fingers up her back and then raking her nails down them.

“Jesus Ann!” Anne gasped as she grabbed Ann to straddle her lap and looked up at her with lust laden eyes as Ann knelt above her, her golden halo of silk forming a curtain around them as she kissed Anne ardently and Anne let her hands run up the outside of her gossamer thighs. She had to stop it, she knew she couldn’t let things go too far.

“We need to stop!” Anne said breathlessly as she pulled away from Ann and moved her so she was cradled in her lap protectively. “You have no idea how much I want you sweetheart but we can’t”

A visibly flushed Ann sighed in disappointment but nodded compliantly as she snuggled into Anne’s chest. “I know” she said softly. “But on the bright side, this time in two months I’ll already be 18!” she reasoned and Anne chuckled as she kissed her head and rocked her from side to side, willing the desire still overwhelming her to dissipate a little.

“You are so wonderful Ann. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you” Anne said vehemently as she held her close. “Oh, I don’t think I’m anything special” Ann said softly and Anne pried her face away from her chest to look at her with an intensity that took Ann’s breath away. “We need to do something about your opinion of yourself my darling. I wish you could see how extraordinary you are.” Anne heard the music change over to a slower song and she gently kissed Ann’s cheek. “Would you dance with me?”

Ann’s face broke into a delighted smile and she nodded. Anne stood gallantly with Ann still in her arms and gently lowered her to her feet before taking her back in her arms again.

Here we are  
Isn't it familiar  
Haven't had someone to talk to  
In such a long time  
And it's strange  
All we have in common  
And your company was just the thing I needed tonight 

“You don’t dance Miss Walker, you float!” Anne praised her and Ann smiled shyly “Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself Miss Lister! Very dashing!”

Somehow I feel I should apologize  
'cause I'm just a little shaken  
By what's going on inside  
I should go  
Before my will gets any weaker  
And my eyes begin to linger  
Longer than they should  
I should go  
Before I lose my sense of reason  
And this hour holds more meaning  
Than it ever could  
I should go  
I should go  
Baby, I should go 

Anne sighed in completeness as she held Ann close to her, one arm around her tiny waist, her other hand encircling Ann’s small one and holding it close to her chest as they gently swayed to the music. It felt so good holding her, so right. It was so terribly hard keeping it together.

“You know sweetheart, If you ever need a break from the noise of your party house, a quiet place to study or just relax, I’d love to have you at my place. I so enjoy spending time with you. I could give you a key tonight and you could just come and go as you please!” Anne offered and Ann looked up at her with surprised delight “Really?”

“Yes of course sweetheart. I mean don’t get too excited, my housekeeper/cook Mrs Cordingley has a couple of weeks off as her daughter is having a baby and its been a difficult pregnancy so I’m living that bachelor life but you’re more than welcome and I am a pro at ordering Uber Eats”

Ann giggled “I’d really love that!”

It's so hard  
Keeping my composure  
And pretend I don't see how  
Your body curves beneath your clothes  
And your laugh  
Is pure and unaffected  
It frightens me to know so well the place I shouldn't go 

Anne let her hand slip under Ann’s pyjama top and placed it on the bare small of her back, noting the way Ann shivered at the touch and pressed herself against Anne even more closely. She was so incredibly beautiful.

I know I gotta take the noble path  
'cause I don't want you to question  
The intentions that I have  
I should go  
Before my will gets any weaker  
And my eyes begin to linger  
Longer than they should  
I should go  
Before I lose my sense of reason  
And this hour holds more meaning  
Than it ever could  
I should go  
I should go  
Baby, I should go 

Anne lifted Ann to stand up on her feet and continued to dance with her, melting at Ann’s little giggle and held her so close their bodies were pressed against one another.

I don't mean to leave you with a trivial excuse  
And when you call tomorrow, I'll know what to do  
I should go  
Before my will gets any weaker  
And my eyes begin to linger  
Longer than they should  
I should go  
Before I lose my sense of reason  
And this hour holds more meaning  
Than it ever could  
I should go  
I should go 

When the song ended Ann bit her lip and took a deep breath “Anne?” she said hesitantly and Anne stroked her hair softly “Yes my darling?”

Ann pulled back to look up at Anne a little nervously but with a smile so adoring she felt unworthy.

She put her hands on Anne’s cheeks “Out of all the people in the whole wide world, You’re my favourite”

Anne looked down at her in wonder “I am?”  
Ann bit her lip and nodded. “Yes. You are!”

Anne actually got tears in her eyes at her poignant and heartfelt declaration. No one had ever said anything to her like that before She could see that this exquisite little doll didn’t let people in easily and how shaken she seemed to be by her own admission. 

“Come here” Anne said with a shaky voice as she picked Ann up and held her tightly. “You my sweet beautiful girl are everything to me. I don’t care how little time it’s been. You are everything. I know neither of us are particularly good at truly letting people in but we’re going to get through this together okay?”

“Okay. I meant what I said” Ann reaffirmed and Anne pressed a chaste kiss to her lips. “I know you did my darling, and it meant the world to me.”

Ann leant forward and softly kissed away the glistening tear that ran down Anne’s face and wrapped her arms around her neck tightly.

“Don’t worry baby” Anne reassured her. “Everything’s going to be okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as hinted at in this chapter, Ann has some serious skeleton action in her closet.
> 
> In the next chapter we get to delve into Anne Lister more. Hope you're enjoying the ride!


	6. The darkest parts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in this chapter we get an insight into the inner workings of Anne Lister when she allows herself to be vulnerable with Ann and we discover both ladies are a lot more dysfunctional than they have previously admitted to each other.
> 
> Trigger warning- assisted death and gory car accident description 
> 
> Aussie translation- Ann is on her red P's. Provisional drivers licence. Drivers here can get them at 17 and have to display red p plates on their car for a year. They cannot drink alcohol.

Anne rushed through the aquatic centre where Ann’s swim meet was being held. She’d received two happy smiling selfies of her with her first place medals for both the Under 19 and under 18 medley relay, being photo bombed in the background by the rest of her team and they’d made her smile so. But it had occurred to her that she likely hadn’t had anyone present at a major school event for quite a few years and since it was her last 2 weeks of school she wanted to be there for her beautiful girl. She wanted to be present. Ann deserved someone who was present.

Walking into the grand stand area she ended up side by side with Harry Parkhill “Oh Harry I’m so glad I’ve caught you!”

“Miss Lister, hey!” Harry said with a friendly smile and Anne shook her head “Please call me Anne, listen Harry I was wondering if I could get some information from you about Ann’s clothing sizes and if you could keep it absolutely confidential. I’m working on a little surprise for her. For the Year 12 formal”

Harry beamed at her “Oh really? That would be amazing I’ve been trying so hard to get her to go. Okay so she’s an Australian 8/UK 8/US 4 and 32 C at the bust. I’ll Air drop you a document of our dance squad with our most recent costume measurements if that helps” Harry said as he took his phone out of his pocket and sent a document.

“Wonderful, you’ve been so very helpful Harry thank you. And if you could just not breathe a word about this to anyone, especially Ann” Anne said almost urgently and Harry laughed “I was the one who covered up the mini hickeys you gave her on her neck last night. I’m one hundred percent in your corner and on board with anything that makes our girl happy!” Anne found herself chuckling “Thank you, I appreciate that!”

“Come over here if you want, Ann said you and Mrs Jacobs are old friends!” Harry said as he gestured for Anne to go ahead of him.

“Thank you Harry!” Anne said politely and Olivia’s face lit up when she saw her “Oh Anne you’re here!” She stood to hug the younger woman and Anne smiled softly “Ann and I had a lovely time together last night. She filled me in on a bit of her story. I’ve realised she’s come to mean a great deal to me very quickly and that she deserved to have someone in her corner for the last few big deal moments of high school. Apart from you and Harry of course. Someone who is just hers”

Olivia took Anne by the shoulders and looked at her with all the pride she felt in her heart. Her big Anne was falling in love with her little Ann. She was certain of it. But this softer side of Anne was so very lovely to see and she was so happy that Ann had her.

“I’m so proud of you Darling. And thank you again for the glorious pen” Olivia said as she hugged her tightly and Anne sighed. “Thank you. You were right. She’s the most extraordinary young woman and no child. I couldn’t have gotten here without you.”

“Oh you’re so welcome. I know this isn’t easy for either of you. I’m just so proud of you both. That kid walked into school on absolute cloud nine this morning until….”

Anne pulled away and looked at Olivia in concern “Until what?”

Olivia sighed. “It’s been a neck in neck swim meet. I’m afraid it all comes down to Ann’s butterfly race as it’s the last race of the morning and if we want to win she needs to win.”

“How is our girl doing?” Olivia looked over to where Harry stood and Harry shrugged “You know what she’s like, so hard on herself. She keeps saying she doesn’t want to let anyone down. She keeps saying she’s fine and she’s got her game face on but I can see her anxiety is through the roof from the pressure.

“Poor little possum. I’m going to send her a message reminding her we’re so proud of her no matter what happens” Olivia said as she sat back down and Anne sat beside her and quietly said “Is there anything other than this, that is a big deal in the final days of year 12 just so I can make sure I clear my schedule?” 

Olivia smiled warmly at Anne “Just the year 12 Graduation and Awards ceremony Thursday morning next week and the Year 12 formal that evening. They have the entire day off after the graduation ceremony to get ready for their night. Have you had any luck convincing her to go?”

Anne’s brow furrowed ‘I’m working on something. I was just wondering if you had her grandparents contact details? I know Ann said their combined health wasn’t the best but I thought perhaps if I sent a car to collect them next Thursday and then take them home if that’s the big day. As a special surprise for her”

“Oh Anne” Olivia said in wonder. “That would mean the absolute world to that girl. And to Rachel and and Jonothan. They’re lovely people! I will send you their details.”

The announcer announced the girls competing in the under 18s butterfly and all the girls filed out and took their place on the starting blocks. Their surnames were lit up on the screen behind the lanes so it was easy for Anne to locate her little pixie. Not because of the name. She was dwarfed by all the other swimmers in height and had arms and a body that was much more slight. Anne tried to get a closer look at Ann in her Riverview college representative one piece swimming costume but she was hidden by the girl beside her. She could see her looking timid though and she stood and called out.

“YOU CAN DO IT ANN! I BELIEVE IN YOU!”

Ann was just about to pull her goggles down when she heard the familiar voice from the spectator area. She couldn’t believe it when she looked over to see Anne blowing her a kiss.

“Oh my goodness” she gasped as her face lit up and she waved at Anne.

The race starter called for the swimmers to take their mark and she quickly put the goggles over her eyes and focused on the task at hand, feeling like she could take on the world with Anne there in her corner.

The gun was fired and the swimmers dove into the water. Anne reached for Olivia’s hand and squeezed it ‘Good god I think I need a drink this is so nerve wracking” she exclaimed.

“I agree” said Olivia as they watched Ann and two other swimmers steadily gain a lead and then it was just Ann and one other swimmer and as they edged towards the other end of the pool Ann was in front by a body length and her hands hit the end first.

“And the winner of the 50 metre under 18’s girls butterfly, Ann Walker, Riverview College!”

“That’s my girl!!” Anne cried out in pride and Olivia and her began cheering wildly and jumping up and down as the hugged each other while Harry took off with Ann’s towel and school swim robe.

“Go on off you go!” Olivia said as she pushed Anne towards the end of the pool and Anne squeezed her hand before quickly making her way to where Ann would be.

Ann took Harry’s hand to climb out of the pool. “You were amazing hot stuff I’m so proud of you” Harry gushed as he handed her a towel and Ann pointed to the stands ‘Did you see Anne? She came to my race. She just left her entire day to come to my race. That is seriously sexy!”

Harry grinned “I did. It was bad ass the way she just showed up for you like that.”

Ann took her goggles and swim hat off and put on her robe, looking around at the other swimmers who all had a mum, dad, boyfriend or girlfriend waiting at the other end of the pool for them. She had never had that since her parents died.

“I am so proud of you!” Anne exclaimed as she came from behind Ann and the second Ann turned to face her, Anne picked her up and spun her around. “My sweet beautiful clever girl! You were so amazing!”

Harry smiled at the two of them and quietly backed away.

“I can’t believe you came. You don’t know how much this means to me!” Ann said as she fought tears and Anne held her close, stroking her damp hair “Of course I came. It’s your last swim meet. It’s a big deal. And I’m your dude aren’t I?”

Anne pulled back to beam at Ann and gently place her on her feet as Ann nodded through her tears “Yes you’re my dude. And I’m so glad that you are. Thank you for being here!”

Ann hugged the older woman tightly again and Anne put the hood on Ann’s robe over her head protectively when she felt a shiver run through her and rubbed her arms up and down her body to warm her up.

“I’ll always be here for you My Darling. I meant what I said. You’re not on your own anymore” Anne assured her.

*******************************************

Anne pulled into her driveway at about 6pm after a long and busy day. She got out of the car and was taken aback to see lights on inside the house. Entering her house cautiously she called out “Hello!”

“In the kitchen!” she heard a sweet familiar voice call out and she realised it was Ann! She’d given her a key and an address and told her she was welcome anytime the previous evening but the fact that she’d come so soon was the most amazing and unexpected surprise.

“Ann?” she called out as she moved quickly into the kitchen and was stunned to see her little Pixie cooking dinner.  
“Yay you’re home!” Ann said with a huge smile as she ran into Anne’s arms and hugged her “How was the rest of your day? Sit and tell me about it” Ann said sweetly as she poured Anne a glass of wine and handed it to her before going back to making gravy.

“Something smells incredible. What is it?” Anne asked as she inhaled the incredible aromas wafting through the kitchen.

“Leg of lamb, baked potatoes, carrots and string beans” Ann said with a big smile as she continued to stir and it was then that Anne noticed her beautiful girl was wearing a pair of skinny leg jeans with a lavender coloured skin tight calvin klein t shirt, the new hand painted converse sneakers she had given to her and her hair was in two long braids that started at the crown of her head and sat beneath her chest. It was the first time she had seen her in something so form fitting and could really admire her full bust, tiny waist, gently rounded hips and as she moved to get something from the fridge, her perfect ass. She looked very cute but very sexy. She was absolutely perfect. And to come home to her beautiful smiling face, in her kitchen. Cooking them a meal and asking her about her day. It was something so lovely and unlike what she was used to she felt she had to pinch herself.

“It’s just that you said your house-keeper was off and you’d been living the bachelor life. I thought you might appreciate a proper home cooked meal?” Ann explained and Anne went around to the other side of the counter and wrapped her arms around Ann’s waist from behind. “You, my darling are beyond wonderful. Thank you so much” she said appreciatively as she placed little kisses on Ann’s cheek then pressed her own cheek against Ann’s for a moment.

“And your timing couldn’t be more perfect, it was one disaster after the other when I got back to the office after your swim meet and then someone spilled tomato sauce all over my favourite white shirt when Mrs Cordingley isn’t here!” Anne lamented and Ann turned around to inspect the damage “Oh that will be alright we’ll just throw it in the wash.”

Anne looked at Ann in confusion “What like laundry?” Ann nodded, biting back a smile “Yes like laundry”.

“Yeah I don’t really know how to do that!” Anne said dismissively and Ann cracked up laughing “Okay Dude come with me and I’ll help you. Show me where the laundry is!” Anne took her little Pixie’s hand curiously and led her to the laundry at the back of the house.

“Here it is!” Anne said as she looked around the world in bewilderment and Ann opened the cupboard, taking out a few items. “Okay, take the shirt off!”

“Miss Walker I am shocked! Clearly this whole laundry business was just a ruse for you to get me naked and have your wicked way with me!” Anne teased and Ann broke into giggles. “Just take off your shirt!”

“Such a bossy Pixie!” Anne said with raised eyebrows while Ann shook her head “It’s sexy, seriously, I’m into it”

“DUDE!” Ann called out as she stamped her foot but continued to laugh at Anne’s incorrigible antics. Anne unbuttoned her shirt, took it off and gave it to Ann.

Ann’s breath caught in her throat as she took in the sight of Anne’s hard stomach and abs, beautifully chiselled and built shoulders and arms framed starkly by the simple white sports bra she wore.

Anne caught Ann blatantly checking her out and smirked. “Like what you see?”

Ann gave her a shy little smile and met her eyes for just a moment as she said “Very much so!” and then turned her attention back to the shirt.

“So if it’s a stubborn stain you spray with this. Then you take the concentrated stain removal powder and wet it a little and make a paste. Spread it on the stain and let it sit for a couple of minutes.” Ann explained and then poured some powder in a bucket and filled it with water. And then you put it in to soak before you wash it!”

“Do you have any idea how adorable you look when you’re talking about laundry so diligently?” Anne asked her as she took the shirt off Ann and tossed it in the bucket.

“Wait a minute that’s not ready yet!” Ann said as she reached for the shirt but Anne took her hand and pressed her up against the cupboard door.

“I know, I’m an appalling student. I think I need more lessons. We should probably spill some things on your shirt next so I can take it off and practise!” Anne said in a low breathy tone.

“I’d be down for that” Ann said cheekily and Anne grinned at her naughtily “Would you Miss Walker? How interesting”

Anne cupped her face and kissed her passionately, groaning when Ann wrapped her arms around her neck and hooked one leg around her hip using it to hoist herself up and wrap around her. “Mmmmm such an agile laundry expert!” 

“You haven’t seen the half of it!” Ann retorted with a flirty smile before kissing Anne and Anne moaned at Ann’s inuendo and the goodness of her lips on hers. “I can’t wait to see all of it!” she said breathlessly as she went to kiss Ann again and they were interrupted by the oven timer ringing loudly through the house.

“Seriously?” Anne cried out in frustration and Ann giggled and pressed her forehead against Anne’s “Saved by the bell. Dinner is ready.” 

She slipped out of Anne’s arms and placed her hands on Anne’s Abs. “Of course that fancy oven of yours looks like it turns itself off” Ann ran her fingers across Anne’s taut stomach delicately, smiling as they rippled under her touch and Anne drew in a shaky breath.

“Do you have any idea how sexy you are Ann Walker?” she asked with an intensity that took Ann’s breath away and Ann placed a soft kiss between Anne’s breasts. 

“All I know is that I want you to teach me everything and I want you to do it now!” Ann said seriously. Anne sighed and willed the throbbing between her legs at Ann’s sweet sensual touch and words to dissipate as she kissed the top of Ann’s head “Soon my darling”

“Ugh! Not soon enough Ann whined as she took Anne’s hand ‘Come on. Fresh shirt for you before I jump you and then dinner”

“Can’t we do both?” Anne called out after her as she followed and Ann cracked up laughing. It was ironic that they were essentially doing a relationship in reverse. They were the very best of friends and had the ease of companionship that couples have late in the game when the sex and fire has died except they were doing that part first and just biding their time till they could create their own inevitable explosion.

*************************************  
Anne and Ann sat opposite one another eating dinner and having the loveliest time. Anne couldn’t remember when she has ever been this happy. If it wasn’t for one gaping knowing hole in her heart that kept niggling her the evening would have been perfection “Sweetheart are you sure you don’t want some wine?” she asked and Ann looked at her a little nervously, feeling it was a neon light reminder of her age “Um I’m only on my red P plates so I can’t have even 1 and drive home” 

“Oh of course. Well you’re always welcome to stay here you know. I have plenty of room. t’s probably much better than sleeping in that noisy party house! And then you can have wine with dinner if you like. Anne really wished her pixie would have a few drinks . She could see the way Ann was regarding her very carefully and a distraction would have been helpful.

Ann smiled “I’d like that.” She noted that Anne had consumed more than a few drinks. And she’d commented on how much she loved the food but she hadn’t eaten much. ‘Anne are you sure everything is okay with the lamb, if it’s too rare or too well done for your tastes you can just let me know!”

“It’s incredible….It’s just that….” Anne stammered.

“It’s just that what?” Ann asked softly and Anne took a deep breath. “I never really had a Mum, she died when I was younger. But I had my Aunt Anne who was like a Mum. No one ever really got me when I was growing up. Everyone always thought I was too masculine, not feminine enough. It wasn’t just that I was a lesbian, people thought I was strange. But never her. And I loved her so much. Leg of lamb and veggies was her signature dish. I actually haven’t had it since she died last year. I think food is just sensory and some tastes can have a memory.”

“Oh Anne. Of course they do. I still can’t eat a banana split without tearing up. It was my thing with my Dad” Ann said sympathetically as she pushed their plates away and moved her chair closer to Anne’s and took her hand.

‘How did she die?”

Anne shook her head “I can’t tell you. You’d never want to look at me again. Sometimes I don’t even want to look at me.”

Ann cupped Anne’s tear streaked face with her hand ‘That could never happen. Please tell me!”

“I can’t, it’s too awful.” Anne said as she stood and took the bottle of wine and her glass and left the table.

Ann quickly cleared the table and set off in search of Anne. Remembering the overnight bag she kept in her car she paused at the fridge and decided to grab another bottle of white and a glass.

After walking around the house for a little while she spotted Anne sitting on one of the pool chairs outside through the glass of the back doors. Walking outside she poured herself a glass of wine and sat on the lounger opposite Anne. She had her head in her hands and eeing her in such turmoil was almost making her feel ill.

“Anne….” She said gently and when Anne still didn’t respond, Ann gently hooked her head underneath Anne’s to kiss her cheek “Baby please talk to me”.

Hearing Anne call her Baby so softly and sweetly was almost Anne’s undoing. It made her want to cry even more. Here was this heavenly little angel who had literally fallen into her arms from the sky, who was her dream come true. Who called her Dude with such respect and acceptance and playfulness. And now Baby, so gently and tenderly with an intimacy she probably didn’t even understand and yet she seemed to. And when she found out what had happened she would probably run.

Taking a deep breath she began to tell her story. She didn’t look at Ann. She was too afraid to. She just glazed over and gazed into the distance.“My Aunt had Motor Neuron Disease and she was lucky for a while compared to other victims. But it just got so aggressive towards the end and she was in so much pain and so miserable. She was confined to a wheelchair or a bed. She couldn’t do anything independently. She’d lost control of her bodily functions. It was breaking her and I couldn’t bear to see her like that. She begged me to help her end it. And I didn’t want to. I knew I would miss her so much. But I just didn’t want her to be in pain anymore so when I heard about what was essentially an assisted suicide centre in Belguim I started making plans. It wasn’t easy but I got her there.”

Ann had tears streaming down her face as she listened to Anne. What an incredibly selfless act, to give up the only mother she had so she didn’t have to suffer anymore. What an awful burden to bear.

The suite was so beautiful. It was like an opulent 5 star hotel. My Aunt could look out the window to the gorgeous scenery and mountains in the distance. There was no pain or suffering. We just read “Oh the places you will go” one last time together, or I read it to her as it was always out book which is why I was so affected by your performance when I met you. And they just put a substance in her IV and she slowly went to sleep. I was at her side holding her hand when she slipped away. And I honestly wanted in that moment to just die right along-side her and sometimes I still do. The one thing that keeps me going in those moments is how much she wanted me to go after my dreams, to find love, to make magic and to live. And now I’ve found the one person I would have wanted to introduce to her. You. And you probably think I’m a monster.”

“Oh Anne baby no” Ann said as she pushed Anne further back on the lounger and climbed on next to her, taking her face between her hands “You listen to me. What you did was brave and amazing and unselfish. It was the ultimate act in selfless and unconditional love. I can’t even imagine what it was like for you to go through that but because of you, that lady died with dignity in a beautiful, peaceful space with the person she loved most in the world. All telling me has done is make me think you even more incredible and amazing than I already did”

Anne was blown away. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Truly? You really mean that?”

“Yes I mean it, because it’s true. Come here” She said as she wrapped her arms around Anne tightly and Anne sobbed into her chest.

“Just let it out baby, you need to cry it out. You’ve held it in for a year. I’m here. I’m not going home. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you.”

“Thank you sweetheart, you don’t know what that means to me” Anne sobbed as she clutched at Ann and cried, surprised by the strength of the embrace in the younger woman’s embrace but then Ann Walker was the ultimate lesson in dichotomy.

After she’d cried for a while Anne hiccupped and gasped through her tears “My younger sister Marion is 26 and she’s never forgiven me. She’s still so angry with me”

Ann shrugged “Sisters are over-rated. Mine is around the same age and she’s a bitch. Well she wasn’t always she just gradually became one”

“Yes and Marion and I had always had a tumultuous relationship too but without a mother I looked out for her. I just want to try to make her understand my motivation for doing it. But she won’t listen. I learned how to braid and tie bows and buy little sun frocks with flowers Ann. Me! Can you imagine how ridiculous I must have looked doing that? Can you see me doing that?”

Ann stroked her hair adoringly and placed little kisses all over her face “For someone you loved? Absolutely. Absolutely I can see you doing that and anything else they needed!”

Ann pressed her face to Anne’s, their tears mingling ‘I see you Anne Lister’

“Oh you are just the most beautiful incredible girl and I’m all snotty” Anne said with a little giggle but Ann wasn’t worried. “So am I. We can be snotty together. And if you want you tell me where Marion lives and I’ll go over there and kick her ass and drag her back here and make her listen to you until she sees reason!”

Anne’s jaw dropped at Anns words but when she saw the conviction and fire in the beautiful blue eyes of her companion her expression turned to one of wonder.

“You would really do that wouldn’t you?”

Ann nodded “Absolutely I would. I might look little and innocent but screw with someone I care for deeply and you’d see a completely different side to me. If someone ever hurt you in my presence I would absolutely lose my shit!”

Anne melted at Ann’s ‘Care for deeply comment’ and Ann mistook her silence for shock.

“Are you thinking of running now?” she said a little hesitantly and Anne shook her head “No I’m impressed and a little turned on actually” Anne said honestly as she took a big drink of her wine, relishing the feeling of Ann softly kissing her tears away and wiping away the excess moisture with the pads of her thumbs.

“What you have My beautiful, handsome incredible dude is a classic case of survivors guilt. Part of you feels guilty for still living while she’s gone. It doesn’t ever go away but it gets easier with time when you come to understand that you made the right choice. But it’s really important to keep telling yourself why you did it and that you did the right thing and to be resolute in your belief and try not to let other people’s opinions invade your head space and make you feel like you’ve done something horrific because then you really will feel like a monster. Sometimes the horrific thing is just the right thing to do and when you really love someone you just have to do it.”

Anne was positively awestruck “How are you only 17? How did you just encapsulate that so profoundly and accurately.”

Ann smiled sadly “Like I said, Age isn’t a determiner of life experience. I’m a bit further along in my survivors guilt journey than you”

Anne didn’t quite understand what she was saying. “What do you mean Ann?”

Ann discarded the glass and just drank from the bottle. Her story wasn’t one shared easily. She kept it very close to her chest. It was one of the most traumatic moments of her life.

“I was in the car with my parents the day they died” Ann said softly and Anne’s eyes widened in shock. “Oh Anne…I had no idea”

Ann nodded. “I was a premature baby. It’s why I’m small. I was their miracle. The doctors said I wouldn’t live more than a few hours, then a few days, then a few weeks so when I beat the odds and lived, my whole childhood the parentals rarely did things without me and we were coming back on an icy snowy road after one of their aerial shows. But being small is what saved me because I was sitting in the middle and when the truck hit us I accidentally slammed my hand down on the seatbelt catch causing it to be released and for me to be thrown through the front wind screen onto the road from the force of the impact before the car rolled. Plus I was rugged up like a little eskimo in layers so maximum glass protection. I don’t remember a lot of it. My therapist said I’ve blocked it out to protect myself. I remember a really intense pain as I came to but then feeling numb. I remember being covered in my own vomit at one point once I’d dragged my parents from the wreckage and rung for emergency assistance. Maybe from shock and pain I don’t know. It was gross”

“Oh my darling. Oh god you were only 13. I can’t even imagine” Anne said as fresh tears filled her eyes and she went to hold Ann but Ann stood up and started pacing.

“I consider the anniversary of their death the day we had the accident because my father died at the scene and so did my mother as I knew her. My father was an absolute mess on the outside though and he was a doctor so he’d taught me enough to know there was no way he was ever going to make it”

“Ann, baby please, please come here and let me hold you, the way you did for me just then.” Anne pleaded and Ann shook her head “Oh it’s cool I don’t cry when I tell this story, not that I’m having a go at you for crying, I usually projectile vomit or have a panic attack which is a bit of a concern since my toothbrush is in my overnight bag in the car and my medication is like in the living room but I don’t cry.”

“You don’t have to cry. I just care about you so much, please let me in. Please let me take care of you!” Anne pleaded and Ann scrunched her face up ‘Jesus fucking Christ Anne I’m not a child I don’t need taking care of, I take care of myself. Whether I want to or not I’ve had no choice”

Suddenly realization hit Anne. Her sweet beautiful girl who had been so full of empathy, so soft and gentle mere moments ago had morphed into a completely different version of herself in another space. One who was numb, distant. Who didn’t need protection. But there was still hope. ‘Whether I want to or not’ She had said. And she’d really had no choice from the little she knew. This was how she coped. This was part of her dysfunction. She’d seen Ann accept her naturally dominant and protective nature before. Maybe in time she could show her little Pixie another way of getting by. That she didn’t have to do everything on her own.

Ann went back to the bottle of wine and took another big drink and Anne did the same as it was taking every ounce of her restraint to not charge over to where Ann stood, wrap her in her arms and carry her back to the pool lounger.

“My dad died in my arms. I won’t go into the pretty horrific detail of how I was sure he was dead but my mum still had a heart-beat and a pulse. She was just unconscious. I had them lying side by side. Before Daddy died he told me he knew he wasn’t going to make it but that I was his beautiful, smart baby girl. That he loved me more than anything, and he believed in me and that I needed to save my mum. And just before he slipped away he told me all the best things come from the sky.” I remember realising he was gone and screaming “Daddy, Daddy come back!” but then I noticed how much blood my mum was losing from her abdomen. I’d already tied my scarf around her middle to compress it but it wasn’t enough, she had so much blood coming out and needed more going back in. My dad’s medical supplies were in the back.

So I slashed his femoral artery and bled him out into IV bags and pumped them into my mum. I remember her getting more colour in her face and asking my Dad if I was doing the right thing, begging him to come back and tell me what to do then everything went black and I passed out. My mum was touch and go and then things got worse over the couple of days until she was on life support. Her internal and brain injuries were just too great. I was lying with her as best as I could given my own injuries when she slipped away after we made the decision to turn off the life support. But the paramedics and the doctors all said that my actions was what gave her a shot or else she would have died at the scene. And for a long time I felt so guilty that I didn’t die with them. I really wished I had have. I spent a lot of time in a hospital bed just wishing I’d succumb to some kind of infection or freak allergic reaction in the middle of the night and I felt so bad, Like I’d chosen one parent over another which is silly since my Dad was gone. But like I told you, in time you learn that sometimes, the horrific thing really is the right thing to do.”

Anne felt ill. She had just been an almost 14 year old kid on a road trip with her family. Her young family. And what she’d had to endure. What she’d had to do out of necessity. What she’d managed to do under the most traumatic circumstances was not just horrific but nothing short of extraordinary. And it explained so much about her. So many things about the way Ann Walker operated were making sense now.

She stood there looking so small and vulnerable. Anne could see her posture slump, the blank expression in her eyes suddenly become raw and her whole demeanour suddenly became very fragile as she walked over to the sun lounger and sat beside Anne.

“I think maybe I’m ready for a cuddle now” she said softly and Anne had her wrapped up in her arms in an instant. Ann snuggled in going completely limp in Anne’s embrace.

“I’m very sorry I snapped at you.” Ann apologised but Anne held her tighter and rubbed circles on her back “Sweet baby, you don’t have to apologise. You were reliving something beyond traumatic and horrific. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.I have no words. I can’t even begin to understand the pain you went through. But I’m so glad you survived. I’ve told you before that your father was right. The best things do come from the sky. The sky brought me you.”

Ann nodded as she took a big swig of the wine and said “It did, Literally. Them too. I was conceived in a sling some 20 metres off the ground” 

Anne looked at her in utter disbelief “You were?” Ann actually cracked up in spite of herself “Yes, my parents were pretty kinky!” and soon they were both giggling.

Anne was spellbound as Ann looked up at her with huge wide blue eyes. “Did you know this is the first time I’ve ever told that story without vomiting or having some form of panic attack. It’s like I just knew I could tell you. I can’t explain it.”

“I know what you mean my darling. I’ve never told anyone what I told you today apart from a therapist and my sister. It was such a huge deal for me to share it with you.”

“I know” Ann said softly as she pressed her face against Anne’s and Anne stroked her face. 

“We both know each other’s most horrific things now Ann!”

Ann pulled back a little to look into Anne’s eyes intently “But they were the right things.”

Anne bit her lip an nodded, finally beginning to believe she’d done the right thing since she’d done it. “Yes my darling. The right things”

She gently pressed her lips to Ann’s and then wrapped her back up in her arms, rocking her gently as the evening breeze drifted over them.

Ann felt a twinge of guilt in her stomach as the fact that Anne didn’t in fact know the worst thing about her. But that particular secret wasn’t one that could ever be told.

***************************************

‘You know truth be told, I was a dysfunctional fuck up way before my Aunt Anne died.’ Anne said as she reclined back on the lounger and Ann passed the wine back to her after taking a swig, Ann a tad drunk as she took it a little easier than Anne but Anne more than a tad.

Ann giggled a little and Anne continued ‘No really I pursue emotionally unavailable and often cruel women who can’t or won’t love me, generally much older than me, married even because I like the challenge and the thrill of the chase when deep down that’s not at all what I want and then wonder why I get hurt and end up alone.”

“Well what do you want?” Ann asked her pointedly and Anne seemed to go uncharacteristically shy. “It might sound crazy, but I’d like to find someone who would love me in return. Someone I could actually truly love even, that would be a good start because looking back none of it has ever been real love. I’d like to get married. And I’d like it to be with a woman who was willing to have a child or children. Who would be willing to give birth to the children. That probably sounds strange!”

Ann felt butterflies fill her tummy as she looked wistfully into the distance. “It doesn’t sound strange at all I think it sounds quite beautiful. Besides you don’t have the market cornered on dysfunction you know. I’m an almost 18 year old virgin who has been attracted to women since I was like 12 but never done anything about it because I find it impossible to let people in and I live with my gay husband in a freaking frat house, My other best friend from near my grandparents farm is a Male, my closest female friend at school has mild high functioning aspergers which means she and I with our combined issues are essentially as awkward as each other so I never really even meet girls.

I have a raging anxiety problem, PTSD and have experimented with a diverse range of coping methods to deal with the shit I’ve been through including drugs, alcohol, acts of total stupidity, self inflicted pain and morphing into a total workaholic who finds it near impossible to slow down. I’m about to leave school as the great hope of Riverview college with everyone asking me what I want to do next. What am I going to do with the rest of my life and all I want to do is scream at them “I don’t fucking know, I’m too tired to think.” And when I did actually tell the careers advisor what I think I might want to do in my heart of hearts she dismissed it and said it was a waste of my potential.”

Anne looked genuinely impressed and nodded. “Wow. We’re both pretty fucked up!” Ann broke into giggles as she pushed Anne’s shoulder “I know right?”

“See this is one of the reasons we’re so perfect for each other sweetheart!” Anne said and Ann laughed harder ‘Oh is it just?”

Anne pulled Ann flush against her “And I assure you, you won’t be a virgin for much longer” 

Ann shook her head at Anne’s suggestively raised eyebrows “oh promises promises!”

Anne giggled and kissed Ann passionately. “And I’m not sorry you didn’t meet anyone before me. Because I should like nothing more than to make sure you have everything your amazing heart desires and I would never dismiss your dream like that idiot careers woman. What was it by the way?”

Ann bit her lip. “Another time maybe!”

Anne clutched her heart “You won’t tell me your secret dream? That hurts!!” Ann shook her head “Okay Miss incorrigible I have a pretty magical hangover saviour in my handbag, I’m going to go get us some and you’re going to take it. I’ll be right back.”

“Wait don’t leave me!” Anne whined as Ann disentangled herself and began walking away. “Can you at least take your top off or something?” she called out and Ann turned back to her laughing “No I can’t!”

“See I told you! Cruel beautiful women are my lot in life!” Anne said in jest and Ann shook her head “Cry me a river and sail across it!” then turned and strutted away sassily.

“Wow!” Anne said aloud in appreciation of the wittiness of Ann’s comeback and lay against the lounger. What a remarkable night it had been. They had each ripped their hearts open and bled in front of the other. Bled with each other. Anne had never felt closer to another woman in her life. Ann was such a beautiful, strong yet incredibly fragile mess all at the same time. And despite everything she’d endured she was still so full of love and light. And its like Ann didn’t even care what a mess she was. Didn’t care about the worst thing she’d ever done. Didn’t judge that she, a 30 year old woman still screwed up time after time. She just saw her. She just accepted her as she was. She was falling in deep and she didn’t even care. Ann was all she could see. And for the first time when she looked into the future, she had hope. All she wanted to do was wrap her Pixie up in her arms and keep her safe forever. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to just breathe in the moment.

Ann came back out after taking her tablet with one for Anne and a big bottle of water. When she saw Anne sleeping peacefully she stopped and smiled softly, just taking in the sight of her. She was so gorgeous. And she’d been so amazing with her that evening. How on earth had she ever gotten so lucky.

Picking up a blanket she tip toed back over to the lounger and placed it over Anne and then lay down beside her.

Stroking Anne’s hair Ann softly said “I’ll tell you a secret Anne Lister. I’d marry you tomorrow!”. She then snuggled into Anne’s chest and closed her eyes. Anne pursed her lips together tightly and swallowed the lump of emotion that rose in her throat. When she opened her eyes they were full of tears. She looked up at the sky and mouthed a silent “Thank you”

She then pulled the blanket up snugly over the almost sleeping angel on her chest, wrapped her arms around her tightly and closed her eyes.


	7. MIne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in this chapter Anne let's her nurturing Dom flag fly a bit more. We all know Anne is a pretty toppy top in the show and this chapter was kind of inspired by her mad protective Dom energy when Ann confessed what Thomas Ainsworth had done to her but with a little more emotional finesse and sensitivity to Ann lol
> 
> For once Ann lets Anne take over and protect her and they start to slip more into the natural low key D/s Top/bottom dynamic they have in the show but don't worry, our Ann is no push over and this is not going to turn into a bondage or fetish fic. There's just elements of diverse sensuality and low key D/s throughout.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this one. It's very long with lots of cute banter as our magical two become more and more comfortable with each other.

Anne went downstairs after showering and dressing. She’d woken up around 2am and realised her and Ann had fallen asleep on the sun lounger so she’d carefully carried Ann up to her room and tucked her into bed beside her. She’d woken up to find a note from Anne saying she went for a walk and to stretch before school as she had dance first up and she would pick up coffee and breakfast.

Ann stood in the kitchen putting a ham cheese and tomato croissant on a plate for Anne. Waking up wrapped in her arms had been the most blissful and utterly contented moment of her life. She had been sad to have to get up and get moving.

She smiled as she saw Anne standing in the doorway checking her messages. She was wearing an emerald green slim fit business shirt tucked into a pair of tailored black pants with a black and gold Gucci belt and her hair was slicked back tightly into a low ponytail. The colour did heavenly things to her big brown eyes and brunette hair. “Damn!” Ann said aloud and Anne looked up in surprise when she heard it. ‘Everything alright sweetheart?” she asked with a warm smile and Ann nodded with a cheeky smile “Just appreciating the view!”

Anne broke into a huge grin of utter delight at not only Ann’s comment but the adorable vision she was that particular morning. She was wearing a royal blue leotard with the Riverview College insignia just above her left breast with a pair of pink ballet tights, silver metallic converse high top sneakers and a frilly little tinkerbell style skirt made of different shades and lengths of grey and silver fabric. Her hair was up in an elegant and soft high bun and her makeup was natural. She looked so very graceful, lovely and pretty.

“I can assure you it’s not nearly as glorious as the view I’m appreciating right now” Anne said as she came around the kitchen counter to wrap her arms around Ann’s waist from behind and kiss the side of her neck. “Good morning beautiful girl. You look absolutely gorgeous! And I love this with the sneakers” Anne said as she gently touched the skirt. “Where did you get it?”

“From a kids clothing store. Prefects are supposed to wear school colours at all times and I liked it!” Anne chuckled as she tightened her grip around her. She was so cute. “That’s adorable. How very resourceful of you. I love it. How did you sleep?” Anne turned her around in her arms and melted as Ann put her hands on her cheeks “Like a baby. Thanks to you!” Ann wrapped her arms around Anne’s neck tightly and hugged her.

“So did I, we need to do it sometime when we don’t both have to rush off in the morning!”

Ann smiled that dazzling sparkling smile of hers. The kind that almost made Anne clutch her heart “I’d like that Dude. Here’s your breakfast! Do you know there’s practically no food in this house? After school I’m going to teach you how to grocery shop!”

Anne took the large coffee and croissant from Ann gratefully “Thank you sweetheart! Aren’t you going to have breakfast?” she said as they took a seat at the table and Ann shook her head “My extra large latte with an extra shot is breakfast. I’m bloated enough from the wine, I have graduation ceremony rehearsal first up and the head of dance faculty at school is a total fascist. She will not hesitate to tell me I look fat.”  
Anne looked at her in horror “Sweetheart you are not fat. You’re tiny. You’re perfectly proportioned. You’re like a living doll. She has no right saying that to you!”

Ann shrugged “All Russian ballet teachers are like that. She used to love me. Because I was born prematurely my organs were like never quite 100 percent cooked. It’s taken my whole life to strengthen up. Then the stress after the accident, having to move out of home. I was really really thin. I was a late bloomer and this past year I just shot up and got boobs and hips overnight”

“And can I just take this opportunity to say what high regard I hold them in” Anne said and Ann giggled.

“No seriously, I can’t tell you what I dream about doing to them because I don’t want to scare you off but I assure you, they occupy a significant deal of my thoughts” Anne said dryly and Ann started laughing even harder.

“I’ll remember that today when ‘I’m hearing…” Ann cleared her throat dramatically and put on a Russian accent “Annalise Walker stand up tall, suck that tummy and that chest in” Like they’re boobs where does she suppose I put them?”

“Well I can think of a few places!”Anne said naughtily as Ann tried not to choke on her coffee and Anne looked at Ann in surprise all of a sudden. ‘Wait a minute your name is Annalise?”

Ann shrugged ‘Well with a free spirit circus performer gypsy for a mother Ann had to be short for something more exotic right?” It’s hardly ever used. I’ve been Ann or Annie since birth.

Anne looked at her incredulously “Madam I am shocked and appalled that you went to bed with me without me even knowing your name!”

Ann scrunched her face up “ Um, Madam I very much doubt this was the first time you’ve taken a woman to bed without knowing her name”

“Touche my darling!” Anne said with a proud grin, genuinely impressed with her come back. She loved that Ann was sassy and gave as good as she got.

She narrowed her eyes at Ann “I do like that Russian accent of yours though its pretty sexy. Can you do a German one?”

“Okay hot stuff I have to go!” Ann said as she shook her head and reached for her grey cropped cross over dance cardigan.

“Just to be clear though, you had a growth spurt….and what like 5”2 is as good as it got?” Anne teased cheekily and Ann’s jaw dropped “You are an arse and I’m going to school!”

Anne stood up and cupped Ann’s face adoringly “Allow me!” She turned Ann around and tied her cardigan up at the back in a little bow. “All jokes aside I reiterate what I said. You’re beautiful and perfect just the way you are. And you’re mine!”

Anne froze at the last very dominant and possessive comment she let slip. She hadn’t meant to. She thought it but she didn’t consciously say it.

But Ann simply turned around, put her bag on her shoulder and stood up on her tippee toes to kiss Anne gently goodbye. “I’m yours” she said sweetly and Anne absolutely melted.

‘You have a good day babe!” she said chirpily before she turned and walked away and Anne sighed in contentment. Ann was hers. She was Ann’s Dude and she was liking this baby and babe business very much. Life was good.

“I’ll see you after school gorgeous!”

Ann turned back at the entry to the kitchen. “Bet your sexy butt you will!” then disappeared from view.

*********************************************************

“And I don’t even care that she’s completely inexperienced sexually. I mean I want to protect her and take care of her. I want her first time to be special when the time is right but after being so focused for so long on instant gratification. I don’t know how to describe it. Watching her experience things for the first time is actually kind of magical. And she’s so naturally sexy and passionate and responsive. She possesses this innate palpable sensuality that she’s too much of an innocent to even know she has. And she’s so gentle, so loving, so sweet and kind. So good. With the perfect amount of cheeky naughty and sassy.

And her Dichotomy never ceases to amaze me. She’s tiny but she’s strong. And she just has this presence. Very Slim but with curves. Fragile yet resilient as fuck. Stunningly beautiful yet completely unaware. She wears dresses with sneakers and has a tumbling halo of golden blonde curls that go past her waist but she usually wears it up. She’s super feminine but can go totally natural. She’s shy but with me when she’s relaxed she just blossoms. And she literally fell out of the sky into my arms from an aerial sling. I mean I know I joked about it last time I was here but she actually did fall out of the sky. It’s kind of become our thing”

Victoria smiled to herself. Her former lover was head over heels in love. She didn’t even seem to have any idea that she was. But she was.

“Oh you my friend are in big trouble!” She said sympathetically and Anne winced “I know right. I think she’s the one Vicki!”

Vicki regarded her carefully. “Look it sounds like the two of you have something really special and it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job of trying to be sensitive to where this young woman is at with the age gap. And it is a vast gap. That has to be said. And you are at completely different stages in life. That also needs to be said. But in terms of her being a teenager and wanting to obviously begin a sexual relationship with you Anne, how are you handling that given your past trauma. I’m concerned it could be triggering for you”

Anne started to close off “Vicki I don’t want to go into that right now.” 

“Anne this girl sounds wonderful and mature well beyond her years have you spoken to her about this. You say you want her first time to be special. She’s so young. Shouldn’t she be aware that entering into this could trigger you. With you being the experienced one and not the innocent this time. Memories of a woman who wasn’t half as decent and honourable as you darling” Victoria reasoned and Anne looked down.

“I know. You’re right. I haven’t been able to bring myself to tell her yet. But I told her about what happened with Aunt Anne last night. How she died. I was sure it was scare her off. But all she did was hold me and tell me that sometimes in life we do a horrific thing but it’s the right thing. And that what I did was the ultimate act in selfless unconditional love”

Victoria felt a twinge of recognition at the horrific thing being the right thing comment. A weird sense of déjà vu. But she was absolutely correct.

“Oh wow. What a remarkable young lady. Anne you know this kid is more emotionally intelligent and mature than you right?”

“Yep!” Anne said as she nodded emphatically and both women cracked up.

“God Vicki I’m forever torn between wanting to wrap her in my arms and keep her safe forever and being in awe of how bad ass she is. She’s had the most awful life. She moved out of home the day she turned 16 into a university campus and has juggled university dance courses and school. Her parents died when she was just shy of 14, she was in the car with them, got thrown through a windscreen and with a fractured back and god knows what else she had the intelligence and coping skills to drain her father’s blood once he had passed into an IV bag on the side of a snow covered road and pump it into her mother”

Vicki started to feel her heart beat faster as she put Anne’s words together. Golden hair, beautiful but unaware, aerial sling, moved out of home at 16, that very particular car crash. The comment about the horrific thing being the right thing.

“Anne stop talking immediately” she said emphatically and Anne said “No it’s okay she’s inspired me to take therapy more seriously Vicki, to be more open about dealing with my issues. To talk more.”

“No you need to stop talking because I’ve just figured out you’re talking about little Annie Walker. It’s bad enough that I even discuss your issues with you here in this office but we definitely cant talk about Ann, if you want to talk about it, it has to be around my dinner table or on my lounge room floor with her consent and her present of course which is where her and my conversations tend to take place these days”

Anne was stunned. “Wait a minute…how do you know Anne.”  
Vicki sighed “I used to be her therapist. I was assigned to her at the hospital after her parents accident. I’d worked closely with her father on a couple of cases and they thought it might help. And then Matilda was having so many problems at her school and we transferred her to Riverview at the start of year 11 last year, Ann got assigned as her buddy guide to help her settle in and the two of them hit it off. It was the first time Millie had ever had a real friend. You know how hard it is for her to make friends because of her aspergers. Ann and I didn’t even realise the conflict of interest until Millie brought her home one afternoon after school. And so I gave Ann the choice. She could continue to be my patient and just quietly back away from Millie after the settling in period or I could hand her over to my colleague. Given everything she’d been through I hundred percent expected her to choose me. She chose Millie. 

She told me that her and Millie had a lot in common and Millie was her friend and she couldn’t just desert her like that. And as the mum of a special needs kid who had watched her struggle so and someone who had come to genuinely love our Ann way past the appropriate professional doctor patient relationship I was just so proud of that kid. She’s so amazing. She’s 6 months younger than Millie but she’s like her big sister. No one can so much as look at Millie the wrong way without Ann having something to say about it which is pretty amusing to watch sometimes when they stand side by side with Millie being 5”7 and Ann being a little doll. And because Ann is very popular but is openly out as a Lesbian, Harry is gay, Will is the best swimmer in the male swim team and on the football team but also dux of mathematics and she surrounds herself with a clique of kids generally considered to be outcasts my kid is one of the popular kids. She doesn’t stick out. She’s in the power clique with Ann because they’re all little misfits in the best possible way. Ann has been the best thing to ever happen to Millie.”

Anne smiled adoringly “That sounds like our girl!” Vicki smiled fondly “Yes. So you understand why we can’t talk about her in this office. One thing you taught me Anne despite your youth is that I shouldn’t ever have to be dependent on a man again and I should be free to seek pleasure with other women and live my life the way I wish. This practice is my lively hood and that girl is like family but still a patient of the practice. I’ve had to train myself to not look at her notes because I want my home to be a safe haven for her. I want to just be Millie’s mum to Ann and put out snacks when they study and make sure she has a ride home from a party and always be a shoulder to cry on and for her to be able to relax and only share what she wishes. She’s suffered so much and she’s given my child the world.”

Anne’s heart sank “And as a mother figure and someone who knows me you’re going to say “stay away from that fuck up Anne Lister she’s no good for you” aren’t you?”

Vicki threw her hands up. “Honestly, does part of me worry about her getting hurt? Of course. But part of me worries about you getting hurt too if this doesn’t work out Darling!”

Anne looked at her in surprise ‘Really? You do?”

Victoria came around and sat next to Anne on the couch ‘Of course. Oh Anne I care for you so much, I will never forget what you showed me, what you taught me in our brief time together. Just because we weren’t right for one another doesn’t mean I don’t care and I mean for goodness sake you helped set me up in this practise interest free while I got back on my feet, you gave me your solicitor to make sure I got what I was entitled to in my divorce. I will always be grateful to you. Look you have to tread carefully Ann. You’re right, she’s had a pretty horrific life. But she was at my house the afternoon you sent her those sneakers and left her a voice mail. She drove Millie home. And honestly listening to her talk about it while the girls sat eating snacks at the kitchen counte, I’ve never seen her so happy. So full of hope and because of what she’s been through I actually can’t ever see her being with someone her own age. She’s so loved by her school community because she’s so sweet and kind but I know she feels like her experiences make her a social isolate because she feels so much older than her peers. Even at Uni. That’s why her and Millie are such good friends. My kid came out of the womb 35” 

Anne laughed ‘But she’s a really awesome kid. I love her directness!” 

“Yes but she has a reason for having no filter! You don’t you insufferable little shit!”

Victoria’s phone rang “Excuse me a moment!” she said as she answered it. Anne watched with interest as Victoria began to look flustered and then hung up the phone.

“That was Olivia at Riverview, I know you’re friends. Apparently Millie has had an epic sensory meltdown. I wonder what triggered it. She hasn’t had one in so long. I need to go over there I’m afraid!”

“Of course!” Anne said and then her phone began ringing. She picked it up and read the name “It’s Olivia!”

“Hey Liv what’s up?” she asked and Victoria looked on anxiously as Anne paced “What kind of a situation? Wait a minute is Ann okay? Is Millie okay? No I’m with Victoria Hobbs now, it’s a long story. What kind of PR nightmare? Okay we’re coming. Tell Ann I will be there and I will fix everything. Tell Millie too!”

Anne hung up the phone and looked furious. “What happened, please tell me?” Victoria asked almost desperately and Anne ran her fingers through her hair as she looked at her phone and took Victoria by the arm, leading her to the car park.

‘Cancel my appointments for the rest of the afternoon Hannah!” Victoria called out as they left

“Apparently that bitch ballet teacher was trying graduation costumes on them in rehearsal and Millie’s was a little tight so she went off at her and then Ann lost her shit at the teacher for that and some other things, The teacher then had a go at Ann’s size and it’s been filmed by another student, both girls have been tagged on facebook and Instagram with their online names and the hashtags “Fuckinglegendann” “Millieisbeautiful “Annisbeautiful” “Beautyatanysize” and “Beautifulgirls” with pictures of the two of them are trending. Olivia has said they can go home and the girls were going to sign out but she didn’t want either of them driving in the stat they’re in”

Victoria felt ill “Oh my god Millie was so timid about eating pasta and ice cream in Tuscany a fortnight ago when I was on my work trip but I wanted her to have a little break before her HSC. She was worried about that teacher and that class! She filled out a little but she’s tall and she’s young, she’s already lost most of it”

Anne was digusted “Ann wouldn’t eat breakfast this morning and was anxious about being bloated because we had wine last night but she’s such a little light weight she wouldn’t have had more than 3 glasses and come to think of it she didn’t eat at school when I was there on Monday either. Olivia was telling her a coffee wasn’t breakfast and recess. Look here is the video” Anne said as she pulled up facebook. And turned her phone so both her and Olivia could watch it when they got to Anne’s car.

Anne watched as Millie Cowered with her hands on her ears crying out “Too much angry noise, I’m sorry, just stop just stop” and Anne stood in front of her saying “Stop it, Just Stop it now Mrs Marisha you are traumatising her and this behaviour is bullying, intimidating and completely unprofessional. Millie is only a size 10 there is nothing wrong with her body, she is beautiful and the costume can be let out. I’ll do it myself”

“Oh my baby” Victoria gasped and both women watched as Ann wrapped her arms around Millie “Shhhh Millie it’s okay, everythings going to be okay!” 

“Well she used to be a size 8! Same as you used to be a size 6 Ann until you jumped to an 8 because both became obnoxious young adults and started getting fat! Especially you. You had the perfect body and you threw it all away you careless undisciplined circus brat”

“I’ll fucking kill her” Anne spat but watched in awe as Ann stood her ground and said “We didn’t get fat we just went through puberty. You can’t expect us all to stay flat chested rectangular shaped 13 year olds forever. Millie is tall, beautiful, graceful, sexy and strong. You should be getting down on your hands and knees and thanking her and her perfectly shaped legs for days for making your choreography that could only be described as mediocre at best look amazing and we, not just Millie and I but all of us girls have been living in fear multiple times a week of calories or carbs or a glass of wine with dinner or an incredible meal in another country or god even breakfast. All to bow down to you and your completely ridiculous expectation that we all look emaciated. You can’t stand here and do this to us but I certainly won’t allow you to do it to my best friend. It’s emotional abuse”

Ann seemed to look to someone and call out “Where the hell is Will?” 

“Will?” Anne asked and Victoria drew a shaky breath. “The boy next door. He is besotted with Millie and vice versa as confronting as she may find it. Gorgeous kid”

They both watched as a very tall strapping young man came in and picked Millie up in his arms “I’ve got you Millie”

“We’re getting you out of here Millie let’s go” Ann said then stepped up very close to a seething and flabbergasted Mrs Marisha “You are an absolute disgrace and you should be ashamed of yourself!”

The video cut out and Anne and Victoria quickly hopped in Anne’s car. ‘Oh god Ann will hate this she’s a really private person, she doesn’t have anything set to public on social media and and she’s the student director of PR and school events so she will feel like such a hypocrite for being involved in a scandal”

“Of course!” Anne realised, remembering Ann’s natural knack for PR. It all made sense now.

“There will be no scandal because I won’t allow anything to hurt my sweet beautiful girl she’s been hurt enough. Or Millie for that matter” Anne said vehemently as they drove to Riverview College.

“She was incredible wasn’t she though. Little Annie Walker all grown up” Victoria said in awe. “Just so incredible the way she just sprang to Millie’s defence because trust me that girl is terrified of confrontation.3 years ago she never would have been able to do that. And she just threw herself on the line. Millie’s so lucky to have her”

“We all are!” Anne said as she pushed a little further over the speed limit, silently pleading ‘Please be okay baby, I’m coming to you.”

*************************************************  
Anne and Victoria rushed into the foyer of Olivia’s office area to be met by Olivia. Anne had been on speaker phone to Olivia the entire time they drove giving instructions of how to shut the video down and get it taken down. Thankfully no one had shared it publicly yet

“How are the girls Olivia?” Victoria asked, a little frantic and Olivia tried to be calming while maintaining honesty. “They’re not doing so well, Anne is a lot worse than Millie understandably but she’s totally focused on Millie and not herself of course and is really panicked about you seeing her like this Anne.”

“Millie calms when the situation calms, Ann escalates if she has to take control of the situation because it hits her later” Victoria explained and then added “What that teacher did to those girls was unacceptable Olivia, If Ann hadn’t jumped to her defence Millie could have had a meltdown that would have catastrophic social consequences for her when she’s been doing so well here. I’ll be lucky if I can get her to come back.”

Olivia nodded “I’m so very sorry Victoria I feel just awful. I assure you there will be very severe consequences for the teacher. She is being dismissed immediately pending formal investigation, we’re replacing her with a teacher who is an ex member of the Australian Ballet so the girls don’t suffer in the lead up to their graduation performances and they will all be offered counselling and monitored for signs of eating disorders. Parents are being contacted. I’m honestly doing everything I can while still giving the Ann and Millie support and a safe haven in my office. And I’ve done everything you advised on the way over Anne, it’s all been happening next door in the deputy principals office.

“ My people are currently finalising your press release should you need it. It’s not your fault Liv” Anne said sympathetically and Victoria sighed “Of course its not. I’m sorry Olivia please forgive me, that’s just my baby in there and I love Ann like my own as you do too”

“It’s alright, why don’t we go see the girls.” Olivia said as she lead them through to her office.

When Olivia opened the door nothing prepared Anne for the sight of her beautiful girl. She was half standing, half propped on the arm rest of the couch stroking Millie’s hair while Millie was curled up on the couch against the arm rest with her hands over her ears. She was sheet white and Anne could see her hand that was up against her forehead shaking from across the room. She looked so fragile, so frail, so small. Anne’s heart sank

“Please Liv we just want to go home!” Ann pleaded in a raspy voice and she froze as she locked eyes on Anne.

“Millie!” Victoria called as she pushed through the door and Millie sat up “Mum!” Victoria rushed to the couch and hugged Millie “It’s okay sweetheart I’m here, are you alright?”

“I’m okay, Ann looked after me” Millie said and Victoria looked over at Ann “Ann are you alright?” Ann nodded “We both know I’ve been far worse than this before. Just take Millie home, the morning has been hell.” She said in a distant voice and then seeing Millie was taken care of she virtually collapsed to sit on the floor leaning against the side of the couch and put her forehead to her knees before wrapping her arms around them, curling into herself.

Anne saw a message flash up on her screen “Okay I’ve made some threats and pulled some strings and the video has ceased to exist. It’s gone from the internet and one of my people is coming to do a sweep of the child’s phone the video was recorded on to ensure it’s not backed up in a cloud or anywhere else once their parents have arrived. It’s over!”

“Oh Anne thank you so much” Olivia said as she hugged Anne “Excuse me, I must go speak to my Deputy!”

“Yes thank you Anne for everything” Victoria said as she stood and pulled Millie with her ‘I need to get my munchkin home” but yet she looked over at Ann in concern and Anne squeezed her hand “She’s my Ann now. I’ll take good care of her and If I get stuck I’ll call you okay?”

Victoria nodded, smiling at the look of conviction in Anne’s eyes when she called Ann hers. Ann would be just fine. And god help that teacher if Anne got her hands on her. 

“Okay…I’ll check in with you later. Come on Chook!” Victoria said as she put her arm around Millie and led her out the door.

Anne turned back to Ann and saw she was no longer curled into a ball but trying to get into her school bag except her hands were shaking too much for her to get the zipper open and she had tears streaming down her face. Anne couldn’t fight it any longer. She’d tried to be considerate of Ann’s fear of being seen mid panic attack and mindful of the other adults and Millie being in the room and get the job done of complete potentially viral video removal but seeing her beautiful girl like that was breaking her. And standing back went against every part of her very dominant nature because all she wanted to do was step in and take care of her so that at least in a moment like this when she was so fragile she got a brief break from having the weight of the world on her shoulders for a change.

“Oh Ann, My Darling I’m here. Everything’s going to be okay” Anne said as she rushed to Ann and dropped to her knees in front of her. “Anne I told Olivia I didn’t want you to see me like this.” She said through her tears.

“Why don’t you?” Anne asked softly and Ann covered her eyes with the palms of her hands “Because its ugly and messy and you’ll think I’m stupid and crazy and you won’t like me anymore.”

Anne was aghast “Oh sweetheart no, never ever. I would never think that. You’re my sweet beautiful girl, anxiety attacks won’t ever change that. You mean too much to me, come here” Anne assertively gathered up Ann and pulled her into her lap, rocking her gently as she held her close and kissed her forehead.

“I’m so sorry for this whole mess Anne, I didn’t know I was being filmed. I never would have exposed Millie to that kind of scrutiny or Liv and the school to that kind of publicity on purpose. She was just so awful. Thank you so much for fixing it.”

“Hey” Anne said sternly as she pried Ann’s face from her shoulder and took it between her hands. “You have nothing to be sorry for my darling. Absolutely nothing at all. I saw that video. You were amazing. That bitch was terrorizing Millie despite knowing she has aspergers and she was equally vile to you and because of you and your brave actions she won’t ever be able to do it to any one again. I am so very very proud of you”

“She was really scary she just wouldn’t stop yelling. I don’t like people angry yelling at me. It frightens me and makes it hard for me to stay calm. I tried but she just wouldn’t stop and I just feel so weak that it gets to me like this” Anne said as she began gasping for breath and Anne could see her escalating. She was shaking like a leaf and her breathing was so raspy.

“Being intimidated by a bully doesn’t make you weak sweetheart you are the strongest person I know. Look at what you’ve over-come” Anne tried to reassure her and then noticed Ann was frantically trying to get into her school bag again.

“What do you need sweetheart? Tell me what you need?” Anne said as she took the bag and freed the stuck zipper.

“My panic kit” Ann said with a hiccupped sob. “Penguins” she said and Anne pulled out a cosmetic bag with little penguins on it and opened it for her. Ann took a pill box out and tried to open it but her hands were shaking furiously “Here sweetheart let me!” Anne said as she took the lid off and handed Ann her water bottle with the lid off. Ann took her tablet and reached in for her puffer. Taking it out she took 3 long puffs, holding the Ventolin in to help her breathe.

“What happens now gorgeous?” Anne asked and Ann looked down, embarrassed. “Soon I’ll go very floppy. If you wouldn’t mind giving me a lift back to my house because I don’t think I can…”

Anne cut her off with the most featherlight kiss “I’m taking you to mine where you can have peace and quiet and I can look after you. Floppy huh? I suppose I’ll just have to carry you around and have you on my lap and curled up in my arms for the next few hours and not let you go.”

“Oh no I don’t want to get in your way or disrupt your day more” Ann tried to assure her and Anne held her hand up “Nuh uh Walker don’t be ruining my fantasy of the perfect afternoon” 

Ann actually smiled at Anne’s comment and cheeky grin.

“There’s that pretty smile I adore so” Anne said as she traced her finger over Ann’s bottom lip and then her cheeky grin became a bittersweet smile and her eyes glazed over with sadness.

“You poor little darling. You were so focused on making sure Millie was okay, Olivia was okay and the school was scandal free and okay that you didn’t get a chance to make sure you were okay did you?” she asked gently and Ann shook her head.

Ann couldn’t believe how amazing Anne had been. She’d been so worried about her seeing the unglued mess she became mid-attack so early and all Anne had done was been empathetic and caring and taken control of everything and she hadn’t had to worry about a thing from the moment she did

“But you did. You made sure I was okay. You came in here and you fixed everything for me and protected me and took care of me. Thank you for everything.” Ann said in a soft shaky voice and Anne placed little kisses all over her face. “Sweet baby, You are so welcome. I will always take care of you and protect you. 

Anne lifted her effortlessly onto the couch and sat beside her just holding her close. 

Suddenly the door swung opened and Mrs Marisha stormed in “I stand by everything I said. Those dancers need discipline” Olivia stormed in after her “You gave two of our most diligent hardworking students of perfectly healthy weights not that it would be your place to say if they were not, panic attacks!”

Madame Marisha suddenly turned her glare to Ann and pointed “And this spoilt little bitch who caused all this trouble today. She has the talent to do a real dance piece at graduation. Actual Ballet or lyrical and all she wants to do is hang from the ceiling and back flip. Look at her sitting here canoodling in her office with her clearly much older lover. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Everyone knew what that mother of hers was like and what she got up to. Mark my words Ann Walker will end up a crazy little slut whoring around just like her mother.

Anne was about to speak when Ann sat up a little straighter “You think you’re the first person to ever say things like that about my mother? My mother wasn’t a whore. She loved performing. She loved dance. She loved dancing on the floor, the grass, in the rain, under the stars, on the lyra, the trapeze, the sling, in rope harnesses, on poles, in clothes, topless, ballet, burlesque it didn’t matter. She loved it all and she shared it all with me and I’m so glad she did. But make no mistake, she was not a whore. She was a free spirit who was so unapologetically herself. The fact is both she and I had more talent in our pinky finger than you’ve ever had in your bitter miserable life and you can’t stand it.”

“You insolent little bitch!” Mrs Marisha spat.

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Anne’s voice roared causing Olivia, Mrs Marisha and Ann to all jump. Very much aware of Ann’s fear of emotional aggression Anne tipped Ann’s face to her and said “Sweetheart, I just want you to sit here and wait for me while I take care of something and then I’m going to take you home okay?” 

“Okay” Ann said softly and Anne kissed her head “This will just take a minute.”

Anne turned to Madam Marisha “Hi. I’m the much older lover. My name’s Anne Lister and I run one of the most successful marketing and PR companies in the world. Shibden Enterprises”

Mrs Marisha smiled and Anne smiled victoriously “Ah I see you’ve heard of us. Yes my contacts and interests in the arts and entertainment industry are vast and wide reaching.  
Apparently you’re acquainted with Miss Walker. She is sweet, beautiful and kind and she makes me a better person but she’s got her work cut out for her and since we haven’t been together for that long unfortunately for you I’m still a fucking savage for the most part so let me tell you this. You are an absolute disgrace to education, taking young beautiful women like her who are absolutely stunning just as they are and trying to destroy their self esteem when you should be building them up and the fact that you would insult the memory of Ann’s mother so cruelly makes you even more reprehensible. I am going to use every contact, every string, every single resource at my disposal to ensure that you never work again at another school, in another studio or as a private tutor. You won’t even be able to go to the ballet by the time I’m finished with you. Life as you knew it is now over. And if you ever so much as speak to Ann again you will be very very sorry.”

Mrs Marisha looked visibly intimidated and Ann was sitting watching the scene unfold in stunned awe. No one had ever gone to bat for her like that before.

“That door leads to where you told me to park right?” Anne asked and a stunned and very impressed Olivia stammered “Ah…y…..yes”

“Good!” Anne said and turned to kneel in front of Ann and cup her face in her hands “Are you alright my darling? I didn’t frighten you too much?”

Ann shook her head as she grasped Anne’s hands “No..you were incredible! Can we go now?”

“Of course!” Anne picked up Ann’s school bag and placed it on her shoulder and helped Ann to stand up noticing her swaying a little.

“Floppy” She thought to herself, remembering Ann’s words.

“It’s okay sweetheart I’ve got you” Anne said as she swept Ann into her arms and carried her out the door.

“I think we make a pretty amazing team!” Anne said as she carried Ann to the car and Ann looked up at her with big dazed blue eyes that were glazing over as her medication took effect but still she smiled.

“The best!”

Ann woke up slowly and blinked her eyes open, looking at her surroundings. She was in a beautiful bedroom. Reaching for her phone she found it on the bedside table and could see a text from Anne. Opening it up she read it.

“My beautiful girl, If you’re reading this you’ve woken up in a strange bedroom. After our time together last night I thought you might like to have your own quiet space and things here for when you spend time with me. I’ve already had some clothes and essentials placed in the room for you and stocked the adjoining bathroom but I’ll add to it and we can add anything to it that you like. I’ll be downstairs waiting for you when you’re ready. You were exceptional today. I’m so very proud of you sweetheart. xxx Your Dude.

Ann felt her tummy flutter with butterflies as she read the message again. Checking the time it read 5pm. “Oops” she said aloud and stumbled out of bed and over to the huge walk in wardrobe. “Oh my goodness” she gasped as she saw all the clothes hanging. Dresses, playsuits, active wear, swim wear, evening wear, school uniforms. The shoe cabinets were full of converse sneakers all the colours of the rainbow, heels, boots, sandals. There were accessories, draws full of underwear and pyjamas. How had she done all this in a day? Walking into the bathroom she saw the draws were full of beauty products, makeup, a hair dryer. Everything a girl could want. Walking back into the wardrobe her eyes settled on a soft lavender coloured pyjama singlet with a shelf bra in it with little matching lavender silk shorts covered in jackaranda flowers. 

Stripping off her ballet outfit she decided a shower might help her become a bit more lucid. It had been such an awful day. She couldn’t wait to see Anne.

*******************************************

Anne was just about to go check on Ann when she heard soft foot steps coming into the lounge room. Looking up from her lap top her jaw dropped when she saw Ann. Her freshly washed hair sat like spun golden silk in a halo over one slim shoulder exposing her graceful delicate neck, her top pushed her breasts high and the little shorts highlighted her long legs and exposed endless creamy skin. She wore no makeup whatsoever she was absolutely glorious.

“Hi baby!” Ann said in a croaky voice and Anne felt her breath quicken at how sexy she sounded.

“Sleeping beauty is awake!” Anne said warmly and bit back a smile as she noticed how scattered and unsteady on her feet Ann still was. She’d checked in with Victoria during the afternoon and she had told her to expect this and not be alarmed. 

“You look yummy. I like your outfit!” Ann said as she pointed to Anne’s loose grey lounge pants and black calvin klein singlet “I want to take it off you and throw it over……” Ann looked around the room with an unfocused gaze and picked a spot “There!” She pointed and Anne actually snorted. She was so cute.

“Why there sweetheart?” Anne asked and Ann smiled sheepishly “Cause I think if I tried to throw any further than that right now maybe I might fall over”

Anne laughed ‘I think so too! You are so adorable!” Ann moved Anne’s laptop out of her lap and sat down in it curling up in her arms. “And you’re naughty, you bought me all those beautiful things…and like in less than a day. I don’t even know how. My head is like so fried I can’t even think how you did it but thank you” Ann said sincerely and Anne kissed her forehead. “You’re welcome beauty. I want you to be comfortable and at home here. Would you eat something for me? You haven’t had anything to eat all day!”

“My tummy is hungry for pizza” Ann whispered and Anne grinned “Then we best get your tummy pizza. What kind of pizza my darling?”

“Like ALL of the pizza!” Ann said as she stretched both her arms out beside her and In that moment Anne decided there wasn’t anything more amusing or cute than Ann Walker when she was chemically enhanced.

“ALL of the pizza. “ Anne giggled as she mimicked Ann’s gesture and words. She was just so lovely. ‘Then I better get a wriggle on!”

“And then we throw your clothes over there” Ann said with a naughty smile as she pointed to a completely different spot than she had the first time and Anne tried to ignore how alluring she was and remind herself she’d taken some really strong medication earlier that day.

“Yeah okay little miss temptress let’s just get you fed!”

****************************************

Ann was curled up snugly in Anne’s arms in a pool lounger as she’d wanted some fresh air and Anne had already learned that being near water was calming for her beautiful girl. Ann had eaten 4 pieces of pizza to Anne’s relief and was much more lucid now she had something in her tummy. She was just very quiet. But she was also very sweet and compliant and easy to handle. She just went wherever Anne moved her, content to be in her arms. “Oh it’s so lovely” Anne thought to herself. That Ann was letting herself be cuddled, caressed, protected and cared for. That she wasn’t fighting her.

As if she could read Anne’s mind, Ann softly sighed “This is nice.”

“It is sweetheart!” Anne agreed and Ann turned in Anne’s arms to look up into her gorgeous brown eyes. “I’m not used to being taken care of. I can take care of myself. But the way you just swept in today and took care of everything today, took care of me, protected and defended me made things so much easier for me. It made me feel so safe. And when you told Victoria that I’m yours now. I can’t explain it. It just felt right. Like it was meant to be”

“Oh god” Anne groaned inwardly as desire pooled in her belly at the innate and natural submissiveness of Ann’s statement. She was so incredibly arousing and she was too innocent to even know how or why. The last thing she wanted to do was frighten Ann

“I’m glad you feel that way my darling. I know it’s not easy to let yourself be taken care of. It’s really not easy for me to stand back and watch you struggle when every ounce of me and my nature just wants to step in and wrap you up in my arms. I try to respect your independence though. It’s been really lovely getting to look after you and help you when you really needed it this afternoon though. You’re not alone anymore. And you are mine.

Suddenly Anne wondered if she was right to say that. She wanted Ann to belong to herself before she belonged to anyone else. Even her.

“Do you know what that means”? Being mine?” Anne asked tentatively and Ann looked up at her with big blue eyes. “It means that I belong to you. And that I’m only yours. And that you’re my Dude. Cause you belong to me too. Like it was just meant to be”

Anne gazed down at her with lust filled eyes at the magic of her words, innocent or not, Ann naturally fell into this space with her. As she’d just said “Like it was just meant to be!”

Without quite realising what she was doing, Anne’s hand that had been cupping Ann’s face came down to her throat and as she slowly leant down to kiss her she squeezed just a little. Nowhere near choking her, Just applying pressure.”

“I like that!” Ann said, completely unexpectedly and Anne felt her clit pulsate at her words.

“Do you?” Anne asked in a commanding tone and Ann nodded and moaned as Anne kissed her and gently tugged on her hair. Ann moaned. “Do you like that too?” Anne demanded and Ann nodded wordlessly as Anne watched her nipples harden and peak through her top.

“Oh baby…you do like that don’t you. You’re so hot!” she said in awe of Ann’s submissive responsiveness and brought her thumb up to gently flick over Ann’s nipple while Ann writhed against her.

“Such pretty nipples. I can’t wait to see them” Anne whispered in Ann’s ear.

Then bringing her hand back to Ann’s throat and squeezing a little she looked at Anne darkly, possessively and whispered something aloud that she’d thought many times but never said. Something that would only be Ann’s, be theirs.

“My Princess.”

Ann’s pelvis bucked underneath Anne. There was something about the way she looked at her when she said that, the tone in her voice but it was like it pulled her into a vortex she didn’t ever want to escape from.

“I like that too..” She said so softly it was a whisper and forcing herself out of her lust filled haze Anne remembered Ann’s inexperience, her innocence and the traumatic events of the day.

“So do I” she said as she enveloped Ann in her arms and stroked her long golden tresses. “My beautiful Princess. Mine” she said more gently this time and Ann sight in contentment.

“Yours!” she said softly and as Anne continued to stroke her hair she slowly succumbed to the exhaustion of the day and drifted off to sleep.

Anne looked down at the sleeping angel in her arms. Long lashes fanned across her rosy cheeks, sweet little nose, perfect sprinkle of freckles, full lips and golden halo of silk all around her. She was exquisite. And Anne couldn’t fight the feeling she had that someone had really hurt her. Not just the events and aftermath of her parents death but that someone had caused actual real damage to her. She couldn’t put her finger on why she felt that way. Maybe it was the fear in Ann’s voice when she spoke of her loathing of being screamed at earlier. Maybe it was the resignation in her eyes to the suffering she endured that morning or the way she functioned so independently during her panic attack. But something wasn’t right.

Ann whimpered in her sleep and Anne pulled her in more tightly “Shhhh sweet baby its alright. I’ve got you. I’ll always keep you safe.”

She swallowed a lump of emotion in her throat as Ann snuggled into her more closely, one small hand coming up to clutch her singlet. As though she had infinite trust in her, even in her sleep.

Anne kissed her forehead and stared across the pool with blazing eyes, certain of one thing. If anyone had hurt her beautiful girl.

They’d wish they were dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Anne has clicked to the fact that Ann might be hiding something. Stay tuned for the revelations................


	8. Flashbacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much everyone for your gorgeous feedback on my story. It means so much to me! 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING
> 
> So in this chapter Anne struggles with serious PTSD flashbacks of sexual trauma/abuse and questionable consent that happened as a teen and loses her shit. Ann sees it. Sees her but will it be enough?
> 
> I would just like to say that at no point in this story is Anne going to become physically abusive to Ann ever. Even in the throes of trauma she still doesn't physically hurt her. Just in case anyone is worried.

Ann walked into Shibden enterprises checking her apple watch for the time. It was 1.30pm on a Friday afternoon so she was hoping she wouldn’t be interrupting Anne. Year 12s were permitted to leave school at 1pm on Fridays in the last couple of weeks before school finished and Ann was hoping Anne could help her with something. She’d been so amazing with her the previous Wednesday, the way she’d taken care of the debacle with the dance teacher and Ann smiled at the memory of Anne picking her up from aerial rehearsal at Uni even though she lived on campus the previous evening, going back to her house and falling asleep beside her in her bed. Thankfully there had been no parties and you could have heard crickets. It was so lovely.

Reaching the front desk she went to say who she was but the girl behind the desk beamed at her “Miss Walker”

Ann was surprised “Uh yes that’s me”

The receptionist beamed “I’m Kate, front reception of Shibden enterprises. Miss Lister has informed me you are to have access to the private elevator that goes straight to her office floor at all times. It’s just behind me. Would you like me to show you?”

Ann saw the lift behind the desk and shook her head ‘Oh no I should be fine, I don’t want to disturb you. It’s lovely to meet you Kate and please call me Ann!”

“Two Annes! So cute!....Oh gosh don’t tell Miss Lister I said that please” 

Ann giggled “Secrets safe with me. Have a lovely afternoon!”

Ann went to the lift and pressed the button. The doors opened immediately. There were only 3 buttons, foyer, car park and E. Executive maybe? Ann pressed that and waited as the lift took up through seemingly endless floors. When it reached the floor and the doors opened she walked out into a flurry of activity. She knew she must have looked out of place in her Riverview Uniform yet no one stopped except for a friendly young woman “Miss Walker?”

“Oh yes please call me Ann and you are?” Ann said sweetly “I’m Sarah, it’s lovely to meet you Ann, I’m one of Miss Lister’s assistants. I helped choose all the clothing for your suite at Miss Lister’s home. I hope it was to your satisfaction?” she said genuinely and Ann smiled “Oh it was all so lovely, thank you so much. However did you pull it off so well?”

Sarah grinned “Miss Lister sent us a whole lot of different looks from your social media accounts and we consulted our style gurus and fashion experts and did a look/brand piece analysis that made it fairly easy!”

Ann wasn’t surprised Anne found a way to nail her style despite knowing her only a short time. The woman was absolutely brilliant.”

“Its all so gorgeous. Thank you so much! I was just wondering if Anne was around?”

Sarah sighed “Yes she’s in with the Rawson brothers. Terribly picky duo she’s been desperately trying to land the account of but I don’t think it’s going to happen. Alcohol free frozen daquiris. Like really? What’s the freaking point? Anyway they think Shibden is on trend but not quite “Young” enough for their target audience. Honestly Anne is going to be gutted. It’s probably good you’re here.”

Ann looked uneasy ‘Oh no I would never interrupt such an important meeting”

Sarah shook her head “Oh no Miss Lister has given us specific instructions that you are to be immediately directed to her office anytime you come. Please go through that door over there to your right. That’s her office!”

Ann smiled shyly. She felt incredibly special and a little self-conscious having all this attention and knowing that Anne has made people so aware of her.

“Alright, thank you very much for your time Sarah and for the beautiful wardrobe!”

“My pleasure sweetie!” Sarah said and Ann turned and headed towards the door. One of the fashion assistants grabbed Sarah and said ‘Is that the girl? She’s cute! And super beautiful”

Sarah looked at him and said ‘And super beautiful on the inside to boot. If Anne fucks this one up she’s a moron. She’s worth more than all the other ones put together and then some. I don’t even care if she’s like 12 years old or whatever!”

“I heard she’s 18!” he said and Sarah shrugged ‘Whatever, she’s got Anne happier than we’ve ever seen her which makes all of our lives happier. I aint questioning shit!”

Ann took a deep breath before she knocked on the door, running the details over in her head “Alcohol free dacquiri youth market” she told herself, willing herself to be confident and strong. Anne had been so good to her. She needed to do this for her.

Knocking on the door she heard Anne’s voice call ‘Come in” and it sounded very stern and strained.

Opening the door she closed it behind her, seeing the way Anne’s face began to light up at the sight of her then quickly shaking her head and winking at her cheekily when she saw Anne’s look of confusion, all before the Rawson brothers registered her presence.

“Miss Lister I’m terribly sorry I’m late, my English study group ran longer than expected with the HSC coming up but I will of course stay back to make up the time” Ann said apologetically as she approached the desk where Anne and the Rawson brothers sat. “Mr Rawson!” She said with a big smile as she shook the taller man’s hand of the two men that stood up. “Jeremiah please Miss!” he said as he smiled back at Ann and then she shook the other man’s hand “Mr Rawson!” and he looked her up and down blatantly “Call me Chris little miss! Mr Rawson is our father!”

Anne glared at the way he was looking at her beautiful girl but she had no idea what was going on and was dying to find out.”

“My name is Ann Walker and I’m head of student public relations and events at Riverview College and I’m an intern here at Shibden Enterprises. I’m about to finish year 12. Here is my business card with my details” Ann handed both gentleman one of her Riverview College business cards.

Chris turned to Jeremiah “That’s one of the best schools in Sydney. In Australia even.”

“Yes it’s extremely competitive!” Jeremiah agreed.

“Miss Lister tells me you’re looking to tap into the youth market to sell your product. I’m likely driving to a party tonight on my P plates. So I can’t drink. In a lot of social circles that would be really uncool right? But it’s becoming more and more common with kids having part time jobs, weekend sport commitments, dance commitments, exams coming up. Lots of us want to go to parties but we don’t want to stand drinking lemonade. That’s boring and no one wants to put lemonade on Instagram right? We want to partake but we want to do it alcohol free in a fancy cup with a pretty straw and look the part. Because it’s all about snap chat facebook and Instagram right?”

Jeramiah turned to Christopher ‘She’s right we can never get our kids off that!” Christopher nodded ‘yes! I’m always seeing strange photos with distorted faces and puppy ears and love heart eyes. I have no idea what it’s about but the kids seem to love it!”

Anne was blown away by what Ann was doing. She was charming and beautiful and young and brilliant. She was completely bringing the Rawson brothers around.

“Is this your product?” Ann asked as she looked at the cocktail glass full of bright melon red frozen substance that was melting a little with a red and white striped straw in it.

“Yes it is….please see what you think!” Jeremiah said and Ann picked it up, swiping the bit that was about to melt off the rim with her finger and putting it in her mouth.

“Yummy!” she said with a big smile and Christopher was practically salivating. Anne glared at him even harder.

“Gentleman would you indulge me for a moment” Anne said as she picked up her Iphone, flipped it to selfie mode and pressed record.

“Hey hey Riverview peeps it’s your social director du jour Annie Walker here giving you the heads up on the hottest alcohol free product to hit the market. Heading to Tommy Wilson’s 18th tonight but have an early Soccer start tomorrow? That Saturday morning ballet practise or Maths tutoring session killing your vibe? Are the parentals on your case with the HSC coming up? Pick up some of this frozen magic! It’s to die for an 100 percent alcohol free and looks so much cuter than a juice. Do it for the gram! Later bitches!” Ann made a kissing noise then ended the recording.

“Now I’ll just upload this to snap chat, facebook, Instagram and my school social pages.” Ann quickly did some uploading and then looked at the huge screen across the room ‘Does that have air server” Anne was stunned “Ah…yes of course”

Ann connected her phone to the screen. “Now if we just wait a few moments….and here we go!” Ann said.

Anne and the Rawson brothers looked at the screen stunned as comment after comment popped up “That looks amazing Annie!”, “Where can we get some?” “Can you hook us up for tonight?” “My parents are kicking my ass about my partying this would totally shut them up!”, “OMG Yes I have 8am piano, If my mum knew I was taking this she would totallty let me out!”

On and on it went, facebook, snap chat, the high school social page. Jeremiah turned to Christopher “This idea is incredible! Straight to the kids. They love it already!”

Christopher was just as amazed ‘Anne I thought Shibden didn’t have the edge on the youth market but I was wrong. Bringing in exceptional senior high school students as consultants. Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! By far the best pitch we’ve seen!”

Christopher whispered something to Jeremiah and he nodded then he turned back to Anne. “We’re signing with Shibden.”

Anne tried to play it cool “Wonderful! I assure you that you won’t regret it. Gentleman if you just follow me to our legal department to sign the contracts and our marketing and promotions executive board will be most pleased to help you pick a concept”

“Oh we love Miss Walkers concept of a social media post style video. All that youtube stuff. It’s where the kids are at now!” Jeremiah said and Anne nodded “Then that is what we will go with and Miss Walker will consult heavily with our team I assure you!”

Anne lead the gentleman to the door but Christopher deliberately stopped and took Ann’s hand “Miss Walker, an absolute pleasure!”

Ann got an uneasy feeling when he touched her but she gave him a kind smile regardless. “Have a lovely night!”

His eyes lingered on Ann and then he followed Anne out the door. Ann leant against Anne’s desk deleting her terribly cliché video from all the mediums she posted it on during the minutes she was gone. When she came back Anne calmly closed and locked the door closed the blinds then made a squealing sound and ran towards Ann, picking her up, wrapping her around her and spinning her in circles.

“You are so brilliant, my amazingly clever beautiful girl. Do you know how long I have been trying to sign the Rawson brand? They’re the hardest nut to crack in the industry and 10 minutes with you and they’re melting in the palm of your hand. Your concept was brilliant, absolutely brilliant!” Anne gushed as she covered Ann’s face in kisses while Ann giggled in delight then sat down on the couch.

“How did you know what was happening?” Anne asked, amazed at what Ann had managed to accomplish. “Sarah told me, and you were so amazing and supportive to me a few days ago. Anne you’ve done so much for me I just wanted to be able to do this for you or at least try. I’m so glad I managed to pull it off!”

“Oh my darling, you are such a little sweetheart. So kind and incredible. I am so lucky!” Anne said as she cupped her face. “What brings you here? Is everything alright?”

Ann looked a little self- conscious “Well I was hoping you could help me with something if you aren’t too busy”

Anne softly kissed her “Ann I will never be too busy for you. Please tell me what it is you need Beauty and I will do anything I can to make it happen.”

Ann bit her lip “Well my Dad really loved my hair. I love it too and I know that you love it. But since my parents died I haven’t really cut it apart from the occasional trim my nanna gives me. It’s so thick and long and getting very difficult to manage for dancing and social occasions. I was wanting to leave it so long but maybe thin it out a little and not have it so very long. You have so many connections. The clothes you picked for me were so spot on so I was just wondering if you knew of a good hair stylist. I want to do it but I feel a bit anxious about doing it at the same time.”

Anne’s face was full of sympathy when Ann looked at her. “Of course I can help you sweetheart. And I completely understand why you would feel a little anxious. What would you like to have done?”

Ann stood up and unclipped her hair “Well I’ve straightened it’s full length” Anne watched as it fell into thick a straight curtain that sat around her hip bones and could see why it would be a lot to deal with. She’d only ever seen it in its naturally curly wavy state and been in awe of its beauty. She’d never really considered what it was like for Ann to have to maintain it.

“I was thinking If we brought the length up to my waist and maybe cut into it and layered it or something. I’ve got enough of it I think. I don’t know what do you think Dude?”

Anne would have supported any decision Ann made but she was secretly glad she’d decided to keep it very long and so touched that her opinion was so important to Ann. She adored that hair. Looking at it though closely she could see what Ann meant. It really needed a decent chop.

“I think that sounds Lovely. Come with me sweetheart!” Anne said as she took Ann’s hand and lead her out of the office and into an elevator “Where are we going?” Ann asked and Anne smiled reassuringly and kissed her forehead “You’ll see! Don’t worry. I’m right here” she said as she squeezed Ann’s hand. “This is us!” Anne said and lead Ann through the most amazing department of makeup and beauty and styling that had her looking around with wide eyes in amazement.

They reached what appeared to be a very chic miniature hair salon and Anne put her arm around Ann ‘We do shoots all the time so I have my own styling team. Xavier is amazing, he does my hair and a lot of celebrities!”

“Xavier!” Anne called him over. “Hey boss lady” Xavier said affectionately. He was a very flamboyant gay man that Ann knew would likely get along very well with Harry.

“Xavier this gorgeous girl is my partner Ann, she’d like to have her hair cut. She wants to chip into it to thin out the thickness, shorten it a little and have some layers cut in!”

“Well hello Rapunzel!” Xavier said as he smiled at Ann “Aren’t you a little stunner! Absolutely gorgeous hair. Could use a style update though I agree!”

Anne took Xavier aside and had a quiet word to him and Xavier nodded then came back and gestured to a seat. “Well come on over Gorgeous. Don’t be nervous. I promise you’re in good hands!”

Ann took a seat and Anne sat down beside her “This is a big deal for you sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere!” she said vehemently.

“But Dude you’re so busy!” Ann insisted and Anne kissed her hand. “I’m never too busy for my beautiful girl. I’ve got you.”

“Thank you!” Ann said gratefully and Xavier grinned “Awwww fuck you two are cute. Okay let’s make magic!”

Xavier cut away at Ann’s hair and every time she seemed to get anxious Anne would kiss her hand and stroke it. Soon she began to relax completely. He took his time, styling it meticulously and when he finished blow drying it Ann was left with a cascade of soft flowing layered waves parted on the side that fell to her waist and Anne realised as she looked at her in awe, made her look sexier and more angelic than ever.

“All done babydoll. So when you straighten it, it will sit just below the waist and when its all “casual hair don’t care” in curls or tighter waves it will sit above.”

“I love it!” Thank you so much!” Ann said as she stood and hugged Xavier “My pleasure gorgeous! Anytime! No one else cuts your hair now but me. Got it?”

Ann smiled happily “Got it!”

Ann turned to Anne and threw her arms around her neck and whispered softly in her ear “Thank you baby!”

Anne melted “It’s my pleasure my darling. My goodness let me look at you!” Anne said as she pulled back to look at Ann “I didn’t think it was possible for you to look any more beautiful than you already did but the way that style frames your gorgeous face, well I’ve been proven wrong. Now you’re going to a party with Millie tonight? Victoria has invited me around for a drink while you girls are gone so I might see you before you go!”

Anne had filled Ann in on her brief fling with Victoria years prior and while she’d been a little shocked at first she’d been surprisingly open minded and determined for things to not be weird much to Anne’s amazement. She said she had faith in Anne’s devotion to her and that she had proven it more than once. Ann Walker was just the most amazing and non judgemental young woman she had ever met. She accepted her just as she was.

“That would be lovely. I need to go sort an outfit and run a few errands. Hopefully I’ll see you tonight!” Ann said as she kissed Anne chastely but intimately, not caring who saw.

“Looking forward to it beautiful!” Anne said as Ann walked backwards smiling at her and then turned and walked away.

“She’s really sweet and hot as fuck too! The school uniform thing is adorable and seriously on trend fetish wear. Don’t fuck it up!” Xavier observed and Anne scrunched her face up “That’s enough out of you!”

*********************************************************

“Her new hair looks stunning” Victoria said appreciatively and Anne’s face lit up “Doesn’t it? She looks even more glorious than she did before!”

Victoria poured Anne another glass of wine. Neither Millie or Ann had surfaced yet but they were happy drinking and chatting. “It was a big step for her to do that and to come to you with it. You’re proving to be quite the positive influence on her Anne Lister!” she said in approval and Anne chuckled “Are you shocked?”

Victoria looked at her with genuine pride “Not at all actually!”

Anne looked surprised at first and then grinned.

“I am Harley Quinn” came Millie’s voice as she came into the kitchen dressed as Harley Quinn complete with baseball bat and daddy’s little monster ctop top

“And you look fabulous!” Anne said appreciatively. She was a gorgeous looking girl like her mother. She only had eyes for one beautiful blonde though. Her beautiful girl.

“Gorgeous Kiddo! And very scary. What’s the theme?” Victoria asked and Millie poured herself a glass of wine “superheroes and villains”

“Anne’s done an amazing job on your hair and makeup. How does she look?” Victoria asked and Millie pondered her mother’s question.  
“Like a really expensive Russian prostitute! In a good way though” Anne choked on her wine and Victoria slapped Millie lightly as she chuckled “Millie! Lingerie?” Millie nodded “Yep?”

Lingerie…..Anne thought to herself. Ann had said high end lingerie was a vice of hers. She was wearing lingerie to a party? It was hard to imagine and yet suddenly it was all she could imagine.

“What’s she going as?” Anne asked and Millie sipped her wine “Vampire!”

They heard the tell-tale clicking of heels and then Ann emerged. Anne felt all the air leave her lungs as she looked at her. She was wearing a garnet coloured corseted nightgown with sheer garnet cap sleeves that pushed her breasts high and buttoned down the front with little black sparkling crystal buttons and had a long floaty garnet chiffon and tulle skirt that emphasised the black suede strappy 6 inch heels she wore that had an almost bondage look to them. Her eyes were sultry and smokey, lined in charcoals with garnet coloured accents and long thick false lashes. She’d contoured her face making it appear older and more mature and she’d finished the look with glossy garnet coloured lips, little vampire teeth and her long flowing golden hair in it’s new style.

Victoria looked over at Anne in amusement “Close your mouth dear!” She teased and Anne closed her gaping mouth but not before muttering “My god”

“What’s going on?” Millie asked and Victoria bit back a smile “Nothing sweetheart, I think Anne’s just found religion!”

Anne couldn’t stop staring at her. It wasn’t too revealing, it was actually very classy and expensive looking. But she just looked so stunningly beautiful and so unbelievably sexy.

“Hi Dude!” Ann said as her face lit up and she took her little teeth out, walked over to where Anne stood and hugged her. In her heels they were the same height. 

“My goodness sweetheart you look absolutely exquisite!” Anne whispered like a prayer as she cupped Ann’s face and Ann blushed a little as she broke into “that” smile with sparkling pure, innocent eyes that seem to be reserved just for her and Anne felt her heart beat a little faster. All the makeup and lingerie in the world didn’t change the fact that at the heart of it, Ann was still her sweet beautiful girl. And oh how Anne was relishing getting to know the different facets of her. “Thank you” she said a little shyly as Anne wrapped an arm around her waist.

“Would you like a glass of wine darling?” Victoria asked and Anne shook her head “No thank you Vicki. I’m going to drive so If its too loud and overwhelming for Millie we can get out of there straight away”

Victoria reached out and squeezed her hand “You really are the most gorgeous human!”

Anne looked at her with pride. She was so very kind and thoughtful. Just the sweetest little thing.

“Yeah but not too early cause I look hot” Millie said and Ann agreed “Soooooo freaking hot! In fact we better get going cause people need to see that shit! Bring your wine for the road it will relax you!” Ann said as she picked up her clutch and kissed Anne gently “I’ll see you later?”

Anne gave her ass a gentle little squeeze “You sure will!”

“Bye!” Millie said and Victoria kissed her goodbye “Have a wonderful time darlings!” She kissed Ann and whispered ‘Thank you!” Ann gave her a little wink as she pulled away and her and Millie headed out the door arm in arm.

“Be safe! Make good choices!” Victoria called out after them and then she turned to Anne.

“You fuck this up, I’ll kill you!” 

Anne chuckled “Noted!”

****************************************

Anne and Victoria had consumed a bottle of wine each and were quite tipsy when Millie and Ann came through the door. Anne looked at the clock in surprise. It was only 8.30. They’d been gone less than 2 hours. Victoria didn’t seem surprised though.

“Hi my babies did you have fun?” 

“Yeah but I’m really tired now. I’m going to go to bed. Night everyone!” Millie said as she gave Ann a big hug and said “You’re the best bestie a girl could ever ask for!”

“Ditto!” Ann said as she squeezed Millie and turned back to Victoria and waited for Millie to go then said “It was a good night, the music just got turned up unbearably loud and a fight broke out and it was all a bit overwhelming. Even I got anxious. We got her there though and lasted the longest we ever have!”

“And I’m just so grateful to you darling for everything you’ve done. She’s come so far because of you!” Victoria got up and hugged Ann and she said “I’ve come so far because of her. You should have heard me telling off loser guys Millie style who were staring at my boobs. You would have been proud!”

“I’m sure!” Victoria said affectionately and looked at Anne “I should go check in with her!”

“Of course!” Anne said as she stood and Ann reached out her hand “Wanna lift home babe?”

“I’d love one thank you sweetheart!” Anne said gratefully

They all said goodbye and as Ann and Anne were walking out the door Ann stopped and took her heels off. “That’s better!” she said and Anne wrapped her arm around her, pulling her little pixie into her side. “I’ll give you a foot massage when we get home!”

“I can’t wait!” Ann said as she wrapped her around Anne’s waist.

********************************************

“Mmmmmm oh god how are you so good at this?” Ann moaned in pleasure as Anne massaged her foot on the couch. Anne bit the inside of her cheek. She was beyond turned on at the sight of Ann lying in her beautiful lingerie against the cushions, her long legs slightly parted, her skirts pushed up as she moaned so sweetly. Her skin was so soft. Even her feet were perfect. Painted toes, delicate arch. And laying there with her eyes closed in pleasure and her chest rising and falling she looked so erotic Anne could barely focus.

As if she sensed Anne’s turmoil, Ann sat up and climbed into her lap, straddling her. “You okay Dude?” she asked in a soft, low voice and Anne nodded, smiling at her. “Do you have any idea how sexy you look Miss Walker?”

“Do I?” Ann asked as she tilted her head giving Anne a come hither look and Anne groaned “Very much so, even more so doing that!”

“Good to know!” Ann said as she leant in and kissed Anne passionately and then tentatively kissed along her jaw line and down to her neck, lightly nipping the skin with her teeth as she went.

“Oh Ann….so good baby” Anne moaned as she flipped their positions and lay Ann back against the couch, kissing her exposed cleavage, enthralled as her skin began to flush.

Ann reached for the hem of Anne’s shirt and pulled it up and off her. Ann felt the shirt go and she felt the memories rise up inside her. ‘No not now…..go away” she pleaded but they swirled all around her like a vortex, tormenting her like fragments of trauma passed. She was 16 again being pushed into something she thought she wanted but she wasn’t ready for, an older woman who didn’t stop even though she knew Anne wasn’t ready, who made her feel it was all she deserved because she was a freak, because she wasn’t good enough. She felt the pain and the shame again. So much shame and self-loathing afterwards always. She couldn’t do that to her sweet beautiful girl, her precious Ann. She couldn’t risk putting her through that pain.

“Sweetheart we need to stop” she said quite dismissively, going instantly cold and hopping off Ann to sit down on the couch.

Ann was a little surprised by her sudden mood swing but continued undeterred anyway “I don’t want to stop” Ann said cheekily as she straddled Anne once more and began kissing her, her nimble fingers running up Anne’s hard stomach and Anne picked her up and sat her down on the couch beside her. “I said we need to stop!” she said firmly, her panic escalating though she didn’t flag anxiety like Ann did so Ann didn’t realise.  
“Anne baby come on. Just take me to bed. I’m ready. I know I’m younger than your other women and less experienced but I’ll learn. We don’t even have to do everything I just want to touch you and be with you.” She said as she sat up on her knees and stroked her fingers through Anne’s hair.

“What other women?” Anne said defensively and Ann was a little taken aback. “Well the ones before me….Millie told me about a few. I know there was Victoria, I know there was Olivia’s daughter….and that Lucia from the party and someone named Mariana. I’m not judging. It’s just that if you took them to bed I don’t know why you won’t do it with me. Am I not good? Is there something I’m doing that isn’t right?” Ann asked self-consciously.

If Anne hadn’t been having a PTSD melt down she would have wrapped Ann up in her arms and told her how beautiful and sensual and arousing she was. How her mere kiss could set Anne’s body on fire and she wouldn’t change a thing about her. She would have tried to explain where she was coming from.

But she felt like she couldn’t breathe and all she could hear was her sweet beautiful girl asking for Anne to fuck her like she did the other women she’d been with who didn’t mean anything. Who were never going to care for her or touch her or look at her like Ann did, who she would never care for the way she did Ann. Meaningless selfish encounters that just left her feeling empty. All she could hear was Ann asking her to put her beautiful girl in the same position that monster had put her in 15 years ago.

“You want me to take you to bed like my other women? Okay Ann, get up!” Anne said as she took Ann by the arm and practically dragged her upstairs to the bedroom. 

“Get on the bed” she said as she pushed Ann on the bed and Ann scooted back on the bed suddenly looking a little alarmed.

“Dude are you alright?” Ann asked and Anne went over to the drink cart to fix herself a drink “Would you like a drink?” she asked distantly and Ann looked at her in confusion.

“You know I can’t drink straight vodka!” Ann said and Anne rolled her eyes ‘If you want to fuck like a grown up sweetheart you need to drink like one” Anne spat coldly as she threw back her drink.

“Anne what’s going on babe this isn’t you, let me help you!” Ann said as she stood and went to wrap her arms around Anne but Anne only pushed her back on the bed. “Take your clothes off. How do you want me to fuck you? Personally I’d like you on your hands and knees but it’s ladies choice. We could use a strap on but I wouldn’t recommend it for your first time. Everyone has different tastes though.”

“Why are you talking to me like this” Ann asked as she started to tremble, tears filling her eyes. “What’s wrong Ann I thought you wanted me to fuck you. This is me trying to fuck you. Now take your goddamn clothes off!”

“I’m….I’m not really used to taking off my clothes in front of someone....I think I need a minute.” Ann stammered and the part of PTSD Anne where real Anne had crawled to hide and die whispered “That’s okay baby, you don’t have to do it and when you’re ready we’ll go really slow and I’ll help you.” But the Anne who had control shoved it back down.

“It’s fine Pet I’m a bloody expert, come here, where are those buttons” Anne never had any intention of touching her buttons but she leant in close and saw Ann shaking with tears streaming down her face. “Are you scared?” Anne asked her and Ann nodded as she scooted further away from Anne on the bed “Yes!” she whimpered.

“Good!” Anne said vehemently and grabbed Ann by the arms, pulling her closer and yet Ann noticed she still held her like porcelain. “Because when little girls ask to play grown up games, they get hurt!” Ann looked into Anne’s cold empty eyes and realisation hit her. It wasn’t Anne. She wasn’t there. She was disassociating. She was in major meltdown mode.

“Like you got hurt!” Ann said and Anne faltered “What?...I” 

“Like someone hurt you. Who was it?” Ann continued and placed her hands on Anne’s cheeks “Where’s my Anne? Where did she go?”

Anne started to shake and her lower lip trembled “I don’t…..um….”

“Its okay, It’s okay baby I’m here. Come back to me please” Ann said as she placed little kisses on Anne’s face while she remained frozen and as her arms came up to hold Ann she felt how much she was shaking, how cold her skin was, the fear she had instilled in her and she just wanted to die. She was a monster too. History was repeating itself.

She pulled away from Ann abruptly “Jesus Christ you want me to take you to bed, you don’t want me to take you to bed would you make up your mind Ann?”

Ann wrapped her arms around herself protectively “I do want you to but this isn’t you. I don’t want you to do it like this. Not like this”

“I DON’T WANT YOU LIKE THIS AT ALL” Anne yelled and Ann jumped, the weight of Anne’s words cutting through her like a knife as every ounce of self-doubt and insecurity and fear of not being good enough overwhelmed her.

“Oh…….I understand!” Ann said with a strangled sob and as her eyes filled with fresh tears and she brought the back of her shaking hand up to her mouth, looking so frightened and ashamed and unsure it was like whatever had hold of Anne broke and she began to fight her way back to the outside. “And I have been throwing myself at you like an idiot” Ann said desolately.

“I don’t want to fuck you like my other women because you are my dream come true. Because I want forever with you. Because……because I’m falling in love with you.”

And as she said those last words it’s like she just snapped out of it. “Ann, my sweet beautiful girl, my precious darling I am falling in love with you!” Ann was so confused. Now she sounded like the real Anne again. Her Dude.

Anne felt ill as she took in the sight of Ann looking utterly traumatised on the bed and everything she’d just done and said came back to her.

“Oh my god…..Oh Ann sweetheart I’m so sorry. I just got engulfed by really painful memories, I couldn’t control it” Anne burst into tears.

“I know” Ann said as she sat shaking and sobbing softly “I tried to bring you back to me”

“You did…… I remember” Anne said as she moved closer to Ann and was aghast to see her scoot back further on the bed and hold on to the headboard.

“I’m not going to hurt you sweetheart, please. You have to believe me. That’s why all of this happened because I was so afraid of hurting you. And I ended up hurting you anyway.”

“You’re shaking baby” Anne said softly.

“Because I’m frightened!” Ann said in the smallest voice through her tears and it absolutely broke Anne apart. 

“I know. I know you are baby. I’m so sorry!”

“I can’t be here” Ann said as she got up and ran out the door and down the stairs. “Ann no don’t go sweetheart please!” Anne called out but Ann grabbed her clutch and ran out the door, getting in her car and driving away. When she got around the corner she dialled Victoria’s number.

“Victoria its Ann, I’ve just left Anne’s, she’s had some kind of PTSD attack where she disassociated and became cold and intimidating and aggressive. It’s like she was trying to scare me but not intentionally doing it at the same time, like it was someone else and I tried to bring her back but I couldn’t straight away…..I get the feeling you might know why so I think you should go over there. No I’m not having a panic attack…….I don’t know how to explain it, I was really frightened but on some level I just knew she wouldn’t physically hurt me or attack me or anything….but oh Vicki everything is just a mess….she doesn’t want me, she’s like not attracted to me or something, she doesn’t want me sexually I don’t know but I feel so stupid and humiliated and confused......okay…I’ll come there.”

Ann hung up the phone. Victoria was going to go over to Anne’s and she asked Ann to go over to her house and bunk down with Millie until she was done so she could check in with her.

She tried to start the car but she just sat sobbing in the drivers seat, feeling totally and completely lost.

Anne sat on the bottom step with her head in her hands sobbing, really sobbing. Crying from a place so deep she didn’t even remember the last time she’d cried from there. Everything had just gotten so out of control. She’d tried to ring Victoria to tell her she’d hurt Ann and she was worried about her and Ann would be needing her support but the number was busy so she’d had to leave a message.

“Oh god. I’ve lost her” Anne sobbed. “What have I done?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm so evil leaving it there ha ha.........stay tuned for the next chapter.


	9. Triggers- Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter pics up the morning immediately after the last which I only posted yesterday so if you want to understand it you'll need to go back if you've missed one.
> 
> I had to split this chapter in 2 parts cause it was like 23 pages or something.
> 
> This chapter is one of Anne being called on her damaging bullshit from the night before, much awkwardness and uneasiness following but Ann ultimately seeing that every time she's really needed Anne, Anne as come through for her. And thus they continue their journey of being two very damaged little souls who are totally meant for each other.
> 
> The "L" word might get dropped too ;-)

Anne got out of her car at Olivia’s place. It was 10am and preparations were already in full swing for her garden party 50th being held there at 3am. Preparations Anne knew Ann to be the mastermind behind. She’d expected Victoria to be furious with her the night before when she’d come over but she’d been so lovely and supportive. She’d given her a mild sedative and explained she’d had a post-traumatic stress related meltdown because she’d been triggered, just like Victoria had said might happen in their recent session.

She told her Ann seemed to be aware that’s what it was but was very shaken frightened and confused and seemed to think that Anne didn’t want her, wasn’t attracted to her. After getting some sleep she’d rung Victoria to check on Ann and Victoria had told her she shouldn’t be giving up just yet because Ann had said she didn’t have a panic attack because she knew in her heart Anne would never hurt her. She had told her that she needed to tell Ann the truth though and that she was in a pretty bad way with her back that morning due to a complication from the car accident she got after a decent growth spurt. One of which she’d had recently.

And hearing that Anne was suffering even more after what she’d already put her through, she couldn’t stay away. Victoria had advised her that a prescription anti-nausea wafer would be a good peace offering start as she’d checked in with Ann and she’d been throwing up from the pain. So, Anne had gotten her hands on a whole box of them and was determined to bring them to her.

Opening the door, she headed out to the back yard and was stunned to see Ann on the phone clearly trying to organise things wearing some kind of back brace that went from her neck to her hips and strapped around her mid-section. She looked sheet white and as soon as she got off the phone she threw up in the bucket she was holding while Olivia looked on concern and then when Ann was finished she wiped her mouth “Argh worse timing ever!” and shakily moved back inside the house, oblivious to her presence.

Olivia spotted Anne standing there and went over to her “What happened between you two? Ann showed up looking like death and I thought it was just her back but when I was surprised to see her without you she just started crying and said she had things to do and couldn’t talk about it.”

“It’s a long story Liv. Vicki told me she was vomiting and to get her these anti-nausea wafers. What’s going on with the brace and what’s wrong with her back?”

Olivia sighed “It’s like the most horrific growing pains imaginable. The area around where she fractured her spine just gets so agonisingly inflamed as her bones extend and the past couple of months she’s just shot up 3 inches. She just wakes up one morning like she did today and its there. She has an injection she can give herself but she’s only just gotten hold of one and it’s so incredibly painful she’s fearful of the pain so she keeps chickening out. I can’t give it to her because she struggles because it hurts so badly and I’m not strong enough to hold her. She says she’s going to wait until Millie’s sport events are over so Victoria can give it to her but I don’t know if she can last that long. Once she has that needle in her all the pain will just go away. The relief is instant. She’ll probably even go to sleep for a little bit. The brace just takes the edge off the pain when she’s very weak by holding everything up in the place it should be. She’s very self-conscious about it though and she won’t be expecting you to be here and see it.

“Sorry Liv I just had to brush my teeth” Ann said as she came back outside and froze as she locked eyes on Anne. Anne took one look at how pale and visibly in pain Ann was and almost started crying again. Ann felt around her brace, realising Anne was seeing her in it and looked stricken. So, Anne simply walked up to Ann, took her hand holding it like china and brought it to her lips for an incredibly gentle kiss. “Hello my Darling. Vicki said you needed these” She held up the wafers and Ann looked at them and back to Anne in surprise. She looked so unsure that it broke Anne’s heart

“Thank you” Ann said softly as she tried to open the box but her hands were shaking.

“Here let me” Anne said gently as she opened the box and handed her one.

“Thank you Anne” she said so quietly it was almost inaudible as she put it in her mouth and chewed it.

“Will it stop the vomiting straight away?” Ann nodded and Anne took in how incredibly pale and frail she looked. She looked like she’d lost like 7 pounds overnight. Ann’s phone rang again and she picked it up and looked at it and groaned before answering it and walking back inside the house.

Anne turned to Olivia “I think I need to go talk to her!” Olivia smiled sympathetically “Use the spare room to the left of mine. It’s likely where you’ll find her anyway!”

“Thanks Liv!” Anne said gratefully and slowly made her way inside the house and up the stairs, giving Ann some time. When she got to the spare room she saw Ann leaning against the headboard of the bed with the injection poised behind her trying to talk herself into doing it.

“Come on Ann don’t be a baby get your shit together you have too much stuff to do for this. Just do it, come on you’ve had worse” But her hand started shaking and she dropped the injection on the bed.

“Damn it I can’t do it!” she said in frustration.

‘What do you need to do?” Anne asked softly as she closed the door behind her.

Ann looked up in surprise “Oh….I need to stick it in the very centre of the inflammation and inject all the contents. I can find the spot; you can feel the heat in it but I know how much it’s going to hurt and I’m a stupid sook” 

Ann climbed on the bed moving very carefully, clearly in a great deal of pain and Anne walked over to her.

For what it’s worth I don’t think you’re stupid or a sook would it be alright if I sat down on the bed with you sweetheart?” Anne asked very carefully, being extremely mindful and respectful of any boundaries Ann might have in place after her abominable behaviour.

“I guess” Ann said softly and Anne sat down in front of Ann.

“Ann, my sweet beautiful girl. I am so very ashamed of my behaviour last night. And I’m not here to make excuses. But I need you to know that it was nothing you did, that you were not lacking in anyway. You were right. You were spot on in what you saw in me. Something very bad happened to me when I was a little younger than you. With an older woman. It’s why I’ve been so determined to not rush you into a physical relationship. It’s why I became a monster last night. Because I never really dealt with it properly and it all just bubbled to the surface. And I will tell you about it if you would like to hear about it but not now because I can see you’re dealing with a lot and it would not be appropriate. But I need you to know that when I said I didn’t want you “that way at all” I meant that I didn’t want you as a conquest like all my other women or as meaningless sex because I meant what I said to you. You have become my world. I’m falling in love with you. Sweetheart I want you so much that it consumes me, whether you’re in garnet coloured lingerie or pyjamas or jeans and a t shirt. You’re still my princess. You’re still mine and my body still aches for you. Because of what I went through I’ve been hesitant about pushing you too fast because I was terrified of hurting you the way I was hurt but please don’t think I don’t want you or that you’re lacking in anyway. You are heaven. To me you are perfect and I wouldn’t change a single thing about you. Not a hair on your head!”

Ann’s lower lip quivered “I thought that you didn’t……..I thought that I wasn’t enough or I was wrong or…..”

Anne scooted closer “I know sweetheart, I know what you thought. And even if you never wanted anything to do with me again I needed you to know you are the most beautiful, sexy desirable, kind, incredible, amazing woman I have ever known. I needed to tell you that before I left”

“I don’t want you to go” Ann said as she began to cry quietly and Anne felt her heart fill with hope “I just don’t want you to be scary and angry and aggressive at me or be mean to me like that because it frightens me”

“I know it does my darling and I’m so sorry I frightened you” Anne apologised profusely.

“I don’t want you snapping at me saying I have to take my clothes off just like that…. I haven’t done it before. Like showed it to someone. What if it’s bad?” Ann said anxiously and Anne’s heart went out to her sincere and adorable revelation of insecurity.

“That’s not possible baby, for it to be bad” Anne said as she tentatively cupped her face. “You’re too beautiful. But you’re right, you don’t have to do that any earlier than you’re ready to. I will never ask you to do that in that tone of voice or so callously again.”

“And me not liking the taste of vodka on its own or not being as experienced as you in things doesn’t make me a child or a little girl. It’s not like you’re super grown up in some things. You can’t even do laundry or grocery shop without me and I don’t judge you! I’m more grown up than you in some things”

Anne inched closer to Ann and carefully put an arm around her “Most things sweetheart, I’m absolutely rubbish and a total dysfunctional Arse. If it wasn’t for you this week I’d have likely starved and had no clean shirts. You’re far more mature than me”

“I just want my Dude back” Ann started to sob in earnest and Anne breathed a sigh of relief as she turned into her embrace, seeking comfort from her.

“I’m here, I’m here my darling, I’m not going anywhere” Anne assured her as she wrapped her arms around her and stroked her hair.

“Last night was scary. I couldn’t find you. You were lost inside. I couldn’t get you back to me and then after, I thought I’d lost you” she sobbed.

“I know…I know you were terrified darling. But you did get me back. No one’s ever been able to get me back but I came back to you. I thought for sure I’d lost you too.” Anne said as she blinked back her own tears,

“I know a few things about PTSD meltdowns and panic attacks” Ann said softly and Anne kissed her head “I know you do sweetheart. I can tell. At some point I’d like to know a little more about why that is but for now I’m so grateful for your understanding.

“I need help. I’m in so much pain and I have so much to do before the party. Can you please help me do things” Ann sobbed and it was apparent to Anne she was completely overwhelmed.

“I know you’re in pain. Of course, I’ll help you” Anne desperately tried to comfort and relax her as she held her breath and ran her fingers over the spot she’d seen Ann trying to stick the needle in lightly and found the area that felt like pure fire to touch.

“Thank you” Ann said as she wrapped her arms around Anne’s neck and Anne used the opportunity to reach for the needle with her other hand and stick it right in the inflammation pocket. Ann immediately began screaming into her shoulder in agony and struggling but her strength was nothing on Anne’s iron cast grip on her petite body as she pushed the contents of the syringe into the area “I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry but you need this” Anne pleaded as Ann begged her to stop and cried out in pain. As soon as the syringe was drained Anne pulled it out and Ann went completely limp in her arms.

“Please forgive me Ann I just couldn’t bear to see you suffer my darling and I knew I was strong enough to hold you and make sure it all went in. I thought if you didn’t know it was coming it might be over a little faster” Anne pleaded as she rocked Ann’s limp body in her arms. “Thank you……for doing it for me” Ann said through hiccupped sobs and Anne pried her face away, smoothing her tear soaked hair away from her face. “Are you alright is it giving you relief?” Ann nodded and looked up at Anne’s completely distraught face and placed her hands on her cheeks the way Anne loved with so much empathy. “I feel like it was much worse and much harder on you!”

“Oh Ann. I’m so lucky to have you” Anne said through her tears as she clutched Ann close to her, overwhelmed by her empathy and understanding. “You are my most precious treasured thing. I’m going to get help with my issues and we’re going to get you help so that you don’t have to go through what I just had to do ever again”

Anne could see Ann was falling asleep, completely exhausted from her ordeal. She very carefully lay her down on the bed and retrieved her iPad with all her organisation tasks and her phone and put them over next to the large cane rocker in the corner and then she gathered Ann in her arms like she was made of china and sat down with her in the rocker. Just gently rocking her back and forth in her arms. She looked down at the little sleeping doll in her arms and placed soft kisses all over her face.

“We’re going to work on all our issues together my beautiful girl. Because I see my forever it you.

******************************************  
Ann’s eyes fluttered open and she looked at her surroundings. She was cradled in Anne’s arms in a rocking chair in what looked like a room in Olivia’s house. Why was she there?

Suddenly remembering what had happened and what day it was she gasped and flew up.

“Ann…baby…baby look at me” Anne said firmly as she took Ann’s face between her hands “You had a very traumatic night and morning and then that horrific injection. Your body needed to rest and recover. I brought my events team in to do everything on your list. Because your plans were so detailed and meticulous they were able to execute everything and because there’s 10 of them everything is done. All you need to do when you’re ready is slowly make your way down there and tweak as you wish. It’s only a quarter to one, You have my entire team at my disposal and me at your side making sure there’s not one single element that does not live up to your expectation and I have your panic penguin kit right here if you need it…. alright?”

Ann’s expression was unreadable for a moment and then she threw her arms around Anne’s neck “Thank you!” she said gratefully and then she was off her lap and running downstairs.

‘So much for moving slowly” Anne said aloud as she rolled her eyes at the speed with which her little pocket rocket took off!”

When she got down there Ann was talking to some of the events team and she looked genuinely happy with how everything had turned out. She moved towards another group and Anne said, “Sweetheart you might need to stand on a chair so they can see you or something!”

She instantly worried it might have been too soon to tease her the way she did until Ann held up her fist and seemed to be making a winding up action with her other hand until her middle finger suddenly came up and Ann flipped her off scrunching her face up in indignation then gave her a little side-ways smile as Anne’s jaw dropped at her sassiness and she laughed. She felt a little ill at ease with Ann. She was so terrified of hurting her scaring her or breaking her. It was all a little more awkward than things had been. But hopefully in time things would settle. And they would have the buffer of people who cared for them both that evening.

The party was in full swing and as Anne looked around at what Ann had designed and created she was more certain than ever that she had a very bright future in PR, Marketing or Event management/styling. Everything looked so classy and lovely.

“Wow! You look gorgeous. Someone’s turning you a bit soft Lister!” Victoria said as she looked Anne up and down in her beautifully cut silk black jumpsuit with a short sleeved shirt style top with cream coloured cuffs that tied at the waist with a cream tie then fell into straight legged pants with strappy black skin patterned gladiator sandals and the soft wave in her messy “Lob” she still had her masculine edge but there was a definite softness there that wasn’t there before. Even her black eyeliner she often wore to events was replaced with a softer deep chocolate. Victoria knew she wasn’t going to see her in soft pink lip gloss anytime soon but Ann had already affected change just by making Anne feel comfortable to embrace her softer side it would seem.

“You’re telling me!” Anne said with mock disdain then smiled “Would you be surprised if I told you I don’t hate it?” Victoria grinned “No darling, not the way I know you. You’ve always had this in you. It just took the right woman to make you feel comfortable being you!”

“Have you seen Ann?” Anne asked a little anxiously and Victoria gave her a reassuring smile “She was getting one of those instant spray tans done somewhere in the house last I heard from Millie just as the party started because everything was finally in place.”

“Oh okay. I had to give her that needle earlier. She was hugging me for comfort after she’d agreed to give me another chance even after what I did last night. She didn’t even know it was coming and I took it and stabbed her with it and trapped her against me even when she screamed in agony and fought and clawed at me and begged me to stop. What kind of person does that Victoria?”

Victoria took her hand and squeezed it. “The kind of person who loves her so much they’d put themselves through absolute hell just to bring her the relief that she needed. I was coming to give it to her Anne, I’ve done it before. You were just willing to throw yourself on the line to end her suffering sooner. She knows that. When I checked in with her earlier she said how traumatised you looked and she couldn’t believe the way you’d just done it and it was horrific for a few minutes and then it was over and there was no more pain. 

“Vicki if you could have seen her last night cowering against the headboard shaking. She was terrified. I can’t get that picture out of my head.” Anne said sadly and Vicki put her hand on her shoulder “I think you need to realise that perhaps you’re not the only one being triggered…and you can stay wrapped up in those pictures. Or you could make new ones. That’s what moving on from trauma is all about.”  
Anne took in the weight of Victoria’s words. She was right. And she was also growing more certain than ever that something happened to Ann.

“By the way I can’t take credit for that one, making new pictures. I stole it from a certain gorgeous mature well beyond her years little fairy we know!” Victoria said and Anne smiled adoringly “Yeah it sounds like something she would say

Victoria smiled and turned Anne in a slightly different direction by the shoulders. “Now there’s a picture worth having in your head!”

“Oh wow!” Anne sighed dreamily as Ann made her way across the garden checking on things and greeting people.

She was wearing a bright red linen crop top that had a bow tied on a diagonal across the front and ended about an inch under her bust with a matching pair of high waisted wide leg linen trousers. Her skin was a soft golden bronze and the ensemble showed off about 3 inches of midriff. Her hair was parted on the side and slicked back in a sleek straight ponytail in the middle of her head adorned with a thick gold ring around it and she wore big gold hoop earrings and gold strappy sandals. Her eyes were lined in a soft charcoal her skin was dewy, her cheeks were rosy and she was wearing a bright red lipstick on her full lips. She looked incredibly chic and sexy. The ensemble made the most of her long legs giving her the illusion of height that she really didn’t have, it emphasised her full bust and teeny tiny waist. She looked sexy, incredibly chic and very beautiful.

“Yes, this is Ann in PR mode. She’s never off the mark and always on point” Victoria said in admiration.

‘Yes, I’m beginning to sense that!” Anne said as she watched Ann interact with the crowd with interest and how much they loved her. It was so different to the very frail, ill and fragile little mess she’d held in her arms hours earlier. She turned on the sparkle so well, so quickly. Like the snap of a finger. How much of a toll did it take on her and what did she hide behind brand Ann Walker.

“Go on, you know you want to!” Victoria egged her on and Anne grinned as she moved away from where she stood towards where Ann was heading.

Ann moved away from the crowd, feeling a little lost and tired already and it was only 4pm. She had hours to go yet. She took a glass of champagne off a passing waiter and sipped it, feeling the weight of the evening before and the crazy day resting on her. And as her eyes scanned the people beyond where she stood she saw Anne. In that jumpsuit, with the soft hair and eyes, her trademark striking jaw line and strong built arms peeking out from beneath the sleeves. “Oh, my fucking god” Ann thought as she almost swooned at the sight of her. But she didn’t quite know how to react around her. She’d been so amazing with her that morning and she knew if it wasn’t for Anne stepping in she wouldn’t have been able to pull the party off. They just hadn’t really had a chance to spend quality time together since Anne came and explained and the horrific events of the previous evening still hung thickly in the air all around them.

Anne saw it. The moment Ann “Switched off” the vulnerability in her eyes. How tired she looked all of a sudden. And when her beautiful girl looked at her, she looked genuinely timid and unsure. And Anne felt awful. But at least she was looking at her. 

Anne approached her and Ann stood in front of her smiling at her shyly “You look so pretty Dude.” She looked a little stricken “I hope it’s okay that I said you look pretty. It’s just that you look so very…. well pretty this afternoon”

Anne smiled warmly at her. Her beautiful girl had called her pretty and Dude in the same sentence. No one else had ever gotten the essence of her like Ann Walker.

“Of course it is my beautiful girl. It’s because of your acceptance and nurturing that I have the confidence to do “pretty” and still be a dude!” she said sincerely and Ann’s face took on a look of wonder.

“Oh..really? that’s incredibly lovely!” she said sincerely and Anne looked her up and down “You are incredibly lovely. Look at you, you little stunner. You look incredible!”

Ann blushed and avoided her eyes “Thank you”

“Incredibly beautiful, and tired.” Anne said directly and Ann shrugged “Oh no I’m fine, everything is going to plan, people are having a wonderful time, Olivia is over the moon and it’s a beautiful afternoon…”

“My Darling, I don’t mean to undermine your amazing efforts because this is indeed a stellar event but I do PR for a living and this is me you’re talking to you. I know you. You can’t media spin me. I know what you’ve been through and can see you’re tired.”

Ann’s face fell and she looked down. “I know”. Ann went to sip her champagne but Anne stopped her. ‘Don’t do that after the day you’ve had sweetheart. Not yet. Just come with me and do something first!”

Anne held out her hand and Ann took it a little hesitantly but still she took it.

“You’ll feel a little better after I promise!” Anne reassured her.

*************************************************  
Ann sat on a chair at the breakfast bar in Olivia’s kitchen as Anne placed a plate of hot plain toast with butter and a glass of lemonade in front of her. “Here you go little one. See how you go with this!” she said dotingly as she took a seat beside Ann and Ann picked up one half of the first piece of toast, munching on it slowly.

“My Aunt Anne used to make this for me after I’d been vomiting if I’d been ill or quite frankly hungover and it was helpful!” Anne offered and Ann took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly which made Anne have to fight getting emotional. That she would still offer her support when she was in turmoil because of her actions.

They sat in a slightly awkward silence as Ann ate the toast until Ann said

“Oh my god I have to tell you about the idiot florist he was trying to overcharge me this afternoon just before the party started and I knew that he was and told him so and I said ‘Okay well I’ll just go get my girlfriend, her name Is Anne Lister of Shibden enterprises, I’m sure she’ll be able to tell me if your rates are comparative, and then he went white and I told him I could see he’d heard of you and he looked like he was going to pee his pants, charged me 20 percent less than the agreed price and left” She broke into giggles and it was so natural and so Ann that Anne beamed.

“Well I’m glad to see my reputation precedes me but sweetheart don’t underestimate yourself, you can be a real little ball buster all on your own!” Anne said genuinely and Ann scrunched up her perfect little nose “Ew…balls. Yuck”

Anne cracked up laughing “Like no Dude. Just no. No balls. Ever” Ann reiterated and soon they were both laughing.

Ann picked up the little of the toast she had left and had almost finished the lemonade. “This is really good. I feel a lot better. It was just what I needed” she said sincerely and Anne said “Can I make you some more or get you another lemonade…. or if you wanted something more substantial I could go get you some……”

Ann cut her off by placing her fingers at Anne’s lips. Her heart aching at how much Anne was turning herself inside out to please her and walking on eggshells.

“It was just what I needed. You always give me just what I need. You are just what I need Anne. That hasn’t changed, even if we’re a little battered right now.”

Ann placed her hand up to Anne’s face. “You’re still my Dude. You are just what I need!”

Anne nodded as she bit her lip and tears filled her eyes. She looked away and Ann could see her arms shaking as she gripped the breakfast bar. Ann turned the spinning chair towards her and climbed onto Anne’s lap straddling her and placing her hands on Anne’s face.

The second Anne felt Ann’s small hands on her cheeks the way that always melted her she was undone and the tears fell as she choked back a sob “Oh Ann…last night…..”

“Shhhh” Ann said as she pressed her forehead to Anne’s “I know you were just trying to scare me because you don’t want me being hurt the way you were hurt.”

“But the mere idea of me frightening you as much as I did. I keep seeing you clinging to that headboard. I can’t get the picture out of my head. You are my sweet, precious beautiful girl. You are my everything. All I ever want to do is look after you and support you and protect you and stand beside you as you thrive. I don’t want to hurt or frighten you” Anne sobbed and Ann wiped her tears away with her thumbs.

“It wasn’t you. It wasn’t my Anne; it wasn’t my Dude. It was the trauma. I know” Anne nodded pursing her lips tightly together and Ann wrapped her arms around Anne, hugging her tightly. “Baby” she said tenderly as she rubbed Anne’s back and hearing Ann call her that after all that had happened so sweetly and lovingly made Anne cry harder. 

Ann took her face between her hands and looked into her eyes. “Baby it’s alright. The Anne who showed up for me when I really needed her to with those wafers this morning and made sure she told me none of what happened was my fault even when she thought she’d lost me, the Anne who gave me that needle even though it completely traumatised her to see me that way and who rocked me in her arms for hours afterwards and sorted all the party plans so I could rest. The Anne who whisked me away just now to make me butter toast and lemonade to settle my stomach. That’s the real Anne. The woman who sat and held my hand without even being asked to yesterday while I got my hair cut and completely took charge when I was in meltdown mode after being bullied by my dance teacher. That’s my Dude. I know this. I know you. The real you.”

“Oh Ann, I don’t know what I ever did to deserve someone as special, precious and beautiful as you, inside and out. So full of empathy and understanding but I’m so grateful for you. I love you so much!”

Ann’s eyes widened at Anne’s last statement and Anne froze for a moment before looking down.

“I shouldn’t have told you I was falling in love with you last night because the truth is it’s already happened. I’m already in love with you. I think I fell in love with you the moment you fell out of the sky into my arms and smiled at me and every day ever since has just seen me fall for you more and more. I know its early. But sometimes when you know….”

“You just know” Ann finished her sentence softly and when Anne looked up her eyes were full of tears.

“Yes” Anne said as she nodded and cupped Ann’s face adoringly.

“I love you too.” Ann said in a shaky voice and Anne beamed through her tears “Really?”

Ann nodded “Yes. And it’s not easy for me to say those words because I’ve lost a lot and like you, I’ve been hurt. But I love you. I’m in love with you. I know that much. I love you Anne!”

“Oh Ann, my sweet beautiful girl, you don’t understand how happy you have made me!” Anne said as she pressed her lips to Ann’s in a very gentle and tender kiss and then wrapped her up in her arms. She was still very sensitive to the events of the previous evening and hesitant about pushing Ann. But Ann walker loved her. And she didn’t know what she’d done to deserve that but she knew she would stop at nothing to get to spend the rest of her life cherishing her.

After a little while Ann took in both of their slightly dishevelled appearances and gently said ‘We should probably go upstairs, freshen up a little and re-join the party.”

“Sounds like a good idea!” Anne said as she kissed Ann’s forehead and gently lifted her onto her feet. There were still things to work out but Anne could see the light peeking through the clouds. And that was a beautiful thing.

****************************************  
Anne was standing watching Ann and Harry dance proudly. They’d cleared the dance floor with everyone forming an audience around them. They were doing some kind of contemporary and foxtrot hybrid dance to Michael Bublé’s “Feeling good!” Ann literally floated and she aligned herself and landed so perfectly every time Harry did an intricate lift. She was grace personified.

“Stunning little dancer isn’t she!” Olivia said as she put her arm around Anne and Anne nodded emphatically “Exquisite!”

‘She looks so much like her mother these days, especially tonight. She would be so proud if she could see what Ann’s become. If she could see her so in love for the first time. See how in love with her you are”

Anne looked at Olivia in surprise. “Is it that obvious?” Olivia looked at Anne like she was crazy. “Yes! And seeing you two come out of the house arm in arm, so close was the best birthday present I could have wished for! Enjoy!”

Anne smiled and picked up two champagne glasses as she went over to where Victoria stood. She seemed to be eyeing off a tall blonde young woman curiously. The woman was now approaching her.

“Drink Vicki?” Anne asked and Vicki took the glass of champagne gratefully “Thank you darling”

“Hello Victoria!” The blonde woman said as she reached them.

“Hello Elizabeth!” she said coolly.

“I see my baby sister’s all grown up!” the woman said as she looked at Ann on the dance floor “And still eager to be the centre of attention. Some things never change!” 

“It’s Ann’s sister” Anne realised. This girl was taller, around 5”7 and had a much rounder figure. Her features were harsher but she had the same blue eyes.

“And some people don’t either!” Victoria said pointedly and Anne was taken aback by her tone.

“Oh, for goodness sake don’t tell me you’re still indulging the little brat’s delusions Victoria. That’s why she’s such a head case. Too many people always giving her, her own way.”

“Excuse me but I will not allow you to speak about the woman I love that way. I don’t care who you are!” Anne said firmly and Victoria looked at Anne in surprise then smiled proudly.

“And who are you?” Elizabeth asked indignantly.

“I’m Anne Lister. I’m your sister’s partner.” Anne said confidently and Elizabeth’s jaw dropped. “How old are you?”

“I’m thirty years old” Anne replied expressionlessly and Elizabeth laughed bitterly “Figures my sister would be embroiled in some kind of sordid and scandalous may-December romance. Like I said. Anything for attention!”

“Why are you here Lizzie?” came Ann’s voice and they all turned to see Ann had left the dance floor and approached their group.

“Olivia thought it might be nice for me to be here, given the recent anniversary of Mum and Dad’s death and all. She thought it might be good for us to see each other.”

“I don’t feel good about you being here!” Ann said adamantly, the directness of her response surprising Anne and Anne wrapped her arms around Ann from behind “Hello my darling. Your dancing was so beautiful. You make me so proud. How’s the tummy? Can I get you a drink?” Anne kissed Ann’s cheek tenderly and Elizabeth glared at how doted on and adored her sister was.

“No but would you like to dance with me?” Ann asked hopefully and Anne dipped her in her arms making her giggle “I would love to dance with you Beauty.”

Ann took Anne’s glass of champagne and sipped from it then held out her hand. “Let’s go!”

“She’s happy and settled now Elizabeth. You need to leave her alone. And you need to hope to god that you’re nowhere near Anne Lister when she finds out what happened to Annie.” Victoria said in disgust as she walked away and left a sulking Elizabeth in her wake.

Anne walked down to the dance floor holding Ann’s hand softly, making a mental note to ask her about the obvious animosity between her and Elizabeth when a tall gentleman in a suit with army medals on it stepped in front of them.

“Hello Annalise” he said in a deep voice as he stared at Ann intently and Anne instantly noted the way Ann froze and held onto her more tightly.

“It’s been a long time, you look beautiful” he said as he reached out to touch her arm but Ann moved to stand slightly behind Anne and held on to Anne’s hand with both of hers.

Anne realised her beautiful girl was frightened.

“Why are you here?” Ann asked in a calm voice that Anne knew her well enough to know was contrived and the man said “Because we miss you. Elizabeth and I. Even if Lizzie is too stubborn to say it. We miss you Annie. Come home.”

“That will never, ever happen” Ann said vehemently and Anne put out her hand assertively “Anne Lister, I’m Ann’s partner. You must be Captain Sutherland”

Captain James Sutherland looked at Anne in complete surprise but didn’t shake her hand “Yes…Partner did you say?”

“Yes, she’s my girlfriend!” Ann reiterated and Anne put her arm around Ann protectively. “You’ll have to excuse us Captain Sutherland I’ve been waiting to dance with my gorgeous love all afternoon. Enjoy your evening! Come along My darling!”

Anne’s tone and body language as she led Ann to the dance floor was very dominant and commanding but when they got there, she enfolded Ann in her arms like she was made of porcelain, wrapping one arm around her slender waist and interlocking her fingers with Ann’s hand and holding it close against her own chest.

“Sweetheart you’re shaking!” Anne said discretely, not wanting to draw attention as she knew Ann wouldn’t like that. “I’m sorry” Ann said as she looked up at her and when she did they were the eyes of a wounded child. Oh god, she knew those eyes. She knew that look. She’d seen the same little girl lost look when she’d looked in the mirror as a teenager. What had he done to her.

Anne pulled Ann closer to her “You don’t have to be sorry sweetheart. It’s alright. I’ve got you. I won’t let anything happen to you okay?’

Ann nodded and leant her forehead against Anne’s shoulder as they gently swayed to the music. Anne gently stroked soothing circles on the impossibly soft skin of her exposed back and felt Ann melting into her arms.

“Mind if I cut in?” James asked and Ann froze as she heard his voice again. Why was he there? Why was he doing this to her? She just wanted to get on with her life and have nothing to do with him ever again.

Anne felt her beautiful girl stiffen immediately and wrapped her up tightly in her arms. “Yes, I do as a matter of fact!” Anne said coldly. “It’s appropriate manners and party etiquette to allow someone to cut in, especially if they’re family.

“I don’t give a flying fuck. You’re not touching her. Back off Sutherland!” Anne glared at James and James became aware that people were starting to stare at him. Giving Anne a belligerent cold glare in return he stormed off.

“Thank you” Ann whispered softly and Anne rubbed her back as she continued to dance with her. “It’s alright my love. I’m just glad you’re actually letting me lead for a change” Anne quipped and Ann giggled.

“There’s that sweet laughter I love so!” Anne said adoringly as she gently pried Ann’s face from her shoulder to look at her.

“My goodness. Just look at how beautiful you are.” Ann blushed and Anne gently grasped her chin between her hands and placed little kisses all over her face. “So….so….so pretty. So pretty baby” she said softly.

James stood watching the tender scene in on the dance floor and dialled Thomas Ainsworth’s number. “Tom it’s me. We have a problem. Some butch lesbian bitch with attitude has possession of our favourite little toy…..Yes of course Annie! She’s kept silent for this long but if she spills her guts to this woman it could mean huge trouble for us, not to mention the fact that we’ve both been itching for another taste, I miss watching those blue eyes pool with tears when I slap her really hard and I mean she’s 18 soon and you’re still besotted with the pretty little whore. Didn’t you want to marry her or something? You better be getting back here soon then. Alright. Bye!”

“Would you like to come somewhere quiet and talk to me?” Anne asked cautiously. “Maybe I could give you a better understanding of why last night happened. And if there’s anything you wanted to talk to me about you could do that too?”

Ann looked torn but nodded wordlessly. ‘Come with me my darling. Everything will be alright’ Anne said as she gently led Ann away from the dance floor.

To be continued in part 2.......................


	10. Triggers- Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter picks up immediately after the last. It becomes clearer why our beloved Ann(e)s have issues.
> 
> Trigger warning- Descriptions of sexual abuse and domestic violence.

Anne sat with Ann on the garden swing in the front courtyard of Olivia’s garden and took a deep breath. “When I was a teenager life wasn’t easy for me. I was a lesbian, I was fairly masculine. I didn’t dress or act like other girls my age. Highschool was hell. Every day of my life was just endless trauma of always being told I was wrong, that I was a freak, that I wasn’t enough”

“Oh Anne!” Ann said sympathetically as she took her hand and gently kissed it.

Then when I was 15 there was this woman Karen who started coming to the house for my Aunt Anne’s book club. She was sophisticated, wealthy, feminine, beautiful, not like you my darling but she was a good looking girl. She was 31 and I thought she was magical. She started paying me a lot of attention and soon she was kissing me and touching me. I encouraged it. In fact I pursued her. My hormones were raging and I was desperate to have sex. The first time we had sex was actually pretty traumatic. She pushed me way too far, too fast. I wasn’t mature enough to handle what was happening. It took a while to process and there were a few more times after that before I realised she was just so rough and aggressive. I would be so sore afterwards and covered in bruises. She was including elements of bondage and power exchange in our sex that I hadn’t even been aware of and because it was my only experience I didn’t know any better. I told her I needed things to slow down. That I didn’t want it to hurt so much. She told me if I complained, if I made her feel disrespected she would leave and that I’d have no one. Because she was the only one who could ever love an ugly little freak like me. That no one else would ever want me.”

Ann had tears streaming down her face “Anne, she was a monster. You were innocent. I’m so sorry” Ann pressed her lips to Anne’s cheek and stroked her hair as Anne continued to talk.

“And it’s like something inside me just broke when she said that and I let her do whatever she wanted after that which I think is what she was aiming for. I won’t go into some of the really awful and degrading things I did, that she did to me my darling because I feel like I’ve given you enough fear about what sex with me will be like with my behaviour last night but it was pretty awful. I started just retreating into myself. It’s like I wasn’t even a person anymore. I just disappeared. But my Aunt Anne walked in on her hurting me one day when I didn’t want to do it, and I broke down and the whole horrific saga came out. My Aunt Anne wanted to press charges but I was so ashamed, I begged her to just let it die so she did. Last I heard Karen was married and living in Italy.”

Anne wasn’t crying when she turned to Ann and took her hands in her own but she was shaking and her voice was very shaky. “That’s why I’ve been so against making love to you until after you’re 18, against pushing you into elements of a physical relationship before you’ve had a chance to process how you feel about it and if you’re ready. You are my sweet beautiful girl and I love you with all of me. I know I’m very dominant and that I’m also older and I couldn’t bear to hurt you like that. To break you apart that way. Last night when we were on the couch and things were becoming more intimate than they had been I could feel the memories swelling up inside me and I didn’t want to be Karen. I didn’t want to be a monster and they just took control and I know it’s no excuse but that’s why I snapped. 

“Anne no. What you and I have is nothing like what you and that woman had. You are nothing like her. She manipulated and abused you. That was abuse Anne. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t ask her to stop. You weren’t fit to be consenting to what she was doing to you and she knew that which is why she broke you to keep you. You are not a monster. You don’t break me or tear me down. You make me feel safe, beautiful, special, protected, cared for. You make me feel loved.”

Anne caressed Ann’s beautiful face “You’re just so precious, so innocent, so pure. I couldn’t bear to have any part in damaging or tainting that. It means so much to me that you are that way. It’s something to be protected and cherished, to always have at the front of my mind as our relationship develops. Not to be shattered out of selfishness and maliciousness.

Ann looked down and bit her lip. If Anne only knew how impure damaged and tainted she was. She could never know. She seemed to think that she wasn’t and it seemed to be so important to her. Ann couldn’t lose her. She couldn’t tell her the truth. Why would Anne ever want her if she knew the whole truth.  
Ann threw her arms around Anne’s neck and held her tight. “Come here. You are handsome, strong, beautiful, caring, protective, gentle, kind and so loving. You’re my dude. You’re not a monster. Now I know where you’re at, when we’re being intimate and you ask to stop I’ll be more mindful of your trauma and respect that boundary”

“And I’m going to work so hard to get better. To be better for you” Anne said with a quivering voice as she held Ann tight. I’m sorry I couldn’t snap out of it last night or that I didn’t tell you sooner. I just didn’t know how!”

“Shhhhh I know you didn’t. It’s alright, healing from trauma is a very rocky process. I’m years into my journey and I still have the occasional backwards step. You’ve probably noticed how aggression sends me into meltdown mode!”

“I have, with your dance teacher and again last night when I became aggressive.”

Anne pulled away from Ann and softly ran her hands up and down Ann’s arms soothingly “Is it a trigger for you?”

Ann looked away with so much pain in her eyes and nodded.

“Sweetheart why is it a trigger for you?” Ann didn’t respond. She looked so conflicted. “Ann, sweetheart you’ve been so wonderful and understanding and supportive of me, last night, this afternoon and with what I’ve just told you. I just want to be able to be there for you like that. So that we can be on the same page and move forward together. I want a life with you my beautiful girl. I want to know things I need to be mindful of so I don’t hurt you more than I suspect you’ve already been hurt.”

Ann stood and started to pace. She knew she couldn’t tell Anne the whole truth but she could at least tell her part of it. She had to tell her some of it. But she was filled with shame to even admit what she was about to say much less the full truth.

She picked up one of the glasses of champagne they’d brought out with them and feeling inside her pocket for her emergency Valium she took one out and had it, draining the glass of champagne and then sat down on a garden chair opposite Anne.

Anne felt fear enter the pit of her stomach. She could tell from the fact that Ann had taken medication pre-emptively that what she had to tell her was pretty bad.

“You’ve asked me why I moved out when I was so young!” Ann said softly and Anne nodded “Yes My darling I have.”

Ann’s clutched her hands anxiously “My brother in law who you just met is very aggressive. Apparently he also has PTSD from what he’s seen in battle which I don’t doubt. After my parents died and I got out of hospital, I was still recovering from my fractured back. I was a mess, my sister was a mess. Both he and she were drinking more and when he’d drink he’d slowly begin to lash out at me. He’d pinch my arm hard if I was moving too slowly when he asked me to do the dishes or twist my arm behind my back. He knew lots of sadistic ways to hurt that didn’t cause marks. When I’d complain to my sister she said that he was having a really rough time and it wasn’t who he was as a person and we needed to make sure we didn’t anger him. He never seemed to hurt her. Just me.”

Anne’s eyes blazed with fire as Ann spoke and she clutched her hands into fists but she remained silent.

“As I got older things escalated, he’d punch me in the stomach really hard or kick me in the thigh. It wasn’t constant, it was honestly infrequent and very sporadic looking back but I lived in constant fear of when it would happen again. I was always on egg-shells. I told no one and everyone at school just assumed my anxiety was because of what I went through with my parents and the accident. As I inched closer towards turning 16 I just kind of became numb to it. I stopped pleading with him to stop or telling him that he was hurting me. I stopped crying. I think I was just resigned to the fact that this was my life now.

Anne had tears in her eyes as she reached out her arms to Ann “Sweetheart please come over here and let me hold you.”

“I can’t…I won’t be able to say it!” Ann said and Anne sat back realising Ann’s state was becoming more precarious “Alright….”

Ann took a deep breath “As it would turn out, that’s the worst thing I could have done because it’s the tears and the pleading he got off on so he started coming for me harder. One night I just snapped, I got so angry. I was standing at the kitchen counter making dinner and he elbowed me in my lower back really hard and it hurt so badly because it was near the healed fracture just like he knew it would. And I threw a plate at him.

The blows came so hard and fast I can’t even really remember what happened. All I remember is lying there choking on my own blood from my nose I think, dragging myself to my feet and kicking him in the balls with every ounce of my dancers strength then slamming my foot into the back of his knees as he buckled, knocking him to the ground and half running, half staggering out of the house. I drove to Harry’s. I don’t know how I didn’t kill myself or someone else but I did it. His father was out of town it was just he and the housekeeper. They took me to hospital. I told them I fell out of a lyra. I had nasal tissue damage all inside my nose, a split lip, a split eyebrow. My left eye was swollen shut. I had bruised ribs, a fractured wrist and a twisted ankle not to mention my body being littered with bruises in the shape of his fists. The doctors knew my injuries weren’t consistent with a lyra fall. The shape of his boot was imprinted in my stomach.”

“Oh god…Oh my darling” Anne gasped as she brought her hand to her mouth, tears streaming down her face.

“But I stuck to my story because I was a minor and I knew if they removed me from the house I’d end up in the system. When My sister came, she didn’t believe me, that he’d done it on purpose and gotten off on it. She said I triggered his post-traumatic stress when I threw the plate. That it was my fault. I think that was worse than what he did to me.”

Ann was wheezing heavily as panic started to take hold and she reached for her puffer in her pocket and took it out, taking 3 big puffs.

“I’d already applied for the university program and been accepted and James and Lizzie had said no. They wouldn’t permit me to live on campus and were adamant against it. So I told Lizzie that if she didn’t sign the guardian release I’d tell everyone that I didn’t fall out of a lyra, I’d tell them what really happened and then if it really was PTSD then people would understand. They wouldn’t judge James and he’d get help. And when she looked at me…..I knew. I knew she’d known all along. I didn’t think there was anything worse than my own big sister not believing me. It turns out there is. When she believes you but she doesn’t do anything to help you or protect you….and when you ask her why she didn’t do anything to help you she says “Because as long as he was venting his frustration on you, it wasn’t me.” Ann’s voice broke and she looked down.

“She signed the release form to protect James and I moved out the next day. Lizzie made sure she and James were out of the house. And I never went back. And look to be honest doing aerials I’ve had some really horrific falls while I was learning that left me battered bruised and broken…..but for him to hurt me that way and for Lizzie to still side with him…..It broke my heart””

That was it for Anne, she couldn’t sit back any longer. She stood up and went to where Ann sat, picked her up under the arms and lifted her, wrapping her love around her body and holding her tight.

“It’s alright sweetheart I’m here. I’ve got you. And he won’t ever hurt you again. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Oh my god you poor little darling no wonder you’re so triggered by and terrified of aggression. He will pay for what he did to you I promise you. I’ll make sure of it! I want to go back in there and rip his fucking head off in front of everyone. Him and your pathetically weak sister.”

“No please don’t leave me. Stay here” Ann pleaded tearfully. And Anne sat down with Ann in her arms “Shhhhh I won’t leave you, it’s alright sweetheart. You’re safe. Would you like me to take you home? We can go to mine or I can take you to yours”

Ann shook her head “I don’t want to be alone tonight. I want to go to yours but we can’t go yet. This night is too important to Olivia and I’ve put too much effort into it to just bail. She’s been so very good to me!”

Anne steeled herself. “Sweetheart I wish I was a better, stronger person for you but I just can’t trust myself in the same room as your sister and brother in law at the moment without wanting to rip them to shreds in front of everyone which you’ve asked me not to do and I can’t leave you in there alone with them”

“They won’t be there. Olivia doesn’t know what happened which is why she invited them but Victoria was my therapist. She knows. I told her after the last particularly brutal attack and she set me on the path to working through it. She will have gotten rid of them both by now.”

“Yes she did have a lot of animosity towards your sister” Anne remarked and Ann nodded “Yes she definitely does. Please come back in me. We’ve had a particularly traumatic 24 hours and I feel like we really need to just be together and regroup. I graduate high school on Thursday. I need to not lose the plot now. I’ve worked too hard and come too far”

Anne stroked Ann’s ponytail and worried for her little love. Of course she was right but she always had to be so “on” so mature. So together. When did she ever just get to feel her pain and be unglued?”

“Okay sweetheart we’ll go back!”

“Just for a little while!” Ann promised and Anne gently lifted her to her feet ‘Whatever you need!” Anne assured supportively.

*******************************************

Ann was inside busying herself with preparing the cake when Victoria approached Anne at the canape table “Are you alright? You and Anne disappeared and then returned looking closer than ever but more than a little shaken up” she observed and Anne nodded.

“I told her about what happened with Karen. She needed to know. She deserved to know” Anne said and Victoria’s eyes widened. “You did? Oh darling I am so proud of you. You have come so far. Come here!” she said as she pulled Anne close and held her. “And how did she take it?”

“Devastated for me of course but so incredibly supportive and loving. She said she understood why I was the way I was last night before I even told her about my dark past and I really believe she did which honestly means more to me though. That she has so much faith in me”

Victoria pulled away and straightened Anne’s hair “I can understand that. She’s an exceptional young woman our Ann isn’t she”

“She is” Anne agreed and Victoria smiled “Makes me kind of thrilled to see the magic she’ll make now that she’s teamed up with the other most exceptional young woman I know, with the exception of my Millie of course”

Anne looked at her in surprise and Victoria smiled proudly “You’re exceptional Anne. You always have been. I think it just took someone truly exceptional getting you to open your heart and loving you to make you begin to realise it.

“She is exceptional. And so sweet, so innocent, so kind and lovely. So perfectly beautiful. Which what makes what that animal Sutherland did to her, physically terrorising her after her parents died and that final time he beat her so violently all the more disgusting”

Victoria looked at her in shock. She was genuinely surprised Ann had told her. But clearly she hadn’t told her everything.

“Don’t play dumb Vicki she told me you knew and that you likely would have gotten rid of the disgusting pair of them and I’m grateful you have because honestly I can’t be held responsible for what I may have done.”

Victoria shook her head “I’m not playing dumb…..I just…you need to know what a huge deal this is that she told you. She hasn’t told anyone other than me. She must really love you and trust you.”

“I know. Believe me. I will spend the rest of my life proving to her that I’m worthy of that but honestly between you and me right now it’s taking every ounce of strength I have not to make that animal bleed. Forgive me, I need some air!” Anne walked away and Victoria quickly headed inside the house to the kitchen, hoping to get Ann alone.

She found her organising plates and gently took her by the arm, leading her into the pantry.

“You told Anne about James’s physical abuse” she said quietly and Ann nodded “She’d confided in me about her abuse and she’d seen how I reacted to James. She knows me so well, she knew something was wrong and she’d asked me so many times why I had moved out of home. I had to tell her something”

Victoria held her tight ‘And I’m so very very proud of you sweetheart but why would you stop there.” She pulled back to cup Ann’s face “Why wouldn’t you tell her everything, about Thomas molesting you, about James helping him cover it up, just get it all off your chest”

Ann’s face clouded over with shame “Because it’s disgusting. She’ll know then that I’m weak and disgusting and a slut. And she was saying how important it was to her that she not hurt me the way Karen hurt me because I’m innocent and untainted and pure. That she didn’t want to damage me. It seemed really important to her that I was like that. If she found out how non innocent and impure and tainted and damaged I really am. Why would she want me?”

Victoria shook her head “Oh no Ann, sweetheart I think you’re underestimating Anne and how much she loves you. She wouldn’t blame you. I promise you, She would be furious for you and her heart would break on your behalf but she would stand by you”

“NO” Ann said vehemently ‘This is my second chance, my do over, to be what she thinks I am. A clean slate. A fresh start and I’m not ruining it. I’ve already told her I’ve been intimate with a man but that I’m still a virgin and that’s the truth. I haven’t lied”

Victoria looked at Ann with great concern “Yes darling but all those occasions were forced upon you, they weren’t consensual. It was assault, and the fact that it happened doesn’t make you tainted or damaged or impure. It wasn’t your fault”

“Jesus Christ what is it about today. I’m just trying to keep this party afloat and everyone keeps wanting to have deep intense soul baring conversations. I have to go” Ann said dismissively and walked away. Victoria knew her wall was up and trying to get her to see reason was pointless so she let her go. But she was worried. She was so proud Ann had been able to reveal so much to Anne. But deeply worried about the toll that would be taken by keeping such a fundamental piece of information locked inside.

***********************************

Anne went down into the kitchen in a black calvin klein tank top and boxers and found Ann leaning against the fridge sipping a bottle of water. She was wearing a soft light weight blue coloured sweat top with matching lounge pants over a singlet with her beautiful hair in a soft top knot. All her make-up had been removed and she looked very beautiful but very fragile and she was worried about her.

“Sweetheart you look tired, would you like me to come up to your room with you? I could sit with you until you fall asleep.” Anne offered gently and Ann shook her head “I don’t want that….”

Anne nodded ‘Of course, after what happened last night that’s probably the last….”

“I don’t want you to just stay with me in my room until I fall asleep and then leave. I want to be with you. I need to be in your arms tonight. I need to be wrapped up in you and smell you and be close to you and have you all around me. Would you….”

Anne was stunned at her words and as Ann trailed off she moved closer to hear her.

“Would you take me to bed?” Ann asked so softly it was almost a whisper and Anne swallowed the lump in her throat. That after everything that had happened, after everything that had been revealed that night this precious little angel could still show so much faith and trust in her. Still turn to her for comfort and support when she needed it.

Anne pressed her forehead to Ann’s and gently nuzzled her nose ‘Of course I will take you to bed my darling”

Ann was shaking when Anne picked her up, something that didn’t surprise Anne. She carried Ann up to her room, the room she’d been so rough and harsh in with her the night before and carefully pulled back the covers before laying Ann down like she was made of china. Slipping into bed beside her Anne carefully unfastened Ann’s hair and gently pulled it down, stroking it softly as she placed little kisses all over Ann’s beautiful face. She continued kissing and stroking her softly, lulling her into a state of safety and relaxation. Ann couldn’t believe how beautiful Anne was being with her. How infinitely tender and gentle she was.

Anne saw Ann getting flushed and warm “Is it alright if I take this off you my darling?” Anne asked softly as she put her hand up to Ann’s zipper and Ann nodded. Anne slowly unzipped the hoodie and removed it from Ann’s body, softly kissing each inch of shoulder and arm that was revealed as she did.  
Anne could see Ann was wearing little shorts or hot pants of some kind underneath her lounge pants. They were peaking out over the top of the waist band.

“And these?” she asked softly, making sure she got permission and Ann was overwhelmed with how beautiful and safe and connected it all was compared to the previous evening.

“Yes” Ann said softly and Anne pulled the lounge pants off her to reveal little white shorts with multi coloured polkadots.

When the pants were off her Anne kissed a trail up the side of Ann’s thigh. It wasn’t overly passionate but it was intimate and loving and it felt so good.

“You don’t normally sleep in a bra do you sweetheart? Can we take it off you?” Anne asked and Ann froze “Oh…no I usually don’t um…..I can go and take it off” she said anxiously and Anne could feel her nerves “Shhhh it’s alright sweetheart I’m not going to push you into anything you’re not ready for. I love you” Anne whispered as she reached up under Ann’s tank top and unfastened the back of her bra before sliding the straps down her arms, very carefully pulling her arms out of them and pulling it off her and through the singlet while she remained fully clothed.

“I just want you to be comfortable and to be able to sleep. You’ve had a huge couple of days” Anne said dotingly as she took Ann in her arms and gently rocked her, rubbing soft circles on her back. Anne kissed her lips ever so gently which became one of passion, of gentle soft forgiveness, of support, of love. Her hands ran up and down the outside of her thigh and her arms held her tightly in her strong frame as she kissed her, stroked her, caressed her and loved her. It wasn’t overly sexual. It was quite chaste and innocent actually. But Ann had never felt so loved, so taken care of or so connected to anyone in her entire life. It felt so incredibly healing and soon she found herself drifting off to sleep.

“Close your eyes pretty baby. I’ll be right here with my arms wrapped around you when you wake up.” Anne reassured her.

“Promise?” Ann asked as she looked up at her with huge anxious blue eyes and Anne placed a featherlight kiss on both her eyelids “I promise my love”

“Wait” Ann said as she looked up at Anne sleepily ‘I graduate on Thursday and then On Friday morning I was going to leave for my Grandparent’s farm in the hunter valley. My best friend Thomas Snowden is getting married to one of my other friends Suzy. I’m his best man and I have the bucks party for him and the hens party for her that weekend.”

“The best man? You? Oh that is so cute are you going to wear a suit to the wedding?” Anne asked in delight as she pictured her beautiful girl in a suit and Ann smiled “Kind of” Ann said and then continued “The thing is I was wondering if you would like to come with me. Meet my grandparents, see the animals and the farm. Have some quality time together. I know you have work but…maybe you could come on Saturday or…...”

“I would love to my darling.” Anne gently cut her off “ It sounds wonderful. I have a meeting Friday morning but I will clear my schedule for the rest of Friday and Monday? That way we can drive up together?”

Ann’s face lit up “I would love that! Thank you” she said as she snuggled into Anne’s arms happily and Anne stroked her hair “You’re so welcome. I think some quality time away from the hustle and bustle of everything would be good for us.”

Anne kissed her head and her voice took on that dominant tone that Ann was learning to detect. “Now close your eyes my princess. You need to sleep!”

Ann did as she was asked and closed her eyes. 

“Good girl!” Anne whispered in that tone that made Ann’s pulse race normally but this time she was too exhausted.

The whole time Anne never stopped rocking her gently in her arms, stroking her hair and placing little kisses on her forehead. Eventually she fell asleep and when she did Anne looked down at the little sleeping angel in her arms, in utter awe of her beauty and then into the distance. James Sutherland would pay for what he had done to her. She would make sure of it.


	11. Unexpected Visitors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a lot lighter than the last couple. Mariana and Ann come face to face and Mariana sees she might have underestimated Miss Walker ;-)
> 
> Oh and an Australian size 8 is a US 4.

Anne sat in Olivia’s office ‘You are a darling for bringing me this. Thank you! and thank you so much for coming on a Tuesday to support our students interested in moving into PR careers even though it’s not your usual day! I’ll admit in a last ditch effort to get our senior students to school in the last week, we allow them to come to school essentially do whatever serves them as long as they’re engaged in academia or learning” Olivia said genuinely as she sipped her cappuccino and Anne smiled “It’s alright. I’m happy to. I have a confession to make it might have been an excuse to see Ann. I had her with me Saturday night but the past two nights she’s been busy with graduation prep and I haven’t wanted to intrude. I thought I’d come pick her up from school.”

Olivia looked at Anne in surprise “Ann? Ann isn’t here. It’s her mother’s birthday today. Cassandra Walker or “Andra” as she was known to all, loved birthdays. Ann was here in the morning rehearsing her routine for graduation in the gym and then she was going to the cemetery to have birthday cake and spend some time with her mum.”

“Oh I didn’t know!” Anne said as her stomach sank. She’d spoken to Ann in the morning before school and she’d sounded normal.

“Don’t feel bad darling. Our girl is a funny little thing when it comes to sharing things. She does it in her own way in her own time” Olivia said empathetically.

“Yes she does” Anne agreed “I need to check in with her. I’ll see you soon Liv okay!”

“Of course! Bye darling and thank you again!” Olivia said gratefully as Anne left her office.

When she got outside the office Anne immediately dialled Ann’s number, relieved when she picked up.

“Hello my Darling I’m just at your school and Olivia said you left early to celebrate your mum’s birthday. I didn’t know it was today. Are you alright?........Oh you’re at my house? I would love that…..Mrs Cordingley is back?....and you’re cooking in the kitchen…….”

Anne winced “Okay well I will see you soon my love, bye!” Anne hurried out to her car. Mrs Cordingley was very territorial about the house and kitchen. She never liked any of the women Anne brought home and was very vocal about it. Anne didn’t realise she would be back early but was now worried that on an already likely very difficult day for Ann, she was about to get fed to the wolves.

******************************************  
Anne walked through the foyer of her home and headed straight for the kitchen, fearing the worst as she heard animated voices. But when she got there she came upon a most unexpected sight.

Her beautiful girl and notoriously hard to please Elizabeth “Beth” Cordingley seemed to be making Beth’s famous meatballs together and they were laughing and appeared to be having the loveliest time.

Ann looked up and Anne broke into a huge grin as her gorgeous face broke into that dazzling smile reserved just for her. She was wearing a skin-tight white singlet with “Riverview college gymnastics” embroidered across the chest in navy blue letters with the tiniest skin tight navy shorts and as she turned to wash her hands at the sink Anne saw it was T back and revealed her delicate shoulder blades, toned back and dainty shoulders. It also highlighted her ample bust, tiny waist, softly curved hips and long legs that defied her diminutive height. Her hair was pulled to the side in a soft wavy ponytail and she wore no makeup whatsoever. She still had the bronze glow from her weekend spray tan and she looked so incredibly sexy and naturally beautiful.

“Dude!” Ann cried out as she ran towards her and jumped into her arms for a hug and Anne picked her up, not even caring that Beth was right there

“Hello my darling. What a lovely surprise to find you here!” Anne cooed softly as she kissed Ann’s forehead adoringly and stroked her ponytail before placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

“Mrs Cordingley is showing me how to make her famous meatballs to put with my pasta sauce. Have you had them? They’re not even cooked yet but just seeing the ingredient list has me beyond excited. I can’t wait!”

Anne beamed at her. Her beautiful girl looked so happy. “I have and they’re to die for!”

“ My dear I have told you that you may call me Beth. Have you tasted this girl’s pasta sauce Miss Anne? My goodness it’s like being in the heart of Italy! And the way she’s taken care of you and the house. I came home expecting to find everything in an absolute state. Instead I find all the laundry and ironing done, the kitchen fully stocked. Not a take-away box in sight.”

“That’s my sweet beautiful girl” Anne said as she smiled at Ann proudly and then looked at Beth sincerely. “She’s so amazing!”

Ann kissed Anne’s cheek then wriggled out of her arms. “Bathroom!” she said and then left the room.

Anne looked at Beth in amazement “Okay you’ll have to humour me but I’m completely stunned because it sounds like you approve!”

Beth looked at Anne like she was insane “Approve? Oh Anne dear she’s just the most beautiful, sweet divine little thing. I’d ask you why you didn’t find her 7 or 8 years ago if it wasn’t for the fact that she was like 10!” Anne rolled her eyes, knowing that was coming but Beth continued.

“I’ll admit, the idea of Anne Lister with a high school girl even one about to finish year 12 was a shock to me until I spent a couple of hours with her. Oh Anne, she’s so smart, sweet, kind and mature. And she’s so beautiful but doesn’t even know it. Most of all that little poppet absolutely adores you and she wants nothing more than to love you and make you happy. Not money or games or sexual conquests. Just you. It’s what I’ve always wanted for you. I already adore her.”

Anne’s face lit up as Beth praised her so openly and she felt compelled to add “ And to be honest as full of light as she is, she’s also a bit dark and rather messed up like me so we work. She’s really something isn’t she?”

“She is! And she’s had a bit of a day of it by the sounds of it the poor wee thing. I came into the kitchen to find her covering a gorgeous looking red velvet cake missing a small piece. She introduced herself as your girlfriend and she told me it was her deceased mother’s birthday and so she took her mum’s favourite cake to the cemetery to celebrate with her. It was beautiful but the thought of that dear little thing doing that all by herself, no parents or family at such a crucial time in her life. It broke my heart. Then I saw the pasta sauce she was preparing and I’ve tried to keep her distracted since.” Beth said sympathetically and Anne hugged her. That was likely why Ann seemed so happy. An older motherly figure in her fifties fussing over her was likely just what her beautiful girl needed today.

“You’re a good woman Beth. I’ve missed you. I’m glad you’re home!” Anne said and Beth held Anne tight. “And she’s a good girl. I’m so proud of you Anne. Please do right by her. She’s what you deserve.”

“I plan to!” Anne said emphatically. “I’m just going to check on her!” She said with a big smile and headed for the downstairs bathroom. There was no sign of Ann so she continued out to the deck and stood in awe as she watched her beautiful girl through the glass doors.

She was running across the grass and doing cartwheels, front flips, back flips, somersaults. So many impressive acrobatic tricks that Anne was absolutely amazed.

Walking out onto the deck Anne applauded and Ann stopped and looked down shyly. “You caught me. Sorry, I have graduation day on the brain a bit! I need to be strong. I have something amazing planned. Something big” and as she said big she stretched her arms out and her eyes widened and Anne melted. She was so adorable

“Then I’m more thrilled than ever I’ll be in the audience watching you and please don’t be sorry. I want you to think of this as your home and I feel honoured to get a sneak preview” Anne said supportively and Ann ran over to her and cuddled into her side.

“Mmmm it feels so good having you snuggled into me Beauty. I’ve missed you the past couple of nights!” Anne said as she sat down in a deck chair and pulled Ann down to sit in her lap.

“Olivia told me it’s your mum’s birthday today. Sweetheart why didn’t you tell me?” Ann shrugged and looked a little anxious “It’s just something that I’m used to working through on my own. Don’t be mad”

“No my darling I’m not mad I promise!” Anne said as she softly stroked Ann’s face. More aware than ever of her fear of anger and aggression after what she’d confided in her at Olivia’s birthday. “It’s just that I’m your Dude. And you’re my sweet beautiful girl. “ Anne said gently and then grasped her chin a little more firmly. “My princess. And it’s my job to take care of you and support you through these things. I want to be there for you. Can you understand that?”

Ann looked up at her with huge blue submissive eyes and nodded compliantly the way she often did so sincerely, so innocently that it made Anne’s entire body tingle.

“Yes I can babe. The thing is, the cemetery and cake was just our little thing. Mine and my mums. There’s something else I wanted to do to mark the occasion that I was wanting you to come with me to later tonight. I wanted to talk to you about it.” Ann said genuinely and Anne breathed a sigh of relief. Ann was finally letting her in. She knew what a big deal it was for her beautiful girl to be able to trust and do that. She was so proud of her.

“Whatever it is I would love to. You can count me in. But first of all I need to know, how are you?”

Ann shrugged. “I’m okay. It’s a little hard. My mum and I used to celebrate our birthdays together because they’re so close and with my one coming up being such a big birthday and graduation being in a couple of days. It’s just particularly hard that she’s not……” Ann took a deep breath “That she’s not here this year” her eyes filled with tears as her voice cracked and Anne pulled her close.

“Oh my sweetheart, I know. It would be” Anne rubbed her back but Ann blinked her tears away. “But today needs to be a celebration of the life she lived not misery about her death” she said resolutely and Anne gently stroked her ponytail. “And as always Ann I admire your strength, but it’s okay to cry.”

“I know. I just can’t right now!” Ann said softly and Anne placed little kisses all over her face. “I’ll be here when you’re ready!” she said and Ann kissed her passionately. Feeling so blessed to have Anne’s support, love and innate protectiveness. When the kiss broke Anne’s eyes were wide with pleasant surprise. “Wow what did I do to deserve that?”

Ann looked at her adoringly “You were you!” Anne felt herself melt and pressed her face to Ann’s “Sweet baby.” she whispered like a prayer as she delicately stroked Ann’s cheek for a moment and then gently stood and placed Ann on her feet and wrapped an arm around her waist “I have a bone to pick with you though. You’ve absolutely ruined my reputation. Beth has hated absolutely every other girl I have ever brought home and you she loves. In fact I’m fairly certain she wants to adopt you and that I should hide you somewhere in the house.”

Ann broke into giggles “I think the world of her too. I think we’re going to be great friends!”

“Yes I can just see the two of you ganging up on me together. It’s coming!” Anne said in misery and Ann laughed “Oh my poor baby!” she teased and as they walked through the house they were startled by the door bell.

“Might be a delivery of one of those sexy little two piece outfits I just had to buy you more of after seeing you in the red number at Olivia’s party!” Anne said cheekily as she went to answer the door.

“Dude you spoil me too much!” Ann said chidingly and went to follow her but stopped as Anne opened the door and freeze.

“Surprise Freddy!”

“Mariana” Anne said in shock.

“Charles is in Melbourne on business so I thought I’d pop up to Sydney and surprise you. Aren’t you going to invite me in?” she asked.

Anne stepped aside awkwardly, noticing Mariana had her usual small suitcase on wheels with her.

Mariana saw Ann standing there and smiled at Anne “Oh you’ve got high school students interning for you now Freddy. Genius!”

“Take this up to Miss Lister’s room where I’ll be staying!” she said as she practically threw her suitcase at Ann, the force of which caused her to stumble backwards but Anne caught her just before she fell.

“It’s alright sweetheart I’ve got you!” Anne said reassuringly as she stood Ann back upright, seeing how startled and bewildered she looked. “Anne what is this woman talking about? Why is her suitcase going in your room” Ann asked in shock and Anne shook her head. “I can assure you it’s not. The only other person I have in my room, in my bed is you now!” she said as she softly kissed Ann, not caring that Mariana was standing right there and then she turned to Mariana, wrapping a protective arm around Ann.

“Mary this isn’t my intern this is Ann Walker. My partner.” Anne said proudly and Ann could see her pride and complete disregard for any past she might have with Mariana but she’s heard their relationship had been long standing and couldn’t help but feel worried.

Mariana’s jaw dropped. “This child is your partner? Jesus Christ Anne do you want to go to Jail? How old is she?”

“Nobody will be going to jail. I’m almost 18 and over the age of consent and with all due respect I don’t believe you’re in any position to be levelling accusations in our home when you’re calling unannounced” Ann said with a quiet dignified strength that made Anne so proud of her. And she’d said “Our home” which made it even better because since she’d been there it had felt like a real home to Anne for the first time ever.

“Freddy’s never had a problem with me calling unannounced before. In fact she’s always been rather thrilled haven’t you Freddy?” Mariana asked suggestively but it got no response out of Anne. “Yes well that was when I was single and bored!” she said curtly and then turned to Ann ‘Darling, Beth is probably waiting for you in the kitchen. Do you want to go get back to meatball making while I talk to Mary?” She asked. Ann read the pleading look in Anne’s eyes and even though she didn’t want to go she supported her love.

“Okay” she said softly and Anne kissed her forehead “Thank you my love!” Ann gave Mariana a dubious look and as Ann walked away Anne wanted to make sure both she and Mariana had no doubt who was number 1 in her heart and her life now.  
“Hey Walker!” she said commandingly and Ann turned back to her.

Anne’s face softened. “I love you!”

Ann’s face lit up in a dazzling smile “I love you too baby!”

“That’s my beautiful girl!” Anne said with so much pride as Ann turned and walked away that Mary was stunned. The way Freddy absolutely doted on this girl, the natural dominance she had over her, the way this girl seemed to naturally submit to her yet be fiery at the same time. 

She knew this was exactly the kind of partner Anne Lister had always dreamed of but she never thought she’d find it. Not only did she appear to be in love but she seemed to be absolutely besotted.

“Well it seems teenage pussy must be magical because you’re a changed woman!” Mariana said condescendingly and Anne grabbed her by the arm, half dragging her outside onto the deck.

“There’s the Anne Lister I know, does your little blue eyed doll know about some of your darker desires and kinkier appetites or are you waiting for her to finish high school before you induct her.”

“You will NOT speak of Ann in such a disrespectful or intimate way Mary or so help me god. It’s not like that between her and I. I would never push her.”

“Oh calm down Freddy I get it, I can’t stay in your room while she’s around. I’ll just stay in the room and slip in through the dividing door like old times!” Mariana teased.

“No you won’t because that’s Ann’s room now” Anne said adamantly and Mariana looked at her in confusion “Ann’s room but I thought………..”

And then Mariana connected the dots. She had her own room, Anne wasn’t pushing her.

“You two haven’t even fucked yet have you?” Mariana said incredulously and saw the flicker across Anne’s face “You haven’t have you! Anne Lister has gone and found herself a princess. A little ice princess. Why haven’t you gotten her to give it up Freddy, that’s not like you. I mean knowing you like I do the only reason I could think that you wouldn’t be jumping at the chance to ravage a piece of ass that fine is if she was a virgin.”

Anne was very quiet as she tried to quell the rage inside of her at Mary talking about her beautiful girl that way.

Mariana’s eyes widened. “Oh my god…..A virgin. This is too good! What are you going to do with a virgin Anne have you lost your mind?”

“I’m going to love her, protect her and cherish her. I’m going to travel the world with her and do incredible things. I’m going to have forever with her and when the time and space is right and I will make love to her and I can already tell we will virtually set that bed on fire just from the way she makes me feel with her kiss, her touch. She is stunningly beautiful, sexy, sweet, kind, loving, funny, brilliantly bright good and just the right amount of fucked up to get me. She is my dream come true and you will NOT ever refer to her as a “Piece of ass”. Do you understand?”

Mariana was stunned by the level of Anne’s devotion to this brat. She was genuinely planning a future with her. She could feel her hold on Anne slipping.

“Freddy don’t be so…”

“DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?” Anne yelled.

Mariana paled “Ah…..yes……yes I understand you!”

“Good!” Anne spat as she stormed away from her.

Beth and Ann were preparing dinner in the kitchen and Beth’s heart went out to Ann as she saw the troubled look on her face. “Don’t look so worried deary. I’ve never seen Miss Anne look at anyone or speak about them the way she does you!”

Ann nodded “I know but I’ve heard stories about that woman from mutual friends of ours. I know they go back like 8 years.” 

Beth rolled her eyes “Yes 8 years of things being all about Mariana and never about Anne. I could tell you stories about that piece of work too. But all you need to know is that she’s 40 years old, married, has dangled leaving the husband for Anne cruelly like a carrot to her many times but never does, just comes so stir up trouble for Anne when she’s bored and wants attention, She’s not a patch on you to look at and that beautiful heart of yours is worth more than a thousand of her bitter one. Most importantly I’ve never seen Anne so in love as she is with you!”

“Thank you Beth!” Ann said as she hugged Beth “Oh that’s alright my darling. What an awful day for you for her to just breeze in out of the blue like she does too!”

“I assume she’s staying for dinner” Ann said miserably as she pulled away and looked at Beth hopefully “Could I convince you to join us?”

Beth chuckled “I don’t usually take my meals in the dining room though Miss Anne has offered many times. Lots of things to do around hear you know but I tell you what, I’ll leave the speaker on that I use to keep an ear on what’s going on and if it sounds like you need back up I’ll be in. Deal?”

“Deal!” Ann smiled gratefully as she went back to stirring pasta sauce.

“I just need to get the veggies out of the car!” Beth said and hurried out of the kitchen.

“Something smells incredible” came Anne’s voice from behind her as she wrapped her arms around her waist.

“It’s my pasta sauce that you love” Ann said as she smiled at the sensation of Anne’s lips on the side of her neck and her ear “No I’m smelling raspberries, peaches, lavender, fresh spring flowers and that unmistakable scent that is my beautiful girl!”

Anne turned her in her arms and Ann looked her up and down in her white shirt, charcoal pants and charcoal and white pin striped waistcoat.

“You look so incredible” she said appreciatively “I hate the fact that awful woman is here as company right now!” she added with a little whine and Anne nicked her neck with her teeth “You let me worry about Mary. Where is Beth?”

“Umm….she’s…….” Ann stammered as Anne’s tongue ran along her collar bone “Focus my darling, you seem terribly distracted”

Ann could hear the smile in Anne’s voice as she teasingly reprimanded her and grinned “Getting vegetables out of the car!”

“Oh good, well this will just take a second!” Anne said as she picked Ann up and Ann wrapped her legs around her as Anne carried her into the large pantry, kicking the door closed behind them and sat her on the edge of one of the shelves.

“Dude what are you doing?” Ann asked through her giggles and Anne stepped away from Ann, extending one her her gorgeous legs fully. “You can’t blame me it’s those tiny little shorts, they’ve driven me half made with desire.”

“Oh have they?” Ann asked teasingly but stopped talking what Anne began to kiss up the length of her leg from her ankle upwards, pushing her leg up a little closer to her chest as she went and then she got to her thigh and didn’t stop.

“Oh god” Ann gasped as Anne kissed, licked and sucked up the length of her inner thigh.

“Does that feel good?” Anne asked, her voice thick with lust.

“Mmmm yes” Ann gasped and as Anne took in the sight of her beautiful girl leaning back on her hands, her legs parted, her chest rising and falling heavily, eyes squeezed shut and mouth parted it pleasure, her centre began to pulsate with need. She didn’t think Ann could look any sexier until she spotted the tell-tale piece of jewellery at her abdomen straining against the tight fabric of her singlet.

“Oh my god Ann do you have a belly piercing?” Anne asked in wonder and Ann looked at her in surprise, not expecting her question and then looked down, realising it was visible.  
“Yes” She said softly and Anne’s face lit up with the darkest naughtiest smile “Can I see it?” she asked as she sucked Ann’s mid inner thigh and her pelvis bucked making Anne groan. God how she wanted her.

“Alright!” Ann said a little hesitantly and Anne grasped the hem of her singlet and pushed it up until she got to the most perfect little navel she thought she’d ever seen so beautifully set off with an expensive looking gold butterfly belly bar .

Anne kissed her very gently around her navel to reassure her, desperately fighting the urge to throw her on the ground and fuck her senseless. She had a weakness for belly rings but the fact that Ann had one and it was such a secretly naughty contrast to her generally squeaky clean image was just another piece of her incredibly arousing dichotomy.

“I’m so glad I saw it my darling, oh you have no idea how sexy that is or how much its turning me on.” Anne gasped as she kissed Ann’s neck “Really?” Ann asked, getting lost in the sensation of Anne’s lips again.

“Yes” Anne said as she stood and began kissing Ann urgently. She picked her up and pressed her against the opposite wall, moaning as Ann rocked into her, instinctively seeking friction.

“Ann, baby you’re so hot!” Anne moaned as she plunged her tongue into Ann’s mouth and Ann kissed her back with everything she had.

Suddenly the pantry door opened and Anne quickly broke the kiss and put Ann on her feet but not before Beth got the fright of her life.

“Oh my goodness. Honestly with all the perfectly good bedrooms in this house you two are getting up to monkey business in the pantry and nearly giving me a heart attack in the process. Go on! Be gone with the pair of you! And don’t you corrupt this girl Anne Lister!” Beth rebuked them then turned away to hide her smile at seeing the pair of them so in love and enthralled with one another.

“Sorry Beth” Anne and Ann said basically in perfect unison and Anne led Ann out of the pantry, through the kitchen and into the lounge room where they promptly burst into laughter. 

“Oh my goodness that poor woman, how am I going to be able to look at her again?” Ann asked in horror and Anne shook her head through her laughter “She really adores you. She caught Mariana kissing me against the book shelf in the library once and I thought she was going to zap us both to death with the anger in her eyes.

Ann rolled her eyes at the mention of that awful woman again who was still in the house “I can understand the inclination. I’ve only just met her and I seriously want to drop kick her.”

Anne’s jaw dropped at Ann’s statement “You what? Did you just say you want to drop kick her? Oh Ann sweetheart that was bloody brilliant” she cracked up laughing and Ann held up her hands. “Well I was half raised on a farm in the country and the way you settle things in the country is by drop kicking someone or over a beer!”

Anne beamed at her “How good is beer? I feel like we don’t drink enough beer!” 

“I love beer!” Ann agreed and Anne pulled her close.

“You know I’m feeling deeply wronged by Beth’s accusation about me corrupting you when I think it’s in fact you corrupting me!” she said looking dramatically wounded.

“Oh is that so?” Ann asked biting back her smile and Anne nodded emphatically.

“Yes it is! Luring me into kitchen pantries with your sexy incredibly small shorts and covert ninja body piercings and legs for days, speaking of drop kicking people and common liquor. I’m feeling very led astray” Anne mused indignantly 

“Oh you incorrigible shit!” Ann cried as she slapped Anne’s shoulder and Anne shrugged “Yes but I’m your incorrigible shit and you love me!”

Ann shook her head as she laughed and wrapped her arms around Anne’s waist. “I do love you. I love you so much Dude.” She suddenly looked serious and reached up to stroke the older woman’s cheek. “Are you feeling alright? not feeling anxious or triggered?”

Anne pursed her lips together tightly as she looked at the concern in her loves beautiful blue eyes. She was so very lucky to have someone sexy, smart, feisty and funny who could instantly switch from that to being so gentle and caring. So in tune with her needs.

“No sweet baby, not anxious or triggered at all. I loved our little pantry sojourn.” Anne pulled her close and stroked her ponytail “And I love you. More than I’ve ever loved anything or anyone!” she said seriously.

“You know, even though as previously mentioned you’re clearly a frightfully poor influence on my innocence with your inappropriate behaviour.”

“BABE!” Ann cried out in exasperation and Anne muffled her cries of protest with a kiss, sweeping her into her arms and Ann gave into it, wrapping her arms around Anne’s neck and abandoning herself to her lovers lips.

After a very painful few days they had managed to come out the other side stronger and more connected than ever. Both were enjoying the light heartedness of the moment. Even Beth was smiling as she heard Ann’s squeals and Anne’s booming laughter while she tossed a salad. The only person not enjoying it was Mariana who stood out of view watching the scene before her bitterly. She had never seen Anne Lister like this. Not even with her in their glory days when Anne still has hope of a future with her. It’s like this little blonde bitch was her soulmate or something and almost 18 or not as much as Mariana hated to admit it, as doll eyed and innocent as Ann Walker looked, there was nothing immature or child-like about the way she interacted with Anne and their physical intimacy was so natural and chemistry charged it in fact looked like they never lost an opportunity to fuck. Maybe the reason they weren’t having sex was tied up to that issue Anne had. She knew Anne had some kind of major issue about being with much younger women sexually. She just didn’t know what it was. But Ann seemed to know her deepest darkest secrets after only a short time. She’d mentioned the word “trigger”

This wasn’t going to do. Anne was hers. Little Miss Ann Walker would never be able to satisfy a woman like Anne, with Anne’s sexual appetites. She just needed to be shown this. Ann Walker needed to be stopped.

****************************************

“Do you want some wine Freddy?” Mariana asked as she ran her tongue around the rim of the glass seductively at the dinner table and Anne looked at the wine in disinterest, completely missing her gesture. “Oh I guess so…..wait!” Anne’s face lit up as Ann walked in with two coronas. “Here you go Dude!” Ann said as she held out one to Anne.

‘Since when do we have beer?”

“I put them in the fridge a couple of days ago!” Ann said with a sweet smile and Anne caught her around the hips with one arm taking the beer from her and kissing the fingers that had held it “Yeah you did. That’s my girl!” she said proudly and Ann took her seat to the right of Anne, trying not to be put off by the fact that Mariana was sitting opposite her.

“So how long are you in town for Mariana!” Ann asked and Mariana shrugged and gave Ann a smug smile “Indefinitely. Charles’s deals usually go on endlessly!”

“You know the hotels in Sydney are lovely. I book myself in for a mini break at the Sheraton on the park just because I can.” Ann mused and Anne bit back her laughter. Her beautiful girl wasn’t pulling any punches and it was fucking glorious.

“Freddy always insists that I stay here at the house. But aren’t you just the luckiest little girl that she treats you to that. I’m sure you’re well aware how wealthy Anne is”

Anne was about to step in at the implication that Ann was a gold digger but she watched incredibly impressed as Ann calmly heaped pasta and meatballs on her plate.

“I pay for it myself. And I am aware how wealthy Anne is but as incredibly wealthy as she is, I’m actually wealthier. I love Anne because of who she is. I want her in my life but I don’t need her to pay my bills.”

Mariana looked to Anne for confirmation but she was just smiling at the little brat adoringly so she was shocked into momentary silence. After a while she looked at Ann’s plate distastefully.

“That’s an awful lot of pasta. Freddy likes her girls to keep their figure you know! I always did” Mariana said and Ann shrugged “I’m an elite performer with a big couple of days coming up and it doesn’t matter what I eat or drink I’m lucky to even maintain a size 8 without dropping below it. Premature birth and all.”

Mariana didn’t back down “It won’t always be that way you know, once you get to my age you’ve got to cut right back on those sorts of things”

Ann smiled sweetly at her ‘Awesome, I still have more than two decades to enjoy carbs before I get there then!”

Anne choked on her beer and tried not to laugh as Mariana looked positively horrified at Ann's blatant dig at her age. Mariana had certainly met her match in Ann. 

This was going to be some night!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued.................. *insert evil laugh here*


	12. The upper hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter picks up at the dinner table immediately after the last. Anne is torn between wanting to strangle Mariana but allowing Ann to gain the upper hand in their power struggle. Mariana is an epic bitch but still gets owned and Anne starts to connect the dots regarding Ann's natural innate sensuality and the darkness beneath her surface.
> 
> Here are some links to the pieces Ann wears in the club scene in case you want a visual. William Wilde does stunning, feminine latex wear and lingerie. Not at all like your typical bondage look. It's very glam. I wore the pink rose petal bow bra in a rope aerial performance in a fetish club once and have never had so many compliments. It reminded me of a modern day Ann :-)
> 
> https://www.williamwilde.com/collections/the-classics/products/latex-opera-skirt
> 
> https://www.williamwilde.com/collections/the-classics/products/latex-rose-petal-beau-bra
> 
> https://www.williamwilde.com/collections/the-classics/products/latex-mayfair-mac

Anne grinned at Ann as she helped herself to more pasta and said “I’ve decided I’m very very fond of those little navy shorts. I think you need them in other colours”

Ann chuckled “They’re a bit small. It was that growth spurt I had.”

“And just to confirm once more because I’m trying to wrap my head around it, you had some kind of massive growth spurt and like this high” Anne gestured to about Ann’s height “is as good as it got. Like this is you maxed out. At capacity height.”

Ann shook her head at her love as she laughed, well aware that her teasing about her height was just in jest but Mariana jumped in on the action.

“Actually Ann you have quite a full bust for someone so petit everywhere else. Are they real?”

“Mary!” Anne said warningly and Ann looked shocked.

“They’re real, not that it’s any of your business” she continued and then squeezed Ann’s hand “And they’re beautiful and just like the rest of you including your height and not so big that they’re out of proportion and as I’ve previously said, I wouldn’t change a thing about you!”

“Well I’m a Hastings woman through and through. My mum’s maiden name. I come from a long line of petite women with boobs. “My Nanna is only 5”5 and my Mum was only 5”4. But she was so beautiful. She just had this light around her.”

Anne gave her beautiful girl her full attention. It was so rare for Ann to open up like this.

Ann pulled out her phone and showed Anne a photo. “I took this the week before she died!” Anne looked at the pic of a smiling Andra Walker wearing a red and white polkadot vintage swimsuit in awe. It was like looking at an older version of Ann with shorter lighter  
hair. Same tiny frame, very full breasts, long legs, perhaps a few extra pounds than Ann around the hips and waist and legs but not many. Her wheat blonde hair sat over one shoulder in soft waves that ended just above her bust. Same blue eyes, same beautiful smile.

“Oh sweetheart you look exactly like her!” Anne said genuinely and Ann smiled fondly as she remembered her mother. Yeah. That’s what everyone says. The older I get the more the comparison gets made.”

Mariana had completely become excluded from the conversation and she didn’t like it. The brat was obviously without a mother which explained how she was getting away with running around with a total player like Anne because she was not the kind of woman that mothers wanted their daughter with. But getting all nostalgic was completely stealing Anne’s full attention. She needed to get Anne fired up. When Anne got fired up she became energy charged and looking for release. A release the little sexual novice certainly wouldn’t be able to provide. But she knew she could do it.

“My apologies about my comment. It’s just that so many wealthy teenagers have cosmetic surgery procedures these days and are open about it. And I guess I was just thinking If Anne hasn’t seen them or touched them properly how would she know if they were real or not.”

“Mary that’s enough!” Anne’s anger began to rise but Mariana could see she had that little bitch Walker on the ropes and she wasn’t about to stop.

“Freddy told me you were a virgin. I think it’s very admirable in this day and age. Are you saving yourself for marriage because if you are darling I hate to tell you you’re backing the wrong horse with Anne Lister.’

“MARIANA THAT’S ENOUGH” Anne yelled as she slammed her fists down on the table with an almighty bang causing the plates and silver wear to clatter and both women to jump but Ann began to tremble.

Anne looked over to see an already mortified Ann shaking and turning pale before her eyes and felt awful. She was more aware than ever of Ann’s aggression triggers. She reached out and cupped her face. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you, stay with me. You’re safe! Come on baby look at me, look in my eyes. Stay with me”

“I know….I know I’m safe with you” Ann said softly and Anne sighed in relief as she stood and kissed the top of her head. She’d brought her back. “I didn’t tell her My darling. I never would. She figured it out when I said the room she wanted to stay in, instead of my room was your room now.”

Ann took a deep breath. “I know you wouldn’t Dude. I believe you!” She then looked at Mariana pointedly “You know Mariana I might be a virgin but I would much rather be a virgin than a 40 year old woman trapped in a loveless unhappy marriage who regularly cheats on her husband when she comes to use the most amazing woman who genuinely cared for her as a toy to ease her insecurities and validate her own miserable existence. And then proceeds to bully and taunt the woman who is actually good for her, who can offer her a future and a life to make herself feel better about the rising panic that the arrangement that has served her and only her for some 8 years has come to an end because that amazing woman has moved on and is now in love with someone else.”

Anne looked at Ann in awe. The way she sat herself up straight and spoke calmly quietly but with a very distinctive “Don’t fuck with me” fire in her beautiful blue eyes. She was incredibly classy and the epitome of grace under fire.

Mariana was absolutely incredulous. She sat spluttering for a response to the dressing down Ann had just given her.

“Freddy are you going to let her speak to me that way!” she demanded in a high pitched voice and Anne glared at her “Which part of it did you take exception to Mary because from where I’m sitting every word she spoke was true.”

Ann went back to eating in silence and Anne wondered what was going on inside her head.

“Why are we even eating dinner so early? It’s only a quarter to 6” Mariana complained.

“Because I have something I need to go to later” Ann said defiantly and Anne looked at her in surprise. “You do?”

“Yeah remember out on the deck I said I had something I wanted to do tonight? That I wanted you to come to?” Ann reminded her and Anne remembered,

“You did sweetheart. We’ll talk about it after dinner? Just us?”

“I’d like that!” Ann said as she leant across and gently kissed Anne.

“You know you’ve outdone yourself with the sauce this time. It’s on the same level as pasta in Italy. Honestly” Anne praised her and as loathed as Mariana was to admit it, Anne was right. The kid could cook. So she chose a different tact.

“Freddy’s right. The sauce is exceptional. Not too rich, not too sweet. Very balanced.” She said a little awkwardly and Ann looked at her in surprise.

“Thank you Mariana” She said graciously nonetheless.

“Reminds me of some of our spur of the moment pig outs in our jaunts to Piazza San Marco in Venice Freddy that started in way too many Aperol spritzes and ended in way too much pasta and gelato. The best kind though.”

Anne looked uncomfortable and Ann reassured her “It’s alright babe you’re 30. You’re going to have a past.”

Ann knew what Mariana was doing. She was determined not to let her get to her. She might have had Anne’s past but she wouldn’t have her future.

“Have you ever sat in Piazza San Marco sipping cocktails at sunset Ann? Of course you wouldn’t have you’re underage!” Mariana jibed and Ann shook her head.

“No I haven’t sat drinking cocktails at St Mark’s square in Venice at sunset. I have a fake ID but I often travel alone these days and sitting alone in such a cliché tourist spot would make me a target for pick pockets and 45 year old men looking to cheat on their wives. Also since they know they’re serving mostly tourists they water down everything and use cheap ingredients including the sauce but especially the cocktails. Spritzes are made with almost all soda, a touch bottom of the barrel prosecco and you likely weren’t even drinking Aperol but orange bitters flavoured syrup. You’re better off making friends with the locals and going off the beaten track to the places the tourists don’t know. 

For cocktails in Venice, walk to the end of Piazza San Marco, hang a left at the Violin players always set up in the corner, walk around the corner and keep going along the canal until you reach a little hole in the wall bar with shabby chic furniture and little white canopies. That’s where you’ll get a real itallian Aperol spritz. For a simple bolognaise pasta like mine you want to hit La Bianca at Borgo San Luigi in Tuscany and if you want the best Gelato you can’t go past Gelato Dondoli but while their award winning champagne pink grapefruit is very good I feel their unsung hero is Rosemary baby, named after the Woody Allen film. It’s a combination of Raspberry and Rosemary, the latter of which I feel gives it its kick and sets it apart.”

Mariana was actually sitting with her jaw agape and Anne smiled in bemusement at the sight and then absolutely beamed at Ann. She was something else. She’d felt ashamed for so long of the way she’d continually begged Mariana to leave Charles and settle down with her. From the moment her long time lover had walked through the door she’d been worried Ann would see her as weak. She had underestimated how much Ann had already heard from their mutual friends about her history with Mariana. She had also underestimated just how capable her love was at coming out swinging when being pushed down even on a potentially painful day. 

“Well I’m enjoying this dinner immensely” Anne said gleefully.

Mariana knew if she was going to play her trump card it needed to be now.

“Speaking of past times we’ve enjoyed immensely Freddy. I hear they’re having a big night at Le Jazz Hot tonight. We could head there for old times sake. Get inspired, maybe come back here and you could give your flogger a whirl down memory lane on me.”

“Mary cut it out!” Anne dismissed her.

“Flogger?” Ann asked Anne, intrigued and Anne shook her head. “Nevermind sweetheart!”

“No you should tell her! You both keep saying she’s a big girl, maybe she should come out with the big girls. I can expose her to a real education.” She then looked at Ann pointedly. That is of course unless you’re scared of having your obvious innocence corrupted. Le jazz hot is on paper a cabaret club but it how do I describe it, has been known to heavily dabble in elements of kink and BDSM geared in particular towards girl parties and lesbians. They also dabble in show girls, pole dancing and aerial arts” Mariana said smugly and Ann bit back a smile.

“And what makes you so sure you can give me an education in that sort of thing. I am an aerial arist you know” She asked, not backing down.

“Well for one you’re a child and a virgin, and secondly I’m a frequent visitor to clubs like this. Freddy and I used to go together. She likes a little light dabbling in BDSM….sometimes not so light.”

“MARY STOP IT!” Anne yelled. The last thing she wanted was Ann being scared away.

“And who topped who.” Ann asked and the natural dominant in Anne sprung to reply “I topped her of course!”

She then realised what she’d said but the next stunning realisation was the question Ann had asked.

“That’s a shame!” Ann said with an unreadable expression and Anne leant closer to her, feeling like she was on the brink of uncovering something dark in her beautiful girl but not quite knowing what it was.

“And why is that my darling?”

Ann put her fork down and leant closer until her and Anne’s faces were inches apart. “Because the Anne Lister I know. My Dude, is too good for empty play with someone who so clearly tops from the bottom out of desperation!”

Anne’s eyes widened in realisation. And then she smiled. Clearly her love was more well versed in aspects of kink than Mariana or even she had given her credit for.

“You know something? You’re absolutely right!” Anne said in sincere agreement.

“So Le Jazz Hot? I’ll meet you there around 8” she said as she stood up and Anne gently took her by the arm and led her away from the table.

“Sweetheart you don’t have to do this, I can see you obviously know more about this sort of thing than I realised though you’re so mature and well read, I’m not surprised but some of the nights at this place can be really kinky and I’m just worried it might be a bit too much.”

“But what if tonight was a less kinky night!” Ann offered and Anne stroked her face. “We wouldn’t know until we got there and didn’t you want us to do something tonight for your mum?”

“So we go and check it out and then we leave?” Ann countered. “I am not having that bitch treat me like a child and think she’s gotten the better of me!” she said stubbornly.

Anne could see Ann wasn’t going to back down. “I understand, things got a little out of hand. If at any time you feel uncomfortable you tell me and I get you out of there. Don’t worry about Mary. Now in terms of an outfit, the dress code here is kind of particular. Do you happen to have a tight black dress? That’s a fairly safe bet”

Ann smiled at Anne. Always her protector. Always being careful not to push her too fast and keep her safe. Mariana hadn’t ever deserved someone as wonderful as her Dude.

“I think I have something appropriate up my sleeve!” she said with a knowing smile and turned and headed out of the formal dining area.

“Ann wait” Anne called after her and Ann turned just as Anne wrapped her arms around her waist. “I’m so sorry if I fed you to the wolves, that wasn’t my intention. She turned up which completely threw me, I never even really had a chance to explain our history to you, and then I was a little thrown by how much you knew already and I honestly wanted to throw her out when she was being so disrespectful to you at the dinner table but it seemed so important for you to establish equilibrium or even the upper hand in some kind of power balance so I tried not to intervene. I just wanted you to know you have nothing to prove. Mary is a bitch and you, my sweet beautiful girl are my dream come true.”

Anne cupped Ann’s face in her hands “I never realised how little I was settling for and asking for myself until you fell into my arms. I’m never going back. I want you to know that!”

Ann felt her tummy fill with butterflies. Her sweet complicated Dude who liked to act so tough and was really so soft on the inside, especially when it came to her. Who had been so hurt, but the likes of Mariana.

“I understand baby!” Ann said as she kissed Anne gently and wrapped her arms tightly around her neck, hugging her close.

“It’s Mariana who is going to get schooled tonight!” Ann assured her confidently and Anne pulled back to look at her in surprise “What do you mean Beauty?”

Ann chuckled. “You’ll see! I’ll see you at 8!”

*********************************

“Freddy…can’t you get us in” Mariana whined some 40 people deep in the queue and Anne rolled her eyes “It’s a special evening of some kind Mary. I could have used my connections to get us an invitation had I known earlier but you sprung it on me at the dinner table for the pure purpose of being malicious to Ann who now feels she has to go through with it so quite frankly I’m glad we can’t get in.”

Ann walked along the busy city street and felt herself flushing when she caught sight of Anne. “Oh god” she gasped out loud as she took in Anne’s white dress shirt, high waisted tuxedo pants, cropped tuxedo jacket, loose tie, slicked back hair and smokey eyes. She looked incredible.

“Wow Dude you look to die for” Ann said appreciatively as she stopped in front of Anne and Mariana in the queue.

Anne looked Ann up and down in surprise. She was wearing a long sleeve pink latex trench coat with identically coloured pink high heeled mary janes with a small platform that fastened at her ankle with a big patent leather bow on the sides and stood her at the same height as Anne. The front of her hair had been pulled back into a soft quiff and the rest was in a high elegant soft bun. Her eyes were soft, sultry and smoky with thick winged eyeliner and super long wispy doll like false lashes, her cheeks were soft and rosy and she had the most incredible slick of thick iridescent pink lip gloss on her lips. She looked so incredibly gorgeous and in that pink latex coat which surely couldn’t be William Wilde? Very soft fetish glam.

“Sweetheart you look exquisite” Anne said as she hugged Ann tenderly and softly kissed her cheek, not wanting to disturb her makeup.

“Is that the William Wilde pink latex trench” Mariana asked in shock and Ann smiled as she looked Mariana up and down, squeezed into a black corset that was too small with ruffled hot pants that were too much with ornate corset, suspenders, stockings and heeled boots. She blended in with most of the other people in the queue with nothing remarkable about her outfit whatsoever.

“It is! Good spotting! Why are we waiting out here in line?”

“Mary can’t get us in!” Anne said smugly and Ann looked at Mariana in surprise “Really? I thought you were some kind of mad kink guru who was going to give me an education in all things “Le Jazz Hot”

Mariana looked away uncomfortably “It would appear it’s some kind of special night. Someone of great importance having a birthday or something!”

Anne noticed for the first time Ann had a Louis Vuitton suitcase with her “What’s in the suitcase?”

Ann looked down at the bag “Stuff for later. Come with me, I’m needed inside”

“I guess you can come too!” Ann said unenthusiastically to Mariana as she took Anne by the hand and led her straight to the door man with Mariana running after them.

“My darling what are you doing?” Anne asked in confusion until one of the huge door men picked Ann up and threw her in the air, catching her and hugging her tight “Annie!” he said happily and Ann giggled as he put her on her feet. “Hey Joe!”

“Annie Walker you get over here!” the other man said and Ann gave him a big hug “Hi Mikey!”

“Mama Jaz will be thrilled you’re here it’s crazy in there!”

“I better get in there. This is Miss Lister, she’s on the VIP list as my guest and we also have Mariana Lawton who isn’t on the VIP list but I’m kind of stuck with her!”

Anne bit back a laugh and Mariana shot daggers at Ann. “Well off the 3 of you go!”

“How can SHE get us in here?” Mariana demanded of Anne and when they reached the bottom of the steps and were in the packed main room Anne saw the poles, lyra, trapeze and circus equipment were all set up and breathed a sigh of relief. It was a cirque theme night. There was a strong cross over these days between circus and fetish. At least Ann should be more comfortable. That still didn’t answer the burning question in her mind.

“Ann I need to ask, how did you just pull that off?” she asked insistently and Ann pointed to the huge screen. “Ladies, the birthday girl. My mother!”

Anne looked at the screen to see a beautiful picture of Ann’s mother perched on a lyra in a show girl costume at the club with a big sign across the bottom that said “Happy 45th birthday Andra Walker!”

“She was a performer here for many years I grew up on rehearsals with these girls and Mama Jazz. And I perform here and work here too sometimes. To maintain those connections. This was a birthday that would have been a big deal to my mum if she was still alive so Mama and everyone who loved her decided to give her a birthday party. I can’t believe……” Ann’s eyes filled with the beginnings of tears. “I can’t believe how many people showed up for her tonight. I mean she was so loved I shouldn’t be surprised. But it’s really special!”

Anne had so many conflicting emotions. She was so happy for Ann that this was being done for her mum. And she should have been shocked that her beautiful girl had worked here and spent time here. But for some reason as Anne pondered that sensual darkness, that fire that simmered beneath the layer of Ann’s innocence. It all seemed to make sense in a way.

“Come here sweetheart!” Anne said as she held her close “This is what I wanted to take you to.” Ann said softly “ And then Mariana kept being so smug on what was already a tough day and I just really wanted to get the upper hand on her you know? I know it’s petty.”

“It’s not petty, And I’d say mission well and truly accomplished sweetheart.” Anne said as she looked at Mariana standing to the side sulking.

“Mama Jaz asked if I’d do the storytellers spot tonight. Tell my story, my mum’s story. Authentically like she would have wanted for tonight and I wanted you with me for support. And then she put out a desperate call in our staff private facebook group for extra help and I couldn’t leave her in the lurch.”

“BABYGIRL” came a booming female voice as a tall curvaceous woman who Anne recognised as Mama Jaz came storming towards them and pulled Ann into her arms for a hug. “I’m so glad you’re here! And that you can help out tonight. Let me look at you” she said as she pulled away. “Your Mum would be so proud. And in a William Wilde trench coat no less!” 

“And this!” Ann said as she took off the trench coat and did a little twirl.

Anne’s jaw dropped at the sight of Ann in a pink William Wilde very high waisted skin-tight latex pencil skirt that began about an inch under her bust emphasising her tiny waist and had a latex frill that ran down the right side of the skirt and ended at her mid- calf. It was paired with a William Wilde pink latex halter bra that fastened at her neck and back and had an ornate pink structured bow across her breasts. There was only an inch or so of flesh revealed between the skirt and top and she looked so incredibly classy and expensive. It was an absolutely stunning ensemble and Anne didn’t think she’d ever been more turned on by something her beautiful girl had worn. It was fetish but it wasn’t. It was like Ann taking the concept of fetish and making it her own. It was “Ann”.

Mama Jaz squealed “You’ll make all the ladies swoon!”

“This is my Dude” Ann said proudly. “Anne Lister, meet Jazmine Moretti. AKA Mama Jaz!”

Mama Jaz shook Anne’s hand warmly “It’s a pleasure to meet you Anne. I’ve heard so much about you from Annie. Please call me Mama Jaz”

“Lovely to meet you too!” Anne said politely. She liked this woman. She clearly adored Ann.

“What’s the plan? Where am I needed?” Ann asked.

“Anywhere and everywhere honey. I need you on drinks first to ease the rush, jump in on the pole routines that you know and the Lyra, sling and trapeze are all rigged, you’re my most versatile performer on shift tonight and I really need you to get up there and do something kinky. Even if you just dance around seductively and set yourself on fire”

“WHAT?” Anne said in a raised voice and Ann giggled ‘Shhh baby it’s a circus trick it’s perfectly safe I’ve been doing it for many years but if you do it in lingerie people think it’s kinky!”

“Oh’ Anne said still a little dubiously and Ann pointed to the suitcase she had “I brought my rope and my rigs and Harry is coming. I’ll tie him then self-suspend and we’ll do partner aerials. He owes me.

“Amazing honey just make it flashy and showy and wind the crowd up like I know you will. You’re a Walker!” Mama jaz said confidently.

“Rope? Ann’s into rope?” Anne whispered to herself in wonder.

“Your usual doll face!” A very butch bar employee said as they came and handed Ann two shots and she knocked both of them back one after the other. “Thanks Will, can you dump this in the dressing room for me” She handed the woman her case.

“You got it gorgeous!”

“I best get to work! I love you. Enjoy the show!” Ann said as she kissed Anne quickly and then hopped behind the bar, looking at orders and immediately making drinks.

Anne watched as Mama Jaz pulled aside a burly looking stage manager and bouncer. “That is Andra Walker’s baby girl and the closest thing to a baby girl I have. She doesn’t do nudity, she doesn’t take her clothes off, If anyone in the audience pressures her to strip kick them out, she doesn’t do anything sexually intimate or overtly provocative, she doesn’t like excessive flash photography or being filmed, she doesn’t participate in impact play of any kind, she’s not in any scenes involving sex toys and she’s not to be touched by anyone. She’s strictly house staff, headline dancer and feature fetish performance art only. She’s loved and she’s fucking exceptionally good at all 3 of those things but she’s much more innocent and less experienced than the other girls here in anything Sex or BDSM play related though she has a much better understanding of consent and boundaries than most and if she’s not looked after heads will fucking roll.”

“So basically little miss princess just stands looking pretty and being a ballerina in couture”  
latex and lingerie seriously Anne what are you doing with this girl she is such a bore!” Mariana said scathingly.

“Shut up Mary!” Anne spat as she turned away from her in irritation but felt very relieved hearing Mama Jaz’s instructions to her staff. Walking over to a wall with posters of all the house performers with their exotic stage names she spotted Ann immediately. A lot of the other girls had the word “Mistress” in front of their names but Ann was wrapped up in a sling making a gorgeous shape that showed her strength and then down the bottom her stage name.

“Bulletproof Baby” it read in big italic letters and Anne smiled as she read it aloud.

“I nicknamed her that and it stuck” Mama Jaz said proudly. “It suits her” Anne conceded.

“Yep. That girl has taken hits that would finish people two and three times her age but she gets up every time. She’s bulletproof. And very much in love I see!” Mama Jaz said with a warm smile and Anne broke into a grin. “It’s very much requited!”

“I see that! Come with me, you’ve got the best seat In the house. Will your companion be joining you?” Mama Jaz asked and Anne glared at Mariana “No she will be standing up the back until she changes her attitude and stops disrespecting Ann because she’s so jealous she can’t see straight!”

“Freddy!” Mariana cried out in indignation.

Mama Jaz gave Anne a wry smile. ‘Very good, this way!’ Anne was shown to her seat and Anne lightly touched her arm when they got there “I heard what you said to your manager. Thank you for looking after my girl. Protecting her innocence even though she’s very sensual. I find myself frequently fascinated by her dichotomy. It’s quite magical.

Mama Jaz’s face took on a wistful expression. “I understand that very well dear. It’s what made me fall in love with her mother. Over and over again! Though Ann is a lot more naturally submissive than Andra was. Andra topped her husband and stage Mistressed here but only submitted to me.”

Anne was surprised into momentary silence. “Oh…I see” So Ann’s mother had some secrets too.

“Yes” Mama Jaz smiled “A very alluring combination it is indeed. Your girl is every dominant lesbian’s wet dream. I have a feeling you’re about to find out just how much. Enjoy the show and if you notice any signs of Ann struggling through this evening please let me know”

“I will” Anne said gratefully and Mama Jaz put her hand on Anne’s shoulder. “Ann told me you’re copping a lot of shit for her age and that she’s being told she’s too young and inexperienced for you. For what it’s worth I’ve known that girl for many years and it’s like she’s just suddenly come into full bloom and spreading her wings like never before. And I think it’s you.”

Anne’s face lit up in surprised delight “Thank you. Thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome honey. Enjoy!” 

Anne sat down and looked over at Ann laughing and chatting with the other waitresses and patrons as they delivered drinks to tables. She was so beautiful. And so enigmatic in the layers of herself that she kept slowly peeling back and revealing to her.

She had a feeling that by the end of the night she would know a lot more about Ann Walker.


	13. Breath of Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So little Annie struts her stuff on stage. To be honest, the ties she does would have so many more steps for safety and be so much more complex but I honestly didn't want to bore anyone with technical stuff. I was a rope bunny/performer in shibari (Japanese rope bondage) for years but honestly I only liked the kind of shows Ann does that are dynamic and about the aerials and tell a story with fun dancing or watching two women tie who are so completely in love because its beautiful and sensual (Which is why people loved watching my ex and I).
> 
> This is Ann's performance outfit for anyone who wants a visual. Its a luxury UK designed lingerie brand and their stuff is frightfully expensive but so luxe and beautiful if you like this kind of stuff. I
> 
> https://babylikestopony.com/products/angela-dress-by-bordelle-cream?_pos=1&_sid=2dabbf464&_ss=r&variant=1248730524

Anne sat sipping her drink at Le Jazz Hot feeling so proud of Ann. She’d been flat out at the bar and then had suddenly just appeared, having traded the William Wilde pencil skirt for a pair of modest high waisted latex hot pants with little bows on the legs that matched the bra top and she did the most sultry pole routine, or at least part of it that had Anne’s eyes just about popping out of her head and then she’d kicked off her heels, scaled the pole to the top and mounted the lyra. And oh the beautiful shapes she’d made. From there she’d grabbed the trapeze and swung across the room hanging from it by a single knee, almost giving Anne a heart attack in the process but she’d done it so effortlessly and gracefully. The girl really was born to be in the sky. Born to fly. She was incredible. Even Mariana hadn’t had a bad word to say about it. She’d just sat beside Anne watching and sulking. The two of them had moved to a hidden little darkened corner of the room while some lap dances and light impact play took place in the centre of the room between shows. Anne had no interest in watching that. She only had eyes for her beautiful girl.

“Are you enjoying the show?” Mama Jaz asked as she took a seat to Anne’s left with a drink, taking a break for a moment.

“Immensely. Oh my goodness Ann is incredible. Absolutely incredible!” Mama Jaz beamed in pride “She really is. She’s even better than her mother was which is saying something. What she lacks in awareness of how beautiful she is and confidence in her own skills and sexuality she makes up for with extreme proficiency and grace in any aerial apparatus or dance style you throw at her. She’s just been giving me a run down of her shibari show and I swear the girl should have a career in PR or Event Management. The girl just has the knack for it!”

“I tell her that all the time. My company is Shibden Enterprises. We do Marketing and PR” Anne explained and Mama Jaz regarded her with interest “I knew you were familiar to me for something other than romances with high profile lesbians around town”

Anne chuckled “Fair call!”

“She’s very clever though our Ann. She loves the artistry of rope and the lines and shapes she can make with it, but isn’t into bondage yet her love of tying still translates. She does a cute little skit to capture the imagination of the audience, chooses a soundtrack that will really get the crowd going and put her in the zone, one that she can play up to. Her performance comes across as sensual and intimate yet its not. It’s just Harry and her have a deep love and a comfort level with one another born from years of being best friends, performance partners and living together. And she’ll do something really kinky as a shock tactic in the beginning that will have every woman here salivating then relax into a performance that is essentially an aerial show covered in fetish smoke mirrors and isn’t even that kinky. She knows how to give the people what they want. But the truth is while she’s a very proficient and competent rope top, you and I both know Ann Walker is no dominant. It is my belief, that she’s been waiting for the right person to come along and guide her in unleashing some of her darker desires.”

Anne pondered what Mama Jaz had said carefully and then when Mama jaz stood she placed a hand on Anne’s shoulder and said “Ann is about to put on what will no doubt be the best show of the evening. But at the beginning when she does something with the candle just watch her. Really watch her!” she said with a knowing smile and then disappeared behind the stage.

“I very much doubt little Miss innocent would do anything with a candle except for blow it out” Mariana remarked dryly and Anne glared at her. “You’re so incredibly threatened by her Mary aren’t you?” 

“Threatened by that child and your temporary infatuation with her? Don’t be ridiculous!” Mariana spat and Anne smiled bitterly “We both know if you really believed her a child and this a temporary infatuation you wouldn’t be so worked up.”

“Come on Freddy!” Mariana said as she rubbed Anne’s arm “You can enjoy her, watch your perfect little princess and then when youre all worked up and looking for release come play with the big girls who actually know how to give it to you.”

“For your information Mary the only reason Ann and I haven’t had sex is because I have put the brakes on. Not her, me.”

“You….what. Why?” Mariana asked, completely stunned. Anne was the most sexual woman she’d ever known. She didn’t stop for anything or anyone ever. If there was consent given she was always full steam ahead, fuck fuck fuck until the woman she was with essentially collapsed from hysteria and exhaustion. She had experienced it herself many times. Sex was like an extreme sport to Lister.

Anne thought about it and forgot all about Mariana’s petulance and nastiness. Suddenly she was just talking to the other party in the longest standing relationship she’d ever had. Someone who so many of her deepest darkest secrets and yet not the darkest. Not about Karen. Only Ann had those. After such a short time. 

“ I have my reasons due to her age and things that happened to me when I was a similar age that I just want to protect her from. Because she’s everything. She’s the end of me. The beginning of me and everything in between. She’s what I see when I touch myself, the image in my head that makes me wet just thinking about her. The touch of her index finger across my collar-bone as she presses her lips to mine makes all the hairs on my body stand on end and when she kisses me passionately and digs those little fingers of her into my neck and shoulders, her nails pressing into my skin I soak my boxers. Suddenly I feel it. For the first time ever, the effect I have on other women, the one that seems to melt them into a puddle at my fingers and mouth? She has the same effect on me and its utterly bewildering, terrifying and incredible at the same time. And despite her innocence, the way she responds to my touch and my kiss. It’s like we were meant to be this way. 

We were made for each other. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love her and what’s so amazing is that for the first time ever, the person I’ve fallen in love with is head over heels in love with me too. And I don’t want to miss a thing. Not a moment, not a kiss or a caress. Watching her experience things for the first time is so magical. I don’t want to rush her through it, And part of the magic is in a way I’m experiencing things for the first time too. Because I’ve never let anyone inside the way I have her. She is messy, damaged, scarred, unpredictable and so dependable and full of light all at the same time. Funny, sweet, kind, sassy, timid, lacking in confidence yet quietly strong as fuck, cheeky, super sexy and so very loving. She is exquisitely beautiful from the inside out. She’s my dream come true. And when someone that magical and rare, that perfect for you not just because she’s heaven but because of her imperfections is gifted to you, you respect where she’s at. You’re sensitive to her youth, her inexperience, the trauma she’s endured along the way and you protect her and wrap her up tight. You cherish her the way she deserves and let the two of you build and grow together. Because you know it’s you and her for life. So you have time. Time for the amazing earth shattering sex you’ll have. And time for all the things.”

Mariana just sat with her mouth agape. She’d lost Anne. She knew it. Anne had never loved anyone the way she loved Ann Walker. The way she’d just spoken about her. She was furious. Anne had never loved her that way. If she had maybe she would have been able to leave Charles. She’d never treated and indulged her like a perfect little fucking princess the way she did that brat little Miss Walker.”

Ann had been in the process of bringing Anne and Mariana a drink when she’d stumbled upon their conversation as she stood behind them. And the things Anne had said about her, about their love, about the effect she had on her sexually. The beautiful way she’d spoken about her, about her devotion to her even in spite of all her messy parts. She had tears streaming down her face. She placed the tray down on the table between them and came around to Anne and straddled her lap, wrapping her hands around Anne’s neck.

Anne was a little taken aback to feel the sudden weight landing in her lap but processed very quickly that it was her beautiful girl and then was aghast that she had tear stains down her gorgeous face.

“My darling what’s the matter?” Anne asked urgently as she wiped the tears away with the pads of her thumbs and Ann shook her head. “Nothing, I just heard your conversation when I was bringing you drinks and the way you spoke about me and your love for me was just so beautiful. It’s the kind of love I dreamed of but so many bad things had happened I dared not hope it was real or possible.”

“Sweet baby” Anne sad as she took Ann’s face between her hands and kissed all around her face so gently and reassuringly “That’s the way that you love me. I only speak of what I get in return.”

“And look at how beautiful you are!” Anne cooed softly as she ran her hands over the beautiful cream coloured lace rope she wore and then traced her finger over her full matte bright melon red lips. “I love this!” Anne said adoringly as she pulled one of the curls in her high bouncy ponytail that now accompanied the soft quiff at the front. It was very cute, sassy and sexy. Very Ann.

“Come here little Pixie” she said as she cupped Ann’s face in her hands and kissed her lips so gently and intimately that Ann sighed in pleasure.

Mariana couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Anne absolutely doted on this brat. She was so tender, gentle and sweet with her. So raw and intimate. So loving. She’d never been like that with her ever, not even in the early days. She’d thought she’d been rather adoring until she’d seen her Freddy holding fucking Ann Walker.

Suddenly Anne had a dreadful thought . The last thing she wanted to do was scare or overwhelm Ann “Wait a minute, you heard the whole conversation….like the whole conversation….about the sex stuff and…oh god sweetheart the things you would have heard.”

Ann pressed her fingers to Anne’s lips. “It’s alright, I loved it all and I understand. I mean it’s like that for me too. Every time you kiss me and touch me my panties get all wet. I mean I didn’t understand why at first I had to ask one of the girls here and she said It meant I’d hit the jackpot and good work and that it was normal.”

Anne groaned at Ann’s revelation about her panties and Mariana rolled her eyes.

“Jesus fucking Christ total virgin much?” Mariana mocked from where she sat and Anne went to rip into her but Ann held her face tight and her gaze locked on hers. “Don’t worry about her. She doesn’t exist, if she chooses to sit here and intrude on a night and moment meant for us she’ll hear shit she doesn’t like”

Anne knew Ann was right so she made the conscious decision to ignore Mariana. “You know if you’re confused or unsure you can talk to me don’t you baby. I promise I’ll never embarrass you. I’m always here for you.” Ann bit her lip. “I know but this is all new to me and I get shy……” she looked down and Anne tipped her chin up “It’s okay to get shy, I understand Beauty. You’re my magical little Pixie. You fell from the sky into my arms and I wouldn’t change a thing about you. Your blend of shyness and sensual curiosity is actually very sexy. I love you”

“I love you too Dude so much!” Ann kissed the older woman passionately, grinding on her lap slightly as she did so and Anne moaned, deepening the kiss and feeling brave she put her mouth to Ann’s ear. “Are your panties wet for me now baby?”

“Yes…” Ann whispered urgently then in a move Anne wasn’t remotely expecting Ann took her hand, opened her robe and slid it between her legs “Feel….see?” she asked and Anne felt her own boxers flood with wetness as she allowed herself just a moment to feel her finger tips lightly pressed against Ann’s wet panties that were pulsating with her need and the warmth of her centre and then quickly pulled her hand away before she did something she couldn’t take back.

“Fuck Ann, You’re so hot. Jesus baby where have you been all my life?” Anne gasped as she kissed Ann and when the kiss broke Ann looked into Anne’s eyes with a need and yearning that took Anne’s breath away. “Waiting for you to come and make me yours” she said and Anne gasped as Ann’s simple comment went all the way to her own centre, making it throb. “Oh you’re mine alright….there will never be any doubt about that my beautiful, fucking, perfect girl” Anne said as she possessively grasped Ann’s throat. “You like that baby don’t you? I know you like that!” Anne said as Ann flushed and then squealed a little as Anne bit the column of her throat lightly and smoothed it with her tongue, making Ann moan. 

It was like a car crash but Mariana couldn’t move away but she couldn’t stop looking at them. It’s like they became the same person. Like they were in their own little bubble or something. She looked around and there was some light flogging and spanking happening in the corners of the room, couples making out in corners, people giving and receiving lap dances but she couldn’t stop staring at Anne, at how different she was with this brat or as much as she loathed to admit, how hot Ann was and made her. It had to be an act. Surely she could get Freddy back. Anne was hers.

Anne squeezed Ann by both arms as she kissed her and then brought her hand up to stroke the side of her breast and Ann’s mind went back to a time when someone else had clutched her by the arms and squeezed her by the breast while she cried and screamed and begged them to stop. The memory completely took her by surprise as it was nothing like the passionate and loving way that Anne was connecting to her but she froze.

Anne felt the change in Ann instantly. She held her breath, went so very quiet and became very still and she knew her beautiful girl had reached her limit in their little make out session. She wasn’t at all surprised. It had gotten pretty hot and heavy quickly and though they were involved in their own little trysts there were still people around, including Mariana.

“My precious sweetheart” Anne said as she rubbed Ann’s back gently kissing her eyes, her cheeks, her nose. “My sweet beautiful girl” she whispered as she repositioned Ann so that she was less exposed, no longer straddling her but cradled in her lap, wrapped up protectively in her arms.

Ann realised Anne had picked up on what happened. “Oh I’m sorry I…” Anne cut her off with a featherlight kiss to her lips “Shhhhh baby no sorrys. There’s nothing to be sorry for. That was amazing. You are amazing. I meant what I said, there’s no rush!”

Ann still looked like she was feeling guilty and Anne pressed her forehead to her little loves “These things take time yes?” she smiled at Ann and it was one so full of gentleness and understanding. “Yes” Ann said softly with a shy smile and Anne kissed her forehead “That’s my girl. And we have all the time.”

Ann was in shock. She hadn’t had a flashback of what happened with Thomas while being intimate with Anne so far. What had changed? She didn’t even want to know. She just melted into the safety and tenderness of Anne’s embrace, curling up in her arms and willed it all away.

Mariana was flabbergasted. Anne had sensed the tiniest change in Ann’s demeanour and instead of charging on she’d completely pulled back her passion and want and was now cradling the brat in her arms, rocking her, stroking her and reassuring her like she was the most fragile rare and precious thing in world. What was so fucking special about the little blonde midget apart from her doll face and perfect tits. “I call bullshit” Mariana spat bitterly under her breath. Anne had never held or protected her like that. She’d never curled her up in her lap and rocked her. She deserved that. Maybe if she’d have had something other than the sexually aggressive fuck machine that was Anne Lister who professed her adoration for her but never once like she’d seen her do to Ann, never once looked at her the same way, maybe things could have been different. She deserved that. She was older, more mature and more experienced than Ann. She knew Anne better than that brat did. They had an 8 year history. As long as she was breathing, she would split them up.

**********************************

Anne was re-seated in the centre of the room waiting for Ann’s shibari show to start. Thankfully Mariana was off sulking and drinking at the bar. Ann had let herself be cuddled for a while and then went off to get ready for her show but seemed so reluctant to leave Anne’s arms. Normally she just up and scrambled off her lap and moved onto the next thing but this time she kept saying “Just one more minute” and burrowing her face into her “nook” in Anne’s neck between her shoulder and chin. And it had been so nice, the way she lingered. The way she allowed herself to be vulnerable, to be held, to be looked after.

There was no announcement and there didn’t need to be. Ann just strutted out in head to toe bordelle lingerie and stood centre stage while the stage team hurried around behind her setting up her show.

Anne’s eyes virtually bulged from their sockets and the crowd began to cheer wildly and wolf whistle. She had the same pony tail and freshly touched up red pout as before paired with the signature ivory Bordelle Angela dress comprised of hundreds of little bra straps to perfectly mould to her figure and it pushed her full breasts high. She’d paired it with the matching collar around her neck, the dress suspenders were attached to the matching thigh garters, and she had on sky high Ivory coloured glitter platform peep toe boots. It looked like her legs went on forever. She looked hot as fuck. Bordelle was one of Anne’s most favourite things to see a woman in, particularly because of its ability to perfectly shape the female form and its nod to kink but she had never imagined her beautiful girl owning it. Now she just wanted to buy her everything in the collection and have her wear it for her. Someone handed Ann a microphone and she switched it on.

“Good evening everyone. I am Bulletproof Baby!” The crowd went wild with more wolf whistles and cheering and cries of “Sexy baby!” and “Wohoo we love you Annie!” and “Go Annie!”

Hearing her name, Ann through her hands up in the air ‘Well so much for anonymity!” but she wasn’t serious and she giggled along with them and then said “shhhhhhhh” putting a finger to her lips and gesturing for everyone to sit. Which they did. Anne couldn’t believe it. She had them eating out of the palm of her hand.

“Now you all know my house mate Harry who is always getting himself into scrapes. Am I an easy person to live with?......hmmmmm no!” The crowd giggled and she continued “Am I a forgiving person to live with ?” She reached into a box and pulled out a small single tail whip and cracked it like an expert “Also no!”

Anne could see what she was doing, she wasn’t trying to be a mistress but she was establishing control and the audience loved it. Where did she learn to crack a single tail like that though? It wasn’t easy.

“He hasn’t cleaned the house in 3 weeks or done the grocery shopping or put on a load of laundry and he has terribly loud parties on a regular basis without cleaning up after himself that interrupt my beauty sleep.” She gave a dramatic pout as she put her hand to her face looking so adorable Anne could squish her and the crowd went “Awwwwww” with someone calling out “You don’t need sleep to make you beautiful Gorgeous!”

Ann looked in the direction of the woman and winked at her “Charmer!”

She then turned behind her and said “Harry, would you like to come out here?” she called and Anne cracked up laughing as a disgruntled looking Harry emerged wearing tiny little black hot pants with a miniature white french maids apron attached to the front. The crowd cheered and Ann gestured for him to twirl around, showing off his ripped dancer bod and the fact that she’d already tied his arms behind his back. She then said “Now what do we say Harry?”

“I’m sorry my queen I shall never be untidy again” Harry said as he looked at Ann pitifully and Ann blew on her nail as the crowd cheered “There. Now was that so hard? She picked up a feather duster from the box and put it between his teeth “Here hold this!”   
She said commandingly as she put it up to his mouth and Harry begrudgingly opened and held it between his teeth.

Ann took a beautiful heart shaped ring and hung it from a rig in the ceiling, then hung an identical ring very close to it and picked up a bundle in a scarf, opening it to reveal it was full of rope. She placed it on the floor at her feet. “Now some might say that this is punishment for wrong-doing. But I like to call it a little playful ‘behaviour modification therapy” Anne was captivated by Ann’s cheeky, sassy, playful demeanour. It was very sexy and the crowd were applauding loudly as Ann handed the stage hand the microphone, pushed Harry under the rope ring and moved to the front of the stage holding a length of red rope as the commanding beginning of Florence and the Machine’s breath of life began to play.”

“I was looking for a breath of life” 

Ann took the rope and ran it across her throat very sensuously and then bit her lip as she pulled it down the length of her body, across her breasts, her stomach and her pelvis. “Jesus” Anne gasped and then watched enthralled as Ann picked up one of the lit candles at the front of the stage. “That’s a wax play candle” Anne thought as Ann walked back to one of the rope rings, reached her hand up high to grasp it, tiled her head so her neck was arched and holding up the candle she tipped it. Everyone leant forward practically salivating as hot red wax droplets began to drop slowly onto Ann’s neck, collar bone and shoulder.

“Another taste of heavenly rush”

“Jesus fucking Christ” Anne gasped as she remembered what Mama Jaz said about the candle. She watched as Ann bit her lip through the initial pain and then began to relax into it. Her body flushing, her legs trembling, her chest heaving and then she tilted the candle even more and a flood of wax spilled across her entire chest and neck as she cried out and her hips bucked. She was aroused. Her beautiful girl had hot wax dripping onto her exquisite body and she seemed to welcome the pain, the heat. Her face took on the most dreamy and blissful expression as the wax slowly cooled and Anne literally felt herself gushing in her boxers just watching her.

She then walked over to where Harry stood, stepped out of her boots, pushed him to sit on the ground and knelt behind him. She took the feather duster out of his mouth and picking up a length of rope she began to tie a chest harness on him. And oh she was magnificent. It was like the rope was an extension of her fingers, of her arms. She was so incredibly fluid and graceful in her movements. It was like watching a dance as she pulled Harry back against her, pressing her cheek to his then turning hers to kiss his as she slowly wrapped the rope around his chest. Anne didn’t feel remotely threatened but it was still so sensual and sexy. You could have heard a pin drop in the room it was so quiet. It seemed to be a longer looped version of the song but Anne never wanted to stop watching her do this. The combination of the haunting song building to it’s climax, her in the lingerie, the red wax staining her neck shoulders and breasts like drops of blood, the red rope flying through the air and moving through her tiny hands like strands of silk. The visual was very incredibly erotic. Ann seemed to be finished tying the chest harness. She stood up and pulled the rope through the heart ring, locking it off to insure it was secured and then pulled on the end of it causing Harry to rise to his knees and then about a foot off the ground and she spun him in a circle as the crowd cheered while she looked at him like a cat stalking her prey. 

She then pulled him up to his feet, tied off the rope and bent down, tying one rope around his upper thigh and bringing it up to tie at the ring and then another around his other ankle, again bringing it up to the ring as Billie Eilish’s “Bad guy” began to play and everyone started cheering as soon as they heard the track. Ann pulled on some ropes , securing them and suddenly Harry was suspended in the air quite a few feet off the ground. She walked him around by the head doing a very slow show off spin.

The crowd went wild and Ann put her hands in the air, stuck out her hip and began wiggling it. Anne laughed in delight. Her beautiful girl was having some fun now and the track really suited her playful nature and what she was doing. Ann took three white roses and lay them across Harry’s back.

She then picked up the single tail whip, stepped back and took aim. Harry began to whimper and the crowd leant forward on their seats as Ann expertly cracked the rose petals on the first flower, the impact of it splitting the petals open, sending them fluttering to the ground as people actually began standing up and applauding.

“Holy shit” exclaimed Anne in shock at her precision.

Harry wriggled a little, clearly anxious but Ann bent to check in with him, a gentle adoring smile on her face as she winked at him and aimed and took a crack at the second flower sending it flying again as the crowd cheered. Ann went to crack the last flower but Harry jerked unexpectedly causing the tip of the whip to lick his hip as he cried out in pain and a welt immediately appeared. Ann brought her hand to her mouth as he wriggled and did a dramatic “oops” pose just as Billie sang “I’m a baaaaaddd guy” she then walked forward, shrugged and mouthed the word “Duh!” and started strutting around Harry in a circle, pausing to jump up and down flicking her hands up, revving up the audience. She was having a ball and Anne’s face hurt from smiling. It was so amazing to see. Ann leant down and licked along the welt on Harry’s hip as a woman yelled

“You can come lick my wounds anytime you want honey!” Anne shot her a death stare and she sank back into her seat. Harry wriggled and cried “Ow ow don’t lick it! don’t lick it! It hurts!”

“Then stop wriggling!” Ann yelled at him and then before he realised what was happening she flicked the last flower with the whip from a different angle earning a thunderous round of applause as she did a little curtsey and then spun Harry with a lot of momentum, causing him to spin quickly and without warning she grabbed the rope ring, swung herself up and mounted him victoriously, standing on one foot, with one leg up and bent at the knee, toe pointed and leaning on a slight angle as she spun with him. She then crouched prettily on him like a little fairy, a cheeky smile on her face as she grabbed him by the hair, pulling his head back and clearly giving him an instruction as she put more of her weight on the ring she was holding and Harry quickly flipped himself over.

Ann sat on his mid section one leg crossed over the other, giving Anne A tantalising glimpse of her ivory lace panties and looking at him with a saucy gaze, admiring her handywork and then smiled at the audience looking very pleased with herself while the opening strains of “Untouched by the Veronicas was heard.”

Ann slipped off Harry and spun him around. Harry began to move in the ropes making a variety of impressive athletic shapes and Mama Jaz discreetly appeared behind Ann, wrapping and ivory glittery waspie corset around her and clipping it into place tight. Anne gasped as it pushed her already tiny waist into an impossibly small diameter . ‘What was it for’? she wondered.

Ann adjusted Harry’s ropes as she sang and danced along to the upbeat tempo of the song, completely in the zone and pulling on the rope and locking it off Harry was suddenly very high in the air just spinning slowly. God she was strong! Anne marvelled as she watched the muscles in her tiny delicate arms ripple and the crowd suddenly began to go wild as Ann quickly tied some rope around the waspie and attached a carabiner to it. She then tied some around her ankles and brought all the ropes up to the ring and locked them off. Then spinning Harry quickly again she turned to the Audience, gave a very coquettish and dramatic 1….2…..3 count and flipped herself off her feet. She’d suspended herself and was now making beautiful shapes under Harry, both of them moving so gracefully creating different lines and angles that complimented each other in unison. It looked incredible. Ann was incredible, she was so sensual and beautiful the way she ran her hands over her body, luxuriating in the air. Anne knew what the corset was for now. For support to take the brunt of the thin ropes as Ann’s harness was much less comfortable and forgiving than Harry’s. After a little while Harry turned to lay on his back and Ann who has her hands free seemed to release his wrist tie She bent to hand him a set of twin carabiners which he attached to his harness and then the ring and reached up and held onto the ring as Ann released herself from her self suspension and readjusted his leg ropes. She then prepared to self suspend again but lifted herself up on the ring like Harry was. With her back to the audience. 

Then in perfect unison they dropped and spun around upside down by their ankles making perfectly synchronised shapes this time with their arms before holding each other close and tight and spinning even faster as glitter cannons full of thick gold confetti exploded from the ceiling all over the stage bathing them both in a rainfall of sparkle. It was magical. People were literally up on their feet jumping and cheering as the song built to a climax and Anne stood with them screaming Ann’s name. She felt fit to burst with pride. The song came to an end and Ann managed to flip herself up and release herself. She then carefully took Harry who was more restricted and curled him up so he could climb the rope to the ring while she released his leg ropes and he then dropped to the ground.

Ann quickly undid all his ropes from the ring, reached for his hand and together they walked to the front of the stage as confetti continued to fall and they bowed. Ann turned to hug Harry and he picked her up spinning her around slowly as he took the mike being handed to them and said ‘Amazing. You are fucking amazing you twisted fucked up little freak!” Everyone in the crowd laughed and cheered louder and when he put her down Ann looked at Harry with so much love and stepped to the side holding out her hand to him at the audience so he could get the applause he deserved and he bowed and then he held out his hand to Ann and the roof almost lifted off the entire room. Anne stood on a chair and wolf whistled and as Ann’s eyes met hers, her beautiful girl gave her the biggest, happiest smile and blew her a kiss.

“Oh wow” Anne sighed.

Mariana’s jaw had literally dropped after watching it from the bar ‘What the actual fuck? I can’t top that!”

“Honey no one can top that!” the bar tender said dryly behind her as Mariana literally squealed in frustration.

Ann bowed graciously then took the mike and looked at Harry affectionately and said “I love you to death. You’re my gay husband. But seriously clean the fucking kitchen you’re disgusting!” Everyone including Anne roared with laughter and then Ann paused and with a bittersweet smile she looked up and said “Happy birthday Mum” She then gave the crowd a wave and her and Harry went to leave the stage but Anne ran up and called out to her and held out her arms.

Giving her a dazzling smile Ann walked to the edge and stepped off it. Anne easily caught her around the legs and looking up at her in utter awe she lowered her down very slowly, the air between them electric until Ann could wrap her arms around Anne’s, her face slightly above the older woman’s

“That was utterly extraordinary. You, my darling are utterly extraordinary” Anne said with so much pride and emotion in her eyes that Ann felt her stomach flutter and she leant down and kissed her love slowly and passionately, wrapping her legs around Anne as the room made “oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh” noises and wolf whistled.

When the kiss broke Ann suddenly became aware that the entire crowd was watching them and cheering for them and she got shy and buried her face sheepishly in Anne’s neck which she thought was adorable. 

“I just have to ask. How did little Ann Walker learn to precision single tail like a world class dominatrix?” Anne asked and Ann pulled back from her neck and giggled. “My pop used to make me precision crack empty beer cans off the wall with a horsewhip at the farm to make sure my aim was perfect and I would never accidentally hurt the horses.”

Anne’s eyes widened at the innocent origins behind Ann’s very impressive and kinky looking stage trick. “You’re kidding?”

“I’m really not I have video footage somewhere! I’d honestly never ever want to purposely hit anyone with kind of implement even if it was their thing cause it’s just not my thing but it was bad ass though wasn’t it!’ Ann said as she broke into giggles and Anne looked at her genuinely “The baddest of ass.” Then paused “Beer cans off a wall” she reiterated to Ann, beyond amused by her little trade secret and cracked up laughing with her

“I need to go untie poor Harry, clean up and get ready for storyteller segment. I love you!” Ann whispered softly “I love you too baby. And I am so very proud of you.” Anne said as she carefully put Ann on her feet and Ann backed away from her, not letting go of her hand until their fingertips could no longer touch.

A particularly butch older lesbian patted Anne on the back and said “Mate you are the luckiest woman alive.”

“I know!” Anne said proudly and the woman watched Ann walk away appreciatively “Because she is hot as all fuck” the woman added before walking to the bar and Anne felt desire stir in her stomach as she thought back to the image of Ann undulating under the hot wax without even realising it.

“I know” she groaned aloud. There was so much she wanted to say to her. So many things she wanted to talk about. Ask her about. She wondered if Ann would tie her like that. She wondered if she would be able to give up control to her like that. And yet the mere fact she was curious about it, no yearning to try it was such a big deal for her. She felt like Ann who was normally so guarded was just revealing layer after layer of herself that evening. She was letting herself be so uncharacteristically vulnerable.

She could see that Ann was nervous about the upcoming segment but she was hoping that in getting up and bearing her soul in the name of honouring her mother that she would learn more about her beautiful girl and what made her tick. Because she couldn’t help the niggling feeling inside that somehow she was missing a vital piece of the puzzle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So up next Ann tells her story, and its very raw and a little bit of a tear jerker.


	14. Annie's story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated yesterday so if you haven't read that one you might want to read it so parts of this make sense :-)
> 
> So here Anne finds out a lot more about Ann. This one is a bit of a tear jerker roller coaster. I wanted to portray the messiness and thrill of discovery of peeling back the layers as you fall more and more in love with someone.
> 
> Song used- Fallin for you- Leela James. It's a beautiful song :-)

Mariana was drinking at the bar when she saw two of the performers chatting and drinking cocktails “Did you see little Annie with mega babe Anne lister. They’re a thing now. Anne Lister has such big dick lesbian energy. She is so sexy. And clearly besotted with our Annie but why wouldn’t you be?”

“I know” sighed the other woman “I’m so happy for Annie she deserves this so much after all she’s suffered and Anne is so dominant, self-assured and in control. I know there’s an age difference but She calms Annie and she clearly adores her. She’s much better for her than that idiot Thomas Ainsworth who was always trying to hook in.”

“Yuck that guy gave me the creeps, I don’t care if everyone around Annie thought he was mister wonderful”

The women moved on and Mariana pulled out her phone, writing the name Thomas Ainsworth in her notes. “Interesting” she thought to herself. Could it be little Miss Walker wasn’t quite as innocent as she made out.

Anne sat up a little straighter in her seat as Mama Jaz came out onto the stage and stood at the microphone. “It gives me great pleasure to introduce the amazing beautiful little human who will be telling their story tonight in Le Jazz storytellers. She’s Andra Walker’s baby girl. “Miss Annie Walker!”

Everyone cheered and Anne felt herself melt as Ann walked onto the stage except gone were the elaborate hair styles, makeup and costumes. She was wearing minimal makeup; her beautiful hair was over one shoulder in a very soft thick loose braid with hap hazard strands escaping prettily. She had on a simple white t shirt she’d tied at the front of her waist in a knot, a high waisted midi pastel blue midi skirt covered in little white flowers with a ruffle at the bottom and white canvas sneakers. She looked so beautiful. She looked like Ann.

Ann stood at the microphone and took a deep breath. “Hello. I’m Annie Walker and this is my story. First of all, can I please have a chair because I was really nervous so I a junkie size line of Coke in the bathroom and I haven’t had it for a while and now I can’t feel my legs!” she broke into a little giggle.

Everyone in the room cracked up laughing and Anne’s eyes widened in surprise.

A stagehand brought Ann a Bar stool chair and she sat on it and adjusted the microphone.

“Like mother like daughter!” Someone called out as more people started laughing and Ann turned in her direction and said, “I don’t think so mate when did my mother ever stop at just one line of coke!”

Andra’s friends started cheering and clapping as Ann continued. “Who here was at my mother’s 40th? Not the fancy one in the ballroom but the one we had at our house on the sly while my dad was away where I woke up in the back yard in a shopping trolley clutching a baby lamb with half of you passed out at my feet.  
Anne watched as people who were there raised their hands and did the maths. Ann would have only been not quite 13 then.

I remember the mad dash to the bottle shop to get more alcohol before it closed and one of you pushing me in a trolley because I was underage and too drunk to walk but I still have no idea how I came to get the lamb. Cassandra Walker threw a party like no one else. I used to pack a passport, a change of underwear and clothes, a parka a sundress, a bikini and a toothbrush to go to one of her parties and I lived in the house she held them in”

The room erupted in laughter “Well you just never knew where you were going to end up! Like that time my 13th birthday party started at the house and ended with me waking up on a beach in Mexico with my mum, most of the Le Jaz girls, Mama Jaz, clutching a bottle of tequila with a belly button piercing I had no recollection of getting. Which thankfully didn’t end up infected and I still have by the way!”

“Oh my god” Anne gasped. What an intense party lifestyle for someone so young to be living.

“She was the ultimate free wild spirit that couldn’t be tamed. She proved that when despite being very much in love with her husband, my father since she was 18, she fell in love with Mama Jaz when she was here with my father on a business trip 15 years ago and what began as consensual ethical non monogamy soon became something much more meaningful as the three of them fell in love with one another and continued to be lovers in a fully functioning polyamorous triad from the time we moved here permanently 9 years ago to the time my parents passed away. Mum used to say that Daddy was the great love of her life, but Mama Jaz was her soulmate.”

The crowd erupted in applause and suddenly it all made sense to Anne. The way Ann was so open minded and non -judgemental. The way she was so “woke” to the different strands of “queer” the way she was so comfortable being gay from such a young age.

“My mother taught me that love is love and that all human beings are worthy of loving and being loved irrespective of age, weight, ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation. She taught me to have respect and correct use of preferred gender pronouns and when people around me who caught wind of my families unique living arrangement and relationship I never felt ashamed. I just felt so lucky to be the kid who had A mum and a dad and a bonus mum she adored!”

People began standing and applauding as did Anne. Ann walker was a remarkable young woman with an empathy and awareness that was so rare and needed in a world of hate and prejudice but she was that way because she’d been raised that way.

Ann continued and everyone sat down. “My coming out story went like this. I was 12 and a half. I went to Andra and I said, “Mummy I think I like girls” and she said to me “Baby girl I hope you don’t just like them. I hope you find one that you love mind, body, heart and soul from the tips of the green grass to all the stars in the sky. And then Mama Jaz said from the kitchen “But not until you’re 25 or I’ll cut her clit off!”

Everyone cracked up laughing and Anne winced but Mama Jaz called out “It’s okay Lister I approve, you’re safe!”

Ann looked at where Anne sat looking terribly relieved and grinned and winked at her.

“Last week my dance teacher said I was a crazy whore just like my mother”

The crowd gasped and Anne felt her insides burn with anger as she remembered that day and how traumatic it was for Ann.

“My mother was not a whore. She was sex positive, body positive, kink positive and completely faithful to her two partners. And she wasn’t crazy. She just had bipolar disorder.

People in the audience gasped and Anne’s stomach sank “oh sweetheart.”

“I can see you’re surprised that I know this when so many of you tried so hard to protect me from this facet of my mother. You romanticised my mother’s instability as her being a life loving party girl who maybe indulged in drugs a little too heavily and crashed sometimes. Daddy and Mama Jaz did the same. The word was never mentioned in my presence. My mum, my family wanted so much to shield me from it. But I knew. Of course, I knew. I was a smart kid. My very first daring total self-suspension was when we were home alone in Crows Nest and she convinced herself she needed to be one with the sky so she tied her silk to the third floor balcony railing of our home, wrapped herself up and did a drop off it!”

“Oh my god” Anne gasped as she put her hand to her mouth.

“And I was convincing her to stay very still as I wrapped myself in a rope harness, hooked it to an anchor point above that my parents used to do low level aerials under the stars and walked myself down the wall and managed to convince her to half walk, half drag her to the second floor balcony just above us. I was 8.

“Oh sweetheart, Oh my god” Anne said with tears in her eyes.

“I remember my mum had to go away and “get better” for 3 weeks after that one and when she came back she was a little better. She loved birthdays. That’s why this one is special. She said she was never going to have a 50th because she wanted to be young forever. She was going to stop having them at 45. But she always had a bad phase around my birthday because of her guilt that taking medication even minimally to stabilise her condition could have caused my premature birth and all the complications associated with it. So she wouldn’t ruin my birthday she’d will herself to go manic instead of depressive and it would always be masked with wild parties and the drugs and the drinking which even I partook in from around 12, well the alcohol, I didn’t try the drugs till I was 13 because I didn’t want her to feel bad. Because she was such a good mum. She was loving, supportive, kind, sweet, generous and taught me so much. The bad times were bad and it was hard when she’d be in bed for a week straight but most of the time for someone with bipolar her condition was really well managed and she was pretty good.

And I hate it when people just use the word crazy to describe her but they don’t talk about the way she used to sit so patiently teaching refugee women who were fleeing abusive husbands and dangerous political unrest how to speak English or prepare them for a job interview so they could give their children a better life. The way she would hold toddlers in her arms who were blind and being treated by my father to restore their sight but it hurt. And she would rock them in her arms and tell them all they were going to be able to see when it was done. Describe every inch of a tree from its leafy branches to its tree below. Or her look of pure joy when a little girl did their first aerial trick in her class for the first time. She used to look at me with so much pride and say to people “Would you look at that kid? Have you ever seen anything smarter, more beautiful or more perfect in your whole life? I made that! She is the best thing I’ve ever done. I wonder what they’d think if they knew that my sister Elizabeth isn’t really my sister. Early in their relationship my father’s former girlfriend turned up with a baby saying he’d gotten her pregnant and she didn’t want it. My mother agreed to raise it as hers but when they found out it wasn’t even my father’s child she just said “Well she’s our baby girl now and she needs a home. We’re her home. She was 18 years old.”

Everyone clapped. “Oh wow, what an incredible thing for a young woman to do!” thought Anne.

“She was a good mum. And I miss her…” Ann’s voice broke and her eyes filled with tears. 

“My darling it’s alright!” Anne said and stood, about to go to her but Mama Jaz stopped her “You have to let her do this honey. I know it’s hard to watch. It’s hard for me too. But she needs to do this. We have to let her do this!” Anne looked at Jazmine’s tear streaked face sympathetically and nodded. “You’re right” She sat back down.

“I miss her more than ever because I have met a girl who I do love mind, body, heart and soul from the tips of the green grass to all the stars in the sky and Mum is the person I want to tell most in the world and I can’t” Ann’s tears fell and she took a deep breath. “Can I please get a very strong vodka with pink lemonade?” she asked and a large drink was quickly brought to her. She took a big sip and seemed to calm a little.

“I had a meeting with my careers counsellor a couple of weeks ago. I have all these university offers and she asked me what I wanted to do more than anything and I said “Honestly, I want to get married and have a baby. I want to be a mum.”

Anne’s eyes widened. Ann wanted the same thing that she wanted more than anything. Her little Pixie was so young, she’d never imagined that’s what she wanted.

“When I was told that was a waste of my potential and my dream was dismissed as not being enough, that I needed to have a job or a degree or something else I explained that with my anxiety and PTSD if I was pregnant it would be in the best interests of the child for me to not have too much on my plate. For me to just focus on delivering a healthy baby, maintaining a healthy as possible pregnancy without medication, something I’m more aware of than ever after my own premature birth and I’m fortunate enough to be financially secure enough to not need to work. I know it might sound old fashioned but the idea of being a wife and a mother and a hands on mum and taking care of our home. That’s something I want.”

Anne was stunned. She’d really thought about all this. This was really what she wanted.

“My Careers councillor said to me ‘Darling, you don’t want to end up like your mother do you? Meaning a teen/very young woman with a baby like she was with my sister who everyone just assumes was a teen pregnancy and I’ve had that question haunting me ever since but I’ve finally come up with an answer. I don’t want to live her torment. I want to try hard to avoid the more destructive aspects of her party lifestyle. But would I be proud for the most part to be just like Andra Walker? Fuck yeah! Cheers Mum!”

Ann held up her drink and got a standing ovation as everybody raised a glass to Andra and cried out “Cheers”

“So, here’s my story. My name is Annalise Walker, Ann for short. When I was born prematurely and clinging to life everyone told my Mum to name me after herself in some way for good luck because she was fighter and a bad ass so she did and here I am. Also known as Annie, Anna Banana by my grandfather, Dubsy by the boys at my family farm. You know, letter W, Walker. When your bestie’s a farm boy and you’re friends with all his mates you get a country boy nick name! I’m known to you lovely people as Bulletproof baby. And I’m “little pixie” or “Beauty” to my love. Everyone cheered and Anne beamed at her mention. And “Dubsy”. It was cute. She honestly couldn’t wait to see her beautiful girl in tomboy mode on the farm. She knew it was going to be adorable as hell.

“Current stats- Aussie English Ex pat, Almost 5 foot 2…. but not quite. 47 kilos or 103 pounds.”

“Fuck she really is tiny…I forget sometimes because her heart and brain is so big” Mama Jaz said from behind Anne and Anne smiled. She was tiny. Her gorgeous little Pixie.

“32 C, clothing size- Either a 6 or an 8 depending on the garment and the Boob room” she said as she put her hands up to her full bust “Lesbian, nerd, dancer, artist, food and wine lover, fashion enthusiast, fairy, mermaid and cookie jar thief” she finished with a cheeky smile and Anne’s face lit up. She was so very lovely.

“I’m 17, I’ll be 18 in a month though I have 3 very convincing pieces of identification thanks to Mama Jaz that state I’m almost 22 including a drivers licence, a passport and a birth certificate just in case anyone’s planning on being fucking indiscrete with that information and causing trouble for the club but given Mama Jaz’s mafia contacts that would be really stupid.” She threw in a little warning with a sweet smile but even Anne knew of Jazmine Moretti’s Italian mob family and worldwide contacts. No one was going to fuck with her.

“I graduate on Thursday and I’m opening the ceremony doing the multiple aerial apparatus, circus, acrobatic contemporary dance hybrid routine my parents were working on just before they were killed that I have completed and will perform as a solo instead of a duo. Eeek!”

Everyone cheered for Ann and called out “Go Annie! “You can do it Annie!”

“Her parents would be so very proud. I’m so very proud” Mama Jaz said and Anne agreed “What a beautiful tribute, and a way of them being there with her too”

Ann took a deep breath “And I’m a virgin!”

“I’ll pop your cherry honey!” a woman near Anne called out and Anne leant forward and gave her an absolutely scathing glare.

“Sorry ladies someone’s got dibs! my amazing Dude!” Ann pointed to where Anne sat and everyone cheered and whistled.

“And she is magnificent. She is the most perfect combination of handsome and beautiful. She’s strong, protective, loving, funny, so smart, caring and so sexy. She gives me butterflies in my tummy and makes me feel like my neck’s too small for my throat”

“Awwwww” said the crowd softly as Ann brought her hands up to her throat and Anne melted all over again the same way she did when Ann first said that to her the night they met.

“And I’m the luckiest girl alive because she chose me to be her Pixie…….to be her Princess…” Anne’s eyes darkened as Ann deliberately used the word Anne had been tentatively with her more and more that stemmed from her Dominance, it fascinated her the way she’d specifically referenced the more vanilla nickname with it and seemed to understand despite her innocence an inexperience that there were elements of both just fluidly woven through their dynamic. She seemed comfortable with it.

“I’m a virgin…and I’m kinky!” Everyone cheered with someone yelling out “Yeah you are!”

Anne’s eyes widened again as Ann continued. “I’ve obviously got minimal hands on experience but sometimes in the past I’ve had dreams that were kind of dark that I didn’t really understand at first. Of doing these things with a woman, only I could never see her face……. I could never see her face” Ann paused and then looked right at Anne “Until someone started doing the things I’d dreamt of to me!”

“Fuck!” Anne gasped as desire pooled inside her.

“I can see her face now and its honestly scary and thrilling all at the same time.” Ann looked down shyly as she blushed a little and all Anne wanted to do was trace her tongue along her rose tainted freckles all the way down to her neck.

“The first time I ever experienced shibari was when I was almost 4 years old. Despite my premature birth and tiny size I’d already been considered a dance prodigy and after doing aerials in my parents arms I so badly wanted to learn to make shapes independently but my muscle tone took a while to build because I was a premi baby and while I’d built it in my arms and legs through dance I just didn’t have it in my core. All the harness equipment was way too small for me but my mother had seen shibari done as there’s a crossover between cirque and kink and she learned to custom tie me a harness. I never saw it as a kink or a fetish as I grew up. It was “The Annie Harness” that allowed me to make shapes on my own, then to anchor me to a trapeze, lyra, sling and silks as a backup. But to me being enveloped in that rope was magical. It was safe, warm, freeing. What an incredible contrast, to be restrained yet able to fly so freely.

As I got older I became fascinated by the shapes and forms rope could make and when I was 14, with Mama Jaz’s support I started learning to tie. Then as I got older, I started to see the sensuality in rope. I’ve been tying here on stage since I was 16 and I know for a lot of shibari traditionalists especially the Japanese rope masters its about Dominance and Submission but for me it’s never been about that and people who have taught me have said “Annie you’re a rarity, you’re a highly skilled child rope prodigy which is honestly practically a child sex offence which is why so few people are willing to talk to you about it but you’re a baby, you haven’t had a chance to establish dominance and then confidence in that dominance as a rope top. You just need to grow up a bit and you’ll find it. And then you need to find your dream rope bottom.

“But the truth is while I’m confident being a rope top I’m just not a dominant person.”

“No you’re not my darling. You’re my strong, stubborn, feisty, sassy, wilful submissive pixie princess and I wouldn’t change a thing about you.” Anne said in pride and delight.

“And I have the dream rope bottom. My Harry is a dream rope bottom. He’s my gay husband and one of the great loves of my life. We’ve been best friends since we were 10 years old. We know all of each other’s shit; we’ve supported each other through our darkest moments. We were each other’s anchor when we came out to our families, we live together, our underwear gets washed in the same cycle, I buy him condoms at the supermarket, he buys me tampons. We have no secrets from one another and we even had a pact that if we hadn’t met the one by the time we were 39 we were just going to get married, have a baby, raise it together in a house full of love and just discretely live our own same-sex liaisons outside the marriage.”

People cheered, so refreshed by how evolved Ann was and Anne was so proud of her. Her beautiful girl was truly exceptional. The life she’d manage to build for herself when she’d had the most traumatic life. 

“I love him so much and he has a ridiculously high pain threshold like most dancers and aerialists and virtually has no limits which is how most rope tops define a dream rope bottom. He’s into some seriously freaking kinky shit. Way more than me. And when I tie him I have so much fun. In the quiet moments I feel the love and the trust between us and that’s special. But for me, it’s not sensual. It’s not intimate. And not sexual. When you’re a true rope top you can be aroused just by the power exchange regardless of your sexuality or gender preference.

I haven’t been looking for the perfect rope bottom. I haven’t been looking for anything at all. I’ve been yearning for the perfect rope partner. The person I want to tie with. And as it would turn out, she found me.

Ann smiled at Anne lovingly and Anne felt butterflies fill her tummy this time. So, Ann had thought about it.

And I don’t want to top her. I wouldn’t dream of it because trust me, she’s the toppiest of tops” Ann winked at Anne and she laughed and blew her a kiss.

“For me it’s about the tying, the sensuality of running the rope over her beautiful body, having her feel each of its crevices as it runs along her skin. The open and honest communication of limits and sensitivities. Wrapping her up in my strands, the giving and receiving of one another’s energy. The intimacy of us pressed against each other and the ties that bind us together. Because it’s not the rope itself that is my kink. It’s her. She’s my kink. From the moment I met her I knew. Everything would always come back to her”

More wolf whistles and cheers from the crowd and the hairs on Anne’s arms were standing on end hearing her speak. She was without a doubt the sexiest, most sensual little goddess that Anne had ever encountered. How did she get so lucky?

Ann took a big drink and stood up stretching her legs then sat back down and said “God how good is cocaine? I feel fantastic! I miss cocaine!”

The crowd laughed and Anne even laughed with them. Ann was far from a junkie, she herself dabbled in party drugs on occasion and it was clear she had no intentions of following in that part of her mother’s footsteps.

“I never would have gotten up here and been able to say all this without it. I would have had more except I have to have my act together for graduation rehearsal tomorrow morning. You know cause I’m head prefect so I have to set a positive example and shit!”

“Boooooooo to positive examples” Someone cried out and Ann nodded “I know right? It’s a sad state of affairs. And as much as I’ve enjoyed the whole high school experience I’m really glad it’s coming to an end because I need a fucking break. My days are so busy…they’re just so packed and so long. With so many people expecting things from me, needing things from me, wanting things of me. And I know I’ve let it become this way. I’ve built a rod for my own back. It’s like from the time my parents died I just kept telling myself “You survived that accident for a reason, you have to make them proud, you can’t become a statistic, everyone will be expecting you to fail because of what’s happened to you, it’s up to you to be a success story. And more and more lately my life has started to feel to me like I’m one of those little hamsters running continuously on a wheel only the wheel never stops.”

Anne leant forward, her stomach sinking. Ann had never mentioned any of this before.

“My tonsils are on their way out, they wanted to take them out earlier in the year but I needed to be able to sing for my practical element of my HSC music exam so it was a no go. When I went to my doctor again when they flared last month he told me they were a ticking time bomb and really needed to come out soon and I said I’d need to see when I could squeeze in the day surgery and then the week of bedrest and the super slow second recovery week they recommend for adult tonsillectomies and when he said “You’re 17, how many commitments could you possibly have” I showed him my google calendar and he looked at it in disbelief and said “Honey you need more than a tonsillectomy you need a childhood and a holiday” she smiled sadly and paused for a minute.

“At my school everyone seems to think I have it so together. Teachers, kids, parents. So many people look up to me. If they only knew…..If they only knew that sometimes I lock myself in the toilets and I cry. Not because I’m sad or because anything bad has happened but because I’m just so incredibly tired…. I’m just so tired.”

“Oh, my darling” thought Anne as she brought her hand to her mouth in shock. She’d had no idea Ann had been struggling so and picturing her crying in the toilets broke her heart. And she really did look exhausted in that moment.

“So, after I get through the next couple of days. A big break before exams start. Beginning with a long weekend away with my incredible Dude. Who is so patient with me. So supportive. And I know I frustrate her sometimes because all she wants to do is take care of me and she doesn’t understand why I just don’t let her.”

Anne chuckled and avoided her eyes. 

“I see the frustration, the unasked question in her eyes. And I’m getting better at accepting her help but I still have a long way to go. But the reason sometimes I can’t just let her take care of me is because despite how it might appear, I find it very hard to let people in and to trust. Because the people I loved and trusted more than anything in the world left me. And the people who were then supposed to take care of me, almost destroyed me” Tears filled Ann’s eyes as she whispered into the microphone “And that broke me…..But I am trying…. I’m trying so hard” she looked straight at Anne.

“I know” mouthed Anne as she nodded, tears streaming down her face at the admission Ann had never been able to make aloud. The one she’d already suspected. She looked so tiny and fragile. All she wanted to do was pick her up in her arms, hold her tight and tell her everything was going to be okay.

Ann wiped her tears away. “I’m trying because when I look at the rest of her life I see her in it. In everything. With me always. My mother used to say that she and I were storytellers and I guess she’s right. She loved to tell stories through her art and so do I. She told me once that when you find the one you need to do some really epic romantic shit and sing to them. Like she did for my dad, like she did for Mama Jaz so that in years to come when you’re in your bad moments and you’re fighting they’ll always remember the time you did that totally smooth and unexpected badass thing and sang something in a room full of people that was your story. That meant something to the both of you. That sometimes it’s easier to sing what’s in your heart than say it. So that’s what I’m going to do!”

Anne watched in surprise as a keyboard was brought out and set up with a mike attached. She knew Ann was very musical but she didn’t see this coming.

“She sings?” she asked Mama Jaz as she turned around and Mama Jaz smiled. “Beautifully. Just like her mother.  
Ann took a seat at the keyboard “You’ll all have to excuse any errors my tiny hands make. The violin appreciates them more than the piano does.” She then looked straight at Anne.

“Anne, my Dude, my love. This is for you” Ann began to play and then she began to sing.

Here we are, together  
And everything between us is good  
I'm right here in this cloud, baby  
Ready to fly but before I take  
Another step

Anne was stunned. Her voice was incredible. It was sweet and soulful and pure with her signature hint of Ann Walker huskiness. And she was a storyteller. She had an Eva Cassidy quality about her mixed in with a bit of Norah Jones.

Would you catch me if I fall for you?  
Cause I'm falling  
I'm falling, I'm falling.

Anne stood up and moved closer to the stage. She had to be closer to her. This song was so beautiful, her voice, her playing, the way she was baring her heart and soul just for her was so beautiful. She was looking down as she began the next verse.

I'm so used to standing  
So used to being on my own  
But this thing is new, baby

Ann looked up at Anne with eyes full of tears as she sang the next line with so much feeling passion and pain that Anne was almost rendered breathless.

It feels like I'm losing control

“It’s okay baby” Anne mouthed, her own eyes filling with tears

I'll take another step  
If you catch me when I fall for you  
Cause I'm falling  
I'm falling, I'm falling

Will you promise to be there?  
Stay by my side always?  
Whenever I need you  
Don't let me down, no, no  
If I give you my all, don't let me fall  
Would you do that for me, hold me?  
Will you love, will you love me?

Anne nodded and mouthed the word ‘Always” through her tears.

Ann’s playing suddenly became a little lighter and she sighed and then smiled.

My heart is ready  
For love and to be loved  
And I chose you, baby  
That's the one thing I'm sure of

Anne beamed at her, willing her lower lip to stop quivering as Ann sang looking straight at her.

So I will take this one last step  
So catch me, I'm falling for you  
I'm falling  
I'm falling, I'm falling  
I'm falling  
I'm falling, I'm falling  
I'm falling, I'm falling  
I'm falling.

She finished her song and then as she was lightly playing the final chords she said into the microphone “I’m Annie Walker and this has been my story. Thank you for letting me share it with you and for coming out to celebrate the force of nature that was my mother, Andra Walker. Goodnight!”

Ann stood as she received a standing ovation, graciously bowed, blew a kiss to the audience and then left the stage.

“You must be wondering why I left. Why I wasn’t here for her. Why I didn’t have her live with me” came a voice from behind Anne and she turned in surprise to see a tormented Mama Jaz.

“My mother was dying and needed my care. I left shortly before Andra and Christopher died. I came back when I heard but by then they were gone and I thought Elizabeth and James would care for her. The truth is, their death but particularly losing Andra destroyed me. I’ve never really gotten over her. I had Ann with me in Italy and travelling Europe at end of year holidays and some of her other school breaks. I offered to get her a whole new identity if she wanted to stay permanently so she didn’t even need James and Elizabeth’s permission but she had a life back here.”

“Ah…that’s why Ann’s so well versed on Italian culture. She’s practically a native” Anne thought to herself

“She never breathed a word of what James was doing to her. She hid it so well. When I found out what he’d done to her. When I saw how she looked after he’d put her in hospital and heard that she was moving out on her own to escape him I had my people knee cap him and refuse to release him to get medical assistance or offer him any pain relief until he signed the documentation allowing Ann to put the property she wished to sell on the market as her guardian because she was still a minor. And then I had them leave him there in his agony until his heart started to fail and only then did I get him help. I would have let him die but I didn’t want any controversy traumatising my baby girl. She insisted on settling into her new home and making it hers and after she’d had a couple of weeks to nest I sent for her and had her for all of the holidays until year 11 began.”

“I love your work and admire your restraint. I probably would have killed him. And I don’t judge you. I understand. I know Ann would too. I’m so glad she’s had you!” Anne said kindly as she put her hand on Mama Jaz’s shoulder reassuringly and Mama Jaz pulled her close for a hug “Come honey we’re family now!” and squeezed Anne tight. “And I don’t mean to sound condescending but as someone old enough to be your mother I’m proud of the way you’ve come through for our girl!” Anne smiled into the hug, touched to have the approval of someone so important in Ann’s life.

“Are you coming to graduation on Thursday?” Ann asked and Mama Jaz grinned “I wouldn’t miss it!”

“Sit with me?” Anne asked her hopefully “We’re her family” and Mama Jaz looked visibly affected by the invitation. “I would love that! Now go see your girl. She’s in the private dressing room, last door on the right. You can’t miss it. There’s a picture of her and I with her Mum. It was Andra’s dressing room.”

“Thank you!” Anne said sincerely and headed behind the stage to the performers area. The door to the dressing room was slightly ajar. Anne smiled at the picture. It was of a young Ann, she looked to be about 11. She had pigtails and was wearing a show girl costume and heels that were way too big for her and posing for the camera while Andra and Jazmine stood behind her looking on adoringly. It was adorable.

She opened it and looked on in concern at Ann who hadn’t even registered her presence. She was standing in front of the mirror using a nasal spray which was no surprise after the coke and seemed to be looking at and touching the circles under her eyes. She threaded her hands between her hair and said aloud to herself in the mirror “Annie, in your next life you’re coming back less of a hot mess”

She then let out a sob which she tried to strangle as tears filled her eyes but she hurriedly wiped them away. She put her hands on the counter edge and using it to steady herself she seemed to collapse to the ground in exhaustion then scooted herself back under the counter and brought her knees up to her chest, Like she wanted to just disappear from view.

“My poor darling” Anne thought to herself as she saw her love’s struggle and she entered the room, bending down in front of where Ann sat semi- concealed by darkness.

She could see from Ann’s expression that she’d momentarily given her a fright so not wanting to startle her further she simply reached out and gently took her hand. “Just for the record, I happen to love and admire that hot mess a great deal. She is so very beautiful. Inside and out.”

Ann looked down “You know what you said tonight about being here when I was ready to cry?”

“Yes, sweetheart I remember” Anne said gently and Ann looked up at her with huge blue tear filled eyes. “Well I think I’m ready now!”

Anne was reaching for her in an instant “Come here Little One” She said very tenderly as she reached under the counter, scooped Ann up and placed her in her lap.

“You cry as much as you need to Beauty. I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere. I love you so much and I’m so proud of you” Anne said as Ann clung to her sobbing softly and she rocked her in her arms.

******************************************************

Anne sat in the back of her Mercedes with an exhausted Ann sound asleep in her arms While John Booth drove them home. She’d cried for more than half an hour and while Anne was sure she had more tears to cry she was just too spent to cry anymore. Anne made her have a big drink of water and she took a sleeping tablet so the cocaine wouldn’t keep her awake and when they’d left she’d fallen asleep against Anne on the way home almost immediately. Mariana hadn’t said a word the entire trip back.

When they arrived back at the house Anne got out, unbuckled Ann and lifted her into her arms while John got the front door. 

“I’m putting Ann to bed in her room and then you and I need to talk” Anne said quietly but firmly to Mariana. “I’ll come to your room when I’m done but I’m telling you Mariana I don’t want to be waking up Beth or Ann.”

Mariana completely misunderstood what Anne was telling her. She assumed Anne coming to her room and wanting them to be quiet meant Anne was coming to fuck her “Of course Freddy. I’ll wait for you”

Anne simply nodded as she carried Ann up the stairs to her room and lay her on her bed that she’d called ahead earlier and asked Beth to turn down for her. She would have much rather had Ann next door with her in her bed but if Ann wasn’t awake to consent or they didn’t start the night asleep together she never made assumptions about what Ann wanted.

Very gently, she took off her sneakers and untied the knot at the front of her t shirt. Then very carefully reaching underneath her back she unhooked her bra and slid the straps down her arms, manoeuvring her arms out of them as carefully as she could. Ann begin to stir “Dude….” She said softly in her sleep trying to open her eyes and Anne kissed her forehead “Shhhh I’m right here Sweet Baby I’m just getting you comfortable. Go back to sleep”

Once she’d discarded the bra Anne pulled the shirt modestly down to wear it sat at the tops of her thighs and tugged off the skirt and then just sat beside her and stared. Even in a loose white t shirt and little floral hot pants she was stunning. Her face was completely relaxed, her chest rising and falling softly. She pulled the covers up and over her.

Mariana stood outside the ajar door to Ann’s room. When Anne hadn’t immediately deposited Ann in her room she had wondered why. Surely she’d be in a hurry to get laid after spending so much time with the ice princess.

She saw the way Anne undressed her without so much as revealing a thing. So gently and carefully like she was made of china, the way she’d calmed her back into sleep. The way she’d tucked her in and was now sitting beside her just stroking her hair adoringly.

“You’ll get your dream My darling” Anne said softly as she stroked Ann’s hair “I would be so honoured to have you as my wife, for you to have our child, to come home to you every day. I know we would be so happy together. I would do everything I could to support your mental health during your pregnancy, get you the best doctors. I’d step back from work so you had me around more. I’d take extended parental leave during the first months after the birth to help you and because I wouldn’t want to miss things. And then if and when you felt ready we’d get a nanny so you were free to use some of those amazing skills of yours to go to university or work part-time. Take dance classes. Whatever you wanted. And I know Beth would be so thrilled to have you around all the time. I won’t ever rush you into something you’re not ready for, but when you’re ready you’ll get your dream.”

Anne thought back to the night on the pool lounger where Ann had said she would marry her tomorrow, thinking she’d been sleeping. The amazing thing is…” Anne paused as tears filled her eyes and she took Ann’s hand to kiss it. “It’s my dream too!”

Mariana gasped as she heard what Anne said to Ann. She hadn’t been coming to fuck her at all.

Anne placed Ann’s hand back down gently beside her and stood to leave but not before placing a lingering kiss on her forehead. “Sleep well my Beauty”

Anne stepped outside gently closing the door and ran into Mariana in shock. “What are you doing here Mariana I told you to wait for me in your room” She took Mariana by the arm angrily and pulled her down to the opposite end of the hall and into her room, closing the door behind them.

“Mariana you and I are over. Finished. For good. I know I’ve said it before but this time I really mean it”. 

Mariana rolled her eyes “You never mean it Freddy!”

“But this time I do. And you know I do. Because you’ve never been this desperate, you’ve never been this clingy. You’ve always known I’d be here when you came back and been secure in that but you’re not now. And in all the vile things you’ve said to and about Ann you’ve shown me a truly vindictive side I always suspected was in you deep down but had never truly seen it until now.”

“You took off her clothes without revealing her body. Why Freddy? That’s not like you. You’re a lot more aggressive than that”

“Because I’m not interested in seeing anything while she’s asleep that she hasn’t consented to me seeing when she’s awake. Because she’s not used to being naked in front of another person and she’s shy. Because I pushed her too fast demanding she take her clothes off and was aggressive towards her when I was having a fairly traumatic episode and I hurt her and still she forgave me unconditionally and I will never hurt her like that again.”

“She doesn’t like taking her clothes off in front of you, she wears more in a bloody fetish club than most people wear to summer cocktails. Have you ever thought that maybe this girl is too much of a prude for you.” Mariana said in disbelief and Anne chuckled.

“That girl is no prude. You heard her tell her story, the dreams she has about me, the things she wants to do with me, the way she doesn’t quite seem to understand it all yet but she embraces the natural dominant in me. She’s sensual and sexy and 100 percent worth waiting for and I’m not the only person who thinks she’s sex on legs, you saw all those women. As much as I’m loathed to admit they were lusting after my princess do you think there was a single woman there when she poured that hot wax all over her neck shoulders in head to toe bordelle lingerie who wouldn’t have traded places with me in a second? She’s ethereally beautiful and innocent looking yes but she’s also hot as fuck and I’m honestly done listening to you desperately scramble to make out that she’s anything other than the total package she is”

“We have an 8 year history. Why are you doing this?” Mariana demanded and Anne smiled as she thought back to Ann telling her story.

“Because in just a short time that beautiful, incredible girl who has been through more pain and trauma in her life than you have despite being more than double her age has given me more, heard me more, understood me more, loved me more than you have the entire time we’ve been involved. She had her entire world ripped from her and still she opens herself up to me more than you ever have and no Mariana I’m not talking about her legs I’m talking about her heart. I’m talking about the way she wants a life with me, a future, love, passion, companionship. And even though I can see her trying so hard she got up there tonight and she spoke of wanting to try harder. Wanting to be better for me, for us. Because that’s what you do when you’re truly committed to someone. You try and you want to be better for them, like she makes me want to be better for her.

She sang that beautiful song in tribute to me tonight in front of people she loves for all to see. She doesn’t hide me. She’s not ashamed of me. She’s taking me to meet her family and friends this weekend, to a place that’s important to her. She’s invited me along to a hens and bucks night and last week when I told her ultimately I’ve always wanted to settle down with someone and get married she told me she’d marry me tomorrow and I know she meant it, she didn’t even know I could hear it. She thought I was asleep.

Ann has taught me what it’s like to be loved. Truly and unconditionally loved even though she’s seen the very worst of me, a side I’ve never let you get close enough to see and she knows things I’ve never told you. And she makes me feel like I deserve that love. And I do. I’ve always deserved more than you offered. I’d just convinced myself it was all I was worth so I accepted whatever scraps you threw at me but those days are over and you can say whatever you like about her age. It doesn’t matter. She’s taught me that age isn’t a determiner of life experience or maturity and I don’t care that she’s so young. As long as I give her space to grow at her pace its okay same as she gives me space to grow at mine. That’s part of our magic. We’re growing up together. Besides Mariana you’re honestly old enough to be her mother and she’s got more courage, strength, class and maturity in her pinky than you do. You can stay the night but then you need to find a hotel. Ann’s coming to help Beth pack my things for our weekend after her graduation rehearsal tomorrow. You’re to be gone by the time she gets back. I don’t want to see you again Mariana. You are no longer welcome in mine or Ann’s life.”

Anne turned and stormed out of the room while bitter tears rolled down Mariana’s face. 

She went and threw herself on the bed in frustration. How dare that little bitch come into their lives and turn upside down the perfect arrangement. She’d had Charles and all his connections, their fabulous friends and life and then Anne for when she needed attention, validation and sexual satisfaction that Charles couldn’t provide. And now thanks to Ann fucking Walker it was all gone. She’d show Anne her perfect girl really wasn’t so perfect after all. And she was certain that the key to that was one Thomas Ainsworth.

Anne opened Ann’s room to check on her and was shocked to find her bed empty. Her eyes darted frantically around the room and then she saw the adjoining door between their two rooms open and smiled. Walking through the door she saw the tell-tale splash of golden hair against the black sheets on the huge king bed and sighed in relief, then delight that Ann had woken up and come straight to her.

She quickly changed into a singlet and boxers and slipped into bed. It was then she noticed her beautiful girl was clutching something to her, she had her face burrowed into it. Looking at it closely she realised it was her missing dark blue shirt. She’d been looking for that for over a week. She pulled on it gently and Ann stirred “Hey…. that’s mine!” she whined with her eyes still closed and Anne bit back a chuckle at her adorable cranky little pout. “I believe it’s actually my shirt my darling I’ve been looking for it.” Anne said softly thinking Ann would be too out of it to respond but she replied groggily “I knew where it was. It was with me. It helps me sleep at night when you’re not with me.”

Anne smiled in bemusement “Oh it does? And how exactly does my blue shirt help you sleep when I’m not with you.”

Ann’s eyes fluttered open sleepily to peer up at her “Because it has your smell!”

Anne was completely disarmed and unhinged by her response. This dear sweet little darling she was so lucky to call hers had been using her shirt to help her sleep because it smelled like her. For some reason it touched her so deeply. She didn’t even know what to say. She pulled on the shirt firmly to get it out of Ann’s grasp and Ann looked anxious and let it go “You’re angry that I stole it”

“No, I’m not my darling” Anne said as she took Ann in her arms and placed little kisses all over her face “I think it’s so beautiful and touching” her voice was hoarse with emotion as she spoke. “But you’ve got me here with you now, you can cuddle me, and smell me” she explained gently seeing Ann was pretty out of it. Ann looked bewildered and pondered her response.

“In bed…. with me” she asked as she pointed to herself and Anne smiled at her indulgently, reminded once more that there were very few Ann Walker moments as amusingly adorable as when she was under the influence of something. “Yes, my darling. I’m here, in bed with you”

“Hmmm” Ann mused as she processed this with such a serious little face that Anne had to turn away to bite back her chuckle.

“All the nights. Forever?” Ann questioned hopefully and Anne beamed at her as she softly kissed her lips “I would like that very much!” She said as she stroked Ann’s beautiful face adoringly.

Ann scooted over and pressed herself against Anne, snuggling into her arms and nestling her face into her “nook” in Anne’s neck

“I’ll think about giving you your shirt back then” Ann said sleepily as she drifted back into dreamland and Anne chuckled as she wrapped her arms around her almost sleeping beauty.

“You do that my love”


	15. Survivor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So our ladies actually voice the fact that their dreams seem to align in this chapter and Anne has an awkward yet heartwarming introduction to Ann's quirky family. Also Ann wins graduation. Forever. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Year 12 Formal in Australia equals Senior Prom.
> 
> Song Used- "Survivor" by 2WEI

It was graduation morning and Anne wanted to check in with Ann before she took her seat. Rachel and Jonathan, her grandparents would be arriving shortly with John Booth as a surprise for Ann and she still had the surprise of the formal dress, up her sleeve for that afternoon. Her sweet beautiful girl had gotten all her things ready while she’d been at work the previous afternoon, thankfully Mariana had been gone when they woke up that morning and they’d had an early dinner tonight but Ann had gone home to her own house so she was prepared and ready for her big day. Anne had completely understood this but missed her terribly. She went to knock on her door but found it ajar and inside was a flurry of activity. Dancers doing hair, makeup, stretching. Sitting on cushions eating bowls of cereal and croissants. Some were drinking champagne and orange juice at 7.30am in the morning which Anne chuckled to herself about considering they had a 9am start.

“Hey Handsome!” Harry greeted Anne cheerily as he kissed her cheek and she smiled “Hey stud!”

“Can I interest you in a celebratory breakfast-tini? Orange juice, pineapple juice and vodka?” He asked cheekily and Anne shook her head “Thanks but it’s a little early for me mate. Has Ann had something to eat? Have you seen her?”

Harry shook his head “No she’s nil by mouth cause she’s opening the show with mad spinning aerials. Gotta watch that upchuck factor. She’s likely in her room sorting out her quick change hairs and playing her violin! Just go down!”

“Quick change hairs?” Anne muttered in confusion as she headed down to Ann’s room. She knocked lightly but got no response so she slowly opened the door and her face lit up as she heard the beautiful and emotional string melody coming from Ann’s violin. She had her back to Anne but she could just make out her beautiful profile, her eyes closed, lost in the music she was playing. When she finished Anne clapped and turning around in surprise Ann registered her present.

“DUDE!” she cried out excitedly as she put her violin and bow back in the case then ran to Anne and jumped into her arms, wrapping herself around her. “Hello, My Darling” Anne said happily as she held her tight. She would never tire of how happy Ann always was to see her and the way she was so comfortable greeting her with such gusto. She didn’t even try to play it cool and she absolutely adored that about her. She was such an affectionate little thing.

“What a multi-talented little Pixie you are. That was so beautiful baby what was it that you were playing?”

“It’s a Max Richter track from a movie soundtrack called “A lovers Complaint” Millie and I tied for first place in music so we have to perform. I thought singing in front of a crowd that big might be a bit scary for her at a sensory level with her autism and suggested we just play this piece instead, her on the piano and me on lead violin with the orchestra backing us. That way she can just get lost in the music if she needs to. She seemed relieved.”

Anne gently kissed Ann. She was so caring and thoughtful. “I love how kind you are Beauty. Your consideration for others. You make me so proud! I just have one question. What the hell is a quick change hair? Harry seemed to know!”

Ann laughed and wriggled out of Anne’s arms. “It’s a dancers hack for changing up your hair when you have quick changes or doing a fancy style while cutting the work in half. So, this is my base” Ann pointed to the same soft quiff that was a little more structured than it was at Le Jaz Hot two nights earlier and the rest was pulled back into a small tight bun. And then over the top of the bun I can put….”

Ann held up a long straight ponytail “My straight pony, or my curly pony” She held up the same bouncy curly ponytail Anne had loved at the club. “My fancy bun” She held up a large elaborately braided bun that was essentially a hollow dome. “My doll ringlet hair piece” she held up a mop of adorable thick corkscrew curls “Or my messy bun hair pieces” She held up thick scrunchies with tousled wavy hair on it. All the hair pieces were exactly Ann’s hair colour. It was genius.

“Are you sure I’m not boring you?” Ann asked nervously and Anne beamed at her. She could honestly watch this girl do just about anything for hours but she adored watching her “female” processes. She was so feminine and pretty and doll like. It was so lovely.

“Not at all sweetheart I need to know all this stuff.” Anne said matter of factly and Ann looked at her curiously “Why do you need to know all this stuff?”

“Well for one if you call out ‘Dude I need my fancy bun piece’ I need to know which one to grab because honestly otherwise I’d be looking at the bed thinking “What language is she actually speaking, all I’m seeing is Pixie hair, Pixie hair everywhere!”

Ann giggled at her “And secondly if we have a little girl and she’s a beautiful dancer just like you I need to know how to do this stuff so I can help at competitions and things. So, my two best girls would have support. I think it’s a genius idea. I’m afraid the extent of my skills is a pony tail a basic plait and a ribbon bow and goodness knows it’s been a while since I did Marion’s hair but I’d learn. I’d get better.” Anne assured her.

She said it so naturally and genuinely that Ann was absolutely stunned. “If we have a little girl?” she asked cautiously and Anne realised in horror what she’d said aloud, completely unfiltered.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, you must think I’m crazy to be talking about that so soon. I promise I didn’t mean tomorrow or the day after, it’s just that I heard you tell your story about how much you want a child, and I would love one too and I guess I was just dreaming aloud and…”

She was cut off by Ann running into her arms and kissing her passionately. “I love you” Ann gasped as she wrapped her arms around Anne’s neck and hugged her tightly. “What you just said was so beautiful.” Anne sighed in relief and held her tight.  
“And I know you really would try, but you wouldn’t have to do hair baby. We’d just be lucky to have you as our Dude. And there are plenty of dance jobs that need big strong muscles like yours. All of that has to go over to the Uni theatre dressing room!” Ann pointed to a growing collection of things in the corner of the room and Anne smiled hopefully “Oh I could do that!”

“I know you could” Ann said as she reached into Ann’s smart navy blazer and rubbed her ripped shoulders and arms through her shirt appreciatively and Anne grinned. She loved how into her body her little Pixie was. She may have been shy and inexperienced when it came to physical relationships but she was so tactile and she was always touching the muscles on her shoulders, arms, back, her abs when she snuggled in, her thighs when she lay her head on her legs on the couch. Ann made her feel so good about her strength and the more masculine edge to her physique. It wasn’t just that she accepted her for who she was that was thrilling. Her little love was genuinely mad for it.

“You know I would love any child we had don’t you? Because it would be part of you. But the truth is, I can’t help but wish for a gorgeous little girl with long golden curls, thick eyelashes, huge blue eyes, full lips and a splattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks.” Anne said adoringly as she took Ann’s chin between her fingers.

“I think I’d rather have my heart set on warm brown mischievous eyes that make me want to drift away in them” Ann said honestly and Anne kissed her forehead, cheeks and eyes and Anne felt surprised delight wash over her.

“Sweet baby, I don’t know how I got so lucky but I’m going to give you a wonderful life” Anne promised and Ann lifted the fingers that held her chin and kissed them “You already do. I’m so sorry that I need to keep moving” she said apologetically as she went and sat down at her dresser.

“No, I understand my darling. How about I bag the quick change hair for you and clip it to the right outfit for you since I know you’ll have everything ordered labelled and organised to perfection” Anne said affectionately and Ann cracked up ‘Am I that predictable?” she asked and Anne grinned as she saw each hair piece was on top of a labelled bag with the hair piece name and performance name and each of the costumes had a matching label for easy pairing.

“Endearingly so Miss organisational dynamo and I wouldn’t have you any other way!” Anne glanced over her shoulder at what Ann was doing and got a surprise. She’d only seen her with “soft” looks. She looked like she was building something very strong. She watched as Ann attached a hair piece that went over her bun and pinned at the nape of her neck that was like a serious of sectioned mini teased puffs of hair, separated by tiny elastic. It was a very chic take on a mohawk.

Anne could see John ringing on her phone and didn’t want to reveal anything to Ann “Excuse me for a moment sweetheart” she said as she stepped outside and took the call. He was just asking where the best place was to bring the limousine to for drop off, parking and where Anne would like to meet Ann’s grandparents. She chatted to him for a few minutes and when she went back inside her jaw dropped.

Ann’s eyes were intensely smoky with thick black charcoal lines and highly pigmented black and garnet coloured glitter. Her beautiful face was strongly contoured making it look quite angular and she had a deep crimson blush staining her cheeks. Her lips were lined in black and smudged into a shiny glossy garnet coloured lip lacquer and her costume!

It was a one shouldered sleeveless leotard with a clear strap on the other shoulder and little hot pants attached in a metallic granite deep silver grey with animal print in metallic black and garnet. Areas of it had been strategically “slashed” like claw marks to reveal creamy skin beneath including a large section running along her left hip. She had strands of garnet coloured metallic fabric wrapped around her legs tightly and garnet coloured toenails. She looked like some kind of exotic jungle warrior princess sex goddess.

“Oh my god. You look so fucking hot!” Anne said in admiration and Ann smiled shyly. “I’m doing a very haunted tribal kind of version of Destiny’s child’s Survivor. For my opening routine that is what my parents were working on. They’d never chosen a song but I figured if there’s one thing I am, It’s a survivor. And I think when you normally so do something soft and beautiful it’s nice to come out with something striking and strong.”

And yet there was still softness in her eyes and sweetness in her smile and that was the magical dichotomy that was Ann Walker, marvelled Anne.

“Well you look the part love…..seriously…. wow” Anne gushed and Ann giggled “I’m glad you approve. I’m going to do a final check and then head over to the dressing room to bump in so I can stretch and do flips out the back. Could you help me take everything over?” she asked sweetly as she put on her Riverview College robe over her costume and a pair of black ballet flats.

“I would love to sweetheart!” Anne said genuinely as she watched Anne looking at her costume roller and inside her dance bag and ticking things off her little clipboard in bemusement. For someone who had spent so long taking care of herself and sometimes struggled to let herself be taken care of, Ann still had this lovely way of making her feel needed. There really wasn’t anything in the world she loved being as much as she loved being her Dude

Ann zipped up the bag and Anne took it from her and put it on her shoulder as she kissed Ann’s head and took the front of the costume roller “Let’s go get you settled graduation Pixie!”

********************************

Anne approached Rachel and Jonathan Hastings where they stood near the auditorium entrance. Jonathan was almost 6 ft tall with olive skin looking very dapper in his dress pants and shirt and Rachel was just an older greyer version of Ann with Hazel eyes “Mr and Mrs Hastings” she said and they turned towards her “Anne Lister, it’s a pleasure to meet you!” She said with her hand outstretched and Jonathan shook it and smiled warmly, his crystal blue eyes showing her where Ann’s came from “Miss Lister the pleasure is all ours” he said “And call me Jonno” he said with a cheeky grin and a thick Australian accent. “Only if you call me Anne!” she said and extended her hand to Ann’s very elegant grandmother whose British accent was just as thick. “And I’m Rachel. Anne we cannot thank you enough for telling us about today and for sending the car and the breakfast basket and the nurse. I tend to not travel far since my stroke under the advice of my doctors which I believe is why Ann didn’t mention anything. Always taking so much responsibility on her shoulders that little one.”

“Which is why I wanted her to be able to just enjoy the culmination of all her hard work and for her to have the people around her to enjoy it with her. She doesn’t know you’re both coming. She was fully intending to celebrate with you tomorrow. I wanted to keep it as a surprise for her. But you’ll be able to see her after the ceremony.” Anne assured them.

“Excuse me there’s young Harry’s grandfather I’m going to go see who he likes in race 5 on Saturday!” Jonno said and Rachel rolled her eyes with a bemused smile “You’ll have to forgive him dear he has the attention span of a fly” Anne laughed and it was then that Rachel noticed the orange juice and banana in Anne’s blazer pocket and the puzzle pieces she’d had in her mind began falling into place.

“So, on the phone you said you were my granddaughter’s employer? Shibden enterprises? A very impressive company you’ve amassed. I didn’t realise Ann was working in Public Relations and Marketing.”

“Well I was sort of, at least accidentally and technically she’s not. I work a lot with Riverview college and the university providing career pathways for students. I asked for Aerialists from the University Dance and Circus program for one of my company parties. Ann just happened to be one of the performers. I was so moved by her piece I approached her and we got talking and we connected…. very well. I’m obviously older than her and I didn’t want it to seem anything improper when I contacted you after getting your details from my friend Olivia Winston and in the moment I said Ann had done some work for me rather than we’d grown close”

Rachel noticed Anne starting to seem a little anxious despite appearing to be the kind of woman who was always in control.

“I see.” Rachel smiled knowingly “You have a banana and an orange juice in your pocket”

Anne looked down to her pocket and kicked herself mentally “Oh yes, that’s for Ann, she doesn’t eat before she does aerials because…..”

“She gets queasy doing lots of spinning and its more bearable on an empty stomach but then she’s lightheaded after.” Rachel finished her sentence and smiled as she opened her handbag to reveal an orange juice and a banana.

“I taught her that trick. Multiple fast Pirouettes were my arch nemesis. Her mother was the same after me and then Annie. We all have the same sensitive inner ear. Prone to imbalance and vertigo. That’s very thoughtful of you Anne. You seem to know an awful lot about my granddaughter.”

Anne was feeling very exposed. She hadn’t thought any of this through. She didn’t even know if Ann was out to her grandparents. Why hadn’t she been more organised and done her homework.

“If you don’t mind me asking Anne how old are you?” Rachel asked directly and Anne sighed then took a deep breath. “I’m 30!” she said quietly as she looked away knowing what was coming.

“I see. Well I’m 66 so now that we have that out of the way! Rachel said warmly as she squeezed Ann’s shoulder reassuringly” Anne looked at her in surprise.

“And I’m 52 What are we talking about?” Jazmine said as she appeared beside them holding a seemingly broken bra and Rachel’s face lit up as she held her arms out to Jazmine “It’s good to see you lady!” she said to Rachel and Rachel hugged her tight “You too! I have the spare strap for Annie’s broken dance bra. Horrid flimsy things these are. The girls at my studio are always busting theirs!” Rachel said as she held it up and went to attach it to the bra but Anne noticed her hand was shaking too much.

“The stroke” she thought. And Jazmine and Rachel must be on good terms which was unexpected.

“Here Rach!” Jazmine said as she helped Rachel thread it through “Oh thank you” she said gratefully “Now I’ve already pre adjusted it to her rough chest and back measurement”

“Oh, she’s filled out a little in the bust again in the last couple of months honey since you’ve seen her last we need to let it out a little. “Jazmine said.

“Yes” Anne agreed as she took it and looked at the width of the front and then the back and let it out very precisely “That’s Ann!”

Rachel looked at her with a raised eyebrow and Jazmine bit back a smile. Anne realised what they must be thinking and scrambled to explain.

“I mean not that I’ve seen them because I can assure you I haven’t. I won’t. I mean I will but not yet. Oh, damnit to hell, Her measurements. I know her exact measurements because I organised for a ball gown to be made for her as a surprise for the year 12 formal tonight. The theme is once upon a time and she didn’t have one appropriate because it hurt too much to shop for one and see all the girls with their mothers so a gown is being delivered to my home as we speak. I have the measurements on my phone I can show you.” Anne pulled up a document and held it up. As Rachel found herself more and more impressed with this young woman’s attentiveness and thoughtfulness towards Ann. She clearly absolutely adored her.  
“Jaz this is Ann’s mysterious older woman” Rachel said matter of factly.

“Yeah I know!” Jaz replied and Rachel looked at her in surprise “How do you know?”

‘Because I met her when she came to support Ann at Cassie’s “Happy 45th birthday night at the club 2 nights ago. Jaz explained

“Yes, I don’t particularly want to hear about my baby girl being at your debauchers club. Why didn’t you tell me you met her when it happened?” Rachel asked.

“Because I hadn’t decided if I wanted to break her arm yet?” Jazmine mused.

“And do you?” Rachel asked and Jazmine shook her head.

“No, I really like her I think she’s a keeper!”

“Yes, so do I as a matter of fact!” Rachel said genuinely and Anne took in the scene before her in disbelief.

“Wait a minute, Rachel you know about Ann? About me? This whole time I’ve been trying to be so careful. I was so worried that Ann might not be out as gay to you and definitely that I might let something slip about her and I, and I just ended up putting my foot in it over and over again.” 

Rachel chuckled “My dear if it makes you feel any better I was standing there seriously worried that you were clearly in love with my granddaughter and because you’d introduced yourself on the phone in a different context, that you’d gone and done all this for her and she was bringing another girl to my home tomorrow which would have made today most awkward. It wasn’t until I spotted the orange juice and banana and connected the dots to the story she told me of the night you first met.”

“Oh gosh” Anne said as she burst out laughing, partly because it was rather funny and partly because she was so relieved that Rachel seemed to approve.

“I’ll be honest. I didn’t know you were quite 30. I was told “A little bit older than me” but I also know you thought she was 21 or 22 and not 17. She’s told me about your mix up. And she also said that you were and I quote “Totes Old School” Anne chuckled at Rachel’s very proper pronunciation of teenage slang.

“And forgive me my dear if I offend, I’m not as versed in socially appropriate LGTBQ language as Annie, she said you’d been a perfect gentleman and that you were her Dude”

Anne beamed and she squeezed Rachel’s hand reassuringly “That’s perfectly appropriate. It’s more an Anne thing than a queer lingo thing I think. It’s very important to me that Ann always be treated with respect and protected and taken care of….as much as little Miss stubborn is capable of letting anyone take care of her at least.” Anne said with a wry smile and Rachel and Jaz gave each other knowing maternal looks.

“And as you can see, I’m not an overly feminine woman and Ann understands me and she calls me her Dude!”

Rachel looked Anne’s smart Navy suit, white and navy pin stripe business shirt, black lace up brogues, lack of accessories, minimal makeup and strong jawline in contrast to her pretty warm brown eyes and gorgeous smile. It was an extremely engaging combination.

“Yes, You have a unique look. But you’re a very stylish and attractive young woman. Ann described you as the most perfect combination of handsome and beautiful and I didn’t quite understand at the time but now I do!” Rachel said warmly.

“She’s hitting on you, run while you can Lister!” Jaz said dryly and Rachel slapped her.

“Hey, be grateful you’re getting such a warm reception when she met me she thought I was the devil incarnate!” Jaz said truthfully.

“Yes, but you were the devil incarnate until I saw you handled my daughter better than anyone else including her husband and gave Annie stability. And now I just tolerate you because we’re stuck with each other!” Rachel said abruptly but Anne could tell she didn’t mean it and Jaz put her arm around Rachel and kissed the top of her head “Likewise!”

Rachel chuckled and leaned into Jaz’s hug and then put her arm around Anne “Thank you for your honesty Anne. It is much appreciated. Shall we go take our seats?”

Jaz’s phone rang “it’s Annie!” She answered it and immediately pulled the phone away from her ear and Anne’s eyes widened as she heard the volume in Ann’s voice and could just make out the words “Dance bra” and “my life is over”.

“I’m on my way baby girl give me 2 minutes” Jaz shouted into the phone before hanging up. She laughed at Anne’s surprised expression “It’s still the honeymoon period and she’s like a 30 year old midget but soon you too shall experience the joy of a fully- fledged teenage meltdown!” hashtag “my life is over”, hashtag, “graduation will be ruined” hashtag “And I look fat in my contemporary costume”. All 103 pounds of her. Wish me luck!”

Anne watched her go and was just thinking out loud ‘Is it wrong that I’m kind of glad she’s throwing a hissy fit because at least she’s just acting like any other stressed hormonal almost 18 year old instead of carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders for a change?”

Rachel smiled to herself. Oh yes. This one was indeed a keeper.

“No, it’s not. It’s wonderful actually!” Rachel said in a rather meaningful tone and when Anne looked at the older woman her eyes were shining with respect and acceptance.

Anne offered her arm gallantly. “Shall we go?” she asked with a warm smile which Rachel returned when she took it gratefully. “Yes. Let’s!”  
They caught up with Jonno and Rachel said “Jonno, Anne is little Annie’s mystery woman.

Jonathan looked at Rachel in disbelief “Well of course she is woman. I knew this was Anna Banana’s beau…I mean ah lady…I mean”

“Oh, Jonno really” Rachel said as she rolled her eyes.

“No employer sends a limousine 3 hours out of town with a private nurse to bring the grandparents of a teenage employee to her high school graduation, that’s not way the world works. Unless it’s some kind of sexual harassment scandal!” Jonno elbowed Anne and winked at her.

“JONOTHAN!” Rachel yelled 

“I can assure you it’s not” Anne pleaded and Jonno laughed “Aw I’m just messing with you . Me and my inappropriate sense of humour. I don’t mean no harm. Welcome to the family darlin. We’re batshit crazy but we’re all each other has!”

“Honestly” Rachel sighed in frustration as she took Anne’s arm “Come along dear!This why we only let him out of the house on special occasions”

Anne chuckled to herself. Hastings family life wasn’t looking too bad at all.

……………………………………………………………..

Anne sat with Ann’s family only a few rows back from the stage, glad they had a good view. The official welcomes had been done and now it was time for things to start.

“And now to open the 2019 Riverview College Year 12 Graduation Ceremony please welcome the recipient of the University Pathways award for outstanding excellence in Aerial Dance, performing original choreography by Andra, Chris and Annie Walker- Head Prefect, Miss Annalise Walker.”

“Oh” Rachel gasped as she brought her hand to her mouth. Clearly moved by the fact that Ann was performing something her mother had started. “Andra, honestly what was wrong with Cassie?” Rachel muttered.

“It’s just a stage name, she thought it more exotic! And it separated public from private life” Jaz offered and Rachel rolled her eyes. 

“Well Annalise is just fine with “Annie”

“Yes, but she might change her mind when she’s a little older. I have a feeling we might be seeing ‘Pixie Lister’ in the not too distant future.” Jaz gave Anne a knowing smile and Anne’s heart skipped a beat as she smiled. “I can’t say I hate the sound of that” Anne said honestly and Rachel gave Anne a sideways disapproving glance “Hmmmm” but her eyes were smiling.

The curtains opened to thunderous applause. There was a Lyra on the left side, A trapeze next to it, A sling in the middle of the stage, a pair of silks next to it and a firepit beside it with some equipment stacked behind it and Ann was sprawled on the stage in a heap under the silks.

“Are those…. Are those bullet wounds on her shoulder?” Jonathan asked and Jaz nodded.  
“Very good prosthetic ones yes. I added them backstage for a little drama?”

“Yes because 4 aerial apparatus and a firepit wasn’t enough drama” Rachel said sarcastically.

“No, it wasn’t Rach I’m so glad you see that!” Jaz teased and Anne tried not to chuckle at their bickering but loving relationship.

The haunting music began and Ann began to breathe dramatically. Her chest rising dramatically. She began to stagger to her feet.

Thought I couldn't breathe without you  
I'm inhaling  
You thought I couldn't see without you  
Perfect vision.

She reached the silks and grabbed one, seemingly swaying on it like a dead weight in a semi- conscious state. And then began to climb but she wasn’t climbing, she was dragging. Dragging herself up by the arms as thought she was lifting herself from the ashes. The visual was so powerful. She then began to twist herself into beautiful shapes very high in the air getting stronger and more technical as the next set of lyrics began, spinning very fast

Thought that I would fail without you  
But I'm on top  
Thought it would be over by now  
But it won't stop  
Thought that I would self-destruct  
But I'm still here  
Even in my years to come  
I'm still gon' be here

There were haunting strings heard and Ann suddenly unwrapped herself and at lightning speed slid down one of the silks to land perfectly on the ground, knees bent with murder in her eyes like a feral predator exactly on the loud drum beat and then she let out this piercing scream that had so much passion, anger and strength and ended perfectly with the silence in the music.

“Fierce baby girl came to fuck shit up!” Jaz said in pride and Anne high fived her over Rachel’s head “That’s my bad ass Pixie” she said proudly as everyone sat in stunned awe. 

“YASSSSS QUEEN!” Harry was heard yelling and then Ann began doing a series of strong warrior poses with her leg up behind her head, her arms crossed in front battle style, a one handed handstand in the splits and then flipping herself from her hands back up onto her feet to punctuate each line of the chorus which was delivered separately and then punctuated by drumbeats. The version of the track she’d chosen was so perfect for her piece..

I'm a survivor  
I'm not gon' give up  
I'm not gon' stop, oh  
I'm gon' work harder

Ann then ran to the lyra and then mounting it the rig was pulled higher even as she got inside it and she did trick after trick, spinning and dropping, twisting her incredibly body like a pretzel into the most beautiful shapes.

“She’s so beautiful, so talented” Rachel said with tears in her eyes. Ann’s spinning came to a stop and she grabbed the dance trapeze that was pinned up near the Lyra and held on tight, Anne’s heart nearly beating out of her chest as she dropped with it and then mounted it, standing up on it and spinning making shapes, wrapping herself in the rope before dropping off it to grab it with her hands and swinging her legs back and forth until she was coming out into the audience and then as she swung back then forward one more time she let go spinning in the air in a double back flip before landing on her feet.

“Holy mother of god” Jonno gasped and never missing a beat Ann ran to behind the pit and seemed to have some kind of thick white dust on her hands. She then put her hands in, ran to the front of the stage and Rachel gasped ‘Her hands…..that’s fire”

Ann did a series of turns with her leg and arms outstretched then as she brought them in for endless impossibly fast pirouettes she brought her hands together like she was clasping the fire in her hands and then she brought them up high and clapped it out as everyone began to cheer wildly.

She then began to do endless front flips, back flips, side flips, acrobat tricks all merged with contemporary dance technique. She was so incredibly strong fluid and graceful, then as the music began to build to a crescendo she ran back to the pit, lit her fire sticks and began twirling them while she danced as her classmates all screamed for her and cheered “Go Annie Go!”

She put out the sticks, slathered her arms and hands in the white dust, ran to the front of the stage with something concealed in both her hands and then as the climax drumbeats of the music was heard she opened her arms and they caught alight from her wrist to a few inches below her armpits and everyone either screamed from shock or excitement. She held them there for a second and then just as quickly as they caught alight she crossed her hands over her body and snuffed it out on the final loud drumbeat raising her hands in the air in victory.

A gentle violin played as she went to the sling and climbed it deftly to the top, wrapping herself up in it and then without warning she dropped on the surprise final drumbeat all the way from the top to the bottom bending back with her hands clutching her ankles.

Anne was shaking. She had never been so wet and terrified together in all her life.

There was total silence in the auditorium and then suddenly thunderous applause that was deafening as Ann was given a standing ovation. And no one was clapping and cheering louder than Anne, Jonno, Rachel and Jaz.

‘I’m going to marry her” Anne thought to herself feeling like she could absolutely burst with pride.

Ann disentangled herself from the sling walked to the front of the stage as the curtains closed behind her and took a bow. More thunderous applause. She looked absolutely joyous. Her face and smile were electric. She was so humble but it was co clear she was over the moon with what she’d just accomplished. was handed a microphone and she switched it on.

“Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen” She said in a raspy out of breath voice.

“Oh bless” Anne said as she watched her beautiful girl try to regain her breath ‘This is because we’re all getting old now!” she joked and everyone laughed.

“See she’s funny like me!” Jonno said and Anne chuckled.

“In a moment we invite you to enjoy members of our junior orchestra playing for you to your left while we reset the stage I just destroyed. Don’t try any of that at home”

Everyone laughed again and Ann took a deep breath “But this year the theme for graduation and the formal tonight is Once upon a time. Graduation is our story. The piece I just performed was a work in progress that I finished, originally began by my parents just before we were in a horrific car accident that I lived through but they did not. Mum, Dad, that was for you. Now you’re here with me at graduation.” Her voice broke and her eyes filled with tears but she wiped them away and gave the audience a big smile. “This piece was my story. I’m Annie Walker. And I’m a survivor!”

“Yeah you are baby” Anne called out as everyone cheered and clapped for her, giving her a standing ovation once more. “Thank you so much” Ann said as she gave another little gracious bow and left the stage.

“Oh gosh I think I may have another stroke. If I wasn’t so proud of her I would strangle that little monkey!” Rachel said as she took her seat. Her hand to her heart.

“She was exceptional!” Jaz said in awe and Anne looked at her hands “My hands are actually shaking. They’re shaking.”

“Welcome to loving a Walker woman dear. Her mother was the same. Apparently they like to inspire this reaction” Rachel said dryly.

**************************

The ceremony had been going for a couple of hours. All the performances were completed and Anne was more in love with her beautiful girl than ever. She’d performed the haunting sombre Max Richter piece beautifully with Millie and the orchestra backing looking stunning in a black fitted long sleeved beaded evening gown And and had performed a beautiful and bitter sweet lyrical dance duet with Harry that they’d choreographed to JP Sax and Julia Michaels “If the world was ending” about a couple that had parted because they knew they weren’t right for one another but would come back to one another ultimately in the face of disaster or tragedy because they were one another’s “ride or die”. She’d been in other musical and dance items too to the point where she had to receive her graduation certificate in her gorgeous pastel blue coloured lyrical dress. It was very elegant though. Anne could see her waiting at the edge of the wing. They’d done the graduates who were not receiving awards first and then all the award winners together.  
“And we’ve saved our student with the largest haul until last” Olivia joked at the microphone as people chuckled and she began “Receiving 1st place in course Visual Arts, 1st place in course Dance, Equal 1st place in course, Music. Outstanding academic achievement in English, outstanding Academic achievement in Business Studies, Outstanding academic achievement in Legal studies, Outstanding application in all Key learning Areas, Outstanding contribution to college life, The Riverview College award for outstanding leadership skills, The Riverview College citizenship award, The Dame Joan Sutherland Award for excellence and achievement in the performing arts and the university pathways award for outstanding excellence in Aerial Dance, Miss Analise Walker.

Anne, Jaz, Rachel and Jonno all cheered wildly as did the rest of the crowd. It was clear that Ann was so loved and respected. She walked out and shook Olivia’s hand as she posed with her graduate certificate and it was clear that it was all Olivia could do to stop herself from hugging her like a proud mum.

She then tried to pick up her awards as the other students had done but there was so many that once she got to about 4 plaques and 3 certificates she was struggling a little. So, placing them down she held up her finger to the staff member assisting her, ran off stage and reappeared with a crate.

Everyone laughed and cheered as she and the teacher carefully packed her certificates, trophies and plaques into the crate that was still overflowing even at the end of it and then Ann went to the front of the stage and posed with her crate, smiling shyly.

“That’s my sweet beautiful girl!” Anne said aloud as she took about the thousandth photo of Ann for the ceremony.

“Good work shortcake! More than one way to skin a cat!” Jonno said proudly.

“Oh, my goodness, after all that girl has endured. What an incredible achievement!” Rachel said in disbelief.

“I’m so happy for her!” Jaz said with tears in her eyes and Anne was fighting tears of her own. Talk about a clean sweep. She’d absolutely blitzed it. ‘She deserves this, more than anyone” she said vehemently and Rachel squeezed her hand. “Yes. She does”

**********************************

Anne, Rachel and Jonno all stood waiting out in the courtyard for Ann with all the other families waiting to meet students.

Anne saw her walking towards them with Jazmine who had gone to get her and suddenly she looked up in disbelief and screamed “Nanna?” then she was running into Rachel’s arms “Oh Nanna I can’t believe you’re here! How are you here!”

“Your Anne arranged it for you as a surprise. I’m so proud of you darling. So incredibly and unspeakably proud!” Rachel said in a voice full of emotion as she held Ann.

“And Pop! Oh my gosh it’s so good to see you! I can’t believe you’re here!” Jonno looked a bit puzzled but picked Ann up in a huge hug anyway “Anna Banana you win graduation! You totally killed it!” he said proudly and when he put her down Ann gently took Anne away “I can’t believe you did this for me. I love you so much Dude” Ann said as she hugged Anne and she lifted her and spun her slowly “I love you too my darling. I’m so proud of you, I mean we need to have a talk about what happened with the fire but other than that I’m just so proud of you.”

Ann really wanted to kiss Anne but with her still being 17 and Anne having a substantial public profile they’d been very careful. As though she could read her mind Anne gently kissed her forehead and Ann leant into her side, wrapping both her arms around her waist.

Jonno look bewildered. “What’s wrong Jonno?” Rachel asked and Jonno shrugged “It’s just that Annie knew we were here. She came out looking for Harry before the ceremony round the side there when I was talking to his grandfather and just about had a fit when she saw me. But just now she acted like she hadn’t seen me at all.”

Jaz gently patted Jonno on the back “Because Anne had gone to so much trouble to make this a surprise.”

“But why wouldn’t she just tell her she’d figured it out?” Jonno asked and Rachel looked at the way Ann was looking up at Anne so adoringly as the older woman gently stroked her hair and gazed down at her like she was the most precious thing she’d ever seen.

“Because” Rachel said as tears filled her eyes at the sight of her granddaughter so in love and so loved and cared for in return. 

“She loves her!”

*****************************

Mariana drove away from Ann’s house smiling victoriously. Breaking into little Miss perfect’s house while everyone was at graduation had been almost too easy. And imagine her surprise when she found a stack of letters from Army boy, Thomas Ainsworth. One in particular that read “To my own little Annie. I keep a copy of this picture under my pillow wherever we go here in the pits of hell to keep me safe. I trace the curve of your breast and the freckles on your back and remember how beautiful your skin looked in the moonlight as you lay beside me that night. I can’t wait to get home to you so we can be together like that again. Love always, your Thomas.” And it had only been sent a month earlier.

And sitting on top of the letters was a picture of Ann walker, her lower body covered, naked from the waist up and sprawled and sleeping peacefully on her stomach in bed, a mass of Mariana assumed sex tousled curls around her and just the side of her left breast visible. Mariana was certain she would be able to get more evidence from this Thomas fellow but this was a very good start.

“Virgin my ass. Gotcha little Annie!” Mariana said wickedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! I'm so bad!!......don't worry, Ann's not hiding a secret love affair or any consensual intimacy from our girl. Thomas is scum. 
> 
> Also, I know people often write angsty disapproving family stuff but I thought it might be nice for Anne to be embraced and accepted. It's what we all deserve regardless of who we love.


	16. She's worth it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in this chapter Anne struggles a bit with affection and approval from Ann's family because she's not used to getting it from her own especially now her Aunt is gone (poor baby). And she does some seriously epic romantic shit and realises just how wrong she was settling for all her empty womanising and that its okay to let herself fall in deep with Ann. It's a really sweet one so I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Also, can I just say that everyone needs a Mama Jaz in their life ha ha. She just keeps it real!

Anne had booked a Graduation lunch at one of Ann’s favourite places, a waterfront beach club and Ann looked absolutely gorgeous in her above the knee multi coloured floral wrap dress with puff sleeves, hot pink lips and little hot pink canvas sneakers. Her hair was pulled softly into a low side ponytail with soft waves and curls falling over her shoulder. Anne watched as her beautiful girl sat perched on Jazmine’s lap laughing at something Jonno said. She looked so happy. Not even a slightly aggravated old dance injury to her ankle that Jazmine had strapped had dampened her spirits.

“I haven’t seen her like this for a very long time” Rachel remarked as she took a seat next to Anne on the bench style table opposite the others and encouraged Anne to turn away a little which she did.

“Having her family around her has been good for her. It’s lit her up!” Anne said sincerely and Rachel smiled knowingly “Oh it’s not just us lighting her up!” Anne smiled sheepishly and 

Rachel continued “So I hope you don’t mind me being direct dear but did you know that Ann more than anything wants to have a child? And while it’s an unusual dream for one to have so young I fully support and encourage her to do it sooner rather than later. You see I too suffer from the anxiety that Ann suffers. What Cassie had was obviously far worse and Ann’s worsened from her environment and the trauma but I feel pregnant with Cassie young. I was 20. And I found it easier to go without my medication and handle the pregnancy when I was younger. I tried again a little older, I was 27 and then 29 and both times I really struggled and I lost the babies. I think when you’re younger its easier to cut back the medication and handle the stress of a pregnancy as you have less responsibilities and adult stresses. It’s one of the reasons I supported Cassie and Chris in taking on and then keeping Elizabeth even when they discovered she wasn’t Christopher’s. I said to her, here is your baby. You don’t ever have to get pregnant or go off your medication. You can stay stable. But as it would turn out she wanted one of her own. She fell pregnant with Ann at 27 and It was a difficult pregnancy to say the least. And our beautiful Annie fought for her life every day for the first 3 months and had many invasive and traumatic procedures performed to right the damage. I suppose given how much she loves you I’m just wanting to protect her and check your visions align.”

Anne placed her hand on Rachel’s “I can assure you they do. I want to settle down and have a child. I’ve wanted to for a while I just always thought it was a dream until I met Ann and then everything changed. And of course I will wait for her to be ready but I completely understand the reasoning behind doing it sooner rather than later. And I just want you to know that I’m aware of Ann’s mental health struggles and also her delayed/complicated physical development because of her premature birth and I will stop at nothing until she has her dream. I represent some of the most cutting edge medical experts in the world and my contacts are limitless. If it took a 10 person team of specialists to come at this and make sure Ann and the baby were as healthy as possible then that is what she would have. I would cut back my hours at the office and she would have my house-keeper with her who absolutely adores her when I wasn’t there. I would bring in the very best interior designers so she could manifest her dream nursery so she had a project and support her with anything else she needed to make it easier.”

Rachel was overwhelmed with relief. Not just at her baby girl and Anne having the same vision but that Anne had clearly thought about it and genuinely seemed like she would go to the ends of the earth to support Ann.

“You’re a remarkable young woman Anne Lister” Rachel praised her genuinely and Anne chuckled “I never used to be. I’m sure you’ve read all the scandalous stories about my womanising and scandalous ways and I don’t deny my past. But the thing is, since I met Ann. I’ve found myself very changed” Anne said honestly and Rachel smiled warmly at her “It’s funny how love changes us isn’t it?” Anne beamed as she looked over her shoulder at Ann and her beautiful girl blew her a kiss which she caught and put square in the middle of her forehead causing Ann to break into giggles.

“Yes it certainly is” she agreed.

“My daughter needed a firm hand to guide her because of her extreme instability, it’s one she never had in Christopher but she found it in Jazmine who as you know was a little older than Cassie was. I think it’s good your older than Ann. She needs sometimes needs a firm hand for a different reason. Because she’s so good, so sweet and so kind, so diligent in always trying to keep the balls up in the air and make sure everyone else has what they need that she..”

“Forgets to take care of herself!” Anne finished for her and Rachel nodded as she looked behind them at Ann in concern “Yes, I see we are on the same page. I think you’re good for her Anne. I mean that!”

Rachel hugged Anne and Anne felt rather overwhelmed. She wasn’t used to this kind of acceptance. “Thank you, you don’t know how much that means to me!”

When the hug ended Anne took both of Rachel’s hands “Will you come back to my home and see Ann discover her surprise and get ready for the dance before John takes you and Jonno home?”

“Thank you so much for the invitation and including us darling. I wouldn’t miss it!” Rachel said gratefully.

“Hey what are you two up to over there! Break that up!” Ann called accusingly and Rachel and Anne cracked up laughing.

“I’m starving let’s order!” Jonno said as he passed around the menus and everyone went back to their seats. Ann walked back around and sat beside Anne “Hello my sweet beautiful girl!” Anne said adoringly as she tenderly wrapped her arms around Ann and kissed her forehead. “What would you like to eat?” she asked and Ann had a sip of her wine “I want fries!”

“I’d like you to have something more substantial than that, something from the main menu.” Anne urged her “But I feel like fries” Ann reasoned and Anne grinned at her. She was so cute. “Well what a coincidence! Here’s 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, Seven things on the main menu that are served with fries!” Ann giggled and leaned into Anne’s side 

“Come on sweetheart. You’ve had a huge morning and only half a banana to eat and the day is half gone. You’ve got your big dance tonight, we need to get some fuel into that tiny little body of yours. Pick something or I’m choosing for you” Anne said very firmly then kissed Ann’s nose and as she rubbed her hand up and down her arm softly said “You don’t have to eat it all Pixie just try for me.”

“Well I guess I could have the burger. That looks yummy” Ann conceded.

“Done” Anne said satisfied and Rachel who had been watching the exchange with interest smiled and looked down at her menu. “Very good for her indeed” she thought to herself.

Anne leant into Ann’s ear when everyone was busy with their menus and whispered “Good girl” smiling as Ann shivered a little and began lightly circling Ann’s parted inner thighs under the table with her fingers, a few inches from her knees. “My beautiful princess. Such a good girl for me” she whispered dominantly as she looked at Ann darkly, seeing the flush stain her face so prettily and Ann clamped her legs shut trapping Anne’s hand between her soft warm thighs.

“And they have an ice cream cart we should hit over there after lunch too!” Ann said innocently while everyone agreed and gave Anne a sassy “Two can play at this game” smile and a little wink.

“Well played little pixie” Anne thought to herself as she smiled at Ann indulgently. She tried to pull her hand free discreetly but Ann had dancers’ muscles of steel and it wasn’t so easy. She just looked at Anne with big innocent eyes and shook her head then gave her a really naughty smile.

“Fuck she’s hot!” Anne thought to herself.

Ann released her death grip and leant into kiss Anne’s cheek “Okay what’s everyone having and who wants more drinks? The Dude and I will go order!” 

They took everyone’s order and then Anne helped Ann to her feet ‘Are you sure you should be walking around my darling?” she asked in concern “Oh I’m all good!” Ann said cheerfully. When they got to the bar there was quite a few people in the queue so Anne bent and said “Put your arms around my neck and humour me!” Ann grinned and wrapped her arms around Anne’s neck and she grasped Ann’s legs and stood with her on her back.

“I’ve invited your family to the house for tea. It’s really important we keep your grandparents out of my bedroom if they don’t know about your kinkier extra curriculars” Anne mused and Ann leant her chin on Anne’s shoulder. “Why Dude?”

Anne took a deep breath “Well because using one of Jazmine’s people that she highly recommended I’ve installed a rope point above my bed this morning. I loved hearing you describe what tying is to you, it sounded sexy and magical and intimate. I thought maybe we could try it sometime. If you wanted to”

Ann bit her lip. She knew what a big deal it was for Anne to be willing to try this. To be willing to give up a bit of control. “I love you so much Dude” Ann said as she covered the side of the older woman’s cheek in kisses.

“I don’t know how I’ll go but I’d like to explore. “ Anne said a little awkwardly and Ann stroked her hair with one of her hands “We can talk about boundaries before hand, use safe words and go slow. I’ll take care of you baby. The same way you always take such good care of me” Ann said in a sweet and gentle voice full of so much understanding and reassurance.

“I know you will my love. I trust you” Anne said honestly and Ann lightened the mood “So you should! Cause I’m like totes angelic!” she said as she climbed higher on Anne’s back to look at her over her shoulder.

“Oh yeah you were so angelic at the table just then, let me just get that halo engraved for you now.”

“Oh no you don’t have to go that far. I mean you don’t have to get it engraved” Ann joked and Anne laughed at her “Cheeky little shit!” she said adoringly.

The truth was she really was a little angel. Anne knew she was the most precious thing she’d ever had in her world and she couldn’t fight the feeling that for some reason it was particularly important to keep an eye on her. She didn’t know why. She just had a niggling feeling.

“Oh Jesus would you look at those two. Could they get any bloody cuter? They’re so loved up it’s disgusting and they’re not even sleeping together yet.” Jazmine said as she watched them from the table.

“They’re not?” Rachel asked in surprise and Jaz shook her head. “No. Not for Annie’s lack of trying from what I gather but Anne has strong feelings in the matter. Annie stays at Anne’s house all the time and they sleep in the same bed sometimes but Annie is always the one who makes the call on whether that happens or not. Anne’s given her a beautiful bedroom fit for a princess and if she falls asleep Anne carries her up and puts her to bed in her own room. She never decides for her and she doesn’t want to rush her. She wants to do right by our Annie.”

“How refreshingly lovely” Rachel said and Jonno nodded. “Not sleeping with my shortcake. Liking this Anne a whole lot more now” he offered and Rachel and Jaz cracked up.

********************  
Rachel, Jazmine, Anne and Ann were sitting in Anne’s formal lounge room while Jonno watched the football in Anne’s home theatre.

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready my darling?” Anne asked Ann and Ann shrugged “I don’t know. I guess. I’m still not feeling my dress. I should have organised something better.”

“What would you have done if you could have done anything you wanted?” Jaz asked and Ann smiled shyly “Probably channelled a Disney princess! I know that sounds silly”

“It doesn’t sound silly at all!” Anne said as she sat next to Ann and squeezed her hand “Which Disney movie was your favourite?” she asked her with genuine interest.

“Beauty and the beast” Jaz and Rachel said in perfect unison and both Anne and Ann cracked up.

“We’ve both seen it hundreds of times” Rachel said. ‘Yes I’m surprised she hasn’t put you through it yet!” Jaz teased and Ann shook her head at them.

“Well she was the best princess, she was beautiful, kind and thoughtful, Smart, she had a wonderful imagination and wasn’t afraid to try to better her circumstances. She was a dreamer and sweet without being a push over and she looked beyond the intimidating surface of the beast and all the horror stories about him to the gentle and caring soul that lay beneath.”

“Rather reminds me of someone else I know!” Anne said honestly as she picked up Ann’s hand and kissed it. Ann smiled at her lovingly. Anne never dismissed her or put her down. She always listened and was so supportive.

“And it had the most interesting prince of all in Beast and the best theme song and I guess as I’ve gotten older it’s taken on new meaning to me. It’s become a testament to the transformative powers of love” Ann said as she looked at Anne meaningfully and Anne returned her adoring gaze.

“Oh get a room you two!” Jazmine teased and Rachel rolled her eyes “Must you always be so crass Jazmine?”

“Yes Rachel! Always!” Jazmine stirred her but with a smile.

“So you would have channelled Belle.” Anne said as she stood and went over to the cupboard behind where spare throw blankets and cushions would normally be kept.

“Yeah probably, if I could” Ann confirmed.

“So something like this?” Anne asked as she carried out a mannequin and placed it in the middle of the room.

“Oh my word that is stunning” Rachel gasped and Ann looked at the dress in shock. She stood up and walked towards it. 

It was the most beautiful buttery creamy pastel lemon colour with a structured bodice that was covered in tiny scattered hand beading that caught the light. Attached to the bodice were draping beaded lace “off the shoulder” sleeves with scalloped edges and the full skirt was done in the same lemon colour with a semi sheer iridescent lace overlay beaded in the same style as the sleeves, in two scalloped lace edge tiers and as she walked around the back it had an adjustable corset closure that laced up the back with beautiful luxury ribbon in the same colour.

‘But how….I don’t…how did you even..” Ann stammered and Anne moved closer towards her beautiful girl. ‘When you told me you didn’t want to go to your dance because it was too painful shopping for a dress without your mum and you couldn’t get one online I wanted to take the pain away for you without you missing your night. I asked Harry which storybook or fairy tale princess you’d want to go as if you had a choice and he said Belle without a doubt. So I got your most recent dance costume measurements from him and started working with a couturier wedding dress designer I’ve worked with who has done incredible work and asked if he could do a modern take on Beauty and the Beast’s Belle for my Beauty. Do you like it?”

Ann nodded with her eyes full of tears. “It’s the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen.” She ran into Anne’s arms and burst into tears.”

“Hey….little one…shhhhhhh” Anne said softly as she picked up and wrapped Ann around her. “You’re alright, I’ve got you sweet baby” Anne whispered as she rubbed her back and tried to comfort her.

Rachel and Jaz both had tears in their eyes. “What a beautiful thing to do” Rachel said in a shaky voice.

“Thank you so much. I can’t believe you did that for me. I love you so much Dude. It’s so beautiful!”

“You’re so beautiful!’ Anne said firmly as she wiped Ann’s tears away with the pads of her thumbs “And it will look even more beautiful when you’re in it!”

“Anne honey do you happen to have an older single sister? I’m just asking…..for a friend.” Jaz called out from the couch and everyone cracked up laughing.

“Well I suppose I should go start fixing myself up and getting ready” Ann said sheepishly.

“Yes My darling you really should. Xavier is in your bedroom with another couple of my styling right hands and he’s texted me three times in the past hour. The last one 10 minutes ago was “Where is she? Give me the beautiful princess or I’ll do bad things to your furniture with my curling Iron. And I rather like my furniture”

Ann’s widened “Xavier’s up in my room…with like make-up artists and stuff?”

Anne nodded with a big grin “I didn’t want you to have to worry about a thing tonight. Just, go be a teenager for a change okay baby? It will be good for you.”

”Thank you” Ann gasped as she hugged Anne tight and lingered for a minute before slipping out of her arms and running out of the lounge room and up the stairs.

Anne watched her go and then was stunned to find Jazmine And Rachel hugging her. “Thank you” Rachel said sincerely through her tears and Anne gently patted her back “You’re more than welcome.”

“My turn!” Beth who had been watching from the doorway called as she ran and hugged Anne. ‘What on earth is going on?” Anne asked feeling a little uncomfortable.

“You mean apart from you being emotionally repressed and unaccustomed to being mothered honey?” Jazmine asked honestly and Beth put her hands on Anne’s arms. What you did for that girl was a beautiful wonderful thing. I’m so proud of you Anne.”

“Well it’s only a fraction of all she’s given me. I don’t know where I would have ended up if I didn’t meet Ann. That girl saved me. And that’s the truth. And now I just want to give her everything. I really believe I can make her happy. That we can be happy together” Anne looked a little bewildered as she admitted aloud for the first time what she’d many times thought to herself but never had the courage to say.

Rachel looked at Anne sympathetically. She had a feeling the young woman had suffered a lot in her life. “Of course you can darling. I’ve never seen her so happy” she said as she put her arm around Anne’s waist and gave her a motherly squeeze.

“Miss Jazmine and Miss Rachel I’m pouring some champagne and fixing up a grazing platter for Miss Annie and her friends. Can I interest you ladies in some champagne and treats?” Beth asked and Rachel beamed “Why not?” 

“Champagne all round!” Jazmine seconded. 

“Thank you Beth!” Anne said warmly and as she left Rachel who had already been impressed with the way Beth fussed over Ann, discreetly tapped Anne on the shoulder, pointed to Beth and mouthed “Love her!”

********************

Xavier and the makeup artists had just left and Anne went up to Ann’s room to take a final surprise to her. She knocked on the door. “Come in” came Ann’s soft husky voice and when Anne walked in and popped the shoe box on the bed it’s like time stood still.

She had no words to describe how beautiful Ann looked. No words that would have done her justice. Half her hair was softly pulled back In a braided crown and secured at the back of her head with the rest styled in long soft thick ringlets and a half halo style gold and crystal tiara sat on the braid setting it off beautifully.

Her makeup was very soft, honey gold eye shadow, beautifully lined eyes and long thin wispy eyelashes fanned out so beautifully and making her eyes look endlessly blue. She had a pretty pink blush on her cheeks and a soft red stain on her lips with a coat of gloss. Her earrings and necklace matched the half-crown in her brain and the necklace had a pearl drop in the centre. The dress fit her like a dream, emphasising her tiny waist and pushing her full bust high enough to create a little cleavage but not so much it was inappropriate for a high school dance and she had a dusting of fine gold glitter over her breasts, décolletage, shoulders and arms that caught the light so prettily.

“What do you think Dude?” Ann asked, eager for Anne’s opinion.

“My darling you look positively ethereal. Other worldly. There’s no other way to describe it. You are absolutely exquisite”

“Thank you” Ann said as she smiled shyly. “I love how it swishes” She said with a cheeky grin as she turned her hips and the dress swished and Anne laughed in delight. She was so adorable.

“I have one last piece of the outfit” Anne said as she took Ann by the hand and led her to the bed, lifting her up and onto it so her skirts were fanned out carefully.

“Now if your vision included heels I have two pairs for you to choose from but in the event that they didn’t I had these made for you. Anne opened the shoe box.

“Oh my gosh!” Exclaimed Ann as she saw the custom pair of pastel lemon coloured low top sneakers that were completely covered in scattered gold and champagne coloured crystals and tiny pearls and tied with pastel gold lace instead of traditional laces.

“I want to wear those!” Ann said excitedly as Anne bent down at her feet with a delighted grin and pulled a little pair of Ann’s low rider socks out of her pocket.

“I was hoping you’d say that!” she said as she slipped the socks onto Ann’s feet and carefully put the shoes on then tied them.

“You know I have a thing for you in dresses and sneakers. I knew I would forever the moment I first saw you in that little lavender dress and converse at my party.” Anne said as she stood and helped Ann to her feet.

“And now look at us!” Ann said with a huge smile on her face as she stood on her tip toes to kiss Anne gently.

“Come sweetheart, We want to get photos of you and Harry will be here to get you soon. Let’s go show your family.

“Okay!” Ann said excitedly as she grabbed her clutch and Anne rushed down the stairs 

“Presenting, the most beautiful Disney Princess in the history of princesses, Princess Annalise Walker!”

Ann giggled as she walked down the stairs and Jaz Rachel And Jonno all stairs with their mouth agape.

“Would you look at that. Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?” Jonno asked and Rachel shook her head, tears filling her eyes. “She looks so much like…..” Even Jazmine had tears in her eyes. “She does”.

Jazmine put her arm around Rachel and Anne looked at them in concern “Is everything alright?”

“Everything is wonderful, She is so beautiful. She just looks so much like Cassie” Rachel explained and ss Ann reached the bottom of the stairs Rachel ran to her and hugged her tight “Oh darling. You are the spitting image of your mother. She would be so proud of you!”

“ Yes but she’d tell me not to be soft and to take these sneakers off and put on some heels and that there’s no point having legs for days being so tiny in stature if I don’t make the most of it! But I’m not Mum, I’m me. And dresses and sneakers are my thing” Ann said proudly and Rachel looked her up and down “You certainly are you. In the best way darling and I love your little sneakers. You look gorgeous. You’re so much more sensible than your mother was anyway!”

“Let me take some photos of you all together” Anne offered.

“Thank you so much Anne!” Rachel said gratefully as she wiped her tears and Anne took photos of Ann with Rachel and Jonno and then Ann with Jazmine and then one of the whole lot.

“Now here honey let me take some of you two!” Rachel offered and took Anne’s phone off her. She took a pic of them smiling at the camera and got a gorgeous one of them looking adoringly at each other and one of Anne adjusting one of her curls.

“Now some of you just on your own!” Anne said as she took her phone back and her, Rachel and Jazmine all started snapping pictures. Ann was pretty natural in front of the camera. She’d smile prettily and look down very angelically showing off her long lashes. She swished her dress and ad one point spun around gracefully in circles, her skirt ballooning out and her hair whipping through the air which was so lovely.

The doorbell rang and Beth showed Harry in wearing a tux “Damn Lady you’ve outdone yourself, or should I say the Dude has” Harry went and high fived Anne “Good work mate!”

“Thank you my friend, I couldn’t have done it without you. Who are you going as?”

Harry stood with a whole lot of attitude and swagger “Her sexy beast. I just need to be me for that!”

Everyone laughed at Harry’s antics and he went over and handed Ann a red rose “Here you go babe you can’t be Belle without the signature red rose. You ready?” He asked and Ann nodded excitedly. “Bye Nanna and Pop, I’ll see you tomorrow” Ann said as she hugged them goodbye. “Bye Mama” she said as she hugged Jazmine “You’ll see me tomorrow too honey I’m coming to the farm for the festivities” 

“Yay!” Ann said in delight and lastly she turned to Anne and placed her arms around her neck. “You have made this one of the most magical days of my life. I love you so much” She said as she kissed her gently and hugged her. “it’s my pleasure my darling now off you go. Have a ball!”

Ann turned back to Harry and he offered his arm “Wifey” he said affectionately “Hubby” she said as she took it and Jazmine cried out ‘Wait wait stay right there” and quickly snapped a few pictures. “Okay go!”

Ann and Harry giggled as the left the house gossiping about who was wearing what and going to the dance with who.

Anne was so happy that her beautiful girl was happy. And she hadn’t even seen the last surprise yet.

*****************************

Ann was having the time of her life at the Formal. She’d danced for two hours straight and there was still another 2 hours to go. Harry’s crush from uni had snuck in, Millie’s next door neighbour had finally admitted he liked her and she just grabbed him and kissed him and now they were cuddled up in a corner while Victoria who volunteered to chaperone tried desperately to stay on the opposite corner of the room with Olivia and give her space. The only thing missing was Anne but she knew she’d go home to her later.

“Ann….Ann listen!” Harry said as the opening strands of Celine Dion and Paebo Bryson’s beauty and the beast began to play and Ann’s eyes widened. That was pretty coincidental.

“This one goes out to all you lovers out there, dedicated specifically for Pixie from her Dude. So Pixie wherever you are, enjoy!”

“Oh my god” Ann said in surprise and her eyes scanned the room looking for any sign of Anne and then she saw her walking towards her, her hair tied back in a ponytail with a royal blue band, the front pieces soft, wearing a white french-aristocrat style shirt and a royal blue blazer with tails, gold trim and buttons just like the Beast in the final scene of the movie. When she got to Ann she bowed gallantly and took her hand, gently kissing it. “Would you do me the honour of this dance Princess?” she asked and Ann nodded as Anne pulled her in to her arms chivalrously and they began to dance.

“I can’t believe this. How are you even here?” Ann asked and Anne winked at her “Technically anyone who worked with Year 12 was invited. I thought about telling you but I thought it might be a nice little surprise. Besides, a couple of nights ago the smartest girl I know taught me the importance of doing some seriously epic romantic shit and laying it all on the line so your person always knows that thick or thin you’re with them. And then she proceeded to do just that and sang me the most beautiful song. So I decided to take a leaf out of her book.”

Ann bit back tears as she took Anne’s face between her hands “You Anne Lister make me happier than anyone I have ever known.” She hugged her tight and Anne stroked her curls lovingly “I feel exactly the same thing about you my darling. Now about that dancing!”

Anne grinned as she began gently guiding Ann across the dance floor “I’m shocked you’re letting me lead little Pixie!”

“I like that you take the lead. It’s who you are. You’re just really toppy!” Ann said genuinely and Anne smiled at her in wonder, knowing she wasn’t just talking about the dancing “You really do don’t you my love?”

Ann looked down a little shyly and nodded. Anne tipped her chin up “Hey. There’s nothing to be ashamed of my sweet beautiful girl. It makes me so happy, I get to be who I naturally am and you get to be who you naturally are. It’s part of our magic and one of the reasons we fit together”

“And you’re actually a really good dance partner. How are you so good actually?” Ann asked and Anne chuckled “My father forced me into finishing school when I was younger in the hopes it would make me more feminine. I got kicked out for insisting on dancing the male part and seducing the young ladies! But I soon learnt how charming a skilled dancer is!” Ann cracked up laughing and Anne smiled at her and winked. Besides you haven’t seen anything yet.

As the tempo began to pick up Anne began to sweep her love across the floor in a very graceful waltz, twirling her and doing all the graceful hand movements. With all her skills Ann was easily about to follow her lead and Anne knew as long as she lived she would never forget the look of surprised delight and awed wonder on Ann’s face. Anne picked Ann up by the legs and thrust her high into the air, spinning around with her and then put her down, twirling her around the dance floor and they were so good they had cleared the floor.

“Oh my goodness would you look at that?” Victoria said as she sighed dreamily watching Anne in all her beast prince get up dance with Ann.

“How magical. They have something so very special” Olivia said as a single tear fell down her face.

“Run at me and put your left arm around my waist and leg up, I don’t know what the lift is called” Anne said gently as she twirled Ann away from her and turning dramatically back to her she ran towards Anne, knowing the lift she intended to do and put her arm around Anne’s waist, Anne grabbed the small of Ann’s back easily with one arm and spun her around with the other outstretched as they made a beautiful shape together and they received a big round of applause. When Anne put Ann down she turned her around and pressed her chest against the smaller woman’s back and she encircled her waist tightly, and swayed with her, giving her time to adjust post spin and then gracefully turned her around in her arms. Anne stroked Ann’s face and stunned her by singing along to the lyrics.

“Bitter sweet and strange  
Finding you can change  
Learning you were wrong”

With so much meaning as she looked deep into her eyes that it took Ann’s breath away. She twirled Ann a few more times and then went to sweep her into her arms but Ann extended her leg which Anne took and began spinning her slowly as Ann hooked her other one across it and wrapped her arms around Anne’s neck, curling into her which made it even more impressive. More applause

When Anne put her love down Ann ran her hand delicately down the side of Ann’s face and she leaned into her touch before twirling her slowly and delicately in a circle until she twirled her out and they just gazed at each other with every ounce of love and passion they had and then she twirled her back in, fluidly and gracefully taking her into a deep dip, Ann bending right back so that Anne’s forehead was pressed to her chest before coming up slowly and pressing her forehead against Anne’s. Anne gently nuzzled the younger woman’s nose with hers before placing a chaste kiss on her forehead before slowly bringing her up, both hands still on her body and twirling her around to snuggle into her chest, Anne’s chin coming to rest on her head, holding her close as the song finished.

They got a huge round of applause from staff and students. Ann looked around at the empty dance floor in surprise “Where did everyone go?” she asked and Anne shook her head “I don’t know my darling. You were all I could see.”

“You too. You give me butterflies in my tummy and make me feel like my necks too small for my throat” she said honestly and Anne melted the way she always did when Anne said that.

“My beautiful little Pixie!” Anne said adoringly as she took one of Ann’s hands and kissed it. “I’m going to go have a drink with Victoria and Olivia. They’re taking off a little early since there’s plenty of staff supervision. Go wild, party hard at the after party but ring me no matter what time it is if you don’t feel safe. Enjoy yourself darling and if you want to get your drink on I’m happy to drive to the farm tomorrow!”

“Okay Dude. Thank you so much. This was without a doubt the most epic romantic shit of all time. And my mum would have been so proud. She would have loved you!” Ann said honestly and Anne cuddled her “That makes me very happy Beauty. I love you. Be safe!” she said firmly as she tapped Ann on the nose and walked over to where Victoria and Olivia stood.

“Quite the grand romantic gesture. You are so totally and utterly and hopelessly in love” Olivia said in bemusement. As she gave Ann an “I told you so” look and Anne shook her head “Yeah Yeah!”

“Hey where was all this romantic chivalrous shit when we were together?” Victoria teased Anne. “Shut up Vicki! come on ladies I have a car waiting out the front.”

“Did you hear that Liv, Prince Charming has a car waiting for us out front. Such a gentleman! I bet Ann would get a horse and cart though” she teased and Olivia chuckled.

“I’m never going to live this down am I?” Anne asked and they both said “No!” in unison and Anne shrugged ‘You know what? Fine. Fuck it. I love her so much I don’t even care. Seeing the look on her face when I walked through the crowd and dancing with her like that was worth it. She’s worth it.”

“I know sweetheart” Olivia said seriously this time. “That’s what makes it so special”

“Look whose all grown up!” Victoria said proudly as she put her arm around a smiling Anne and winked at her and they left the dance.

Ann watched her Dude leave and suddenly she had a better idea for an after party. An after party for just the two of them. She was going to tie Anne. “You and me baby. I’m going to tie you tonight”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the next chapter coming up is very, very emotional and a little heartbreaking.......


	17. The ties that bind and unravel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a little heartbreaking but I think definitely a step forward for Anne. I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Just some advice from me, you don't have to use the traffic light safety system I've used in this chapter if exploring kink but its a very good one for beginners. I will say this much. Don't ever top someone who says they don't need a safe word or who won't safe word. You're putting them and yourself at risk through their own stupidity. And don't ever bottom to someone who says you don't need a safe word with them. You always need a safe word. I was in a relationship for 2 and a half years and she and I performed very high profile rope shows, I was the bottom/rope bunny and I still had a safe word. Safety first peeps!

Anne walked into her bedroom and was stunned to see fairy tea lights on the bedside tables and around the bed, there was soft music playing, the lights were turned down and her beautiful girl was sitting in the middle of her bed looking like a stunning little wood nymph in a dusty pink coloured singlet top and little dusty pink coloured hot pants. She’d taken all her makeup off but her hair was still in its braids and curls. And she could smell something warm in the air like cinnamon or something.

‘Sweetheart what are you doing? It’s not even 11 o’clock. Shouldn’t you be heading to an after party about now?” Anne asked in surprised and Ann knelt up on the bed. ‘Well I thought we could have our own. I thought we could try the new point out. If you were happy for me to tie you.”

Anne looked around at the beautiful inviting warm space she’d created. “You did all this for me?” she asked, beyond touched and Ann smiled “Of course Dude. Rope is sensory, the ability to drift into rope space is as much about the environment as the rope itself. Why don’t you go change into something comfortable with not too much coverage. Maybe one of your singlets and calvin klein jock shorts. No sports bra. The wire can get uncomfy. I’m not wearing one!” She offered and Anne chuckled at her “That’s because you have perfect barely 18 year old tits sweetheart” but it was said in a voice full of softness as she walked over and kissed her little love, gently but not demandingly cupping the side of her left breast snugly secured in her fitted singlet top.

“How would you know? you haven’t seen them!” Ann countered sassily “Only cause you won’t show me!” Anne replied playfully then pouted and Ann giggled and slapped her arm “Go get changed Dude!”

“Alright” Anne said a little hesitantly as she went into her in built wardrobe and stripped off, putting on a pair of black Calvin Klein underwear and a fitted black singlet. She wasn’t expecting this. What if she fell apart. What if she couldn’t hold it together and she ruined everything and Ann didn’t want to tie her again. What if she was really bad at it? None of it was Ann’s fault. Sweet, beautiful, innocent Ann. So full of love and patience and understanding. So gentle, so kind. It was that monster. She was the one who did this to her.

Ann noticed her love was taking a long time and crept cautiously into the walk in. She was aghast to see Anne looking a little pale and leaning against the wall with her arms crossed around her body protectively and her face turned down to the floor.

“Dude” she said tentatively as she approached her love. “You know we don’t have to do this. We can cuddle up and watch a movie.

“I wanted to do it, I want to do it, it’s just that I’m worried because of things that have happened to me before….” She didn’t even know how to say the words and suddenly Ann’s stomach sank as she realised what was happening.

“Anne” she began gently as she stood in front of Anne and rubbed her hands up and down her arms. Did Karen use restraint or bondage to hurt you or punish you?” she asked and Anne didn’t say anything but she looked at Ann with such shame in her beautiful brown eyes that Ann had to bite back her tears. “Okay, it’s alright baby, come here” Ann said as she very tenderly pulled Anne off the wall and into her arms and just stood holding her tight and rubbing her arm in soothing circles on her back. “I would never do anything like that to you. And whenever you’re ready we can start really slow. Just get you used to the feel of the rope on your skin. 

“I want to try. I want to make new memories with you sweetheart” Anne said earnestly.  
Ann pulled back to look up at Anne and stroked her hair “I understand Dude. Come with me” Ann led Anne over to the bed and Anne climbed up and sat in the middle. Ann crawled over and sat on her lap and took a piece of rope and wrapped it around them. She then placed little kisses on Anne’s arms, her shoulders, her sternum “This is our sacred circle baby. This is you and me. Bound together. No matter what we do moving forward, however slow we move, it always comes back to this. Our love, our trust, our connection. And the ties that bind us together. When I put rope on you it will be to make you feel loved, wanted, pleasure, sensation, intimacy, connection, safety and sensuality. It will never be to hurt you. You are my Dude, the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

Anne looked down at her in awe as Ann took her face between both her small hands “The thing about making new memories to replace the old painful ones is that they’re not always happy right away. Sometimes there’s an unravelling, a purging of old pain that gets stirred up in the quest to turn a once traumatic experience into an enjoyable one. You don’t ever have to hide that from me. It’s okay to be frightened and its okay to move forward while frightened. You just need to communicate with me so I can take care of you”

“You are so incredible. You’re an absolute little angel, you really are. I love you so much” Anne said as she kissed Ann passionately, pulling her up higher to kneel and clutching her upper thighs possessively as she kissed her. As long as Anne had Ann in her arms everything went away, she didn’t have to think about the pain or the hurt or the violation. Ann was everything that was sweet, good and pure. This was what she needed to do. She needed to be with Ann.

“I want you so much my Beauty, so much” Anne said as she unwound the rope from them and lay Ann back against the pillows. “I want you tonight!” Anne said as she began expertly kissing Ann’s ear and neck, knowing exactly what to do to drive her into a very fast and heightened state of arousal. “What?” Ann said in confusion. “I thought you wanted to wait!” 

“I’ve changed my mind” Anne said as she hovered above Ann, encouraging the younger woman to wrap her legs around her and rocking her pelvis into hers as Ann moaned.

“We love each other, you’re almost 18, you’re over the age of consent” Anne said as she lifted Ann’s top just a little and flicked her tongue rapidly over her belly button and piercing and then blew on it making her buck and gasp.

“No!” Ann said as she unclasped her legs. “It was really important to you!” her chest was heaving as Anne continued to kiss and nip her neck.

Ann felt like she was free-falling. Anne’s hands and lips felt so good on her, She felt like her whole body was on fire and there was this almost unbearable need for…something, she didn’t know what but something building low in her stomach. But this was such a 360 turn around when just a moment earlier they’d been talking about…..

Ann’s eyes flew open. Anne was running. Rather than confronting something that had really traumatised her she was running. Doing what she did best, seducing a woman. To regain control, to not feel so powerless.

“Baby we need to stop” Ann said as she tried to calm Anne’s passion and gentle the kisses but she looked at Ann darkly with that commanding gaze that always made her heart beat fast.

“How do you feel here sweetheart….what does it feel like?” Anne asked as her fingers travelled down to lightly rest on Ann’s pelvis and she kissed the shell of her ear in a way that made her legs quiver “Tell me!” Anne demanded, moving her hand away but continued to kiss Ann’s ear as she writhed underneath her. 

“Tight, hot, throbbing, painful” Ann said honestly.

“Mmmmm you need release baby.” Anne whispered In her ear then leant over her and stroked her face. “I can make it all go away, there’s things I can do with my fingers and my mouth that will make you feel so much pleasure, it wont hurt, I promise I’ll be gentle. I promise I’ll go slow!”

Ann took her face between her hands “I’m sure you can and I know you wouldn’t hurt me but you’ll be hurt, you’ll be hurt when it’s over, when you wake up tomorrow and realise that not only did you go back on something that was so important to you, waiting till I was 18 because of what Karen did to you, you did it because you were running from your pain over her. Dude you love me so much I know if we do our first time like this, especially with it being my first time, you will never forgive yourself. I want you so badly especially after what you just did to me and I know you knew exactly what you were doing because it’s never felt like a seduction with you before but it did this time. I’m saying no. I’m protecting you from yourself. You’re in a meltdown right now. Meltdowns aren’t always aggressive with yelling or panic. Sometimes we break quietly. I don’t want to do it right now. Not like this”

Anne felt the truth of her words rip straight through her heart but she wasn’t ready to admit it. But she would never ever push her.

“Okay my darling, you don’t want to do it right now, we won’t do it!” Anne said as she kissed Ann’s forehead. “You don’t ever have to do anything you don’t want to do.” She said sweetly as she kissed her cheeks and eyes and Ann had to fight back tears. All she had to say was no and even in her trauma and meltdown mode Anne respected it, after an animal in her past had ignored her screams and cries and just taken what he wanted anyway. It made her feel even worse for pushing Anne but she needed to realise so this didn’t happen again. She didn’t want sex between them to become a tactic for Anne.

“Anne you’re not ready either” Ann said softly. 

“What do you mean I’m not ready, trust me baby I was ready” Anne said cockily as Ann knew she would. Bravado.

“Then let me touch you!” Ann pleaded and Anne grinned wickedly at her “You first!” and began stroking her neck but her touch was much more gentle and less passionate since Ann had put the breaks on. Ann reached out to slip her hand under Anne’s singlet but Anne moved it away and kissed her shoulder. Ann tried it again and Anne moved it once more. Anne gently kissed her and when Ann ran her hand down the outside of Anne’s singlet and closed around her breast Anne grabbed it and snapped.

“ANN STOP IT!”

Ann jumped and immediately brought both hands up to her chest, resting her chin on her curled hands and instinctively inched away from Anne.

The second Anne heard the words fly out of her mouth so loudly and harshly and saw the fear in Ann’s eyes she knew what she’d done and was aghast.

“Oh Ann…..my beautiful girl I’m so sorry, please forgive me for speaking to you that way…. I’m not very good at being touched. I usually do the touching….I’m not used to….but I should never have snapped at you come here” She said as she sat up and pulled Ann into her arms, holding her close and stroking her hair. “You’re shaking my love, I’m so sorry I frightened you, I don’t want to frighten you” Anne pleaded as she gently rocked her. “You were right. I was running, I was running because you got so deep inside with what you said that I panicked.” Ann’s eyes filled with tears of relief that she’d gotten through, tears for Anne’s pain, tears that no one else had ever loved her enough to help her through it so she’d ended up like this when she was so wonderful and incredible and more deserving of love than anyone. 

When Ann pulled away and Anne saw her tears she felt even worse and pressed her face against her Pixie’s “I’m so sorry Little one” She whispered gently as she kissed Ann’s tears away.

“I’m okay, I know you didn’t mean to snap. I got a little fright but I’m okay” Ann said softly as she wrapped her arms around Anne’s neck “Just hold me for a little while. Come back to me baby. I’m alright. You’re alright. Everything is alright” Ann reassured her and Anne clung to her while Ann gently rubbed her hand up and down her back.

After a while Ann took a deep breath and pulled back to look at Anne “I had an idea of how I was going to tie you tonight but I’ve changed my mind now that I think I have a better idea of what you need. We’re going to use a colour system at first when we tie until I learn to read you better in rope so I know where you’re at like traffic lights. Green means “go” Orange means slow down and prepare for a stop and Red means stop. If you call Red I untie you immediately but it can take a couple of minutes and then increases depending on the intricacy of the tie. So if you call black. I cut you out.” Ann held up a pair of safety rope cutters.

“Calling orange doesn’t mean we stop altogether it means we slow down and reassess, Calling red or black doesn’t mean we never try again. It just means we stop for the night. Is there any part of this that you’re not clear on?”

Anne was blown away by her calm quiet confidence. She was so in control and clear in her process. And the way she’d thought of everything, it made Anne feel so…..safe.

“No….I understand” Anne said quietly.

“Good” Ann said seriously “Now limits. Is there anything I should be aware of in advance, previous injuries including breaks, dislocations, sprains and soft tissue damage, especially ones that flare regularly and then any places you would rather me not put rope. For example, obviously when I’m in rope my lower back is a concern at times because of the car accident and I don’t like throat rope because it freaks me out or rope right against my belly button piercing if I don’t have it covered with a padded dressing cause it hurts.”

Anne thought about what Ann said and Ann resisted the urge to just wrap Anne up and not let her go all night. She had never seen her look more small, fragile or vulnerable. But she had to get through this conversation for Anne’s safety. Especially because of her past trauma with Karen.

“I dislocated my left shoulder playing football 10 years ago but it hasn’t given me too much trouble since I stopped playing competitive sport. And I don’t think I can do the rope on my arms behind my back like you had Harry. Um I don’t think I’m ready to have them there….I don’t know if I’m saying it wrong or….”

Ann swallowed the lump in her throat and cut Ann off with a gentle and lingering kiss that was so tender Anne actually shuddered and Ann felt it. “You’re saying it perfect baby. I wasn’t going to tie your arms behind your back but now I’ll know in future not to do it at all unless you say otherwise.”

“Anything else?” Ann asked gently and Anne shook her head.

“Okay. The limits you’ve listed will absolutely be respected and you’ve got your colour system for anything else that makes you uncomfortable. Now I have a limit of my own”

Ann cupped the side of Anne’s face adoringly. “I need you to know that nothing that happens here, regardless of whether you make it all the way through or you call black in the first 10 seconds changes the fact that you’re my strong, stable, dependable sexy protect me from all the bad stuff in the world Dude or just how unspeakably proud I am to be yours. What happens in this space we’re entering into together stays in this space and negatively impacts nothing outside of it. All it does is strengthen our communication, trust, intimacy and understanding of one another. I won’t depend on you any less. I’ll still want you.I’ll still need you. And you’ll still give me butterflies in my stomach and make me feel like my neck’s too small for my throat. I need you to know this. Now, and after. This is my limit. Can you respect it?”

Anne bit back a sob at her love’s beautiful words of reassurance. She already felt overwhelmed by Ann’s attentiveness, care, gentle firmness and incredible tenderness. She had so much awareness of and empathy for her suffering.

“Yes” She gasped as she tried to blink her tears away.

“And I’m just going to take my rope top hat off for a moment.” Ann said with a little smile.

“You are kind of toppy like this” Anne chuckled through her tears and Ann looked down a little self-consciously “Is it freaking you out?”

“I thought it would but its actually not!” Anne said honestly and Ann gave her a cute grin “Well you get your job back when this is over”

Anne seemed to relax a little. “You’re relieved about that aren’t you Dude?”

“Yeah little bit” she mused honestly and Ann sat on her heels and laughed. “With my rope bunny hat I’m going to recommend crying. Crying in rope is so cathartic and cleansing and just from a logistical angle, you don’t get that chest- ache hangover you get during a normal cry because you’re locked in with your arms so it’s more restricted and supported.”

“Good to know” Anne said softly, the flawless way Ann had casually tried to make her comfortable with her unusual show of emotion not going unnoticed.

“Okay. Rope top hat back on. I’m going to do a hands in front tie. I’m going to tie you in a way that will make you feel less vulnerable and exposed than a lot of other ties. I’m not going to leave you for a second. I’m right here. I’m going to put rope on you and I’m going to touch you. Your shorts will stay on and I won’t touch any of that area either beneath or on top of the fabric. But you have the power to make it all stop at any time. You have all the power Anne okay?” 

Anne nodded wordlessly and Ann threaded their fingers together “I love you more than the whole wide world and back again. You’re my Dude!”

Ann gently kissed her and then guided her back towards the bed head. She took Anne’s arms and crossed them over her chest so her hands were resting on the tops of her breasts.

“Is that comfortable?” Ann asked softly and Anne nodded. Ann knelt behind her and took a piece of rope. She wrapped her arms around Anne and pressed her cheek against the older woman’s just breathing with her for a moment and then she began a hands in front tie on her. Anne couldn’t believe it. This was nothing like it was with Karen. Ann put each piece of rope on her like she was touching silk. She was so gentle, so careful. So delicate. And with her hands wrapped across her chest that way she really did feel more protected and less vulnerable

“How does that feel baby? not too tight?” Ann asked and Anne shook her head.

“What colour are you?” Ann asked. “Green” Anne replied softly so Ann continued with strand after strand until Anne was in a simple hands in front tie that went from just above where her finger tips sat to just under her elbows.

“Colour?” Ann asked.

“Green” Anne replied and wasn’t sure what was going to happen next but then she felt Ann running her fingers through her hair and then a brush. She was gently brushing her hair and it felt so good. More than that, as the rope was going on her body and even at that moment she felt floaty.

“I feel kind of floaty, like I’m here but I’m not” Anne said confused and Ann tilted her head back and kissed her forehead. “It’s okay baby you’re just going into rope space, you’re safe, it’s your body’s way of telling you that you like the feeling of it wrapped around you, just let it take you, if something happens that you don’t like you’ll come out of it to tell me I promise. I love you so much.”

“I love you too” Anne said as she closed her eyes and abandoned herself to the feeling of the rope enveloping her like a cocoon, the beautiful soft tones of the instrumental playlist and the heavenly sensation of Ann brushing her hair and running her fingers over her scalp. She pulled Anne’s Hair into a soft ponytail and then poured something onto her hands. Was that lavender? It smelled so soothing. Ann started rubbing small soft circles into her neck with her finger tips and then moved out to her shoulders, applying more pressure. It felt so good that Anne moaned.

When Ann was sure that Anne was relaxed she leant against the pillows, spread her legs wide and pulled Anne back to lean against her chest so that they were cheek to cheek and Ann just lightly ran her hands up and down Anne’s arms. “You are absolutely gorgeous” Ann whispered. “You are without a doubt the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in rope.”

Anne’s eyes were closed but she could feel tears running down her face. The love Ann had for her, the gentleness of her sweet little fingers moving so lightly over her skin, getting her used to the sensation of intimate touch. The genuine attraction and desire she had for her just as she was. It was almost too much. No one had ever treated her with this much love and compassion, like she was the most precious thing in the world to her. And that’s when she realised. She’d shown it time and time again but it finally hit home to Anne that she was the most beautiful precious thing in the world to Ann Walker. She’d been so busy thinking of Ann that way because she was simply heavenly that she’d never quite grasped it might be the same for her. And then suddenly she couldn’t stop the tears. She was worried Ann would stop but she didn’t.

“Colour baby?” Ann asked when she saw the steady flow of tears.

“Green, its still green” Anne assured her.

“Shhhhh its okay sweetie I believe you” Ann said as she rolled Anne’s singlet up a fraction and began caressing her lower hips lightly before splaying her hand across her lower abdomen and softly rubbing. Anne’s breath hitched and Ann felt her suddenly tense up. She moved her hand a little higher to the middle of Anne’s abdomen and she started to tremble.

“Orange…..I think Orange” Anne said in a slightly panicked voice and Ann stilled her hand and just stroked her other hand over her shaken love’s forehead soothingly as she kissed her cheeks. “Okay baby. I’ve got you just breathe. I love you so much.

“I don’t want you to stop, I don’t. it’s just really hard for me” gasped through her tears and Ann wrapped her arms around her love, holding tight and trying not to cry herself.

“I know it is Dude. You’re so brave, you’re doing so well but you said orange so we need to slow it right down” Ann assured her.

“”I know it sounds strange. I’ve let some women fuck me, but I haven’t let any of them…”

“Love you” Ann finished and Anne shook her head “No I haven’t, because I knew they really didn’t, so I couldn’t I couldn’t let them in…..because” She started hiccupping her sobs “they only wanted parts of me, parts they picked and chose but never this…none of them ever chose this part of me, wanted all of me even this part….Not until you. And you love all of me, you want all of me and I want to let you in, but I’m scared”

Ann had tears streaming down her face and crawled around and climbed into Anne’s lap “But baby you’re doing it, you’re doing it right now” she said softly. “Look at how much you’ve let me in tonight.” She took Ann’s face between her hands “And none of those women deserved you. You are the most loveable person I know, You’re so easy to love and I do love all of you. So much” She placed little kisses all over Anne’s face and held her tight.

“I don’t want to stop, please don’t stop.” Anne pleaded with her and Ann looked at her in concern “We can try again but I want to do it in a different tie okay?” she said and Anne nodded.

Ann crawled behind Anne and untied her slowly, letting the rope trace across her skin and felt her relaxing a little. When the rope was all off she pulled Anne to lean back between her legs again and taking Anne’s right hand she did a single column tie on her wrist and then placed her own hand underneath Anne’s and wrapped the length of rope from their wrists half way up their forearms, binding them together.

“This is you and me, tied together. The same way we will be always” Ann said in a soothing voice as she stroked Anne’s hair. I’m going to touch you again but this time you can move your hand to where you feel more comfortable if you want and if I move my hand somewhere that is too confronting for you right now you can pull it off your body or move it away. Does that sound a bit less scary?”

Anne couldn’t believe how wonderful and supportive Ann was being. She was so loving and patient, its like she just knew exactly what Anne needed. Even when she didn’t even know herself.

“Yes!” Anne said as she nuzzled her cheek into Ann’s and Ann brought her free hand around to thread through Anne’s. Very slowly Ann slipped their bound hands back under Anne’s singlet. She rubbed a soothing circle on Anne’s hip which she seemed more relaxed about that time and when she went to move her hand across and up a little higher on her stomach Anne held it still, hesitating for a second but then she moved Ann’s hand across for her. Ann could feel Anne’s stomach heaving and her heart broke for her love. She kissed all along Anne’s shoulder and nuzzled her face into her neck trying to sooth her. Ann waited a little while and then knew what she needed to do. Her instincts were telling her that if she could do it, things would be easier for Anne moving forward. Taking a deep breath and squeezing Anne’s free hand she deftly slid their joined hands up between Anne’s breasts then flattened her hand over Anne’s heart and said.

“This is the most beautiful heart I have ever known. It is full of love, kindness, generosity, mischief, humour, sensuality, strength, intelligence and wisdom. This heart is my home, the place I lay mine to rest in knowing you’ll keep it safe inside yours. This is the heart I fell in love with, that has made me happier than I have ever been. It is worthy of love. You are worthy of love and being loved. Not in spite of your heart being battered and bruised but because of it, because even though you’ve suffered so much pain and been brutalised you treat me with so much love, gentleness, understanding and respect. Your heart is everything. You are everything. You are worth loving the entire package that is Anne Lister because its fucking magnificent and nothing that Karen did to you or took from you can ever, ever take that from you or will ever, EVER change how I see you”

Anne’s entire body froze and then began to shake, she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Ann had just cut through her very greatest fears and laid them to rest and she didn’t know what to do. The relief she felt was overwhelming but painful at the same time. She could feel all the shame she’d buried beneath for so long floating to the surface and It’s like something just gave way within her and she could feel the dam water pushing at the walls threatening to explode.

“Red” She gasped as she tried to suck back the gut wrenching sobs that were threatening to explode.

“I can’t…..I can’t…Red…Red” she pleaded but Ann had removed her hand and was already untying her. Yet she could still feel where her little hand had been, like she’d left a mark of hope that was hurtling through her and shredding the darkness.

“Almost there baby hold on” Ann said as she freed her at lightning speed. She was expecting Anne to bolt from the bed as soon as she was freed but she didn’t, she just brought her knees up to her chest and buried her face in them, her whole body heaving from the weight of pain bubbling to the surface that she wouldn’t let out.

“Anne come here baby, come lay down with me” Ann urged her as she pulled Anne towards the pillows and to her surprise Anne complied and lay down. Ann could feel how cold her body was and put a blanket over her then slid up the pillows and pulled Anne to snuggle into her chest “Come here my Gorgeous one” Ann said sweetly and the second Ann put her arms around her the dam burst and Anne began to sob, cries so deep, so full of long term compounded anguish that she worried they might split her open.

“I’ve got you baby, just let it all out. You’ve held it in for so long.” Ann soothed her as she pulled her ponytail out and stroked her hair.

“You are worthy of love. You are everything. You are my everything and I am blessed to have you.” Ann said vehemently and kissed the top of her head.

Anne cried for the longest time and Ann cried with her, never once letting her go. When her sobs turned to quieter cries and sniffles Ann slid down the bed, still holding Anne and lovingly smoothed her tear plastered hair away from her face and placed lingering kisses all over her skin that was swollen, red and covered in blotches starting with her closed eyes. Pressing her lips gently and just remaining there before moving to a new patch of skin. After a little while she just pressed her whole body against Anne’s and nuzzled her face into hers, softly bringing her hand up to cup her cheek. 

They just lay there breathing in silence. Ann lost track of time but slowly Anne’s breathing had returned to normal.

“Anne, baby I’m just going to go into the bathroom and get a cloth for your face okay?” Ann asked tentatively and Anne nodded, her eyes still closed.

Ann quickly ducked into the en suite and ran a wash cloth under warm water. Ringing it out she ran back to the bedroom and carefully getting back on the bed so as not to disturb Anne she lay back down on the bed and slipped her arm under Anne’s neck so she could cradle her head and lean up on the arm. Then with infinite tenderness she pressed the wash cloth to Anne’s face, soothing and cleaning her angry, sticky skin. “This should make you a little more comfortable baby.” Ann reassured her and when Anne opened her eyes and looked up at her with so much doubt, so much vulnerability and uncertainty she just smiled down at her adoringly and said “Wow….in this light your eyes have a little hazel in them”

Anne was absolutely astounded. This incredible and utterly angelic little pixie had managed to put the brakes on her when she’d been seducing her very unfairly, Accurately called her on what had inspired her sudden stupidity and stopped her from doing something she would have indeed regretted forever, calmed her and brought her back from the meltdown even when Ann was frightened, Made her feel so safe, calm and protected in rope, touched her so carefully and with so much tenderness and then when she told her stop but don’t stop, Ann still found a way and managed to cut through 15 years of pain, insecurity and shame to rip open the wound at its core and then she held her in her arms as she bled and purged and sobbed in the rawest messiest state she had ever been in.

She’d kissed her and stroked her hair, soothed her. Made her feel like she hadn’t been damaged by what had happened at all, that she still had so much to look forward to. And now here she was smiling down at her so lovingly and serenely. Anne honestly didn’t know what to say. There were no words to describe what had transpired in that room because of Ann and her love and support.

“Baby please say something, I’ll do anything to make you feel better.” Ann pleaded.

Do you wanna look at my boobs?” She asked playfully hoping to get a reaction out of Anne and the older woman pulled Ann back down beside her. “Normally My Darling I would say yes, but I’ve already pushed you in that department very unfairly once tonight because of my emotional dysfunction and I know you’re shy about taking your clothes off .” Anne said quietly and Ann stroked her face “Well is there something else that will help?”

“Hmmmm” Anne said thoughtfully. “Maybe there’s one thing.” She said as she slid down the bed and slowly pressed her face into Ann’s singlet where her breasts sat and sighed blissfully. “Yep that’s definitely it” came her muffled approval and Ann giggled as she stroked her hair. She wasn’t being aggressive, she was actually very gentle and so still and quiet. Ann was worried.

Anne moved her face and slid up to move the face washer from the bed and take Ann in her arms. “I won’t ever be able to thank you properly for what you did for me tonight. I don’t even think there are words to do it justice. But just know I will spend every day of the rest of our lives trying to be the woman that you see in me. I can promise you that much.”

Ann leant up on her elbow with a quizzical little expression that absolutely melted Anne “Dude I see that woman because it’s what’s there. You don’t need to try to be anything that you already are”

Anne looked at her in amazement. “Honestly, where did you come from?”

“The sky” Ann said with a whimsical smile. “Because the most magical things come from the sky!” A now smiling Anne said as she gently smoothed back the strands of Ann’s now adorably mussed braid.

“They do” Ann said seriously and looked down at Anne with so much wonder and reverence that she was transfixed.

“The sky brought me you” Ann said in a trembling voice as the beginnings of tears filled her eyes.

“Come here” Anne commanded and Ann relaxed into her arms, laying her head against her strong chest and snuggling against her soft breasts “Sweet baby” Anne whispered as she stroked Ann’s hair, well aware that everything she’d witnessed must have torn her up inside too. “I love you more than I ever believed it possible to love anything or anyone. You have brought me a joy, completeness and a sense of peace I have never known. I know tonight must have been hard on you and you were so strong. It’s okay if it’s affected you.”  
Ann was silent and still. “Sweetheart?” Anne asked but as she looked down she saw her little Pixie had succumbed very quickly to the exhaustion of her very full on day and was fast asleep on her chest.

“Sleep now my Beauty” Anne said lovingly as pulled the blanket snugly over Ann and closed her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me for having Ann put the breaks on the sex ha ha ha I promise It will happen later x


	18. My Ride or die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a long one, the longest one so far but it covers a lot. I sadly go back to work Next Tuesday and have a bit to get through so the updates will likely slow a bit from here on out shortly but I will do my best to not neglect this story ha ha. I've been writing and posting so regularly to get enough momentum going so I was inspired to make continuing this a priority :-)
> 
> There's some sad stuff in here but there's some lovely stuff too.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING- Detailed descriptions of emotional abuse and brief description of physical abuse
> 
> Aussie terms- the farm is near one of our biggest wine regions in Australia, the towns on the outskirts are small and a size 10 is a US size 6.

Anne smiled happily as Ann sang along to Colbie Callait while she drove them to the farm. She had such a beautiful voice. When she’d woken up that morning Ann had still been crashed out so she’d gotten ready for her meeting and left her sleeping. After the events of the previous evening she hadn’t been sure what to expect. She was worried Ann might see her differently. But she’d found her beautiful girl waiting in front of a white metallic Luxury Lexus 4 wheel drive with cream leather interiors and all the trimmings. She knew Ann liked cars but she hadn’t seen this one and though the colour and design was very Ann it was huge and she honestly couldn’t wait to see her try to get in and out of it. She was wearing a pair of short denim shorts, a white fitted tank with a red navy and white checked ¾ sleeve shirt tied in a knot and a pair of well-worn camel coloured work boots. Her hair was in two plaits and she had minimal makeup on. She looked absolutely adorable.

As soon as Ann had seen her, Her face lit up. “DUDE!” She yelled out and ran to Anne, jumping into her arms and wrapping herself around her like she always did and said with a pout “Can you please open my jar of mini cookies I can’t get the lid off” and held it out to Anne. She had of coursed teased her little love mercilessly when she saw that she needed to stand on the exit step of the vehicle and then hold on to the interior handle and literally swing herself up into the seat and Ann had just said “When you see this baby drive you’ll know it’s worth it!”

And she was right. It was such a comfortable smooth all terrain ride with all the latest technology and it had been such a lovely trip. They’d chatted, laughed, sang and car danced. Ann had coffee for her when she picked them up and she’d packed them road trip snacks. Anne had nothing to fear. Her little Pixie had been right the night before when she said that she wouldn’t see her or treat her any differently because she honestly didn’t. And Anne genuinely felt like they were closer than ever.

“There’s a pair of boots for you in the back Dude. They’re worn but that way you won’t get blisters. They were my Mum’s. She was petite but had bigger feet like Pop so they’re a size 8. Same as you.”

Anne was touched. “That’s so thoughtful of you sweetheart. Are you sure you’re okay with me wearing your Mum’s boots”

Ann smiled at her reverently. “I’d be proud to have you wear them. I wouldn’t give them to anyone else.”

Anne felt her chest tighten. She really meant that. She could see it. “Thank you beauty” She said as she leant across the cabin and placed a lingering kiss on Ann’s cheek. “I love you so much. I’m honoured”

Ann took a turn off towards a winery. “I just need to stop at Peterson’s House and get a couple of cases of Pink blush for Suzy’s hens tomorrow. It’s a sparkling pink wine. Actually, pretty much everything in the shop is pink. Suzy loves pink.

“Good god there’s two of you now!” Anne teased with a stricken expression and Ann laughed “Baby admit it, I’ve made you love pink!”

“No, you’ve made me love pink on you and seeing your cute little face when I get you something pink, there’s a difference!”

They both laughed but the truth was, Anne was really looking forward to the hens tomorrow. It didn’t matter that she only knew Ann, Jazmine and Rachel. She was over the moon that Ann was introducing her to her family and friends and being so open about them so soon. And not just that she was genuinely proud to have Anne as her partner. It was so different to what she’d experienced with Mariana and partners in the past. It was going to be a great weekend; she could feel it.

****************************

Ann had gotten the wine she needed and Anne had carried the cases out to the car, very impressed at the way Ann had collapsed the back row of seats in the 8 seater vehicle and packed the car. This was clearly something she did often. The girl knew what she was doing. And they were now sitting having an early lunch in the beautiful vineyard of the winery under the spring sunshine. They were having the most amazing meat, cheese and fruit grazing board with a glass of brilliant Red for Anne and a lemonade for Ann because she was still on her provisional licence. Anne had offered to drive the rest of the way but had been refused. She could tell Ann loved driving around that area. Her beautiful girl was so relaxed as she sat smiling in the spring sunshine. Anne knew she’d love to spend a few days just exploring the beautiful wineries here with her.

As if she could read her mind Ann sighed happily “I love it out here. We’ll have to do a winery tour one time. These wineries are where I get most of my wine. I love farm life. And all I essentially do is eat and drink” She laughed and Anne laughed with her, kind of relieved that Ann was already eating quite a bit.

“Sounds like the perfect weekend!” Anne mused and then when quiet. Ann looked at her love in concern. She kept going quiet. “Dude is everything alright? I feel like there’s something you want to talk to me about but you’re not sure how to broach it or something? Are you alright about last night? Because sometimes you need to talk about it to debrief a bit.

Anne smiled. Her sweet beautiful girl didn’t miss a trick. “Actually, last night when we were tying, you didn’t call me dude as much. You called me baby a lot and but you also called me sweetie and your Gorgeous One. Is it okay if I ask why that was?”

Ann nodded “Of course it is, you should ask about anything you’re unsure of. I don’t know what it was there was just a softness in you, a femininity that you were letting out I guess. Your energy changed. You were a little softer, a little more delicate. Calling you Dude the whole time in that space just didn’t seem right. The truth is, those names I called you I actually think about you in my head all the time. But I don’t use them because I know being the alpha male as a woman is a huge part of Anne Lister. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or feel like I’m trying to make you girlier than you are because I love you exactly the way that you are Dude.” Ann squeezed her loves hand and she picked up Ann’s hand and kissed it.

“I know you do my darling which is I guess why I can say this to you. I liked it. I mean once upon a time with anyone else I would have hated being called those things but with you I really liked it. It was really loving and natural and calming. And as long as It doesn’t stop me from being your Dude because that’s the thing I’m most proud of I was thinking….”

“What baby? What were you thinking?” Ann said as she stood and went to sit on Anne’s lap.

Anne wrapped her arms around Ann’s waist. “The truth is I never used to be quite so…masculine all the time. I do have feminine qualities” Ann giggled and Anne looked at her in confusion “Dude you wear makeup sometimes and you have a long bob haircut and fitted clothing, Of course you have feminine qualities. You’re hardly full butch”

Anne kissed her forehead. She was so lucky this incredible girl saw her and accepted her.

“I know, the thing is I used to let those qualities out a little more in my dress and my look and even my manner every now and then when I was younger I mean don’t get me wrong I don’t own a floral sundress Beauty.” Anne teased and Ann cracked up as she tried to picture that. 

“But then when I was already suffering so much and feeling out of place I let those softer qualities go, buried them inside me. I felt like if I did then I wouldn’t be hurt again. I wouldn’t be a target. And women loved the dominant, take charge less feminine version of me so I kind of just became that and I mean it is who I am. I don’t know how to describe it; you make me feel safe and comfortable enough to be….”

“Other Anne” Ann finished for her and Anne looked at her in surprise. “You have an “other Anne” Ann explained. “So do I. I come here, I relax, I eat everything, drink with the boys, get into the occasional fight, play video games, ride horses. It’s a me I’m not all the time but it comes out a lot when I’m here. It’s part of who I am just like your “other Anne” is part of who you are.”

Anne was stunned at how well she’d been able to encapsulate it. “Yes sweetheart that’s exactly it!”

“Being other Anne won’t make you any less my Dude. It makes me happy that you feel comfortable letting her out around me. And now that I know you don’t hate my other nick names I’ll stop using them just in my head and start using them with my mouth” Ann said with a little giggle.

“I can think of a way you can use your mouth” Anne said naughtily as she pulled Ann down for a kiss. “Now, tell me more about this getting into fights business because it sounds hot!” Anne said in a low throaty voice and Ann giggled then gasped as Anne lightly nipped her neck then kissed her urgently once more.

********************************

Anne sighed peacefully as Ann led her from her little cottage on the grounds to the main family house. They’d arrived a little while ago and unpacked everything. Anne had smiled as soon as she saw the little house that had a sign that read“Annie’s cottage”. It was so quaint and lovely with winding flowers up the side and a white picket fence. But the inside was modern with 3 beautifully furnished bedrooms, a gorgeous kitchen and a wraparound deck that contained a BBQ area, hot tub and a plunge pool. She’d changed into a black tank top, khaki cargo shorts and Cassie Walker’s boots and slicked her hair back in a low ponytail. It was such a gorgeous farm.

“We’re here!” Ann called out as they walked through the front door.

“Jonno the kids are here!” Rachel called out excitedly as she came rushing to greet them and Anne smiled at the “kids” comment. They really did treat her like one of the family.

“Hello Darlings!” Rachel said as she hugged them both. “Hi Nanna!” Ann said and then was grabbed into a big hug by Jazmine while Jonno kissed Anne hello.

“Baby girl! Did you have the most amazing time last night?”

“I did! I’ll have to tell you all about it!” Ann said as she remembered Anne’s epic prince charming entrance. 

“Something smells amazing!” Anne remarked and Rachel smiled. “I’m baking treats to have while everyone gathers for Suzy’s hens before the music festival tomorrow. She was a student at my dance studio for many years and now one of my teachers at my dance studio. I have a soft spot for that one!”

“Nanna, Anne used her contacts to get us all upgraded to Diamond VIP for tomorrow!” Ann said excitedly and Rachel squeezed Anne’s arm “That was really lovely of you darling, thank you!”

Anne smiled sheepishly “It was my pleasure!”

“We gonna be fancy!” Jazmine said as she swung her hip into Rachel’s and she chuckled.

“Can we do anything to help?” Anne asked and Rachel thought about it “Actually yes, would you girls mind picking some apples so we can have a fresh apple pie tonight for our dessert? And Annie darling could you possibly pop into town and pick up my prescriptions for me?”

“We can do that!” Anne said obligingly and Ann grinned “Of course Nanna. I’ll go get the stuff now.”

Ann gently kissed Anne’s cheek “I’ll go get the stuff we need and I’ll be right back to get you!”

When Ann had left Anne looked at Rachel, Jazmine and Jonno a little anxiously “Could I talk to you 3 about something briefly before Ann gets back?”

Rachel and Jazmine exchanged a surprised look but Rachel gestured to the sitting room “Of course dear, please come sit!”

Anne sat down and Jonno tried to put her at ease “oh don’t look so nervous darlin you’re family now and I don’t even have my shotgun with me!”

“JONNO!” Rachel said in exasperation then calmed “Anne what would you like to talk to us about?”

Anne took a deep breath. “Well yesterday you asked me about my plans, my intentions and I spoke to you a little about my desire to have a family with Ann. The truth is I very much intend to make her my wife and start a family with her and while we’ve discussed this with one another in different ways there’s been no formal conversation as I’m aware of her age and I don’t want to rush her. But at the same time, I feel it’s very important to make my intentions clear to you as her family and to Ann. So that everyone knows that It’s not just words. I really do plan to spend the rest of my life with her. I was hoping that with your blessing I could give Ann a promise ring as a symbol of my commitment to her, of the fact that one day I’ll ask her to marry me. I know this seems old fashioned perhaps but I just believe there’s the correct way of doing things and that includes asking for your blessing.

“Nothing old fashioned about it Darlin. It’s good to see someone still has decent values. You have my blessing!” A very impressed Jonno said and Anne’s face lit up.

“Totes old school” a delighted Jazmine said to Rachel who beamed “Totes old school indeed” and Anne laughed as they used the term Ann had described her with.

“I think it’s such a lovely idea darling and really appreciate you asking us. You have my blessing.” Rachel said sincerely and Jazmine threw her hands up.

“Hello? Am I the only one who wants to see the ring? I aint giving no blessing till I see it! I’m kidding honey I fully support you, not about the ring though lemme see it!” Jazmine said and Anne laughed as she took a tiffany and co box out of her pocket.

“Only if you know how to get the white bow back on as perfect as it was” Anne said.

“Deal” Jazmine agreed.

“It’s not the most extravagant ring. I’ve never given a woman a ring before but once upon a time I would have gone for the most expensive one. But this one was so unmistakably Ann and I knew it wouldn’t look out of place on her delicate little hand.”  
Anne opened the box to reveal a pink diamond forget me not flower on a platinum band. 

“If that isn’t the prettiest daintiest little ring. And so unique!” Jazmine gushed while Rachel looked at it and felt herself getting a little emotional. This young woman really knew her baby. 

“It’s so very beautiful Anne, she will love it! Here darling Annie’s coming leave it with me and I’ll tie it!” Rachel said as she quickly took the ring and put it behind the cushion on her chair just before Ann stuck her head in the door. “Ready to go Dude?”

“Absolutely!” Anne said as she stood and followed Ann out. When they’d left Rachel and Jazmine jumped up and started shrieking and hugging while Jonno shook his head. “Bloody women!”

Anne walked down the steps to see a large quad bike and Ann getting onto it. She looked over her shoulder and said, “Well what are you waiting for Dude get on it!”

She grinned as she went and got on the bike, wrapping her arms around Ann’s waist “You look so sexy right now!”

“Well I need something to ride until you finally let me ride you!” Ann said sassily and Anne’s jaw dropped and then she groaned as she got all kinds of images in her head.

“I am utterly shocked, Walker! You saucy little Minx!” she said before kissing Ann’s neck. “That’s for giving me girl blue balls last night, and don’t act like you haven’t thought about it, or like you’re not thinking about it right now!” Ann said with a cheeky grin that Anne could see and she whispered in Ann’s ear “I have half a mind to take you over my knee and spank you my princess.” As soon as she’d said it Anne worried she’d gone too far but to her surprised delight Ann simply giggled and sassily replied “Oh promises promises!”  
Anne tugged on one of Ann’s pigtails as she chuckled, trying to now drive a completely different image from her mind.

“The thing is sweetheart, while I appreciate the very diverse sex education lessons you seem to get from the girls at the club…..”

“Busted…..I don’t actually know what I’m talking about. But it sounded bad ass right?” Ann said and Anne looked at her in mock solemness. “Oh very!”

Ann laughed and leant back against Anne as she began stroking her cheek “The thing is my innocent little seductress, try to be selective about what you take in or come and talk to me about it. You are very woke to aspects of kink and sensuality and intimacy, more so than any partner I’ve ever had despite your youth. But you’re very innocent, sweet, pure, untouched and inexperienced at the same time. And I love that about you, that contrast. It’s utterly magical and quite honestly intoxicating but I wouldn’t like to think of you getting frightened about something they’d said and then overthinking it like you do with things and not sharing it because you’re too shy.”

Ann felt a wave of guilt wash over her when Ann again called her innocent, pure and untouched. She wondered what she’d think of her if she knew she was really tainted, spoiled damaged goods. She tried to force it back down as Anne continued.

“You won’t be doing any riding of any kind for a while. We need to start slow and gentle so that you can get used to having me inside you. So I don’t hurt you. Because you’re the most precious thing in the world to me and when I make love to you I want there to be only pleasure for you. No pain.”

Anne felt her breath hitch as Ann turned back to look at her like she was insane and cup her cheek “Silly baby, of course I know you’d never hurt me. I have complete trust and faith in you”

And she really did. And Anne was so incredibly grateful for it. Ann’s love and trust made her feel like she could do anything, be anything.

“But like after a while we can do the riding stuff right?” She asked with a cheeky grin and Anne shook her head as she cracked up laughing and kissed her. She was falling more and more in love with this girl and all her surprising layers every day. “Hold on Dude!” Ann said with a big smile as she started the bike and they were off.

The drove through the grounds down to an apple tree and Ann slowed the bike to a stop. They both got off and Ann took the hessian bag out of the storage box on the back of the bike.

“Could you please hold this Dude!” Ann asked as she handed Anne the bag and scaled the tree as effortlessly as she climbed her aerial equipment. 

“Be careful sweetheart!” Anne cautioned her as Ann stood in the tree picking good apples and passing them down to Anne who put them in the bag. She’d been picking them for a minute or so when Anne heard the door of the house opposite the tree slam open and a stern old man call out “Little Annie Walker are you up my tree stealing my apples again?” he demanded and Anne looked from the man to Ann ‘What is he talking about my darling?”

Ann chuckled and looked down at Anne cheekily ‘So this isn’t actually our tree!”  
“Its not?” Anne asked in horror and Ann shook her head “No it’s crazy Dave’s. That’s crazy Dave!” Ann pointed to the man.

“I see you pointing at me girl! You’ve got no right coming onto my property and stealing my apples. You have no respect! How many times do I have to tell you not to do it!” He yelled.

“Ann I really think you should come down” Anne said commandingly but Ann ignored her and continued to drop apples into the bag

“Oh calm down Dave you don’t need all these apples anyway!”

“Damn it little missy I’ll be teaching you a lesson!”

Dave let of his shot gun and Anne jumped “Oh my god Ann he’s shooting at you come down!”

Ann laughed “Oh that’s just how crazy Dave shows affection! Isn’t it old man?”

“They’re blanks Dude don’t worry!” Ann assured her and Anne decided to take matters into her own hands as she walked through the gate and approached the man.

“David is it? Anne Lister. I honestly thought this was the Hastings tree. I’ll reimburse you for the apples and offer my sincerest apologies if you could just not harm Miss Walker please, she’s very special to me. How much do we owe you?”

Dave looked at Anne like she was crazy “Reimburse me for the apples? I don’t want money. And harm Miss Walker? I don’t wanna harm Annie. The highlight of my week is when she comes and steals my apples. When her Pop told me she was coming for the weekend I got up there and trimmed back the sharp branches so she wouldn’t scratch her pretty little head. That girl has been climbing my tree since she was 4 years old. This is what we do. She climbs my tree and steals my apples and I shoot my gun and yell at her.”

Dave shook his head “Pay me for the apples and don’t hurt Miss Walker. All you city folk always coming up in here thinking you’re good enough for our Annie. None of you ever are you know!” he said protectively and walked back into the house shaking his head.

Anne stood on the porch in utter bewilderment as Ann jumped out of the tree, picked up the bag and put it back in the storage box. She grabbed out a container and went up to the porch.

“Come on Dude!” Ann said as she took her hand and just walked right into the house without knocking.

‘Dave I made you those cupcakes of mine you like, I’m going to put them in the kitchen for you!” Ann called out.

“Thank you sweet pea!” came Dave’s reply and Anne’s head snapped towards the tv room where Dave sat, stunned by the sudden 360 turn around.

Ann came back into the hallway and opened the box on the mantle, taking out a wad of prescriptions. She went into the tv room “And I’m taking these into town and filling them for you when I do Nanna’s but you need to take them Dave you know what the doctor said.

“Child why are you always coming up in my home nagging me about medicine. Can’t an old man just live in peace!”

“No!” Ann said with an indulgent smile as she walked over and kissed him on the head.

“Save me some pie?” he asked and she bent and squeezed his hand “Of course I will!”  
And when he looked at her with so much mirth and softness Anne knew. This man absolutely adored Ann. He was complicated and crotchety and this was the game that they played but Ann looked after him and he absolutely adored her.

When Ann stood up Dave suddenly looked her up and down in confusion “Cassie have you shrunk?”

Anne saw the concerned look wash over her Pixie’s face but she hid it with a soft smile “No Dave it’s not Cassie, It’s me Annie remember? I’m smaller than Mum was.”

And as though he’d snapped out of a fog Dave scrunched his face up ‘Well of course I know the difference. Cassie never saved me any pie when she stole my apples and just when I finally thought I’d have some peace she had you and passed the baton and you’ve been harassing me ever since!”

Ann laughed as she bent and hugged Dave and he pretended to be put upon “Oh so I get hugs now do I?” but Anne could see the look of happiness on his face as he closed his eyes and patted Ann’s back

“Thanks for giving me the apples Dave!” Ann said cheekily as she walked away and Dave stood up “Giving you the apples? You stole them you sass mouthed little thief! Get out of my house and leave me in peace!”

“LOVE YOU DAVE!” Ann cried out as she took Anne’s hand and they left.

“Yeah you’ll keep girlie!” He called out after her.

“Dave’s mercurial. Our relationship is complicated!” Ann said with a mischievous smile when they got back to the bike and Anne pulled her into her arms. “You are without a doubt the kindest most empathetic beautiful soul I have ever known. The way you just see people, read them and love them in the way that they need. Not just me, but what I just witnessed with you and Dave. That man absolutely idolises you. I’m so proud that you’re mine!”

Ann looked at her in wonder ‘Oh Dude that’s so beautiful, thank you!” She threw her arms around Anne’s neck and hugged her tightly. “I’m so proud to be yours!” she said vehemently and then kissed her passionately.

“Get on the bike my princess. I’m driving it back!” Anne said in “that” tone.

“Yeah I was waiting for it!” Ann said sassily and Anne slapped her on the butt, delighting in the little squealing sound Ann made.

**********************************  
Ann sat perched on Anne’s lap In the pharmacy while they waited for her Nanna and Dave’s prescriptions. She could see they’d gotten a few looks but she didn’t care. She also didn’t care when one of the older women from the area walked past and a few feet away from them said to her husband “See? I told you the little Walker girl was a lesbian. Though with that unbalanced mother of hers stripping for a living and having a husband AND a wife is it any wonder? What kind of life would that be for a child.”

“It was an awesome life Mrs Wilson thanks for asking! I noticed your roses are looking particularly lovely this year!”

The woman turned to see Ann sitting tall and smiling sweetly at her and nearly died “Oh….ah…thank you dear” She hurried away looking very embarrassed and Ann started laughing with Anne joining her. Her beautiful girl was sharp as a tack and never missed a beat. She’d never thought about the toll of being out and proud and the daughter of such an unconventional woman in a small town.

“Are you alright my darling? Do you want me to go sort her out?” Anne asked protectively as she rubbed her back.

Ann shook her head “”Nah it’s okay, I had it under control. I learned to have a thick skin with that sort of thing around here from a young age and developed a “do no harm but take no shit” philosophy”

Anne smiled, that was the perfect way to describe Ann’s style. “I see that, my philosophy is you hurt my little pixie I throat punch you!”

Ann chuckled “And I see that!” she pressed her forehead to Anne’s but was stunned to hear the last voice she was expecting.

“As I live and breathe. Annie Walker” Ann froze and Anne felt it the moment it happened. She turned around and sure enough there he was. Thomas Ainsworth. Army uniform and all.

“What are you doing here Thomas?” Ann asked coldly and Thomas smiled at her condescendingly “What no hug?” He moved towards her but Ann shrank back further into Anne’s lap and sensing her body language Anne pulled her against her chest and wrapped her arm around her Pixie’s waist protectively and extended her hand to the tall young man who just had a look about him like he was trouble. Anne couldn’t put her finger on it but something was amiss. “Thomas Ainsworth was it? I’m Anne Lister, I’m Ann’s partner.”

Thomas looked between them incredulously “Partner? Jeez if you were less than 10 years older you could be her mum.”

Anne felt her blood boil and went to speak but she was cut off by Ann standing up. “Thomas that’s enough you will not speak about the woman I love that way. Besides, It’s not like you can talk, we both know you’re partial to younger women too.”

“Just the one!” Thomas said with a smile trying to diffuse the situation. “Which is one of the main reasons I came here when I got leave. To check in with my mum and to check up on my best girl. I see you’re still going through your “I’m a lesbian” phase but it’s okay. When we get married you’ll change your mind. Give my best to your Grandparents. I’ll be seeing you!”

Thomas walked away and Ann’s prescriptions were called. She paid for them and when she turned back towards Anne, Anne could see how agitated she was and knew. “That’s the guy isn’t it? The one you were involved with?” Ann looked uncomfortable “I’m really sorry about what just happened?”

Anne tipped her chin up and looked at her gently “The part where you essentially verbally castrated his ego and his balls defending me? I’m not. It was very sexy!” The corner of Ann’s mouth turned into a little smile ‘Besides it’s not a patch on what Mariana put you through. It’s alright for you to have a past. I certainly have one. Come on my darling, let’s go somewhere quiet and you can tell me about it. I’ll even buy you ice cream.” Ann knew she wasn’t going to get out of this without telling her something so she decided the abridged but still truthful version would have to do.

Mariana stood at her car around the corner from the chemist waiting for Thomas to walk back that way and as he approached she stepped out onto the sidewalk and twirled her hair coyly “Excuse me, you wouldn’t be able to help me with my car would you. I’m afraid I can’t get it to start and I don’t know anything about cars”. She smiled at him and Thomas looked the attractive woman who was older than him but still had a rocking bod and a nice face up and down. ‘Sure, I’d love to. I’m Thomas. And you are?” he asked her and Mariana tried not to chuckle. This had been too easy. 

“Julie!” She said as she extended her hand.

****************************  
Anne and Ann sat in a little park with their ice cream and Ann took a deep breath “Thomas is from around here and when he wanted to enlist my brother in law James mentored him and they grew close. He was always around the house back in Sydney and he and I grew really close. I was miserable and so lonely after my parents died and he made me smile. He was a double standards church boy who didn’t believe in sex before marriage.”

Ann neglected to say he didn’t believe in penetrative sex before marriage but was perfectly happy to sexually assault her in all kinds of other ways.

“I didn’t find out until later it was double standards and he slept around but expected the girl he liked to be a virgin when he married her. It suited me because obviously I liked girls but he kept trying to tell me that I just thought that and if it was really true he and I wouldn’t have such a connection. And we did. And I did love him. But I was so young, I was 14, almost 15 and I didn’t know the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. And I wondered, Could I maybe be like my Mum? Pansexual or Bisexual. All I knew that when he kissed me or touched me or stroked my hair it just felt…off. And when you kissed me for the first time I knew why. Everything made sense then.”

Anne rubbed her back and smiled at her lovingly “I know what you mean sweetheart. You know you’re not the only one to try the boyfriend thing just to see. Just to try to figure out if things really are this way, if you really do like women when it seems so taboo and you haven’t even been with one so can you really be sure? Mine was my high school best friend. Derek Winters. I loved him to death but when he kissed me or touched me it was like….

“Can you just not mate?” Ann finished for her and Anne laughed ‘Exactly! And then you just grow up a little and see the light…or the boobs.”

“Yeah!” Ann said as she looked down and Anne was concerned. She looked so fragile and she’d barely touched her ice cream.

“So, what happened with Mr Ainsworth” Anne asked as she moved Ann to sit side on between her legs so she could hold her. But Ann put her face down, hiding from her again.

“I was desperate to get out of that house and away from what James was doing to me and Thomas was always telling me how much he loved me and he’d gotten me to trust him and really open up to him. He’d actively encouraged it. So I begged him to take me away, for us to run away together. I said if he could get us to Italy Mama would help us, set us up with a new life. I could even pay for the tickets I just needed an adult. He promised me that he would. But you know, bros before hoes and all that. He ratted me out to James. James threw me into a wall. Like actually picked me up and threw me. Didn’t care that both Thomas and I told him we hadn’t had sex. He called me a slut, a whore, said that I deserved to be punished, that I was stupid to think that anyone would love me, that I was a midget and I came out wrong and defective and why would anyone want me. That my body was disgusting and he’d seen me in a swim suit and my acro two piece sets and that I looked like a 12 year old boy because I was under developed and it went on and on and he used to say things like that to me often but it was by far the worst it had ever been up until that point. It stayed with me longer than the bump to the head and the bruises.

After I lay in bed for about 5 days with the worst concussion I’ve ever had, fluctuating between spewing and wanting to die because I felt like My head was being hollowed out from the inside Thomas came to visit me. He said it would have looked really bad, a 19 year old man travelling with a not quite 15 year old and that James had been so amazing to him and he wasn’t a bad guy and that I should probably try harder to get along with him. But that I shouldn’t worry because I was still his best girl and He was going to marry me when I turned 18 and James had said he could. I spewed all over him. He deserved it. He was never going to take me to Italy. He knew Mama would have been onto him and would have insisted I be true to myself and encouraged me to pursue women. And he was never going to go against James. They were thick as thieves. I just never knew how much until it was too late. And he just won’t get through his head now that there will never be a him and me ever. Not a very nice guy in the end”

Ann knew there was more and things got even more horrific but everything she’d said was true so at least she hadn’t lied.

Anne had her fists clenched at her sides and tears in her eyes listening to how Thomas betrayed her and how James abused her, not just physically but emotionally.

When Ann looked up her eyes were full of tears and she tried to wipe them away but Anne pulled her into her arms “Come here my darling. It’s alright I’ve got you” she said in a raspy voice as she tried to fight more tears of her own. She could feel Ann trembling and she literally wanted to kick Thomas in the groin till he passed out for taking advantage of Ann when she was so vulnerable and brutally kill James in that moment. She knew better than anyone how damaging the cruel and vindictive things he’d said to her were. It had been one of Karen’s favourite tricks. 

“My tummy feels funny I don’t think I can finish my ice cream” Ann said shakily and Anne shook her head “Hey don’t worry about that Beauty it’s okay” Anne just held her tight and Ann let herself be held, curling up against Anne and burying herself in her. 

“You listen to me Ann Walker” Anne said as she pried Ann’s face away from her chest to look at her “There is not one thing about you that is defective. Not one thing. You came out petite, not wrong. You are the perfect size for curling up in my arms. See how perfectly we fit together. Could there be anything wrong about that?”

Ann shook her head as she looked up at her with huge earnest tear filled blue eyes. “And you, My precious darling are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, you couldn’t be ugly if you tried. Not just your gorgeous face but you have a gorgeous body. I dream about that body”

“But I didn’t have boobs or hips or any curves back then” Ann reasoned and Anne shook her head ‘Doesn’t matter. You are stunningly beautiful and Rachel has said that when you get sick those curves are the first thing to go until you get better because there’s not much of you and when that happens you will still be just as gorgeous because you’re my Ann, you’re my little Pixie, my sweet beautiful girl and there is not a thing in this world that could make you ugly. He had no right to say those vile things to you. You’re not a slut or a whore. You’re innocent, You’re my princess, Ann. You’re mine and I won’t let either of them ever hurt you again. You didn’t deserve what happened to you. No one deserves that. Especially you.” Anne’s voice had steadily grown more and more harsh as her rage rose and Ann looked at her anxiously “You’re angry with me”

Anne realized she’d been escalating and kicked herself “I am angry but not with you my darling, I promise I’m not angry with you, you haven’t done anything wrong.” Anne held her gently and stroked the top of her hair. She thought back to Ann’s heightened anxiety about taking her clothes off in front of her the night she’d been triggered and lost her shit, and then the next day at Olivia’s house where she mentioned it again and said ‘What if it’s bad?”

“Is this why I’ve only ever seen you quite modestly covered despite the fact that we practically live together most of the time sweetheart? And your bikinis are hanging on my clothesline but I’ve yet to see you in one? As are your panties and bras but I’ve never seen you in anything less than little hot pants and a singlet? Or why I’ve seen pics on your Instagram in dance costumes that are a little more revealing, and outfits too but you haven’t worn them around me” Anne asked and Ann hesitated then nodded her head “I’m sorry” she said and she sounded so small and hopeless that it broke Anne.  
“Shhhh it’s alright little one, you don’t have to be sorry. So much is making sense right now. I love you so much. You’re not going to have to be in this on your own anymore. I know what it’s like to have those words eating you up inside, and how freeing it is when someone cuts right through and shows you that it’s not real or true and that you’re not alone.”

Anne took Ann’s face between her hands ‘That’s what you did for me last night my darling’

Ann nodded as more tears fell “And at least now I know that you don’t hate the clothes and swimwear I picked out for you or think I have appalling taste.” Anne joked and Ann giggled.

“I’m a lot better than I used to be. Dancing and Aerial outfits have been good for me, being at the club, I wear bikinis at the beach and stuff. And like I’ll wear what I would normally wear to a festival tomorrow. But when you came along and you were so sophisticated and experienced and had been with all these women and I started hearing his words in my head and was thinking what if she thinks its bad? What if James was right, what if my body is ugly, if I am defective…. What if I’m not the type of girl Anne wants. You are everything to me and you are just…. Luminous. I don’t even know another word to describe how magnificent you are. You are Luminous. I just couldn’t bear the thought of being a let-down or disappointing you” Her voice broke as she finished and she covered her face with her hands.

“Don’t do that, don’t hide from me my love” Anne said as she pried Ann’s hands away from her face and threaded them through her own as she began kissing her tears away gently ‘Sweet baby” she whispered. “You could never let me down or disappoint me” Anne reassured her in between each of her kisses “You are so beautiful, inside and out. All the time. Always. Okay my sweet beautiful girl? I know it’s hard but can you try to have faith in what I’m saying?” 

Ann nodded and Anne pressed her forehead against hers ‘That’s my girl. And I know it’s hard, but I hope a time comes when you can just come straight to me and know that I’ll protect you and keep you safe, that you feel safe running to me without feeling like you have to be stoic and strong and hold it all inside. Because even if you’re crumbling you are still the strongest girl I know. Alright?” Ann nodded.

“Come on sweetheart let’s get you home. I’ll drive” Anne said gently as she pulled Ann to her feet and took the shopping bag from her and the keys out of her pocket.

“You just want to drive my car. Anne Lister likes my soccer mum car, admit it!” Ann said with a little smile and Anne laughed “I do. I’ll like it even more when we have a little one in the back and we’re on our way to soccer in your soccer mum car! Now there’s a reason for you to let me see you naked! Baby making for the soccer mum car” 

Ann raised her eyebrow at her “Dude we’re both girls we’re not going to be making the baby like that!” 

Anne shrugged “Look I really don’t feel we need to be overly focused on the details, obviously the most important thing is that you be naked, preferably on my black satin sheets and we can go from there. And don’t raise your eyebrow darling that’s my move. You raise your eyebrow at me and I think you’re propositioning me and I need to throw you down in the soccer mum car. Come to think of it starting fights in pharmacies, talking about making babies and propositioning me in public parks, you’re particularly out of control today my love.”

Ann broke into giggles and Anne grinned “No really you’re getting so good at leading me astray now that I don’t even realise you’ve done it till it’s happened. You have a natural born gift for corruption.” 

“Stop it you twit!” Ann gasped through her laughter.

“Oh, so I’m a twit now am I? I’ve read about this. It’s called gaslighting. You’re trying to make me feel like all this plain daylight afternoon debauchery was all my fault…..It’s working by the way. I feel dirty. But I like it.”

“I seriously can’t breathe” Ann gasped as she leant into Anne’s side. “I love you so much”

“Yeah? How much?” Anne asked teasingly and Ann held her arms out “ALL the much”

Anne felt herself turn to mush. She was so cute “All the much? I like that. All the much!” She opened the passenger door and Ann went to climb up like she normally did but Anne swept her into her arms and pushed her up towards the seat giving her a boost. Then stepped up and buckled her up, planting a gentle kiss on her head. Anne closed the door and went around to the driver’s side and hopped in.

Ann twisted her fingers anxiously. “If Thomas is around James won’t be far behind. He’s James’s little bitch boy. It’s like the ultimate bromance.”

“Look at me princess” Anne said in an authoritarian tone snapping her out of her anxiety immediately and she looked at her. “Like I said. You are mine. And I will do whatever it takes to protect what’s mine” Her tone was harsh but she reached across and cupped Ann’s face like she was made of silk “I got you okay?”

Ann seemed to visibly relax “Okay Dude. Let’s go home”

********************************

Dinner had been so enjoyable and lovely. Anne hadn’t ever experienced a family dinner like that and it was so nice. Jazmine had asked Anne to go into the kitchen with her and prepare the pie for dessert and as soon as they got there she knew Jazmine was on a mission

“Okay lady you came back and my daughter had red eyes and was on edge. Rachel and I both noticed, I told her that she’d tried a perfume that irritated her allergies but I want to know what’s going on. I’d be proud to have you marry my kid but if you’re attached to my kid you’re my kid too and you don’t lie to your mother, I don’t care how bad ass you are or how many women you’ve fucked have you got that kiddo?”

“Yes Ma’am” a stunned Anne said and Rachel softened a little ‘Yes I know, shock horror, a bitch in this house is toppier than you!” She winked at her “Now what happened?”

Anne sighed “Thomas Ainsworth approached her at the chemist and tried to flirt with her and said he’s going to marry her”

Jazmine shivered “Yuck, that disgusting little weasel. I can’t believe he’s still following her around like a creeper. I was hoping he’d get killed in combat. I should have knee capped him when I did that other fucker.”

“Well I didn’t know about him specifically; I knew there was 1 guy she’d been somewhat intimate with but she was a virgin and she’d never kissed a woman and I’m the only one other than him. I found that out from the start but I asked if she could fill me in a bit and she told me the story about how he ratted her out to James and his physical and verbal attack on her so she obviously got upset. That fucker Sutherland has` really affected her Jaz. I would never push her but I haven’t seen her in her underwear, I haven’t seen her in a bikini. Even at the club she didn’t wear anything revealing. So many things made sense. I just want to kill both of them” Anne said vehemently and Jazmine squeezed her hand.

“I know honey. So, she covers up around you, I was wondering what she was like but didn’t want to ask. James Sutherland is obsessed with Ann. He is in love with her. He was never going to let Thomas have her. When he was being an Arrogant prick when my men took him, he told them he married the wrong sister and he should have waited for the little one because she’s hotter than fuck.”

Anne’s jaw dropped “You’re kidding. But he terrorized her” 

“Because he’s a bully and he couldn’t have her. She wouldn’t let him fuck her. I saw him flirt with her a couple of times it went straight over her head. She doesn’t know this about him and I haven’t told her. I love her very much, she’s my baby girl but she’s so innocent about sex. She’s like bambi. That night at the club a couple commented that they couldn’t keep their eyes off her in the lyra when she did that doubles transition with Jessica while she was reaching for the trapeze and asked her if she’d ever done a 3 way and if she’d be interested and she smiled sweetly at them and told them we can’t put 3 people in a lyra because it’s dangerous and against OH&S regulations”

Anne snorted as she tried to bite back a laugh “Oh bless! That is so cute. She’s so sweet. She really is an innocent little poppet, I’m such a dirty old man for being with her. I really worry sometimes”

“I don’t. I’m glad she’s with you. I see the way you shield her, protect her. Move everything along at a safe pace. I know you’ll teach her everything she needs to know at a place she can cope with and I know that kid is a little sex goddess just waiting to be unravelled. I see that. She’s her other mother’s daughter and she’s mine too. You’re not a dirty old man honey. You cherish and respect her innocence it’s not your fault you fell in love with her before you knew her age. George is a dirty old man. He always knew how young she was and she was a lot younger back then. He’s a scum bag. And honestly I’m glad she’s soft and sweet and innocent and that you’ll likely be the only lover she’ll ever have. I don’t want my baby girl being jaded and battle scarred like you and me. No offence honey”

Anne shook her head. “None taken, I would never want that for her either.”

“So, we keep an eye on our girl and take action as necessary. Oh, and leave Rachel out of it!” Jazmine said adamantly and Anne high fived her ‘Deal.”

Jazmine went to get the cream and Anne said “Leave it, Ann will offer to come back for it and I’ll drop the ring on her plate while she’d gone”

“Very smooth Lister!” Jazmine said in approval with a big smile.

They took the Pie back into the dining room and Anne immediately began dishing it out. “Oh, I forgot the cream” she said innocently.

“Oh, I’ll get it Dude!” Ann said as she stood and headed for the kitchen “Thanks Beauty!” Anne called out to her and when she put Ann’s pie on her plate she popped the Tiffany’s box on top of it. Then sat down.

Everyone started elbowing each other and Anne looked at them sternly “shhhhh” she said and they all started making general chit chat as Ann came In and served everyone cream. When she got to her seat she sat down and went to put cream on her plate when she noticed the little blue box on her plate. Putting down the cream she picked it up and gasped when she saw it was Tiffany & Co. She looked around the table in confusion and no one would make eye contact with her until she got to Anne.

“Dude?” she asked in bewilderment and Anne pushed her chair back and pulled Ann up to come sit in her lap.

“Open it my darling” Anne urged her gently and with a shaking hand Ann undid the signature white ribbon and lifted the lid off the box. When she saw the ring inside she gasped and brought her hand to her mouth. It was so beautiful. “Oh my goodness” she said breathily and Anne gently took the box from her and put it on the table.

“Ann, my sweet beautiful girl” Anne said as she took Ann’s right hand in hers. “I fell in love with you the moment you fell out of the sky and into my arms and I’ve been falling more and more In love with you every day ever since. To me, you are heaven. You are my dream come true. You have taught me what it is to unconditionally love mind, body, heart and soul. You’ve given me a family, a home not just in your heart but with these beautiful people surrounding us tonight. The family I’ve always yearned for and never had. I live in constant awe of your inner and outer exquisiteness, your kindness, dignity, class, strength and resilience. Your sassiness and wit completely enthral me and you accept me, all of me like no one ever has. I know we’ve talked about a future with marriage and babies but until that time comes I just wanted to give you this promise ring as a symbol of my commitment to you. That I am yours. And you are mine. And one day I will ask you to be my wife. But until that day, just know that is essentially what you are to me. The wife of my dreams, my ride or die, my partner in crime, my lover, my soul mate, the future mother of my children and my best friend. I am all in and I love you with all of me my darling.” Anne picked up the ring and Ann’s hand was shaking. “I’ve asked for and humbly receive your families blessing Will you wear this for me?” Anne asked and Ann nodded through her tears. “Yes!”

Ann slipped it on her ring finger of her right hand. “And one day not too far away I’ll put a ring on the left!” Anne promised as she picked up her hand and kissed the ring.

“It’s so beautiful. That was so beautiful I love you so much!” Ann said as she hugged Anne tightly and Rachel and Jazmine both had tears streaming down their faces. 

“Good luck topping that with the actual proposal Lister!” Rachel quipped tearfully as she beamed.

“The actual proposal is just a formality and an excuse for me to buy her a bigger ring and send out invites to the wedding. I brought my A game for this because this is it for me. This is me laying it all on the line for the only girl who has ever made me want to.” Anne said honestly.

“Oh baby” Ann said as she pressed her forehead to Anne’s and nuzzled her nose.

Even Jonno had a huge grin on his face. “Aww aint that just some magic. Just magic!” he said in approval and Rachel and Jazmine jumped up and ran around to hug Anne as well.

“God Dammit Women would you let the poor kids breathe!” Jonno said gruffly but was still grinning ear to ear. “Now come on before it gets cold let’s eat some pie!”

Everyone laughed and Rachel and Jazmine went back to their seats. Anne reluctantly let Ann go but when she moved back to her seat she pulled her close to kiss her temple and said, ‘I’m marrying you Walker!”

“Bet your ass you are!” Ann replied cheekily as she put the tiniest glob of whipped cream on Anne’s lower lip and flicked her tongue out completely undetected by her family to lick it off

******************************  
Dessert clean-up had happened, Jonno had fallen asleep in his chair and Anne, Ann, Rachel and Jazmine sat around the kitchen table having a glass of champagne.

“Crazy Dave called me Cassie again today. That’s the second time in 3rd time in 2 months Ann said in concern and Jazmine and Rachel looked at each other knowingly. 

“Darling David is 84 now. His mind is starting to go a bit and you’re the spitting image of your mother, just shorter and slimmer than she was at your age.” Rachel said kindly and Ann nodded “Oh he knew that, he could tell the difference, he asked me if I’d shrunk when he thought I was Cassie and then when I said I was Annie he knew that I brought him pie and Mum didn’t”  
“That’s the thing about dementia honey it blows in and out in an instant like the wind” Jazmine reasoned and Ann sighed. “I think I’ll just feel better if I take him his medicine and some Pie and maybe some leftovers. I’ve only had 1 drink I’ll just drive the ute across our grounds to his!” Ann said as she started boxing up leftovers. “I won’t be long”

“Why don’t you get some more apples while you’re down there darling and we’ll make him his own pie?” Rachel asked and Ann smiled “That would be nice!”

“Do you want me to come with you sweetheart?” Anne asked. Her beautiful girl was so caring and thoughtful. Always looking out for others.

“No Missy you’re going to hook me up with a hot woman you know remember. This is family time and you’re part of this family now. Just cause little Missy over there is ducking out of family time doesn’t mean it’s not family time. It means she thinks I’m constantly looking for a replica of Cassie and that it’s destructive and chooses not to participate” Jazmine said as she winked at Ann and Ann finished bagging up the goodies.

“You are constantly looking for a replica of my mother and it is destructive but only because you deserve someone who gives as much of themselves as you do. I loved my mother very much; she was my world. But because of her issues she was so wrapped up in herself sometimes. You give and love with your whole heart Mama. You deserve someone who does that in return. Find someone who would remember to bring you Pie” Ann then looked meaningfully at Anne “I have that!”

Anne blew her a little kiss and Jazmine got up and hugged Ann “Oh honey, thank you!’

“Well in that case you’ve just knocked out 85% of the women in my little black book but I think I still have a few up my sleeve” Anne said dryly and they all laughed.

“Put one of the flannel shirts by the door on darling it’s cool out!” Rachel said and Ann smiled obligingly ‘I will Nanna”.

“Walk me out?” She asked Anne and Anne stood up and took Ann’s hand as they headed for the door. When they got there, she helped her little Pixie put the flannel shirt on and button it up.

“Find her a love interest and then meet me back at the cottage so we can…celebrate” Ann said with a very seductive smile.

“Celebrate how?” Anne asked, intrigued and Ann moved closer “Well Dude, I brought my rope. We could lay a blanket under the big tree near the cottage and I could suspend myself from it and just hover above you and we could make out and you could feel me up a little….If you wanted”

“Fuck you’re hot!” Anne said sincerely as she kissed Ann’s neck. “My sexy little Pixie spinning above me like the fairy she is, making beautiful shapes, with my hands all over her. I couldn’t think of a more magical or perfect way to celebrate baby. Hurry back”

“I will sweetie I promise!” Ann said as she gave her a huge grin, picked up her things and walked out the door, giving Anne a little wave before she left.

******************************

“Just trust me honey I used to be a hair stylist” Jazmine said as she slightly shortened Anne’s long bob into a slightly shorter choppier messier cut with more layers that she would be able to run her fingers through with a bit of product and have a lot of movement.

“She does an amazing job darling; she does my hair. The only reason Annie wouldn’t let her touch hers was because she wasn’t ready.”

“Alright!’ Anne said, still feeling a little nervous. Finding Jazmine a love interest had turned into Anne admitting that Ann brings out her softer side and since it’s a music festival at a winery she didn’t really want to wear all black and wanted to surprise Ann with a slightly softer look. Then Rachel had revealed Cassie was actually a size 10 like Anne in her 20’s until her mid 30’s until her medication changed and she became more like Ann and they started pulling through some of her old clothes putting together an outfit for her and Jazmine had suggested a cut she would be able to do more softly or butch it up if she wanted to. They hadn’t even gotten emotional over the clothes but Anne still wanted to make sure it was okay.

“Are you sure it’s alright me wearing Cassie’s clothes?” Anne asked and Rachel squeezed her shoulder. “My darling Ann wears some of her things sometimes and so does Jazmine. If I had have given them to goodwill people would be wearing them. I’m glad they’re getting used and Cassie would be proud to have you wear them. You’re such a beautiful young woman regardless of how you style yourself and the way you love Ann is just incredible”

“But like I can’t be too girly. That’s not me. And I still need to be Dude. That’s what I am, I’m her Dude!” Anne said insistently and Rachel kissed her forehead “I understand darling” 

Jazmine roughly blew out her work with the hair dryer and then turned Anne to look in the mirror “And what a gorgeous Dude you are!”

“Indeed!” Rachel agreed.

“Oh wow!” Anne said as she ran her fingers through her hair. It was only an inch or so shorter at the longest layer but it was completely transformed. “I love it! Thank you so much!” she said genuinely.

“A rather stunning handsome beauty!” Rachel said and met Anne’s eyes in the mirror. “Even if she doesn’t know it!”

Anne suddenly felt overwhelmed by emotion and looked down.

“Honey what is it?” Jazmine asked and Rachel stroked her hair ‘Are you alright Anne?”

Anne nodded and when she looked up she had tears in her eyes. “it’s silly, it’s just. This is what it feels like to have a mum. I get it now. I’ve never had that before. I was just a baby when mine died and I had my Aunt Ann sometimes but I lost her too last year and it wasn’t quite the same as having a mum. Not like this. It’s really nice”

“Oh sweetheart!” Rachel said as she bent to hug Anne tightly. “Well you’ve got one now!”

“Ahem! Two!” Jazmine said as she bent and hugged Anne “And when Annie sees you tomorrow you’re gonna knock her socks off!”

“I hope so!” Anne said as she relaxed and allowed herself to be held by both women. 

“Speaking of the little Pixie she should be back by now!” Anne said in concern and at that moment Rachel’s phone rang.

“And here she is probably demanding I set you free!” she said with a chuckle and answered it.

“Baby girl I’m sending your Dude back to the cottage now I……Annie honey what’s wrong…..breathe….talk to me…..okay…can you move your arms and legs….are you losing large amounts of blood? Okay that’s good we’re coming now hang tight”

Rachel gasped and Anne stood up instantly turning pale.

“What’s happened?” Anne asked as Rachel hung up the phone “Annie was out getting apples to make Crazy Dave’s pie and he went to yell at her and shoot blanks like he usually does but he shot at the tree with a loaded gun by mistake”

“Oh god” Rachel cried in anguish.

“She fell through some of the tree but managed to grab a branch and lower herself to the ground and get him to stop shooting. She’s called an ambulance for Dave because he’s extremely disoriented and distressed now but she…..”

“But she what dammit Jazmine?” Anne snapped.

“She didn’t sound great. She thinks she might have been shot!”

And suddenly Anne was running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! I left it there. I'm a bitch like that lmao


	19. Run to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha ha so apparently I caused gay pain meltdown with my cliffhanger! I'm very sorry, I actually would have updated ast night (Australian time) but I was having some kind of weird reaction to the glue in my freshly infilled lash extensions (The perils of being very Femme ha ha!)
> 
> So in this chapter you get the resolution to the cliff hanger. Anne gets some more Mum love which I'm really loving portraying as I feel she really needs that in her life and in with the trauma there's some cute as fuck shit. because you know, I like to think I've turned juggling the two into an artwork (Not really lol!)
> 
> This chapter is very significant because after being in lock down for so long, in this particular situation Ann runs straight to Anne. There's no slow unravelling. It's just boom. Anne is all she needs. Same as the end of Season 1 where there was no middle ground and Ann was all in on that clifftop ready for forever with Anne.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it. It's quite emotional. There's a bit of a squeal moment when Anne screams something out in particular that might set your little queer/gay hearts a flutter ;-)

Anne grabbed Ann’s handbag knowing it would have her medication in it and ran out the door “LADIES MOVE IT!” she screamed out to Rachel and Jaz who were hurriedly making their way down the stairs towards Ann’s car. Anne picked up Rachel and ran with her practically throwing her in the passenger seat as Jaz held the door open, aware of her stroke limitations. “I’m sorry Rachel” she cried out as she slammed the door and ran around to the driver’s side, jumped in and started driving before Jaz had even closed the back passenger door.

“it’s alright sweetheart, thank you for ensuring I don’t slow you all down.”

“She’s bulletproof baby for a reason, she’ll be alright. The kid is indestructible, she’s beat death more times than we can count” Jazmine said convincingly but as Anne looked in the rear vision mirror she could see the glimmer of doubt in her eyes.

“We need to remember that whether she’s okay or not she will shut down, say she’s fine, not emotionally react, almost go into zombie catatonic mode. That’s her M.O, it’s her PTSD reaction and how she copes so Anne just don’t take it personally dear alright, she does it to us too. She’s never let anyone in, in a crisis. Never. Not Jaz, not me. We so wish she would but it’s like she can’t” Rachel said in a shaky voice.

Anne’s heart sank but she was glad she knew upfront. ‘Alright. Thank you for telling me, at least I know it’s not just me.”

“If it helps honey on the phone she said, ‘I want Anne, get me Anne I just want Anne” and she still sounded like she was in zombie land but for her to even ask for you is a huge deal”

“It is isn’t it” Anne said as the beginnings of tears filled her eyes “What else did she say?”

“She said she could move her arms and legs and she walked just fine from the tree to the porch but she was in so much pain and there was so much blood and she thought she was in shock and hadn’t figured out where it was all coming from and then Dave was losing consciousness and she had to go.”

‘Oh my god” Anne gasped desperately. “She’s my everything. Nothing will take her from me, nothing. I swear to god not even a bullet, if it wants to even try I’ll go too and I’ll drag her back”

“That’s right baby she’s yours and you’ll do whatever it takes to protect her. I know that. You were made to be Moretti Anne Lister. Just like baby girl. And the two of you are going to do big things in my family” Jaz said reassuringly and Rachel took a deep breath.

“If you could possibly refrain from affirming just how well my granddaughter and future wife blend into your criminal mafia clusterfuck until a different time Jaz that would be super” she said harshly and Jaz reached forward and squeezed her shoulder.

“She’s going to be okay. She’s a survivor like no one else” 

“Oh, Jaz I’m sorry…. I just” Rachel said instantly remorseful.

“It’s okay honey I understand. And when she gets through this like I know she will she’s going to be devastated she didn’t witness the glorious moment where Rachel Hastings said ‘Clusterfuck”

And suddenly the 3 of them were laughing hysterically even as fear gripped their veins.

“Look there’s two ambulances!” Anne said as she pulled the car to a stop outside Dave’s place and they all got out of the car with Jazmine helping Rachel this time and Anne instantly scanning for Ann.

And there she was, sitting on the porch with her arm around a very distraught and shaken Dave, comforting him as ambulance officers attended to him. She’d wrapped him in a blanket and was squeezing his hand. Anne was fully expecting the “Zombie” mode Rachel and Jaz had spoken of. She’d seen her shut down so many times. It made sense. But she looked into the yard and suddenly as her beautiful girl’s eyes locked on her she was up on her feet and was running towards her. Anne couldn’t believe it, she started running and caught her up in her arms. “Oh, Anne I’m so glad you’re here” she said as she burst into tears and Anne wrapped her around her and held her tightly.

“Oh my god, you’re okay…I’m so glad you’re okay. I love you so much sweetheart everything’s going to be okay. I’ve got you, you’re alright.”

“I want to go home, please just take me home. They’re saying I have to stay here and I just want you. That’s all I want; I just want you just take me home” Ann said becoming more and more distraught

Rachel and Jaz looked at each other in shock and then Rachel started crying. “Our little girl has finally let someone in.”

Anne heard Rachel’s comment and started crying, not just from relief but from the poignancy of what Rachel said. She was right. Ann had let her in. And she knew how special and significant that was.

“And I promise I will, I promise I will very soon my darling. We just need to get you looked at” Anne tried to speak in her most soothing of voices and not reveal her panic.

Anne pulled back to look at Ann and felt ill as she moved slightly into the light and saw that the entirety of her beautiful doll like little face was caked in blood that was still steadily oozing from her nose and running down her chin, chest into the ever growing pool staining her white singlet and there was blood all over her left arm and her shirt was tied around it.

Ann saw her looking at her in horror and let out a shameful little sob “I’m sorry I’m all bloody and gross, I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t know the gun was loaded” she burst into fresh tears, her entire body trembling and Anne shook her head as tears spilled down her own face. “Shhhhh sweet baby, you’re not gross. Even like this you’re still so beautiful. You’re so beautiful my princess. And you’re mine. You’re my princess. And you’re going to be fine because you belong to me. You’re mine and I won’t let you go.”

And yet Anne could feel her growing floppier in her arms and looking paler and weaker. “Say it Ann” she pleaded desperately as Ann’s eyes struggled to focus. “Why weren’t the paramedics helping her? Her mind screamed.

“Ann say it” she said commandingly, mustering her best dominant tone and Ann locked eyes on her. “I’m your princess. I’m yours. I belong to you”

“That’s right you do, that’s my girl” Anne said as she held her close.

“She’s been shot why aren’t you helping her?” she cried out and Ann took a deep breath “Not really….I found….” She pulled away to look at Anne “The bullet didn’t go in me, it shattered…it shattered bark…..the blood and the pain…because sharp bark is stuck in my arm.”

Anne almost collapsed in relief, not that she was glad her beautiful girl was hurt but it wasn’t a bullet and it was just her arm.

“Oh, thank god, They’ll get it out and we’ll get you home baby I promise” Anne said but Ann had gone completely limp in her arms. “Ann..baby?” she asked and Ann’s head dropped back and Rachel screamed. 

“Dammit Princess you wake up for me. Wake up for me now!” Anne commanded as she shook her a little and she moaned but still didn’t open her eyes.

“SOMEBODY HELP HER. HELP HER” Anne screamed as paramedics came to take her from Anne and put her on a stretcher. They wheeled her into the ambulance and Anne tried to go with her but one of the paramedics stopped her.

“You have to let me go with her, she’s frightened, she needs me” The paramedic was firm “No she’s unconscious ma’am and needs our attention.”

“No, I need to be with her” Anne pleaded as she was pushed back to where Rachel and Jaz stood and Jaz tried to hold her as the paramedic went into the ambulance and closed the door but Anne broke free and ran to the back of the ambulance.

“THAT IS MY WIFE IN THERE!” she screamed and banged on the door before collapsing to the ground with her head in her hands as she cried.

Jaz bit back a sob of her own as she went to Anne and sat beside her, pulling her into her arms. “Come on, it’s okay baby. Mama’s got you “Anne started to sob and Jaz stroked her hair “I know, she’s your world. I know, it’s alright. She’ll be okay”

And for once, instead of doing the holding. Anne let herself be held.

*****************************

About half an hour had passed. Dr Washington had come and not as a doctor but as Ann’s godfather, best friend of her deceased father, the father of one of her closest friends and father in law to be of her best friend he had taken pity on them and stuck his head out saying she was conscious and doing well and he eventually resurfaced as an anxious Rachel, Jaz and Anne all jumped up from Dave’s steps.

“Ladies our little miss is doing just fine!” Sam said kindly “Oh thank god’ Anne gasped and Sam gave her a friendly smile ‘You must be the Dude!, I’ve just been hearing all about you. Not just from Ann but from my daughter Suzy who has said you’ve made her hens tomorrow 10 times more epic with your special passes or something so I sincerely thank you. I’m Sam Washington, Ann’s godfather”

‘Anne Lister, please to meet you!” Anne said as she shook his hand.

“Annie was lucky. She didn’t catch a bullet but the impact of one of them shattered the bark causing a ricochet chunk to become lodged in her arm which created an intense burning pain which made her think she might have been shot. She also had a nasty bump to the nose as she slipped but it doesn’t look broken and her crazy monkey climbing aerial skills likely saved her from a lot of broken bones when she caught that branch to steady herself. She’s a little beat up but she’s getting stitched up now.”

“Thank you so much” Anne said as her voice broke and Jaz looked at him in confusion. “Whose stitching her Sam?” Sam rolled his eyes ‘She is! She’s Chris Walker’s daughter. She let me give her a local to pull it out and clean out the wound and then shooed me away. Said she wanted the scar to be as minuscule as possible and she does neater work than I do. And to be fair, she does.”

Jaz cracked up “That’s my baby girl!”

Sam chuckled. “She learned so much helping her dad she could go into a medical career tomorrow if it wasn’t for her intense dislike of hospitals.”

“And the losing consciousness?” Anne asked anxiously and Sam shrugged “A shock or panic response especially given her anxiety. Her pulse and heartbeat are strong. She checked them herself and told me” he said as he rolled his eyes but smiled affectionately.

“She’s a little battered and bruised but I’ve given her something to take for the pain after she’s done stitching for when the anaesthetic wears off and it’s nothing a close eye in the next couple of days and some extra love can’t fix. Why don’t you go see her Darl? ”

“Thank you!” Anne said as she squeezed Sam’s arm and rushed into the ambulance. The paramedics left to give them some privacy.

And there she sat, her sweet beautiful girl looking more angelic than anyone had a right to in blood stained blonde plaits and an outfit that looked like a crime scene as she sewed her own wound shut

As she looked up Anne could see all her skin had been cleaned of blood but she looked so fragile, so shaken, so very weary and so damn tiny. But still she beamed at her. “Dude!” She said in a soft raspy voice.

“Hello my darling” Anne cooed as she went and sat beside her and pressed her lips to the side of her head, very careful not to disturb her work as she sewed such neat little stitches.

“Doing that doesn’t bother you?” Anne asked in disbelief and Ann shook her head “No. I can’t feel a think and its closed enough now to not bleed. I’ve done it before in rural communities. My dad taught me well. It’s oddly calming” She said softly and Anne stroked her hair, so desperate for her to finish so she could hold her.

“You gave me such a fright sweetheart. You’re not ever to scare me again like that do you understand? I don’t know what I do if I lost you!” Anne said in a husky voice full of fear and emotion that came out much harsher than she intended it too and she cursed herself for it and waited for Ann to crumble.

But Ann simply nodded as she finished stitching and snipped the thread before swabbing it with a surgical cleansing wipe and sticking a dressing on it.

“I know, after I fainted I fought my way back. The ambulance lady told me not to push myself but I just told her “No you don’t understand. She won’t be happy if I stay unconscious. If she says princess you have to do this, then I have to do it. The Dude is the toppiest of tops. She said I can’t leave her and I have to wake up so I have to wake up. Cause she’s the boss. She’s my Dude”.

Ann looked up at Anne with all the adoration she had for her. “And I’m her Princess!”

Anne pursed her lips together as she nodded and her tears overflowed. She wrapped her arms around Ann like she was made of china and pulled her into her lap. “Good girl” she whispered breathlessly and covered Ann’s face in kisses ‘Such a good girl for me. So strong, so resilient, so brave. So beautiful. You are my Princess. And I’m so proud of you. You did amazing.”

Ann snuggled into Anne’s arms. “I love Mama and Nanna very much but after their allocated minute of fussing can you please make them stop and just take me home. I just want you. I only want my Dude!” she pleaded weakly and Anne stroked her hair, beyond thrilled and honoured that her beautiful girl was letting her in, that she was letting her protect her, encouraging it even. It was such a huge step for her.

“Absolutely My Darling, We’ll get you home and cleaned up and snuggled up in my arms safe in bed.” Anne assured her. Ann was so quiet and still. She hadn’t shown any outpouring of emotion except for when she first burst into tears in her arms before she passed out. She was worried about her. But at least she wasn’t hiding from her. That was huge.

“I’d like that!” Ann said softly and then she looked up at Anne curiously “Dude did you bang on the ambulance and scream “That’s my wife in there?”

Anne chuckled. “Um…..no it wasn’t me my love…. I wouldn’t lose my cool like that. I’m your Dude. It’s my job to be tough. It must have been someone else screaming at and banging on another ambulance”

“Oh” said softly as she nodded with a small smile and cupped Anne’s face with her hand

“Well if you happen to see that person, could you please tell them that it’s okay to lose their cool sometimes. That they don’t have to be strong all the time and for what it’s worth, what they said…. I really loved it. It brought me back.”

Anne couldn’t speak. She simply nodded as she clutched Ann’s hand and leaned into her touch, fat tears slipping from her closed eyes.

“I love you so much Sweetie. All the much” Ann said as she pressed her forehead to Anne’s.

**********************

Anne sat in their bed waiting for Ann to come out of the ensuite. After Jaz and Rachel had been allowed fussing time she’d bundled Ann into the car and sat with her in her arms in the back seat as Jaz drove them back to the cottage. She’d then carried Ann into the house and gotten her a soda to rid her of the blood taste. Then she’d helped her undo her hair so she could shower. It had been so hard letting her go into the bathroom alone and not being there to help her but the last thing Anne wanted to do was push her Pixie when she’d already been through so much. So she’d showered in the main bathroom and come out to hear the sounds of Ann’s dyson hair dryer. Hopefully she was almost done. She just wanted to hold her.

She heard the dryer switch off and Ann came out of the bathroom looking very dazed wearing a pair of pastel blue cotton and soft lace hipster panties and a little matching V neck cotton and lace bralette crop top that ended about an inch under her bust. Anne had never seen her in so little clothing before. Her full breasts sat softly in the wire free crop showing off a beautiful swell of cleavage. Her waist was even tinier than Anne realised, her hips curved out gently and she had such beautifully shaped petite thighs at the top of her long slim legs. She had gorgeous obliques and a toned stomach, her little belly button piercing glimmering in the light but there was still such a softness to her body. She was so beautifully feminine. She was exquisite.

“Oh my darling. You are so utterly stunningly beautiful that it makes my heart ache” Anne said in an aching voice and Ann smiled a little before biting her lip shyly and looking down.

Anne knew what a huge act of trust this was for Ann especially after all she’d revealed earlier that day and she got off the bed and walked over to her.

“Here little Pixie. Would you like my shirt?” Anne asked as she very chivalrously took off her shirt to reveal her own plain sporty black crop and jock shorts and went to put it on Ann but Ann shook her head.

“No thank you….I just!” Ann trailed off and Anne gently rubbed her tummy with the backs of her fingers. 

“What is it Beauty, tell me what you need.” Anne urged her with so much tenderness that Ann felt the emotion of the evening really starting to overwhelm her.

“I just need to feel you tonight!” she almost whispered as she moved closer to Anne and pressed herself against her. “Just my skin against yours. I was so scared I was never going to see you again” Ann started to cry as she wrapped her arms around Anne’s waist.

“Come here my sweetheart” Anne said as she bent to take Ann’s legs and swept her into her arms so very gently that Ann cried even harder. ‘Come to bed with me” she said softly as she carried her over to the bed and lay her down before slipping in and wrapping Ann up tightly in her protective embrace.

The poignancy of Ann’s gesture, her need to be skin to skin with her, not fearing revealing herself just trusting Anne, running into her for safety, love and protection just about ripped Anne apart. She couldn’t believe she came close to losing the exquisite little angel tucked safely against her. And now instead of shutting down she was quietly falling apart in her arms for the second time that evening. Anne had never felt closer to her.

“Shhh sweet baby it’s alright, you’re safe, I’ve got you. I’m not going to let anything take you from me ever. I love you so much. I meant what I said when I gave you that ring. It’s you and me, for the rest of our lives.”

Ann just nodded through her tears. She didn’t say a word as she curled herself into Anne and sobbed softly, purging all the pain and fear from their frightening evening. Anne stroked her hair and rubbed her back, whispering sweet nothings and reassurances in her ear as she rocked her gently until she eventually cried herself to sleep.

With Ann seemingly in dreamland, Anne turned out the lamp and wrapped both arms around her. It had been a horrific end to the evening but in the past couple of days they had found a way to strip back their issues, trauma and fears and come together in a way they never had before. She had a feeling that moving forward they were going to be stronger than ever.

“Dude……I really like your new hair” Ann said sleepily and Anne smiled “Thank you my darling, let yourself go to sleep.” She urged her.

“Since we’re half naked can we do stuff tomorrow morning?” she half asked, half slurred as sleep dragged her under more and more.

“No, not anything other than cuddling after what you’ve been through Beauty now go to sleep.” Anne said a little more insistently.

“But what if I show you my boobs?” Ann asked, never once having opened her eyes through all of it and Anne bit back a chuckle.

“Go.To.Sleep. Now Princess” she said firmly and Ann nodded and sighed. “Kay”. She rolled over onto her side and Anne slid up behind her to spoon her, wrapping an arm around her and whispering, “Good girl”. She smiled against her little love’s hair.

Yes. Everything was going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who caught the low key ginormous freaking step of Ann just being like “fuck it! I need her” and letting Anne see her in a much smaller top and pair of panties than normal. <3


	20. We'll learn together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Anne meets Ann's "lost boys" and gets inducted Into the club. Ann continues to really let Anne in. Anne and Thomas come face to face and Anne's starting to feel like something is.....off about that situation.
> 
> This is a long one. Back at work in two days so my updates will be less frequent and likely shorter but I'm on a roll now and know exactly where this is headed long term ;-)
> 
> Hope you enjoy and can I just say thank you from the bottom of my heart to the people leaving such lovely comments or even reading and continuing to read, thank you for the love. I know this was a controversial topic but as someone who has had a few controversial relationships I suppose it colours the way I see things and write. Much Love! xx
> 
> Aussie Translations- "Year 1" is the 1st grade. In Australia our Kindergarten students are 5 years old and our 1st graders are 6.  
> Corona- A kind of pale ale beer. Not sure if other countries have them.

“I’m really glad I met you. You’re just so easy to talk to Julie!” Thomas Ainsworth said to Mariana as he kissed her shoulder in bed. Mariana smiled victoriously. Getting Thomas on the hook had been so very easy. The orgasms we're just a nice bonus. “You too Thomas. I really hope we both get our loves back. Your girl looks very beautiful!” She had to grit her teeth on the last words. His room was practically a shrine to that little bitch Walker though she was clothed in all the photos except for the topless one she’d found with the letters he’d sent her back in Sydney where she was lying stomach down in bed.

“And in the meantime, there’s no reason why we can’t enjoy each other’s company” He said suggestively and Mariana grinned “My thoughts exactly. But I think if you really want to get her back you need to start with some grand romantic gestures. Aren’t they all going to a music festival today for a hens? That’s where you should be going. Surprise her! Make it impossible for her to ignore you!”

“Yeah you’re onto something. Go big or go home right?” he said and Mariana practically rubbed her hands together with glee under the blanket “Right!”

***********************  
Anne woke up groggily and saw that Ann wasn’t in bed beside her. She looked at the clock and it was 8.45am. Wow she’d slept late. Sitting up she could hear a whole lot of noise laughter and activity doing on outside. Where was her Princess? Looking out the window she saw her and melted. Her hair was up in a messy haphazard top knot, she wore no makeup and she had on a basic grey t shirt and pair of black plain running shorts and trainers. She looked a little pale, she looked a little tired but she looked beautiful. She was surrounded by young men. Who Anne assumed were her ‘Boys’ as she called it. It looked like they were helping her set up for Suzie’s hens. One strapping young lad in particular who she recognised from Ann’s Instagram as Tom Snowden, her best friend and the groom came and put his arm around her as she pointed to the shed and clearly gave him direction. And he beamed down at her and ruffled her hair like she was his little sister. It was quite lovely.

She wasted no time. Quick shower, brushed her teeth, threw on shorts and a t shirt and she was walking outside.

“Hey you must be Dubsy’s lady. We’ve heard all about you. I’m Frog!” said the attractive blonde young man holding out his hand with a big smile and Anne shook it “I’m Anne, Lovely to meet you!” she said and Frog looked at her thoughtfully. “Yeah that’s not gonna work, you’re one of us now you need a name. Even Annie isn’t Ann. What else you got Anne what’s your last name?” he asked and Anne regarded him with a bemused smile “Lister!”

Frog thought on it for a minute “Yeah okay A.L that works, come with me.” He said seriously as he led her to the group “Everyone this is AL like Allen! She’s Dubsy’s missus.” Anne bit back a chuffed little smile at being referred to as Ann’s “Missus”

“Can someone please get AL a beer?” Frog asked.

“But it’s only 9am” Anne reasoned and the entire group who were already drinking including Ann turned to her and said “So?” in unison.

Ann immediately gave her a huge smile though and ran over to her “Good morning Dude!” she said sweetly as she put her beer down and put her arms around her neck, kissing her softly.

“Hello my Beauty! Why didn’t you wake me?” she asked seriously and Ann caressed her face “You were sleeping so soundly and I woke up at about 7 in a bit of pain to a whole lot of texts from this lot losing their shit wanting to know if I was okay because bad news travels fast in a small town and I figured many hands make light work so I called them over and made them my man-ions. Like the minions in Despicable Me. But man-ions!” she giggled cheekily and Anne’s face lit up. She was so lovely. “Manions. I love it”

“I love how she says it like it’s a new thing when in reality she’s been ordering us all around since she was 5 years old!” Came a voice from behind her and Tom Snowden put down the collapsible table he was carrying. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Miss Lister. I’m Thomas Snowden, AKA Snow this bossy little Diva’s best friend and husband to be to the goddess you’ll all be celebrating today”

“It’s good to put a face to the stories Snow” Anne said genuinely as she took Tom’s hand and squeezed it and Ann shook her head ‘She’s been inducted by Frog too so She’s AL now.”

Tom laughed “Good, she’s with you that makes her one of us.” He said sincerely and then called out to the boys ‘Oi! Can one of you rude bastards please get AL a beer?”

“I promise we’re not all bad! I better get back to work before boss lady cracks it AL, lovely to meet you!” he said as Ann slapped his shoulder and he laughed.

Ann picked up her beer and had a sip “We start early on a big day in the country baby!”

“Clearly!” Anne said with a chuckle but no judgement.

“if you want something done right you do it yourself!” Frog said as he walked past and handed Anne a corona “Here you go AL, it’s 5 o’clock somewhere and we’ve got breakfast just about ready on the BBQ”

“Cheers Frog!” Anne said as she took a sip of her beer and Ann pulled her by the arm a bit closer to the group. So, Billy Pickett AKA Frog, champion breaststroke swimmer and Tom “snow” Snowden you’ve already met. Red T shirt, Jason Griffith AKA “Griffo”, Blue singlet, Blake Petersen AKA “Petey” And Kevin “Hammer” Hammond is cooking the BBQ. I’m Dubsy, you’re AL and now you’re officially one of the Lost boys.

“Like Peter Pan?” Anne asked and Ann grinned “Yeah, people have said with our odd little clique it’s like Wendy and the lost boys.”

“Oh, you’d make such a sexy little Wendy!” Anne said naughtily as she kissed Ann’s neck then looked at her seriously “Are you still in pain my darling. Are you sure you’re up to today? It’s a long day and it’s going to be so hot, it’s already warm.”

“Honestly, my arm hurts and my nose actually really hurt but the tablets are kicking in and the alcohol is helping” she said positively and Anne pouted. “And it’s such a cute little nose! I’m sorry you’re in pain my darling”

“I think it needs your kisses” Ann said sweetly as she pointed to her nose and looked up at her innocently. “You are a bossy little miss this morning aren’t you?” Anne said teasingly as she leant in to place little kisses on Ann’s nose, thrilled she was letting her in and admitting when she was in pain. 

“Well I learnt from the best!” she quipped sassily and Anne lightly slapped her ass “Cheeky!” she said in surprised delight. Ann giggled “Come and I’ll introduce you!”

***********************************  
Anne sat eating breakfast with Ann and her lost boys and she had to admit, they’d already genuinely made her feel a part of the group. They were a laid back lovely bunch ranging from Ann, the youngest at almost 18 to Hammer at 20 and every one of them absolutely adored Ann. From what she’d gathered, Though she clearly loved them all, after her best friend Snow, Ann was closest to Frog, the apparent spokesperson of the group. Snow was gentle and softly spoken like Ann, they were two peas in a pod. Whereas Frog was confident, outspoken and commanded attention. Ann had quietly described him as a younger male Anne Lister which had made her chuckle but she could see similarities and she and he had instantly hit it off. 

They’ d finished setting up in preparation for the brunch style pre-drinks they’d be having for the hens and the meat and alcohol delivery for Tom’s bucks had come so they’d all gotten that packed away in Ann’s fridges. As pretty as her cottage was that she’d discovered wasn’t actually that little, she could tell it was built for low key parties and gatherings. She was so pleased Ann had this facet to her life. She was such a diligent hard worker that Anne had been worried she didn’t have a lot of balance.

She was a little concerned though because though her beautiful girl was smiling she’d barely touched her breakfast. She hadn’t even finished her only beer of the morning.

“So Last night before Crazy Dave got bullet happy, AL gave Dubsy a commitment ring as a prelude to an eventual proposal so I’d like to propose a toast!” Frog said as he raised his beer and everyone did the same “To AL and Dubsy!” he said and everyone clinked glasses as they said, “To AL and Dubsy!” Ann leant into Anne’s shoulder and Tom high fived her “I’m so happy for you Annie. For both of you!” he said genuinely looking at Anne

“Thanks Snow!” Anne said gratefully and Sam Washington who had stopped by to help out couldn’t resist. “It’s lovely to see someone inspiring this stubborn little Miss to take better care of herself and stepping in when she doesn’t! Maybe you can convince her to have her tonsils out!”

“I’m doing it after the HSC Uncle Sam relax!” Ann said casually and Sam looked at her doubtfully “If they make it that far. Annie you could ace the HSC with your arms tied behind your back without picking up a book this school holidays you’ve worked that hard and you’re that bright. I looked at them last night when you were out of it and they’re bad. Anti- biotics and throat gargles aren’t going to hold them much longer.”

“Which is why I’m going to get right on it as soon as my exams are over” Ann said in a slightly more irritated tone and Sam looked at her kindly “Sweetheart you have to get over this refusal of yours to be in hospital”

“Actually, I don’t, have to get over it, I’ve done a lot of time in hospital being poked and prodded through my childhood, then after the accident feeling like I want to die. I’m good” Ann stood her ground and Sam held out his hand.

“But the whole point of a tonsillectomy is that it’s a day surgery so you only do one night in hospital for observation and then you go home and feel like you want to die!”

Tom started laughing and Ann shook her head ‘Oh you’re really selling its merits Uncle Sam!”

“The next time they flare up Anne try to talk her into it would you?” Sam asked her gently.

“I will” Anne promised and Ann poked her arm “Hey! Whose side are you on Dude?”

Anne wrapped her arms around her “Your side little Pixie. Wanting you to be safe and healthy. You said yourself they were supposed to come out months ago. Exams, then surgery.” She said firmly and Ann sighed “Okay!”

“Hey boys Dubsy’s whipped by her Missus now like she’s got us whipped!” Griffo called out as everyone laughed and Ann rolled her eyes but as she looked at Anne’s cocky grin she couldn’t help but break into giggles with them.

They heard a gunshot and Ann jumped. Sam put his hand on Ann’s “Dave’s son said he was going to be checking the guns. Making sure there wasn’t a repeat of what happened last night sweetheart.”

Another shot was fired and Ann stood up. “I think I prefer juice over beer with bacon and eggs I’m just going to go get us some!” she said as she quickly moved around the table and into the house.

“Dubsy there’s orange juice down this end!” Hammer called out but Tom got his attention “Hammer just leave it mate!”

“Chick stuff?” Hammer asked and Tom nodded ‘Something like that!”

“Good work Dubsy. I’d love some Apple Juice thanks gorgeous if you've got any!” Frog called out protectively, throwing Ann a life ring. Anne gave him a grateful smile and he winked at her.

“Excuse me!” Anne said as she stood and went looking for Ann, closing the back door behind her.

“Ann! It’s just me my darling!”

Anne went into the bedroom and as she walked around the bed she spotted Ann sitting against it with her knees up to her chest, her face in her knees and her hands over her ears. And she was shaking.

“Oh, sweetheart it’s alright, I’m here” Anne said as she pulled Ann’s huddled little form into her arms “You’re safe!”

“I don’t like the gun shots” She said through her tears and Anne gently pried her face away from her legs so she could hold her properly.

“I know Beauty, I’m not surprised you were terrified after what happened last night. I think they’ve stopped now.”

Anne pulled back to look at Ann and was shocked to see smeared foundation and makeup coloured tears around her nose revealing pale grey and green bruising.

“Oh my god. Sweetheart your nose!” Anne gasped in shock and Ann looked down “I covered it up because it was ugly. I know I said I was okay. I really didn’t sleep well but I tried to be okay. Everything felt overwhelming so I got the boys in to help set up and now it’s done. I was really excited for today and I’ve been trying to keep a smile on my face but I just feel like my nerves are shot. If it was the bucks today, just drinking by the river and water games I’d be fine but a music festival? And I want to go and be a part of it but the idea of being in such a loud and crowded environment with so much noise and so many people all afternoon and evening. I’m going to have to take medicine to cope and then I won’t be me. I’ll be quiet floppy boring me and you won’t like it and I hate that I’m doing this right now. I never do this. This word vomit weak whining thing. Normally I can just suck it up and get on with it and get it done. I don’t know why I can’t this time I’m so sorry” she burst into more tears.

“Okay, I understand now my sweet beautiful girl it’s alright. Everything’s going to be alright and it’s not ugly, it’s just bruised. You’re so beautiful!” Anne said gently as she picked Ann up and sat on the bed against the headboard with her curled up in her arms. She couldn’t believe her princess was berating herself for something that made Anne feel so relieved, and like she was so deeply trusted by Ann and her safe place like no other.

“Look at me Little one!” Anne said firmly but kindly as she pried Ann’s face from her chest and cupped her face. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You were shot at last night and sustained a horrific fright and some really nasty injuries. You lost consciousness. And then you sewed your own wound shut. You have every right to feel overwhelmed and to be struggling a little and are the farthest thing from weak I have ever known. I am so proud of you for opening up to me and talking to me about it and letting me in. I know it isn’t easy for you. My darling I don’t want you “sucking it up” and getting on with it all the time. That’s just not healthy.”

“But when I’m on my heavy duty stuff to calm me I’m different. I’m worried when you see it you might decide that it’s not something you want to deal with long time and that you won’t…..you won’t want me anymore” Ann said as she buried her face in her hands and Anne was aghast.

“No. You’re my magical little Pixie. You fell out of the sky into my arms. That could never happen. What I don’t want is you suffering because you’re worried about what I might think.” Anne reassured her as she rubbed her back and rocked her. “Just let me take care of you today alright? You’re doing so well at letting me in. Just let me look after my Princess. I’m your Dude aren’t I?” She asked and Ann nodded tearfully.

“Then let me look after you. Here is what we’re going to do. I’m going to get Sam to look at your poor little nose. You’ll take whatever you need to take to make your life easier. We’ll do the pre-drinks and then we’ll go to the music festival for a little while to celebrate with Suzie and then we’ll leave when it gets too much and do something just the two of us. Everyone will more than understand after what happened to you last night. How does that sound?”

“Better” Ann said softly and Anne wiped her tears away with the pads of her thumbs. “Is there something in particular you’d like to do?”

Ann thought about it “I just want to curl up in your arms and watch Netflix and fool around and look at my ring”

Anne chuckled. She was so cute. And for all her concerns that Anne wouldn’t want to deal with her she had pretty simple needs. She was by far the easiest of all the women Anne had ever been with.

“You are the sweetest little thing” Anne said soothingly as she caressed the side of Ann’s face. “That sounds perfect Beauty. That is what we shall do. Do you feel a bit better now?”

Ann nodded and put her arms around Anne’s neck. “Thank you for helping me Dude” she said sincerely as she hugged her and Anne held her close. “Of course, my darling. I’ll always be here to help you. I’m just going to go outside and get Sam, won’t be a moment!”

Anne left the room and saw a concerned Tom waiting outside “How is she doing?” he asked and Anne smiled. This boy was a very good friend to Ann. “She’s been better Lad but she’s okay. Everything just kind of got to her I think.”

Tom nodded and smiled ‘Yeah she usually processes things on a bit of a delay then it hits her. Always so busy looking out for other people. Whenever Cassie was bad Annie got sent here even from England and would live here for a few weeks and go to our local school. One day when she was in kindergarten and I was in Year 1 we’d been on an excursion and they let us buy an ice cream at the end. A farm hand came barrelling out of nowhere and sent us both flying and I dropped my ice cream and got really upset. She would have given me hers but I have a nut allergy and couldn’t risk the chocolate and we didn’t have any more money so she went after the farm hand and stomped her tiny foot, pushed him and started yelling at him and demanded he buy me another one. If you could have seen it. This teeny tiny little blonde doll screaming at this huge guy. She was so little that her uniform was custom made in toddler size and I used to piggy- back her by the end of the day because her legs would get tired.” 

“Aww” Anne said as she melted and chuckled at the vision of a tiny little Ann abusing a huge farmhand. ‘That sounds like something she’d do!”

“Yeah” Tom said with a fond smile “But when we got back on the bus she was sitting by herself crying and when I went over I saw she’d taken all the skin off both her knees when she fell and they were a mess. But she’d been too worried about me and making me feel better. She’s never been any different. But I’m not 6 anymore so I’m taking it out of her hands. I’ve called Suzie to tell her Ann isn’t doing so well and she’s on standby to get on the phone and tell Ann she should do as little or as much as she feels she can given all that happened last night.”

Anne squeezed Tom’s shoulder “I’m really glad she has you!” she said with a warm smile “Likewise!” he said with a grin. “You’re really good for her! Is it okay if I pop in to see her?”

“Of course!” Anne reassured him. “I’m just going to go get Sam, go on in mate I’m sure she’d love to see you!

***************************

Anne smiled at Ann drinking her red vodka slushie contentedly at the music festival. She looked so naturally beautiful and very sexy. With the heat she’d dutch braided her hair around the crown and pulled the rest into a bouncy curly ponytail and she was wearing a tiny pair of denim shorts, a sweet little white cotton midriff top that fit tightly at her chest, buttoned down the front with little pearl buttons and had a frill around the bottom. It sat about half an inch above her belly button and she’d threaded a chain with little charms on it through her belly button ring and it sat beautifully on her hips. She’d decided for a softer look still but something a bit faster and easier to pull together so she could just concentrate on being Ann’s dude. So, she was wearing a lightweight military style khaki coloured romper suit with cream coloured converse and her hair pulled back in a low ponytail.

Rachel was still shaken so she and Jaz had come to pre-drinks but opted out of the festival which was more than understandable. Suzie was just lovely; all the girls were but in particular Suzie had been so welcoming of her and so grateful to Ann for everything she had done. But with a decent man like Sam as a father that was no surprise. She felt glad that at only 19 Suzie would be a wife and would likely soon start a family and that Ann would have someone close to her own age to compare experiences with when their time came while all her other friends were off in Europe finding themselves or at nightclubs.

Sam had given Ann something stronger for the pain and she’d then taken something for her anxiety and had a couple of glasses of wine. So, by the time the stretch Pink hummer had arrived she was very relaxed and had curled into Anne like a little kitten for the trip to the festival. Not that she was complaining. Ann was right, she was different. She was still Ann, very sweet, gentle, incredibly beautiful. She’d been expecting a zombie like numb Ann but instead she got just a completely chilled out to the point of being unaware of the majority of her surroundings, scattered little Pixie who was more than content to just lean on her Dude. She was extremely easy to handle. She’d let Anne move her to or take her wherever she’d wanted to, she was very cuddly and let Anne hold her and pick her up. Anne had sat her on her shoulders for one of the bands so she could see better and she’d sat there contentedly for ages. It was actually really lovely. 

“What is it handsome you keep looking at me?” Ann said softly and Anne realised she caught her staring. ‘Well apart from the fact that you’re absolutely gorgeous!” Anne began and Ann smiled shyly “I was expecting you be…. I don’t know more numb and withdrawn! On your tablets from what you said” Anne explained and Ann shrugged “I didn’t need to take as much this time. I take them in half tablet increments. I took a whole tablet less. That’s a lot. I think I didn’t need to take as much because I talked to you about how I was feeling, but mainly because I know I have you as my anchor, my shelter and that you’ll keep me safe. It’s so calming and reassuring. And I just needed less medicine to stop the churning I guess.”

“Really My Darling?” Anne asked in delight as she took Ann’s face between her hands. That was so beautiful. That she could bring Ann that much comfort

“Yes, that’s what you do for me Dude. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. But Is my tongue red?” She asked as she stuck out her tongue and Anne chuckled. Her little pixie was a bit tipsy. So was she actually but it always hit Ann harder and faster because of her size.

“Very! I want to taste it!” Anne said as she pulled Ann to her and kissed her urgently, her hands coming up to caress the silky soft bare skin of her midriff.

“I seriously want you to sit on my face” Anne let slip breathlessly when the kiss broke and her eyes flew open as she realised what she said.

“I can’t sit on your face Dude I’d squish you!” Ann said in confusion and Anne sighed in relief when she realised it went straight over her little Pixie’s head and even chuckled at the innocence of her response.

“What is it?” Ann asked, bewildered and Anne shook her head “It’s nothing sweetheart, I’m just going to have so much fun corrupting you that’s all!” she said wickedly as she kissed Ann’s forehead.

A band was playing a slow cover of Ellie Goulding’s falling for you and Ann smiled “I like this song” she said as she began dancing with Anne.

Anne held her close, one of Ann’s arms wrapped around her waist and the other on the side of her upper chest. Anne threaded her small fingers with her own and held both their hands there as she pulled her closer. “I’ll never get tired of dancing with you my love” She said sincerely and Ann snuggled in “Me either”

Thomas glared from a distance as he watched Ann slow dancing with that bitch Anne Lister. Ann was his. Who did she think she was, carrying on like Ann belonged to her

“When we get married would we do the traditional things like engagement parties, hens and bucks and stuff?” Anne asked, curious to get Ann’s position on things.

Ann looked up at her. “I like our farm parties. I don’t really like loud formal functions with lots of people and there’s no real reason to separate by genders. I think just dinner and drinks with a group of our friends in Sydney and then one here. I don’t need a big crowd to have a good time. I just need my Dude!”

‘Sweet baby!” Anne said as she stroked her gorgeous face. She really meant that. Her beautiful girl wasn’t the type to indulge in large parties or functions, she was quieter, more of a homebody and she didn’t mind that one bit. She loved coming home to Ann. Anne knew it was probably terribly old fashioned of her but she loved walking through the door and having the beautiful little blonde jump in to her arms excitedly, the smell of freshly baked cookies lingering in the air and usually dinner cooking. The two of them sitting down to eat together. She would never try to make Ann be a housewife but that’s what Ann enjoyed doing and it made Anne so happy. She’d gone from being out every night to looking forward to going home all day. And she would always be grateful to Ann and never take for granted the way she took care of her.

Every time she thanked her Ann would look up with a sweet little smile that melted her and say “Of course I take care of you Dude. You take such good care of me. We take care of each other.” Anne knew that despite making the best of it, Ann’s constantly uprooted upbringing of being moved to and shipped from place to place based on her mother’s instability had made her find a lot of security in her home, the home that was rapidly becoming their home and the farm.

The band started playing something much more fast-paced and Anne suddenly realised how crowded the area had become. Ann got knocked by someone passing by and looked a little alarmed. Anne could see her looking more anxious. It was 6pm and her little Pixie had barely eaten all day.

“Sweetheart would you like to go get something to eat and go home and snuggle up? It’s getting pretty crowded and loud.” Anne said gently and Ann looked so relieved. She was so grateful for how tuned into her Anne was.

“I’d like that. I’ll just go to the bathroom and meet you somewhere?” Ann asked and Anne kissed her hand. “I’ll let the car service know we’re ready and I’ll be waiting for you over by that tree alright my darling?” Ann looked to where Anne was pointing. “Okay baby I’ll see you soon.”

*************************

Ann came out of the bathrooms, eager to get back to Anne and bumped straight into someone “Oh I’m sorry!” she looked up and her face fell as she saw Thomas Ainsworth.

“Don’t be sorry beautiful I sure am glad to see you!” he said cheerily and Ann side stepped him.

“Annie wait I just want to talk” He said as he took her by the arms and led her to the side of the toilet block. “Thomas let me go!” Ann demanded and Thomas turned to her “I was worried okay? I was really worried about you when I heard what Crazy Dave did. I’m so relieved you’re okay”

“I’m fine now I need to get back to Anne, I was already longer than expected because of the queue and she’ll be worried.” Ann said insistently and Thomas rolled his eyes.

“God you’re not still on with that shit are you Annie? Wake up to yourself. It’s never going to work” Thomas spat.

Anne stood at the tree looking at her watch. Ann had sent her a text to say she was on her way back but there was no sign of her, even in the distance. That wasn’t like her. “Where are you Pixie?” Anne wondered as she headed for the toilet block.

“What would you know Thomas you don’t know anything about me anymore. You never did. I’m so glad I never convinced you to take me away. You don’t deserve me and I would have ended up leaving you for a woman anyway!” Ann said confidently and Thomas didn’t know how to deal with her being so poised and in control. He had to try to bring her to heel.

“A woman like Anne Lister? What does she even want with you Annie? Do you think I haven’t read about her? With all the women she’s been with how do you, a teenage virgin think you’ll measure up? Have you even been with a woman? Do you even know what to do? You don’t do you? You don’t know anything. You’ll be nothing but a disappointment and she’ll realise you just don’t have it and then what are you going to do?”

Ann looked down in shame as Thomas’s words hit her like a truck. He was right. What could she possibly have to offer Anne

“THAT’S ENOUGH AINSWORTH!” came Anne’s angry voice from behind them.

But Thomas continued undeterred “Annie you’re mine, you’ve always been mine.”

“No, I’m not Thomas. I’m Anne’s. I belong to her. And I will never be anyone else’s. I will always be hers. Always. You need to accept that and leave me alone.” Ann said resolutely and Anne felt pride surge in her heart at her beautiful girl’s strength and bravery. She could see her trembling from where she stood.

“I can’t! I won’t!” Thomas said as he desperately grabbed her wrists and Ann tried to pull away from him and then suddenly he gasped in pain with bulging eyes before grabbing his crotch and falling to the ground and Ann broke free, staggering back. Anne had kicked him in the groin with all her might.

“Come here Ann…come on, come to me” Anne commanded firmly with her arm outstretched to a stunned Ann but when she walked to her slightly dazed, Anne enfolded her into her arms so tenderly and just stood rubbing little circles on the back of her neck for a moment. “Just wait here for me my sweetheart alright? this will only take a moment. Promise me you won’t turn around?” She asked as she very gently kissed her cheek. She didn’t want her beautiful girl seeing this side of her and being frightened. “I promise” Ann said and Anne stroked her cheek “Good girl. I’ll be right back.” She then walked back to Thomas, bent down and put her hand flat against his windpipe, leaning on it with all her weight as his eyes went wide and he started to struggle to breath.

Anne looked into his eyes with a steely gaze and with a voice like ice said “If you ever, ever put your hands on my Princess again I can assure you the agony you are experiencing right now will feel like Christmas Morning compared to what I will do to you. Do you understand?” she snapped and Thomas nodded desperately as he started to turn blue. “I can’t hear you!” Anne spat.

“Y…y….yes” Thomas croaked and Anne removed her hand. “See that you do!”

Anne stood and turned to find Ann exactly where she’d left her with her back to them. She had her arms wrapped around her mid- section self-consciously and her eyes glued to the ground.

“Ann, are you alright my darling?” Anne asked in concern and Ann nodded wordlessly then said “Are you angry with me?” so softly that Anne almost didn’t hear her.

“No. Absolutely not, no my love I am not angry with you” Anne said vehemently as she took Ann’s face between her hands. “I’m angry with Ainsworth for putting his hands on you and for the awful things he said about your skills in ah…..” Ann went red and looked like she didn’t know whether she wanted to cry or dig a hole and disappear. She pursed her lips tightly and avoided her eyes and Anne could tell that blow had been a direct hit but this wasn’t the time or place for that conversation. She gently forced Ann’s face back to look her in the eyes.

“I’m angry that he was physically and verbally aggressive towards you sweetheart but no. I am absolutely not, angry with you. You didn’t do anything wrong. I was so incredibly proud of the way you stood your ground. Come on Beauty let’s get you out of here” Anne said as she put her arm around her little Pixie and led her towards the exit.

Thomas lay curled up on the ground in agony as two security guards stumbled across him, asking him what the problem was. All Thomas muttered was “Annie…..is mine”

****************************  
Anne sat on the couch finishing the Acai smoothie bowl Ann had made for dinner and garnished with fresh fruit, muesli and honey so beautifully that it looked like something from the Instagram of a tropical island resort. She’d said they’d find it more refreshing than a heavy meal after being in the heat all day and Anne had to admit she was right, it was amazing.

“My darling that was amazing and you’re right! Hit the spot so much better than a burger. Now I know why you’ve got such a sexy fit little bod. Because you eat healthy things. I’ve even trimmed down a bit since you’ve been feeding me.”

Anne looked at Ann in concern. It was a compliment and normally she’d giggle or get shy or come back with a sassy flirty remark about her body being sexy regardless. She’d jumped in the shower as soon as they got home and was sitting looking particularly beautiful with her hair out in loose hap hazard waves, wearing one of her singlet and tiny little fitted short sets in a blue grey colour that really made her eyes pop.  
But she just sat there quietly drinking her smoothie. She’d opted to blend hers with a whole lot of berries, oats and chia seeds and drink it from a cup as opening her mouth too wide for fruit chunks would hurt her nose. Anne was glad she was at least getting something in her tummy.

Anne watched as Ann tipped her head back with the cup and banged the bottom of it to get the last bit of smoothie out but she must have knocked her little nose.  
“Ow…Fuck me” she cursed in frustration and Anne bit back a little smile. She even made swearing look and sound cute.

“Well!” Anne said as she put down the bowl, took the cup from Ann and put it down and then picked her up to straddle her lap “Since you’re asking!” she said very suggestively with a raised eyebrow.

Ann shook her head and twisted her hands anxiously “Oh I wasn’t…I mean I said it but that’s not what I was asking….um”

“Darling” Anne cooed in the most gentle voice as she took each of Ann’s hands and kissed them. “I was only playing, it’s alright, I know you knocked your poor little nose” Anne placed a featherlight kiss on her nose.

“I have to say though you look incredibly adorable and delicious with purple smoothie splatter all over your lips and around your mouth!” Anne said with warm smiling eyes as she leant in and kissed up all the remaining smoothie.

When she was finished Ann wrapped her arms around her neck and hugged her. She didn’t say anything. She just held on tight and stayed there. Anne rubbed her back. If she was barely speaking at least she was physically communicative.

“Well this is very lovely” She said appreciatively. 

Ann bit her lip as she held onto Anne. Thomas was right. What did she possibly have to offer Anne sexually. She didn’t know how to have sex. She didn’t know how to please her. She didn’t know how to do anything.

Anne could feel the tension in her little Pixie’s body and knew what it was about. She desperately wished there was a way of bringing up the topic without making her feel even more shy and self -conscious about it. She’d looked so unsure and full of doubt ever since that bastard Thomas had said what he said that it was breaking her heart. He’d done it on purpose to make her feel like she wasn’t enough when the reality was she was everything. And Anne wasn’t remotely worried about Ann “not having it” as Thomas had so cruelly phrased it. In fact despite being a virgin Anne had an inkling that little Ann Walker was going to “have it” more than any other lover she’d had. She was so passionate, sensual and responsive to her touch, so tuned into her and her body. And what she’d managed to do to her with rope.

“We need to talk about what Ainsworth said this afternoon my love, I can see it’s affecting you” Anne said gently.

“Oh, I should rinse the smoothie stuff before it dries and its too hard to get off. I’ll be back, you stay!” Ann said as she hurriedly got off Anne’s lap and took their smoothie things into the kitchen.

Anne sighed. Clearly this wasn’t going to be so easy. She flipped through some movies and settled on one she thought Ann would like but after a little while she still hadn’t come back. Anne stood and went to the kitchen but found it empty. 

“Ann?” she called out as she checked the house and found her curled up against the cushions in the lovely bay window of their bedroom. She was looking up at the sky and as Anne got closer and sat on the bed she could see tears glistening on Ann’s skin. She’d tried the gentle approach and that hadn’t worked. She didn’t want to break her or frighte when she was already fragile but she knew this was about what Thomas said and perhaps it was time for a different approach.

“If I loved you less, if I had less respect for you, if I was so insecure that I felt the need to go head to head with the likes of that scumbag Ainsworth, when he was asking what I wanted with you sexually I would have told him that you’re the sexiest, most desirable, alluring woman I’ve ever known. I would have told him that I dream about those incredible breasts of yours and that a lot of the time if you’re talking to someone else that’s what I’m looking at. I would have said that your legs are exceptional and how hot it makes me just having them wrapped around me. That I love how tiny and petite you are and that I can pick you up throw you around because I’m really dominant and I feel dirty about that because you’re so young but console myself with the fact that one day you’ll be the 30 year old and still tiny so it will totally be on the level for me to find it hot as fuck. I would have said that you’re the submissive of my dreams because you’re not a doormat. 

You’re feisty and fiery, you push back yet submit to me and cultivate such a beautiful wonderful balanced life with me and you’re not even trying to be that, it’s just who you are. You’re my perfect princess. I would have said that you make this one particular little moan when I kiss you really deeply, that deepens when I lightly squeeze your breast and makes me wonder how it will sound when I’m inside of you. That I dream of having you in every conceivable position on every surface of my house. I would have said that despite being a virgin, you are better at sensuality and physical intimacy than all the women I have been with and the fact that you’re totally innocent and a kinky little freak at the same time is captivating and I mean that. And that no one has ever aroused me the way that you do, and I have never wanted anyone as much as I want you. But because I would never discuss you that way with anyone. I did not. But I can see you doubting yourself my sweet beautiful girl and you really shouldn’t.”

Anne was looking at her so sincerely when Ann looked up at her that it only made her tears come faster. “But I don’t know what I’m doing…. even when the time comes, I won’t know how to please you.”

“My darling, being with you pleases me!” Anne said earnestly.

“You know what I mean.” Ann said and Anne wasn’t having any more of this conversation while they were so far apart.

“Come over here to me!” she said but Ann didn’t move.

“Now Princess!” Anne said sternly and Ann stood and walked cautiously to the bed. Anne groaned. Even the fact that she knew the difference in her tone and came to her on command was so incredibly arousing. But she could tell she’d been a little too stern this time.

Ann hopped on the bed and sat cross legged in front of Anne. She looked utterly defeated. Anne could tell that everything she’d been through the past few days, telling her mother’s story, graduation, their rope session, the horrific and dangerous events of the previous evening and now the altercation with Thomas had just warn her down. Her nerves really did look shot and she looked so tiny and breakable just sitting there. She was suddenly aware of the fact also that these insecurities about sex had been playing in her mind a lot longer than she’d let on.

Anne moved closer to her and took her face between her hands, gently kissing her tears away “Sweet baby” she whispered. “Conversations like this aren’t meant to be had so far apart. They’re meant to be had with you in my arms so I can hold you, protect you and so that you know everything is alright, that you’re safe, that I love you unconditionally always no matter what and there is nothing we can’t face or overcome together. Come here!” She said as she pulled Ann to lay against her side as she sat back against the bed.

“You’ll learn Beauty. You’re not meant to be an expert overnight. We’ll both be learning together. I’ll learn what you like, show you some things that might feel good and then you’ll have an idea of a starting point of what might feel good for me. There’s no such thing as a cookie cutter woman sweetheart. Everyone’s different. Just because I’m experienced doesn’t mean I automatically know what you like. I have an idea, and then in time, being intimate with you, I’ll tweak it. It’s like that beautiful dance you choreographed for you and Harry to do for Graduation. You had an idea of the movements in your head, but was the finished product the same as it began?”

Ann shook her head and Anne kissed her forehead “No, of course not. Because you’re Ann, not Harry and you needed to tweak it a little so that you two could have true intimacy as performers and tell that story. And it took time, moving together in that space, in that piece, to that music for you to get your rhythm. And then you ripped everyone’s hearts out in that audience, mine included. You made magic. Beginning sex with any new partner regardless of whether they’ve done it before is like that!”

Ann couldn’t believe how easily and calmly Anne had broken it down for her, using something she understood. What she was saying made a lot of sense.

“Do you feel a bit better now?” Anne asked her gently as she stroked her face and Ann nodded. “Did you really mean everything you said when I was at the window?” she asked in a small voice.  
“Yes, absolutely I meant every word. Yes Ann” Anne said vehemently and Ann’s face looked conflicted. “You made me sound so special!”

“Oh god sweetheart because you are special!” Anne said adamantly as she began kissing Ann “You’re so special, so beautiful, so sexy. I want you so much!” she assured her in between kisses and soon Ann was responding, pressing into her and hooking her leg over Anne’s hip. Anne looked at her in awe. “And you’re worried you don’t know what you’re doing? Your instincts are second to none!”

That earned her a shy little smile and Anne attacked her neck ‘I love it when you blush like that for me!” she gasped as she licked and sucked at all of Ann’s sensitive little spots and Ann brought her thumb up to flick over Anne’s erect nipple through her shirt.

“Oh Ann…. Fuck baby” Anne moaned, stunned when Ann turned the attention of her nimble little fingers to her other nipple but bent to place little kisses on the one she’d been teasing before closing her mouth around it, singlet and all and running her tongue over it.

Anne could feel herself losing control. She didn’t want to stop, it felt like heaven but she had to.

“Ann…sweetheart we need to stop. Not yet. Not like this when you’ve been upset.” Anne said as she gently grasped Ann under her arms and pulled her off her chest, rolling them over to take them in her arms, panting as she did. 

She held Ann for a few moments, just softly stroking her hair and then she looked at her and said, “Give me your hand sweetheart!” Ann held her hand up and Anne took it and placed it against her forehead. “Feel how warm and flushed my skin is” She then moved it to her heart “Feel my heart pounding”, then to her nipple and tried not to moan at the goodness of her touch “Feel how erect my nipples are”

Anne then gently guided Ann’s hand down into her boxers to the underwear beneath ‘And feel how wet you make me’

Ann’s eyes widened as she felt Anne’s damp heat “Wow” she said even though Anne only let her fingertips rest there for a second before removing them.

“Yes, my love. You are ‘Wow’ so don’t ever doubt how much you arouse me, how much you please me sexually with your touch, your kiss, your body, just by being you……and in 25 days when you’re 18 I’ll show you that you don’t have anything to fear!” Anne said as she covered Ann’s face in kisses ‘Okay Pixie? I love you….so much!”

“Not that you’re counting though!” Ann joked, a cheeky smile forming on her lips. And Anne looked at her innocently “No because if I was counting I’d know it was technically 24 days, 4 hours and 9 minutes till the stroke of midnight beginning your birthday”

Ann burst into giggles and Anne beamed at the sound “The time I plan to quickie ravage you. Midnight on the dot. So, go to bed early that night! Wait a minute you don’t have an exam that day do you?”  
Ann shook her head “No I don’t, people are saying it’s so harsh I got a timetable with back to back exams but I’m glad they’re over just before my birthday”

“I’m only kidding my darling…..about the ravaging being quick. It will be very slow. Totes slow and romantic. Because I’m totes old school you know!” She winked at Ann who broke into more giggles “Stop stealing my words Dude!”

“You know what we need right now? Pie!” Anne said excitedly and Ann looked at her in bewilderment “Pie? We don’t have any pie. I could bake you one though!”

‘No, we have pie my love, a little old lady with funky glasses dropped one off while you were in the shower because she heard about last night.” Anne assured her and Ann’s face lit up “About my height, purple glasses, speaks with a slight tremor?”

“Yes, that’s the one!” Anne confirmed.

“Yassssss! Mrs McLaren! Her signature blueberry pie is literally a spiritual experience!” Ann said excitedly and Anne stood up and threw her over her shoulder in a fireman carry, slapping her butt as she squealed then laughed.

“Well come on then let’s go!”

***********************************

Ann sat in Anne’s lap as they ate blueberry pie off the same plate with two forks that Ann had warmed up with cream and ice cream. Anne had wanted her as close as possible after their evening and their conversation. She could tell it had done Ann good. She was much lighter now and the sound of her laughter was like music to Anne’s ears.

“This really is a spiritual experience!” Anne said blissfully as she finished the last of the pie and Ann pouted at her. “Hey you took the last bit!” She flicked some cream at Anne and it landed just above her lip.

“Did you just flick cream at me? “ Anne asked in mock indignation and Ann shrugged “So what if I did mate. What are you going to do about it?” Ann said sassily as she leant over and licked the cream off Anne’s skin.

Anne bit back a smile. Her beautiful girl wanted to play a little. She always did wilfully bratty things to get Anne’s attention when she was feeling playful.

Anne took a large section of Ann’s hair and pulled it back, knowing she liked having her hair pulled and revelling in her soft moan.

“What am I going to do about it? Hmmmm” Anne said as she stood with Ann in her arms and had her wrapped around her and pressed against the kitchen wall in an instant

“Let’s see shall we!” Anne said with a dark and dangerous look as she attacked Ann’s neck and collarbones with soft, languid kisses. “Dude….” Ann moaned as she brought her hands up to Anne’s chest and Anne knew she couldn’t afford to lose control. Moving from Ann’s neck she looked straight into Ann’s eyes and in a low throaty voice said.

“Put your hands above your head on the wall and you’re not to take them off until I tell you. Do you understand my Princess?” Anne commanded. “Yes” Ann softly replied as she took her hands and crossed them over above her head against the wall so gracefully in such a beautiful act of submission that Anne felt herself gushing in her boxers. “Yes what?” she asked urgently as she grasped Ann’s chin firmly in her fingers, completely caught up in the moment and then realised her little love likely had no idea what she was on about.

“Never mind sweeth……”

“Um….Yes Sir?” Ann asked a little uncertainly on pure instinct and Anne felt every hair on her body stand on end. “Sweet Jesus” she gasped as she kissed Ann “I love you so much. You are so incredible. And you’re all mine” Anne said possessively. “Say it” she urged Ann who never took her arms off the wall. “I’m all yours!”

Anne smiled wickedly as she cupped Ann’s breast in her hand and squeezed her backside “That’s right Princess, you’re all mine!”

Anne knew she had to cool the interaction right down. She was getting way too carried away, but Ann was getting harder and harder to resist. Still, she didn’t want to push her harder and faster than she could handle. She slowed the pace of her kisses and her touch became more gentle and tender, less demanding. She went to pull Ann off the wall and into the lounge so they could cuddle up for a movie but it’s like she was stuck. She looked up to see Ann with her arms above her head and hands pressed firmly against the wall, pushing against it with all her might, every single muscle in her delicate arms visible, her back core and butt clenched. Anne might have had her legs but she was still managing to almost pull away from her.

“Baby what’s wrong?” Anne asked and Ann shook her head, her eyes full of fire. “Nothing. But you told me I wasn’t to take my hands off the wall until you told me to and you haven’t told me to”

“Oh fuck” Anne groaned inwardly as she took in the determination in Ann’s eyes. She really was giving everything she had to stay on that wall because that’s the instruction she’d given her. Her centre was burning with a need like she’d never experienced in her life. Could she leave Ann on the couch and get herself off in the bathroom? No that would be wrong, she would never leave Ann alone after any kind of power exchange even if it hadn’t been intense or sexual.

“That’s right I hadn’t!” Anne said as she deliberately softened her tone and moved back to the wall so Ann’s body was against it and she didn’t need to exert herself to stay on it.

Anne pressed her forehead to her loves “And you’re such a good girl. Such a good girl for me, my precious perfect Princess!” Anne said in approval as she reached up and took one of Ann’s arms “You can bring them down now sweetheart!” she said as she took the hand she held and placed little kisses on it.

“God, you’re so incredibly and intoxicatingly sexy and you don’t even know why or how. It’s just who you are!” Anne said as she groaned in unresolved frustration against Ann’s shoulder. Pulling away she looked into Ann’s beautiful crystal blue eyes ‘Are you alright my love?” Ann smiled back at her contentedly, her cheeks flushed and lips swollen looking so ethereally beautiful and fuckable that if Anne wasn’t holding her in her arms she’d think she was a centrefold!”

“I’m good” She said securely and as Anne looked in her eyes she realised her little Pixie really was.

“You’re my dream come true. That’s what you are!” Anne said sincerely as she caressed her beautiful face and kissed her forehead and Ann’s face lit up. She put her arms around Anne and hugged her tightly “Dude…..I never got the chance to tell you how awesome it was when you kicked Thomas in the balls today!” she said gratefully and Anne smiled into her shoulder then pulled back to cup her face. “No one messes with my Princess!” Anne bit her lip, worried she was being too possessive with her. Then as if she could read her mind Ann kissed her softly then said “I know. It makes me feel safe. I’m so glad you’re my Dude”

Ann turned her face into Anne’s neck and snuggled in and Anne smiled at the sense of completeness it gave her.

“Come on Little One. Movie time then bed!” Anne said as she carried her to the lounge. 

It wasn’t very long at all before Ann was fast asleep with her head in Anne’s lap. Anne took in the sight of the little sleeping beauty curled up against her, one of her hands clutching the hem of her t shirt and felt an even more overwhelming urge to protect her and keep her safe than usual.

There was something very off about Thomas Ainsworth, about the way he’d been able to hurt and get to Ann so quickly. He knew just what to say to cause maximum damage. And though she’d kept her cool and defended herself and their love in a strong and dignified manner that made her so very proud of her sweet beautiful girl she could still sense the fear. She had been trembling. If George was the one who beat her and Thomas was the coward who deserted her, why was she afraid of him?

The explanation Ann had given her about Thomas made perfect sense as horrific as it was but why did she feel like she was missing answers to questions she couldn’t even quite formulate yet. Something just felt…. off.

“Dude” Ann mumbled in her sleep and Anne stroked her hair “It’s alright my darling. I’m right here, I’ve got you!”

And Anne did have her. Her dream come true. Her future. Her world. And if anyone tried to hurt her.

She would fucking destroy them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it just me or is it getting a little heated up in here! ;-)


	21. The Monster, the Princess and the Wardrobe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning- implicit description of pedophile like behaviour with a young girl, Explicit description of non- consensual kissing and touching with a young teen, Detailed description of subsequent trauma, Aggressive and abusive language and Victim blaming/shaming.
> 
> This chapter is a really heavy one on the whole. It was pretty gut wrenching to write. We're really starting to get into the Juicy stuff now.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it. Thank you so much for the lovely reviews on mu last chapter. Having trouble keeping my eyes open after a big first day back at work ha ha but I will reply as soon as I can xx.

Anne smiled as she drove the Ute back from the River after leaving Coolers full of alcohol in the shed down there that was on the Hastings property. It had been a lovely morning. She and Ann had gone up to the main house for breakfast quite early and then come back and snuggled some more in bed, leisurely kissing and cuddling. She’d drifted off again and when she woke she was snuggled into Ann’s chest and she was looking down at her with so much adoration as she stroked her hair that she almost felt unworthy. When she got back her beautiful girl and Frog were loading the boat with more alcohol and supplies.

When she got out of the ute Frog excitedly said “I bet AL will have a beer with me! Won’t you mate! Since your missus is soft!”

“Froggy I’m not soft I’m driving the boat and I’m still 17. That means a blood alcohol limit of zero!” Ann said as she chuckled and rolled her eyes at him.

“I’ll have a cold one with you mate!” Anne said cheerfully.

“That’s the spirit!” Frog said as he went to get them a couple of beers.

“But it’s only 9.45!” Ann teased her, because she’d been quite shocked the previous morning by their early drinking habits on big days and Anne laughed “Well we start early on a big day in the country sweetheart!” she said imitating her beautiful girl.

“Oh ha ha!” Ann said as she stepped out of the boat and went to jump down but Anne held her arms up for Ann to drop into them and Anne caught her, grinning as she slowly lowered her to the ground. “You look absolutely adorable little Pixie!”

Her Hair was in two thick french braids which Anne knew she often did when swimming because her hair was so long and a black wetsuit with pastel pink sleeves that reached her elbows with a pastel pink Roxy logo surrounded by butterflies, It finished just about her knee and fit her like a second skin and she was wearing little black boat shoes.

“Thank you baby. Have you got swimmers on under your shorts and t shirt?” Ann asked and Anne nodded “Yep….I’m all ready to go……darling what are you doing?” she asked as she felt Ann’s hands slip under her t shirt and tankini top to dance over her stomach muscles and abs

“I’m just checking for swimmers” Ann said cheekily and Anne grinned at her “Darling that’s not my swimmers!”

“It’s not?” Ann asked with wide eyes and Anne shook her head as she leant in and kissed her “” Naughty girl” Anne said as she spanked her and felt herself melt when Ann broke into giggles and put her little hands on either side of her face “I love you all the much Dude!”

“Here you go AL!” Frog returned with a beer for her.

“Oh, cheers mate thanks!” Anne said as they clinked bottles and Ann put her phone on selfie mode and filmed herself saying “Hurry up dickheads I need you to come with your shit so I can get it on the boat!” then sent it to the lost boys chat group and Anne nearly choked on her beer as she tried not to laugh at her. She really enjoyed seeing Ann with her boys. She was so relaxed around them.

She smiled as she looked at the name of the boat “The Tiny Dancer….named after you my darling?” she asked Ann and Ann smiled fondly “Yeah. My dad used to call me that and sing the Elton John song to me. And he named the boat after me and I got it in the will.

“It’s a beautiful boat with a perfect name for an even more beautiful girl” Anne said lovingly and Ann’s face lit up. “Thank you sweetie!” she snuggled into Anne’s arms and Anne kissed her forehead

Frog made sure the boat was attached to the tow bar on Ann’s car properly and called out “Here they come!”

Anne walked around to see the rest of the boys walking across the Hastings property and they must have done it on the count of three because in perfect unison they all called out.

“SORRY MUM!!” to Ann and she just climbed into the boat and stood there with her hand up flipping them off with her middle finger and Anne cracked up.

“What are you laughing at Dude?” she asked her and Anne just looked up at her proudly. “Nothing Beauty. Just my sexy feisty little country chick!”

She couldn’t help being on top of the world. She had her beautiful girl; the weather was amazing and the lads looked pumped. It was going to be a great day

*********************

Ann, Sam and Tom’s Uncle Kevin were anchoring the boat while Anne and the boys went and got the coolers, music speaker, towels and snacks out of the Hastings shed. Ann had done an amazing job of coordinating all this, Anne thought to herself. They’d had the most amazing couple of hours Knee boarding, water skiing and using the sea biscuit. Anne couldn’t get over how amazing Ann was on all the equipment. She’d been a fairly quick study herself after a few stacks but her beautiful girl had been so supportive and such a brilliant teacher at breaking down the technique step by step and the boys had been super encouraging as well. They’d now settled at the part of the river that backed onto the Hastings property. There were plenty of large flat rocks to sit in, deeper sections and shallow sections to just sit and drink in and even a shallow bridge section you could walk or drive a bike, car across. It was lovely. Kevin and Sam joined them to help get things out and set up and suddenly the boys stopped chatting so much and Griffo said “Holy shit!”

Snow saw what they were looking at and looked uncomfortable “Come on guys be cool, it’s just Dubsy” he said protectively and Anne looked across the river to see her beautiful girl standing on a rock, peeling her unzipped wet suit off her body which apparently wasn’t so easy and when it got to her hips she bent over to push it down her legs and Anne’s jaw dropped. Her bikini bottoms had ridden up inside the wetsuit to reveal more of her perfect little peach ass than Anne had ever seen and she could see what it had stolen the boys attention. As soon as the wetsuit was off Ann turned around, rearranged her bikini bottoms and began spraying top up sunscreen on her skin.

“Forgive my friends AL, No one’s seen Dubsy in a swimsuit since she filled out a bit but that doesn’t give them the right to be creepy now come on guys let’s get this stuff out!” Tom said sternly and the boys reluctantly turned away from Ann as Anne walked across the River to her beautiful girl. As she got closer she could see it was a pink and white underwire gingham bikini that had a small bustier style top with cups that pushed her breasts up high and a white bow on either side of the straps just above the cups and a pair of little hot pants that sat low on her hips and had three white bows down each side. Anne had personally picked this and put in her Pixie’s wardrobe. It was a very sweet swimsuit and very Ann. It was also sexy as hell on her. She could see that Ann was about to put a rash shirt on and a pair of small board shorts but she stopped her. “Don’t sweetheart. Just let me look at you!” Ann looked at Anne in surprise, clearly not expecting her and Anne held out her hand to Ann “Come down here Beauty!” Ann took her hand and stepped down the rocks and into the shallow water.

“Look at how beautiful you are” Anne said sincerely as she looked her up and down in awe and Ann blushed and smiled shyly “You bought me this!”

“I know my love and it looks even better on you than I imagined! You look incredible” Anne said appreciatively “You caused quite the stir with the boys!” she teased and Ann looked at her innocently “Why?”

Anne chuckled at Ann’s complete lack of awareness of how stunningly beautiful she was and kissed her nose “Sweet baby. Don’t ever change! Come on come and sit in the water with me for a little bit”

Anne took her hand and led her to a shallow spot near where the boys had settled and sat down with Ann safely nestled between her legs. Anne couldn’t get over how much silky soft skin she had to touch. “Mmmm you feel so good against me my darling. You’re so beautiful, so sexy. I want you so much” Anne whispered in Ann’s ear and felt her shiver as she ran a finger from the top of her spine to the bottom. She was determined that after all the damage that had been done by James to Ann’s self-esteem, her beautiful girl would start feeling more comfortable not covering up all the time.

“Dubsy have a drink!” Hammer called out and Ann laughed “I want to actually but I really need to get the boat back first. I might do that now so I can get back ASAP and hit it!”

The boys all cheered and clapped their hands and Ann looked behind her “Want to take the boat back with me? I’ll let you drive it!”

Anne was up in a flash and Ann laughed as she reached down and pulled her up. She knew how much Anne loved driving fast things and cool toys.

“Hey good work AL she never lets me drive it!!” Griffo called out.

“That’s because you’re always under the influence of alcohol and make questionable life choices Griffo!” Ann gently rebuked him and Anne cracked up.

“Well this is true!” Griffo agreed

“Someone got told mate!!” Frog said as he laughed and Ann pulled Anne’s hand ‘Come on Dude!”

They headed back to the boat and Anne helped her beautiful girl pull up the anchors. When they got on the boat Ann started it up and Anne stood behind her. “Now my Darling we need to talk about the matter of this perfect little arse you’ve been hiding from me!” she said wickedly as she rubbed it and Ann giggled “I haven’t been hiding it! It’s there all the time!”

“Yes but I’ve never quite seen as much of it as I did when you stripped out of your wetsuit and these little bikini bottoms had ridden up. And when you bent over I have to say my jaw literally dropped!” Anne said in a low throaty voice as she bent down and pushed her bikini bottoms up a little.

“Dude what are you doing?” Ann asked in surprise and then she felt Anne’s lips where her thighs met her butt.

“I’m just having a little look” Anne looked up at her with huge smiling eyes from around one of her legs and Ann shook her head as she giggled “You are incorrigible. You’ll make me crash this boat if you keep that up now come up here and I’ll let you drive!”

“Who do you think you’re talking to Princess!” Anne said playfully as she slapped her butt, kissing the little red mark that appeared and pulled her bottoms back down.

“Hmmmmm?” she said as she stood and took Ann’s hair by the braids and pulled a little.

“Mmmm do that again!” Ann’s eyes widened as she leant on the steering wheel and arched her back a little, thrusting her butt outwards and Anne’s eyes widened as spanked her again and Ann moaned, pushing back against her body “Harder” she pleaded and Anne groaned as she slapped her a little harder and then rubbed the area “We are going to have the most incredible sex life my Princess, you really have nothing to worry about, I promise.” Anne whispered as Ann took Anne’s hands and put them on her breasts and began to push them slowly down her body, her beautiful face turned into her neck so she could feel her breath hitching.

‘Sweetheart I think I might crash the boat in a minute and I’m not even driving!” Anne said breathlessly, stilling her hands at Ann’s hips and Ann went back to the steering wheel and looked over her shoulder sassily “That’s right. Safety first!” Anne looked at her in surprise and she bit her lip and smiled naughtily.

“What Dude? Two can play at your game!” 

Anne’s jaw dropped. Ann had out played and out seduced her “You naughty little shit!”

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it!” Ann said honestly as she changed the direction of the boat slightly and Anne swallowed deeply.

“Really? You like that?” She said softly as she wrapped her arms around Ann’s waist not wanting her to feel shy or self-conscious. “How interesting! Because I so like doing it to you” She said as she kissed Ann’s neck and Ann leant into her.

“Okay baby now here take the wheel!” Ann said as she guided Anne to the steering wheel and Anne pinched her ass “Nice side-step little Pixie!” she said with a cheeky grin as she took the wheel.

“And we’re heading over there!” Ann pointed to where they were going in the distance.

“So, you just slowly turn the wheel…that’s it” Ann instructed her and Anne beamed down at her. Haphazard strands of hair escaping her braids, bright blue eyes, long lashes, scattering of little freckles across her nose and rosy cheeks and perfectly shaped lips. “Do you have any idea just how gloriously beautiful you are sweetheart?”

Ann looked at her coyly and leant into her, wrapping her arms around her waist and Anne could see she’d gone shy. She was so cute.

“Thank you Dude!” she said sweetly and Anne wrapped one of her arms around her, easily steering the boat with the other.

She bent down to kiss her little love and got so lost in it that Ann pulled away and said, “Eyes on the water Dude!”

“Yes, eyes on the water Walker! Safety first! Geez! Why do you have to be such a bad influence all the time hmmm? Forever leading me astray!” Anne teased as Ann cracked up.

“In your sexy little bikini!”

“Just concentrate on the water Dude!”

“Thrusting your sexy little arse against me, encouraging me to spank it!” Anne continued and Ann shook her head as she tried to stop laughing “Just steer the boat Dude!”

“And don’t even get me started on that little wetsuit strip show because you clearly did that to start all this!”

“JUST DRIVE DUDE!”

****************************

Anne got another beer for her and her little Pixie. They’d had a lovely afternoon drinking laughing and swimming by the river and they were now back at the cottage with a BBQ being cooked for dinner, more drinking and just chilling. Ann had a huge blow up screen that  
had been erected ready to play Mario Kart on as it got dark. Anne walked back with the beers. She could see Ann was playing the guitar and Petey was on bongo drums giving it a gentle beat and she and Petey were singing Tracy Chapman’s fast car. Her beautiful girl was so talented and she had such a beautiful voice. Petey was really good too.

Since they were still in and out of the pool on her deck, Ann had changed swimsuits into a metallic pastel pink and white polka dot 1950’s style one piece with little shorts attached. She looked adorable and a lot more comfortable than she had been being in a bikini around the boys who she’d noticed were looking at her “weirdly” and told Anne very indignantly that it was only for her to look at. She was so cute.

Petey got up to go throw some onions on the BBQ and Anne went and sat behind her little love and handed her a beer “Here you go my darling!”

“Oh, I think I’m a little bit drunk already” Ann said honestly and Anne chuckled at her. She was actually, she’d never seen her so tipsy but she was enjoying herself.

“You are my love. And it’s cute as fuck. You don’t feel funny in the tummy or anything do you?” she asked attentively and Ann shook her head.

“Then drink it! Enjoy yourself. I’m right here, you’re safe.” Anne reassured her. Ann had confided in her that she really only ever had more than a couple of drinks if she was there or she was with the boys. That now that Harry partied hard she tended to not even drink excessively with him. Anne had no problem with that. It meant she knew her beautiful girl was always safe because she would make sure of it and she could see by then that every one of her lost boys loved her enough to take a bullet for her

“I feel a bit warm though!” Ann said and Anne kissed her neck “It’s the alcohol and the heat. Of course, I noticed no one is in the pool at the moment and it’s in a darkened little corner now thanks to the early evening shadows. We could go cool you off…. just us”

“Okay!” Ann said with a cheeky grin and Anne handed her the other beer and swept her into her arms as she giggled, rushing her off to the pool.

When they got there Anne jumped in very ungracefully and sat on the seat with Ann in her lap causing water to come up and splash Ann all over her face. A stunned Ann stared at Anne open mouthed as she put the beers down behind them and Anne started laughing.

“Oh my darling I am sorry!” but she continued to laugh. 

“Yes, because you sound very sorry laughing at me!” she said as she moved off Anne’s lap and splashed her, only for Anne to splash her back and soon they were having an all-out splash fight until Anne called out “Okay truce! Because I need to kiss you!”

She kissed Ann passionately and the younger woman melted into her, allowing her to pull her back to straddle her lap.

“I think I need to kiss you back!” Ann said naughtily as she kissed Anne urgently and Anne moaned at the goodness of it.

“Don’t ever stop kissing me sweetheart!” Anne pleaded and Ann shook her head “I won’t!” she said as Anne kissed her and this time her little Pixie opened her mouth giving her full access and soon it was lips, tongues, bodies and hands duelling as they worshiped one another and created a heat that defied the temperature of the very water they were sitting in.

“Can I touch you baby?” Ann asked as she slipped her hand under Anne’s swim top and just rested it on her hip bone, well aware of the way her love struggled when she tied her and determined not to trigger her.

Anne saw the love, concern and hesitancy in Ann’s eyes and melted. Ann loved her so much. She was so tuned into her feelings and wellbeing. And after what they’d been through the past few days she felt closer than ever to her and the idea of Ann touching her didn’t seem so frightening.

“Yes, my sweetheart, touch me. I want you to” Anne reassured her and then she was moaning as Ann’s hand caressed her, one hand tracing fingernails lightly over her lower back and the other hand stroking her hip and across her ribcage as Anne kissed her.

“I love your body so much. It’s so strong and toned and your skin is so beautiful. I’ll never get tired of touching you!” Ann gasped as Anne kissed her neck and Anne groaned. She made her feel so good about her body, so good about being who she was.

“Can I take off your top?” Ann asked tentatively. “We could go into the bedroom. For privacy” she added and Anne’s breath caught in her throat at her question. God how she wanted Ann’s hands on her but she knew from the previous evening if she almost lost control with Ann kissing and touching her through her singlet she couldn’t trust herself being topless.

Ann mistook her hesitating for something else. “It’s okay sweetie we can do it another time when you’re ready” she gave Anne the most beautiful smile and placed little kisses all over her face and Anne felt her chest tighten with emotion at Anne’s sensitivity and incredible sweetness. She couldn’t believe the little angel in her arms belonged to her.

“You are the most incredibly caring and sweetest little thing” Anne said as she took Ann’s face between her hands “I am ready my darling. Because of your love and support and patience I am ready but you’re just so beautiful and I want you so much. I don’t want to lose control and push you too fast like I very nearly did last night. It’s important to me that we wait that final couple of weeks. And that we be completely alone and I can really take my time with you. Can you understand that My darling?”

“I understand” Ann said softly and Anne kissed her gently “Thank you. You are wonderful”

“But do you wanna see my boobs?” she asked with a cheeky smile and Anne cracked up laughing “What am I going to do with you? You saucy little minx!” 

She began tickling Ann and she squealed with laughter “Of course I want to see them; I dream about them and I will see them…..very soon” Anne said as she laughed with her. She was so lovely like this. Carefree and happy. Her sweet beautiful girl.

“Hey where’s the groom? And where’s the lady of the house?” Came a cheerful booming male voice and Ann suddenly stopped laughing.

“Ann sweetheart are you alright?” Anne asked in concern and Ann stood ‘Yeah I’m okay I’m just getting a little cold and I need to check how the BBQ is going!” She quickly got out of the pool and grabbed her towel heading straight inside the house.

Anne got out of the pool and rung her shorts out and wrapped a towel around her waist.

“Annalise!” came the same male voice and Anne turned to see James Sutherland standing there. He looked surprised to see her but still he gave her a friendly smile that she was certain was not sincere.

“Oh, Miss Lister hello!”

“Captain Sutherland” she said coolly and James smiled again.

“Oh, if we’re going to be family James is fine. Speaking of family, you haven’t seen my little sister in law have you?”

It was all Anne could do to refrain from decking him but it was Tom’s night and Ann had obviously been spooked just hearing his voice and thus had fled the pool.

“She was a bit cold from the water so she went to get changed!” Anne said.

At that moment Ann came out wearing a little cream coloured baby doll dress with cherry blossoms all over it that was very pretty but completely hid her frame and fell to a modest few inches above the knee. 

“Hey Lisey girl. Tom said I should drop by tonight so I thought I’d head up. Look at you! In the Sydney paper with all your awards! That’s awesome” James said as he held up a newspaper with Ann’s picture and a story about her graduation sweep in the lead up to the HSC. “There’s one for you and one for Jonno and Rachel there”

Ann took the newspapers from him but didn’t look him in the eyes. “Thank you Jamie. I should go check how the BBQ is coming along.” She said softly.

“Oh, I’ll do that Kiddo. The smoke burns your eyes. Is it in the same spot?”  
Ann nodded wordlessly and James grinned as he tugged on one of her braids. “I always loved your hair like this. You’re so pretty!” He headed around to the BBQ.

“Sweetheart are you alright?” Anne said as she went to Ann and cupped her face, not wanting to get her wet and Ann nodded. “Yeah I guess, this is Tom’s special night please don’t let on about what you know Dude. I wish he hadn’t have come but I don’t think he’s going to cause any trouble.”

“How do you know that?” Anne asked curiously.

“Because there’s two James’s. Drunk, volatile, aggressive captain Sutherland. He came to Olivia’s birthday. And Jamie. Whenever he calls me “Lisey girl” he’s calm, non-threatening James. He’s Jamie. The James he was when I was little before he got really bad. It means he’s been in therapy, cut back on the alcohol and is managing his anger better. For now. I learned to know the difference. But I also learned there’s a shelf life on the calm version.”

“I don’t care if he’s calm Ann he terrorized you. I want to put his head through the window!” Anne snapped and regretted it instantly when she saw how anxious Ann became.

“The boys don’t know Anne and Tommy would be devastated if he found out. He looks up to James. His father was an abusive monster before her walked out on them and James has been good to Tom. It’s just me he ended up despising and I don’t know why but I can’t have Tom finding out on his bucks night that James is just as bad. This is supposed to be the happiest time in his life.”

“I understand, I’m sorry my love. I’m sorry for snapping at you” Anne apologised

“If you can’t handle it you can always say you’ve had too much sun and go lie down!” Ann suggested and Anne shook her head “And leave you with that animal? Like hell! I am going to go get dressed though so I can hold you without dripping on you but I’m not letting you out of my sight. Come with me” Anne said as she took Ann by the hand and led her into the bedroom.

Anne grabbed some clothes and went into the en suite to get changed. Her blood was boiling. She saw the way that animal was looking at Ann, the way he took her hair in his hands, the sincerity in his eyes when he told her how pretty she looked. There was nothing brotherly about it. Jaz was right. He wanted Ann. He wanted her bad. And her sweet beautiful girl was completely oblivious.

“Your cross with me!” Ann called out and Anne felt awful. She hurriedly changed into her shorts and t shirt and felt even worse when she came out and saw Ann taking Valium for her anxiety.

“No!” Anne said as she hopped on the bed and nuzzled Ann’s cheek. “No Little One, not cross with you, cross with the situation but never with you. None of this is your fault. I love you so much”

“I love you too. All the much” Ann said as she turned and snuggled into Anne.

“After dinner I’ll call Mama down from the main house and get her to convince him to discretely leave without causing a scene.”

“Can I watch? Is she going to kneecap him again. Will she teach me how so I can help?” Anne said excitedly and Ann giggled.

“Come on Dude. I need you out there with me. I know I’m totally safe from him if I’m in your arms!”

Ann got off the bed and pulled Anne with her. At least that was one consolation to Anne. That her beautiful girl could have so much faith in her and feel so safe in the presence of someone who had just about broken her, all because of her love and protection.

“And that’s exactly where you’ll be Princess!” Anne said firmly but she looked at Ann adoringly and kissed her nose.

*********************

Dinner had been quite nice, Anne thought to herself. She and Ann had sat on the other end of the table from James and on the same side so he couldn’t even see them. But everyone had hit the drinks hard after dinner except for her and Ann. Ann had only had two more presumably to relax and she’d only had another two herself. James was drunk but Ann was right, he was a mellow drunk.

“Hey Lisey girl get me a corona with lime please?” James asked when Ann was heading to the fridge to get a bottle of water and another beer for Snow.

“Jamie, the acid in the lime always disagrees with your stomach and you regret it later. What about just the plain Corona” Ann suggested and James’s face lit up as he turned to Hammer and said, ‘Isn’t she cute the way she looks after me?” 

He turned back to Ann “You’re so cute Annie. And you’re right I’ll regret it later. Just the plain Corona!”

Ann didn’t respond, she just headed towards the fridge.

“Thanks baby, I’ve missed how well you know me!” he called out and Anne wanted to go over there and kick his head in. The nerve of him calling her “baby”.

“Hammer man I’m telling you I married the wrong fucking Walker chick. I should have waited for Little Walker to be old enough. Lizzie is a fucking cold bitch. Annie’s hot as fuck and she’s filled out real nice considering what a tiny little runt she was. Still, she was so beautiful. And we clashed when she was living at the house but that’s just because of the fire and unresolved chemistry between us you know? And she’s so sweet. I realised too late what I had in her.”

“Right that’s it” Anne said to herself as she overheard what James was saying to Hammer. Hammer to his credit immediately said. “Mate you know Dubsy likes girls and she loves AL. They’re really good together and you shouldn’t be talking about your wife’s little sister that way.”

“No, you should not. Especially when she’s going to marry me.” Anne said sternly and Hammer excused himself.

“Listen here Sutherland. I know all about the way you used to beat Ann, I know how you beat her within an inch of her life and put her in hospital before she moved out and I also know that Jazmine had you knee capped for it and barely let you keep your miserable life but she’s up at the main house as we speak so I’m quite happy to call her down and see what she thinks about you being here or better yet you could ask your buddy Thomas Ainsworth what I did to him yesterday when he was speaking disrespectfully about Ann. 

The only reason I haven’t kicked your waste of space head in is because Ann has begged me to let Snow have this night without your toxicity tainting it. But let’s get one thing straight. Ann is mine. I’m going to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her and if you call her “baby” again you will regret it severely. She’s my baby. Not yours. So, back the fuck off.”

James glared at Anne “I’ve known Annalise since she was 8 years old. We have a lot more history than you have with her. We’re family. I was the most important man in her life apart from her father. She adored me and I’m sure she still does deep down.”

Anne felt her heart break for Ann and how badly her trust had been broken. “All the more reason that what you did to her and the way you hurt and terrorized her was completely disgusting and utterly reprehensible. You’ve been warned Sutherland” She spat and stormed off. 

James sat and glared into the distance “That’s where you’re wrong you lesbian bitch. Annie is mine”

Anne ended up next to Frog who handed her a beer “You’re not a fan of Sutherland” he observed and Anne sighed “Honestly Frog? No, not at all!”

“I don’t think he’s that great either.” Frog said and Anne looked surprised. “Why do you say that?”

Frog shrugged “Just a vibe I get when he’s around Dubsy. And let’s face it no kid moves out of home the day they turn 16 for no reason!”

Anne clinked her beer against Frogs “Frog I knew there was a reason why you and I hit it off the most. You see things!”

Anne watched as Ann came back with the drinks and handed James his beer. He reached out to touch her face but only got thin air and she ducked and walked straight towards her. “That’s my girl!” Anne thought proudly as she came and sat between her legs.

“Hello my sweet beautiful girl” Anne said softly as Ann leant back against her chest. “I’m sorry this evening hasn’t been nicer for you after all the work you put into it!”

“It’s alright Dude. Tommy is having an amazing time, that’s all that matters to me!” Ann said sincerely and Anne kissed her cheek. Her Princess was always thinking of others and putting them first. More people needed to start putting her first for a change.

“Alright everyone! In honour of Snow’s second last weekend as a single man we have put together this little trip down memory lane of some of the things we’ve gotten up to. Lost boys’ style!” Griffo yelled out and a movie presentation popped up on the huge blow up screen.

“Excursion to Sydney aquarium 2006” popped up on the screen and then some video footage of all the boys as little kids. They were so cute and then footage of five year old Ann popped up on the screen.

“Oh my god!” Ann said in embarrassment and Anne squeezed her “Oh my god is right you were soooooooo cute!” she gushed as she took in the tiny little doll stamping her foot and saying “Hurry up you guys we’re going to be late. Get on the bus now come on!”

All the boys were laughing and Snow called out ‘See! Dubsy. Bossing us around since 2006!!”

More video footage and photos flashed up of the boys and Ann was in some of it. Riding horses, feeding the animals. Pics of Ann learning her single tail trick of knocking down cans on the farm with the boys looking on eagerly and Anne chuckled “You really did learn that here!” and Ann laughed with her. “I told you!”

Anne watched enraptured as Ann grew and changed. She could see why everyone had been so concerned and she’d needed so many doctors and specialists. She was a very beautiful little girl but she’d been so tiny for her age and in the pics of her in swimsuits even though she looked healthy in the face her whole spinal cord was visible as were the bones down the front of her chest and her hip bones. There were some pics of Tommy with Ann and her family and Anne squeezed Ann’s hand when a pic came up of Cassie hugging Ann, Snow and Frog lovingly.

“Love you Cassie!” The boys all said in unison as they raised their bottles to her picture and Ann did the same but remained silent.

“Are you okay sweetheart?” Anne asked her in concern and Ann turned her face into the older woman’s and nuzzled her jaw “Yes baby, thank you for asking!”

An image of all the boys with their families at a beach picnic popped up on the screen. Anne looked at the date on the screen. Ann would have been 8 going on 9 though she was so little she only looked about 6 years old. James had Tommy by the hand and Ann on his hip. Ann was saying the surf looked too rough and James was trying to convince her and Tommy they could handle it. He managed to convince Tommy he’d be alright and Tommy went in but Ann looked frightened. Anne watched as James rocked Ann in his arms and told her she was his beautiful Lisey Girl and he wasn’t going to let anything happen to her and he asked her who her favourite boy in the world was. Ann cried out “Jamie!” and he spun her around and asked her what she’d do if a boy ever tried to kiss her and she cried out “Tell them to go away! I don’t like yucky boys!”

“And as it would turn out she really didn’t!” Griffo joked and the boys laughed but Anne felt sick as she looked at the way James was looking at Ann. He was besotted with her then. There was an intimacy in the way he touched her and looked at her that was not normal. She was just a little girl.

More video footage and pictures and then a scene of them all quad biking, James, Elizabeth, the boys, Ann. James was on a quad bike with Elizabeth but he hopped off it to go hop on the back of Ann’s. Anne watched as he pulled Ann into his arms and held her the way she was holding her right now. Ann was expressing concern about going too fast and James said “It’s alright baby, you’re my special girl. Would I ever do anything to hurt you?”  
And Ann looked at him with so much love and trust as she shook her head and said “No. You love me”

“Oh god” Anne wanted to vomit. He was a paedophile. He’d actually wanted Ann from the beginning.”

She looked over to Frog who looked just as uncomfortable as she did yet none of the other boys seemed to. They seemed to think he was some kind of hero.

The film kept playing and James wasn’t in any of the footage but then it got to James and Elizabeth’s Wedding. Ann would have been 13. “Jamie snuck us alcohol!” a 14 year old Tommy said to the camera as the boys cheered, all of them outside dressed in their finest, drinking in the garden!”

“And I’ve come to rescue one drunk little bridesmaid before my wife notices her gone!” James said as he sat down beside a very drunk Ann in a frilly pink dress who said “Pfft don’t listen to Lizzie! I’m way more fun than my sister.” James pulled her into his lap and cuddled her “You sure are baby. I think I married the wrong Walker at least you know how to have a good time!” he tickled her and she squealed with laughter and then he threw her over his shoulder “Come on, back to the reception with you!”

Anne had been so caught up watching the train wreck that was Ann’s childhood with James she never noticed Ann becoming more and more upset. Ann couldn’t believe her relationship with James was in the state it was. That he’d ended up hurting her so badly. Looking at the film and all the times they’d shared, they’d been so close. He’d been the best big brother in the world in her eyes. She’d loved him so much. She couldn’t sit through anymore and she got up and quickly headed towards the house.

“Annie wait!” James called after her as he followed her and Anne stood up, heading back towards the house as fast as she could.

Ann walked into the house and went straight into the back sitting room.

“Annie you’re upset!” James said as he walked in after her and Anne was about to storm into the room when she heard Ann say.

“Of course, I’m upset. Do you think it’s easy for me to watch that shit? To see how close we were, how much we loved each other. Apart from my father you were the most important man in my world. I thought you were the most magical amazing big brother a girl could ever have and I couldn’t believe my luck that you were in my life. When everything was shit with Mum from the time you got with Elizabeth you were my bright spark and I have done therapy and been medicated and worked through programs and done everything I could conceivably do to heal from what you did to me but it’s not enough. I need closure. I need to know why you turned on me. Why you changed so much towards me.”

“Oh sweetheart” Anne whispered outside the ajar door. She was naïve and innocent and didn’t see it. He’d never seen her as a little sister. But she needed closure so rather than bursting in Anne hung back, ready to jump in as soon as her princess needed her and eager to see what this unspeakable scum had to say for himself.

“What did I ever do to you other than love you and look up to you and be kind to you?” Ann asked and she was crying in earnest by that point. ‘What happened to the man who sat by my hospital bedside holding my hand and willing me to live after that car accident when not even my own sister could get herself together enough to fight for me?”

“You broke his heart Annalise that’s what happened!!” James said vehemently and Ann looked at him in complete confusion “What?”

“I wasn’t in love with Elizabeth, Annie. I was in love with you. It was always you. My Lisey Girl. I knew when you survived that accident how in love with you I was, when I realised I could have lost you!”

“Oh god. James I was only 13” Ann said feeling ill and James shrugged “So? You were almost 14 and it’s not like I planned to fall for you it just happened”

“But you beat the crap out of me. You terrified and terrorised me. You were the one who broke me. I loved you and trusted you so much. I couldn’t understand why my big brother was doing that to me!” Ann sobbed and Anne had tears in her eyes outside the door. She just wanted to run inside and wrap her up and take all her pain away.

“Because the night we celebrated you getting your full mobility clearance and I laid it all on the line and kissed you, you pushed me away and rejected me!” James spat and Anne’s eyes blazed.

“Because I was frightened, I had only just turned 14 and you pushed me against the wall and put your hand up my dress and kissed me so hard, I’d never been with anyone, I’d never been kissed. I was terrified. I didn’t know what was happening or why you were doing it and it really hurt. I was so confused. And you said you’d just had too much to drink and to forget about it so that’s what I tried to do.”

Anne felt nausea rising in her gut “Oh sweetheart, that animal. You were a baby” she thought to herself and thought back to the night in the limo when she asked if Ann had kissed a man and she’d been evasive and said someone had tried to kiss her but she didn’t want it and she’d pushed him off. She must have been terrified. And she remembered Ann trying to explain but she’d cut her off. If only she hadn’t. If only she’d known.

“I know I said that but I’d hoped you’d come to me; I’d hope you’d see the love I had for you because if you had have I would have left Elizabeth in a second. I would have taken you away and we could have started a wonderful new life just the two of us, but no. You started actively avoiding me. You didn’t laugh at my jokes or smile at me. You wouldn’t get me a beer anymore or curl up on the lounge with me and watch a movie. It’s like you wanted nothing to do with me”

“I WAS A CHILD AND YOU KISSED AND TOUCHED ME NON CONSENSUALLY. YOU WERE MY SISTERS HUSBAND AND I WAS FUCKING TERRIFIED AFTER THAT OF COURSE I AVOIDED YOU. I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO THINK OR DO”

Ann was shocked. She’d never let it out before. She’d never shown that kind of rage over the moment that signified the beginning of everything falling apart and physical and sexual abuse that would last years.

“WELL EITHER DID I ANNIE SO SINCE YOU WOULDN’T LET ME FUCK YOU I HIT YOU ALRIGHT! I WAS ANGRY AND HURT AND IM SORRY. I WISH THINGS WERE DIFFERENT BUT THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR ME HEARING YOU’D REJECT ME BUT YOUD GO AWAY WITH THOMAS FUCKING AINSWORTH” James screamed back at her.

Ann was shaking and felt like vomiting “It wasn’t sexual with Thomas either, I have always only been attracted to girls, I just wanted him to take me away……from……you” she sobbed. “To stop you from hitting and slapping and pinching and pushing and punching me…..It never occurred to me that you were this sick…that you…. that you liked little girls!”

“That’s not true Annalise don’t say that. I just love you, because you’re special. And you’re almost an adult and I still love you; I still want you so I can’t be a paedophile. And I’m only a year and a bit older than your fucking lover but what because she’s a woman it’s okay?”

“Don’t you dare bring her into this James. Anne is nothing like you. She never would have kissed me when I was 14, she never would have laid a finger on me to hurt me. She wouldn’t do any of the horrific things you’ve done to me. She didn’t know how young I was when we met and from the time she found out she’s been so patient and so understanding and when I push her away she doesn’t punish me by slapping me across the face so hard it sends me into the dining room table and I collapse In a heap on the floor. “

James looked stricken and Ann continued. “That’s right James you might have been drunk that night but I wasn’t. I remember everything! And you wonder why I was too scared to even be around you? Seriously?”

Anne grabbed the wall for support outside as she covered her mouth with her hand, tears streaming down her face. Her sweet innocent precious little Pixie who was so full of love and light. Who had taken her love and trust and the blatant adoration she had for him as a big brother and completely shattered it and destroyed her innocence and violated her and when she’d been frightened and had pushed him away he’d sent her flying across the room.

“Jesus Annie It was just a kiss and I didn’t even get my hand into your panties before you pushed me away, I didn’t even properly touch you any higher than your thighs its not like I raped you. You’ve probably had more intense make out sessions with Lister if you’re not already fucking her!” James tried to rationalise.

“It doesn’t matter I was just a little girl and I didn’t want it and you had no right to beat me for two years because I told you that!” Ann sobbed. She couldn’t even bring herself to go into the other things he did to sexually molest her later down the track. She was worried she’d collapse or worse, have a complete mental health break, snap and collapse long term.

“I know that Annie, I came here to try to prove to you that I know what I’ve lost. I’ve been in therapy and anger management classes working so hard. I want to show you that I can be better. Look one of the reasons I came here is to give you this form.”

James took a form out of his pocket. “Sam Washington mentioned your tonsils have gotten pretty bad and need to come out. You’re still underage and you’ll need a signed note from a guardian to give permission for the surgery. I know you hate hospitals; I’ll come with you and hold your hand and I’ll look after you afterwards and get you soup and ice cream and cuddle you and make sure you have lots of pain killers. Just give me a chance please baby.”

“I’m not your baby. I’m Anne’s baby. I never have been and never will be your baby. I will be hers always.” Ann said adamantly and Anne smiled through her tears. So indescribably proud of her beautiful girl’s strength. “That’s my Princess” she said proudly.

“Just take the form Annie please!” James pleaded and Ann looked at him in disbelief “I don’t need your form James. Mama had you sign away yours and Elizabeth’s guardian rights when she had you knee capped. She’s my legal guardian now and has been for some time. So that I wouldn’t need anything from you ever again!”

James clenched his fists as rage filled his veins “FUCK WHY DO YOU DO THIS ANNALISE!” He screamed and he grabbed her in an instant and had her pinned against the wall in his arms.

“It’s meant to be you and me baby it always has been!”

“STOP LET ME GO!” Ann screamed as she fought him and before she knew what had happened Anne was there delivering a killer punch to the side of James’s neck and as he let her go Anne caught her by one arm gently lowering her to the floor and then she kicked out one of James’s already weakened knees with all her might as he screamed in agony.

“ANNALISE GET YOUR BITCH OFF ME YOU LITTLE FUCKING SLUT WHY DID YOU DO THIS?”

Anne kicked out his other knee as he screamed again and hit the floor. She didn’t see Ann crawling away on her hands and knees sobbing and shaking until she got to the bed and managed to drag herself to her feet, desperately needing to get to somewhere safe.

Anne bent down and grabbed James by the hair, pulling his neck back as he writhed in pain “If it wasn’t for the fact that she needed me right now you’d likely be fighting for your life but you can’t run or hide from Jazmine or I. We’ve got time. And we’ll be coming for you. Now I don’t care how you do it but even if you have to crawl you’re going to get yourself out of here without alerting the boys to any problem. Unless you want to deal with them as a group when they find out you’re nothing more than a disgusting paedophile who almost broke Ann.” She slammed his head back to the ground with a thud and took off in search of Ann.

“Ann sweetheart where are you?” Anne called out frantically as she searched every room but couldn’t find Ann. She wouldn’t have gone outside and caused a scene. She had to still be in the house. She went into the bedroom again and was just about to go check outside when she saw the splash of cream and pink cherry blossom fabric hanging out of the vintage wardrobe in the corner.

Running over to it she opened the doors and there she was, her little Pixie huddled in a ball with her head in her knees sobbing quietly where she’d been hiding. And her heart just about broke at the sight. The second she registered the light Ann sprang back against the back of the wardrobe in fear.

“Sweetheart it’s me, it’s only me” Anne reassured her as she bent down and reached in to take one of Ann’s shaking hands. “Is this what you used to do? Hide from him so he couldn’t hurt you?” Anne asked in a shaking voice as she took in Ann’s huge blue tear filled eyes that were full of terror and Ann nodded.

“Oh my god, you poor little thing. What you’ve been through. Come here, come to me. It’s alright he can’t hurt you now” Anne reached in and pulled her out of the wardrobe and stood with her wrapped around her.

The second she had Ann in her arms her sobs came in earnest “It’s alright little one I’ve got you. Shhhhh he’s not going to hurt you, I made sure of it.”  
Anne paced back and forth the room with Ann in her arms, stunned at how light and fragile she felt. She felt even lighter in her arms than usual. Was it the purging of everything she’d just let out? Or was it having the absolute wind knocked out of her as the puzzle pieces fell into place. Anne didn’t know. All she knew was that she’d give anything to make Ann see that she was perfect, sweet, kind and innocent and didn’t deserve anything that happened to her no matter what that animal said to her.

“How much did you hear?” Ann sobbed and Anne sat down on the bed with her still wrapped around her. “I heard all of it sweetheart. I figured it out for myself when he arrived that he wanted you by the way he was looking at you but I didn’t click it had been that way since you were a little girl till I watched Snow’s video. It was clear you looked up to him as a very much adored older brother but he wasn’t looking at you like a little sister. I saw you leave and him take off after you and was about to burst into the room and drag him out until I heard how brave you were being asking such hard questions. You seemed so desperate for closure of some kind and after all you’d been through I didn’t want to take that from you so I waited just outside the door ready to jump in and get you out of there the second I had to.”

“You must think I’m so stupid and disgusting and such a slut!” Ann said in shame as she covered her face with her hands and Anne pried them away as she began crying again herself.

“No sweet baby I don’t think that at all. You were just a little girl. How were you to know he was a predator. I think there was just so much focus on your mum when you were younger that no one picked up the signs and since he’d never put a foot out of line technically they wouldn’t and by the time he did you didn’t have anyone around immediately in the house to protect you or stop it. None of this was your fault my darling. 

Of course, you were terrified you were just a kid and he kissed you and touched you very intimately and aggressively and it was your first experience. It was against your consent my sweetheart. You are not a slut. You are not disgusting. You are my sweet beautiful innocent angel. My perfect Princess and nothing I heard tonight changes that. Nothing. Do you understand me?” Anne took her face and looked right into her eyes and Ann nodded as more tears spilled down her face and she wrapped her arms around Anne and hugged her tightly.

Anne took a deep breath. “My darling I need to ask, is that the only time that James tried something intimate…or sexual with you?”

Ann bit her lip. She wanted to tell her, she so badly wanted to tell her. But Anne had said the kiss and touching hadn’t changed anything, she was still her perfect princess. Her innocent angel. She knew how important that was to Anne, that she not be tainted like she’d been because of Karen. What if she looked at her differently. What happened when she found out it wasn’t just James but Thomas too. What happened if she had a complete break and stopped breathing or went into a catatonic state like she did after their last horrific double attack on her. And her sister threatened to put her in an asylum if she didn’t snap out of it. What if it happened again and she couldn’t snap out of it? Couldn’t she just have a fresh start? Didn’t she deserve that after all she’d been through? All she wanted was a fresh start, a second chance to not be that girl, to not be the sexual assault survivor. To just be Anne’s princess. She didn’t want to be a slut anymore.

“No” she lied. “But I think he was going to try something tonight until you saved me” she sobbed and Anne breathed a sigh of relief.

“It’s alright my darling, I could hear and see how frightened you were. He’s never going to hurt you again I promise you” Anne assured her.

Anne could feel her going limp in her arms as exhaustion from the day and the evenings trauma well and truly set in. Her breathing was raspy too and she was still furiously trembling. 

Anne stood with her little love in her arms, not putting her down for a moment even as she collected some items. She easily held her with one arm. As she walked into the kitchen to get some water she looked into the back sitting room and saw James had somehow crawled out and was very relieved for Ann’s sake.

When she got back to the bedroom she sat back down with Ann in her lap. She wouldn’t be able to handle her puffer on its own with her sobbing and laboured breathing. Anne connected it to her spacer which Victoria had instructed her to use when Ann had extreme anxiety and put the spacer up to Ann’s mouth “Here you go my love. Ready?” she asked and Ann nodded as Anne released a puff into the spacer and Ann closed her eyes and tried to focus on breathing it in. Anne did this another two times and when she was satisfied Ann had taken it all in she pulled it away from her mouth and handed her some evening meds with an extra Valium to help settle her.

“Here Beauty take your meds!” she said gently as she handed them to Ann and she avoided Anne’s eyes as she took them with the water she handed her. She didn’t often take them around Anne.

“I’m so sorry I’m like this….That I’m crazy, that I’m damaged goods. You deserve so much better than me” Ann said looking so ashamed and grief stricken that it ripped Anne apart.

“Oh, sweetheart no” Anne said as she took Ann’s face between her hands “You’re not crazy. Considering what you’ve been through you’re one of the most together people I know. You just have anxiety that is heightened right now because of the trauma you went through tonight and the past trauma it triggered. You’re not damaged. You are exceptional and exquisite. There isn’t anything better than you. No one. Not a single person do you understand me?”

Ann nodded through her tears and Anne held the bottle of water up to her as she supported her weak frame with her arm “Drink for me sweetheart” she urged her and Ann drank the water thirstily until she’d had enough. Anne put the water down and reached into the arm holes of Ann’s dress that was lose enough for her to unhook her bra and pull the straps down like she did, gently taking her arms out and the bra off.  
“Come here little one” Anne whispered as she very tenderly gathered Ann in her arms and lay back against the pillows. Taking the cool cloth she’d collected, Anne very gently wiped Ann’s tear streaked face and then smoothed back the golden strands of hair that were plastered to it.

“I’m so lucky to have you” Ann said softly “Thank you for taking such good care of me. For protecting me, and for teaching me that kissed and touched doesn’t have to hurt or be frightening”

“I’m the lucky one. Lucky that you’ve placed such immense trust in me my sweet princess when I know how hard it must be for you. I don’t ever want what we do to hurt you. You can always say stop and I will never hurt or punish you. Ever.” Anne said vehemently and Ann snuggled into Anne more closely 

“Close your eyes for me Princess” Anne said gently as Ann started to grow very heavy lidded and her eyes fluttered closed. “Good girl”.

After not too long, Ann was fast asleep on Anne’s chest. “I love you so much little Pixie. More than I could ever express” Anne whispered as she began to really cry in earnest, picturing Ann hiding in the wardrobe, trapped in a state of terror and torment.

She looked so pure, innocent and doll- like sleeping peacefully in her arms that she just couldn’t fathom how someone could hurt her so badly for any reason. 

And for some reason Anne just couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something else going on with Ann. She didn’t know what it was, and she knew after that night she would have to tread very carefully. But if there was,

She would find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. It's no longer just a matter of keeping secrets. Ann has blatantly lied to Anne. She has her reasons though. She's just so frightened and traumatised. The thing about lies is they have a way of coming out.


	22. Patchwork Princess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this one picks up immediately after the previous traumatic evening in my last chapter and spans the course of one entire day, and ends with the morning of the next day. (Just because my chapters are so long but they're not coming as often I wouldn't want anyone to get lost).
> 
> It's a bit bittersweet. There are some fairly heartbreaking admissions from Ann at the end about how she's feeling. I need to warn you, the next chapters are going to be like this, some heartbreak with a lot of sweet thrown in and then things are going to actually get pretty dark and gut wrenching because we all know its the countdown to the final showdown so to speak. 
> 
> For those of you who read and then take exception to the age gap. The teddy bear scene has nothing to do with Anne giving her a toy and everything to do with her giving Ann permission to be where she's at and still be loved for it. It's symbolic.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy!

Anne woke up and reached for Ann but she wasn’t in bed. Instead when she grasped for her she found a sheet of paper. Opening her eyes groggily she sat up and read it. “Good Morning Dude. Nanna needed my help with something so I’m at the main house. Come get breakfast when you’re ready. I love you!”

She sighed as she thought back to the traumatic events of the previous evening. When Ann was sleeping soundly She’d gone out and had another drink with the boys and explained Ann had caught a bit too much sun and had too much to drink so had crashed out and that George had left too because he’d had too much. The boys had laughed, all except for Frog who looked a little doubtful but didn’t say anything about it. They’d packed up shortly after and headed to Hammer’s place so that they wouldn’t disturb Ann.

How she hoped her little Pixie Princess was alright. They were supposed to be heading back to Sydney before lunch time as she had a Shibden commitment she couldn’t get out of that afternoon. She quickly headed to shower and dress so she could walk up to the main house.

Anne walked inside and was greeted by Rachel “Hello my darling, we’re still at the table come have something to eat!” 

“Thank you Rachel!” Anne said as she kissed Rachel on the cheek and when she got to the dining room and greeted Jaz and Jonno she looked down in surprise to see Ann immersed in study notes as she ate her breakfast, looking every inch the Pixie princess. She was wearing pink ballet tights with a glittery little pink leotard and soft tulle skirt, ballet shoes and a gorgeous tiara. Her hair was up in a high ballet bun and she had glitter on her eyelids, the sides of her eyes with some delicately falling to her pink cheeks and pink glossy lips. Anne grinned as she looked down to the pastel pink high top sneakers that finished off the look.

“Well look at you Princess sparkle!” Anne said adoringly as she bent to hug Ann and lingered for just a moment, well aware they had an audience. “You look so beautiful!” she said softly, squatting down in front of her. She felt her stomach sink as she saw the uncertainty in Ann’s eyes and knew the study notes were likely her out for not being found out about being very shaken and reeling by her family. “Thank you Dude!” she said sweetly.

“Ann has very kindly offered to take Tiara’s and twinkle toes at my studio this morning as Suzie ate something that didn’t agree with her!”

“Oh poor Suzie” Anne said genuinely as she sat next to Ann and helped herself to some pancakes. “What’s Tiaras and twinkle toes?” Anne asked and Jaz let out a little squeal.

‘It’s the cutest thing, A movement exploration class for little girls aged 2 to 3 dressed up like fairy princesses in tiny ballet outfits. Annie started it and its become hugely successful. They love Suzie but Annie is their favourite!”

“They’ll be so very excited to see you sweetheart!” Rachel agreed and Anne’s face lit up. ‘Well this I have to see!”   
“You really don’t Dude you’re not missing anything riveting” Ann said humbly but Anne shook her head “I want to see you be the fairy queen with all the little toddlers. I’m coming!” she said vehemently and Ann chuckled as she went back to her notes. Anne couldn’t wait to see her do this class. It sounded adorable.

“Shortcake why don’t you put your notes down. You’ve barely taken your eyes off them. You’re so smart do you even need to study like that?” Joe asked and Ann smiled sweetly at him ‘I try to do a little bit every day to stay current in my knowledge but I haven’t the past couple of days!”

“Darling you’ve only eaten half a pancake and you’re very quiet!” Rachel said in concern. “Is everything alright?”

“Just a bit too much sun and over-indulging in alcohol the past couple of days Nanna, I’ll be alright!”

Jaz and Anne communicated silently with their eyes, with Anne trying to let Jaz know she would talk to her later and Jaz seemed to get the message as she gave a little nod.

“Have you figured out your best man speech for the wedding yet Anna Banana? It’s in less than 2 weeks” Joe gently reminded her and Ann nodded “I know Pop. I have something. I just hate speaking in front of a room of people. It always rattles me a little no matter how it may seem to the audience”

“I bet you’ll be amazing Beauty. I can’t wait to see you up there!” Anne said supportively as she put an arm around Ann and Ann leant into her shoulder. “Thank you baby” Anne kissed her forehead and whispered “Please eat some more food Princess.”

Ann put her notes down and got another pancake and began to eat as the phone rang. Rachel went to answer it and sounded stressed. When she got back she was twisting her hands.

“Oh dear that was Sam, young Suzie isn’t well at all. Ann darling I know you were heading home but is there any way you could stay and teach pre kinder ballet, tap and Jazz and their show group? Then head home later this afternoon? I’ve honestly got no one else today!”

Ann felt torn. She wanted to help her Nanna but she was supposed to leave with Anne. And she loved her family very much but she wanted to be with Anne.

Sensing her conflict Anne squeezed Ann’s hand “I tell you what? I’ll watch you do your class and then I’ll head back here, pack our things and drive back and I’ll send Booth for you this afternoon. That way you can help Rachel with the classes and just relax on the way home. Study, have a nap, watch a movie. Whatever you like my love and I’ll see you when I get home tonight. I’ll try not to be too late. What do you think?”

“I think you’re looking for excuses to take my car” Ann teased and Anne chuckled “Well that might be part of it, I’ve kind of fallen in love with the soccer mum car!” she said sheepishly and Ann looked up at Rachel “I’ll do the classes Nanna don’t worry about it!”

“Oh thank you Darling I appreciate it so much and Anne thank you darling for being so flexible and helpful. We’re lucky to have you in this family” she said sincerely and Anne’s face broke into a surprised and delighted smile.

“We sure are!” Ann said as she kissed Anne’s cheek and Anne pressed her cheek against her loves. She was very fragile and quiet but she was still her sweet beautiful girl. And that’s all that mattered. Anne was confident that with enough time, love and patience, she would begin to heal

*****************

Ann had packed her dance bag and Rachel had loaded her up with snacks, lunch and drinks for the day. Anne carried both the dance bag and the cooler bag chivalrously on one shoulder as she wrapped another around Ann and they walked to her car. “Sweetheart there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.” Anne began carefully and Ann looked up at her with huge gorgeous crystal blue eyes. “I was talking to Harry after graduation and he was saying that he’s planning on doing a pantomime in London after your exams finish and he didn’t know if he would move back in to your house when he came back as he won’t be attending that university and I heard you tell him that you needed to figure out your next move too because unless you enrolled in courses there you had to move out of student housing.”

“I would have spoken to you about it once I knew what I was doing though” Ann said a little anxiously and Anne cupped her face “I’m not cross with you my darling. The thing is, since you’re at my house almost all the time and you seem very happy there I was wondering if you would like to live with me full time. You would of course still have your own room and space but I’d be more than happy for you to make any changes to the décor you wanted to make to feel comfortable. Beth would be over the moon and I would so love to have you there every morning when I woke up and every night when I went to sleep. I know you have limited time left with Harry before he’s away for a while and you two study together and things. It doesn’t have to be right now I just thought you could consider that as your “next move”

Ann couldn’t believe what was happening. Anne knew something so awful about her, had witnessed something so horrific last night and she was asking her to come live with her. She would get to go to bed every night and wake up every morning knowing she was safe with her Dude. She would have stability, a stable constant home for the first time in so long. Her eyes filled with tears and she looked away.

Anne was aghast. “I’m so sorry my darling, this probably is a terrible time to talk to you about this. I don’t want you to feel pressured!”

Ann shook her head “No it’s not that. It’s the idea of having one stable constant home with the person I love more than anything in the world. I got shipped around so much growing up and then I had to leave my family home and move in with George and Lizzie and then flee there and go from the campus house, to Italy, to the farm and I love the farm so much but I’ve never had stability. A proper home that I can just stay in and thrive in. You don’t know how much this means to me Anne. I would love to move in with you. It would make me feel so happy and safe!”

Anne took her face between her hands and kissed her tears away. ‘Sweet baby. Your life isn’t going to be like that anymore, and it will be your home I promise you that. Our home. And the people you love will always be welcome there. We have plenty of room. Your family, All of the lost boys at once even, Suzie and the girls, Millie or Harry! I’m going to make sure you have a wonderful life there, the way that you have for me since you’ve been staying there often. You have made me so very happy. And if you wanted to get a place and start fresh with something from the beginning we can do that” she said with tears in her own eyes as she picked Ann up and slowly spun her around.

“No!” Ann said softly as she pulled back to look at Anne seriously “I’ve got beautiful properties already. But none of them have felt like a real home. Not like your house does. We’ve made such happy memories there. That’s where I want to be”

“I love you so much my Darling. All the much!” Anne said as she very gently and chastely kissed her, aware of her reliving sexual aggression trauma the evening before.

“All the much…All the time, All the ways” Ann said as she snuggled into Anne’s protective embrace. For the first time ever she was really starting to believe she really could get her second chance, her clean slate and begin again.

*************************

“Oh my goodness” Anne said in delight as she watched Ann’s gorgeous 10 little charges run into the room jumping up and down and squealing with excitement. Ann bent down and hugged every one of them. Each of them the very picture of a teeny tiny little princess in their adorable ballet outfits and tiaras. Ann tried to get them all to stand in front of her and just when she’d have them all there a couple would wander off and she’d very quickly go get them and put them back in the middle only for another toddler to wander off and so she eventually just put “Baby shark” on and they were enraptured and ran back to the middle and they all did that song and dance together. Then she did some basic stretches to warm them up. After that she put on the sleeping beauty score and got every-one to point their toes. She walked around bending down to correct them and Anne felt herself melting. She was so sweet, gentle and patient with them and she was lit up. She was going to make the most incredible mother to their children.

They did some imaginative movement being the sea, the trees and the wind. Then they flew around the room. They held hands and danced in a circle and then Ann began to teach them how to skip from one side of the room to the other. The little girls hung on to her every word. They absolutely adored her and Anne could hear the parents raving about her sweet beautiful girl and how her classes were always a cut above anyone else’s. She was so incredibly proud of her.

Towards the end of the class she put on Red Foo’s “Juicy Wiggle” and Anne didn’t think anything could get more adorable than what she’d seen until she saw 10 little toddler girls with attitude wiggling their hips and shaking their butts. She was laughing her head off along with the parents. It was absolutely joyous. She finished off with a cool down and then there were more cuddles and parents taking photos of Ann with their child and hugging her to say thank you before they left.

When it was just the two of them Anne walked over to Ann and took her in her arms, absolutely beaming “Look at you Princess. You were born to do that. You’re absolutely glowing. I can’t wait for you to have my babies. You are going to be the most incredible mother and we’ll be so lucky to have you?”

Ann looked at Anne in pleasant surprise. “Oh that’s so lovely sweetie thank you. I was worried you’d think it a bit silly!”

Anne shook her head vehemently ‘It was magical, utterly magical. I can’t wait until we have a little girl just like that.”

Ann smiled thoughtfully “I kind of hope she’s not just like that. I don’t know why but I see a beautiful little girl with big brown eyes and brown hair who is very bright and a very good dancer but likely favours a style other than ballet. She’s a bit of a tomboy and doesn’t wear dresses all the time but she still has some feminine elements to her style. She’s sweet, kind and gentle but she’s confident and sassy and she turns up to a class like that in something totally non-conformist and she owns it because she rocks it.

Anne felt her stomach fill with butterflies as Ann essentially described a hybrid of the two of them who was really more like her than Ann. ‘She sounds incredible sweetheart”

Ann grinned ‘I think she does too. Its funny I just have this feeling that she’s meant to be ours.”

“I can’t wait to meet her!” Anne said genuinely as she kissed Ann’s forehead and sighed as she looked at the clock. “I’m so sorry Pixie I really need to get going.”

“That’s okay. I’m sorry I can’t make it to your Shibden party but I hope you have a wonderful time. I’ll wait for you in your bed” Ann said sweetly and Anne gave her a naughty smile “I’ll come home after an hour!”

Ann chuckled and Anne picked her up off the ground, holding her close. “I would love for you to wait for me in my bed as long as you don’t wait up for me. Go to sleep and I’ll snuggled up to you as soon as I get home alright? That’s an order Princess.”

“Okay I will” Ann said agreeably and Anne kissed her cheek and whispered in her ear ‘Good girl”

Anne reluctantly put her down and kissed her hand, holding it even as she backed away. “I’ll see you tonight my love!”

“You sure will” Ann said as she blew Anne a kiss before she disappeared out the door.

Sitting down to take a break before her next class Ann realised she felt quite tired and weak. She didn’t have time to worry about that though. All she wanted to do was turn 18, marry Ann and have that magical little girl.

****************************

Ann picked her clutch as the car neared the rooftop bar Shibden was having one of their PR parties at. It was 9pm and she was quite late. But Anne had been so incredibly wonderful to her that weekend and had sounded so terribly bored in her texts, she wanted to surprise her. She thanked Booth and exited the car, walking into the building and into the elevator, Completely oblivious to the looks of admiration she got as she moved. Heading up the to the bar she texted Anne. ‘How are you doing Dude?”

‘Terribly bored without you My Darling’ came the instant reply and as Ann stepped out of the elevator and onto the roof top she could see Anne in the distance. “That’s a shame Dude. Maybe you should turn around.” She replied and then put her phone in her clutch.

She watched as Anne got the text and then turned around in a circle until she spotted her. And when her stunned expression turned into an ecstatic smile Ann almost went weak at the knees at the sight of her dude in a pair of black pants, a silver and black pinstripe halter neck style waistcoat, a black bowtie and wavy hair.

“Good god” Anne thought to herself as she looked Ann up and down in her ivory skin tight off the shoulder crop top that was made of panels of fabric wrapping around her in different directions with a thick gild zip up the back giving it a slight bondage feel and showed off her toned midriff, nude pink high waisted floaty bohemian skirt with panels of fabric that split straight up the middle to her mid thighs, floating open in the wind and sky high nude pink wedge heels. Her hair was pulled back into a simple chic low bun, her eyes sultry, her lips a glossy nude pink and as she always made sure at Shibden parties so that Anne wasn’t cast in a creepy light because of the age difference her makeup and look had such a sophistication she could have passed for 24 if it wasn’t for the baby face and the innocent blue eyes you could see up close but she really didn’t allow many up close enough to see that. She looked absolutely exquisite.

Anne moved towards her and gave her a charming smile. “Well aren’t you a gorgeous little thing. Are you here with anyone?”

Ann bit back a smile and shook her head ‘No I’m waiting for my girlfriend!”

“Oh Jesus you sexy little angel where did that come from?” Anne asked herself as she heard Ann’s voice that was a little croaky and even huskier than normal, likely from teaching all day.

Keeping her composure nodded ‘I see. She has you so I hate her already!” Ann chuckled “I assure you she’s the most lovable person I know!”

Anne smiled as she looked down “Really?”

“Yes, even though she might be a little cross with me for coming here!” Ann said tentatively and Anne looked at her in surprise “You my darling are heaven. Just look at you. How could she possibly be cross at you for coming and rescuing her from this boring party.”

Ann shrugged ‘Well she’s like totes dominant. She takes the most amazing care of me and sometimes that involves her giving me some fairly firm but reasonable instructions. She asked me to come home tonight and go to sleep in her bed. But you see I missed her terribly, and I didn’t like the idea of her being alone here when I was supposed to be here with her so I thought I might just take a gamble and surprise her.”

Anne put an arm around Ann and led her to the bar “Oh I’m certain she won’t be cross with you. Not when she sees how utterly stunning you look. And very tall” the surprise showed on Anne’s face at the fact that in her epic heels, Ann was almost her height.

“What can I get you to drink little glamazon.” She said charmingly as she looked at Ann lustfully and Ann blushed a little. “Just an orange juice please!”

Anne smiled softly as she ordered Ann’s drink and caressed her face softly. “See I knew it! You are a good girl.”

Ann looked at Anne curiously ‘So you really think she won’t be cross I didn’t do what she asked?”

“I’m positive sweetheart” Anne said reassuringly and Ann sighed. “That’s a shame!”

“It is? Why?” Anne asked in surprise and Ann leant against the bar and pouted “Well I was hoping she might take me home and spank me for being naughty.”

Anne’s jaw dropped and Ann gave her a naughty smile ‘Don’t look so surprised mate, I’m not always a good girl. Any way I better go find my girlfriend it was so lovely talking to you” She put her juice down on the bar and went to walk away but Anne grabbed her wrist and pulled her back into her arms, dipping her dramatically as she laughed before standing her upright.

“You’re wrong about one thing. You are my good girl. All the time. Even when you’re being naughty, especially when you’re being naughty like this. You’re my fucking dream come true you indescribably sexy little Princess. My Princess” Anne said in a low throaty voice full of desire. “And I’m loving the hot extra husky teacher voice!” she added and Ann giggled.

“You look so beautiful my darling. It means so much to me that you came and surprised me. Thank you!”

“You’re so welcome my handsome Dude. You look incredible!” Ann said appreciatively and they were interrupted by photographers.

“Miss Lister can we get some pics of you and your date?” They asked and without a shred of resentment or attitude Ann smiled sweetly through the obligatory photos and posed gracefully at Anne’s side. Anne beamed at her. She could see the looks Ann was getting from so many people in the room. And she was all hers. She couldn’t believe how lucky they were. Anne pressed her forehead to Ann’s and cupped her face lovingly even as the photographers kept snapping away. “Can we get a name?” One of them asked and well aware of the implications of using her real name and Anne being explicitly linked to a traceable 17 year old who had already been in the paper that week albeit looking very different to how she looked that evening Ann smiled and said “Pixie!”. Anne’s slight freeze at the question thawed into a beaming smile as she whispered in Ann’s ear ‘Well played Little Pixie”

“Now can we get some of you on your own Pixie? Gorgeous outfit!” One of the photographers complimented Ann as he moved her slightly away from Anne and she stood poised like a dancer with her long legs on display in her skirt and her hand perched delicately on her hip. The camera certainly loved her and Anne smiled on in pride but then looked a bit concerned as more photographers surrounded Ann and they were all calling out to her, the blinding flashes going off on their cameras simultaneously and Ann tried to cover her eyes but they kept calling out to her and she stumbled a little.

“That’s enough!” Anne said commandingly as broke through the circle of photographers and turned Ann into her arms, surprised at how heavy her body felt against her when she was such a tiny little thing. Maybe it was the heels making her feel different “Ann darling are you alright?” she asked and Ann nodded as she closed her eyes against Anne’s shoulder. “Just a bit blinded! I guess I’m not much of a media darling!” she lamented and Anne rubbed her back “You’re my darling, That’s all that matters. And you did amazing. I’m so proud that you’re mine.”

“Here just let me get your juice for you!” Anne said as she grabbed the juice and a glass of champagne for herself and when she turned back she saw that Ann had moved away from the crowded area and was heading out to a dark, quiet little corner of the balcony.

When Anne followed her out she felt lust pool in her belly as she saw Ann’s hardened nipples poking through her top in the cool evening breeze. She was clearly a braless Princess tonight. The things she wanted to do to those breasts.

“It’s nice out here. And I can dance with you with more privacy” Ann said softly as Anne put their drinks down and took Ann in her arms. Anne groaned as she realised the heels meant they were virtually pressed pelvis to pelvis and chest to chest. God the contact felt incredible.

“You feel very warm!” Anne remarked as they swayed to the music and Ann smiled at her adoringly ‘That’s cause my sexy Dude keeps getting me all hot and bothered!”

Anne laughed and kissed her forehead “I think you’ll find as usual its you leading me astray my love”

Ann rolled her eyes ‘Oh not this shit again!” Anne’s eyes widened in surprise “Cheeky girl!” she said as she slapped Ann’s butt and Ann giggled.

“Miss Lister I’m really sorry but one of the clients wants to say goodbye!” One of Anne’s assistants said apologetically

“Go baby I’ll wait here for you!” Ann said supportively and Anne kissed her “I’m so sorry my love, I’ll be back in just a moment!”

Ann gripped the balcony as Anne walked away and feeling a bit lightheaded she picked up her juice and sat down in the corner. Her body felt like it was made of bricks. “Weird” Ann thought to herself. But she was happy enough to just sit and watch her magnificent Dude do her thing and look at her beautiful promise ring and smile.

******************************

Anne hurried out to the balcony, feeling awful she’d been caught up. “I’m so sorry my darling” she apologised profusely and was shocked at the decline in Ann. Her eyes were watery, her cheeks had lost all their colour and she was coughing.

“Dude could you please get me some more juice. I feel a bit tired and flat” Ann asked and her voice was even croakier than before.

Anne squatted down in front of her and felt her forehead. She had a raging temperature.

“Oh my poor sick baby you’re not well at all. I’m not surprised you feel flat. Come on I’m taking you home.” Anne said as she helped her up and messaged Booth to have the car ready.

She guided Ann around the outskirts of the party so as not to draw attention to her and whisked her safely into the elevator. As soon as they were inside on their own Anne swept her into her arms and Ann wrapped her arms around her neck and snuggled in.

Booth was waiting with the limo door open and Anne ducked into the vehicle and sat on the back seat with Ann cradled in her arms, not letting go of her for a second.

“I think the Year 12 cold that has been striking down the grade has finally gotten me!” Ann said softly and Anne kissed her forehead. “I think so too Beauty. Here take these to help bring down your fever!” Anne said as she handed Ann the two asprin Booth had left out and an open bottle of water. “That’s my girl!” Anne said reassuringly as she encouraged Ann to snuggle back into her and she took off her heavy heels so she would be more comfortable.

Ann drifted in and out of sleep during the trip home. When they got to the house Ann carried her inside and up the stairs, placing her on the bed in her own bedroom so she could get changed.

“Do you need help my darling?” Anne asked and Ann shook her head “No I’m just going to put pjs on and brush my teeth then come to bed. I won’t be long”

“Okay, just yell out if you need anything” Anne said as she placed a kiss on her forehead and went into her room to hurriedly get ready for bed. She wanted to have her beautiful girl wrapped up in her arms as soon as possible.

She turned her alarm on and waited for Ann to come and when she did she felt her centre throb with desire. Even sick she was a little goddess. She was wearing a lavender coloured baby doll nightgown with a lace top that fitted snugly around her full breasts and the rest was a soft thin modal fabric. Her hair was all mussed from being pulled out of her bun and her cheeks were flushed from her fever.

“Baby I’m hot” Ann said in an adorably whiny voice. Anne knew she mustn’t be feeling great because it was uncharacteristic for her to complain.

“You most certainly are hot Princess” Anne said suggestively as she looked Ann up and down and Ann smiled and made that coy shy little giggle sound that Anne adored so. Her sweet beautiful girl, smiling even when she was sick. It was so like her.

Anne held out her arms and Ann walked over to the bed and crawled into them like she was in a dessert dying of thirst crawling to a lagoon. That was likely one of the things Anne loved most about her little Pixie Princess. It wasn’t just her responsiveness to sexual touch it was how physically affectionate she was and the way she craved Anne’s cuddles, her arms, her touch and she was always showing her physical affection in return.

“Let me Beauty!” Anne said as he took the hair brush Ann was holding and gently turned her and carefully began brushing out her stunning hair. “I love this hair so much my love. It’s so gorgeous” Anne said as the light illuminated all the different shades in her golden tresses. “You really are like a heroine from a fairy tale. My exquisitely beautiful Princess” Anne said sincerely and Ann turned her head back to gaze at Anne adoringly “And you’re the handsome knight in shining armour who always rushes to my defence and keeps me safe. Saves me from others, and myself when I need it!”

Anne nuzzled her face against Ann’s “There’s one way you break usual fairy tale tradition though my darling. You save me right back!”

“I love you!” Ann whispered croakily and Anne kissed the side of her head tenderly “I love you too. All the much.”

Anne put the brush down and moved her hair over one shoulder and began massaging them, gently kneading the tension out of her as Ann began to melt into her like ice cream in espresso.  
“Mmmmmm” Ann moaned in pleasure as Anne’s magic hands worked wonders on her tired aching muscles. “Good sweetheart?” Anne asked and Ann nodded “Very”

Anne began kissing Ann’s neck and lightly running her hands up and down her petite body, from her shoulders, down her breasts and stomach to her hips then back up again, feeling Ann’s breath quicken and her writhe against her. She lay her back against the pillows and took her in her arms “I’m sorry you’re not well my Darling!” She said sincerely as she kissed her gently but Ann pushed her back “Dude I don’t want to make you sick too” she said worriedly but Anne kissed her again undeterred then said “Darling I’ll risk it, you look so beautiful, I can’t be near you and not kiss you or touch you…and isn’t it making you feel a little less wretched?” Anne gave her that adorably cheeky incorrigible grin Ann could never resist and she gave in “Yes” she conceded and Anne kissed and bit her earlobe. “Now then, where were we?” Ann gasped and rocked her pelvis into Anne’s.

“Mmmm yes I think we were definitely heading here” Anne said wickedly but then placed little kisses all over her face, not wanting to overheat or over exert her, just soothe her and connect with her. Be close to her.

Ann pushed Anne’s singlet up and began caressing her stomach and hips. When she ran her nails lightly down Anne’s spine she felt herself getting wet “So good Princess” she said in a deep throaty voice as she kissed Ann and lightly teased her left nipple through the lace in her nightgown, bringing it to a peak, swallowing the little moans and sighs of bliss that Ann made as she kissed her and feeling so incredibly powerful and turned on at the way she completely submitted to her kiss and touch. She turned them on their sides, encouraging Ann to curl into her which she did and continued kissing her as she caressed her outer thighs. It wasn’t a conscious decision she made, she was just caught up in the moment but Anne’s slid her hand to Ann’s inner thighs and began moving it up under her nightdress undemandingly, just lightly caressing the skin there.

Ann tried to stay calm as she was assaulted by traumatic flashbacks of James shoving his hand up her dress. “This is Anne, this is your Dude, you’re fine, you’re safe, you love her touch, you live for it, you can do this. She loves you, what the fuck is wrong with you, get your shit together” she told herself but the flashbacks just kept coming at her hard and fast. When Anne’s hand was about an inch from her panties she clamped her legs shut and pushed Anne’s hand away.

“I can’t I’m sorry, I can’t do it I can’t” She said in a panicked voice as she tensed up completely and Anne instantly pulled her nightgown down and smoothed it, her heart breaking for her beautiful little Princess. “It’s alright baby you don’t have to do it and you’ve got nothing to be sorry for. Come here” Anne whispered as she very carefully wrapped Ann up in the comfort of her arms and just held her, rocking her , smoothing her hair and placing little kisses on the top of her forehead.

“I don’t want to be like this. I want to be better” Ann cried softly as the fear left her body and she began to go slack in Anne’s arms “I know little one” Anne said with so much empathy “It just takes time to heal. I was the same way for a long time after Karen. You’re doing so much better than I was. I wouldn’t let a woman touch me at all. I understand. Seeing James and reliving what happened to you and me touching you in the same place would have heightened your trauma response too. But it’s like you said with the rope, if you call red, if you call stop it doesn’t mean we don’t try again and that it will always be this way. And later down the track you might have no issues whatsoever and then a memory will drag you right back again just like it’s happened to me a few times with you. And when that happens I’ll be here to love you, and support you and wrap you up safe in my arms and show you the same understanding that you’ve shown me.”

The whole time Anne spoke she never stopped softly rubbing Ann’s back and Ann couldn’t believe how together and enlightened Anne was about all this. 

“You know so much and just what to so for me and say.” Ann said in amazement and Anne wiped Ann’s tears away with the pads of her thumbs “That’s because Victoria was very good for me during the time we were sexually involved. She taught me a lot about the journey back from sexual trauma and she was incredibly patient and understanding. I hope I can be that port in the storm for you but you need to know that none of this is your fault or changes the fact that you are my precious angel. My Princess, always. However long it takes, you are still my dream come true and I am so lucky you’re mine”

Ann snuggled into Anne “Thank you for being so amazing about all this. You’re so incredibly good to me.”

“Sweet baby, this is what you deserve. All I ever want to do is take care of you” Anne cooed softly as she gently stroked and caressed Ann’s body back into its state of relaxation, glad she was settling because even though she felt a lot cooler she still wasn’t well.”

“Would you like me to get your bear?” Anne asked her and Ann looked at Anne in shock and Anne tried not to chuckle at the exact moment the “How does she know about that?” look flash across her beautiful girl’s face that was like an open book.

“What bear?” Ann tried to sound casual and Anne cupped her face gently “Patch. The one you hide in the bottom draw of your bedside table that Cassie gave you to take with you when they had to send you away so you could cuddle it when you were frightened or needed comfort and you couldn’t talk to her. I’d seen you pull it out then hide it and asked Jaz and Rachel about it” she said softly.

“Oh” Ann said as she looked down. “I just didn’t want you thinking I was a silly kid or really immature and…”

‘Sweetheart” Anne cut her off gently as she softly kissed her lips “I love you very much, I wouldn’t change a thing about you but you are the oldest most mature and together almost 18 year old alive. Ever!” 

Ann giggled as she nodded and Anne chuckled with her.

“I’ve got you to cuddle now though” Ann said sweetly and Anne honestly wanted to squish her. She was just so innately adorable without trying. 

“I know my darling but you’re sick and you’re frightened and I just wanted you to know that you don’t have anything to be ashamed or embarrassed about. In fact”

Anne reached over and pulled a stuffed rabbit out of her draw. “I’ve been meaning to show this to you. This is Flopsy. Aunt Ann gave her to me. I pull her out from time to time. It’s too special for me to part with or store somewhere. I was only just thinking the other day that when we have a little one she could sit with all the other stuffed animals in the nursery”

Ann took the bunny and held it like it was made of china and then looked at Anne in awe “Really? That is so beautiful.” She then looked at the bunny and had the whimsical little smile that Anne adored “I love her!” 

“I love you!” Anne said as she cuddled her close. They lay in silence for a little while until Ann hesitantly said “Dude?”

“Yes my darling?” Anne asked adoringly and Ann looked up at her shyly. “I think I want my bear!”

“Thought so!” Anne said silently to herself as she swallowed her smile and kissed Ann’s nose. “I’ll get her my love” Anne went into Ann’s room and opened the bottom draw and took out the colourful pastel patchwork teddy bear and noticed there was some kind of cuff fashioned around both of its arms. Anne slipped her finger into the left one and pulled out a few pictures that looked like it had been pulled out many times. One was a picture of a beautiful little Ann at about 5 years old with Cassie and Chris. Anne smiled. Good lord that girl was going to make beautiful daughters for them. Another was of Jaz and Ann in Italy with Jaz and as she turned it over it said “Annie’s 11th Birthday”.

The last one was a gorgeous picture of Ann in a tutu with Rachel and Jonno holding a banner that said “Age 9 years ballet champion” She slipped the picture back in and reached into the other arm and was stunned to see a picture of herself, in her top hat from the night they met, and she was smiling so happily. Because she’d just met the young woman who would change her life. It was double sided with another gorgeous pic on the back of the two of them together taken at Olivia’s 50th. They looked so deeply in love. And then as she reached in to look at the last thing it was a note of some kind and as she opened it up she gasped. “Oh my goodness”. It was the note she sent her what seemed so long ago with the one of the kind sneakers, reassuring her of her feelings and trying to comfort her and ease her anxiety. 

Ann kept it and not only had she kept it, she kept it with Anne’s photo inside her bear. She remembered Rachel’s words when Ann was getting ready for her formal. ‘Darling if by chance there’s ever a fire just grab Annie and that bear. You don’t need anything else. That bear holds the things most precious to her in the world.’ And she’d thought Rachel had just been talking of its symbolism of her bond with Cassie. She never would have dreamed that from the very beginning she had meant that much to Ann, that her beautiful girl had that much faith in her and she would be wrapped up in the bear with the rest of her family.

Making sure everything was secured back in the bear Anne took it in to her room and virtually liquified to a puddle at the adorable sight of Ann curled up on her side fast asleep with Flopsy clutched to her chest looking so positively angelic she almost didn’t look real. Sitting beside her Anne stroked the golden curtain of gossamer silk completely back from her doll like face and then tugged the ear on the bunny.

She thought about how far Ann had come. The way she let Anne take care of her now instead of unintentionally making her watch her struggle from the sidelines because she’s always had to be so independent. She thought of how much trust she placed in Anne in terms of physical intimacy despite what she’d endured and the way she’d curled into her even when she’d frozen in bed a little earlier, seeking comfort from her, letting herself be held. And the way she’d admitted to the bear and allowed Anne to get it for her.

“Isn’t she something Aunt Ann. This utterly extraordinary young woman that I get to spend the rest of my life with. Isn’t she just the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. And with an inner beauty to match. She’s so sweet, so kind. She loves me so much. I wish you could have met her. We’re so happy together. I know you would have loved her” Anne whispered wistfully into the semi dark room.

Ann began coughing in her sleep and Anne instantly turned off the lights and lay down beside her, rubbing her back “Shhhhh my poor baby” She said as she put Patch in Ann’s arms next to Flopsy and snuggled in with her arm wrapped protectively around her Princess.

*************************

“Annie sweetheart?” Ann heard a familiar voice and fought her way out of her sleep groggily. She opened her eyes to see Victoria “Vicki…Hi” she said, wincing at the pain in her throat.

“Oh you poor darling you sound awful. Here we need to sit you up, your breathing was sounding really congested which is why I woke you” Victoria helped her sit up and Ann looked at the clock. It was 9.30am

Sensing Ann’s confusion Victoria smoothed her hair back from her face in a motherly manner “Anne asked me to drop in and check on you this morning. She told me you weren’t well and about what happened with James on the weekend. That’s a pretty huge deal, reliving that first night in the kitchen he molested you and Anne finding out about it. And the confrontation with James, where you demanded to know why he hurt you so much. I’m so proud of you sweetheart”

“I feel a bit stupid. Like everyone knew why except for me. I was so shocked when I found out. How could he do what he did to me if he was really in love with me.” Ann said as she looked down and Victoria squeezed her hand.

‘Because he’s a sick sociopathic monster who doesn’t know what love is and Thomas Ainsworth is almost as bad. Sweetheart you were so young. You still are. How could you have known he was obsessed with you, that he wanted you?”

Ann nodded and looked up with a little smile “Anne was so amazing . When he grabbed me she just stormed in and kicked the shit out of him and left him on the ground and she came and found me in the wardrobe I was hiding in and took care of me. And then last night when she put her hand on my thigh up my nightgown and I had a meltdown she was so loving and comforting and understanding and wise. She even got me my bear because she knew it calms me and brings me comfort. I didn’t even know she knew about Patch!”

Victoria smiled. Oh Yes. Anne Lister had indeed grown into the remarkable young woman she always knew she was.

“She is rather amazing Darling but then you’ve been just as amazing in her recovery too. The thing is, she told me she asked you if there had been any other attempts to sexually assault you and you said there hadn’t been. Can I ask why, if she was being so amazing and supportive you chose not to tell her?

Ann’s face took on a look of extreme torment “Because she thinks I’m pure and innocent. When she’s talked about Karen it’s seemed so important to her that I am those things. She thinks I’m angelic, her Princess, her dream come true. And she looks at me like I’m the most magical creature in all of the world. Like I’m something special. Like I’m her world. And when she finds out that I’m really spoiled and slutty and used damaged goods. A worthless fuck toy just like James said I was, she won’t think any of those beautiful things about me anymore. She won’t want me…”

Her voice broke and she started to cry. Victoria put her arms around the young woman and held her tightly, tears filling her own eyes “Oh sweetheart no, It’s important to her that you not be hurt the way she was, that’s where her desire to protect your innocence comes from and yes it will tear her apart to know what you were hurt so badly but she won’t think any less of you and you are innocent. You’re still a virgin for goodness sake. Please don’t ever think or say that about yourself.”

“But it’s how I feel!” Ann sobbed and Victoria stroked her hair “I know it is baby girl. But nothing that happened to you was your fault and Anne will understand.”

“I so desperately wanted a second chance, to have a fresh start and not be that girl. So I thought I wouldn’t tell her. Because I couldn’t live with myself if I ended up losing her. But I don’t think I can live like this with the weight of this secret on top of me and the distance it will put between us either. I just don’t know if I have it in me to say it. To tell her.”

Victoria pulled back to look at her “Look at me. You are the strongest young woman I know. You can do this. And it won’t change anything about the way Anne sees you. It will just make her understand you more. Nobody has ever loved anyone as much as Anne loves you.”

Ann took a deep breath. “I can’t explain it. When she asked me if I wanted Patch it was like she was just giving me permission to be exactly who I was. To be exactly where I was at and loving me unconditionally anyway.”

“You’ve hit the nail on the head sweetheart. She really does love you unconditionally. And none of the torturous abuse those two animals put you through will change that. And If you like I can be here when you tell her. For support”

“Really?’ Ann asked tearfully and Victoria dried her tears for her. “Really! I promise. Pick a day. Remember when James told you he was going to rape you, that he wasn’t content with just being in your mouth. You decided then and there that the next time he was volatile you were going to push his buttons in a big way to get yourself into hospital. To get yourself out of that situation and have people asking a lot of questions. You knew there was a chance he could beat you to death or beyond recognition but you set a plan in motion, you stuck to it and laid it all on the line. And that took such incredible courage. Do the same thing here. Pick a day, write it down. Stick to it. And I will be at your side. Half the battle with traumatic or feared conversations is choosing the time to have them.”

Victoria went over to Ann’s desk and picked up some paper and a pen. Then sat back down.

“You could have a fairly significant breakdown when you finally let it out sweetheart so I wouldn’t recommend doing it before your exams. You’ve worked so hard under circumstances that would have broken anyone else. Maybe right after?”

“My birthday is the day after my exams finish” Ann said softly and Victoria smiled “Well that won’t do, you must have your 18th birthday.”

“I guess I could do it the day after.” Ann mused and Victoria stroked her hair “Alright. Well right down your intention and it will become your plan.”

Ann took the pen and on the paper she wrote “ The day after I turn 18, I will tell Anne that Thomas Ainsworth and James Sutherland repeatedly sexually assaulted me from the ages of 14-16.”

“Good girl. I’m proud of you” Victoria said sincerely. ‘And I will clear my schedule for that day as soon as I get to the office!” she said as she folded up Ann’s plan and placed it inside her desk draw.

“Now, there’s one last thing. I know you said that you set up that spy camera to record the attacks and have proof in case you needed it but this is really important Annie. Some victims of sexual assault when they start to let it out a while after its happened, suffer from blanks in time lines, incidents, how things happened and they become focused on needing answers. You’re a person who needs answers by nature. Please don’t watch those tapes darling. They could be absolutely catastrophic to you and your mental health. You could have a total psychotic break. I really wish you’d give them to me. I’d keep them safe” Victoria pleaded and Ann squeezed her hand. “I’ll be moving in here permanently. When I pack up my things from the campus house I will give them to you.”

“Thank you sweetheart. I’m only trying to protect you” Victoria said as she hugged her tightly. “Are you sure you’re going to be alright?” She asked Ann in concern and Ann gave her a brave smile. “it’s just a cold. I woke up briefly when Anne was getting ready and told her to go to work. Beth will fuss over me incessantly and Mama will pop by too. And I know Anne will come home early. Because she’s my Dude”

“She is Annie. And you need to remember what that means to her and the fact that she would never, ever let you down. Alright? I love you” Victoria said as she hugged Ann “I love you too!”

Victoria stood and kissed Ann on the head. “Get some rest!”

When Victoria left Ann slipped back down in the bed and curled up with Patch and Flopsy hugged tightly to her chest. She pictured Anne’s gorgeous smiling face and felt fresh tears fill her eyes as she whispered.

“Please don’t give up on me when you find out.”


	23. Ticking Timebomb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things happening in this chapter. A reconciliation, an argument, a health crisis and a revelation or at least a version of one.
> 
> It is highly possible for your tonsils to just explode when you think you have a cold as they're on their way out. Happened to me. Wasn't fun. Also, we start to see the toll the weight of Ann's secrets are taking on her, not just with her health but when she shows a slightly colder side during an argument. 
> 
> She's now so deep in the shame of the abuse cycle and feeling like she's buried so far beneath ground that she doesn't even know how to begin digging herself out. This one is pretty dark but I've tried to include a little bit of light.

Ann sat cozied up on the lounge watching Netflix. After Victoria left she’d showered and Beth had insisted on blow drying her hair because it was an unusually chilly day for spring and she had that nasty cold which she’d then done in two loose French braids that she secured into pigtails at the nape of her neck so she looked and felt somewhat human and honestly didn’t have the strength to braid them all the way. Then she’d put on a pair of pink fitted pyjama leggings with flower crown wearing baby hedgehogs on them, a matching plain fitted pink pyjama top and pink fluffy socks. Cute cosy pyjamas always made her feel better when she wasn’t well and she honestly still felt pretty wretched but the cold and flu tablets were helping. Beth had fussed over her a lot and Jaz had turned up and was now in the kitchen showing Beth how to make her specialty Italian pasta sauce. She had to admit, after such a tumultuous couple of years it was actually nice to just stop and have a rest and do nothing.

She was trying to find something good to watch and never registered someone entering the lounge room. She looked up in shock when she saw a young woman who looked very upset and a little bit like Anne but younger. Ann recognised her then. It was Marion.

“Marion…hello!” Ann said hesitantly as she stood up and the young woman looked at her in surprise. “How do you know who I am?” she asked and Ann gave her a friendly smile “I’m Anne’s partner, My name is also Ann, well Annalise. Most people call me Annie though which makes things less confusing now I’m with Anne. She’s told me a bit about you and I’ve seen pictures.”

Marion looked at the stunningly beautiful and clearly unwell child in front of her in shock. Her baby face, her braided pigtails, the cute pyjamas. She wasn’t at all Anne’s usual type and she didn’t look any more than 15.

“How old are you?” Marion asked and then realised how rude she sounded “I’m sorry”

Ann smiled at her reassuringly and decided to tell a little fib ‘I’m 18, and Anne and I are used to people being a bit shocked by the age difference but I assure you we balance each other very nicely. That’s not important right now though, you look very upset.”

Marion sniffled ‘I’m sure Anne’s told you awful things about me, about our relationship for the past year”

Ann walked over to her and took her hand ‘Also not important. Please come and sit down. You’re shivering.”

Marion let Ann lead her over to the couch and she sat as Ann wrapped a blanket around her and poured her some tea. “Here this has just been made. How do you take it?”

‘Milk and a little sugar please” Marion said politely and Ann put the cup on the saucer and handed it to her. 

‘My grandmother always says nothing is quite as bad after a cosy blanket and a good cup of tea” Ann said sweetly and Marion smiled in spite of herself. This young woman was absolutely lovely.

“I’m so sorry to burst in on you like this. It’s just that I have a key and I didn’t know where to go. My relationship just ended and I have a key to Anne’s house. I used to live here.” Marion said as she began to cry and Ann wrapped an arm around her “Oh Marion I’m so sorry. Do you want to talk about what happened?” she asked gently.

“I walked in on him with his assistant. Things hadn’t been good for a while but we’d agreed to work on things. It’s probably for the best, I don’t think he was ever going to come around to the idea of children and I really want them.” Marion said tearfully and Ann squeezed her hand.

“Well I know that would be a deal breaker for me too because I desperately want them. I know that doesn’t take away the shock of what you saw though or make it any easier” she said sympathetically and Marion shook her head “No it doesn’t”

Ann’s heart went out to the very hurt young woman next to her. “Come here babe” she said as she pulled Marion into a hug and just held her while she cried.

After Marion had cried for a long time she pulled away and said “Oh my goodness Ann I’m so sorry, you don’t even know me and I’ve burst in on you when you’re not well and interrupted your peace and cried all over you”

“Hey that’s alright. We’re going to be family. Family should support each other.” Ann said and Marion couldn’t get over how sweet she was. How did Anne ever end up with someone so soft, so lovely, so kind.

Her eyes fell to the photos on the coffee table. “Pictures from the weekend. Anne came with me to my family farm to meet some of my friends for their pre-wedding celebrations. I’m choosing some to frame” Ann offered with a friendly smile and Marion picked up one of Anne holding Ann in her arms and oh the love and adoration that was written all over her face. Marion had never known Anne to look at anyone like that. Not even Marianna.

“Ann I have seen my sister with many women and I can tell you I have never, ever seen her look at someone like that. She loves you so much” Marion said and Ann smiled a little shyly “She really does. I’m very lucky!”

Marion saw the way Ann was looking up at her just as adoringly “I think my sister is the lucky one!” Marion then looked sad “I have a confession to make. Things aren’t good between us….I….um….Oh Ann I said the most vile things and I’ve wanted to make things right for a long time but the truth is I just haven’t known where to start. Or if she’d ever even want to see me again”

“I know about Aunt Anne being euthanised” Ann said gently and Marion nodded “Yes well. I didn’t take it well at all. I was very upset and I’m afraid I was quite awful to Anne. And I really do need to make it right. We haven’t always had the closest relationship. But I love her and I miss her.”

“I have a confession to make as well” Ann began ‘I’m not actually 18. Not for another 3 weeks. Your sister might have been a serial womaniser but she’s no creeper and our meeting was under very unique circumstances which I’ll fill you in on in a little while. But right now, you’ve had your heart broken so we need trashy tv and junk food stat. All the junk food. I’m going to send a list of necessities to one of Anne’s assistants. And then let’s get you changed into something cosy and warm. And when Anne comes home I’ll help you handle her.”

“I’d really like that” Marion said as she smiled gratefully at Ann. She really really liked this girl. And she was so incredibly mature. Despite the age difference, she had a feeling they were going to be great friends.

*************************

“I know her and Luke were meant to be but I always was a little sad that Lorelai” didn’t marry Max Medina” Marion said as she put another chocolate caramel in her mouth and Ann nodded emphatically ‘Right? He was so lovely. And when he proposed with a thousand yellow daisies?”

“Oh my gosh that was magic!” Marion agreed and Ann showed Marion the forget me not ring on her finger. “Anne pre-proposed to me with this commitment ring. As a promise to me that when I’m 18 she’ll propose for real. She asked my Mama and grand- parents for their blessing and everything. It was so romantic”

Marion looked at the ring in surprise ‘Okay seriously what kind of spell have you woven over my commitment-phobic sister. I need to know. Maybe you can work your magic and find me a younger Max Medina!”

Ann cracked up and they both heard a chuckle from behind ‘Don’t tell me my daughter has found a friend who loves the Gilmore Girls as much as she does?”

“Oh hi Mama this is Marion, Anne’s younger sister” Ann said and Jaz went over and shook her hand ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you honey! I’m Jaz”

“Lovely to meet you Jaz” Marion said genuinely.

“Mama! Marion’s just had her heart broken by her idiot boyfriend and needs a Mama Jaz pep talk!” Ann said and Jaz turned to Marion and cupped her face in a motherly manner “Honey most men aint worth shit. I don’t even need to meet the bastard to know he wasn’t good enough for you. If he’s hurt you, he’s an asshole. You’re young, you’re gorgeous and there is someone out there who will cherish it, not shit all over it. Okay?”

Marion actually laughed to her own surprise. Jaz was certainly a character and had no issues using colourful language. She really liked her. “Okay!”

‘That’s the spirit Kid!” Jaz said as she winked at her then looked down at Ann “Honey there’s a problem with a delivery at the club I need to go sort out. Now you’ve got Marion here will you be alright if I go? Its 4pm so I’m sure Anne will be home shortly!”

“I will be fine Mama, it’s just a cold. Go to work and if there’s any invoicing or inventory issues email it to me and I’ll sort it all while I’m an invalid” Ann assured her and Jaz bent to hug her “You are wonderful. Love you baby girl!”

“Love you too Mama” Ann said as she squeezed Jaz tight and when Jaz stood she smiled at Marion “You’ll be okay honey. It will hurt for a while and then one day it won’t!” 

“Thank you so much Jaz!” Marion said and Jaz bent to give her a hug. “You’re welcome honey. You kids have fun!”

As Jaz walked away Marion turned to Ann “She is so awesome. And Italian. But you’re English. And you’re both living in Australia.”

Ann laughed “Yeah, when I’m over this wretched cold we’ll sit down over a few drinks and I’ll fill you in on my highly complex family tree. It’s a tad unconventional but we love fiercely we’re all each other has. And they’ve completely embraced Anne.”

Marion smiled wistfully, longing for the same kind of happiness. The same kind of family. “That sounds like a great family to me”

Anne pulled up in her black Mercedes just as Jaz was leaving. “Hi honey how was your day” Jaz said as she gave Anne a big hug. “Alright. I was worried about Ann. Thank you so much for coming to check on her. How is she?”

Jaz smiled at Anne reassuringly as she put an arm around her. “She seemed a little low this morning but she’s a bit brighter now. Still sick of course but she’s perked up a lot more since Marion has been there.”

Anne looked at Jaz in shock “Marion? My sister?”

Jaz was a bit confused by Anne’s reaction ‘Well yes the two of them are thick as thieves binging the Gilmore girls and attempting to lapse into a sugar coma in there. Marion has just had her heart ripped out by her boyfriend and it looked as though Ann was trying to comfort her. I assumed you knew”

“No, I didn’t’ Anne said, still in shock. “My sister and I have been…. estranged”

Jaz kissed Anne’s head “I’m sorry Anne I didn’t realise. Well she’s inside with Annie now, I have to get to the club but if you need anything at all I’m only a call away alright.”

“I love you baby. The way you take care of my baby girl makes me so proud to have you as another daughter” Jaz said as she hugged Anne tightly and Anne swallowed the lump of emotion in her throat. That’s the first time Jaz had said that. She had a mum now. An actual Mum. “Love you too Mama’ She said in a raspy voice and quickly turned and headed into the house.

Jaz understood. She knew how hard it was for Anne to be open with her emotions.

Anne walked into the house and headed into the lounge room. There was Ann and Marion, indeed thick as thieves working their way through a packet of lollies as they dissected season one of the Gilmore Girls. She should have immediately gone to Ann and asked how she was. She should have stayed calm but she was angry. Angry that she hadn’t been told about this, that she didn’t know. Angry that Marion was so disgusted with her she wouldn’t talk to her but was quite happy in Ann’s company. On her couch. In her house, wearing her Princess’s oversized university sweats.

“Dude you’re home!” Ann said and Marion turned to look at Anne hesitantly “Hello Anne!” she said a little meekly.

“Marion!’ Anne acknowledged her coolly.

“Ann can I talk to you please?” Anne said commandingly in that tone Ann knew not to ignore and she immediately got up off the couch, the speed of which caused her to sway a little and Anne was instantly at her side with her arm around her. “Are you alright?” Anne asked her. Her voice softening slightly and Ann nodded. Even though Anne was clearly angry with her she still had her back. Always.

“Come with me please” She said and Marion mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ as Anne led her away but she turned behind her and mouthed ‘I’ll handle it”.

Anne took Ann clear across the ground floor of the mansion into her study and closed the door behind them.

“What the hell is going on here Ann? Why is my sister out there. Why didn’t you tell me?” Anne demanded angrily and Ann felt herself growing a bit anxious.

“Because she turned up very upset, she let herself in with her key. I couldn’t just abandon her or kick her out. I gave her some tea; we chatted a bit and hit it off and I invited her to stay and wait for you” Ann explained calmly.

“Oh, I can see how well you’ve hit it off! You looked like you were the best of friends in there despite the fact that you know how she’s treated me!” Anne spat, knowing she was being irrational but not being able to stop it.

“She’s sorry Dude. She loves you and she misses you. I know she wants to make things right with you” Ann tried to calm her.

“Oh, very convenient isn’t it that she wants to make things right when she’s got nowhere else to go!” Anne argued and Ann shook her head.

“Anne she’s a wealthy young woman. She could have checked into a hotel; she could have rented an apartment. She could have gone to a friend’s place. She could have gone to any of those places without having to deal with anything that happened between the two of you. But she came here. She admitted freely that she was awful and vile to you and took all her pain out on you. She genuinely wants to make things right.”

“I cannot believe you’re taking her side in this!” Anne said incredulously and Ann scrunched her face up.

“For goodness sake Anne it’s not about sides but if it is, It’s your side because I’ve seen you look longingly at old family photos and I’ve heard you talking to Beth. I know you miss your baby sister so when she came through the front door looking to make amends, very upset because she’d walked in on her boyfriend with his assistant I gave her a blanket and some tea and some warm clothes. I didn’t kick her out in the cold. So, shoot me! You know she’s actually been really lovely and genuinely concerned about me and kept me company. I’m not denying the fact that she was likely horrific to you but I highly doubt she’s the sum total of the things she said out of her mind with grief.”

“SHE CALLED ME A HEARTLESS MURDERER ANN. SHE SAID I MURDERED OUR AUNT FOR FUCKS SAKE. SHE SAID SHE NEVER WANTED TO SEE ME AGAIN.” Anne yelled at her angrily and Ann jumped. But then she took a deep breath and tried to remain composed.

“And that most certainly was vile, and hateful and completely untrue Dude and I’m so very sorry you had to go through that because you didn’t deserve it. But then she admitted to treating you as such. Think about what I said, I know you haven’t always seen eye to eye but her character, the way she’s treated you through your whole life. Is she generally a vile human? Does she demonstrate consistent behaviour that proves she’s a bad person”

Everything Ann was saying made sense. She was completely right and it was making Anne even more furious. Marion wasn’t a bad person or the sum total of the things she said and perhaps if she had have had it phrased to her like that, the way Ann often did so perfectly, she might have made the first move to make amends with Marion but right now her Princess and her baby sister were in cahoots together and she was on the outer, the last to know when she should have known.”

“Dude I’m sorry I should have called you and let you know when she arrived. I just wasn’t sure how you’d react and I didn’t want her to get anxious and leave and have you lose the chance to make things right.

“ DAMN RIGHT YOU SHOULD HAVE! I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON IN MY OWN FAMILY, IN MY OWN HOUSE ANN. YOU DON’T CALL THE SHOTS HERE, I DO!”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth Anne regretted them instantly. She waited for Ann to burst into tears but her eyes blazed with fire.  
“Oh, forgive me master. Did your little submissive forget her place? Am I just here to look pretty and do what I’m told? To take care of the laundry and shopping and anything else that needs doing when your housekeeper isn’t around because you have no fucking basic domestic life skills? Is that why you want to move me in here? Should I start kneeling at the door naked with a ball gag in my mouth when you arrive home and wait for your orders? You sound just like the rope top dicks that throw their weight around”

Anne was stunned by the fire in her comeback,, not to mention incredibly aroused by the image of her kneeling naked before her. 

“I would never, ever put you in any kind of gag and I can assure you while I cherish the trust you place in me and that particular element to our relationship I don’t ever think of you as my submissive or of myself as your Master. We have something way more special and unique than that.” Anne said, softening her tone a little and feeling terribly ashamed.

“Well let’s get one thing straight Anne you can call the shots here and be king of your freaking castle all you want but you won’t be doing it with me by your side because I can assure you I am not now, nor will I ever be that kind of princess. I will never be somebody’s captive and at their mercy while they call the shots ever again”

Anne’s heart sank as she realised the link Ann had drawn between what she had said and the dynamic she lived in with James.

“Noted. I don’t want you to be anything other than you. That’s what makes you my princess. Nor do I want to make you feel bullied and like you’re a captive. And I honestly feel ill that you’ve drawn the comparison from my callous words I didn’t even mean and the life you lived under James’s reign of terror though I don’t blame you. I never should have said what I said. I was being a hot headed idiot. I need to stop lashing out just because it frustrates me that you’re so…..right” Her tone softened even more and she saw Ann’s body language relax.

“I’m not trying to be right. I’m just trying to offer another perspective. I know what you went through Anne. When I told Elizabeth, what James did to me in the kitchen that night she said it was my fault, that I was dressed like and acting like a slut and he’d had too much to drink and lost control based on my behaviour” Ann said quietly and Anne’s eyes widened it surprise.

“Oh my god, Ann, sweetheart that’s disgraceful!’ 

“Yeah it is. So, believe me, I know what it’s like to have a sibling say something so vile and hurtful that it literally rips you apart. I get it. But the thing is, every time Elizabeth began a conversation with me after that, for weeks after that I desperately hoped she would tell me she was wrong. That she would make it right and we could move on. She was never going to; I know that now but this isn’t just about you and Marion mending your relationship. It’s about you getting the apology that you deserve, that you need to move on. To tell you that it wasn’t your fault. That what she said wasn’t true so that you can stop beating yourself up with her words that you hear in your head because I know what that’s like too and it’s awful. The difference is, Elizabeth proved time and time again that she really is a bad person but my instincts are telling me Marion is not.” Ann said softly.

“No, she’s not” Anne agreed as the weight of Ann’s words washed over her and she felt like a world class bastard for the way she’d blown up at her when once more she was just schooling her in emotional maturity and relationships and life.

Ann could feel her heart pounding. She hated confrontation and more than that, her limbs were starting to feel heavier and heavier. She really felt more wretched than she had all day and the pain in her throat, ear and glands was starting to feel pretty horrific. And she was highly irritated by Anne’s pig headedness. 

“Ann are you alright my darling you’re very pale” Anne said in concern.

‘I’m fine just go talk to Marion she’s probably feeling very anxious by herself in the lounge room. Just go sort it out. Take as long as you need and I’ll give you Privacy. I’m due to take more medicine anyway. In case it escaped your attention I’m actually not well!” Ann said in a numb tone of voice. She didn’t mean to sound cold. She just honestly didn’t have any fight left in her.

Ann turned and left the study and closed the door with a thud behind her that made Anne wince. Not that she didn’t deserve it.

“Insensitive hot headed bastard!” Anne admonished herself as she took a deep breath. She desperately wanted to go after Ann, but she had a feeling that after her behaviour she wasn’t going to get anywhere until she sorted things with Marion. In fact, she really wanted to give Marion a piece of her mind.

Opening the study door she stormed across the house back to the lounge room determined to tell Marion exactly what she thought of the awful things she’d said about her and the way she’d just turned up and then she saw her curled up against the arm rest of the couch crying quietly, looking utterly heart broken and bereft. And suddenly she wasn’t 25, suddenly she was 5 years old again and had skinned knees because Jason Thompson, the playground bully had pushed her over and she needed Anne to make it better after she’d thrown him into a wall. She remembered what Ann said about Marion not being the sum total of what she’d said when she was wracked by grief.

“So where exactly can I find Matt, Marion?” Anne asked Marion sternly and Marion looked at her in shock as she registered her presence.

“So, I can kick his worthless cheating ass for breaking my baby sister’s heart!” Anne said more softly and Marion’s face crumpled. “Oh Anne, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry for everything” she sobbed and Anne held her arms out ‘Come here you little shit”.

Marion ran into Anne’s arms and Anne held the smaller woman tightly. “I never should have said the awful things I said. It’s no excuse I know, I was just out of my mind with pain. I felt like you’d ripped her away from me. But you’re not a murderer. It was so wrong of me to say that. What you did was the right and humane thing to do for her. And I can’t even imagine what it was like for you to be there through it. I never would have been able to be that strong. It would have been so much crueller to let her live and suffer, dying slowly. And she was miserable. I accept that now. I know we’ve had our differences but. You’re a good big sister and a good person Anne. I’m so sorry. I have missed you so much. I just felt like I’d been so unforgivably vile I didn’t know how to fix it, or if I even had a right to” she sobbed and Anne had tears in her own eyes as she felt a weight lift off her she hadn’t even realised she was carrying. Ann was so right. She really had needed that apology. Because at the end of the day this was her baby sister and the idea that she thought that about her had been tearing her apart.

“Thank you Marion. I accept your apology and I’ve missed you too. I’m glad you’re here. You’re a good person too you know. You’re just a little shit!” Anne said affectionately and Marion laughed. “I know. But you’re a big shit!”

“True!” Anne conceded.

Ann had tears streaming down her face as she discreetly watched the reunion undetected from behind the loungeroom archway. That was her Dude. Stubborn and hot headed but at the end of the day so full of love and fiercely protective of those she loved. Ann felt quite awful for the harsh things she’d said. She quietly turned away and headed for the kitchen.

“I love Annie. She’s just beautiful inside and out” Marion said genuinely and Anne sighed ‘She is. I’m afraid I was just extremely hard on her” Anne said regretfully as she pulled away from Marion.

‘You shouldn’t be. I think she’s really unwell Anne. And still she was so supportive of me and so kind. And she loves you so much. I saw photos and I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way you look at her”

“She is my dream come true. She’s my whole world, my forever and my everything” Anne said honestly and Marion smiled in wonder ‘Wow…. In a million years I never thought this day would come. I am so happy for you. But you need to go and fix it.” 

“I do. Will you stay a while? This will always be your home you know. And I’m sure Ann would love the company. I would like it if you stayed. I’d get your things; you wouldn’t have to face Matt.” Anne said a little awkwardly and Marion squeezed her arm.

“I’d really like that. Thank you. Now go sort things with my future sister in law. Yes, I heard about the epic pre-proposal. Nicely done. Not sure who you are and what you’ve done with my sister but nicely done!” Marion said with a wry smile.

“Little shit!” Anne muttered as she walked away but the corners of her lips were turned into a smile.

Anne headed towards the kitchen and came face to face with Beth. ‘Oh Beth, Marion and I have sort of worked things out. Well it’s a start anyway. She will be staying with us for a while. I know you’ve missed her and I’m sure she’d be happy to see you!”

“Well I’m glad about that but I’m not very happy with you right now Anne Lister. There is one very miserable little person at the kitchen table right now. Honestly I could hear you yelling from where I was. What were you thinking being so hard on the poor wee little poppet when she’s ill.

“I wasn’t thinking Beth and I can assure you I’m even less happy with myself about my behaviour. I’m going to go fix it now.” Anne assured her.

“Well see that you do or you’ll have me to deal with!” Beth warned her seriously and then went off to the lounge room.

Anne could hear Ann coughing before she even got to the kitchen table and when she did, nothing prepared her for the sight of her beautiful girl sitting with one knee pulled up to her chest and her chin on her knee, her other leg swinging anxiously beside the chair, eyes swollen and puffy as tears streamed down her face. She looked utterly heartbroken and a million miles away.

“Oh, Ann my darling I’m so very sorry!” Anne said as she rushed to her and knelt beside her chair. “I was reeling and processing a whole gambit of emotions and I lashed out at you unfairly. Please forgive me my love” she said as she took one of Ann’s little hands and kissed it.

“I said awful mean things too and I shouldn’t have. I just don’t like it when you yell at me like that. It scares me. But I’m so sorry!” Ann said as she covered her face in her hands and began to cry harder.

“Come here baby” Anne said as she stood and lifted Ann, sitting back on the chair with her in her lap. “I know it scares you. I should never have yelled at you like that, especially when you’re so sick. I’m so sorry. Please don’t be so hard on yourself all you did was tell me some home truths I didn’t want to hear. You were absolutely right; I did need that apology from Marion and I feel so much better now I have it. I love you so much.” Anne stroked her hair and rocked her gently but then she began coughing with a force that shook her tiny body so hard Anne could feel it and she was terribly worried.

“Princess if you’re no better by tomorrow morning I’m taking you to the doctor.”

Ann took a deep breath but her breathing was still so raspy and her voice was so croaky “I shouldn’t…..I shouldn’t have compared living…..with you to living with James. It was wrong. You’re…n..nothing like him…even when you’re angry you would…never…..h..hurt me like that. I’m sorry”

“Shhh Little one it’s alright. I shouldn’t have acted like an aggressive jerk of a bully like him to start with, please don’t try to talk just breathe, you can hardly breathe.”  
She was so upset and Anne had seen her upset before but combined with this flu bug which was likely exacerbating her emotions because she felt so wretched, she was really struggling.

“That’s it Beauty just relax and let me hold you.” Anne cooed gently as she encouraged Ann to snuggle in which she did. And Anne heaved a sigh of relief as Ann’s breathing began to return to normal. Still as a precaution she took Ann’s puffer that was sitting on the table once she’d settled a bit and held it to her mouth. Ann closed her mouth around it and Anne pressed it 3 times, each time waiting for her to suck the Ventolin back.

“That’s my good girl. My precious angel.” Anne whispered as she placed little kisses all over Ann’s tear streaked face and took a tissue, gently patting it dry. “You’re my Princess always. I promise never to cheapen that or the very special way you submit and give yourself to me and the honour you bestow upon me with my stubborn pigheaded insensitive words ever again. But if you want to be naked when I get home some time I say you should just do you! And I fully support you.”

Ann actually giggled and Anne smiled hopefully.

“Yeah right you won’t even let me show you my boobs!” she said in a shaky voice but she had a little smile on her face.

“21 days and counting sweetheart!” Anne said wickedly and Ann blushed as she looked down.

Anne took in her braided pigtails which had settled into two singular thick curls and her gorgeous pyjamas and blushing cheeks and felt herself melt into a puddle.

“Do you have any idea how adorable you look right now?” she asked adoringly and Ann bit her lip self-consciously “I feel like a puffer fish! Everything feels swollen and big!”

“I know you do sweetheart but you don’t look it. You’re so beautiful” Anne whispered reverently as she brushed wayward curls away from Ann’s forehead. “My pretty baby!”

Ann snuggled into Anne and after a little while of Anne rubbing her back rhythmically she’d drifted off to sleep, clearly exhausted. Anne carried her back into the lounge room and sat down in a lounge chair with her curled in her arms.

“Oh, the poor little mite is all tuckered out. It’s no surprise. She pushes herself so hard” Beth said in concern and Anne pressed a kiss to Ann’s forehead “Yes. As soon as her exams are over I’m going to be demanding that she takes a long break. I’m worried about her. Something’s not right. It’s like she’s Ann but not quite.”

“Would she be more comfortable if you put her in bed?” Marion asked in concern.

“Not until she’s really deep under. I want her to settle. She sleeps best in my arms anyway.” Anne said protectively and Beth stood ‘Yes let her sleep. Rest is the best thing for her body to recover. I’m going to go finish her soup so it’s ready when she wakes up.

Marion tried to focus on the Gilmore girls but found herself looking at her sister in awe. The way she was cradling Ann in her arms, stroking her hair and gently rubbing her outer thigh soothingly as she slept curled up in her arms like a little kitten, completely content.  
She had never seen this side to her sister before.

‘She’s really changed you hasn’t she?” Marion asked as she smiled at the touching scene before her and Anne twirled one of her beautiful girls pigtails around her finger “She’s more than changed me. She saved me. Her love turned me into the best version of myself I could possibly be” Anne said vehemently and Marion could hear and see the emotion.

“She’s tiny isn’t she?” Marion remarked honestly. ‘Like a little doll”

“She is!” Anne said as she stared down at her adoringly “My little Pixie. She was born very prematurely .They didn’t think she would make it but she defied all the odds. Then they said she wouldn’t be able to live a healthy life free of physical complications but she defied those odds and can contort herself and do flips and tricks you wouldn’t believe on aerial apparatus that are the very definition of elite athleticism and when she dances it takes your breath away. They also said she’d never see 5 foot but she made it to 5”1. That’s my girl. Always sticking it to them and succeeding where she’s told she can’t. She has a hard time keeping a healthy weight without slipping under sometimes, it only takes an illness like this to knock her back a couple of kilos and I know she wishes she was a little bigger sometimes but I think she’s just perfect for me. She’s like a Victoria secret model wrapped up in a more miniature package. She’s so beautiful. I wouldn’t change a thing about her.”

“I see that!” Marion said feeling herself get a little emotional. There was no doubt in her mind that her sister absolutely worshiped the ground this young woman walked on and vice versa.

“So, when’s the wedding?” Marion teased and Anne beamed ‘Not too far away I don’t think.”

She checked Anne and whispered “The Pink diamond engagement ring I’ve had custom designed for her is being created as we speak. I don’t think it will be ready by her 18th but it will definitely be ready by Christmas which is only a month and a bit later and we’ll likely be with her family!”

‘Custom designed pink diamond engagement rings and romantic Christmas proposals surrounded by family. Seriously who are you? Like who are you actually?” Marion ribbed her but with a smile full of joy.

“Oh, shush that’s enough out of you!” Anne said dismissively but she couldn’t hide her smile.

*********************  
Anne and Marion were enjoying a late leisurely dinner that Beth had actually joined them for. To catch up with “her girls”. She’d put Ann in her bed a couple of hours ago and she was sleeping soundly and she’d already told Shibden she wouldn’t be in the next morning. She was going to take care of her Princess. She was taking her to the doctor whether she liked it or not.

Ann woke up gasping for breath, feeling like her whole throat was closed over. It was so hard for her to breathe. And the pain. The pain was horrific. She remembered the symptoms her ENT specialist had mentioned to look for to tell when her tonsils had really packed it in and realised what was happening. She felt her glands which were like gold balls, her ears that were like fire to touch and she dragged herself to the mirror and opened her mouth to see her tonsils were about 5 times the size they were meant to be. “Oh shit this is it!” Ann gasped as she dragged herself back to bed and dialled the intercom on the phone next to the bed.

The phone rang downstairs and Anne got up quickly ‘That will probably be Ann. She must have woken up!” she said cheerily as she went to the phone.

“Hello sweetheart how are you feeling?” She asked.

Anne could only hear gasping on the other end.

“Ann talk to me!” she demanded feeling fear enter her stomach and when she heard Ann gasp “help” she dropped the phone and was running.

“Somethings wrong” she called out frantically and Marion and Beth were up and chasing after her.

Anne flew up the stairs and when she got to her bedroom the air left her lungs when she saw Ann. She was so white she was almost blue, sitting on the side of the bed and as Anne rushed to her, she discovered she was burning up on the forehead but like ice to touch.

“I think…My tonsils have abscessed. They’re obstructing my airways. Call an ambulance” Ann gasped and Anne reached for the phone and dialled an ambulance as Beth grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around Ann. “It’s alright Pet you’ll be okay. Marion wait with her while I pack her a bag”

“Of course!” Marion said helplessly as she sat and put a comforting arm around Ann ‘It’s alright babe”

Ann reached over to her front drawer and pulled out a heavy duty throat anti- inflammatory spray and sprayed it in her throat.

Anne hung up “Beth Ring Jazmine please!” she called out and took Ann’s face between her hands “They’re on their way, should we lie you down my darling?” Anne had tears in her eyes and Ann felt awful.

‘No sitting is better….I’m…..so sorry. This is my fault…..I thought they could make it till…..after exams…” Ann gasped and Anne sat beside her and put her arms around her. ‘Don’t be sorry my love it’s alright. We’re going to get you the help you need okay and then you’ll feel better. Just hang in there alright. Stay with me!” Anne pleaded as she and Marion exchanged panicked glances.

************************  
Anne, Jazmine Beth and Marion were all waiting anxiously for news about Ann. The ambulance had come quickly and they’d immediately given Ann oxygen which had assisted her breathing. Anne had ridden with her and held her hand like she might slip from her fingers if she let it go while Beth and Marion had followed behind and Jaz had met them there. So many staff had been horrified to see her in emergency in such a state as they’d worked with her father there and watched her grow up but it had certainly helped speed up the process.

“Jaz!” The head of surgery approached them and hugged her. “Peter thank god any news?” Peter gently took her by the arm and Jaz reached back for Anne’s arm pulling her with them “Peter this is Annie’s partner, Anne Lister. Anne, Dr Peter Richards” Peter smiled kindly at Anne “it’s good to meet you Anne, my wife Sarah works at Riverview College with the Year 12 students. She’s spoken very highly of how good you are with not only the students but how good you’ve been for Annie.”

“Pleasure to meet you too Dr Richards, I’ve very much enjoyed working with Sarah this year, please tell me how my darling is doing” she said anxiously and Peter squeezed her hand “Her ENT specialist has come in and is scrubbing in as we speak. He was a friend of her fathers. Those tonsils are finally coming out and after the usual painful and uncomfortable period she is going to feel so much better because they’re honestly some of the worst we’ve seen. It literally would have been an effort for her to breathe lately she just hasn’t realised because it’s become normal. Her anxiety will likely improve as well.”

“Oh, thank god” Anne breathed a sigh of relief and Jazmine put an arm around her.

‘She’s terribly frightened of hospitals after what she’s been through. She’ll probably be terrified” Anne fretted and Peter placed a sympathetic arm on her shoulder.

“Right now, she’s going under anaesthetic as we speak and not feeling anything I assure you. As soon as she’s in recovery we’ll take you to her. And I know she was holding off until after the HSC but she’ll qualify for illness/misadventure special circumstances now and if she happens to perform poorly in her exams because she’ll still be recovering they’ll just award her the assessment mark she received at school which I know were all very high. She’s Chris Walkers daughter.”

“Thank you so much Doctor, I just need to tell my sister and house-keeper!” Anne said as she went over to Marion and Beth to fill them in.

“She’ll be fine Jaz honestly!” Peter assured her as he put an arm around her and she leant into his hug ‘And honestly I’m hoping she gets over this fear of hospitals because she’d make a brilliant physician”

“I know she would” Jaz said sadly, thinking of how scarred her little girl was by things that were completely beyond her control.

‘Did you ever sort out the jerk that gave her gonorrhoea? A 19 year old had no business giving a 14 year old an STD I don’t care how much he said he loved her or how many claims he made that he didn’t know he had it. That’s when her tonsils went downhill. When she contracted that infection. By the time it was treated it was too late. The weakening and damage was done.” Peter said in disgust. “But with the tonsils gone there will be no more repercussions for her.

Anne had walked back over to Jaz and gasped in shock. Ann? With an std? what were they talking about? Was that Thomas Ainsworth Peter was describing?

“I had the living shit kicked out of him, with some help. He definitely learnt a painful lesson. I wanted to do more but it was hard when I was in Italy and she was so ashamed and terrified of her getting out. I mean she was mortified even that you and some of her father’s other colleagues knew. She felt like she’d let him down so badly” Jaz said sadly.

“Poor kid, she should never have been so ashamed. She’d had her world turned upside down and he took advantage of her vulnerability and got her to agree to something she wasn’t ready for. She was innocent but he was old enough to know to practise safe sex. I’m going to see how she’s going!”

“Thank you Peter!” Jaz said gratefully.

Anne couldn’t believe what she was hearing. What the hell were they saying? She pushed Jaz around the corridor and Jaz looked stunned to see Anne had been behind her.

“What the fuck are you talking about. Ann is a virgin. She can’t have had gonorrhoea” Anne said in disbelief.

Jaz sighed. ‘She is a virgin. She contracted it orally.”

Anne just stared at her in disbelief.

****************

Jaz slipped into Ann’s private hospital room and was surprised to see she was awake. “Oh honey you gave us such a scare. How are you feeling?” she asked a very pale and scattered looking Ann. “Very sore. But they’ve just given me the good drugs. I want Anne. Where is Anne?”

“Honey she’s on her way up. I’m so sorry to do this right now but she knows Thomas gave you an std. Peter was talking about how that was when this all started with your tonsils and she overheard. I’m so sorry” 

Ann just froze and she had a look of numbness on her face that Jaz had ever seen before. “Honey is something going on. I feel like you’re not yourself. Anne has noticed it too!” Jaz said and Ann wanted to say something but she felt so awful and groggy. She just didn’t know how to make the words.”

Anne headed towards Ann’s room. Jaz had filled her in on the way Thomas Ainsworth had pushed her into giving him oral sex when she wasn’t really ready but she’d gone along with it because she’d felt he was her only ally, her only chance of escaping James and had then ended up with an STD. The idea of her beautiful girl feeling so trapped and helpless that she would do that absolutely broke her heart. And she was sure of one thing. A time was coming where Ainsworth would know the definition of pain. She knew Ann was ashamed and she understood her reasoning that Jaz had passed on. She just wished she could make Ann see that she could confide in her about anything. She’d had a chance to do it when Ann had asked her about Thomas and she didn’t. To be fair though Anne realised she had alluded to it the night they first met when she said she’d been intimate with a man and didn’t seem to know whether or not she was a virgin and Anne suddenly realised why. That’s why she had been unsure.

She flung open Ann’s door and rushed to her side. “My darling it is so good to see you. I’m so glad you’re alright!” Anne said as she sat at Ann’s bedside and kissed her hand.

“I’ll give you two some space!” Jaz said as she bent to kiss Ann’s head and left the room.

Ann looked at Anne with huge heartbroken tear filled eyes. “You must be so disappointed in me!”

Anne stroked her hair “Because your tonsils finally packed it in? silly rabbit! That’s not your fault sweetheart. We knew they were a ticking time bomb.”

Ann shook her head “No…Mama said that you know about…” She couldn’t even bring herself to say it. She just covered her face in shame, pretty sure this was what rock bottom felt like but she knew she had far worse coming when everyone found out the whole truth, especially Anne.

“That I know about how that animal took a beautiful 14 year old kid who loved and trusted him, who had just lost everything in the world that mattered to her and used it to his own advantage. Took advantage of her innocence and terror over her abusive living situation to sexually coerce her into giving him oral sex when she didn’t want to and wasn’t ready, didn’t use protection and gave her an STD? My sweet beautiful girl why would I be disappointed in you for that?” Anne asked gently.

“Because I’m stupid and disgusting and….spoiled now” Ann said shamefully and Anne was aghast. “Oh no, sweet baby no never. Never ever. Is that why you didn’t tell me? Because you thought I’d think that?”

Ann nodded as she began to cry and Anne climbed into the bed with her and carefully took her in her arms.   
“You are still my precious angel, my beautiful princess and nothing will ever change that. And you are still a virgin. I understand why you seemed unsure and confused when I asked you that first night in the limo now. What happened was coercive consent. It’s wrong. It’s essentially the step before sexual assault. It wasn’t your fault” Anne said as she held Ann close and placed little kisses all over her face.

Ann so badly wanted to tell Anne that it was assault, that there was no consent and then it kept happening but everything felt so heavy. Why did everything feel heavy.

“My body feels so heavy” Ann complained.

‘Shhhh it’s the painkillers baby just let them take you. Look at me!” Ann struggled to focus on Anne’s face but she did. “I have had two STD in my life, both of which I was older than you when I contracted them, both of which I got sleeping around. Do you think any less of me?”

‘No. It was in the past and you’re my Dude and I love you all the much no matter what!” Ann said groggily and Anne smiled at her brightly ‘See? It’s the same for me. Nothing has changed. I just want us to get to a place where you can confide in me more and not shut me off from things that have happened to you alright? Can we try to do that?” 

Ann nodded and Anne bent to kiss her forehead. She knew this wasn’t the time to talk about that in more detail. “Close your eyes pretty baby. You’re safe. I’ll stay with you all night!” Anne assured her and Ann started to drift away.

Anne looked at her very fragile looking little sleeping beauty in concern. The fact that she’d been carrying around that burden not only the past 3 and a half years but while they’d been together destroyed her. She wanted Ann to know that she didn’t ever have to go through anything alone or worry that things between them would change. She knew she was very young but she needed to find a way to get Ann to communicate with her better. She just hadn’t been herself. Anne was glad she hadn’t yet freaked out that she was in hospital. And she couldn’t wait to get her home and wrap her up and make sure she recovered properly.

She wasn’t sure if it was just exam stress or her tonsils nearing explosion or like the doctor said, exhaustion from her just struggling to breathe long term. 

But she couldn’t stop the feeling that there was something she was missing about Ann. That something wasn’t right with her Princess.


	24. Hope and threats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously should be doing my mountain of work but I'm over people not pulling their weight on my team while I have to do everything so I'm procrastinating and writing this instead ha ha.
> 
> This one is a bit of a mix. I had to include some lovely stuff because the Ann(e)s are so beautiful together. We're heading towards the final explosion. Fasten your seatbelts peeps!
> 
> Truth Hurts Lyrics by Lizzo
> 
> Enjoy

“Where are my two favourite little brats?” Anne called out affectionately as she came home from work. It was Thursday afternoon, Exactly 8 days since Ann had her surgery. She’d honestly slept most of it away and Anne had been terribly worried at first but had been told it was the best thing for her and when she thought of all Ann had been through in the past few years she realized it was probably what she’d needed. Day 4 and 5 had been typically bad as these are usually when pain was at its peak and it was hard to watch her wake up in tears. But that was generally at night and she’d been there to get her to take more pain killers and coax an ice block into her Princess’s mouth to soothe her throat and she’d fallen back asleep in her arms as the heavy duty painkillers took effect quite quickly. And the previous evening her scabs had broken off which resulted in an obscene amount of blood and Anne had sat with her rubbing her back as she spat it into a cup as per the surgeon’s instructions to check she wasn’t bleeding more than normal

That part, Ann hadn’t been so pleased to have company during. But apart from that, they’d never been closer. She’d been a trooper all things considered but she’d been so weak and sick she’d just let Anne take care of her. It had been so lovely just holding her and cuddling her and picking her up and carrying her around and having her snuggled up in her arms so much. And Marion had been a god send, keeping Ann company during the day when she was awake. The two of them had gotten quite close and it had been lovely because the past couple of afternoons, Ann had been awake and she’d come home from work to find the two of them snuggled up on the couch binge watching the Gilmore girls which Anne rolled her eyes about and teased them and whinged about them being two little brats in cahoots against her and commandeering the television but the truth is she was really happy.

It was lovely to have Marion back around and she knew she had Ann to thank for that. With Beth constantly fussing over them and Jaz in and out daily and staying some nights so she could still be at work sometimes, It was like they were a little family. Ann had even invited Marion to come to the farm and meet her family the next day and to be her plus one at the wedding since Ann would be at the groomsmen table. It was so gorgeous of her and Marion had been absolutely thrilled. She was kind of glad she’d have a wingbitch for when her beautiful girl was busy too.

“What no Stars Hollow this afternoon? And I was just starting to keep up with the speed at which Lorelai speaks!” Anne teased as she saw Marion watching something different then cringed “Oh god not that Pretty Little Liars shit. I know I need to let Ann be where she’s at and this is the shit all teens are into but I honestly don’t give a fuck who A is, the only A I’m interested in is my sweet beautiful girl. Speaking of which where is she?”

Marion pointed upstairs. ‘I tried to coax her down with it but she’s been kind of quiet since she got back from her paediatric endroconoligist appointment. She didn’t say what happened, only that it was her sign off appointment before she turns 18 in two weeks. Booth took her. She looked pretty tired out from it but I feel like maybe it was more?”

‘Goodness I thought she said that was next Thursday. I hope everything’s alright!” Anne said as she headed up the stairs. She went into Ann’s room and found her on the bed curled up in the shirt she’d worn to work yesterday which she’d obviously stolen from the laundry hamper but it sat like a mini dress on her. Anne completely melted at the adorable image in front of her and the comfort Ann always took from “Dude smell’ as she called it and then groaned as she shifted, her long legs parting showing a flash of pink panties underneath. Even with her shrunken frame from the liquid diet she looked so sexy and was so beautiful.

She saw a framed picture next to her and picked it up. “oh my god!” she gasped as she looked at it in disbelief. On the one side was a picture of a baby girl so tiny she was nestled in the palm of a hand. Her little arms were the width of Anne’s ring finger, her legs the width of her thumb. But for someone so tiny they were long. And there was no mistaking the crystal blue eyes that were open and alert even as she was hooked up to so many machines keeping her alive, wires coming in every which direction off her tiny body. This was Ann. She looked at the writing down the bottom of the pic. It would have been taken a week after Ann was born. Anne’s eyes filled with tears. She knew Ann was a miracle but she never grasped quite how much until she saw that photo. And next to it was one taken earlier that day obviously in a pastel blue sun frock with little puffed sleeves Anne loved her in, wearing makeup to cover her paleness and looking the picture of health despite being in recovery from a tonsillectomy. As she looked at the “then and now” style pic it was an incredible testament to Ann’s strength and Anne had to take her in her arms. So grateful that she had fought and survived. That she’d fallen out of the sky into her arms.

“I love you….I love you so much my beautiful Princess. All the much. My precious angel’ Anne gasped.

“I love you too Dude…” Ann said groggily as her eyes fluttered open to peer up at her curiously. ‘Why tears?” She asked in concern as she traced the moisture on Anne’s face.

“Just being a bit of a sook, looking at that picture of you as a baby and feeling so grateful you survived, and that you’re mine” Anne said with a chuckle and Ann nodded. “They do it to give other mothers of premature babies hope…you don’t have to..but I wanted to. And they gave me one too.”

“Of course you did my darling. Always thinking of others” Anne said proudly as she stroked Ann’s face. “And I can’t think of anything more hopeful for a mother than looking at all that you’ve become and thinking their child could grow to be half as incredible.”

“Baby!” Ann said as she held Anne close to her, overwhelmed by her beautiful words. “That’s so lovely, thank you so much!” she said honestly.

“How did it feel? Being signed off after 18 years of being under a microscope?” Anne asked and Ann looked at Anne in bewilderment. “Surreal. Your whole life you’re like “Argh I’m so freaking sick of being a human science experiment I can’t wait until I’m grown up and this shits over and then they hand you your photo and you cry and hug and you’re like ‘Wait a minute that’s it? I don’t know what happens now this shit is over! I’m not ready!”

Anne chuckled and Ann giggled a little with her. “That actually makes a lot of sense sweetheart. Did everything go alright? Marion said you were a little quiet.”

Ann sighed “I guess. There were a few issues. The first being that I haven’t even grown a millimetre since my last growth spurt so it looks like this is as good as it gets.”

Anne’s face lit up. “You mean you’re going to be the perfect size for me forever and ever?” Ann got a shy little smile on her face and Anne kissed her forehead ‘You don’t need to be taller baby you’re perfect just the way you are.”

“And I’ve lost 3 kilos this past week and that’s why my period didn’t come again.” Ann added.

“Thank god for that, I hear teen periods are awful, you would have likely grown a second head, slammed every door in the house and re-created the scarier parts of the exorcist until I secured for you all the chocolate in the land and the 3 kilos is nothing Rachel’s home cooking and obscene amounts of beer at the wedding won’t take care of this weekend.” Anne said dryly and Ann laughed. She always went out of her way to cheer her up. Except nothing was stopping the last issue from worrying her.

Anne could see the anxiety completely transforming her beautiful face as her demeanour totally changed.

“What else did she say sweetheart? Come here!’ Anne said as she leant against the headboard and Ann curled up in her arms.

“ We started talking about the baby thing. My reproductive system and ovaries and everything are healthy. But She said that with me going through puberty so late and only getting my period when I was like 16 and 9 months and them being irregular that it’s going to be a bit more complicated doing a same sex pregnancy because it’s harder to tell when I’m ovulating so they’ll have to do lots of tests to establish a base line and then continuously so they can figure out when is the most successful time to inseminate, and she said that because I’m so small and my pelvis is narrow I could book a C section in advance or choose to deliver vaginally but be aware there is a chance they might have to do an emergency C section. I said I would do whatever it takes and go down whatever avenue was safest for the baby.”

Anne took in the gravity of everything Ann was saying with a very serious expression. She’d never really thought about the complications for Ann, bearing her children. She’d been so excited she hadn’t really dissected it quite like this.

‘But it scared you sweetheart?” Anne asked and Ann shook her head ‘Not really, I kind of knew all this, I’ve really done my research….It’s just that she said all of that can really take a toll on anyone and with me needing anti- anxiety medication that I would have to go off for the sake of the baby maybe it was worth waiting a couple of years for my periods to even out, for my body to catch up and fill out a little so that I wasn’t put under that kind of strain and the pregnancy and journey to conception might be a bit easier, say if we did it when I was 20 or 21. She said that once there’s more time and distance between me and the things that have happened to me things would likely right themselves, but I’d still be very young with less adult pressures than if we waited till my late 20’s like my mum did and if we wanted to start our family earlier perhaps we could look at other avenues.” Ann’s voice cracked and she pursed her lips together to try to stop from crying.

‘I’m really sorry Dude…I’m sorry that I’m so defective.’ She said sadly and Anne’s heart broke for her. She was so terribly hard on herself.

“Hey! Look at me!” Anne said as she tipped Ann’s face towards her. ‘You are not defective sweet baby. Don’t ever say that about yourself” she began very gently. “You are my dream come true. It’s not like we ever put a timeline on it my darling, what she’s saying sounds perfectly reasonable to me if it puts my sweet beautiful girl in the safest and healthiest position. She’s only talking a couple of years and you know what there are so many kids who need good homes. We could adopt our first one. Or not we could just wait.”

“But you wanted me to have the baby” Ann said anxiously. “I wanted me to have the baby”

“And you will my love, when the time is right and its safe for you and the baby you will. That time just doesn’t have to be next month okay? And she’s only asking us to wait a couple of years. I mean I plan on whisking you away for at least a 3 month honeymoon, my ultimate goal is to ravage you in every continent” Anne said as she kissed Ann’s forehead but Ann didn’t even crack a smile.

“I just hate the idea of letting you down” Ann said softly and Anne covered her face in kisses. “No, my darling. You are not letting me down at all. You couldn’t let me down if you tried.”

Ann picked up the picture and looked at it so intently. At baby Ann. “What if the time is never right. What if it’s never safe for me to be completely off medication. I couldn’t be pregnant knowing I needed medication. I couldn’t risk doing this, to a helpless little baby. Not after all I went through….I always knew that could be a possibility but when it was just me on my own exploring my options at being a mum it was different. I need to consider your needs and feelings. If I couldn’t do it naturally, would you still want to be with me?”

And suddenly Anne realised what Ann’s deepest fear was. That her mother’s cycle would repeat. Or that in stopping it, she might lose Anne. “Oh my darling” she gasped inwardly. It was so much adult responsibility for someone so young to have to be carrying. She had every faith in Ann’s ability to carry a child full term without medication. The girl had never failed at anything she’d set her mind to yet and had literally beat death.

“Then if it turned out that way I would cry with you, and I would grieve with you but I would still love you all the much. All the time. All the ways. I love you Ann Walker. I have from the moment I saw you, exactly as you are and it wouldn’t change a thing about my feelings for you. I promise you that Beauty”

Ann started crying again and Anne pressed her forehead to hers. “And you know if that was the case we’d just adopt a larger set of siblings at once. No teenagers though. If I’m lucky enough to have one teenager around the house who doesn’t get PMS there’s no point getting one that does. In fact, they should probably all be under 8 because at least that way we can guarantee you’ll be bigger than them”

Ann’s jaw dropped as she slapped Anne’s shoulder ‘You shit!” she said as she actually laughed through her tears and Anne laughed with her. 

“Darling no one would ever know that you weren’t Jaz’s biological daughter. She absolutely idolises you and vice versa. Marion didn’t till you explained your complex family tree. And she didn’t get you until you were what 9?”

Ann nodded ‘And I loved my mum so much but Jaz really was the better more stable parent for me. She was a better mum. Does it make me a bad person that I can say that?”

Anne shook her head “No baby it makes you an honest person. But don’t you see? Imagine if you were the Jaz and we had someone very little only around 2 or 3. Another little Annalise who really needed love and stability because for whatever reason what she was born into biologically wasn’t enough. Imagine the bond we’d both have with her!”

“You’re right Dude. Thank you. I love you more than anything in the world. I’m so lucky to have you” Ann said vehemently.

“I love you so much little Pixie. All the much” Anne said as she kissed Ann passionately, a kiss full of promise and support and reassurance.

“All the much” Ann replied in a shaky voice as she nodded.

“We’ll get our little family one way or another. And regardless of how it happens it will be amazing. And you’ll be the mother to my children that I’ve always dreamed of. I have every faith in that and in you.”

**********************

Anne finished putting the rest of their bags in Ann’s 4 wheel drive and Marion was already nagging her “Let her drive Anne, she’s craving some independence after being cooped up for over a week and she’s stayed off the harder pain killers just so she could! She’s been desperately trying to psych herself up for this weekend all morning”

“Listen kiddo, I know her. Normally she would look immaculate and have her game face on but she’ likely to come out of that door in gym gear. This operation has completely wiped her out. She’s meant to have a 2 week recovery but she wouldn’t miss this wedding for the world so I will be at her side making sure she takes it easy”

Marion smiled as Ann appeared “Not exactly gym gear!”

Anne’s jaw dropped. Ann’s skin had been spray tanned golden, her hair was out in soft golden waves and she was wearing a very short white playsuit with frill detailing on the front and as she turned to close the door behind her Anne could see it crossed over at her back in two thick frilled panels and attached to the “shorts” of the playsuit leaving the majority of her back bare and as she walked towards her, putting her oversized Chanel sunglasses on and said “Keys please Dude” Anne realised she could see side boob from certain angles. It was so innocent yet revealing at the same time.

Anne handed over the keys wordlessly and Marion fought the urge to chuckle with glee. ‘Close your mouth Anne!” she teased her and Anne glared at her sister and shook herself out of it.

They all got into the car and Ann clapped her hands excitedly ‘It’s party time bitches!” She turned her road trip mix on as she reversed out of the driveway and Anne couldn’t take her eyes off the curve of Ann’s left breast. She couldn’t see much but god she looked beautiful. She wondered how it will feel in her hand, in her mouth.

Suddenly she was shaken out of her reverie by Ann and Marion rapping in unison “I just took a DNA test turns out I’m a hundred percent that bitch even when I’m crying crazy yeah I got boy problems that’s the human in me, bling bling then I solve them that’s the goddess in me”

‘I’m in hell” Anne said dryly but she couldn’t help but smile at their antics.

“Come on baby you know you want to!” Ann said as she smiled at her cheekily and as usual Anne couldn’t resist her

“You coulda had a bad bitch!” she said as Ann and Marion cheered her then they all sang “Non-committal, helped you with your career, just a little!” Marion looked at Anne in disbelief ‘Seriously who even are you these days Anne Lister!” They all cracked up and Anne shook her head “Blame this sexy little one!” she said adoringly and Ann beamed. It was going to be a great weekend.

**********************  
Anne pulled up outside the main house at the Hastings Farm so that she wouldn’t need to wake her Princess. Ann had made it about a 3rd of the way before she was visibly in pain and Anne convinced her to pull over at a service station and let her drive so she could take her heavier pain killers and she was now fast asleep in the passenger seat.

“We’ll be down at Ann’s cottage but this way I can just lay her down to sleep a little longer and we can still be social” Anne whispered to Marion.

‘Of course!” she whispered back.

They got out of the car and Rachel came out to hug Anne “Anne darling so good to see you again!” she said warmly.

“Lovely to see you too Rach!” Anne said affectionately. “Rachel this my baby sister Marion. Marion, Ann’s grandmother. Rachel Hastings’

“it’s a pleasure to meet you Mrs Hastings” Marion said politely and Rachel hugged her “You too dear and please call me Rachel. I’m so glad you’ve come!” Marion looked at Anne as if to say “Wow” and Anne silently communicated ‘Right?” Ann’s family were awesome.

“Marion honey how are you doing, can I break that worthless punk ex of yours legs yet?” Jaz asked as she came out and put a motherly arm around Marion leading her inside the house for a tour.

Anne opened the passenger door of the car and stepped up to unbuckle Ann and then ever so carefully gathered her into her arms.

“My poor baby. It’s really knocked her around hasn’t it! They say it’s a dreadful recovery” Rachel said in concern and Anne looked at her sympathetically “It has but she’s very young and tough. She’ll bounce back Rach”

Rachel nodded “Here darling she has a bedroom in the main house too, I’ll show you”

Anne followed Rachel through the gorgeous sprawling “farmhouse” which was essentially a single level mansion in its sheer vastness. 

“Just through here. Take your time settling her and then come out for some tea!” Rachel said kindly and Anne kissed her cheek. “Thanks Rach.” 

Anne looked at the very girly childhood bedroom complete with pink and white frilly princess canopy bed with stuffed animals, a beautiful ornate 3 story doll house but modern updates too like a large tv, books, a computer. And on the wall opposite the bed was a huge stunning portrait of Ann in a flowy white dress with the incredible pink, corals and oranges of the afternoon sunset behind her and what looked like the main square of Florence Italy in this magnificent leap where she was high in the air with one leg outstretched and her other leg bent behind her head, her head and body arching back to the bent leg with her arms behind her gracefully. It was incredible. Anne couldn’t stop looking at it. Her little pixie truly was exquisite.

She carefully took her little sneakers off and bent to kiss her forehead “I love you my darling!” she whispered before closing the door behind her and heading out into the kitchen where everyone was gathered.

“AL Buddy! I saw you pull up and thought we’d have a beer!” Frog said when she got to the kitchen and Anne grinned as they bumped fists ‘Good to see you Frog!”

“AL?” Marion asked in confusion and Anne chuckled “Lost boys. Ann’s friendship group. If you hang out with them you need a non- feminine name. I’m AL, Ann is Dubsy, like the letter W for Walker”

“Your name is Maz now by the way!” Frog said to Marion and she cracked up “Good to know!”

‘Where’s Dubsy?” Frog asked and Anne pointed back towards the bedrooms. “Crashed out mate. Operation took its toll!”

‘Yeah getting mine out a couple of years ago sucked!”

“Frog I need to be off now; can you walk home?” A tall good looking man said as he walked into the kitchen and kissed Jaz and Rachel hello.

“AL, Maz, meet my big brother, uptight city boy accountant Brian Pickett.

“It’s lovely to meet you ladies, you’ll have to excuse my brother and his manners!” Brian said with a warm smile as he shook Anne’s hand and when he got to Marion he seemed to freeze for just a moment.

“Maz was it?” he asked and Marion couldn’t stop staring at his big green eyes “Marion actually!”

“Well its lovely to meet you Miss Marion!” he said as he took her hand gently and smiled warmly at her.

Rachel and Jaz exchanged knowing looks “Brian honey do you really need to be off? Can’t you stay for a drink?” Jaz asked hopefully and Brian looked torn “I would love to but I need to get my suit jacket mended before the tailor in town closes before tomorrow. I stupidly only brought one with me and forgot it had a tear” he explained.

“You know young Marion is a whiz with a needle and thread, she did a bang up job on one of Anne’s shirts earlier in the week!” Jaz offered and gave Marion a little push.

‘Oh yes, I’d be happy to fix it for you Brian!” Marion said a little shyly and he beamed “Really? You sure it won’t be too much trouble?” 

‘Not at all!” Marion reassured him.

‘Well go on Brian go and get the jacket and come back and pour the lady a drink. I’ll get my sewing kit and she’ll meet you on the back patio!” Jaz said and Brian chuckled ‘Yes Mama Jaz!”

“Don’t go anywhere Miss!” he said with a smile as he backed away.

‘You’re my baby sister I don’t like this!” Anne said in instant disapproval and Rachel chuckled as she walked to where Anne stood and put an arm around her.

‘Gorgeous young man. 28 years old, Based and works in Sydney. Very successful financial advisor. And I haven’t seen him look at a girl like he just looked at Marion since Chelsea died.”

“Who was Chelsea?” Anne asked curiously and Frog sighed “His wife. They were high school sweethearts but she got leukemia. He stuck by her and he married her when they were 22. It was kind of her dying wish. They had a good year of marriage together but then she went downhill pretty quickly. And Rach is right, your sister is hot and all but so are other girls and I haven’t seen him look at one that way since Chels left us.”

“I am an asshole” Anne said regretfully and Frog clapped her on the back “Don’t be hard on yourself buddy you’re just looking out for your little sister but Brian would never stuff her around. Come on let’s leave them to make heart eyes at each other and we’ll go have a couple of cold ones on the porch!”

Anne followed Frog out and they sat on the porch swing and opened a couple of beers. ‘Cheers” they said in unison.

“AL did something happen at the buck’s night? Fucking Sutherland just showed up like that, Dubsy got weird and anxious like she always does when they’re around and she just disappeared.” Frog jumped straight to the point.

Anne thought of Ann’s desperate need to keep things private. “Her tonsils were well and truly about to shit themselves mate they only lasted a couple of days after the party before they packed it in. I think she was just worn out!” she explained but noted with interest, Frog’s dislike of the two bastards that had terrorized her sweet beautiful girl.

“You don’t seem to have any time for Ainsworth but especially Sutherland which is interesting since the other boys all seem to look up to him.” Anne remarked. “Why is that?”

Frog thought about telling Anne what he was sure he saw one night when they were all sleeping outside around the cottage after partying. But Ann had insisted he’d been drinking too much and must have dreamt it. He’d never been able to get the image out of his head though. It seemed so real.

He just shrugged though “I don’t know. When he’s around all the light goes from Dubsy’s eyes. You didn’t know her before her parents were killed but she was amazing. I mean she still is but she was like Dubsy amplified. And since you’ve come along I’m starting to see that girl again for the first time in years. She’s got her sparkle back. And then he shows up and the light just fades. And she’s so on edge and I don’t like the way he looks at her. I just don’t like him. But when she’s not with you at the celebrations she’ll be with us so she’ll be all good”

Anne put an arm around Frog “It’s alright mate I think he’s a piece of shit myself! Thanks though for what you said about me putting her sparkle back. I appreciate it. And I know you’ll look after her on Sunday morning when you’re all getting ready for the wedding. She’s pretty weak and tires quickly at the moment”

“You can count on me mate! I’ll look after our girl!” Frog said as he clinked his bottle to Anne’s.

Marion and Brian had been outside chatting for a while and when they headed inside Rachel and Jaz pretended to busy themselves. 

‘Well that was fast!” Rachel remarked in admiration and Marion smiled humbly “It was an easy fix!”

‘She’s being modest her fingers flew with that needle!” Brian said with a big smile “I’m just taking Marion for a drive to show her the town!”

“You kids have fun!” Jaz said encouragingly and then as Marion passed she whispered in her ear ‘Matt who? Baby girl!” Marion shoved Jaz and smiled angelically at Brian as he turned back to her and offered her his arm which she took.

******************

Marion had been having the loveliest afternoon with Brian. He was the consummate gentleman, so sweet and funny. Very intelligent and hadn’t become bitter despite the terribly tragedy life had dealt him so young. Since Tommy and Suzie were keeping the rehearsal dinner small, only immediate family and the bridal party He’d asked if he could take her to a sunset dinner at one of the local wineries and when she’d said she wasn’t dressed for dinner he said he thought she looked absolutely beautiful. They’d stopped in one of the gift shops at the winery before dinner so Marion could get a thank you present for Rachel for having her and for Jaz. She was walking along browsing when she caught the back of a woman who she could have sworn was that awful Mariana Lawton.

“Mariana!” she called out.

Mariana had been looking at the designer wine stoppers when she heard the tell-tale voice of Marion Lister. “Come on darling I’m famished but I think I’d much rather us have dinner in bed” she said to Thomas Ainsworth suggestively and he grinned “Whatever the lady wants!”

This was an extra complication. Marion must be in town for the wedding. She had always been against her and discouraged Anne from being with her. She hadn’t bargained for the fact that little bitch Walker had managed to blend the families so quickly especially with Anne and Marion estranged.

“Are you sure it’s alright for you to take me as your plus one to this wedding?” she asked Thomas sweetly and her put his arm around her “Of course Julie. I enjoy your company. Just because we’re friends with benefits and in love with other people doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be treated like a lady!”

“You’re so lovely Thomas” Mariana gushed but inwardly seethed. Even the man Ann Walker clearly had no interest in was a stand-up guy who treated a woman exceptionally well. How did the little bitch get everything she wanted.

Marion pulled out her phone and texted Anne “This is going to sound crazy but I could have sworn I just saw Mariana Lawton at Tempus Two winery. Will this be a problem? Ann said she’s given her a really hard time”

Anne replied almost immediately “It could have been her. Her favourite Australian Verdelho comes from there. She does a lot of wine trips to the hunter. It shouldn’t be a problem, some of the wineries are almost 40 minutes’ drive from town and though there’s a lot of money here she usually stays in the designer bed and breakfasts on the grounds.”

“Should we tell Ann?” Marion asked.

“Please don’t kiddo. It would likely only make her anxious and she’s still not well. I really want her to be happy and relaxed this weekend. Gain back some of the weight she’s lost and enjoy herself. Her Final exams start Tuesday.” Anne texted back.

“Of course. I won’t say a word”

“Is he treating you well?” Anne wrote.

“So well! Don’t wait up!” Marion wrote back with a smiley face.

Anne smiled at her phone and put it in her pocket. Her little sister deserved some happiness.

She looked in the mirror and straightened the pair of camel coloured lightweight high waisted summer trousers she wore with a tailored ¾ sleeve white shirt tucked in.

“My handsome Dude!” Ann said appreciatively as she came out of the bedroom and Anne felt her heart beat a little faster as she turned to see her Princess.

She was wearing a pastel pink coloured strapless mini dress with lace detailing that had a frill on the bottom and a hem that got a fraction shorter from the middle going out to her upper thighs and it had matching off the shoulder frill sleeves that draped low and loose across the sides of her torso and down her arms with the back of the dress sitting lower than the front and boning holding in her full breasts she hadn’t lost despite the weight  
loss. It was classy and innocent but it was very slinky against her body and gave the illusion of partial undress at the same time. Her hair was pulled into a very soft high loose ponytail, her makeup was done in neutrals and pinks and she’d paired the dress with a pair of caramel coloured cowboy boots that sat mid- calf and looked adorable. She looked absolutely glorious.

“How did I get so lucky?” Anne asked in awe and Ann smiled shyly. ‘You look stunning!” she said as she took Ann in her arms. ‘We need to talk about this naughty little dress though and all the things I want to do to you in it.”

Ann giggled and Anne brought her hand up under the back of the skirt very slowly.

‘Is this okay sweetheart?” she asked Ann, well aware of her trauma and Ann nodded, feeling so grateful for Anne’s constant attentiveness to her.

“Yes, but I should warn you I’m not wearing much underwear” Ann said looking up at Anne coyly and Anne felt her pulse quicken.

“You’re not Princess?” She whispered and Ann shook her head ‘Only a g string. Because of the dress.”

Anne slid her hand further up to the smooth curve of her perfect ass and groaned. 

“Oh god, you’re so hot sweetheart!” she gasped as she picked Ann up and pressed her against the wall.

“Kiss me!” Ann demanded and Anne complied kissing her passionately, One hand holding her around the waist, the other clutching her ass. 

“I’ve missed this, I’ve missed us. I’m sorry I’ve been sick and gross” Ann apologised as Anne kissed her neck.

‘Never gross Beauty, always gorgeous. Just not well enough.” Anne pulled back to explain as she placed a very tender featherlight kiss on her lips. “But we should probably get going”

Ann reluctantly wriggled out of Anne’s arms and straightened her Dude’s outfit and then her own. ‘We can always fool around when we get back!” Ann said cheekily as she picked up her clutch off the mantle and walked towards the front door and then paused, looking over her shoulder.

“I’ll leave the boots on if you want!” She gave Anne a dazzling cheeky smile and Anne beamed as she crossed the space between them and spanked her hard making her squeal then immediately pull her back into her chest as Ann giggled and Anne slipped her hand up Ann’s dress and rubbed the red mark she’s sure she would have left soothingly.

“You my naughty little Princess are my dream come true. I love you all the much!” Ann pressed her cheek against Anne’s ‘All the much Dude”

****************************  
Ann sat at the table feeling so incredibly blessed. She was surrounded by life -long friends and the room was full of laughter and reminiscing. The boys had delighted in sharing embarrassing stories from her childhood. Suzie had even joined in and Anne had been positively enthralled and encouraged them to tell more. Her beautiful handsome amazing dude. Always her protector. Always at her side loving and supporting her. She didn’t even know how Anne had done it but she’d managed to get someone to bring her some soup so she could eat something.

“Why don’t you take some stronger painkillers Beauty?” Anne said softly as she rubbed her back. Despite her stunning Princess’s brave smile, she could tell she was in pain.

“Because this. Right here, around this table. It’s so important. I want to be lucid” Ann said as she turned to face her Dude.

“I understand sweetheart.” Anne softly kissed her forehead. “It will be us next you know”

‘I can’t wait!” Ann said happily and cupped Anne’s face.

“I just want you to know how blessed I feel because I get to do life with you Anne Lister. You are the most amazing, loving, kindest, supportive, strong and sexiest woman to ever walk the earth. There was a cloud of grey over my world no matter how hard I tried to make the best of things and then you came along and suddenly no matter what gets thrown at me, I’m living in colour. You’ve lit up my entire world and I’m just so grateful for you my Dude.”

Anne felt overwhelmed by Ann’s beautiful words. The love and trust her Princess had in her was probably the thing she was proudest of in the world. And the way Ann looked at her. Like Anne was her hero, made her feel so special, so strong. Like she really could do absolutely anything because Ann genuinely believed she could.

“Oh, my darling. You honour me!” Anne said as she took Ann’s hand in hers and kissed it. “There is nothing in this world that I am prouder of than the fact that you are mine. That I get to be your Dude. We are going to have such a happy life together!”

Ann’s face lit up ‘We are aren’t we! And even when we’re old and grey you’ll still give my tummy butterflies and make me feel like my necks too small for my throat. Exactly like you did that first night we met and have done every day since!”

“Sweet baby!” Anne said as she melted and gently kissed her Princess. They had so very much to look forward to.

**********************

Mariana untangled herself from a sleeping Thomas and tiptoed to her handbag. She pulled out the intimate topless photo of Ann Walker sleeping face down on the bed and the very personal letter Thomas had written while he was on Duty. “This ought to give Anne some food for thought at the wedding” she thought to herself with a wicked smile.

She then picked up an envelope she’d found in Thomas’s draw of USB drives. An envelope he didn’t know she’d taken. The envelope was labelled “Annie Walker sex tapes”. She’d thought about watching them but she honestly didn’t want to see that little bitch with her perfect teen body and perfect tits. What she did want to do was give Ann a little bit of motivation to back away from Anne. If Little Miss Walker didn’t want Anne and her family seeing the tapes of her being the lying little slut Marion always suspected she was and not the virgin she claimed to be, she’d back the fuck away.

“Enjoy your happiness while it lasts little Princess. This is going to be some wedding.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So obviously we know these aren't actual consensual sex tapes.


	25. I'll seduce you with my shared drive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I’ve had this chapter in my head for a while and I really hope you enjoy it because I honestly had a stupid smile on my face while I was writing it. And I really wanted some love,intimacy, fluff, loveliness, maximum Anne Lister Alpha (but very sweetly) Dude and maximum Ann Walker princess cuteness.
> 
> We all needed this before the injection of major, major angst.
> 
> I’ve always maintained that Ann Walker would be a highly adorable drunk, party drug or pain killer affected little human. It’s just my gut feeling.
> 
> Also, from the beginning I’ve written her as being beautifully awkward because I love that scene in the show where Anne is being all suave and charming and tells Ann she’s a little bit in love with her And swoops in to “save her” from her infatuation and she’s just like “No I have very warm and tender feelings for you!” And it’s clear Anne is shook. Little Miss Walker doesn’t play games or flirt and she’s affected by that.
> 
> I think in modern day Ann is the girl at the club with her friends completely unaware of how stunning she is with every overture a suitor makes going completely over her head most of the time because she doesn’t flirt and if she does meet the magic one like Anne Lister she’s all “So um…do you….like… stuff?” if she does try. Until she hits her mojo in that partnership.
> 
> People always say to me 'you're so pretty why haven't you settled down? why are you single?" But I'm awkward and don't play games so I know the magic on the rare occasion when someone who is into you, really gets you and appreciates you in all your speshness and love's you anyway like the Anne(s) do for one another.
> 
> This chapter is important in non fluff domains because there’s some unpacking of family history and a very significant kitchen conversation about opening up in relationships.
> 
> Also, for anyone wondering, here is a good pic of Ann’s signature dance jump. The Firebird. I have a dance background and I don’t know why but if I see Ann walker leaping I see this. I think because as stunning as it is, when executed with a deep head and back arch, the dancer is simultaneously opening up while curling back into a part of themselves (Their leg) and to me that is very Ann.
> 
> https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/288511919857832108/?lp=true
> 
> Oh and a shout out to the lovely AWaLk who left me a gorgeous comment on the first version of this chapter that I accidentally posted then accidentally deleted instead of just copy pasting the correct version. Insomnia brain! I got the comment in my email and can't reply to it now the version you commented on is gone but I really appreciated your words and will look up that matter you mentioned. Thank you xx

“Here it is darling. You are in for a treat!” Rachel said as she handed Anne a photo album. 

“Oh, thankyou Rach I really appreciate you digging it out! I just saw the picture on her wall doing that incredible leap in Florence and thought how much I’d love a copy for the house!”

“It’s quite alright darling. It’s called a Firebird and it’s Annie’s signature leap but she’s really made it her own by doing it all over the world, from the time she mastered it. And not just around the world, for moments of significance” Rachel explained and Anne opened the book looking at the pictures in awe. 

They were all of Ann from about the age of 6 onwards doing the same leap in so many different places. In front of the Eiffel Tower, The London Eye, all over the Australian outback, At Disneyland with Mickey jumping beside her, in Mexico, on the ski alps of Cortona Italy, Hilltop at Beatrix Potter’s House, On a bridge in Venice, in the Lavender fields in Provence France. And as the scenery changed Ann grew and changed. You couldn’t see all her face in a lot of them properly but she looked joyous and free. Literally like a little Pixie. And as she got to the last one she realised it was a pic of her doing it on graduation night at the Year 12 formal in the outfit she’d had designed for her. She’d have to track down a copy of that one too.

‘This is absolutely incredible” Anne said in amazement and Jazmine grinned ‘I can teach you how to photograph it if you like, the timing of it. So, you can snap pictures of her doing it on all the wonderful adventure’s you’ll have together and I can add to the collection.

“I would love that!” Anne said sincerely.

“I pity the poor wedding photographer tomorrow if they haven’t done dance photography before because Annie and Suzie will almost certainly want to do their double firebird like twin book ends and they won’t settle until the photographer captures it in perfect unison.” Rachel mused

‘So how is she going to be a bridesmaid and the Best Man?” Marion asked as she sat being taught how to carve wooden figurines by Jonno who had taken an instant liking to her. As a graphic designer she had an art background and was a natural.

“I don’t know darlin I still can’t wrap my head around my little shortcake even being the best man, I guess it’s a 2019 thing!”

Everyone laughed as they sat drinking tea out on the back patio. And Rachel shook her head at Jonno with an affectionate smile. “It is my love!”

“Marion darling she’s going to be with Suzie tonight for the bridesmaids festivities before the wedding tomorrow, tomorrow morning getting ready with the boys and will stand with Tommy as his best man but has an outfit that is kind of a hybrid of what the boys and girls are wearing for fluidity in the photos as she’ll be in both and she’s giving the speech for both of the basically as that’s what they wished.” Rachel explained.

“Oh her outfit is cute as a button on her. I took it in for her this morning because it was a bit roomy after her surgery but she looks divine!”

“I think that’s a gorgeous idea, the way they’ve arranged their bridal party” Marion said genuinely”

Anne smiled as she thought of her little Pixie Princess butched up in a suit of any variation. She couldn’t wait to see it.

‘And wouldn’t Annie have more boys in her bridal party? I mean the only girls would be Suzie and Millie right? And it would be Harry, Snow and Frog?”

Rachel smiled at the lovely young woman. She’d gotten to know Ann very quickly and she was really glad that Ann had a big sister figure around the house.

‘If Annie was to have a bridal party yes, that’s likely what it would look like!” Rachel agreed.

“But I don’t think she will. She’d likely find all the fanfare and expected-pre events intimidating. She wouldn’t want a lot of people around her before she walked down the aisle. She’d want to sit quietly and reflectively with classical music playing. She’d want to talk to her mum and tell her how much she wished she was here and tell her Dad that he was right, all the best things came from the sky because it brought us together. Then she’d have a little cry, dry her eyes, Have Harry come in and say something very colourful to psych her up and then have Jonno walk her down the aisle. And she’d be shaking the whole way down and fighting to not look at the ground, not because she didn’t want to marry me but because the fact that so many people were looking at her would freak her out. Because she has absolutely no idea how gloriously beautiful she is and though she’s the absolute darling on stage when she’s playing a role or has an artistic intent as Ann she feels more comfortable just blending. And will likely never grasp just how brightly she shines and stands out. And she won’t want to have a bridal table. She’ll want all of us to be together on the one table with Millie, Victoria, Olivia, Harry and the lost boys right next to us. She’d want family. That’s how my beautiful girl will break tradition and that’s just fine by me”  
Anne said with a whimsical smile on her face as she thought of her complex little angel and her dichotomy and quirks.

Rachel and Jaz had tears in their eyes as they exchanged a knowing glance

“Oh Anne. You don’t know how much it means to us that you know our Annie so well” Rachel said as she swept a wayward strand of hair back from her face in a motherly gesture.

“And you’d be alright with that? I know you’re a bit of a take charge personality and you run a very large company with lots of people you’d want to invite” Rachel said understandingly and Anne considered acting dominant and in control but just shrugged.

“She’s my Princess I give her anything she wants!” she said honestly and everyone cracked up.

“That’s Mama’s big girl!’ Jaz said proudly as she put her arm around Anne and kissed her forehead affectionately ‘Don’t worry baby, your secret that you’re totally whipped by Mama’s little girl is safe with us!”

“What’s secretive about it?” Marion teased and they all laughed again. Anne took it good naturedly though. She’d never been so happy.

“Anne maybe you should go in and check on her Darling. When I went in earlier to ask if she wanted some tea she said and I quote “she wasn’t really feeling tonight?’ Rachel suggested.

Anne looked at her watch in concern. They’d had a lazy morning after the rehearsal dinner last night and a lovely day swimming and making out at the river. It was getting harder and harder to keep her decision to not make love to her princess and she’d actually been relieved Ann had worn a rash vest and little shorts as the sun had been quite hot. It made it easier to stay in control ‘Actually she has been in there for a while and they’re all supposed to be there before sunset for group photos. She might have fallen asleep. I’ll go touch base.”

She went inside to Ann’s bedroom in the main house and knocked on the door. She didn’t get a response but when she went in Ann was sitting on the bed ready to go in her bridesmaid pyjama party uniform of a white satin lace edged camisole top and little french knicker style lace edged shorts with a delicate baby blue floral print all over them and her baby blue robe that said “bridesmaid” on the back. Half her hair was twisted back and pinned softly with the rest of it in a low curly side ponytail that sat on her left shoulder and her make-up was dewy and gorgeous. She looked stunning. And incredibly vulnerable.

“How are you doing Little One?” Anne said softly as she went and sat on the edge of the bed next to her. ‘I think maybe I don’t want to go” Ann said so softly it was almost a whisper and Anne was surprised at the way she totally curled into her for comfort with no coaxing from her whatsoever.

“No?” Anne queried as she rubbed Ann’s back. “Can you tell me why? Does it have anything to do with that iPad you’re clutching like your life depends on it?” Anne asked and Ann nodded.

‘Can I look?” Anne asked tentatively and Ann released her grip on the iPad so Anne could read what was going on in the Bridesmaid chat group.

Anne scrolled back a bit and read the general gist of the conversation. Stephanie, one of the girls was apparently interested in Thomas Ainsworth but had heard rumours he’d been seen around town with an older woman cougar type. Suzie and the girls had encouraged Steph to invite him over after they’d had a few drinks later that night and for her to do one of her sexy burlesque strip teases for him and wind him up for their entertainment. Ann had said she thought it was supposed to be a girls night and Steph had asked if it was weird because he’s Ann’s ex because she didn’t want to make her uncomfortable but Suzie had jumped to Ann’s defence and said that “Ann only has eyes for Lister, she’s the great love of her life and was always meant to be with a woman, that woman.” Which made her smile but then Steph asked if she’d ever seen Thomas’s cock and what was it like and the girls except for Suzie had egged her on to share and suddenly Anne could see exactly why Ann didn’t want to go. She was still wondering how she was going to keep her cool if Ainsworth was at the wedding. She would never destroy Suzie and Tommy’s big day but she was going to make certain that scum bag paid dearly for what he’d done to Ann.

“Alright. Thank you so much for trusting me. Come here my darling” Anne said as she shifted Ann into her lap. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. But if you did want to go and have photos and laughs with the girls no one would think less of you if you didn’t stay the night with you still recovering from your operation. You don’t have to let on the real reason or worry about them finding out anything. If Stephanie rings him you text me that instant and I will be there to get you my darling I promise you that. Does that make you feel a bit better about it?”

Ann contemplated Anne’s compromise and Anne had to bite back a smile at her beautiful girl’s serious little pouty face. She was so cute. 

‘A little” she said thoughtfully and Anne held her tight and kissed her forehead “And anytime you feel worried you can just text me to chat and I’ll text you back straight away alright?” Ann nodded.

“Can I do anything else to make you feel better about it?” Anne spoke to her very softly, well aware of how fragile she was in that moment and so pleased she was letting her in so willingly.

Ann nodded as she looked at her shyly and then avoided her eyes.

“What is it baby? tell me what I can do to help.” Anne urged her gently and Ann reached for the hem of Anne’s shirt.

“Skin to skin” Ann said softly as she took off Anne’s shirt leaving her in her sports bra and then her own robe and camisole and Anne moved them to lie against the pillows and pulled Ann against her, wrapping her arms around her tightly and sighing in completion as her beautiful girls incredibly soft skin caressed hers like silk. How she loved this method of Ann’s to soothe the fears and calm the storm in both of them, the need her Princess had to connect to her that way. She could actually feel the tension in Ann’s body melting in her arms.

“What are you going to do if you stay darling? Subject Jaz and Rach to another Gilmore girls marathon with Marion?” Anne teased and Ann shook her head.

‘No, I don’t watch it here, at least at the main house if Nanna is around.” 

“Why not my darling?” Anne asked curiously and Ann looked up at her with huge blue innocent eyes ‘Because in a lot of ways she’s Emily Gilmore and had the relationship with my mum that Emily has with Lorelai. And Mum and I had a similar dynamic to Lorelai and Rory. I’ve even got the kind of clueless grandfather in Pop like Richard and I think to some degree Nanna knows it and it triggers her. Makes her feel bad. But that’s why I love it. I identify with it so much. And this town with its colourful characters even has a stars hollow vibe. It’s like my life!”

As Ann drew the comparisons Anne could see how right she was in a lot of ways. “But Rachel has certainly softened over the years? Much more so than Emily?”

“For the most part. When I came along I think she felt she’d already lost Mum and Elizabeth was a little cow so this was her chance to have her do-over. And I was so much easier. I was compliant, studious, quieter. I let her put me in ballet and traditional styles of dance as well as pursuing aerial. I didn’t fight her on things I was just…compliant. Even when I didn’t want to be because there was always just so much fighting over Mum’s mental state and back and forth over who knew how to handle her best that I just honestly didn’t want to make anyone’s life harder you know, Even more so after they died. I always thought I was helping by being a really good little girl and getting really good grades and kicking ass at all the activities and wearing a pretty dress to dinner and having proper manners. And I guess I’m still doing it.”

Anne’s heart went out to her. How isolated she must have felt. “You poor little thing. That must have been so lonely.”

Ann nuzzled her face against Anne’s. “my beautiful Dude. You always get it. It has been. But then you came along. And things stopped feeling lonely” Anne kissed her lips softly.

“I’ve been good for Nanna, I’ve definitely softened her and I think her realising she would lose me if she didn’t accept my sexuality definitely made her more open minded, Coming back from the stroke I think too made her feel she had a second chance. Mama has also been very good for her. She lets her be where she’s at and loves her for it but pulls her into line when she needs it. The once bitter enemies who suddenly became allies united by their love for the same person and are now the ultimate odd couple of companions. Mama and I love her so much but every time I do something that is particularly “Cassie”, she’s triggered. She automatically thinks it’s the beginning of the end and I’m going to slip away from her and the rare times I’ve kind of gone off the rails a bit she goes full Emily. And then we clash.”

“Wow an Ann Walker/Rachel Hastings showdown. Wouldn’t that be a sight to behold!” Anne teased and Ann giggled.

“Emily sometimes reminds me of my Dad. I guess that’s why I feel a little uncomfortable watching it sometimes.” Anne offered a rare insight about her relationship with her father. “Marion can’t see it because he was always much more approving of her. She was the Anne of our family, not that I’m knocking you Beauty because I’m not. I was the disappointment. I was never interested in any of the air kissing society crap except to seduce as many young ladies as I could and I went into what he thought a vacuous empty business. I’m a lesbian, I’m too masculine. I don’t placate him ever and the only thing we have a common understanding of is the fact that I’m a disappointment to him.”

“I’m so sorry sweetie” Ann said softly as she stroked Anne’s face. “I really hope I get to meet him someday so I can tell him how you take such amazing care of me. And how proud I am to be yours. I hope he likes me. I’m sure deep down he really loves you and wants to see you settled and happy!”

“My sweet baby” Anne said as she cradled Ann in her arms and looked at her in adoration. “So sweet, so innocent, so kind, So good. Too good for me. And so utterly beautiful. He’ll likely think the same. But that’s okay. Because you’re so good you make me a better person. You make me want to be better, to be worthy of standing at your side. And he’ll love you. How could he not?” 

“Oh Dude. I don’t think that’s the case. I’m honestly forever pinching myself that you chose me. But for what it’s worth my family absolutely adore you and appreciate all that you are. Just as you are. And you’ll always have a home here!” Ann said seriously as she cupped her face with both hands and Anne pulled Ann to snuggle into her chest.

“That is everything. It means the world to me that you’ve given me a family, and now Marion too. I love you so much my incredible little Pixie!’ Anne ran her fingers over the little white lace strapless bandeau bra. It was wire free, soft and so pretty.

“And I love this!” Anne said appreciatively as she placed a kiss on the slight swell of her breasts above it.

“I have it in other colours. I could stay home and show you!” Ann suggested and Anne chuckled “I bet you could, little minx. Why don’t you want to go even for a little bit?”

Ann shrugged ‘I don’t know, Steph wasn’t at the hens because she was at her sister’s wedding but she’s honestly that friend who always takes things too far you know?”

“Oh, I absolutely do my darling because I am that friend!” Anne said truthfully and Ann broke into giggles “No you don’t take it as far as she does.” Ann winced and Anne sat her up. “You have to take the strong pain killers Beauty. I’m insisting now. I know it makes you a little wonky but you need it for the pain!” 

“I know!” Ann said regretfully as she took the two tablets with the bottle of water Anne handed her.

“Promise me you won’t drink on those when I’m not with you!” Anne said firmly.

“I promise!” Ann said as she slipped her camisole back on.

“I mean it Princess” Anne reiterated just as firmly. ‘These nights can get pretty wild and drugs like this with even a little alcohol is a powerful mix. I just want you safe is all!”

Anne placed a gentle kiss on her nose and Ann wrapped her arms around Anne’s neck. She was learning Anne’s tones and this one was her most vehement and unlike the Shibden party she’d decided to turn up to when Anne had started saying how boring it was without her this was definitely not an instruction to defy.

“I promise Dude. I would never go back on my word to you. I wouldn’t do something you were really unhappy or uncomfortable with me doing” Anne said so innocently and with so much certainty that Anne groaned. She had no idea how much she turned her on with her innate natural submissiveness sometimes.

“I know you wouldn’t pretty baby. You’re such a good girl for me” Anne whispered as she kissed Ann’s ear and she shivered. “You’re my good girl!”

Anne slipped her beautiful girl’s bridesmaid’s robe onto her shoulders. “And for what it’s worth, as much as I’ll miss you, I hope you have such an amazing time that you wake up tomorrow scattered and on struggle street and you sit filling in the boys on all the mischief you girls got up to over a few beers at the usual ungodly hour alright sweetheart?”

Ann smiled “Okay!”

“Come on gorgeous let’s get you to Suzie’s!”

**********************

Ann sat in the lounge room at Suzie’s parents’ house wishing she was just about anywhere else. Suzie’s parents and sisters were staying at a bed and breakfast so Suzie could have the place to herself for the night and the photo part of the evening had gone well but then Steph had organised the food and there wasn’t anything soft or light she could eat. Just heavy pizza with hard crust and spicy finger food. Ann’s sense of taste hadn’t returned yet after her operation properly but she knew that wouldn’t be good for her throat. She wasn’t sure whether it was the lack of food but the pain killers seemed to be hitting her so much harder so suddenly. 

All she’d had was the coke Steph and Jess had given her to help keep her awake. She felt like she wasn’t in control and she didn’t feel safe when she wasn’t in control. To make matters worse Steph had also gotten strippers and they’d been grinding against her and she really didn’t like it. Everything felt so loud and like her body was so floppy. Even more so than when she was on her strong calmatives after an anxiety attack. She’d even thrown up which she’d done a couple of times since her operation and she’d brushed her teeth and splashed water on her face and tried to brighten up. Suzie had been in her bedroom on the phone to Tommy for ages.

She really wanted to go home but she knew she needed to try to stick it out for Suzie’s sake. Maybe she needed some more caffeine. Jess was getting her a coke. She looked over to the bar to see Steph pouring two shots of Malibu in a coke. Her stomach sank as she realised it was her cup. Oh god. She’d promised Anne she wouldn’t drink on her pain killers and she’d been doing it. She thought she’d tasted something funny but her sense of taste was so off and the girls had said it was vanilla coke to soothe her throat.

One of the strippers pulled her up and started dancing with her quite aggressively. “Please don’t” she pleaded but he ignored her and when he wouldn’t let her go Ann panicked, snapping in fear and punched him in the groin. He groaned in pain as his eyes watered and Steph laughed ‘You won’t get anywhere with that one! She likes girls!”

That was enough for Ann. She had to get out of there. She grabbed her backpack and the big bottle of water sitting next to her and walked quickly out of the house but she was unsteady and tripped on the last step, falling very ungracefully to the ground. She dragged herself to her feet and went over to the garden swing and sat down on it.

Taking out her phone she dialled Anne’s number, bracing herself to tell her Dude she was drunk.

Anne sat watching TV in the cottage. Marion had been with her but she’d disappeared into her bedroom to continue her text marathon with Brian who was with Snow, Frog and the boys for drinks. Her phone rang and it was Ann. It was only 8pm, she was likely just calling to check in and say she was okay.

“How’s my Party Pixie?” she said affectionately when she answered it.

“Um..not so good” came Ann’s shaky reply and Anne instantly sat up straighter.

“Ann, talk to me sweetheart what’s wrong?” she said in concern.

Ann tried very hard not to cry but as soon as she heard Anne’s voice that became increasingly difficult.

“Everything” she said, her voice quivering and Anne stood up. “Did Ainsworth come?”

“No um….I was feeling a bit strange and I thought it was because I had those pain killers and then there was nothing for me to eat but I got worse and all I was drinking was coke to try to keep awake. I threw up and brushed my teeth and cleaned up and thought I might feel better after but I still felt out of it. It’s so loud and there’s scary half naked male strippers and then I saw Jess and Steph pouring Malibu into my coke. I didn’t know, I couldn’t taste it properly, when I asked they said it was vanilla and then one of the strippers was trying to make me dance with him and I didn’t want to so I punched him in the balls and I left and tripped down the stairs and now I’m sitting in the garden on the swing. I just want to come home. I don’t feel safe here. Suzie is on the phone to Tommy in the bedroom. Can you please come get me!”

“Reckless little shits!” Anne thought to herself as she grabbed her keys and pulled on her jacket, already walking out the door.

“It’s alright my darling I’m leaving now. You said you fell down the stairs are you hurt?” she asked worriedly and Ann checked herself over. ‘I don’t think so” and then she lost her battle with the tears. “I didn’t mean to get drunk. I didn’t know. I couldn’t taste it. Please don’t be mad at me”

Anne’s heart broke for her “Shhhhh baby, baby no I’m not mad at you. You haven’t done anything wrong. it wasn’t your fault. I’ll be less than 5 minutes okay just sit tight I’m coming okay?”

“Okay.” Ann said as she took a deep breath.

“That’s my girl, see you soon!” Anne said reassuringly and hung up the phone as she headed for Suzie’s house. She wasn’t sure what to expect. She realised she’d never actually seen Ann drunk before. She’d been very tipsy a couple of times but she’d never sounded as disoriented as she had on the phone. She’d always seemed scared to let go and not be in control. The poor little thing would likely be beside herself at the thought of disappointing her dude more than anything when it wasn’t even her fault. Her sense of taste had been all over the shop since her operation.

“Punched a stripper in the balls?” Anne said aloud in surprise and then chuckled. She would have paid to see that.

She pulled up outside Suzie’s and got out of the car. She walked quickly into the front garden looking for any sign of Ann and then she spotted the garden swing in the darkened corner and ran over there. And there she was. Her Princess. She would have to have been the most beautiful and adorable little drunk Anne had ever seen. Haphazard piece of golden hair escaped her braids from all angles and her eye liner was a little smudged. Her cheeks were flushed and the left strap of her camisole had slid off her shoulder. She was barefoot, very unfocused and she just sat sipping her water and shivering, with a few scratches and light grazes on her legs from her trip down the stairs and a few glistening tears still present on her cheek from their phone call. She didn’t appear to be upset anymore but Anne was still very cautious in how she approached her.

“Hey Gorgeous!” Anne said softly as she knelt in front of Ann and gently turned her face to get her to look at her. 

“Hi” Ann said shyly and Anne took her jacket off and put it on Ann. She was freezing and pretty out of it. But not as bad as Anne had actually been expecting.

“Do you know how much you had to drink my love?” Anne asked gently and Ann tried to think. “I had two cokes. They put two shots in the one I saw”

Anne pondered what Ann had told her as she took the bottle of water, closed it and put it inside her backpack. About 4 drinks and pain killers on an empty stomach. Even over a period of 3 hours, On a tiny little doll her. That would fuck her up alright.”

Ann mistook her silence for anger. “I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t break my promise to you, I wouldn’t drink when it was so important to you that I didn’t. She wrung her hands nervously and Anne stood, putting the back-pack on her shoulder and picking Ann up. She held her close for a minute. 

“I know you wouldn’t. You’re my precious angel. It’s not your fault little one, you couldn’t taste it properly. I’m just glad you saw what they were doing before things got worse. I’ll be having a very strong word with Jess and Steph tomorrow but in the meantime let’s get you home. We’ll let Suzie know you’re home with me.

Ann clung to Anne as she carried her to the car. “Is that better baby? Are you feeling safer now?” Anne asked her attentively. 

“Yes” Ann said gratefully as she snuggled into her nook in Anne’s neck.

“You punched a stripper who was man handling you In the balls?” Anne said, clearly impressed and Ann pulled back to look at her with big wide eyes as she bit her lip.

“Yep!”

“Bad Ass” Anne praised her.

And I’m pretty I saw tears! And I told Steph that Thomas Ainsworth has a tiny diseased uncircumcised dick and he can’t maintain an erection. I don’t know how it happened, I don’t really even know about penises but I hear the girls in the club talk and the words just came out of my mouth”

“I know how, Alcohol and painkillers!” Anne thought as snorted and then cracked up. “Oh, you make me proud Princess! Come on let’s get you home, fed and hydrated.

************************

Anne was heating up some of Rachel’s mash potato and gravy for Ann to eat while she was in the shower. She was an extremely entertaining little drunk. It’s like her innate cuteness was amplified. But Anne’s heart broke for how anxious she was to tell her she’d ended up drunk. She had a sneaking suspicion that had it not been for her getting overwhelmed by the added layer of the pushy stripper she might not have called her. Anne needed her to know that even if she had intentionally been drinking and felt unsafe that she still had to call her. She was allowed to make mistakes; she was allowed to do things that Anne didn’t like and nothing would change the way she felt about her.

“I have very long hair” Ann said as she walked into the kitchen a little unsteadily. “I didn’t wash it because I saw in the mirror how long it was and I felt like it was a lot to deal with”

Anne tried not to chuckle at her as she pulled her in for a cuddle “That’s fine baby, you only washed it this afternoon, it still smells like raspberries and peaches!”

“It’s really long” She reiterated as she looked at one of her long hap hazard curls curiously and Anne smirked as she picked her up and sat her on the kitchen counter. 

‘Yes it is!”

‘And my legs are really smooth. See? Feel!” Ann said as she put Anne’s hands on her thighs and Anne gently caressed them. “They are. So smooth and soft. My pretty baby.”

She looked Ann up and down in one of her Oversized Shibden company T shirts from a sporting event that was like a dress on her.

“You look very fetching in that T shirt of mine Walker!” she said with a flirty smile and Ann sighed “I know!” That time Anne did chuckle.

“Okay my little long haired, smooth thighed goddess. Eat this for me please!” Anne said as she took the container out of the microwave and gave it to her. “Careful it’s hot!”

“That’s okay imma blow on it!” Ann said amiably. And as she formed her lips into the most adorable perfect pout and blew then looked at Anne with sparkly smiling eyes, Anne actually died.

It figured that even though most women were incredibly arduous and irritating to deal with when drunk, Ann Walker would be a very amusing, highly endearing and rather charming little angel.

“This is good” Ann said as she ate it and Anne stroked her hair “I’m glad my love.”

“Ann, sweetheart you sounded really hesitant on the phone about calling me and telling me what happened. I need you to know that even if you had have knowingly had too much to drink after I asked you not to I would have been upset with you, because on those tablets its unsafe but then we would just move on.”

Ann seemed to ponder and be confused by this “And not stay mad?” she asked and Anne shook her head.

“No baby I could never stay mad at you, just as I’m sure you couldn’t stay mad at me. It’s just that in a relationship people do things sometimes that really piss the other off but it’s important that you not be scared of upsetting me or making me mad or disappointing me. You have to tell me like you did tonight so I can help you. Even if it seems scary. It’s my job to protect you. And we’ll deal with whatever it is and move on together.

Ann thought about what she had to tell Anne. She’d committed to doing it and the day was coming in two weeks. It was so much bigger and worse than ending up drunk on painkillers at a party though. Could they really move on from that. Could Anne forgive her when she couldn’t even forgive herself?

Anne was shocked as all the light disappeared from Ann’s eyes and she looked so overwhelmed and anguished all of a sudden.

“Hey!” Anne said and it snapped Ann out of it. Anne cupped Ann’s face with her hands. “Where did you go just now ?” Ann looked down and Anne assumed she was having unpleasant memories of making mistakes when she was living with James.

“You need to know that no matter what you did, nothing could ever change how much I love you or alter the fact that you’re my precious angel. My beautiful princess. And I would always love you unconditionally and I would always come get you from wherever you were and bring you home. Always! It’s okay to make mistakes!”

Anne had given Ann a lot of food for thought. She was actually starting to feel a little better about having to tell her what had happened with Thomas and James. Maybe in time it would be okay if she could just do the really hard part and tell her. She was a bit drunk though and couldn’t afford to get emotional right at that moment though.

“I know it is, I just like being your good girl” Ann said honestly as she finished eating her dinner and Anne felt desire pool low in her stomach. She took the container from Ann and pulled her to the edge of the counter, pressing her own body between her parted legs.

“You don’t you sweet baby?” Anne said in a deep low tone and Ann could only stare into her mesmerizingly dark brown eyes and nod as Anne leant in to kiss her deeply, possessing her mouth and worshiping it with her own. Ann moaned softly as Anne pulled her hair just a little and gripped her thigh. When the kiss finally broke they were both gasping for breath.

“I really think you should have sex with me right now” Ann said very directly and Anne wasn’t remotely expecting it and burst into laughter. “Bossy little thing aren’t you?” She could see that Ann was completely serious and very unimpressed by her reaction. She even had the cutest little crinkle of irritation in her nose.

“Well, as exquisite as you are and as turned on as I am right now I can’t have sex with you right now, not in the state you’re in. It wouldn’t be right or fair to you.”

“Yeah but I wrote a list of reasons why we should before I even accidentally got drunk” Ann reasoned and Anne raised an eyebrow at her “There’s a list?”

“Yes, there’s a list. There’s not even any cons in it. It’s all pros. And it’s really long. It’s in a google document. I’ll share it with you and you can add to it if you like!”

Anne completely lost it at that and couldn’t control her laughter. Her hilarious, quirky adorable little Princess was just too much. She’d never encountered anyone like her. She was truly one of a kind.

“Do you know in all my years of conquests and seducing women and women attempting to seduce me, I can honestly say I’ve never ever had one use a spreadsheet. You’re completely one of a kind and so efficient Miss Walker”

“Baby spreadsheets are excel documents, this is a google document.” Ann said indignantly.

Anne bit back her laughter. “I’m sorry my darling, forgive me. A google document.”

“I told you from the day we met I was awkward and that I didn’t really get the flirting thing” Ann said matter of factly and then raised her legs higher and wrapped them around Anne, using them to pull her back in much to Anne’s surprised delight. ‘Besides….” Ann said sassily as she folded her arms “I don’t need to flirt. I can seduce you with my shared drive” she grinned and Anne cracked up laughing again.

“Oh, my goodness. I’m never going to be able to keep a straight face dealing with IT again. I love you so much. You are absolute magic. Don’t ever change” Anne said adoringly as she lifted Ann off the counter and held her close, her heart full of love laughter and joy. 

“Do you know the first night we met when you told me you were kind of awkward I thought to myself ‘she is a little awkward. Beautifully Awkward. It’s so refreshing and endearing and lovely” Anne said honestly and Ann pulled back to look at Anne in wonder “Really?”

“Yes, really my love!” Anne said as she pressed her lips to Ann’s forehead. 

“I have to say though, I’m really intrigued by what’s on this ‘Reasons I should have sex with you right now” list” Anne teased her a little and Ann giggled ‘Just my thoughts. Things I think about!”

“Like what…go on tell me something!” Anne encouraged her with an adoring smile as Ann started to go a little shy.

“I don’t know, sometimes I just wonder is all.” Ann said quietly and Anne kissed her softly, determined to coax it out of her. “Don’t be shy sweet baby it’s alright, you can say it. Sometimes you wonder what?”

There was a moment of silence between them and then Ann looked up at her with huge pure innocent crystal blue eyes as she bit her lip. “What you taste like”

Anne inhaled sharply as every hair on her body stood on end and her centre began to pulsate with need. Ann grew a little shy from her Dude’s scrutiny and buried her face in her nook

“Ann….fuck…. I want you so much. My beautiful incredibly sexy princess” Anne gasped as she walked towards the wall and pressed Ann against it, kissing her neck. Ann’s body went limp in her arms and Anne noticed she was very quiet.

“Sweetheart are you alright?” she asked in concern trying to get Ann to look at her but Ann didn’t budge from her nook “Shhhhh I’m sleeping” she murmured and Anne chuckled as she buried her face in Ann’s shoulder for a moment, willing her heart rate to slow down and then placed a gentle kiss on her head.

“My beautiful sexy sleepy princess apparently” she said affectionately as she carried Ann into their bedroom and put her in the bed. It was probably for the best, she thought to herself as she slipped into bed beside her and took her sweet beautiful girl in her arms. Ann had started something in her innocent curiosity and sensuality that Anne never would have let them finish even though she wanted to so badly. But she would go to the ends of the earth to keep her princess safe and consenting to anything more than kissing in the state she was in wasn’t actual consent.

“Hey….Little one….before you drift off completely do you want any more pain killers?” Anne asked as she gave Ann a gentle shake.

“No…need to stay off. Big day tomorrow. Wedding will get loose. Lots of drinks. Won’t notice pain after.” Ann mumbled as she turned and snuggled into Anne’s chest.

“That’s one way of fixing it!” Anne said with a chuckle. “Shhhhh” Ann admonished her again as she turned over onto her other side away from Anne and Anne pressed her lips together to stop from laughing at her antics.

“I’m sorry my love” she apologised.

“Dude cuddles” Ann said softly with her eyes still closed and Anne scooted closer to her back, spooning her.

“What was that?” she asked softly.

“Fixing things. Dude cuddles fix all the things” she murmured as she slipped further into dreamland and Anne melted as she wrapped Ann up in her arms.

“Sweet baby. I’m right here. I got you” Anne smiled blissfully as Ann instinctively nestled back against her chest.

Ann let herself drift away in the safety and comfort of her Dude’s arms. For the first time since realising she was going to have to come clean with her about what had happened in her past she actually had hope. Anne had understood that she never meant for her decline at the party to happen. She’d been so lovely and supportive. She’d even promised her she’d stick by her if she did make mistakes or do something bad. Maybe in time she could forgive her for her shameful secrets. Maybe she’d still be able to love her.

Maybe things would be alright after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next stop- The wedding. Shit's about to get hectic! ;-)


	26. I got you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, Here is Part one of Suzie and Tommy's wedding day. I'm sorry for the delay. I kind of have an important and very demanding job and I have a thousand things all due at once most weeks and just don't get the time to write that I'd like and I can't update as frequently as I could when I was on holidays. I wouldn't want the quality of the story to slip. Thank you so much for all your lovely comments though. They make my day!
> 
> I've had to split the wedding into two parts as it was so long and and I wanted the next chapter to cover the rest of the wedding and some other things lol.
> 
> A few Australian translations- We call the 8th and 9th grade "Year 8 and Year 9" here etc. And 43kg is about 95 pounds.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's a little emotional in parts but I wanted to create something real. I've had the phone call Ann makes to Cassie and her best man speech in my head for a while. I knew exactly how I wanted it to go.

Anne searched around the main house for Ann in concern. She’d woken up before Anne which was common and Rachel had said she’d come up from the cottage to grab a few things in her process of getting ready to leave to go to the boys but no one seemed to know where she was at that moment. 

“Oh, Jaz have you seen Ann?” Anne asked and Jaz put an arm around her, leading her to the back of the house “You’ll probably find her in the dance studio wrapped up in Cassie’s sweater that still has her smell, sitting in the red lyra that was her signature giving her a call”

Anne looked at Jaz in complete confusion and Jaz smiled kindly “I kept Cassie and Chris’s mobile phone service active so Anne could call them and hear their voice on the voicemail. She doesn’t call her dad so much anymore but she still calls Cassie and leaves a message on the big days and fills her in so to speak about what’s been going on. Cassie treated Tommy and all the lost boys but particularly Tommy and Frog like sons, and this would have been a big day to her.”

“Oh, my goodness that’s such a lovely idea!”

“Why don’t you go on in honey I’m sure she won’t mind.” Jaz encouraged her and Anne nodded “Okay thank you.”

She eagerly went into the very well equipped practise studio that was attached to the back of the right side of the house and slipped in the door just as her sweet beautiful girl settled into the lyra wearing a bright red jumper and she had her back to her so Anne just stood against the wall not wanting to pry but not wanting to startle her either.

Anne could hear the phone ring on speaker phone and then a voice that was so much like Ann’s she was stunned. It was just louder and more boisterous.

“Hey! You’ve called the one and only Andra Walker, leave me a brief message and if it’s not boring and I’ll get back to you, unless it’s my little beetle in which case baby girl tell me everything immediately!” The message tone beeped and Ann began talking.

“Hi Mum, it’s your Beetle. Tommy is getting married today. You’d be so proud of him; he looks so handsome in his suit. Remember when everyone used to say he and I would grow up and get married but you and I always insisted he would marry Suzie? Well we were right. I’m the best man. I have to give a speech which you know how much I hate. I know if you were here you’d say “Do a sneaky line of coke in the bathroom baby before you go on and to be honest I probably will but it won’t be the same without you doing it with me and psyching me up. If you were there you’d say it at the table and Dad would say “Really Cassie?” in disapproval, you’d get off your head, Mama would get really drunk and the two of you would disappear to the bathroom to fix your makeup but really have sex in the toilet and Daddy would pretend he had you both under control but he’d realise he was fighting a losing battle and whisk you away to continue the party at home.”

Anne had a little chuckle at Ann’s description.

“Speaking of sex, I’m supposed to be having it in less than two weeks and I have so many questions. I know I know you’d be horrified I’m still a virgin but I wish you were here because you’d answer them all so patiently without freaking me out even more than I already am.”

“Oh sweetheart” Anne thought softly. She’d had no idea.

“Like when will it happen, in the daytime or the nighttime? And will I get told that it's happening or when it’s happening or will it just happen. In which case should I just make sure I bring my lingerie A game 24/7 in case it does happen. Like what do I wear? Do you need to use protection if you’re with a girl? Anne’s so experienced, what if I’m really bad at it? What if I freak out and can’t do it and it’s a disaster? Is it going to hurt and if it is, how much is it going to hurt? And what’s with the strap on stuff, is it really rough and scary, my limited penis experience is that it’s rough and scary. Do I have to put it in my mouth if it’s not real? I hated that. I want to have sex with her, I really want to be with her but I still have these questions.

Anne’s heart went out to her as she listened to all her little love’s anxieties. The poor little thing was experiencing nerves she’d had no idea about because she certainly didn’t let on. And Anne realised she’d been taking for granted that Ann would feel at ease simply because she was so experienced but she clearly felt totally out of her depth and she made a mental note to reassure her. The in depth nature to which she’d analysed it all was also more than a little bit cute.

“She’s so amazing Mum, she secretly got Nanna and Pop to my graduation and organised the most incredible dress for my Year 12 formal that was just like Belle’s from beauty and the beast and these incredibly glam sneakers. And she turned up dressed like the Beast in human prince form and danced with me just like In the movie. It was so Epic and Romantic and Bad Ass. She loves me and supports me and loves me unconditionally and she’s the most beautiful handsome ridiculously sexy woman I’ve like ever seen and she picked me. The sky brought her to me. Sometimes I think maybe you sent her from the sky. Because she’s exactly who you would have picked for me”

Anne bit back tears at Ann’s last comment. How beautiful.

“So much has happened this past month. I graduated high school, I got so many awards that I needed a crate. You and Dad would be so proud. I had an emergency tonsillectomy. Anne found out about the whole STD debacle and stuck by me anyway. I got signed off by Doctor Perkins after being in her care from the time I was born, Started exploring options for Anne and I to start a family. Tommy is getting married today, I start my HSC in two days and then I turn 18 when they finish and at a time and point to be confirmed have sex. I’ve had so much going on that even though I don’t do it often I think I’m going to get seriously loose at this wedding because I need to. And you’d be like “Yeah you do that’s my baby girl and be topping up my drink all day long.” Ann’s voice cracked. “I really miss you Mummy. I keep waiting for it to stop hurting and though the pain gets easier to cope with it never does. The hole in my heart gets a little smaller but it never goes away and then the big moments come like when my beautiful Dude gave me a promise ring as a commitment that she will propose soon and I’m so happy but at the same time it just does my head in that you won’t be in the room with me helping me get ready at my wedding, Giving me some amazing profound piece of advice then telling me to do a line of coke of for my nerves before I hit the aisle for my nerves, the ultimate unconventional parent. My wing bitch. My best friend. The Lorelai to my Rory. And Dad won’t be there to walk me down the aisle and it’s like my hearts been ripped open all over again”

Anne’s tears were flowing freely by this point. Of course, her pre-proposal and Tommy’s wedding would have her thinking about that and the impending Cassie and Chris shaped holes in her own day

“I’m so grateful I’ve still got Mama. She’s been there every step of the way through all these big life events lately. You should see her and Nanna, thick as thieves. It’s nice but at the same time so disturbing sometimes. You’d be shocked. Mama’s started dating again, well-being open to dating. And I want her to be happy. I don’t want her to spend the rest of her life alone. There’s this alcohol distributer who has been hitting on her and they’ve had drinks and she’s just awful, she’s all wrong for Mama and I list the reasons in my head why but they all come down to the fact that in the end she’s just not you. And it’s so hard for me to imagine her with anyone other than you. My first big fear as that she’ll meet someone who won’t light her up from the inside out the way you did, and my second big fear is that she will.”

“Baby” Anne whispered as the poignancy of that particular comment hit hard. She had such emotional depth and maturity beyond her years.

And I know I sound like such a selfish immature child but I can’t lose another mother. I don’t want things to change at the club or with her spending time at the farm or the relationship she and I have. Shit this conversation got really depressing really quickly. I’m sorry. I have a lot of feelings lately. Since Anne I take less medication than ever. I’m doing so well. She’s so strong and protective, nurturing calming and centering for me. But less medication means less numb, more feelings.

“Oh my goodness” Anne breathed in delight. She hadn’t realised Ann was relying on her medication less. It was still a slightly taboo subject. Anne encouraged her to be out in the open but didn’t make a big deal of it

On a positive note, I finished the routine you and Dad were working on before the accident. I performed it fire sticks and all at graduation and I rocked it. And Crazy Dave put actual bullets in his gun recently and accidentally shot at me. The bullet ricocheted, I got bark lodged in my arm and sewed my own wound shut with stitches so tight even the great Christopher Walker would have bowed down to my mad skills. Make sure you tell him that…and that my stitches are neater than his. I better get this show on the road. I love you, be good. Don’t get arrested while you’re up there…again. It’s a lot harder to bail you out these days. Bye Mummy. I love you.”

Ann hung up the phone and took a deep breath. “Okay Annie, get your shit together and your head back in the game” She said aloud as she slipped off the lyra, put her phone back in her pocket and took the jumper off. She folded it up and brought it to her face, inhaling then placed it in the airtight container and put it on the shelf. “Okay you’re good, you got this!”

“You do got this my darling!” Anne affirmed and Ann turned around in surprise, jumping a little. “Oh my god Dude, you gave me a fright!” Her face then took on an expression of realisation, then dread and then she literally winced. ‘Exactly how long have you been standing there?”

Anne’s empathetic adoring face told Ann everything she needed to know. “This is bad this is very bad” Ann practically squeaked and Anne bit back a smile at how adorable Ann was.

She simply walked over to where she stood looking so tiny and vulnerable in her plain white fitted t shirt and cut off shorts and wrapped her beautiful girl up in her arms.

“Good morning my darling” Anne cooed softly as she took Ann’s face between her hands and gently kissed her tears away. “Nothing is bad. You are so completely precious. Come with me” She said softly as she led Ann over to the couch in the corner and sat down on it, pulling Ann down and cradling her in her lap.

“There were a lot of issues discussed just then my darling and I honestly didn’t mean to stumble in on it. Jaz said you might be doing this and I thought you might be finishing up and need a cuddle. I would like to talk about the rest of your fears with you in the coming days but in the interests of the pressing time constraints and making sure you have one less burden to carry and can enjoy your day I want to answer only the questions that pertain to me.”

Ann was looking down shyly and Anne tipped her face “Look at me sweet baby. You’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about.” Anne was met with huge innocent crystal blue eyes and she kissed her forehead “That’s my good girl. My beautiful Princess.” She said in approval.

“I don’t know if It will happen in the day or the night. You won’t be told when it’s happening, it’s not really a set a time deal like saying “We’re having dinner at 7!”. That’s not how I like to do things to begin with and I feel like telling you when it was going to happen would make you even more anxious and nervous which I’ve inadvertently done by repeatedly saying “When you’re 18” because it’s almost been like setting a time. It will happen when the moment is right and you’re ready and only then. What you wear doesn’t matter. You could be wearing the finest evening gown or what you have on now and to me you are still the most exquisite creature to ever grace the earth. You don’t have to bring your lingerie A game every day in anticipation. 

There will be plenty of time, a lifetime for me to see you in special lingerie. You don’t need protection when you’re with a girl unless you’re using penetrative toys, for safety and hygiene but we’re quite a way off that and we won’t need condoms on things because I wouldn’t use anything on my princess that wasn’t brand new with your petite size and pleasure in mind and will never be using anything with anyone other than you again. You don’t have to try the strap on if you don’t want to, you definitely don’t have to put it in your mouth. In fact, after what you’ve been through I would be incredibly careful about introducing a strap on with you, and I would make sure it wasn’t rough or scary. It wouldn’t be right away either. You need to walk before you can run. Our first time might feel a little foreign and uncomfortable for you at first but it won’t hurt, I’ll make sure of it Little One, I promise you that. I’ll be so gentle with you. We’ll just go slow and there’s no rule that says we even have to do everything all at once. If you freak out and can’t do it I’ll wrap you up tight and rock you in my arms and we’ll eat ice cream and watch a movie instead and try again when you’re ready. And you won’t be bad at it baby. It’s not possible. You’re too beautiful, too sensual and responsive to my touch. You are my dream come true. Does that answer all your questions?”

Ann nodded as she threw her arms around Anne’s neck and hugged her tightly. “Yes. Thank you for being so amazing. I’m so glad you’re my Dude.”

“You don’t have to thank me baby. If it makes you feel any better I feel a bit anxious too.”

Ann’s eyes widened from her position with her chin on Anne’s shoulder. “But you’re THE Anne Lister. Sex god to all women and queen of all the sex stuff” Anne chuckled. She was so cute, such a funny little thing. “You flatter me Beauty.” She gently pulled back to look at Ann “But we’re not talking about sex stuff”

Ann looked at Anne in confusion. “We’re not?”

Anne shook her head as she smiled adoringly at her “No. I’m talking about making love to you. Which is something I’ve never done before. Not the way I envision being with you. I thought I had but I didn’t even know the meaning of it until I met you. So, in a way it’s a first for me too.”

Ann bit her lip as the beginnings of more tears filled her eyes. “That’s really lovely”

“And you’re this perfect beautiful teeny tiny little doll, dainty like no other I have ever been with. I worry about hurting you or breaking you. I worry about scaring you off, about not reading signals. I mean I wrongly assumed you were okay with everything simply because I was very experienced, I didn’t consider the internal meltdown you might be having sweetheart and I’m sorry for that”

Ann broke into a smile “So essentially you feel like a clumsy fumbling knobhead exactly like me”

“The clumsiest fumbling Knob that ever did head I assure you!” Anne said emphatically with a mock serious look on her face and Ann burst into giggles.

“Oh my god that makes me feel so much better Dude” Anne said as she snuggled into Ann and Anne wrapped her arms around her Princess.

“But not so clumsy I forget how to be simultaneously smooth, the god of all things sex and how to rock that hot little body of yours of course!” She teased and Ann shook her head as she laughed more. “You are incorrigible!” she said joyously as she kissed her.

“Remember you’ve got me there 100 percent today. I know this is an emotional day and time for you without your mum. I’ll look after you my beautiful princess. That’s the Dude’s job!” Anne said gently and Ann snuggled into her embrace more deeply. “I know you will baby. And I’m going to get this show on the road very shortly. After just a few more minutes of this. This is exactly what I need right now”.

Anne melted as Ann curled up in her arms like a little kitten, letting her hold her, comfort her and reassure her. She loved that her little Pixie was feisty, that she was no pushover. But the natural dominant in her soared when Ann sought and accepted her care and protection so willingly.

She stroked her hair and wrapped her up more snugly “You take as long as you need Little one. I got you.”

Everyone had taken their seats in the church and Anne sat in a pew with Jaz beside her then Rachel and Jonathan. “Where’s my Pixie girl” Anne asked aloud eagerly and Jaz squeezed her leg ‘She’ll be out any minute now honey I’m sure.” At that moment Frog, Hammer  
Petey and Griffo all walked out looking very sharp in grey pants, a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to ¾ length, grey suspenders and a baby blue bowtie. They didn’t wear a jacket which gave the outfit a slightly more relaxed feel but they looked fantastic.

“Here we go!” Jaz said and at that moment A nervous looking Snow walked out with Ann behind him. “Oh my god. There are no words” Anne gasped as she felt her heart swell to the point where she felt sure she would combust.

“Isn’t it the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen?” Jaz said in motherly pride.

“If you could die from cute that’s exactly what would happen right now” Anne exclaimed in utter delight. Ann was wearing a pair of baby blue high waisted slim legged tailored trousers which Anne knew to be the colour of the bridesmaid dresses, with baby blue suspenders over a white tucked in lace blouse that buttoned up with little ivory pearl buttons and had slightly puffed sleeves and came to a cuff just above her elbow with a frill around the bottom and she wore a baby blue floppy bow tie around the dainty round high necked collar. Her hair was back combed for a bit of volume and styled in a soft loose bun at the nape of her neck with soft tendrils delicately framing her gorgeous face. Her makeup was soft and dewy and she looked absolutely gorgeous. And when she scanned the crowd, spotted Anne and gave her that dazzling smile reserved just for her, Anne just about died.

“Shit Annie this is really happening” Thomas said nervously and Ann took his hand and squeezed it. “It’s alright babe. I’m right here. Very soon Suzie is going to come down the aisle and all your nerves will disappear and all you’ll see is her and the magical future you’re going to have together. I’m so proud of you!”

Thomas put an arm around her and pulled her close. “I’m proud of you too. You’ve been the best friend a guy could ever have. I’m so happy you’re my best man!”

Anne watched how lovely Ann was with Thomas, calming his nerves and reassuring him. She was just the sweetest little thing. Suddenly there was a commotion and crying could be heard. Griffo appeared with a very tiny and upset page boy, a gorgeous little toddler with chubby cheeks in a little suit. He was very upset. Until Ann reached her arms out and when she did he leant towards her and she picked him up and bounced him, soothing him. She gave him little kisses all over his face and blew raspberries on his cheeks as he giggled in delight. Anne was in awe just watching her. She was going to make such a beautiful mother.

“Check you out getting all clucky Lister!” Jaz said affectionately as she spied the soft enraptured look on Anne’s face and Anne didn’t even try to hide it. “Can you blame me? Just look at her with that baby.”

“Yes, she was born to be a mum. And she’s going to be a fantastic young mum too, with instincts that defy her youth.” Jaz agreed as a bottle of milk appeared and Ann gently held it for the little boy so he could drink. And all of a sudden Anne noticed Ann’s shrunken frame for the first time. She wasn’t sure if it was the size of the toddler against her or the outfit highlighting it but she was the thinnest Anne had seen thus far.

“She’s very thin at the moment isn’t she?” Anne asked in concern and Jaz sighed “Yes she is. I made her jump on the scales and she’s down to 43kg. She’s tiny but she hasn’t been that tiny for a while.”

“That’s another kilo down from just a couple of days ago and 4 kg all up. I know she had the tonsillectomy but I was hoping she wouldn’t lose quite so much weight” Anne said with a worried expression marring her face.

“I think it’s the operation, the memories it brought up of that asshole Thomas Ainsworth, all the big events she’s had on, plus missing Cassie and exam stress. Normally she’s so active she eats a fair bit .But with her anxiety she just doesn’t get hungry and even when she is and binges on everything it’s not enough to compensate. Watch her honey. Now that she’s got those C cup boobs that she can lose weight from and she’s still got that feminine softness to her shape despite being toned with long lean dancers muscles, as tiny as she is it’s harder to tell when she’s shrinking. Her mother was the same.”

“She’ll be okay, I was thinking of taking her away as soon as her exams finish on a little trip, A change of scenery where she can just slow down and relax and unwind.” Anne said hopefully and Jaz beamed. “Sounds perfect!”

Thomas Ainsworth and Mariana slipped into the very back of the church and sat down in a pew. “That’s her up the front Julie, the best man. That’s my beautiful Annie!” He gushed and Mariana rolled her eyes. “Of course the little bitch would look chic as fuck butching it up and still manage to throw in enough femme to look like a perfect little doll. She could bet on it that once Anne got her in her arms later she’d be creaming her boxers.

Mariana patted the bag inside her handbag that was going to bring that little bitch princesses world tumbling down with a wicked smile and squeezed Thomas’s hand. “She looks lovely. I have a feeling today is going to be a big step in the right direction of you getting her back darling. Here’s to our amazing friendship and getting back our loves!”

“Didn’t Suzie look stunning walking down that aisle” Rachel gushed and Marion put her hand to her face “Glorious! I loved the simplicity of the elegant beaded full skirt and fitted bodice with the delicate draped lace sleeves”

“I think you look pretty glorious right now Miss Lister!” Brian whispered quietly to Marion as he kissed her hand and Jaz leant into Anne “How are you doing processing that right now honey?” 

Anne smiled gratefully at Jaz. It really was like having a mum. She was very in tune to her.   
“I don’t love it but he’s a good man and he treats my baby sister well so as long as that continues, I’ll support it.”

“That’s my big girl!” Jaz said as she put and arm around her and squeezed her. ‘Speaking of my girls, I haven’t seen my little girl looking that relaxed for a long time!” Jaz said as she pointed to Ann posing for a photo with Frog at the bridal table. She was on his back and they both had a drink in their hand. It was very cute and Anne beamed.

“She’s had a bit to drink during photos I think” Anne said with a wry smile. The wedding was in full swing and everyone was having such a lovely time. Anne hadn’t seen much of her beautiful girl, only in passing as she walked back down the aisle which she understood but she missed her. 

Then as though Ann could read her mind, she suddenly deposited herself in Anne’s lap. “Hi Dude!” she said with a bright smile and Anne grinned at her “Well if you aren’t the most gorgeous little butched up Pixie to ever breathe the air!”

Ann giggled “It’s not really that butch is it?”

Anne kissed her forehead “It’s perfectly you my darling, I don’t think I could have dreamed up a more “Ann Walker” suit for you myself. Have you had anything to eat?”

Ann shook her head ‘No the food hurts my throat but the nice man who brought the entrees is getting me something!”

“Here you go Miss!” a tall young waiter said as he appeared at their table “My specialty tropical smoothie!” he handed it to Ann and she smiled gratefully ‘Thank you so much!”

“My pleasure! I hope to see you around!” he said as he looked her up and down appreciatively and Anne gave him a death stare. The waiter caught the ice in her gaze and walked away. Ann sipped her smoothie and picked the little post it off that was attached to it.

“Hey why is there a phone number with a heart on my smoothie?” she asked curiously and Anne gritted her teeth. “I’m pretty sure it’s the waiter’s sweetheart and he left it there for you to call him!”

“But why would he do that? Why would I want to call him? That’s very strange” Ann said in confusion and Jaz cracked up laughing and Anne felt all her irritation melting at Ann’s naivety and complete lack of awareness of how stunning she was.

“What?” Ann asked as she looked at Anne with huge innocent blue eyes and Anne chuckled. “I love you so much my sweet beautiful girl. Don’t ever change” she said as she held her close.

They all sat chatting and much to Anne’s relief Ann drank her smoothie and even ate a soft bread roll. Anne could see she was in pain from the way she winced when she swallowed it but at least she was getting some solid foods into her. Jaz noticed the tell-tale blackening of Ann’s pupils and smirked as she leant over and whispered, “Did a sneaky line of coke did we?”

“Just a little one!” Ann whispered back.

“Cassie would be proud!” Jaz said with a fond smile and Ann sighed “I just really hate public speaking. I’m dreading this speech!” Anne rubbed her back.

She didn’t mind about the party drugs. She dabbled herself and she’d never seen Ann really lose control but as much as she was glad she didn’t overdo things she had to wonder why. She’d obviously grown up in a very liberal household. Why was it that she wasn’t like normal teenagers, that she seemed almost afraid to let go? She couldn’t help feeling there were pieces to the puzzle she was missing. At first she’d thought it might have been because of the hard partying lifestyle Cassie had exposed her too so young. But she didn’t seem too scarred to drink or dabble in drugs. She seemed comfortable doing it yet she never let things go too far.

“Annie it’s almost time for speeches!” the MC said as he approached their table and Ann sighed “Okay!”

“You’ll be amazing sweetheart I have every faith in you!” Rachel said encouragingly and Jonno chimed in for support. “Knock em dead shortcake!”

Anne put her hand on Ann’s face. “I am right here my darling. If you feel overwhelmed at any time just look over here and let everyone else disappear okay? You’re going to do an amazing job!”

“Okay Dude, thank you!” Ann said as she hugged Anne and Anne was shocked to feel her trembling. She wanted to take her aside away from the others but she left her lap so quickly.

“She’ll be alright. She works herself up into an absolute state over public speaking but I know all she needs is just one grand slam. Just to hit it out of the park one time and then she’ll be better. I know she can do this. She’s so bright and emotionally intelligent” Jaz reasoned and Anne turned to her in confusion. ‘Why does she have such a hard time public speaking? She was head prefect this year”

“And that made her better honey, the truth is she’s actually really good at it but” Jaz lowered her tone and leant closer to Anne “When she was in the 4th grade, just before they moved out to Australia permanently, Ann was giving a book report when the principal came in to interrupt her and tell her that Cassie had slit one of her wrists and had been rushed to hospital. It wasn’t a suicide attempt; she was just self-harming and went too far. Cassie had asked Ann to stay home that day but she’d missed so much school because of Cassie that the school had stopped pressuring Cassie and just started pressuring Ann to bring herself. She was worried she’d get in trouble if she didn’t do her report so she went. And she blamed herself. And ever since she’s struggled with public speaking.”

Anne’s heart sank “Oh my god, The poor little thing. That’s awful she was just a baby. No wonder it freaks her out!”

“And now everyone can you put your hands together for the best man, Miss Annalise Walker!” Trevor the MC said into the microphone.

Ann skulled her glass of champagne and a few people started chuckling. ‘Please don’t screw this up, please don’t screw this up” Ann pleaded as she stood took her speech out of her pocket and took it out of her little draw string protective bag.

Anne could see her little hands shaking and her heart went out to her. “Come on baby you’ve got this I believe in you!” she willed from her table.

Ann took the microphone and hesitated. Someone in the audience called out “Oh no she’s gonna spew like she did in her Year 9 History speech” someone called out and Anne glared over at him as the person beside him punched him in the arm.

“If you want to talk about year 9 Declan we can talk about what was found in your locker?” The young man shrank and Ann said ‘No? Didn’t think so” with a big smile and people laughed.

“You go baby girl!” Jaz called out proudly and someone else called out “Looking pretty upwardly nubile there these days Annie!”

“Oh these drunk morons! The nerve!” Rachel said in disgust and Anne watched as Ann composed herself, looked over at him and said “Yes well far better to be upwardly nubile than downwardly puerile right Theo?”

The whole room erupted in laughter and Anne beamed at her “That’s my girl!”

Ann took a deep breath “I was there at the very beginning of Tommy and Suzie. We were sitting in the kitchen after a group swim date at the river, facetiming my mum back in Sydney and he was telling her how much he liked Suzie and that he didn’t know what to do about it. And Cassie said he needed to do some seriously epic romantic shit to get her attention. But Tommy was shy”

Everyone laughed and Ann continued “Fast forward a year and a half. I was 14, Tommy and Suzie were 15. The Year was 2015. Taylor had bad blood, Adele was saying Hello from the other side, Justin Bieber was asking us what we meant and everyone was singing Uptown Funk but Suzie’s favourite song was “Shut up and Dance with me”. And with everyone buzzing about the school dance, Tommy decided he was finally ready to make that grand romantic gesture and he got our lost boy band together to play that song as a dedication and surprise for her. I didn’t really know anything about love. But I can still remember exactly what Suzie was wearing that night right down to the little cerulean blue bows on her ballet flats because I will never forget the look on Tommy’s face when he saw her walk through the door, Or the smile on her face as we started to play and he sang to her. And as the years have gone on I’ve often wondered if it ever resonated with him just how true it was when he sang the line “This woman is my destiny”. Because she was. And now here we are.”

The crowd broke into applause and as Anne looked around the room she could see that everyone was as touched as she was by the honesty and sincerity of Ann’s words as she told Tommy and Suzie’s story. She wasn’t throwing in anything cliché; she wasn’t trying to make them any older or more mature than they were. She was staying true to who they were and where they were at and it was magical.

“And I know a lot of you are sitting there thinking ‘What do those two crazy kids know about marriage? And the answer is? Not a whole lot”

People started laughing at Ann’s honesty but she smiled. “But they’ll learn. Because they’re a team. They have been since that first night at that dance and they love each other fiercely. Love isn’t just the grand romantic gestures. It’s when Suzie takes Tommy an ice cold glass of water on a hot day when he’s been working the farm or when he packs her an extra sandwich when she has a long day at dance. It’s the time she left her English assignment at home and he put her name to his and earned a grade of zero. The time our Science teacher belittled Tommy for falling asleep in class because he’d been working through the night to save some crops and Suzie became so enraged on his behalf that the teacher took stress leave and the whole time Suzie was yelling at him she had her arms around Tommy and she never let him go. No matter what has happened, neither of them have ever let each other go.

“Love is sticking it out when you want to quit. When you want to kill each other. Its loving when you’re borderline hating one another and sticking together when your whole world is falling apart and you feel like you don’t know anything except for the fact that this is your teammate. This is who you’re doing life with.”  
Ann looked over at Anne “Love is someone giving your tummy so many butterflies that they make you feel like your neck is too small for their throat. It’s looking at them and knowing that out of all the people in the whole wide world, they’re your favourite. That you love them so much. All the much. All the time. All the ways.” Anne’s eyes filled with tears and Ann looked down at Tommy and Suzie.

“Tommy and Suzie love each other like that. And yes, they will have a lot to learn. But they will learn. And their love will continue to grow. Because the best thing about being young is. You’ve got time.”

The room erupted In applause and Ann received a standing ovation. Her speech had been just beautiful. Everyone was upstanding and cheering and clapping as Ann raised her glass and in the microphone said, “To Tommy and Suzie!”

Everyone toasted Tommy and Suzie and both of them got up and hugged Ann. Suzie was crying as she did.

“Oh, wasn’t that magnificent” Rachel said through her tears and Jaz put an arm around her “It sure was. Our girl did amazing!”

“I get to marry her!” Anne said in awe.

‘You sure do honey!” Jaz said with a grin as she looked at how absolutely besotted Anne was with her daughter.

Thomas Ainsworth and Mariana sat at the table in the back corner of the venue. “Wasn’t that an amazing speech. Isn’t she incredible?” He gushed and Mariana glared. “It was very heartfelt.” She said through gritted teeth. Honestly was there anything the little bitch couldn’t do?

Frog, Petey and Hammer were hugging Ann as everyone sat down and then suddenly Ann’s seat was empty and Anne couldn’t see her.

“Where is Ann?” she asked Jaz and Jaz put a reassuring arm on her shoulder. “She’s probably out composing herself. You know what she’s like honey she sucks back all the nerves and then they hit her.”

“Yes, I think I’ll go check the garden.” Anne said as she stood and headed out the side door. She scanned the lovely gardens for Ann and as she turned she spotted her sitting on a bench just quietly staring into the distance as she sipped her champagne. The dark of night had just arrived and under the illumination of the fairy lights that lit up all the shades of blonde in her golden hair. Anne smiled in delight as she watched her beautiful girl swing her legs slightly, her little feet turned it with toes touching. Her hands made delicate circles around the stem of her champagne glass and she swayed slightly to the music that was playing. She could stand and watch her endearing mannerisms that were so perfectly and unmistakably Ann for hours. She never knew she was capable of loving someone so much. She was glorious.

“Hi little Pixie!” Anne said perhaps a little too exuberantly and Ann jumped. It was then that Anne knew she’d really startled her and as she got closer she could see the tension in her body and her anxiety from the set of her jaw and the nervous chewing of her lip.

“Hi Dude!” she nevertheless said sweetly with a smile as Anne approached her.

“Hello my Darling. I’m sorry I startled you!” she said very gently as she sat on the bench and pulled Ann into her lap.

“You’re trembling Little one are you alright?” Anne asked very softly as she kissed Ann’s forehead and Ann nodded. “Better now that you’re here. I’ll be okay. That was just really scary” she said and Anne cupped her face adoringly. “I know it was baby but you were magnificent. And I am so very proud of you. My sweet beautiful clever brave girl.”

“I’m really glad I did it though. I feel like maybe it won’t be so scary from now on!” Ann mused and Anne was in awe of her. “You’re so strong, so resilient. I can never find words enough to express how proud I am that you’re mine!”

Anne felt something odd around Ann’s finger and she looked down to see elastic wrapped around Ann’s finger attached to the ring she’d given her and she was shocked to see it beginning to cut off the circulation to her finger. She was transported to another time, another place where she was hurting herself, from the shame, from the pain. And something inside her snapped.

“Ann what have you done? That’s so dangerous” she said in a tone more biting than she meant to use and Ann flinched as Anne unbound her finger and took the ring off

“Why would you do this?” she snapped again and Ann’s voice began to shake. “I’m sorry, it’s just started slipping off my finger the past couple of days and I was scared I would lose it”

“WELL YOU SPEAK TO ME ABOUT IT AND YOU GET IT RESIZED HOW COULD YOU BE SO FOOLISH?” Anne yelled at her and shook her a little.

Ann knew in her heart of hearts this wasn’t her Dude but she started having flashbacks of James and she could feel fists pummelling into her body, against her muscles, against her bones and the pain, the pain was so bad all the time. She just wanted Anne to stop being angry with her. Why wouldn’t she stop? She had to run. She had to get away.

Anne registered the sound of Ann’s champagne glass breaking as she dropped it on the floor and saw the fear in her eyes and colour draining from her complexion and it snapped her out of her PTSD meltdown.

“Oh my god, Ann, sweetheart I’m so sorry!” but in an instant Ann scrambled out of her lap and was running through the grounds of the reception venue.

“Ann wait!” Anne called out as she secured the ring and took off after her. Ann was fast but she was upset and Anne was also athletic and much taller so she managed to catch her and grab her around the waist from behind.

“No stop let me go” Ann said as she fought her and for the first time Anne realised how light she was at the moment, even fighting her and kicking she could be so easily overpowered.

“It’s alright sweetheart!” Anne tried to reassure her but still Ann fought her “Please don’t hurt me, I’m sorry I won’t do it again just don’t hurt me” Ann cried and it absolutely broke Anne’s heart.

“I’m not going to hurt you” Anne tried to reassure her as she managed to spin her around and pick her up, wrapping her little love around her. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry my darling” Anne said in a hoarse voice as tears streamed down her face.

“I lost weight from my operation I couldn’t help it. I just didn’t want to lose my ring” Ann cried and Anne rubbed her back “I know my darling, none of this was your fault. I’m sorry, so very sorry I frightened you.”

Anne pried Ann’s face away from her shoulder. ‘But I would never ever hurt you. I wouldn’t harm a single hair on your head. I wouldn’t, I couldn’t” Anne pleaded with Ann to believe her and Ann nodded tearfully. “I know, I know you wouldn’t hurt me. You just got so angry so quickly and you were yelling at me and shaking me and I started having flashbacks and I got scared”

“I know you did my love, and I’m so sorry for the way I reacted. I completely understand why you were triggered” Anne said as she held Ann close and spying an outdoor garden lounge setting ahead she carried her over to it.

When she got there, she positioned Ann so she was curled up in her lap and gently rocked her back and forth on the swing as she kissed her tears away and whispered how beautiful she was, how much she loved her and how she was her perfect princess.

“Here!” Anne said as she took Ann’s small hand and placed her ring on her forefinger “Just for now Beauty, I promise.”

Ann saw it was a more snug fit and nodded. She still looked timid and shaken and Anne felt so awful. “I need to tell you something my darling. When I was with Karen, when things were bad, I hated myself so much and I was so full of pain that I just didn’t know what to do with that I used to hurt myself. I didn’t want anyone to know so instead of cutting myself like most people do I used to stick pins into myself or run my hand under water that was too hot….or wrap elastic bands around my wrists and fingers until they turned purple until I very nearly lost a finger one day.”

“Oh Anne” Ann said in anguish as she cupped Anne’s face and Anne continued feeling so ashamed. “When Jaz told me about your fear of public speaking stemming from that day your mum took self- harming too far and did serious damage and then I saw your little finger wrapped in the elastic I just……”

Ann had tears streaming down her face as Anne spoke of how much pain she’d been in.

“You were triggered” Ann finished her sentence for her and wrapped her arms around Anne’s neck, hugging her tightly. “It’s alright, I understand baby. I know a bit about self-harming. I’m so sorry you went through that. But you don’t have to be ashamed. I’m so glad you told me.

“Yes, but then I frightened and triggered you to the point where you ran from me. I’m so sorry Princess. It’s my job to take care of you and here I am doing an utterly appalling job” Anne’s voice broke as her eyes filled with tears and Ann forced her to look at her “You do an amazing job of taking care of me. You take better care of me than anyone. No one has ever made me feel so safe, so love, so protected. Your PTSD was triggered. I know you didn’t mean to frighten me. I know you would never hurt me. I just….I panicked. I’m sorry I ran from you my Gorgeous one” Ann covered Anne’s face in little kisses “Next time I’ll just yell back at you and tell you to sod right off. Better?”

“Yes… kind of….I think” Anne said sheepishly and Ann giggled.

“I’m so sorry my precious angel.” Anne whispered as she kissed Ann so very gently but it soon turned passionate and when the kiss broke Ann pressed her forehead against Anne’s “I’m sorry too baby. But would you look at us. Triggering each other’s PTSD and working it out. And being okay!”

“I don’t know why you put up with me sometimes!” Anne said a little sadly and Ann smiled at her mischievously “We have to do something about this poor opinion you have of yourself!”

Anne’s jaw dropped as Ann stole her line “You cheeky little minx” and she began tickling Ann as she squealed with laughter.

“I put up with you because out of all the people in the whole wide world, you’re my favourite!” she cried out and Anne stopped tickling her and just stared into her incredible sparkling blue eyes.

“What is it Dude?” Ann asked as she stroked Anne’s hair and Anne shook her head. 

“I was just thinking. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t thank my lucky stars that the most beautiful magical little Pixie fell out of that sling, fell straight from the sky and into my arms. And every time I think I couldn’t possibly fall more in love with you, we spend another day together. And you prove yet again, over and over that you love me just as I am. The way no one else has before. And I fall deeper still!”

Ann nuzzled Anne’s nose as she felt her heart ache at the beauty of Anne’s words. “I’ll always love you exactly as you are!”  
“I know you will sweet baby. I love you so much. All the much” Anne whispered as she held her close and they just sat comfortably in silence for a little while, just breathing together.

“Right time to get back in there!” Anne said after a little while as she stood with Ann and no sooner had she stood her on her feet, she was bending to pull Ann onto her back. “I need to have words with that young man who thought it appropriate to make commentary about your breasts” Anne said very forcefully as she piggy backed Ann back to the reception.

“Dude he was drunk and it’s over you should just leave it!” Ann said gently but Anne was determined “It was completely inappropriate, the only person who may talk about them is me!”

“But you won’t even let me show you them!” Ann whined and Anne chuckled “Not this again!”

“Seriously we could just go in the bathroom now and I could show you my boobs!”

“Are you still talking?” Anne asked cheekily and Ann bit her neck playfully.

“Naughty little princess!” Anne said in delight as she reached back and squeezed her ass. 

Everything Anne Lister needed in the world was wrapped around her at that very moment. So she never noticed the figure watching them from the balcony, concealed by the shadows.

“Sorry to say Freddy but your world is about to be turned upside down. Don’t worry though. I’ll be there to pick up the pieces!” Mariana said quietly with a twisted smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter- Shit goes down ha ha!"


	27. Scenes from a separation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter is really dark. I had to throw something sweet and cute in there just so I didn't get depressed and I was the one writing it ha ha. As you know, In the last one Mariana gave Ann a deadline and she's about to do her exams. I've set this chapter out spanning a period of a week, with snapshots of events from each day showing reactions, hurt, decline and finally determination to fight. Its also long AF. I'm sorry to leave you on another cliff hanger but the next bit needs to live in its own chapter ha ha. I know this isn't how you were expecting things to go down and I'm taking it in a direction you likely wouldn't have thought I would. I ask you to stick with me for the ride though because I think the end outcome is going to be pretty magical and one you will love ;-)
> 
> And before you go hating on Anne. I can tell you from experience I've been the traumatised partner shutting out my love and I've been the person shut out and I honestly never even realised the damage I was doing shutting my person out until the shoe was on the other foot. That shit makes you crazy. It's so utterly bewildering and isolating and it destroys a relationship slowly. That is why I have Anne losing her shit a bit. I've lived both sides so I've tried to play it as realistic as possible. The ups and the downs.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING- SEXUAL ASSAULT TRAUMA,SELF DOUBT, SELF BLAME AND NIGHTMARES.

The whole room was abuzz with joy and laughter. The formal part of the evening was over and now there was just drinking and dancing. Rachel Jaz and Jonno had gone home. Things were getting pretty wild in there. It was clear to her that the whole bridal party with the exception of Ann had dropped an MDMA pill of some sort. But Ann was drunk, actually drunk. It was the first time Anne had ever seen it and she was completely and utterly adorable. She wasn’t difficult or annoying at all. She was so easy to handle, so naughty and cheeky, so damn endearing that Anne was grinning from ear to ear. She was drunk too. She was at the table putting down their drinks so they could dance a little more and decided to check her phone. She found a message from Ann and opened it to read it.

“Harry took this for you the night of the Year 12 formal but I was too shy to send it so now that I’m drunk I thought I’d be brave and send it now”. Intrigued, Anne clicked on the image link and when it downloaded her jaw dropped. It was an absolutely stunning pic of Ann sitting in her dress with her back to the camera but the back of her corseted dress was completely undone so her back was bare and she was looking over her shoulder at the camera with come hither eyes so full of need, her beautiful face flushed and she was biting her lower lip. “Holy fuck” Anne said aloud as she made the pic her home and lock screen and put her phone back in her pocket.

She swaggered over to Ann and pulled her into her arms, her little loves back to her as she wrapped her arms around her tiny waist and whispered in her ear“ Oh you are in so much trouble little Princess!” She said in a low menacing voice but her eyes were smiling and Ann began to writhe against her to the music. “Really? Maybe you should take me home and punish me!” she said suggestively and Anne groaned.

“Don’t tempt me!” she practically growled as she spun her around to face her and Ann looked at her as if she was issuing a challenge “Why not?”

“God your voice sounds so sexy all croaky like that!” Anne said in appreciation as she pulled Ann flush against her.

“And I just saw the photo you sent me. Next time don’t be shy sweetheart. It’s stunning. You have no idea the things I wanted to do to you when I saw it. The things I want to do to you right now in that suit!” Anne said as she snapped one of Ann’s suspenders a little and noticed her beautiful girl looking a little shy so she softened accordingly.

“You’re so beautiful like this. Happy. Relaxed, enjoying yourself. So beautiful Baby!” Anne kissed her softly and whispered in her ear. “Have you ever made out in a hot tub when you’re high?”

Anne shook her head and looked at her with wide eyes and Anne melted. She was so cute.

“It’s the most incredible feeling. Have you got anymore pills with you?”

Ann leant up to Anne’s ear and whispered “The pills weren’t mine, they’re Griffo’s and I think they’re all gone. But I’ll be able to get some more from Mama at home. Better ones”

Anne shook her head “Yeah I’d rather not ask your Mama for drugs so I can defile her baby in the hot tub” Ann cracked up and Anne laughed with her.

“Well I still have plenty of coke baby. I didn’t have much!” Ann whispered.

She took out a harmless looking but expensive and crystal embellished little piglet necklace out of her pocket and placed it in Anne’s hand.

“It’s piglet” Anne said in bewilderment and Ann nodded “My mum gave it to me, she said piglet was anxious but loveable and adorable like me. Just hold the body tight and unscrew the head”

Anne couldn’t hold back her chuckle ‘Your mum gave you a Winnie the Pooh cocaine necklace. You know you had a highly unconventional childhood right Beauty?”

Ann started laughing with her ‘Yeah I kind of picked that up!”

Anne kissed her deeply, clutching her butt and moaning as Ann rocked into her. When the kiss broke they were both breathless. “Okay, so it’s not so obvious I’ll go, then you go okay?”

“Alright baby” Ann said as she kissed Anne, running her nails up and down her back, not even caring who saw.

“Behave, and don’t go anywhere Princess” Anne demanded and Ann whispered in her ear “Yes Sir”. Anne felt herself instantly get wet. ‘Oh you are in so.much.fucking.trouble Little one” she practically growled but her hand held her chin like it was china and her eyes were so full of love along with the lust that Ann couldn’t possibly feel anything but safe.

Anne headed towards the toilet and was stunned to see Mariana in the corner right near the entrance.

“Mariana what the actual fuck?” she said in shock and Mariana grabbed her hand and dragged her out onto the balcony.

‘What the hell are you doing here? Let go of me!” Anne demanded.

“Freddy listen to me. I was in the area on a wine tour and my car broke down and a very chivalrous young man stopped to assist me, a soldier. We hit it off and started spending time together. There was chemistry there so imagine my surprise when the first time we’re alone together at his place it’s a shrine to none other than Ann Walker. All the way out here in the middle of fucking nowhere. He brought me as his plus 1. I didn’t know you or Ann would be here. He just said it was the wedding of a friend.”

Anne’s eyes widened. ‘Wait a minute you’re not talking about Thomas Ainsworth are you?”

Mariana looked surprised. “How did you know? Do you know him Freddy?”

Anne’s face twisted in disgust. “That scumbag piece of shit gave my beautiful girl an oral STI. The effects of which led to a severe collapse of her tonsils recently. Her parents had just died and she was living in an abusive home and he manipulated her and played on her innocence and desperation to get out and pushed her into oral sex, something she wasn’t remotely ready for. You’d do best to stay away from him Mary. Actually where is he. I will kick his fucking head in!”

“Freddy wait. Are you sure he pushed her into it and that she wasn’t willing? That she didn’t do other things with him? I know she’s your world. I accept that now. The things you said about me only treating you like a part time fling….it was all true and I’m sorry. But it doesn’t mean that I can just stop loving you, or that I don’t get concerned when I go through a bedside draw looking for a condom and I find this!”

Mariana took some papers out of her bag and handed them to Anne who snatched them from her in irritation. Opening it up she was stunned to see a gorgeous photo of Ann lying face down on a bed, completely topless from the hips up, her lower half covered by a pink sheet. It was a very feminine bed. Clearly her bed. Her gorgeous golden hair was all tousled and you could see the curve of her small left breast and part of her lips and nose. She was thinner and less developed than she was now, her back a straight up and down rectangular shape But she knew it was Ann. She could tell from the pattern of freckles on her upper back that she had spent so much time studying. Opening the letter with a shaking hand she read it.

To my own little Annie. I keep a copy of this picture under my pillow wherever we go here in the pits of hell to keep me safe. I trace the curve of your breast and the freckles on your back and remember how beautiful your skin looked in the moonlight as you lay beside me that night. I can’t wait to get home to you so we can be together like that again. Love always, your Thomas.”

Anne felt like she’d been punched in the gut. She knew that Ann and Ainsworth had been somewhat involved but to see such an intimate picture of her sleeping so serenely. To know he’d lain beside her in her bed like this, The intimacy of the letter. It was a much more upsetting visual than hearing Ann’s accounts of things that had happened

“She doesn’t look so virginal In that picture to me Freddy. Can you be sure she’s not lying to you?” Mariana pressed but Anne simply backed away from her. “I ah….I have to go!”

Anne hurried away from the balcony and back to the table. She felt ill. This animal had a piece of her sweet beautiful girl that she didn’t. How is it that she had to be drunk to have the courage to send her a pic of her fully dressed with just the back of her gown undone but she could lay like this with a monster like Ainsworth. Ann only looked to be about 15 in the pic. Had she done more with him that she wasn’t telling her? She’d been extremely cagey when she’d spoken to her in the park that day after they’d run into Ainsworth at the Pharmacy but Anne had assumed that was because it was hard for her to speak of how he violated her trust. And she knew about the STI but it’s not like Ann had been forthcoming with that, she’d found out by accident. She’d already been feeling like she was missing pieces of the puzzle and now this? Was she missing other pieces? Had Ann been more intimate with Ainsworth and been too afraid to tell her?

Ann was dancing with Hammer and Frog and started to worry that Anne hadn’t returned yet. What if she’d had too much too fast and gotten a nose bleed? She’d done that herself a couple of times.

“I’m just going to go find Anne!” she told the boys and took off towards the bathrooms

“You won’t find her in there!” Mariana said gleefully as she watched Ann about to enter the ladies and Ann was stunned to see Mariana.

“What are you doing here?” she asked and Mariana smiled “Giving Anne a certain topless picture of you lying in bed taken by Thomas Ainsworth and a fairly intimate letter from him. That’s why you won’t find her in there. She looked pretty devastated!”

Mariana turned and walked out onto the balcony and Ann felt her legs go weak but still she followed her.

“He sent that to me. What did you do Mariana did you break into my house?” Ann asked in shock and Mariana looked at Ann like she was insane ‘Are you crazy? No cancel that Thomas has told me, I know you’re crazy but no I did not break into your house, his whole bedroom is a fucking shrine to your pathetic teenage midget arse though goodness knows why and I guess he wrote a few versions to make sure it was perfect for his “Best girl Annie” because I found it in his bedside table when I was looking for a condom”

Ann shook her head “No Mariana you don’t want to be getting mixed up with him. He’s a really bad man. If you don’t give him what you want he’ll hurt you, you need to get away from him and keep yourself safe.”

Mariana faltered at Ann’s warning. Was this kid for real? She was actually warning her in concern for her safety? After all she’d said and done to her? No one was that sweet or good of a person. Surely it was an act.

“Wait a minute how did you even meet? Have you been stalking me or something?” Ann asked in horror and Mariana rolled her eyes.

“Oh don’t give yourself so much credit, entitled little brat. My car broke down on a wine tour and he stopped to help me and we hit it off. And I’m glad we did because now I know you’ve been lying all this time about being the perfect virgin princess my Freddy seems so besotted with. And your house of lies is about to come tumbling down.”

Mariana pulled an envelope out of her handbag that read ‘Annie Walker sex tapes” and Ann felt she might throw up.

Mariana pulled out some pink USBs that Ann recognised as the ones she’d sent Thomas Ainsworth to prove to her he and James that she’d been secretly taping their attacks on her, to get them to back off her. It had backfired though because Thomas and James had then said if she ever told anyone what had happened they would take her down with them by blasting them all over the internet and she’s never be able to escape it. She couldn’t believe that’s what Thomas had called them. ‘Sex tapes”

“Sex tapes? Really Ann? I know you’re very young but by all accounts you’re supposed to be exceptionally intelligent. Making sex tapes then claiming to be a virgin was a pretty dumb move wouldn’t you say?”

“Mariana those aren’t what you think they are. I didn’t want to do any of the things in it. He made me!”

“ENOUGH!” Mariana yelled. “I don’t want to hear any of your little victim Annie bullshit. Here is what’s going to happen. You’re going to leave Anne by the end of the week. I don’t care what you tell her. Tell her you’re too young or you have things you want to do first before you settle down or you want to study abroad. I don’t give a fuck just walk away because if you don’t not only will Anne get a copy of these tapes but so will that school principal who seems to worship the ground you walk on, so will your mother and so will your grandparents. Don’t forget Ann I’ve been here tonight, I know about your life and the people in it now”

Ann’s eyes filled with tears and she covered her mouth. ‘Oh god please don’t, it would kill Anne….and My Nanna, she had a stroke a few years back. She’s still recovering. You can’t do this, it could actually end her. Please don’t, I’m begging you.”

“It doesn’t have to happen that way Ann just walk away” Mariana snapped.

“But she’s my world, I love her more than anything. I know you and I didn’t get off on the right foot. Can’t we just call a truce and I’ll talk to her. I know she cares about you, you two have a history. She would let you back into her life if you just started treating me decently and the two of you could be friends” Ann tried to reason with her.

“I don’t want to be just her friend you stupid little bitch. I want what we used to have before you came along. No I want what the two of you have. I want her to look at me like I’m the most magical precious thing in the world, the way she looks at you.” Mariana said bitterly.

‘She will never want anything to do with you again when she finds out you’ve done this” Ann said tearfully.

“Well she’s not going to find out, because my second condition is that if I hear you’ve told anyone about this, one single person, everyone gets the tapes anyway” Mariana sneered.

Ann steeled herself “You don’t know much about my Mama, Jazmine do you?”

“Only that she was the lover of your crack whore biological mother. What has that got to do with anything? I know you’re about to start your exams and that you have major mental health issues. The last thing I need is you having a fucking breakdown and my Freddy feeling obligated to pick up the pieces. You have till the end of next week to disappear or everyone will find out what a whore you really are. And if you don’t keep your pretty little mouth shut, the people you love, especially your precious Nanna by the sounds of things, will suffer the consequences. Don’t forget that!”

Mariana stormed off and Ann collapsed to the ground against the wall. This was like a nightmare. She couldn’t think, she could barely even breathe. Reaching inside her pocket for her emergency Valium she took one out and swallowed it dry, not even registering the bitter taste. And Oh god, Anne. Anne had the letter. She needed to get to Anne.

Standing up shakily she headed back inside and spotted Anne at the table. “Dude?” she said tentatively and when she sat beside Anne, the look of disappointment in her eyes as she looked from the photo to her face, just about broke her. 

“I just saw Mariana, she told me about what she gave you.” Ann said anxiously and Anne looked at her in disbelief. ‘I guess I just had this idea that it had been more…I don’t know, chaste between the two of you. You were so adamant that you’d liked girls from a young age. You told me you loved him but not romantically. You said he pressured you for oral sex but when I see this picture and letter and the intimacy of it. I don’t know what to think.”

“He did pressure me Dude I swear to you, I didn’t love him. I have only ever loved you. That picture isn’t what you think.”

Ann didn’t know what to do so she lied. She knew that picture was from the final night James and Thomas had double attacked her, that they’d put her in bed after and Thomas had taken pictures for his own sick pleasure. So she told the story from another evening, a more innocent evening. Before Thomas had revealed how truly sick he was.

“I was in so much pain, from my back, from the accident. It would flare up and James had pushed me into the kitchen cupboard. I couldn’t even wear a bra. I was in agony. So I asked Thomas to put some of the heavy duty prescription anti inflammatory gel along the length of my spine. I’d taken pain killers and I just fell asleep like that. Thomas never touched me. In fact Harry who I hadn’t been able to get hold of came over shortly after and shooed him out and said he’d take it from there shortly after I fell asleep. I didn’t know he’d taken photos or lay next to me and it meant far more to him than it did to me. Look at my lower Back Dude, I weighed about the same as I do now, but look at how puffy and pudgy it looks. It was swollen”

Anne looked at her lower back. She did look swollen and her story did seem innocent enough but as she looked at Ann in that moment she knew for sure. She knew her precious angel was hiding things from her. Her beautiful blue eyes, always so pure, so open. They were masked, they were closed even as she peered up at her pleadingly.

“Let’s just go home!” Anne said dejectedly and Ann nodded ‘Alright!”

Ann stood and waited for Anne to take her hand like she always did but this time she didn’t. She just walked on ahead of her.

The ride home from the reception was so silent that Ann could hear every noise their driver’s car made from the rocks under the wheels to the inflections of the motor. They sat on opposite sides of the car but there may as well have been an ocean between them.

When they got back to Ann’s cottage they got ready for bed similarly in total silence. There was no hot tub action. Anne didn’t so much as look at her or touch her. And both of them had well and truly sobered up.

Anne sat on the bed and sighed. “You know what I don’t understand? How you can need to be drunk to have the confidence to send me a pic of you with your dress undone but you can lay completely topless with him, even if it was just to put cream on you. When I love you so much. And I would never, ever hurt you. And don’t get me wrong I think your shyness and your innocence is adorable and I know it’s real. I see you look hesitant, I see you blush when you go shy, I feel the way you curl into me for protection. But in that pic you don’t look shy. You look completely comfortable. Why is that?”

“I was completely unconscious” Ann thought to herself but she didn’t say that.

“Anne I….” Ann sat on the bed and reached for her but Anne stood.

“I think I’ll sleep in the other bedroom tonight!” She said and walked out of the bedroom.

Ann nodded silently as she lay back against the pillows, tears filling her eyes and feeling completely hopeless. She’d been planning on telling Anne the truth. In exactly 11 days. She’d arranged Victoria for support. And she was dreading it but she was finally starting to feel like there was an end to it. That a time was coming where for better or worse it was all off her chest. And now it was almost like she’d been gag ordered by Mariana. Even if she came clean with Anne, Anne couldn’t stop Mariana from sending the media drives to Rachel. She needed to get Jaz involved but what would she tell her? And her exams. It had been so important to her father that she get through high school and get her HSC no matter what. And she’d promised him she would. She couldn’t go back on that. Even Victoria had said she needed to take her exams and not act until after them. She was in an impossible situation.

She thought about what Anne had just asked her and she couldn’t bear the thought of her Dude feeling lesser than or like Ann had given a piece of herself to Thomas that she’d been unwilling to give to her.

Anne lay awake in the next room wondering why Ann couldn’t just open up and confide in her. She loved her so much. She was her precious angel. Her beautiful princess. Her magical Pixie that had fallen from the sky into her arms and lit up her entire world. If she’d made mistakes because she was young with no support or out of desperation or just teenage stupidity she could confide in her. Anne would still always love her unconditionally. Why couldn’t she see that?

She registered Ann opening the door and standing beside the bed with her arms wrapped protectively around her midsection.

“You asked me how I could lay like that in front of him but I don’t do it with you. The truth is I expose myself in some way every time I get changed in a dressing room for a dance event. It’s easy to be exposed to co performers, to people like Thomas when you don’t love them like I love you. When they don’t matter like you do. And the thing is, before James and his emotional abuse I used to see myself differently. I never worried that what I was doing, asking someone to put cream on me when I was in so much pain made me a slut and a whore until he told me it did. I never worried about getting the crap kicked out of me for doing something considered provocative until he did it to me. I never saw myself as being ugly or defective or worthless or not enough until he told me I was. And when you love someone so much. All the much, baring yourself to them after something like that. It’s terrifying. Because your worst fear is that they might….” Ann’s voice broke and tears streamed down her face. “They might think you’re those things too!” She finished in a whisper.

Anne felt her heart aching from Ann’s words, as upset and confused as she was feeling about everything.

“Come here!” She said as she peeled back the covers for Ann to join her. Ann slipped into bed beside her and Anne took her in her arms but even as she held her, Ann knew it felt different. She didn’t hold her as tight, she didn’t stroke her hair, she just allowed her to lay on her chest and put her arms around her. Anne’s bewilderment, the secrets she was keeping from Anne and the events of the night had put a wall between them.

And things just were not the same.

*************************

Tuesday morning

Ann finished pulling all her hair back off her face and into a bun. She didn’t want one single piece of hair in her face bugging her when she sat her exams. Jaz and Rachel had sensed something was off between her and Anne when they’d said goodbye the previous morning to head back to Sydney but she’d just told them it was an argument she was sure would put itself to rights. 

Marion had decided to stay at the farm to get to know Brian a little better. Rachel welcomed the company and it was honestly just as well. The drive back to Sydney had been brutal. It was mostly silent until about the halfway mark until Anne lost it at her and said it wasn’t so much the photo, it was that she knew she was keeping secrets from her and she didn’t know why. She’d started raising her voice at her so soon Ann was yelling back that if she could just let her get through her exams they could work things out and this was mainly Mariana’s fault and she didn’t think it was an accident at all that Mariana “ran into” Thomas coincidentally. Then Anne had started defending Mariana and soon they were screaming at each other and Ann had almost run up the back of a truck. Anne had made her pull over so she could drive the rest of the way and seeing how shaken she was she’d apologised and caressed her face but even when Ann burst into tears she didn’t hold her. Anne just looked at her like she didn’t know what to make of her at the moment and then drove the rest of the way home in silence

As soon as they’d gotten back Anne had gone into the office and then out for drinks with clients. She had stayed in her room and studied all day with Beth coming to fuss over her every now and then. She didn’t eat dinner. She had no appetite. She’d checked Anne’s google calendar and saw she’d scheduled client drinks for that night so rather than coming home and being alone after her first lot of HSC exams she decided she’d stay with Millie and Victoria. That way she and Millie could study together and she’d have a bit of support. Because she was feeling incredibly shaky.

She straightened her uniform that was looking a bit oversized on her compared to how it was when she went on holidays 2 weeks earlier and picking up her exam bag and her overnight bag she went downstairs and placed them at the door.

“Coffee!” She thought to herself as she went into the kitchen and saw Anne sitting at the table reading the paper and eating breakfast.

Anne looked up at Ann in shock. Her uniform was swimming on her and she looked quite pale and fragile especially in her high bun and minimal makeup. She wanted to go to her and take her in her arms, tell her that she was going to be amazing in her exams today, offer to drive her to school and tell her that they’d be able to work everything out. But she was honestly beginning to wonder if they could because Ann seemed determined to not talk to her, to shut her out and she didn’t know why. Had she done something? She’d asked if she had and Ann had assured her that she hadn’t. Yet still she kept secrets.

Ann poured some coffee into her keep cup. “Anne I’m really not happy with Mariana turning up at Suzie and Tommy’s wedding, it’s too coincidental.”

“Unhappy that she turned up or unhappy about what she revealed?” Anne challenged her, hoping that if she could get her fired up she might let some kind of clue slip. Anything that might give her insight into what was going on with her.

“I’m going to get Mama to give her a warning so that she backs off.” Ann said and Anne shook her head. That wouldn’t do. Mariana seemed to be the key to getting Ann to reveal what was going on. Anne didn’t know why but that’s what her gut was telling her. She honestly thought there was something a bit more sinister about Mariana’s appearance herself but she was also aware that she hadn’t witnessed what went down between Mariana and Ann at the wedding. Whatever it was, It had really shook Ann and she seemed to be totally shut down. She was hoping she could get it out of either Ann or Mary because then she’d have the key to unlocking whatever was going on with her sweet beautiful girl who felt a million miles away from her even though she was standing mere feet from her.

“You’re not to do that Ann. I mean it. I don’t want Mariana getting hurt.” Anne said firmly.

“But it’s alright for her to hurt me?” Ann asked incredulously and Anne steeled herself “She won’t hurt you the way Jazmine would hurt her if she gave her a “warning” Whatever has happened, Mary and I have a long history”

“Yes but we have a future!” Ann argued.

“Do we? Not from where I’m standing we don’t. When you can’t seem to bring yourself to tell me what’s going on I don’t feel like we’ve got very much at all!”

Anne watched as Ann physically recoiled in shock and realised she’d gone too far.

“Ann I…”

“Here she is the brilliant little scholar!” Beth said cheerily as she came into the kitchen, well aware of the tension between the girls at the moment but wanting to support Ann and keep things upbeat for Ann’s sake regardless.

“Please have some breakfast love you are so thin. That uniform is swimming on you” Beth pleaded and Ann shrugged “I’m not hungry Beth thank you. And I won’t be in for dinner. Anne has clients tonight so I’ll just stay with Millie and Victoria.”

Beth glared over at Anne who shrank under her accusing gaze and then looked back to Ann “Well alright dear thank you for letting me know. Oh your parents would be so proud of you if they could see you today. Off to sit your first HSC exam after all you’ve been through. I know I am. How are you feeling?”

Ann took a deep breath. It was the first time she’d been asked that question that day. She deliberately hadn’t looked at her phone because she didn’t want to open the dam when she was already feeling rattled.

“Um…I feel okay. I guess I’m just really missing my Dad this morning. He was the most brilliant man. And it was so important to him that I take these exams and do well. I know if he was here he’d be going over my notes with me and he’d take me out for breakfast and drive me to school and he’d tell me I was going to do great, because I was born to do great things and that he’s proud of me no matter what. I just really wish he was here!” Ann’s voice broke as her eyes filled with tears and Beth gave her a motherly hug.

“I know sweetheart. I’m sorry” She said as she looked over at Anne in disappointment and a very affected Anne sat in her seat silently feeling beyond guilty for the way she’d frozen Ann out that morning of all mornings.

“Anyway, standing around crying all morning won’t do. I have exams to smash. Thank you so much for the support Beth. I’ll see you tomorrow night!” Ann kissed Beth goodbye and picked up her coffee cup heading for the door. She didn’t even look back at Anne.

“You deserve a right good kick up the back side Anne Lister. It doesn’t matter what she’s done to tick you off. This is a huge day for her and because of your stubborn pride you’re leaving her all alone in it!” Beth said pointedly and Anne sighed, knowing Beth was right. She put her paper down and rushed after Ann, making it just as she was putting her things in the boot of her car.

“Ann wait!” Anne said as she pulled Ann into her arms and held her, really held her. “I’m sorry sweetheart. I’m sorry you’re missing your Dad, I’m sorry I wasn’t more sensitive this morning and to the fact that this is such a big day and that I used such harsh words. I’m sorry”

Ann melted into her arms for just a moment, letting herself be held as her eyes filled with tears and Anne pulled back to cup her face and look at her “But you are my sweet beautiful clever girl. And you’re going to do absolutely amazing in those exams. I have every faith in you.” Ann nodded wordlessly as Anne wiped her tears away with the pads of her thumbs.

“I’m so worried about you Beauty. This thing you’re keeping inside of you. It’s eating you up. It’s eating us up. Can’t you see that?”

Ann looked so torn and overwhelmed that Anne felt more worried than ever.

“Here my love just wait one moment and I’ll get my things and take you to school. We can pick you up a chocolate milkshake from that place you love on the way so you’ve got something in your tummy.” Anne offered but Ann shook her head.

‘No I can’t have a repeat of yesterday. No car fighting, I need to be calm!” she said anxiously and Anne sighed. She had a point. It had been pretty bad and she could understand why Ann was scared of a repeat.

“Alright, well will you let me know how you got on?” Anne asked and Ann nodded as she leant up to kiss Anne on the cheek and got in the car.

“I love you!” Anne said but Ann didn’t hear her.

“I love you!” Ann said tearfully as she drove away, knowing Anne couldn’t hear her.

***********************

Thursday afternoon.

Ann stood at her locker after her Business Studies exam getting out her back pack. She dropped everything out of her clear plastic sleeve and groaned as she bent to pick it up, nearly losing her skirt in the process. Things were no better with Anne. They’d been like ships in the night. She’d gotten home from her exam the previous afternoon to find Anne still working back late and she’d been so exhausted she’d gone straight to bed and slept through till morning. She was finding that after her tonsillectomy, the strain of the exams was making her very sleepy. When she’d gotten up that morning she’d gone downstairs hoping to see her Dude but Beth had told her with a sympathetic smile that Anne had gone to the gym before work. She’d offered her breakfast but she’d just taken a banana to go. 1 more exam tomorrow morning and then she had the weekend. Anne seemed to have parties and events booked all weekend and she wasn’t really looking forward to being alone all weekend. She was dreading it in fact. She felt so alone and overwhelmed and was missing her parents more than ever. After putting her things in her back-pack she took a safety pin and pinned her skirt so it wouldn’t fall off.

Olivia watched her from a distance in concern. There was literally nothing of her. She was so thin. She hadn’t seen her this thin for a long time and her eyes just looked dead.  
She approached her cautiously and placed an arm on her shoulder. “Ann Darling you know I’m always here for you don’t you?”

Ann nodded and smiled sweetly. “I know Liv! Actually I was wondering, that cultural enrichment program you put me forward for in Bali, To go to a remote village and work with the children. When would that begin?”

Olivia was surprised by her question. “Well I suppose you could go as soon as your exams finish. You’re one of our first finishers. The school has a long standing relationship with the village and they welcome our exceptional students at any time. You just need to turn up with the paperwork I gave you. But that was before Anne came into your life, that I nominated you. Wouldn’t you want to celebrate with Anne after your exams?”

Ann shrugged. “Things aren’t great between the two of us at the moment. I don’t know, I guess I just thought some distance might be good. A week apart”

In reality she was making an escape plan for when she had to tell Anne everything in case it looked like giving her a complete nervous breakdown and she needed a project to keep her busy to stop that from happening. Everything had been falling apart with Anne since she saw the photo so she could only imagine how bad things would be when she knew the full truth.

“Sweetheart all couples have their ups and downs. You two love each other so much. I’m sure whatever it is you’ll work it out. I don’t think you need to have a week in another country to do that!” Olivia said in her usual nurturing manner and Ann sighed.

“Yeah you’re probably right! I should get home, I feel really wiped out. 3 hour exams are death!” She gave Olivia a hug and Olivia held onto her worriedly as she felt her ribs protruding through her skin.

“Okay darling, I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Please go home and have a big dinner!”

“I will I promise!” Ann said but the truth was, she didn’t actually feel like going straight home. Beth had sent her a text to say Mariana was there. The bitch was already worming her way in.

Nevertheless she drove home on auto pilot barely registering the drive and when she got in she poured herself a very large glass of wine and slipped into a plain black triangle bikini top and adjustable black bottoms. She had to tighten the pants a bit but it would do for a session in the hot tub to relax her before she had a big sleep.

Mariana sat out on the deck with Anne feeling pretty pleased with herself. Anne had invited her over for drinks. She hadn’t even had to do anything to get the invitation. She was already doubting little miss perfect clearly.

Anne sat drinking with Mariana. What had started as a plan to see if she could get more information from her, some kind of clue about Ann’s declining state had ended with them reminiscing about old times and getting a tad sloshed. She had to admit, it was nice that it was just so easy. Things had been so strained with Ann the past few days and she missed her sweet beautiful girl so badly. It’s like she was just disappearing into herself before her very eyes and she knew she wasn’t coping.

She knew she should have been better, more supportive. She knew she should have been around more but she just didn’t know what to do. She loved her so much. Ann was her beautiful Princess, her precious angel and she was her Dude. She should have known what to do. She should have been able to fix her, known how to help her. But she didn’t. And as a result she just felt utterly and completely helpless and useless.

She spied Ann sitting on the side of the hot tub across the deck in the shadows and heard her turn on her speaker and the soft gentle strings of Max Richter playing.

“The not so virginal princess is home!” Mariana said dryly and Anne shot her a death stare ‘Stop that. Just because she’s explored some aspects of intimacy with someone doesn’t mean she’s lying about that. I believe her Mary!”

“Then answer me this Freddy, if she managed to hide the extent of her fling with Thomas how do you know she hasn’t done more with him? With others even?”

Anne pondered her question and as she did, the track changed to “On the Nature of Daylight” The track that Ann had performed to the night they first met. Anne remembered the uncertainty in her eyes when she caught her as she dropped off the sling, her timidness and shyness, all the moments of hesitation and wide eyed innocence as intimacy had progressed between them since, the way sexual overtures and comments she had made had totally gone over her little Pixie’s head. There’s no way that was an act.

“I’m not violating her privacy to justify to you how I know she’s a virgin Mary I just know.

Ann reached for her glass of wine and sipped it before putting it back on the edge of the hot tub but she overreached and it dropped and smashed. “Perfect” she muttered as she stood to go inside and get a dustpan and broom.

“Ann?” Anne asked aloud as she heard the smashing of the glass and stood, quickly going inside to check everything was alright.

“Ann are you alright? I heard glass break” She asked as she saw Ann coming in from the other side of the deck.  
“Yeah I’m clumsy I dropped a wine glass, I didn’t mean to disturb you. I’m going to clean it up now!”

Anne looked at her in shock. Normally she wouldn’t be able to take her eyes off Ann in a swimsuit but now all she could see was the decline. Her hip bones protruded, her ribs were visible as were the row of bones from her collar bones down to her sternum. Her breasts had shrunk and her legs were like little sticks.

“Oh my god Ann look at how thin you are. Are you eating?” Ann wrapped her towel around herself self- consciously “It’s been hard after the operation and with the exams and everything. I was small to start with. I’m sorry I don’t look nice” she said shamefully and Anne felt awful. ‘Sweetheart that’s not what I’m saying, you’re so beautiful, nothing could change that, but you’re so painfully thin right now and I’m worried about you”

Anne wrapped her arms around Ann and gently stroked the bare skin of her shoulder. “Why don’t you come out with Mary and I, we’re ordering pizza.”

“I thought you said you didn’t want her anywhere near me, anywhere near us the night we went to Mama’s club” Ann said tersely and Anne sighed.

“Ann we have a long history!”

‘Yeah well I don’t want to be anywhere near her. I hate that she’s even here. She makes me anxious!” Ann countered and Anne threw her hands up in exasperation.

“What doesn’t make you anxious at the moment? Everything makes you anxious, you’re not getting any better, it’s like you’re getting worse and worse you’re just one big giant ball of anxiety. There’s times when I look at you the past few days hoping to see some semblance of my sweet beautiful girl, of my Princess, of the Ann Walker I know and all I see is a nervous anxious shell!”

Ann gasped as Anne’s words cut straight through her. One of her worst fears had been realised. She’d become a burden.

Anne regretted the words as soon as they were out of her mouth and she saw Ann’s eyes fill with tears.

“Ann…sweetheart I…”

“And when exactly have you been looking at me Anne? It’s a little difficult don’t you think when you haven’t even been here which as I understand it seems to be because you can’t bear to look at me. Why don’t you just go have another drink mate!” Ann challenged her before turning and running up the stairs.

“Fuck!” Anne cursed as she threaded her fingers through her hair in frustration. She should have said what she said. She could see how much she’d hurt Ann, she was just so incredibly frustrated at the wall she seemed determined to put between them. But Ann was right. She had barely been there. And why did she have to be so damn sexy when she fired up like that.

Ann started sobbing as soon as she opened her bedroom door and went straight to for the Valium, dosing herself up good and proper She’d checked Anne’s calendar and she was going to be out all weekend and why wouldn’t she want to be away from her. She was a nervous wreck, a ball of anxiety, a skinny anxious shell. She didn’t even have an exam the following morning to occupy her. She didn’t want to be alone, and she didn’t think she could handle the long drive to the farm in the state she was in. Victoria had asked if she wanted to go down the coast with her and Millie for the weekend to break up the exam stretch and have a bit of support. And she decided that’s exactly what she’d do. 

She stripped out of her bikini and threw on a night dress and panties sobbing the whole time. As she packed her bag she wondered if her and Anne would even make it until her exams finished. She didn’t even want to wait until after her birthday anymore. She wanted to tell her everything the afternoon they finished. She wanted it out in the open. But there was so much riding on it. She wasn’t allowed to get Jaz involved but she was so scared of Mariana sending the tapes to Rachel. Not to mention what James would do to her once everything was out in the open. Ann put the bag inside her closet and went to a draw of jumpers and pulled out an envelope she’d hidden in there.

She went and sat on the bed and pulled out the pictures. They were pictures taken of her after the final time James beat her, right before she moved out. Even if she told Anne, he’d find a way to get to her. She was sure Mariana and Thomas were in cahoots. What if she was in cahoots with James too?

Her sobbing intensified as she looked at the damage her had done. She remembered the pain. So much pain, feeling like her face and her torso would split in two. She couldn’t go through that again. And no matter what decision she made the people in her life got hurt. If James got hold of her this time though he might actually kill her.

She tossed the photos aside and curled up in bed with her art history notes for her next exam and tried very hard to focus but soon her eyes became heavy and she found herself reaching for Patch the bear, cuddling it close and drifting off.

Mariana eyed Anne carefully as she sat on her deck chair drinking another drink. 

“Freddy you look so stressed, let me relieve some of the tension for you!” Mariana cooed suggestively as she moved to Anne’s lounger and curled up against her.

“Mary don’t!” Anne chided her as she shifted over but Mariana traced her jaw with her nail. “Come on Freddy, I’ll let you fuck me any way you want, you can let out all of that pent up frustration, you must have the worst case of blue balls in history, and unlike little miss princess I won’t snap.”

“Don’t for a second underestimate Ann’s strength Mary. She might be incredibly petite but she can bend, twist and push her body to limits you could only dream of. She’s an elite dancer and athlete who has bounced back from more hits than you can count. I worry about hurting her because she’s a little doll but the truth is I’d be at far greater risk of breaking you” Anne said in irritation as Mariana continued to refuse to take no for an answer.

“Maybe but she doesn’t know your body the way I do Freddy, she can’t get you off like I can!” Mariana said as she moved her hand down to Anne’s breast but Anne stopped her.

“Since when have you been giving in bed Mariana?” Anne scoffed and Mariana glared at her “Well I would be if you let me but you’re so funny about someone touching you. You like to do the fucking and finish yourself off. You so rarely let me do it”

Anne had to admit she had a point. “I’m sorry Mary you’re right. I did keep you at a distance. I shouldn’t have implied you were selfish in bed. I was burying a lot of old trauma, burying myself in a lot of women to not have to face it really. It wasn’t until I met Ann that I started to face it. She saved me. From myself, She helped me work through some debilitating trauma and now I do want to be touched, but the only person I want touching me is her.”

Mariana was furious. Ann fucking Walker. It always came down to that little bitch. The rage took over and she forgot herself.

“Jesus fucking Christ are those big blue eyes and perfect tits of hers actually full of voodoo or some shit! I saved you Freddy! I saved you from that fucking little lying whore, I broke into her house for you to find those letters, I tracked down that little weasel Ainsworth and fucked his brains out all to convince him to go back after Ann and not give up on her and get the inside scoop on just how much of a con artist she was because I knew she was playing you. And still all you see is her.”

Anne felt rage absolutely explode within her and she grabbed Mariana by the throat “You did what?”

Mariana grinned as she started to become aroused “There’s the Freddy you were born to be, come on slap me. You know you love to slap me. Do it!”

Anne tightened her grip on Mariana’s throat and dragged her from the lounge, pressing her against the wall.

“You disgust me. That girl is upstairs turning herself inside out with anxiety because she knew you weren’t on the level and she wanted to do something about it too. She’s not as soft as you think. At least her mother certainly isn’t and I defended you. I told her I forbid it and the whole time her fears that you would bring back into her life someone who abused her terribly, they were valid. I wouldn’t fuck you if my life depended you vindictive lowlife piece of shit after the lengths you’ve gone to in order to hurt my princess now get the fuck out of my sight while you still can”

Mariana was actually afraid. Anne had murder in her eyes “Anne I can’t breathe!” she gasped and Anne simply tightened her grip ‘No great loss!”. 

The sound of Ann screaming ripped through the quiet and Anne instantly released Mariana, running to the stairs and taking them two at a time.

“Ann..baby” Anne called out as she opened the door to see Ann in the throes of a violent nightmare.

“Stop it…Thomas…..don’t make me, I don’t want to do it, I won’t tell anyone just don’t make me do it anymore, I can’t breathe please stop. You’re hurting me stop. Please stop, get off me….no stop…..please” Ann pleaded in her sleep and Anne sat beside her feeling ill. Oh god, it was sounding like he forced himself on her.

“Sweetheart wake up, it’s a nightmare wake up” Anne shook her but she couldn’t snap her out of it, she just kept tossing and turning fitfully in her sleep, completely distraught. Victoria had warned her that she was capable of these kind of nightmares sometimes when she was on heavy medication and that she needed to be comforted and calmed inside them because you couldn’t bring her out of them. Only her gut instinct was telling her it was a memory not a nightmare.

“No don’t get James, please don’t get James, I’ll do it, I’ll do whatever you want please don’t get him he’s so much worse than you please”

Anne pulled Ann into her arms and rocked her as she felt nausea overtake her and the puzzle pieces began to fall into place.

“Shhhh its me, I’ve got you Little One, you’re safe” Anne gently pressed kisses to her forehead and Ann stopped thrashing in her arms.

“D……Dude” Ann half whimpered, half sobbed. Her eyes still closed, still completely out of it and tears filled Anne’s eyes. All this time she’d been thinking she couldn’t reach her when she was able to reach her even in this state.

“That’s right it’s me, it’s your Dude. I’ve got you sweet baby!”

Ann curled into Anne and buried her face into Anne’s chest, one tiny hand coming up to grasp her shirt.

“You’re my beautiful princess, my perfect angel. I love you so much little Pixie. I think I’m starting to understand what’s been going on” Anne whispered hoarsely. She had a terrible feeling that Thomas had been sexually abusing her and James had known about it and helped cover it up. She’d been told the two of them were thick as thieves. Ann herself had said you rarely found one without the other.

Ann had completely quietened down and Anne noticed all her study notes around her in disarray. Very carefully she lay Ann back against the pillows and bent down to pick up her notes, trying to put them back in some kind of order for her. She saw some more on the bed and she picked them up. It was then that she saw the photos and actually physically gagged. The first was a photo of Ann’s face. Her eye was swollen shut, her cheek was bruised, her lip was split and there was tape on her nose. The only thing recognisable about her were the freckles along her jawline and the one half open blue eye. There were body shots of her wearing only underwear with thick finger-prints all up her arms and bruises all across her ribs, parts of which were bandaged up and it was then that she saw the thick boot imprint on her stomach and gasped. Her hand coming up to her mouth. She looked at the date at the bottom of the photos and remembered Ann telling her the story of the final time James had beat her. She’d said the police knew it wasn’t a lyra fall because the imprint of James’s boot was on her stomach. It had sounded horrific then but seeing such graphic pictures. There wasn’t an area on her tiny body unmarred by bruises and swelling.

Anne dropped the pictures and ran to Ann’s ensuite, making it just in time before she was violently ill. Her sweet beautiful girl. How could she have missed it. How could she have doubted her. The past few days since the wedding must have been hell for her. No wonder she was withering away to a shell. She’d seemed so cagey when she told her about the picture. Was it even taken consensually? Or had James knocked her out after Thomas had assaulted her? What had happened. She needed answers. She wanted to kill them both slowly and make them beg for death.

Flushing the toilet she dragged herself to her feet and rinsed her mouth. Taking big deep breaths she composed herself and went back into Ann’s room.

‘Come here Little one!” she whispered as she picked up Ann’s bear and then very carefully gathered Ann into her arms and carried her next door into her bedroom. This is what she should have done every night this week instead of letting them get so far apart from one another.

Mariana had calmed herself enough to walk and was cautiously making her way to the front door. It was time to start putting the heat on Ann. She wasn’t ready to throw in the towel just yet and by the sounds of things the guilt of her lies was eating the little bitch up and she seemed ready to crack.

Anne finished brushing her teeth and Ann started screaming again. 

“Shhhhhh it’s alright” Anne said as she ran to her bed and hopped in beside Ann. “I’ve got you my darling, just breathe” she whispered to her soothingly as she took Ann in her arms and rubbed her back, trying to calm her. Her body felt so cold but her cheeks were like fire and her complexion was so pale. Whatever she was keeping inside her seemed like it was sucking the life out of her slowly.

She had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

*********************************

Friday

Ann woke up in Anne’s bed and looked at the clock. It was 5.30 am. How did she end up there? What the hell had happened last night? She remembered her awful fight with Anne and coming into her room upset. She packed for her weekend away, took a whole lot of Valium and….The photos.

“Oh god!” Ann thought to herself as she very carefully took her bear and slipped out of bed. Everything was a blur. Tip toing into her own room she saw the pile of study notes and photos and realized she’d straightened them up before she fell asleep thank god. She didn’t need Anne seeing her that way and thinking her even more of a mess than she already did. She needed to get ready and head over to Victoria’s. Anne had looked dead to the world though and she didn’t want to wake her. The last thing she wanted was another fight like the previous evening. Her nerves were already shot.

Sitting down at her desk she pulled out a piece of paper and a pen and began to write. She was crying as she did it, the tear drops making some of her words run but she didn’t stop.

When she finished she had a quick shower, dressed, packed a few last minute things in her overnight bag, made her bed and picked up the letter. Walking tentatively back into Anne’s room she bent down to kiss Anne’s forehead and placed the letter next to her.

“I love you so much Dude. All the much!” she gasped as she bit back a sob and quickly left the room.

**********************  
Anne woke up feeling like she’d been in a car crash. Ann had finally settled around 4am. She looked at the clock. It was 10.15am “Oops” she said in shock. Luckily she had extremely competent people working under her who had kept the Shibden ship afloat through years of her partying and sleeping in. They’d survive. She was just grateful Ann didn’t have an exam. At least she thought she didn’t? her stomach sank in shame as she realised she wasn’t even certain one way or the other and she should have been. 

And the things she’d said in her nightmares last night. Anne was certain more than ever that animal Ainsworth had sexually terrorised her. She noticed a letter next to her and looked at it. It was Ann’s handwriting. Why was Ann leaving her a letter, wasn’t she just downstairs?  
Anne quickly opened it and read it.

Dear Dude,

You’re right, I have been a nervous wreck and a ball of anxiety. I am a shell and I am getting worse. I understand why you’re always away from home. I wouldn’t want to be with me either. I noticed on your calendar you’re booked up all weekend and I didn’t want to be by myself but I didn’t want to inflict myself on you anymore than I already have. So I’ve accepted Victoria’s offer to get away near the water with her and Millie for a couple of days. I feel like such a burden and I’m so sorry that loving me has turned your world upside down like this. You shouldn’t have to avoid your own home so that you don’t have to deal with me. Perhaps I moved in too soon. It wasn’t fair for you to be subjected to the realities of living with a crazy person so soon in the arrangement. I think that when I get back on Sunday I should go back to the campus house with Harry. I know you have a history with Mariana. I can understand why you’d much rather spend your time with her, with just about anyone other than me at the moment. I don’t blame you. All I ask is if you want someone else, get someone better. Better than her. She’s not a good person. And you deserve absolutely the best person. You are absolutely the best kind of person Anne Lister. I’m sorry I’m such a mess. I’m sorry for everything with Thomas. I’m sorry for how humiliated and confused you must have felt when you saw that photo and the letter. I’m sorry for shutting you out. For what it’s been worth,I’ve just been trying to stay afloat, to stay alive, to keep breathing. But the one thing that will never ever change is that I still love you all the much, all the time, all the ways. And you’ll always be my Dude. Even if I’m not your Princess anymore.

“What? No no no no” Anne said as she jumped out of the bed and ran downstairs to open the front door. Ann’s car was gone. What was she talking about? Not being her Princess anymore?” And then Anne remembered their fight. She’d been drinking and she’d basically said she couldn’t find any sign of her Princess in her and that she was a shell.

“Oh no. No sweetheart no!” Anne gasped as she ran back upstairs to her phone and rang Ann’s phone. It went straight to voice mail. “Shit!”

Hanging up she noticed she had a voice message from Victoria.

“Anne honey its me. I have Ann, she’s safe but she’s really not in a good way. I know what happened at the wedding and Ann has admitted to shutting down but you avoiding her all the time because you’re confused and bewildered which is what I’ve told her is happening isn’t doing her any good and drinks with Mariana? Really Anne? Our girl needed a break before she had a total break-down. She was extremely upset when she got to my house this morning. She told me about the fight you had last night and said she got upset and couldn’t remember anything after she fell asleep, just that she woke up in your bed and found it confusing and that you didn’t think she was your princess anymore. And that she doesn’t want to go back to the house. I told her not to make permanent decisions on temporary hurt. Call me when you get this. I need to know what happened last night that she’s not remembering.”

Anne dialled Victoria’s number and she answered almost straight away. “Vicki?” she said frantically.

“Oh Anne good, perfect timing. I just stepped outside the diner for a work call. Ann is actually eating some pancakes thank god. She’s down to 41kgs” Anne winced

“What has she blacked out?” Vicki asked and Anne took a deep breath. “I was downstairs with Mariana. I was honestly just trying to get any kind of information out of her or Ann that I could as Mariana seemed connected to whatever secret Ann was keeping. She let slip that she’d actively sought to bring Thomas Ainsworth back into her life. She broke into Ann’s house to get the letter and photo, she seduced Thomas to get to the wedding and encouraged him to pursue Ann. I lost my shit at her and might have really hurt her but I heard Ann screaming. I ran upstairs and she was having one of those nightmares where she doesn’t wake up and she was saying…..”

Anne let out a little sob.

“What was she saying sweetheart?” Victoria asked softly.

“Um…she was saying ‘no Thomas stop, you’re hurting me, please stop, get off me, don’t make me do it again’ She was begging him to stop and then she was begging him not to get James. They went on all night. I think he sexually abused her and that James covered it up. I think he beat her to get her to stay silent. But I think you already know this Victoria. I think you know everything including the pieces of the puzzle that I’m missing and It’s not fair. It’s so unfair because I would give my own life if it meant she could be freed of this torment that is slowly breaking her apart. Because she is my Princess, and I know I haven’t been here like I should have and I know I said mean things out of frustration but she’s my world and I want to help her and I don’t know how and she’s disappearing before my very eyes and I don’t know what to do” Anne sobbed.

“Oh honey, I tried to warn you about this early on, about there being things I can’t discuss with you about Annie. I’m so sorry you’re hurting so much. That you’re both hurting so much. For what it’s worth I know she’s planning on talking to you and telling you everything as soon as her exam’s finish. I told her myself to wait until after them. I’m worried she could have a breakdown and it was so important to her that she do these exams. She’s worked so hard, and it was really important to her Dad so I told her to wait, let herself have her 18th Birthday next week and then tell you.”

“Why didn’t she tell me that?” Anne asked as she felt relief fill her for the first time in 5 days.

“I’m not sure, I asked her that when she stayed at my place earlier in the week. I think she’s just really overwhelmed and was worried you’d demand to know sooner”

“Please let me come get her. Tell me where you are and I’ll come” Anne pleaded and Victoria sighed “I can’t do that sweetie. She’s a wreck and so are you right now. The best thing you can do for her is a) don’t tell her Mariana did such evil things as Ann is already convinced she’s out to get her, just tell her that you’ve gotten rid of her because she found the bitch upsetting. She says she’s okay but she keeps checking her phone and I know she’s checking to see if there’s anything from you. You’re going to pull yourself together somewhat and you’re going to call her and tell her that you want her to have this break and that you will be at home waiting for her when she gets back. You’re not going to let on that you heard anything last night and you’re going to reassure her simply by speaking from the heart. That’s the best thing you can do for her right now. Give her time away with me so I can get her eating and adjust her medication to suit her heightened state of trauma and anxiety. I know she’ll open up to you when she’s ready. I can feel the flood gates ready to crack open any day now. But you can’t force it. She’s too fragile right now.”

Anne nodded as she pressed her lips together trying to calm her tears “Alright!”

“I promise I’ll look after her. Call me if you need support okay? I’ll keep you updated.” Victoria assured her.

Anne took a deep breath. “Okay…bye Vicki!” she hung up the phone and buried her face in her hands. Why had she run. Why hadn’t she been there with Ann. How could she have let it get to this. This is what she always did. She always ran so she didn’t get hurt. But this time she’d run from the one who would never intentionally hurt her and was hurting so badly herself she just didn’t know what to do.

Victoria hung up the phone and sighed. What Anne believed was bad but the entire truth was so much worse. James had ended up doing much more than just beating Ann.

Anne lay on her bed for a few moments just calming herself and then she dialled Ann’s number. It rang a few times and then Ann answered.

“Hello” She said softly sounding so very uncertain and Anne knew in that moment it was her Job to be her Dude. To protect her, to fix things and keep her shit together.

“Hey my sweet beautiful girl” She said gently.

“Hi…um just give me a minute to go outside” came Ann’s reply and it was so full of uncertainty that Anne’s stomach was already sinking.

“I just called you because I owe you a very big apology. I’m so sorry for the awful things I said last night, for not being around this week like I should have been. I took you into my bed to cuddle you last night because I felt so awful and I wanted to try to make you feel safe and loved. I was going to apologise this morning and stay home and cancel all my weekend plans but I missed you leaving.” Anne said sincerely.

“I didn’t know that…I just didn’t want to be by myself anymore and I didn’t want to be a burden or get in your way so I thought if I just took myself out of the picture you’d be free to do whatever you want and be with whoever you want without me getting in the way” Ann replied in a shaky voice and Anne took a deep breath.

“I understand sweetheart, And I accept full responsibility for you feeling that way. But I need you to know something, you’re not in the way. This is your home. And when I read in this letter that you weren’t planning on coming back here…..” Anne’s voice broke. “Well I sincerely hope there’s room for me at the campus house with Harry because if you’re moving back there, I’m coming too. My home is wherever you are my love.”

Ann started to cry and giggle all at the same time. “Really?”

“Yes really. And I don’t want anyone else. You are all that I want or need. You are my dream come true. I’m sorry I was insensitive to your feelings about Mariana, I’ve told her to get out of my sight and my life because I don’t want you feeling hurt or insignificant. And I don’t think you’re crazy my darling just exceptionally traumatised. I should have been more supportive of you during this crazy exam time especially after your operation. And I shouldn’t have been such a bastard over that photo and letter. I should have listened to my heart and known that what we have is so special, so rare and magical that nothing could change that. You are my magical little Pixie who fell from the sky, my precious angel. My beautiful Princess. Nothing could ever change that, stop you from being that. Alter the way I see you.”

Ann’s face crumpled. “But what if there were things…...that you didn’t know”

Anne’s heart broke for her. The poor little thing actually thought it was her fault.

“It wouldn’t matter baby. I love you unconditionally and you are my Princess always. And I know I haven’t necessarily given you the reassurance you deserve with my actions this past week but I promise to do better from now on.” Anne said vehemently.

“I’m sorry I put walls up. I’m so sorry you got hurt. I didn’t mean for any of it to happen. I’m so sorry I shut you out. I don’t do it on purpose!” Ann was crying in earnest now.

“Shhhh it’s alright little one I know you don’t. We’ve just had a bit of a rough patch. We’re going to be together for the rest of our lives you know. There will be lots of them along the way. And we’ll get better at them. Please don’t be so upset baby, it breaks my heart to hear you sound so sad and not be able to hold you. I want you to enjoy this weekend. I think it will be really good for you to have a little break. You can text or call me at any time and I will be here waiting for you on Sunday when you get home. And I’m going to wrap you up in my arms and not let you go all night alright?”

“I’d like that!” Ann said sounding a little brighter.

“Promise me you’ll eat, if not for you, for me my Princess?” Anne said a little more firmly, worried that she was pushing too hard but was relieved to hear Ann say “I will” compliantly.

“That’s my good girl” Anne said in approval “I love you so much. All the much.”

“I love you too Dude. All the time. All the ways!”

************************************************************

Sunday Morning

Thomas Ainsworth searched his room frantically for the missing envelope of USB drives but couldn’t find it anywhere. He’d woken up with a raging hard on and wanted some decent topless Ann Walker action to jerk off to and hadn’t been able to find it. He always kept it in the same place. He took out his phone and fired off a message to James

“Fuck bro the tapes of us with Annie. They’re gone. I’ve looked everywhere. I keep them in the same place. The little bitch must have slipped in here and taken it, probably when they were up for the wedding. It’s because she’s got that Lister bitch behind her. She might be planning on using it.”

James replied almost immediately. “How could you have been so stupid? We need those tapes to keep her little whore mouth shut!”

“I know, I’m sorry man. I never thought she’d have the balls to come in here and take them back. It’s that bitch she’s with. She wears the pants and calls the shots. Annie has been far too difficult to manage since she came along.” Thomas fired back.

“Agreed! But you’ve hit the nail on the head. The fastest way to get those tapes back and to get our little fucktoy back under control is to destroy the tie between her and that bitch Anne Lister. Leave it with me. In the meantime, get those fucking tapes back.”

*************

Sunday afternoon 

Anne sat on the couch smiling as she looked at pics of her beautiful girl that Victoria had sent from the weekend. There was video footage of her doing a row of cartwheels along the beach and she was laughing. She looked whimsical, beautiful and happy in her little pink sun frock, her hair a haze of gold in the afternoon sunset. She’d eventually lost coordination likely due to whatever Vicki had given her and fallen to the sand and cracked up laughing at herself which only made Anne smile wider. Victoria had said she was very heavily medicated. The most heavily medicated Anne would have ever seen her so that her mind and body could rest before her next set of exams the following day. Anne had gone and picked up her car from Victoria’s and brought it back. She’d used the time away from Ann to get herself together and strengthen up so she could support her Princess 100 percent. She and Victoria had a chat the night before and Vicki had stressed the importance of letting Ann have routine and finish her exams because getting through school despite all the disruptions and heartache she had endured was really important to her. She knew because of the tonsillectomy and the paperwork Victoria submitted about her precarious mental health that if Ann had performed badly in any of her exams she would be awarded the mark she received for her in school assessments but that wasn’t the point for Ann. She wanted to get all the way to the finish line and after all it had taken for her to get here, Anne could understand why.

She’d been so wrapped up in her thoughts she barely registered the sound of Ann entering the house until she heard a thud and then a “Oopsie!”

Anne jumped off the couch and walked over to see her sweet beautiful girl wearing a tight lavender coloured plain sleeveless tank top with button fly jeans that were unbuttoned at the top and turned down, by the looks of things because Ann could no longer get them done up. She already looked more-rounded and healthy. She even had an adorable bloated little pot belly from the copious amounts of food and wine Victoria said Ann and Millie had eaten and drank. And she was staring in bewilderment at her weekender bag that she seemed to have dropped on top of a box of some kind.

“Hi sweetheart” Anne said gently as she approached cautiously and Ann looked up at her with her little nose scrunched up “I think I killed the pie!”

Anne just about died from cute. “You think you killed the pie?” she questioned Ann and Ann nodded ‘Yeah because I ate ALL the pie” she held out her arms to demonstrate “But then I wanted more pie and then I felt sad that you didn’t have pie so I brought some home and then I dropped my bag on the box and I’m pretty sure it’s dead” 

Anne bit back her chuckle, well aware that her little Pixie was indeed taking this matter very seriously.

“I’m sure it’s fine, your clothes are very small baby they don’t weigh much” she reasoned.

“Can you fix it?” Ann asked her hopefully and Anne tried very hard not to giggle ‘Can I fix the squished Pie?”

“Yeah cause you’re my Dude. You always fix all the things!” Ann said sincerely with huge innocent blue eyes.”

Anne’s heart ached from the sweetness of her statement. Even after the week they’d had, even after all she’d been through she genuinely believed that. 

“Come here my beautiful Princess” Anne said as she picked Ann up like she was made of porcelain and cuddled her close. “You feel so good. I missed you!” Anne said as Ann snuggled into her nook and mumbled “I missed you too” into her neck.

“We’ll cover the pie with ice cream and cream and you’ll never even know it got squished.” Ann reassured her.

“And then we’ll have sex” Ann replied matter of factly and Anne cracked up “Um no Little One, we will certainly not have sex while you’re in this state.”

“Well you could just take off your top and I could pour the blueberry pie insides out onto your chest and lick it all off…..”

Anne groaned as she pictured that “Ann……baby”. She was amazing. She was a virgin and she literally just cooked this stuff up inside her head. Ann couldn’t even fathom what she was going to be capable of once she’d taught her about sex.

‘We could have a bubble bath after so you didn’t stay sticky and then I would wash you”

“God you’re such a sensual little minx. There’s going to be absolutely no stopping you soon. I can’t wait. You’re the princess off my dreams. Speaking of which” Anne said as she carried her over to the couch and sat her down and pulled out a box. “This is for you, just in case you ever doubt who you are again.”

Ann looked at the Cartier box and then at Anne in surprise as she took it from Anne and opened it up It was a beautiful platinum bangle that matched the setting of her promise ring. On the front was a name plate that was engraved with “Princess” and as Anne took it out and turned it over the inside was engraved with “My magical little pixie, my precious angel, my beautiful princess always.”

“It’s so beautiful!” Ann said as she traced the letters and Anne kissed her cheek tenderly. “You’re so beautiful! My little Pie murdering Princess” Ann giggled and Anne smiled at her adoringly as she took the bangle from her, opened it and snapped it around her dainty wrist. “I got the child size one so it would fit you better!. And it looks gorgeous on you like I knew it would!”

Ann’s eyes filled with tears as she looked down at the bangle and she threw her arms around Anne’s neck. “Thank you so much Dude. I don’t ever want to not be your Princess”

“Sweet baby, that will never happen!” Anne reassured Ann as she held her tight and stroked her ponytail softly. “I’ve got you Beauty. Everything’s going to be okay”

******  
Monday 

Anne walked Ann into Riverview College and Olivia looked at Ann’s appearance in surprise. She was wearing her Navy sports shorts and white college polo. She didn’t have a scrap of makeup on and her wet hair was loosely braided. She looked so young, fresh and beautiful and like she’d put on a couple of kilos since the previous Thursday. She was only coming into school for a morning exam but Olivia had never seen her so casual and lacking in polish on school grounds. As though she could read Olivia’s thoughts Anne put a protective arm around Ann “I let her sleep. She was worried about not being put together enough but she’s not head prefect anymore and she needed to sleep!”

They’d had a lovely afternoon and evening together with Ann snuggled up in Anne’s arms. She’d been quiet but so cuddly and pliant and eventually she’d fallen asleep in the same position and when Anne carried her up to bed and took off her jeans and bra she’d curled up like a little kitten in her arms once more and slept through the night.

“Goodness as if you could ever be anything other than beautiful my darling! Good luck! Not that you’ll need it. “ Olivia said as she hugged her. “Thanks Liv!” Ann said softly and then she turned to Anne and hugged her “I love you Dude!”

“I love you too sweetheart…Don’t forget who you are!” Anne said softly as she tugged gently on Ann’s bracelet. “And finish the last of this please!”

Anne held out the banana smoothie to her and Ann sipped at the last little bit. “That’s my girl! Off you go. Knock em dead!” Anne kissed her forehead.

Ann gave her a sweet smile as she went to her locker and put her bag inside, taking only her clear plastic sleeve of equipment and headed down to the exam hall.

“She looks better than she did on Thursday. And it looks like the two of you are in a much better place” Olivia said positively.

“She’s doing much better now and yes, so are we” Anne said with a bright smile and Olivia sighed in concern “Overall she’s not in a good place though is she!”  
“Not really. But she’s a fighter. I think she just needs some extra love over the next couple of days!”

“We can do that. It’s good to see you honey!” Olivia said as she hugged Anne. “It’s good to see you too Liv. I better get to work. Call me if she needs anything. Anything at all!”

****************  
Ann had absolutely blitzed her exam. She felt she’d done an even better job on her Art History paper than she had in her trial exam which she’d gained almost full marks for and she was starving. She felt like she could eat a whole pizza. Maybe she’d go surprise Anne with lunch and tell her Dude how much she kicked ass. She had a huge smile on her face as she opened her locker to get her bag out and she noticed a letter in an envelope addressed to her. She opened it up and read it, feeling her stomach sink.

You have 4 days to walk away from Anne or I’m coming for you with those tapes you lying little whore. Don’t forget that. Mariana.

Her hand was shaking as she shoved the letter in her pocket and quickly walked out of the school, tears filling her eyes. She never noticed Thomas Ainsworth following her around the corner until she felt someone grab her and back hand her across the face. She felt the searing pain in her cheek and fell to the ground disoriented then felt herself being dragged to her feet and shook.

“Where are the tapes Annie. Where are they? You fucking took them you little bitch” Thomas spat at her and Ann shook her head “No I didn’t Thomas, Mariana took them!”

“Who?” Thomas yelled at her and Ann took the letter out of her pocket “Mariana..the girl you brought to the wedding, 5”6, brown eyes. You met when you helped fix her car?”

Thomas looked at the letter in shock ‘Julie?”

“Her name is Mariana Lawton….google her…She’s Anne’s ex. She was using you to get dirt on me the whole time”

“FUCK” Thomas screamed as he stormed off frantically dialling a number on his phone.

“Annie! Cried out her art teacher who saw the altercation from a distance. “Oh my god Annie sweetheart let’s get you inside. Was that the boy who used to always be hanging around? Ainsworth?” 

“I’m fine Mr Simmons I need to go” Ann said as she hurried away.

“Annie wait!” he called out but she was gone so instead he got on his phone and called the office. ‘Its Ralph Simmons, there’s been an attack on Annie Walker, get me Olivia immediately!”

********  
Ann walked through Victoria’s office block reception area and noticing the door to her office was open, she went inside and closed it behind her.

“Annie Darling what happened?” Victoria said as she saw Ann’s distressed state and swollen cheek.

“Mariana Lawton is blackmailing me. She turned up at the wedding. She tracked Thomas Ainsworth down to worm her way into his life and get information on me. She stole the copy of the tapes I have of my attacks that I sent to him to get he and James to back off me, that they’ve been blackmailing me with for the past two years. Saying if I ever told anyone they would broadcast it all over the internet. They got away with what they did to me to start with because they said they’d go after Nanna. And now Mariana is threatening to show everyone the tapes including Anne, Including Nanna if I don’t walk away from Ann by the end of the week. And she left me a note in my locker today and then when I was leaving school Thomas hit me and started yelling at me about the tapes that Mariana took. 

And I try not to be but I’m angry, I’m angry with Anne for bringing that sociopathic bitch into my life. For not forcing her out when I begged her to, for not letting me get Mama to deal with her when I wanted her to. Because now all the work I did to put myself back together is all being undone. She’s brought the scariest things imaginable to me back into my life. I’m stuck and whatever I do someone hurts. As long as Mariana is around I’ll never be safe. ” Ann burst into tears and Victoria put her arms around her.

“Oh sweetheart, I knew about Thomas and James but why didn’t you tell me the rest?” Victoria gasped.

“I can’t live my life like this anymore. I don’t want people to know what happened but I can’t keep living with this noose wrapped around my neck of people being able to hold this over me. I would rather have it out in the open and lose everyone. I want to write a letter. One letter. To Mama, to Nanna, to Anne, to Olivia. Just type it out on a computer, print multiple copies and be done with it because I can’t do this anymore. It is killing me, and I’m getting to the point where I feel like I’d do just about anything to make it stop. I need it to stop. I need to take power back and stop it. Even if I lose everyone in my life. Will you help me?”

Victoria held her tight, tears in her eyes. “Of course I’ll help you sweetie. You are so brave, so strong. I am so proud of you. And I don’t think you’ll lose anyone, especially not Anne. She might be more tuned in to what you’re going through than you think. I’m going to clear the rest of my day, we’re going to give you a mild sedative and we’re going to sit down at the computer and write this letter alright? Here sit down and I’ll get you some ice!” Victoria said as she sat Ann down in a comfy chair and got her an ice pack.

Ann closed her eyes as she took a deep breath and willed herself to be strong. “It stops now. It all stops now.”

To be continued…………..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I promise. In the next chapter Anne will find out what has been going on.


	28. Confessions and Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here it is. The big one. This one was so full on it actually fucked with my head at times and I was the one writing it. But I’ve thrown a surprise in the end of you guys. Please read the end notes for more info regarding that (This is important)I really hope you like this. Its full of ups and downs. Its full of the relationships with the other characters and not just the Ann(e)s as always because they’re building their little “chosen family’ as I like to call it.
> 
> I just want to make clear here that Ann isn’t really running from Anne. This is very typical of a trauma response. Mariana has come to embody everything that Ann sees as unsafe and dangerous to her mental and physical wellbeing and she’s so lost in the trauma that she’s just snapped. And she’s not thinking clearly or rationally. Victims of sexual assault and physical abuse often lash out or can be hard on really wonderful partners unintentionally because they know the partner is a sure thing, that they’re loved unconditionally so they can finally let the pain out. Ann has essentially just snapped here.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING- Very graphic descriptions of sexual assault and traumatic reactions to it.

Tuesday Afternoon

Ann sat back in Victoria’s desk chair and read over her note. “I think I’m done Vicki. I honestly don’t know what else to say.”

Victoria who had been giving Ann some space, walked over to the desk and took a seat beside her. “Mind if I read?” She asked and Ann simply shook her head weakly.

Dear Anne, Mama, Nanna, Pop and Olivia,

This the hardest thing I have ever had to do. And I wish I was stronger, I wish I was better and could do it more delicately. I wish I wasn’t so fragile. I wish I didn’t feel too ashamed to look you in the eyes and tell you my darkest secret. I know there must have been times where you have wondered about my behaviour over the past couple of years and though my mental health can be precarious due to anxiety and PTSD there has been something far more sinister at play. I’m a survivor of sexual abuse. I was 14 when Thomas Ainsworth began touching me against my consent. It gradually increased to him sexually assaulting me orally and eventually my brother in law James Sutherland would join in, particularly when he’d been drinking and his attacks were extremely violent. Neither men penetrated me, Thomas partly because he maintained he would marry me and wanted me a virgin when he did and James because it would be much easier to gather penetration evidence in a rape kit. James would hurt me very badly if I refused them and threatened to kill Nanna if I told anyone. 

You’re probably wondering why I didn’t ask you for help or tell you. I don’t know how to begin to describe the fear and the shame I felt. I felt like I was sinking deeper and deeper into a deep dark hole. I honestly wanted to die. But when James began taunting me with the next attack he had planned for me, a plan to completely rape me I knew I likely would die there if I did nothing, so I took possibly the biggest chance I’ve ever taken and I picked a fight with him when he was incredibly volatile , knowing that he’d beat me violently and that if I could just get hospitalised as a minor I’d have a bargaining chip to make James and Elizabeth let me go. I didn’t fall out of a high Lyra, he beat me beyond recognition. This is why I moved into the campus house. I was living every minute of the day and night in fear that they would come after me so I sent the video footage I’d secretly taken of them attacking me to Thomas. This was helpful in getting them to leave me alone but they also blackmailed me into silence, saying if I ever told anyone, they would take me down with them and blast it all over the internet. 

And I would never be able to escape it then. James has recently confessed his love for me, a twisted obsession he has apparently had for me since I was only a little girl though I never realised. In edition to this, Mariana Lawton,An ex partner of Anne’s hell bent on vengeance against me for being with Anne pursued a liaison with Thomas for the sole purpose of gathering ammunition to hurt me. She now has the tapes and is threatening to send them to you. She is now blackmailing me too. I beg you not to watch them if she does. And Thomas has come to school today and hit me in the face because he thinks I took the tapes that Mariana stole. I hate how hurt you all must be reading this note. I hate that you must be asking yourself why you didn’t see the signs. But you didn’t because there were none. I got so good at pretending it wasn’t happening I think I disassociated completely at times and became two completely different versions of myself. The one you saw at school, socially, at the farm, the girl who was just a wreck because her parents died in her arms when she was very young and the version I was at home. The shell, the zombie, the punching bag and plaything of James and Thomas.

I was doing alright, I was healing, I was moving on or I thought I was but Mariana being so hellbent on destroying me, bringing back the things and the people that have just about broken me has made me feel like every ounce of safety, security and growing I’ve done has been ripped away from me. And that hurts so much because I tried so hard. I tried so hard to keep it together for you all. To make you all proud of me. But now all I feel is weak, dirty, pathetic, used, defective, broken and like damaged goods. And I’m so tired of having to live in the noose someone puts around my neck and can pull on and tighten at their whim. I’m terrified, more terrified than I have ever been of anything in my life that none of you will ever look at me the same way again. That I’ll be forever tainted, forever ruined in your eyes. But I just can’t live like this anymore. It is killing me slowly. And the only way to remove James’s and Thomas’s but especially Mariana’s power over me as she currently holds the most in using my past to threaten me into leaving Anne, is to put everything in the open. I love you all very much. I’m so very sorry for how disappointed you must be in me.

Annie

“I think you’ve done an amazing job sweetheart” Victoria said as she wiped her tears away.

“I feel like it should be better but how do you write something like that?” Ann asked and Victoria put her arms around her “Exactly! And it’s not about being better. You’ve spoken your truth. And nobody will be disappointed in you baby. It wasn’t your fault”

“Anne might be. She was so disappointed in me over the photo Thomas took after they attacked me that last time. And I know I lied about how it happened and she could tell I was hiding something, that she was reacting to that. But this is so much worse. And she’ll be angry I’ve named Mariana, she’s very protective of her.”

Victoria shook her head, knowing that Anne had almost snapped Mariana’s neck when she kicked her to the curb and she had already figured out that Thomas had abused Ann and didn’t see her any differently. “Anne can be a stubborn hot headed shit but you are her world and I think she might surprise you. And I’ll support her through this. I honestly think the thing that will kill her the most apart from knowing how horrifically you were tortured is that she didn’t protect you enough from Mariana. For what its worth though you’re the only one who has ever been able to get Anne to get rid of Mariana. Goodness knows I tried over the years.”

‘How did the two of you meet? I mean I’ve always felt both of you didn’t want me to pry, also kind of weird sometimes that my future wife has had a lot of sex with one of my surrogate mums, but you know I had a very unconventional childhood so it fits the theme” Ann joked and Victoria chuckled. “It’s natural you would have questions. We met at one of her parties. A journalist friend took me as her plus one. I was 38, Anne was 25 and she just walked right up to me with a glass of champagne and told me in an extremely overt yet somehow simultaneously classy way that she was frightfully jealous of the way the halter neckline of my dress danced along the line of my graceful neck where she wished her lips to be and if I didn’t have a drink with her she’d likely be devastated and spend the rest of the night sulking.”

Ann started giggling as her eyes clouded over with softness ‘That sounds like her!”

“Yes she’s developed more finesse and less of a bull at a gate approach as she’s matured. But still she was ridiculously sexy, I’d come out of a marriage with a man who thought I was invisible. She was running from what Karen had done to her and we just ran and crashed into each other.

“Why did it end?” Ann asked curiously and Victoria sighed. “Anne is very dominant. At first that worked. I hadn’t been with a woman before so was happy for her to take the lead and she was amazing at setting me up financially with my own resources and helping me start up my practise so I could be free of that dickhead ex of mine forever. But as you know, my trauma and mental health game is strong. I’m fantastic at what I do and once I’d unlocked her pain or at least the pieces she revealed when I’d push and she’d break if only to free her of some of her destructive patterns things started to change. I still thought she was ridiculously sexy but she found it confronting that I also saw what’s broken and traumatised young woman she was. I couldn’t resist the urge to wrap her up in my arms and keep her safe and protect her. And as I tried to lead her I guess through more connected intimate sex rather than the fucking where she was always in control and would barely let me touch her, I began to top, not purposely its just how it evolved. And she wasn’t ready for that, to be able to open herself up enough to relinquish control. 

She couldn’t move forward into something she wasn’t ready for and I couldn’t move backwards to settling for only pieces of someone. We loved each other very much, nothing like the two of you but there was enough love for us to be pretty upset when we finally decided to part as friends. It made it easy that we had a strong friendship and she was so good with my Daughter. She always got Millie because she too had been an outsider. We had a good year together with a lot of ups and downs. She said once that maybe in a few more years when she’d done some growing we could pick back up. I knew I’d always want to wrap her up when she broke and she’d always resent that I saw her so broken and undone before she was ready to confront her pain. So I told her that I knew it seemed hard to believe but out there was a woman who was going to come into her life when she least expected it, who she would learn to love falling apart in front of and she wouldn’t feel threatened or like she lost any of her dominance. That she’d crave her touch everywhere like no other, and that she didn’t have to settle for the first woman who loved her even after seeing pieces of her pain. And she told me last week just how right I was.

I’ll always love that kid, stubborn little shit she is. But our love affair was always meant to be short lived. I was never meant to be her forever. I was meant to patch her up a little, help her heal enough so she could find it. So she could have it with you. Same as she was meant to give me the confidence that I believed a second forever after the life and marriage I built crumbled, and to demand all I deserved.

Ann had tears streaming down her face and Victoria put her arm around her “Sweetheart I’m so sorry, did I share too much?” Ann shook her head “No….She falls apart with me. She lets me touch her in…um…..places. It was very difficult for her at first but we got there. She’s even let me tie her.”

Victoria’s jaw dropped “But that….that would be one of her worst triggers…” Ann nodded “I taught her a colour system of safe words so she can communicate and I can check in with her. She actually completely fell apart in my arms after I tied her a couple of weeks ago and sobbed and sobbed. She was so raw and vulnerable. And then the next morning she was just back to being my Dude.”

“See? And you’re worried that something awful that happened to you in your past that wasn’t even your fault could destroy a love and a connection so magical, so special that she’s been able to live love and grow even with the vast majority of the demons that taunted her so. Have you entertained the possibility that it might not end up being destructive? It might be healing and bring you closer together?”

Ann sighed and looked so hopeless that it broke Victoria’s heart. She clicked print on the letter Ann had written. “Come on Sweetie. After the initial gut wrench the sunshine will come out again and the healing will begin. You’ll see. And I am prouder of you than you will ever know.”

**************

“Anne there’s an urgent message for you from Olivia Winston. You said you didn’t want to be disturbed in your meeting but you should probably call her back now you’re out.” One of her assistants said and Anne’s stomach sank. She went inside her office and closed the door, locking it behind her and Calling Olivia .

She paced frantically as she waited for her to pick up. ‘Olivia….It’s Anne what’s happened? Is it Ann?”

Anne felt ill as Olivia described the attack on Ann from who they believe to be Thomas. “Where is she now. What do you mean you don’t know? No I haven’t seen her. Fuck. I have to go Liv” Anne hung up the phone and began dialling Ann’s phone. It was going straight to voice mail. What did that mean? Had it gone flat? Had she switched it off? Maybe she was at the house.

She grabbed her bag and stormed out of her office ‘Cancel the rest of my day” she called out as she practically ran into the lift. “Come on Princess, please be okay, you have to be okay”

*************  
Ann walked into Le Jazz Hot and headed down to Jazmine’s office. She felt so nauseous she thought she might pass out. Knocking on the door she called out ‘It’s just me Mama!”

“Baby girl come in!” Jaz called out lovingly and Ann entered the office and closed the door 

“How did your exam go?” Jaz asked with a big smile as she signed off on some paperwork but as she looked up and saw Ann’s sheet white complexion except for the angry bruise appearing on the left side of her face her smile faded.

“Baby what’s happened? Talk to me!’ Jaz demanded and Ann simply moved forward and put the folded up letter on the desk in front of her then moved back against the door.

Jaz looked from Ann to the letter in bewilderment and opened it up. Ann watched her begin to pale and cover her mouth as she read on. The way her hand started shaking and she swallowed deeply as though she was attempting to suck back bile. Her tough bitch exterior slowly began to crack, but then there was absolute murder in her eyes. She stood up and walked around the desk.

“Please don’t yell at me, I’m sorry….I’m sorry” Ann burst into tears and Jaz pulled her off the door. ‘I’m not going to yell at you baby it’s alright come here. Mama’s got you” Ann began to sob, her whole body going limp and Jaz slid to the floor with Ann in her arms. “I should have been here baby. If I had only known. I let you down” Jaz said through her own tears.

‘No you didn’t, you have always been there for me, more than Mum even. I just got in so deep I didn’t know how to get out. I didn’t even know if I could and everything’s such a mess…And Nanna, she’ll see the tapes and it will kill her…Mariana. She took a half naked picture Thomas took of me the last time he attacked me and gave it to Anne at the wedding. She was there. With a letter she’d given me. Anne was so disappointed in me….but the tapes…..Nanna will see them”

“Shhhhh no she won’t baby. Rigging the post is a piece of cake for me. I’ve got that whole town on lockdown so Rachel doesn’t hear some of the scarier things about Cassie. I wish you had have come to me sooner. And I’m going to be having a very serious word with Anne. I knew something was wrong the morning after the wedding”

“I told Anne I wanted to get you involved to warn Mariana. She said she didn’t want Mariana getting hurt and that they had a history. And then she had her over for drinks and I told her it hurt me and we had this big fight, All we’ve done is fight since the wedding, if she was home cause she made sure she wasn’t, until I left to go away with Victoria and Millie and then she called me and apologised. She said Mariana is gone and she was so lovely to me last night and this morning but she’s not gone, She left an awful letter in my locker and she’s been sending me awful threatening text messages the whole way here so I turned off my phone.”

“Give me your phone baby, give it to me. It’s alright” Jaz soothed her and Ann took out her iPhone. Jaz turned it on and held it up to Ann’s face for Face ID the flicked through the messages. There were 10 missed calls and texts from Anne too but she didn’t say anything. She was too enraged at Thomas James and that troll Mariana at that moment. She just turned off Ann’s passcode and held her tight.

“I haven’t told Anne about the abuse. I was waiting until my last exam tomorrow, you cant talk to her, She only just stopped being angry at me.”

“Shhhhhh its alright, you’re my beautiful baby girl, you’re just distraught. You know I know how to handle these things. I can talk to Anne without revealing the abuse. I promise you I wont breathe a word of that part, but I can speak about Mariana threatening you with things she found Thomas had and terrorising you at school and these texts.”

“I’m just so tired. I just want it all to stop, I just want it to stop. Please Mama just make it all stop. Make it all go away.” Ann sobbed and Jaz had never seen her sound so broken. She took a deep breath as she was assaulted by memories of holding Cassie in that state so many times. Ann was all she had left of her great love. She wasn’t going to go down that road again, certainly not watching her beautiful perfect brilliant baby girl be torn apart by torture and terror beyond imagining inflicted on her. Whenever People compared Ann to Cassie she’d always felt deep down that Ann was so much more level and centred than Cassie. So much more…..sane. She was beginning to wonder if most of Ann’s issues stemmed from this horror. She loved Anne Lister, she really did. And she’d proven more than once how much she loved her baby girl. But that woman was going to get her shit together whether she liked it or not.

“I know baby girl. Mama will make it all stop. I promise!”

Ann’s phone rang and Jaz saw “My dude” flash across the screen along with a picture of Ann with her arms wrapped around Anne looking up at her like she was her hero. Jaz answered the phone “Anne it’s Jaz…..yes I have Annie, no she’s not good she’s extremely distraught. I need you to come to the club.”

*********

Anne got to the empty club and found Jazmine at the bar. “Jaz where is she?” She asked frantically and Jaz fixed them both a drink. “I sent her home with one of my men. Vinny adores Ann. She’ll be safe. We need to talk Anne. Come with me!”

Anne followed Jaz to her office . “Jaz can’t this wait? I don’t mean to be rude but I came here thinking Ann was here,I need to see her. She’s not answering her phone.”

“No it can’t wait Anne and she’s not answering it because I have her phone!” Jaz said coldly as she gestured for Anne to sit down and went to sit behind her desk.

“Why do you have her phone?” Anne asked in confusion and Jaz shook her head. “Do you know why that piece of shit backhanded Ann today and sent her flying by the way, she has a huge bruise along her cheek.”

Anne was bewildered. She didn’t know why Jaz was being so cold to her. She’d never been like this before.

“Um….I think maybe I have an idea but I don’t think I should be discussing it with you” Anne said hesitantly as she thought back to Ann’s nightmare and her chat with Victoria about Ann wanting to wait until after her exams were finished.

“I don’t think you do Anne. You bitch ex Mariana Lawton has been black mailing my baby girl which is why she came here after Thomas attacked her at her wits end. My beautiful little girl, the last thing left I have of her mother, the great love of my life, black and blue and terrified because your bitch ex took things from Thomas that he blamed Ann for stealing and thus attacked her.”

Anne was horrified. ‘What? Mary did what?” 

Jaz could see Anne’s reaction was genuine but she was too pissed to care. ‘Here look at the messages she’s been sending her. She left a vile note in her locker and then when Annie was sobbing in my arms after she was slapped to the ground she was getting these texts”

Anne looked at the messages from Mariana telling Ann that Anne had said she was a whore and how disappointed she was in her after seeing the picture of her and Thomas and that she wondered if her whole relationship was a lie. She’d gone on to say that Anne didn’t really believe Ann was a virgin and if Ann didn’t leave Anne, Mary would make sure Anne found out. She felt ill.

‘She’s stolen a whole lot of things from Thomas Ainsworth in an attempt to make it look like Ann lied to you. Many things he took from Annie without her consent. She turned up at the wedding and told my daughter that if she didn’t leave you she was coming after not only her with guns blazing but her grandmother. Rachel. So on top of you completely deserting her over something she never even did wrong, over the machinations of someone YOU brought into her life, toxicity you let fester in her world she’s been just trying to get through her final exams and dealing with all this on top of it.”

“But why didn’t she tell me? Why didn’t she come to me?” Anne asked in shock.

“Because she thinks you won’t believe her. She thinks you’ll take Mariana’s side because you have a history. I asked her why she didn’t come to me for help and she said she wanted to but you forbade it and said you didn’t want Mariana getting hurt. She begged me not to talk to you about it. She said you’d only started being nice to her again and that you’d either been gone or awful since the wedding and when she’d come home last Thursday evening you’d even had Mariana at the house and she felt so afraid and unsafe. She said you apologised and said she was gone but I’m sure you can understand that’s hard for her to trust when she gets messages like this. And why it’s hard for me to trust that you’re focused on my little girls interests and well being when I hear all that.”

Anne was aghast. She didn’t have any excuses. “I understand. I completely understand why Ann would feel like that. I know my reaction to the photo and letter Mary gave me was immature and childish and I have apologised for it. I know it’s no excuse, its just that it broke me in two that I knew Ann was hiding things from me, I love her so much. She is my dream come true, my precious angel. My beautiful Princess and even if she had have done things with Thomas all I wanted was to hear it from her and not Mariana or anyone else. I wanted her to trust that I loved her unconditionally and even though I might be a hothead or frustrated and immature sometimes, nothing could ever change the depth of my love or how I feel about her.Sometimes I feel like she’s holding so much inside and I just don’t know why she can’t open up to me”

Jaz softened slightly. “Look, believe me, I know the complexities of living a Hastings woman. I’ve loved three of them in my time. Cassie, our baby girl and Rachel. But you lucked out lady. You got far more Walker than Hastings. I loved Christopher very much and yes he didn’t know how to handle Cassie in her very manic phases but Rachel has always been so quick to write him off for that when the truth is, He had his own magic and it wasn’t controlling Cassie. She eventually had me for that. It was mellowing her. Bringing out her light, loving her unconditionally. It was teaching Annie to be the same way.It was giving Annie the very best of him. His incredible brains, his gentleness, kindness. Her ability to be calm, sweet, kind and full of empathy no matter what. And yes she doesn’t always open up so easily but she’s had to endure in her short life more than most little girls endure in an entire lifetime. And I have come to love you very quickly Anne. I don’t know if Annie has told you but as much as I longed to I was never able to have children and I’m proud to have you as a daughter but Annie is my little girl. My baby and if you hurt her badly I’ll eventually forgive you and probably even still love you because I know that to love is to hurt one another sometimes but I’ll likely also break both your fucking legs kiddo do you understand?”

Anne swallowed deeply. “Yes Jaz.”

“Excuse me? Yes what?” Jaz asked commandingly but her eyes were soft and Anne looked at her in confusion then went with her gut.

‘Um, Yes Mama?”

‘That’s better!” Jaz said curtly and Anne seemed to visibly relax. Jaz saw Anne looking up at the huge photo on the wall of Cassie nestled in her arms with her petite back to her chest, looking up at her so adoringly and she looking down at her exactly the same way.

‘I’ve never seen anyone love each other as much as she and I loved one another. Until I saw you and Annie together. Sometimes I feel like history has repeated itself with the next generation. You two have something so special Lister. Which is why I can’t understand why you’d risk fucking it all up. I mean where were you even when this all happened today. You hadn’t even checked in with Ann. Were you with Mariana?”

Anne took a deep breath, not knowing what to say or do.She didn’t want to betray Ann. “No I wasn’t with Mariana.”

“Then where the fuck were you Anne?” Jaz snapped in frustration. Anne felt a lump rising in her throat. “Um….I don’t….”

“Don’t you lie to me kid. You don’t lie to your Mama. Especially about her baby girl”

Anne did her very best to hold back the tears. “I was with a youth sexual assault psychiatric specialist that I flew in from Melbourne. I researched and she’s the top of her field….Um last Thursday I was literally about to strangle Mariana to death when I found out she’d intentionally set out to hurt Ann when Ann started screaming from her bedroom. She was having a nightmare…I think….I think Thomas sexually assaulted her repeatedly. I think James beat her to keep her quiet. My chat with Victoria essentially confirmed my suspicions. Vicki said Ann was planning to open up to me after her exams. That it was so important she finish them, that it meant so much to her dad. That I shouldn’t let on I knew anything. So I haven’t. Vicki and I were previously involved and we’re close but I understand the protectiveness she has over Ann and that my beautiful girl needs Vicki as a support. The thing is I was abused by an older woman when I was 16, I consented to it not realising it was abuse and I’m sure it wasn’t half as horrific as what those animals put my Princess through but it was very damaging and traumatic. And I wanted to make sure that I said the right things and did the right things to help her when she did tell me. Because she is my whole world. And the thought of those monsters violating her like that and the fact that I can’t do anything to take away her pain tears me apart. But I at least didn’t want her to end up like me. Damaged and dysfunctional, until I was fortunate enough to meet her and have her save me. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I understand why you wouldn’t think I was good enough for her . Believe me you’re not thinking anything I don’t already tell myself. I am well aware that she’s so much more than what I deserve every single day while being eternally grateful that she chose me anyway. More so lately than ever. But I really was just trying to help her.”

Anne lost her battle with the tears she was trying so hard to hold back and Jaz looked at the grief stricken young woman in front of her and felt all her anger fading away. She’d had no idea Anne had clicked to things that went on. And Ann certainly didn’t either. She’d been hiding it very well for  
days clearly and going through hell as a result all on her own to protect Ann. And she’d been meeting with a mental health professional to make sure Ann got the right support.

“I’m really sorry. I hate that I’ve let her down so much in all this. But I hate that I’ve let you down so much too. It’s been really nice having a Mum for the first time. I never knew How much I’d missed out on, not having one until I got you. I’m really sorry Mama” Anne cried and Jazstood up and walked around to where she sat.

‘Come here honey” she said as she pulled Anne up into her arms. “It’s okay baby. Mama’s here. I didn’t realise. I didn’t know you knew so much. Or the lengths you were going to, to protect her and get her help. I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through. The thing about Mothers or at least good ones is that you can let us down and make as want to slap you into next week but you don’t lose us by making a mistake or being a shit. And you’ve proven more than once just how much you love and support my baby girl. I’m just protective of her…of both of you I guess. I don’t want you to lose one another.”

“I don’t want that either. I’m so worried about her. I don’t know what to do” Anne said desperately through her tears and Jaz stroked her hair. “Just go home and love her baby. That’s what you do. And trust that when her last exam is done tomorrow she will come to you.”

‘But her 18th birthday. It’s in two days. It will be ruined. I wanted to make it so special for her and now everything’s such a mess. She deserved something so much better. I know she’s always wanted a puppy but never been able to have one because of her disruptive ” Anne reasoned and jaz sighed. ‘it’s okay Honey, we’ll let the dust settle and then we’ll celebrate.”

“And Thomas, James and Mariana. I want to rip all their heads off. Even Mary’s. I mean that. I want them all to pay for what they’ve done to my sweet beautiful girl.” Anne sobbed.

‘That’s my girl. I knew you had what it took to be Moretti. And we will. You’re just not ready right now. You’re reeling, in shock, devastated and your focus needs to be Annie. But they’ll get theirs. I’ll make sure if it.” Jaz’s eyes blazed as she glared into the distance.

***********  
Ann stood putting essentials in a suitcase as she sobbed. Her mama was talking to Anne and everything was probably going to blow up. If it didn’t that afternoon it certainly would the next day when Anne found out the truth. She’d think she was a slut and a whore, all the things that Mariana said she was. They had a long history. Anne had taken her side before, why wouldn’t she this time?

So she packed a suitcase and got ready to go to Indonesia should she need to in order to escape if everything blew up. Underwear, maxi dresses, swimwear, a couple of warmer options in case, a few picture books and resources to teach with, her IPad and charger. As she took the paperwork she’d need, her medication along with a letter from Victoria about its importance she carried whenever she travelled, passport and ID and placed it in her travel pouch she began to cry even harder. How had everything gone so wrong so quickly. She felt so overwhelmed. Wheeling the suitcase into the far storage corner of her walk in wardrobe, Ann felt the overwhelming need to be in a safe space. So she went into her en-suite and locked herself in. Climbing into the bath tub she curled into a ball with her knees up to her chest and continued to sob.

Anne walked into the house and saw a huge man of 6’5 stand from the couch. “Hey Miss Lister. Mama Jaz sent me to bring Miss Annie and watch her until you got home! I’m Vincent but you can call me Vinny. I’m Annie’s cousin. Kind of!”

Anne walked over to him and shook his hand ‘Thank you very much for looking after her Vincent. Where is she?”

‘She’s upstairs and hasn’t come down. She asked for privacy. I best be getting back to Mama Jaz and the club.” Vincent said as he walked towards the door but Anne stopped him. ‘Thank you again!”

‘No problems!” Vincent said with a cheerful smile and Anne ran up the stairs taking them two at a time.

“Ann!” She called out as she went into Ann’s bedroom. ‘Where are you my darling?”. Anne looked around and couldn’t see her. She was just about to go through the dividing door when she noticed the closed bathroom door and as she moved closer she could hear the sound of Ann’s quiet sobs. She tried to open the door but it was locked.

“Baby…baby it’s me. Please open the door. I’m so worried about you. I know Thomas hurt you. Please open the door and let me help you!” Anne called out.

Ann heard Anne’s plea but she was too wrapped up in a would of pain and fear to respond. It’s like everything she had sucked back for so long was bubbling to the surface and she felt like she was drowning it terror and grief. Why was it happening now. She hadn’t even told Anne. She hadn’t even said it. All she’d done was written a letter that she’d so far only given to one person. Was that all it took? Just admitting it happened?

“Ann please sweetheart!” Anne begged from the other side of the door and got no response. Her panic began to rise. She had no idea what was going on inside that bathroom. For all she knew, Ann could have been having some kind of horrific panic attack. She didn’t sound like she was close to the door. She sounded like she was on the other side of the room. “I’m not mad beauty I promise I’m just so worried about you. Please open the door” She tried once more but still got no response.

“Right that’s it!” Anne said resolutely to herself as she stood back and kicked the door with everything she had. It burst open on the the second kick and Ann screamed as she covered her ears and cowered in the bathtub, shaking furiously.  
Nothing prepared Anne for the sight of her Princess in that state. She was more upset than Anne had ever seen her. She wasn’t having a panic attack oddly, that Anne could tell. She was just completely distraught.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I frightened you little one I was just so worried about you” Anne said as she went to the bathtub and reached in, pulling Ann out and wrapping her around her. “Shhhh it’s alright, you’re safe I’ve got you. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you ever again.” Anne said as she walked out to Ann’s bed and sat on it.

“Please don’t be….m…mad at me….or m..m…mean to me” Ann sobbed and Anne had to bite back her own tears. “I’m not mad at you little one you haven’t done anything, and I won’t be mean to you either. I just wish you have have told me what Mariana was doing to you.”

“I didn’t……..have proof at first…I didn’t think…you’d believe me. I thought you’d take her side again b…because you have history….I tried to stop it..and get..m…Mama’s help” Ann sobbed and Anne tried to calm her. She’d never seen her so completely distraught. 

“I know, I know my darling, that’s all my fault and I’m so sorry. I completely understand why you felt that way. But I’m going to deal with it. I’m going to deal with her.”

Ann couldn’t stop sobbing or shaking and Anne was seriously worried about her . “Here, it’s alright. I’m here, everything’s going to be alright” Anne said as she stripped off her shirt down to her sports bra and did the same thing to Ann.

‘Come here little One” Anne said as she pulled Ann tightly against her and wrapped her arms around her little love giving her the skin to skin contact that always soothed her.

“I’m scared” Ann admitted honestly as she cried and Anne rocked her in her arms and rubbed her back. “I know baby. But I’ve got you. I’ll protect you with everything I have I promise. I love you so much.”

Much to Anne’s relief, Ann took her arms that had remained at her sides and wrapped them around Anne’s neck, clinging to her as she snuggled into her nook between her neck and shoulder. And as Anne predicted, her Princess began to calm with the skin to skin contact. She’d cried so hard that even as she calmed her breath kept hitching in her throat.

“Breathe for me sweetheart, that’s my girl” Anne said as she lifted Ann and took her into her bathroom, noting her cries had lessened to quiet little whimpers. Anne sat her on the counter and holding her close, ran one of Ann’s fluffy pink face cloths under warm water.

“Here little Pixie” Anne said as she gently pried Ann’s face away from her and gently wiped her face, soothing the reddened skin and smoothed back her tear plastered hair. When she saw the angry mark across her cheek that was already bruising she bit her lip, composing herself and held back her tears. ‘I’m so sorry this happened to you” she said as she cupped Ann’s face delicately and Ann looked down. “I’ve had a lot worse” she said in a shaky voice and Anne nodded as she blinked back her tears and held her beautiful girl close.

After a little while, Anne took the cloth and with infinite tenderness cleaned the swollen area. Her beautiful girl didn’t even flinch which showed just how often she’d had to deal with physical abuse like this and it completely broke her.

“There’s some things I need to tell you. I was waiting until after my exams and Victoria said I should let myself have my birthday but I need it out in the open because its…..breaking me apart inside so I’d like to do my last exam tomorrow and then talk to you. But afterwards, if you even decide you want me around anymore. I probably won’t be able to deal with a big birthday.” Ann said as she anxiously twisted her hands and Anne was surprised by her transparency.

“What do you mean if I don’t want you around anymore?” Anne said seriously and Ann took a deep breath as her lower lip quivered. “Um, after you find out you might not see me the same way. You might think that I’m…..” Ann could barely even get the words out. “You might think that I’m damaged goods, tainted, a slut…all the things that they said I was, that they called me. You’ll probably be so disappointed in me and won’t even want to look at me. I am still a virgin, technically. But there’s been things that I’ve done….”

Anne couldn’t bear the thought of her angel feeling like that so she just went with her gut.

“I know about Thomas. At least I know a little. I know that he forced himself on you in some way. I know he made you do things you didn’t want to do. I know that he sexually abused you. And I think that James beat you to force you into silence to protect him.”

Ann went pale. “But how…”

“Last Thursday night you had a nightmare. You were screaming so I ran upstairs to your room and you were pleading for Thomas to get off you and to stop and saying he was hurting you and that you didn’t want to do it. That’s how you ended up in my bed. You had them all night so I took you to bed to hold and comfort you. I already knew Mariana had intentionally set out to hurt you, I assume with knowledge of this. I’d just found out and was downstairs about to honestly kill her when you started screaming the first time. I thought I’d scared her off enough my darling. I’m so sorry I didn’t. Vicki told me I shouldn’t tell you what had happened in case it upset you before you finished your exams but I couldn’t bear the thought of you feeling like this. Thinking I would look at you that way. But the thing is, you didn’t do these things. They were done to you. And knowing about it for days hasn’t changed the way I see you or treat you has it?”

Ann had tears streaming down her face as she shook her head. It really hadn’t. Anne had been beautiful to her since she found out, if anything she’d been softer, sweeter, more attentive and supportive than ever. If She hadn’t have told Ann she’d known, Ann never would have realised.

‘But there’s more….It gets worse” Ann said as she let out a little sob and Anne’s stomach sank, only at the idea that Ann was hurt even more horrifically than she was aware of. She cupped her face between her hands. “Then tomorrow, I’ll make sure I’m home after your morning exam. You tell me everything, wrapped up tight in my arms and I’ll love you and support you through it. But sweetheart you are my magical little Pixie, my precious angel. My beautiful Princess. And nothing could ever, ever change that. I knew about Thomas when I had this made.” Anne said as she tapped the bracelet on Ann’s wrist and Ann realised she was right. She did. She really did mean what she was saying.

“I love you so much. All the much.” Ann said as she threw her arms around Anne’s neck.

“I love too my darling. All the much, all the ways, all the time. I don’t want you to worry about anything tomorrow morning. Just get up, smash your final exam and come home to me. Everything’s going to be alright.”

**********************************  
Wednesday morning

Ann snuggled into Anne as she walked her into the school grounds for her final exam. She’d been so amazing. The previous evening after her meltdown they’d had a quiet dinner and then when she was feeling exhausted she’d gotten ready for bed and climbed into Anne’s rather than her own, wanting to be wrapped up in sheets that smelled of her dude, desperately needing that comfort and even thought it was only 8pm Anne had come to check on her and gone to bed with her. Her dude had held her, kissed her and caressed her so gently, with so much tenderness that after her very present horrific memories of brutal attacks, she’d started to cry. But Anne had simply kissed her tears away and told her how beautiful and special she was, how much she loved her. And she’d eventually drifted off to a peaceful sleep in her Dude’s strong arms. Then when they’d woken up early that morning Anne had packed her clear exam sleeve with what she would need and laid out a uniform for her and even dried her hair with the blow drier after her shower and taken her out for breakfast. Anne had absolutely doted on her. She was dreading the conversation they would have later that day but at the same time she felt so safe and loved. 

Anne lead Ann over to the bench to the side of the school entrance and sat down on it, pulling her down to sit in her lap. She was absolutely in awe of her Princess. She was so strong, so incredibly resilient. Watching her expertly apply a 7 shade concealer palette to make the bruise on her face disappear had been pretty heartbreaking. Ann knew exactly which colour to use on each part of the bruise and she’d done it like it was second nature as she sang along to Tori Amos then casually explained it was a game changer at covering her bruises when she found it because it was designed for drag queens so the industrial strength coverage was second to none. It made Anne wonder just how many bruises she’d had to cover. What was even more disturbing was that when you looked at her, her face was perfection. You’d never know she was bruised at all. No wonder she’d managed to hide the physical signs of her abuse for so long. They were waiting for Vinny who Jaz was sending to go in with Ann, wait outside the exam room then take her home.

“So we need to talk about your birthday tomorrow. It’s a huge milestone my darling. We need to celebrate” Anne said as she kissed Ann’s forehead.

Ann looked torn “I know it is, It’s just that I don’t think either of us will feel up to partying and…..”

“Which is why” Anne cut her off “I thought I could whisk you away somewhere to a quiet little island just the two of us. And we can swim and drink cocktails, lie in the sand and dance on the beach. And you can sleep in my arms in a hammock. Have a much needed rest. And the fact that you’ll be 18 doesn’t mean there is any expectation for you to do anything you don’t want to or aren’t ready to do sweetheart. I just want you to relax and enjoy your birthday! What do you think?”

Ann nodded with a big smile on her face and hugged Anne. She’d been worried Anne would want to give her some kind of lavish party or had something epic up her sleeve. But the idea of something with just the two of them, something low key was perfect.

‘So that’s a yes Little One?” Anne asked her gently.

“Yes!” Ann said softly. ‘That sounds perfect Dude. I would love to do that with you!”

“I’ll make the arrangements” Anne said as she pulled back and kissed Ann with infinite gentleness. “I love you my beautiful Princess. You’re mine!” She said dominantly then wondered if she’d pushed too much when Ann was fragile but Ann had simply snuggled into her. “Yours. Always!”  
“There’s Vinny” Ann said after a few moments of contented silence and reluctantly left Anne’s lap.

“You’re going to do amazing. I am so proud of you!” Anne said sincerely as she lifted Ann into a hug.

“Thank you. Bye baby. I love you. I’ll see you at home!” Ann said as she slipped out of Anne’s arms and picked up her bag.

As she was walking towards Vinny Anne called out ‘Hey Walker!”

Ann turned around and Anne grinned. “I’m marrying you!”

Anne felt her legs go a little weak as Ann’s face lit up. “Damn straight you are!”

Anne watched her tiny Princess disappear inside the building with Vinny, smiling at how cute her 5”1 looked beside his 6”5 and headed to her office to find the perfect birthday getaway.

Vinny took a seat outside the exam room and pulled out an IPad as Ann approached Olivia.

“Oh sweetheart how are you? Are you alright?” She asked worriedly and then observed Vinny sitting on the bench with his visitors pass.

“I’m okay. And mama insisted my um…cousin come. For protection.” Ann said sheepishly and Olivia hugged her again. “That’s quite alright, whatever makes you feel safe here sweetheart. Are you sure you’re up to this?”

Ann shrugged “it’s the dance appreciation paper. I could ace it in my sleep. And I’ve come this far. I have to do the last one. I have this letter for you. It’s going to be upsetting to read and I’m really sorry about that. But it might help you make sense of what happened yesterday and why I’ve been a bit of a wreck on a few occasions over the past couple of years. Go to your office to read it though.” Ann took a folded letter out of her pocket and held it out to Olivia.

Olivia took the letter in surprise and Ann hugged her tightly. “I just want you to know that I love you so much and you and Victoria have been the best two surrogate Mums a girl could ever ask for. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for you Liv”

“Well I love you too my darling. I’m starting to get a little worried about the sound of this though.” She said in concern and Ann gave her a brave smile. ‘Don’t be! That’s why I’m doing this. Things will be hard at first but then maybe I can start to heal. Or at least I’m hoping I can. I have to get in there”

Ann squeezed her hand one final time, handed her belongings except for her exam equipment to Vinny and went into the room.

Olivia walked quickly back to her office and told her secretary to hold all her calls. Closing the door behind her she sat down at her desk and opened up the letter.

“Oh my god. Annie” She gasped as her hand went to her mouth in shock and she began to cry.

*******************  
Anne sat in her office preparing a few things that needed taking care of before she left with Ann when her Assistants line rang.

“Yes?” She asked.

“There’s someone who says they need to speak with you Miss Lister someone named….er…Frog. He said it’s about your Ann.”

“Put him through immediately!” Anne said. “Hello Frog, is everything alright?”

“AL buddy. Yeah everything is okay. It’s just that Dubsy didn’t look too great when she left the wedding and she didn’t sound great when I checked in on her early in the week. I keep thinking about you asking me why I wasn’t a fan of Thomas Ainsworth and James Sutherland and well….I didn’t tell you everything and my gut instinct is telling me I should have told you what I saw that night.”

“What night Frog? What did you see?” Anne asked perhaps a little too frantically as she leant forward in her seat.

“Um it was just under 3 years ago at Hammer’s 18th. We all went back to the Hastings farm and were sleeping outside at the cottage. I’d gotten pretty wasted and I was high too. I thought I saw Thomas come and pull Annie out of her sleeping bag and take her off somewhere. He covered her mouth and she looked like she really didn’t want to go. I must have drifted off. I honestly thought I’d imagined it because I’d thought they were both so sweet on each other but when I came to again it wasn’t Thomas bringing her back, it was James. She looked real roughed up, Her nose was bleeding and her dress was torn and she was crying but silently. He kissed her really aggressively and he um….he grabbed her…..down there, through her clothes. Then he put his hand up her dress and I heard something rip and he pulled out her underwear and he had this sick grin on his face as he put them in his pocket and said he was keeping them as a souvenir of what an amazing time he and Thomas had with their little fuck toy. 

Then he threw her to the ground and she just crawled up into her sleeping bag and curled up in a ball shaking. I called her name and she just said in this faraway voice “Frog I beg you just go to sleep. I told her I knew what I’d seen. And she told me if I ever wanted her in my life again I saw nothing. The next morning I tried to bring it up with her again but it was the weirdest thing, she wasn’t bruised or anything. She was immaculate and cooking breakfast and James and Thomas were there. James and Thomas were even helping do the bbq and James had an arm around Dubsy and was looking at her all adoringly and stroking her hair. She told me I was off my face and clearly imagined it. And I thought maybe I was. I’d had scary tripped out dreams before. But then a month later I went to use the sleeping bag she’d borrowed again and I found an ice pack and a blood covered cloth inside it. And by then I felt so awful that it had been real and I hadn’t stopped it, I hadnt protected her. And I was too scared to tell you because I’ve come to value you so much as a mate and part of the group and Dubsy is my best chick mate. And I know everyone thinks I’ve got the hots for her but I really don’t. I mean she’s real beautiful and all but I just don’t see her like that. I feel like I’m just forever trying to make sure nothing like that ever happens again and that’s why when those assholes come around I just don’t cope”

Anne loosened the neckline of her shirt. She felt ill. The room was spinning and the temperature was about 100 degrees but still she took a deep breath. She’d thought that Frog kept such a close eye on Ann because he was secretly in love with her too but it hadn’t been a problem for her because he seemed to love her selflessly and support their relationship. Now it was all making sense  
“Frog, mate. What happened wasn’t your fault. You and Ann were both just kids. Sutherland and Ainsworth were the adults. You have every right to party and enjoy yourselves without having to worry that Ann would be attacked so inhumanely.I don’t blame you for a second. You did the right thing by telling me. I actually have very recently found out about Thomas…I just didn’t quite known the extent of James’s involvement in the abuse. But Ann was actually coming home today to tell me the full story. Knowing this from you first helps me prepare and make sure I can best support her so I thank you. I have to go now mate but I will be in touch soon. And you are an absolutely bloody brilliant friend to both of us. Don’t you forget that.

‘Okay AL, thanks for being so understanding. Look after her would you?” Frog pleaded.

“I will. Bye mate!”

Anne hung up the phone and was shaking. She thought back to asking Ann if James had ever tried anything else and the way she’d insisted he hadn’t. She’d never lied to her before. She must have been so frightened and ashamed to do that.

“There’s more” Ann had said the previous evening. This was the more. James hadn’t just beaten her. He’d sexually abused her too. And even worse, they’d double team attacked her. She must have been completely and utterly terrified. How many times did it happen? How badly did they assault her? She’d said she was technically a virgin but there were other things. What did that mean?

Oh god, her sweet beautiful girl. What she’d endured at the hand of those two animals. Getting up from her desk she ran into the small bathroom attached to her office and emptied the contents of her stomach, her knees crashing to the ground as she gripped the side of the toilet.

Dragging herself to her feet she cleaned herself up at the basin and brushed her teeth, sobbing softly as she did. She couldn’t imagine the pain and trauma of carrying all of that around inside for the past few years. It was so much worse than what had happened with Karen. And yet she knew enough to know of the self blame, the shame, the insecurities, the way it completely destructs your sense of self piece by piece. She needed to be strong for her.

‘You get your shit together Anne Lister. She needs you!” She demanded of herself as she looked in the mirror and took a deep breath. Walking back in her office she picked up her phone and dialled Ann’s number. It went to voice mail as she knew it would but she wanted Ann to find it when she got out because she knew her. She would start to panic immediately and she was worried that if she turned up there to meet her before she had composed herself she might make things worse for her.

“Hello my darling. I know you can’t pick up right now. You still have 37 minutes of your exam to go. I just want you to know that Ive had a phone call from Frog. I asked him why he seemed to have a problem with Thomas and James when we were at the farm for the wedding and he felt guilty for lying to me and was worried about me. So he called me and filled me in on what he saw the night of Hammer’s birthday and I realised that James was significantly more involved in your abuse than I initially thought. I assume this is what you’re planning on telling me this afternoon. And I know you so well, I know all will be okay for now because you’re so focused on this exam but then when it’s over you’ll likely start to descend into a panic spiral. So I just wanted you to know that I know. And I needed you to know that….” Anne’s voice broke has she lost her battle with the tears she was holding back “I think you are the strongest, most incredible, beautiful human being that I have ever had the privilege of knowing. The way you smile and radiate light, love, joy and kindness even after all you’ve been through. That’s why I say you’re my precious angel because there’s just no other way to describe you. You’re utterly heavenly. And that hasn’t changed my beautiful Princess. I am so proud of you. So very proud you’re mine. I’m going to go home now and get out one of my shirts for you and your medicine and puffer and your bear. When you get home come up to my room and we’ll give you a big glass of wine and I’ll wrap you up tight and you can tell me everything. And know that nothing about the way I see you has changed or will change. And if you need something to distract you on the ride home I met the most incredible wedding cake designer this morning on a shoot. He does really avant garde, ethereal enchanted looking fairy stuff, but has very strong ideas about the cake base and how it shouldn’t just be pretty. And it made me think of my magical little pixie and her firm beliefs about all things dessert. So I put some links and his insta on your shared drive if you’d like to take a look. And before you start to worry, no I didn’t read your ‘Reasons my Dude should have sex with me now” list….my cheeky little minx. Because you weren’t sober when you offered me access to it so it wouldn’t be right. I have to say though I do love your rather straight to the point document title. I feel I’m rubbing off on you my love.” She chuckled through her tears.

But Shibden is handling all this designer’s PR and he said he would be more than happy to work with you to create your dream cake for our wedding sweetheart. I’m going to head home to wait for you now Princess. Everything is all set for tomorrow. Booth will drive us to the airport around lunchtime so we can still have a lazy morning for your birthday. I love you so much. All the much, all the ways. You are my dream come true. I’ll see you at home.”

Anne hung up and started collecting her things, praying she had the strength to be there for Ann in any way she needed her

*****

Anne walked into her house and could smell perfume. It smelt like Mariana’s perfume. Weird. She went upstairs and was about to head into her room when she saw Mariana in the upstairs living room. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE MARIANA?” Anne’s voice boomed and Mariana jumped.

“Oh Freddy you’re back good. I was honestly just going to leave these here for you but its probably better you’re here so I can support you if you need it” Mariana said as she held up the envelopes that said “Annie Sex tapes”

“How did you even get in?” Anne asked incredulously and Mariana shrugged “I still have the access code and that pain in the ass Beth was out thankfully!”

Anne saw for the first time what was written on the sex tapes and felt nauseous as the penny dropped. They weren’t sex tapes, they were tapes of the attacks. That’s what Mariana had been using to blackmail her sweet beautiful girl with.

Ann walked inside the house feeling absolutely ill about the conversation she was about to have with Anne. She’d finished the paper 15 minutes early because she knew the choreographers work inside out so by the time they were let out her mind had been ticking for the remaining time and she’d just grabbed Vinny and headed out the back entrance. She didn’t want to see Olivia or any other teacher or kid she knew. She just wanted out. She didn’t even say goodbye to Millie who was sitting 4 seats ahead of her. She just bolted and sat in the car frozen all the way home.

Dragging herself up the stairs she was about to go fall in a heap on her bed when she heard arguing in the upstairs living room. She went in and was stunned to see Mariana.

“She’s here again? Today? What the actual fuck Dude!” Ann said accusingly and Anne turned to Ann in surprise. “I didn’t even know she was here, I came home and she was already here my darling, I swear.”

“I still have the security code” Mariana gloated and Ann scrunched her face into an expression Anne had never quite seen before. It was like a hybrid of incredulousness, rage and ‘are you fucking serious’?”

“Sweetheart did you get my voicemail?” Anne asked and Ann looked confused. “What voicemail? I came straight home to talk to you after my exam and instead you’re talking to this sociopathic piece of shit!”

“Lying little whores shouldn’t throw stones!” Mariana spat.

‘Bitch don’t test me, I’ve danced for 15 years and I will fucking high kick your head in I swear to god” Ann warned

“Alright clearly you didn’t, you can listen to it later Anne said calmly. “Has Mariana been blackmailing you with a set of tapes?” Anne asked and Ann could feel herself becoming more and more overwhelmed as she opened her back pack.

“Sweetheart it’s alright!” Anne said as she tried to hold Ann but Ann shrugged out of her grasp. “No it’s not. It took so much for me to be able to confide in you. This isn’t how this conversation was supposed to go. And I’m so angry at her for being so evil but I’m angry with you because you keep bringing her into my life and peace and I just can’t escape it. Not even today of all days”

Anne was shocked by the hurt and anger in Ann’s eyes as she spoke her truth but she realised how it must look to her and why she’d be feeling that way.

“This isn’t how I wanted this to go but yes she’s been blackmailing me. I even wrote a group letter for you, Nanna, Pop, Olivia and Mama with Victoria’s help. I wrote it to all of you because you’re all the people she was threatening to send the tapes to and I’m tired of living with a noose around my neck and I’m not giving your ex the power to destroy my life. I’d honestly rather destroy it myself. It’s strangely still more empowering if the dropped match comes from your own hand. But then you were so beautiful to me last night and such an incredible support and I thought maybe things will be different and I decided to be brave and give you some insight when we talked in the bathroom and then tell you the rest today. And you’ll never know how hard it was for me to do that. But it’s no different. She’s here again. It’s always her. You, her and your history”

“No it’s not sweetheart, its you. It’s only you I promise!” Anne assured her and Ann looked at her coldly. Something had given way inside of her. It’s like she’d just snapped after everything she’d had to endure. She didn’t care anymore. She couldn’t. Caring was just going to get her hurt.

“Here!” Ann said as she handed Anne a copy of the letter. “I’m going to my room for a bit!” Ann stormed out of the living room as Anne opened the letter and sat down, reading it.

Ann went into her room and took out her suitcase and opened it up. Taking off her uniform she changed into some comfy roll down lightweight yoga pants and a pink t shirt and put a cozy hoodie along with her wallet, travel pouch and other travel essentials in the hand bag she always used whenever she travelled. She had to get out of there. She needed to get to Indonesia. Mariana was never going to let her have any peace. She knew that now. She could just walk into her home at anytime even. Ann knew she couldn’t handle it anymore. All she wanted was to have peace and be safe. Tears streamed down her face and she felt so stupid for thinking that Anne had really gotten rid of her and things would be different. She never noticed the voice mail message as she stuck her phone in the pocket of her pants . She was too upset. “The clothes!” She thought as she remembered the clothes she’d bought to send to Iman in Indonesia for the children even if she didn’t go and register in the language program and packed them in her suitcase. And she grabbed her Ukulele too.

Anne finished reading Ann’s letter and was holding back sobs as she did. She might have known about James but reading of Ann’s distress in her own words was even more gut wrenching not to mention how guilty it made her feel to know that Mariana had made everything so much worse by threatening her and traumatising her when she was already broken and that it was her that brought the bitch into her beautiful girl’s life. Ann was right.

‘Freddy what is it? What has the lying little bitch said!” Mariana said as she came over and touched Anne’s face.

“I WILL FUCKING DESTROY YOU!” Anne yelled out as she grabbed Mariana’s hand and flung her out of the way causing her to hit the wall and crumple to the ground.

Walking out of her room she took the back stairs and left her things by the door. She heard the thud and then Mariana’s scream.

Running up the stairs Ann got to the living room as Mariana was trying to pull Anne into her arms and Anne gripped her hands around Mariana’s throat “I despise you. I will never forgive you for what you have done to her. Ever. I will end you Mary do you hear me”

“Anne stop it…stop she’s turning blue” Ann said as she ran in and tried to pull Anne off her but it was in vain “Dude you’re not a killer, you can’t come back from this let her go. Baby please.” Ann begged her and hearing her sweet beautiful girl’s pleas Anne released Mariana.

Mariana dropped to the ground and backed away gasping for breath.

“Know that you are still alive and only alive because Ann is all that is good and kind and innocent in the world despite what monsters including you have done to her. But I honestly wish you dead and had it not been for her that’s exactly what you’d be but what my Princess wants from me, my Princess gets so you better hope to god she doesn’t change her mind.”

Anne turned to Ann and cupped her face and Ann was shocked to see Anne looking completely grief stricken. “I’m so sorry my darling, reading your letter broke me. I’m so sorry for all you went through, for all you’ve been going through and that I made it worse by letting her stay around. Please believe me, I don’t want her around, I didn’t know she was here. This wasn’t how I planned today to go either. If you could just listen to the voice mail I left you you’ll know. Come here” Anne pulled her close and stroked her hair. 

“I just need to feel safe, I just want peace. She insists on dragging my past back to haunt me and using it to hurt me and threaten me and make me afraid and I cant live my life like that anymore. I need a break or I’m going to break. This is all going to break me, the kind of break where I might not come back as me even if I make it back. Don’t you see that?” Ann said through her own tears.

‘I know sweet baby, it’s alright. I’ll protect you I promise. Everything’s going to be okay!”

“What is this bullshit in this letter? You actually believe this shit Freddy? If this had all happened she wouldn’t want to set foot in a place like Le Jazz Hot much less do half the kinky shit we saw her do. Seriously what’s happened to you? You haven’t even hit it yet and what? Over the clothes groping of tight teenage tits and big blue eyes have got you losing the fucking plot? Seriously.”

Ann pulled back from Anne and looked at Mariana in horror “Stop it, give it back it’s mine” she said as she went to get the letter from her but Mariana dodged her and Anne pulled back and slammed her foot into Mariana’s stomach with all her might, drop kicking her. Mariana groaned as she dropped to the floor completely winded. “I said that’s mine” Ann said as she bent and picked up the letter Mariana had dropped. “I have wanted to drop kick you from the first day I met you. And it felt even better than I imagined.” Ann said coldly as she felt every ounce of warmth inside her just drain from her blood and she turned to ice. She could feel the disassociating state happening but she could bring herself back it just happened so quickly.

Anne stared at Ann in stunned admiration. She really drop kicked her. She really was a dream come true.

“And now I want you to listen to just how wrong you had it you toxic bitch. I was 14 the first time Thomas Ainsworth came into my bedroom at a party. 14. I didn’t have boobs yet but still he put his hand up my shirt and squeezed my chest and when I begged him to stop he told me if I wanted him to take me away I had to prove to him that I loved him. His assaults progressed to forcing me to touch him to forcing me to give him oral sex until he gave me gonorrhoea. I didn’t even know what that was until I was in the emergency department. But he didn’t stop there he left me there alone to deal with it, got treated himself and then picked right back up where he left off. He didn’t fuck me though because he was going to marry me and you know apparently since he was such a good Christian soldier and self proclaimed all round top bloke, he wanted me a virgin. 

Then my brother in law decided he wanted in on the action. He was a special kind of hell because he had a bigger thicker dick than Thomas and he’s fuck my face with such force that I’d start to choke and accidentally scrape him with my teeth so he’d slap me so hard across the face so hard I’d see stars and when I did lose consciousness from lack of oxygen he’d slap me some more, or kick me which was pretty much all of winter cause flu season and I couldn’t breathe through my nose. He would grope my breasts and body violently to the point where I would be covered in his angry finger prints but would never penetrate me because that would be too easy to recoup evidence on in a rape kit and some times for extra fun they’d tag team one after the other for hours or assault me at the same time sometimes but you know I could only fit one dick in my mouth and men are such fragile creatures. 

They would end up fighting with each other which sometimes was better for me cause you know, less time being tortured obviously or sometimes James would just knock me out for fun which is why I started taping their attacks secretly to check they didn’t do anything else to me while I was out. That was a bit of extra surreal trauma, watching the play back of those particular attacks. It was like being the star of really extreme rape fantasy fetish porn except I was living an absolute nightmare. I was always sick, always afraid. I used to sit in the bathtub with a blade at my wrist and pray for the strength to press down and just end it all. And then when my brother in law described a fairly brutal rape that he was fantasising on popping my cherry with that sounded pretty similar to a DIY hysterectomy if I’m being honest. Like I honestly doubted my ability to come out of what he was describing so I picked a fight with him knowing that could end me too but it turned out to be the lesser of two evils cause he beat me horrifically but then I had leverage to escape them all. I assure you its not a lie. I honestly wish It was. I cant tell you how thrilled I would be to go through life a regular teenager instead of a traumatised damaged anxiety ridden shell. But when it seemed every time they were handing out regular childhoods I must have been in the bathroom or something? Not sure really. But if you could just do me a solid and back the fuck off and let me move on with my life as best as I can now that would be fucking super. Thanks so much.”

Anne was of two minds. Half of her felt like she could pass out from the shock of hearing what Ann had gone through in such vivid yet cold descriptiveness and the other half was very concerned for her mental health in that moment because it was like she was Ann but at the same time she wasn’t Ann at all.  
“Baby come here please!” Anne said as she tried to pull her into her arms and gasped at how cold her skin was. Her beautiful girl was in shock.

“Don’t touch me I don’t want to be touched” Ann said as she struggled away and Anne held her hands up. “Alright Beauty, it’s alright, I just wanted to hold you”

“I DON’T WANT TO BE TOUCHED” Ann yelled as she backed away from Anne “I don’t…just no touching….no” she said as she started to shake furiously.

“Okay, Okay baby I won’t touch you. Do you need your medicine? Do you need your panic kit?” Anne asked but Ann’s eyes just darted frantically around the room.

Mariana looked stricken as she dragged herself to her feet. She honestly didn’t know what to say. She’d thought it was a con at first but the looks of sheer gut wrenching pain that crossed her face as she told her story. It was visceral. It was real. She knew it was real because she’d experienced it herself once upon a time as a little girl.

“I didn’t know…….I….they were labelled sex tapes, He had intimate pictures of you in his room and letters he’d written to you. He spoke like the two of you were so in love. And the pictures….” The penny dropped for Mariana “You were sleeping in all of the pictures. Because you were unconscious. And your hair was always a mess and most of your face hidden because you’d been attacked.” 

“SHUT UP” Ann screamed as she ran to the window and opened it, leaning out of it and gasping for fresh air.

“Are you satisfied now Mary?” Anne asked her in absolute disgust. Mariana was in genuine shock. “She was only 14. She was still a little girl” Mariana said in shock. “Freddy I didn’t know….I’m sorry.”

“Ann I’m sorry” Mariana said guiltily.

Ann could hear them all of a sudden, she could hear their voices and laughter, hear them taunting her like it was yesterday.

“I can hear them, I can hear them in my head. The voices. They won’t stop I can hear them” Ann gasped as she scrambled up onto the ledge to lean out the window more to get more air.

“ANN!” Anne screamed in terror as she ran towards the window but Mariana was closer and got there first, grabbing her by the back of her yoga pants and yanking her off the window, practically throwing her into Anne’s arms as she closed the window and locked it tightly.

“I’m not a slut, I’m not a fucktoy I’m not, stop it, just stop it stop talking” Ann said, her face twisted in torment as she hit herself repeatedly in the head with open palms as though she could knock the voices out.”

“Sweetheart please don’t do that, don’t hurt yourself” Anne pleaded through her tears as she dragged Ann’s hands down to her sides and held them there tightly.

“Wait a minute…I can hear it too” Anne said and then she realised it was coming from the tv.

‘Oh god. You put one of the tapes on Mary?” Anne asked and Mariana looked panic “I got one ready and paused it before I knew what it was” She said.

“You know I couldn’t believe it when you told me you told me you were a lesbian Annie cause you suck cock like a pro” James’s loud drunken voice rang out through the room and then the sounds of Ann’s screams except they weren’t coming from her they were coming from the television. Ann pulled away feeling incredibly disoriented and moved closer to the tv and when she saw what it was she let out a blood curdling scream and covered her ears “Turn it off turn it off turn it off” she cried as she backed into the wall and slid down it covering her ears.

Anne wanted to vomit as she watched James assaulting Ann, his hands wrapped around her throat and she ran to Ann and wrapped her in her arms while Mariana looked for the remote.

“It’s alright baby shhhhh” Anne said as she went to pick her up and get her out of the room but Ann fought her.

“No it’s not alright you said you’d protect me from her and you didn’t, you said she was gone, lies, all of it. I’ll never be safe, she’ll never let me be…I’ll die here, I’ll die if I stay I’ll just break apart and die. They’ll never leave me alone, James and Thomas. Mariana will bring them back. She will she’ll keep bringing them back. I can never move on” Ann ranted as the video continued to play.

“TURN IT OFF MARY” Anne yelled.

‘I can’t find the remote and I cant reach the switch” Mariana said in a panic and Ann stood and went and kicked the tv in, sparks literally flying as it shorted and smashed, the sound disappearing first and then the picture. She grabbed the cabinet and flung the side of it with all her might. Reaching behind it she pulled out.

Ann was up and running down the stairs as she confirmed an Uber for the airport. She had to get away. She had to be away from all of them. She had to make herself safe. Anne couldn’t. No one could. Only she could. She was all alone. She grabbed her suitcase and hand bag and kept running through the front of Anne’s property and out the gate.

Anne turned back to where Ann had been sitting only she wasn’t there. ‘Ann?” She asked as she looked around the room.

“ANN WHERE ARE YOU?” She yelled as she ran down to Ann’s bedroom and looked in the bathroom, the closet, then ran into her bedroom. There was no sign of her in there either. 

“SWEETHEART PLEASE WHERE ARE YOU?”

“ANNE SHE’S NOT DOWN HERE BUT WAS THE FRONT DOOR ALREADY OPEN?” Mariana called up the stairs and Anne’s stomach sank as she ran down the stairs to the open door. Her car was still there, her keys were by the door on the mantle. Running outside she checked for any sign of Ann. She was just about to go back inside when she spied something glimmering in the sun. It was caught on the gate. Walking over to it Anne saw it was the little Miss Princess Key ring she’d given her to make her smile one afternoon and she’d clipped it to her handbag. Ann had left, she’d left out that gate.

Running back inside she grabbed her phone and called her. It went straight to voice mail. Was she on the phone to someone else? She tried again and got the same response. “SHIT” She screamed. Maybe it was turned off. What if she hurt herself, its like she wasn’t even Ann at the moment. What if she never saw her again.

Mariana felt sick. She resented the hell out of Ann Walker and she’d been driven near insane with jealousy by the little shit and thought she was a lying little slut sure but she didn’t want to be responsible for her seriously hurting herself….or killing herself. Was she really trying to get air or was she trying to climb out that window? It was impossible to tell. All she’d seen was an extremely unstable little girl who had just completely and utterly snapped.

“This is all your fault. Her mama is mafia and she’s going to destroy you and I’m going to help.” Anne spat and Mariana grabbed her bag feeling very real fear enter the pit of her stomach since all of this had started but still, she didn’t want to be responsible for the death of an 18 year old kid. How could she have let herself get so consumed by hatred.

“Ring Victoria Freddy, ring her friends, ask if any of them have seen her. Then go to her room and see what’s missing. It might tell you where she is” Mariana said, Have her mother trace her credit card. If she’s mafia she can do it. I didn’t know….how much of a danger she could be to herself. I didn’t know what I was unlocking with what I did…..I had….I had an uncle who used to do things to me when I was younger…It’s why I’m better with women I…..For what it’s worth just tell her how sorry I am.”

Mariana ran out, intending to pack her things and get as far away from Australia as she possibly could.

Anne dialled Victoria’s number. ‘Vicki its Ann, she’s left. She’d gone missing. She just revealed everything that happened and then she kind of disappeared into herself and someone else came out and I don’t know if she was trying to get air or climb out the window but we pulled her back and Mariana put one of the tapes on and when she heard it she just kind of snapped and I’m so worried, please come to the house” She begged her through frantic, panicked tears.

*******************

Ann boarded the business class section of the Bali flight she’d paid cash for. The woman had given her a strange look but she’d told her she was a makeup artist as her high school job and got paid cash. She’d gotten lucky that there had been one leaving and it wasn’t a busy time so she’d managed to check in just before the minimum 1 hour cut off.  
She was still shaking, she just needed to get as far away from Thomas, James and Mariana as she could as fast as she could and keep herself busy until she figured out her next move. She opened up her ipad and noticed some missed call text notifications that were linked to her phone. Mostly from Ann but some from Olivia. Oh god Olivia! she’d dumped that letter on her and run. 

Turning on the keyboard she typed. ‘Hi Liv, my phone is turned off as I just can’t deal with people right now. I’m sending this from my IPad.I’m so sorry I left you with that letter and ran. I was scared about having to tell Anne. I’ve told her this afternoon which was very traumatic and I’m just going to take something for my anxiety and snuggle up in her arms as she’s planned a lovely getaway for us tomorrow for my birthday and I don’t want it to be totally spoiled. I love you very much and I’ll talk to you soon’

She thought of Anne and how angry she was that she let Mariana into her life. But then she thought of how terrified Anne had looked when she’d been pulled back from the window. She honestly wasn’t going to jump. She’d just wanted to hang out of it. She’d always done it. She used to terrify Rachel when she was younger by doing it. Something about the sky always calmed her. But she would never use the sky to end things. It had always been her magic. Her safe place.

Biting back tears she clicked on Anne’s name in iMessages and typed.

“You’re probably worried I’m going to hurt myself. You need to know I wasn’t. I would never fall through the sky to end my life. The sky has always been my refuge. My safe place. I’ve been able to hang from great heights my whole life. A second storey window is nothing to me but you looked terrified so know that I won’t hurt myself. I can’t stay knowing Mariana can break into our home at will, that James and Thomas can come for me, that she’ll keep bringing them back into my life and I’ll never be able to move on. That she’ll keep coming back for you and I’ll always be looking over my shoulder. I need to be safe, I need peace. Please don’t look for me. I’ll come back when I’m ready.”

Ann closed the IPad and fastened her seat belt.The most shameful traumatic thing she’d held inside for so long, ran from for so long was out in the open. And the way Anne had looked at her, so completely in shock and distraught, the look on her face as they saw part of one of the tapes. Why would she ever want her again. Why would she ever see her as anything other than damaged goods.

*******

“Where the hell have you been? It’s 9.30 . Ann has been missing for almost 9 hours Anne said frantically as Jaz walked through the door. Normally Jaz would pull her up on her tone but she could see she was frantic.

“I was putting Ainsworth and Sutherland away for safe keeping so to speak. Until I figure out what I’m doing with them. And honey you need to calm down. She’s so independent. The last anniversary of her parents death before she met you everything got a bit too much for her and she suddenly went AWOL and I worried myself sick and it turned out she was getting on her way to Venice to be with me.”

“Oh its so reassuring she could be halfway across the world.” Anne said as she read over the text message Ann had sent her for the thousandth time as it it would give her a clue. She couldn’t even think about Ainsworth and Sutherland at that moment.

“Anne stop looking at that text message. Ann was telling the truth, she hangs out of windows all the time and she absolutely would not jump out of one to end things.” Victoria tried to reason with her.

“You said watching the tapes would be one of the worst things that could happen.” Anne reminded Victoria and Victoria sighed.

“It certainly wasn’t ideal but her adrenaline and fight or flight response is strong. This is the girl who managed to drive herself from Bondi to North Sydney without killing herself or anyone else to get to Harry for help when James beat her within an inch of her life and she was barely conscious. We have had some horrific counselling sessions about those attacks in her therapy. She’s strong and incredibly resilient. It’s driving me crazy that we don’t know where she is too but if she hasn’t completely buckled yet after all she’s been through and hurt herself I honestly believe she’s just not going to.”

There was a knock at the door and Anne ran to it desperately hoping it was Ann. But it was Olivia “Oh…Hi Liv! Come in” she said and Olivia observed everyone’s worried expressions.

“What’s going on?” She said in concern and Jazmine approached her sympathetically “It’s good to see you honey!” She kissed Olivia’s cheek and Olivia gave Jaz a hug. ‘It’s good to see you too. Has something happened with Ann?”

Anne sighed “She’s been missing since not long after she got home from her exam. She ah….revealed some traumatic things and….”

“I know she gave me the letter and I frantically tried to reach her after her exam. I got a message from her a couple of hours later saying she’d told you and was wiped out and was spending the afternoon with you. She said you were going away tomorrow so I wanted to drop off her birthday present and a note in response to what she wrote. I thought I’d just be able to leave it with Beth”

Anne shook her head “No she’s not with me, she probably just didn’t want to worry you. It sounds like she sent us both a text around the same time letting us know she was okay but I don’t have any idea. She told me not to come looking for her and she’d come back when she was ready.”

“For what its worth she’s done that a few times in the past couple of years since she’s been living at the campus house. She always tells you not to come looking for her, she’ll come back when she’s ready. It means she’s just snapped and short circuited and needs to be left to her own devices. It was Venice to be with Jaz once and Paris the other time.”

“Yes that’s true! Paris was after she’d had some really horrific breakthrough memories about her attacks. She ate macaroons and pastries, shopped, drank champagne, went to museums and came home” Victoria encouraged Anne.

“And how long was she usually gone?” Anne asked.

“About two weeks maximum” Olivia said truthfully.

‘If I knew where she was I could go be with her though. I’d go anywhere in the world to be at her side. I can’t bear the thought of her being alone right now. Has she let on anything to you Liv, have you heard her talking to her school friends?”

Olivia was thoughtful for a moment. “Well no, the kids, especially Ann aren’t that chatty pre-exams. Nerves I guess. And she really hasn’t stopped by my office for a chat after even, I guess because she’s been trying to deal with this whole traumatic horror. The only time we’ve even spoken apart from this morning was when we chatted at her locker last week and…..” A realisation dawned on Olivia.

“What is it Olivia?” Anne asked and Olivia held her hand up as she took out her phone and dialled an international number.

“Olivia! I was just about to email you to thank you for sending Ann Walker. What a great kid! Flying out threw day she finished exams and the day before her 18th birthday. She got here not long ago and The kids already love her.”

Everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief, none more so than Ann.

“Oh I’m so pleased she’s there Iman and that she’s safe. Is she alright?” Olivia asked.

“She seemed kind of sad. She said things weren’t good at home and she had to leave so she could get some peace and a much needed break. She’s signed on for a week and I told her she should travel a bit after before she went home but she said she’s not sure if she really has a home to go back to now which is so sad because she seems like the sweetest little thing and her recommendations from you and her teachers are outstanding. She’ll be staying with me so she’ll be safe. She’s just out for a little walk around the village.”

Anne threaded her hands through her hair at the ‘Unsure if she has a home to go back to” Comment and Jaz put an arm around her, giving her a hug.

Olivia took a deep breath. ‘Her home life has been fairly disrupted, she lost her parents quite young and has been through an awful lot of late through no fault of her own but yes. She is an absolute little sweetheart and she will work wonders with your little treasures. She might seem sad now but the kid is sweetness light and love personified.”

“Oh that’s so sad, she’s just gorgeous. I’ll look after her. And I’ll keep you updated about how she is” Iman reassured Olivia.

“Please do Iman, thank you my friend. I’ll talk to you soon”. Olivia hung up the phone. ‘I was right. She’s in Bali, well, a more rural Indonesian village we regularly send our exemplary students to, to work with children they encourage to learn English and English Literacy skills. I recommended her for the program before you came into her life Anne and when things weren’t good between the two of you last week she asked me what she’d have to do. Iman is an old friend of mine who runs an education outreach program there so I said she’d simply have to turn up with her paperwork.”

“I’m going there!” Anne said emphatically but Victoria reached out and touched her shoulder. ‘Anne just give her a few days. Let her breathe. This has all been incredibly traumatic for her. She’s engaged in a legitimate internship in a quiet little remote villiage with Iman who I’ve heard wonderful things about from other Riverview parents who’s children have done that program.And she loves children. Having a focus and something to keep her busy when she’s drowning is likely the best thing for her right now!”

“But she said she’s not sure if she has a home anymore. I need to make her see that’s not true. I’m going to marry her. I’m going to spend forever with her.”

“Yes but same sex relationships are still very much frowned upon in Indonesia, particularly traditional villages. If you go in there all half cocked Anne Lister style when she’s very fragile you could make things even worse. Wait a few days, make contact even if its through mine, Jaz or Olivia’s phone, Send a car to get her at the end of the week and meet her at one of the resorts in Nusa Dua. I’m giving her the night and then tomorrow I’m insisting she check in with me every day. If at anytime I’m really concerned, then it’s only a 6 hour flight. Then we go. But she needs space. She doesn’t feel safe here Anne.” Victoria tried to reason with her.

Anne nodded desolately “I know, and that’s all my fault! I’m so sorry I put her in a position where she felt she had no other option than this”

“Honey you didn’t know Mariana was going to do what she did. You didn’t know the full story until today. It wasn’t intentional. And look on the bright side she managed to get herself to the airport, had the presence of mind to pay cash clearly cause there’s no activity on any of her cards, I checked, get herself on a small distance international flight she could handle and check into a summer cultural exchange internship even after what happened. She’s going to be fine. A little beat up and broken sure but she’s okay.”

Anne lost her battle with tears as the overwhelming relief hit her that Ann really was safe and okay.

“Shhhh come to Mama!” Jaz said as she took Anne in her arms and held her tight. She’s going to be alright.

*************  
Ann walked to a green shady spot and sat under a tree. She should have been happy. Iman was just gorgeous and the children were beautiful. Everyone had been so welcoming of her except for the awful village elder Madja who gave Ann a bad feeling. She’d avoid him. The truth was she’d had time to cool down but she felt just awful running away from Anne the way she did. She wanted to call her but she couldn’t even bring herself to turn her phone on. She wasn’t sure what she’d say. And what if Anne was so disgusted in her that she didn’t want her back? This wasn’t going to do. She couldn’t let herself get so worked up when she was so far from home. Maybe in a few days she’d have some perspective and know what to do about Anne. She stood and was just about to walk off when she heard a little squeal and then a rustle and something fell from the sky. On instinct Ann reached out and caught it, stumbling a little and came face to face with a dirty but stunning toddler with long dark hair and huge brown eyes. Her cheeks were rosy and she had the most perfect little nose and lips. Judging from her navy t shirt and cargo shorts she was a tomboy too. And sooooooo cute. She was just like….”

“Oh my god” Ann whispered as she remembered the conversation she’d had with Ann about wanting a beautiful little girl with big brown eyes and dark hair who was a bit of a tomboy, a little girl like Anne. And one had fallen into her arms. From the sky. “No way” she gasped.

“Fank you for catching me” the little girl said and Ann’s eyes widened at how good her vocabulary was.

“That’s alright little one. How old are you?” Ann asked and she held up 2 fingers. “I’m two. But soon I’m fwee! She held up 3 fingers. ‘Fwee is one bigger than two and one smaller than four”

Wow she was super bright, just like she’d been as a little girl. “That’s right it is! You’re so clever. What’s your name gorgeous?”

“Mackenzie Jane” she said and Ann couldn’t explain what made her say it but as she looked her up and down she was a lost boy if she ever saw one. Except she didn’t look like a Mack she looked like…..

‘Mackenzie Jane hmmm? I think I’ll call you Jack!”

The little girls face lit up as she nodded in approval. 

“I’m Ann, It’s lovely to meet you Jack. You’re very beautiful. And very dirty. What were you doing in the tree?”

Jack looked down “Hiding so I didn’t get in trouble from Madja!”

“Why would you get in trouble from Madja sweetie?” Ann asked her gently.

“Cause I’m bad. And diff-went. And he knows I fink he’s a idiot” Ann felt herself melting. This baby was a mini Anne Lister if she ever saw one. She just didn’t have enough years behind her to have her Dude’s confidence.

“Well I think you’re perfect just the way you are Jack. Different is good you know!” Ann dusted some of the dirt and debris from the tree off the little girl and it was then she noticed the bruises on her little arms and legs.

“Oh my goodness sweetie what happened to your arms and legs?” Ann asked and Jack’s eyes filled with tears, just about breaking Ann’s heart. ‘Did Madja do this to you?”

Jack nodded tearfully “He’ll be so mad I ran away again!” She said and Ann held her close. She’d heard of families cowering in fear at the mercy of village elders. But the idea of a helpless baby girl being hit turned her stomach “Shhhh it’s alright sweetie I wont let him hurt you. But I need you to be a brave girl for me and try to stop crying okay? Just for now! Just so I can come up with something clever and sneak you back to your parents.”

“I don’t have any. They died in a car crash. I live in Iman’s house” Ann’s eyes widened as she comforted the little girl. 

‘Okay come with me gorgeous!” Ann said as she held Jack on her hip and walked her back to the main part of the village. She saw Madja approaching with a look of rage in his eyes. She’d seen that look before. In James.

“Ah Madja I’m so glad you’re here! This very clever and well mannered little girl has just been showing me around the village. She’s so friendly and helpful and so clever with numbers. I’m of significant financial means like most students from my school. I’d like to make a large donation to the village for more resources for children like Mackenzie and of course for your people.”

Madja’s face took on a begrudging look of gratitude. “The bastard is genuinely unhappy he can’t punish her!” Ann thought to herself in disgust.

“Thank you so much for your generosity Miss Walker!” He said in a false tone of appreciation and Ann just stared him down. “It’s Mackenzie you should be thanking Madja. I feel quite moved because of her!”

Ann looked down at Jack “Come on little Miss, we need to go and get ourselves cleaned up before dinner like proper ladies!” She said as she winked at Jack and carried her right past Madja.

“Ann I’m not weally good at being a lady” Jack said hesitantly and Ann grinned at her. “Good! You just do you baby!”

When they got to Iman’s house she looked at Jack’s big smile and the way she was snuggled into Ann in shock. ‘Wow! Someone is a huge hit. Miss Mackenzie doesn’t usually let humans get close to her. Only animals usually isn’t that right little Miss?” Iman said with warm affectionate eyes. It was clear to Ann she was very fond of the little girl.

“Who this little monkey? Oh we’ve bonded we’re like totes besties now aren’t we baby girl?”

“Totes besties!” Jack confirmed as she put her little arms around Ann’s neck and Iman smiled at them in wonder. Could Ann walker be the miracle she’d been praying for, for Mackenzie?

“Well little lady I shall leave you and your new bestie to it. You’re clearly in excellent hands. Dinner is in half an hour!”

Jack scrunched her face up. ‘I’m not a little lady” Ann shook her head “No you’re a little Dude!” She said adoringly and As the words left her mouth she felt a visceral pain in her chest and she couldn’t stop the tears that filled her eyes.

“Why are you sad?” Jack asked as she lifted her little hands up and Ann smiled through her tears. “Nothing little Dude. It’s just that I’ve left a big dude at home. And I miss her. You remind me a lot of her actually.”

“I fink she misses you too!” Jack said as she leant in and kissed Ann’s cheek. “I kiss it better”

Ann held her close and rocked her in her arms “Thank you sweetie. You are absolutely magical” And the longer she held her, the more right everything felt.

********

Iman watched Ann read an enraptured “Jack” as she called the little girl a bedtime story. After dinner Ann had bathed her, cut about 2 inches of dead ends off her very long beautiful hair which now sat like spun chestnut brown silk loose curls past her chest and she’d trimmed her bangs making her eyes look even huger. She was dressed in a bright red t shirt style little nightie Ann had brought with her and honestly looked like a different child as she lay snuggled into Ann. She’d told Ann the story of how Jack’s parents, both Australian had been outreach workers and had been taken out by a delivery van on a rainy wet road 15 months ago and they’d had Mackenzie in the village ever since but Madja was threatening to send her to an orphanage now as they’d been hoping a tourist would come through and adopt her but wealthy tourists were not usually found in traditional villages. They usually only got wealthy kids like Ann. She hadn’t been able to adopt the little girl herself because she suffered from epilepsy and she was always worried about being able to effectively care for her as she aged. Plus Jack had never bonded with her, not like she did with Ann. She could see how much the little girl had been needing Ann. She thought that perhaps they needed each other.

It seemed that Jack had drifted off and Ann was just holding her and stroking her hair adoringly.  
“It seems you two might have been fate!” Iman said knowingly as she approached with a motherly smile and Ann looked at her seriously. “I think you might be right. Iman what If I wanted to take her home with me. I know I’ll only be 18 tomorrow. But I have money. So much money. And my…..” She didn’t know Iman well enough to be honest about Anne yet. She knew same sex adoptions were illegal in Indonesia. “My grandparents have a beautiful farm full of animals. We would be so happy there. This is going to sound crazy but I really feel like she’s meant to be my baby”

“She’s meant to be our baby, Dude” a voice said inside her as a little knife twisted in her heart

“I’ve been watching you for hours sweetheart. It doesn’t sound crazy at all. But you are young. And it can take time. I want her out of here and settled as much as you do, as much as I’ll miss her though.”

“What if I was…. Well connected?” Ann asked and Iman smiled. ‘Then I’d say start throwing your money and connections at this situation once you are legally 18 tomorrow with my full support. Don’t be afraid to go big or go home sweetheart. You’re not some little rich girl trying to get her own way. You’re trying to give this baby a better life. I think it will be a big day for both of you. She’s 3 tomorrow!”

‘Really? We have the same birthday?” Ann asked in amazement and Iman grinned “You sure do!”

“I worry she’ll wither here if I don’t take her. He’ll crush her spirit. If he doesn’t crush her first” Ann said fearfully and Iman nodded. “Me too. So let’s make sure that doesn’t happen. Goodnight honey. I’m so glad you came!” Iman said as she bent into kiss Ann’s cheek. “So am I. Goodnight Iman!”

Iman smiled and watched the way Ann snuggled back into her pillow with Jack nestled in her arms didn’t even bother asking if Ann wanted her to put the little girl in her bed. She had her answer.

Jack started to wake up a little and her big brown eyes fluttered open to peer up at Ann. “Will you still be here when I wake up?”

“Of course I will Jack. I’m not leaving you sweetie.” Ann promised and Jack looked at her curiously. “Why not!?”

“Because you’re magical!” Ann lifted her nightie and blew a raspberry on her little tummy making her giggle.

“How do you know?” Jack asked and Ann felt her lower lip quiver as Cassie’s then Christophers then Anne’s face flashed before her eyes. “Because the most magical things come from the sky. You came from the sky Jack!”

The little girl beamed at Ann and cuddled into her. “Fank you for my Spider-Man undies. I weally like them!” She said sleepily and Ann stroked her hair rhythmically, lulling her into a deep sleep. “You’re so welcome beautiful little Dude. Sweet dreams.”

Ann listened to the rhythmic sound of Jack’s breathing, watching her little chest rise and fall and it wasn’t too long before she succumbed to the exhaustion of her day and started to drift off. And as she closed her eyes and succumbed to sleep.

She saw Anne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I knew exactly how I wanted Jack Lister to look and i was really trying to find a pictorial representation then I managed to find one. The child is a little older than Jack is in some of these pics but just for a visual, as soon as i saw her in the black button up shirt, and then the other pics I knew I’d found my Walker Lister Hybrid that was a little more Lister like they discussed a few chapters ago. And of course she fell from the sky!
> 
> I don’t really get tumblr but I’ve uploaded the pics of my Jack Lister there. I hope this link works and that if you dont have tumblr you don’t mind quickly joining if you want to get the visual. :-)
> 
> http://whimsical-lavender-dreams.tumblr.com/
> 
> Stay tuned for much cuteness now there’s a Dude and a little dude <3


	29. Thirty Five Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to one of my special readers who actually wouldn’t look too bad with an inflatable rainbow zebra anklet but could certainly use some cheering up. So I’m sending it with a big hug <3 xx
> 
> Okay so this chapter is mainly just some little snippets of the 5 weeks that our girls spend apart but they needed that time to regroup. Also same sex adoption is actually illegal in Indonesia which is disgusting but true.
> 
> Ann’s reaction in the scene with Madja, also real. When you’ve suffered any kind of violence/abuse/trauma you can just get the ability after a while to turn yourself cold and numb. I once did an entire 19 minute shibari rope performance show at an extremely well known fetish night club 1 week into a partially torn MCL in my knee.No bandage, knee guard or anything. Just went cold inside and got through it all with a perfect showgirl smile on the outside.
> 
> Jack’s Bali belly antics, Also real. Anyone who has or has been around little kids are familiar with their capacity to just blurt things ha ha.
> 
> And Anne gets her revenge. But as you’ll see sometimes revenge isn’t the key to healing. It’s just the stepping stone to realising the work you need to do to start.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter (There’s no sex yet) but she is 18. I want to thank you all who read this and have stuck by this story and my word that no statutory sex would take place between our girls. If you guys only knew how much of an advocate I am for little girls not being big girls before they’re ready and how Much fighting for them to keep their childhoods I do. But its all above board now and things are about to start getting a little steamier soon.
> 
> I hope you enjoy Mama Jaz’s low key attitude to torture too. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING- Descriptions of torture (But hey you guys have been screaming for it) lol
> 
> Enjoy!

Ann sat under a tree on the outskirts of the village taking a deep breath as she switched on her regular phone. She’d already used the burner phone that was a direct line to Jaz to get the ball rolling on making Jack hers. She had been so worried Jaz would be mad at her for taking off but she hadn’t. She’d sung her happy birthday and told her how proud of her she was. And when she’d sent Jaz the photo of Jack she’d literally squealed and said “She will be Nonna’s Piccolina and get anything she wants!”. She had started work on the case immediately and was also planning on talking to Rachel about Ann’s abuse in the coming days. Ann had almost forgotten it was her 18th birthday but one thing she was sure of was that she’d been given the gift of the best second mother a girl could ever dream of and she only hoped she could become that for little Jack. Jaz had said they’d clicked to where she was the previous evening and Anne was having a rough time but holding up okay and they were supporting her.

Ann saw all the voice mails flashing up and listened to them, crying as she heard Anne’s frantic voice asking her to call and tell her where she was. She missed her Dude already. She already wanted to go home. The initial panic and terror she had felt the previous day had faded and though she knew she wasn’t safe anywhere around Mariana and her games she desperately wanted to be wrapped up in Anne’s arms. But now Anne knew the truth why on earth would she want her anyway. She’d never be able to look at her the same way again, like she was her everything.

Much to her surprise there was another voice mail that Anne would have left her during her dance exam before she’d even gotten home. That’s right, she remembered Anne saying she’d left her one. She listened to it and covered her mouth in shock as she heard Anne explain Frog had told her what he’d seen the night of Hammer’s party. Her Dude had figured it out. She’d known before Ann had even given her the letter. And instead of being disgusted with her she was telling her that she was still her Princess, her precious angel. She was still her dream come true. She was saying the most beautiful things about her. And talking about still wanting to marry her and a custom wedding cake. And the way she was talking about looking after her when she got home from her exam. Mariana hadn’t been part of the plan at all even for her. All she’d wanted to do was support her and love her. Reassure her that nothing had changed.

She hit Anne’s name in her phone, needing to hear her voice. Anne picked up almost immediately.

‘Oh Ann thank god, are you alright my darling?” Came her frantic tone and Ann took a deep breath “Yes I’m alright!”

“Happy birthday my sweet beautiful girl. I miss you so much. I’m utterly miserable without you. But I hear you’re doing amazing work already. Those kids are so lucky to have you.”

“Thank you……I miss you. I’m sorry I just took off. I was so scared. I just didn’t know what to do. I Couldn’t take it all anymore and I snapped.” Ann said honestly.

“it’s alright my darling. I understand. You were pushed to unimaginable limits. I wanted to get on a plane and come right after you when Olivia called Iman last night and we figured out you were there. The only reason I haven’t is because Victoria insisted having this week and this project would be good for you. But you’re my beautiful birthday princess you know and we need to celebrate still even if it is a few days late. I was thinking that I’d come get you at the end of the week and we could hide away in a luxury private villa for a week at a beautiful Bali resort.”

“I listened to your voicemail, the one you left me while I was doing my exam. It was so incredible and…..” Ann’s tears started getting the better of her.

“And what sweetheart? It’s alright. I’m here. Talk to me” Anne said gently and Ann took a deep breath.

“I miss you. I just want to come home Dude” Ann said honestly as she started to really cry.

‘Shhhh don’t cry sweet baby it’s okay, you can come home. I’d love you to come home. We can have Olivia and Victoria call Iman and explain the circumstances and I’ll get on the next flight right now, come get you and bring you home.”

“I can’t leave…..something has happened and….” Ann wasn’t quite sure where to begin.

‘What is it Ann what’s happened?” Anne asked worriedly and Ann forced herself to stop crying, smiling as she pictured the baby girl she was already head over heels in love with. Who she’d woken up to find in her arms and they’d spent the morning cuddling and laughing and talking.

“I met the most beautiful baby. Toddler actually. She’s got nobody. She was born in Australia and her parents were outreach workers who helped in the village and were killed in a car accident 18 months ago. And she’s stunning and kind and clever, sassy and sweet. But she’s just…different. She doesn’t fit here. I fell in love with her the moment I met her partly because she reminds me so much of you. Big brown eyes, dark hair. Bit of a tomboy. This is going to sound crazy but its almost like she’s the little girl we spoke of that day in the dance studio that I wanted. And the one you spoke of in my room after my sign off appointment when we talked about possibly adopting. She needs us Dude. I want to bring her back with me.I’m sorry, I know it’s sudden”

Ann really wasn’t sure how Anne would react.

‘What’s her name sweetheart?” Anne asked and Ann could hear the smile in her voice.

“Jack!” Ann said with a little giggle “And she’s just gorgeous”

“Jack! I love it and Ann I love you. I love you so much my darling and I can’t think of anything I’d love to do more than start a family with you, starting with this little one.”

Ann blinked back more tears and left out a sigh of relief. “And here’s the craziest thing. I was standing under a tree and she just fell out of the sky and into my arms. She’d been up the tree and I caught her.”

“Oh my goodness. She fell from the sky. Then we know it’s meant to be. The most magical things come from the sky. You came from the sky my love.” 

Ann let out a little giggle. “I know, and the sky brought me you. And now it brought her to us. And she just reminds me so much of you. I even call her little Dude”

Anne laughed and it made Ann miss her even more “Little Dude. Wow. I’m honoured. I can’t wait to meet her.”

“Mama is on the case and will pull all the strings she can but I have to stay here and prove I’m serious about this and keep bonding with Jack and they don’t allow same sex adoptions in Indonesia so I have to say that I’m single…I’m already going to be up against enough because of my age and my mental health struggles though Mama is making my medical records temporarily disappear as we speak and looking for any blackmail material she can get as leverage should my past or my orientation come up.”

“And so I can’t come there either. I understand” Anne said and Ann could hear the pain and disappointment in her voice.

“I’m so sorry” Ann said tearfully.

“Hey, sweetheart. Are you coming home to me, are you bringing that baby home to me, to us?”

“Yes” Ann sobbed.

“Then I’ll wait for you. And there’s things that need to be done to make the house safe for a little munchkin and she’s going to need a room and a bed and all sorts of things. I can be doing that at home while I wait. I’m sure all of this will be confronting enough for her as it is, at least she can a come to a new home that is safe for her in every sense and have her own space and place of belonging.”

Ann couldn’t believe how wonderful Anne was being. “You are so incredible. I love you so much”

“I love you too my darling. All the much. All the ways. All the time” 

“Please no more Mariana, just no more. I can’t raise our baby around that, around the toxicity she brings. I would never feel safe” Ann pleaded with her.

“I know sweetheart its alright. I’m so sorry for all of that and when you get home we have some things to talk out but I don’t want to do it when you’re so far away from my arms.Your Mother and I are going to take care of that whole situation, James and Thomas included. I don’t want you to worry about it. What I would really love for you to do is to send me some photos of Jack and keep me in the loop when you can? So that I can get to know her a little through you. And please contact me when you can because I’ll miss you terribly.”

“I can do that….I have to go Dude. The dance class I’m teaching starts in 10 minutes. I love you all the much”

‘All the much my precious angel” Anne said softly and Ann reluctantly hung up the phone.

She went into the pics she’d taken of Jack and selfies she’d taken with her and sent some off to Anne, hoping her data roaming was strong enough as she walked back into the main part of the village. When she got there she smiled as she saw little Jack walking around looking for her. She heard her ask “Have you seen Annie?” As Jack was about to turn back in another direction she didn’t see the pile of crates the men were stacking up and she walked straight into it knocking them all down.

Madja became enraged and he slapped her across the face. “Stupid brat!” He screamed as she fell to the ground and began crying and suddenly Ann was running like the wind and pressing record on her phone on pure instinct. Iman came running to and she handed Iman the phone. “Here take this, point it on Madja this has to stop. Ann ran over to Madja as he bent to continue hitting Jack and tried to push him out of the way but he back handed her across the face and she stumbled to the ground so she threw herself on top of Jack, shielding her with her own body as Madja kept striking, his blows landing on Ann “Stupid little rich bitch. This is what you get for not minding your own fucking business!” He screamed. And even as he beat her Ann didn’t feel it. She turned to steel. Even as blood poured from her nose She was hatching a plan. This had to end. The abuse of Children by the Thomas’s the James’s and the Madja’s of the world. She became vaguely aware of the men pulling Madja off her and when they did she scooped a terrified and screaming Jack into her arms and went and took the phone from Iman. And turned it on herself “My name is Annalise walker and I’ve just finished my HSC as head prefect and the most awarded student in my class at Riverview college. I’m here on an outreach exchange program and have just witnessed a village leader Madja beat this beautiful baby girl and it’s not the first time he’s done it and when I threw myself on her to protect her he beat me too. This is what happens if you visit this place as a tourist, this is what happens if you come to visit. Parents, teachers don’t send your children here on exchange programs. It’s not safe. And tourists, don’t support a village led by someone who abuses helpless defenceless children. This little girl Jack, Myself and outreach worker Iman Milay may be in danger because of this so now you’ve seen what is happening here and if anything happens to the three of us you know where to come and who to come for”

Ann uploaded it to drop box and sent it off to Jaz with their code word of liquorice which meant blackmail. And turned to face an enraged Madja who was frothing at the mouth. “I’ve just sent the video recording to my adopted mother and legal guardian. Jazmine Moretti. If you’re not familiar with who she is I recommend you ask the leaders of your country so they can enlighten you but all you need to think about you despicable excuse for a human being is just how bad its going to look for you when people find out you savagely beat the sweet little orphaned white girl who came from her very prestigious school, top of her class to do charity work, all because she was trying to stop you from beating a baby. It will be all over the news world wide, it will go viral. Imagine the publicity, the scrutiny for you, the effect on tourism which this village relies on to function and you’d be sent to prison which is exactly where you belong you piece of shit. Unless of course you give me what I want!”

Madja’s confidence was fading. Ann watched as he processed the gravity of the situation and just how bad it would be if this got out. “What do you want?” He asked begrudgingly and Ann looked down at an extremely distressed Jack who had already calmed a little simply for being in her arms.

“I want her. I want to adopt her and I want to take her back to Australia and you’re going to pull every Indonesian string you have and make it happen no matter what. I want Mackenzie.”

“Done. You two little bitches deserve each other” he spat.

“I want her and I want to be flying out of here by the 24th of December at the latest so were home for Christmas” Ann demanded and Madja looked at her incredulously “But this is an international adoption”

“She’s an Australian citizen she was born there” Ann insisted and Madja started to panic. “But that’s less than 6 weeks away.

‘THEN YOU’D BETTER WORK REALLY FUCKING FAST OR THIS GOES VIRAL!” Ann screamed at him and he looked visibly rattled.

“Alright….alright….just let me do it Miss Walker I will do it.”

“Good. Go get on it now!” She spat as she walked away back to Iman’s house.

“Shhhh it’s okay sweetheart I’ve got you” Ann reassured Jack and as Jack moved from Ann’s shoulder, her swollen tear streaked little face broke Ann’s heart “Annie you’re bleeding. I’m weally sowwy”

“Hey you haven’t done anything wrong. You’re my beautiful little Dude, I’m tough, I’ll be okay. You’re such a good girl, cuddle into me” Ann said as she stroked the little girl’s hair. When they got back to the house she grabbed herself a cloth for her nose and as she sat down with Jack in her arms she tried to stop the bleeding and Jack soon cried herself to sleep.

“Oh Annie sweetheart do we need to get you to hospital?” Iman said as she came rushing back into the house and Ann shook her head ‘I’ve had a lot worse. Being a punching bag for a violent child abuser isn’t something new to me. My brother in law leaves him for dead in the damage infliction stakes. I could walk away quite comfortably from madja’s attack. That’s a good thing. He’s so crazy he was hitting wildly anyway. I dodged a lot of it.”

“Oh my god, you poor little thing, I’m so sorry. You’ve sure opened a can of worms though. You’re so incredibly brave” Iman said in awe of her.

“You’ll be safe Iman. My mum had a female partner, Jazmine. She’s my mother now. She’s mafia. I’m so sorry you got dragged into this but you’ll be safe.”

“I need to get out of here, the culture is toxic” Iman said ‘Olivia has been trying to get me back to Sydney and teaching at Riverview again for years. I ran because my husband passing from cancer destroyed my world. A beautiful Indonesian man. A doctor like your father. Perhaps it’s time to go home now. Oh Annie that little girl is so lucky you came into her life. You’re going to be the best mother.”

“I hope you’re right!” Ann said as she looked down adoringly at Jack.

Ann looked anxiously in her medication stash. She hadn’t brought nearly enough for more than 5 weeks in Bali. Not with the strict Indonesian drug laws. She’d need to start lowering her dosages and slowly weaning herself off her medication and just see how she went.She couldn’t risk looking unstable and have it jeaopardise her chances of getting Jack. But she needed half a Valium. Everything from the very long day had started to hit her and she was quiet shaken up. Jaz had moved very quickly. She had sent men to protect her, Iman and Jack as well as her solicitor and Indonesian government officials had moved in to provide Ann with support and do damage control and desperately dissuade her from going public with the video. They’d done background checks of her immense finances, gotten character references from Victoria and Olivia, had been very impressed by the fact she’d already been living out of home for two years and juggling school plus university. 

They’d checked out Rachel and Jonno as Ann said she intended to raise Jack at the farm and they’d found the couple to be pillars of the community. In the end they’d been more than happy to hand Jack over to her in exchange for her signing a contract that said she would never release the footage.  
Jack was now legally hers. She wasn’t allowed to leave the country with her as documentation and paperwork and passports took time but she’d been granted permission to take her anywhere she wished in Indonesia. Ann was grateful for the speed at which things had evolved and that they’d at least checked her out but pretty disgusted they hadn’t even brought a social worker with them or demanded she do mandatory visits till they could leave. It’s like they just cared more about saving themselves and not incurring Jazmine’s wrath.

Ann had added a condition that she got to choose the name on the identity documentation and there would be no questions asked. Because she would have the surname of Lister. And she’d said she still wanted to be able to fly out before Christmas. Now all that was left to do was tell Jack. Two of Jaz’s men would be flying out with Iman shortly and she wanted to make sure Jack understood that Iman was just leaving for now

Ann walked over to where she sat playing so quietly with a toy car she’d given her. She’d been so withdrawn since the attack earlier in the day. Which is exactly the reaction Ann used to have.

“Hi babygirl” Ann said as she sat down next to Jack.

“Hi” Jack said softly and Ann took her little hand. “I know we’ve just met. But the thing is, I really believe we were meant to be together. I was wondering if maybe you might want to come live with me and be my little girl.”

Jack stopped playing with her car and looked up at Ann with huge brown eyes.

“You wouldn’t have to be here anymore. No more Madja. We’d have to stay in Bali for a few weeks but I will take you somewhere lovely and we can do lots of fun things together just the two of us. And I will love you and take care of you because you’re beautiful and special and magical and I know sometimes that might be hard to remember because of bad things that have happened to you here. But I would be so lucky to be your Mummy. And even if you didn’t want a Mummy. If you weren’t ready for something like that, I could be your friend.”

“You want to be my Mummy?” Jack asked Ann in disbelief and Ann cupped her little face. “More than anything sweetheart.”

“Forever?” Jack asked and Ann smiled at her adoringly. “Forever and ever. Only if that’s what you want though.”

“And I get to leave here and be with you all the time?” Jack asked and Ann kissed her little nose. “Even if you’re not ready for me to be your mummy I will take you away from here tonight and look after you like Iman has done. I promise!”

Jack burst into tears “No I want you to be my Mummy” she reached her little arms out to Ann and Ann lost her own battle with her tears and picked her up, holding her close while she cried.

“Then that’s what I’ll be Little Dude. And by the time we get back to Sydney in Australia, the country you were born there, Iman will be there so you will still get to see her.”

“I want to leave. I want to leave here now” Jack cried and Ann was relieved the little girl was so willing. It made things easier. “Okay babygirl we will. Your life is going to be so much better I promise you. You’re going to have a life and a family full of love. And I know this hasn’t been a fun birthday for you at all sweetheart but tomorrow we will do something really special. Anything you want to do”

“This has been the bestest birthday cause I got you!” Jack said sincerely and Ann covered her little face in kisses. “Oh you little darling. It’s been the bestest birthday for me too cause I got you. And we are going to be so happy together. Come on. Let’s go say goodbye to Iman and get out of this place”

**************************  
Anne sat in her lounge room looking at the pics Ann had sent her for the hundredth time. Jack was such a gorgeous mischievous looking little girl. She’d lost count of how many times she’d looked at one of them in particular and smiled. A selfie of Jack wrapped up in Ann’s arms poking their tongues out at the camera. Her sweet beautiful girl looked so happy. They looked so happy together like it was meant to be. She’d just felt so powerless. All she wanted was to be with Ann. Jaz had showed her the footage of what Ann had done and she’d been absolutely enraged and wanted to fly over there and kicked the animal’s head in for hurting that dear little girl and her Princess. And at the same time she’d been so proud of her. She really was bulletproof. And so incredibly strong. She was glad Ann and Jack had moved to the 5 star Sofitel resort at Nusa Dua and that Jaz had stationed two of her men with them. But she wanted them home

“Hey Kiddo how are you doing?” Jaz asked as she sat down and put an arm around her.

“Not that great. I should be with her. I miss her so much. And the idea of being apart for weeks” Anne’s eyes filled with tears.

“I know baby. Come to mama” Jaz said as she put her arms around Anne. “You two are meant to have forever. You’ll get through this and you’ll have that beautiful little girl at the end of it. We all will.

************************

Day 23

Anne was missing her beautiful girl terribly. They hadn’t spoken on the phone for a couple of days and she was starting to get worried. She’d been doing a lot of online shopping and things for Jack were constantly arriving at the house, a car seat, a bed, plates, cutlery, snack boxes, clothes, some toys. Beth was on cloud nine that a little girl was on the way and was fastidiously helping her get a room ready for Jack. The two of them looked like they were having the time of their lives though in the last pic she’d sent two days earlier they’d been at Mrs Sippy’s in Seminyak, a popular pool club and they’d been in matching bright yellow and white polka dot swimwear. Ann had a bikini and Jack was in a sporty little racer back yellow and white polkadot bikini top and little yellow board shorts. They both had their hair in matching braids and they were sipping a fancy Juice out of a coconut with cheeky smiles and Anne had just about died from the cute. Ann still had the tell tale shadowing of a few bruises from Madja which had made her blood boil but she’d already filled out with a little much needed weight gain. 

Picking up her phone she face timed Ann “Please pick up Beauty” She thought to herself.

Ann’s phone rang on the bed and Jack picked it up and accepted the FaceTime call “Hi Dude!” She said chirpily and Anne was surprised to see Jack answering it and melted when she saw her beautiful smiling little face.

“Well hello Jack. It’s so lovely to meet you sweetheart. How did you know about Dude?”

“Cause Mummy says you’re the big Dude and I’m the little dude and she’s a princess and we’re all going to be a family together in your house!”

Anne beamed with pure joy ‘That’s right darling we are. Where is your Mummy? Could I talk to you both together?”

“Oh Mummy can’t come to the phone right now. We’ve had Bali Belly. Wanna know what happens when you get Bali belly. All you do is poos and spews! Poos and spews all the time that’s all you do.”

Anne snorted and tried to stop cracking up but she couldn’t help it at Jack’s description. This little girl was magic. She was an absolute trip.

‘Oh I’m sorry you’ve been unwell sweetheart, so Mummy isn’t well?”

“She’s better now. She’s not doing spews I think were both still doing poos!”

Anne started laughing again.

“Jacky jack what are you doing who are you talking to baby?” Anne heard Ann’s gentle voice call a little weakly and Jack replied “I’m just talking to Dudes face on your phone and telling her we’ve been doing lots of poos and spews. Her smile is weally pwetty and she wears shirts like mine. I like her!” Jack called out.

“Oh my god Jack you can’t tell Anne things like that about me!” Ann said in horror as she got closer to the phone.

“But Mummy you were doing poos and spews! You were!” Jack reasoned and Anne lost it with her laughter. Ann heard Anne laughing and started laughing herself as she shook her head “Just give me the phone little Dude!” Jack handed the phone over and Ann’s tired and pale but happy face came into view. She was the only person who could possibly look that beautiful after doing two days of Bali belly. 

“Honestly this child. I never understood the term “three-nager” till I had one.” Anne forced herself to stop laughing and be more sympathetic.

“Hello my darling. I’m sorry you haven’t been well” she cooed gently as Ann settled on the bed and Ann shrugged “It’s okay dude. I’m so careful about us only eating and drinking at the resort or at the luxury beach club or places like that and if we go exploring I pack our food from the breakfast buffet but I was teaching Jack todo cartwheels on the private hotel beach two nights ago and I got us an iced tea from a vendor there thinking they were part of the resort but they weren’t and Bali Belly pretty much got all of us who drank there.”

“Oh that’s no good” Anne said with her indulgent little pout she gave Ann if she was sad or unwell and Ann sighed. “I really want to kiss that bottom lip!” Anne broke into a big smile. “I really want you to kiss it.”

“Mummy I think I need a new nappy again more poos came out!” came Jack’s little voice and both Anne and Ann cracked up. ‘I lead such a glamorous life!”

“Oh she’s wonderful sweetheart and so incredibly smart! I cant wait to spend time with her in person!”

“You’ll love it Dude I’m awesome!” Jack said and Ann pulled Jack closer so Anne could see them both “Yeah just ask her!” Ann teased as she kissed Jack’s little nose. ‘Are you starting to see why she reminds me so much of you?”

Anne laughed and Ann grinned “I’ll let you go my little Beauties. Talk tomorrow?”

“That works for us Dude!” Jack said and Ann smiled adoringly at Jack then at Anne. ‘I guess that works for us!”

“Okay sweetheart. I love you all the much!”

“All the much, all the time, all the ways!” Ann said and then blew Anne a little kiss before ending the call. 

Anne put the phone down and sighed. Jack was adorable. She was already in love. She wished she could be with them. She hated the idea of Ann having to clean up after Jack and look after her while she was sick herself. There was something different about her though. A kind of calm that hadn’t been present before. Maybe it was just exhaustion from having a tummy bug but her energy was a bit more relaxed and chilled out. The poor little thing had spent so long in turmoil she hoped it would continue.

Ann put Jack in a fresh nappy and noted the look of discontent on her independent little girls face. “I know you don’t like being in a nappy all day and night but it really is best at the moment. You’re such a good girl. We’ll have another quiet day here tomorrow and then we’ll go see the monkeys again the day after that would you like that darling?”

“Yeah!” Jack said with a big smile and Ann picked her up and cuddled her as she took her back to the bedroom. She set Jack down with her favourite truck that had her blue sequin unicorn beanie boo inside it and her Vampirina Doll and the little girl began to play happily while Ann looked at activities she could take her little Dude to in the coming days to fill their time. She loved watching Vampirina, PJ Masks and Super Monsters. They were her favourites. She couldn’t believe how close they’d gotten in just over 3 weeks. They’d left the village almost immediately after Ann had broken the news to Jack and all Jack had wanted to take with her were a few little things Iman had given her and her red t shirt nightie and spider man undies that Ann had given her so packing was really easy. 

They’d said goodbye to Iman who was escorted to the airport with two of Jaz’s men and Ann had booked her and Jack into the 5 star Sofitel hotel in Nusa Dua because it had an amazing pool, a kids club, a private beach and essentially everything they’d need. And from that very first night when Ann put her to bed Jack had said ‘Goodnight Mummy” and she’d just been Mummy ever since. And she loved it. She’d even completely run out of her medication 2 days earlier after stretching it as long as she could and tapering off to stop horrific withdrawal symptoms and she felt okay. If anything she felt settled. Less numb. She was starting to wonder if the pain of losing her parents then rolled into the pain of all her fear and trauma with Thomas and James but she’d dealt with the death of her parents and now everything was out in the open about the other issue maybe the source of a lot of her anxiety had dissipated.

It was everything she had ever wanted. She’d taken Jack to the upmarket shopping centre nearby the next day and discovered that the little girl didn’t only favour masculine looks she actually loved bright colours. Pinks, Purples, Greens, yellows and she even liked some little dresses in the plain skater cut and loved play suits. She just didn’t like anything very frilly and pastel or super feminine. Her look was very much a femme soft tomboy artistic left of centre hybrid kind of deal that was somehow incredibly Jack. She was so advanced for her age. She could already read and write a little and was sucking up everything Ann taught her. Ann had started taking her to kids club to be with other children for socialisation and to be cognitively engaged but she never strayed far as little Jack would scan every now and then to see where she was. She’d bought her an ipad and they played educational games and they drew and painted. They went on day trips to temples and to see animals. The day after they’d come to the resort Ann had taken her to see the infamous Bali monkeys for her 3rd birthday and the gorgeous little thing had been so excited. Everyone at the hotel were so lovely to them and they all loved Jack. They even let Ann have packages sent there of little clothes for Jack and supplies she bought for them online. And hip hop was big in Indonesia so they took dance class every day. Jack was so good that Ann had started giving her lessons in other styles. She couldn’t wait for Rachel and Jaz to see her. But most of all she couldn’t wait to get back to Sydney. Because the only thing missing, like a giant gaping hole, was her beautiful Dude.

Day 30

“What the hell are we doing here Jaz?” Anne asked as Jaz had them driven to the middle of nowhere in the cloak of darkness. “You’re about become an instant Mama kiddo and you’ll quickly learn just as I did with Annie that you’ll do anything to keep your baby girl safe. That’s what we’re doing here. We’re keeping our baby girls and your Princess safe.

Anne walked into the seemingly looking innocent warehouse that looked like it dealt in some kind of carpentry with Jaz and was stunned to see Thomas and James tied up by the hands and legs almost in a star position. Thomas appeared to have gone mad. He was chanting something indecipherable but James simply glared at them. Well with one eye.

“What happened to his eye?” Anne asked curiously and Jaz waved her hand dismissively like it was a minor mishap. “I didn’t like his answer when I asked him why he did what he did to Annie so I gouged it out.”

‘With what?” Anne asked in amazement and Jaz shrugged “My index finger and nail. I’d just had my nails done too and the little crystals the girl put on it came off and got wedged in his cornea . Such a shame”

“Occupational hazard?” Anne asked dryly and Jaz laughed “I like doing this with you, you make it more fun. Maybe this could be our mother daughter bonding thing!” Jaz offered and Anne pursed her lips together tightly “Yeah or you know we could always just go see a movie or something!” Anne countered and Jaz chuckled as she put an arm around Anne and kissed her forehead. “It’s all new, I get it.”

“Mickey can you gag them!” Jaz asked one of her men and then turned to Anne and said ‘Honestly since I went through menopause my tolerance for male screaming during torture is at an all time low.” She said it casually like she was commenting on the heat being too much for her post menopause and Anne actually found herself laughing.

“What have you been doing to them?” Anne asked and Jaz shrugged “Mainly keeping them in separate small dark rooms with no light and nothing to pass the time. Thomas has gone mad. James is harder to crack. Mariana I haven’t done anything to except for send her very clear warnings to put the fear of god in her because Ann insists that she tried to pull her away from the window when she thought Ann was jumping and now that she knows Mariana was sexually abused as a child too. Well we know how soft and kind she is.”

“Yes, too soft and kind sometimes. But I love her exactly the way she is, I wouldn’t want to change her. Honestly the fact that I’ve blocked Mariana on all fronts, banned her from the company, from all my functions, alerted all my security personnel she isn’t to ever be anywhere near me will break her and I heard Charles is about to leave her too. I wanted to take a harder line myself but Ann asked me not to physically hurt her. But I really want to hurt them!” Anne said as she looked at them both with murder in her eyes.

‘I know honey that’s why Mama brought you.” Anne watched as dildos were shoved in James and Thomas’s mouths. 

“You gag them with dick. Poetic. I like it” Anne said in approval.

Jaz handed Anne the baseball bat. “Ground rules Kiddo. You don’t want to kill them quick or let them provoke you into killing them faster, particularly James which is why I’ve gagged them, stay away from the mouth because when I finally dispose of them I need them to be identifiable by their dental records which is all that will essentially be left of them.”

‘I want to slice their dicks off and drop them on the ground in front of them’ Anne said vehemently and Jaz looked at her with a great deal of pride “Nice honey. And if I was keeping them alive I’d let you do it and I’d destroy their tongue and paralyse them from the neck down and have my surgical team stop the bleeding but DIY genital removal on child abusers while more common than you would think are messy. They lose so much blood, if you don’t do it right they die straight away. Now a bat. A bat can leave an impact they feel for weeks and weeks to come. That totally destroys bones, muscle, tissue, body function. But I think I’m going to have Annie out of Indonesia by Christmas Eve morning after all and I want them gone by the time she’s back. Tragic drunk driving accident. Car explosion. So close to Christmas. So sad! I don’t want a missing persons investigation and Annie having to see their faces plastered everywhere”

Anne looked at Jaz in shock. She knew she was mafia, she knew what she did but it was so hard to equate the loving kind motherly woman tough as nails as she was with the words coming out of her mouth.

‘But don’t let any of this make you doubt the fact that I’m going to be the best Nonna ever to that divine little girl!”

“I’m not doubting. I feel like I’m on the set of the Sopranos but I’m not doubting!” 

“That’s my girl!” Jaz said as she pushed Anne towards them. “Try not to break any bones, makes for a cleaner autopsy and no murder/foul play investigation which Is why we’ve only been doing flesh wounds,water torture and electroshock but I wont be upset if you do, like I said as long as you avoid the teeth. It’s your first time honey. Just think about what they did to her and go for it”

Anne approached Thomas with the bat and he was crying already and trying to beg though Anne couldn’t understand what he was saying with the Dildo gag. 

“Do you like having a dick forcibly shoved down your throat? Do you think Ann did?” Anne asked coldly and without even hesitating she grabbed the bat and repeatedly swung it with all her might into his groin as Thomas tried in vain to scream, his eyes almost bulging out of his head as he twisted against his bonds before passing out from the pain.”

Anne looked back to Jaz who reassured her ‘It’s okay honey he’ll come to and he’ll feel it then don’t you worry about that!”

Anne moved down to James who was looking considerably less cocky by that point. “What’s wrong. I thought you were supposed to be the big tough man. Did it make you feel like a big man forcing yourself on her. Beating and sexually assaulting her till she cried, slapping her so hard she saw stars. She is all that is beautiful, good, sweet, kind, innocent and pure. Even after all you two did to her, that’s still what she is. That’s how magical and rare and precious she is”

Anne had learned not to go too hard too fast from how quickly Thomas passed out. She swung the bat like she was going to hit James but didn’t and just as he relaxed in his bonds she swung it straight into his groin and waited.

“You don’t look so tough now Sutherland. Are those tears in your eyes…..well…..eye?” She waited as the agony from her blow reached its peak and then she hit even harder the second time and the veins in his neck bulged as his whole body jerked.

“I’ve had a lot of time on our hands with Ann in Indonesia finalising the adoption of our daughter so I’ve been working out a lot. I think my strength has really…….”

She slammed the bat into his groin again at a different angle this time. “Improved” she finished his sentence.

James started making choking sounds. “What’s happening?” She asked and Jaz called out ‘Oh he’s choking on his own vomit like a little bitch, take the dildo out honey, I don’t want him choking to death its too quick and easy.”

Anne took it out and James vomited all over himself and wet himself almost simultaneously as he sobbed and begged for her to stop. But instead Anne just pictured the photos she’d seen of Ann from after the last time he’d beaten her, remembered Frog’s story about Hammer’s party, what she’d seen on the recorded footage. “This is for Ann” And with every ounce of strength she had she swung the bat into his groin so hard that he passed out on impact and went completely limp.

“Good work honey. You’re a natural at psychological warfare. Really impressive for a first timer, I mean that!”

Anne didn’t respond. She’d felt so much satisfaction doing it to begin with. It had been so cleansing and cathartic at first. But now, now all she could think of was how much Ann had suffered at their hands, how she hadn’t been able to stop it or take away her pain and had made it so much worse by behaving the way she had after the wedding. How she had been the one who brought the Mariana debacle into her life. How her precious angel must have felt so alone and at the end of her rope to just snap like that and run away to another country and now was so far away dealing with the fall out of this while she cared for their child all on her own and how powerless that made her feel as her Dude. She started shaking and turned and ran out of the warehouse. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. Everything she’d been keeping inside her felt like a knife hollowing her chest cavity from the inside out, slicing away at her. And she turned and fled the warehouse, running out into the night air, desperate for some air.

She leant against the wall and collapsed down against it with her head in her hands. ‘Anne honey, Did I push you too fast” Jaz asked as she came out and sat beside her.

“I let her down Jaz, I let her down so badly.From the time Mariana turned up at the wedding I should have handled things so much better. She was going through unimaginable pain and trauma and I let her down and I feel so guilty and so inadequate and undeserving of her and her love and so scared I’m going to lose her. And honestly I deserve to because I let her down. She’s suffered so much, she’s been hurt so badly and I just want to take it away and I can’t” Anne sobbed and Jaz took her in her arms “Oh Sweetie, you haven’t cried properly over all this yet have you. You haven’t let yourself have you?”

Anne shook her head and Jaz stroked her hair and just let her cry “It’s okay baby just let it all out! You need to let yourself do this”

When her cries quietened Jaz took her face between her hands “Look at me. You don’t always have to be strong, to be the Dude….You don’t always have to be the Daddy,” Anne’s eyes widened at Jaz’s Daddy comment and Jaz smirked at her “Honey don’t look so shocked I’ve been around a lot longer than you.”

“I haven’t….I would never push Ann into that kind of D/s dynamic….not when she’s so innocent.” Anne promised her and Jaz shrugged “Same as I didn’t push her mother into it and she was far from innocent but that’s how it evolved but just because you’re not doing it in the bedroom doesn’t mean you don’t naturally fall into that role anyway. You’re the Dude, the protector. Cassie used to tell me that I didn’t have to be the Daddy all the time and Ann in different words would be telling you the same thing.”

Anne wiped her tears away and nodded as Jaz kissed her forehead “Sweetheart Ann told me how wonderful you were when she was extremely distraught that day you were at my club and how much it meant to her that you’d known about Thomas and hadn’t treated her any differently. She sent me a photo of that beautiful bracelet you made her that she hasn’t taken off since she went away still. She told me about the voice mail message she found from you that you sent her to reassure her once you’d figured out James’s involvement and how beautiful you were. Yes she was hurt by the Mariana stuff but she’s already forgiven you she just doesn’t want you have to deal with it anymore. She doesn’t think that one error in judgement of yours is the sum total of you as a partner or person. You are her world and she already loves that little girl so much there’s no way she’d be bringing her back to you if she didn’t think you were capable of looking after her. The crazy thing is you’re sitting here distraught over letting her down and she’s sending me pictures of wedding cake designs from that cake designer you recommended saying “Am I making a mistake looking at this? Why would Anne ever look at me the same way now she knows what she knows, now she’s seen an actually video of the awful things I’ve done. I don’t want her to feel obligated to marry me.”

Anne was horrified. ‘The things she’s done? They were done to her. She’s was a victim of horrific abuse and it doesn’t change how I see her at all and obligated? I would be the luckiest woman in the world to marry her.”

“See honey? I feel like the two of you need to just get together in a room when she gets back and talk all this out so you can move forward because I don’t think either of you can until you do” Jaz reasoned.

“You’re right” Anne agreed and Jaz tapped her nose. “Hey, how did it feel literally busting their balls?”

“Pretty fucking satisfying” Anne said truthfully and Jaz grinned as she put an arm around her and pulled her close. “That’s my girl! I’m proud of you Baby”

Anne put her arms around Jaz and snuggled into her. “Thank you Mama”

Jaz looked down at the young woman in surprised delight. It was the first time she’d ever called her Mama without prompting.

“You’re welcome baby. Our girl will be back soon and I’ll be helping her pick out a wedding dress before you know it. You’ll see!”

*************  
Day 34

Ann punched in the security code and opened up the door to her and Anne’s home. All things considered, Jack had been a dream to fly with. She’d been so excited to be on an aeroplane and flying business class had made it much easier. She was so good with people too. Very charming like Anne. She knew that Anne, Marion and Jaz had headed up to the farm the day before as it was the week before Christmas and Anne was taking a rare holiday because she felt like she had a family at Christmas for the first time in a long time which was so lovely. Since Millie was spending a bit of time with her Dad Victoria had even gone with them. As soon as she’d gotten clearance to leave Indonesia the day before Ann had booked her and Jack on the 10pm flight leaving Bali which got to Sydney at 6am. They’d cleared customs fairly quickly and Ann was determined to take care of things and head to the farm the next day.

Ann wheeled the suitcase in and closed the door behind her. She put her bag down and readjusted Jack on her hip ‘Come on sweetheart let’s go see where all the things I’ve ordered are.” 

“Wow! It’s so big” Jack said as she looked around a little alarmed and Ann was almost sorry she’d been working on Jack’s speech and she’d been such a quick study and started pronouncing her letter “r” properly as long as she wasn’t upset . The “weally’ had been pretty cute.

“Don’t be scared baby you’ll love it here I promise.” Ann said as she carried her up the stairs and just as she was about to take Jack and put her in her bedroom she saw the open door of the room next door to hers.

“Oh my goodness” she gasped as she walked in and saw the bedroom obviously meant for Jack. The whole room was painted a soft sorbet lavender and there was the most amazing Super Monsters feature wall painted at the back. There was a purple custom made toddler bed in the shape of a glossy bright purple truck with a black bed spread covered in brightly coloured unicorns playing the electric guitar and covered in brightly coloured cushions and pillows. There was a book shelf and all the books she’d ordered had been put away and it had a huge stuffed Vampirina and a whole lot of unicorn beanie boos sitting on top of it. There was a change table, a baby monitor, a Giant play tee pee in the same print as the zebra and a corner full of Blocks, cars trucks with a bright play rug that was like a race track and even a miniature little desk with a chair and a draw full of art supplies and paper for her to draw at. Ann went to the walk in wardrobe and all the little clothes she’d bought for Jack had already been hung and put away. There were even little pairs of sneakers and little button up shirts and pairs of shorts, t shirts and accessories that she hadn’t bought.

It was the most beautiful bedroom and it was so incredibly Jack. “Look at your room babygirl isn’t it gorgeous.” Jack looked around the room in wonder. ‘This is for me?”

“Yes sweetie it’s all yours!”

“But why?” Jack asked, starting to get emotional and Ann stroked her ponytail “Because that’s what the Dude does. He looks after his girls” Ann was fighting tears of her own. She couldn’t believe what Anne had done. It was incredible.  
“ It’s so beautiful. Can I have a look?” Jack asked as she burst into tears, completely overwhelmed and Ann cuddled her ‘Shhhh its okay baby of course you can. It’s your bedroom” Ann covered her little face in kisses, calming her and then she put her down and Jack wandered through the large room touching everything in complete awe. She went up to the back wall and traced her little fingers over the painting “Look Mummy its super monsters!” Jack said excitedly. ‘And Vampirina! And sparkle unicorns!” Jack said as she ran to the bookshelf. ‘It has all my favourite things!”

“I know sweetie! Our Dude has been listening really closely when I talk to her about you!”

‘And look the truck bed has my name on it!” Jack said as she ran to the front of the bed and sure enough Ann realised as she looked at the number plate. It said “Jack!”

“Oh my word you’re home!” came Beth’s voice from the door and Ann ran into her arms “Beth!”

‘Oh I missed you so much Annie my darling. The house just hasn’t been the same without you” Beth said as she hugged her.

“I’m so sorry it took so long. I want to surprise Anne and my family at the farm, She doesn’t know. Can you keep it a secret?”

“Of course darling” Beth assured her

“And who is this gorgeous little creature?” Beth said tentatively, well aware of who she was and Jack gave her a big smile “Hi I’m Jack!”

“Oh Annie she’s even more beautiful than her photos!” Beth gushed as she walked over and picked the little girl up. ‘I’m Beth little Jack and I’m going to be helping to look after you sometimes when Mummy needs to do things. Now, do you like Pancakes?”

“I love pancakes!” Jack said excitedly.

“Well why don’t we go whip up some pancakes for my two girls and we can sit down together so you can tell me all about your adventures”

“Can I help make them?” Jack asked hopefully.

“Of course you can. Oh I just love you already!” Beth said as she carried Jack out of the room and Ann felt in her pocket for her phone and dialled Anne’s number.

She answered pretty much straight away.

“Is everything alright sweetheart you never call this early with the time difference!”

Ann kicked herself remembering its 5am in Bali.

“Yes everything’s fine. Couldn’t sleep. I just want to tell you that I love you so much and that you’re wonderful and I’m so grateful for you.” Ann said as she looked around the beautiful bedroom.

“Well I love you so much right back my beautiful Princess. All the much. You are my dream come true. Are you sure everything is alright?” She asked in concern.

“Yeah. Everything is great” Ann said with a big smile. “Jack is waking up so I have to go. But I’ll be with you soon. Very soon!”

“It’s almost Christmas and Jaz says everything’s on track!” Anne said excitedly.

“I know!I miss you so much. I miss you all but I miss you the most” Ann said as she looked at the photos of her and Jack Anne had framed and put on one of the shelves. Soon there would be pictures of the three of them.

“I miss you too Little One, hang in there. Christmas Eve is only a week away.”

“I will. Love you my Dude. Bye for now!” Ann hung up the phone and broke into a huge grin. She’d done it. She’d gotten Jack home and tomorrow she would be in Anne’s arms. She couldn’t wait.”

***********  
Day 35

Ann took the turn off that led to the farm. The back of the car was full to bursting with presents and supplies. Beth had been a god send in helping her get organised and she’d even roped in Millie and Harry for extra help. Harry was back in Sydney for a quick visit from Pantomine season in the UK and they’d both loved Jack and vice versa. Olivia had joined them for dinner the night before and she loved Jack too. She was just the most endearing little girl. Ann wished the little girl could see how wonderful she was.

“Are you sure they’ll all like me?” Jack asked and Ann looked in the rear vision mirror ‘Of course they will sweetie, everyone who meets you loves you. I loved you the moment I met you”

“But that’s because you were meant to be my Mummy” Jack said in a matter of fact manner and Ann melted.

“I was. But still. They will love you! And here we are!” Ann said as she pulled up outside the farm house.

“Can you believe Anne has baby proofed her house, this house and the cottage in 5 weeks?” Rachel said in amazement and Jaz laughed. “Yes actually I can. That girl would move heaven and earth for Annie. She is going to make the most amazing Wife and Mama to little Jack.”

‘It’s what I always wanted for our highly complex Miss Lister!” Victoria said lovingly ‘And for Annie too!”

“I just want to hug my shortcake!” Jonno said ruefully. He’d missed her terribly.

“Then come and hug me Pop!”

Rachel and Jaz literally screamed in shocked excitement as they turned to see Ann in the doorway of the living area with a baby bag on one arm and Jack on her hip. Everyone got up and rushed over to Ann and Marion managed to grab poor little Jack from her right before she got squished, terrified or both. Ann handed her the baby bag as she mouthed “Thank you!”  
“Hi Aunty Maz” Jack said confidently and Marion beamed as the little girl not only knew who she was but used her “Lost boy” name and was already comfortable calling her Aunty Maz.

“Hello gorgeous, what do you say we go find you some Juice hmm?”

“Yeah Juice!” Jack said as she clapped her little hands with a big smile.

“Oh my baby girl” Jaz said as she lifted her into a huge hug. “You look so amazing. We missed you so much. Why didn’t you tell us you were flying out?”

“I wanted to surprise you all. Oh my gosh I missed you all so much!” Ann said when Jaz put her down and she hugged her grandparents and then Victoria.

‘Where is Anne?” She asked and Victoria put an arm around her. “She’s helping Frog and Brian with a Christmas present for Marion.”

“So Marion and Brian are still getting along nicely?” Ann asked with a big smile.

“Oh it’s on alright it will be a toss up to see which Lister sister walks down the aisle first!” Jaz said with a knowing smile.

“Now where is that gorgeous baby Jack?” Jaz asked.

“Here I am!” She said with a cheeky smile and a giggle as Marion carried her back into the living area with Juice in her Sippee cup.

“Do you know who I am?” Jaz asked.

“Your Mummy’s Mama. You’re my Nonna!” Jack said sweetly and Jaz’s face lit up.

“That’s right you clever little darling oh come here!” Jaz said as she took her from Marion. ‘What a beautiful baby you are.” 

Everyone flocked around Jack and Ann took the opportunity to slip out to the car and start unpacking some more of their stuff.

Anne walked back through the Hastings property and stopped dead in her tracks as she saw Ann’s white “soccer mum” car. It couldn’t be?

And then she saw something that stole her breath. Her gorgeous little pixie closing the boot of her car, her hair a blaze of wild golden waves lightened by the sun, a healthy golden tan colouring her skin. She’d filled out a fair bit while she’d been away and was almost the size she’d been when Anne first met her yet somehow she’d looked less gaunt and bony and she was impossibly beautiful in her honey and white coloured animal print denim mini skirt, plain fitted white tee and white converse low tops. Ann bent to pick up a bag and as she came back up she made eye contact with Anne and dropped the bag. And then she was running.

Anne ran towards her and Ann jumped into her arms, wrapping her arms and legs around her and burst into tears. “Dude” she sobbed. They’d been apart for 5 weeks but it had been like an eternity for both of them. Anne held her tight as tears rolled down her face. ‘It’s okay my darling I’m here, I’ve got you” Anne gasped as she just stood holding and smelling her. “I can’t believe you’re here!”  
“I wanted to surprise you!” Ann said through her tears and Anne held her tighter.

“The most amazing surprise. The best early Christmas present ever.”

“Maybe I have another one up my sleeve. I’m 18 now. So finally, do you wanna see my boobs?”

“Fuck yes! As soon as possible” Anne replied emphatically and they both cracked up laughing even though their tears.

‘Let me look at you!” Anne said as she pulled back to gaze adoringly at her Princess. “I didn’t think it would be possible but you’re even more beautiful than you were when you left.”

“And you’re an even more perfect hybrid of handsome and beautiful. My strong amazing Dude” Ann said reverently as she cupped Anne’s face in her hands. “I missed you so much. I’m so sorry I was gone for so long.” Ann said as she wrapped her arms around Anne’s neck and snuggled into her nook.

“Shhhhh sweet baby it’s alright. You’re back now. I’ve got you. Everything’s going to be alright”


	30. Coming home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I’m just going to say straight off the bat that the second half of this chapter is so NSFW (Ha ha you’ve all been waiting for me to say that for 30 chapters havent you!) And i so hope it lives up to your expectations but I knew in my head how I wanted it to happen and I wanted it to be real and have feels.
> 
> Secondly. Hold off on the Rachel hate. The Hastings women are all complicated traumatised little peeps and trauma can morph you into someone you don’t even recognise, especially when triggered.
> 
> I feel like this chapter has a bit of everything. Enjoy <3

“Mummy nappy off now please!” Came a little voice from the top of the stairs and Ann chuckled and pulled back to look at Anne dryly “I used to be cool. Now I’m her nappy bitch!” Anne cracked up laughing as she kissed Ann’s forehead and Ann reluctantly slid out of her arms.

“Hi Dude!” Jack said excitedly as she ran down the stairs as fast as her little legs could carry her and straight over to Anne, holding her little arms up for Anne to pick her up much to her delight.

Anne picked her up and just about died when she saw her up close in the flesh. She was wearing the matching denim Ann had on but in little overalls with a plain white t shirt and beige coloured high top sneakers and her long hair was in a hap hazard top knot. She took in the huge brown eyes, darling little nose, rosy cheeks and cheeky smile and her diminutive size. She was like a little doll just like Ann and side by side they looked absolutely adorable.

“She’s so beautiful!” Anne said in awe and Ann nodded proudly “She sure is!”

“Thank you for my beautiful room dude I really love it.” Jack put her arms around Anne’s neck and kissed her cheek and Anne could have melted into a puddle right at that very moment as the little girl cuddled into her. “Oh you’re so welcome sweetheart I’m so glad you’re happy with it!”

Ann looked on at the scene before her in awe. Jack was an affectionate little girl and she’d spent a lot of time prepping her about the members of her family but she’d never seen her take to anyone other than herself the way she’d instantly taken to Anne. She was just instantly so comfortable with her.

‘It is so good to finally meet you little one. To have both my little one’s home” Anne said as she wrapped her arm around Ann.

“Um darling I feel like Rachel is a little upset about you not telling her about…..you know” 

“Oooooohh she’s upset about a lot of things. I felt the rage and dysfunction radiating off her when she hugged me. You’re about to witness full scale Emily Gilmore Rachel I think” Ann mused and Anne looked at her curiously ‘Why?”

‘Because anytime I take off unexpectedly I’m suddenly Cassie” Ann said empathetically and Anne was horrified “But this was a seriously extenuating sense of circumstances.”

“If you think you can find a way to explain that to a 66 year old woman with mental illness, trauma, a lifetime of guilt over her perceived failings as a mother and an almost obsessive need for her grand daughter to be the great hope of the family and proof she can get it right you be my guest baby!”

Anne felt her heart flutter a little. She’d so missed hearing her beautiful girl call her baby. There was something different about her though. She’d so calmly explained that, she didn’t seem anxious, she didn’t look worried. She was just very chilled out and calm and accepting of it. She was so in control of everything. What if her time away had taught Ann that she was just fine on her own and she didn’t need her Dude anymore.

“I missed you so much!” Ann said as she leant in to kiss Anne but Anne moved her head and Ann got her cheek. ‘Should we get the little one’s nappy changed? Maybe you can show me?” Anne said hopefully and Ann was a little disappointed but knew Anne probably needed to work herself up to touching her now that she’d seen the disgraceful things she’d done with Thomas and James. She should be grateful Anne even wanted to be near her at all.  
“Sure Dude let’s go!” 

“Yeah Dude nappy off let’s go!” Jack hurried them along and they cracked up laughing.

**************

Ann watched adoringly as Anne kicked a soccer ball with Jack. She was incredible with the little girl and they’d instantly become the best of friends in less than an hour. God Anne looked good in her shorts and racer back tank. She’d clearly spent a lot of time in the gym in the past few weeks. She was more ripped than ever.

“Your letter tore my heart out you know.” Came Rachel’s voice from behind her and Ann turned to look at her sympathetically “I know Nanna, I’m so very sorry about that.”  
“I just can’t fathom why you wouldn’t have come to me.” She said in utter bewilderment and Ann reached out to squeeze her hand “Because you weren’t you. You’d had a stroke and I’d been told that the slightest stress could make you regress. Please try to understand that keeping it from you was never a reflection of my love and trust for you but of the impossible situation I was in and eventually just overwhelmed and dragged under by the shame and the fear. And then I just needed it to be out in the open and I was at breaking point. I didn’t know how else to deal with it”

“You’ve changed. You’re different. In only 5 weeks” Rachel observed and Ann shrugged “I don’t think I’ve changed so much as grown, and settled. Instant motherhood does that to you I guess” she said with a sweet smile.

Rachel could see that.She could already see that Ann was a much better mother than Cassie had been. That she was a much better mother than even she had been and it hurt. It made her feel inadequate. Like maybe this whole cycle of mental illness and the eventual abuse of Ann could have been prevented if she had have been better, if she had have put her foot down more.

“I suppose I just cant understand after all you went through with James, with Elizabeth doing nothing about it, why you’d go and re-enact your mother’s mistake and risk allowing poison into your home with a baby that isn’t yours. You’re so young. You could have had one of your own.”

Ann gasped “Oh Nanna no, Elizabeth was always nasty and cold and self serving. Jack isn’t anything like that. She’s sweet and kind and loving. She always thinks about other people and her smile and laughter is magic I mean just look at the way she draws people to her!”

Marion, Brian and Victoria had all joined Anne in kicking the ball with Jack.

“Yes I can see she very much likes to be the centre of attention” Rachel said coldly and Ann sighed. “That’s not what she’s like Nanna, she’s just mainly been raised around adults and is very gifted so she relates well to them. And she’s been so lonely and now that she has people around her that care for her she’s just blossomed”

“But she’s strange. She carries on like she’s not even a real little girl, almost like she’s a little boy I can tell. And what kind of a name is Jack for a little girl anyway? Why wouldn’t you call her Jackie or Jaqueline. It’s like you want her to be different, you encourage it. The same way your mother used to encourage you to be different but thankfully you were a good little girl who didn’t want that.”

Ann really had to bite her tongue and choose her words carefully. She thought about explaining the name thing but decided Rachel really needed a firmer approach. ‘Nanna I was different. I was an exceptionally bright lesbian with anxiety and PTSD who dabbled in rope bondage and worked at a caberet kink club when Mama was short staffed. Of course I was different. I just felt it my responsibility to toe the line to keep everyone happy. And Jack is a name that is just her. And she is different and yes I encourage her to be who she is because she is beautiful and magical and just divine the way she is. I would never want her to try to blend. Her soul and spirit would wither. But it doesn’t matter that I didn’t give birth to her, she is my baby and I love her with my whole heart and I hope for your sake you can open yours enough to love her because if you can’t you’ll live to regret it I promise you that.” 

Ann went to go down the stairs to join her family but Jaz who had witnessed the entire exchange as she came up the stairs reached out and hugged her tightly. “She’s gorgeous exactly as she is. Just like you babygirl. Don’t let anyone tell you or her any different. I am so proud of you. Chris and Cassie would be so proud of you! And I adore my little Piccolina.”

“Love you Mama” Ann said gratefully and Jaz squeezed her a little tighter. “Love you too baby!”

Ann went down to the game and Victoria wrapped her arms around her, pulling her in for a protective cuddle.

Jaz looked at Rachel in exasperation.

‘What are you looking at Jazmine?” Rachel provoked and Jaz just shook her head. ‘Someone who needs a good slap!” And with that she stormed off back to the game.

Rachel looked at Ann in the tiny animal print mini skirt and the haze of wild unkept hair, the sun kissed glow on her skin and she was so much like Cassie to look at it was scary. She walked down to where they all stood and said “Dinner will be at 7 Ann!”

“That’s great Nanna thank you. Will give me time to feed and bath Jack and put her down.”

“The child will be at dinner with us. The two of you just got here, I want us to have a family dinner.”

“But she’s just a baby that’s too late for her. And she has a routine. That’s not her routine!” Ann insisted and but Rachel stood firm.

“And I want you wearing something more appropriate than that tiny skirt to dinner. You’ve put on weight quite quickly while you were gone and it doesn’t fit you properly. You look like a tart!”

Ann gasped, Marion and Victoria exchanged horrified looks and Anne glared at her warningly ‘Rachel!” She said angrily. Ann looked at Rachel like she was insane ‘I’d gone down to 39.5 kilos when we got to the resort the night I rescued Jack Nanna. That’s smaller than a 12 year old. I looked emaciated So I put on 5 kilos or so. Big deal I needed to. I only weigh 45 kilos that’s still 2 kilos smaller than I was at graduation. I weigh less than a hundred pounds. And this skirt is new it fits fine”

“Well you look…I don’t know, fuller.You don’t want to yo-yo like your mother” Rachel said defiantly. Cassie was always yo yo-ing due to lack of discipline. Ann was probably the same.

“Well that’s partly the cortisone injection I had in my lower back yesterday when Jack and I had our check ups yesterday. You know I swell and bloat then my body absorbs it and partly because I haven’t been a nervous ball of anxiety for the past 5 weeks waiting to be attacked by sociopaths or for my world to implode. I eat food now.”

Jack gave Ann an adoring smile “I think you look beautiful Mummy!” Victoria, Marion and Jaz all said ‘Awwwww” in unison but Rachel only glared at her “Little girls should stay out of adult conversations!” She snapped at Jack and Jack cowered behind Anne, wrapping both her little arms around one of Anne’s legs.

“You will not speak to my child that way!’ Ann said vehemently as she got right up in Rachel’s face and Rachel looked rattled and then turned and walked into the house.

“Mummy did I do something wrong? Am I bad. I’m sowwy” Jack said still from behind Anne who instantly bent down to pick the little girl up. “No sweetheart you didn’t do anything wrong” Anne reassured her.

“That’s right Little Dude I think Nanna’s just seen a ghost!”

“I think you could all use some lady privacy. I’m going to go put Jack’s high chair together for Annie!”  
Brian whispered to Marion and she leant in to him for a minute. “Thank you, you are wonderful Darling”

Anne could feel Jack’s little heart pounding and looked at the tiny little girl in concern. Ann had said she showed signed of PTSD and anxiety. As though Ann could read Anne’s mind she whispered “Take her!”

‘What say you and I go and have a drink together sweetheart. Come on!” Anne said as she carried Jack away and Ann’s eyes filled with tears.

“Nanna thinks I’m a slut now. She knows what’s happened and she sees me differently!” Ann said as tears filled her eyes.

“No baby that’s not true, you were right the first time, she’s seen the ghost of your Mum in you because you didn’t just lie down and take it!”

‘Well why else would she say I look like a tart if she didn’t think it?” Ann said as her tears spilled and she looked down shamefully.

‘Oh sweetheart, because she’s got a lot of problems she’s not managing too well right now and she doesn’t grasp the way names like that can destroy a sexual assault victim. If she did I know she never would have said it!” Victoria assured Ann as she wrapped her arms around her.

“Anne thinks it. She’s barely touched me since I’ve been back. And not only am I damaged goods I apparently look fat in my new skirt too Ann said dejectedly.

“YOU’RE TINY” Jaz, Marion and Victoria all said in complete unison and then they all giggled, even Ann despite her tears

“She doesn’t think that, she just doesn’t know how to approach you without triggering you. She’s done all this research and met with a youth sexual assault specialist but I think while it’s given her an understanding of where you’re at it’s made her terribly afraid of hurting you and she’s also worried that because you’ve thrived so much flying solo you won’t need her anymore.” Marion said gently as she took Ann’s hand and squeezed it. 

“But she’s my Dude of course I need her. I was miserable without her at night once Jack went to sleep” Ann said honestly and Marion smiled gently at her “Maybe tell her that. I think the two of you need to talk.”

“You’re right, we do. You know It’s crazy, 5 weeks across the world being insta mum to a seriously high energy little girl reeling from what went down before I left and not one panic attack and 2 hours back here with Nanna being like this and I can just feel the anxiety levels rising inside!” Ann said as she took a deep calming breath.

“You didn’t have a single anxiety attack?” Victoria asked her in awe and Ann shook her head. “No. I mean I stressed, and I worried and definitely had anxiety at times but It all just felt. I don’t know. Calmer. I need to go check on Jack. Thank you for having my back girls.” Ann wiped her tears and set off in search of The Dude and the little dude.

“Rachel needs to be careful or she’s going to drive that kid and that beautiful little girl away just like she did with Cassie” Jaz said sadly and Victoria sighed. “I think that’s just it. That’s what Rachel fears so she’s pushing them away before they can leave.”

Jaz nodded “I think you could be right lady!”

************  
Anne sat with Jack cuddled into her side on one of the deck chairs around the verandah and as Ann approached she could see they both had one of Jack’s sippee cups.

“Cheers!” Anne said as she clinked the cup against Jack’s. “Cheers!” Jack imitated her and Ann bit back a giggle as Anne actually sipped from the toddler cup and said “Good juice!”

“I don’t like Nanna. She made my Mummy sad! And she’s mean. Not a fan!” Jack said with her face twisted into a little scowl and Anne had to fight the urge to pick her up and cover her adorable little face in kisses.

“She’s actually not mean normally darling. She is a wonderful person who is feeling a little sad at the moment. And sometimes when people are sad they say mean things they shouldn’t say. I am not happy with what she said to you and Mummy though and I will speak to her about it.”

‘Why is she sad?” Jack asked and Anne took a deep breath. ‘Well, when Mummy went away we were all sad. But then we were so happy because she found you. But your Nanna, well she’s loved Mummy the longest out of all of us. And I think she got scared that she might not come back. But listen to me!”

Anne put their cups down and picked the little girl up so they were face to face. “You are not bad poppet. I am so glad you are here. You’re exactly the little girl I have always wanted and you’re perfect exactly as you are. It takes a lot of courage to stand up to people. I think you’re brave and strong. And you were right. Mummy is so beautiful. And so are you!” Anne couldn’t resist any longer and she placed little kisses on the side of Jack’s cheek and then blew a little raspberry on it and she giggled. Beaming, Anne blew one on her neck as she laughed harder and then lifted up her shirt and blew one on her little tummy as she squealed with laughter.

Ann wiped the tears from her eyes as she watched them. It was love at first sight for both of them. They really were like two peas in a pod and Anne was just so gorgeous with her. The way she had broken down the situation so calmly in a way that didn’t foster dislike of Rachel but didn’t excuse her behaviour either and had completely turned Jack’s mood around. Anne was as good at easing Jack’s anxiety as she was at easing hers.

“Hey my Dudes!” Ann said as she moved from her little hiding spot and approached the instantly loved up pair.

“Mummy!” Jack said with sparkling eyes and a huge smile as she held out her arms and Ann picked her up and held her close.

“I love you baby girl! You’re not bad, you make me so proud!” Ann said softly to her and Anne felt a lump in her throat. She was the proud one. Proud of her princess. She was the most amazing mother to little Jack. She’d just taken to it like a duck to water and the little girl absolutely adored her. She couldn’t wait to be a family with her beautiful girls.

“Is there room for me?” Ann asked playfully.

“Of course my darling come here!” Anne said as she held out her arms and Ann repositioned Jack so the little girls back was to her chest and she climbed into Anne’s lap so they could both curl up in her strong arms. Ann pulled a vampirina figurine with movable limbs out of her skirt pocket and handed it to Jack. ‘Thank you Mummy!” She said sweetly and quickly became invested in the toy.

“Are you alright Beauty?” Anne asked her in concern knowing she’d likely brush her and say she was fine. 

“Not really, but this is making the situation a lot better!” Ann said as she snuggled into Anne’s arms gratefully and Anne was surprised that she opened up so easily about how she was feeling.

“I’m so sorry she’s being like this with you!” Anne said genuinely and Ann shrugged ‘She’ll calm down, she always does when she’s been triggered. I usually just ride it out but I don’t know, it feels a lot harder to bite my tongue this time. I think because I’ve been through a lot and because of how she’s treated Jack. Thank you for defending me though and for talking to her and cheering her up. We’re so lucky to have you as our Dude!”

“I’m the lucky one to have both of you sweet beautiful girls as mine!” Anne said as she tightened her grip around them and sighed blissfully. She couldn’t ever remember feeling more content or “right” than she did at that moment with the two petite little packages curled up in her lap seeking her comfort and protection.

‘And you’re still tiny but you look the healthiest I’ve ever seen you look and I have to say that…” Anne put her lips up to Ann’s ear. “I happen to hold that sexy little skirt of yours and the way it shows off those gorgeous long legs in very high regard.Did they have it in other colours?”

Ann broke into giggles and Anne kissed her forehead “You’re so beautiful sweetheart, I love you so much. And the three of us are finally together. Everything will be alright!”

************  
Everyone had already been seated at the dinner table eating when Ann appeared with a tired looking Jack on her hip. Anne beamed at the blue paw patrol pyjamas her princess had dressed their little girl in and the Spider-Man plate and sippee cup she put down on the high chair table. Ann really did just let her be herself and Anne had never been more proud of her. How fortunate she would have been as a child to have an Ann in her life.

“You’re late.Everyone else is almost finished!” Rachel said curtly.

“I know I’m sorry but this is so late for Jack, I wanted to have her bathed and dressed for bed so I can put her straight down after” Ann explained and Rachel eyed Ann’s wet hair piled on top of her head and damp t shirt from water droplets.

“You’re very unkept for dinner” Rachel said as Ann positioned Jack in the high chair and tied a bib around her neck.

‘I know but we’ve been alone for 5 weeks so when I was her hair I wash mine. The Indonesian humidity is pretty unforgiving so we needed a treatment too and I only had time to dry hers”

“For heaven’s sake woman leave the kid alone!” Jonno Chided Rachel and Ann smiled gratefully at her Pop as she leant over and put some food on Jack’s plate and had it cut up, in front of the child and temperature tested in mere seconds. Anne was in awe of her efficiency and she wasn’t the only one.

“Check out your mad mummy skills “ Victoria said proudly. “I wish I had have had my act half as together as you do when I had Millie” she said genuinely and Ann blushed at the praise.

‘Thank you. We’ve had a lot of time together just us without outside distractions to establish a routine that works best for her at this point in time.’ Ann said humbly as she blew on a piece of chicken and handed the fork to her.

Ann then took the little bag she had and placed some super monster figurines on the high chair table.

“For goodness sake Annalise she doesn’t need toys at the dinner table stop giving into her every whim!” Rachel said dismissively and Ann forced herself to remain calm.

“She does if I’m going to eat. She’s only a baby, normally I would feed her and put her down in the hotel room and then I would eat or if we went down to dinner I would feed her and then she would play with her toys while I eat. You insisted we both be at the dinner table Nanna, I’m just making it work.”

“Mummy I’m so sleepy” Jack complained and Ann kissed her forehead “I know you are baby please just eat your dinner for me and then I’ll put you down.”

“I love your pyjamas Jack! Paw patrol, very cool!” Marion said throwing Ann a life ring and trying to perk the little girl up.

“Thank you Aunty Maz I pick them myself!” She said as she smiled proudly and everyone laughed. She was so cute.

“Are they boys pyjamas?” Rachel asked as she eyed them critically and Ann took a deep breath. “They were in the little boys section yes. But I don’t feel imposing societal stereotypical gender based fashion norms on Jack does her any good and she has very clear ideas of what she likes and doesn’t like so I encourage her to express herself and be secure in her Identity! She’s my beautiful little tomboy unicorn!” Ann said confidently and Anne beamed at her.

“That’s my girl!” Anne said proudly and Victoria looked at Ann with so much pride “You have exactly the right approach sweetheart. I’m so very proud of you!”

“And your Mama would be so proud of you too babygirl. If she could see you now!” Jaz said adoringly.

“Of course she would, encouraging a baby girl to be a baby boy and giving her a little boys name like Jack! It would be right up Cassie’s Ally!” Rachel agreed but critically.

“I’m a little girl. Jack isn’t my little boys name it’s my lost boy name and I like it. I’m going to be a lost boy like Mummy and the Dude!” Jack said excitedly as she clapped her little hands and picked her sippee cup up.

“What did I say about little girls interrupting grown up conversations!” Rachel snapped in a raised voice and gave Jack a fright, causing her to drop the cup. The lid came off and water spilled all over the edge of the high chair table and onto the floor.

“Now look at the mess you’ve made!” Rachel said in frustration as she stood up in a huff 

“Rachel honestly!” Jaz said angrily.

“I sowwy Nanna I fix it!” Jack said anxiously as she undid the Velcro on her bib and tried to mop it up with it, causing more water to spill off the table tray and onto the floor. ‘Oopsy I sowwy I fix it!”

“She’s upset, she can’t say her letter R’s when she’s upset. Please soften your tone Nanna” Ann pleaded.

Jack sweetheart it was an accident you were given a fright, its alright” Anne said gently as she glared at Rachel.”

“Listen to our Dude baby she’s right, it was an accident!”

“STOP CODDLING HER SHE NEEDS TO LEARN!” Rachel yelled.

“I sowwy Nanna I sowwy!” Jack said as she burst into tears and when Rachel saw the little girl start to cry she felt so awful. She almost went to her and apologised. She wanted to but she couldn’t. She couldn’t soften because Ann was being so much like Cassie, what if she was descending further into mental instability, what if she took that dear little girl away and they never saw her again like Cassie did when Ann was a baby and then by the time they got Jack back in her life she’d already been through more instability and upheaval than any little girl deserved to endure just like Cassie had put Ann through.

“It’s alright little Dude she’s being awful. Come to Mummy, I’m taking you to bed!” Ann said as she picked Jack up in her arms protectively and turned to Rachel in disbelief. “What the hell is wrong with you Nanna?”

Ann stormed off with Jack in her arms and Anne glared at Rachel. “Rachel what is going on with you? You were so welcoming and kind to me and made me feel part of the family but you’re treating that beautiful baby like she’s nothing more than an unwanted nuisance and you’re hurting Ann not only in your treatment of her but the way you treat Jack. That is my family and I will not have them hurt. If things don’t start to change very quickly I will be taking them home for Christmas”

“No please Anne….there’s no need to do that, I don’t want you to go, I don’t want them to go. I didn’t mean to……I didn’t mean” Rachel trailed off suddenly looking very flustered and getting emotional.

“It’s alright Love!” Jonno said as he stood and put an arm around Rachel “We’ll make it right when short cake comes back out, I’ll help you” he said supportively and Anne instantly got the impression that Jonno had needed to calm Rachel down from this state many times.

“We love you Rach but this needs to stop” Anne softened.

Rachel simply nodded looking so broken. “Rachel would you like to go somewhere quiet and talk?” Victoria said kindly.

“Um…Yes I think so” Rachel said in a shaky voice.

“Come on Lovely, let’s go” Victoria said as she stood and went to Rachel, gently taking her by the hand.

When she was out of ear shot Jonno sat down and looked at Jaz in concern ‘She hasn’t been this bad for a while!’

“No she hasn’t. She’s reeling about what happened to Annie and then her running off even though she really needed the break and taking on a child that isn’t hers so young has just brought back all her trauma over Cassie. She’s worried Jack will have the same childhood Annie had, that Annie will encourage her to do whatever she wants but the truth is when I hit the scene Annie was pretty much doing the parenting of Cassie not the other way around and she was barely 10.”

Anne sighed. She hadn’t meant to upset Rachel but this was her family and she wouldn’t have them hurt. “I need to go check on my girls!”

“Of course honey!” Jaz said as Anne left the table and Marion put a supportive arm around Jonno “Don’t worry Jonno. Victoria will look after Rachel. She worked wonders on my sister when they first met years ago. If she can handle Anne she can handle Rach I promise you!”

“I hope you’re right Kiddo!” Jonno said worriedly.

Anne opened the door of Ann’s bedroom and as she slipped into the room she melted at the sight of Jack fast asleep, her little face free of tears and serene. She was wrapped in Ann’s arms who was spooning and had also fallen asleep very quickly. She must have been exhausted. Anne sat on the bed and ever so carefully brushed away Ann’s golden mass of damp silk covering her beautiful face and then gasped as she saw the tear stains on her cheeks. ‘oh sweetheart’. She’d obviously calmed Jack and made sure she was okay and then cried herself to sleep.

Anne felt so responsible. Ann had been pushed to breaking point by Mariana and her blackmailing of her which is why she’d resorted to such drastic tactics of detailing what had happened via the group letter which Rachel seemed to have taken very badly. If she had have just paid more attention to Ann instead of deserting her for most of that week in the lead up to her writing the letter and fleeing. If she had have supported her instead of turning cold and avoiding her, maybe better support measures could have been put in place for her to tell Rachel and for Rachel to hear it. She could have sat and held Ann’s hand while she did it, with Victoria present. She’d let her precious angel down. And now she’d come back with their beautiful baby girl straight into the firing line which was the last thing she needed after all she’d been through.

Anne took a tissue from the bedside table and ever so delicately mopped up her tears and then bent to kiss her forehead. “I am so sorry sweetheart” she said in an aching voice full of emotion and stroked her hair.

Ann’s eyes fluttered open and she looked up at Anne with huge blue eyes so full of love and trust that she felt unworthy.

“In Dude?” Ann asked softly as she peeled back the covers, inviting Anne to get into bed with them.

Anne wanted to, she wanted to so much. But she just felt so responsible. So wretched that she didn’t feel she deserved to.

“Shhhh I don’t want to disturb you sweetheart, go back to sleep.” Anne said gently and Ann felt her stomach sink. It was the first time Anne had ever not wanted to get into bed with her apart from the night after the wedding when she’d been so disappointed in her for the photo. She’d gone to the spare room and then Ann had followed her and she’d finally relented and Held her but it hadn’t been the same. It had felt so empty. And she knew why she didn’t want to get into bed with her. Her dude had read the detail in the letter about the abuse and seen the disgraceful footage and now just didn’t see her the same way. She still loved her a whole lot though that much was evident. Maybe in time she would recover and Ann could make her change her mind.

“Kiss me goodnight then?” She asked hopefully.

“Of course my darling!” Anne said adoringly and remembering what the sexual abuse councillor said about being very tentative with intimacy because Ann could be triggered much more easily with all her trauma and memories sitting fresh and raw in the air, she bent down and kissed her cheeks, her eyes and her nose before landing on her forehead.

“Sweet dreams my love!” Anne whispered as she made sure Ann was tucked in snugly and then slipped out of the bedroom.

She wouldn’t even kiss her properly. Ann snuggled into Jack and tried really hard not to cry. She thought of her grandmother’s PTSD that seemed to have deteriorated since she’d come back, the tension that had fallen over the dinner table when she’d arrived with Jack. She thought of how she could ease Rachel’s worries, how she could fix things with Anne and in the end as she looked down at the sleeping little doll in her arms she realised how wrong her priorities were. She was a mother now. And her little dude needed to be a priority. Already in one day her routine had been completely broken and she’d been upset twice as a result of being in that house. Jack had been so much happier back in Sydney with Beth, Olivia, Millie and Harry that morning and the previous day.

They needed to be down at her cottage in their own little bubble like the hotel suite. Down there Jack would be able to wear whatever she wanted, play with her toys, swim in the pool. It would be much calmer for her.

Sitting up she she got out of bed and packed all of Jack’s essentials back into the baby bag and she picked up her own overnight bag.  
Slinging both bags over her shoulder she picked up her sleeping little doll, grateful she was smaller than average and was about to slip out the back door when she realised Jack’s Vampirina doll was in the living room. “Shit!” She thought to herself. No she was an adult now with a child to look after. She was just going to go in there to get the doll and tell them she was leaving and if they wanted to know why she’d tell them.

Ann headed down to the living room where everyone was congregated and just slipped in, grabbed the doll and managed to get it in the baby bag and turned away.

Anne and Victoria exchanged a shocked look but it was Rachel who spoke.

‘Where do you think you’re going young lady?” 

Ann sighed and turned back to Rachel ‘Down to the cottage Nanna” and she went to walk out but Rachel said “Don’t you walk away from me Cassandra!” Rachel saw everyone staring at her and realised what she’d done.

“Annalise Nanna, My name is Annalise!” Ann said gently and Rachel looked stricken.

“Honey why are you going down there now. Jack’s asleep and it’s late” Jaz said in concern.

‘I’m doing it for Jack. I’m doing it because for 5 weeks I’ve been telling her how happy everyone will be to have us back here, how happy they’ll be to meet her and it wont be scary, she’ll be safe and loved and cared for but instead she’s been picked to pieces for how she looks, how she behaves, she’s not allowed to eat and sleep to her usual routine, her anxiety has gone through the roof and when I finally got her to stop shaking and crying tonight just before she fell asleep she begged me to take her back to Sydney with Beth, Olivia, Millie and Harry. She doesn’t feel happy or welcome here and she is my child and I am her mother and it’s my job to put her first.”

“I understand babygirl but your Nanna has just been having a rough time. But she’s done some debriefing with Victoria and I’ve already busted her chops for it and she’s going to keep her PTSD in check around the little one aren’t you Rach!” Jaz said warningly and Rachel nodded.

“Yes darling I will try harder…..I’m sorry for tonight, perhaps if you could explain to the child that……”

“That what Nanna?” Ann cut her off “That her great grandmother is treating her like crap because she’s worried her grand daughter has gone crazy just like her daughter all because she dared to not toe the line and be the perfect grand daughter, the daughter she always wanted and never had and when something incredibly traumatic happened she snapped a little and went into fight or flight mode which is a perfectly natural human response to fear let alone the level of trauma she endured? That’s a lot to lay on a little girl who only just turned 3 don’t you think?”

Rachel’s face fell and Ann turned her eyes to Anne’s “And I feel like me being here is pushing you to move past the fact that you’re disgusted by what you know about me now and don’t know how to deal with me yet and I don’t want that. You are so amazing with Jack and you were such an amazing source of support for me while I was away. I love you so much Dude but its pretty clear when you cant bring yourself to kiss me or even get into bed and cuddle up with me to sleep the same way we used to every night that there’s a disconnect.”

Anne was aghast “Oh no…no no no sweetheart that’s not the case I’m so sorry, the two of us need to go off on our own right now and talk. I never meant to make you think that I…  
“Look I just shouldn’t have come up here” Ann cut Anne off then turned to Rachel. “But I’m not crazy Nanna. I’m not like Mum. I don’t say this to hurt your feelings but I’m not even anywhere near as affected by mental illness as you. And the reason I know this is because I was only supposed to be in Indonesia for a week and due to their very strict drug laws I only took just over a weeks worth of medication but I was there for 5 weeks and pretending to have no history of mental illness so they had no reason to take Jack away so I gradually weaned my doses down so I wouldn’t have any withdrawals and I haven’t had anything at all for over 2 weeks and I’m fine.”

Anne, Victoria and Rachel collectively gasped. “You’re not on anything at all?” Victoria asked Ann in disbelief and Ann shook her head “No I’m not. And I feel anxious and stressed like any other person but I don’t have depression or BiPolar. Just PTSD and anxiety. I moderate my serotonin levels just fine for the most part and I’ve discovered I don’t need endless Lexapro and Valium to do it. And I like that I’m not comfortably numb so much of my life anymore. I like that I feel things now, and I’m sorry if it makes me more reactive because my response to things isn’t in a permanent chemically altered state but that’s just the way it is. I don’t think I was ever crazy. I think reeling from the death of my parents rolled into the abuse I suffered and It just slowly ate away at me from the inside out but when I finally cut the poison out I could breathe. I could breathe without pills”

“That’s incredible darling, even now you’re so much calmer, normally you wouldn’t be able to breathe during a confrontation like this. I am so proud of you, we can sit and talk about medication options with significantly less strength to help moderate the transition if it will help you. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.” Victoria urged her.

“But are you sure she should be off her meds?” Anne asked Victoria in concern and Victoria nodded “Trust me if she’s been fine in a foreign country being an instant teenage mum to a toddler after everything she’s been through without having a total meltdown she doesn’t need meds anywhere near as strong as she was on.”

“I’m sorry darling, I’m so sorry for the way I acted and the awful things I said. I had no right to say you look like a tart. You honestly didn’t and after what you’d been through it was so incredibly insensitive of me. I just got thinking about your mother and I lost my way and got buried” Rachel tried to explain.

“I’m not mum and I’m not making myself or my child miserable continuously paying for her instability” Ann said calmly and Rachel nodded. “I understand. I will try harder. But please don’t go. We all missed you terribly, and everyone is here at the main house. I promise I will make it up to Jack. I feel so awful about the way I spoke to her. Please just stay”

Ann looked at all their hopeful faces, especially her grandmothers. She’d been through so much and Ann knew deep down she didn’t mean to be hurtful she just had really low points when she was triggered. And she looked at Anne’s stricken face she couldn’t bear to hurt her either.

“Okay. But I’m feeling lightheaded I haven’t eaten since breakfast, Mama can you put her to bed in my room in her porta-cot I think I need to eat something. I can’t get by on no food like I could when I was a constant ball of anxiety.”

“Well I’m going to put this heavenly little cherub to bed!” Jaz said in delight as she put her face to Jack’s cheek and inhaled “Oh my god how do babies always smell so good!” 

“Come on love why don’t we have an early night!” Jonno said gently to Rachel and Rachel simply nodded, looking very lost and let Jonno lead her to the bedroom.  
“You need to talk to her Anne” Victoria urged Anne and Anne nodded “I know. It’s just that. What if now that she knows she can survive on her own as a single mother in a foreign country with no help she realises that she doesn’t need me anymore!”

Victoria cracked up and Anne looked at her indignantly ‘Vicki why are you laughing?”

“Because she survived at a 5 star resort where the biggest decision she had to make was what activity to do that day and what to eat at the buffet and yes she did an amazing job and she’s an amazing mum to that little girl but even she knows she’s been living in a bubble. That’s why she was so quick to want to go to the cottage because seriously look at what she’s dealing with in this family. It was actually a smart move. But honey you need to know that she’s going to need you plenty. She’s off significant anti depressants for the first time in 5 years, there are going to be times when everything is going to feel like a raw nerve, there’s going to be times where she’ll burst into tears because she’s having a bad hair day. She’s going to be more clingy, more needy. She’s been back what like 6 hours and because you haven’t kissed her and cuddled her in bed she’s lost her shit and I know its because she thinks you’re disgusted by her but you’re worried she’s not going to need you? This just became your ideal relationship sweetie because you get to full Daddy out! That’s why I’m laughing.”

“Why do people keep saying that? Jaz said it too recently. It’s not like I broadcast it.” Anne said defensively and Vicki gave her a wry smile ‘Yes but you don’t not broadcast it either.”

Anne changed the subject ‘Will she be okay? Coming off them so quickly?”

“Yes, she’s a smart little cookie. Ideally she would have weaned over a longer period than 3 weeks but honestly the fact that she even managed to make her supply last that long with all she was going through is a testament to her strength and resilience and she can still take the Valium sporadically for anxiety attacks but watch her. It’s going to hit her harder now that she’s off the rest. So will alcohol, cold and flu tablets etc. She’s right though, she’s not mentally ill. It’s actually what I always suspected, that if she could ever get past her parents death and the horror those animals put her through it would be PTSD and anxiety.”

.”Should she go on something more regular?” Anne asked and Victoria shrugged. “If you two want to have a biological baby and she can handle life doing sporadic Valium its probably best we just try her using that. It seems like it was the James and Thomas stuff that was poisoning her and now its out in the open and there’s no further threat she can breathe. As long as you can handle the roller coaster and its not affecting her ability to parent or your relationship.

“Oh she’s allowed to have a rocky period. She’s so wonderful and amazing and she’s still so young and has been through so much. I can make sure I’m extra patient. I’ll look after her. And she’s such a sweet little thing even when she’s a handful.” Anne said adoringly and Victoria grinned as she gave Anne a little squeeze ‘uh huh! Have fun! Go live your best Daddy life!’

Anne shook her head in exasperation “Seriously! Enough Vicki!” Anne went off to find Ann and Vicki chuckled.

Anne looked in the kitchen for Ann but she wasn’t there. The back door was open though. When she walked out the door she spotted the little lone figure sitting out under the tree by the moonlight to the right of the house. She had her back to her and appeared to be on the phone. Anne headed over and as she got closer she could hear Ann talking.

“Seriously Harry she was in full Emily Gilmore mode. Like the worse I’ve ever seen her and normally I’m so patient but without the drugs I honestly just wanted to kill her like seriously shut the actual fuck up mate I’ve been home for 5 minutes and this shit is seriously hectic.”

Anne covered her mouth to muffle her laughter. She had never once heard her speak like that about her family.

“Yes I know talking like this makes me a regular teenager but like I have pressures and responsibilities. I’m not allowed to be a regular teenager and I honestly think everyone liked me more when I was drugged up. But I like not being numb all the time. There’s all this stuff I didn’t know. Do you know that ice cream hurts your teeth? I didn’t know that. I have to use sensitive toothpaste now because I didn’t know that ice cream hurt my teeth because I couldn’t feel it.”

‘oh sweetheart” Anne thought to herself. There were so many things that people took for granted that Ann was only just processing. Of course she wouldn’t want to go back to being numb.

‘And the sound of Jack’s laughter. When I’m not on the drugs its so much louder and clearer. Its like music, like bells ringing. Oh my god someone ate all of my chocolate cake. I think it was me!”

Anne bit her tongue really hard. She was hilarious like this.

Yes I’m tipsy on one Carona Harry I know it’s a disgrace but I drank it really quickly and I’m a midget who hasn’t drank hard since Tommy and Suzy’s wedding. I’m like Insta mum and shit! What was I thinking bringing her here? Why would I want her to have my childhood? Tonight was like a really stressful walk down memory lane with all the judgement and tension at the dinner table and the yelling. That was my life with Cassie and Rachel. I don’t want it to be Jack’s life because Rachel thinks I’m Cassie. I was so stupid to think that after everything that has come out about Thomas and James and what they did to me that I could just walk back in, that we could just walk back in and be accepted. Of course Rachel cracked it. She just found out that her perfect granddaughter is a total whore having dick sucking threesomes and featuring in home made porn and blackmail scandals with the married ex lover of her girlfriend. I’m surprised she even let me in the house. 

Anne really wanted to walk up and wrap her arms around her sweet beautiful girl. Because despite her tipsy rambling she really was hurting and feeling so cast out and so rejected for things that weren’t even her fault.

“Anne? Pfft don’t even get me started on that Dude! She’s such a dick! She wont even kiss me, she barely wants to touch me, she wont cuddle me even until I fall asleep and sure you know she talks a good game because she’s Anne Lister, but you know she’s all like “oh that’s a sexy little skirt does it come in other colours?” And now I’m just like ‘Um are you planning on putting your hand up there dude? Clearly not! What’s the freaking point of having more than one of them. I’ll just buy yoga pants”

Anne chuckled. Oh wow. Tipsy Ann Walker without her anti depressants was a beautiful magical thing to witness.

“And the worse thing is that she looks so good. Like so good its not even fair. It’s like she spent the entire time I was gone at the gym. She took her shirt off this afternoon to play soccer and I swear I just wanted my tongue to live in the indents of her trapezoid muscles. 

Anne raised an eyebrow and felt a stirring in her stomach.  
“She seriously makes me want to do dirty filthy things with her and I don’t even know what the things are because I’ve never done anything but whatever they are. I want to do them with her. ALL of the things. I want her to teach me them.”

“Oh fuck baby” a voice in Anne’s head gasped in excitement at her honesty.

But like she’s disgusted by me so that whole thing is moot now. You should see her and Jack together though. Honestly its like magic. I died watching them today. And Jacky Jack needs that, she needs it so much. I just worry, what If Anne feels stuck with me now she knows how broken I am and feels obligated to stay because I don’t want that for her. She’s the best person in the world. I mean I know I said she’s a dick but she’s not really. She deserves so much better than me. I’m damaged goods.”

“Right that’s it!” Anne thought to herself as she cautiously approached and sat down beside Ann and gently took the phone ‘Hey Harry it’s Anne. Not bad thanks mate yourself? Excellent. Ann’s going to have to go now because we need to talk. She’ll call you tomorrow.”

Anne chuckled as Harry wished her the very best of luck and told her she was in deep shit while laughing his head off. “Yeah I got that much. Bye mate!” Anne popped Ann’s phone in her pocket.

Ann sat unmoving staring at her with wide eyes. “Well hello there my gorgeous little Pixie. I was wondering where you’d gotten to!” Anne said chirpily and Ann continued to stare in shock. 

‘How much did you hear?” She said anxiously and Anne waved her hand dismissively “Not much. Though I’d honestly love to hear more about the matter of your tongue living in my trapezoid muscle and all the dirty filthy things” Anne teased, intending to lighten the mood and make Ann feel desired but she simply proceeded to look mortified and bury her face in her hands. ‘This is the worst night ever!” She moaned and Anne kissed her forehead “I know, and to make it worse someone ate all your cake!”

Ann actually giggled at that and Anne laughed with her but then Ann was trembling and she was curled tightly with her face in her hands and her knees to her chest and Anne realised she was crying.

“Oh Ann, come here my sweetheart its alright.” Anne said as she tried to uncurl Ann.

“No it’s not…..you don’t want me anymore…..because I’m ruined……they ruined me…..And now I’m damaged goods” Ann sobbed sounding so heart broken that Anne’s own eyes filled with tears.

“No you’re not little one, please come here. Come to me” Anne said as she carefully but firmly overpowered her and took off her t shirt, stripping her down to the pink crop top she wore and then took of her own shirt and pulled her into her lap facing her. Much to Anne’s relief Ann instantly wrapped her arms around her neck and put her face Into her nook.

“There we go, skin to skin. Shhhhhhhh I’ve got you. I love you so much, and I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling rejected by me. I will explain in a moment. I meant what I said in the voicemail I left you sweetheart, Nothing I know changes anything.”

“But then you heard what I said to Mariana, the full details and you saw the clip of me doing those disgusting things and that changed it. Because you don’t see me the same way now. You can barely bring yourself to touch me. You didn’t even want to get into the same bed as me and now I don’t know what I’m going to do because if I’ve learned anything the past 5 weeks its that I can’t fall asleep without you, I can’t sleep properly anymore if I’m not in your arms.”

And suddenly the penny dropped for Anne. She’d sent her the voice mail before the showdown with Mariana and because Ann had immediately left and Victoria had advised her not to discuss it with Ann being so far away from her support network it hadn’t been resolved properly and Ann mistook her distance for some kind of disgust or repulsion.

“Look at me my darling” Anne said as she pried Ann’s face from her shoulder. “I don’t think you’re ruined or damaged or a slut. But you do. And I wish I could take that pain away from you but I can’t. All I can do is show you every day that you are my precious angel, my beautiful Princess. My dream come true. And love you and support you and hope that in time you stop feeling that way about yourself but even if you don’t I will be there by your side every day to tell you and show you that nothing those animals did to you defines who you are or the way I see you. I think you’re innocent and sweet and delicate and inexperienced which is one of the main reasons I consulted a sexual abuse specialist mental health professional so that I could help you recover and not traumatise you any further as our physical relationship progresses. She told me that once a victim finally admits everything that happened to them, the slightest thing can be triggering. A touch, a kiss. I suppose I was being extra careful.  
And when I came into the room earlier and saw how beautiful and innocent and perfect you and Jack looked sleeping and that you’d clearly cried yourself to sleep I just felt so unworthy, like I didn’t deserve you. Because I let you down baby. I should have done everything so differently from the moment Mariana reappeared in my life but especially from the night of the wedding. I just felt so responsible for the breaking point you reached that had then triggered Rachel and had put you and that beautiful baby in the firing line. I wanted to get into the bed with you. I wanted to snuggle up against you more than anything darling. The issue was how ashamed I was of myself, it was nothing to do with the way I see you.”

“ But Anne I know you didn’t mean to hurt me and I know that me keeping things from you hurt you, because you didn’t understand why, you had no way of knowing how bad it was and from the time you found out what was really going on you were so amazing. You took such good care of me. And as a result of what happened it forced me to purge it all out of me and now I can get better and it led me to Jack.” Ann reassured her and Anne pursed her lips together but couldn’t repress the little sob that escaped.

“I know but you’re my whole world and I let you down so badly. And I’m so sorry!” Her voice went raspy as tears spilled down her cheeks and Ann wiped them away gently with the pads of her thumbs and cupped her face.

“You made a mistake. People make mistakes. But look at all the times you’ve been there for me and had my back. You said what happened doesn’t define me. Well this one mistake doesn’t define you. And I think maybe things can be better now because I feel like I can be better at communicating now and you can know that it’s okay to make mistakes and be human and that you wont lose me. You don’t always have to be the perfect strong protector all the time. If it wasn’t for Jack I would have come running home to you the very next day. I forgive you Anne. You’re my Dude. You’ll always be my dude.”

.“Oh god I love you so much Little one, so so much” Anne gasped as she held her and placed little kisses all over her face, feeling vindicated and relieved and so grateful for the little angel in her arms. “I’m so glad you’re home, I’m so glad we talked this out.” Anne landed on the corner of Ann’s lips and Ann turned her head into it ‘Kiss me. I won’t break. You couldn’t break me. You love me too much” Ann whispered and Anne shivered from the poignancy of her words and the urgency in her voice. She pressed her lips to Ann’s tentatively but Ann opened her mouth and deepened the kiss immediately and it became more passionate and electricity charged than any kiss they’d shared that Anne could remember. When they parted Ann’s eyes were wide with wonder and Anne knew she’d felt it too.

“Are you alright Beauty?” Anne asked her attentively and Ann nodded wordlessly “That kiss was just…..I…..”

“I know” Anne said as she pressed her forehead against hers. And suddenly Anne realised she had it all wrong, waiting for the right time, the right moment, the right place. Sometimes things were at their most right when everything had been wrong because two people were willing to make it right at all costs, to stick together no matter what.

“Marry me. Marry me and be my Princess for ever” Anne whispered.

Ann pulled back in surprise “What? You’re asking me now? But I’m an emotional mess and awkward and you just heard me have a seriously graphic meltdown….And I’m like topless”

Anne completely melted as she scrunched her little nose up in total bewilderment and she kissed it.

“Yes I’m asking you now. Marry me. Marry me because sometimes we’ll be messy but it will be okay because we’ll be together. Because in such a short time we’ve overcome some seriously huge obstacles and even after 5 weeks separated by an ocean we’re stronger than ever. Marry me because your graphic meltdown was one of the most hilarious, adorable, illuminating things I’ve ever witnessed and I want to spend forever watching you get rage cake binging amnesia.”

Ann’s eyes were shining with unshed tears and she giggled and looked down to avoid Anne’s eyes but Anne tipped her chin back up as she smiled at her adoringly.

‘Marry me because you’re the strongest, most incredible and resilient woman I have ever met and that you constantly leave me in awe of your capacity to love, give and spread kindness even after all you’ve endured. I don’t prefer you on or off medication. I just prefer you, whatever state you’re in, unconditionally, always. Because you’re mine. Because your beautiful awkwardness is sexier, more real, endearing and charming than all the smooth in the world. And as long as I live I’ll never forget how gorgeous you look right this moment sitting under this tree bathed in the moonlight in your denim shorts and little pink crop top, The curls that have escaped your bun blowing softly in the breeze. Your eyes so fiercely blue, your lips swollen from my kiss and a chocolate icing mark on the side of your chin. Marry me because I can’t wait to give Jack the family and the life she deserves. Because every time I think I couldn’t possibly love you anymore you prove me wrong. And I will love you forever, all the much, all the time, all the ways.”

Anne took the ring out of her pocket that she’d been carrying since it had been finished a week ago and opened it. Ann gasped at the exquisite platinum set princess cut diamond on a bed of smaller pink diamonds. It was the most glorious ring she had ever seen.

“Annalise Walker will you be my wife? Will you marry me?”

“Yes I’ll marry you!’ Ann said happily through her tears and Anne beamed as she took her shaking hand and placed the ring on her engagement finger.

“The perfect fit” Anne said in satisfaction.

“It’s so exquisite” Ann said in awe and Anne looked at her with complete and utter reverence as she cupped her face. “It sure is. Completely and utterly exquisite. The perfect fit for me in every way”

Ann realised she was talking about her and she blushed and went all shy and awkward but Anne’s face took on the most sentimental, adoring smile.

“My shy little pixie. Just like the night you first fell into my arms” She said as she remembered it fondly and wrapped her princess up in a tight hug.

‘I’ve changed my mind. This isn’t the worst night it’s the best night. Thank you” Ann said and Anne rubbed her back “You’re so welcome my darling. Besides, if I’m going to be teaching you all the dirty filthy things the very least I can do is make an honest woman out of you!”

“I’m really sorry you heard all that!” Ann said as she burst into giggles and pulled back to look at Anne guiltily.

“Don’t be sweetheart”Anne said emphatically “I mean apart from a lot of what you said being highly amusing, I want to hear what you’re thinking and feeling, I want to hear what’s going on inside that beautiful heart and mind of yours. I’ve learned so much about where you’re at tonight, just from what transpired in the lounge room and overhearing what you said to Harry. I know you’re going through a lot of changes now you’re off your medication and you’re adapting to life as a mother of a little girl who doesn’t necessarily fit societal norms in some ways and I will always back you up but If I know what’s going on I can offer you more support and take care of you properly because you’re my Princess.”

“I will try to talk more I promise. I want to talk about things more.” Ann said earnestly and Anne kissed her forehead. ‘That’s my good girl, my beautiful Princess” Anne said in the low throaty dominant tone that always made Ann shiver. “Now come on, lets get you inside to bed and wrapped up in my arms”

“So I can look at my ring!” Ann said excitedly as she held it up to admire it again and Anne laughed at how adorable she was.

“So you can look at your ring!” She said indulgently as she stood with Ann in her arms and carried her into the house.

*****

They’d decided to settle next door to Ann’s room in Anne’s bedroom so they wouldn’t wake Jack if they were talking. Anne felt her breath hitch as her princess walked into the room with the baby monitor and closed the door behind her. Her hair sat at her waist in silken waves and curls and she was wearing an ivory nightgown with little blue flower bouquets on it with a lace hemline that ended mid thigh and lace edging along the bust. She looked ethereally beautiful.

Ann put the baby monitor on the bedside table and crawled onto the bed and straight into Anne’s arms much to her delight “Mmmm Dude smell” Ann said as she nuzzled her face into Ann’s neck and inhaled her signature citrus cologne. “If anyone’s looking for me, I’ll just be here forever. Kay thanks bye” Anne chuckled as she inhaled the strawberry and peaches fragrance of her hair, her Elie Saab perfume and the fresh soft scent that was so unmistakably Ann. It was like coming home. “Fine by me sweetheart.”

Ann ran her fingertips up and down the muscles of Anne’s shoulders, flexed from holding her “I’ve missed these beautiful arms so much, how strong they are, the way they make me feel so safe when they’re wrapped around me”

Anne felt desire coil in her belly at Ann’s admission and the sensation of her breath on her neck as she spoke. She always made her feel so strong and powerful, so sexy just as she was.

“Sweet baby, I’ll always keep you safe” Anne whispered as her hands began roaming Ann’s body gently, hyper aware of any signal she may give that she wasn’t okay with it but all she did was completely melt into her arms. She felt every hair on her body stand on end when Ann began placing little kisses on her neck from her snuggled position and couldn’t hold back a moan when she felt the soft warmth of her tongue against the sensitive skin of her throat.

“Ann…..baby” she gasped as she pulled her up a little higher and kissed her deeply, the soft little moans Ann made in her mouth spurring her on. Leaning on her elbows Anne cupped her gorgeous face reverently and kissed her temples, her eyelids, her cheeks and nose before running her tongue along the outer and inner shell of her ear and gently nibbling on the lobe before kissing a trail down her neck while she moaned and writhed beneath her. Anne suddenly became aware that she was trembling and she moved back up to take her in her arms tenderly “You’re trembling my darling,Talk to me. Is something wrong?” Anne asked her gently as she rubbed her back and Ann shook her head. “No….you’re just giving me so many butterflies and making me feel like my necks way too small for my throat!” Ann said honestly and Anne completely melted the way she did whenever Ann made that sweet little admission. ‘Don’t ever change Little one!” Anne whispered as she kissed her forehead almost in worship. ‘I love you so much”

“All the much !” Ann said as she slipped her hands up the back of Anne’s shirt and raked the edges of her fingernails down the muscles of her ripped back as she kissed her Dude ardently making her groan “Ann, fuck baby!”

Anne’s fingers found one of Ann’s hard nipples and began lightly teasing it to and even harder peak through the fabric of her nightgown as they kissed endlessly and then moved to the other as Ann bucked gently against her and Anne could tell from the way she undulated against her that her Princess needed more, wanted more. She’d always been responsive to her touch but this was next level.

Almost holding her breath Anne slipped her hand between her love’s parted legs and ran it up the inside of her thigh until she reached her panties, her completely soaked lace panties that were pulled taut against her sex and emanating heat.

“Oh god, my perfect Princess, you’re so wet for me” Anne gasped and forgetting herself she began stroking her fingers up and down gently and to her surprise and delight Ann began making mewling sounds like a little kitten and moving instinctively against her fingers.

‘Does that feel good?” Anne asked her as she increased the pressure.

“Yes” Ann gasped as her eyes closed in pleasure and Anne watched her face and neck flush and knew she couldn’t wait any longer to see all of her precious angel.

Moving back up to cradle Ann in her arms Anne kissed her closed eyelids. “Ann, sweetheart look at me” she whispered and Ann’s eyes fluttered open to look up at her so lovingly she was struck silent for a moment. ‘Can I take this off?” Anne asked as she ran her forefinger under the strap of her nightgown and drew gentle circles on the skin beneath. “You can say no, you can say stop right now and I wrap you up in my arms and hold you tight and we look at your ring.” She gently reassured Ann with an adoring smile. She could see the wheels turning in her beautiful girls head and knew something was ticking away she just wasn’t sure what. “You can take it off” Ann said softly, trying not to reveal how much this was all affecting her, how much Anne’s words that she could stop and just her held had torn at her, because she knew Anne meant them. And it was all so completely different to the sexual intimacy she’d previously had forced on her.

“Okay Beauty, just remember what I said” Anne said as she knelt beside her and placed the most featherlight kiss on her lips as she grasped the straps of her nightgown and pulled them down Ann’s shoulders and gently pushed the garment off her body. When she moved back up to take her princess in her arms Anne was dismayed to see her with her arms across her chest covering herself as tears coursed from her beautiful blue eyes that were fixated on the ceiling, the expression on her face so conflicted and she was shaking.

“Oh Ann, my sweet beautiful girl,It’s alright, you’re just not ready. We’ll stop” Anne said in a voice full of empathy and understanding but Ann shook her head “No It’s not that I just didn’t….” her voice trailed off and Anne leant up on her elbow and stroked the side of her cheek, never once taking her eyes from Ann’s face. “You didn’t what my love? I’m here, you’re safe. Talk to me”

And as Ann turned her face to her Dude and saw her scanning her searchingly with so much love and concern as though she could solve her pain like a riddle if she just looked hard enough she knew in that moment that no one had likely loved anyone as much as Anne Lister loved her, and suddenly she could find the words as hard as they were to say. ‘I don’t….I don’t want to stop. I just didn’t know it could be like this….um….the sex stuff…..part of me was really scared before tonight but I needn’t have been…I didn’t know it could be like this…that I would feel safe, warm, loved, protected. That it wouldn’t be frightening. That it wouldn’t hurt….how different it feels when you know you can stop at anytime and you wont get hit or screamed at. Its so….It’s so different to what I’ve experienced and I just didn’t know….”

“Oh my god, you poor little thing, come here!” Anne said in a voice thick with emotion as she slid up the pillows and pulled Ann into her arms, resting her chin on her head as she held her tightly and rocked her gently.

“You must think I’m so silly. I’m so sorry.” Ann apologised as she tried to regain control over her emotions. But Anne’s own eyes were full of tears as she held her because she’d been where Ann was before, The first time Victoria had made love to her gently, the first person she’d let in after Karen and it had been a revelation. And she hadn’t endured anything anywhere near as horrific as what Ann had.

‘Shhhhhh no sweet baby I don’t think you’re silly at all. Don’t be sorry. I understand” Anne said as she stroked her hair softly.

‘You want to stop now. I’ve ruined everything haven’t I?” Ann said shamefully and her self doubt broke Anne’s heart. If she only knew how much she’d honoured her by being so open with something so raw and painful when she was in a moment of such immense vulnerability instead of shutting down.

“Hey its okay Little One we’re not stopping, we’re just taking a break because I thought you needed a cuddle that’s all!” Anne reassured her as she traced soothing patterns on Ann’s bare back and felt her start to relax in her arms and let all the tension go.

“I think I’m a little nervous too!” Ann said as though it might not have been apparent and Anne bit back her smile as she looked down at the white knuckle death grip she had over her breasts. And in that moment she knew what she needed to do. And it was kind of terrifying. But as she looked down at her indescribably brave little Pixie pushing through the trauma and fears of her past into a future with her she knew she deserved this much. She deserved an equal, someone who would strip themselves raw to connect with her and make her feel less alone.

“I can understand that Beauty. I feel pretty nervous myself.” Anne said honestly and Ann looked up at her in surprise “You?....you’re nervous? Why?” 

Anne swallowed deeply and took a deep breath “Because I’m about to do something I’ve never done with someone before. But I think it might help”

Ann looked at her curiously and was stunned as Anne reached for the bottom of her singlet and pulled it up and over her head. So stunned that When Anne gently grasped her wrists that were still crossed over her chest they’d gone slack and when she pulled her into her arms and their breasts pressed against one another’s and Anne wrapped her arms around her, pulling her into her naked warmth Ann gasped. It felt so right, so safe, so warm. She thought she’d found skin to skin contact with Anne calming before but it had been nothing like this, nothing like it felt with no layers between them. And she knew how scarred Anne was and how reluctant she was to take off her clothes and let herself be touched. The fact that she would do this for her was so beautiful and incredible she couldn’t even find words.”

“How’s this my love. A bit better?” Anne asked and Ann cupped her face tearfully. “This is everything. You are everything” she said with a vehemence that took Anne’s breath away and wrapped her arms around her neck, holding onto her Dude tightly. And as Ann somehow managed to simultaneously cling to her as her port in the storm and hold her, it didn’t feel so terrifying to Anne. It just felt so incredibly right. She could feel her Princess melting into her again, all the tension leaving her tiny body as she pressed closer and closer still against her and Anne splayed her fingers out across her back and began to softly stroke her. She started at her neck and went down  
Her spine and after a little while she began to run her hand down Ann’s side, stroking the impossibly soft skin of the curve of her breast as she went and feeling her little love tremble a little against her every time she made contact there.

Prying Ann’s beautiful face away from her neck she began kissing her gently and quickly found her princess returning her passion. Wetting her thumb in her mouth, Anne brought it down to Ann’s nipple and began to circle it. “Ohhhh” Ann moaned, turning to jelly and Ann bent down to take her other nipple in her mouth, lightly flicking her tongue over it as Ann cried out and gripped the sheets beneath her. Ann’s thighs were actually trembling and Anne didn’t think she’d ever seen anything sexier in her life but nothing prepared her for the beauty of her Princess when she leant up on her elbow and finally took her in. The full round breasts and small pink nipples that were utter perfection and the little heart shaped freckle that sat just under the left one begging for her tongue, her tiny waist, gently curved hips and darling belly button with her sexy little piercing. The perfectly shaped thighs at the top of her long slim legs. The most divine scattering of freckles all over that were more like little kisses from a fairy. She was a perfect little doll and without a doubt the most beautiful thing Anne had ever seen.

Ann had looked away shyly, hiding from her lover’s scrutiny but Anne gently moved her face back so she could look into her eyes. “My god, do you have any idea how stunningly beautiful you are my darling?” Anne whispered almost like a prayer in a voice thick with emotion and as Ann gave her a slightly unsure awkward little smile which absolutely melted Anne and she beamed down at her and caressed her face. ‘I love you so much. All the much” 

“All the time, all the ways” Ann said as she traced her hand down from Anne’s shoulder across her firm, muscular chest and cupped the softness of her breast tentatively, gauging Anne’s reaction but all she saw flash across her face was need and desire. “You are absolutely gorgeous. My perfect combination of handsome and beautiful. I just knew you’d be so beautiful Dude” Ann said adoringly and Anne was overwhelmed. She began a heated and passionate assault on Ann’s neck in all her most sensitive places that had her undulating in her arms and kissed a trail down her body until she reached her hip bones where she kissed, nibbled and sucked a slow and deliberate path from one side to the other that had her arching off the bed and then she traced the same path from her inner mid thighs until she was quivering with want.

“Anne I need you…..” she gasped and Anne cautiously took the side’s of her panties and pulled them off her before moving back up to cradle her Princess in her arms. “I’m here sweetheart, I’ve got you”

Anne rolled them back onto their sides and pulled Ann close. She didn’t want any distance between them the first time she made love to her. She wanted her beautiful girl wrapped up in her so she knew she was safe, loved and protected.

“Look at you, how did you get to be so beautiful?” Anne asked in wonder as she gently kissed Ann and let her hand cautiously wander down and lightly dance over the impossibly smooth soft skin above her centre. Ann shivered at her touch and as though she could sense Anne’s hesitancy she whispered. “I don’t want to stop….I’m just a little bit scared. But I trust you completely”

And the fact that Ann had so much faith in her, that she could place herself in Anne’s arms in total trust after all she’d been through absolutely broke her and she had to fight tears.

“It’s okay baby, it’s okay to be scared. We’re going to go slow and if it gets too much you just tell me and we stop okay?” Anne reassured her and Ann nodded. “You have all the power, you’re safe.”

“Just don’t let me go okay?” Ann pleaded and Anne nuzzled her nose adoringly “I won’t my love. You’re my precious angel, I won’t let you go, and I won’t hurt you I promise!”

She let her hand slide down further into Ann’s silken depths and groaned “I knew you’d feel like heaven” She said in a voice hoarse with need as she began gently stroking the knuckle of her forefinger up and down Ann’s entrance in slow languid strokes as she kissed her, swallowing her soft little moans.

Moving her finger up to her little bud and finding it swollen with arousal and need Anne lightly circled it as Ann began to tremble in her arms as she cried out and the most incredible flush stained her cheeks, neck and chest. Encouraged by the way Ann undulated in her arms, Anne brought her hand down to Ann’s entrance and ever so gently slipped her finger inside her like she was made of china. As she held her hand still, letting Ann adjust while she whispered sweet nothings in her ear and covered her face with little kisses Anne was certain she must have soaked through her boxers because she was completely unprepared for how exquisite it would feel being inside her or how stunning her Princess would look when she was. She was like warm, wet liquid silk as she encased her single finger so snugly. Long lashes fanning flushed cheeks, full swollen lips parted slightly. And when she held onto Anne tightly and started to rock her hips slightly Anne honestly could have come on the spot from sheer arousal.

“Fuck. you’re so hot Princess” Anne gasped as she pulled her even closer and began moving inside her, completely awestruck as the pure crystal blue of her eyes deepened to almost cobalt pools of desire that fluttered open and closed in pleasure and wonder as she made love to her.

Ann felt like she couldn’t breathe, her entire body was tingling and alight with a fire she didn’t ever want to stop burning.

“Oh god” she gasped as Anne flicked her tongue over her nipple and curled her finger inside her in a way that made her start to see stars.

Anne smiled against Ann’s breast as her walls started to tell tale flutter around her finger ever so slightly and she moved up to hold her flush against her as she increased the intensity of her strokes and let her other fingers drag against her clit as she plunged in and out of her and Ann started to moan and gasped until she cried out ‘Anne!” And Anne felt her fingers digging into her back as she started shaking uncontrollably and completely came apart in her arms as the force of her orgasm ripped through her tiny body like wildfire.

“Good girl, come for me Princess, that’s my girl” Anne said in approval as Ann’s walls contracted against her finger so tightly she was rendered prisoner inside her. She gently rode it out with her until her body went completely slack against her and then Anne carefully removed her finger and put it in her mouth, closing her eyes as she savoured the first . She was even sweeter than Anne had anticipated and she sighed blissfully for just a moment before wrapping Ann up in her arms and stroking her hair.

Ann instinctively snuggled into her and Anne smiled dotingly as she held her even more snugly against her. “Sweet baby, are you alright?” She asked and she couldn’t see her face but Ann nodded her head wordlessly. “I am so proud of you, I know you were frightened but you did so well” Anne whispered softly and Ann peered back to look at her curiously “I just wanna do that everyday I don’t know why we waited so long”

Anne chuckled “Uh oh I’ve created a little nympho!”

‘And I want to do it to you!” Ann whispered in a croaky voice, her eyes still dazed from her climax, her hair a tousled mess making her look and sound so sexy she didn’t seem real.

“Please let me try” Ann pleaded as she pulled at Anne’s boxers and Anne groaned, she was so turned on and in need of release that it hurt but she didn’t want to push her into something she wasn’t ready for, she felt she’d pushed her enough that night.

“Another time sweetheart you don’t have to do that right….oh fuck” Anne gasped as Ann’s nimble little fingers found her entrance and she plunged two inside her, moving them deeply and so instinctively Anne moaned at the thought that it was like she knew her body by heart before she knew it by touch.

“So good baby….” Anne groaned and then cried out in shocked pleasure as Ann moved her fingers and began tentatively circling her clit before entering again and she alternated between the two until she could feel Anne fluttering around her fingers and her eyes went wide at the discovery “Oh wow” she said as she instinctively added a third finger to feel it more deeply, filling her up and Anne’s eyes just about rolled back.

“Show me what to do Dude” Ann whispered and Anne grasped Ann’s dainty wrist and began fucking herself with her hand until after a few moments Ann pulled Anne’s hand away having picked up the angle and rhythm and then she curled her fingers the way Anne had with her, feeling a little spot and Anne’s whole body jerk when she touched it.

“Oh fuck Princess right there, just like that don’t stop I’m so close” Anne said almost desperately and Ann thrusted a little harder as she leant in and took Ann’s nipple in her mouth, sucking with everything she had and suddenly Anne cried out and her whole body began trembling against Ann, she could feel it around her fingers even. It was the most magical thing Ann had ever experienced. She stayed very still just watching and feeling her Dude fall apart so beautifully. And when Anne started to drift back to earth Ann leant in and kissed her so delicately that Anne felt she might cry. She was the most magical little being of all beings who excelled at everything she did. Of course she would be a sexual prodigy too. Anne gently removed Ann’s fingers and slipping her boxers the rest of the way down she took them and discreetly wiped her hand and then discarded them before wrapping Ann up tight and pulling the sheet over them.

“I wanna do that again!” Ann said excitedly and Anne groaned against her forehead “You’re too young for me, you’re going to give me a heart attack!” She joked and Ann giggled. “I spent so long worrying I wouldn’t know how to do it right. But in the end all I needed to do was feel my way”

“You shouldn’t worry, you’re so amazing, so clearly made for me my precious angel, my beautiful Princess” Anne whispered reverently as she kissed Ann all over her face and then looked deep into her eyes. ‘And I am going to teach you all the dirty filthy things because you have this magical darkness inside you that is so perfect, so beautiful, I always sensed it but after tonight I know it now more than ever because I’ve felt it. And I can’t wait to explore it with you.”

Ann looked up at her with such huge naïve blue eyes that Anne worried she’d been remiss in saying something like that to her so early but then she cocked her head to the side and innocently said “Like the strange dreams I have of you doing things to me?”

Anne felt desire pool in her belly again at her admission and secretly cheered for her coming off anti depressants and telling all kinds of illuminating home truths. “Yes sweetheart something like that. But they’re not strange. You’re not strange, you’re like me. You’re like the perfect other half I’ve searched for my entire adult life to do this with. I think maybe I sensed it the moment you fell out of that sling, out of that sky and into my arms and that was part of the almost instantaneous and inexplicable connection we had.”

Anne could see the bewilderment in her eyes and stroked her beautiful face softly, reassuring her. “You don’t need to be confused or frightened Little One. All you need to do is follow your amazing instincts and keep being my Princess and let me be your Dude. Do you trust me?”

“With my life” Ann said vehemently without hesitation and Anne swallowed the lump of emotion that threatened to overwhelm. “That’s all you need to do my love. That and cuddle into me because you look seriously sleepy!” She said adoringly as Ann snuggled into her chest without even fighting her so Anne knew she was exhausted.

“I have never been more in love with you than I am right now” Anne whispered as she stroked her hair and rubbed her back, lulling her to sleep. “I love you so much. All the much”

“All the ways….all the time” Ann replied groggily as she slipped away into dreamland under Anne’s loving and gentle caress.

“That’s right little Pixie, and don’t you forget it!” She said affectionately as she tightened her grip around her almost sleeping angel and closed her own eyes. She had her Princess, They had the little Dude. And they were going to have the most beautiful life together.


	31. A new beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS REALLY REALLY NOT SAFE FOR WORK AT THE BEGINNING OR THE END. ESPECIALLY THE END. LIKE KINKY FREAKY UNSAFE (But with connection and love)
> 
> Okay so now you’ve been warned. Rachel continues to spiral, Anne has to take a stand, The little dude and the big dude are a dream together, Ann gives Anne a soft place to admit her fears, vulnerabilities and past pain and the two of them crash into one another with their darker fantasies in an organic, unexpected but illuminating way.
> 
> And Jack continues to be hilarious.
> 
> Australian language conversions- UAI is a University Admissions Index and the score awarded to students after their end of senior year exams to determine eligibility for university courses. Comes out close to Christmas, very stressful time.
> 
> Pull ups- a potty/toilet training nappy that pulls up and down like panties for toddlers.
> 
> Fringe- Bangs

Anne opened her eyes and was surprised to see Ann still fast asleep in her arms. She was shocked as she looked at the time. It was 7.30am . Ann was usually an earlier riser. She went to get up to check on Jack but it was then that she found a note next to her. It was from Jaz

“Good morning Lister, Jack is fine and having some Nonna time, I thought I’d let you two sleep. Looks like baby girl finally put out? P.S, I haven’t breathed a word about the incredible engagement ring on Annie’s finger but good work and by the way honey, nice tits!”

Anne chuckled and Ann stirred in her arms “What are you laughing at Dude?” She asked in her extremely sexy little morning voice as she turned to face her and Anne held out the note for her to read.

“Mama!” Ann said in exasperation with a giggle as she shook her head and put the note on the bedside table before snuggling into Anne’s arms.

“Good morning my beautiful fiance” Anne said as she nuzzled her nose and Ann gave her a dazzling smile ‘Good morning my handsome fiancé!”

Anne saw her wince a little as she adjusted her position. “How are you feeling baby are you sore?” She asked her and Ann hesitated. “Um….nope” Anne raised an eyebrow at her and smirked “Wow, now you’re off your meds you are terrible at keeping secrets!”

Ann looked down self consciously “Well it’s just that last night was so perfect I didn’t want it to seem like I saw it any other way.”

Anne smiled at her as she tipped her face up to look at her. She was such a sweet little thing. And a little shy, and very new to everything. It was going to be so much fun corrupting her and bringing her over to the dark side but she’d make sure her Princess never lost that sweetness, and that it was respected. Because it was so refreshing, so special.

“It’s alright baby, it was your first time, it’s okay to be sore. It will be like that for a little while until you adjust. And I need you to be honest with me so I can be gentle and I don’t hurt you because you’re very small and tight down here.” Ann gasped as Anne’s warm hand slipped down to cup her and she leant into Ann’s ear and whispered wickedly “Such a perfect, pretty little pussy, my perfect beautiful Princess, and it’s all mine” Ann made a little squeaking sound and hid her face shyly in her nook between Anne’s neck and shoulder and Anne broke into a huge grin “Sweetheart did you just squeak?”

“No” came Ann’s muffled reply and Anne laughed as she stroked her hair “You did! You squeaked. That was so cute!”

‘It really wasn’t” Ann said self consciously and Anne kissed the top of her head as she chuckled at her. She was so very lovely. “You know being sore isn’t a bad thing baby, it means I get to kiss you better!” Anne teased as she kissed a trail down Ann’s body, biting back a smile at her confusion.

“Dude what do you me….Oh” Ann gasped as Anne reached her destination and she felt her mouth on her so intimately for the first time.

“Mmmm so beautiful my love, so sweet” Anne moaned in appreciation as she gently parted her folds with her tongue and tasted her. And when she plunged her tongue deep inside her Ann felt the air leave her lungs  
Anne reached her arm up to roll Ann’s nipple between her fingers and moaned against her throbbing heat “mmmm you’re getting so wet Princess, such a good girl for me”

“Oh fuck” Anne thought to herself as she actually felt Ann’s clit pulsate against her tongue at the decadence of her words.

“Open your legs wider Princess, now.” Anne commanded very firmly, gauging her reaction and Ann complied immediately as a gush of fresh wetness hit her tongue and she felt herself get uncomfortably wet. Her beautiful sweet innocent girl was so turned on from being topped by her.

“That’s my good girl” Anne said in praise as her tongue flicked Ann’s clit and she actually bucked off the bed.

“Oh god you are my dream come true in so many ways baby” Anne said darkly as she began to devour her without mercy, sliding her tongue up Ann’s folds, plunging it in and out of her, flicking and sucking her clit until she was crying out and her thighs shook uncontrollably and then her whole body began to spasm. Anne revelled as she shattered so beautifully all over her tongue and she savoured her until the trembling turned to shivering and then she kissed her way up Ann’s beautiful little body and just watched the rise and fall of her incredible breasts and studied the scattering of freckles across her beautiful flushed face in captivation. And when her gorgeous blue eyes fluttered open and peered up at her with such wonder and love Anne just about died inside. She really was glorious.

“Welcome back my precious angel. Where did you go just then?” Anne cooed as she stroked her face adoringly and Anne looked down shyly. “I don’t know. But I think I was flying”

Anne beamed at her as she kissed her forehead tenderly and took her into her arms, Just gently stroking her hair and letting her process. “I think you were too! I love you very much. All the much”

“All the ways, all the time” Ann whispered lovingly as she snuggled into her.

.********** 

Ann put her robe on as she blushed at the memory of her shower with Anne. She’d gently rubbed soap all over Anne’s body, softly massaging as she went and then she’d pushed her Dude over the edge twice with her fingers that had begun gently searching and probing and soon became rather demanding as the moment overtook them. Anne had then picked her up and pressed her against the shower wall but as she’d started to touch Ann it had been too much for her, she was still over sensitive from the previous evening and morning. And when she’d said she couldn’t and had been anxious she was disappointing Anne she had immediately taken her off the wall and just held her close in her arms under the water whispering how much she loved her, how proud of her she was and that she could never be a disappointment. And that she can always say no. Her dude was so wonderful.

“Oh I like this whole not getting dressed position you’re taking my darling. Much easier access for me!” Anne said cheekily as she came up behind her and pulled her to sit in her lap on the foot stool at the end of the bed.

Ann giggled “I need to see what the little dude is wearing in case she wants to twin!” Anne grinned “it’s adorable the way the two of you do that. Of course I suppose it helps that you fit into kids clothes!” Anne teased and Ann slapped her shoulder as they giggled. “I actually buy most of them from Mummy and me stores thank you very much….and a few things from kids stores” Anne laughed and kissed her nose. “She likes to match, I think she picked it up watching the tourists move through the village with their daughters wearing twinning outfits like that. I think to her its what she associates with a mum. Matching.”

“That’s so sweet, and special” Anne said genuinely and Ann kissed her gently I think you’re very sweet, and very special. But don’t worry. I’ll protect your bad ass reputation!”

“Oh I’ll show you bad ass my pretty little Pixie” Anne said suggestively as her hand reached into Ann’s robe but Ann scrambled away. “No! Behave we need to go find Jack!” 

Anne mock groaned in dramatic fashion but then stood and put her arm around Ann “Alright my darling, lets go find out little munchkin.”

They headed into the kitchen arm in arm and Ann stopped in her tracks when she saw the cake that said “Congratulations Annie!” And the pink balloon tied to the chair.

“Jaz I thought you said you weren’t going to say anything about the engagement” Anne chided an amused looking Jaz but then became focused on the bittersweet expression on Ann’s face.

“That’s not what it’s for” Ann said softly with a little chuckle and looked at Jaz lovingly “You’re a shit!”

“I couldn’t help myself baby. It’s what your Mum would have wanted!” Jaz said fondly and Ann nodded “Because she was a shit!”

“But she was our shit. And she loved you so much!” Jaz said in a voice full of emotion and Ann smiled “I know!”

Ann turned to her very bewildered looking Dude to explain. “Mum pretty much started encouraging me to have sex from the time I turned 13. She said it would be good to explore with other queer girls who were exploring and be on the same page but to do it in the house or when she was with me so she knew I was safe and she was there when I had my cherry popped and I told her no way because she’d likely do something really embarrassing and she promised me she wouldn’t, that she’d keep it totally low key. Just a cake that said congratulations Annie and a balloon.”

‘Totally low key huh?” Anne said with a chuckle and a raised eyebrow. “

“Yeah, for Mum this would be totally low key!”

“Are you alright sweetheart?” Anne asked her in concern and Ann smiled warmly at the cake and then up at Anne “Yeah I’m good Dude!”

“What’s the cake and the balloon for?” Rachel asked as she came into the kitchen looking a little flustered and Anne watched the stricken look come over Ann’s face trying not to laugh.

“Oh the HSC results get released today and I just know our Annie has killed it!” Jaz came to her rescue and Ann looked surprised ‘They do?” she then realised the date “Oh yeah they do! I guess I just lost track of time with Jack and everything. Speaking of Jack where is she?”

Rachel looked flustered ‘Well that’s the thing, we don’t know. Both the doors have been closed and locked but she’s somewhere in the house and we don’t know where”

Ann wasn’t worried “She does that sometimes, she’s used to being left to her own devices in the village and just being able to roam where she pleases. I just make sure she leaves me a note. Like at the resort she made friends with the lovely woman who made up our room and if I was in the bathroom or something and she went with her to sit on the bottom of the cart and hand her the soaps and chat to the people on our floor she’d just leave me a note”

“She can write?” Rachel asked in surprise and Ann nodded “Yes Nanna, she’s a very bright little girl, she’s bright like I was when I was little. She writes well enough to be understood and certainly well beyond the level of a 3 year old. She would have left it on the fridge”

Ann walked over to the fridge and found a piece of paper with Jack’s tell tale adorable handwriting and read it, worry masking her face immediately

“This hows is bad. The dans is bad. This dwess is bad. This har herts it is bad. Nana is bad. I am difwen. But I am not bad.

“Sweetheart what is it?” Anne asked in concern.

“This house is bad. The dance is bad. This dress is bad. This hair hurts, it is bad. Nanna is bad. I am different but I am not bad.” Ann read it aloud. “What is she talking about Nanna?” She asked accusingly.

Rachel began to falter ‘Well you see she woke up and I wanted to try to make amends and she said she liked pancakes so I made her pancakes and was asking her what she likes to do so I took her to toddlers and twinkle toes. I thought it could be something we did together.”

Ann softened a little. At least she was trying. “Oh…that’s sweet Nanna. It’s just that she was probably really bored. She’s so good, she’s so far beyond that level too, we took hip hop class every day in Bali and I worked with her too.”

‘Yes but that street business is not real dancing she needs actual technique!” Rachel insisted and Ann cocked her head ‘Well did you let her show you what she can do or did you make her skip across the room and learn to point her toe? And what is she talking about in the rest of this note.”

Ann walked into the middle of the room “Jack! Jacky Jack! Come on Mummy’s here, come out baby!” She called out loudly.

They heard the pitter patter of little feet down the floor boards and then silence.

“You’ll laugh at me!” Came a little voice from behind the wall and Ann moved closer “No I wont sweetie why would I laugh at you?” She called out gently and Jack appeared ‘Because it’s so bad!”

Ann’s jaw dropped as she looked at Jack wearing one of her intricate strappy pink ballet tutu dresses from when she was a toddler with ballet tights and her hair was all pulled off her face so tightly, even her fringe in a severe bun, slicked within an inch of its life complete with a bun donut and a tiara around it.

“Mummy my head hurts and I cant get this thing off” Jack said as she pulled at the tutu.

“Are you serious Nanna?” Ann said as she turned to Rachel incredulously “Why would you make her dress like that? She has dance clothes here. She would have told you she did.”

“Because it’s a dance class with a certain dress code. She’s a very beautiful little girl. There’s no reason why she shouldn’t fit in”

Anne looked at Jack looking every inch the beautiful little ballerina from a music box which would have been lovely if that was who she was and it so wasn’t who she was. And she thought of all the people who had tried to force her to conform when she was a child and she just saw red

“It’s not a dance class Nanna its babies skipping in a circle and learning to point their toes. I’m better than that!” Jack said as she stamped her little foot and then looked up at Ann in exasperation “Ugh they’re so basic!”

Jaz snorted from behind them “You tell her babygirl!”

“Oh you would encourage her!” Rachel began admonishing Jaz but was cut off by Anne.

‘WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU RACHEL SHE IS BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY SHE IS. WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO MAKE HER INTO SOMETHING ELSE? DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW WRONG WHAT YOU’VE DONE IS?” Anne yelled angrily at a stunned Rachel causing Ann to jump and Jack to back away.

“Dude” Ann said gently, concerned for Jack’s sensitivity to aggression, even that in her defence. She slipped her hand up the back of Anne’s shirt and rubbed her lower back soothingly and Anne began to calm at her beautiful girls touch. It was then that she saw Jack deteriorating and instantly went over to her.

“I’m sowwy. I’m sowwy you’re angwy Dude” Jack said and Anne knelt in front of her and held her close. “No I’m sorry my sweetheart, I’m sorry I frightened you. I’m not angry at you. You’re my little Poppet. I’m angry at Nanna for making you so feel bad by making you wear this. Here!” Anne said as she turned Jack around and pulling the fabric of the dress away from her little body she literally ripped it down the back and open and pulled it off her.

Ann’s eyes widened and Rachel gasped in horror ‘That was Ann’s when she was a baby!”

“Yeah well judging by what a perfectly beautiful little doll she is now I can only imagine how many of these you have lying around from playing dress ups with her but the difference is, this look is Ann and I wouldn’t change a thing about my precious angel!” Anne looked adoringly at Ann then glared back at Rachel. “But it’s not Jack and I won’t have you trying to change my perfect baby girl!”

Ann felt her heart fill with pride at the way Anne defended Jack so staunchly and melted at the “My perfect baby girl” comment. God help anyone who ever messed with that Jack. She suspected Anne would likely kill them. 

Anne turned back to Jack, pulling the tights off her until she was stripped down to her pull up nappy. She then picked her up and cuddled her close, rubbing her little back and kissing her face. ‘There is that better little one?”

“Yes thank you Dude. But my head still hurts” Jack said softly as she wrapped her arms around Anne’s neck.

“I’m afraid that’s Mummy’s area of expertise Poppet” Anne said honestly and Ann squeezed Anne’s free hand “Come on Dude I’ll put her in the bath and wash it all out. Can you run it for me while I unpin her?” And Anne bent to kiss her head “Of course sweetheart!” Ann took Jack from Anne.

“Come on Jacky Jack” Ann said as she took Jack and they left the kitchen.

Jaz sighed “I love you lady but you need to get control. You’re not in a good space!”

Rachel simply nodded with a tormented look on her face and walked out onto the verandah.

*****  
Ann had pulled all of the pins out of Jack’s hair and temperature checked the water in her ensuite and began stripping off while Jack sat in the bedroom playing with her purple truck she’d brought with her from her room back in Sydney. It was the miniature of the bed Anne had made for her and even said “Jack” on the front. It was her new favourite thing.

“She loves that truck you know. I’m pretty sure you’re her hero and rightly so. I know you’re mine!” Ann said adoringly as she pinned up her hair standing in only her panties and Anne’s eyes roamed her gorgeous body “What are you doing sweetheart?”

“It’s best I get in with her, If I don’t I end up all wet”

“I love you all wet!” Anne said as she eyed her suggestively and Ann shook her head as she giggled “Stop that. We’re being mums right now. We need to be responsible!”

“I know sweetheart but I love your breasts so much, they’re just so fucking perfect” Anne murmured as she cupped them in her hands and went to attach her mouth to one but Ann skilfully dodged her.

“Okay responsible mums! Got it” Anne gently spanked her panty clad backside and grinned as Ann let out a little squeal.

“Where’s my little Poppet!” she said as she went to get Jack. 

“I’m here Dude!” Jack said happily and Anne marvelled at how quickly little ones let go of pain and wondered when the point came where they held onto it. Where did the point come where she held onto Madja’s poison that she was bad, poison they seemed to be undoing based on the final line of her note. When would the point come where she held onto what Rachel was teaching her.

“I love my truck. Thank you” Jack said as she kissed Anne’s cheek and looked at her like she was the strongest most amazing human to ever roam the earth. Exactly the way that Ann looked at her and all she knew was that she would do anything in her power to ensure her two beautiful girls looked at her like that forever.

“You’re so welcome darling!”

Anne carried Jack into the bathroom and took off her pull ups and disposed of them then handed her to Ann who was already in the tub. “Come here baby girl” Ann said lovingly as she took Jack and covering her eyes with her hand she tipped some warm water all over her head with a jug.

Anne watched in adoration a her little love worked shampoo into a lather, gently massaging all the sticky gel and hairspray from Jack’s scalp so studiously and with so much care to not get any suds in the little girls eyes. She was such a good little mum. So incredibly young and better, more in tune and more connected to her child than some women twice her age.

Ann rinsed the shampoo out of Jack’s hair thoroughly and then began working conditioner into it. She caught Anne’s stare and smiled a little self consciously. ‘What is it Dude?”

“Nothing sweetheart. You’re just incredible is all. I’m just so proud that you’re mine”

Ann blushed and looked down. “Thank you baby” she said softly and if it wasn’t for Jack Anne would have grabbed her and devoured her right then. She was the sweetest most innocent and intoxicating kind of sexy Anne had ever seen.

“Comb Mummy!” Jack handed Ann the wide tooth comb, well accustomed to the drill and Ann took it. “Thanks Little Dude”

Ann caught Anne looking at the process a little wistfully and smiled. “Would you like to learn how to do this Dude?” She asked and Anne looked a little nervous.

“Oh I’m not sure I’d be very good at it my darling.” Anne said honestly and Anne reached out to squeeze her hand “I think you’d be wonderful. You’re always so gentle and careful when you brush my hair. Come on sweetie I can tell you want to try. Let me teach you!”

“Yeah let her teach you Dude!” Jack encouraged Anne and both women laughed.

“Okay” Anne said as she knelt up against the bathtub and Ann repositioned Jack. ‘So you want to take the hair and hold it and brush any knots from the bottom then the mid lengths then work your way up her head” Ann said as she patiently taught Anne and guided her wrist in the motion with the comb then let her do it independently.

“Just like that. You’re a natural!” Ann said supportively and Jack agreed “You’re doing great Dude!” And gave her a thumbs up with her little hand. “Thank you little poppet!”

Ann looked up at Anne with so much love as she rested her chin on her elbow on the the edge of the bath. “You are so amazing. You were so amazing in the kitchen for her. You are so amazing with her. I’m so proud I get to do this with you. We are both so lucky to have you my gorgeous Dude.”

Anne was a little overcome by her beautiful words and felt a tightening in her chest. If only she could find the right words to express how much her sentiments and belief in her literally gave her life.

“That means so much to me my darling. You honour me by choosing me, really” Anne said as she leant down to ever so softly kiss Ann on her lips before kissing her nose, her eye lids and finally her forehead. 

Anne worked her way up Jack’s head, combing the conditioner through and when she got to the very top and was done she covered Jack’s face with her hand like Ann had, tilted her little head back and began pouring water over it to rinse out the conditioner.

“See Dude? You’re a natural!” Ann said proudly and Anne actually smiled in accomplishment. “I had an extremely loving and patient teacher!” Anne said as she bent over to kiss the top of Ann’s head and turn Jack around to pat her face dry with a cloth. “And you, little miss. Look 100 percent better!” Anne lifted her to blow a raspberry on her tummy and she squealed with laughter. When Anne put her down in the bath Jack looked at the red mark on the side of Ann’s left breast and said “Mummy what’s that? Are you hurt?” She asked in concern and Ann looked down to see the mark that had appeared from Anne’s ministrations in the shower. Anne bit back a smirk and Ann sounded a little flustered as she said “Oh no sweetheart that’s just a mozzie bite it’s all good!”

Jack looked at it more closely ‘Wow that Mozzie must have huge teeth!” Anne had tears in her eyes from trying not to laugh and had to turn away and Ann just sat completely stunned as she slapped Anne then Anne recovered and said ‘Yeah but we’re being mums now so we have to be responsible. We’re not allowed to talk about it!” She said to Jack like she was imparting wisdom and Ann shook her head “You are incorrigible Dude”

Jack’s little face lit up as Ann stood and wrapped a towel around herself before picking Jack up and putting her blue hooded unicorn towel on her.

“That’s what Mummy says about me. That I’m an incorrigible little Dude just like the big Dude.”

‘True story” Ann said dryly as Anne took Jack from her and placed her on her right hip and then reached into the bath with her other arm and hooked around under Ann’s butt, lifting her out.

“So strong” Ann said in appreciation with a big smile and Anne pulled her close to whisper “watch out for those mozzies with giant teeth Little One!” and gently bit her earlobe. “Dude!” Ann admonished her and Anne cracked up as she put Ann down and handed her Jack.

“Baby can you get me the hairdryer please!” Ann called out as she dried off Jack and sat her down at her dresser then slipped into her own bathrobe”

“Here you go sweetheart!” Anne said as she plugged the dryer in and handed it to her. “Thank you!” Ann said as she kissed Anne’s cheek and began drying Jack’s hair off a little. Anne watched in wonder as she had Jack’s hair in two french braids and had her dressed in a pair of little black nike pro shorts, a hot pink nike t shirt with a white swoosh and white adidas superstar sneakers with black stripes in record time. She really did have mad mummy skills. And Jack looked so gorgeous. Like such a pretty little Tomboy

“This is the Jack pink” Jack said with a happy smile and Ann kissed her nose. “That’s right baby girl!”

“Jack Pinks but she doesn’t pastel. She’s a brights girl when it comes to colour!” Ann explained to Anne and Anne beamed at the little girl.

“You look beautiful sweetheart”

“Mummy why did Nanna keep calling me Jacqueline at the baby dance? She said I need to use my real name. I tried to tell her I’m not Jacqueline. I’m Kenzie but she wouldn’t listen. She didn’t want to. But I think she doesn’t want me to be Jack.”

Anne seethed and then registered surprise at the Kenzie comment. She’d thought Jack’s name would be Jacqueline too.

Ann sighed “Baby girl you are Kenzie but you have every right to go by your nick name. It’s no different than me being Annie when my name is Annalise”

“Then what do I say?” Jack asked looking so lost that Anne just wanted to take all the confusion away for her. but Ann picked her up and cupped her little face. “You look her in the eye and say “I am not Jacqueline. I am Kenzie. My name is Mackenzie Jane Lister and you may call me Jack.”

“Cause I look like a Jack and not a Mack!” Jack said with a cheeky smile and Ann covered her little face in kisses. “That’s right! You’re the littlest lost boy of all!”

“And you’re Dubsy Mummy!” Jack said and then looked at Anne and reached her arms out to her “And you’re AL Mama!”

Anne was completely floored as she took Jack and cuddled her close. “What did you call me?” She asked as though she might have misheard.

‘I called you Mama Dude. You’re my other Mummy aren’t you?” 

‘Yes she is sweetie. And she’s such an amazing Mama!” Ann chimed in vehemently with tears in her eyes.

“Yes I am, and I’m so lucky you’re mine” Anne said as she kissed her cheek.

“But you’re still Dude too. Like me!” 

“Of course! Always sweetheart!”

“I want to play with my truck now. I love you Mama!” Jack said as she put her little hands on Anne’s face just like Ann did and said “All the much!” Anne blinked back her tears and said “I love you too little poppet, all the ways, all the time.”

Anne gave her a final squeeze before putting her down and Ann was instantly in her arms holding her tight. ‘Wow!” She gasped as she squeezed her Princess tight. “I wasn’t expecting that. But it was magical!”

“She knows who her family is sweetie. She called me Mummy the second day she’d known me too and now look at us.”

“And her last name is Lister?” Anne asked in awe and Ann smiled as she nodded and wiped Anne’s tears with her thumb. “Well yes, you’re a Lister, she’s a Lister, soon I’ll be a Lister. It made sense!”

“I love you so much. And Kenzie is an adorable name but I love that you took the J from Jane and put it with Mackenzie. She really does look like a Jack rather than a Mack. I love that you see her for exactly who she is. She’s so lucky you found her and loved her. I wish I had have had a feisty little Ann Walker in my life when I was little. It would have made a big difference. Made life so much less lonely!” Anne said in a rare moment of vulnerability.

“Come here my Gorgeous One!” Ann said as she led Anne to sit down in the oversized arm chair and sat in her lap. “I’m so sorry your life was like that. It breaks my heart to think of you feeling that way but you’ve got me in your corner now and I always will be”

“I know, and I’m so grateful for that!” Anne said as she pressed her forehead against her beautiful girls.

“I’m really angry at Nanna. All this is really affecting Jack and undermining her confidence. She was desperate to get her ears pierced and despite her fear of aggression she actually has a pretty hectic pain threshhold for a 3 year old. Of course I wouldn’t let her get it done in Indonesia but I said we’d do it here, the girls in the pharmacy are lovely. I asked her last night thinking it would cheer her up and she doesn’t want to do it all of a sudden.” Ann said sadly.

“Don’t worry my love. You’re such an amazing mother. Look how much you’ve turned that little girls life around and I’ve got your back. I will always protect my girls at all cost. We’ll make sure she understands how exceptional she is, just the way she is!”

“I love you so much!” Ann said as she pressed her face to Anne’s. “All the much beauty” Anne said in a breathy whisper as she kissed her little love.

“Ahem!” came a voice from the door and Ann jumped off Anne’s lap much to Jaz’s bemusement. “I’m sorry to interrupt you two lovebirds but Olivia is on the phone. She says it’s urgent. She’s been trying to call you all morning and then she just called me!” Anne was worried at first as Ann hurriedly took the phone but Jaz was beaming.

“Liv it’s me hi, I’m so sorry, I slept in because Anne and I….we worked through stuff and then we’ve been having family time with Jack…..Yes I know they came out today I just haven’t had a chance to look as crazy as that sounds….What? Are you kidding? Oh my god. Oh my god.”

Ann covered her mouth in stunned delight….No we didn’t get the papers, ours are different from the Sydney ones anyway….No I wont be able to get back to Sydney….yes that’s only half an hour from the farm I can get there. Of course I will. Okay I need to go and tell my family. Alright, thank you so much Liv I’ll get pics and stuff for you when I’m there. Bye!”

Ann hung up the phone ‘Oh my god!” She said in shock and Anne moved closer ‘What is it sweetheart? Sounded like good news!”

Ann nodded still in shock. “I made the high achievers list for every one of my subjects and came first in Dance in all of NSW for my HSC and got a UAI of 98.3!”

“Yeah you did! Come here!” Anne said as Ann ran and jumped into her Dude’s arms wrapping her arms and legs around her.

“I didn’t even need special consideration. Tonsillectomy and everything I had going on and all I still killed it. I did even better than I did in my trial exams!” Ann said in disbelief and Anne held her tight, feeling so relieved that her actions hadn’t jeopardised Ann’s success.

‘Of course you did! My brilliant clever girl! You crushed every other part of high school I don’t know why you thought this would be any different” Anne said as she held her tight and Jack looked at Ann in shock.

“Wait a minute Mummy you’re in high school?” She asked in horror and Ann looked down at Jack

“I was baby I just finished year 12! Why?”

Jack looked horrified. “How old are you?”

“I just turned 18, the same day you turned 3 sweetie! Technically I’m an adult now”

“What? That’s really young. You was in school this year. You’re just a kid like me! I’m like shook. What happens when we need a real grown up?” Jack asked and Ann tried not to laugh. “That’s why we have our Dude. She’s a real grown up! She’ll be 31 soon. Does that make you feel better?”

Jack looked relieved. “So when you and I run out of cookies we have a real grown up to get us more!”

Anne cracked up. “Priorities!’ She then said in mock seriousness and Ann grinned at Jack “We have a real grown up that will get us lots of things we need and always take care of us sweetie!”

“But of course I understand you must always have cookies Poppet!” Anne reassured her in mock seriousness.

‘Well that’s okay then!” Jack said as she happily went back to her truck.

“I have to go represent the school at a high achievers lunch in the Hunter, they’ve had my awards couriered there. It’s just for the students. Olivia has done so much for me I want to give back!” Ann said a little apologetically and Anne kissed her forehead. “Of course my darling. You should go. Don’t worry about us. The little one and I will go have some Dude time.”

“Are you sure baby?” Ann asked and Anne kissed her cheeks and nose, trying to reassure her. “I’m sure my love. Please go and enjoy your moment without worrying about anyone else for a change. I’m so very proud of you!” Ann wrapped her arms around Anne. ‘I couldn’t have done it without my biggest cheerleader” she said genuinely and Anne thanked god for the precious heavenly little angel in her arms who focused only on the good she did and not on the idiocy that hurt her so during that period.

“Yeah you could have . I’m just so clad I’m here to see it!” Anne said sincerely.

‘Come on I wanna tell Nanna and Pop!” Ann said as she slipped out of Anne’s arms and Jaz picked up Jack. “Nonna!” She said in delight and Jaz beamed. “Now I know a little girl who might have a brand new baseball cap with a J for Jack on it!”

“Ooh is it me is it me?” She asked excitedly and Jaz laughed “Let’s go and find out!”

“I love you Mama!” Ann said gratefully, so thrilled that she understood Jack and Jaz went and wrapped an arm around her ‘Love you baby girl. And I am so incredibly proud of you!”

“Come on!” Ann said as she pulled Anne out of the bedroom and Anne chuckled. Her Princess was so excited and it was so lovely to see after she’d worked so hard and been through co much.

“Nanna! Pop!” she called out and found them in the living room.

“I got a UAI of 98.3 and I made the top achievers list for each of my subjects and came first in all of NSW for Dance! And I’ve been invited to this special lunch at Blueberry hill winery”

Rachel and Jonno jumped up “Shortcake that’s amazing I’m so proud of you!” Jonno said as he ran and lifted her into a huge hug.

“Thank you Pop!” Ann said happily and when he put her down Rachel caught the glimmer of the engagement ring on her left hand and felt a stab in her chest. Her beautiful little Annie was engaged and she hadn’t told her.

‘Nanna?” Ann asked and Rachel gave her a strained smile. ‘Well it seems quite the morning for big news in your world. When’s the big day? Or were you not planning on telling us that either?

Ann saw Rachel staring at her ring and her stomach sank.

“Nanna it wasn’t like that. Anne proposed last night when everyone had gone to bed and then we fell asleep and woke up to tell you but then found Jack missing and then very upset over what happened at the studio and in pain from that ridiculously tight bun. I came out here to share everything with you once we had our baby sorted.”

“Give the kid a break Rachel you never should have done that to the little Munchkin she’s a gorgeous little thing. Ann was just looking after her daughter. She’s talking to us now.”

“Yes well. Congratulations on your wonderful news Annalise. Children from some of the finest families in the area will be there and though you seem to have forgotten, you’re representing us so do me a favour and don’t let your mother do you up like one of her club girls.”

“Rachel that’s enough!” Jaz said angrily and Ann wrapped her arms around her waist protectively.  
“Sure thing Nanna” she said dejectedly and left the living area.

Anne glared at Rachel. “You go after her. That girl went through hell to get through those exams and still she triumphed and you’re going to go after her and fix it now!” Anne demanded.

Rachel felt the guilt hit almost immediately and she walked out of the living room.

Anne walked through the kitchen as Victoria was coming in “Oh my gosh sweetheart I just heard the news! 98.3 that’s insane!” She said as she ran to Ann and hugged her tightly. Ann held onto her gratefully. ‘Thank you. How did Millie do?”

“91.7. My two ridiculously bright girls. I’m so proud of you both!”

When Vicki let go she looked at the cake and balloon and then saw the engagement ring on Ann’s finger and squealed. “Congratulations sweetheart! That ring! It’s glorious!”

She saw Anne approaching behind and ran over to hug her ‘I’m so proud of you Kiddo!” She whispered and Anne grinned at her ‘Thank you Vicki. Thank you for pushing me to believe I could have this!”

Victoria squeezed Anne again and remembered back to one of her sessions with Ann. Her hand came to her mouth. “Oh my god. A single cake and a balloon. That’s what Cassie was going to do if….”

“Vicki…” Anne tried to stop her.

“You lost your virginity! So last night?” Vicki said with an amused smile as she put her arm around Ann and squeezed her. 

“yes’ Ann said sheepishly.

‘Are you okay? More about your mum not being here to do this with you? If you want to talk I’m here sweetheart’

“Wonderful” Rachel said dryly from behind them. ‘Secret engagements and sleeping around in my house. Your mother would be so very proud’

“YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP” Ann turned around and snapped at her grandmother, stunning Anne and Victoria but no one as much as Rachel.

“Please Nanna. Get help. You need help.” And with that she stormed down the hallway, went into her bedroom and slammed the door with a force that made them all jump.

“I’m sorry” Vicki mouthed to Anne but Anne gave her sympathetic smile and dismissed it with a wave of her hand. It wasn’t her fault. Rachel had clearly lost it.

“Come with me lady!” Victoria said as she put an arm around Rachel and led her out to the deck.

“Mama why is Mummy cranky?” Jack asked in bewilderment and Anne looked from the back of the house where Ann’s bedroom was to little Jack feeling torn.

‘It’s okay honey. I’ll go be Mama to my baby and you stay and be Mama to yours” Jaz said sympathetically.

“Thanks Mama!’ Anne said gratefully as she picked up little Jack. “Now my beautiful Poppet what say you and I get stuck into this cake!”

“With ice cream?” Jack asked hopefully and Anne grinned at her. “Why not!”

*********

Anne knocked on Ann’s bedroom door. ‘It’s just me my darling!” She said as she went in to find Ann with her glorious hair pulled back in a very romantic looking soft braid that crowned her hair like a halo with the rest in a soft, loose bun at the side of her head and little wispy tendrils framing her face. Her makeup was immaculate in soft honey and peach colours and she wore a flesh coloured strapless bra, a pair of flesh coloured panties and a pair of tan summer wedge heels.

‘Okay, I like this minimalist look you’re going for. It’s very sexy, you’ll definitely draw attention” Anne said cheekily and Ann giggled. “I can’t decide what to wear. I think the whole thing with Nanna…”

“Has knocked the wind out of your sails a bit. I know. Come here Little One!” Anne said tenderly as she held out her arms and wrapped them around Ann when she walked into them.

“You must be thinking I’m a nutcase too after my outburst!” Ann said dejectedly and Anne pulled back to shake her head. “No sweetheart. I was so proud of you. You said exactly what needed to be said. You stood up for yourself and put her in her place. I know you don’t like confrontation and you’re struggling a little being off your medication and surrounded by conflict but I think this new side of you where you don’t just hold everything inside you is so positive.”

Ann threw her arms around Anne’s neck, so grateful for her love and support. “I honestly don’t know what I would do without you Dude! Thank you!”

“Hold your arms up for me sweetheart!” Anne said as she gave her a little squeeze and then Ann noticed she had a bag in her hands. Ann held her arms up compliantly and Anne pulled a garment out of the bag, then bunching it up put it over Ann’s head and pulled it down her body.

“I saw this sample in the fashion room last week and said to myself. That’s a dress meant for my beautiful princess if I ever saw one.And since you don’t know what to wear maybe you could wear this.”

She lead Ann over to the full length mirror and looked at her with so much pride and Awe in the cream coloured lace maxi dress that clung to her body to the hips and then fell into a looser ethereal skirt and had a lovely off the shoulder ruffled neckline. “You are stunning. You’re going to make the most beautiful bride” Anne said as she kissed Ann’s cheek and Ann ran her hands down the bodice of the dress. 

Ann smiled shyly and avoided her gaze “And now I’ll have you at the lunch with me” she said sweetly and Anne turned her into her arms. “Sweet baby. I love you”

“I love you too. Thank you so much for the dress Dude. It’s so gorgeous. And thank you for taking the little Dude!”

At that moment Jack walked in with her headphones singing “I’ve got hoes! I’ve got hoes! In different Area codes. Area Codes!”

Anne raised her eyebrow biting back a grin and Ann shook her head ‘I have got to start monitoring what Uncle Harry puts on her iPod.” Anne cracked up and Jack took her headphones off.

“You look so beautiful Mummy! Like a princess!” She said with a dazzling smile.

“Doesn’t she? My beautiful princess” Anne said possessively and Ann bent down to kiss Jack’s head “Thank you sweetie!”

“Mama come on Dude! We going!” She held her little hand out which Anne took and Ann watched the scene in bemusement ‘oh you are so whipped Dude!” She teased and Anne picked up Jack.

‘Well to be fair she does have hoes in different area codes. I mean That does sound very appealing!” Ann slapped Anne’s shoulder but Anne continued undeterred.

“Maybe Jack and I could merge our little black books on your shared drive!”

Ann cracked up laughing ‘DUDE!” And Anne laughed with her  
‘What am I going to do with you?” Ann asked exasperatedly and Anne winked at her “Marry me!”

“hmmm” Ann pretended to think about it and leaned in to give Anne a chaste peck on the lips “Okay!”

***********

“So why don’t you want to get your ears pierced anymore sweetheart?” Anne asked Jack as she grinned at the milkshake stain covering the little girls mouth.

“I don’t know Mama I think I just don’t like the ear gun. I’m good at needles. I’m not a baby about them. I had to get them lots in the village to protect me. But I don’t like guns. Madja had a gun!”

Anne’s heart sank. Jack likely associated aggression and pain with anything that remotely reminded her of that animal. Suddenly she had an idea though.

“So you’re okay with needles?” Anne clarified and Jack nodded. ‘Sometimes I cry if its really hurts but I let them go in without screaming”

“What a brave little girl you are!” Anne said proudly. “Griffo is a Lost boy and works across the road at a tattoo parlour. Would you like to go say hi?”

“And get tattoos? Cool!” Jack said excitedly and Anne cracked up “No tattoos today my sweet. And maybe we shouldn’t tell Mummy we went to a tattoo parlour”

“Yeah it will be our secret!” Jack said conspiratorially .

Anne wiped the little girls face gently and then picked her up and high-fived her ‘That’s my girl!”

She carried Jack across the road to the tattoo and piercing parlour and was greeted by a smiling Griffo. “AL my man! What’s been happening?” He said as he came and shook Anne’s hand and his face went soft “And is this the infamous Jack?”

“It sure is mate!” Anne said proudly and Griffo shook Jack’s hand “I’m Griffo, it’s a pleasure to meet our newest lost boy little mate!”

“Hi!” Jack said cheerily and Anne put an arm around Griffo ‘Listen mate the little miss here has been wanting to get her ears pierced and is a bit scared of the gun method but doesn’t mind a needle and I know you guys would probably have better numbing agents too!”

“Well yeah if the little chick isn’t scared of the needle I can do it for her myself!”

“You hear that poppet? Griffo will do it for you himself if you want it done?” Anne said gently and Jack seemed to be ready to back out. “Will you get yours done with me to help make me brave?” Jack asked and Anne swallowed. “Will I….get my ears pierced?”

Griffo snorted but as Anne looked at Jack’s huge brown eyes looking up at her so hopefully she found herself saying “Sure…I’ll get mine done too. I can go first if you like baby”

“Yay” Jack said and clapped her little hands.

“Okay then, well with the gun they do studs but with the needle we can do sleepers which are better as you can move them and keep the piercing clean. We don’t have a huge range for ears but they’re just over here. And Jack can pick a little charm to go on the bottom if she likes” Griffo pointed to the wall and Anne carried Jack over there.

“Oh Mama look can we get matching pink-purple sparkly hearts?”

Griffo cracked up laughing and Anne shot him a warning glance. “I wanna match with you! I want us to match!” Jack said excitedly and Anne remembered what Ann had said about Jack’s thing with twinning. She should have been filled with repulsion at the mere idea of sparkly magenta hearts but all she could think was how lucky and honoured she felt that Jack wanted that with her.

“Could we maybe get another colour my darling? What about black? I know you like Black, you’re wearing black shorts!” Anne tried to convince her.

“But Duuuuuuude the purple pink ones are so sparkly!” Jack said enthusiastically and Griffo grinned “Yeah Dude, the purple pink ones are so sparkly!”

“You are enjoying this way too much!” Anne said in a low voice to Griffo and then gave Jack a big smile “If those are the ones you want, those are the ones we will get sweetheart!”

“Yay we will be so sparkly just like my unicorns!” Jack said as she flapped her little arms in excitement”

“So sparkly!” Griffo concurred as he put his arm around Anne and grinned at her.

‘Say one word about this to anyone mate and I deck you!” Anne said quietly and Griffo laughed.

‘Okay lets get started. AL sit down with Jack on your lap please. Just follow my instructions and you’ll both be pierced in no time!”

*******

Ann had done the presentation section and interview section of her luncheon and stayed for a socially acceptable amount of time before coming back to the farm and now she, Vicki and Jazmine were in the kitchen looking at her awards.

Anne walked through the back door into the kitchen with Jack on her hips and Jack cried out

“Mummy I got my ears pierced! And Mama got hers done first to help me be brave cause I was a little bit scared and we got matching pink purple sparkly heart earrings!”

As Anne got closer Victoria covered her mouth with her hand to hide her laughter, Jaz’s eyes lit up with glee and Ann just stood looking at her Dude in disbelief, standing there in her black converse t shirt, beige cargo shorts, black cons and her sweet gold sleeper earrings complete with a glittering magenta heart stone on the bottom of them.

Anne didn’t falter. She just confidently said “If my little girl wants us in matching sparkly pink purple earrings, my little girl gets us in matching sparkly pink purple earrings”

And with that she strode down the hall way with her Anne Lister swagger clutching Jack like she was the most precious thing in the world and Jaz smiled naughtily.

‘That was so sexy!” She said and Victoria agreed as she watched Anne leave “So bloody sexy!”

“Hey! She’s mine now!” Ann said playfully to Victoria and they all laughed. But they were right. The lengths she was willing to go to for Jack was incredibly sexy and the way she’d just swaggered down the hall.

“I’m going to go check in!” Ann said as she followed Anne down the hall. When she got to Anne’s room she passed Jack who was playing with one of her remote control cars up the hall and she picked her up. “Ooooh you look so pretty! I’m so proud of you!” She said as she kissed her little face and Jack smiled proudly. “Thank you Mummy!”

Ann put Jack down and went into Anne’s room. Anne was standing in front of the bed.

“Hello My darling how did you….” Anne was cut off when Ann ran into her arms and knocked her back onto the bed, kissing her passionately. When the kiss ended they were both breathless.

“Wow! That’s some hello!” Anne said in surprised delight and Ann nuzzled her nose. “You are so wonderful. She is so lucky to have you!”

Anne rolled them over and leant up on her elbow, stroking Ann’s gorgeous face. “I was so glad she didn’t get upset. I mean she was a little scared and emotional but nothing major because I knew the only person she would want is you and I wouldn’t be able to help her. I wouldn’t know what to do. Not like you do”

Ann shook her head. “Baby no, you don’t give yourself enough credit. You have amazing instincts. You would be just fine. She adores you and I have every faith that you could handle it.”

“But why do you?’ Anne asked uncertainly and Ann cupped her face ‘You mean apart from the fact that your wearing magenta glitter earrings to make her feel secure and have holes in your ears that weren’t there when you left Dude?” Anne chuckled and Ann looked up at her with so much love and reverence she was struck silent.

“I know because when I’m upset you’re the only person I want!”

“Sweet baby” Anne said as she kissed around her hairline softly.

“And I know you’ll fix everything and if you can’t fix it I know you’ll move heaven and earth to make it better!” Anne groaned. She was too innocent to understand how arousing those words were, that she genuinely believed it. Because all she ever wanted to do was to just fix everything for her and take care of her.It was who she was, who she had been her whole life and had caused her to clash at one point or another with all the women in her life. All except for Ann.

“So don’t be so fast to discredit yourself as a parent Dude. You do an amazing job!” Ann said sincerely as she pulled Anne on top of her to hold her close. She knew her Dude would find her feet with it all soon enough. She was still finding her own.

They could find their feet together.

**********  
Ann had gone out for a horse ride with Jonno and Rachel was in the Kitchen preparing dinner. Jaz and Victoria had gone out for an afternoon wine for Vicki to impart some of the strategies she recommended for Rachel and Jack sat playing with her purple truck on the Kitchen floor near the dining table. So while things were calm Anne had been replacing the light bulbs that had blown on the back porch. She stepped inside the back door and smiled as she heard Jack’s imaginative play.

“And now we will take the water and medicine and food to all the animals who are scared of the bush fires. The truck will carry it.”

It made her so happy that Jack loved the truck so much and listening to her she was so proud of what a thoughtful beautiful natured baby she was. Such a caring selfless person. Just like Ann. And she looked genuinely happy and content. So Anne was shocked to see Rachel walk over and take Jack’s truck off her and place a doll down in front of her. She watched as Jack picked the doll up by the hair and looked at it as if to say ‘What the hell can I do with this?” And Anne actually chuckled and felt proud as Jack stood and went to get her Truck back but Rachel moved it out of her grasp and Anne felt anger fill her. Little Jack tried to reach for it again but Rachel put it up high and said “For goodness sake Jacqueline just play with the doll like a normal little girl!”

Anne watched as Jack stepped back from the shock of Rachel’s harshness and went back to where she’d been playing looking utterly defeated, the tears welling in her eyes and it was enough to break Anne’s heart. She was just about to step in when she saw a resolve come over her little face and she turned around and said.

“I’m not Jacqueline. My name is Kenzie. I am Mackenzie Jane Lister but my nick name is Jack. I don’t want this doll!” Jack said as she walked over and put it in front of Rachel’s feet. “I don’t want this doll. I don’t want this house and I don’t want you. But you can’t steal my truck because my Mama gave it to me and it’s vewy special.”

Rachel stood stunned at the way the little girl had stood up to her but Jack just looked more and more upset. “But you don’t care. You don’t care about me. So no more. I will go!”

Jack turned and walked away from Rachel and ran past Anne and out the back door.

‘Jack….baby…..baby stop!” Anne pleaded but Jack sat down on the stairs and put her little chin in her hands looking miserable.

“Hey my little poppet. You look so sad!” Anne said as she sat down next to Jack wishing desperately she could make everything alright for her.

“I want to go home. But I don’t know where home is” she started to cry and her heartbreaking little admission broke Anne. “Oh sweetheart!” She said as she picked up Jack and kissed her cheeks.

“Your home is with Mummy and me, in our house back at Sydney and even here when it’s just us at the moment I think. I should have pulled you out of this house yesterday but first things first, lets go get your truck back.”

Anne carried Jack back inside and being well aware of her fear of aggression she placed a lingering kiss on her little cheek and placed her on her feet next to her.

“Give me her truck now Rachel!” Anne said as she took Jack’s hand and Rachel reached for the truck. “I just thought if she tried playing with a doll she might like it and….”

“I saw the whole thing. The truck. Now Rachel. Give me the truck”

They never noticed Ann slipping in the back door and watching the exchange. Rachel got the truck from the shelf and handed it to Anne.

“Here you go sweetheart” Anne said as she bent and handed it to Jack. “Thank you Mama” she said tearfully as she clutched it to her chest.

“Did you even hear the beautiful things she was saying while she played? About how she was using the trucks to help all the bushfire affected animals so they wouldn’t be scared or hurt? Or are you so focused on appearances that you cant see you’ve pushed away the sweetest, kindest most wonderful little girl who could have been your granddaughter all because she wont play with a stupid doll and wear a frilly dress.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to….”

“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE RACHEL IVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU HURTING HER. SHE IS BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL AND SPECIAL JUST THE WAY SHE IS AND I WONT STAND BY AND SUBJECT HER TO ANYMORE OF YOUR CRAZY!” Anne screamed and suddenly became aware of the sound of Jack’s truck dropping.

‘I‘m sowwy…..I’m sowwy” she said as she backed away and Anne kicked herself as she turned back to Jack. “No sweetheart you haven’t done anything wrong, I’m sorry I frightened you, come here” Anne said as she bent and held out her arms to her but Jack just looked more and more upset.

“I’m sowwy’ she said once last time and then she turned and ran towards the front door.

‘Jack No!’ Anne called out as she chased after her. “Shit!” She gasped when she saw the front door was propped open and Jack had run straight out it and down the stairs.

“Jack sweetheart it’s alright!” Anne called out as she caught up to her and picked her up but the little girl began kicking and punching and screaming trying to get away from her. “Please don’t hurt me I’m sowwy….I’m sowwy. Don’t hurt me pwease I’m sowwy”

Anne had tears in her eyes as Jack started having a full scale PTSD meltdown. It was so similar to the ones Ann had.

“I wont ever hurt you sweetheart you’re my beautiful little Poppet I love you so much” Anne assured her as she got her to stop punching and kicking but the little girl became completely hysterical.

“I want Mummy…..I want Mummy!” She screamed as she cried till she went crimson red in the face and Anne bounced her in her arms as she carried her back up the steps. She sat on the porch swing trying to soothe her. “I know you do baby, Mummy will be back soon” Anne said hopelessly but Jack just kept screaming ‘Mummy……Mummy…”

Ann stood crying at the front door, wanting desperately to go out there and take her baby’s pain away but certain Anne could do this. She believed in her.

“I don’t know what Mummy does to make you feel better baby but this is something that always helps Mummy. Maybe it will work for you” Anne said desperately as she managed to get Jack’s shirt and shorts off and squeezed her legs tight to trap the little girl while she quickly removed her t shirt and then picked Jack up wearing only her paw patrol undies and held her against her warm skin.

“Shhhhhh there we go little one. You’re alright” Anne said as she rocked Jack on the swing, rubbing her little back and legs with her hand and holding her close. Much to her relief Jack began to calm.

“You don’t need to be sorry baby. You haven’t done anything wrong. You’re my precious little Poppet and I’ve fallen in love with you instantly. I love you and I will do anything to protect you. I won’t ever hurt you. You’re safe. I’ve got you” Anne reassured her as the little girl put her arms around Anne’s neck, accepting her love and comfort and when she did this, tears actually spilled down Anne’s cheeks because she knew how big a deal it was for her to do that.

“That’s the way sweetheart. Hold on to me. Mama’s got you.”

Ann looked out discretely and watched as Anne did skin to skin with Jack and calmed the little girl to the point where she was crying herself to sleep in Anne’s arms, her afternoon sleep overdue. She smiled sadly through her tears. She knew Anne could do it. She just hoped Anne would know now too.

She wiped her tears away and composed herself, intending to go tell Rachel that she couldn’t have Jack near her at the moment but when she got to the kitchen Anne was only a couple of steps behind her and Ann looked at her in shock. “I got home a little while ago. I saw the end of what happened. I heard her calling for me but I knew you could do it so I stayed back”

Jack was fast asleep against Anne’s shoulder and Anne’s expression was completely unreadable. She could see the rage in her tense stance. Rachel stood there looking very anxious. “Princess go get Jack’s things, anything you need and the cottage keys now. I’ll come back for the rest” she commanded in an unusually harsh cold voice and Anne saw the look of surprise on Ann’s face as she turned to follow the instruction and reached out to grasp her arm.

“Thank you my my precious angel” she said much more softly and kissed her forehead before whispering “I’m getting my beautiful girls out of here!” Ann nodded and quickly went off to collect their things.

Anne looked at Rachel in disbelief “I know it was traumatic for you finding out what happened to Ann, believe me it was the same for me. But she is the woman I am going to marry. My world, my princess. She belongs to me and as such its my job to take care of her and I cannot standby and watch her make excuses for you like she is at the moment because all it does is reinforce her ideas that what happened was her fault. That she’s somehow damaged goods and tainted because of the horrific things that were done to her.

And that she therefore deserves your hostility for actions she took when she was just trying not to drown. And I cannot allow you to break down this beautiful little girl anymore. She is our daughter and as her parents we need to put her needs first. I’ve lived that life. Where I let people like you tell me how inadequate I am and what I needed to do to be normal and honestly if I hadnt have met your incredible grand daughter I don’t know where I’d be because I’m not kidding when I say she saved me. And showed me all I could be, just by believing me and accepting me as I am. I don’t want that life for my baby. I don’t want her only feeling real unconditional love and acceptance at the age of 30 just because she’s blessed enough to have a magnificent little angel fall into her arms one night and love her. I want her to have it now.

I’m sorry you felt left out of the engagement announcement Rachel but had you not traumatised Jack so this morning we wouldn’t have been distracted from sharing our news. And I’m sorry for your struggles with Cassie but it’s not up to Ann or Jack to pay for that or blend in so that you can cope. I genuinely love you and am so grateful for the way you’ve welcomed me into your family and showed me the kind of motherly love I’ve never had and it’s for that reason I’m not taking my girls back to Sydney immediately right now. But you’re behaving in a manner at the moment that is Toxic and I can’t have them near you so we’re going down to the cottage. And for Ann’s sake, that incredible beautiful little angel, the grand daughter who has put you first at every turn I really hope you can snap out of this. But I honestly wont be encouraging Jack to have anything to do with you and until I see significant improvement in your attitude your interaction with Ann will be supervised by me because I will not allow my Princess to suffer anymore emotional anguish or trauma as a result of the dysfunction of others.”

Anne picked up Jack’s truck and turned around to see an anxious looking Ann standing between Jaz and Victoria who had obviously arrived home and each had a protective arm around her.

“Come here my sweetheart. It’s alright” Anne said as she held out her hand and Ann went to her carrying the baby bag and an overnight bag with their essentials in it. Anne handed her the truck and took both bags from her, slinging them over her shoulder and put her arm around her little love. ‘Let’s go!’

Ann felt awful for the way things had turned out with Rachel but Anne was right. It had gotten toxic. And once upon a time she would have found it traumatic. But as Anne led her and Jack away, holding them both to her like they were the most precious things in the world. For the first time ever, she felt completely safe. 

********  
Anne watched Ann as she sat on the couch quietly. When they’d gotten to the cottage she had put Jack down while Ann had gone grocery shopping and picked up supplies. And then she’d cooked them the most amazing chicken and vegetable dinner and they’d had a lovely family meal just the two of them with Jack and her toys at the table and both of them taking turns feeding the little girl so they could both eat too. Jack was a little quiet but for the most part she had bounced back and after dinner they’d bathed her, read her a bedtime story and put her to bed. And it had been one of the loveliest nights of Anne’s life. Ann was dressed in a gorgeous baby blue cotton nightgown that did heavenly things to her eyes, fit at her breasts snugly and skimmed her body to her upper thighs. She’d taken the bun out leaving only the halo braid in with the rest of her hair flowing freely around her and she’d been cuddled up to Ann on the couch while soft music played in the background. Anne was surprised at how okay she was with leaving the main house. She could tell something had happened at the lunch though and she hadn’t really had a chance to talk to her about it.

“Here Beauty have another glass of wine” Anne said as she handed Ann her second glass of wine and Ann eyed it dubiously. ‘Hey, you’re not on your own in a foreign country with a baby anymore now. You can relax a little” Anne teased her and Ann relented and took the drink ‘Okay thank you Dude” she said sweetly and Anne sat beside her. ‘Are you going to tell me why you spent such a brief time at the lunch?” She squeezed her hand supportively not expecting Ann to open up much but was floored by her response.

“I just looked around and I didn’t fit. They were all my age, they’d all achieved similar feats, they’d all finished school but I just felt so out of place. And when they started telling me that I was wasting all the opportunities I’d been given in university acceptance offers and the massive UAI score to be a house wife I just said that I earned everyone of those opportunities and that score through extremely hard work under very difficult circumstances. And that I was looking forward to marrying you more than anything and I don’t consider being a stay at home mum to Jack a waste but a privilege and I don’t want to be doing university work at night when you get home from work. I want us having quality time together as a family. As a newly married couple. And in a while look at having another child and not placing extra pressures on myself. I’m only 18 and I have my whole life ahead of me to go to university, It’s not like I need to work and that just because my dream looked different to theirs didn’t make it any less valid!”

“Boom, drop mike!” Anne said proudly and Ann giggled.

“I’m so proud of you my darling. That wouldn’t have been easy to do.” Anne said sincerely. She constantly left her in awe of her strength and now off her medication she wasn’t so in fear of anxiety looping or numb that she sat back and let herself be steamrolled.

“You know I’d support you no matter what you decided though Ann. We’d get a nanny!”

Ann shook her head. “Jack is our baby and she’s never had a mum before now. She’s my priority. I don’t want a nanny raising her during the day I want to do it. I’m new at this. I need time to settle and grow. And I want you to come home to a stable happy wife who is thrilled to see you and a nice family dinner. I want to be able to put Jack to bed and leave her with Beth sometimes and come meet you at a party and dance. Pack you a snack and kiss you goodbye in the morning at the door. Find a project to fill my time, some part time courses for when Jack is napping and at preschool yes, but not one that is all consuming. I think I’ve earned the right to just chill a bit now! I know people think it’s archaic and like I’m setting the feminist movement back about 100 years but I don’t look at it as being a “house wife”. I look at it like following my heart and doing what will make me happiest. And that’s being Jack’s Mummy and your wife!” She looked so happy, confident and resolute in her choice that Anne felt overwhelmed. She’d described such a beautiful life. One Anne couldn’t wait to have with her.

“I love you so much Ann Walker. All the much. All the time. All the ways. We will have such a beautiful life together. Because you fit with me baby. Always” She said as she put her arm around Ann and pulled her into her side.

‘And when you’re ready we can talk about you coming into Shibden because I truly believe you’re meant to be in PR” Anne added cheekily and Ann laughed ‘Yeah okay, let me settle into being insta mum first!”

‘You see it as insta-mum baby completely unaware at how incredible you are at it and that we’re all looking at you thinking ‘Always meant to be mum’” Anne said honestly.

“Awww Dude!” Ann said at the sweetness of her statement. ‘Speaking of our highly spirited little munchkin’ 

Ann put her glass of wine down on the counter and took Anne’s from her placing it down. I had a little chat with her while you were putting her high chair up and explained that as thrilled as you were it twin with her, those earrings weren’t really you and she said that you can take them out. She honestly just wanted to match with you for a day. I don’t think she really grasped the whole 6 weeks commitment deal!” 

Anne chuckled and Ann laughed with her. “I don’t know, as ridiculous as I look I kind of like the idea that we can twin sometimes with something that is ours.”

Ann nodded ‘Which is exactly what I thought you would say.” She reached for a little box she had behind the cushion.

“My Mum had really sensitive ears. She could take her earrings out for a night and the hole in her left one would close up so my dad gave her these to wear when she did shows and stuff so she had something in there.” Ann opened the little box and Anne gasped as she looked at two very plain but stunning tiny black diamond studs.

“I wanted you to have them. If you’re going to keep the piercings it would mean a lot to me if you wore these!”

“Oh my darling. They’re so very beautiful. I’m honoured. Are you sure?” Anne asked and Ann smiled and nodded as she pressed her forehead to Anne’s. “I’m positive! I spoke to Griffo and he said cause your ears were done with a needle if we swap them quickly it should be fine. Here!” Ann said as she nimbly and painlessly swapped the sleepers for the little black diamonds. ‘All done!” She said happily and Anne kissed her passionately. “Thank you sweetheart. I will treasure them!”

Anne stood and went to the mirror in the hallway. They were very no fuss and subtle but stunning. They really suited her.

Ann could feel the wine making her feel floppy and it was a sensation that felt foreign now she was off her meds. “I’m just going to go out for some fresh air Dude I think the wine has gone to my head.” She stood and went to walk away but Anne reached out and grabbed her, pulling her onto her lap with her back against Anne’s chest.

“Good, now I’ll be able to convince you to do all sorts of naughty things.” Anne said wickedly and Ann turned behind her to give her a dazzling smile “Dude be realistic you manage to convince me to do naughty things anytime.”

Anne felt desire stirring deep inside her. ‘Sweetheart if you’re going to talk dirty like that I can guarantee you I wont be able to behave” Ann giggled and Anne cupped her face. “Look at that stunning smile. You’re so beautiful” Anne began kissing her neck “So sweet” and Ann turned to Jelly against her ‘So sexy”….”So mine” she said as she nibbled on Ann’s ear and gently tugged her head back by her hair, seeing her nipples harden in arousal against her nightgown and she gently brought her hand around to press lightly against Ann’s throat. 

‘Are you mine Princess?” Anne asked as she flicked her finger over her nipple through her nightgown. 

“Yes” She grasped and Anne pushed further like she had that night in the kitchen.

‘Yes what?” She hardened her voice.

“Yes…..” Ann nearly let something slip out and stopped herself. It was her strange dreams and the wine, they were getting the better of her.

“Just like you did in the kitchen that night baby you said ‘Yes sir’ and It was so hot.”

“I wasn’t going to say that I was going to say….” Ann’s voice trembled as Anne’s hand pulled the straps of her nightgown down and began circling her nipple with her finger while she shivered.

‘What were you going to say?” Anne commanded firmly in that tone Ann knew meant business 

“Yes Daddy” Ann said hesitantly and Anne let go of her in shock. It was like a lightning bolt shot through Anne’s centre just hearing those words from her sweet beautiful girls mouth. She soaked her boxers, she felt the oxygen just about leave her lungs and her heart was beating so fast it felt as though her chest might burst.

“Where did that come from?” She asked in a voice hoarse with need and almost desperation to possess her.

“I don’t know I just feel it inside, I dream it, I see you, inside you I don’t know I cant explain it” Anne felt her knees go weak. She really did see inside her. This is part of what had drawn them to one another all along. But in all of Ann’s innocence Anne never dreamed it could be reciprocal.

“I can explain it, your Daddy’s beautiful perfect little princess” Anne growled in her ear as she yanked her head back by her hair and attacked her neck with kisses.  
‘Aren’t you” she demanded and Ann nodded, feeling herself become impossibly wet. “Yes Daddy!”

“Yes you are!” Anne affirmed as she slid her hand down to her thighs and ran her fingers where they met in the centre. “Open your legs for me Princess!” She whispered in Ann’s ear and Ann parted her legs compliantly.

“Good girl” Anne cooed gently as she kissed her cheek and pulled her back against her chest, holding her tenderly, not wanting to frighten her. ‘Such a good girl for me. Are you wet for me Beauty?” Anne asked and Ann nodded as Anne moved her hand down to her soaked panties and almost died. When she moved them away Ann started dripping down her inner thigh and all Anne wanted to do was catch every drop with her tongue.

“Mmmmmm so wet for me my beautiful fucking perfect girl” Anne said as she put her thumb through Ann’s flimsy panties and ripped the fabric, pulling them off her and throwing them away.

Ann gasped as Anne pressed her fingers to her clit and began lightly rubbing. She felt like her entire body was on fire. She’d never felt anything so intense in her life.

“Does that feel good Princess?” Anne asked and Ann moaned as she ran her fingers up and down her entrance. ‘Yes Daddy”

Anne’s clit lurched inside her boxers at her words. She never wanted her to stop calling her that.

“What do you want? Tell me what you want sweetheart!” Anne urged her and teased her, circling the very tip of her index finger at her entrance and Ann trembled.

“Inside…..please” Ann pleaded and Anne nibbled her ear ‘Such a well mannered little Princess, I think you deserve a reward” She said suggestively, her voice deep with lust as she inserted her finger and to her surprise Ann began immediately rolling her hips, rocking against her hand and seeking friction. Her ass rocking back and forth against her throbbing centre and her gorgeous little sighs and moans were turning Anne on to the point of discomfort.

‘That’s my girl, move against me, show me the pace you like, that’s it” Anne praised her as Ann continued to thrust hips up to Anne’s hand as she plunged her finger deep inside her and rocked her palm against her clit. After a while she could feel Ann’s walls fluttering and knew it wouldn’t be long. She slipped her own hand inside her boxers and began touching herself as she fucked Ann deeply, increasing her pace and intensity causing her young lover to cry out as the pleasure began to peak.

“Let go baby, come for me, come for Daddy, come on, do it’ she commanded and slipped a second finger inside Ann, filling her and as she did this and slammed her palm against her clit Ann exploded, her entire body spamming and Anne came apart almost instantly after, muffling her cry against the back of Ann’s shoulder as she stretched out her own orgasm and rode Ann’s out with her.  
Not satisfied with making her come just once Ann took her hand out of her boxers and moved it to Ann’s nipple, pinching it lightly and moved the fingers that had been inside her up to her clit, swirling without mercy and Ann cried out as Anne devoured the side of her neck and built her pleasure up again so quickly when she was already so sensitive. She tried to wriggle away but Anne had her in a death grip and soon she didn’t want to move. Anne smiled as a pink flush overtook Ann’s entire body.

‘Are you going to come for me again Princess?” She asked decadently in her ear.

“Yes” Ann gasped and Anne pinched her nipple hard

‘Yes what?”

“Yes Daddy!” Ann hissed as Anne bit her shoulder then smoothed it with her tongue, the combination of pain and pleasure making her feel light headed, this was every dark dream she’d ever had realised. She felt like she was free falling and didn’t ever want to stop.

“That’s my good girl, come for me sweetheart, come for Daddy” Anne moved her hand up to Ann’s throat as her clit began to pulse, signalling the start of her orgasm and as Ann broke apart against her hand and came incredibly hard she grabbed it and pressed with increasing pressure and Ann actually screamed in pleasure as her climax overwhelmed her and she gushed all over Anne’s fingers.  
When Ann went slack against her, Anne took her hand and licked from her palm to the tip of her middle finger and sighed blissfully. “You taste like heaven sweetheart!”

Ann was completely wrecked and still trembling. Ever so tenderly Anne put her hands under her legs and turned her around so she was curled against her. She knew she’d pushed her and it had become almost ‘scene’ like organically. An absolutely magnetic energy had just taken over them and exploded like kryptonite, transporting them to a realm they hadn’t quite anticipated yet in some ways it felt like they had. They would need to talk about it and Anne would make sure she had a safe word because the last thing she ever wanted to do was harm Ann. She also didn’t want them becoming all kink all the time because that just wasn’t whole or balanced. More than anything she didn’t want to push her inexperienced little love any faster than she could handle despite her innate sensuality and obvious openness to trying new things.

Anne couldn’t get over the fact that Ann had seen something in her that she couldn’t have possibly fully understood, and been drawn to it anyway, and brought it out of her, something so much a part of the essence of who she was. It went back to her theory that Ann knew not only her body but her soul by heart before she knew it by touch.

“Are you alright my darling?” She asked softly and Ann nodded faintly as she snuggled into her chest and Anne smiled as she kissed the top of her head.

‘You were incredible, I love you so much. You make me so proud” she whispered as she rocked her angel in her arms and rubbed the outside of her thigh soothingly. “My beautiful perfect Princess”  
She was still twitching and Anne wrapped her arms around her tightly. “I’ve got you little one. You’re safe” she said as she placed little kisses on her damp flushed forehead and stroked the side of her face. After a little while Anne carried her into the bedroom and lay her down on the bed, she was totally out of it still.

“I’m just going to run us a bath sweetheart, I wont be long!” Anne whispered and slipped into the ensuite to run a bubble bath. When it was done she quickly washed her hands and stripped off then walking into the bedroom she leant over an exhausted Ann who had dozed off and gathered her up into a sitting position. Reaching for the clip on the nightstand she clipped her beautiful hair up and pulled off the night gown still bunched around her mid section before picking her up and carrying her into the bathroom. She got in the bath with her still wrapped around her and slowly eased them down into the hot soothing bubbles. Ann nestled her face into her nook between Anne’s shoulder and neck sighing blissfully as Anne ran the sponge softly up and down her back. She gently cleaned her and then cleaned herself and when she was finished she just sat there holding her sweet beautiful girl, engulfed by the warmth of sweet smelling bubbles. After a little while Ann pulled back to peer at her through huge blue sleepy eyes. Anne was expecting any number of reactions, tears, confusion, questions, doubt or shyness. But all Ann did was smile sweetly at her and in the most adorably husky voice muse “I told you that you always manage to convince me to do naughty things!”

Anne chuckled “You did my love!”

Ann went to move back to her nook but Anne firmly grasped her chin to keep her a fraction more alert for just a moment. “And I feel so privileged. So honoured. I cherish the way you just gave yourself to me so much.”

Ann wrapped her arms around Anne’s neck and held on tightly. “My beautiful Princess. Always”

“Yours” she said dreamily.

“Mine” Anne said gratefully as a single tear fell from her closed eyes and she just held her close. When the water started to cool she gently disentangled herself from her very disoriented princess and jumped out of the tub, quickly drying herself off. She then reached in and lifted Ann out of the tub and wrapped her in a large fluffy towel.

“Hold on to me baby” Anne said as she tenderly dried her off and when she was finished she unclipped her hair, picked her up and took her back into the bedroom and placed her in the bed. Anne melted as even half asleep, her eyes closed Ann reached out her arm, her small hand opening and closing as she grasped for her, signalling that she needed her there with her.

“I’m right here my love.” Anne reassured her as she slipped into bed behind her and spooned her.

“Dude..” Ann said sleepily

“Yes baby?” Anne replied softly as she placed soothing little kisses on Ann’s shoulder.

“Can I wear sneakers when we get married?” 

Anne beamed. “I’d be awfully sad if you didn’t!”

“Kay” Ann said with a contented smile as she snuggled back into Anne’s chest and gave into her blissful exhaustion almost immediately.

The last thing Anne registered before she followed her into dreamland was that she’d never felt so seen, wanted, loved or needed. She had the future wife of her dreams, the naughty sensual little princess of her darkest fantasies, her best friend and the most incredible mother of her children all wrapped up in one tiny package sleeping peacefully in her arms. They had each other, they had their beautiful baby girl.

And they were indeed going to have a beautiful life together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I promise Rachel gets her shit together next chapter and reveals a few things that made her lose her shit. Don’t hate her, she’s good people. She’s just typical of people who lose their way in the ebb and flow of mental illness and trauma.
> 
> Also, This was always heading in a kinky direction. AL has such mad daddy energy. I have a kink background and i was laying the ground work which i know a lot of you picked up on over time. But i don’t believe in all kink all the time, or all vanilla all the time if you are kinky. I believe in balance so yes there will be a lot of elements of kink in there sex but there will be gentle vanilla sex and so much love, passion, connection and intimacy I promise you. So if you’re new to kink, don’t be scared. i kept it pretty soft this chapter....for now lmao


	32. All the reasons to smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to say thank you so much to each and every one of you who has read from afar and enjoyed or taken the time to reach out and comment or let me know on a fan forum how much you like my story. Recently I helped another author in the fandom I believed a friend, who’s ideas showed great promise but needed significant tidying in terms of flow and structure and some things changed, create the last chapter of her story and make it better than it was the first time around. And she passed it off as her own solo work which is her prerogative, each to their own. 
> 
> But I am a credit where credit is due kind of girl and always have been. Without you wonderful peeps I wouldn’t still be writing in this crap corona apocalypse likely as I’m still at work and things have been pretty bleak! So I want to give you the credit you deserve and say thank you from the bottom of my heart and letting my little story capture your imagination and finding a place for it in your hearts. It means the world to me to go onto fan forums and see people saying they love my story ‘All the much’ 😍 Even the person who actively tried to troll my story and that signature phrase this week couldn’t bring me down 💕
> 
> In this chapter, Rachel calms down, Jack continues to bust everyone’s ovaries, Ann learns that human emotions feel very different when not numbed by benzos and there’s a nice balance of harsher ( but not really) and softer Daddy action. I really hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Lets get through this Apocolypse together! 😘
> 
> oh and this isn’t safe for work xx

Rachel walked down to the cottage with a small bag of things over her arm. She felt beyond awful for how she had behaved. After Anne had taken the girls from the main house down to the cottage the previous afternoon she had relented and allowed Victoria to medicate her in the way she had recommended and it was like a cloud just lifted and everything went calm and quiet. She hadn’t been able to sleep. In fact she’d been up most of the night thinking about what she had done but she had clarity now. She didn’t feel like she was under a cloud of anxiety, tension and distress.

Finding the back door locked she unlocked it with her key and was about to leave the things she made on her desk when she heard the sounds of Jack chattering away on the baby monitor in the kitchen. Walking to the bedroom next to the main bedroom she opened the door carefully and there she sat in her cot looking so adorable with sleep mussed hair in a pair of purple pyjamas with Poppy and Branch from Trolls on them. She had her toys lined up at the end of her cot and she was reading them a story. And she was so smart. She could already read, just like Annie could when she was the same age.

“Good morning sweetheart!” Rachel said gently and Jack looked up and instantly picked up her purple truck, clutching it tightly to her chest and looking uncomfortable. Rachel felt emotion welling as the little girl looked to the door likely for her parents to come rescue her and she wasn’t at all surprised after how she’d behaved.

“It’s alright sweetheart I’m not going to take your truck. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I’m very sorry I took your truck and that I made you wear that dress and didn’t let you show me the kind of dancing you can do. I’m so sorry I hurt your feelings. I wasn’t feeling very well but that’s no excuse for how I treated you. You’re such a beautiful and kind little girl. You’re not bad, I was the one who was bad.”

Rachel took out the little navy blue apron she’d made Jack that had a bright red truck on it and said “Jack” in big red letters and placed it in the cot. “I heard your Mummy say you really like making dessert. I thought you might enjoy this more than a frilly pink dress”

Jack looked at the apron and her little face lit up as she picked it up. ‘An apron small enough for me. And it has my name on it and a truck! It’s beautiful!” She said excitedly

“Thank you Nanna!” She said as she looked up at Rachel shyly with a sweet smile and Rachel couldn’t stop the tears that filled her eyes.

“You’re so welcome. And you’re beautiful!” Rachel said as she bent and cupped her precious little face. “You are so beautiful!”

Jack’s face was full of empathy as she stood up and walked to the edge of the cot with her little arms outstretched. ‘Don’t cry Nanna. No more fight. It’s okay. Do you need a hug?”

Rachel reached in and picked her up, holding her close and crying as Jack stroked her hair and cuddled her. She pulled away and put her little hands on Rachel’s face and looked at her with huge brown eyes full of wisdom like she’d been on earth before and said “Maybe you weren’t bad. Maybe you were just sad. I can kiss it better” she said as she kissed Rachel’s cheek and Rachel forced herself not to cry harder. This dear little girl had so much of Annie in her, biological or not. She was going to be just fine.

‘Oh you little darling, that feels much better thank you!” Rachel looked at how small and light she was in her arms, even for a baby who had only just turned 3. ‘Oh you are a tiny little thing aren’t you!”

Jack nodded. ‘I came very early like Mummy. Not early that makes you very sick like Mummy was but still early. Mummy helped me put on weight when she took me from the village and took me to her special doctor in Sydney and I did lots of tests and got a lolly pop. Mummy said it’s good to have an extra small body because it means I have an extra big heart. She’s a very good Mummy.”

Rachel realised how much she’d missed out on in getting to know this dear little girl the past couple of days. ‘Mummy is right. You do have an extra big heart and she is a very good Mummy.”

“Nanna I really love my apron. Do you know how to make cookies?”

Rachel smiled “I do sweetheart”

Jack’s little face lit up ‘Can we make some in my apron?”

“I would love that. Let’s get you dressed for the day and in that apron.

******

Ann stirred in Anne’s arms and her eyes fluttered open to see her Dude propped up on one elbow staring down at her adoringly.

“Morning baby!” Ann said as she stretched and Anne moaned blissfully. ‘Good morning my darling. Waking up with you naked beside me would have to be one of the most delicious ways to wake up. The only thing better would be…..”

“We forgot to bring the baby monitor in here last night” Ann said in shock as she realised she couldn’t hear Jack.

“Okay…not exactly what I was thinking but let’s go check on the little one!” Anne said with a chuckle then leant over to kiss Ann’s forehead ‘Well, the other little one!”

They got up and put on their robes and went to go into Jack’s room but Ann stopped so suddenly that Anne ran into her. “Dude listen!” She said at Jack’s little laugh coming from the kitchen and they went out into the kitchen to see Jack and Rachel making cookies together.

‘Nanna I think these ones are even better than the last ones!” Jack said excitedly and Rachel picked her off her step “That’s because you’re so good at it sweetheart. Now I want you to come over here and eat your breakfast for Nanna okay so you can be big and strong”

“Mummy! Mama!” Jack said happily as she snuggled into Rachel. “Look at the apron Nanna made me” Jack said proudly and Rachel looked worried. “I came to leave the apron for the baby and she was awake. I apologised to her for my terrible treatment of her and we got talking and asked if we could bake cookies”

“They have m&m’s in them Mummy!” Jack added and Ann bit back a smile ‘It’s 7.15am’

‘Oh you can make cookies at anytime” Jack reasoned and they all chuckled but Rachel continued to look worried and Ann threw her a life ring.

‘I see what’s going on here. This is like that facebook meme. I was raised like a daughter and it was oatmeal cookies for me and only after I’d eaten my breakfast and done my chores. Grandkid comes along and its cookies whenever you want with M&M’s in them” Rachel laughed as she looked adoringly at Jack. “I suppose you’re right!”

Anne’s stance began to relax. It was clear Rachel was 100 percent calmer than she’d been and completely besotted with Jack.

“You seem better Rach” she said genuinely and Rachel nodded. I’m on medication. Like I should have been for a while now. I feel like me again” Rachel said self consciously and the little outfit under jack’s apron caught Ann’s eye. “Baby what are you wearing?” She asked as she went and undid the apron and Jack beamed “My new playsuit from Nanna. She made it for me!”

“Oh wow this is perfect” Ann said when she looked at the gorgeous little navy playsuit with red fabric buttons up the front and a red letter J on the pocket, red folded up short sleeve shirt cuffs, little matching red cuffs on the bottom of the shorts and a little red bowtie atatched to the top button. It was gorgeous and it was so Jack.

“I had some left over fabric after I did the apron” Rachel said humbly and Ann looked over her shoulder and said “Dude look!” Anne moved closer and smiled at the beautiful outfit that was the perfect feminine tomboy combo that was Jack.

‘And it’s got a little heart on the butt pocket” Rachel said as she turned Jack around and Ann giggled in delight. “Oh its beautiful Nanna!”

“I look awesome!’ Jack said proudly and Ann kissed her little nose “You sure do”. Ann put the apron back on her. “Eat your breakfast baby!” She said as Rachel put her in her high chair and Ann looked at the eggs ‘What’s in it?”

“Bacon, sausage, hashbrown, tomato and croutons fried in butter. It’s how I used to put weight and muscle on you and keep it on you when you were her age. You’d always go straight for the scrambled eggs and leave the fattier foods. But if I put it all in there you ate it! You loved it!”

“That’s such a good idea. I didn’t even think of putting so many things in there!”

“You’re new to this sweetheart and it’s a huge learning curve. But you’re doing such an amazing job and you will pick up a lot of different things to try along the way. Some will work, others won’t. But that’s okay!” Rachel squeezed Ann’s hand and Ann smiled gratefully at her.

“This is really good Nanna.” Jack said enthusiastically 

“I’m glad sweetheart”Rachel said as she gave her a big smile.

“Well I guess I’ll be going” She said as she went to leave and Jack’s little face fell ‘No Nanna stay”

Ann went and hugged Rachel. “I love you Nanna, you don’t have to go”

Rachel squeezed her “I love you so much Annie. I’m so sorry for everything my darling! I just got so lost”

‘I know. I’ve been there. I understand’ Ann said sympathetically. ‘I’m sorry I snapped at you yesterday!”

“Don’t be. I needed it.” Rachel said as she pulled back and cupped Ann’s beautiful face. “I keep trying to figure out when my little girl became such a big girl!”

“Don’t be sad Nanna you got me now. I’m very little and funner.” Jack tried to reassure her and they all cracked up.

“Oh is that right?” Ann asked and Jack put more eggs on her fork. “Yep. Uh huh!”

Anne walked over and put her arm around Rachel. “Don’t go Rach!” She said as she kissed her affectionately on the head.

“Thank you for knocking some much needed sense into me yesterday. I couldn’t be prouder to have you in my family!”

Anne hugged her gently and Rachel gave them a big smile.

“Now, you two lovebirds are newly engaged and juggling a baby. Why don’t you leave the little cookie monster with me and go and have a shower and take your time without worrying. And when you get out I’ll have breakfast ready. And maybe after we can talk. And I can explain a few things.

“I….want…cookie” Jack growled, imitating the Cookie Monster and then started laughing.

“You crack yourself up don’t you Poppet!’ Anne said adoringly as she started laughing at her and Jack nodded ‘Yeah Dude!”

‘You crack us up too!” Ann said as she went and kissed Jack’s head.

“That would be really good thanks Nanna!” Ann said gratefully as she backed away and took Anne’s hand “They’ll be fine!” Ann reassured her quietly and Anne nodded as she followed Ann back into the bedroom.

“Did Rachel just encourage us to go have morning sex?” Anne asked in disbelief and Ann shook her head.

“Oh no, Rachel Hastings would never encourage anyone to have morning sex, much less her pride and joy. She just encouraged us to have a shower and some couple time!”

“Where I feel the subtext was clearly a green light for sex!” Anne teased and Ann gave her a naughty grin “Well now that it appears there’s a new golden child on the block and I’m off the hook it would be an awful shame to waste my new found freedom”

Ann had barely gotten her sentence out when Anne threw her over her shoulder and spanked her causing her to let out a little squeal and then break into laughter as she carried her into the bathroom and placed her on her feet. Anne turned to lock the door and turned to find Ann brushing her teeth and straightening her hair out a little.

“Seriously baby you’re doing that now?” Anne asked in disbelief and Ann gave her a muffled “I don’t wanna be gross!” Through toothpaste and then rinsed her mouth.

Anne shook her head indulgently but had an idea and went and locked the bedroom door as well and then came back into the bathroom with the speaker and turned some music on, not too loud, just some instrumental background music to create a little extra noise. When she got back she quickly brushed her teeth and felt her centre throb as Ann turned the shower on and stood under the shower head. Endless droplets of water caressing her perfect little body.

She went and got into the shower and testing the waters she gathered Ann’s hair and pulled her to her “I don’t like being kept waiting when I want you Little One!’ She growled but make sure she used a term of endearment and ran her freehand up and down her hip gently. She always wanted Ann to feel reassured that she was safe and so loved as they entered into D/s territory. She still wasn’t quite sure what reaction to expect from her sweet beautiful girl. But nothing prepared her for Ann looking over her shoulder and sassily saying “Too bad so sad!” Dismissing her cheekily before turning away and going back to the water.

Anne’s jaw dropped and she fought the urge to touch herself. Not only was her angel incredibly submissive she had a playful bratty side to and would fight her. Could she be anymore perfect.

“Too bad so sad?” Anne said in disapproval as she pushed Ann against the shower wall “Is that anyway to speak to me Princess?”

“No Daddy” Ann said contritely and Anne actually felt her clit lurch and she turned Ann around and died as she looked up at her with huge blue innocent eyes and pouted before saying “Sorry Daddy!”

She then stood up on her tippee toes and kissed her on the cheek. “That’s my good little Princess!” Anne said as she spun Ann back around onto the wall and spanked her, making her gasp.

‘Because if you’re naughty I’ll have to spank you!” She warned and spanked her again twice, making Ann moan and lean against the wall, pushing into the hand that struck her.

‘Jesus sweetheart, stop it!’ Anne silently pleaded, so scared she might lose control and frighten her little Pixie. She was just so hot.

“Then I might need to be naughty more often!” Ann challenged her and Anne took a deep breath as she began spanking her and reached her hand under her to roll her nipple while she did, causing her to moan.

‘Oh I fucking hope so!” Anne said honestly as she landed a particularly sharp blow on the juncture where her thigh met her ass causing her to jump and then rubbed it soothingly.

‘Was that too rough baby?” She asked Ann as she kissed her shoulder and Ann sighed blissfully. “No, I like it, I like the pain, and I like you rubbing it, I like both” she said honestly and Anne groaned at her incredibly honest and ridiculously sexy response.

“Do you?” Anne questioned her in that deep tone of voice that drove Ann crazy and she nodded.

“Are you wet for me my naughty little love?”

“Yes.” Ann replied shakily.

‘Yes what?” Anne demanded.

‘Yes Daddy’ Ann said compliantly and Anne pressed both her hands in between the small gap in her legs encouraging her to part them

“ That’s better.Good girl, open your legs for Daddy so I can see.”

Ann spread her legs and Anne reached her hand in between her legs to cup her sex in her hand.

“Is this mine?” She whispered in Ann’s ear possessively as she pinched her nipped lightly and Ann writhed against her.

“Yes Daddy” Ann cried out and Anne kissed her neck passionately. ‘Say it. Say it’s mine”

“It’s yours Daddy, it belongs to you” Ann obeyed and Anne slapped her inner thighs causing her to buck back into her and then Ann did something that ruined Anne. She turned her head to look at her so intently with so much love and devotion in her now cobalt eyes even her lust filled haze and said “I belong to you!”

“Yes you fucking do!” Anne growled captured her mouth in a demanding possessive kiss as her finger entered her silky wetness from behind and she swallowed her moans. When the kiss broke Anne pressed her face against the side of Ann’s cheek and squeezed her throat slightly. “My beautiful sweet little princess. I love you so much. You are my dream come true, even when you’re naughty” she said honestly as she drove into her and then started spanking her as she fucked her from behind, feeling her walls clench around her finger with ever blow she landed. Her angel was so fucking turned on and she couldn’t ever remember being so aroused. Adding a second finger and not wanting to hurt her, she gentled her strokes but she reached around and placed her hand firmly on her clit, slowly pushing her back on to her fingers and Ann muffled her scream against her forearm on the wall as heady pleasure began to engulf her. It was almost too much, Anne’s hand on her clit and her fingers moving inside her. She felt the most unbearable yet incredible coiling deep inside her and started to feel a little bit faint.

“Are you going to come for me Princess? Go on, come for Daddy, come for me baby. Let me feel you” Anne urged her along and didn’t have to wait long as Ann started pulsing around her fingers with such force Anne knew her climax was going to be huge. It escalated so quickly that even Anne was shocked as her whole body spasmed almost violently and Anne continued to fuck her through it as she screamed into her arm. God she couldn’t wait to defile her perfect princess like this one night when they were free to make noise and she could really hear her.

When her orgasm ended Ann went limp and Anne gently removed her fingers and turned her little love around, picking her up and holding her tight.

“You’re incredible!” Anne whispered in awe as Ann snuggled into her nook just catching her breath. Anne just stood there for a while holding Ann then suddenly without warning Ann wriggled out of her arms and pushed her against the wall, 3 of her fingers filling her as her mouth took one of her nipples aggressively, sucking and swirling furiously as she fucked Anne hard and fast before moving to the other breast and Anne buried her cries of pleasure in Ann’s hair. She was so turned on she knew that it wouldn’t take long, not at the pace Ann was driving into her at. 

“Harder sweetheart, please!” Anne pleaded, desperate for release and Ann complied, slamming into her furiously until Anne cried out against Ann’s head, white light almost blinding her and Ann felt warm liquid gushing down her hand and wrist, mixing with the hot water as Anne shook and she slowed her movements, gently drawing it out before slipping out of her and wrapping her arms around Anne, holding her tenderly as Anne dropped her face into her shoulder, just breathing.

What a way to start the morning.

*******  
”Kenzie!” Ann warned, using her real name as Jack did a rolling somersault on the hardwood floor and Jack instantly stopped “Okay Mummy, soft ground only!”

“That’s right little dude!”

“It’s an adorable name. It really suits her. So does Jack though. I see that now!” Rachel conceded as she watched the little girl playing through the lounge room while they finished their breakfast.

“I’m so pleased you two have hit it off Nanna. I want her to be here all the time on the farm like I was. I want this to be her second home too” Ann said honestly and Anne put her arm around Ann

‘We both do Rach!” She said honestly and Rachel nodded, trying not to cry again. ‘I want that too so much!”

She held out a pile of photos that Ann hadn’t seen next to her plate.

“Do you recognize this little girl?” Rachel asked as she showed Ann a photo of a little girl in a black tutu with bright rainbow coloured hair from the back walking in a green field and bright red patent leather boots.

“No but the outfit is a little intense for someone so tiny. Jack likes black and I make sure I break it up with colours. Although the hair spray is colour I guess.”

“it wasn’t hair spray, it was coloured that way.” Rachel said sadly and Ann’s jaws dropped.

‘Coloured?” But she’s a baby that’s so damaging and dangerous.” Ann said and Rachel nodded “It was. How about this one, do you recognise her yet?” 

Rachel showed her a picture from the front and Ann’s eyes widened ‘That’s me!”

“It was your 3rd birthday party. You were so excited. But because Cassie had spiked the punch at a christening a few weeks earlier and given a few children alcohol poisoning no one turned up. And you were devastated. Because of Cassie’s instability and the way she dressed you for events, like you were a circus character even though you always asked for pastel pinks and blues already had made you a slight outcast but after that christening it was like you were a Pariah. We had a huge fight about how her behaviour was impacting you and she took you away for almost a year after that. You don’t remember?”

Ann shook her head “No, I mean I remember missing you and asking for you but we were in England I thought that’s why we hadn’t seen you. I don’t remember the party. I remember some of the crazy outfits and all the fighting but I don’t remember that hair. It’s crazy how bold it is because every time I’ve done temporary colour in my hair its always been...

“Soft, like you” Rachel finished her sentence and Ann shrugged. ‘Well yes!”

“That’s how you came to be a lost boy my darling. Until then your only little friend was Suzie Washington. Sam was always so understanding of the situation obviously because of his medical profession and his friendship with your father. She wasn’t allowed to be here with Cassie if we weren’t here or your father was away but you were always welcome in their home. But as you know, all of the Lost boys have significant family dysfunction. Tommy’s father is an alcoholic runaway, Frog’s mother is a criminal, Griffo’s parents were killed and he was raised by his grandparents and when you started going to school with all of them their families had their hands too full to worry about them spending time with cocaine Cassie’s misfit little girl. And they are all good boys and they loved, protected and looked after you.

And the more you started coming here without your mother people saw how different you were. But still, it broke my heart seeing you judged so harshly when you were just an innocent, just a baby. I can still see the look of devastation on your little face when no one came to that party. And when I saw Jack, and she’s different and you were encouraging it, I got triggered and I just panicked. I was scared she would have the life you had when you were little, scared she’d be an outcast, scared you’d take her away. But I know the difference now. I know that unlike your situation she has such an incredible mother in you sweetheart. And she’s not being made into something she’s not. She’s just who she is and she’s comfortable in her own skin and she’s just gorgeous. I’m so sorry my darling.”

“oh Nanna I didn’t realise” Ann said as she wrapped her arms around Rachel’s waist and leaned into her.

‘How could you? You were so little. And when I found out what happened with those animals. What they’d did to you. I just felt so awful because this is the second time you know. I know your mother used to tell you she lost her virginity at 13 to a very handsome older teacher and she did and she was the one who seduced him. And that’s true but he was 18. He should have known better. But I….i encouraged them to spend time together because he could use the circus equipment and I’m ballet Jazz and tap trained and I was just trying to keep hold of her, to find a way to meet her halfway with something that interested her. He went to our church. So I invited him into our home….Just like I did with George…with Thomas. My beautiful little girl… and then my beautiful little grand daughter. And I felt like history was repeating itself and I had a chance to save you, to protect you but I didn’t know it. I didn’t see it!”

“Nanna no. I kept it inside. No one knew. You are not responsible. Thomas and James are responsible. No one else. I kept it inside because it got so big I just didn’t know how to say it. This farm. You, Pop and Mama, you’re what kept me going. You’re what kept me alive. Do you understand that?”

“I do” Rachel said as she nodded tearfully. ‘I love you so much Annie. And I’m just so sorry for how I treated you yesterday”

“I love you too Nanna!And I understand much better where you were at now. There’s something you need to know though, Now I want you to try to remain calm and remember how important Brian is to Marion and how important Frog is to me”

Rachel looked at Ann in bewilderment. ‘You didn’t let Mum down Nanna, she wasn’t even a virgin when she slept with that teacher. She lost her virginity to Teddy Pickett. He was in love with her. He was 14, she was 13 and after it happened he told her they weren’t ready and that they should still be together but not together that way and Cassie didn’t like limits she she dumped him and she bragged about how she was going to go after older acrobat guy and then bragged to me about all these conquests in an effort to get me to have sex really young too but I told her I was with Teddy on this one and he was right and so was I and I was waiting.”

‘Really?” Rachel asked in surprise.

“Yes” Ann said emphatically.

‘Well Teddy is far too soft for her as well, he wouldn’t have been able to handle Cassie anymore than Chris could. The only one who could ever handle your mother was Jaz. And surprisingly, you my darling. Despite how young you were and the fact that you never should have had to parent your own mother. Our ultimate quiet achiever who turned out to be the strongest Hastings woman of all. And that’s why you’ll do a fine job with Jack Darling. You’ve done the Mum thing before. Thank you for making me feel better about things”

‘Thank you for making me feel better about things too” Ann said as she hugged her grandmother.

“Your grandfather is going to a horse meet with some of the boys. Jaz and Victoria and I were planning on going down to the river since its going to be so hot today if you’d like to join us?”

Anne’s heart broke for little Ann who had suffered being ostracized and all Rachel had been through trying to save her for it and trying to save the daughter that couldn’t be saved. She couldn’t allow Rachel to speak to Jack or Ann the way she had but she could certainly understand why Rachel had been triggered.

“Are you sure Nanna? You must have been up most of the night sewing” Ann said in concern and Rachel smiled. “I’m a tough old broad as Jaz says! I plan to tire myself out and have a decent nap in the afternoon.”

“Would that be okay Dude?” Ann asked Anne considerately and Anne smiled indulgently as she kissed Ann’s forehead ‘Of course, I think showing the little Poppet the river for the first time sounds like a perfect way to spend the day!”

“Alright then well I will head back up to the house and leave you to get organised. Just let us know when you’re ready to go! Oh and before I go darling, Here is the Hunter paper with the article about your amazing achievement in it.”

“Thanks Nanna I’ll get Jack organised and then I will look at it!” Ann said humbly.

“Our modest little star!”Anne said adoringly as she kissed Ann’s head and Rachel laughed. “yes. She’s never been any different!” Ann walked Rachel out and then when she came back Anne pulled her into her lap.

‘Do you feel better now sweetheart for having talked things out?” Anne asked and Ann snuggled into her “Yes Dude I do. She’s medicated, we’ve resolved a lot. I think things will be easier from now on.”

“Well that’s good. Partly because I know how much you two love each other and I love you both. Partly cause she can watch Jack while I defile my incredibly sexy naughty perfect little Princess!” Anne said wickedly as she nibbled Ann’s ear and she blushed and giggled.

“Dude!” She cried out as she tried to pull away before Anne started something they couldn’t finish. “Come on let’s get ready!”

***********  
Ann looked at the picture and article about her achievement in the local newspaper and smiled. She was pretty damn proud of herself. She turned the page over to see if any of the other local kids had been mentioned and she froze as she saw James and Thomas’s names under the headline “Horror drunken joy ride” claims the lives of local Army boy and his commanding officer and their bodies had been burned beyond recognition. Dental records had been used to identify them and foul play had completely been ruled out. They were dead. They were gone. She’d had no idea. She didn’t know what to think or feel. It was all over. She just froze.

“Mummy are you going to pack my snack box? Or can I eat other food now were not in Bali?’ Jack asked but was surprised that Ann didn’t respond. She didn’t even look at her. It’s like she was a statue.

“Mummy?” Jack asked but still got no response. That wasn’t good.

She toddled into the bedroom where Anne was sitting on the bed. Anne flicked through the gorgeous candid pics she’d taken of her two stunning girls in their adorable matching leopard print bikinis while they were getting dressed. While Ann had a traditional but modest triangle string bikini, Jack had a more athletic crop top with crossed over straps a at the back, much like her own in plain black. And then they both had matching mummy and me play suits. It was so adorable. She couldn’t wipe the grin off her face. Ann had put hers and Jack’s hair into two braids then done her hair in a no fuss single braid. She’d cleaned Jack’s little ears to protect the piercings and then done hers. She’d never allowed a partner to fuss over her that way before. But with Ann, it felt so lovely. It made her feel loved and valued.

“Mama?” Jack asked and Anne put the phone down.

“Yes my beautiful little poppet?” Anne asked as she picked up the gorgeous little girl. ‘if we left the resort in Bali Mummy only let me eat the food she packed in my lunch box to keep me safe from Bali Belly. Is it like that here too? Cause I tried to get Mummy to pack my lunch box but I think she’s broken. She’s just standing very still like a statue reading the paper and kind of looks like she’s gonna spew.”

Anne instantly stood up and then remembered she couldn’t frighten Jack “Why don’t you go play with your toys in your room my darling while Mummy and I finish getting everything ready. Don’t worry, We’ll get you snacks!”

“Kay Dude!” Jack said as Anne kissed her cheeks and put her down. As soon as Jack was out of sight and next door Anne charged out into the kitchen and found Ann looking pale as a ghost standing so very still just staring into space clutching a page of the newspaper.

“Ann?” Anne asked in concern but got no response. She went around to where Ann stood and put her arms around her from behind. ‘Sweetheart what is it? Talk to me’ she pleaded as she looked over her shoulder at what she’d read and then she saw the article. So Jaz had done it. She’d pulled it off.

“Okay I understand now. Come here” Anne said as she pried the iron cast grip Ann had on the paper off it and pulled her rigid little body into her arms. She was still completely non responsive but Anne held her and ran her hand up and down her back trying to soothe her into relaxing and snapping out of it.

“Mummy can I please have some of the cookies I made in my lunch box?” Jack asked as she appeared at their side. She didn’t understand why her Mummy wasn’t speaking to her.

“Mummy please talk to me” Jack said beginning to get upset and Ann snapped out of her daze.

“I’m sorry baby what did you say?” She asked sounding very far away but Jack looked relieved.

“My lunch box Mummy can I take a cookie?” Jack asked and Ann still felt like she was completely churning inside but felt awful for spacing out on Jack and making her feel shut out.

“Of course sweetie.” She said as she bent and picked Jack up, pulling her close and inhaling the sweet baby scent of her skin. “What kind of sandwiches do you want? Stars? Hearts?”

“Unicorn!” Jack said as her little face lit up.

“Poppet that might be a hard sandwich to make why don’t we..”

“oh Mummy can make any sandwich she’s so clever” Jack said as she looked at Ann like she was the most magical creature in the world and more than anything Ann knew she couldn’t let her baby girl down.

“It’s not hard, I can do it. It’s just a cookie cutter. Can you please put sun screen on her everywhere, including her ears Dude?” Ann asked in a very quiet small voice.

“Of course sweetheart but we don’t have to go you know. I’m sure Rachel and Jaz would still understand and take Jack. Should I call Victoria down here?”

“I need to make Jack’s lunch. It’s her routine” Ann said softly as she went and started making Jack’s bento box. While Anne stood watching her worriedly.

*********

“So she had no idea that Thomas and James were dead, Anne found her practically catatonic in the kitchen reading the article. Jack snapped her out of it. And that’s why Annie is so quiet and not herself” Victoria relayed the information she knew and Rachel slapped Jaz “You should have warned her about this Jaz”

‘Why are you looking at me?” Jaz asked innocently and Rachel narrowed her eyes at her. “The two animals that tortured out baby girl for years just happen to be burned to death in a tragic car accident together? I’m not judging. I’m proud of you. I hope they were alive when you did it. I’m just saying I think it must have been a huge shock to read about”

“I have it on pretty good authority they were alive and with completely busted genitals thanks to a certain tall dark sexy young woman becoming extremely aggressive with a baseball bat when avenging her princess a few weeks earlier.”

“Jaz!” Victoria said in shock and Jaz shrugged “What? A woman’s got to bond with her future daughter in law and know she’s letting in good stock. With balls, especially in my family! Lister did us all proud trust me!”

“And thank you lady” Jaz said as she affectionately put an arm around Rachel and pulled her in for a hug.

Jack sat on her ride on unicorn float with little floaties on her arms. She was such a good swimmer. Ann had taught her and once more Anne was frequently in awe of the mother that she was. Their little girl was so lucky to have her. Ann had been so quiet. She’d been more alert and physically responsive but it was clear she was in shock. Anne was surprised when she willingly leant against her and took her arms, wrapping them around her waist. This was new. Her actually letting her comfort her in some way, however small. Instigating it.

“Mummy, Mama I’m hungry!” Jack said and Ann squeezed Anne’s hand gently “We better feed the little Dude!”

“I can take her back to the riverbank if you want to relax a little bit my darling!” Anne offered and Ann nodded ‘Okay!’

“Come on sweetheart, all aboard the unicorn express!’ Anne said as she pulled the unicorn towards the shore while Jack clapped her little hands “Yay faster Dude faster!” She called out in excitement.

When they got back to sure Rachel looked at Anne in concern ‘Is she alright?”

Anne shook her head “But we have a little audience!” 

‘Of course Darling!” Jaz said in understanding and Rachel squeezed Anne’s arm gently. 

Jack went to the chiller bag and took out her purple Bento box that had a pair of multicoloured kicks on it with glittery accents and “Jack” in big glittery letters.

When she opened it Anne, Rachel, Jaz and Victoria all stared at the contents in stunned admiration. In the main compartment was a jam sandwich in the shape of a unicorn and each part of the unicorn was decorated with a different coloured sprinkles. And the other section had little heart and star shaped pieces of watermelon and rock melon with tiny little animal forks in them for easy eating. Little celery sticks with peanut butter dip, a small amount of plain popcorn and a cookie. It was the most beautifully presented lunch box Anne had ever scene. “Oh my word!”Rachel said as she looked at how lovely it was. 

‘The kid is seriously super mum!” Victoria praised Ann genuinely.

Anne wiped Jack’s hands with anti bacterial wipes the way she’d seen Ann do and the little girl quickly became engrossed in her food.

Ann stood in the water and found it harder and harder to contain the feelings inside her. What even was that feeling she had. Her throat was like burning and her stomach was churning. She felt so glad they were gone, that they were dead. That Jaz had likely made sure they’d suffered. But she worried that made her a really bad person. She felt so relieved but at the same time it made it all so real and harder to ignore that some really horrific shit had happened to her. She didn’t know what was going on but she was so scared that she was losing the plot and going crazy. What if she was crazy like her mother? She’d never felt anything like this when she was on her medication. Anxiety sure but nothing like this.

She started struggling a little to breathe and began pacing back and forth trying to calm.

“Jaz look!” Rachel said as she watched Ann start to deteriorate and Anne looked up to see Ann starting to come apart a bit and then she turned and suddenly started swimming away down the river.

‘Wait where is she going?” Anne asked as she jumped up.

“Around the corner to the left, it’s her special spot.” Rachel explained and Anne waded out into the water.

“Do you want me to come?” Victoria asked and Anne turned back “I’ll call you on your watch if I need back up” and with that she was already swimming away.

Ann got to the ledge just in front of the entry of her little hide away spot and was crying so much she had to stop and sit on it. She felt so conflicted and churned up inside. She’d never felt anything like this before. Sure she’d been distraught before but everything had merged into one jumbled blur. But in this moment she felt so many different things so clearly all at the same time. She was really losing the plot. What if she really was crazy?

Anne got around the corner and was shocked to see her precious angel sitting on a ledge with her knees pulled up to her chest as she cried. Realising she could stand in the depths there she stood in front of Ann and placed her hands gently on the sides of her thighs. “Hey…..what’s the matter little Pixie?” She asked in concern and Ann looked up, breaking Anne’s heart with how distraught she looked and in something that was rather unprecedented she threw her arms around Anne’s neck and held on for dear life. Anne hated that she was so distraught but felt so uplifted by the way Ann was turning to her for love and comfort and support instead of shutting down.

“It’s alright Little One I’ve got you. Shhhhh you’re safe. It’s alright” Anne said as she pulled her off the ledge and into her arms. She held her for a little while but Ann wasn’t calming. 

“Can you tell me what’s upsetting you so baby?” Anne asked but Ann said nothing so Anne pried her face away from her shoulder. ‘Are you having a panic attack?” She asked and Ann shook her head

“N..no….I…..d….d….dont think….s…..so” Ann sobbed, barely able to get her words out and Anne kissed her all over her face trying to calm her. “Is this about the article this morning?” Ann nodded and Anne pressed the call button and asked her watch to call Vicki.

“Yeah Vicki she’s really distraught, about the article. Can you come? Thanks” Anne said as she pulled Ann close to her and just held her. “Shhh its alright Beauty, just hold onto me and try to breathe.” Anne rubbed her hand up and down her back and could finally feel her starting to calm a little much to her relief.

Victoria arrived and stood beside Anne and placed her hand gently on Ann’s arm. “I’m here sweetheart. Talk to me, however long it takes just try to get the words out” She urged Ann and Ann pulled her face away from Anne’s shoulder, taking some big deep breaths.

“I think…..I think I’m going crazy. I’m…..hearing…different voices…” Ann said in distress and Anne looked at Victoria in alarm but Vicki just smiled reassuringly at Ann. “Okay sweetheart, its alright. What are the voices saying ? How long have you been hearing them?”

“Since….the article, this morning. A voice is saying that I don’t know how I feel and one is saying I’m glad they’re dead and that I hope they suffered. Then another one is saying that Thomas’s grandma was always so nice to me and she’s old and probably so upset and it’s Christmas and then the voice says again but she doesn’t know what he did and they deserved what they got and then another voice says that I’m glad they were burned alive and then the last one is saying that I’m a bad person for thinking that and probably crazy too because I can feel the voices is my head and my heart and my tummy” Ann finished speaking and then burst into fresh tears and Victoria gave her a big smile 

“Annie,darling, you’re not going crazy at all. You’re just experiencing the full spectrum of mixed feelings in a really traumatic situation unmedicated for the very first time. Previously when this happened it would have felt like one big mixed up overwhelming bag and you would have short circuited and taken something which would have numbed it.”

Ann processed what Victoria was saying “Y….yes….that’s what it w….was like” she said through her tears. “But now….everything, each of the voices are so….clear…”

“They’re not voices my darling they’re conflicting thoughts. It doesn’t mean you’re crazy it just means you’re human.”

Anne felt incredibly relieved. But of course Ann would feel confronted. What Victoria was saying made perfect sense.

“But aren’t I a terrible person. For feeling glad when I saw it. For being glad that it was very likely Mama’s work and she would have let them burn alive. What kind of person thinks something like?” Ann asked.

“Someone who was put through unimaginable pain, hell and torture for two years by those animals” Anne said vehemently and cupped Ann’s face with her hand. “My incredibly beautiful inside and out girl. You are the kindest, sweetest, most considerate, generous, thoughtful loving person I have ever met. There is more goodness in your pinky finger than most people have in their whole body and Vicki is right. Feeling this way given the circumstances doesn’t change any of that, it just means you’re human. Alright?”

“Listen to your Dude darling. She speaks the truth” Victoria backed Anne up.

Ann nodded “I just….” She couldn’t finish the thought as she took a deep breath and fresh tears fell. “I just want them to have wished they were dead even a fraction of the times they made me wished myself dead. I want them to have wanted to die as badly as I did”

“Oh god…baby come here” Anne said as she pulled Ann to her, tears filling her own eyes at the horror of what Ann had just said, that her beautiful sweet innocent Princess had lived life wishing she could die. She was so grateful that she was so strong. That she’d fought so hard and made it out the other side to land in her arms and become hers to love, cherish and protect for the rest of their lives. Ann wrapped her arms around her Dude and buried herself in the warmth of her love, understanding and protection.

“Rachel and Jaz are worried. I’ll go back and let them know she’s alright. And she will be alright now she’s let it out. You’ve got this kiddo. Take her inside her little cave” Victoria said softly and Anne nodded. “Thank you Vicki!” 

Anne suddenly registered the “little cave” comment and she saw an opening just to the left of the ledge and moved towards it. It was really only wide enough for them to just fit through and when she got in side she looked around and and saw it really was like a little hide away. ‘This is seriously cool’ she thought to herself and moving them over to the most hidden corner she rubbed Ann’s back and held her tight. “You’re in your little cave sweetheart. And you’re safe and so very loved. I’ve got you. Can I see your beautiful face for a moment?” Anne asked gently and Ann moved her face away from her nook.

“Puffy” she said shakily and Anne simply shook her head and smiled adoringly. She’d never known any woman to look as gorgeous as Ann did irregardless of how much she’d cried, drank, been ill, slept roughly. She was ethereal.

“No you’re not My darling. You’re so beautiful. Close your eyes for me” Anne said reverently and Ann complied.

“Good girl” Anne whispered as she scooped water up and gently rinsed her tears away. 

“How are you feeling about things now?” Anne asked her and Ann winced looking very vulnerable as she tried to find words. She got like this sometimes when she was really upset, went temporarily non verbal and Anne had learned to communicate with her regardless. Ironically she’d realised she got more from her than if she’d tried to make her talk.

“Overwhelmed?” She asked and Ann nodded emphatically. “Scared?” She asked her and Ann thought about it for a moment and shook her head vehemently. “Why aren’t you scared baby?” Anne asked in surprise, sure that Ann would have been triggered by the article and fear would have flooded her but Ann just looked at her with huge blue eyes. “Because I have my dude” she said so softly Anne almost didn’t hear her but she did and she melted.

Her Princess had come so far in opening up to her and running into her arms and Anne realised she might be able to take away some of the tension and pain and show Ann that being Daddy wasn’t just about kinky bedroom activities. It was about taking care of her, protecting her, loving her and doing anything she could to make her feel better. It was about Ann knowing that there was nothing in this world she wouldn’t do for her Princess and that she had essentially always been Daddy outside of the bedroom in that capacity. The rest just needed to wait for Ann’s sexual awakening and realisation of her innate sensuality and naturally submissive nature. And there was also a place for Daddy in intimacy of the gentle loving and healing kind.

‘I love you so much my beautiful Princess” Anne said as she covered Ann’s face in little kisses and moved down to trail her lips along the side of her ear and neck, encouraged by her soft little moans. She could feel the way Ann began to melt in her arms, all the tension leaving her body and then she began to respond, pressing her petite form against her. “Are you alright beauty?” Anne checked in with her and Ann nodded with her eyes closed as Anne traced her collar bones with her finger.

“Let me help you forget, let Daddy take the pain away.” Anne whispered tentatively as she traced Ann’s now erect nipple through her bikini top sensuously. And Ann could fell all the chaos calming already under the gentle ministrations of Anne’s lips and touch. She just needed to lose herself in her Dude. But more than that. For the first time she got it, she really got it. Even among all the confusion running through her system, all the dark desires, all the dreams, the thoughts she hadn’t understood since she’d been with Anne. This is what she needed right now. For Anne to just take care of everything. She needed Daddy. 

Ann nodded “Please Daddy make it go away” she whispered as she wrapped her legs around her and Anne felt every nerve in her body come alive as her precious angel just abandoned herself in her arms with such faith and trust.

“I will sweet baby, I promise” Anne lifted her up onto as flat rock and pushed the triangle fabric of her bikini to the sides baring her beautiful breasts and began caressing them so very softly as she kissed all around Ann’s face, ears and neck. Her tongue traced her nipples with painstaking gentleness as she felt her angel start to writhe with need and Ann felt she might start to cry again just from how soft and tender Anne was with her. Anne ran her hand’s delicately over Ann’s silky soft skin down to her bikini bottoms and ever so lightly rested her finger tips against the fabric covering her little love’s centre and whispered in her ear “Is it alright if I touch you Princess? You can say no if you don’t want to right now. You can always say no”

Ann did tear up at that, at Anne’s empathy and understanding for all she’d been through. ‘It’s alright. I want you to. Thank you for asking” Ann said in a quiet, quivering voice and Anne kissed her tears away making sympathetic little noises and punctuating each kiss with her words. “My sweet, beautiful, perfect little Princess. I love you so much”

“I love you Daddy. All the much. All the time” Ann said as she wrapped her arms around Anne’s neck and Anne felt the dominant part of herself that she’d always used for control, as a protective front just breathe in the air around them and come to simply….be. With Ann she could just be who she was. She could be Dude. She could be Daddy. She could be both and everything in between.

“All the ways my love” she said as she undid the side of Ann’s bikini bottoms and gently stroked her fingers against her already slick sex that was almost burning against the contrast of the cool water.  
She didn’t enter her. She just stroked her forefinger up and down the sensitive skin at her entrance and used her thumb to lightly circle it as Ann moaned and bucked beneath her and the entire time Anne held her close and didn’t stop kissing her or whispering how beautiful she was, how much she loved her.

When Anne dipped her finger into her for just a moment and moved her silk coated finger up to Ann’s clit, beginning to circle it, Ann began to whimper like a little kitten and Anne groaned against her forehead. ‘You’re so perfect. I just knew you’d make the sweetest little sounds for me, from the first time I kissed you I just knew”

Ann could feel a climax building inside her that felt completely different to the ones she’d had. It was building and burning to a precipice so gently and slowly yet it felt so powerful. She felt as though she was levitating atop a soft warm heat and hurtling towards something unknown all at the same time. The quivering started in her thighs, then her abdomen and spread throughout her body until her toes curled and as it hit her she cried out and felt like her whole body just shattered. “That’s my Princess, come for Daddy” Anne encouraged her as Ann clung to her and spasmed. Anne continued circling her clit gently until Ann went completely limp in her arms and then she wrapped her arms around her still whimpering angel and held her tight.

“Good girl. You came hard didn’t you Beauty?” Anne cooed softly as she rubbed her back and Ann nodded, still too wrecked to function. But the most incredible thing was all the stress and angst and churning that had been cycling inside her had just evaporated and there was only Anne, her arms and the residual tremors running through her body of what she’d just done to her. And she felt weightless. After a little while she pulled back to look at Anne in wonder “Everything went away. How did you know?” She asked and Anne smiled adoringly as she smoothed away the little tendrils of hair that had escaped her braids. “Often when you’re really upset and you have an orgasm its like all the yucky stuff releases with it. It’s cleansing”

“Oh” Ann said as she processed what Anne said with such a serious little look on her face that Anne had to bite back a smile at how adorable she looked. “You know all the things about sex. And I don’t know any of the things” she said shyly and Anne melted. “Baby” she said reverently as she pressed her lips to Ann’s forehead in a tender kiss. ‘You know all the things that matter to me.”

“Then maybe…..”Ann hesitated, unsure of how to phrase what she was asking and Anne could sense her shyness.

‘It’s okay sweetheart, talk to me” she encouraged her supportively and Ann took a deep breath “You’re so giving and attentive with me and you take your time. When you’re ready maybe you could let me make love to you like that. I know I’m very inexperienced but I love you with my whole heart and I could learn. I can sense the wall you put up to discourage touching you, or that only comes down enough to let yourself be touched almost as an afterthought. I’d like to touch you like youre my first thought.If you let me. Because you’re my only thought. I know you’ve been terribly hurt by people who have abused your beautiful heart and made you feel less than the completely exquisite human you are. But I would never hurt you.”

Anne didn’t know what to say. The way Ann saw right through to the very heart of her. Past all her defences, walls and bravado. And she’d just called her out in the most gentle, loving and sweetest way to the point where Anne didn’t even feel remotely confronted. But she did feel overcome with emotion and gratitude for the precious little angel in her arms with a mind and a heart so huge it completely defied her tiny stature. Who had shown her a love unlike any she had ever known.

“I…..I will work on it my darling. I’d like to work on it with you. I trust you.” She said in a voice hoarse with emotion and Ann nuzzled her nose with her own so tenderly. “We’ll work in it together!” She said with the softest most beautiful smile and Anne beamed at her. “Yes. Together.”

***********

Anne lay back against the sturdy and anchored banana lounger in the shallow water with her beautiful princess curled up against her chest napping peacefully and holding a sleeping Jack who was nestled between their bodies and had also curled into Anne. The water rocked them all gently and Anne was meant to be focusing on her kindle but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from her two beautiful girls. They were positively angelic. It’s funny, even though Ann hadn’t given birth to Jack they easily passed for mother and daughter. Same long lashes, long silken tresses despite the difference in colour. Delicate little noses, full pink lips, fair complexions. And though Jack was a lot like her in personality, she had so much of Ann in her, so many of her mannerisms from spending so much time with her and Anne adored that about her.

Jaz gently nudged Rachel who was reading a book and gestured to the image in front of them and she smiled knowingly at Jaz.

“Have you ever been this happy in your whole entire life Kiddo?” Jaz asked her affectionately and  
Anne smiled thoughtfully and shook her head. “Never!”

“I’m glad. Because either has she!” Rachel said sincerely and Jaz put her arm around Rachel “And honey we’re just so happy for you both. As her Mama I couldn’t have picked a better partner for her.”

“No, I don’t think I could have either’ Rachel agreed and Anne basked in their approval for once without letting her insecurities about her shortcomings ruin the moment.

“Thank you. I was actually thinking, with Ann being in Bali and only getting back a couple of days ago then sorting everything out, her 18th birthday kind of became a non event and it’s a big deal. I was wondering if it would be alright with you if I put together a little something for her tomorrow afternoon before the last lead up to Christmas crazy hits. And we could celebrate the amazing young woman she is and maybe announce our engagement. But I’d like it to be a surprise”

“Oh that would be wonderful. I was so disappointed she wasn’t here for her 18th. She deserved something special to mark the occasion” Rachel enthused and Jaz grinned “Count us in honey, for organising, proving distractions for Annie and Jack. Anything!”

Anne grinned. A real family with a beautiful baby girl and a stunning little wife to be who shared some of her less conventional and darker sexual appetites, a milestone birthday party and Christmas with the kind of extended family she’d always wanted but never had.

In that moment, with everything that mattered in the world nestled safely in her arms.

There were so many reasons to smile.


	33. Letting go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here is an update. I have a couple of surprises up my sleeve you will see. I know this is Anne and Ann’s story but a lot of people have fallen in love with Jaz and Victoria and I wanted them to explore them a little too.
> 
> I have been AWOL because I have been teaching small children, supporting their families and other staff through the pandemic. Our schools have not closed. I have been at school in the day, helping my little ones kept at home by their parents online at night and essentially working 6am-12am most days. On the days that were shorter I just didn’t have the energy to write.
> 
> But it’s given me a lot of opportunities to look at human frailties and emotion. To find magic and hope in heartache, to make a pandemic an adventure. To hope that things will be better one day soon.
> 
> And its resulted in the events in my coming chapters looking different to how I had originally planned them but I feel like they’re exactly as they should be. I sat down yesterday and my fingers flew across the keys, just writing from the heart as exhausted as I was. About love, about family about the things that matter. Colouring in with a small child, a quiet moment to watch the ones you love most sleep, incredible sex. And the bigger things, the unconditional love of the families you’re born into and the family you choose or that choose you, the admission that you cant in face do it all and need help from time to time, letting go of the great love you held onto that may not have been your great love after all and being brave enough to start anew. Seeing more in someone than they see in themselves and allowing oneself to be vulnerable. To be brave enough to put it all on the line for love.
> 
> In dark times it’s moments like these that matter. They’re not gripping or filled with suspense but they’re real, raw sincere and still at the end of the day, ultimately full of hope. Thank you for continuing to take this Journey with me. It means more to me than I can say.
> 
> And somebody said they’d love to know how I picture certain characters so they can perhaps picture them as well. 
> 
> Mama Jaz would be a taller more muscular but still very femme version of Sela Ward.  
> https://celebmafia.com/sela-ward/
> 
> And Victoria is a younger Julianne Moore as pictured here  
> https://www.picsofcelebrities.com/celebrity/julianne-moore/pictures/julianne-moore-photos.html
> 
> At least that’s who I would see playing them if it was a movie

Ann’s eyes fluttered open and she smiled when she turned over to see her Dude still fast asleep. She checked her phone. It was 7am and the first thing she saw was a text from Rachel telling her that she’d heard Jack awake on the long range walkie talkie they’d set up from the main house to the bedroom around 6 so she’d slipped down to get her so she and Anne could have some time together and she was out on a horse ride with Joe. Ann adored Jack but having a network around them of people who loved the little girl had made things so much easier than when it was just the two of them in Bali. She smiled as she remembered the previous evening. After they’d gotten back from the river Anne had needed to make some important calls for work and then Jack had wanted to colour so Anne had sat with their little girl for over an hour and coloured with her, listening to the Trolls soundtrack and an in-depth description from Jack of each and every troll while she’d done their laundry and tidied the house and started dinner. And the whole time she hadn’t complained or been impatient. In fact, she’d looked enraptured.

Then after dinner she and Jack had jumped in the bath together While Anne jumped in the shower and when Anne was done she’d put her bathrobe on and combed conditioner through her long blonde hair so patiently while she did Jack’s and just sat beside the tub laughing and chatting with them. After bath time Ann had gone to hang the washing out while Anne read Jack a story and when she’d come back the’d been fast asleep. The book had been pushed aside and the image of her little Dude wrapped up in the arms of her big Dude had been so beautiful that she’d taken a photo and then she’d grabbed her sketch pad and drawn them.

After having an early night she heard a sleepy Anne come into their room and slide into bed, sleepily murmuring an apology for falling asleep as she big spooned her while she reassured Anne that watching them sleep had been perfect. And then despite them being sleepy, the embers always ready to ignite between them caught fire and Anne had very gently taken her from behind while she’d reached around and put her hand to her Dude’s centre, pushing against her clit as Anne rocked against her hand and they’d both climaxed almost simultaneously before snuggling into each other and falling asleep. The life she was living was so beautiful she had to pinch herself to make sure it was real.

She couldn’t resist dropping a little kiss on her gorgeous breast and when Anne sighed contentedly Ann gently traced her nipple with her tongue causing Anne to shift positions and roll on her back as she moaned “Mmm good morning Beauty.” She smiled and Ann trailed a line of kisses down between her breasts. And suddenly, the thing she hadn’t done yet even though she’d wanted to because she was fearful of being bad at it or letting Anne down didn’t seem so scary.

‘Someone’s a playful little Pixie this morning” Anne said in that deep morning voice that drove her crazy as she stretched and smiled. 

She felt her heart beat faster as her little love nipped around her stomach with her teeth and pulled her boxers down, one of her dainty hands squeezing her inner thigh but nothing prepared her for the feeling of Ann’s tongue running along the length of her sex.

“Fuck” she gasped in surprise, wondering if she’d dreamt it and then she felt it again. It was happening. Her perfect little princess had her head between her legs for the first time and just the visual of that as she tilted her foggy head off the pillow was enough to make her grow impossibly wet. 

“Ann…sweetheart” Anne gasped at the goodness of her tongue exploring her. She was really going for it.

Ann moaned at the salty sweet taste of her lover and gripped both her inner thighs, pushing her legs wider apart as she pushed her tongue inside Anne and began gently plunging it in and out of her with painstaking gentleness at first then more firmly and quickly as Anne moaned. Ann felt her panties become incredibly wet and her nipples harden at the sensation of Annes hot, wet, warm flesh fluttering under her tongue.

“Jesus……so good Princess” Anne moaned as her entire face flushed and when Ann moved her tongue up to her throbbing clit Anne gripped the sheets as her pelvis bucked involuntarily and when Ann slipped two fingers inside her and began fucking her softly while her tongue flicked her clit Anne’s stomach actually quivered from the goodness of it. She built her pace slowly drawing moan after moan from Anne as she writhed beneath her and then closed her mouth around her clit fully and began to suck

‘Ann…Fuck baby….” Anne gasped and when Ann added a third finger inside her as she worked her clit mercilessly and slid a 4th finger in as her walls began to flutter, filling her so fully, her fingers curling up into her G spot, Anne came harder than she could ever remember coming from oral sex. She actually saw stars as she cried out and completely broke apart under Ann’s exquisite mouth and touch. Ann eagerly lapped at her wetness, drinking her in and loving her through her tremors. Then when Anne went limp Ann softly kissed her way up her gorgeous muscular body before laying beside her and tenderly stroking her hair. Anne’s eyes fluttered open and she turned to stare in awed disbelief at the incredibly beautiful , sparkling eyed little fairy beside her who looked more gorgeous than anyone had a right to in an oversized Shibden grey t shirt that hung off her slim shoulder and a sleep mussed ponytail. “What on earth was that. Where did that come from’ Anne practically demanded, desperately wanting to uncover more of the sensual, kinky, wanton yet somehow still angelic side of her Princess. But as Anne cupped her face there was so much love, warmth and admiration in her eyes that Ann instantly grew shy

“Um, well I’d wanted to but I was nervous, that I wouldn’t be very good at it or that I couldn’t please you and then I just decided to try while I was feeling brave and then I don’t really know what happened….but it happened?” Ann looked up at her with her face a wash of uncertainty and huge innocent eyes that absolutely melted her before her shyness got the better of her and she looked down.

“Wouldn’t be able to please me?” Anne asked in disbelief. “Look at me Little One!” she commanded gently as she tipped her face back up to look at her “That was incredible. You were incredible!”

Ann felt her heart sore from Anne’s sincere and genuine praise and she blushed and gave her a pleased little smile “Kay’ she said softly and Anne felt her heart almost combust with tenderness from her sweet little ways. She would never stop being enthralled by the intoxicating dichotomy of Ann Walker. And right now in that moment all she wanted was to completely possess he

“My gorgeous little Princess, Look at you. You’re so beautiful. So sweet. Come closer to me”

Ann slid over compliantly to snuggle into her Dude and Anne looked down at her with dark brown eyes full of desire and ran her hand down Ann’s back to clutch her ass. ‘Do you have any idea how sexy you look in my shirt? Anne wound Ann’s ponytail around her her hand and pulled her head back firmly as she kissed her neck and Ann’s arousal began to rise again almost immediately and she pressed herself against Anne. Knowing she was completely safe she just abandoned herself to the moment.

‘Daddy I’m so wet” she said softly and Anne groaned “Are you Beauty? Did going down on me get you all worked up?”

Ann looked up at Anne with huge pure innocent blue eyes as she nodded and Anne felt herself start to flush just from Ann taking the lead and her unique intoxicating brand of doll like wantoness.

“Show me” Anne commanded gruffly but her eyes were full of tenderness and as Ann’s hand trailed down Anne’s arm to intertwine their fingers together when she reached her hand she desperately hoped her princess was going to guide her hand between her legs. But she was completely astounded when Ann slipped her other hand into her lavender silk panties and put two fingers slick with her juices up to Anne’s lips.

“Oh fuck” Anne gasped as she engulfed Ann’s delicate little fingers with the warmth of her mouth and sucked hungrily, determined to consume every ounce of her and awed as Ann’s eyes turned to lust laden cobalt right before her and she shivered at the sensation of Anne’s lips lapping greedily.

“Oh you are in so much trouble little One!” Anne growled as she rolled Ann onto her back and grabbed her shirt, ripping it open as the neckline and then along the body until it was off her.

‘Your shirt!” Ann gasped as she eyed the shredded garment hitting the floor with dismay but Anne grabbed her by the chin and pulled her face back to stare into her eyes “I’ll get you another one. You’re my Princess I’ll get you anything you want” Anne moved her hand down to Ann’s throat and squeezed lightly as she traced her nipple with her finger and began kissing and nibbling at her ear. Ann whimpered and moaned softly as her hips bucked and Anne smiled against the shell of her ear and whispered.

“What do you want baby? Tell me what you want!” Anne urged her and her eyes flew open as Ann gasped “I want you to fuck me Daddy”

“Please, fuck me, I need you!” Ann pleaded and Anne thought she could come from just hearing those words. She even made demands so sweetly, so submissively.

“Do you think you can take two fingers for Daddy?” Anne demanded firmly but wanted to gauge her reaction. She’d always started with one.

Ann’s hips bucked involuntarily as she nodded and Anne pulled her drenched panties down and off her. “That’s my good girl!’ She said in approval, but despite Ann’s wetness she still reached for the lube she’d left in the draw and liberally coated her fingers then plunged into her without warning, claiming her, possessing her and Ann’s back arched off the bed at the goodness of the sudden penetration when she was so desperate for it.

“If it gets too much you tell me and I stop. I mean it Princess.” Anne said vehemently but her eyes were soft and adoring and Ann nodded “Yes Daddy!”

“Good girl” Anne said in awe of how exquisite she was as she began to fuck her with an intensity she never had before and felt herself shred to pieces as Ann truly slipped fully into subspace before her eyes for the very first time. She could see it happen. There were no words. It was the first time in her life she didn’t have the words to describe something. It was so exquisite and touched her so very deeply that she didn’t even realise a single tear had slipped down her cheek. And even from the world she was levitating in at that moment, her precious angel still saw her.

“D……Daddy…..tears….why?” Ann said in concern could barely string a sentence together she was so out of her mind with pleasure but still, she saw her and that ruined Anne even more.

“Tears for how beautiful you are Princess!” Anne said in a voice hoarse with emotion as she slipped her other arm under Ann, cradling her and began bringing her palm up into her clit. “My beautiful, fucking perfect girl” She said darkly as she took one of Ann’s nipples in her mouth and sucked relentlessly and Ann cried out as something like nothing else she had felt thus far began building inside of her. 

“Who do you belong to?” Anne asked as she fucked her harder still. ‘Are you mine?”

“Yes Daddy. I’m yours. I belong to you always.” Ann gasped as her whole body began to tremble and she felt lightheaded.

“Yes you do!” Anne affirmed as her heart soared and then her walls began to flutter with a ferocity she’d never felt. “Are you gonna come for me baby?” Ann couldn’t speak, she could only nod as she writhed underneath Anne who slowed her strokes slightly and very carefully added a third finger, squishing them together to narrow them but capturing her silky depths as hers more fully and stretching her. Ann tensed at the fullness and Anne let her adjust and reassured her as she covered her face in little kisses. “Shhhhh, you’re such a good girl for me Princess, such a good girl for Daddy, you take me so well, and I’m going to make you come so hard, so hard and wet and gushing for me my sweetheart.” Anne beamed as Ann moaned. So her beautiful Princess liked dirty talk too.

“Does it hurt too much Beauty?” Anne asked her but Ann continued to look completely blissed out ‘It’s good pain, I like it” she whispered and Anne felt her centre throb with need. “Oh my god. Ann….baby”  
Could she be anymore perfect?

Anne moved her fingers more slowly but she deliberately angled them up towards her magic little spot and grazed her clit as she fucked her in deep, languid strokes and soon her little love was crying out into her shoulder, muffling her cries of pleasure until Anne actually felt her scream into her flesh and she came apart so spectacularly that she actually squirted into Anne’s hand and all down her wrist.

“Oh Jesus! You incredible little fucking angel” Anne said in utter amazement as she gently rode out Ann’s orgasm and then removing her fingers, ran her tongue from her inner forearm to the tips of her fingers catching every drop of heaven that she could and a wrecked Ann still managed to bring her hand down and press her palm flat against Ann’s sex, meeting her rhythm as Anne almost frantically got herself off against it, so close to the incredible release that even took her by surprise with its speed and intensity and she collapsed beside Ann, her head between her beautiful breasts, the two of them just breathing silently as they drifted back down to earth.

Anne breathed in her heady scent of her perfume, shampoo and sex in the air. Where did she come from. How did she get so incredibly lucky. What other dark desires, mysteries and treasures did her sweet beautiful girl have locked inside for her to uncover and draw out of her. She was having the most connected, fulfilling incredible sex of her life with an 18 year old novice and part of the thrill was that sexually she never quite knew what Ann was going to come out with next. And it was all wrapped up in the most enchanting package of sweet, kind, devoted, submissive, cheeky, sassy, brilliantly clever, wise, funny, loving and beyond stunning. And when her Princess said she belonged to her always. She really did believe In her heart that she did. That it was forever. She’d never known that it was possible for someone to not only nourish all the needs she knew she had but ones she didn’t realise until Ann filled empty spaces within her she didn’t even know she had.

Ann was a little shocked by what had just taken place. It had felt so right, but it had been thrilling and a little scary all at the same time and yet like she and Anne were settling into a rhythm they were born to dance to. She couldn’t explain it. She just knew she wanted to keep doing it, keep exploring, keep pushing, keep free falling into that magical space. What if it changed things between her and Anne though. And why was she trembling all of a sudden. She felt a little strange. She needn’t have worried about Anne being any different with her though. In fact she was more gentle and tender than Ann had ever remembered as she pulled her into her arms and wrapped her up in the blanket.

“My sweet beautiful girl, my precious angel. I love you so much, that was utterly incredible” Anne said in a voice hoarse with emotion and Ann melted into her protective embrace as she rocked her and whispered in her ear how beautiful she was and how proud she was of her, softly caressing her and stroking her hair. Bringing her back to earth

Anne looked down at her little love in concern. She was incredibly quiet and she was trembling. Oh god what if she’d pushed her too far too fast. What if she had broken her.

‘Ann…my darling are you alright? Are you hurt?” She asked in concern. Ann tried to find the words to express where she was at but she couldn’t. She just shook her head.

“Not hurt. I love you” she said softly and as Anne looked into her scattered gaze she realised she was sub dropping. But still she wrapped her arms around Anne and snuggled in contentedly and Anne heaved a sigh of relief. She was going to be okay. Even when she dropped, her beautiful girl sought refuge in her. It was going to make caring for her afterwards and wrapping her up and keeping her safe so much easier.

‘I love you too my precious Angel. All the much!” Anne said vehemently.

“All the ways, all the time” Ann said in a very small voice and Anne gathered her up in her arms. “Lets get you a nice soothing bath sweetheart” Anne said adoringly as she carried Ann into the bathroom and ran them a bath. Ann was incredibly pliant and easy to handle. She just went wherever Anne moved her and sat in the bath quietly while Anne washed her so tenderly and washed her hair. She still hadn’t said anything even after Anne had combed conditioner through her hair, left it to settle, quickly washed her own hair and then rinsed the conditioner out of Ann’s gorgeous long tresses.

“You know sweetheart if I’ve pushed you into something you don’t feel ready for you can tell me. It’s easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment and then realise you didn’t feel comfortable with something or there’s something you didn’t like afterwards. This is all so new to you and…..

“I don’t ever want to stop doing that with you.” Ann said softly and Anne was stunned into silence as Ann turned around to look at her “It felt like nothing I’ve ever felt before even since we started….and it was new and a little bit scary but it was magical. It felt like I was doing what I was always meant to be doing with you. I’ve always known I’m different, that I like different things like Mum, and Mama. Things that are dark….and kinky. And I used to think I must be crazy. But what we did just felt right. Like my whole life I’ve just been waiting for you to come and find me.”

”Ann….baby” Anne whispered like a prayer as she pulled Ann to straddle and wrap around her. ‘You’re not crazy. You’re magical. You’re my perfect, sweet naughty little princess. You’re the submissive of my dreams. And you honor me with that gift. I don’t want to stop what we just did either. I wish I could find the right words to express how much it meant to me. But if you don’t want to stop then I certainly don’t.”

“It doesn’t have to be like that all the time though does it? It wont change the other things we do too that are a little bit…I don’t know, softer, like the other ways we have always been.”

Anne beamed at her adoringly as she cupped her face. “No sweet baby I promise it wont always be like that and nothing will change. Things will only get better. We will become more and more connected. But all kink all the time isn’t realistic or healthy for a relationship in my opinion. And I love everything about the way we are even without this. This is just an extra little bit of magic. A space we get to move into sometimes to be who we are with one another. You saw yesterday in the cave Daddy means being soft too right?”

Ann nodded as she looked at her so trustingly with huge blue earnest eyes and despite how willing she was to be led by Anne into the heady world of power exchange sexual intimacy, it made Anne even more determined to protect her innocence and ensure the gift of her trust and submission was cherished.

“I just want to make sure that I keep you safe though Little One because you are my world. I think its probably time we start using a safe word. Just in case things get too much. I want you to always feel you can say “red” and I’ll stop. The same way you got me to with rope.”

Ann looked unsure and Anne placed little kisses on her face. “What is it my darling?”

“Red isn’t my word, I have a safe word, because of all the rope I’ve done, I should probably use my word.”

“Oh of course! I didn’t think of that beauty of course you should use the same word you’re used to knowing and using. What is it?”

Ann bit her lip “Um….sprinkles” she said shyly and Anne pursed her lips together to stop from grinning in delight.

‘Your safe word is “Sprinkles?”’ She questioned her but it was a tone full of understanding and warmth.

“Well I started getting tied when I was really little because aerial harnesses were too big for me. It was about safety not kink before it became about kink safety when I started doing rope as a teen and I really loved sprinkles.”

“I love you so much, you are the cutest, sweetest little Pixie. It figures your safe word would be adorable too.” Anne said adoringly as she leant in and softly kissed an with infinite gentleness. ‘Sprinkles it is my Love! Just for the record though I’m not making mine cupcakes!”

Ann broke into giggles and Anne lit up at the sound. “I think you have a little bit of sub drop my Love. You look tired. What we just did can be really emotionally and physically draining.”

“I just feel like the whole time I was in Bali I slept with one eye open because I was the only one there to protect jack and a lot has happened since I got back!” 

Anne smoothed her wet her back gently and realised the benefit of a sleeping Princess. It would be easier to make the final plans for her surprise that afternoon “Of course sweetheart, you’ve really had such an ordeal as positive and resilient as you are about it all. I think you need a big sleep. Why don’t we get you dried and dressed in something cozy? We’ll put you to bed in the spare room cause we made a bit of a mess and I’ll go up to the house and have Dude time with the little Dude. You’ll have quiet. And the second you wake up you text me and I’ll be straight back here.”

“Really?” Ann asked cautiously and Anne nodded emphatically “Really my love.”

“Thank you” Ann said gratefully as she threw her arms around Anne and hugged her. ‘I’m so lucky to have you”

“I’m the lucky one Princess.” Anne said as she kissed her delicate shoulder and held her close.

*********

Jaz was rocking an overexcited Jack to sleep for her afternoon nap earlier than usual in an oversized rocker and Victoria paused in the doorway, unable to wipe the smile from her face. Jaz really was a lot softer than she wanted people to know. They’d gotten quite close. Ever since Ann had left for Bali. They’d confided a lot in one another. And as tough as nails as Jaz was, Victoria felt like she was always so gentle with her, soft and sweet. The way she was with Ann. The way she was with Jack in that moment. And she was so good to Millie. She was sending a car to Sydney to get her just so she could ride to the farm in a quite settled space without having to ride to Ann’s birthday in the loud party car which might have been a bit much for her before a big party. The night before when Jaz had told Victoria this, Victoria had been so touched that she’d hugged Jaz. But instead of pulling away after a moment Jaz had pulled her closer and just held her. She’d gently stroked her hair and Victoria had been shocked by how good, how right it felt being wrapped up in her strong arms. And then Jaz had whispered ‘You don’t know how many times I’ve imagined how you’d feel in my arms”

Victoria had looked up at her in surprise and Jaz had just smiled down at her, looking so gorgeous and said “It was even better than I imagined!” And then she’d cupped her face and said ‘Goodnight baby!”

She knew that Jaz called people she cared about “Baby” but she’d never called her that before. It had always been Lady if she used a pet name. And the longing in her gaze. It had tugged at Victoria’s heartstrings because more and more she’d found herself seeking Jaz out. The time they spent together alone had become a highlight for her. And when she’d called her baby, a shiver ran up her spine. She’d fallen asleep thinking how safe and warm she’d felt in Jaz’s arms.

Jaz lovingly put a sleeping Jack in her cot and Victoria moved away from the doorway, not wanting to intrude on her moment. But when Jaz walked out onto the back porch Victoria just felt drawn to her and couldn’t help but follow. She found Jaz on the porch swing, sitting so quietly and she sat beside her. They sat side by side in comfortable silence.

Jaz felt the calm wash over her that always did when she spent time alone with Victoria and sighed in contentment as the vanilla scent of her Gaultier perfume lingered in the air, tried not to notice how creamy the alabaster skin of her legs were in her cut off shorts with them adorable sprinkle of strawberry freckles, how lush her breasts looked in the plain white tank top she wore, or how much she wanted to run her fingers through that long red hair. She was so beautiful. And it’s like she just saw straight through all her defenses. She let her be who she was but she called her on her bullshit and still cared for her after it. Jaz had never had that before.

“Jaz” Victoria began tentatively. “I just wanted you to know that when you held me last night, I got the feeling that you didn’t want to let me go….and I just wanted to tell you that..” Victoria reached down and slipped her hand into Jaz’s “I didn’t want you to let me go either.”

Jaz gently squeezed Victoria’s hand but her expression was unreadable even as Victoria brushed a strand of thick black hair from her eyes. “I remember when Millie turned 18 seven months ago. I had so many conflicting feelings about it. I wasn’t ready for my baby to be a legal adult. And I imagine it’s even more bittersweet for you because Cassie should be here by your side to see it. And you’re probably missing her more than ever.”

Jaz swallowed a lump in her throat, Victoria’s comment making it even harder to suppress her emotions. Because the truth was Cassie should have been there but she wasn’t. And after being unable to let her go for 4 years suddenly the only person she wanted to be there with was Victoria and it was terrifying. Why did she have to be so sweet and nurturing. She didn’t know how to deal with that. It made her soft and threw her off kilter.

“I should actually go check in with the kids. Anne might need some help and I’m supposed to be sorting out Annie so she can go do what she needs to do with the Lost boys and Suzie” Jaz said as she stood and headed down the steps.

“Jaz wait!” Victoria chased after Jaz and reached for her arm but was shocked when Jaz snatched it away. Still she persisted. “Jaz its alright to let yourself be vulnerable. You don’t always have to be the tough mafia madam all the time!”

“Oh are you going to shrink me now Vicki? Tell me why you think I’m such a fuck up?” Jaz demanded as she spun around angrily. And Victoria took a few steps back. She hadn’t seen this angry side of Jaz before. She’d been really soft and gentle with her.

Jaz could see that she’d really startled Victoria and she hated that. She wanted to let her walls down. She wanted to hold her and apologise but she couldn’t. She couldn’t fall apart.

“Jaz that’s not what I’m trying to do” Victoria said gently. “I care about you so much. I’m just saying I know what you must be going through”

“You don’t know a damn thing alright? So just leave me the fuck alone!” Jaz yelled at her and Victoria sprang back as Jaz leant towards her, her eyes filling with tears. 

“Alright…..I was honestly trying to help but I can see I’m just upsetting you so I’ll go” Jaz watched Victoria turn and run back into the house helplessly. She wanted to chase after her, she wanted to fix it. But she had so many emotions welling up inside her and the person she’d grown accustomed to spilling her guts to was the one person at the centre of it all and the person she’d crushed so insensitively.

Victoria closed her bedroom door behind her and took a deep breath. “You’re an educated successful woman who deals with irrational people for a living. Don’t be ridiculous” She tried to tell herself through her tears. But the truth was, none of that stopped her from hurting because she could see Jaz was hurting, or hurting because she’d overstepped the mark and Jaz clearly didn’t want her around. She must have read more into the previous evening than what was actually there

Jaz went through the back door of the cottage to see Anne saying goodbye to Frog at the front door, clearly sending him off on a mission of some sort and when Anne turned back to Jaz her face fell “Jaz what’s wrong? Is it Jack?”

Jaz shook her head “She’s fine. I’ve just put her down for her nap. Victoria’s there”

Anne sighed in relief. “Oh good”

Jaz tried to fight her tears and Anne moved towards her. “Jaz what’s wrong?”

‘Um Cassie is gone. She’s gone!” Jaz blurted out and Anne looked at her sympathetically “Yes she is Jaz.”

“No you don’t understand, I knew she was gone, but she was never gone from in here” Jaz held her hand over heart. “She was always still there and I could never get over her. But she’s gone. Because I like somebody else. I really like her. I think about her all the time. She’s the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of before I go to bed. And she’s funny, sweet, kind, so smart, gentle, loving and selfless. Ridiculously gorgeous too. And I know I don’t deserve her because I’m a mess and she is the sun but still I want her, and I’ve realised it’s her in my heart now and Cassie not being there scares the shit out of me because from the first time she walked into my club when she was only your age, even after she died. For 15 years she’s all I’ve known. And the idea of her being gone…of loving somebody else, someone else I could lose is terrifying me.” She burst into tears and Anne went to her and wrapped her in her arms.

“Hey, It’s okay Mama. I’ve got you. Let someone be the person who has you for a change” Anne said gently as she rubbed Jaz’s back and Jaz nodded. “That’s just it, this lady does have me. And I’ve never had that before. Not even with Cassie. And I’m scared”

“I know Mama. It’s alright. It’s alright to be scared. It’s totally understandable that you’d be feeling that way.”

Anne just held her and when her cries quietened she led her over to the couch and sat her down, handing her a box of tissues. “I’m so sorry Kiddo this is the last thing you need today!” Jaz said regretfully and Anne shook her head “Don’t be sorry” She then looked at her jeans a little shyly ‘Isn’t that what adult daughters are supposed to do? Support their Mum’s? the way their Mums always support them?” 

Jaz smiled through her tears and cupped Anne’s face, forcing her to look at her “You’re right baby. And I couldn’t be prouder to have you as one of my kids.”

Anne smiled and leaned into Jaz’s hand “Proud enough to tell me who the lucky lady is?”

Jaz bit her lip and threaded her hands through her hair ‘It’s Victoria”

Anne’s eyes went wide “Our Victoria? Wow…..I knew you were close now but wow..”

‘Is this weird for you with your history?” Jaz asked Anne and Anne waved her hand dismissively “Oh no, Vicki and me are long over. Ann is my everything. Her and Jack are my world”

“I’ve been worried about how Ann would take it. She tells me she’s fine with me moving on but she’s my baby and I know it’s so hard for her to picture me with anyone other than Cassie.”

“Yes it is but Vicki is like family to her, to me. Millie is one of her best friends. Maybe this would make it a little easier to handle. Does she have any idea do you think? She hasn’t said anything to me.”

“None at all. Though it could all be moot after what I’ve gone and done. I was awful to Vicki just now. She was just trying to help me and she gave me a sign that she feels the same way that I do and I panicked and I was so awful. I made her cry and I frightened her Anne. She looked frightened when I yelled at her!” Jaz said shamefully.

“Oh you can’t yell at her Jaz. You need to try to keep your temper in check. I had to learn to do the same. Her slimeball of an ex husband used to yell at her all the time. Tell her she was stupid and a useless wife and unattractive. He’d drink and say awful things to her, Blame her for him cheating. Try to make her feel less than. Nothing like what Ann was put through but it was pretty bad and it shakes her up when people lose it at her.”

“I’ll fucking kill him” Jaz said emphatically and Anne bit back a smile ‘He’s actually been trying to get her back apparently. Millie was telling Ann on the phone yesterday afternoon.”

“Well he can’t have her! She’s mine!” Jaz said emphatically and Anne grinned “That’s the spirit!”

“Oh Anne she’s too young for me, she’s younger than Cassie even!” Jaz said in concern and Anne shook her head. ‘She’s 43, that’s the same age difference between you and her that Ann and I have and she’s an old soul.”

“She has this way of seeing past all my defenses and just bringing me undone. She calls me on my bullshit every time. It’s incredible. And infuriating. And she brings out the Daddy so hard. All she has to be doing is trying to unscrew the lid on a jar and I want to fix it for her and I literally gutted a child molester like a fish last week with my bare hands because he’d messed with the kid of one of my best men. I mean his insides were on his outsides.”

“Cool!” Anne said admiringly and Jaz nodded emphatically “I know right? But when Vicki looks at me with those big blue eyes half concealed by the flame coloured hair and smiles at me I just turn to Jelly. But more than that I look at her and I see what could be…..”

“Your forever?.......’ Anne finished her sentence for her and Jaz had the most stricken look on her face as she nodded.

Anne laughed “Oh you’re in deep shit Jaz! Vicki is your Ann!”

“Oh that’s real supportive Lister!” Jaz groaned and Anne shook her head still laughing “Hey I’m no better, this morning I actually said to her the words ‘You’re my princess I’ll give you anything you want.’ Truth be told, we’re both in deep shit!”

“It’s these gorgeous petite women Anne! We have a type! They slip in all adorable and seemingly harmless and ruin us! Speaking of my babygirl, is she still sleeping?” Jaz asked and Anne nodded ‘It’s been hours. I’m a little worried, I know she’s really tired but….”

“Cassie used to sleep hard when she had sub-drop too baby. We’d play hard, she’d sleep hard! I think it’s like an anxiety short-circuit response”

Anne looked at Jaz in surprise “How did you…?” Jaz winked at her “I told you I know shit! I was right about you being Daddy wasn’t I? Anyway we can talk about that later. We all have our part to play in this gorgeous birthday surprise and you need to play yours as do I. Now off you go!”

But will you be alright?” Anne asked in concern and Jaz hugged Anne close. “I’ll be fine. Largely thanks to you. I love you baby!”

“Love you Mama!” Anne said genuinely as she stood but as she was leaving she turned to Jaz and said “Be gentle with Victoria. She was always so soft and gentle with me. She’s like Ann, it’s why they’re so close. But but one of my biggest regrets about our time together is that I wasn’t ready for that then and while she always let me be who I was I feel like in withholding that from her and rejecting it often when she offered it I didn’t let her be who she was. And she’s so amazing.”

Jaz smiled proudly ‘When did you get so wise Kiddo?”

“About the time I started spending a lot of time around your amazing daughter. She saved me” Anne said as she smiled adoringly, picturing her sweet beautiful girl.

“You know Vicki recently told Ann that though we loved one another 5 years ago and tried to make a go if it, she and I were never meant to be together. That she was only ever meant to patch me up a little and help me heal so that it brought me to Ann. And I believe that with all my heart. But have you ever considered that while I was meant to be Ann’s, you were meant to be Victoria’s? I know you loved Cassie so much and she loved you as best as she could. But even from what Ann’s told me the great late Mrs Walker never gave you in return what you gave to her simply because she wasn’t able to. I think the great unconditional love you got from that relationship was never supposed to be Cassie. I think it was meant to be Ann. The daughter you always wanted and could never have. Don’t mistake the memory you cling to for the great unconditional love you could have with a soulmate. I’ll see you in a bit!”

Jaz pondered the weight of Anne’s words with a sigh. “Both my damn daughters are too damn smart for their own damn good” she muttered but then smiled proudly. As hard as it was to admit they were both right. Ann when she’d told her in the kitchen weeks earlier that she was worthy of someone who would remember to bring her pie. And so was Anne when she told her the great unconditional love that came from her relationship with Cassie was Annie.

Her phone buzzed and she saw it was a message from her driver saying they were ahead of schedule and would be there in about 15 minutes. She thought about texting Victoria but suddenly she was running back towards the main house. When she arrived, slightly out of breathe as fit as she was for her age she went to her room and grabbed a dress bag and then went straight to Victoria’s room. She knocked on the door but entered straight away and felt awful as she witnessed Victoria laying dresses out on the bed for the party, tears silently rolling down her beautiful face. Jaz put the dress bag over a chair as Victoria hurriedly wiped her tears away and wrapped her arms around her waist protectively ‘What is it Jaz?”

“I just got a text to say Millie will be here in 15 minutes. I wanted to let you know!” Jaz said softly and Victoria nodded as she avoided Jaz’s eyes. “Alright. Thank you for that.”

Jaz made no move to leave and Victoria finally looked up at her with huge heart rending eyes that broke her. “Was there something else?”

“Ah…Yes. I’m very sorry that I yelled at you. That I frightened you. But you were wrong when….”

‘I have to…….” Victoria bit her lip and took a deep breath. ‘I have to get myself together. It’s Annie’s big night and I know she’s your baby but I love her like she’s mine and there was a time where I was sitting by the bedside of a very broken little girl ever wondering if we’d make it this far…..”

“I know you did sweetheart, and I will forever be grateful for the love and support you have given…..”

“Don’t call me that okay, just please spare me the humiliation of telling me how wrong I was to mis- read the situation, to read more into what happened last night and leave me be. I’m a big girl okay I’ll be fine and after tomorrow Millie and I will go…..” Victoria cut her off and Jaz knew she had to just put it out there before she lost her.

“You weren’t wrong about what happened last night, except maybe you have no idea the things I was thinking I wanted to do to you and that’s probably a good thing. You were wrong when you said I wanted Cassie by my side tonight. Ever since she died that’s all I’ve wanted. But without me even realising she’s been slipping out of my heart more and more and someone else started taking up more and more room inside of it. And though a piece of it will always be hers, you were wrong when you said I wanted Cassie at my side tonight. I wish she could be here to see the amazing young woman her daughter has grown into yes, but I realised sitting there on that swing with you that for the first time ever I didn’t wish she was with me. The thing that you were wrong about….is that actually, the only woman I yearned to have by my side tonight was you Victoria”

Victoria looked at Jaz with stunned, wide eyes as she continued. ‘And that terrified me. It terrified me because I loved her with all of me and losing her just about killed me, but as all consuming as that love was, if I’m honest I feel more for you at the beginning of us, and certainly more deeply than I did at the beginning of her and I when she swept into my world like a loud chaotic sexy bombshell whirlwind 15 years ago even though you slipped into it so delicately and softly with your ethereal beauty, your gentleness and your quite nurturing strength. It terrified me because it meant I’ve really let go when for so long, so much of my existence was wrapped up in holding onto her, keeping her from hurting herself, keeping her alive. I feel guilty and like I’m letting her, Annie and Rachel down because letting her go feels freeing and like a weight has been lifted off me. But the truth is I think you are Magnificent. To me, you are the sun. And I know you would have to talk to Millie and I would have to talk to Ann, I know you’re still young and gorgeous and I’m probably way too old for you and I know that I don’t deserve you. But if you were to give me a shot I would do anything to make you happy.”

Jaz was shaking and terrified that she’d been way too honest but she needn’t have been because Victoria ran into her arms and Jaz lifted her up, hugging her tightly.

‘I’m happy when I’m just next to you Jaz. I think you’re so beautiful, on the inside too. As loathe as you might be to admit that part. We can work through the rest together” She said through now happy tears and Jaz breathed in the scent of peonies in her beautiful hair.

When Jaz put Victoria back on her feet she cupped her face gently ‘I’m so sorry I frightened you and made you cry baby” She pressed her lips to Victoria’s forehead in a lingering kiss and wiped her tears away with the pads of her thumbs.

“Thank you for apologising. And for opening up to me. I understand better now. And I’m so grateful we’re on the same page about the girls coming first.” Victoria said softly.

“Of course Bella, they will always come first” Jaz reiterated.

Victoria snuggled into Jaz and the taller woman just held her tight and relished the feel of her in her arms. It felt so right.

“Millie will be here in a moment and I need to go get Annie sorted” Jaz said reluctantly as she pulled away.

She smoothed Victoria’s hair back adoringly. “Wear the emerald green dress? It will look so incredible with your hair and skin.” She kissed Victoria’s hand as she backed away and Victoria looked at the dresses on the bed. “Oh I don’t have an emerald green dress with me”

Jaz grinned at her naughtily as she tapped the dress bag she’d laid over the arm of the chair and winked at her before disappearing out the door.

Victoria went to the suit bag curiously and held it up to unzip it and take out the dress. She felt butterflies fill her stomach at Jaz’s beautiful and romantic gesture. But more than that. She felt hope.

*****************

“I know the Dude has sworn you to birthday secrecy but do you think this will be okay Mama?” Ann said as she walked out into the lounge room and did a little twirl. Jaz’s jaw dropped. It was perfect for the second half of the evening Anne had planned. She looked like a bohemian princess vision. She was wearing an ivory bustier midriff top with soft off the shoulder sleeves that draped loosely across her mid arms and finished a couple of inches under her bust with a matching floaty high waisted matching mini skirt. Both pieces had pixie like tulle and beaded accents that caught the light. It was innocent and sexy all at the same time. It was Daddy porn. She wore a pair of gorgeous ivory beaded and lace low top sneakers much like the ones Anne got her for her Year 12 formal and her hair was out in lose curls with the front pieces softly twisted back. Her makeup was done softly with lovely chocolate and honey coloured soft Smokey eyes, Fluttery, wispy false lashes, peach pink cheeks, luminous skin and peach pink glossy lips and her jewellery was simple and fit the bohemian look. She was glorious. Anne was going to lose her shit

“Look at you my stunning baby girl! I can’t wait for Anne to see you!”

“You should talk Ms tall, dark and gorgeous. I can’t wait for Victoria to see you!” Ann said with a wry smile as she collected her clutch from the mantel.

Jaz froze ‘What do you mean?”

Ann smiled at her lovingly “Come on Mama, I’ve seen you in love before Remember? You sing, you wear colour, you have a bounce in your step, you’re more patient with lovable but potentially frustrating people like Nanna. I know the signs. And I might have only been back 5 minutes but I’ve seen the two of you making heart eyes at one another and picked up on the energy between the two of you!”

“How did you?.....” Jaz trailed off, still in disbelief and Ann shrugged. ‘ Aside from my partner, My Mama is the most amazing woman I know. Her instincts are second to none. I guess I get it from her. I had a mum and a dad who loved me with all they had. But I’m only where I am because of my Mama. And I’m so grateful I get to watch her finally get a shot at the kind of love she deserves.”

Jaz’s eyes filled with tears ‘Oh my incredible babygirl, come here!” She held Ann close and tried to calm her emotions. “You have brought me more joy and magic than anyone else I have ever known. And I will never, ever love anyone like I love you.”

“Mama our makeup!” Ann said helplessly and they both broke into giggles and fixed one another up.  
“So you approve?” Jaz asked her and Ann beamed “We’ll talk about it in a bit more detail later so I can reassure you but yes I approve.”

‘Why baby?” Jaz asked her and Ann squeezed Jaz’s hand ‘Because not only would Vicki remember to bring you pie, she’d bring you ice cream, whipped cream, dinner and a cherry on top”

Jaz’s face lit up ‘She would wouldn’t she? Little cutie she is.”

“Now come on, we know how the Dude gets when she’s kept waiting. Honestly between you and me I kind of feel a bit like my 18th is long gone, so much happened since then but its so sweet of her to plan this.”

‘Oh you’ll see what she’s got planned soon enough babygirl” Jaz thought to herself with a conspiratorial smile as she followed Ann out the door to the waiting car.

As they were walking out Millie called and Ann put her on speaker phone “Annie are you on your way babe? Jack’s getting a bit antsy.”

“We’re leaving the house right now. Tell my baby I love her and I’ll see her soon!”

“I will…by the way I know we agreed to wait until Christmas to tell our mothers we know they want to jump each other but why don’t we give them a nudge tonight and get that shit happening so we can be sisters!”

“Yasss girl! Sisters!” Ann replied excitedly.

“Oh hold up. You know about this too?” Jaz asked incredulously and they heard Millie crack up through the speaker “Of course I know. She’s my mother. She’s buying lingerie, she hasn’t stopped doing fancy shit with her hair since you said how much you like it and you’re all she talks about. I’m autistic Jaz, I notice everything. So seriously make it happen. She’ll never make the first move. She’s too shy. Lucky she’s so pretty! Anyway I’ll see you when you guys when you get here. Bye bitches!”

The call abruptly went dead and Jaz shook her head in exasperation but she was beaming “Sisters hey? Two teenagers, a 30 year old reformed player and a three-nager. I can see I’m going to have my hands full raising my ladies! Get in the car baby you and I are going to have a little chat about exactly how long you and Millie have known about this!”  
****************************  
“Anne I dropped a bomb like you said, it will keep them talking on the drive and keep Anne distracted I think!” Millie said as she approached Anne and Anne winked at the stunning strawberry blonde in her gorgeous dusty pink maxi dress. “Thatta girl. Well done darling I appreciate it! And you look beautiful”

“Thank you!” Millie said a little awkwardly. “I’m going to go wait for Ann!” Anne pulled her close and kissed her forehead before she headed off to the other end of the winery. 

“Dude!” Jack called out to Anne as she ran towards her.” Griffo says I look seriously sharp!” 

Anne melted at the sight of Jack in her little camel coloured trousers and ivory button up 3 quarter sleeve shirt with camel suspenders and a little camel coloured bow tie weigh white polka dots . Her hair was up on a soft bun with little wispy pieces escaping and she looked beyond adorable right down to her little white and camel polka dot sneakers.

It was a very close match of her own outfit. A pair of camel trousers, white shirt rolled into cuffs just above the sleeves, camel coloured suspenders and a matching bow tie. Her hair was in a low ponytail and she didn’t even mind the softer colours. She was on cloud nine

“You look amazing my little poppet!’ Anne picked her up and cuddled her for a moment. Are you being good for Aunty Maz?”

“She sure is!” Marion said as she came and took Jack from Anne. “Oh Anne this is just beautiful. It is Ann’s simple low key, boho fairy dream. Just the people she loves and the things that matter!” Marion said as she looked around the winery at the magical enchanted wonderland Anne’s event styling team had created to bring Anne’s vision to life.

“I’m so proud of you!” Marion said genuinely ‘And Aunt Ann would be so proud of you if she could be here!”

Anne swallowed the lump in her throat ‘Thank you Marion. For everything” Anne said genuinely and actually hugged Marion much to the younger woman’s surprise.

“Yay cuddles!’ Jack said as she clapped her little hands and they all laughed.

“Now you little Dude need to come with me!” Marion said as she carried Jack away and Snow and Frog approached Anne with a beer.

‘AL ! For your nerves mate!” Frog said as they clinked their beers ‘Cheers lads” Anne said as she took a sip of her beer and Snow surveyed the grounds “Everything is all set. Now we just need Dubsy to get here!”

“Do you reckon she’s got any idea you’re getting married this afternoon?” Frog asked and Anne chuckled. ‘She’ll be right mate. She’ll figure it out when she gets here!” They all laughed and Anne felt her heart fill with hope and promise.

She’d hopefully pulled off the no fuss, no anxiety, no pressure, no formality and circumstance, low crowd wedding full of love and heart that Ann had said she wanted. Even if it was a surprise.

Now all she needed, was her bride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!! Ha ha. So you’ll remember a few chapters back Ann was saying she’d find all the traditional things and expectations that came with planning a wedding stressful. And Anne described Ann’s perfect wedding as being low key and with heart and all the things that matter.
> 
> That’s exactly what I have coming your way next (no pressure though) lol.


	34. Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here you go! The wedding. This is an unconventional family so i wanted an unconventional wedding. I really hopde you enjoy it. I’m happy with how its turned out. I think it has alot of heart. We need something bright and beautiful in these rotten times I think!
> 
> I’m so pleased you loved the Victoria and Jaz action. In this chapter you get a bit more as well as some insight into Jazmine’s story.
> 
> Below is the link to Ann’s wedding dress. As soon as I saw it I was like ‘Yep that’s the one!”
> 
> https://www.maggiesottero.com/maggie-sottero/deirdre/9726
> 
> I really hope you enjoy <3

Ann looked around her favourite winery curiously as Jaz lead her from the car into the accomodation. Anne was throwing her birthday at the winery? She went inside and saw a beautiful white silk robe with a note attached with her name on it and it was sitting next to a bucket of champagne. Taking the note she opened it and read it.

“Hey Little Pixie,

Take off your clothes and put this on. Pour yourself a glass of champagne and sit in the stylist chair and just relax. I’ll try not to be sad about you taking your clothes off without me and I’ll be with you in just a moment. Love your Dude. P.S am actually devastated about you taking your clothes off without me.

Ann giggled and turned to Jaz ‘The Dude wants me to put this on. I think she’s organised to have my hair and makeup done like my formal. I didn’t know and I already did it!”

“Oh it’s okay honey they can just take things next level or touch it up. Enjoy yourself. Why don’t you go put on the robe and I’ll go find Anne for you!”

“And can you get Jack please Mama, I haven’t seen my baby all day!”

‘Of course babygirl!”

Ann went to get changed and Jaz went in search of Anne. She’d just stepped outside the suite when she saw Anne walking towards her and grinned.

“Well look at you Lister! Sharp as fuck! You look amazing Honey!” Jaz gave Anne a big hug and Anne beamed “Thank you! And you’re looking rather stunning yourself” Anne said appreciatively as she looked Jaz up and down in her navy and white 1950’s style polka dot dress.

‘Now listen Kiddo!” Jaz said as she pulled away. ‘Don’t be disappointed if Annie is a bit anxious about all this. She doesn’t like being the centre of attention at celebrations due to all the negative scrutiny because of Cassie’s behaviour growing up and fearing being punished by that animal brother in law of hers if she didn’t just blend in. Not to mention the family functions he used to attack her”

“I know Jaz, I’ve come to talk to her and explain what’s happening. The others have all gone to get dressed and when guests arrive they will be directed to enjoy leisurely drinks and canapés. She won’t be rushed and if we have to push the ceremony back a little we will. I’ll look after her.”

“I know you will Baby. I’m so proud to be giving my babygirl to you! Speaking of baby girls she’s asking for Jack so I’m going to go get her. Good luck and give me a yell if you need back up!”

Jaz gave her arm a little squeeze before heading off to find Jack.

Anne melted as she saw Ann walk out of the bathroom looking absolutely gorgeous in her robe but a bit bewildered with her arms wrapped around her mid section.

“Hello my sweet beautiful girl” Anne said gently and Ann stood in complete amazement as she looked Anne up and down in her camel and white combo.

“Oh Dude! You look incredible!” she said as she ran over to Anne and wrapped her arms around her neck, hugging her tightly. “I missed you!”  
“I missed you too my darling, did you have a good sleep?” Anne asked her and Ann nodded “Yes thank you!” Anne lifted her up and walked over to the cozy bay window where she sat down with Ann on her lap.

“I need to tell you something my love. I know you thought you were coming for your birthday and there is definitely birthday cake but the thing is, I just can’t wait to marry you and I was hoping you’d do me the honor of becoming my wife this afternoon.”

Ann looked at Anne in shock. “Get married? This afternoon? But how?....I don’t……I don’t understand!”

Anne rubbed her back and kissed her forehead. ‘I’ve put together a wedding with my events team and the help of the people who love you that I think will make you very happy.Very low key. No big bridal party of traditions. Just our family and Millie, Victoria, Olivia, Harry and his Dad, the lost boys, Suzie and her parents. A few of your dancing friends Rachel said you’d like to invite. A brief ceremony, some photos afterwards and then a lovely intimate reception at one of your favourite places. With good food and wine and dancing”

Ann couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “You put all that together for me?” she said in amazement and Anne smiled at her adoringly “I didn’t want you to have to deal with the pressure of planning a wedding, the bridal party, hens weekend, all the stress that goes with all of it when it’s not really your thing. I didn’t want you planning and feeling bad that your parents aren’t here. Not when you’ve already been through so much my darling. And I’m really happy with how it’s turned out. It’s a boho enchanted fairy wedding for my magical little pixie. My beautiful Princess. And in a couple of hours we’ll be married.”

Ann had tears in her eyes ‘This is such a beautiful, incredible thing you’ve done.I don’t mean to be difficult, It’s just that I’ve always been more interested in an amazing marriage than an over the top wedding. I just want to be your wife!”

“I know this My darling, and Its one of the things I love most about you. I wouldn’t change a thing about you. And I know you find crowds and attention and too much sensory overload a bit overwhelming so I wanted to spare you of as much of that as I could. You couldn’t be difficult if you tried” Ann cupped Anne’s face delicately and kissed her tears away softly.

“Everyone will be looking at me. What if I trip and fall. Or I freeze. What if I don’t know what to say?” Ann said anxiously and Anne rocked her gently in her arms.

“The aisle isn’t very long Little one, it’s alright. You won’t trip. And if you freeze or feel frightened at anytime you just look at me because I’ll be standing there smiling the smile of the luckiest woman in the world because you’re about to be mine forever. And all you need to say is ‘I do and the celebrant will help us. I’ll be right there with you holding your hand. You’re my precious angel. I won’t let you go I promise! And I know some awful things have happened at functions and celebrations over the years but I promise that’s all over now. You’re safe. Everything will be okay!”

“Okay” Ann said as she nodded, determined to try to stay calm and enjoy her wedding day.

“And I wasn’t allowed to have anything to do with the dress. Apart from giving Jaz and Rachel a complete catalogue of dresses in your size we had immediate access to through Shibden but I hear it’s glorious!’ Anne said with a huge smile and Ann bit her lip, smiling shyly “I get a wedding dress?”

‘Of course you get a wedding dress, you’re my bride aren’t you?” Anne teased her and Ann giggled “Yes!”

“Now I’m going to let my style team and a photographer in here. They work for you my darling, they are to do whatever you want. Xavier has been instructed and he will look after you. This is your special day. You can text me or call me at anytime alright. And I’ll be seeing you soon alright?”

“Alright!” Ann said softly. “That’s my girl!” Anne praised her as she leant in and ever so gently kissed her. 

Anne lifted Ann out of her lap and back onto the seat and poured her a glass of champagne. She could see how nervous her Princess was and her heart went out to her but as always she was in awe of her resilience and bravery. 

“Hey!” Anne said as she handed her the champagne ‘I’m marrying you today!” She gave Ann her incorrigible grin and Ann broke into a huge smile.

‘Bet your sexy ass you are!” Ann replied cheekily and Anne’s face lit up as she kissed Ann’s hand before leaving the room and Ann took a deep breath then sipped her champagne. She could do this. Being Mrs Lister was worth it. Forever with Anne was worth everything.

*************************

“What do you think babydoll?” Xavier asked Ann as he showed her the beautiful and romantic style he’d created. The front of her hair was parted on the side with a soft thick pulled apart braid with the rest of her hair back combed for volume and pulled into a loose, cluster of curls in an “un done” bun above the nape of her neck with loose curls and tendrils escaping, the braids pinned into the bun and loose tendrils framing her face. And he’d stuck little ivory flowers and gorgeous crystals through the braids. It really did set her makeup perfectly which had been done in the same colours she’d used back at the farm but with that professional polish look you really only got from a make up artist.

“It’s perfect. I love it so much. Thank you Xavier!” Ann said gleefully as she looked at herself in the mirror. She really felt like a princess.

“My pleasure gorgeous. The up style suits the dress. Do the ceremony and the photos with it and then later on you can pull the bun out like I showed you for the more casual half up half down look!”

“What do you think Nanna?” Ann asked Rachel and Rachel beamed. “It’s beautiful darling. Just beautiful!”

Victoria looked at Jaz with interest. She had Jack on her hip and was keeping the little girl occupied but she’d been very quiet. She looked incredibly beautiful though. The epitome of elegance and style. She hadn’t been able to keep her eyes off the older woman. And when Jaz had seen her walk in wearing the beautiful strapless emerald green midi dress she’d given her that had a tight fitted bodice then fell away in a full floaty circle skirt she’d actually stopped mid conversation with Xavier, her mouth slightly agape, then smiled so softly, with such utter delight before regaining her ‘Tough bitch” exterior and continuing her conversation. Obviously she approved.

“Yay! Me next! Me next!” Jack cried out excitedly as she clapped her little hands and everyone laughed. Ann stood up and went over to Jaz and Jack. “You next!” she agreed as she took Jack from Jaz and cuddled her close. “You’re so beautiful Mummy!” Jack said in utter adoration and Ann covered her little face in kisses ‘So are you baby. I love you so much!”

“I love you too Mummy!” Jack said as Xavier indulgently placed a booster cushion in the chair and gestured for Ann to sit Jack down.

Ann beamed at Jack’s adorable reflection in the mirror in her little outfit that was almost identical to Anne’s. She’d made the photographer promise to get as many photos as possible of the two of them together.

“Nothing too tight, structured or conventional. Something playful. Extra points for sparkles” Ann said quietly to Xavier who she could see was already a fan of Jack and he grinned “You got it gorgeous!”

Jaz retrieved a little pouch from her clutch. “Annie come with me for a minute babygirl!” She reached out her hand which Ann took and Jaz led her into the next bedroom and sat down. They didn’t notice a concerned Victoria following them in and nestling into a hidden little corner. It’s not that she wanted to pry but Jaz hadn’t been herself and Ann was dealing with a surprise wedding medication free

“Sit baby!” She said and Ann sat down ‘Is everything alright Mama?” She asked and Jaz gave her a bittersweet smile “Everything it perfect baby. I guess a feel a tiny bit sad. It feels like just yesterday you were a tiny little girl the same age as Jack when your Mum and I started our affair. I think I looked forward to you visiting as much as Cassie. And 6 years later when Cassie Chris and I decided to make a go of it you were so thrilled to have me living with you. You pretty much called me Mama from day 1 and you brought me a joy I have never known. The little girl I’d so desperately wanted but never thought I’d have. Baby I just want you to know that I love you more than anything or anyone I’ve ever loved in this world and I am just so incredibly proud of the young woman you’ve become. Of the mother you are to that beautiful baby. I’m so proud to be your Mama.”

Jaz had tears in her eyes and Ann started getting teary as well. “Oh Mama I love you so much” Ann hugged Jaz tightly. ‘I love you too babygirl”

“Baby Antonio Moretti wasn’t my father” Jaz began and Ann looked at her in shock. My real father was a cruel and selfish man. He would beat my mother and I.When I was 15 he pushed me into an arranged marriage with the son of a rival mafia family so that he didn’t have to part with the gun he’d gambled in a poker match. We were only small-time petty crime mafia. My beautiful but very intimidated mother, your late Nonna was only 33 at the time herself. She gave me a matching necklace and earring set the morning of my wedding day. It had been in her family for generations. She told me I was strong, and to hold onto my strength, to hold onto that jewellery and one day give it to the strongest woman I knew. My husband was Anne’s age and everything about him disgusted me except for the fact that he was gay. I wasn’t a virgin when I married but I’d only been with women and being gay meant he forced himself on me only sporadically, preferring to take male lovers but he would beat me badly. I tried to go back home twice but my father simply returned me to my husband and when my mother tried to intervene my father beat her. One night when I was sure my husband was going to kill me I ran away with very little money, some clothing and the jewellery. I knew if I went home my father would probably kill me. I was starving, I’d run out of money and I remember standing outside the pawn shop clutching the jewellery but I just couldn’t do it. I was 15, living on the streets but people said I was beautiful, I could dance, sing, entertain and I was pretty good at fucking so I went to a saloon I knew of that was pretty much a brothel. It was food, a roof over my head. I would have turned tricks indefinitely before I sold that jewellery. The madam took it from me and used it to hold me hostage though. Even if I had have left without it she would have had me tracked down and likely killed. I kind of just withdrew into myself and the days blended into one another. But I survived.”

Victoria covered her mouth and had tears streaming down her face. The horror Jaz had endured so young. Only 15. Just a baby. She couldn’t believe what she’d been through.

“But as luck would have it, Papa walked in after I’d been there a month and heard me singing. He asked me where I got my hair done because it was stunning.

I told him I’d done it myself. He paid top dollar for me, took me upstairs and sat me down. I was fucking terrified. I knew he was the most notorious and feared mob boss in all of Italy He didn’t even say anything I just started taking my clothes off but he stopped me and said ‘What the hell are you doing here you beautiful talented little girl, where are your parents?” And I told him my story. He sat and listened and when I was done he put his jacket on me, got my jewellery back and bought me from the madam for 100,000 Euro. He took me back to the house in Italy that is now ours, told me to get some sleep. He never touched me. The next day he gave me a beautiful dress and took me to a hair salon and told the staff to train me. At the end of the week he gave me a beautiful set of my own hair equipment and told me how pleased his friends were with me. That I was an extremely hard worker, fast learner and talented. He told me how proud he was of me and that no daughter of his would ever have to work but he wanted me to know that I would never be a prisoner in any dynamic again and be confident that I had a skill, a trade to support myself if I decided I didn’t want to be there. That a job at the salon would always be mine and I would never have to go back to a place like the one he found me in again. I asked him why he’d paid so much money for me when he was the most notoriously lethal man in Italy and he could have just walked out with me. Or shot the bitch essentially keeping me captive and he said because it was all the cash he had on him but he wanted me to see in that moment that I was worth 100 times to keep safe what I’d been sold off for by my father into that life in the first place. That I was worth everything. And from that day on I called him Papa. He took me in because I reminded him of the little sister he’d adored and lost in a gang shoot out when he was younger. 

He had my husband and my father brought in by his men a week later because he wanted me to know I didn’t have to live in fear or look over my shoulder but Papa wanted me to try to face them and stare them down. He thought it would be empowering and he gave me his word I could say or do anything I wanted. I took a chainsaw and sawed off my bastard biological father’s left hand at the mid wrist because that’s the one he used to back hand my mother with and when I was done and covered from head to toe in his blood I stood back and mused aloud that I’d severed too many nerves needlessly doing it that way and he would bleed out much faster. That I would have been better off using an axe like they used to use to remove the hands and feet of thieves and deserters in earlier times, except I wouldn’t be strong enough to hit with precision. I picked up an Axe and slammed it into my husbands groin but it was swinging me not the other way around. I told them this illustrated my point. That I would need to get stronger and then I just left, cleaned up and cooked them all dinner.

It wasn’t weird. We just sat around the table together. Papa kept telling me how proud he was and that I was a natural, that I was tactical and really thought about the mechanics and I was strong in the way that counted. That I was a malnourished neglected little girl but with proper nutrition and training I could be physically strong, the Men who became my family were bending over backwards and offering to teach me things. I asked to see my mother, Papa said a girl needs her mother and had her brought to the house and honestly, the second the two of them laid eyes on one another. It was like you and Anne. Inevitable.

And so began Moretti life. Tuesdays strength and combat training. Wednesdays, accounting and business acquisition, Thursdays- Drug cartel, Friday- Torture methods and interrogation survival. Saturday mornings Dance and music class, Saturday afternoon and Sundays family time. But no matter what, at Papa’s insistence, Mondays, Hair. Always Hair. He said young ladies needed an outlet for their enjoyment. He never put any pressure on me to be mafia but I wanted to do it. I wanted to make him proud. To give as much back to him as he gave to me. He treated Mama and I like queens. I cried more when he died than I did when Mama died. Yes he taught me to be a ruthless business woman, a killer, to do some really twisted shit but he also taught me to do good.Part of me becoming Heir to the infamous Moretti mafia empire was because I was so grateful to this amazing man who had given me so much love, who had given me the world but part of it was that it made me feel powerful and safe. Like no one could touch me, even though Papa wiped out the entire family of my husband, my biological father and legally adopted me I could never quite move past the trauma I suffered early on. Yes my childhood was stolen from me like yours was but I had a significant person in my life who worshipped the ground I walked on and wanted nothing but to love me with all of them and give me the world. I tainted so many wonderful experiences looking over my shoulder and the difference between you and I baby is that you’ve never hurt a soul. You are so pure and innocent and good. Anne is that significant person for you. She loves you with all of her and just wants to give you the world. To keep you safe, loved, warm and protected. And she has a darkness inside her that just comes alive when it comes to your wellbeing being compromised. When you were in Bali I took her with me one afternoon to my warehouse to take out some of her frustration on the two animals that violated you. She completely destroyed their pelvic and groin regions with a baseball bat”

“Oh my god. She did?” Ann gasped with tears streaming down her face. 

“That’s all she did. I took care of things from there at my insistence but there’s honestly nothing that kid wouldn’t do for you. I know it’s hard to tell yourself your worthy of happiness after what you’ve been through baby, after the things you’ve had yelled at you and done to you but don’t make the same mistake I did. Don’t waste away these magical moments looking over your shoulder or worrying about things that could wrong, looking over your shoulder. Just exist in them. Live them, enjoy them. Because by the time you realise you’ve lost them,they’re gone and I don’t want that for you. I want your life to be a magical wonderful adventure. Starting with your wedding day. This is your chance to start a new chapter. Fresh shiny and new. Promise me that you’ll take it!”

“I will Mama. I promise!” Ann said sincerely and Jaz took a set of earrings and a necklace out of a pouch. ‘And wear these for me. Because I became the strongest woman I knew. Until I watched the young woman you grew into. Baby you have been through so much and come up swinging every time. With so much resilience, compassion, kindness and love. You are the strongest woman I know. These are yours now. And I have a feeling one day you’ll be giving them to Jack.”

“They’re so beautiful!” Ann said in awe as Jaz placed the necklace around her neck and fastened it and handed Ann the earrings to put in.

“Papa had them reset with real diamonds and pearls. They’re perfect for your gown”

Ann put her hand up to the necklace and smiled brightly at Jaz through her tears ‘Do you think you could walk me down the aisle Mama? It’s what I want. I know it’s what Mum and Dad would want too. I feel a bit anxious about everyone looking at me and being the centre of attention”

Jaz couldn’t hold back her tears at that moment ‘Oh honey…my beautiful babygirl I would be honoured to walk you down the aisle! And you’re gonna be just fine. I won’t let you go until we get you to Anne. I promise!”

Jaz hugged Ann and took a deep breath. “Now you need to go dry those beautiful eyes of yours and get your makeup touched up so we can get you in this dress.” 

Victoria slipped out of the room quickly and watched and waited for Ann to exit before slipping back in. She made sure she’d wiped her tears and had herself together and then she closed the door behind her and approached Jaz who was standing from the couch.

“Hey” she said softly to Jaz and Jaz looked a little startled to see her but covered quickly though she said nothing.

“I just want you to know that I overheard your conversation with Annie. I didn’t mean to. You’d just been so quiet and I know this must all be a little anxiety inducing for Annie so I followed you in here to check on you both…and I overheard you. Jaz I need you to know that…..”

Jaz’s heart sank “You’re horrified and you can’t be in a relationship with a killer and a whore. It’s alright Victoria. You don’t have to explain.” Jaz said in a cold voice.

Victoria felt her heart break for the older woman she do desperately wanted to her her in. “I need you to know that you are a wonderful mother and Annie is as strong, as whole, as together as she is today despite all she’s been through because of your love and your guidance.”

Jaz was shocked by her response ‘You’re not completely horrified hearing what I’ve done?”

Victoria shrugged ‘You’re not the only one who has been shaped by the need to keep themselves safe”

“Really?” Jaz said, narrowing her eyes as Victoria alluded to her own journey but moved closer until she was standing right in front of her.

“I’m not afraid of you Jaz” Victoria said sincerely and Jaz looked down at the diminutive gorgeous woman in front of her who stood at not quite 5”3 in her strappy gold flat sandals looking absolutely heavenly in the dress she’d bought her, like a tiny Grecian goddess. A goddess dwarfed by her in that moment, her heels bringing her height to 6 feet.

“You’re not are you?” Jaz asked in wonder as she put her hand up to Victoria’s pale, delicate throat and squeezed slightly, pushing her to walk backwards until she was backed against the wall but the entire time Victoria simply looked up at her with her huge blue eyes so full of compassion, understanding and resolve, never breaking eye contact.

“I could snap you like a twig!” Jaz warned as she stared down at her with an intensity that intimidated most people but Victoria didn’t budge “But you won’t’ she said calmly.

‘But I could!” Jaz insisted as she pressed her body into Victoria, pinning her against the wall and Victoria stared right back at her. “No you couldn’t. You care about me too much”

Jaz felt her self-protection instincts start to melt into respect and tenderness as Victoria cut right through her bravado and called her out but it was what the younger woman did next that absolutely floored her.

“I really wish I could have met your Dad” Victoria said as she reached up and cupped Jaz’s face softly “So I could tell him how right he was. That you are worth everything”

And that was it. Jaz was completely undone. “Baby” she whispered achingly as she buried her face in Victoria’s sweet smelling hair. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said what I said. You were right as usual. You’re just the first person to ever call me on my shit and its scary.”

“I know!” Victoria said softly as she snuggled into Jaz. ‘So don’t be a jerk!”

“I’ll try harder not to be!” Jaz assured her as she was overcome with Victoria’s intoxicating scent and without warning bent to clutch her thighs and hoist her up the wall till their faces were level. Victoria gasped and wrapped her arms around Jaz’s neck, looking at the ground beneath her

“Shhhh I got you my Piccolo Fiamma” Jaz whispered softly as she pressed her lips to Victoria’s forehead in a featherlight kiss.

“What does that mean?” Victoria questioned her about the Italian term of endearment she’d used and Jaz gently tugged one of Victoria’s bright copper curls and smiled at her adoringly.

“Little Flame” 

“Oh” Victoria said as she blushed a little and avoided Jaz’s piercing gaze for the first time, a shy little smile playing on her lips and Jaz felt herself disintegrate to utter mush and knew in that moment that she would end up giving Victoria Hobbs anything and everything she wanted.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” Jaz asked as she inched closer and closer to Victoria until their lips met and weeks of unresolved tension exploded between them in a kiss that took on a life of its own. Victoria moaned as Jaz clutched at her bare thighs and opened her mouth, signalling for Jaz to deepen the kiss which she did, their tongues dancing together as Victoria held onto Jaz for dear life and abandoned herself to the pleasure of her kiss and her touch. She’d never felt anything like this. When the kiss ended they were both breathless and Victoria knew she was falling. Falling hard and fast. Jaz nuzzled her nose. “Don’t think for a second that I don’t know it was a team effort. That Annie is as whole and healed and amazing as she is significantly because of you Baby. She’s been so lucky to have you. I’m so lucky to have you.”

Victoria was a little overwhelmed by Jaz’s praise. By the kiss. By the moment. So she wrapped her arms around Jaz’s neck and hugged her tightly. And Jaz didn’t bother putting her down. She just stood there smiling contentedly and revelling in the completeness of holding her.

**************

“What do you think Darling?” Rachel asked Ann when the dress was zipped up and Ann looked at herself in the full length mirror in stunned awe. It was the most perfect wedding dress she had ever seen from the delicate lace pattern in the long sleeves and low V back to the contrast of the structured satin pieces in the bodice that held her breasts in place with the matching lace panel running down the centre of the dress. There was a beautifully intricate scalloped lace hemline of the bodice across her hips and over the flowing skirt that pooled at her feet with lace edging and had a gorgeous train at the back.

“It’s perfect Nanna. You and Mama chose perfectly. It’s the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen.” Ann gushed and Rachel had tears in her eyes. “And you are the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen. I didn’t think I’d ever see a more beautiful bride than your Mother was until I saw you just now. She would be so proud of you my darling! Now when your Mother was married she wore this diamond bracelet of mine that I wore when I was married with a pearl bracelet your father bought her. Jaz had them joined together for me a couple of years ago. Would you wear it today?”

Rachel took a gorgeous interwoven diamond and pearl bracelet off her wrist and slipped it onto Ann’s wrist.

“It’s stunning. Thank you Nanna!” Ann said as she hugged Rachel and Jack ran into the room “I gots sparkles! I’m so good at weddings!” 

Everyone laughed and Ann looked at Jack’s finished hair with her thick “undone” Asymetrical braid going across her head on a diagonal with the rest of it up in a curly loose bun similar to the one she had but off centre a bit. It was on theme but quirky at the same time and very Jack. And there was gold glitter through the braid.

“You are little Dude!” 

“Wow Mummy you look like one of my fairytale storybooks” Jack said dreamily.

“Doesn’t she?” Jaz said adoringly and Victoria looked at her watch. “Okay well it’s almost time!”

She grabbed The little sign that said “I’m still single” and put it around Jack’s neck in lieu of a bouquet. “Okay sweetie do you remember what to do?”

“Hold my sign and walk down that aisle like a rock star!” Jack said with a cheeky grin.

“The most amazing anti-flower girl!’ Ann said softly as she smiled indulgently at her daughter.

“Yes. That’s because she has the most amazing mother!” Rachel said proudly as she squeezed Ann’s hand and she beamed at her grandmother “Thank you Nanna.That means alot!”

Victoria eyed Jaz through the window who had slipped out the door and was talking to a group of huge muscular men. She took a glass of champagne and walked out to where she stood and heard her say.

‘I’m not expecting any unwanted visitors but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be ready for them. This is my babygirl’s wedding day and her wife to be is like a kid to me too. If there is so much as a singular disruption heads will fucking roll do you understand me? You stand on the perimeter, you blend in. You don’t look like you’re armed but you stay fucking armed” Jaz said fiercely and the men all nodded.

‘Jaz?” Victoria said cautiously, a little intimidated and Victoria turned to her. ‘Yes Bella” she said with a gentle smile, her tone instantly softening and relaxing Victoria.

‘I thought you might like a glass of champagne before you walk Annie down the aisle. It’s about showtime!” she said as she held out the glass to Jaz and Jaz took the glass and knocked it back like it was a shot as Victoria looked on with wide eyes. “Thank you baby!’ Jaz said gratefully and put her arm around her.

“Questo è il mio bellissimo tesoro, Victoria. You will be seeing a lot of her moving forward and you will treat her with respect. Anything she wants, you get it for her. Understood?” Jaz demanded.

“Yes Jaz!” The men all chorused as they nodded their heads at Victoria in acknowledgment.

“Well go then! I don’t pay you to stand around!” Jaz said in irritation and the men hurried off but she stopped one of them. “Marco how did your boy do in his HSC?”

“Amazingly well Jaz thank you. He got the marks he needed to do medicine. So any extra work you have, around the clock even I’ll take it, to get my boy to university and help him get his start in life.”

“Don’t worry about his schooling costs I’ll cover it. Just tell your boy to keep working hard.” Jaz said in a calm measured voice and Marco looked at Jaz in shock ‘Oh thank you Jaz. That means the world to us. Thank you so much.”

Jaz didn’t show any emotion she just looked at him expectantly. “So…..off you go!”

Marco scurried away and Jaz rolled her eyes and turned to see Victoria smiling at her. “I think you’re just a big softie Jazmine Moretti!”

‘I am not. I am a bad ass, take no prisoners, blow your face off if you get in my way mafia queen!” Jaz said petulantly and Victoria cocked her head. ‘What did you tell your men about me when you spoke in Italian? Right before you told them they’d be seeing a lot of me?”

Jaz shrugged “Just business stuff!”

‘What kind of business stuff?’ Victoria challenged her and Jaz sighed. “I said “This is my beautiful sweetheart Victoria!” she said begrudgingly and Victoria’s face lit up.

“Well they need to be kept in line and understand that my lady will be treated respectfully, always. Or I’ll fucking end them!’ Jaz said defensively.

Victoria put her arms around Jaz’s waist and leant into her side. She wasn’t used to being treated like she mattered so much. As though she was so significant. ‘You’re right. That was very bad ass!’ she said genuinely.

“Hmmm” Jaz grunted. But she wrapped her arm around Victoria and pulled her closer, smiling against her hair.

‘Come on Piccolo Fiamma, let’s go get this kid of mine down the aisle before I change my mind about giving her to Lister!” Jaz said dryly.

“Oh bah humbug you love Anne like your own daughter!” Victoria teased her.

‘That’s enough out of you!” Jaz said as she spanked Victoria.

“mmmm I like that!” Victoria whispered softly and Jaz groaned “Baby….stop that. You have no idea how much I want you right now!”

Victoria gave her a naughty little grin. “I can assure you the feeling is more than mutual!” she said before disappearing into the suite and Jaz took a deep breath ‘Give me strength”

*********  
“How you doing?” Victoria asked as she came up behind Anne as the final couple of guests took their seats and Anne grinned at her “I’m so happy Vicki. I can’t wait to marry Ann. Thank you so much. For making me believe I could have this kind of love. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you!” Anne hugged Victoria and Victoria squeezed her tight. “I am so proud of you sweetie. You two are going to have the most amazing life together. Good luck!” Victoria squeezed her hand and then took her seat.

Jaz, Ann, Beth, Harry and Jack walked down to the ceremony from the suites.

“Don’t spew babe!” Harry quipped, joking about Ann’s nerves and she rolled her eyes. “So supportive Harry!”

“Hey I think all things considered since my wife is about to marry someone else I’m taking things pretty well!” Ann cracked up and Harry turned to Jack.

“Now show me the strut Lil Miz Mackenzie- Jane!” Jack did an exaggerated catwalk strut like Harry had shown her. “Yasssss little queen! Work girl! It’s like Ru Paul’s drag race up in here!” He encouraged her and Jaz, Beth and Ann cracked up laughing.

‘Don’t be nervous Mummy. You just have to visualise, keep your eye on the prize, get the ball over the try line!”

Ann narrowed her eyes at Jack’s familiar words. “Baby have you been watching sports with Frog?”

“Uh huh” Jack said proudly.

‘When did you have time to do that?” Ann asked, chuckling.

“When we ran lost boys errands for the wedding we stopped at the pub for a few cold ones and watched some of the game and Uncle Frog and Uncle Griffo got me an ice cream spider. It was great!”

‘Unbelievable she’s got them wrapped around her little finger already” Ann quipped and Jaz smiled at her “Yes well, like mother like daughter….and here we are”

“Oh my goodness!” Ann gasped as she looked at the beautiful ceremony setting. The vintage chairs, the beautiful floral and tortured willow centre pieces. It was just gorgeous. It looked warm, intimate, inviting and like an enchanted fairy dream.

“Oh Annie. I can’t ever thank you enough for what you’ve done for Anne. I have never seen her as happy as she is with you and the house has never been so full of love and light since you’ve been in it. I can’t wait to have the two of you and now little Jack back home. You’ve become like a daughter to me and I’m so happy to share in your special day. Try to just enjoy today and let me look after the little Miss alright?”

Beth hugged Ann and Ann snuggled into the older woman who had been such a comfort to her in the short time they’d known one another. “I will Beth, thank you so much!”

“Alright Jack” Harry said as he bent down in front of the little girl. “I’m going to be up the front and signal when its time for you to go. You come all the way to the front where I’ll be squatting down and then when you get there you can high five your Mama and then you walk past me and go to Beth. Got it?”

“Got it!” Jack gave Harry the thumbs up sign and Harry stood and leant in to kiss Ann’s cheek “I love you babe. You deserve this. You deserve the world!” He said sounding a bit emotional and Ann wrapped her arms around him and clung to him like she was never going to let go. “You’ll always be my gay husband. You know that right?” Ann said with a quivering voice. “I know! Don’t be scared babe. You got this!” He reassured her and pulled back to give her his trademark cheeky grin and winked at her.

“Okay little dude, wait for my signal here we go!” Harry reminded Jack and headed down to the end of the aisle. When he got there he winked at Anne who looked at Harry quizzically.

A beautiful string arrangement of Ennio Morocone’s “Deborah’s theme” began to play, chosen by Anne because both she and Ann loved it.

Harry signalled and little Jack appeared, strutting down the aisle slowly like it was a catwalk and she was listening to club music and not classical music. And as she carried her sign that said “I’m still single” and the guests all cracked up her smile got bigger and bigger. Anne was smiling from ear to ear. She was the daughter of her dreams. Such a little character. When Jack got to the end of the aisle she high fived Anne and Anne picked her up and cuddled her. 

“Did I do good Mama?” Jack asked and Anne nuzzled her little nose “My beautiful little Poppet! You did great! I’m so proud of you” Anne kissed her forehead. “Go to Beth. Good girl!” she said as she put her down and felt all air leave her lungs as Ann moved into view with Jaz at the end of the aisle.

Jaz could feel Ann shaking as everyone stood and turned to stare at her in rapture. “It’s alright babygirl Mama’s got you. You’re alright!”

“Just don’t let me go okay” Ann pleaded. ‘Shhh I won’t baby.” Jaz reassured her as they began to walk down the aisle.

Anne felt like she couldn’t breathe. She had never seen anything so exquisitely and gloriously beautiful in all her life. Ann was so heavenly she didn’t look real. She had a small “stage” smile on her face that most people wouldn’t know was contrived but Anne did. She could see it in her posture, in her grip on Jaz’s arm, in the way she avoided everyone’s scrutiny by letting her gaze drop to her feet. She was petrified. ‘Come on baby look at me….just look at me. You can do it, look at me” Anne willed her and as though her Princess could hear the message she was sending her she suddenly looked up and they locked eyes. She stopped moving for a minute and gave her a shy little smile, her incredible blue eyes starting to sparkle and Anne felt her heart fill with more love and pride than she ever thought herself capable of feeling. She knew how much it was taking for Ann to do this. 

Ann saw her Dude’s face light up in the most dazzling adoring smile and took a deep breath. Everything suddenly felt less terrifying. Anne held out her hand to Ann and Ann started moving towards her again. As soon as she could reach it she held her bouquet in the hand linked to Jaz’s arm and reached out to take Anne’s hand. When they got to the end of the aisle Jaz took her bouquet and kissed Ann’s cheek “Love you babygirl” she whispered.

‘Love you Mama!” Ann said softly and then Jaz kissed Anne ‘Love you baby”

“Love you Mama” Anne said sincerely and Jaz took her seat as Anne took Ann in her arms gently and chastely, holding her by her hips tenderly as she kissed her forehead. ‘You’re shaking Little One” 

Ann bit her lip anxiously “Everyone’s looking at me.”

Anne beamed down at her. ‘They cant help it. They’ve never seen anything so beautiful before. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful before”

Ann gave her “that” dazzling smile. The one that absolutely turned her to jelly and it was all Anne could do to stand on her own two feet.

“Are we ready?” The celebrant enquired gently and and Ann nodded, never taking her eyes off Ann “Yes!”

‘That’s my girl!” Anne said proudly ‘Let’s do this!”

**************

“And now the vows! Anne…” The celebrant prompted Anne and Anne looked deep into Ann’s beautiful blue eyes that were shining back at her.

“Ann, my sweet beautiful girl. I fell in love with you the moment you fell out of the sky and into my arms when you performed at my party that night and I’ve been falling more and more in love with you ever since. Every day you amaze me with your endless capacity to love and spread kindness. With how exquisitely beautiful you are, inside and out. You are the strongest person I know and have filled my life with a purpose and meaning I never thought possible. You’re such an amazing mother and you’ve given me the most beautiful little girl. I can’t wait for all the adventures we will have as a family. Your unwavering support, patience and love has saved me. It makes me want to be a better person, to do everything in my power to be worthy of all that you are. I promise to always be not only your wife but your best friend, your lover, your confidante and your safe place to fall. Today, tomorrow and the rest of our lives.”

Ann’s eyes were full of tears from Anne’s beautiful heartfelt vows and as the celebrant turned to Ann expectantly Anne, ever her protector stepped in ‘Oh I kind of sprung this wedding on my beloved. She wouldn’t have had a chance to….”

“No it’s okay….I know what I want to say” Ann said with a quiet confidence she didn’t even know she possessed, that shocked even her. Perhaps it was because the crowd had disappeared because all she could see was Anne.

“Anne, the night we first met when I fell out of that Lyra you caught me in your strong arms and you’ve been catching me ever since. You’ve never once let me fall. You’ve taught me about the healing powers of patience, understanding, unconditional love and support and given me a space where I feel I can just be me and everything is okay. When I’m wrapped up in your arms I feel safer than anywhere else in the entire world and your belief in me makes me feel like I can do anything. You are such an incredible parent to our little girl and I’m so lucky I get to raise babies with you. You’re the most perfect combination of handsome and beautiful and you still give me so many butterflies in my tummy and make me feel like my necks too small for my throat. I promise to always be not only your wife but your best friend, your lover, your confidante and your safe place to fall. Today, tomorrow and the rest of our lives.”

Now it was Anne’s turn to have tears. She was beyond touched by Ann’s beautiful words but for her to just wing it like that with no warning. To speak publicly and so flawlessly when its something she fears so much. It was nothing short of incredible.

“I can’t believe you just did that. That was magic. I am so proud of you!’ Anne whispered as she cupped Ann’s face adoringly and Ann smiled up at her through her tears. ‘I told you, you make me feel like I can do anything!”

The celebrant smiled. She couldn’t remember seeing a couple more in love than the one in front of her. “And now the rings……” she said loudly then quietly said to Ann “You say with this ring, I thee wed”.

“Oh I wanna go first!” Ann said excitedly and their audience chuckled as Anne gestured indulgently for her bride to go first. Ann took the ring that Harry placed in her hand and took Anne’s hand. “With this ring, I thee wed. And I will love you. All the much, all the ways. All the time!”

She grinned up at Anne and Anne felt herself melt at the special little touch Ann added. The phrase that had become so special to them.

Anne took the ring from Harry and took Ann’s delicate little hand in hers. ‘With this ring, I thee wed. And I will love you. All the much. All the ways. All the time!”

Ann looked at her ring, her eyes going wide ‘It matches my engagement ring perfectly!” she exclaimed in delight.

‘Spot the Femme!” Anne quipped and Jaz, Victoria, Harry and everyone else in the audience versed in queer culture cracked up laughing.

“I now pronounce you wives. Anne, you may kiss your bride!”

Anne took Ann’s face between her hands and just stared at her adoringly for a moment before ever so gently pressing her lips to hers in a tender lingering kiss as everyone stood and applauded and then she bent and picked her up around her thighs. Holding her Princess high above her as she walked around slowly in a circle before bringing her down till their lips met for another more passionate kiss. She ever so carefully placed Ann on her feet and kissed her little nose before turning and reaching out to Jack. Beth put Jack down and Jack ran to Anne who swept her up and sat her on her hip.

“Mrs Lister?” She said with her trademark charming grin as she held out her hand to Ann and Ann took it, her eyes wide with delight ‘That’s me!”

Anne laughed and kissed her hand ‘It sure is baby!” They walked down the aisle as a family while their loved ones called well wishes to them and Ann turned to her new wife. ‘What happens now?”

Anne kissed Jack’s little nose and then kissed Ann’s. ‘Forever!”

Ann broke into a dazzling smile and nodded. ‘Works for me!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next stop- The reception and the wedding night.


	35. Here in the incandescent glow. We are all we need to know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. Shock horror. Bitch actually got her act together and came back. Thank you for all the lovely messages I had from my readers. I will reply to them I just didn’t want to make you wait any longer. I’m totally fine. Just insane covid work life load. THIS IS NOT STRICTLY THE WEDDING NIGHT. Though its definitely not safe for work. The actual post reception chapter is the one that will follow this. I really hope you enjoy and it was worth the wait.
> 
> I have heard your love for Jaz and Victoria loud and clear and it makes my heart so happy because I love them too.
> 
> One last thing. This wouldn't be happening without Tess, Rosy, Ali, Soph and Ell. Thank you for inspiring me to write when I feared I wouldn't write again. Never did I imagine that starting this little story would lead me to some of the most supportive, loving amazing friends I have ever had. I hope I have done you proud my loves <3
> 
> Song used- Celine Dion “I knew I loved you” It’s gorgeous and so them.

Anne sat with her arm wrapped around her beautiful new wife’s shoulders in a comfy gazebo waiting to be called to the reception with Jaz and Victoria sitting opposite them keeping them company. They’d gotten through their photos in record time with the photographers commending they got so many beautiful shots of them just interacting with one another. But they’d gotten some shots with Jack and with Jaz, Victoria, Marion, Rachel and Jonno too and now everyone except for the 4 of them were having drinks at the reception. Anne didn’t want them to go until it got dark as she planned to get the formal part of the evening out of the way starting with the first dance as a couple so Ann could just relax and she had a surprise up her sleeve for that.

Anne smiled down at her Princess. She’d had 2 glasses of wine on an empty tummy before Anne had registered she hadn’t eaten that day and got her a snack and was now sipping her third. She was clearly buzzed and a lot more relaxed than she’d been earlier in the day. “I never had a chance to plan an amazing honeymoon sweetheart but I figured you’d want Christmas with the family, especially with it being Jack’s first!”

Ann threaded her fingers through Anne’s “That’s okay Dude….you know we’re going to have to go have another reception in Italy with Mama’s side of the family don’t you?”

Anne looked at her in surprise “I hadn’t thought of that!”

Jaz laughed ‘Oh it will be happening, soon. We’ll take Jack! I’ll being this gorgeous girl with me!” Jaz said adoringly as she put her arm around Victoria and pulled her close and Victoria looked up at Jaz in surprised delight and then looked stricken and as though she could read Victoria’s mind, Jaz kissed her forehead and said ‘And we’ll take Millie of course and Jack will be spoiled rotten and have so many people fighting to help look after her and you two love birds can have plenty of alone time.

Anne grinned “An Italian honeymoon! I like the sound of that!” 

‘Me too!’ Ann agreed happily and picked up her clutch “I’m just gonna go touch up my hair before we have to go in. I’ll be back!” Ann stood a little unsteadily and headed towards the ultra luxe bathrooms of the private party area.

“I might follow my little lightweight wife and check she doesn’t get herself into trouble!” Anne said indulgently and Jaz chuckled “Good idea!”

Anne followed Ann and Victoria stood and went to lean on the edge of the Gazebo watching the last of the sunset. “It’s so beautiful!” she said as she gazed into the distance and Jaz went and stood behind her. ‘Wait till you see the sunset over the hills from my home in Florence” She said softly as she drew lazy circles on Victoria’s shoulder blade, smiling as she shivered.   
“It sounds incredible!” Victoria said wistfully and Jaz turned her around in her arms “It is. Dance with me Bella!” She commanded as she gave her a very charming smile and began to sway with her to the music from the reception that travelled to where they were.

“Do you think your family will like me?” Victoria asked quietly . “Baby they’ll think you’re wonderful. Why wouldn’t they?”

Victoria shrugged. “I don’t know. You’re just so glamorous, worldly, this larger than life goddess and a loud effervescent presence who commands the entire room with her charisma and charm and I’m more the quiet nerdy type who kind of just blends”

“The incredibly beautiful girl next door who centres me with her quiet calm strength. Leaves me in awe of her kindness, gentleness and capacity to love. With a huge brain that is incredibly sexy, nerd cred and all. The girl who challenges me, who balances me. Whose arms feel like coming home. The girl who stands out in the most crowded of rooms to me!”

Victoria broke into the most gorgeous smile and Jaz felt her heart skip a beat. “That smile!” She said as she traced Victoria’s lower lip.

“You know for what its worth while you’re looking at me like a glamorous larger than life goddess I feel like the awkward clumsy kid who has been given this beautiful dainty little doll that sometimes I honestly don’t know how to handle because she’s so special and I don’t want to break her” Jaz said sincerely and Victoria felt herself melt at Jaz’s honesty.

‘Maybe she’s tougher than she looks!” Victoria suggested as she snuggled into Jaz’s arms, her arm slung around her waist, her other hand clasped gently in Jaz’s against the older woman’s chest.

“Oh I’m definitely getting that vibe!” Jaz said as she pondered the many layers she’d observed thus far of the lovely Dr Victoria Hobbs. She had a feeling there was a fairly complex story to discover.

“But she’s still my special one!” She said affectionately as she kissed the top of her head and was rewarded with a contented sigh from the dainty doctor in her arms. ‘This feels so right. It’s really nice”

“It is baby!” Jaz said, equally content as they gently swayed from side to side in the late afternoon breeze.

“Duuuuude” Ann began as she smoothed out her hair in the mirror and Anne chuckled, knowing this is how her princess asked for something she wanted. “Yes my darling? What do want?”

Ann giggled at how quickly Anne was onto her. “Well I was just thinking since it was our wedding night, that maybe we could try…..” Ann started to lose her confidence and Anne raised an eyebrow realising she was talking about something sexual. “Oh no you don’t Mrs Lister, you can’t get me all intrigued like that then go quiet!” She said teasingly as she turned Ann around. She was so very lovely when she was relaxed and cheeky like this. ‘Tell me Little One, come on you can do it!”

‘Can we try your strap on?” Ann whispered and Anne was stunned. That was the last thing she expected her to ask. She’d figured it would be a long time before Ann allowed anything phallic near her after the torture Ainsworth and Sutherland put her through. “My Stra……sweetheart are you sure?”

“I wanna try it and I need to ask you while I’m a tiny bit buzzed cause it makes me braver” Ann insisted. ‘Haven’t you thought about being inside me that way?” She asked so softly Anne almost didn’t hear her but she did and it made her groan with want. “Yes I have…..have you?”

Ann nodded looking up at her with so much longing that Anne felt lust coiling low in her belly as she backed Ann towards the wall “Really?” Anne questioned her in that deep voice that drove Ann crazy and Ann took one of Anne’s suspenders and playfully snapped it. ‘Yes Daddy!” She said with a naughty glint in her eyes as she smiled up at him adoringly and Anne felt need simultaneously overwhelm her at the same time as gratitude that she was married to the glorious little creature in front of her.

“You are a naughty little Princess tonight aren’t you?” Anne said in approval and Ann nodded ‘And guess what?” she whispered and Anne whispered back ‘What?”

Ann pointed to the very fancy bathrooms which were individual stalls with a mini sofa and basin and a floor to ceiling door ‘Those toilets are pretty much soundproof so you can pretty much do anything you want in them” Ann whispered and she snapped both of Anne’s suspenders for emphasis but much harder than she meant to and when Anne jumped a little Ann put her hand to her mouth, looking up at her with huge wide eyes and said ‘Oopsy. Sorry Daddy”

“Oh you are so fucking adorable like this” Anne growled as she grabbed Ann round the ass and picked her up, carrying her into the stall and locking the door behind them. ‘I want you so much baby”

Jaz and Victoria were dancing blissfully when a large bang was heard. Jaz flung Victoria into the side of the Pergola and literally body shielded her as two of her men Victoria hadn’t even realised were stationed near them came running and one of them called out “Jaz” throwing her a gun which she took and released the safety on it. Victoria felt ill as she saw the gun. Guns terrified her. She loathed them. “Vicki get down” Jaz commanded and Victoria sank to the ground trying to keep breathing and backed into a corner. She could see blood trickling down her leg and moved the skirt of the beautiful dress Jaz had gotten her so she wouldn’t ruin it. She was vaguely aware of one of Jaz’s men saying it was a firework practise and that they were checking the perimeter to confirm.

Jaz breathed a sigh of relief when it was confirmed it was just a practise firework being let off and gave the gun back to her men.

“Vicki” Jaz said gently as she crouched down in front of Victoria who was sheet white and just staring into space. “Baby it’s alright you can come back up now!” Jaz tried to reassure her and it was then she saw the blood. “Oh god you’re bleeding, show me where you’re hurt!” She pleaded as she grasped her under her arms and pulled her up, wanting to sit her down when one of her men approached and distracted her. ‘We’ve got men outside the bathrooms watching Annie as a precaution Jaz, is Anne in there with her?”

“Yes they’re together, don’t mention it because the fireworks are Anne’s surprise for my daughter and….” Before she could stop her Victoria rushed past her holding her bag.

“Vicki wait where are you going?” Jaz called out and Victoria turned back towards her. “I’m just patching up my leg, I’ll see you inside the reception. I’m okay” she insisted and then turned and walked hurriedly to the bathroom.

‘Okay my ass” Jaz muttered as she grabbed her bag and took off after Victoria. She just made it to the bathrooms in time to see a swish of green fabric disappear into the stall and the door close.

“Dammit” She said in frustration

Anne began kissing Ann passionately as she bunched her dress up and was stunned to feel bare skin. “No panties?” Anne gasped in awe. Ann shook her head with a naughty little smile.

‘Were you wanting Daddy to fuck you?” She asked and Ann moaned ‘Yes Daddy!”

“That’s my girl!” Anne said in approval as she sat Ann down on the small table and pried her thighs apart to find her already wet, ready and more than willing.

“You’re so wet for me Princess aren’t you?” Anne asked darkly and Ann nodded.

“Mmmmmm such a sweet, wet little princess for me to defile, and in her wedding dress” Anne cooed as she ran her finger around Ann’s engorged clit, feeling it lurch at her words.

“Did thinking about having Daddy’s cock inside you get you all wet baby?” Anne ran her forefinger up and down Ann’s entrance as she began to make little mewling sounds. “Yes Daddy!”

Anne slipped just the tip of her forefinger inside her and began circling. She could see her beautiful girl was a gasping and almost in tears with need but if she was using the strap on that night she wanted her to come quickly, she didn’t want her already sore especially after their morning session.

“Do want me to fuck you now?” Anne teased and Ann gasped as Anne slowly plunged her finger deeper. “Yes Daddy, please fuck me. I need you”

Anne slipped a second finger in and began curling into her g spot immediately as she fucked her, brushing against her clit with every stroke.

“Mmmmm you’re gonna come fast for me Princess aren’t you?” Anne said as she devoured Ann’s ear. “Y…..yes’ Ann gasped, out of her mind with pleasure.

“Good girl, that’s it, come on my perfect little Princess bride, come for me, come while Daddy fucks you in your wedding dress because you’re mine, because you belong to me!”

Ann cried out against Anne’s shoulder and she gently rode out her orgasm with her. “That’s my good girl…you are so fucking hot…….so beautiful. I’m so lucky.

When her tremors subsided Anne removed her fingers and discretely wiped them with some paper towel then went back to her Princess and the second she got there Ann was undoing her suspenders and unbuttoning her trousers with a speed that stunned her, nimble little fingers flying until she slipped off the table and Anne was being pushed back to sit on the settee as her pants and boxers were being put down and then suddenly Ann’s mouth was on her centre “Ann…..Fuck baby……” Anne gasped as she closed her eyes and started surrendering herself to the ecstasy of Ann’s tongue exploring her folds.

Victoria hung her dress up willing herself to calm down. Jaz wasn’t going to hurt her. She’d literally body shielded her to protect her. It was just that gun. Why did she have to have the gun? Was it going to happen more often? Guns led to pain and trauma and they scared her.

Jaz waited outside the stalls growing more and more frustrated. What the hell was Victoria thinking just taking off like that? What if it wasn’t safe? It was her job to keep her safe. Why wouldn’t she just let her help her.

“You know what? Screw it!” Jaz thought as she pulled out a tool she always kept in her bag and opened it up. Jiggling it in the door lock she heard it click and she opened the door and closed it behind her, fully intending to get stuck into her. All plans it having a go at her went out the window however when she saw Victoria. She had her back to her, cleaning her wound with a furiously shaking hand. She was only wearing a nude pink strapless bra and a matching lace edged half petticoat that ended at her mid thigh showing off her creamy alabaster skin scattered with freckles. Her waist was tiny, she had delicate slight shoulders, cute little hips and her spine bones were faintly visible as she bent and reached for a dressing. And she was trembling so much that Victoria could see it from where she stood.

“You didn’t need to come in, I’ll be out in just a minute” Victoria said in a quivering voice as she went to take the back off the dressing but her hands were shaking too much and she dropped it.

Jaz went to pick it up for her. “Here baby let me help you!” She insisted as she knelt and picked up the dressing, gently applying it to her cut. It was when she stood that she saw Victoria’s beautiful tear streaked face and the way she was just standing there with her arms covering herself up looking so tiny, vulnerable and afraid broke Jaz’s heart.

“Sweetheart” she whispered as she stood and cupped Victoria’s face and Victoria took a deep breath “I’ll be alright, It was just very sudden and guns and…..I just got a fright…I’m sorry I ran off..”

“It’s alright baby come here” Jaz said as she sat down and pulled Victoria into her lap, pleasantly surprised when the younger woman melted into her and curled up against her as Jaz rocked her and stroked her hair. “You have to let me keep you safe okay baby?” Jaz said vehemently and Victoria nodded. 

‘I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you. You’ve become so important to me” Jaz said in a shaky voice as she kissed Victoria’s face and wiped her tears away with the pads of her thumbs. “I’m sorry you were frightened” She whispered as she kissed her and it quickly turned passionate. Jaz kissed her neck and marvelled at how soft Victoria’s skin was, feeling her desire to possess her reach boiling point at the sound of her soft little moans.

“Oh god” Victoria gasped as Jaz nipped at a particularly sensitive spot behind her ear and as Jaz kissed a trail down her neck she watched in wonder as her alabaster skin flushed pink, her chest rising and falling delicately as she lay cradled in her arms looking up at her so adoringly and so damn submissively. “You are so fucking beautiful” Jaz whispered as she ran her hand from Victoria’s throat down her chest to her torso and across the silky fabric of her petticoat, down to her bare legs where she rested her hand on one creamy outer thigh and began sliding it higher and higher as she kissed her again. “I want you so much” Jaz gasped and Victoria didn’t know what came over her but she felt like she was drowning in Jaz and as she slipped her hand under the side of her panties, resting it on her bare hip Victoria nodded and lifted her pelvis up.

“Yes?...yes baby?” A stunned Jaz sought verbal consent from her. “Yes” Victoria replied softly and Jaz pulled her panties down and off her. That’s all she took off. There was something oddly erotic about the thought of Adrenalin fucking Victoria in the bathroom while she was still in her underwear all pink and lacy and feminine and she wanted to save unwrapping her properly for a bed where she could really take her time with her. She pulled Victoria up onto her knees, adjusting her so she was straddling her lap and slipped her hand up her petticoat, moaning at the silky wetness of her and slowly slipping two fingers inside her as she wrapped her other arm around her slim hips and easily guided her down onto her hand, giving her a chance to adjust.

“Fuck….I knew you’d feel like heaven my Piccolo Fiamma. I just knew!” Jaz exhaled in appreciation at how tightly Victoria encased her and her younger lover closed her eyes as she began to ride her and Jaz was in awe of how stunning she looked. She was so incredibly graceful and there was just this innate almost primal sensuality inside her bubbling beneath the surface waiting to be drawn out. Jaz could feel it. “You are so fucking exquisite……that’s it baby….ride me!” Victoria could feel her thighs quivering from the decadence of Jaz’s words. She’d never felt anything like this. It was more than sex. It was so connected and intimate. Jaz started stroking her clit every time she entered her and Victoria cried out, wrapping her arms tightly around Jaz’s neck, clinging to her.

“You’re alright my Bella, I’ve got you!” Jaz reassured her as she held her tight and began really fucking her. “Look at me” she commanded and Victoria looked at her with heavy pleasure laden eyes but then they completely locked on hers and the look in them was so pure, so submissive that Jaz felt her heart might stop. “You’re mine now Red. Do you understand?” She said in her dominant tone and groaned inwardly as she felt Victoria grow wetter around her fingers.

“Yes!” Victoria gasped as Jaz curled her fingers inside her, never taking her eyes off Jaz and Jaz was struck by the sincerity and transparency in her eyes. She pressed her forehead against her undulating lovers. “You do understand don’t you” she said proudly and Victoria nodded.

“Good girl!” Jaz whispered in approval as she began slamming into Victoria’s g spot over and over until her whole body shook and she screamed into Jaz’s neck before collapsing against her like a rag doll. Jaz bit her lip as tears threatened to overwhelm her and she held Victoria close. What she’d just experienced was on a whole other level to anything she’d ever felt. She might have found the other half of her. 

“Fuck…..Ann baby please……I’m so close” Anne pleaded and her beautiful wife didn’t disappoint, sucking her clit like she was starving and slamming her fingers into her until Anne shook and cried out. Ann tenderly brought her down and then she stood and started cleaning up.

“We better get a wriggle on Dude or people will be looking for us!” She said cheekily as she washed her hands and around her mouth and started touching her makeup up while Anne just watched her blissfully. She couldn’t believe she would get to spend the rest of her life with such a little goddess.

She set about cleaning and straightening herself up so she could get her beautiful bride back out there because she had a surprise. After she was tidied up Anne put her arms around Ann’s waist and leant on her shoulder. “So my darling, now that you seem more sober than you were when we came in here, the strap on issue. How are you feeling about that? Honestly?” Anne asked and Ann’s beautiful blue eyes met hers in the mirror.

“Honestly? A little bit excited, a little bit curious, a little bit scared and a lot safe in the knowledge that you’ll look after me and won’t push me into anything I’m not ready for because you’re my dude and Daddy and my wife and I’m your pixie princess and you always take care of me!”

Anne felt overwhelmed by the way Ann had so honestly and beautifully surmised her feelings of fear and security to her, by the faith and belief she had in her.

“I love you so much my precious angel!” Anne said as she turned Ann around in her arms and cupped her beautiful face. ‘Thank you for having so much faith in me. And yes I promise I will look after you and we will go slow. You honour me with being willing to explore this.”

Ann cocked her head to the side regarding Anne thoughtfully. “Baby I don’t know why you always seem surprised I trust you so much when it comes to the sex stuff. You’ve never been anything but patient, loving, considerate and amazing. I can do what I do because I have you as my partner. You’ve more than earned my trust”

Anne looked at her in wonder. ‘When did you get so wise and confident Miss barely 18?”

“Pfft’ Ann scoffed “I’m not your average 18 year old, I’m Wifed now. I’m totes grown up. And bad ass!”

Anne bit back her chuckle. She was so cute.

‘You are bad ass baby, we’re gonna just walk out there in a few minutes when were called, do a little lap and everything will be great!” 

Ann looked worried all of a sudden ‘Wait a minute but will everyone be looking at me……okay maybe I’m not so confident and badass”

Anne chuckled and wrapped her up in her arms “I love you so much!You can be anxious and bad ass baby, I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

Jaz had fixed up Victoria’s makeup in record time and added a few touches of her own. Perfectly winged eyeliner, a very well defined red pout on her beautiful lips, a little more blush and some contouring. It was a look befitting the classically beautiful golden age of cinema goddess she was. There was a very ethereal old world quality to her beauty even though she was more casual in her styling normally. Jaz had noticed it the first time she’d met her years ago at a meeting about Ann.

And she’d just sat so very still exactly the way Jaz had instructed her to sit and followed her every instruction. The urge to Daddy was strong. So very strong. Victoria brought it out in her in ways no one ever had before and at the same time, she softened her significantly. The Daddy in her looked completely different with Victoria than it had looked before. And she actually really liked it. It was bewildering, but kind of nice. Maybe because she was so sweet, so good, so kind. And because despite the confident, in control Doctor front she presented, always so amazing to Ann and the entire extended Hastings family, Jaz could see she actually wasn’t quite so confident. Victoria wasn’t anything like Cassie. While she was feisty and sassy sometimes in a really alluring way she was also incredibly gentle. She didn’t have to exert her dominance to reign her in or protect her from herself, use the Daddy thing to get her to be a “good girl” for her safety. She just simply was a good girl. And the thrilling ease of that was intoxicating.

“All done honey!” Jaz said as she beamed at her. What a little stunner she was.

“Thank you!” Victoria said gratefully as she stood up and looked at herself in the mirror.

‘Oh wow” she said as she moved closer and touched her face in disbelief. “You’re so talented. Is that me?”

“It sure is Bella!” Jaz said proudly. ‘It’s not like it was hard. You are quite literally a little porcelain doll” Jaz said as she stroked Victoria’s cheek. Victoria smiled at Jaz through the mirror, the makeup only highlighting how beautiful it was and then she avoided her gaze and looked down. Jaz had noticed she’d gone shy with her a bit and seemed to feel a little awkward. She didn’t mind. She found it rather endearing. It was sweet.

“Come on baby let’s go to the reception” Jaz said as she put her arm around Victoria protectively and let her out of the stall.

As they exited Anne and Ann were coming out of the stall beside them. Both couples looked at each other slightly stunned as it was pretty clear what they’d all been doing. Anne and Jaz tried not to laugh while Ann and Victoria looked slightly like deers in headlights but Jaz simply pulled Victoria closer to her as she led her to the large basins and Anne did the same with Ann. They all stood and washed their hands side by side like it was the most natural thing in the world and when Victoria saw Ann trying to smooth a piece of her hair she pulled a brush out of her purse and handed it to her.  
“Oh thanks Vicki” she said as she used it to tame the unruly curl and handed it back to her.

‘Great makeup!” She said genuinely.

“Thank you sweetie” Victoria said giving her a nurturing smile and with that Jaz led her out of the bathroom, guiding her slightly ahead of her by the waist, Anne led Ann out in a similar fashion and when their ladies were out the door Jaz turned slightly and held out her hand down low and she and Anne low-fived each other.

************

Ann stood behind the curtain with Jack on her hip “Now if you forget whatever routine you and Uncle Harry have put together what are you going to do baby?”

“Just keep smiling and remember the audience doesn’t know I forgot, only I know I forgot and I can put in any of the 4 or 8 counts you’ve taught me when we dance together and they wont even know!” Jack said confidently and Anne looked down at Ann with so much pride. She was such an incredible mother.

“Ladies and gentlemen please put your hands together for the “Un-flower girl” “Kenzie “aka” Jack Lister” Harry’s voice was heard over the microphone.

“Gotta go Mummy” Jack said as she took a pair of black sun glasses out of her pocket and put them on.

“Wait a minute where did you even get those?” Ann asked in surprise.

“That’s my Cue Mummy I hear my song I gotta go” Jack said as she scrambled out of Ann’s arms and Ann put her down as the opening strains of uptown funk played and Jack strutted out like she owned the place getting a gigantic round of applause and Ann looked out from behind the curtain. “See now I’d like to have HER confidence!’ Ann joked and Anne looked on adoringly ‘Wouldn’t we all!.....Wow….I know you said you’d been working with her and she was good sweetheart but wow!’ Anne said as she watched their baby girl dance with so much rhythm and soul and she was only 3.”

“She’s got her Mama’s Lister Swagger!” Ann said proudly and Anne grinned and kissed her “perhaps, but she’s got her Mummy’s grace and moves!”

Jack’s music ended and they saw Millie signalling to her to come towards her and she picked her up and stepped off the dance floor.

‘And now presenting your beautiful and dashing newly married ladies. Please give a very warm welcome to Anne and Annalise Lister”

Anne saw Ann close her eyes and take a deep breath. “Hey!” She said as she took Ann’s arm and linked it with hers. ‘I got you!” Anne gave her the dazzling confident grin that always made her heart stop and before she knew it she was smiling and being led out onto the dance floor as everyone stood and cheered for them.

“Don’t forget everyone they have their own Snapchat filter and insta hashtag cause I made them. Hashtag all your pics “A list!” And continuing the theme of their own wedding traditions the Ann(es) will now share their first dance as a married couple.”

“What?” Ann said in confusion as music began to play and Anne led her into the centre of the floor and took her in her arms

“Well I know that when you dance the audience just melts away. So I thought if we started with this it might make things easier for you, and if we do the formal part of the evening now then you can just relax sweetheart”

“You are so incredible!” Ann said lovingly as she softly kissed Anne.

I knew I loved you  
Before I knew you  
The hands of time  
Would lead me to you  
An evening star  
Was from afar  
It guided me here  
It knew you'd be here

Anne cupped Ann’s face lit up by the fairy lights all around them as they swayed gracefully from side to side. “In all my life I don’t think I will ever forget how beautiful you look today. You’re so magnificent I couldn’t have even dreamed you up”

Ann’s eyes went wide at Anne’s beautiful compliment and she broke into a sweet little smile before blushing, biting her lip and looking down.

“And I think no matter how old you get, or how many filthy things I do to you, on some level you’ll always be the beautifully awkward and sometimes shy little Pixie who fell out of the sky and into my arms that night. And I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.” Anne said gently as she tipped Ann’s face back up so she could look at her.

Now wrapped in moonlight  
At last together  
Here in the incandescent glow  
We are all we need to know  
As we softly please each other  
'Til the stars and shadow glow  
And we sleep  
With our dreams around us.

Anne began waltzing Ann across the dance floor as the beautiful strings instrumental of the music rose around them twirling her as theirs audience began applauding and Anne was even impressed with how smooth she was. She knew she could draw attention on the dance floor but she’d never been this good before. “I can’t believe you’re letting me lead sweetheart” Anne said in surprise and stopped for just a moment but noticed Ann still twirling gracefully around her even though it looked like she was being led

‘You’re not letting me lead are you?” Anne groaned.

“Sure I am Dude! Don’t be like that” Ann said as she batted her eyes innocently and without warning Anne pulled her into her in a fast twirl and gracefully picked her up, Ann instinctively curling into her body and wrapping her arms around Anne’s neck in a really beautiful and intimate lift that made their loved ones gasp. Because they looked so connected, so in love.

“On second thoughts, be like that!” Ann said dreamily as she looked up at Anne and all Anne could do was nuzzle her beautiful bride. How was she ever going to stay mad at her ever! Even if she ever did get genuinely angry with her.

It guided me  
It knew you'd be here

I knew I loved you  
Before I found you  
I knew I'd built my world around you

“I tracked down that aerial sling I performed in that night and I bought it you know.” Ann said proudly and Anne looked at her in surprise “You did?”

“Yes I did. It’s so special to me. It’s the start of you and I. It took a bit of tracking down but I remembered there was a purple stain on the inside near the bottom which made it much easier for me to identify it. But It’s mine now and I practise on it and now I’ll teach Jack on it.”

“Oh sweetheart. That is so beautiful. I love you so much!” Anne said with a quivering voice as she pressed her forehead to Ann’s.

“All the much!” Ann said as she snuggled even closer to Anne.

‘All the ways. All the time!” Anne said vehemently

Suddenly the sound of fireworks being let off surrounded them and Ann looked up to see the sky above them light up with the most beautiful sparkles “Oh my goodness” she gasped and as she looked back down at Anne she suddenly became aware of a fine opalescent pink mist surrounding them to just below her waist.

Anne was smiling from ear to ear. The look of wonder and absolute awe and rapture on her sweet beautiful girl’s face was absolutely divine.

“Surprise!” Anne said proudly, thrilled with Ann’s reaction.

‘This is like a dream. It’s magical” Ann said with tears in her eyes and Anne cupped her face in her hands. “You’re magical. You are my dream come true!” She said as she kissed her forehead and held her close.

Now all my days and all my nights  
And my tomorrows  
Will all begin and end  
With you.

Anne gracefully twirled Ann out and then back in, dipping her into the pink mist clouds suavely and kissing her very tenderly as their guests stood cheering. When the music ended Anne carefully pulled Ann back to a standing position and kissed her forehead. The photographer was snapping away but they were blissfully unaware.

As Anne led Ann away from the dance floor the lights were brought up to reveal the rest of the reception set up. It wasn’t just the tables there was an elaborate candy bar, a gorgeous little caravan serving cocktails, an old fashioned vintage truck serving desserts, hay bales, blanket and cushion forts, tee pees all elaborately decked out with beautiful rugs, trimmings, cushions and fairy lights. It was like a bohemian fairytale.

“Oh my goodness. It’s all so beautiful. It’s perfect!” Ann gushed and threw her arms around Anne’s neck hugging her tightly “Thank you so much Dude!”

Anne beamed and held her tight “Sweet baby, you’re so welcome! I’m so glad you like it!”

Victoria smiled at the pair from a distance as she cuddled Jack while Millie tracked her down a snack. She was so happy both her Ann(e)s had found their happiness together. Watching their whirlwind love story unfold had been nothing short of life affirming. It almost had her believing in magic.

“Vicki your hair is very beautiful. You look like a princess” Jack said as she touched Victoria’s long red curls in rapture.

“Oh thank you sweetheart you are just divine. And cute as a button in that suit! I just want to kiss your face off!” Victoria said as she covered Jack’s little face in kisses while the little girl giggled and revelled in the affection.

Jaz watched Victoria adoringly from afar as she interacted with Jack. She was so very lovely. And what had transpired between them in the bathroom had been a total game changer. Her only regret was that she might have rushed her, rushed past something between them in the heat of the moment. 

Rachel saw the look of utter enchantment on Jaz’s face as she looked at Victoria and smiled knowingly. She’d noticed the growing closeness between them after Ann took off to Indonesia but the way they were with one another before the reception and during the photos was another level.

“Quite the little stunner all done up isn’t she? The gorgeous Dr Hobbs” she remarked as she stood next to Jaz and Jaz nodded as she smiled dreamily at Victoria. “Careful Jazmine, you look besotted” Rachel said in a gentle teasing manner.

“I think I might love her Rach.” Jaz said honestly. “And it scares the shit out of me!” 

Rachel regarded Jaz in awed wonder and then her face broke out in the most beautiful smile of approval. ‘Don’t let it scare you away” Rachel said as she took Jaz’s hand and squeezed it. “I loved my daughter very much. I think the only person who might have loved her more was you Jaz. But unlike Cassie, that gorgeous lady over there is capable of loving you back with all of her. The way you deserve. We’ve had our ups and downs but the truth is we’re stuck with each other. You’re my best friend. You’re family. And I love you and I want you happy and settled.”

Jaz looked down at the older woman who was so very different from her but had become her dearest friend over the years. “I love you too” She said vehemently as she gently hugged her. “Oh Rach I think I might have pushed her a little too far too fast earlier. Because I’m like a bull in a china shop”

‘So smooth it over. You’re also very charming when you’re not being obnoxious” Rachel said genuinely as she pulled back to look up at Jaz.

‘And look at her, she’s so young compared to me. It’s a big age difference” She said in concern and Rachel shrugged “But she’s an old soul. And look at you and I as friends. There’s 11 years between us and we work. Look at Anne and out little girl, so happy together. Jaz you look at her!”

Jaz looked over at her as she squatted down, twirling Jack to the music and her face lit up as she watched her.

“She is just lovely.” Rachel said adamantly and Jaz nodded, knowing there was no way she could fight her feelings for Victoria any longer.

“Be happy!” Rachel said softly as she leant into Jaz’s side and Jaz put her arm around her. “Cassie would want you to be happy. Cassie would love her.”

Jaz bit back tears, beyond moved that Rachel saw. That she approved. And that she was right.

“She would wouldn’t she?” Jaz said in a shaky voice and Rachel gave her a squeeze. “Yes. We all love her. Same as we all love you. So go and be happy……but not before you get those tacky stripper friends of my daughters that work for you under control because they’re causing a scene.For goodness sake Jazmine. Most of them have more out of their dress than they have in it!”

“Love you Rach” Jaz said with a chuckle as she kissed the top of Rachel’s head and went to control her girls.

“Ooooh can I have a cocktail with fairy floss?” Ann asked Anne excitedly as she pointed to the tray of pretty pink cocktails at the cocktail caravan and Anne kissed her forehead adoringly “It’s your night sweetheart you can have whatever you like”

“Make that two!” Millie said as she stood beside them and Anne smiled indulgently as she asked for the girls cocktails. ‘Our mothers are being useless lesbians! Even more useless than you two were at the start and that’s really saying something” Millie said directly and Anne chuckled as she handed Ann her drink and then Millie hers.

“And this is going to sound crazy but I know her, she’s my best friend apart from you and I know when she’s had sex and my gut is telling me she and Jaz have had sex today!”

“They totally have! In the bathroom earlier, Anne and I came to the reception” Ann whispered gleefully and Millie looked at her in surprise “How do you know?”

“Because Anne and I were having sex in the stall next door and we came out at the same time and busted them!” Ann explained

“Ew” Millie said as she scrunched her nose up and then looked at Anne in disbelief. “The bathroom? You are unbelievable.”

“Thank you darling!” Anne said cockily as Ann laughed and Millie shook her head ‘Any way, we need to push them together.’

“Agreed” Anne and Ann said in unison and then smiled adoringly at one another. “Yeah okay you two are even more disgustingly loved up since the rings went on your finger, I’m taking my drink over here!” Millie mused as she walked away from the newly married couple and Anne laughed.

“It’s the noise and the crowds, they make her agitated. But her brutal honesty gets even more hilarious. You should have seen how great it used to be when I first met her mum and she would be wearing these frilly little party dresses still when she’d give someone a dressing down. So great. Such a rude shock for wherever was on the receiving end” Anne said in admiration and Ann felt herself melt at the understanding and empathy Anne showed her best friend, not only understanding the fact that she was on the autistic spectrum but seeing her strengths.

“I love you so much Dude. I am so proud to be yours” Ann said as she cupped Anne’s face and Anne kissed her forehead “I’m the lucky one. Come on little Pixie, let’s go mingle with our guests and then get some food into you.”

**********************  
Victoria walked through the grounds looking for Jaz to tell her they were serving entrees and found her with her leggy showgirls laughing and chatting happily. She looked at the girls who were cuddled up to Jaz. All of them with their boob jobs and perfectly tanned skin and huge false lashes. They looked so different to the way she looked. Was this what Jaz liked? And they were clearly doing drugs.

“Excuse me, Jaz they’re serving the entrée’s now.” Victoria said softly and Jaz’s face lit up. Her sweet Bella had come to get her. Everyone usually just carried on without her except for Ann but not Victoria “Hey Red, come sit down baby” She said as she held out her hand to Victoria.

“Ashleigh should you be doing that if you think you’re pregnant?” One of the girls said to a tall blonde in a tiny red dress who was about to do a line of what looked like cocaine and Victoria couldn’t help herself.

“As a doctor I’m going to urge you very strongly not to do it if you believe you could be pregnant. Even a single line of cocaine has the potential to cause physical and neurological complications for your child not to mention being born and going through withdrawals and having to be weaned off the drugs. That’s a lot for a helpless little baby to deal with.”

“Jesus Jaz don’t tell me you’re fucking this uptight garden gnome!” Ashleigh said as she rolled her eyes and Jaz reached over and flung the tray with the cocaine out of Ashleigh’s lap. “Hey!” She cried out but Jaz glared “Don’t you dare talk about my Bella like that and you didn’t tell me you could be pregnant. How could you be so stupid, thinking of doing drugs. Wake up to yourself Ashleigh.”

Victoria began to feel anxious as Jaz’s temper flared and as Jaz looked up she caught the stricken look on her face. Victoria, feeling felt very out of place turned and headed back to the party.

“Red wait! Victoria!!” Jaz called out after her as Victoria began to walk very quickly and Jaz followed her, Catching up to her ands leading her over to a secluded little spot on the verandah.

Jaz could see she looked a little shaken up and was determined to be gentle with her. ‘I feel like you’re running away from me a lot today Red, is there a hint I should be taking here’ she joked and Victoria looked down ‘I’m sorry I interrupted your friends and your drugs and If I caused a scene….I just….”

“Hey” Jaz silenced her by tipping her chin up so she could look at her. “Ashleigh had no right to speak to you like that. You are not a garden gnome. You are petit and you are magnificent and I was so proud of you, the way you gave her a wake up call like that.”

‘I don’t fit in your world. I don’t belong” Victoria blurted out as she backed away from Jaz to stand against the edge of the balcony, half expecting the older woman to get angry with her but she simply looked at her adoringly and said “I don’t think that’s true. But since you do, can you tell me why?”

Victoria rung her hands. “I don’t like guns, I really don’t like them, I’ve treated people who have been hurt by them. I’ve been in hospitals where people have come in waving them around. I don’t really take drugs but you do and now I’ve interrupted you. I don’t look like those girls, my boobs aren’t really big, I don’t have golden tanned skin and can’t even fathom wearing that much makeup and I’m very small and I don’t regret what we did….what happened between us in the bathroom earlier but I’m not the type of girl who just has sex straight away and I’m definitely not the girl who has sex in a bathroom, especially the first time I’m with someone and…..why are you looking at me like that?’ She asked Jaz self consciously. She was having a meltdown while her lover stood looking poised, glamorous and completely enraptured.

Jaz couldn’t stop smiling at her. Victoria was always so calm and together. For her to be this unglued she had to have real feelings for her. And not only that, it was so incredibly endearing and sweet.

“I can’t help it Red you’re adorable!” Jaz said genuinely and Victoria looked at her in complete bewilderment which only made Jaz smile even wider as she approached her but she saw Victoria hold onto the railing behind her and stopped.

“Okay, a few things. I could see how frightened you were by the guns baby and they’re a part of my world but I’ll do everything I can to shield you from them I promise. I wouldn’t want you to wear that much makeup with a face as exquisite as yours, hell if I’m being honest I probably wouldn’t let you. Your body is beautiful, you are so beautiful just the way you are, my dainty little doll, with your gorgeous peaches and cream complexion that I adore and that incredible hair, and I’m glad you don’t regret what we did. I certainly don’t. But as much as we got caught up in the heat of the moment I know you’re not to type of girl who has sex in bathrooms and you don’t have to do it again. You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do. I’ll make sure of it. You’re mine now. And I will do anything and everything to protect you. Do you understand?”

Victoria let the sincerity of Jaz’s words wash over her and felt herself calming instantly. She was being so lovely to her.

“Bella I asked you a question. Do you understand?” Jaz asked her firmly in that dominant tone that sent shivers down her spine.

“I understand” Victoria replied.

“Good girl!” Jaz soothed and Victoria felt her knees weaken slightly.

“Now since you seem hesitant for me to come over there, do you think you could come over here?” Jaz asked as she held both her arms out to her.

“It’s okay baby you’re safe” Jaz reassured her and Victoria felt something twist in her heart. How did Jaz know that she needed that. How could she things in her so clearly that others usually missed.

Victoria took a tentative couple of steps towards Jaz and then without warning she flung herself into her arms and wrapped her arms around her waist, holding on for dear life and Jaz gasped at the feeling of her younger lover pressed so snugly against her and wrapped her up tightly in her arms. It was electric. She’d never felt a hug like it. And power of Victoria throwing herself into her arms despite her fears and insecurities was not lost on her. 

“Wow…..Feel that baby?...you belong alright. You are exactly where you belong” Jaz whispered as she softly stroked her beautiful red curls and Victoria nodded, holding on even tighter to Jaz. She’d never felt anything so right.

“And one more thing. I didn’t take any drugs and I wont be taking any tonight!” Jaz added and Victoria pulled back to look at her in shock. “Why not?”

Jaz cupped her beautiful face and stroked her cheek softly with her thumb. “I don’t regret what happened between us in the bathroom. But I regret not being able to take my time with you. So when I take you home let’s just say round 2 will be a lot more thorough…...”

Jaz melted as a pink flush stained Victoria’s face and grinned. “Baby you’re blushing!”

“Oh!” Victoria said self consciously as she brought her hands up to cover her cheeks but Jaz took her wrists and kissed both her hands gently. ‘It’s very cute. Come on let’s get you inside and I’ll see if I can find a seat somewhere reasonable.” She said as she took her hand and led her inside.

“You already have one. I saved you one next to me” Victoria said as she looked up at her with huge earnest blue eyes and Jaz was beyond touched by her thoughtfulness.

“What is it?” Victoria asked, seeing the conflicted expression on Jaz’s face and she shook her head “Nothing baby. You just really are so very lovely”

Victoria broke in to the most beautiful, delighted smile and Jaz thought she might disintegrate into a puddle. Instead she put her arm around her and pulled her close as they headed to the table, a total sense of calm and peace washing over her as her little copper haired doll snuggled into her side.

***************

“So because of the food poisoning scandal the whole place is shut down and Hammer is never going to get a venue on 24 hours notice” Griffo explained about the venue for Hammer’s 21st being cancelled the following evening.

“Oh that’s awful, and after he put it off until Sarah got back from London tomorrow too!” Ann said as they finished off their starters and put her hand on Anne’s shoulder “You’ll love his girlfriend Sarah. Sharp shooter, calls a spade a spade. Incredibly bright. Like you baby!” Anne grinned and kissed Ann’s nose and whispered in her ear “You haven’t eaten much today, eat all that risotto or Daddy might have to punish you!” Ann blushed and giggled and Griffo shook his head “You two are disgustingly loved up I just want you to know that!” 

Anne laughed “Look I can make some calls but I think that might even be beyond my reach only a few days out from Christmas. I’m so glad I could give my princess the wedding of her dreams at her favourite winery but truth be told I just got lucky because I knew the company meant to be having their Christmas function here tonight has sadly gone under.”

“AL you’re a good mate, honestly I think at this stage just knowing there was a place to have it would take the pressure off. It wouldn’t have to be fancy. I mean it could be like the old days Dubsy. Lost Boys style at your place. I mean the really big parties we used to have there. We haven’t had one like that there since Hammer’s 18th come to think of it actually. That was a huge night. A lot has changed.

Anne instantly saw Ann stiffen slightly at the mention of the night she was attacked particularly brutally by Ainsworth and Sutherland and put her hand up to the back of her delicate neck, rubbing it soothingly.

“You’re right, a lot has changed. Let’s do it. Let’s have Hammer’s party lost boys style!” Ann said confidently and Griffo’s face lit up ‘Oh really? Dubsy you’re the best, I’ll go let him know!”

Frog has returned from the bathroom and taken his seat, catching the end of the conversation. “Are you sure about this Dubsy?” He asked, knowing the significance of Hammer’s birthday and lost boy parties at the farm when it came to Ann’s trauma.

“Yes sweetheart I’m concerned” Anne said gently and Ann shrugged “I have to heal and move on. I want that space to be what it used to be. We’re going to raise Jack there, our future children there. There’s going to be so many parties, so many happy memories to replace the ugly ones. But we have to start somewhere. I married the woman of my dreams today. And we’re an unstoppable team. With you by my side Dude I can take on anything” she said vehemently and Anne kissed her softly, in awe of her strength and bravery. “I love you so much my darling. I am so unspeakably proud of all that you are. I will be right by your side the entire evening.”

“I know you will Dude, that’s how I know I can do it. Besides we don’t have to stay all night. We can stay for a few drinks and then head up to the main house.”

“Or Brian, Maz and I can crash in the cottage and you guys and the little Dude can take our place for the night! I got your back too Dubsy!” Frog said sincerely and Ann reached across to squeeze his hand “I know you do Frog, and It means everything to me. As does your offer babe!”

“See? We’ll be fine!” Ann said as she snuggled into Anne’s protective embrace and Frog looked at Millie dancing with Jack wistfully. “I need to get the Jackster to teach me how to get Millie’s attention. I know she’s got a boyfriend and all but what I wouldn’t give to be the one dancing with her. She’s so gorgeous!”

“Frog this has been going on for two years, every time I bring her with me to the farm. You need to make a move!”

“Wait Millie is the girl you’ve been crushing on all this time?” Anne said to Frog in surprise.

“Not all this time I just…..Whenever Dubsy brings her I’m just reminded how amazing she is. She’s so honest and direct. She’s not one for really loud crowds which is great cause either am I and you know where you stand with her because she tells you. Girls aren’t like that very often. And she sure is beautiful!”  
“Oh mate you’ve got it bad!” Anne teased Frog. “Well we can get rid of Will and clear the path for our mate can’t we? It’s not like you have to see him at school every day anymore sweetheart” Anne said to Ann and Ann shook her head “I think the Will situation is taking care of itself as we speak….which is why now might be the time to register your interest.”

“Really? What happened?” Anne asked and Frog sat up a little taller.

“I can’t. Bestie girl code. But I’d ask her to dance Frog even if you strike out she knows your interested. She takes a little while to warm up to things but honestly once she’s in your corner you will never have a more loyal or supportive wing man I am telling you. And her mum is her safe space, her true north. The one thing she has that is always stable and constant and she happily shared Victoria with me because she knew I needed that too. She is one of the best humans I know and I couldn’t think of anything more perfect than two of the best humans I know together.”

Ann pulled up her clutch purse and took a lollipop out of it. “Here, take Jack a treat to break the ice and just make conversation. What have you got to lose?”

Frog grinned “You’re the best Dubsy. Thank you!” He stood and headed over to the girls and Anne shook her head “If that punk Will has hurt Millie, I will kick his ass!”

And Ann knew she really would. It was one of the things she loved most about her Dude. Ever the protector. So incredibly alpha. And so incredibly hot.

“Anne!” Ann said as she rubbed her hand up and down Anne’s arm “I want you!” She said quietly and Anne felt her pulse quicken as she looked into Ann’s huge blue eyes and registered the need in them. “Do you sweetheart?” She questioned with the corner of her mouth upturned in a smirk. A few nights ago her beautiful wife was a virgin and now she was propositioning her at the dinner table at their wedding. She wasn’t just the wife of her dreams, she was the sexual partner of her dreams. She couldn’t even imagine what Ann Walker was going to be capable of after a few months of their intimate journey. But she couldn’t wait to find out.

“How much?” She teased her lovingly and Ann leant into her and whispered ‘So much. I’m so wet for you. I need you Dude, I need you inside me!”

Anne groaned “Princess…..Fuck…….Come on, lets slip away to the bathrooms for a moment!” She said as she helped Ann up and led her into the shadows and once they were concealed they half ran from the room, hand in hand and laughing.

“You know we just love Millie” Rachel said to Victoria and Jonno whole heartedly agreed “Absolutely gorgeous kid!”.

“You’ve done a remarkable job with her dear, from what we understand, mostly on your own.” Rachel added kindly and Victoria’s face lit up.

“Thank you, I’m so proud of the incredible young woman she’s become. I know I’m biased but she is the best thing I have ever done!” she said proudly and Jazmine beamed, watching her light up about her baby girl.

“Where does she get her height from?” Rachel asked.

“Her father and his side of the family are tall and my mother and her family the same.” Victoria explained as she sipped her wine.

“What happened with you then?” Jonno joked and Rachel winced “Darling honestly you have no tact”

“Oh heck, Vicki darlin I didn’t mean no harm I just meant it seems like everyone else is tall and you came out a little half pint that’s all”

“Jonno!” Rachel chided.

“No it’s okay, I was born prematurely like Annie, but with Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome.” Victoria explained.

“What does that mean Darl?” Jonno asked and Victoria took a deep breath. “I was born addicted to the substances my mother consumed while she carried me. Heroin and Cocaine mainly. I was one of the rare cases, there was no major severe physical or neurological abnormalities and I was fortunate enough to do very well academically but it’s why I’m small.”

Jaz inhaled sharply at Victoria’s revelation. The height disparity between her and Millie despite them being similar in looks, Victoria’s reaction to Ashleigh in the garden. The way she hadn’t seemed at all phased by what she’d told Ann about her past. Her mother was a junkie. Jaz knew junkies. All they cared about was getting their next hit and they’d do anything and sacrifice anything to get it. Her little flame had likely seen things as horrific just in her daily life as she’d seen in mafia world. And suddenly the darkness she saw in her, that magnetism drawing her in started to make more sense.

“Oh darling how awful. Did things get better? Do you still see her” Rachel asked and Victoria shook her head. “Not particularly. And No I don’t but that’s okay. Not really the most healthy influence as it would turn out, my mother.”

“I see…” Rachel said gently, her face full of empathy “Oh my goodness I’m sorry if we brought up painful memories for you”

“No no it’s okay” Victoria reassured her, graciously absolving her and Jonno.

“A fine job you’ve done with young Matilda indeed” Jonno said to Victoria with even more respect now he knew of her start in life.

“Oh Jonno remember the girls in the town talent quest last year when they played Ana and Elsa from Frozen. How much all the little girls adored it.”

Victoria drank the rest of her wine rapidly, willing it to give her courage as some very raw memories did indeed engulf her and then she felt Jaz’s large hand grasp her small one tightly under the table and when she turned to her lover there was so much admiration and empathy shining in her eyes.

Jaz could feel how cold her hand was, how much it was shaking and had so much respect for the way she continued to sit there like the class act she was when she’d clearly just taken a bullet. Her girl was strong. Like a porcelain doll with insides made of steel. She filled Victoria’s wine glass up as Rachel nattered away and handed it to her. “Here you go honey drink this!” 

Victoria looked at the glass of wine dubiously and Jaz could tell she was worried about getting to tipsy. She was so used to being in control. Jaz was quick to reassure her “It’s okay baby I’ll look after you. I promise!”

Victoria nodded and took the glass “Thank you” she said sweetly.

‘You’re welcome baby” Jaz said and leant in to kiss the side of her temple soothingly and whispered. ‘And you’re the perfect size for me. You fit perfectly in my arms, in my lap”. *In my heart* a little voice inside her whispered but Jaz knew there would be time enough for that.

She put her arm around Victoria, pulling her in and the younger woman leant into the safe haven she offered her gratefully. And the entire time, Jaz never let go of her hand.

************

A crowd had gathered watching Ann and Jack do hip hop to Ed Sheeran’s “I don’t care!” after Jack had squealed “Mummy it’s our song!!” Of course Ann had requested it and it was the song the two of them had work shopped choreography to in Indonesia. Anne was so proud of them. They looked incredible. She hadn’t really seen Ann do much hip hop but god she looked sexy and Jack was brilliant. Gifted didn’t even begin to cover how good she was. After their second bathroom Rendezvous for the evening Ann had stolen away to slip into something more comfortable and had returned in a gorgeous ivory beaded high waisted midi skirt, a matching fitted midriff bustier with little draping sleeves that sat mid arms, blinged up ivory converse low tops and she’d half her hair down. The lashes were gone, the hair crystals were gone and she honestly looked like an ethereal little pixie living her best life. So very beautiful.

“I had no idea how brilliant she was. Look at her Jaz. If I had only given the poor little thing a chance. No wonder she was so bored skipping across the room.” Rachel lamented sadly and Victoria squeezed her arm gently. “That’s behind you now Rach, come on Lovely. That little girl adores you. And think how many lovely times you’ll have together sharing your love of dance and the fact that behind that Hip hop is naturally brilliant Jazz technique means she’ll always have a common ground in dance with you, Jaz and Annie!”

Jaz and Rachel looked at Victoria in surprise that she’d nailed her assessment of Jack “I used to dance when I was as kid” she said sheepishly and Rachel’s face lit up. ‘Excellent technique spotting darling well done!”

“You are wonderful, and we are blessed to have you in this family” Jaz said softly to Victoria, so proud of the way she’d firmly but lovingly turned Rachel around just then and to her surprise the younger woman stood on her tip toes and pressed a kiss to her cheek before nestling herself into her embrace. Jaz couldn’t remember the last time she was so happy. She wondered in fact if she had ever been.

When they finished dancing Ann picked Jack up and cuddled her close, kissing her little face and telling her how amazing she was and how much she loved her. And the second she put her down Jack ran straight to Rachel with her little arms outstretched and Rachel picked her up.

“Did you see me Nanna? Did you like my dance?” She asked excitedly and Rachel held her tight “I loved your dance sweetheart. You’re so talented!! If it’s okay with Mummy and Mama we’re going to put you in the open babies dance section at the very next eisteddfod. You can do your hip hop.Ooooh I’m so proud of you!”

‘Can I have a sparkly costume like the ones you make Mummy but with pants?” Jack asked excitedly and Rachel nodded emphatically “I will make you the most sparkly little pants that ever did sparkle. Unicorns will want to steal your pants!’ 

“Yay!! I love you Nanna!” Jack said genuinely as she hugged Rachel and Rachel felt her eyes fill with tears. It was the first time she had told her that. “I love you too little one. So much” Rachel said vehemently.

“I rest my case” Victoria said softly and Jaz kissed the top of her head, wrapping her arms around her waist tightly.

“You were incredible!” Anne said as she went over to Ann and picked her up, spinning her around as a slower song came on. “And you look so beautiful baby. So so beautiful” she said adoringly as she kissed Ann’s eyelids and began dancing with her.

“Isn’t our daughter something?” Ann asked in amazement and Anne cupped her face as she pressed her forehead to her beautiful wife’s. ‘She is my darling, just like you’

“No. Like us” Ann corrected her as she wrapped her arms around Anne’s neck and kissed her. When the kiss broke they were both breathless and Anne pulled Ann into her arms and then began to sway to the music. “And I believe the next dance is mine” She said with a very charming smile and Ann felt her tummy dance with butterflies.

“I don’t think that smile of yours will ever stop giving me so many butterflies in my tummy and making me feel like my neck is too small for my throat” she said honestly and Anne melted.

“I’m very pleased about that my love. God you’re gorgeous” She said as she smoothed back haphazard tendrils of hair from her face and Ann giggled “So are you, my perfect combination of handsome and beautiful. Oh Dude this has been the most beautiful wedding. I couldn’t have dreamed up anything more perfect if I tried.”

“Wait till you see your 18th birthday cake” Anne teased and Ann’s face lit up “What is it?”

“It might be an ice cream cake model of the Walt Disney castle covered in opalescent pink sparkles For my real life Disney princess.”

“Oh my goodness!” Ann gasped with wide eyes and Anne laughed “Come here you!” she said as she pulled Ann snugly into her arms as they danced.

And Ann just melted into her. Everything was right in her world. She felt so very loved and safe. She knew Anne would always love her unconditionally and protect her. That she’d never have to be alone and frightened again. She didn’t worry about the music, about the steps, or keeping count. All the things that were so ingrained in her. She just snuggled into her Dude and let Anne feel their way for the both of them.

Anne danced her beautiful bride across the floor. She had to hand it to her young wife, she was very good at making her think she was leading. She went to twirl her and became alarmed when Ann didn’t immediately fall into step like she always did and when she looked down she saw that Ann was nestled in her arms with her eyes closed. She wasn’t even watching. She’d let go and was actually letting her lead. She knew that for Ann, that kind of trust was next level.

“I love you so much my sweet beautiful girl. All the much” Anne whispered, trying to control the quivering in her voice and the beginnings of tears that prickled.

“All the ways, all the time” Ann said dreamily, never once opening her eyes.

Victoria stood watching Ann letting go of her trauma, of her pain and moving into her happy future and couldn’t stop the tears that fell. She loved that girl like her own daughter and she was just so incredibly happy for her and proud of her.

Jaz noticed Victoria had moved away from her and Rachel and could see her discretely wipe her tears away and became instantly concerned.

“Vicki what is it?” Jaz asked as she went and took Victoria’s hand and she gestured to the newlyweds dancing. 

“Annie is letting Anne lead. Dance has always been her constant, her safe space because its controlled, timed, rhythmic, predictable. It can be rehearsed. In her world of pain and trauma it’s the thing she clung to and its why she can’t let anyone lead. Last year, a couple of months before she met Anne we were in my kitchen and she asked me how she would know she was really healing, that she was moving on. And I told her when she loves and trusts someone enough, and feels loved and safe enough in return to let them lead. She said it would never happen and I have to admit after what she’d been through I wondered if she could but I told her she was still a baby and had so much time. And here she is, letting Anne lead.”

“Oh sweetheart!” Jaz let go of a breath she didn’t even know she was holding as she cupped Victoria’s face, feeling very emotional herself at what she’d just shared about her daughter.

“I’m sorry, I’m sure I sound like a total sook” she said with a little giggle and Jaz shook her head “No you sound like someone who loves my babygirl like her own, like one of the main reasons Annie is where she is today. Because you never stopped fighting for her. And I am so grateful”

Jaz pressed her lips to Victoria’s forehead gently and pulled her further into the dance floor “Dance with me my Bella”

“Maybe I should go clean up a little first, I’m sure I look a mess!” Victoria said self consciously but Jaz shook her head. “No you don’t you look beautiful.” She gently kissed along the salty damp paths where Victoria’s tears had been. “You are so beautiful baby!’ She said vehemently, genuinely in awe of her younger lover.

Victoria who wasn’t used to such praise or scrutiny bit her lip shyly and allowed herself to be pulled into Jaz’s arms. As they danced Jaz stroked her beautiful hair and looked down curiously at the complex little creature who had her falling hard and fast. She thought back to her comment to her and Rachel that she’d danced when she was younger and just how well she understood what dance was to Annie and why it was so hard for her to let go. But Jaz had a dance background also. Victoria was wrapped up in her arms very contentedly. But she wasn’t letting her lead. Perhaps, something to unravel?

“And so that’s why I couldn’t bring Miguel to the wedding Jack you know what I’m saying?” A very tipsy Harry said as he danced with Jack and the little girl nodded “You don’t wanna live the hoe life for ever!” Jack said, repeating what Harry had told her and he nodded emphatically. “Exactly! That is exactly right babe. You know you’re really easy to talk to, you know that?”

“Uh huh, yep!” Jack said as she nodded her little head.

“And you’re a better date than him anyway. Bro’s before hoes for life bitches!” He put his fist up to Jack’s little hand and fist bumped her. “Bros before hoes for life bitches!” Jack repeated with a big smile.

“Yeah Harry she’s 3!! Honestly, give me the baby!” Millie said in frustration as she took Jack from Harry and he laughed “I’m just having a heart to heart with my side kick here calm down! By the way Miss Millie you are wearing that dress! Wow!”

“No more D&Ms with Jack until you’re sober!” Millie insisted. “Come on beautiful its getting late, Beth is going to take your hair out and put you in something more comfortable” she told the little girl as she stormed away from the dance floor only to have Frog step in front of them.

“Millie I just wanted to tell you what I should have told you earlier tonight. What I should have told you the first time I met you. That I just think you’re the coolest chick and you are so beautiful and the way you just fired up on the dance floor was awesome and so sexy.”

Millie narrowed her eyes at Frog. “I don’t put out straight away. You should know that upfront.”

Frog looked at her in surprise. “Put out straight away? That’s not what I’m asking you for. I was just hoping that I could come take you for a walk tomorrow to get some ice cream. Matilda any guy who expects that from you straight away isn’t a man and doesn’t deserve you.” He said vehemently.

Millie looked bewildered as she processed this information, as she processed Frog’s apparent interest.

“You’ve got your hands full with the little Dude, can I get you a drink or something to eat?” Frog asked chivalrously and Millie pondered his question.

“I’d like a glass of champagne please and some jelly candies from the candy buffet but they need to be orange or red because……..” Millie realized she’d forgotten herself already but was past caring.

‘Because I’m autistic, and they’re the only colours out of all off them that I’ll eat” she said as she avoided his eyes and Frog gently took her hand. “Well they’re the best ones anyway. What temperature do you like your champagne at and what kind of texture do you like in your candy?”

Millie looked at him in surprise.

“My little next door neighbor is autistic. I know these things are important. I want you to be comfortable Millie. That’s very important to me”

“I like my champagne cold but not so ice cold that it hurts my teeth and I prefer my candy a little softer than those ones but I can deal.”

“I’ll put the bag in my pocket while you attend to the little Dude, it will soften them.”

Millie broke into a smile of utter surprised delight. “Thank you Frog!”

Frog beamed. “You’re welcome. I’ll see you soon.”

Millie started to walk away and Frog couldn’t help himself. “Yes!” He said in excitement and Jack giggled. “Frog just went Yes!! He really likes you!”

“Jack don’t make it weird!” Millie urged her and Jack saw her parents leaving the dance floor and scrambled out of Millie’s arms. “Okay go to your Mums I’ll get the baby bag!” 

“Dude!” Jack said excitedly as she ran towards Anne and Ann felt her heart ache at the look of joy on Anne’s face that Jack now ran to her first.

“Little Dude!” Anne said as she picked her up. ‘So what has my perfect babygirl been up to?” She asked adoringly.

“Well Uncle Harry didn’t bring Miguel to the wedding cause he doesn’t know if he wants the hoe life forevs and Aunty Millie cracked it and said no more D&Ms with me till he’s sober then Uncle Frog told Millie it was sexy she was the most beautifulest awesome girl in the whole world and she told him she doesn’t put out straight away so he told her he just wants to take her for ice cream and now he’s putting candy in his pocket for her to make it soft and they’re making kissy faces at each other but we’re not making it weird. We should tell them to keep it bros before hoes like Uncle Harry says though and if Aunt Millie doesn’t want her ice cream I will just eat it”

Anne was trying so hard not to crack up laughing as was Ann who looked as though she didn’t know if she wanted to burst into laughter or censor every word that came out of her friends mouths.

“Well that sounds like quite the diverse evening my darling” Anne managed to mutter and spied Beth calling to their daughter. “Look there is Beth, off you go poppet!” She said as she put the little girl down and Ann shook her head. “I’m just going to put out a what’s app message to the group saying “Look I get it, the kid thing is sudden and knew for all of us but my baby is extremely bright with a very very high IQ and you all need to be careful what you say around her!”

‘Yeah but as long as we keep it bros before hoes sweetheart!” Anne teased and Ann burst out laughing with Anne joining her almost instantly after. “Seriously Dude what are we going to do with this kid?” Ann gasped through her giggles and Anne hugged her “Just buckle up for the ride and enjoy her magic sweetheart.”

*****************

“Sweetie have you seen Millie?” Victoria asked as she went out onto the balcony to find Ann on her own getting some air.

“Last I saw she was with Frog and by Millie standards she looked to be pretty happy about it” Ann said with a fond smile.

‘Oh good. He is a gorgeous kid! I approve. Especially after the utter disappointment young Will turned out to be.”

“Speaking of approval. I whole heartedly approve of you and Mama and I know Millie does too. Honestly Vicki I couldn’t be happier that it’s you. I feel like it was always meant to be this way.” Ann said as she hugged Victoria and Victoria squeezed her tight. “Oh sweetie that means the world to me. Your Mama can be a pretty scary lady sometimes!”

They both laughed and Victoria shook her head “But she’s a lot softer than she’d like people to realise. Especially with me!”

“Bingo!” Ann said as Victoria hit the nail on the head.

“Annie how long till she starts digging and finds out I’m not who everyone thinks I am…..If she hasn’t already” Victoria said sadly. “She makes me so happy.”

“Hey….This could be what you’ve been waiting for. Someone who will understand and love you for exactly who you are. No more pretending, no more secrets. I don’t think she’s started digging yet, I think she’s too besotted. I mean she’s Jazmine Moretti you can bet a background check is coming but I think you’ve got time to work up the courage to tell her yourself.”

“Tell her that the woman she’s falling for doesn’t exist? That Victoria Hobbs isn’t real?” Victoria said sadly and Ann squeezed her hand. “Victoria might not be real but the woman she’s falling for is real. You are real. I know because you’re Millie’s mum and she’s been like a Mum to me. I’m only where I am today because of you. That’s real”

Victoria hugged Ann “I love that I get to just be me with you and Millie sometimes. I miss your Dad, being me with him. He was like the big brother I never had and platonic work husband all rolled into one. You’re so much like him!”

“I miss him too. We’re going to have to be more careful now with Jack around. She doesn’t miss a thing and she repeats everything!”

“I know. And she’s just divine!” Victoria said genuinely. “This is my mess, I need to sort it out.”

“It’s not your mess. Vicki what happened wasn’t your fault. You would have died there. Becoming Victoria was your only way out and you took it and then you were stuck in it. And if you had have died and I didn’t have you these past few years I’d probably be dead.”

“Baby don’t say that no….” Victoria said as she smoothed Ann’s hair.

‘it’s true, you know it deep down as a doctor, I know it and Mama will know it. And she’ll respect that you did what you had to do and extremely grateful that you did and that you came into my life.Into all our lives.

“Sweetie she’s already worried about the age difference. If she finds out it’s bigger than she thinks it is…...” Victoria reasoned.

“Not by much and if Anne and I are anything to go by its that age is just a number. Besides you and Millie’s dad were much closer in age and he was an asshole who made you miserable.”

“Argh how did my girls get so wise so quick!” Victoria lamented and Ann put her arm around her “We had the most amazing role model that’s how. You’re family now. We’ll get through this I promise.” Ann assured her and Victoria sat down and pulled Ann to curl up against her.

‘So tell me why you’re out here all alone at your wedding Annie?” She asked gently.

“Well I was thinking maybe I might try to tie Anne again tonight. I haven’t tried it since she had the PTSD meltdown that time, but I was thinking if we went slow and used the safety colour system like last time.”

“I think you’ve come a long way as individuals and as a couple since then. As long as you go slowly and communicate honestly and openly. Read her signals in the event that she can’t do that, something you did a wonderful job of by the sounds of things even last time, I don’t see why it can’t be a beautiful experience for the both of you.” Victoria noticed Ann still looked a little unsettled.

“Is that all sweetie? You know you can talk to me about anything.” Victoria said as she rubbed her hand up and down Ann’s arm soothingly.

“Well I told Ann that I wanted to try her strap on tonight and I do I mean I’m curious, but at the same time I guess I’m a little nervous cause I don’t know what to expect and you know……..after what happened with those animals, I don’t want to freak out on Anne. And I’m having the most amazing night, this is the most perfect wedding but….”

“Honey you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t have jitters not just today but every time you interact sexually with anything phallic after what you’ve been through, at least the first couple of times. That’s the thing about trauma. It’s fluid. It will come and go and I think you are so brave for going after the intimate and sexual relationship you want in your marriage.” Victoria explained and Ann nodded. “Okay so it’s normal, that I’m feeling like this about something I actually asked for!”

“Of course it is! And this is Anne, this is your Dude. You are the air she breathes. If you can’t go through with it or you decide you don’t like it or you’re not ready for it just be honest. Same as the rope, keep those lines of communication open.And you know she’ll look after you. I saw you letting her lead on the dance floor. It was so beautiful. I cried. I’m not kidding I got really emotional, your poor mother had to sort me out!” Victoria said honestly with a chuckle and Ann’s face was full of empathy ‘But you were right in what you said to me last year. You were so right. Can you see yourself letting Mama lead one day? Not consciously trying to let her, just instinct taking over and you completely relaxing into it like I did.”

Victoria took a deep breath. ‘I think I can. I think that’s what scares me so much. But I need to take a leaf from the book of one of the most incredible women I have ever known and be brave. Now I want you to go back in and find that amazing wife of yours and know that whatever does or doesn’t happen tonight, you got this!”

Ann threw her arms around Victoria’s neck “Thank you, for everything. I love you!”

“I love you too sweetheart. Go on. Off you go” Victoria gave her a little push and then stood herself. She needed to check in with Millie and see if she’d tapped out for the night.

Walking around to the other side of the balcony she spied her beautiful daughter sitting on a lounge by herself and was about to go join her when she saw Jaz approach so she remained in the shadows.

“Hi Honey!” Jaz said as she sat down next to Millie. 

‘Hey” Millie said softly and Jaz gently placed her hand on Millie’s leg “You know honey I was surprised when I found out young Will wasn’t coming with you to the wedding. I’m not going to pry, all I need to know is if I need to break one or both of his legs. Which one is it?”  
Victoria shook her head from the shadows but couldn’t bite back her smile, especially when Millie started to laugh.

“He wanted me to sleep with him straight away almost. And I couldn’t. Because I wasn’t ready. Because it wasn’t right, because he didn’t understand me. Because I tried to explain that with my autism if I didn’t feel right the pillows would feel too scratchy and the sheets the wrong temperature and the lights would be too bright and his aftershave would be too overpowering and everything would really overwhelming really fast but he wouldn’t listen. So I just stopped trying to explain it and then he said maybe we shouldn’t be together and I hate fighting and conflict so I just said okay. And then he tried to get me back and even though he’s really good with other aspects of my condition I felt like this would be a deal breaker and I wouldn’t be able to settle so I said no. He’s going away to uni anyway. It will be easier when we aren’t next door to one another. I just wish I wasn’t like this”

“Oh sweetheart” Victoria said from where she stood in the shadows.

“Wish you weren’t like what baby? Strong, poised, mature enough to ask for what you deserve, to know your limitations. To demand that they be respected? All I see is a very beautiful, intelligent ballsy young woman I am proud to know!”

“Really?” Millie asked as she looked up at Jaz in surprise.

“Yes really.” Jaz said as she put an arm around her. “Let me tell you something about your Mum baby. We’re very different. But she makes me want to be better. To do better for her. Because she means everything to me. Because she deserves everything and I want to give it to her. And I don’t just want to be better for her. I want to be better for you, for Annie, for Anne, for Jack. I want to be better for all my ladies because that’s what you all deserve. Honey you deserve everything. Including a man who knows what a treasure you are and respects you because you are worth waiting for Millie.”

And as Jaz wrapped Millie in her arms and kissed her forehead and Millie cuddled into her, Victoria felt tears fill her eyes. She was so amazing with her babygirl. Millie was her world and Jaz not only respected it but she treated Millie like family and had done from the moment she met her 2 years ago. But to see Millie open up like that to her about something so sensitive when she had trouble letting people in and to hear the amazing advice Jaz had given her, the beautiful things she’d said about her. It really affected her.

“And it just so happens I know of a gorgeous young man who would definitely treat you like you deserve and hasn’t taken his eyes off you all night or any other night you’ve been in the same room and he was being pretty meticulous about candy retrieval from what I saw” Jaz gave Millie a little push and she smiled ‘He’s putting them in his pocket to soften them for me”

“Well he sounds like a keeper to me! I don’t understand what you’re doing out here?” She teased her and Millie laughed “Thank you Jaz!” She said as she hugged the older woman and Jaz grinned. Having this kid as her third daughter was going to be pretty amazing. 

“You’re so welcome honey! Now go get your man!”

Victoria watched as Millie went back inside and wiped her tears away and then she approached the lounge where Jaz sat.

“Is this seat taken?” she asked tentatively and Jaz’s face lit up. “It is now!’ She said as she grabbed Victoria and effortlessly pulled her over the arm rest and onto her lap as the younger woman let out a little squeal and then collapsed into giggles as she landed on Jaz’s lap. “You’re so strong” she said appreciatively as she ran her hands up Jaz’s ripped arms.

Jaz brushed her beautiful red hair away from her face as pride filled her and smiled “Thank you baby. What can I do for you?”

“Well” Victoria began. ‘I was just wondering if you weren’t busy at the moment, if you would like to kiss me. Because I would really like to kiss you.”

And as Jaz looked as her little flame haired goddess sitting so demurely in her lap, knees pressed together and legs bent to her side gracefully, small hands clasped in her lap, the same little goddess she’d been inside of, fucking hard and fast mere hours ago who was now so very politely, beautifully and utterly adorably asking to be kissed, she knew she would never forget this moment.

Because it was the moment she knew in her gut, her heart of hearts, her very soul that she was head over heels in love with Victoria Hobbs.

Jaz took one of her hands and threaded her fingers in between hers. “I would very much like that also!” She said genuinely and was mesmerised as Victoria moved to straddle her just as she had been in the bathroom. But this time, she delicately pressed her lips to the corner of Jaz’s mouth and cupped her face so gently, continuing to place little featherlight kisses on her upper and lower lips until she pressed her lips to Jaz’s in the most tender, soft yet somehow still passionate kiss that felt chaste and like butterflies and goosebumps all at once and then she kissed Jaz’s nose and forehead and gave her the most stunning smile as she pressed her forehead against hers and whispered

“You are extremely gorgeous Jazmine Moretti” before wrapping her arms around her neck and hugging her.

Jazmine felt overwhelmed and wrapped her petit lover in her arms, burying her face in her peony scented curls. No one had ever, ever kissed her with so much tentative sweetness, tenderness and gentleness.

“I heard what you just said to Millie. Thank you for being so amazing. I’m so glad I can share my perfect little girl with you. The same way you’ve always been so generous in sharing yours with me” Victoria said genuinely and Jaz felt a lump rise in her throat at her sweetness. She’d been disarmed by Annie’s sweetness from day 1 but she’d never experienced it from a lover before. And it cut through all her defenses and it ruined her in a way that felt so terrifying but so magical at the same time.

“Red……Sweetheart” She gasped in a voice hoarse with emotion. “I’m going to take such good care of the two of you. I promise you” she promised with every ounce of conviction she had inside her.

“I know!” Victoria said softly and then pulled away to look at Jaz with so much tenderness the supposedly ice cold mafia queen was rendered speechless once more. ‘But we’re going to take care of you right back. And I know that’s new for you and will likely be confronting. But I will be there by your side holding your hand.”

Jaz took a deep breath “Earlier when I implied I was going to take you home and go round 2 I should have told you that what I was thinking, what I was wanting, the reason I didn’t take any drugs was because I just wanted to take you home and undress you and kiss as many of your gorgeous little freckles as I possibly could and watch you fall asleep wrapped in my arms. But I didn’t say it because I was scared. Scared of saying it. Scared of wanting it.’

Victoria’s lower lip trembled and she fought to keep control of her own emotions. She could see how much it took for Jaz to admit that to her.

‘Sweetie” she said softly as she gently wiped Jaz’s fallen tears away with her thumbs and kissed the trail they’d left behind on her cheeks.

“It’s okay to be scared. Sometimes the best thing to do is to start small. You could Choose 5 freckles. And we could fall asleep together wrapped in each other’s arms.”

Jaz nodded, overwhelmed by Victoria’s empathy and the way she just knew how to reach her instinctively “I think I can do that!”

“Maybe we get just a teeny bit intoxicated and take your edge off?” Victoria asked with a mischievous little grin and Jaz chuckled.

‘Oh a woman after my own heart. I can definitely do that. Come on Red! I have a feeling you’re all kinds of entertaining when you’re sloshed!” She teased Victoria as she stood up with her in her arms not letting her go or putting her down for a moment. She didn’t want to.

*************

Anne watched her wife adoringly from a distance. She looked like she was nearing her limit. She’d moved totally away from the party on the dance floor and had been engaged in a quiet chat with Olivia and was now perched on a cushion in one of the tee pees with Snow and Suzie eating her princess ice cream cake. It was pretty much just the lost boys and younger crew that remained now and Anne knew it was the right time to steal her beautiful bride away as soon as the opportunity presented itself.

“We’re off!’ Marion said from behind Anne and she turned to be pulled into a hug by her sister. “I am so proud of you. Aunt Anne would be so very proud of you” she said sincerely and Anne squeezed her. “Thank you Marion.” When she pulled away she smiled “You’re next you know. Hopefully I have as bit more time to get used to the idea of some punk thinking he deserves forever my baby sister”

“Brian is wonderful, you adore him!” Marion said as she slapped Anne’s arm and Anne smirked.

‘Hmmm, we’ll see. Get home safe. I love you!” She said softly as she tapped Marion’s nose and her face lit up. “I love you too Anne. Have an amazing night!”

Anne glanced over to Ann and saw that Snow and Suzie were now walking away from the tee pee and she was on her own. So she headed over and when she got there she beamed at Ann finishing up the last of her ice cream cake. She was so cute.

“Hey little Pixie!” She said as she sat down beside her and Ann put her plate down.

‘I think that might have been the best cake I’ve ever eaten!” Ann said enthusiastically and Anne laughed. “I’m so pleased my darling!” She leant in to gently kiss Ann who returned it so very sweetly and Anne sighed in contentment as she tasted the lingering traces of ice cream on her lips. “Mmmm” Anne moaned appreciatively as the kiss broke and pulled Ann into her arms, snuggling them both into the cozy pillows. “Is everything alright Princess? You seem a little quiet!”

Ann looked at the concern on Anne’s face and felt the security of her arms wrapped around her and knew everything was okay.

“Actually, I’ve been feeling a little anxious about something. I know I asked to try the strap on and I haven’t changed my mind. I really want to explore that with you because I just have this instinct that it is so much a part of what you like sexually and who you are. And I’m so in love with and attracted to all of you exactly as you are and I honestly crave feeling you inside me that way which sounds crazy as I’ve never had it, I just do. But at the same time I feel a bit anxious about it. Because of things that have happened in my past. And I know that you’re so beautiful and amazing and would just tell me that I don’t have to do it, and I know that. But I want to….and I’m just worried that I might get messy or upset. I don’t know. It’s hard to know until I’m in the moment. And I just thought I would tell you”

Anne looked down into her huge blue worried eyes in all their glory and her little hands twisting nervously, in absolute awe. Here she was, her sweet beautiful girl just coming out with something making her anxious and communicating it to her before it got to the stage where it tore her up inside or became so much worse for the very first time. And she was justifiably worried about something based on the horror she’d endured but still resolute in her determination to push past all she’d endured and open about her genuine desire to experience it. First letting her lead on the dance floor which was huge enough on its own now this. She was blossoming. She was absolutely incredible.

“I’ve ruined this beautiful day you made for us haven’t I?” Ann asked in a shaky voice and Anne was aghast at the uncertainty in her eyes and the idea that she felt like that.

“No….Ann goodness no. Baby marrying you today and making you my Mrs Lister has been a dream come true. I was just thinking how far you’ve come because this is the first time you’ve ever just come to me with something making you anxious before it starts to break you apart inside or you just break. Now we can talk about it and work through it together. But can I get you anything first?”

Ann looked up into Anne’s soulful eyes locked on her so attentively with so much compassion and knew the one thing that would help.

“Can I have a cuddle?” She asked shyly and Anne had her wife in her lap and wrapped up in her arms in an instant.  
“Of course you can!” she said softly as she rocked Ann in her arms and Anne snuggled in and sighed in relief.“I knew this was what I needed!”

“Sweet baby. I’ve got you. Everything is going to be just fine” Anne said softly as she tilted Ann’s head back a little to kiss her forehead.

“And you know….” She began as she looked down intently at her beautiful bride. “It’s okay to be nervous about something my darling and still try it. We’ll try it tonight and if it’s too much we stop. And in the moment if you decide you’re just not ready, we stop. Not forever. Just for tonight and then we try again another time. I don’t have to have this to enjoy tonight. I love what we do. I love the way you give yourself to me so completely. The way you submit to me, my beautiful little princess. I have never been so satisfied this way. I mean that. And you honestly honour me with your willingness to explore and your trust and faith in me to lead you through it. And to be honest I was actually planning on starting you with something a little smaller than standard size. Because you’re so perfectly petit. You’re my little one and you need time to build up to things and I wouldn’t deserve you if I didn’t keep you safe. But whether or not we do it tonight, next week or months down the track we are going to have the most incredible sex life and know that we are going to have so many wonderful times baby. The whole rest of our lives. Okay?”

Ann’s eyes filled with tears as she nodded, she was just so touched by how supportive, loving and protective Anne was. How she came through for her every single time.

“ Thank you for being so incredible. I love you so much. All the much!” She said shakily and Anne kissed her tears away. 

“Sweetheart….!” She whispered softly “All the ways, all the time. And you know you really shouldn’t be too hard on yourself. I was only thinking earlier that a few days ago you were a virgin and you’ve propositioned me twice and called me Daddy at your wedding. From where I’m standing you’re doing more than alright for a beginner ” 

Ann covered her mouth in horror and Anne started laughing and then Ann burst into giggles.

‘Oh my goodness I suppose when you put it like that!.....” 

“But can I just say that unlike Jack and Harry I am in full support of you living the hoe life 4 evs. As long as you live it with me” Anne mused dryly and Ann slapped her arm.

“Dude!” She exclaimed indignantly and Anne continued teasing her.

“Shhhh but we’re not making it weird remember? Goodness sweetheart you were there, don’t you listen? You ARE tired!!”

“And you are completely incorrigible as usual!” Ann said as she giggled so hard she could hardly breathe. 

“And you are adorable!” Anne said as she grinned and leant in to kiss her eyes, nose, cheeks and lips very softly as her laughter began to still.

“Come along my beautiful wife. Let’s go back to our suite” Anne said and without warning Ann was up in a flash.  
“You’ll have to catch me first!” She said cheekily and then dashed from the Tee Pee.

“With pleasure!” Anne cried out defiantly as she jumped up and chased after her, loving how playful and happy she was. How quickly she’d come back from the brink of anxiety. She was fast but Anne ran regularly, had the longer legs and stride and wasn’t wearing a skirt so she caught up to her and threw her over her shoulder and spanked her. Ann burst into laughter as Anne spun her around but then she pulled her down to be cradled in her arms.

Anne caught Ann’s gaze as it looked up into the sky full of stars. “Huh. Figures it would be so spectacular tonight. The most magical things come from the sky” she said softly before looking down at Ann who has the most dazzling smile despite the beginnings of tears in her eyes.

“You came from the sky!” Anne whispered as she nuzzled her nose.

“Baby….’ Ann said softly. “Take me to bed.”


	36. Unicorn sandwiches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay. Life is super busy. Thank you to the readers who shoot me encouragement either here or at Shibden After Dark and thank you as always to my LAR support squad and my bear for always being in my corner<3
> 
> Finally! The wedding night ha ha. This was meant to cover more events but it was already so long and the next chapter will cover the rest and the party.
> 
> I’ve heard you loud and clear re:your love of Victoria and Jaz and I’ve started exploring them more here.
> 
> I hope it was worth the wait. Enjoy xx

“Mrs Lister!” Anne said with a brilliant smile as she opened the door to the bridal suite Ann had been using throughout the afternoon and Ann went to step inside but Anne swept her stunning bride into her arms as she giggled with delight and carried her over the threshold. Ann looked around in awe at the room. There were rose petals all over the bed, the lights were turned down and there were little tea lights twinkling all around the room giving it a soft almost magical glow. Music was softly playing and it was the most romantic thing Ann had ever seen. “Oh my goodness! It’s magical!” She said dreamily and Anne nuzzled her cheek “You’re magical!” 

Ann closed her eyes and pressed her cheek into Anne’s cheek, loving the closeness, the chance to be alone with her. “Thank you, for everything” she whispered and Anne pressed her lips to Ann’s cheek in a gentle kiss. “It’s what you deserve my love!”

Anne placed her delicately on her feet and Ann snapped her suspenders softly “I’m just going to take my makeup off baby.”

“Alright my darling!”

When Ann disappeared into the bathroom Anne changed. She stepped into the strap harness and tucked it into a pair of Calvin klein black boxers and a matching black singlet. She freshened up and poured them both a glass of champagne.

When she came out of the bathroom fresh faced, her hair undone and wild from her braids and wearing a gorgeous ivory lacy chemise that came to her upper thighs , Anne felt her heart beat a little faster. “Come here my Beauty!’ she said as she held her arms out to her and Ann went into them gratefully.

“Mmmmm I’ve got you all to myself finally and you feel so good” Anne murmured into her hair appreciatively, inhaling the familiar peach and floral scent. ‘So do you” Ann replied sincerely as she snuggled in but felt something hard against her lower abdomen and moved back a little on instinct. And as she cast her eyes down to the bulge in Anne’s boxers she brought her hand up to her mouth and looked at Anne with wide eyes “Is that?......”

“Shhhhh don’t worry about that right now my darling. Here have some champagne.” Anne reassured her as she handed Ann the glass of champagne and bit back her smirk as she downed the entire glass like it was a shot and crossed her other arm around her waist defensively like she needed to protect herself. Her nerves were evident and Anne absolutely melted. She was determined to put her at ease.

“I think I’m just going to get another one of these” Ann said, doing her best to sound casual but failing miserably and when she went to the drink cart her hand was shaking and she managed to knock over the entire bucket of ice and as it crashed to the ground and she jumped and tried to stabilise herself she knocked over the plate of fresh lemon and lime.

“Oh no” she said as she bent down and frantically began cleaning up the ice and fruit.   
Anne rushed over to help her.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” Ann apologised profusely and Anne bent down in front of her.

“Ann it doesn’t matter. It’s alright my darling” she tried to reassure her.

“No it’s not, I’ve made such a mess” Ann said in a quivering voice as she avoided her eyes and continued to clean.

“Ann look at me.” Anne commanded firmly as she took her cold little hands and warmed them inside her own. Ann tilted her head to face her with huge blue eyes that had the beginnings of tears inside of them.

“I’m sorry” she apologised again in a voice that was barely above a whisper. “I think I’m nervous” she added honestly and Anne was overwhelmed with empathy and a desire to protect her at all costs.

“I know, it’s alright, come here Little One!” She said as she reached over and grasped her under her arms, picking her up as she stood and wrapping her little Pixie around her.

“Ive got you. I’m right here” Anne soothed her as she carried her over to the bed and sat down with her in her lap.

“This is better. It’s helping” Ann said as she felt her anxiety begin to dissipate and Anne stroked her hair softly as her gorgeous young wife clung to her.

“My sweet beautiful girl” Anne said with incredible tenderness as she gently pried Ann’s face from her shoulder. “It’s just a little spill. It doesn’t matter. And you’re allowed to be nervous. You’re my precious angel, my brave, resilient, incredible wife. Even when you’re getting into fights with hotel ice buckets”

Ann started to giggle and Anne laughed with her. She was so very lovely. ‘There’s that gorgeous smile I love so” She said adoringly as she stroked Ann’s cheek. ‘I never got a chance to tell you how stunning you look. I am the luckiest woman alive”

“I love you so much my Dude” Ann said as she took Anne’s face between her hands and kissed her softly. It was meant to be a kiss of gratitude, of devotion, of connection. But Ann found herself deepening it and taking her lead, Anne began to worship her lips with her mouth and soon Ann was moaning at the goodness.

“As long as I live I will never tire of feeling that sweet little moan of yours in my mouth” Anne said decadently and Ann felt her centre pulse at her words.

Anne stood with Ann and crawled onto the bed on her knees, only leaving Ann’s lips to lay her down delicately on the bed before claiming them once more as her finger came up to brush against her nipple that was hardening beneath her chemise as Ann let out a little whine and squirmed beneath her and Anne took the straps and pulled the garment down and off her body, leaving her in a tiny pair of white silk panties. She went straight to her breasts, never able to get over how perfect they were and Ann squirmed beneath her and threaded her fingers through her hair, pulling slightly as she flicked at her nipples with her tongue and took them into the warmth of her mouth. Anne felt Ann tugging at her singlet, signalling that she wanted it off and Anne complied, knowing her sweet princess loved and found comfort in feeling her.

“Skin to skin baby?” Anne asked as she stripped off her singlet.

“Yes please” Ann pleaded and Anne groaned as Ann pulled her back down and pressed their breasts together.

“So sweet, my beautiful perfect Princess” Anne said appreciatively as she covered Ann’s gorgeous face in little kisses and then turned them so they were on their sides facing each other. Her hand crept down into Ann’s panties and her fingers began to gently drift in and out of her wetness, stroking her softly as she made little mewling sounds.

“How do you always feel so incredible?” Anne asked in wonder as Ann began to subtly move against her hand and Anne was determined to drive her into a state of dripping, yearning, swollen needy almost desperation before she entered her with the strap.

Anne let the knuckle of her forefinger just graze up and down Ann’s entrance softly for the longest time as she kissed her, feeling the blissful rise of her body temperature as she pressed her smaller body against her own, bridging what little distance was between them and Anne took this opportunity to to slide her panties down just enough to slip her middle finger inside her and she began moving gently as she kissed her endlessly.

“Dude…..please” Ann pleaded as she grasped Anne’s wrist and pushed her deeper inside her.

“You are so incredibly sexy” Anne whispered at her innocently wanton gesture and rolled Ann onto her back, kissing a trail down her beautiful undulating body and quickly sliding her panties the rest of the way down before kissing, licking and biting a trail up her inner thighs and then softly entering her with her tongue as Ann gasped and clutched at the sheets beneath her. Anne plunged her tongue in and out of her , revelling in her sweetness and then moved up to gently circle her clit with the tip of her tongue as she entered her with two fingers and Ann’s pelvis actually bucked off the bed.

“That’s my girl ” Anne praised her proudly as she began driving into her a little more forcefully, pushing her towards the precipice and when she felt her growing wetter she added a third finger, carefully pressing her digits together but gently stretching her for what was to come.

“Oh god” Ann gasped as Anne closed her mouth around her clit and began to gently suck as she moved in and out of her. Anne felt the tell tale tremors in Ann’s inner thighs and knew she was very close. So she slowly withdrew her fingers and had removed her boxers and covered the length of her strap in lube before Ann whimpered at the emptiness and loss of contact.

“Dude….” She exclaimed in confusion.

“Shhhhh its alright baby I’m right here” Anne said as she gathered Ann up in her arms, cradling her and reached down, positioning herself at her entrance. “If gets too much you tell me and we stop okay?” Anne asked and as Ann felt something cool and rigid pressing against her she realised what was happening. And as she looked up into Anne’s beautiful brown eyes so full of adoration and concern and felt the hollow ache inside her as her flesh burned for something, anything to satiate her need, suddenly it wasn’t so frightening.

“I trust you” Ann said sincerely and Anne was overwhelmed by her trust and faith even though her nerves were written all over her face.

‘I love you so much Princess, you are so incredible” Anne gasped as she pressed her forehead to her little loves and began to ever so slowly enter her. “Were going to go nice and slow okay baby?” she reassured her and Ann nodded as she wrapped her arms around Anne’s neck and held on tight as she began to fill her more than ever before. When she was two thirds of the way in Ann completely tensed up and whimpered and Anne stopped straight away.

“Shhhhh it’s alright my sweetheart, I’ve got you, you’ve done so well” she praised her tense little love as she stroked her hair and placed little kisses on her temples.

“Do you want to stop?” She asked attentively and Ann shook her head but held her body perfectly still and Anne reached down between them to swirl her thumb around her still wet and swollen clit.  
She felt all the tension begin to slowly leave Ann’s body as she moaned and pressed into Anne’s shoulders with her fingertips but it was when she began instinctively moving her hips to meet Anne’s touch, effectively drawing her the rest of the way inside her and wrapping her legs around her that Anne was utterly blown away

“Jesus baby” Anne gasped in surprise at how hot she was and cupped her face reverently as Ann peered up at her with huge blue eyes full of wonder. “Are you alright ?” She asked softly and Ann nodded as she felt Anne inside her, stretching her and saw her hovering above loving her, protecting her, always.

“Hold me” She whispered as she pulled Anne off her elbow and down to rest her full weight on her. 

“Of course my darling” Anne said as she didn’t move an inch once she had Ann wrapped in her arms, just allowing her to adjust. “You take me so well, you’re so beautiful. I’m so proud of you” she praised her, knowing how much this always reassured her and after a little while she felt Ann lightly turning her face into her neck and kissing her there softly. Anne’s lips found hers and she began kissing her and softly brushing her nipple with her thumb before moving down to gently nip and smooth with her tongue the sensitive spot behind her ear that Anne knew always drove her crazy. Ann cried out and began instinctively rocking her hips slightly against her and Anne groaned.

“Good girl, that’s it, just rock against me baby, you feel so incredible”. When Ann was no longer wincing and her body was completely soft and pliant in her arms, Anne began to move inside her ever so slowly, never letting go of her for even a second. She was so gentle and tender that Ann realised she had absolutely nothing to worry about and soon she could feel her whole body flushing with heat. Anne had made love to her before but this was something else.

“Oh god…..Dude” she gasped in pleasure as Anne began hitting a spot so very deep inside of her that she almost saw stars.

“Good baby?” Anne asked with a dark smile as she watched Ann’s face flush in pleasure and knew she would never forget how exquisitely beautiful she looked at that moment as she moved inside her.

‘So good” Ann gasped as Anne reached down and began stroking her and as Anne felt her start to tremble in her arms ever so slowly she increased her intensity just a little and circled her clit continuously. Ann felt her climax start to build inside her with such ferocity it almost frightened her and her legs started shaking uncontrollably as she clung to Anne.

“Anne….” She whimpered almost in a plea, for what she wasn’t sure and Anne kissed her forehead.

“I’ve got you Princess, hold on to me” Anne commanded as she bent her head and took one of her nipples inside her mouth sucking gently and that’s all it took.

“ANNE” she cried out as she shattered in her arms and began quivering mercilessly.

“Good girl, there you go, that’s my girl come for me sweetheart. You’re so perfect, I love you so much” Anne said in a voice thick with emotion as her wife completely came apart so exquisitely in her embrace with her buried to the hilt inside of her. 

Anne eased her through her climax and when Ann went limp in her arms she ever so gently eased out of her while little aftershocks were still running through her body. She slipped out of the harness and was back on the bed with Ann in her arms in an instant.

“Are you alright Little One? Are you in pa…..” Ann cut her off with an absolutely searing kiss and when it broke they were both breathless.

“That was so amazing….I love you so much….all the much” Ann said as she leant up on her elbow and wasted no time cupping Anne’s wetness completely with her hand.

‘Fuck baby……all the ways…….all the time” Anne gasped, suddenly aware of her desperate need, one she hadn’t even noticed because she was so focused on Ann and how beautiful and special it was being inside her that way for the first time.

Ann slipped two fingers inside her and began a relentless and passionate assault as she kissed her neck.

“I’m already so close” Anne said in a strangled moan.

“You felt so good inside me Dude, you’re so strong, you made me come so hard” she whispered as Anne bucked at her words and she added a third finger and began plunging in and out of her harder and harder, bringing her palm up to grind against her clit.

“Yes sweetheart just like that, right there” Anne pleaded and Ann didn’t disappoint, angling up inside her and brushing that magical spot over and over again until Anne cried out and spasmed almost violently and Ann softly kissed her and caressed her gently through it all. When she finally collapsed back against the pillows she pulled Ann down with her, holding her close and Ann completely curled and moulded into her just quietly breathing with her in the moment.

Anne suddenly became aware of little drops of wetness landing on her chest and was aghast when she looked down and saw Ann silently crying

“Oh Ann my darling what is it are you hurt?” Anne asked as she stroked Ann’s tear streaked face and Ann shook her head “No, I don’t even know why I’m crying. I’m really happy, what we just did was magical and you were so beautiful and gentle with me. I just didn’t understand that it didn’t have to be scary….I didn’t know…..It was really special. I’m sorry I’m crying it’s so silly”

Anne understood then. It was a similar reaction to the one she’d had when she’d been in the middle of making love to her earlier in the week for the very first time. The sex they had was so connected, intimate and intense on its own let alone having extra anxiety and trauma and completely understandable fears giving her additional nervous energy.

“Sweet baby, It’s not silly at all sometimes when you do something as special and intense as what we did, especially when its new and it has as much riding on it as it did for you given everything you’ve been through tears are just a natural response. I felt emotional when I was making love to you myself because I knew how much it took for you to let me in like that and I was just so grateful that you believed in me enough to take that leap with me and you were just so exquisitely beautiful that…..” Anne swallowed a lump in her throat as the beginning of tears filled her eyes but she willed herself to stay strong for her little love. She took a deep breath and smiled brightly at her. “You see?” she chuckled and Ann’s face was full of love and concern as she stroked Anne’s hair.

“Thank you for trusting me my remarkably strong and awe inspiring wife” Anne said in a raspy voice as she fought for control inside.

“Thank you for being so beautiful to me. For taking such good care of me and being my Dude” Ann said so sweetly with such a serious little face that Anne died inside. She was so adorable and endearing.

“Oh you’re so welcome sweetheart” Anne said as she wiped Ann’s tears away with the pads of her thumbs and pressed tender little kisses all over her face and wrapped her up in her arms.

“Besides, we take care of each other” Anne whispered as she rhythmically stroked her hair, suddenly barely able to keep her eyes open. But there was a little golden haired pixie who was struggling significantly more because within minutes she was sound asleep in her arms.

A single tear finally slid down Anne’s cheek as she looked down at Ann, her heart so full of love and happiness she felt it might actually burst.

“All the much, all the ways……” and then as though she was completely connected to her even in her sleep Ann murmured “All the time”.

Anne smiled down at the sleeping little angel in her arms and rolled her onto her side, spooning her snugly. And very soon she was fast asleep with her.

Some hours later, Ann’s eyes fluttered open to look at the clock on the bedside table. It was almost 5am. She looked out at the beautiful private balcony that had been set up like a treehouse hideaway with a beautiful mattress lounge, lanterns and fairy lights and then turned to look at her gorgeous sleeping wife. Suddenly she felt wide awake. Suddenly she had an idea. She went to her bag and did a few trips out onto the balcony. The summer air was so warm that they wouldn’t even get cold. She then went into the bathroom, tied a simple but pretty shibari harness on herself and slipped her robe on. Just as she was leaving the bathroom, Anne had already sensed the absence of her from her arms and was sitting up.

“Are you alright my darling?” she asked in concern and Ann nodded as she walked over to the bed with Anne’s robe. 

“Yes baby, would you come with me though? I wanna show you something” Ann asked and even in the semi dark there was something in her beautiful blue eyes that compelled Anne to follow. So she slipped her robe on and allowed herself to be led outside to the beautiful balcony area.

“Oh wow” Anne said as she saw the fairy lights and tea lanterns Ann had lit and the way it made the area look even more enchanting and inviting. Ann led her over to the mattress and they sat down and Anne was riveted as Ann put her little hands on either side of her face and looked deep into her eyes.

“Anne, my beautiful strong amazing Dude. I was wondering if you would like to do some rope with me. I would really like to try tying you again. But you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do and I can self suspend over you from that beam above us like I wanted to do from the tree the night Crazy Dave lost it or I could tie our arms together like I did the night of my formal and we could cuddle. This whole day and night has been so special and magical and I would just really like to connect with you this way.”

And as Anne thought about how brave Ann had been to ask for the strap on and to follow through even when she was so nervous after all she’d been through, as much as the idea of having another meltdown like she’d had the first time worried her, she knew she wanted to take a leaf out of her courageous Princess’s book and take the same leap of faith she did.

“I’d like to try again. I’d like you to tie me properly sweetheart. I mean I don’t know how I’ll go but…” Anne looked down self consciously only for Ann to softly press her lips to hers. “Shhhh you don’t have to go any further than you can. I’m right here. And I can get you out straight away if it gets too much. I love you so much Anne Lister. I’m so very proud to be yours”

Anne could already feel herself getting emotional and she pulled Ann into her arms. ‘I love you too. I will love you forever.”

Ann held her and stroked her hair “Do you remember your colour safe word system Baby?”

“Green, Orange Red Black” Anne replied and Ann moved away to thread her fingers between her wife’s.

“I’m not going to tie your arms in at all this time, and I’m going to tie us together.” Ann said gently and Anne nodded solemnly.

Undoing her robe, Ann slid it off to remove her nude body covered in nothing but the red rope harness and Anne stared at her in stunned awe. She’d never seen her wearing rope while naked. It was so incredibly erotic.

“Oh my god….sweetheart…..you are magnificent” she whispered like a prayer and Ann blushed a little.

“Thank you” she said sweetly as she crawled behind Anne and gently put her hair into a pony tail and then reaching around Anne’s waist she undid her robe and slipped it off her, letting it pool on the ground behind her. She then leant back against the cushions and opened her legs, pulling Anne back to lean against her and she softly let her hands trace soothing patterns all over her wife’s hard, toned body. When she heard Anne sigh contentedly and felt her completely melt against her she took a bundled length of rope and began lightly trailing it up and down her arms. And then releasing the knot she took it between her hands and ever so delicately ran it down her breasts, brushing over her nipples and back up, Anne began to moan at the goodness of it and shiver a little.

“Colour baby?” Ann asked gently?

“Green” Anne sighed and Ann gently pushed Anne forward and knelt behind her, tenderly wrapping the length of rope around her to begin a very simple tie. Anne felt Ann’s soft warm cheek against hers and the way the rope was enveloping her and caressing her skin so very gently and was struck by how different it felt to last time. There was no terror, no nausea, no flashbacks. Just her precious little angel and the incredible care she was taking with her. And the rope that had once been a weapon to hurt her so long ago was now….soothing? Before she knew it she had just drifted away under Ann’s touch and the soft music and the harness was on her. It was then that Anne processed that she was actually bound in rope and her anxiety started to rise a little. Ann could feel her Dude’s heartbeat speeding up and instantly checked in with her, moving around to face her.

“Colour?” She asked and Anne opened her eyes and looked confused. 

‘I don’t know. It’s not green. But it’s not orange either. I’m sorry sweetheart that doesn’t make sense”

“Shhhhh” Ann whispered as she climbed into Anne’s lap and rubbed her back. “It makes perfect to me my gorgeous one. Colour limbo is fine. You’re communicating with me that’s all that matters. I can keep you safe if you communicate”

Anne was stunned as Ann slipped her hands underneath the harness she’d just tied on her and pushed them up to rest on her shoulders so the rope was against her arms and not her own body. Her little Pixie knew exactly what to do, exactly what she needed. She knew body and soul by heart.

“Colour?” Ann asked after a little while and tears spilled from Anne’s closed eyes, overcome with emotion as she realised Ann’s action had brought her anxiety right down.

“Green” she gasped. “I don’t want to stop”

“We’re not stopping baby, its okay. I’m right here” Ann said soothingly as she kissed all around Anne face. “It’s okay to cry, it doesn’t mean we stop, whatever is inside you just let it all go”

Ann moved to Anne’s lips and gave her such a sweet, gentle and chaste kiss that Anne whimpered at the goodness of it. She gently slid her hands out of the harness and deepened it a little, cupping her face adoringly and when it broke she whispered. “You are the most Glorious hybrid of handsome and beautiful.

Anne realised that Ann had taken her hands out of the harness and the rope was now fully against her. She hadn’t even noticed.

“It’s green…..I feel green” she exclaimed in wonder and Ann beamed at her.

“I’m going to untie one of your knots now baby but we’re not stopping okay? You’re doing so well”

Anne nodded and never took her eyes off Ann as she undid part of the harness she’d just tied on her and just tucked it through one of the more tense sections. She then tied an incredibly long piece of rope to it and wrapped it around and around their waists, binding them together and held the end in her hands. Anne watched in awe as she went back to the end attached to her and untied it, handing it to her.

“This is us bound together in our sacred circle of love and trust. We are connected and equal. No one is top or bottom. We are the same in this moment, we each hold one end of the rope that binds us together.You have the power to untie yourself at anytime baby. You’re safe. I’ve got you” Ann said as she pressed her forehead against Anne’s and Anne let out a little sob, overwhelmed at the beauty and the power of what Ann had done. Of how loving, safe and healing it was.”

“I’m sorry” Anne gasped through her tears.

“Shhhhh someone really wise told me earlier tonight that there didn’t have to be any sorrys here” Ann said gently and Anne let out a little chuckle even through her tears and Ann was also crying softly, their tears mingling.

“Oh there’s definitely a wise one here…..but it isn’t me” Anne said as she pulled back to cup Ann’s face adoringly and look at her in absolute awe.

“Thank you my darling” She said as she pulled Ann in and kissed her. They both dropped the ends of their rope, happy to be bound together and when Ann realised Anne had dropped hers, her tears came faster. ‘You dropped your rope.”

‘I know you’ll keep me safe” Anne said confidently as her hands found Ann’s breasts and began to play with her nipples as she moaned.

‘Is this….Is this okay for you? In rope love?” Anne asked her, seeking consent to continue.

“Ive always wanted to try with you eventually but didn’t know how it could work. Mama said with this.” Ann said as she reached into her rope bundle and pulled out a little bullet shaped vibrator.

‘But I don’t know how!” She said shyly.

Anne was wet already, the adrenaline, having a naked Ann wrapped in rope and around her straddling her. Who was so open to trying new things despite her inexperience.

“That’s okay baby I do.” Anne said reassuringly as she took it from her and put it behind her.

“My sexy kinky girl, full of surprises” Anne said appreciatively as she kissed Ann’s neck and circled her nipples with her fingers. 

“Hold onto me baby” Anne instructed her as she carefully lay back against the makeshift bed with Ann on top of her, not wanting to separate the rope that bound them together and then she turned them on their sides and repositioned her a little.

“This will help us to come at exactly the same time” Anne said as she switched on the little vibrator and positioned it between them.

Ann inhaled sharply the second it made contact with her clit and her eyes went wide. “Oh” she gasped and closed her eyes, instinctively moving her hips which in turn pushed it into Anne.

“Ann…..fuck baby” she gasped as she held her wife tightly and they began to very quickly approach a climax together.

Anne felt Ann’s thighs start to tremble and she pushed herself against her little love more firmly and moaned, unable to tell whose tears were on her nose or whose arousal was on her thigh, all she knew was that she’d never felt more connected to Ann Walker than she did in that moment.

“Anne…I don’t think I can hold on” Ann said with a whimper, out of her mind with pleasure and feeling the start of her own climax she pulled Ann flush against the toy and she cried out.

“It’s alright Princess let go, I’m there with you, come for me….” Ann actually screamed as her orgasm ripped through her at the exact moment that Anne let out a guttural moan and came so hard she saw stars.When their orgasms started to fade Anne managed to turn off the toy and they clung to one another, trembling.

When the tremors abated Ann lifted her face from Anne’s shoulder and looked up at her in completely dazed adoration.

“And now I’ll show you how much fun taking the rope off can be” she said with a twinkle in her eye.

‘Sweetheart…you’re too young for me, you’re going to kill me. But what a way to go” Anne joked and they both dissolved into giggles as the evening began to give way to the first sides of morning light.

***************

Ann sat nestled between Anne’s legs on the deck lounger on their balcony, wrapped up in her strong arms and both of them in fluffy white robes as they watched the sun rise. After she’d shown Anne how lovely it can feel having rope unwrapped she’d quickly untied herself. Anne had carried her into the bathroom and they’d showered together before coming out to the balcony where they’d thirstily gulped down juice and just enjoyed a moment of quiet together.

“You are magical my love. Everything about this evening has been magical” Anne whispered and Ann pressed her cheek against Ann’s, smiling blissfully.

“It has. And now I get to spend the rest of my entire life with my Dude”.

“Lucky me” Anne said vehemently as she pressed her lips to Anne’s temple in a lingering kiss.

“Lucky us” Ann corrected. And they both beamed.

**********

Jaz was propped up on her elbow just watching the flame haired little doll who was snuggled against her sleep. She was so very beautiful all disheveled and completely at peace like she was. And with her angelic face free of makeup in the morning light, so damn young looking. She could have passed for 30.She didn’t look any older than Anne. She was just gorgeous. The previous evening had been incredible. She’d taken Victoria and Millie back to the beautiful house she had on the Hastings property and never used since it seemed too empty for just her. But her staff had prepared it and brought Millie and Victoria’s things over. When Millie was settled she’d led Victoria into her bedroom and peeled the clothing from her beautiful little body and what had begun as an innocent intention to kiss her darling little freckles had become far more heated, with Victoria’s total consent and Jaz had really fucked her, several times. On top of her, from behind while she spooned her, then with her wrapped up in her arms while she fucked her with her strap. But Victoria was so passionate and responsive and so damn naturally submissive without being a doormat and the combination was absolutely addictive.It had been so intimate, connected and full of so much emotion. But if she thought that was incredible nothing had prepared her for when her Bella made love to her so softly, with so much tenderness and care and caressed her in a way she’d never been touched before. Bringing her to a very emotional orgasm so very gently and afterwards when she was still trying to process her reaction Victoria had kissed her tears away and stroked her hair and cuddled into her, rubbing her back and eventually they’d fallen asleep in each others arms.

And now she wasn’t quite sure what to expect. She was worried Victoria might wake up and feel disoriented by the intensity of their evening or with regret. She need not have worried. Her Bella’s big green eyes fluttered open and when she peered up at her she had the most beautiful smile. She raised her head a little to place a soft kiss on the inner curve of her breast and said “Good morning. What shall we do today Jaz? With this beautiful day we’re in”

Jaz’s face lit up. “Good morning my Bella.” She leant down to softly kiss her and as Victoria turned in her arms Jaz was struck by the joyous feeling that Victoria wanted to spend the day with her. This is what their life would be like. Evenings spent consuming each other and days together, on their own. With their family. She’d never had something that lovely and uncomplicated before.

“Well I’d like to make my two little stunners some breakfast once sleeping beauty is rested enough and I’m sure she’d appreciate some alone time with her Mum to get ready for her walk with Frog. Did you have anything you needed to do Red?

Victoria’s heart did a little somersault at Jaz’s thoughtfulness towards Millie. “You’re so lovely. I don’t really have anything on except my hair appointment. It desperately needs a trim.”

“No absolutely not. No one touches that hair anymore except for me” Jaz snapped in a firm, raised voice and the second the words were out of her mouth and she saw the the stricken, intimidated look on Victoria’s face and felt her body completely stiffen and start to pull away from her she regretted it.

“Red wait!” Jaz pleaded as Victoria scooted across to bed to get away from her but Jaz managed to grab her arm to hold her in place.

“I’m so sorry my Bella!” She apologized sincerely. “Look, I’m an extremely dominant person.”

“You are?” Victoria said as she shot fire over her shoulder at Jaz defiantly and Jaz couldn’t help but lick her lips at the sassiness.

“I’m sorry that wasn’t nice” Victoria immediately apologized.

“It was very sexy. I loved it!” Jaz teased genuinely and Victoria tried to suppress all the painful memories of her ex-husband snapping at her and yelling at her all the time. She tried to remind herself that Jaz had already proven she cared for her so much more than Oliver ever did but she was already shaken up.

“Red….Come on Bella talk to me…please” Jaz pleaded to Victoria’s back. She wouldn’t have even minded if Victoria wanted to snap right back at her. What made her feel even worse though was when there was a pause and then in a very shaky voice. “It’s not fair of you to hold me here just because you’re so much stronger than me. I’m not Cassie. You don’t have to control me to stop me from slipping through your grasp. You won’t lose me. I’m with you because I love being with you. But I don’t like being spoken to like that.”

Jaz let the truth in Victoria’s words wash over her and felt awful. Of course she was right. When wasn’t she? And it was then that she saw her shaking little hand and shoulders and could see she’d really given her Bella a fright.

“You’re right it isn’t fair. I’m letting go. And I know I probably don’t have the right to ask but if you could stay in the bed I would really appreciate it.” Jaz said as she let Victoria go and sighed in relief when the younger women lay on her side and pulled the covers up around her protectively, still with her back to her but at least she stayed.

‘Come over here my Bella and let me hold you!” Jaz implored and Victoria tried to bite back her tears.

“I can’t we’re in a fight.” Victoria reasoned and Jaz tried not to smile at how cute she sounded.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t hold you sweetheart” Jaz said as she took a chance and slid across the bed to spoon Victoria.

The second Jaz felt Victoria pressed against her she knew the only place she wanted to be in that moment was in her arms and she turned onto her back.

Jaz gently cupped her face and kissed her forehead. “I gave you a fright didn’t I?”

Victoria looked like she was close to tears as she nodded as and Jaz pulled her into her arms, so relieved when Victoria curled into her.

“I’m so sorry I spoke to you like that. I shouldn’t have. We’ll talk about it but right now. I just want to hold my exquisite Piccolo Fiamma and make sure she knows she’s completely safe.”

Victoria completely melted in Jaz’s embrace as she stroked her hair, rubbed her back and held her close. And as she felt the anxiety dissipate she was able to say what she was thinking.

“I just….I got a shock. We don’t do raised voices in my house. Millie finds it traumatic. But I understand. I know what it feels like, the need to have control over things to protect someones wellbeing. I lived that life when Millie was much younger to keep her safe, to protect her from just about anything in her environment that might cause her distress. But in time you’ll see that I’m not Cassie. I understand it’s hard to turn those instincts off though.”

Jaz was floored. Everything she was going to try to explain, she didn’t even have to. Victoria already knew. She just got it. She got her. Like no one else ever had. And the same very special softness and sweetness about her that made Jaz want to protect her so badly was something she realized she needed to be careful not to crush herself with aggressive outbursts.

“You are so incredible baby the way you just see me!” Jaz said in awe. “And so sweet. I need to be more gentle with you. And I will be. And I hope in time you’ll see my bark really is worse than my bite. But I want you to know something. It doesn’t matter if we’re in a fight, or if you think I’m angry with you. Or if we’re angry with each other. How much I care about you, how much you mean to me will never change and you can always still come to me and I will keep you safe. The rest we can deal with later but I will hold you and keep you safe always no matter what else is going on and I need you to know that.”

“Okay” Victoria said softly as she nodded and Jaz stroked her beautiful hair. “And I’m dominant and territorial and will not hesitate to say that you’re mine, but what I should have said instead of coming down like a dictator was I love this beautiful hair so much and I’m very good at styling. I’d really prefer it if you let me do it”

“I would love for you to do my hair. I’ll cancel my appointment. All you had to do was say so” Victoria said amiably and Jaz sighed as she placed a little kiss on Victoria’s nose.  
“I’m an idiot.”

“But you’re my idiot!” Victoria said with a cheeky little smile and Jaz snatched her up into her arms as she squealed “Come here you!!”

**********  
Victoria sat in a chair drinking the latte Jaz had made her while she expertly blowdried her hair. Despite their little early morning hiccup she felt so incredibly relaxed and pampered. They’d cuddled for a while and when Jaz had gone to touch her she’d still been sore from the previous evening and her lover had been so reassuring and stopped immediately. And then she’d slid down the bed and caressed and soothed her with her tongue so gently, kissed her so softly as her strong hands held her thighs like they were made of china that Victoria became lost under her mouth. There was no pain, just Jaz and her incredible gentleness and she ended up completely shattering from the goodness of it. Then she’s ran them a bath and there in Jaz’s huge oversized bath the older woman had washed, conditioned and put a treatment in her hair and they’d kissed and cuddled and laughed until it was time to rinse it out. Then Jaz had given her the most heavenly head massaged and combed her hair out, trimmed it, made her a coffee and insisted she just sit and be looked after. It was something completely new to Victoria and as foreign as it felt, it was so lovely.

Jaz couldn’t remember the last time she was so happy. She was living her best Femme Daddy life. Her gorgeous little flame haired Bella sitting in front of her so compliantly and peacefully while she fussed over her and took care of her, with red tresses that were more beautiful and vibrant than ever after a little TLC. She could tell it was a while since it had some love.

“When was the last time you had your hair done Red? At a salon?” Jaz asked and Victoria shrugged “A while. I guess I was a bit busy” she replied honestly.

“Tell me about that. I’d love to learn about your day to day life Bella” Jaz gently urged her to open up a little.

“Well not every week was the same but a lot of the time, I worked really full days Monday-Thursday because that’s when Millie had her extra curriculars before she finished school and Annie too. Friday I liked to finish up early because the girls did. They’d both come back to the house and we’d watch a movie and it was Taco night so we would do that and then the girls would go to a party usually but with Millie being autistic and Annie having anxiety they wouldn’t stay too long so I’d usually drop them off, do the grocery shopping, come home and unpack it and they’d be home not long after me and They’d tell me all the gross and I’d tuck them in. Saturday morning towards the end of the year they had university dance commitments so I’d make them a healthy breakfast Saturday morning and pack them lunch and send them off then I’d do laundry and housework and I’d meal prep dinners for the week and some to send home with Annie so she was eating properly. Then Saturday afternoons were homework and assignments. Saturday nights, take out and wine by the pool and Annie would join us if she wasn’t working at your club. Sunday morning more school work and catch up on case notes for me and I always tried to take the girls somewhere for the afternoon on Sunday to give them a break from study and reset them before the start of another busy week.”

Jaz had been carrying hurt for a little while that Ann hadn’t turned to her for many of the experiences Victoria had mentioned but she was so incredibly touched that she had been so inclusive of Ann. No wonder the kid had been so together living out of home on her own during the lead up to her final exams, one of the most stressful times in a high schoolers life, because she’d practically been living part time with Victoria some weeks

“I know it sounds boring but it worked for the girls and I guess it worked for me too” Victoria said a bit self consciously.

“Hey…baby no” Jaz said as she put the dryer down and pulled Victoria out of the chair and held her tight.

“It doesn’t sound boring at all baby I love how family oriented and what an incredible Mama you are to your babygirl and mine. It does explain why you spend a lot of your time with this beautiful hair of yours in a ponytail or bun. But you’ve got me to look after it now.” Jaz reassured her and Victoria got a shy little smile on her face.

“Our baby girls” she said softly and Jaz looked like she didn’t follow. “Annie and Millie. Yours and mine. They’ll be our baby girls now” Victoria explained and Jaz’s face lit up.

“I love the sound of that! So much” She hugged Victoria tightly and then turned her around ‘And now my sweet Bella, the finished product!”

Victoria looked at herself in the mirror in shock. “Oh my gosh. My hair has never looked so fantastic. You are so talented. Thank you sweetie” she said as she snuggled into Jaz’s chest and wrapped the older woman’s arms around her waist. 

“You’re so welcome. I can’t wait to show you off tonight at Hammers 21st. They’re having it here at the farm lost boys style” Jaz said as she kissed Victoria’s cheek and started packing up the styling tools. 

Victoria froze as she remembered what had happened with Ann after Hammer’s 18th. Something no one else knew about including Jaz, or Anne as far as she was aware.

“Oh…I thought that Annie didn’t really have those big milestone parties here after Hammer’s 18th!” She tried to say casually and Jaz caught the twisted look of worry on her face and knew exactly where her beautiful little flame had gone. Annie had confided in her while she was in Bali about the brutal final sexual assault at Hammer’s 18th. About how if it wasn’t for Victoria holding her together she didn’t know what she would have done. 

“Come here baby” Jaz said as she pulled Victoria into her arms. “I know about Hammer’s 18th. And that you’re probably worried about Annie being triggered. Anne is too. As am I. Annie wants to make new memories for Jack’s sake, for her families sake and try to move on and while I don’t know if she is I know that between you, me, Lister and Rachel there has never been a more fiercely protected Piccolina . Rachel doesn’t know and doesn’t need to but the three of us will watch over her alright?”

Victoria nodded, biting her lip anxiously as she realized Jaz didn’t know everything. That Annie very nearly could have taken her own life.

‘You’re so cute….that serious little face!” Jaz teased her gently as she kissed the wrinkle between her brows ‘And you were worried you don’t pack on the makeup like my strippers. As if I would ever let you cover up such beautiful, expressive perfection!” Jaz said adoringly as she cuddled Victoria close.

“We’re so lucky to have you in this family Bella. For the way you love us all with that huge heart of yours. It will be okay baby”

“Mum…Jaz! If you two aren’t having sex in there I can bring you some coffee!” Millie called out and Victoria gasped “Oh my god!”

Jaz cracked up laughing “I love her! She is just the best. So fantastic!”

“Your Mum and I will be right out sweetheart and I’m making my girls breakfast!”

“Cool! Thanks!” Millie cried out cheerfully.

“But right now another Piccolina needs our attention!” Jaz said and went to lead Victoria out but Victoria pulled her back and stood on her tip toes, kissing Jaz passionately. When the kiss broke Jaz gave her a dazzling smile. “Wow Red. What was that for?”

“For being so incredible!”Victoria said as she looked up at Jaz adoringly.

Jaz sighed in utter contentment. She’d never felt happiness like this.

******   
Anne was finalising their check out and stopped and grinned when she walked back around the deck and caught sight of her stunning wife in a baby blue t-shirt and denim shorts with baby blue converse.

‘I am the luckiest woman in the world!” She said cockily as she went to Ann and pulled her into her arms, kissing her nose.

“You don’t mind heading straight back to the farm do you Dude? I just miss my baby. I really haven’t seen much of her the past couple of days. We’re not used to spending so much time apart.”

Anne melted. She was the most incredible mother. “Not at all my darling. I miss the little Dude terribly too. Quality time as a family this afternoon for the 3 of us I think. Yes?”

Ann’s face lit up. “I love the sound of that so much. Our little family.”

“I just wish I had have been organised enough to make sure I had a a car here!” Anne lamented and Ann shook her head ‘Dude you gave me the most beautiful fairytale wedding of my dreams. Everything was perfect, we can call for a car. You did amazing baby!”

Anne tried not to smile, knowing she had one last surprise up her sleeve. “We could. Of course we could always take your new car Love.”

Ann looked at Anne in confusion “What new car?”

“Oh the one around the other side of the deck with the great big bow on it” Anne replied matter of factly as she led Ann around to the other side of the verandah and down the stairs. And there sat a beautiful vintage style convertible custom painted the prettiest metallic dusty rose pink and it had a huge white bow on it.

Ann looked at it in shock and then to Anne who kissed her forehead. ‘It’s been sitting in our parking garage. I’d ordered it for your 18th birthday but things didn’t go quite to plan. I know you love your cars. Better late than never though. Happy birthday sweetheart!”

“Oh my god. It’s so beautiful. It’s the prettiest car I’ve ever seen!” Ann said as she jumped into Anne’s arms and hugged her. “Thank you so much!” She said and Anne was over the moon at how ecstatic she was. “You’re so welcome beauty.”

Ann ran to the car and hopped in the drivers seat. The cream leather interiors were beautiful and as classic as it was on the outside and even appeared on the inside it had fully modern technology capabilities. Ann actually squealed. ‘Can I drive it?”

Anne laughed. “Of course you can sweetheart its your car! And it’s packed with all our things so we’re good to go!”

“I’m so excited!’ Ann squealed as Anne took the giant bow off and put it in the back of the car then jumped in the passenger seat. “I’m so pleased Princess. So come on. Don’t you want to see what she can do?”

Anne handed her the keys and Ann took them and started the car.

The engine was powerful and Ann got a little bit of a shock but Anne simply squeezed her hand.

“Nice and easy baby. I’m right here beside you!” 

Ann gave Anne a dazzling smile, feeling happier and safer than she ever had in her whole life and put the car in drive.

******************  
Jaz and Victoria were cleaning up after breakfast and Victoria pulled at her shorts. “Breakfast was so good. My shorts feel so tight”

“I think we need to get you more of them. They do incredible things to your Ass” she said as she spanked Victoria lightly, grinning when Victoria giggled and bit her lip. They were interrupted by a knock at the back door. They looked at each other in surprise and Victoria went to the door to see Frog standing on the door step.

“Frog, come in sweetie” she said as she opened the door. ‘Is everything alright? I thought you weren’t taking Millie out for a couple of hours.”

Frog shrugged “Well she said she didn’t want to get ice cream but she asked me to come over!” Victoria and Jaz exchanged confused glances. It was then that Millie came out into the informal dining area and Victoria went back into the kitchen area with Jaz and they tried to look inconspicuous.

“Millie hi. You look really pretty!” Frog said sincerely as he eyed her up and down appreciatively in her black romper covered in daisies and yellow sneakers.

“Thanks” She said as she gave him a sweet and slightly awkward smile. “Last night you were telling me all the things you had to do for the party this afternoon. You were running through a mental list. I’m good at lists so I made one and moved a few things around for better efficiency, more comfort doing physical work in the hot sun, covering more distance in less time. I thought maybe I could help you work through it….that maybe we could do it together?”

Frog looked over the moon ‘You want to run party errands with me? When you said you didn’t want to get ice cream I thought maybe……”

“I really like you Frog…sometimes I’m just better with an activity at first” Millie said honestly as she looked at the floor and Frog reached for her hand and squeezed it

“I couldn’t think of anything better than spending the morning with you Millie. I like lists too. I’ve always been the organiser of the lost boys apart from Dubsy of course but yours is next level. This sounds so great. What’s up first Gorgeous?”

Millie looked at Frog in surprise and broke into a huge smile “Balloon ordering, so they can make the arrangements while we do other things!”

“Well let’s go!” He said cheerfully as he offered her his arm which she took.

“Bye Mum, By Jaz”!” Millie said as she grabbed her handbag.

“Bye sweetie, you two have fun!” Victoria said encouragingly and when they were out the door she literally jumped up and down.

‘He is just the most gorgeous kid I am so happy for her. This is so great!!” She said excitedly and then turned to Jaz and was surprised to see her looking less than impressed.

“Jaz?”

“I don’t like it! I don’t think he’s right for her!” Jaz said vehemently and Victoria looked at her in confusion.

“This is Frog. You love Frog. I love Frog. He is an amazing kid and he is completely besotted with Millie and clearly so good at understanding and being supportive of her. And she seems pretty taken with him too.”

“Millie is special. Even before you and I got close from the time I met her when her Annie first became friends she was my favourite of all her friends. Smart, principled, family focused. Doesn’t suffer morons. Honest, shoots straight from the hip always and I respect that. And you’re her world and she always shared you so willingly with such a generous heart because she knew how much Annie needed you. She deserves the very best. Besides she’s too young to be serious with a boy. She’s still a baby”

Victoria was so very touched at how protective Jaz was of Millie. It actually made her heart ache and she began to find it harder and harder to deny how strongly she felt for the older woman.

“She’ll be 19 in May. She’s 6 months older than Ann who got married yesterday” 

“Yeah I’m still not sure I’m happy about that either!” Jaz said stubbornly and Victoria chuckled as she wrapped her arms around Jaz’s waist “If Frog does the wrong thing by Millie which I very much doubt he will but if he does, you can break one or both of his legs. Does that make you feel better sweetie?”

Jaz chuckled “It does actually baby. Thank you!”

“You’re secretly a big softie Jazmine Moretti!” Victoria teased.

“Hmmm….sometimes…only around you!” Jaz kissed the top of her head.

There was another knock at the door and Ann and Anne came in.

“Well there’s my newlywed girls!” Jaz exclaimed happily as she hugged the Mrs Listers and Victoria shook her head. Jaz adored Anne.

“Hey Mama!” They both said in unison and Jaz rolled her eyes “Oh god you two are absolutely even more disgusting now you’re married”

“Vicki I have your shorts, Anne checked the tag for me and they’re an 8.” Ann said and Victoria laughed “Oh goodness no wonder these felt snug, they’re your size 7s, I must have put them in the wrong draws when I did the laundry. Sorry Gorgeous girl!”

Ann laughed with her. “It’s fine here let’s swap back!” The girls took off their shorts and swapped them over and Anne innocently reached out and touched the side of Victoria’s thigh near where it met her hip just below her panties.

“Oh wow you can barely see the mark anymore!” She said in relief. “I still feel awful about that!”

‘Lister what the hell do you think you’re doing? That is not okay! Take your hand off her thigh” Jaz demanded as her anger rose at seeing Anne touch Victoria that way.

“I’m sorry Jaz. You’re right. I meant no harm” Anne apologised then looked at Victoria regretfully who squeezed her hand. “It’s okay! And you have to let it go sweetie. It’s been over 5 years. You were stoking a fire pit to keep Millie and I warm, some wind caught some fire ash, it landed on me. It hurt for a little while then nothing.The scar was always so much worse than the injury”

Victoria quickly put her shorts on and Ann looked at Jaz in concern as she put hers on. “Mama Anne wasn’t trying to be inappropriate!”

Jaz sighed “I know…Anne I’m sorry honey.”

“It’s okay. We’re aching for quality time with Jack so we’re going to get her. We’ll see you later!” Anne made their excuses and gently tugged Ann who still eyed Jaz curiously but followed her wife regardless.

Victoria tried to see things from Jaz’s point of view and took a deep breath. “Jaz, Darling.” She said gently and Jaz threw her hands up.

‘What do you want me to say Bella? I don’t like that she’s seen you naked, I don’t like that she’s fucked you, loved you, I don’t like that she’s kept you and Millie warm because I want that to be my job and you can guarantee that if it was me not one single millimeter of your perfection would be harmed and I don’t want her touching you like that.”

“I understand” Victoria said, her expression full of empathy. “The thing is we both have pasts. And we cant rewrite them. And I wouldn’t want to rewrite my past with Anne because if we hadn’t crossed paths when we did she never would have healed enough to be the wife I know she’ll be to Annie but most of all without Anne pushing me I never would have started my own practice, Annie wouldn’t have become my patient and wouldn’t have led me to you. I have never wanted anyone like I want you Jaz. I have never been as happy with anyone as I am with you. In time I know you’ll see that. And nobody has ever taken care of Millie and I like you do.”

Jaz felt her heart positively sing as the sincerity of Victoria’s words washed over her. Her Bella really meant every word she’d so calmly and sweetly said. Jaz knew she’d been irrational and lost it.

Victoria turned and went to go back to the dishes but gasped as Jaz had her spun around and pressed against the fridge in a second. 

“You don’t get to say something that beautiful and amazing and then walk away from me Red.” Jaz said in a low, soft voice. She towered over Victoria but her face was so full of warmth and adoration.

“I was being irrational. I just lose it sometimes. I’m sorry” Jaz lamented and Victoria ran her hands up and down her lovers arms soothingly

“I love how fiery and passionate you are. I think it’s so sexy” She said with a cheeky little smile and Jaz chuckled “Oh you do, do you?”

“Uh huh!” Victoria said as she reached up to hug Jaz and Jaz lifted her off her feet, holding her close.

“Your arms are home baby. They feel like home. No one can take that from you” Victoria whispered and Jaz sighed blissfully as she heard Victoria call her baby for the first time and at her beautiful words. She was all that was beautiful, kind, loving, patient and good. As different as they were it was like Jaz was addicted to her.

“Victoria….sweetheart…. I want you” Jaz said as she pressed her back against the fridge and kissed her deeply. “I know you’re sore. We can find a way. I’ll be so gentle” she promised as she kissed Victoria’s neck and Victoria felt desire to connect with Jaz and for her lover to possess her in that incredible way she did, overwhelm her.

“I want you too….I need you inside me Jaz. Take me to bed!”

Jaz half walked half carried Victoria into the bedroom, their lips barely parting for a second and Jaz slammed the door behind them.

*********************  
Ann had been thinking on the drive back to the farm about how much it had taken for Anne to give herself to her in rope like she had done earlier that morning. The last thing she wanted to do was talk about something painful or depressing when they hadn’t been married for 24 hours yet even but she was determined to move into the brightest most wonderful future with Anne and that meant letting her in on the piece of her past that she didn’t know about. The piece that was connected to the last party Hammer had at the farm and the reason she would possibly find herself struggling at some point later that evening.

“Dude there’s something I need to tell you and the little Dude will be back soon so we don’t have a lot of time.” Ann said a little anxiously and Anne looked at her in concern. “My darling you can tell me anything”

They sat facing each other on the couch and Ann took a deep breath. “There’s something that you don’t know about me and I don’t want there to be any secrets between us. I was planning on telling people. Well you and Mama, when I came clean about what happened with James and Thomas but I was just already at breaking point and writing that letter as it was finished off any reserve I had left. So I’m sorry that I didn’t”

“It’s alright sweetheart that period was hell for you. And then you were in Bali and you just got back and so much has happened in just a few days. I understand” Anne reassured her as she squeezed Ann’s hand and was feeling rather anxious herself as she took in her sweet beautiful girl who looked so tiny and fragile in that moment.

“Hey…Little One look at me!” Anne softly commanded and Ann met her eyes “Whatever it is, you are my precious angel. You are my wife. My dream come true. And nothing could change how much I love you or how proud I am that I get to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Ann tried really hard not to start crying at the depth of Anne’s incredible support of her. “That last really awful attack at Hammer’s 18th, the one Frog told you about. There had been so many others but that one broke me. And having to go back there to that house. I just honestly wanted to die. Not because I wanted to be dead. I really didn’t, I just wanted it all to stop. And there was this one moment where I felt so overwhelmed that when I was taking my medication the night I got back, I took more than I should have. Enough to do some real damage. I just wanted to go to sleep and stay sleeping and not wake up. I was so broken and not thinking clearly”

Anne felt ill “Oh my god….Ann….baby” she gasped as tears filled her eyes.

“As soon as I’d done it I knew I’d made a mistake. I panicked and made myself throw up everything in my stomach and I called Victoria straight away. And she was so amazing. I was so scared of ending up in the traditional psych ward but she got me into this private psychiatric care facility for observation for two weeks, completely off the books with no record of me being there by calling in a favor. And I got treatment and help. I got strong. I knew I had to pull myself out of that situation. Which is why I picked that fight with James the first night I was back in the house when I got home from the facility. He attacked me, it got me away from him and I told Victoria everything and started to heal. But I didn’t know how to tell anyone what I did and I felt so weak and stupid so just didn’t. Please don’t be disappointed in me. I just didn’t know what to do” Ann’s voice broke as she finished her story and she started to cry.

‘Never….I could never be disappointed in you. Come here sweetheart” Anne said as she grasped Ann under the arms and pulled her into her lap, holding her tightly.

“I’m in awe of you. So in awe of your strength and your spirit and the way you fought. That you fought your way back and I found you. It’s alright love. You’re safe now!”

“I don’t want you worrying that I would ever do anything like that again because I wouldn’t!” Ann cried softly.

“Shhhhh I know you wouldn’t. You are the strongest bravest woman I know little Lister!”

Ann actually giggled and pulled back from Anne’s shoulder. “Little Lister….I think I kind of love that!”

“Well we’re both Mrs Ann(e) Lister, it’s an easy way to distinguish” Anne said as she smiled adoringly at her wife and wiped her tears away with the pads of her thumbs.  
“And I have never been more proud of you than I am right now. I know how much it took for you to confide that in me. Once upon a time you wouldn’t have been able to do that. The fact that you were able to open up to me means the world to me. I love you so much my Darling”

Anne kissed her eyes, nose, cheeks and chin before kissing her gently and held her close. Vowing to never take her for granted and truly grasping just how close she could have come to never having her Princess in her arms. But now they would have forever. And if it was the last thing she did Anne was going to make sure that it was full of love, joy light and happiness. The kind of life her angel deserved.

“I love you too my incredible Dude and now I just want to start our life together and move on. I know I cant guarantee that all will be smoothly for me tonight and I know PTSD never fully goes away but I am just so excited to look to my future with you and our little Dude”

They suddenly heard a bang at the back door “Mummy, Mama I’m here!”

“Speak of the little devil” Anne joked as she wiped her eyes and jumped off the couch, heading out to the back door to open it. And Jack was so excited she literally started jumping up and down

“Mama Mama I missed you!” She said as she held her little arms up and Anne picked her up, covering her little face with kisses and cuddled her as she waved to Jonno who had clearly been no match for the little Dude in her determination to get back to the cottage and she’d bolted from him.

“I missed you too my gorgeous little poppet and I know Mummy is dying to see you too” Anne said as she carried Jack into the living room.

“Mummy!!” Jack cried out and Ann ran to her and took her from Anne “Oh my beautiful babygirl I missed you so much!”

“I missed you too Mummy. But that was the bestest wedding ever!” Jack said enthusiastically and Ann’s face lift up as she and Anne shared a meaningful smile “It was wasn’t it?” She said softly and Anne nodded “It sure was. Are you alright sweetheart. Do you want me to take the little Dude?”

Ann looked at Jack who had cuddled into her contentedly and back to Anne and shook her head “No. This is real life. We’ll have big moments with kids around us all the time. And we’ll make it work because we’re a team. A family. And I couldn’t think of anything better than tackling the hard things in Team Lister with my two Dudes by my side!”

Anne went to her and wrapped her arms around both her girls and kissed Ann’s head “I have my entire world in my hands. Right here” She said in a voice thick with emotion.

They held each other for a little while and then Jack broke the silence with “Mummy my tummy is hungry for unicorn sandwiches”

“Oh is it now?” Ann asked with a chuckle. 

“Can we teach Mama how to make them?” She asked hopefully and Anne beamed.

“I would really love that! I have to warn you though I may not be very good at it but I’ll practise. Anything for my babygirl. For both my girls!”

Ann squeezed her hand “That’s okay baby we’ve got time. We’ve got all the time in the world!”

Anne kissed Ann’s hand and Jack looked at both her parents worriedly. “But my tummy doesn’t have time it needs Unicorn sandwiches now!”

Ann and Anne cracked up laughing and Anne gently pulled Ann towards the kitchen by the hand as she gave both her girls a dazzling smile. “Little lister, Mini Lister…..let’s do this!’


	37. The best Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is a little shorter than my usual updates but those mammoth ones take a long time to get done with my crazy work committments so I’m posting this part while I finish the rest.
> 
> It picks up immediately after the last one. It’s a bit of a roller coaster but there were some things that needed to be addressed in order for our leading ladies to move forward as certain issues hadnt been spoken about or dealt with until now. When I came up with this story I was determined to present the idea that unconditional love while not easy in the face of PTSD really is one of the best forms of healing for trauma and so significant in the road back and I feel this chapter reflects that in a few different dynamics.
> 
> I hope you enjoy xx

“But Dude why did you paint such a good car that kind of pink. It is such a waste!” Jack lamented as she held the tiny hammer Anne had given her so she could “help” build things for the party and Anne couldn’t stop smiling at her in her little hard hat as they erected the huge party tent. She looked so cute.

“Because babygirl Mummy loves that colour and it made her very happy. But between you and me It wouldn’t have been my first pick either!” Anne said as she kissed Jack’s little nose and then pointed to the nail in the final corner of the tent. “Okay Poppet, last one!” Anne said and Jack bent down to hit the huge nail into the ground a few times and then Anne switched out the hammers and placed Jacks little hand on top of her own, hitting it the rest of the way in. She could tell her perfect baby girl was getting sleepy because she’d been rubbing her eyes with little fists for the past half an hour

“Done!” Anne said victoriously and high-fived the little girl who grinned mischievously “Yeah cause were dudes!”

“We sure are my little darling!” Anne said adoringly and Ann who was over with Millie setting up a table called out to Jack.

“Jacky Jack, come here baby!” 

Jack groaned “Oh no she wants to put more sun scream on my face!”

Anne chuckled “Oh no, not the sun scream.”

“Kenzie! I know you can hear me……Mackenzie!” 

“But Imma pretend I can’t!” Jack whispered and Anne had to bite back a snort. She was hilarious.

“Now that’s not nice to do to Mummy sweetheart!” Anne corrected her gently.

“Mackenzie-Jane Lister!” Ann called out firmly as she approached and Jack’s eyes went wide.

“Gotta go!” And she went to race off and Anne took her little hand. “Jack wait slow sown!”

“I hear my name like that it means I gotta go!” Jack said as she ran towards Ann and Anne cracked up laughing.

Ann picked Jack up and carried her back over to Anne as she giggled. “Honestly you are your Mama’s kid that’s for sure. Absolutely incorrigible the pair of you!” Anne beamed at her beautiful wife.

“But Mama we were just being Dudes and building stuff and I don’t need anymore sun scream. I only like the one at Nanna’s house”

Ann looked at Jack in surprise. This sudden aversion to sunscreen was new. She loved the outdoors and water and had always been so good with it. It was really hot though and she wanted Jack inside anyway. The sight of Jack and Anne working side by side in their hard hats with their tools had been so very beautiful though. They’d been so happy and Ann had gotten tears in her eyes and had snapped photos of them. Hoping to draw one later.

“No baby I want you inside it’s time for a fruit and water break for little builders and for big builders to have a break. Can’t have my Dudes passing out on me!” Ann insisted and Anne kissed her forehead “We’re all done anyway my darling. Let’s go inside!”

When they got back into the blissfully cool cottage Ann already had little hearts and star shaped watermelon and rock melon in Jack’s hot wheels plate and ice cold water in her sippy cup and Anne watched in wonder as she sat their baby girl in her high chair and disinfectant wiped her hands before she encouraged her to start eating and praised her when she complied. She was such a good mother. Anne didn’t know how she’d gotten so lucky. If someone had have told her that she would be married, the head of a household, that her life would be the picture of domestic family bliss she wouldn’t have believed them. But she had never been happier.

“Dude sit, please!” Ann asked sweetly as she put out a plate of fresh fruit and a glass of water for Anne.

“My sweet beautiful girl. Thank you!” Anne said gratefully as she sat and thirstily sipped her water. And as Ann fussed over them, topping up their water and pressing a cool damp cloth to Anne’s face and neck, she realised her Princess had never been so happy either.

“You are amazing Princess. The way you look after us! We’re so lucky to have you” Anne said genuinely and felt herself turn to mush at the sweet little smile Ann gave her.

“Mummy’s beautiful!” Jack said adoringly and Anne fist bumped the little girl “She sure is Poppet!”

“Awww my precious little Dude!” Ann exclaimed as she kissed Jack’s eyes and the little girl giggled “Mummy that tickles!”

“Here babygirl let me cool down your little face a bit!” Ann said As she wiped Jack’s little face and without warning she burst into tears.

“Jack what is it baby?” Ann asked in shock and Anne instantly stood up and hovered over Jack.

“My face is still sore from the Sun Scream no more Mummy no more!” She cried, beginning to become very distressed and Anne lifted her out of her high chair and cuddled her while the little girl buried her face in Anne’s shoulder

“Shhhh it’s alright my little poppet Mama’s got you. Can you let Mummy and I have a look at your face so we can help you?”

Jack pulled her face away from Anne’s shoulder and it was then that she could see that the top of Jack’s cheeks under her eyes looked a little angry.

“Oh my poor baby you’ve had a reaction. Can you tell Mummy when this started happening?” Ann asked gently. 

“When the sun scream that lives in this house started going onto my face.” Jack replied tearfully and her sudden aversion to sunscreen made sense. And Ann felt awful because she would have used it a couple of days ago at the river and she’d been using it all that day on her.

“Baby I wont ever use that one again. Why didn’t you tell Mummy?” Ann asked her and Jack sniffled.

‘Because you are a vewy good Mummy. The bestest Mummy and you take weally good care of me. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings” Jack explained and Ann bit back tears at her sincere words and the way she dropped her ‘r’ sounds the way she often did when she was very upset.

“Oh my sweet baby girl come here!” Ann gasped as she took her from Anne and cuddled her close “You are the kindest most thoughtful little Dude in the world but you always need to tell Mummy these things alright?”

“Okay Mummy” Jack replied compliantly and Anne who had disappeared came back with a baby wipe.

“Her tears will be irritating it” she explained as she ever so gently mopped up Jack’s tears. “There we go, my beautiful brave little Poppet” Anne said in utter adoration as she dried the little girls face.

“Why don’t we take you for a lie down in the nice cool bedroom. In fact both my girls look tired!” Anne suggested as she led them to the bedroom and they piled onto their bed and cuddled up in Anne’s arms.

“You can tell your Mama and I anything. Always sweetie okay?” Ann assured Jack and she snuggled into Ann as she nodded. Ann rhythmically stroked her hair and after a little while Jack was falling asleep. Ann had tears in her eyes and as always, Anne was completely in tune with where her head had gone.

“My Darling stop that right now.” She said in a quiet but very firm authoritative tone of voice. “You are an incredible mother. You didn’t know. She didn’t tell you. It probably took a little while for her to connect the dots even as clever as she is.”

“I just feel so bad.” Ann said guiltily and Anne kissed her forehead. “Sweet baby, I know you do. But there’s no harm done. She’s fine and safe and loved. Largely thanks to the home and stability you made for her before she even got here. She’ll wake up and it will be forgotten. She doesn’t even loathe all sunscreen we just need to get some of the one Rach uses. Like she said outside!”

They both chuckled and Ann shook her head as she looked down at their stunning sleeping babygirl. ‘She’s so smart!”

‘Like her Mummy!” Anne said proudly and Ann felt a realisation settle inside her.

“I need to tell Mama about what happened after Hammer’s 19th party. I thought I was doing what Jack was doing for me, sparing her feelings. And I was planning on telling her but I suppose I wasn’t really understanding it from her perspective, the helplessness of finding out as a mother that you couldn’t help because you didn’t know until just now.” She explained and Anne looked at her in awe.

“You are so incredibly Little Lister. You’ll have my full support when you tell her sweetheart. We’ll make her understand okay? Now you had a huge day yesterday and very little sleep last night. I want you to close your eyes for me and just let me hold you. Alright?”

“Yes Dude!” Ann complied as she closed her eyes.

“That’s my girl!” Anne whispered as she kissed Ann’s forehead and Ann felt the familiar peace of Anne’s ever loving and protective daddy dominance wash over her. It had become part of their daily lives now without them even referencing it and it made her feel so safe.  
“I love you Princess. All the much!” 

“All the ways, all the time” Ann murmured back as she began to drift away.

Anne looked down at her two positively angelic little pixies and smiled. Everything that mattered in the world was in her arms right at that very moment.

***************

Jaz finished her business call and smiled softly as she headed towards the kitchen and saw Victoria baking in it. She had cookie dough on her cheek and nose and looked absolutely adorable. When she’d taken her lover to bed a while earlier to reconnect with her and make up for her irrational behaviour with Anne, what had begun frenzied in the kitchen with Victoria pressed against the fridge had become somewhat more tender as they’d lay kissing languidly and her Bella’s gentle fingers moving through her hair and dainty little hands rubbing up and down her back had soon lulled her to sleep. Her phone ringing with an important call had woken up and as her eyes had blinked open she’d had the sense that she was safe, warm….And as Jaz looked up at the little flame haired goddess who was holding her head to her breasts stroking her cheek softly, her tiny frame dwarfed by Jaz’s much larger one yet holding her so protectively, her beautiful face so unguarded. Was that love in her eyes? Could it have been?

“And what yummy goodness are you cooking up in my kitchen Red? A woman could get used to this!” Jaz said appreciatively as she came up behind Victoria and encircled her waist with her arms. “Cookies for the kids. Dark choc chip for Annie, Milk choc chip for Millie and mini m&ms for Jack. But you can have whichever ones you want” Victoria replied cheerfully and Jaz leant down to her cookie dough covered cheek “I found my cookie right here, I want this one. It’s my favourite!” and gently swiped it with the tip of her tongue before placing a tender little kiss there. Victoria let out the most darling little giggle, one Jaz decided she never wanted to stop hearing and as she dipped her fingers along the inner rim of the bowl she swatted her hand away.

“Jaaaaaaazzz” she chided. ‘Sweetie please! Jack’s a premie baby, her immune system is weaker. Hygiene. Work with me!”

‘So is Annie’s and I’ve been stealing her cookie batter from the bowl since she was big enough to reach the counter on a chair and she’s been fine!” Jaz teased.

“Jazmine Moretti honestly, you have an answer for everything don’t you?” Victoria said as she shook her head and bit back her smile.

“Oh my god, Bella this is really good! You should have some!” Jaz praised her work genuinely as she licked her finger. “Go on. Live a little. Walk on the wild side! Just scoop it with your pinky off the edge!”

Victoria couldn’t stop laughing at her antics but Jaz was then spellbound by the younger woman taking her hand and looking up at her through huge green eyes as she took her middle finger into the warmth of her mouth until she got to her first knuckle, sucking a little then slowly withdrawing her lips.

“I am in so much trouble” Jaz thought to herself as she once more fell completely at the mercy of Victoria Hobbs. Disarmed so effortlessly once again.

“Mmmm” Victoria hummed appreciatively as her eyes sparkled cheekily at Jaz and then she turned back to the cookie preparation, yelping and jumping a little as Jaz spanked her and breaking into giggles again as Jaz rubbed where her hand had landed and leaning back against her much taller lover.

“That very sexy little move of yours is making me even sorrier I fell asleep on you earlier Baby!” Jaz lamented ruefully and Victoria kissed Jaz’s arm. “I’m not sorry. I love watching you sleep!”

“Really? Why?” Jaz asked, intrigued and Victoria turned in her arms and reached up to cup her face. “Because…..Your eyelashes dance against your cheeks a little when you dream of the things you love!”

Jaz actually felt herself stripped bare in that moment from Victoria’s incredibly gorgeous and intimate observation. Far more than when they’d been naked in each others’ arms. 

“I was dreaming about you” a little voice inside her whispered. But she dared not speak it aloud.

“You are so beautiful!” Jaz whispered reverently as she took Victoria’s hand and kissed the inside her her wrist, breaking into a delighted smile as the younger woman blushed a little and avoided her gaze, the cookie dough still on her nose.

“My sweet Bella!” Jaz softly kissed her lips and then delicately brushed the dough from her nose before kissing it lightly. “Still my favourite!” She said softly. But this time the intensity and depth of affection in Jaz’s eyes stole Victoria’s breath.

“Do you wanna help?” Victoria asked sweetly as she threaded her fingers through Jaz’s and Jaz’s face lit up as she pressed her forehead to her Bella’s, thrilled that the gorgeous little psychiatrist wanted to spend time with her so much. Life with her was so very lovely. Even before they’d become a couple they spent so much time together and Jaz had never had a partner who loved just doing the little things with her.

“I would love to!”

They were interrupted by the sound of Victoria’s phone ringing and Jaz watched with interest as she picked up the phone, her smile faded and she appeared to steel herself before she answered it.

“Hello Oliver.” She said in a tense voice and Jaz knew straight away it was her ex husband. She picked up the bowl of cookie mix and started stirring it.

“She’s helping set up a party with friends and they were going down to the river to cool off. That’s probably why she’s not answering but I can answer for her in this case, she’ll be at the party tonight. She’d already made plans so you don’t need to wait around for an answer you can just head straight to your parents……Oh that was very kind of them but we’ll be having Christmas here at Annie’s family farm. Millie’s actually in the process of making herself a lovely little circle here. I’m so proud of our baby……what do you mean it “might be nice to catch up”, Oliver I maintained civility with you and your parents for Millie’s sake while she was a child but she’s older now.”

Jaz could hear the intimidation in Victoria’s voice even as she did such an amazing job and pushing through it. She then heard Oliver raise his voice at her even through the speaker.

“I’m not being difficult this is reasonable. Please listen to me. You always yell at me and I hate it.” Victoria pleaded and Jaz desperately wanted to intervene but this was giving her valuable insight into what made her Bella tick and she could see Victoria starting to lose the colour in her face and grip the counter tightly as he raised his voice even more.

“We’re not coming to Christmas at your parents because I’m making a life for myself too, with someone very special. And she’s Gorgeous, kind, intelligent, funny, warm and incredible. She makes my heart smile, she takes better care of Millie and I than you ever did and I’m very happy. This conversation is over, Goodbye!” Victoria snapped as she hung up the phone and Jaz felt her heart fill with pride at the beautiful things her lover had said about her and the way she’d stood up to that creep despite the fact that she was intimidated. Her Bella was as strong and brave as she was sweet and beautiful. But in that moment she looked quite shaken. Of that much Jaz was sure.

“I’m really sorry about that!” Victoria said as she tried to force a smile and go back to the cookies but Jaz caught her by the waist. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for baby come here!” She said as she lifted her into the kitchen bench and cupped her face. “My Piccolo Fiamma you’re shaking, are you alright?”

Victoria nodded “I’m okay…Oliver, my ex husband. His parents live about an hour past here. He has a bad temper and I don’t like it when he yells at me!”

“I don’t like it when he yells at you either and I kind of want to cut his arm off but we can talk about that later. Right now I just want to hold you” Jaz said as she gently pried Victoria’s legs apart , stepping in between them and cuddling her. “It’s alright my Bella. I’ve got you. Daddy’s here” Jaz said as she stoked Victoria’s beautiful red hair and then froze. It had just slipped out. She hadn’t meant to . Nothing like this had ever happened before.But what floored her was when Victoria simply wrapped her arms around her more tightly

“I know” she said softly and Jaz’s eyes widened and she couldn’t help but pry Victoria’s face away from her chest.

“You do?” Jaz asked, not even sure if she was breathing still she was so stunned.

“I do, I mean I sensed the dynamic. I’ve treated people in all kinds of relationship dynamics. But knowing about the logistics of it all is vastly different to living it, to feeling it with you.I don’t think I really understood it until you.” Victoria said honestly and Jaz stroked her gorgeous long red tresses.

“And what does it feel like with me” Jaz asked, her voice barely above a whisper. She was scared that Victoria didn’t get it and she was scared that she would.

Victoria looked so self-conscious all of a sudden and couldn’t make eye contact, but still she took Jaz’s hand. “It feels like you protect me, look after me and keep me safe. Like your arms are home and exactly where I’m meant to be, like nothing bad can ever happen as long as your holding me. Like you somehow know exactly where, when and how to touch me. It means you come after me even when I run, that you hold my hand under the table during hard conversations and brush my hair. That you don’t mind that I’m quieter and less extroverted than you and happy to go with the flow on a lot of decisions you make because I just love being with you. It means you feel safe enough to snuggle up to me and fall asleep so I can watch your eyelashes dance over your cheeks while you dream about the things you love because you know I’m yours. And being yours feels so right. It means I worry as a doctor that your pulse is now consistent with someone experiencing distress panic or oxygen deprivation and I can tell from your chest it’s the latter and really wish you’d just breathe. And that I worry its because I’ve said this all wrong as I don’t have experience with it and am so much less experienced than you in general. But I know you’ll help me understand better. Because you’re so patient with me”

Jaz let out the breath she was still holding and Victoria sighed in relief as Jaz’s pulse started to go back to normal. 

“That’s much better” she said gently as she picked Jaz’s hand up in both hers and kissed her wrist. “I’m sorry that I don’t know more or that I’m not better at saying….”

Jaz was overwhelmed as she fought tears and stopped Victoria by pressing her finger tips against her lips. “I wish there were words deserving enough of all that you are my stunning sweet Bella. To describe the way you understand the essence of it, the way you just said it better than anyone I’ve ever known. I was mortified I’d let it slip out at first because I wanted to give us time but hearing how much you just get it, how much you welcome and thrive in it I’m so glad it happened now. We can learn the rest together. And you just said it so beautifully!”

“Really?” Victoria asked shyly giving her an apprehensive little smile and twisting her hands before avoiding eye contact again and Jaz melted.

“Yes really! You don’t have to be so shy that you cant look at me baby. It’s adorable though!” She said adoringly as she placed little kisses on Victoria’s cheeks and eyes.

“But all I care about is you right now. What do you need baby? Your ex has just been an an aggressive jerk, I’ve just had ill timed word vomit. Tell me what you need”

Victoria absentmindedly ran her finger down the curve of Jaz’s left breast through her top and this time she did look at Jaz and she was absolutely captivated and lost in her Bella’s beautiful green eyes.

“To just snuggle into your chest for cuddles!” And even as she said it, Victoria was leaning forward into Jaz until her lover pulled her the rest of the way and held her tight. Neither of them said a word. Jaz tried valiantly to suppress her emotions and process the depth of her gratitude for the remarkable little goddess in her arms. Of course she would just quietly and gently understand the essence of her as a Daddy Dominant and what she longed to give her. Just get the most primal part of her despite the complexities of her layers. The same way she had quietly and gently slipped into her life and her heart and turned her whole world on its head.

Jaz softly rubbed circles on the back of Victoria’s neck and bent to place a lingering kiss on the side of her cheek.

“Thank you Daddy!” Victoria said in a soft, sweet voice so full of affection and Jaz wiped the tears that fell as her very soul came alive and she held her Bella even more tightly.

“You’re welcome baby!” 

When Victoria pulled away she ran her hands delicately around Jaz’s face, collecting her tears delicately with her fingertips and then leant in to kiss her gently.

‘’Mine” Jaz whispered possessively but with the softest most adoring eyes when the kiss broke  
“Yours” Victoria replied and the bright happy smile she gave Jaz was so beautiful she knew she would never ever forget that moment.

“I need to pop over to Annie’s cottage at some point shortly. Poor little Jack had a reaction to sunscreen. I’m just going to check her out and write a prescription if need be.” Victoria explained and Jaz kissed her forehead. She was such a beautiful soul. Always caring for others.

“Baby you do other kinds of medicine than psychiatry?” Jaz asked, genuinely interested and Victoria nodded “Yes, I started out in general medicine, then was a natural in paediatrics. But I saw how many kids were struggling with mental health issues and was selected for a very demanding but rewarding program to fill the holes in my degree needed to practise psychiatry and became sort of a paediatric mental health specialist. It’s how I met Chris Walker, and how I came to treat Annie. And it was less demanding than working as a paediatrician in a hospital would have been while juggling a child with special needs.”

“Why don’t you pop over there now, I’ll finish up this batch of cookies and get them in the oven and then when you get back I can try some costumes on my sexy Bella for the party tonight and you can tell me a bit more about your work. I’d love to hear about it.” Jaz suggested as she lifted Victoria back onto her feet and kissed the top of her head.

“Sounds like a plan sweetie. I’ll be back soon!” Victoria said chirpily as she lifted Jaz’s hand to her lips and kissed it before leaving the kitchen. Jaz watched her cute little ass in her tight shorts appreciatively as she walked away and sighed in contentment. This is what bliss felt like. She was sure of it.

****************  
Anne thanked the heavens once more for how incredible Victoria was. She’d managed to examine Jack without waking her or Ann, phone in a prescription and was now teaching Anne a delicate way of applying it with a cue tip and some moisturising cream before she went into town and picked it up. She’d also been listening to her unburden herself about what Ann had revealed earlier

“You’re doing really well sweetie just light strokes as its near her eye area and that way if she resists your less likely to poke her!” Victoria said as Anne practised on her own wrist.

“Thanks for listening Vicki….I’m so glad she told me but it was just so heartbreaking to hear”

“Oh Anne of course it was. You love her so much. It was never going to be easy for you to hear or for her to say it. I think that’s why she couldn’t do it at the time she revealed everything 6 weeks ago. She just wasn’t strong enough.” 

Jaz carried containers with Jack and Annie’s cookies up the cottage steps. After what had transpired between her and Victoria she just needed to be close to her sweetheart and it would give her a chance to check in with Annie and see how the strap sex went the night before.

“Vicki you love Ann so much I can’t even imagine what it was like for you to support her through an overdose that could have been a suicide attempt. I’m just so grateful you were there!”

Jaz felt the air sucked from her lungs “What?....I don’t understand….When?” She asked and Victoria’s eyes went wide as she and Ann turned to see Jaz holding the cookies. Jaz barely managed to get the cookies onto a nearby chair, her hands were shaking so furiously

“Jaz…..sweetie Annie wants to talk to you about it. If we could just wait until she wakes up” Victoria said calmly yet practically scrambled to her feet and Anne did the same.

“Well I’m not asking Annie, Victoria I’m asking you since you seem to know an awful lot about it!” Jaz snapped angrily and Victoria winced. Not “Red”, not “Bella”. “Victoria”. She was really pissed.

“I only just found out myself this afternoon Jaz when Ann told me. She wants to tell you. She was going to tell you when she woke up.” Anne tried to calm the older woman.

“I said when Victoria?” Jaz asked again, totally ignoring Anne and looking more and more furious but Victoria held her composure.

“After Ainsworth and Sutherland sexually assaulted her at Hammer’s 19th 2 years ago. Annie was almost 16. She went home and was feeling so overwhelmed by everything that she took more of her medication than she should have. Not a lot more but enough to be catastrophic if it stayed in her system given her size and frailties from her birth. There was a moment where she just wanted it all to stop. But she forced herself to purge it and she called me and I got her help.”

Jaz could feel the lump in her throat getting bigger and bigger. Finding out what Annie had been through and kept a secret had been horrific enough but after suffering in silence through horrific abuse as a teen herself she knew the pattern of shame, the need for secrecy for survival. But this. Finding out she almost lost her babygirl was so much worse.

Victoria waited for Jaz to completely lose it and even Anne thought it was coming because she put her arm around Victoria chastely but protectively. What happened was so much worse though and it destroyed Victoria.

“But she’s my child. She’s the closest thing to a little girl of my own I have ever had. She’s my baby. How could you have kept this from me?” Jaz gasped as her eyes filled with tears.

Victoria went to Jaz ‘Sweetie please understand that you weren’t her legal guardian and even though she hadn’t opened up to me yet I just knew she was being abused at home. James was evil, if I had have called you he could have had me thrown off the case and I wouldn’t have been allowed near her, he could have taken her away, he could have done anything.”

Victoria tried to cup Jaz’s face in her hand but Jaz sprang back like she’d been stabbed. ‘Don’t touch me. I can’t even look at you right now. All this time you knew and you didn’t tell me. All this time Victoria. Jesus!”

“How was I to know what we would come to mean to one another Jaz? She was supposed to tell you 6 weeks ago before you and I even admitted the way we felt but she was so worried about Rachel reading it she decided to only tell you and Anne but then she fled to Indonesia and so much has happened since she got back a week ago for all of us.” Victoria pleaded

Jaz looked at Victoria like she was staring right through her. “Just get out of my sight. I need some space.”

Victoria’s began to cry and she tried to reach for Jaz one more time but Jaz pulled away from her.

“Alright!” She said softly through her tears and quickly left the room.

“I need you to take Jack, Anne. I need some time alone with my daughter.” Jaz said in an emotionless voice.

Anne took a deep breath ‘Jaz I know that Ann is your daughter. But she is my wife. It’s my job to protect her. And I cannot leave her here with you if you’re going to lose your temper. It took so much for her to open up like she did and I will not show her that it results in being yelled at. Something we both know she fears.’

Jaz felt her heart swell with love, pride and respect for the young woman who had become her oldest daughter. She was going to be an amazing wife to her babygirl.

“I’m not going to yell at her, I just need to hold my little girl and I don’t want to upset the baby. Please Anne just take her. Take her to my house and check……”Jaz took a deep breath as all her conflicted emotions engulfed her. Hurt that Victoria hadn’t told her but understanding that what she had said was true. ‘Check that Victoria is okay.”

Anne’s heart went out to Jaz. She’d never seen her so fragile. “You really love Vicki don’t you!”

And she didn’t need to answer. The heartrending look of total exposure in Jaz’s eyes told Anne everything she needed to know.

“I’ll go get Jack now!” Anne said gently and she went into their bedroom and very carefully extracted their sleeping baby from Ann’s arms.

As she carried her out, Anne who had been expecting Jaz in full flight was stunned as the older woman wrapped an arm around her and whispered ‘Thank you baby. You’re an amazing Mama and an amazing wife to my little girl. I’m proud to have you in my family….Just go check on my girl. I can’t deal with her right now cause I’ll probably lose it and frighten her, but go check on her.”

“I will Mama. If you look after my girl” Anne tested the waters and Jaz kissed her forehead like a mother but then shook her hand like a business associate. ‘I believe we have an understanding!”

Jaz bent to ever so gently kiss Jack’s temple adoringly and whispered “Nonna’s little Piccolina” and then she headed for Ann’s bedroom. When she got there she saw Ann curled up looking every inch the little angel she was and not a day over 13 as her baby face lay expressionless while she dreamt peacefully. She slipped into bed with her and took her into her arms so very gently, the first tears falling down her cheeks as Ann curled into her the way she always had ever since she was a little girl.

“I’ll never forget the day that I first me you my beautiful, perfect babygirl” Jaz whispered through her tears as emotion so raw and visceral ripped through her that she had to will her wildly pounding heart to slow. “Your Mum and I had only just met but I was bessotted. I asked her to the club but she had no one to watch you so since it was the afternoon I said my men would whisk you through the back entrance. I was utterly entranced as you walked through my club, only the same age as Jack but even tinier than she was. You were so little. And to my amazement you climbed one of the bar stools like a monkey and you didn’t give up, you scaled it to the very top and when you finally struggled onto the seat you had such a look of accomplishment even as you struggled to catch your breath. 

I was just so in awe of your strength and perseverance. And you were the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen with your waist length blonde curls, huge blue eyes and wearing the gorgeous little pink skater dress I’d made for you because Cassie had said you were sick of wearing baby clothes just because that’s what fit you. I asked you if we could get you a drink and you asked if you could have a pink lemonade so politely and sweetly. And when I introduced myself your little face lit up and you thanked me for your dress and crawled onto the bar with your little arms outstretched and when I picked you up and held you and you cuddled me, that was it. I fell in love with you. And I became a Mama that day. And I have loved you, every day of my life since whether we’ve been near or apart. That very wise wife of yours told me the morning of your wedding that she didn’t think Cassie was meant to be the great love of my life that I found. She thinks that you were. That you and I were meant to find each other. And I think she was right.” Jaz sobbed.

“Baby I’m so sorry you were going through so much pain and I couldn’t fix it. Sutherland, Ainsworth, the assaults. Not to mention feeling so overwhelmed that you almost took your own life. I took so much pleasure ending their lives slowly but I would give anything to go back and take your pain away.”

Ann who had begun to stir the second Jaz had wrapped her up in her arms, unbeknownst to her let out a sob she had been holding in “I’m so sorry Mama. You were the best Mother, you are the best mother any girl could ever ask for. I love you so much. I was just so lost and overwhelmed and didn’t know what to do. Please don’t be disappointed in me or hate me.”

“Oh my perfect little Annie, My darling babygirl I could never, EVER be disappointed in you. It’s alright. Mama’s got you!’ Jaz assured her when she realised Ann was awake.

“I’m sorry I did it. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I pretended to be doing aerials in Paris with Harry that week when I was really in a facility being monitored and getting better. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you 6 weeks ago when I told you the rest, I just didn’t know how. You’ve always been such an amazing mother to me, even better than my own that I just didn’t know how to hurt you like that. I was so afraid you would think you hadn’t done enough when everything that has kept me going and grounded through all of this is because I’ve had you and you’ve taught me the meaning of strength and of carrying on no matter what happens. I just got so lost and I didn’t know what to do.”

“Shhhh it’s alright my babygirl. It was a big shock but I understand. You’re so beautiful and so strong” Jaz smoothed her hair back from her face and kissed her forehead ‘Mama’s so proud of you.” Jaz got control and when Ann’s cries quietened she had to ask. She needed information.

“Baby how did you get this past everyone?” she asked and Ann looked up at Jaz with huge sincere blue eyes. “Victoria called in a favour and got me into a very exclusive private facility for observation no questions asked. On the spot. And I got proper treatment for a couple of weeks and I got strong. I picked that fight with James my first night home and got myself out of that situation forever”

“I can’t believe she didn’t tell me” Jaz muttered, feeling so hurt still.

“Mama its not fair to judge her as your lover. You two are still working things out between you. This happened over two years ago when the pair of you hardly knew each other and she was just trying to keep me safe. You weren’t my legal guardian and she already loved me like a Mum by that point. It was really hard for her.” Ann reasoned and Jaz nodded, aware on some level deep inside that what both Victoria and Ann were saying made sense. “She told me that!”

“Did she tell you what James did to her?” Ann asked her with the most sorrowful regretful expression on her face and Jaz felt her blood start to race. ‘What do you mean what he did to her?”

“He didn’t let me go without a fight!” Ann said regretfully as she looked away and Jaz tipped her face back towards her. “Baby what did Sutherland do. What did that animal do to my Bella?” She demanded, her voice raising for the first time since she’d gone into the bedroom.  
“He hit her Mama. He hit her so hard that he sent her flying into the wall which she hit and fell to the ground in a crumpled lifeless heap. And she’s tiny like me. For a minute I thought she was dead because she wasn’t moving even though I kept screaming her name. But then she staggered to her feet. Her face was covered in blood from her nose, she was spitting it up because she’d bitten her tongue. And she told James that if he didn’t let her take me she would call the police and have him charged with assault. That she was a respected doctor in the community and he wouldn’t have a leg to stand on. And then she took me and drove an hour and a half with a bleeding nose, a lacerated tongue, a fractured cheek and a mild concussion. And she wouldn’t even let them look at her until she was all checked in and she knew I was okay.”

“Oh my god…Red” Jaz gasped in anguish as she realised the lengths she’d gone to protecting Ann. She knew what a hit like that sounded like, look like, felt like. And Victoria was so tiny. She would have absolutely flown into the wall so hard. It would have hurt so badly.

“I wish I had have known. I would have kept that bastard breathing even longer before I burned him alive to make him pay for what he did to my Bella as well as what he did to you.” Jaz vowed vehemently and and Ann squeezed her hand.

“I can see how much she means to you Mama and how much you mean to her. I just want to move forward with my life now and I want you to do the same and be happy. Please don’t let this drive a wedge between you and the person I believe in my very soul you are meant to spend the rest of your life with”

“Shhhh don’t you worry about Victoria and I babygirl. We’ll work it out. Yes I’m hurt but I’m understanding now that the situation is far more complex than I initially thought. I was just in shock.But she is my Bella always. What matters right now is that I got you. You’ll be safe tonight baby. I’ll have the place rigged with surveillance, I’ll have men there. And if any unpleasant memories come up I know you have that amazing wife of yours but I hope you know you’ve got your Mama too and I’ll be there watching over you.” Jaz reassured her and Ann cuddled into her. “Thank you Mama. That makes me feel so safe. I love you so much!”

Jaz held her tight “I love you too babygirl. It’s okay. Mama’s got you. Everything’s going to be alright”

**********************

Frog walked Millie back to Jaz’s house and when they got to the back steps he stopped her for a moment. “Millie, with the super hero and villains theme tonight, the lost boys and Ann and I, well we all have superhero shirts with our nicknames and capes on it. And we, but especially I wanted you to have one too.” He took a package out of his bag and as Millie opened it she discovered the a t shirt in the prettiest shade of yellow with a pink cape and in pink letters it said “Mattie”

“The lost boys don’t have girly names. And I figured Mattie is close to Matilda. And you look so pretty in yellow. But you don’t have to wear it if you don’t like it.

Millie’s face lit up as she threw her arms around Frog’s shoulders and hugged him. Inclusion was everything to her. “I love it. Thank you for including me. I want to be a lost boy with you and Annie” she said sincerely and Frog held her close. “You are a lost boy Beautiful !”

‘It’s just that….”Millie began carefully and Frog pulled back to look into her gorgeous blue eyes. “It’s just what?”

“Well….” Millie sighed and put her hand on her hip “When are you going to kiss me?”

Frog looked her up and down all long legs and sass with her hands on her hips looking impossibly gorgeous and burst out laughing. “I have wanted to kiss you from the moment I first met you. I just didn’t want to push you. I wanted to respect you.”

Millie nodded ‘Well I feel respected so you should probably hurry up!” She prompted him and Frog laughed again. “Well yes Ma’am!” He pulled Millie close ‘Come here you. You are the most awesome girl I have ever met. Don’t ever change” he urged her and Millie giggled “Don’t think there’s any chance of that!”

“I’m so pleased!” Frog whispered as he gently cupped Millie’s face and kissed her gently. When the kiss broke he softly kissed her nose and stroked his forefinger over her cheek.

“Wow” Millie said softly and Frog grinned ‘Wow is right. I’ll see you in a little while?”

“Yeah you will!” Millie said as she gave him a big smile before walking up the stairs and dusting the river grime off her before she went to enter the house.

Jaz walked back into her house and was shocked to see Victoria packing up her and Millie’s things. Her eyes were puffy and she’d clearly been crying.

“What are you doing?” Jaz asked in concern and Victoria wouldn’t even look at her. “I’m just packing up our things and we’ll be out of your way shortly. I want Millie to have tonight, to have the party but I’ll check us into one of the hotels in town.”

Jaz took her by the arm gently but securely and forced the younger woman to look at her. “There will be be no checking into hotels Red. You’re not going anywhere. I’ve had a shock and I was hurt but I want this to be your’s and Millie’s home.”

Victoria was stunned. She was so sure she was about to lose Jaz. And here she was saying she was home and calling her Red. 

“But what you said back there. At Annie’s. I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be around each other right now. And Millie will be here any minute.” Victoria said anxiously.

“And I don’t want disruption for Millie. I know that affects her and I love that kid so I’ll go to the main house but let’s just get one thing straight, this is space. This isn’t a break up. I meant what I said in the kitchen Red. You’re mine.”

Victoria’s body was stiff and Jaz could see she’d completely shut down. The same way she’d shut down in bed earlier in the morning and said ‘We’re in a fight” and had been unwilling to let Jaz hold her. “You’re mine my Bella. And later tonight I’m going to hold you in my arms and we’re going to talk about what happened.”

Jaz softly kissed the top of Victoria’s forehead just as Millie came bouncing into the kitchen and saw the bags.

“What’s going on. Are we going somewhere?” She asked and Victoria looked like a deer in headlights.

“No honey, Your Mum and I thought we might move us to the main house and base my security team out of the house for this evening but it wont be necessary. I do need to go up and meet with them though and then I can’t wait to hear all about your Date with Frog!”

Jaz put her arm around Millie and kissed her forehead and then she did the same to Victoria. “And if you need anything at all you know where to reach me!” Jaz said adamantly as she brushed a wayward strand of hair out of Victoria’s eyes and kissed her forehead once more. 

When Jaz left Millie squeezed Victoria’s hand. “Don’t be sad if you two had a fight Mum. Jaz adores you. Even when she’s cranky with you. Maybe you should let her!”

Victoria took a deep breath and willed her tears to stay at bay, wondering when her little girl got so wise. “Never mind that my clever girl. Tell me all about your day!”

“Well…..” Millie began excitedly.

************************  
Anne walked back into the cottage after getting a message from Jaz that she was leaving Ann’s. Anne found her gorgeous wife in the bathroom wrapped in a robe, clearly about to shower.Her beautiful face looked a little red and puffy but she was otherwise, gorgeous as always.

“Where’s Jack?” Ann asked and Anne chuckled ‘At the main house which is where the cakes and pastries Marion and Brian had with them were headed when we were on our way back!”

‘Fair enough” Ann said with a little chuckle but the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Good talk with Mama?” Anne enquired tentatively and Ann nodded “Hard but good. Do you think…..Um….could you please hold me?” Ann asked softly.

Anne had Ann in her arms in an instant. “It’s alright My darling. I’m here. I’m so very proud of you, of the way you’ve opened up today. Of how far you’ve come. We’re going to have such an amazing life together all because you’re so strong and you’ve grown so much.”

“Thank you for everything, for supporting me. For sticking up for me. Mama told me how amazing you were. That you went head to head with her. I know that isnt easy when she can be scary and she’s like your Mum too now” Ann said gratefully and Anne stroked her hair.

“Always Princess. You are my wife, my world. I will always defend you against anything and anyone. Come here” Anne said as she quickly stripped off and then slid Ann’s robe off her shoulders.

She led Ann into the shower and turned it on and then pulled her under the warm spray, just holding her close as it saturated them both and when she tipped Ann’s face up to kiss her, Anne felt her legs turn to jelly when Ann moaned softly and whispered “Daddy I need you…I just need to be with you.Make it all go away!”

“I will baby, I promise….” Anne assured her as she kissed Ann’s neck and her centre pulsed with need at her exquisite princess’s blatant and instigated submission. She lifted Ann up and pressed her against the shower wall, attaching her mouth to her nipple and sucking hungrily as she rolled the other between her finger and thumb.

“Daddy”…..: Ann moaned and Anne smiled against her breast. “That’s right…..that’s my little Princess. Are you wet for me?”

Anne’s hand trailed between her legs and brushed against her entrance, her eyes darkening into almost black pools of lust when she was met with glistening wetness.

“Oh you’re so wet. My sweet beautiful girl.” Anne cupped Ann’s face so gently and looked at her with so much concern she felt she might cry. “Are you sore from last night and this morning? Tell Daddy the truth.” Anne commanded in that authoritative tone Ann knew to answer.

“A little…..I’m sorry…” Ann said self consciously and Anne shook her head ‘Shhhhh no sorries Little One. I just need to know so that I don’t hurt you. You’re so beautiful, so perfect, every inch of you. Especially this….” Anne said as she brought her hand down to cup her sex delicately. ‘Because it’s mine isn’t it?”

“Yes Daddy!” Ann said with huge blue sincere eyes as she pressed into Anne’s hand and Anne could have come right there on the spot.

“Good girl!” Anne whispered as she carefully put Ann on her feet and turned her around to face the wall. ‘Lean against the wall for me Princess and open your legs for me!” Anne commanded, knowing this would probably be the most comfortable position for penetration if she was sore Ann bent over slightly and pressed her elbows against the cool tiles and widened her stance.

Anne traced the curve in her spine with her tongue as she reached around to caress her breast. “That’s it, you’re such a good girl for Daddy. You follow my instructions so beautifully”

Anne brought a single finger to Ann’s entrance from behind and entered her, making Ann gasp at the goodness of it.

“Is this hurting you baby?” Anne asked gently and Ann shook her head “No it’s good. It’s so good. I need you Daddy, please fuck me.”

That was it. Hearing those words come from her sweet beautiful girl’s mouth unleashed the lust filled demanding Daddy that Anne was trying to suppress so as not to frightened Ann and she growled as she grasped Ann around the waist and began fucking her long and deep from behind.  
Anne gasped as Ann began meeting her rhythm and pushing back against her hand as she thrust into her

“My. Perfect. Fucking.Little. Angel” Anne gasped, punctuating each of her words with a thrust.

‘More Daddy, please” Ann pleaded.

‘Can you take another finger for Daddy?” Anne growled in her ear as she bit her ear lobe and Ann felt she might pass out. ‘Yes!” She almost sobbed with need and Anne added another finger as she slipped her other hand down between Ann’s legs and began swirling her fingers around her clit.

Ann cried out and Anne felt every inch of her come alive ‘That’s it Little One, good girl, let me hear you. You’re going to come so hard for me aren’t you?”

Ann could only nod helplessly as she leant limply against the shower wall.

“You’re so beautiful sweetheart, you take me so well!” Anne praised her as she felt the tell tale flutter around her fingers and picked up the pace until Ann screamed louder than Anne had ever heard her and convulsed violently around her hand, her entire body shaking.

‘There you go, that’s it Princess, come for Daddy” Anne cooed as she gently drew out her orgasm. When the last of her shudders faded away Ann slumped against the wall.

“I love you” she whispered hoarsely as she tried to catch her breath and Anne swept her up into her arms and just stood holding her as Ann curled into her chest and wrapped her arms around her neck.

“Sweet baby…I love you too. So much. You don’t know what it means to me. The way you give yourself to me so completely. You are utterly exquisite.”

Ann sat cradled contentedly in Ann’s arms and then after a little while she wriggled out of Anne’s arms and before Anne could register what had happened her little love had dropped to her knees and was parting her folds hungrily with her tongue.

“Oh Fuck……Princess” Anne gasped as Ann licked and sucked at her pulsating flesh like she was starving. She was already so close just from watching and feeling Ann submit to her.

Ann pushed her back against the shower wall and began fucking her slowly as she traced circles around Anne’s clit with the tip of her tongue.

“So good baby” Anne moaned ‘I’m so close….”

Ann could feel the muscle along Anne’s inner thigh quivering against her cheek and she increased her pace, sucking her throbbing clit relentlessly as she fucked her hard and fast with 3 fingers and Anne’s climax hit her so hard her scream strangled in her throat and came out almost soundless.It seemed to be endless and Ann rode it out with her until she stopped trembling and then she tugged on Anne’s arm wordlessly, pulling her down to sit against the shower wall and promptly curled up in her lap.

“All the much!” She whispered with a contented smile and Anne wrapped her arms around her incredible wife protectively and kissed her forehead. ‘All the ways….All the time” she replied. They just sat under the steady stream of water, connected, one, closer than they had ever been and relishing the opportunity to just breathe together. They’d turned a corner and they both knew it. One that would lead them into a bright and happy life together. Living and loving, their own way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up- The party


	38. Dancing in a Zebra crossing with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one goes out to another amazing Mama just as fierce as Jaz who is doing an amazing job (Even though she doesnt always give herself the credit she deserves) She’s my bear and my pink haired bitch lmao. I love her all the much And it was her who inspired the last scene in this when she was dancing in a zebra crossing one night and making me smile.
> 
> And I’d also like to dedicate it to someone wonderful who knows that ‘nobody puts baby in the corner’ (And has experienced what happens first hand when I’m told I can’t dance) And the rest of the amazing LAR (Loose Aussie Reprobates) from shibden after dark. I can’t wait till the borders open and we can sit brown paper bagging it in the gutter together<3 ‘Straylia mate!’ I love them all the much too 💜#alltheways #allthetime
> 
> I’m really happy with this chapter. If you’re still reading this story I hope you enjoy it too.
> 
> Song used- Smile by Unkle Cracker. Acoustic Version.

Anne stood behind Rachel gently massaging her sore shoulder in the lounge room of the main house. “Oh goodness Anne you have magic fingers sweetheart that feels heavenly.”

“She sure does!” Ann said cheekily and Anne’s jaw dropped at her brazenness as Jaz who was blow drying her hair for her cracked up laughing and Rachel looked horrified ‘Annalise!”

“What Nanna? I’m a married woman now!” Ann said assertively and Jaz kissed her head. ‘That’s Mama’s girl!”

‘You’re a hoe. I love it!’ Millie mused in a dead pan tone of voice which made Jaz crack up once more as she reached her hand down and Millie low fived her.

Anne’s eyes met Ann’s and she mouthed the words “You are so sexy!” And she smiled in delight when Ann blushed a little and avoided her gaze. She would never get over the dichotomy of her shy little sex bomb princess. It was such a turn on.

“Yeah but Mummy remember what Uncle Harry says, keep it bros before hoes!” Jack offered.

“Oh my goodness!” Rachel gasped as Jaz and Anne cracked up laughing and Millie and Ann tried desperately not to.

“Jack I shouldn’t have said that word okay. And don’t listen to what Uncle Harry says. He’s naughty” Millie explained and Jack beamed up at Millie, hanging onto her every word. “Okay Auntie Millie”

Jaz beamed at Millie with Jack. Those two were instant best friends it was plain to see. They absolutely adored one another. Millie was the perfect wing man to Jack’s straight talking honest disposition and both girls were still very sweet natured.

“Okay chicken almost done. I’m just going to put your medicine under your other eye and then we do your hair sparkles.”

“I will be so sparkly!” Jack said excitedly and Millie laughed as she very carefully applied cream under her eye “The sparkliest!”

“Okay Miss married woman. You’re done. Next!” Jaz said as she fluffed out Ann’s expertly blow dried hair and finished it off with some hair spray.

Anne smiled at her adoringly. She looked positively angelic in her pastel pink T shirt and lilac cape that said ‘Dubsy” in lilac glittery letters, little lilac fitted short shorts and pastel pink converse. It was such an adorable look on her.

Millie jumped in the chair and Jaz began applying her makeup as Ann started doing Jack’s hair into two high pigtails.

“Oh you look so much like your Mama!” Jaz said appreciatively as she applied a light, luminous foundation to Millie’s beautiful face.

“Millie sweetheart there’s still plenty of pastries left, why don’t you take some to your Mum so she has something substantial in her tummy before the party!” Rachel suggested.

‘Oh thanks Rachel but she wont eat it!” Millie explained.

“Victoria is mildly gluten intolerant, so she’s not coeliac but she has to be careful about how much she consumes in a day!” Ann said as she did Jack’s hair.

“Yeah and Jaz made us the most amazing breakfast this morning and she had pancakes and pastry and bread already so she won’t have anything else.” Millie offered.

‘No she isn’t!” Anne disagreed, looking bewildered. “I used to get us Italian take out all the time, and I’d bring home canapés from my company parties. She’d eat them.” 

“And remember how she used to get those unexplained upset stomachs and would feel really sluggish and have sudden weight loss to the point where she didn’t look healthy? She was diagnosed with a gluten intolerance a couple of years ago because of those episodes” Millie prompted Anne and Anne cast her mind back. She did remember a few occasions like that. She’d just always been wrapped up in herself at that time.

‘But I was still taking you girls to dinner once a month before I got with Ann and we all started spending time as a group. And we always go to Italian”

“Because she knows its my favourite. But what does she always order? Chicken, Steak, Protein and then a pastry based dessert. Or sometimes a little bit of pasta even and fills up with salad. She never overdoes it” Millie said gently and Anne felt like a jerk.

“I can’t believe I didn’t know this. She didn’t tell me. But then I guess I never asked.” Anne said sadly and Millie looked at her sympathetically. “Anne don’t feel bad. You’ve always been so good to us. I’m just saying it will be a hard no on the pastries because of what she’s already had today. But tomorrow is a new day.”

Jaz felt awful too. She’d had no idea Victoria was gluten intolerant and she’d made a breakfast full of wheat.

She finished off Millie’s face with perfectly applied winged eyeliner, blush and mascara before applying a pretty pink lip to compliment the pink and yellow in her ‘Mattie” shirt and cape.

“Okay you little stunner. You’re done!” 

“Thank you Jaz!” Millie said gratefully as she stood and hugged Jaz.

“You’re so welcome baby!” Jaz said happily as she squeezed her tight.

“”Okay little Dude!sparkles in the bathroom, over the sink” Ann said as she stood and Millie swung Jack onto her hip “Yay!” Jack exclaimed as she clapped her little hands.

When the girls were gone Rachel sighed. “She’s been staying in my home as my guest. I can’t believe I didn’t know she was gluten intolerant.”

“She’s my lover Rach and I didn’t know she was gluten intolerant.I served her up a gluten buffet for breakfast” Jaz chided herself more than anyone.

“I was with her for a year. And I really loved her, as much as I was capable of loving anyone at the time. I still do. She will always be my closest friend. I was just so wrapped up in my pain and so much of our relationship was about her helping me get past it and heal. I should have paid more attention. I thought it was just tummy bugs or something. She pushed herself so hard. At starting her practise, for Millie, for me. For everyone around her. And she’s tiny like Ann. She didn’t always eat the average amount of food. if she did get sick I thought she was run down. The only reason I’m even here, the whole person that I am, being a mother and a wife with the great love of my life is because she didn’t give up on me” Anne said with so much regret that Jaz’s heart went out to her.

“She knows you loved her kiddo. She’s told me. She knows she can count on you. We’re all guilty in this. That woman has been healing this family for years and we’ve been so busy clinging onto all her amazing advice about how we can be our best selves we haven’t made enough room for her to open up about herself.” Jaz surmised very astutely and Rachel nodded. “You’re right! She is just the most gorgeous, loveliest young woman. It’s time we did better. Starting with making sure she has something she can eat. I’ll be in the kitchen. And Jaz I don’t know what has happened between the two of you for her to be down there by herself but apart from Annie, that girl is the best thing to ever happen to you. Don’t screw it up!” Her tone was stern but as she left she put her arm around Jaz and gave her a little squeeze. ‘You deserve this chance my dearest friend!”

Ann came out with Jack on her hip in gorgeous long curly pigtails with red glitter scattered through the crown of her head.

“Look Mama I’m so sparkly!” Jaz announced and Ann laughed ‘She’d probably eat glitter if we let her. Ready to go Dude? The rest of our stuff is at the cottage.”

Jaz gave Anne a pleading maternal look that wordlessly emoted ‘It’s okay, we’ll fix it. Be happy!” and Anne beamed as she took their little girl from Ann. “You sure are Poppet. You look so awesome. Let’s get my two gorgeous girls back to our house and finished up so we can party!”

“So beautiful my love!” Anne said adoringly as she looked Ann up and down and gently kissed her nose while she giggled. “Come on lets go!”

Millie walked out of the bathroom and Jaz gestured to the lounge chair “Have a seat Honey!” She said in a motherly manner and Millie happily sat beside her.

“You like Frog don’t you!” she said knowingly and Millie nodded “I do. So please don’t break his legs Jaz!”

Jaz roared laughing. “I won’t baby I promise. I can see he makes you happy and he’s a really good kid. One of the best kids I know.”

Mille snuggled into Jaz as she put her arm around her. “Honey I’m trying to gain a better understanding of what makes your mother tick, specifically what her marriage might have been like. I know Oliver is your Dad and that Victoria is your world. And I would never want to put you in a position where you felt you were betraying your mother so you don’t have to answer me if you’re uncomfortable….”

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know about their marriage if it means she gets the love she deserves. I don’t care if its hard and she’s pissed. She’s spent her whole life doing hard things so my life would be easier. I’ll tell you anything you want to know because I know how much you love her.” Millie said vehmently and Jaz looked at her with so much awed respect and pride “You are so amazing Matilda Hobbs do you know that? What makes you so sure I love your mother?”

“Because I have eyes mate. Duh!” she said so sassily that Jaz looked at her in stunned amusement especially when Millie continued ‘And threatening to break my legs isnt going to keep me in line like it does with Lister, I’m autistic Jaz, I’m uncomfortable in my own body every day of my life. That shit doesn’t scare me” She said matter of factly.

Jaz’s face lit up ‘I’m not going to threaten to break your legs baby. But I am going to love having you as my middle child. The only way to describe having a little girl as incredible as you is as an absolute gift. One that I’ll cherish.”

“My Dad certainly never saw it that way” Millie said as she looked down and Jaz stroked her hair. “What do you mean baby?”

Millie shrugged ‘You didn’t know me before. I’m only this adjusted because I had all the right doctors, therapy, treatment and the best mother in the whole world who devoted her whole life to making sure I had everything I needed. But my dad never accepted my special needs and he used to take it all out on my mum. He’d yell at her all the time. Tell her it was her fault I turned out like this. That she was a useless wife, A useless mother, A useless….you know…like sex stuff. He would constantly cheat on her and she never left him because routine and consistency was so important to me. But when they’d fight she learned to just back right away, and say nothing. Not try to talk to him or defend herself. Not try to approach and fix it like she would have once upon a time. It was just easier I think. 

It took less out of her. She learned that even if she was totally overwhelmed with everything she was dealing with and needed support, if she made the mistake of asking while he was still angry with her, he just lashed out at her. And then she tried to leave him but he would throw these massive tantrums that would set me off because I couldn’t handle the noise and chaos. He knew exactly what he was doing. He needed her. You see she was the brains and the words behind half the medical papers he had published. And then he made the mistake of getting the daughter of a very infuential medical professional pregnant and he had to leave her. At least in the interim. And we were so much happier without him and by the time he tried to come back because Mum was more useful to him than my stepmother who is a total skank, she was rebuilding her life. She’d met Anne and Anne helped her get what she was entitled to in the settlement. And she wouldn’t take him back. I spent a few days with him this past week because he seemed to want it so much. I guess part of me still needed his acceptance. But it turns out he’s disgraced himself again and was just hoping to get my mother back, to lift his reputation because she’s so respected and wanted me to help him. I didn’t make a big deal of it or anything, there was no defining moment but I won’t be going back again.”

Jaz was absolutely seething as Millie described the horrific emotional abuse Victoria had suffered for so many years. No wonder she felt she had to completely withdraw and retreat when ‘They were in a fight”. It’s the state she felt safest in. Victoria was so kind, sweet and loving. Thinking of her enduring that kind of life broke her heart. But she forced herself to stay calm for Millie’s sake

“That’s a big call and not an easy one to make. Walking away from one of your parents!” Jaz said sympathetically and Millie shrugged. “I don’t know. I kind of felt like I still have two parents. And in Walking away from one who wasn’t good for me, I’m walking towards the one who is.” Millie looked up at Jaz shyly, looking so much like her mother and and Jaz absolutely melted at what Millie had revealed.

“Oh sweetheart. Come here!” Jaz said as she wrapped her arms around Millie. ‘You have made me so happy. I meant what I said. I’m so proud that you’re one of my girls. And your father is a stupid, selfish man who has no idea what he’s missing by not appreciating the strong, loyal, smart, intelligent loving, incredible young woman you are. But I won’t ever make that mistake.” Jaz pulled back to look at Millie and see the young woman’s eyes full of tears.

“Alright?” she asked and Millie nodded.

‘It’s alright baby!” Jaz said as she held Millie tight and stroked her hair. “You and your Mum are my girls now. And your life is going to be very different. I promise you! You’re so beautiful and wonderful. I’m lucky you’re my kid. And you’re going to have the best time tonight. And I’ll be right there if you need anything at all. Thank you for trusting me with all that. I can take better care of your Mum now that I understand things more clearly.”

And she would. She would show Victoria the patience, love and understanding she had always shown all of them without ever asking for anything in return.

“You’re so beautiful my darling I’m loving this simpler look on you!” Anne said sincerely and Ann looked down at her more casual than usual party attire and smiled happily. “I was a bride yesterday. I’ve done my dressing up and it’s hot. I just want to party with my babygirl and my hot handsome wife. It’s not every day you marry Batman you know!” 

Anne chuckled as she kissed Ann’s forehead ‘About that Beauty, it’s just that these sneakers are so yellow and I know the shorts are black and so is most of the shirt but the cape is also very very yellow. It’s very bright. You know I could wear my AL lost boys t shirt and just match you. And its black and dark silver”

Ann laughed. “I know its bright baby, but I promise there is method to my madness. Just give it one minute and if you still want to change. You can!”

Anne looked on curiously as Ann disappeared back into Jack’s room and then came back out again.

“Okay baby we’re ready for you!” Ann said excitedly and Jack ran out and jumped in front of Anne “Look Mama! I’m Robin. I’m gonna be Dudes and match with you!”

“Oh my god” Anne said in delight as her eyes widened at Jack’s little Robin outfit that was identical to hers in the traditional red and green colours. With her long thick curly pigtails and sparkles. She was the tiniest most beautiful little superhero Anne had ever laid eyes on.

“Still want to change Dude?” Ann asked knowingly as she watched the look of utter adoration on Anne’s face.

“Not for anything in the world!” Anne said vehemently as she bent down and picked up Jack. “My beautiful little poppet. I think you might be the most gorgeous, sparkliest little superhero there ever was!” Anne cooed as she placed little kisses on Jack’s cheeks.

“My superpower is that I can make anyone at parties get me lollies. True story!” Jack mused and Ann shook her head at how incorrigible her daughter was as she tried not to laugh and Anne nodded seriously. “Seems legit!” 

“Okay you two! Smile!” Ann said as she snapped some picks of her Batman and Robin in the middle and then jumped in the shot and handed the phone to Anne as she was the tallest to take some selfies of them.

“Silly face!” Ann said as they all poked their tongues out cheekily and when Ann put her phone in her pocket, Anne put her arm around her and whispered. “Thank you my incredible Pixie Princess!”She very delicately kissed the side of her temple. “For this!” She gestured between the matching outfits. For you. For Jack. For everything. My life began the day I met you!” she said in a slightly quivering voice and Ann blinked tears back. “Duuuuude” she said in the softest voice, so touched by Anne’s beautiful words and Jack looked between her mothers. “Don’t be sad Mummy and Mama. I can make people get you lollies too. I’m really good at it”

Anne and Ann cracked up laughing at their hilarious little girl. “Oh I don’t doubt that for a second Little Dude” Ann said as she tugged softly on one of her pigtails. She had the stable little family she had always longed for, but so did Jack and Anne. It was hard not to be joyous.

The party was in full swing and Anne kept an eye on Jack kicking a ball around with the lost boys and some other kids from town as she sat on a lounger chair with Ann between her legs and they chatted to Hammer and his girlfriend Sarah. Ann was right, Sarah was a great girl. 22, gorgeous, straight talking and a very talented graphic artist. Anne was already making a note to get her working for Shibden. Hammer and Sarah left to go have a drink with her parents and Anne whispered in her ear. ‘How is my sweet beautiful girl doing?”

“I’m good” Ann said as she snuggled back into Anne’s chest feeling the warmth of the steady alcohol buzz she’d kept going and her wife’s loving embrace.

“You’d tell me if you weren’t though, right?” Anne prompted her and Ann pressed her check against Anne’s “Yes baby!”

“Ah Miss Walker. I heard you were involved with Ms Lister. Such a waste!” A voice interrupted them and Anne glared up at Oliver Hobbs. ‘What are you doing here Oliver? You weren’t invited!”

“I’m just dropping off a gift for my daughter since apparently I wont be seeing her for Christmas!” Oliver said bitterly then turned back to Ann.

“From the time I first met you, you seemed like such a nice little girl Miss Walker. Full of potential. It’s such a shame you got caught up with this playboy whore disaster and are throwing your life away.” Oliver said condescendingly.

Anne was about to fire up but Ann was up off the lounge in a second. “How dare you. That is my wife, the other mother of my child and the best thing to ever happen to me. She is the kindest, most wonderful, loving and supportive partner to me and I am lucky to have her. The only reason I’m not kicking you off my property right now is because you’re Millie’s Dad and like you said it’s christmas but while you’re here you WILL respect my wife. Now go give Millie her present and carry on the pretence that it could make up for what a lousy father you’ve been to her all these years then get the fuck off my land. Oh and it’s Mrs Lister, thank you very much!”

Anne’s eyes widened in stunned admiration for her fiery, sexy as hell little Princess who was defending her with everything she had.

‘Well, I see you’ve rubbed off on her already” A shocked Oliver stammered at Anne as he walked further into the party.

“Argh can you believe that Jerk? How dare he just come in here and say those awful things about you and…” Ann was cut off as Anne stood and swept her into a searing kiss. When it broke they were both breathless.

“That was so sexy!” Anne gasped proudly.

“Dude I’m serious!” Ann whined as Anne kissed her neck.

“So am I my darling….so sexy….I want you!” She said and Ann pulled back to see the lust in her eyes and felt her centre start to tingle.

‘There’s a tree house….through there” Ann said as she pointed to a clearing through the trees and Anne’s pulse quickened. “Show me baby!” She commanded as she held out her hand and Ann took it as they slipped into the dense trees and shrubbery and hidden from view, Anne was amazed to see a pink treehouse. Clearly it was Ann’s. She’d never seen it before. She lifted Ann up unto the third rung of the ladder and climbed it behind her with her hand firmly on Ann’s tight little ass. When they were inside the treehouse Anne went to a tub of linen in the corner and took out a large throw rug, laying it out on the floor and sitting on it with her back against the treehouse wall.

“Come here my love” Anne said as she held out her hand and Ann crawled over to Anne who had rid her of her shorts and panties almost instantaneously and had her thumb circling Ann’s clit as she moaned.

“You were so incredible out there, so full of fire. It was so. Fucking. Hot” Anne said as she pulled Ann to straddle her up on her knees slightly and feeling her young wife’s arousal coating her finger tip she slipped her finger inside her and used her other strong arm that was wrapped around her waist to support her as she fucked her. 

“Oh Dude!” Ann gasped as she wrapped her arms around Anne’s neck.

“Good girl, hold onto me, I’ve got you….you made me so proud. Being such a bad ass little boss. But who is the boss now” Anne said wickedly.

“You are Daddy!’ Ann said sweetly and Anne felt wetness seep into her boxers. Could she be anymore of a perfect heavenly little angel.

“That’s right. I am the boss, but you know what I want right now? I want to see you taking no prisoners just like you did out there. Show Daddy how to fuck you, show me how you want it.”

Ann felt lightheaded at the sensation of Anne’s middle finger moving inside her and her decadent words and Anne smiled wickedly as she was rewarded with a flood of wetness. Her Princess got so turned on by being dominated. She was her dream come true.

“That’s it….that’s my beautiful Princess, good girl” Anne cooed in approval as Ann began to move up and down, riding her for the very first time. She couldn’t believe it. Ann was so hot, her hips moved so fluidly and beautifully over her hand. She was the most naturally sensual little goddess Anne had ever seen.

“Ride me baby….that’s my girl!” Anne said in approval as Ann began to meet each thrust with her hips and they built a rhythm. Anne kissed Ann along the side of her neck passionately and as she thrust up into her particularly deeply Ann stiffened and flinched and Anne immediately withdrew her finger ‘Too much Little One?” She asked gently and Ann nodded “Um….Yes….I don’t want to stop, its just new and….”

“Shhhhh. Sweet baby you’re doing so well. You take me so well!” Anne reassured her as she switched out her fingers from her middle finger to her smaller forefinger and took more control of Ann’s hips as she thrust up into her more shallowly. ‘How’s that?” She asked attentively and she could tell straight away by the flush that broke out across Ann’s gorgeous face and the goosebumps on her thighs that it was just right.

“Good…..its really good…..so good” Ann moaned in appreciation as she rocked back and forth on Anne’s hand. “You’re so good..so beautiful, so sweet, so open to exploring sexually. Such a good girl for me. Thank you for telling me it was too much Little One. Now I’ll be able to make you come so hard” Anne said in that low, dominant tone of voice that drove Anne crazy as she fucked her a little faster, brushing her clit with her thumb as she did and causing the younger woman to cry out.

“Daddy please….I need you….fuck me” Ann pleaded and Anne grit her teeth and showed almost super human restraint as she moved a little faster, reluctant to hurt her and brushed her clit more forcefully.

“More…….of that…please….” Ann gasped and Anne pressed into her clit a little more roughly. ‘That’s it, tell me what you want Princess, you make me so proud!”

‘Harder Daddy” Ann begged and Anne began to fuck her harder as her thighs quivered and without warning she screamed and started coming all over Anne’s hand. It took the both by surprise and Ann clung to her.

‘It’s alright Little One I’ve got you, come for me. That’s my girl, I’ve got you. Your mine aren’t you?” Anne cooed as she drew out her orgasm and Ann could only nod helplessly, her face a wash of pleasure.

“Yeah you are, my perfect Princess. My precious little angel always.”

When Ann went limp against her Ann removed her hand and repositioned Ann so she was curled up in her lap.

“You were amazing. You did so well. I love you so much sweetheart” Anne whispered as she rocked Ann in her arms and placed little kisses on her forehead.

‘All the much’ Ann said softly as she curled into Anne even further and Anne tightened her grip around her. She loved the way Ann snuggled into her and sought refuge in her after she came. The need she had to connect and cuddle with her that way. It made her feel so strong and dominant and so blessed to be able to nurture and protect her that way. She hoped that as Ann grew sexually she never grew out of that.

“Dude” Ann said softly once they’d cuddled for a little while ‘I want you!” She moved to straddle Anne again, undoing her shorts and Anne lifted her hips so Ann could pull her shorts and boxers down around her knees.

The sight of Ann straddling her once more but leaning over her on all fours to kiss her before moving her finger down to her clit to swirl aggressively over her clit was enough to make her come alone.

“Oh Fuck…Don’t stop baby so good! I’m close” Anne moaned as she ground into Ann’s fingers and Ann didn’t disappoint as she played her clit like her violin and bit and nipped at her ear in the way she knew drove her insane and then she whispered. “You made me come so hard Daddy, I think I was made to have you inside me, I want you to fuck me forever!” 

‘Jesus Princess!” Anne gasped and that was it, she completely came apart on Ann’s words, shuddering as her orgasm ripped through her. When it ended Anne cupped Ann’s face and gazed at her reverently ‘My exquisite, kinky little angel! You are my life”

Ann kissed her softly and gave her a dazzling, cheeky smile. “And you’re mine!”

************

Jaz hadn’t seen Victoria and had decided she was going to head across to her house and have a much needed heart to heart with her. She hated the idea of her being there all alone. If she couldn’t convince her to join the party she’d stay there with her. Epic make up sex sounded like a better idea anyway. She was walking towards her house when she saw Harry dancing and smiled. He was such a talented kid and he had an absolutely gorgeous little brunette with him dressed as poison Ivy. And she was amazing. Her technique was just about flawless except for her turns on her left foot being a little shaky but everyone had a stronger turning foot. She saw Rachel watching the same thing with an enraptured smile and went and stood next to her. “Is the little brunette poison Ivy yours honey? Good work! Gorgeous little dancer.Stunning lines, tight turns for the mostly part, graceful leaps, strong but graceful limbs. It’s funny I’m so used to watching Harry dance with Annie but that little one seems to not only have a really strong ballet and jazz technique base but there’s an extra layer of polish there. A maturity. Is she a little older than our little girl?”

Rachel smiled knowingly at Victoria “It’s a rarity but I agree with just about everything you just said. She’s a lot older than our little girl though. Because she’s your girl!”

Jaz looked at Rachel in confusion and Rachel gently pulled her arm “Move out of the path of those blue fairy lights.” And as Jaz moved she was stunned to see the little brunette was in fact a little red head, but more specifically, her little red head.

‘Oh my god!” Jaz exclaimed in amazement. And pride.

“A gorgeous little dancer indeed! I bet she’d look incredible sweeping across the floor in the arms of another gorgeous dancer I know who is a little older and a lot taller but lovely to watch none the less!”

Jaz chuckled and put her arm around Rachel “Love you Rach!” She said as she kissed the top of her head and moved towards the dance floor.

‘Excuse me Jaz…” she heard an anxious little voice behind her and turned to see a clearly shaken Millie.

“Millie what is it baby?” She said, instantly concerned as she took the teenagers hands in her own. ‘Um my Dad came to the party, I didn’t know he was coming he just did. He said he wanted to give me a present and he started saying nasty things about Annie marrying Anne so I told him to leave and then he started saying that he and mum and I are meant to be a family again. But I told him that’s not what I want or what Mum wants and that we want to be a family with you and he got angry at me and yelling at me and now Frog is looking for me and will think I’m a lunatic but this party is loud and the lights are bright and my Dad was yelling so much. So much noise. Too much!” Millie said becoming more agitated and Jaz pulled her into her arms. “Shhhh okay baby, it’s alright, Mama’s got you.”

Jaz seethed at the nerve of Oliver Hobbs to come there and upset Millie the way that he had. She looked down and saw that Victoria was still on the dance floor but she was now dancing with Frog. At least she knew where she was and Frog was also neutralised for the time being.

‘Okay my darling, now Frog is busy dancing with your Mum for the moment so that’s not an issue right now. And even if he wasn’t that boy is so besotted with you that it wouldn’t even matter. But I just want you to take nice deep breaths for me okay.” She said as she softly stroked Millie’s hair.

“Okay!” Millie said, sounding calmer already.

“Good honey, now where did your Dad go?” Jaz asked calmly.

“He stormed off, probably to his parents house but he said he’d be back! I don’t want him to come back! I don’t want him in my life!”

Jaz gently pried Millie’s face from her shoulder “Then you don’t have to see him my love” she said with a bright reassuring smile. 

Spying her most gentle and reassuring but incredibly diabolical “Nephew” patrolling not far from them she gestured for him to approach and said to Millie “Now sweetheart, you know my nephew Vinny don’t you? I’ve sent him out with you and Annie before!”

Millie nodded and Vincent gave her a friendly smile ‘Hey Miss Millie. You look very pretty tonight if I may say so!”

‘Thank you” Millie said shyly.

“Vinny, Millie is struggling with the noise, take her over to that bar over there away from the speakers and lights and get her a glass of champagne, not too cold but not warm either. As you know, her mother is my Belissima Principessa now. Get to know your new little cousin better and I’ll be over to check on you both in a moment!”

“Thank you Jaz” Millie said gratefully and Jaz cupped her face “You’re so welcome baby. I’m going to check your Dad is really gone and check in with your Mum. I’m so sorry he yelled at you but it wont be happening again on my watch. Thank you for coming to me!” Jaz kissed her forehead. It meant so much that Millie had run straight to her for help and protection. And she wasn’t going to let her down. That kid and Victoria for that matter were going to learn what a real head of a household looked like.

“Jaz…You can break his leg if you want to!” Millie said resentfully and Jaz bit back a smile. “A leg is a big break and you’re upset right now baby, I don’t know if I can do a leg without clearing it with your Mum first. Just in case you feel differently later. I could probably do a finger though?”

Millie nodded. “Kay. But on the left hand. He’s left handed!”

Jaz was legitimately impressed “That’s Mama’s strategic girl! Off you go!”

“You have her in your eyeline the rest of the evening” she whispered to Vincent and he nodded “Got it Mama Jaz.”

Jaz saw Frog had now left the dance floor and was now heading in the exact direction she’d sent Millie in.

“Frog honey!” She called him towards her.

*********  
“I’m so sorry Babe. Your dad is such an asshole!” Ann said sympathetically as they sat at the bar sipping champagne.

“No I’m sorry he spoke like that to you and Anne. But the tree house? Really? I’m literally never going in there again.” Millie said as she tried unsuccessfully not to laugh and Ann cracked up. “We’re going to have to redo it to make it more “Jack” safe anyway so it wont be the same treehouse anyway. And honestly. How could I not jump her. Just look at her!” Ann said adoringly as they watched her in the distance holding little Jack perfectly still on her lap while Griffo applied some temporary tattoos. Ann could just tell from the look of utter rapture on Anne’s face that she was telling Jack she was her beautiful little poppet and how awesome she looked.”

“Yeah not into chicks but as far as they go I reckon she’s alright” Millie said honestly and Ann laughed.

“Good evening pretty ladies!” Frog said as he approached Ann and Millie and he grinned when he saw Millie “Wow. You look so beautiful. The shirt is perfect on you. You’re a difficult woman to track down tonight Matilda Hobbs!” Frog teased but he gently ran his fingers through her hair as he did it and Ann slipped off the stool opposite Millie with a little smile and tiptoed away from the bar and towards Anne and Jack.

“I’ve been having a bit of a rough time at the party. There’s been a lot going on. And I was worried you’d think I was a mental case.” Millie said self consciously as she looked away but Frog tipped her face back towards him.

“Are you going to let me give you a cuddle?” Frog asked gently and Millie nodded and smiled shyly “Then that’s it, you don’t need to do or be anything else Gorgeous. My night’s already made.”

He took Millie in his arms and she snuggled in gratefully.

“Oh before I forget.” Frog began as he pulled a little case out of his pocket “I don’t know if you know but I’m a swimmer and I hate the noise of competitions. The way it echos off the indoor pool walls you know because I just want to be in the zone. And I’ve found this really effective brand of ear plugs where you can still hear enough but it blocks out a lot as well.This set is new I promise”

Frog moved Millie’s hair behind her shoulder and took out a little plug and nestled it carefully in her left ear then did the same for the right ear.

Millie breathed a sigh of relief as much of the background noise lessened but she could still hear Frog say. “I thought they might help you.”

“They’re helping” Millie said gratefully and Frog’s face lit up. ‘Good. And you know when I say things that are extremely charming and sexy tonight I’ll just yell it to make sure you don’t miss it!”  
Millie broke into the most dazzling smile at his humour and Frog shook his head “Your smile is like the sunshine do you know that?”

And as Millie looked at the gorgeous boy who let her be exactly as she was, non-neurotypical vulnerabilities and all, she decided it might be time to pull him closer instead of running from him and she stood and took his face between her hands and kissed him passionately.

“Wow….wow” Frog said in awe when the kiss broke. It was completely unexpected and incredible. And he knew he would do just about anything to keep Millie in his life.

‘See I’m not shouting because right now I’ve just had the most amazing kiss from the coolest most beautiful girl I’ve ever met and I’m like awkward dork fan boying over it.” Frog explained and Millie cracked up laughing.

“Would you like to dance with me?” She asked as she held out her hand and Frog took it and kissed it. “I would love to dance with you.”

Oliver Hobbs drove back towards the Hastings farm after doing a U Turn. It was bad enough when Anne Lister started meddling in the hold he had on Victoria and Millie. ‘I am not letting some Italian organized crime slut steal my girls away!” He needed Victoria back under his control, for the sake of his reputation. And he needed Millie to help make it happen.

***************

Ann stood at one of the food tables fixing Jack a plate of snacks and just happened to glance over at the trees ahead and was completely unprepared for the memories that hit her. Of her and the lost boys all camped out in that exact spot with their sleeping bags. That’s exactly where Sutherland and Ainsworth had snatched her from.

‘Come on not now. Get it together!” Ann chided herself.

“Annie. Are you alright sweetheart? You look a little pale.” Victoria observed cautiously and Ann forced a bright smile “I’m great! I better get this to Jacky Jack! You look beautiful Vicki!” Ann said sweetly as she left the table.

‘She’s right Red. You look beautiful. Stunning actually!” Jaz said sincerely as she looked Victoria up and down in her little green mini skirt and crop top with leaf vines that wrapped around the bare skin in between, the high half ponytail, vampy eye makeup and glittery red lips.

Victoria turned to see Jaz behind her and looked startled.

‘And you’re such an amazing dancer. I had no idea!” Jaz continued.

‘Thank you!” Victoria said hesitantly and all Jaz wanted to do was wrap her up in her arms and make all her fears go away. ‘You’re welcome baby! If you’re looking for something to eat you should have some of the chicken pieces. I just had them put here fresh for you. Why didn’t you tell me this morning at breakfast that you had a gluten intolerance and need to be careful?”

Victoria looked stricken and wrapped her arms around herself protectively as she looked away.

“Baby it’s alright I’m not cranky with you” Jaz tried to reassure her and Victoria shrugged “It was just so lovely the way you made breakfast for me. All the effort you went to. I haven’t had anything like that before from someone apart from Annie and Millie.”  
‘You dear little sweetheart’ Jaz thought to herself as she listened to Victoria’s honest revelation. She really had been so alone for so long

“You’re my Bella and I loved making you breakfast but I need to know these things. I want to know these things alright?”

“Alright” Victoria said softly as she nodded.

‘Thank you!” Jaz replied “And I’m sorry for the way I blamed you at Annie’s earlier, I was just shocked. How did you even pull off what you did? There were no records of her even being in a facility like that”

Victoria looked at Jaz nervously. “I’ve helped good people who have been involved in bad things or who have done bad things from time to time. I don’t necessarily view things in black and white.”

Jaz smiled at her adoringly. Not at all surprised. She’d known there was something very special about Victoria Hobbs from the moment she met her. ‘And those of us who are good people who do bad things are all the more fortunate because of that.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just didn’t know what to do and I loved her like she was my own already. I was trying so hard to keep her safe, to keep her alive and I didn’t even know you back then. But from the time I felt she was ready I encouraged her to talk to you, to open up to you about it” Victoria said anxiously.

“I know Red. I know you did. And I also know what that animal Sutherland did to you and the state you were in when you were getting her to that facility.” Jaz said as she barely managed to contain her rage and Victoria shrugged.

‘It didn’t matter. I would have done anything, gone through anything to keep her safe.’ Victoria said as she looked away, trying not to cry. ‘But I know you feel, the helplessness and shock. I never signed her out of the facility. She left herself. She told them she was your daughter and they weren’t willing to take you on and she left to go take power back and I remember trying to call her and getting no answer. Racing against the clock to find her and when Harry called me and told me what had happened with James, when I found her at the hospital…..I felt so responsible. Like I’d failed her.”

Jaz was aghast. She’d had no idea Victoria had been carrying that around all this time. She took Victoria’s face between her hands

“Oh my god….baby no..you didn’t fail her. You saved her. You saved her over and over again from the brink of being lost to all of us and I will always be grateful to you for that. And I am so sorry that you went through that and you’ve been carrying it inside you for 2 years. Who’s been looking out for you in all of this. Who has been supporting you?” But Jaz already knew the answer. No one.

“Excuse me Vicki!” They heard a little voice from below and Victoria felt Jack tapping her leg and Jaz watched in amazement as Victoria closed her eyes, took a deep breath and put on a bright smile as she said ‘Yes sweetheart?” and reached down and picked up the little girl. She wondered how many times Victoria had done that over the years.

‘Mummy is saying I have to eat my vegetables or I cant be healthy and strong and a tough little Dude. You’re a Doctor. Can you please tell Mummy that’s not true and that I can just have fairy floss?”

Victoria chuckled “I’m afraid that as a Doctor I have to tell you Mummy is right. And she’s a very good Mummy and she loves you so much. It’s probably a good idea for you to try to eat some of your veggies before you have the fairy floss okay sweetheart?”

Jack sighed “Okay!”

“But before you go Little Robin, I just need to tell you that you are the sparkliest little superhero I have ever seen. And if you eat your veggies you’re going to sparkle from the inside and its going to make you even more sparkly on the outside!” Victoria said to her very seriously and Jack’s eyes widened. ‘Really?”

Victoria nodded “I’m a doctor aren’t I? I know these things!”

‘Wow! Okay I’m gonna go eat them! And I will be even more sparkly” Jack said as she scrambled out of Vicki’s arms.

Jaz starred at Victoria with so much love and admiration. She was incredible.

“You are utterly magical Red do you know that?” Jaz said in awe of her and much to her delight and arousal Victoria blushed the way she often did when she complimented her. Victoria’s brand of sexy sweetness was becoming like a drug to her. But more than that, she couldn’t deny what she knew in her heart that although it wasn’t the most romantic setting or moment or certainly the most ideal time to reveal what she had to say. It was the right time. So she reached across and took Victoria’s small hands in hers

“I know you said we’re in a fight. And I respect your request for space. But I’m going to tell you this now because I think you need to hear it now more than ever. I am so in love with you Victoria Hobbs. I love you. I will love you for the rest of my life. And you will never be alone again.”

Victoria couldn’t believe what she was hearing. How wonderful Jaz was being. She loved her so much. She tried to find the words to tell her. She tried to make herself say them but she couldn’t. They wouldn’t come. Jaz could see she’d shut down but she understood. This was Victoria’s trauma. She got left, she got emotionally abused. She got abandoned. Of course she shut down. It was up to her to show her sweet Bella how different things would be from now on.

“Now I’m going to go check in on our girls. And I will be right here when you’re ready” Jaz ran her fingers through Victoria’s gorgeous red hair and pressed her lips to her forehead. “My beautiful little Flame!” she whispered.

Jaz walked over to where Millie and Ann were sitting drinking wine while Frog Anne and the lost boys tossed a football around. Little Jack was nestled in one of Anne’s arms as they played, with Anne helping her catch the ball and the little girl looked to be living her best life. As did Anne for that matter.

“It’s going to be so great having you in Italy babe cause you’re so honest, you’ll stop my Aunts from putting me in some frou frou wedding dress disaster!” Ann was telling Millie and Jaz chuckled “I don’t want to talk about my crazy sisters right now babygirls because I just told Victoria I loved her.”

Ann and Millie looked at each other and their faces lit up and then they stood up and started jumping up and down and squealing in delight. And Jaz beamed.  
“Oh my god Mama I am so proud of you!” Ann said as she threw her arms around her Mother’s waist and hugged her and Jaz lifted her up into an even bigger hug “Thank you my beautiful babygirl. Are you sure you’re alright about this?”

‘Are you kidding? It’s the best news ever!” Ann said whole heartedly as Jaz put her down and then Millie hugged Jaz “Definitely the best news ever” she reiterated.

“Wait a minute if you told Mum you love her why is she still over there by herself?” Millie asked and Jaz shrugged “Because she still needs space from what happened this morning and I just need to let her be where she’s at and love her unconditionally!”

“But why wouldn’t you wait till after to tell her Mama?” Ann asked and Jaz kissed Ann’s head “Because she needed to hear it now. And I can tell her again after. I can tell her every day.”

“But what if she runs Jaz, you know she gets seriously emotionally spesh sometimes by now!” Millie pointed out and Jaz chuckled ‘She wont get very far honey I have this whole place rigged with surveillance cams and surrounded with men. I’ve got one dedicated to just watching each of the 3 of you to keep my girls safe”

“Yeah that sounds a little dysfunctional Mama if I were you I’d lead with “I can tell her after, I can tell her every day!” Ann said gently and Millie cracked up laughing.

‘Yeah you’re probably right” Jaz agreed as she laughed happily and put an arm around each of her girls. 

************  
Ann went and sat in the quiet of her back Deck. She was trying to fight the memories so hard but it was becoming more and more difficult. She didn’t even want to be around Jack at that moment in case she upset her baby. A text came through on her phone from Anne.

“Where are you sweetheart? Is everything okay?” Ann took a deep breath. She wanted to tell her beautiful Dude she wasn’t okay. She wanted to confide in her so badly but at the same time she desperately wanted to push through it. She had the wife of her dreams, the most beautiful little girl. The family she’d always wanted. She needed to get past this. She needed to be a big girl, to be strong.

“Just getting some more pink lemonade from the pantry for cocktails. Be back soon” she wrote and smiled tearfully as Anne sent back 3 heart emojis with the hashtag #allthemuch.

Victoria walked around the perimeter of the party with Jack on her hip. The little girl was wilting quickly and she just wanted to check with Ann if it was okay if she put her down for the night. She wanted her Annie to have a chance to be her own age and have fun with her friends. 

“Maybe she’s in the treehouse Vicki?” Jack suggested and Victoria looked through the trees “She could be baby, she could have gone there with a couple of the other kids.

‘I still cant believe Mummy is hardly even a real grown up. And why no one even tolded me.” Jack said in bewilderment as she put her little hands up and Victoria laughed “Would you want any other Mummy, other than your Mummy? Even though she’s hardly even a real grown up?”

Jack shook her head ‘No she is the bestest Mummy in the world”

‘Well that’s why no one “tolded” you Sweetheart!” Victoria teased as the headed towards the treehouse.

“Hey Vic!” Oliver slurred as he appeared in front of them with a bottle of wine.

‘Stealing another little girl? The Walker brat wasn’t enough? That’s the next generation isn’t? Annie’s new kid?” He asked bitterly

‘You can’t call my Mummy a brat. Imma mess you up punk!” Jack snapped with maximum attitude and Victoria looked at her in surprise.

“Shut up! It’s time for little brats to be in bed!” Oliver snapped and Jack nestled into Victoria’s shoulder, her thumb instantly going to her mouth as she shrank back. Victoria turned with Jack and went to head in the opposite direction but Oliver grabbed her arm roughly and pulled her back ‘Not so fast, we need to talk!”

“Oliver I have a baby here you’re scaring her!”

“Vicki I don’t like the man, he’s like Madja from Bali I can tell” Jack whimpered.

“Then get rid of her but you’re going nowhere!” He demanded emotionlessly and continued to hold onto Victoria’s wrist even as she bent to put Jack on her feet. “Baby go find your Mama and Nonna and tell them I can’t put you to bed because Oliver needs me to stay near the treehouse and talk to him. I know one of them will read you a story instead okay? Go on!”

“Okay” Jack nodded fearfully as she turned and ran back through the clearing in the trees towards the party.

Victoria stood, knowing how bright Jack was and that she’d repeat her words verbatim. As soon as Anne or Jaz found out where she was and who she was with they’d come for her.

“You’re drunk Oliver” she said in disgust and Oliver laughed “Accurate…and you’re sexy. Damn you look Sexy. If you had have made an effort like this when we were married I might have been more interested”

“Let me go!” Victoria demanded but Oliver only tightened his grip on her wrist. “Not until you agree to give us another shot baby, and let me buy you some more of whatever bra you’re wearing cause wow it even makes you look like you’ve got a decent rack for once. Come here, give me a hug I’ve missed you” 

“No Oliver stop it. I’m in a relationship with someone and she’s good for me. She’s good for Millie. She loves us so please just go and leave me be.”

‘And what you’re just going to throw away our chance to be a nice, settled family now that Millie is finally normal for the most part’ Oliver spat accusingly and Victoria saw red.

“If by Normal you mean Neuro-typical ,Millie will never be “normal”. And she doesn’t need to be. She is funny, smart, sincere, kind, inquisitive, loyal and amazing. And so beautiful. Inside and out exactly as she is.”

“Then she deserves two parents!” Oliver insisted.

“And she’ll have two parents, she’ll have me, her mother. And a step mother who absolutely adores her. More than you ever did or could.” Victoria stood her ground.

Ralph messaged Vinny over the radio ‘I’ve lost sight of Victoria, keep your eyes on Millie!”

He was just about to contact Jaz and go looking for Victoria when he saw little Jack appear from the trees and trip, falling sprawled out on the floor and bursting into tears.

“Shit!” He cursed as he ran to the little girl.

“Here we go sweetie its alright!” He said as he gently picked her up, grateful Jaz had introduced her main staff to the little girl because she didn’t fight him.

“I want Mama and Nonna!” She cried, remembering what Victoria had told her and Ralph quickly carried her over to where Anne and Jaz were standing having a drink with Jonno.

“Oh my little poppet!” Anne said as she saw her distressed little girl and handed her drink to Jonno so she could take her.

“She’s had a fall” Ralph said feeling his Adrenalin rise at Jaz’s impending rage.

“Jaz I lost sight of Victoria. She disappeared behind the trees with little Jack but only the little one reappeared”

“What?” Jaz said as she started to feel ill suddenly.

“Victoria is in the woods with the bad man near the treehouse . I don’t like him. He’s mean to her like Madja was to me but name is Oliver” Jack cried and Anne and Jaz looked at each other in horror. Jonno tossed the drinks “Here give her to me!” He said as he took Jack and Anne Jaz and Ralph headed straight for the treehouse.

“Shhhhh come and have a nice chocolate milkshake with Pop little shortcake. Everything is okay” he reassured her, hoping to god he was right.

“You don’t even want me Oliver you just want to salvage what’s left of your reputation because you’ve trashed it yet again. I’ve heard the stories and I wont allow Millie to be used like that, nor will I let myself be used like that” Victoria insisted.

“So what you’re going to stay and be that Mafia slut’s whore of the moment. What the fuck is she going to do with you Vicki, you’re less than 50 kilos dripping wet with B cup tits and you’re an absolutely useless fuck. You think someone who works around hot legs for days strippers is going to want some average plain jane midget For more than 5 minutes? You’ll end up being nothing but a disappointment to her same as you were to me.” Oliver demeaned her cruelly, knowing exactly what buttons to push.

His words hurt but Victoria didn’t back down. “Jazmine Moretti is the strongest, bravest most beautiful, sexiest woman I have ever known. She is so incredibly generous and kind. And she loves me. I am lucky to have her. And I love her very much and I couldn’t tell her because I let myself become so broken by this toxic cycle, by what you did to me but no more”

Victoria pulled away but he wouldn’t let her go and she started having difficulty breathing. “Oliver stop it. Let me go. You’re really hurting me. What has gotten into you tonight?” she pleaded as he increased his grip on her wrist and then grabbed her other wrist.

‘What you think I don’t remember what the start of one of your panic attacks looks and sounds like Vicki? Pretty soon you know you’ll be curled up on the floor gasping for breath and then you’ll agree to do it my way to just make it all stop so it would really be easier if you just did that right now!”

‘I said let me go!” She cried out as she tried to kick him in the groin but he blocked a lot of the impact

“You fucking little bitch” he screamed as she got a kick in and broke away from him. He lunged for her and ripped one of her leaf sashes off her costume but Victoria kept running. Oliver chased after her and lunged for her again but he tripped on a branch managing to knock her down in the process but He also fell. Victoria felt the pain in her nose as it connected with her forearm as she fell and vaguely registered the blood but she dragged herself to her feet and kept running.

Oliver managed to drag himself to his feet and just as he did he saw a fist coming towards him and everything went black.

“RED! RED!” Jaz called out as they neared the treehouse but there was no sign of her. Anne looked over at the green piece of fabric in shock and picked it up.

“Jaz look!” Anne said anxiously. “I don’t understand. He was an emotionally abusive asshole but he never hit her..that I know of. I asked her!”

“Desperate men do desperate things” Jaz said almost like a robot.

“BABY ITS ME…CAN YOU HEAR ME!” Jaz’s booming voice rang through the woods but the music from the party was still so loud.

Ralph came running through the trees “Jaz we’ve taken down the ex husband and Victoria is running towards your house!”

Jaz and Anne sighed in relief.

‘Take him to the holding shed. Did he hurt her?” Jaz asked, fearing the answer and Ralph sighed “All I know Is she’s bleeding and messed up a bit. Men are moving to surround the house anyway she’ll be safe”

And Suddenly Jaz was running “Look out for Millie, don’t let her come home yet!” Jaz called out.

“I won’t Mama, keep me posted!” Anne cried out after her.

Victoria ran up the doorstep and punched in the security code. Jaz had been on her way back to get a shawl for Rachel not long ago because her house was closer. “Please be here” She pleaded as she pulled the door closed and locked it behind her.

‘Jaz!” She called out tearfully. “Jaz are you here?”

Jaz pulled out her phone and brought up the house surveillance. “Oh sweetheart!” She brought her hand to her mouth as she saw her stumbling from room to room calling for her, crying. The picture was fuzzy but she didn’t look great. ‘I’m coming my Bella!” She said as she ran towards the house.

Victoria went into the bathroom and locked the door behind her, gasping at the bloody trail she was leaving and then when she saw herself in the mirror. She had a bloody nose alright, it was everywhere. And she still couldn’t breathe. Going to her cosmetic case she pulled out a little bottle of pills and grasped for a towel from the rack. She then sat herself down in the tiny space between the marble basin and the huge bathtub and tried to stop the blood. She just needed to be safe. She needed to feel safe again. Small tight spaces always helped.

Jaz punched in the security code, feeling nauseous as she felt the blood on the keys and slammed the door, running through the house.

“Red I’m here baby!’ She called out and stopped at the bathroom door when she saw the small bloody handprints on it. She pulled on it and it was locked.

‘It’s just me my love I just need to get inside so I can help you alright. My men are surrounding the house, they have Oliver’ Jaz said as she pulled out her knife and jimmied the lock, feeling it go and then opening the door and switching on the light. Victoria cried out at the sudden brightness and covered her eyes with her arm and if it wasn’t for the little sound she’d made Jaz wouldn’t have even seen where she was. She’d seen some truly horrific sights in her time but nothing quite gutted her like the sight of her sweet Bella curled up, shaking furiously and crying softly as she clearly struggled to breathe through a panic attack with a bloody towel clutched to her face and draped over her.

Jaz dimmed the lights and ran over to where she sat, knowing she didn’t have a hope in hell of squeezing in bedside her she crouched down to sit in front of her.

“Well there’s my little stunner!” Jaz said very casually, aware that elevating her anxiety or making sudden movements was a really bad idea. This wasn’t her first rodeo . “I could see you calling for you on the surveillance cams and thought you might need me.”

“You said this morning that even if we were in a fight I could always come to you and you would keep me safe” Victoria gasped and Jaz bit back her tears as she realized Victoria had trusted her.Even after the marriage she’d had, the terror she’d just suffered at the hands of the same man and the doozy of a fight they’d had, she’d still come running straight to her.

“And you trusted me.” Jaz said aloud and Victoria nodded tearfully. “Baby!” she reached out to Victoria but the younger woman flinched away and Jaz instantly dropped her hand. She wasn’t ready to be touched.

“Jack…she was frightened and he wouldn’t let go of my arm, I tried to get her out of there” Victoria sobbed softly and Jaz shook her head “No My Bella you did amazing. Jack is so fine, Jonno has her and you know what she’s like, she’s probably conned him and at least 3 of the boys into getting her candy and cookies and you sent her with a message that bastard wouldn’t have clicked to. You were so smart. I was so proud of you!”

“Millie!” Victoria said in alarm “Is with Frog Brian and Marion.And that boy is so besotted with our girl there is no way he will allow harm to come to a single hair on her head” Jaz finished her sentence.

“And I made a mess through the house. I’m really sorry. I’ll clean it up in a few minutes” she apologised. Jaz fought her urge to chuckle really hard. Only her little Bella would apologise for bleeding untidily through the house after being attacked. She was truly a unique.

“Shhhh It doesn’t matter baby. All that matters is that you’re here with me and you’re safe. Can you move the towel away for me so I can have a look?”

Victoria hesitantly moved the towel away and Jaz looked at her darling little nose from both sides. It didn’t look broken. She’d definitely had a gusher of a bleed though. Her face neck and chest were covered in it and her little knees were scraped. She could see some scratches and bruises forming on her midriff but otherwise she looked physically unharmed.

‘Good girl!” Jaz cooed in approval ‘Are you having a panic attack baby?”

Victoria looked down and nodded.

“And you’ve had them before?” Jaz prompted her gently

Victoria avoided her eyes ‘I didn’t want you to see me like this. I don’t want you to be triggered and think I’m like Cassie because I’m not”

“Oh honey no, you’re nothing like Cassie, even mid panic attack” Jaz assured her. The very fact that Victoria had first thought of Jack’s needs, Millie, her needs and even the state of the house before her own proved she was nothing close to the level of Cassie’s madness and selfishness. As she gently pried the bottle of pills from her shaking little hand she could even see her topical medication was like candy compared to what Cassie was on multiple times a day.

“You could take some of this, or I have some mild sedative injections that will go into your blood and give you relief faster. What would you like to do baby? Try not to think like a responsible doctor. Let me help you.”

Victoria nodded “The injection!” she whimpered softly.

“That’s my girl!” Jaz encouraged as she reached into the bottom draw for a box and prepared an injection. She held out the label for Victoria to see that it was similar to what would be used at the hospital and she handed it to Victoria, reluctant to breach her space to inject her.

“Thank you” She said softly as she took it and injected the contents into her arm. Jaz took the empty vile and needle from her and slipped it into a tiny sharps disposal. And suddenly after everything that had happened, Jaz decided to just lay it on the line.

“Bella, baby. I know that you’re a bit funny about being touched right now. And I understand. And I can see that you’re not ready to talk about it and I understand that too. But I love you so much and its also tearing the Daddy in me apart because I can’t get any closer to you than this right now and it’s my job to protect you and keep you safe. One that I am so fortunate and grateful to have. But you are a teeny tiny and gorgeously so, little person who can fit into miniature spaces and I am not. So whenever you’re ready and I don’t care how long it takes because I will sit here with you, until you are but whenever you’re ready, if you think you could curl into me instead of the sink, I wouldn’t touch you if you didn’t want me to. And you wouldn’t have to talk. Because taking care of you is the most important thing in the world to me. And it might make you feel a little better.”

Jaz could see Victoria pondering what she’d said and could tell the sedative had taken instant effect because he breathing was just about normal. But when she looked at Jaz with huge green eyes full of unshed tears and reached her shaking, bloody little hand to her and said “I think you’re very gorgeous.” It absolutely destroyed her that she could still be so incredibly sweet even in the midst of what she was going through and she lost her own battle with her tears.

“Thank you Sweetheart!’ Jaz said as she tentatively held her hand and and sighed in relief as Victoria began to crawl out of her corner “That’s it, that’s my good girl, come to me!” The second she could reach under her arms Jaz had lifted her into her lap in an instant and Victoria wrapped her arms around Jaz’s neck and started to sob.

“There we go my Bella. Good girl.” Jaz said soothingly as she held her tight.

“He wouldn’t let go of my arm and he kept yelling at me that Millie and I were going to be a family with him again and I tried to tell him that we just want you but he wouldn’t listen and he said awful things and…….he had both my arms and he was really hurting me and making fun of me because I c….couldn’t breathe and I kicked him in the groin and tried to run but he….went to tackle me and we both fell and that’s when I hit my nose but I got up and I kept…..running. He’s been aggressive so many times before but nothing like that. Never like that” Victoria sobbed brokenly and Jaz’s eyes blazed as she listened to what had happened to her Bella.

“It’s like I said to Anne, Desperate men do desperate things baby. I’ve done some digging and he’s gotten himself into a lot of trouble professionally. Maybe more than you know. And he will pay for what he’s done to you. But I’m so proud of you” Jaz said as she rocked Victoria in her arms.

“I was really scared!” Victoria sobbed.

“Shhhhh I know Red, but You’re safe now, Daddy’s got you baby. I love you so much. I will love you forever. Just let it all out. I’ve got you. My men have Oliver. He can’t hurt you anymore. And I’m not letting you out of my arms for the rest of the night” Jaz did what she could to comfort her as she stroked her hair and rubbed her back and whispered sweet nothings in her ear. And then when her cries quietened she held her close, grateful for her diminutive size and got up off the floor, managing to hold her still wrapped around her one armed while she ran them a bath.

Sitting on the side of the bath Jaz tentatively grasped the bottom of Victoria’s crop top “We’re going to take a nice hot bubble bath my sweet Bella and get you clean and relaxed and then I’m going to take you to bed and cuddle you all night. Can I take off your clothes?”

Victoria moved back from Jaz’s shoulder where she’d nestled herself and raised her arms over her head compliantly.

“Good girl, you’re doing so well. I promise this awful night is almost over for you Mio Amore” Jaz praised her lovingly and it was when she brought her delicate little arms down that Jaz saw the ugly finger print shaped bruises around her left wrist and the ones that weren’t as bad on her right wrist but were definitely.

“Oh my god Red, my poor baby!” Jaz gasped as she took her little wrists and placed kisses on the bruises. She’d said he had her arms and he was hurting her but she hadn’t thought to check. They had to be still hurting her.

“He would rage at you until he broke you and you’d just give him his own way to make it stop, and then to make sure he really had you under control he would be awful to you so you just learned to stay away after a fight to protect yourself.” A very perceptive Jaz observed. “But tonight he got a whole lot more than he bargained for because you went head to head with him so he did his best to take you down.”

Victoria looked away shamefully “You must think I’m so pathetic.”  
But Jaz’s face was so full of empathy when she gently grasped her face and turned it back to her.

“No Red. On the contrary. I think you’re selfless and incredible. I think you’re so strong baby. He was, he is an emotionally abusive bastard. What happened to you back then wasn’t your fault. You were just trying to give Millie stability and that kid is only as settled, whole and incredible as she is because she had you for a Mama. What happened tonight wasn’t your fault either baby.”

“I just couldn’t bear to disappoint you. For you to be disappointed in me” Victoria gasped tearfully as she recalled Oliver’s words and a horrified Jaz took her beautiful face between her hands.

“Baby I am not disappointed in you. Quite the opposite. I am indescribably proud that you’re mine.That you’re so strong and brave because I’ve seen a lot of shit and things could have ended very differently tonight. You could never disappoint me. You couldn’t alright?” She said vehemently and Victoria nodded, doing her best to believe Jaz but not quite succeeding. So she just hugged Jaz, holding onto her tightly.

“That’s right baby just hold onto me and I’ll take care of you. I will always take care of you!” Jaz promised her. And as she carefully unhooked her bra and placed a gentle kiss on her shoulder, she vowed that anyone who ever hurt her precious Bella again would pay dearly.

**********************  
Victoria lay wrapped up in Jaz’s arms as the older woman stroked her hair and caressed her, whispering how beautiful and precious she was, how much she loved her. Jaz had gotten into the bath with her and had cleaned the blood and grime away from her so very gently she’d felt close to tears again. Then she’d washed, conditioned and brushed her hair and afterwards she’d dried her off and wrapped her in a fluffy robe and dried her hair off just enough so she could comfortably sleep and carried her to bed. Jaz had barely let her go for more than a few seconds the entire time. She had never felt so loved and safe in her entire life. And she loved Jaz. She loved her so much. And she deeply regretted not saying it earlier in the evening. So much so that tears filled her eyes.  
“Ti amo Mia Bella dolce meta” Jaz whispered as she kissed along Victoria’s hairline. “I love you my beautiful sweetheart” in Italian. She saw the tears that had started streaming from Victoria’s closed eyelids.

“Baby what is it are you in pain?” Jaz asked in concern and Victoria shook her head as Jaz leaned up on her elbow to gaze at her helplessly, desperate to make her feel better, to take the hurt away.

“When you told me tonight that you loved me, I wanted to tell you that I loved you too. But I froze because I was scared. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you and I found that so overwhelming because of what I’ve been through. But I should have told you that I am so in love with you.” Victoria said quietly through her tears and Jaz was torn between feeling like she was on top of the world and hating that her little flame was so tormented in that moment.

“Bella, my exquisite little darling. I know how much you love me. I never doubted it. You showed me every time you were at my side when Annie was away. When you held my hand and were willing to put your own feelings aside to acknowledge I might be missing Cassie ahead of the wedding and when you saw the good in me after I lost my cool and nearly screwed it all up. You showed your love when I tried to scare you away before the wedding and told you I could snap you like a twig but you saw right through my bullshit, the way you always do. When you gave yourself to me in the powder room, when you threw yourself into my arms on the balcony even though I know you were afraid. When you asked me to kiss you so sweetly and made love to me here so tenderly and softly last night. You were showing me how much you love me when you ran straight for me earlier tonight, when I saw you running from room to room looking for me on the surveillance. And when you let me in enough to help you. Baby I see you and love you unconditionally exactly as you are. I appreciate you telling me so much and you have made me very happy. But I didn’t need you to speak the words to know you love me. Not when you breathe them into my heart every day.” Jaz wiped away Victoria’s tears and Victoria held her wrist, leaning into her palm.

“Thank you for being so beautiful and incredible with me tonight. You’re so soft and gentle and amazing.”

“Only with you my beautiful little flame. My most precious sweet Bella. This side of me belongs to you and you alone. Because in loving me in a way that is whole and healthy you’ve opened my cold and jaded heart that was so terribly wounded and started to heal it. I could only ever be like this with you.” Jaz said honestly as the beginnings of tears filled her own eyes.

‘It will be our secret. I won’t tell. And I promise to always keep your heart safe inside mine” Victoria said so sweetly and with so much sincerity that Jaz absolutely melted.

“Thank you baby!” Jaz took a deep breath and her voice took on that firm authoritarian tone Victoria was learning as she said “Now I want you to close your eyes for me mi Amore and let the painkillers do their work!”

Victoria closed her eyes and snuggled into Jaz’s chest. “Yes Daddy!” She said obediently completely relaxing into Jaz’s dominance with explicit acknowledgement of it for the first time unprompted and Jaz felt as though her heart stopped momentarily from the power of it.

“ Thank you my Good girl!” Jaz whispered hoarsely as she cradled Victoria in her arms and began to slowly rock her to sleep, thinking about how different her life was now. “Thank you for showing this tired battle scarred Daddy how much better life can be when you have such a good girl!”

“You forgot that you’re Sexy” Victoria corrected her sleepily and Jaz smiled against her hair. Such a good girl with just the right amount of sass. She didn’t know what she had done to be given the gift of the divine little angel in her arms. But one this was certain. She was never letting her go.

*****************  
Anne sighed in relief as she read the text that Victoria was shaken up and a little beat up but otherwise, sound asleep in Jaz’s arms. She fired off a text to Jaz telling her Brian, Marion, Frog and Millie were going back to Brian’s to camp out in the lounge room and watch a movie because both girls were a bit over the noise and that she should probably take Victoria’s phone and reply as Vicki would, but gently encouraging her to stay the night and Marion was prepped to look after her.

Rachel and Jack were curled up in the spare bedroom sound asleep together. Jack had seemed to calm fairly quickly and she was so exhausted Anne was sure she would sleep till morning.

The only thing that concerned her was that she hadn’t laid eyes on Ann for an hour which was so strange. It wasn’t like her to not check in with her or Jack for that long. She didn’t mind if she’d had a bit too much to drink she just needed to know where she was.

Ann took a deep breath and reached for her phone, doing her best to text her clearly. She’d tried on her own but she couldn’t do it. She needed Anne. She needed her Dude. She was getting worse.

Anne felt her phone buzz. It was Ann, checking in. Opening it her eyes went wide as she read the words. “Ive been having lots of flashbacks and I tried to make them stop but I can’t. I’m not doing so well. I’m on the back deck of the cottage. I just need my Dude please come.”

Anne flew out the door and ran around the back of the house. Her stomach sank as she saw her sweet beautiful girl huddled against the arm rest of a lounger. She was shaking and pale. She looked to be at the very beginning of a panic attack too. 

“Oh my darling it’s alright, I’m here!” Anne said as she knelt in front of Ann and took her shaking little hand. As soon as Ann registered Anne’s presence she burst into tears.

“I thought I could do it but I can’t. I was fine and then suddenly I wasn’t and it hasn’t gotten any better. I tried really really hard!”

Anne swept her up in her arms and sat back on the lounge with her cradled in her lap. “I know you did Beauty. You’ve done so well! Have you been here all this time?” Anne asked her and Ann nodded.

“I thought I could snap out of it. And then I couldn’t and I knew I needed help. I needed my Dude.” Ann sobbed.

“Flashbacks?” Anne asked and Ann nodded.

“Shhhh, you’re safe. I’ve got you. You are my precious angel. My incredible wife and I’m not going to let anything happen to you alright? Just breathe for me. Do you need your panic kit? Medication?”

“It was getting to the stage where I thought I was going to but I’m breathing easier now you’re here! Oh Anne I love you so much baby thank you so much for coming so quickly” 

Anne was astounded. The fact that Ann had actively asked her for help when she was struggling was such a huge step. She’d never done anything like this before.

“Tell me what I can do to help you my Darling!” Anne urged her gently and Ann took a deep breath “Please take me away from here. I just need to get off the property.Now Dude. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be demanding ” Ann pleaded.

Anne placed little kisses all over her face as she wiped her tears away with the pads of her thumbs.  
“You are so the opposite of demanding my sweet beautiful girl. Let’s get you out of here. Do you think you can hold on if I piggy back you?” Ann nodded solemnly and Anne shifted her off her lap and sat in front of her.

“Wrap your arms around me Little one” Anne instructed her gently and Ann wrapped her arms around her and hooked her legs around her waist. “That’s my strong girl.” Anne said as she stood and began walking through the trees as Ann had shown her, shortcutting into town.  
“You’re the one who is strong. Are you sure you can carry me, I can walk” Ann assured her and Anne scoffed ‘Not a chance my featherlight little pixie. I’ve got it covered!”

And as Anne carried her, feeling how weightless she was in her arms, even in a state of panic and after having a bit to drink she was struck just by how tiny she was. She remembered a time where she constantly marvelled at what a petite little thing Ann was and she still did, particularly when selecting sexual adventures for them to explore but somewhere along the line in her survival of abuse, her incredible skills as a mother, the way she’d rocked their wedding the day before despite her fears she’d forgotten how tiny she was, how fragile she could be because of the horror she’d endured and the fact that, as mature as she was she was barely 18 years old. And the memories of the horror she’d endured were very fresh. And if it was the last thing she did, Anne was going to make sure she spent the rest of her night loving her beautiful Princess exactly where she was at. Making sure she had a space to be vulnerable in.

When they got into one end of the main town strip Anne spied the liquor store and said “I know exactly what you need Beauty!”

Anne carried her into the liquor store still on her back and went to the fridge, reaching for a bottle of white from one of Ann’s favourite wineries and took it to the counter.

“Little Annie Walker are you so intoxicated you can’t walk?” The older gentleman behind the counter asked her and Ann slid off Anne. “No….I ah, hurt my foot dancing so my wife was kind enough to carry me.”

‘That may be little ballerina girl but I can’t sell you alcohol. You’re a baby. Your Pop would have me horsewhipped!” he explained and Ann looked at him in surprise.

‘But I’m 18. I got married yesterday!” 

“Well I don’t know about that!” he said hesitantly.

“Uncle Mick you were there? You danced with me. Twice. If I got married I’m 18.” Ann explained like he was deluded.

“Aw heck darlin I’ve just known you since you were a baby its habit and all. Hard to believe you’re not a baby anymore. That you’re all grown up.”

“Well I am all grown up!’ Ann said as she put her hands on her hips indignantly and then her face lit up ‘Ooooo Skittles!” She turned to Anne excitedly “Baby can I have skittles too please?”

Anne bit back her smile at Ann’s insistence she was a real grown up and almost immediate oh so adorable request for candy and the way she asked so sweetly.”So grown up little one!” She thought to herself and tried not to laugh.

“Of course you can sweetheart and anything else you want!” Anne said indulgently, realising she probably hadn’t even eaten.

“Here you go Mick, whatever the little Princess wants please!” Anne said as she placed a hundred dollar note on the counter.

“Oh that’s far too much!” A stunned Mick said honestly and Anne shrugged “I saw you dancing with your beautiful lady last night. Happy wife happy life. Am I right my friend?”

Mick laughed ‘That’s the right attitude indeed Mrs Lister. You’ll do well in marriage with the little Mrs Lister!”

“Please, Call me Anne!” Anne said warmly. So proud of her sweet beautiful girl. Of how loved she was by the people in that town and rightly so.

Ann chose some chips, m&ms and nuts which Mick bagged up for them and Ann put her hands on the counter to push herself up and kiss Mick on the cheek. “Bye Uncle Mick!”

“Bye Darlin!” He said affectionately and when she walked away he handed the bag to Anne. 

“Thank you for taking such good care of our little Annie. She’s one in a million!” He said so sincerely that Anne beamed. “Don’t I know it! Merry Christmas Mick!”

“Merry Christmas to you too Anne and thank you very much for your generosity!” He said with a big smile.

“I’m just going to grab a bottle of water for my little lightweight!” Anne said lovingly as she took a bottle of water from the fridge on the way out and Mick chuckled. “Good plan!”

*************************** 

Anne watched Ann in amazement as she ate fries and herb bread. She’d started making her way through the junk stash then decided she needed something more substantial. She was going to head into the pub and fetch her princess take away but much to her pleasant surprise Ann had grabbed onto her arm and said ‘Don’t leave me. I just want you here. I know them all and we can phone the order in and they’ll bring it out to us!” And Ann had promptly cuddled up to her and that’s exactly what the pub staff had done. They’d been passing the wine between them straight out of the bottle and Ann was a little drunk but she was extremely adorable.

“Check us out. Does it get any more Aussie than this baby? Sitting in the gutter, Brown paper bagging it, out of a bottle in the country to the sounds of Jimmy Barnes from the local pub. We’re officially natives!” Ann mused and Anne laughed at her. She was divine.

‘Oh my god how good is bread? I’ve missed it. The bread in Indonesia just isn’t the same.” Ann said blissfully. Anne continued to laugh at her antics “My darling I cannot believe how much I have seen you eat just now. I’ve never seen you eat like this.”

“That’s because I feel free, safe and at peace. I have my babygirl. I have my beautiful handsome incredible wife. And I know she’s my best friend, Daddy, my incredible Dude and that nothing bad can happen to me as long as I’m in her arms” Ann looked deep into her eyes. ‘Cause no one takes care of this Pixie Princess like the Dude!”

“Sweetheart” Anne said as she melted. It could have been a cute and sassy comment but Ann had said it with so much sincerity and vehemence, despite the sweetness of her remark that she found herself lost for words.

“Your faith in me, the fact that you feel settled and safe enough to eat like that, the fact that you feel secure enough to ask me for help like you did tonight means everything to me. And I will always, always keep you safe.” Anne assured her as she put her arms around her and kissed her head.

‘I’m so sorry I disappeared at the party baby. Everything just got too much! I thought I was doing better because I got it out and off my chest finally. And I am. But I purged it all that awful day back at the house then I got on a plane and only just got back. So much has happened. And I’ve learned the difference between getting something off your chest and actually processing your feelings about it after the deluge I suppose.” Anne was struck by the way she spoke with the face of an angel baby but the eyes of a world weary woman of 50.

“Hey. It’s alright my precious angel. Like I said I’m just so proud of you and overjoyed that you came to me because I know what a huge deal it was for you. For us!’ Anne reassured her and Ann took the wine bottle and took a big swig.

“I never got to thank you. For going after the pair of them with a baseball bat. Mama told me in detail what you did. You don’t know how many times I wished that kind of pain and anguish on them when they were hurting me. How many times I wanted to take any implement of violence and destruction I could get my hands on and just smash it into them until their bones started to crack and their faces split open. The fact that you did it means everything to me. Are you disappointed in me? For saying that?” Her eyes were so full of doubt and pain that it absolutely broke Anne’s heart.

Anne shook her head “No Princess. I could never, ever be disappointed in you. I’m so very proud of all that you are. That you’re mine. And what you’ve just said is so completely understandable. You don’t have to thank me because I would go to the ends of the earth to keep you safe and to make sure that anyone who hurt you was eliminated. Is there anything else you wanted to get off your chest? You can talk to me about anything at any time but if you….

‘I hate being sexual abuse victim girl. I hate it!” Ann cut Anne off with blazing bright blue eyes.

“I hate the flashbacks, the nightmares, I hate that it makes me scared about some of the sex stuff we do. I hate that the slamming of doors and raising of voices makes me jumpy and I’m scared that…..”

She looked away as tears filled her eyes. “I’m scared that on some level I’ll always be the sum total of the holes left behind by what they took from me.” Her voice was barely a whisper by the time she finished and Anne ever so gently pulled her into her lap and grasped her chin, forcing her to look in her eyes.

“I’ll tell you who you are. You’re Annalise Lister, my wife, my best friend and the love of my life. My precious angel, my perfect little princess and the mother of our beautiful baby girl. You are an incredible friend, daughter and grand daughter. You were a victim of horrific sexual abuse yes. But you are not sexual abuse girl. You are my sweet beautiful girl and no one could ever take that from you.” Anne said adamantly and Ann nodded as she kissed her tears away and stroked her hair. “And our sex life is incredible. It’s alright that you get scared about things after what you’ve been through. I’ve been where you are my sweetheart but it wont be like that forever. And then you’ll think its totally gone and it will come and knock you flat like you’ve seen it do with me but that’s alright because I’ll be there. To wrap you up in my arms. To help you breathe through it and out to the other side. Exactly the way you’ve done before for me. Alright?”

Ann nodded tearfully and threw her arms around Anne, hugging her tightly.

“I love you so much Little One. All the much!” Anne said in a shaky voice as she swallowed the lump in her throat.

“All the ways, all the time!” Ann replied as she turned her face to kiss Anne’s cheek and then kissed a trail a cross to her nose before capturing her lips in a gentle but passionate kiss.

“Wow!’ Anne said in appreciation as she broke into the most gorgeous smile when the kiss broke and Ann pressed her forehead to her wife’s “You sure are Dude!”

Anne heard a song she loved begin to play from the pub rather loudly. It was one that always reminded her of Ann.

‘You know Love, a very wise little person I know once told me that when you love someone you need to lay it all on the line and do some really epic next level romantic shit. She was hot too….my god was she hot!”

Ann broke into giggles at Anne’s antics ‘Are you talking about me in past tense?...”

Anne realised her faux pas “No….cause you know then she got even hotter. Like she went to Indonesia and started eating again and came back with even better boobs than she left with and they were pretty freaking outstanding to begin with but we’re not talking about her boobs cause that would be sleazy and were being romantic. It’s like our daughter says. Keep it bros before hoes”

Ann was in stitches by that point “I am so confused by this story. Is it like a riddle? And wait I don’t know if I’m the bro or the hoe?”

“Baby you are the bro AND the hoe, all that, the bag of chips, the peanuts, the skittles, the bread and the fries, my everything and always!” Anne said with a charming grin and Ann shook her head at her wife. Oh how she loved her. Her beautiful, incredible, silly, charismatic, hilarious Dude.

“So in the spirit of epic romantic shit. Dance with me Beauty!” Anne said as she stood and stumbled just a little before pulling Ann up.

“But I’m a bit drunk. And so are you!’ Ann pointed out the obvious and Anne shrugged. ‘It’s perfect. We can step on each other’s toes without judgement!” She said as she pulled Ann into the Zebra crossing in the middle of the deserted country main road.

“We’re going to dance in a Zebra crossing?” Ann asked in amazement and Anne looked at her in mock seriousness “Um yes. Safety first!”

Ann broke into more giggles and Anne beamed. Seeing her like this was magical. She was so very lovely, lit up this way.

Anne took her in her arms and began to sway and sing to her.

You're better than the best  
I'm lucky just to linger in your light  
Cooler then the flip side of my pillow, that's right  
Completely unaware  
Nothing can compare to where you send me,  
Lets me know that it's OK, yeah it's OK  
And the moments where my good times start to fade

Ann’s eyes were wide with delight ‘Oh my goodness” she gasped as she stared up into Anne’s stunning, sparkling brown eyes while she danced her around the crossing and sang to her with a lovely tone she hadn’t even realised her wife possessed.

You make me smile like the sun  
Fall out of bed, sing like a bird  
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record  
Crazy on a Sunday night  
You make me dance like a fool  
Forget how to breathe  
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee  
Just the thought of you can drive me wild  
Oh, you make me smile

Anne spun Ann around so her chest was against her petite wife’s back and encircled her waist as they swayed and Ann tilted her head back to marvel at all the stars and the warmth of the street lights illuminating the road just enough to make it rather enchanting.

Even when you're gone  
Somehow you come along  
Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that  
You steal away the rain and just like that.

“Epic romantic shit” Ann sighed dreamily and Anne smiled against her hair and spun her around, lifting her to stand on her feet just as she had done the very first time she danced with her in the university theatre a few days after they first met. And as she spotted the nostalgic faraway smile and look in Ann’s eyes she knew her Princess was remembering the very same thing. 

“Oh wow” Anne gasped as Ann began to sing along with her. Her voice, as always was lovely and Anne realised she hadn’t heard her sing enough.

Don't know how I lived without you  
Cause every time that I get around ya  
I see the best of me inside your eyes  
You make me smile

You make me dance like a fool  
Forget how to breathe  
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee  
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

“Come on baby big finish. We need to do the dirty dancing lift!’ Anne insisted and Ann looked at her doubtfully “Dude I don’t know, we’ve both been drinking. Have you ever done that lift before? My performers insurance only covers injury to my body incurred in professional settings”

“How much are the willing to pay?” Anne asked and Ann shrugged “I think up to $500,000?”

“Pfft that’s ridiculous robbery have they seen your tits or your ass?” Ann blushed and Anne giggled “Oh I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that, of course they haven’t. I know you’re my good girl and you save that for me. You’re so cute. But clearly to issue a figure like that they haven’t seen you naked. It’s alright, after Christmas I’ll call up and renegotiate your contract. That hot little body is worth way more than that!”

Ann was in stitches again “Dude you are so incredibly incorrigible!”

“Come on Princess, focus. Big finish. Nobody puts baby in the corner. Here we go” Anne said as she gently pushed Ann away from her and Ann moved back even further then taking a deep breath, ran at Anne. But she was still giggling and Anne didn’t quite lift her up at the right moment and she ended up stumbling backwards as she lost her balance and landing on her ass with Ann on top off her where they both burst into laughter.

“Putting the shit in epic romantic shit!” Anne mused dryly and Ann only laughed harder.

“Are you hurt baby?” She asked and Anne shook her head ‘Just my pride!” But then watching Ann laugh harder than she had ever seen was better than all the perfectly timed suave moments of romance in the world. 

“Are you alright my love?” Anne asked her and Ann nodded through her laughter as she lay down on the road and pulled Anne to lay down beside her. They both lay side by side, holding hands as they looked up at the stars and caught their breath.

After a little while Anne turned to see that Ann had unshed tears shining in her eyes.

“Ann what is it? What are you thinking?” She asked in concern and Ann smiled sheepishly as she turned her head to look at her with eyes so full of love she found herself grasping her tiny hand that little bit tighter.

‘That you give my tummy so many butterflies and make me feel like my neck’s too small for my throat!” She said softly and Anne bit her lip feeling her heart skip a beat the same way it did when Ann uttered that adorable and heartfelt little phrase the night they first met. “Oh sweetheart…” She leant in to kiss Ann deeply and they broke apart abruptly as they both sensed headlights on their face.

“Anne get up!” Ann said frantically as she sprung to her feet and pulled Anne up and they ran off the road back to the curb.

They heard a horn beeping and a driver screaming out the window ‘Crazy kids! Get off the bloody road!”

Ann started laughing again and Anne joined her as she hugged her tightly.

‘Most epic romantic shit ever!” Ann said whole heartedly and Anne pulled back to trace her beautiful features with her hand.

“Really?” She asked and Ann grinned “I wouldn’t have changed a single thing!”

Anne nuzzled her nose. “You know what? Me either!”

Just the thought of you can drive me wild  
Oh you make me smile


	39. You are enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to dedicate this to the lovely HC who has been one of the biggest supporters of my story from the very beginning. She hasn’t been having the easiest time of things lately but she’s handled it with class and dignity and to know this story has helped in some small way Has meant the world to me. This one is for you Lovely! <3

Jaz stood putting breakfast foods onto a plate and thought back to the events of the previous evening. Victoria had begun having a nightmare in the early hours of the morning and hearing her plead with Oliver to stop hurting her and feeling her little body tremble in fear in her arms had been absolutely heartbreaking. But she hadn’t woken and she’d calmed when Jaz had assured her she was safe and allowed herself to be rocked back to sleep. At one point she’d recognised Jaz’s voice and arms, even from her nightmare induced terror, calling her name and curling into her like a little kitten and beginning to settle instantly. It was then she had started to cry herself, wondering how she ended up so lucky. Getting such a trusting, sweet, devoted little submissive all wrapped up in the package of her lover, her ride or die and her best friend.

She smiled adoringly as her gorgeous little flame haired Bella emerged with her stunning hair in a high loose bun with little hap-hazard tendrils all around her face and she was wearing one of her designer Italian pyjamas shirts except on her tiny frame it came completely off one shoulder, sat at mid thigh and engulfed her in a pool of navy blue silk. She looked absolutely adorable.

“Hi Red” she said softly, noting that Victoria seemed a little bit disoriented and as Victoria turned quickly to find Jaz she seemed to sway on her feet a little and lost her colour very quickly before stumbling for something to hold onto but Jaz rounded the kitchen bench quickly and caught her. 

“It’s alright baby I’ve got you!” She assured Victoria as she picked her up like she was made of china and sat her on the breakfast bar. And then she realised what might have happened.

“Baby did you have anything to eat after breakfast yesterday?”

Victoria thought back to the really stressful day she’d had and realised she hadn’t. Jaz saw the stricken look on her face and it was all she needed to know. 24 hours without and then pain killers.

“It’s alright Mi Amore I’m not angry with you.” Jaz reassured her gently and reached for the jug of orange juice, pouring Victoria a large glass. “But we need to get some food into you and some sugar. Drink this for me please!”

“Thank you” Victoria said so quietly that Jaz almost didn’t hear her as she took the glass of juice and began to drink it thirstily.

“That’s the way….good girl” Jaz enthused in approval as she finished the juice then shyly wiped her mouth on the back of her hand looking too sweet for words and when she looked up at Jaz with huge uncertain green eyes and softly asked “Can I please have a cuddle?”, the older woman felt every rough edge she had disintegrate to jelly in that moment.

“Of course you can sweetheart!” Jaz whispered softly as she bent to kiss Victoria’s forehead and picked her up off the bench, holding her close as Victoria wrapped her arms and legs around her and snuggled in. She was so quiet and Jaz was worried. Yet she was still being so affectionate. And as long as she was this close to her, Jaz knew no harm could come to her and she could keep a close eye on her.

“Red it’s going to be a warm one. Rachel was talking about going down to the river. I thought maybe the fresh air and the water might be good for you. Would you like that?”

Victoria simply nodded and Jaz rubbed her back tenderly. “I’ve got you my Sweet Bella. I will keep you safe always. Everything’s going to be alright.”

*************  
”One more. Come for me one more time baby” Anne coaxed her beautiful wife as she thrust into her from behind with the strap while Ann braced herself against the towel wrack.

“I can’t”an exhausted Ann almost sobbed. She’d come twice already, the first time under Anne’s tongue, the second with her fingers buried deep inside her and now she was seeing stars with Anne inside her.

“Yes you can…..come on, be a good little Princess and give it to Daddy” Anne whispered darkly as she reached around and tweaked Ann’s nipple then slid her hand down to her wet clit and began circling it. Ann moaned at the goodness of it. She really was going to come again, there was no turning back now.

‘Is that good? Tell me how it feels, tell me what you want!” Anne gasped as she nipped at the shell of Ann’s ear and was completely stunned when her sweet beautiful girl looked over her shoulder, a defiant stare in her huge innocent blue eyes and said “I want your cock Daddy. I wan’t you to fuck me!”

“Oh fuck Princess” Anne gasped as she began slamming into Ann over and over while she rubbed her clit with her other hand, feeling the strap attachment pressing against her own clit and her own orgasm nearing.

“I’m close” Anne moaned and Ann began to slam back on to her, keeping perfect rhythm with her thrusts, pushing the strap further and further into her clit until she screamed into her arm, spasming furiously and Anne thrust a couple more times then exploded. She reached out to hold onto the towel rack as she continued to gently swirl her finger around Ann’s clit, easing her through her orgasm and then when her body went limp Anne quickly stepped out of the harness and turned the hot water on to join the sound of the cold tap that had been helping them muffle their noise.

“Come here my Darling” Anne said as he pulled her spent little body from the towel wrack and into her arms. She held her for a moment, stroking her hair and whispering how well she did, how proud she was of her and how much she loved her and when she felt her little love become more responsive and the two slight arms that reached around to squeeze her tight, Anne lifted her up onto her own feet, grinning as she felt the little giggle against her chest where Ann was nestled and walked her into the shower.

“Mmmm good morning “ Ann said blissfully and Anne chuckled ‘No it’s a fucking great morning! Look at me! Little One!” Ann pulled back to look at Anne and god she looked beautiful in that moment. So much so that Anne’s knees felt weak. “Where did that mouth of yours come from back there?”

Ann looked a little uncertain for a moment “Oh….um….I….”

“I loved it. You have no idea what hearing it did to me my love. It was so hot!” Anne reassured her vehemently.

“And I’d like to hear it again sometime. I love that you feel free enough with me to express yourself with abandon. It’s so beautiful alright?”

“Kay” Ann said with a shy little smile as she blushed and nodded and Anne’s face lit up at how sweet she was. Little sex goddess throwing explicit language around one moment, shy little pixie the next. The dichotomy of her was as alluring and addictive as ever.

“Now let’s get showered quickly and go face your grandmother and our daughter because she’s been promised a morning at the river and were supposed to be keeping it bros before hoes. You heard her!” Anne teased and Ann cracked up laughing.

‘You are so incorrigible. Don’t you start with that!” She said through her giggles.

“Oh are you slapping my now princess? If you wanted a spanking you just had to ask!” Anne grinned as she lightly slapped Ann’s ass then began tickling her.

The sounds of their laughter could be heard even in the kitchen and Rachel smiled as she put some breakfast out for them. They were so very in love. And thankfully finished defiling one another by the sounds of things.

“Nanna!” She turned to see Jack standing behind her a little nervously clutching her IPad.

“Well hello my little sweetheart is everything alright?” Rachel asked her gently.

“Yes…but its just that you’re so clever at making clothes and stuff. Do you think you could please make me some pretty dresses?” Jack asked as she twisted the hem of her shirt and Rachel looked at her in shock.

“I didn’t think you liked dresses sweetheart!” She did her best to cover and Jack looked down.  
“No I do. I like a little bit of dresses but not the ones in the shops because I need baby sizes cause I am very small and they’re frilly and I feel stupid. But Mummy got me this one in Bali and I really like it.”

Jack handed her IPad to Rachel anxiously and Rachel’s heart broke because she knew the little girl was clearly terrified she would be dismissed for having less feminine tastes, just as she’d made the grave mistake of doing a few days earlier when she had been unwell. Something she would never again do. Not when this gorgeous sweet baby who was the kindest little person apart from her mother she had ever known was trusting her again.

She took the iPad and beamed at the photo. Jack was indeed in a dress. It was just a very simple little A line skater dress in a bright yellow and covered in little tropical fruits and she was wearing little yellow sneakers with it. And she looked so happy and so beautiful. And suddenly the dichotomy of the tomboy clothes with the pretty colours, the sparkles and even the hot pinks she wore all made sense. Jack was like all other little girls who wanted to be pretty. She just didn’t feel pretty in most of what was on offer and she couldn’t feel pretty unless she was given permission to be herself.

“Pop is taking us all out for fancy dinner tonight…its just a “sometimes” outfit. Shorts and t shirts are my favourite but I like to wear a pretty dress with Mummy to dinner sometimes. I like to be like Mummy and we like to match. But our matching clothes aren’t fancy dinner clothes. And her dresses are so girly and frilly and pretty and I don’t know how to do it” She put her little hands up and looked so lost as Rachel marvelled at how brilliantly bright and advanced for her age she was. At her maturity. But she was still an innocent little baby and Rachel knew she had a chance to make her feel seen, loved and valued and she wasn’t going to pass that up.

She put the iPad on the bench and bent down and picked Jack up. “Of course I can make you dresses like those sweetheart. They’re very simple to make. And you know, I could even make you some sparkly ones.”

Jack’s eyes went wide with excitement ‘Oh my gosh Nanna. You are so clever. I didn’t even think of that. And I will be so sparkly!”

‘So sparkly my beautiful little granddaughter” Rachel said as she chuckled at her antics. “You’re a very beautiful little girl Jack exactly as you are. Even in your shorts and t shirts. And if you want to wear them and you don’t have to but it you do, you should wear whatever dresses make you feel pretty and I’m going to make some for you so you have them alright?”

Jack’s little face lit up as she nodded emphatically.

‘In fact, we need to pick up a few supplies for lunch after the river and there’s a shop in town that has fabric to make things. Would you like to go for a little run into town with Pop and see if we can find you something you like?”

“Yeah yeah yeah let’s go!” Jack clapped her little hands and Rachel laughed ‘Well alright sweetheart Nanna will just need to leave Mummy a note. You go play with your truck for just a minute and then we will go alright?”

Rachel went to put Jack down but Jack put her little arms around her neck and squeezed her tight. “I love you Nanna. Thank you for helping me”

Rachel breathed in her heavenly baby scent and held her close for just a moment. “I love you too my perfect sparkly babygirl.”

And as she placed the little girl on the ground and she became reinvested in her beloved purple truck, so content to just play at her feet and be near her, Rachel couldn’t remember the last time she had been so happy.

***************  
Rachel smiled at Jack sitting in her stroller happily. She was such a good little girl. Even though she was fiercely independent she knew herself being premature and also being used to a small village that her little legs got tired and all it had taken before they left was for Rachel to explain that they’re older than her Mummy and Mama and it would be a little easier than carrying groceries and her and she’d buckled herself in. They’d found her a gorgeous Navy blue fabric with little yellow tractors on it, a metallic shiny magenta fabric she’d actually whisper squealed the words ‘So sparkly!” Over and a black fabric with little bright dinosaurs all over it.

“What about this one sweetheart its covered in jelly beans, you love jellybeans” Rachel held it down to her and Jack’s little face lit up but she gently pushed it away “It’s okay Nanna you are buying me so much nice material and I have so many lovely things. I don’t have to have more”

“Oh you little darling” Rachel said proudly as she bent and kissed her head. She was so much like Ann was as a little girl. Never wanting or expecting extravagant things, the total opposite to the stereotype of the little princess who had come into a family of incredible wealth and privilege. Jack was always so grateful for anything that was given to her and Rachel knew her life of having nothing had taught her that.

“Now listen to Nanna little one. It’s the Nanna and Pop’s job to spoil the beautiful little grand daughter and it isnt too much. But I appreciate you being such a grateful and thoughtful little girl. So if you would like the jelly bean fabric we will get it and if there’s any other fabric you like before I pay you should tell me.”

Jack looked longingly over at the bows on a stand near the register and Rachel smiled as she saw where Jack’s gaze went.

‘Ah ha. I bet you’re looking at these two!’ Rachel said as she pulled off a bright aqua glittery bow and a set of two bright lavender glittery smaller bows.

“You’re so clever Nanna how did you know that?” Jack said in awe and Rachel winked at her “Magic Nanna powers!”

‘Cool!” Jack said, clearly impressed.

Rachel went to pay for their shopping and took a deep breath as she saw Mary Travers behind the counter. The most opinionated gossip in town.

“Rachel! This must be the little girl Annie adopted. She’s very beautiful. What’s your name little one?” Mary said in a condescending voice like she was talking to a 6 month old as she leaned over the counter.

“Kenzie Lister. But everyone calls me Jack” she told the woman even though she already didn’t like her.

“Goodness. Little boy names. Little boy clothes. You sure like to raise your Hastings girls to be left of centre!” Mary said, having a dig and Rachel narrowed her eyes.

‘And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Mary shrugged “You got lucky with Annie. She’s such a beautiful well mannered little thing. Such an impressive young lady and she’s bagged herself a real catch in Anne Lister. But this little one could go either way. She could be like Annie or she could be like Cassie. She’s so beautiful cant you just get some of that beautiful pastel pink lace fabric on the shelf over there?”

Jack looked at what Mary was pointing to and looked so horrified, her expressive little face scrunched up in utter distaste that Rachel had to bite back a snort.

“Mary the only reason I’m still here is because I promised my granddaughter some dresses and she will have them, in these fabrics and still look absolutely beautiful because she is perfect just as she is.

“Nanna I don’t need them. The lady is being mean to you. Let’s just go!” Jack said as she reached up to squeeze her hand and then turned to Mary and glared at her “My Nanna is the best Nanna. She is kind and beautiful and smart and I love her. And you are a mean lady to make her sad and your pink fabric is ugly!”

Mary stared at her in shock and Rachel could see she was stunned to be dressed down so assertively and articulately by a toddler and she reached inside her purse and placed some money on the counter before putting the fabric and bows in her shopping tote “Here Mary, this should more than cover it. Perhaps you could use the change to buy yourself some class!”

Rachel backed out of the narrow Aisle with the stroller and Jack held her arms out

“Boom!” she exclaimed defiantly to a stunned Mary.

“We sure showed her Nanna!” Jack said proudly as she held her little fist up to fist bump Rachel when they were out on the street and Rachel bumped her fist. “We sure did Jacky Jack! Let’s go to the book store. There’s a book I’d like to show you.”

*************

“Thank you for my new book Nanna!” Jack said gratefully as she ran her little fingers over the hard cover of Dr Seuss’s “Oh the places you’ll go” “Was this really the story happening when my Mummy and Mama met and fell in love?”

Rachel smiled at Jack who looked cute as a button with her whipped cream moustache from her elaborate milkshake with sprinkles.

‘Here you go Miss Jack, a little treat on the house!” One of the café workers said indulgently as she placed a large cookie on the table on a little plate.

“For me? Oh thank you so much. I hope you have a lovely day!” Jack said genuinely with a bright smile and the older woman beamed at her “You’re so welcome sweetheart and I hope your day is lovely as well!”

She then turned to Rachel and Jonno “She is just divine and an absolute credit to the Hastings family. It’s lovely to have her energy in the place!”

“That she is! Our little shortcake!” Jonno said with a proud smile. “Yes we’re very proud of her and incredibly blessed that she came into our lives!” Rachel agreed. “Thank you Jessie!”

Jessie winked at Jack before walking away and Jack eagerly took a bite of her cookie.

“And to answer your question my darling yes, that was the story that was playing when your Mummy and Mama fell in love. It was your Grandma Cassie reading it to Mummy when she was little like you. And your Grandpa Chris. I bought the book for your Mummy and it became her favourite. I thought it might be nice for Mummy and Mama to read to you as well!” Rachel explained.

“How did you and Pop fall in love Nanna? You are a beautiful princess like Mummy and Pop is a strong handsome Prince but very different like my Mama!”

“Well thank you little shortcake!” Jonno said as he puffed his chest out proudly and Rachel rolled her eyes ‘Oh Sweetheart don’t you go stroking your Pop’s ego, he doesn’t need it! He thinks he’s charming!”

“Well I charmed the prettiest girl England and Australia has ever seen didn’t I? It worked on you Darlin!” Jonno retorted gruffly but his eyes were full of so much love and warmth as he took her hand and kissed it.

“Well how did you two fall in love?” Jack asked curiously and Rachel and Jonno shared a smile as they both thought back to when their story that had spanned almost 5 decades began.

“My father was a very successful property developer. That means he built houses in places. We were close and I had never seen Australia so I asked to come with him. I needed a break from my sisters. They were….difficult!” Rachel said diplomatically to the little girl.

“They were stuck up little rich girls who were just awful and too worried about their nails and their frilly pink dresses to do anything interesting or fun that’s what they were!” Jonno said bluntly and Jack scrunched her little face up “Boring!” She said emphatically and Rachel laughed and shook her head at Jonno’s usual straight talking antics.

“But your Nanna was the prettiest thing I had ever seen. 16 years old. Looked exactly like your Mummy, just taller. And I knew she was the best there was and I was going to do whatever it took to make her my girl!’ Jonno explained.

‘Except you already had a girl. Mary Travers!” Rachel reminded him and Jack’s eyes widened. “That mean lady from the shop with the material? I love this story already. It’s awesome”

“Now woman how many times do I have to tell you she wasn’t my girl. Our parents were trying to push us together and she was sweet on me but from the moment I saw you standing on my porch in that little yellow sun frock of yours when your father brought you around for dinner with my folks and you smiled, it was you. And it’s been you ever since!” Jonno kissed her forehead and Jack clapped her little hands.

“It wasn’t easy you know though Jack. We were very different like you said. And I….sometimes I get a little bit worried and stressed and it makes me sick. Like your Mummy but I’ve always been a little worse than her. And your Pop left the only home he’d ever known to come over to Crows Nest in England and court me. And my mother and sisters didn’t make it easy for him at all! We divided our time between there and our home at the farm but when we had your Grandma Cassie it was just easier to settle mostly in one place and we chose the farm. To make a life away from my family. A new start on our own!”

‘I bet Mary Travers didn’t like that huh?” Jack said dryly and Jonno just about spat his coffee out his nose as Rachel tried desperately not to laugh but once Jono broke into his fully belly laugh Rachel joined him. Jack was such an exceptionally bright and witty babygirl.

“Little shortcake you are an absolute trip!” Jonno gasped through his laughter and Jack broke into a big cheeky grin. 

“Don’t worry Nanna! Mary is just cranky cause her face is weird and her pink material is ugly and her butt is huge but if she is mean to you Imma slap her!”

Jonno lost it again and Rachel tried desperately to regain her composure “Thank you sweetheart and what you said was true but it’s not nice to slap people!”

‘But it’s not nice when she talks Nanna!” Jack reasoned and Jonno had to cover his mouth with his hand when Rachel pinched his leg to try to pull him into line.

“We still don’t slap people! You’re Nanna’s kind little munchkin and you don’t hurt people!”

‘Okay Nanna!” Jack smiled sweetly at Rachel and she took the little girl’s tiny hand in hers. “That’s my lovely baby girl.”

Jonno watched Rachel in amazement as she just allowed Jack to scoop her whipped cream out with a spoon and alternate with bites of her cookie.

‘You’re just going to let her eat all that sugar so early in the morning!” he said to her quietly and she leant in to him and quietly said “She’s so tiny. Can you imagine how much easier it would have been to put weight on Annie when she was her age and how much more sleep we would have had if we had have nurtured more of a sweet tooth in her and I had have been more okay with breaking the “rules”?

“I love all my Rachel’s but I gotta say this walk on the wild side gal is pretty darn sexy!” He winked at her and she shook her head as she giggled but melted into him as he put his arm around her.

‘I’ve had a lifetime with the best possible person to teach me that sometimes it’s okay to bend the rules” She said adoringly.

“Nanna how did you know Pop was the best person?” Jack asked as she wrapped up what was left of her cookie and put it in her pocket.

Rachel beamed at Jonno then at Jack. “Because he loved me. Even when I wasn’t easy to love or wasn’t being very lovable he always loved me. He loved all the Rachels. All the much. All the ways.”

‘All the time” Jonno said as he looked at his beautiful wife in awe and Jack’s eyes went wide.  
“Oh my gosh. The special I love you that Mummy and Mama say to each other and to me. It was yours Nanna!”

Rachel cupped Jonno’s cheek and pressed her lips to his in a chaste but very tender kiss and gave him a dazzling smile “It was ours!” Jonno pressed his forehead to Rachel’s and Jack clapped her little hands.

‘Yay!” She said excitedly and Rachel and Jonno chuckled.

‘Alright, its time for little water babies to have their hands and face cleaned so we can pick up supplies and get home and down to the river!”

*******  
”As long as I live I will never get tired of kissing you!” Anne said with a wolfish grin as she sat making out with Ann who was curled up in her lap on the couch. They’d had a lovely leisurely breakfast together before packing for the river. Ann had made yet another food magazine worthy lunchbox for Jack but this time her gorgeous little princess had encouraged her to make Jack’s much loved unicorn sandwiches independently and when they’d turned out pretty much perfect Ann had jumped into her arms smiling so proudly and covered her face with kisses. If this was married life she honestly never wanted it to end.

“Ditto!” Ann said as she went in to kiss Anne again and they were interrupted by the backdoor opening and closing.

“Mummy, Mama I’m home!” Jack called out.

“We’re on the lounge Sweetheart!” Anne called out and they heard the sound of Jack’s little footsteps running and Ann felt her heart do somersaults as Jack caught sight of Anne and she held her little arms out. “Dude!” She said in delight as she ran over and Anne picked her up. “Well hello my little poppet!”

Anne cuddled her close and then Jack turned towards Ann “Mummy!” She said as she hugged her and Ann kissed her little nose “Good morning baby did you have fun with Nanna?”

‘I had the bestest time! We found material to make me pretty dresses with dinosaurs and tractors and jelly beans and I will be so sparkly and Mary Travers is awful but Nanna says we don’t slap her and she bought me “Oh the places you’ll go” cause that’s the story you fell in love to and Nanna and Pop told me how they fell in love and I had a milkshake and got a free cookie! Here I saved you guys some!” Jack said as she took half her cookie out of her pocket and unwrapped it, holding it up and Anne beamed at her. She was such a kind and generous little girl. Just like Ann.

“Thank you Poppet!” Ann said as she took a bite and passed the rest to Anne who took a bite then gave the cookie back to Jack.

“And Mary Travers is awful and I was never allowed to slap her either. I wanted to though!” Ann commiserated with her daughter.

“But we don’t do that Mummy!” Jack said seriously as she shook her head and Anne leant into Ann’s ear and whispered “Besides, from what I’ve witnessed, drop kicking a bitch is more your style!”

Anne froze as she realised she’d referenced that horrific altercation with Mariana over Ann’s abuse and subsequent blackmail but Ann simply broke into giggles and Anne felt her stomach actually fill with butterflies at how far her sweet beautiful girl had come in her healing and recovery.

‘Stop that baby!” She chided her wife then looked expectantly at Jack “Okay Little Dude you have jobs to do. Sunscreen and swimmers. Let’s go!”

“But not on my face Mummy!” Jack said insistently and Ann cupped her little face understandingly “It’s not the one that hurts you Sweetie I promise, it’s Nanna’s sunscreen. It’s even the bottle from her house. She gave it to me!”

“But not on my face I said!” Jack insisted as she folded her little arms and Anne bit back a smile. She was so cute.

“Jack you cant be out in this Sun without sun screen!” Ann insisted and Jack wriggled out of their embrace and started walking away.

“Jack..baby don’t walk away!” Ann said as she got off the lounge and Jack turned back to Ann and stamped her little foot “No Sun scream!”

“Kenzie that’s enough. You’re wearing it and that’s the end of it!” Ann said calmly and Jack threw what was left of her cookie at the wall.  
“I SAID NO!!” Jack screamed, startling Anne.

“Mackenzie do not yell at me!” Ann cautioned her.

“I’LL YELL IF I WANT. THE SUN SCREAM IS STUPID AND SO IS THE RIVER I DON’T EVEN WANT TO GO ANYWAY”

“Mackenzie you will stop screaming at your mother right now!” Anne said firmly and Jack faltered. Anne had never called her Mackenzie before. But still she glared up at Anne and took all the magazines on the coffee table and threw them to the ground before running away to her room.

Anne watched her leave, completely stunned. ‘What was that?”

“That, was a “threenager” Ann said with a sigh and Anne looked at Ann in horror ‘Has she had tantrums like that before?”

“There were a couple in Bali when she was overtired. She’s had so many changes in her life and she’s only a baby. She’s such a good little girl too, we need to remember that moments like this seem so extreme because she’s so divine most of the time!” Ann explained and Anne shook her head at Ann in total awe of her. “I don’t know how I ever worried that our age difference could end us. I learn so much from you every day. You teach me so much about what it is to be a good parent. And I’m so lucky to have you!”

‘Dude!” Ann melted as she put her arms around Anne’s waist and snuggled in for a cuddle.

“You’re so incredible with her.We’re the lucky ones!” Ann said sincerely and Anne kissed the top of her head ‘What do we do now sweetheart? I want to learn how to help her.”

Ann looked up at Anne adoringly “We wait a few minutes usually. She calms as quickly as she explodes normally though I’ve never seen her have one of that magnitude. She’s had a few late nights in a row though, she’s tired.”

“Do you mind if I go? I mean if I try to talk to her about it?” Anne asked and Ann threaded her fingers through Anne’s “I think that’s a wonderful idea. You’ve always been so amazing with me when I’m distressed. And I’ll be right behind you for back up okay?”

“Alright My Darling!” Anne said as she kissed Ann’s forehead and went to Jack’s room. When she got there she tentatively opened the door and the sight of her baby sitting against the side of her bed, clutching her Purple truck and her Vampirina Doll as she looked so lost and sobbed softly was enough to break Anne’s heart.

“Jack sweetheart we need to have a little talk!” Anne said as she sat down beside Jack and Jack nodded “Can I please just take my purple truck and my Vampirina Doll when you send me back?” Jack sobbed and Anne looked at Jack in confusion. ‘Send you back?”

“Madja said…he said I was very bad and that when you found out how bad I was you wouldn’t want me and you would send me back and now I’ve been very bad” Jack dropped her toys and covered her little face in her hands as she really began to cry in earnest and Anne looked up at Ann who had appeared in the doorway in horror. Anne felt rage fill her veins and seeing the look cross over her face Ann looked at her pleadingly, shaking her head and Anne forced herself to calm.

“Baby no” Anne said as she took Her t shirt off and did her best to gently strip Jack and picked up the little girl, holding her close and doing skin to skin. “No no no, we are never ever sending you back. You are our daughter. Our beautiful baby girl! Shhhhh Mama’s got you. Your Mummy and I love you so much and we’re not ever letting you go!”

Jack began to calm at the skin to skin contact and Ann sat beside them, wrapping her arm across them both and placing little kisses on Jack’s shoulder.

“You and your Mama are my whole world babygirl. You are my little Dude. I love you so much. I could never send you away. Never ever….”” Ann’s voice broke as tears filled her eyes and Anne pulled her into her arms with Jack.

“I’m very sorry I yelled at you Mummy….I’m sorry Mama!” Jack said apologetically and Ann pried Jack’s face from Anne’s shoulder. “I know you are baby. Thank you for saying sorry. It’s okay for good little girls to have moments where they’re not at their best. It doesn’t make you bad it just makes you a tiny little girl who is still learning to deal with her feelings.”

“That’s right darling. If I hadn’t have met your Mummy I still wouldn’t know how to deal with my feelings!” Anne quipped and Ann giggled.

“I’m weally weally scared of the sun scream on my face…..it stings like when Madja used to hit me. I can’t go to the river” Jack said looking so genuinely frightened that it was gut wrenching to behold and Ann’s stomach sank as she finally grasped what Jack was associating the stinging of her reaction to. Violence. A hand doing something to her face that in her mind, caused hurt. She knew all about that kind of trauma. Anne’s eyes blazed but she stayed calm

“It’s alright my little poppet. Thank you for telling us. We understand a bit better now!” Anne said as she rubbed Jack’s back and Ann gently took Jack from Anne. “It’s alright baby. You can go to the river with us and you don’t have to put sunscreen on today. But you have to leave your rashie and hat on and only play in the shady water under the trees okay?”

“Okay Mummy!” Jack replied compliantly as she snuggled into Ann and Anne pulled them both into her lap. “I need to clean up the mess I made!” Jack said, needing to make things right and Anne stroked her hair. “See? You’re such a good little girl with such a strong sense of right and wrong. You make us so proud poppet. You can do that in a minute. And I’ll help you with the magazines!”

‘And I’ll help you with the cookie!” Ann offered as they both snuggled into Anne and Anne could see how hard it was on Ann, that Jack shared even an extent of the PTSD she herself had suffered from so horrifically.

“But right now my sweet beautiful girls need cuddles. So that’s what we’ll do!And then we’ll have a lovely day!” Anne insisted as she held her precious cargo tightly in her arms and did her best to soothe and comfort them.

******************

Jaz watched Victoria vigilantly as she spoke to Anne. “So you’ve seen this happen before kiddo?” Jaz asked her and Anne nodded “Yes, I’m not proud of it. I mean I didn’t do it when Millie was around but a couple of times I blew up because Victoria ripped the bandaid off deep wounds and things got messy and she’d become very withdrawn and quiet for a little while….and I would feel so awful because she was so amazing to me. And then she’d snap out of it. It was worse the couple of times Oliver went off at her. She’s different with you though.”

“How so?” Jaz asked and Anne shrugged “I know it’s probably hard for you with her being so quiet but the way she was just holding your hand and leaning into you when you guys walked down a little while ago. She was never like that with me. She would completely shut down and there was no coaxing her out of it until she was ready which is why I learned not to yell at her, even in frustration. But you’re obviously exactly what she needs!” Anne squeezed Jaz’s hand and Jaz put her arm around Anne and pulled her in to kiss her head. “Thank you honey. I hope so!”

“I’m thinking I want to bring out the blonde and soften the grey a little. I think I need a change. I’m only 64 years old and I have a beautiful vibrant baby great grand daughter and will likely have more grandbabies soon. And I’d like to look lovely. And…….I was wondering if you could do it for me this afternoon before I lose my nerve. And I can wear it to dinner” Rachel said completely out of the blue and Jaz and Anne looked at each other in surprise and then Jaz grinned at Rachel.

“Honey you are so beautiful just as you are but I would love to help you. It’s just that you know I would only use the highest quality products on you and the earliest I could likely get them for you is this evening, during the dinner.”

“I could get them for you Rach….from my stylist and Salon at Shibden. One of my assistants is leaving in half an hour to drive up some Christmas presents. If you just let me know what you needed Jaz I’d be more than happy to make the call. I don’t really understand hair!”

Jaz chuckled “That’s fine honey here give me your phone and I’ll write you a list!” Anne handed Jaz her phone and she meticulously typed in a list of products and colours and gave it to Anne.

“I’ll take care of it!” Anne said with a bright smile.

“Thank you darling!” Rachel said gratefully as she reached over to squeeze her hand.

‘You’re welcome, that’s what family is for right? This will be the first Christmas I’ve ever had a real one!” Anne replied honestly as she stood and moved away from the two older women to make her call.

‘That girl is a blessing!” Rachel said vehemently ‘And speaking of blessings…..isn’t yours absolutely stunning!” She continued in awe and Jaz felt her stomach fill with butterflies as she watched her little love walk towards Jack. She was wearing a simple pair of small denim shorts over her swimsuit and a light long sleeve white cotton beach cover up shirt that she had tied in a knot and her incredible hair had dried overnight into tousled waves that sat at her chest. She honestly looked like a little pint sized supermodel. She was ethereally beautiful and the fact that she was particularly fragile that morning only made her look more doll like. 

“And she’s just as stunning on the inside. I look at her sometimes and I actually cannot believe she’s mine” Jaz mused honestly. 

‘She looks a little flushed. Maybe she’s hot in the long sleeves” Rachel mused and Jaz sighed “It’s to hide the bruises that bastard put on her. Honestly I’m so used to Cassie’s extreme reactions to everything. If Victoria screamed or sobbed, lashed out at me or threw things or wanted to drown herself in anti depressants or do a line of cocaine I’d know how to deal with it. But she curled up in my arms like a little kitten, then this morning she barely said two words apart from asking for a cuddle. She got ready quickly with no fuss when I said I’d like her to come here with us and held my hand the whole way down. She even ate more toast than I know she wanted to, gluten free this time of course just to please me. And then while I was in the shower I discovered she’d bleach bombed the floors because she’d bled on them last night, even though I’d wiped it up.

Rachel shot Jaz a bemused look “I see the problem. Stunning, selfless, sweet, affectionate, compliant, low maintenance, cleans the house. She sounds like an absolute nightmare compared to your last experience! What a Jerk. You should get rid of her immediately”

Jaz snorted and slapped Rachel lightly “Cheeky! That’s just it, with Victoria it’s like as much as she’s going through hell right now, even if she cant really bring herself to talk about it when she leans into me and connects with me that way I feel that…..it’s like for her I’m enough to make her feel better, feel comforted, just by existing.”

“So? That’s how It should be. I think that’s lovely!” Rachel encouraged and Jaz nodded ‘It is, I mean its frustrating as hell I cant take her pain away for her or fix it for her but it is lovely. It’s beautiful. But I’ve never had that before….the being enough…..”

Rachel brought her hand up to Jaz’s face ‘Oh my dearest friend. Cassandra, Our gorgeous wild girl put all of us through the ringer but she was hardest of all on you. Enjoy this. Enjoy your Bella. You are enough, and the way that she comes back to you, leans on you, lets you love her even in the face of trauma is what you deserve….Just look at what she’s doing over there with Jack!”

Jaz looked on in amazement at Victoria who had stripped little Jack down to her bikini and was holding some kind of bright blue glittery bottle and sponges.

“I didn’t know you could get sparkly soft squishy sun scream Vicki!” Jack said in amazement as Victoria finished rubbing sun screen soaked sponges into Jack’s body and lightly doing a final rub with her hands, the glitter she’d stuck on the bottle coming off onto Jack’s limbs to glisten in the sun and completely get her attention to the point where she barely registered the sponge coming towards her face but when she saw it she started to whine and try to scramble away, looking frightened.

“Shhhh Jacky Jack its alright you’re safe darling” Victoria said as she picked up Jack and held her, placing little kisses on her face. “Remember? It doesn’t feel like hands, its soft and squishy just like on your arms and legs and so sparkly. And it’s just like the one from Nanna’s house but with sparkles!”

Jack pondered what Victoria was saying “And I will be so sparkly?”she asked tentatively.

“The sparkliest little beach babe there ever was!” Victoria assured her and very gently began to rub the sun screen into her little face with the sponge. Jack relaxed in her arms and when she was finished Victoria kissed her forehead. “I am so proud of you our precious sparkly baby. Now go tell Mummy and Mama how brave you were!”

Jack’s little face lit up “Thank you Vicki! I love you!” She said sincerely and Victoria pressed her nose to Jack’s “I love you too little one”

“She’s incredible!” Rachel enthused and Jaz melted as Victoria stood, suddenly looking very lost and walked towards them. “She sure is!” She said proudly and When Victoria reached them she placed the zip lock back with the contents inside her beach bag and reached in for a bag of wipes.  
Jaz reached across and pulled Victoria into her lap “Let me help you Mi Amore!” She said as she took one of Victoria’s small hand’s and began cleaning the glitter off.

“Thank you!” Victoria said softly but sweetly, relaxing with her back against Jaz’s chest and Jaz kissed her cheek “You’re so welcome!”

“What you just did was remarkable Darling. Truly!” Rachel praised Victoria and she gave Rachel a kind smile but avoided her eyes. “Millie was terrified of a lot of sensations when she was younger. I learned to get creative.”

“My brilliant baby!” Jaz whispered proudly and Victoria didn’t say anything but she pressed her cheek against the older woman’s and when Jaz had finished cleaning off all the glitter she could and placed the wipe in their rubbish bag Victoria reached for her book and turned in Jaz’s arms, curling into her as she began to read.

Jaz looked down at her in concern. She was so quiet and withdrawn. As though she could read Jaz’s thoughts Rachel squeezed Jaz’s hand to get her attention and mouthed “Enjoy it!”

Jaz nodded and wrapped her arms around her flame haired little love, relishing how good it felt when she snuggled even more deeply into her embrace.

“What do we know about Rhiannon Owen?” Millie asked as she sat and took some watermelon from the cooler bag and Rachel rolled her eyes ‘That she’s a stroppy little Diva, why has she been unkind to you darling? I will call her mother!”

Millie shook her head “No but when Frog dropped me home before he went to work he took me for breakfast and she was there all over him even though he wasn’t interested and Griffo and Petey came in to get a smoothie and were talking about how she’s slept with everyone. I’ve slept with no one!”

‘And there’s nothing wrong with that Love. I was glad I waited for Jonno. Don’t you let her make you feel less than. That boy adores you!” Rachel assured her and Jaz scrunched her face up.

“Babygirl don’t listen to a word of the gossip because that’s just all it is, gossip. That insecure little girl talks a good game about how experienced she is but I know everything about everyone in this town so I can keep my family safe and I know for a fact she’s only slept with 4 people. She does not have enough skill to blow anyone’s mind and wouldn’t know intimacy if it hit her in the face. She’s not much less virgin than you! You march your heavenly legs for days over to the water and go live your best life honey and don’t give that little trouble maker another thought!”

Victoria winced, undetected by Jaz at her dismissive comment about only 4 partners resulting in minimal sexual skill. It was too soon and too close to home after what Oliver had said the previous evening

Millie laughed ‘Okay, thanks Jaz, thanks Rachel! Mum would you come and help us with Jack? We’re getting her used to being airborne for Aerials and I know she finds you really comforting!”

“I’ll be there in just a minute sweetie!” Victoria assured her.

“Kay!” Millie said happily as she headed back to the water and Rachel took a deep breath. ‘Speaking of sex. Um….well Jonno and I, it’s been a while and I was thinking maybe tonight…”  
‘I knew you were up to something!! Take the grey out my ass. You go girl. Grey or blonde you’re a fox and you’ll rock his world! But just the same we’re going to give you amazing new hair” Jaz cut her off but was very encouraging and Rachel couldn’t help but giggle albeit awkwardly. “Yes well…..I suppose I was wondering….since you know a lot about it if you had any tips?”

Jaz did a mental check of anything she could tell Rachel that wouldn’t completely put her off but it was Victoria who spoke as she reached over and squeezed Rachel’s arm.

“Start with clothes on. Cuddling, kissing. Touching. Don’t put the pressure of having sex on yourselves. Reconnect with one another. You love each other so much. Make intimacy your goal, not sex, and you’ll be fine. It will feel safer, whatever happens, happens and you’re likely to be less anxious. That’s what I would suggest if you were a patient. Because you’re like family I’m suggesting that, and a few wines, the new hair style and whatever outfit makes you feel like a queen. Not that you need it. You’re so beautiful Rach!”

And with that Victoria stood and walked towards the kids in the water and Rachel looked at Jaz expectantly. “Well go on Ms Sex club owner femme fatale what have you got to say to top that?”

“Nothing. No one could top that.” Jaz said honestly, once more blown away by Victoria’s insightful ness and Rachel grinned. “I agree. It’s lovely that you recognize it though”

“You know I could give you some hand cuffs though and….” Jaz began cheekily but was cut off by Rachel “Finish that sentence Jazmine Moretti and so help me!”

Jaz cracked up as she put her arm around Rachel and pulled her in close. “You know Victoria just said more to you than she’s said to me since last night right?”

‘And you hate that right?” Rachel said knowingly and Jaz sighed “I loathe it!” Both women cracked up and then Jaz sighed sadly despite a sympathetic smile from Rachel.

‘Cheer up sunshine. She’ll come out of her shell when she’s ready!” 

Jaz received a notification that the surveillance footage from Victoria’s altercation with that animal had been retrieved and she stood. “I’ll be back in a few minutes Honey. Keep an eye on my girl for me?”

“Of course!” Rachel reassured her and Jaz walked to a clearing in the trees and opened up the file. The footage was a little blurry but the sound was clear and Jaz could still see what was going on. A wave of conflicting emotion engulfed her. Pride as she watched her put little Jack’s safety first even though she knew she was in danger, absolute disgust and rage as she heard Oliver Hobbs tear Victoria to shreds about her diminutive size, her breasts, her ability as a lover, her face, telling her she would be nothing but a whore and cast aside in 5 minutes. And then awed admiration and gratitude as her beautiful little Bella defended her and said such beautiful things about her despite how clearly terrified she was. And oh how it ripped at her heart to see the pain on Victoria’s face as he said such cruel and vindictive things about her, as she spoke of wanting so badly to be able to confess her love to her. But when she’d started having difficulty breathing and he’d started taunting her, intending to push her until he totally broke her, Jaz wanted to tear the flesh from his bones herself with her bare hands. She watched as Victoria started kicking at him “That’s my incredible girl, get him baby!” Jaz said aloud with tears streaming down her face. And then Victoria had disappeared from the camera view, obviously running back to the house.

Jaz felt ill. She’d known it had been bad, she could tell from Victoria’s state when she’d found her but in fact it had been horrific. She also hadn’t realized how long the altercation had been No wonder her little love was so traumatized and so withdrawn. And the thought of Victoria being trapped alone inside her head with that animal’s vindictive vitriol broke her heart. She knew Victoria might not be able to talk at that moment but it was her duty as her partner, her lover, as Daddy and her dominant to protect her at all costs. Even if that meant taking control and pushing her into a conversation she may not want to have. She was definitely going to have to give her Bella a safe word. But that was a conversation for after she’d done whatever she could to ease her torment.

Jaz headed back out of the clearing and straight down to where Victoria was crouched near the rest of their group but not so close they were within earshot. She’d taken her shorts off and as she leant over from her squatted position splashing water on her face and legs to cool down, Jaz had to remind herself not to grow distracted by the view of her perfect peach little ass. 

Victoria stood and Jaz announced her presence as she approached so as not to startle her. “Baby why don’t we head down steam a little and you’ll be able to take your shirt off and cool off properly!”

Victoria turned towards Jaz and then gestured to the girls and Harry working with Jack on a piece of fabric, held by Harry and Anne on either side.

“I’m just helping Millie and Annie with Jack!” She said softly and Jaz took a deep breath. “I saw the video footage from the surveillance cameras in the woods last night. I know exactly what happened with Oliver. The things that were said.”

Victoria froze and completely shut down “I don’t want to talk about it”

“And you don’t need to talk about it right now Red but there’s some things I need to say about it” Jaz insisted.

“Well I don’t want you to talk about it either” Victoria said defiantly as she stamped her foot and folded her arms, looking up at her in irritation with a pout and Jaz bit back a smile as glee filled her. There was a little bit of feisty Brat in her Bella when pushed evidently. And it was incredibly cute. ‘So fucking adorable” she thought to herself. But it was knowing how far she could push Victoria to submit to her without crushing her that was the delicate balance.

“Well I’m sorry you feel that way Mi Amore but make no mistake, I’m going to talk about it. Now I’m not about to drag you off and make a scene. I don’t want you to worry. I want you to take another 10 minutes or so doing what you’re doing, finish it up, excuse yourself and then come with me is that clear?” She said in that unmistakable Dominant tone that she knew Victoria recognized even on instinct.

Victoria looked so stricken and overwhelmed that it took every ounce of strength Jaz had inside her to not just pick her up then and there and hold her until she felt safe again.

“What you must think of me after seeing that” Victoria said brokenly as she looked away. Terrified that she’d angered Jaz just like she angered Oliver.

“Mio piccolo Tesoro” Jaz breathed as she cupped Victoria’s face like she was made of china and turned her face back towards her. “My little darling” and Victoria felt somewhat mollified by her Italian term of endearment.  
“This is exactly why I need to talk to you about it because I need to tell you very clearly what I think about the things that monster said to you. You’re not in trouble. I’m not angry with you. There are times when I’m going to be firm with you and push you a little and you might not always like it because that’s part of being a dominant, that’s part of being Daddy. When I say you’re mine I take that very seriously my Bella and I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe, even from yourself and the cruel words of your torment running on loop inside your head but I will never EVER hurt you like that. It will never be like it was with him. Do you understand me Red?”

Jaz was prepared for any number of reactions. Anger, confusion, indignation, tears. But instead Victoria seemed to visibly relax a little and she reached up to grasp her wrist and lean further into her palm as she nodded.

“10 minutes alright? I mean it Red” Jaz reiterated firmly as her eyes pierced into Victoria’s. She only put a time limit in place because she knew Victoria would likely anxiety loop and fear the worst if she left it any longer

“Yes Daddy!” Victoria said softly and Jaz died. She didn’t think a day would ever come where the beauty of Victoria’s submission gifted to her so sweetly and sincerely didn’t render her a puddle of mush. Victoria’s submissiveness was as innate to her as breathing was. After more than 30 years in BDSM, Jaz had been able to see that the first time she’d taken her out for a drink just after Ann had fled to Bali and she’d been so incredibly drawn to it. But the fact that she chose to give it to the older woman was something she would treasure with every ounce of her being forever.

Jaz gently enfolded her in her arms and kissed her head. “Good girl. Thank you my sweet Bella. Off you go”

She watched dotingly as Victoria walked away and then she went back to where they were set up on the shore. Jaz smiled as she heard Rachel on the phone asking Jonno to set up her sewing machine so she could run Jack a little dress up that afternoon to wear to dinner.

Her heart overflowed with love as she saw Victoria beginning to excuse herself already. Rachel was right, her empathy, her consideration for others and her gentle, easy going compliance really did make her a breath of fresh air. It made her even more determined to be gentle with her.

It all happened so fast. Jaz could see Harry telling her not to be a party pooper and teasingly pressuring her to stay but she sweetly refused and then he lunged forward and grabbed her arm, intending to pull her back. Not meaning any harm but it was too soon and Victoria froze and looked like a deer in headlights as she yanked her arm free and stumbled back with the force.

Anne caught Victoria and Ann cried out in shock “Vicki your wrist..the bruises oh my god”

Victoria looked down at her arm shamefully as panic filled her.

“Red it’s alright Baby come to me!” Jaz commanded gently as she approached her but Victoria backed away from all of them, avoiding their eyes.

“I’m okay, I think I just need to cool off a little, it’s very hot. I might go for a quick dip” and with that she turned and ran into the water, diving into it when it was deep enough.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset her, I adore Vicki, she’s like a mum to me” Harry was completely guilt stricken.

‘I know Honey, I’ll go after her….”

“Wait Jaz what did my father do to her?” Millie demanded as Jaz headed in the direction Victoria had gone in.

‘I’m sorry Honey Anne will explain and I will be back as soon as I can!” Jaz called behind her and Ann picked up Jack.

“Did that bad man OIiver hurted Vicki like Madja used to hurted me?” Jack asked and Ann kissed her forehead.

“Your Nonna has gone to kiss her boo boos better. She loves her very much. Why don’t you come and have something from your lunch box with Nanna” Ann said as she carried Jack towards Rachel and Anne took Millie in her arms.

“You need as hug sweetheart!” Anne said softly as she held her, grateful that the young woman accepted her comfort.

“It’s alright mate when Ann gets back we’ll sit down together and talk it out okay?” Anne said sympathetically over Millie’s shoulder to Harry. 

Jaz could see from the direction Victoria had swum in that she had likely headed around to the secluded little alcove and cave that Ann liked. Making haste she swam around to its location and sure enough, there sat the prettiest, saddest little mermaid she had ever seen. She was crying softly, her face twisted in anguish as she shivered and once more she had arranged herself in a small obscure space. She wondered how many times Victoria had hidden herself away alone in her pain for fear of inconveniencing anyone because that monster had spent years making her feel like that’s all she did.

“Oh my precious sweetheart let me help you” Jaz said as she went and stood in front of Victoria and gently pulled her legs away from her chest. She immediately began unbuttoning her white shirt that was clinging to her body and chilling her with the breeze .

“I’m sorry…has it been 10 minutes? Harry grabbed me….I panicked….I wasn’t ignoring you I just needed a minute please don’t yell at me” Victoria said anxiously and Jaz shook her head as she slipped the shirt off her.

“I’m not going to yell at you baby, come here” She said as she picked Victoria off the rock and held her close. “You’re such a good girl, you’re my good girl. I saw what happened. Of course you got a fright. You take all the time you need I’ve got you” Jaz reassured her and much to her relief, her younger lover wrapped her arms and legs around her even as she whimpered in distress.

“Shhhhh that’s it, good girl. Daddy’s got you”

Jaz held her snugly in her arms until she could feel Victoria’s wildly beating heart start to slow. And then as much as it felt like inappropriate timing she found herself smiling as she looked down at her stunning Bella’s petite form clad only in her pretty white and pink floral swimmers wrapped around her like a little koala. She was so cute.

“You’re so tiny” Jaz said in reverent awe of the beautiful little doll in her arms. It was said with so much love, appreciation and endearment but she felt Victoria physically deflate in her arms.

“Less than 50 kilos dripping wet, literally.” Victoria said self consciously and Jaz gently pried her face from her shoulder and cupped her face with her hand, forcing her Bella to look at her.

“I love that you’re tiny, that you’re so effortless to pick up and cuddle, that you’re so light curled up in my lap that I can leave you there comfortably for hours, that you curl so perfectly into my side. You’re a little doll but It’s like you were made for me, to be my little doll. And diminutive or not you have beautiful breasts, softly curved hips, a gorgeous little back side. You have such a beautiful little body Mi Amore and I wouldn’t have you any other way. You are so exquisite that when you look up at me with those big green eyes and you smile I feel as though my heart may stop beating that very instant. I am having the best sex of my life because the way you submit and give yourself to me so completely with such a sincere heart is more powerfully erotic and poignant than I could ever do justice with words. The way you kiss and touch me so sweetly, so lovingly. You’ve taught me the real meaning of making love. I never understood it until you.”

Victoria still looked torn “But what you said to Millie about that girl not knowing anything about sex because she’d only been with 4 people. I’ve only been with 4 people. Oliver was my first then there was Anne when I left him then someone after her then you.”

Jaz’s heart sank. Talk about putting her foot in it ‘Well baby this is when you slap me and give me that look of exasperation I love so much and say ‘Sweetie stop talking shit!’ I might be the dominant one here but it doesn’t mean I cant see that I’m prone to a lot of dick moves, and just think, before you walked into my life like the little angel you are and pulled me into line I was even worse!”

Victoria actually broke into giggles in spite of her anguish, she couldn’t help it. “You are so incorrigible” she said softly and Jaz beamed as she laughed with her.

“Look at you, my beautiful amazing Bella. You are so stunning inside and out. I love you so much. I’m sorry if my insensitively timed comment made you feel inferior baby I didn’t know. And there is nothing wrong with the fact that you’ve had a small number of partners. I was merely trying to reassure our gorgeous Millie. I know I can’t undo the cruel words that creep used to break you down over the years but what I can do is make sure I tell you every day that to me, you are the sun and in time my voice will replace his I hope.”

Jaz took Victoria’s face between her hands and ever so gently pressed her lips to her forehead “Now see? Was that so scary a talk?”

Victoria shook her head “No…..it wasn’t , I’m sorry I’ve worried you today and for running off….”

“Shhhhhh” Jaz gently cut her off by placing her fingers against Victoria’s gorgeous lips. “Hush my love. You’re allowed to be shaken and frightened by what happened to you, by triggers. To go quiet. You’re allowed to be human and we are still learning each other. But this is the time in your life where finally, someone takes proper care of you for a change, alright? And I am so grateful to be the one with that privilege.”

More tears spilled down Victoria’s face as she nodded. “Oh Jaz I love you so much!” Victoria hugged Jaz tightly and she melted as she rubbed her back softly . “I love you too my sweet Bella! And in time I would like you to tell me a little more about your marriage, about what happened with Oliver because it will help me to understand you better. It would really mean the world to me but I think that’s enough for now! ”

“Do you think you could get me out of here? I’m feeling really fragile and I just don’t think I can face everyone at the river bank right now…..but Millie….I….”

Jaz felt her heart sing as Victoria actually asked her for help. This was such a huge step.

“It’s alright Red, I’m going to call for a car and some towels and I’ll call Millie from the house okay?” Jaz reassured her as she pressed a button on her watch and made a call. When she was finished she tenderly kissed Victoria.

“Hold tight baby. Everything is going to be alright.”

*****************

“You okay Beautiful Girl?” Marion asked as she sat beside Millie on the edge of Jaz’s pool and handed her a glass of wine which she gratefully took. “Yeah thanks Marion I’m okay I’m just worried about my Mum!”

Marion put an arm around her “I know chick. But she’s sound asleep inside with Jack and you know Jaz will barely be letting her out of her sight!”

‘I hate my Dad. He’s such a jerk. I don’t ever want to have anything to do with him again!” Millie said adamantly and Marion clinked her glass against Millie’s “Cheers to avoiding our Jerk Fathers. Anne and I are with you on that one. You have my full support! And you know I’m so grateful to have another girl around when I’m hanging out with these two dorks or when the Ann(e)s are being disgustingly loved up!” 

‘Who you calling a dork sexy?” Brian said as he came up behind Marion and took the glass out of her hand before pulling her up into his arms and jumping into the water with her!”

Marion came up spluttering and slapped him “BRIAN!! I can’t believe you did that!” But she was laughing and Millie laughed too. It sure was nice to have been welcomed into this little group to form a quartet with them.

“Hey Gorgeous you look like you could use a cuddle!” Frog said as he walked up to Millie in the water and gently reached up under her arms but unlike Brian he brought Millie down to him so gently and carefully until she was standing on the bottom of the pool and wrapped up in his arms.

“Millie I don’t know what it’s like to be you babe but I know a bit about the way your mind works so you’re probably thinking down the track and you have enough to deal with so I just want you to know that the fact that I’m in this for them long haul. The fact that I’m based here and you’re usually based in Sydney, it doesn’t matter. I’ll come to you. You are so important to me. We’ll make it work, if you wanted to be my girl!”

Millie smiled shyly “I’d be your girl forever Frog. Happily!” 

Frog grinned at her usual directness that he adored so. The one that was completely transparent and absent of games.

“I would really love that Millie!” Frog softly kissed her and then nuzzled her nose with his. ‘And if your Dad so much as contacts you again I will flatten him alright? You will always be safe with me!”

Millie ran her hands up and down the completely ripped Trapezoid muscles of Frog’s 6”2 frame. He’d be able to pick her father up and throw him.

“Thank you Frog!” Millie said gratefully as she rested her head on his shoulder and Frog pulled her to him even more tightly.

“You’re going to have an amazing Christmas here at the farm Beautiful! We’ll all make sure of it!”

Rachel looked out the bathroom window to see Millie wrapped up in Frog’s arms.

“She’s alright darling Frog’s taking good care of her!” She said to Jaz who was putting foils in her hair and had mused out loud that they hadn’t checked on her for a while. In reality it had only been 15 minutes but Rachel knew Jaz was ever the protector and it was better to indulge her.

“Okay I’m just going to look in on Red!” Jaz said as she went into the bedroom and smiled softly at the sight of her beautiful Bella who was sleeping soundly and cuddling a sleeping Jack who was having her afternoon nap. They’d changed positions a few times but stayed connected the entire time. She’d even snapped a few photos, the image of them was so beautiful.

“Those two have a very special bond don’t they?” Rachel said softly behind her, the love Jack and Victoria had for one another so clear.

“They do. My Bella has that incredible natural born mother nurturing calm. Annie has it too but Red has the extra years and maturity. And both those sleeping little angels know what it’s like to be born prematurely and struggle because of it in different ways and what its like to be abused by a vindictive male bully and do everything they can to come out the other side.” Jaz said sadly and Rachel squeezed her shoulder.

“Well they’re with us now. And we’ll make sure they’re treasured the way that they deserve to be!”

“You’re right lady, come on, lets go get those foils washed out!” Jaz said as she led Rachel back to the hair set up she’d placed in her bathroom.

“Jaz what do you think Anne and Annie do in their time together while Jack naps?” Rachel asked and Jaz chuckled ‘What do I think they do? Oh honey I know what they do and so do you!”

Rachel leant in as though someone might hear her even though they were alone “I think I heard the sound of slapping this morning. Someone being slapped. Like a spanking. And then this morning when Annie’s bikini bottoms crawled up her butt a little I could have sworn I saw the outline of finger prints”

Jaz cracked up laughing “I hate to break it to you lady but Annie is kinky just like her mother was!”

“Yes well I don’t need to hear this about my beautiful precious grand daughter, lets just leave them to their business and get back to my hair” Rachel said as an embarrassed flush rose in her cheeks

“Good plan Honey!”

***********  
Ann inhaled as the strands of the small leather cats tail flogger lightly licked her right hip and then there were soft lips and gentle fingers soothing the sting away.  
“Are you alright my Princess?” Anne asked darkly and Ann nodded, her eyes closed as the pleasure pain washed over her “Yes Daddy!”

“Good girl!” Anne said proudly as she stepped back to take in her wife in all her exquisite glory, her delicate little arms raised and cuffed to the rope ring above her head, her naked body undulating under her lips, touch and her flogger, her long legs parted where she stood awaiting Anne’s next move. She’d known Ann was kinky but never in her wildest dreams had she imagined just how incredible playing with her would be. She was taking it slow with her little beauty but the sensuality and sexuality she exuded in her submission to her was intoxicating.

Anne lightly flicked the flogger at her breasts as Ann cried out and then took each of her nipples into her mouth, sucking them. Causing Ann’s legs to buckle slightly but Anne wrapped an arm around her hips to steady her and then she dropped to her knees in front of her.

“Look at me little one!” Anne commanded and Ann opened her eyes to peer down at Anne in a haze of lust laden sapphire blue.

“You like this don’t you?” She asked her darkly and Ann nodded.

‘I know you do, because you’re so wet for me you’re dripping down your thigh.”

Anne rested her cheek against the inside of Ann’s right thigh and lightly lapped at the arousal with her tongue causing Ann to gasp.

‘Are you going to drip for me some more?” Anne asked and Ann whimpered

‘Yes Daddy!” Ann replied.

‘That’s my perfect fucking girl!” Anne growled as she ran her tongue up the inside of Ann’s thigh, collecting every drop she could and when she reached the top of her thighs she entered her swiftly with two fingers, fucking her long and deep as Ann cried out and Anne could feel her near the precipice almost immediately. She began to suck on her clit lightly and within second began to come, her whole body quivering with her orgasm. It was a powerful one and Anne drew it out, wringing every last ounce of pleasure from her until her body went limp and she actually began to hang from the cuffs but Anne picked her up swiftly, taking the weight of her little wrists and un cuffed her.

“That’s my beautiful princess, you came hard, you did so well. I’m so proud of you” Anne whispered as she took her to the bed and sat with her cradled in her arms.

I love you so much my Darling!” Anne said as she wrapped Ann up tight when she shivered and covered her face in little kisses.

Ann snuggled deeply into her embrace, completely spent but so happy. “All the much!”

Anne smiled as she stroked her hair softly, so grateful for the heavenly little creature in her arms.

“All the ways, all the time!” She finished softly.

***************   
Jaz and Rachel crept towards the kitchen hearing the sound of Jack’s animated little voice and smiled at each other at the sight of Jack and Victoria sitting on the kitchen floor together. Victoria was eating a large cookie and Jack appeared to be eating ice cream out of a little tub.

“This ice cream is so yummy Vicki!” Jack said enthusiastically and Victoria chuckled as she wiped some off her little nose “I’m glad you like it sweetheart”

“So how much does Mummy weigh?” Jack asked curiously and Victoria finished the cookie that was in her mouth. ‘About 45 kilos at the moment’. Jack seemed to ponder this. ‘And how much do you weigh?”

“ around 47ish Kilos” Victoria replied as she broke off a little of her cookie and dipped it in the ice cream, handing it to Jack who immediately ate it. 

“And I am the same size as a small person who has just turned 2 years old even though I’m 3 now” Jack said a little dejectedly and Victoria pried the ice cream tub from Jack and popped her cookie inside it before picking up the little girl and looking into her eyes.

“You have brought so much joy and love to our lives little one. You are perfect size exactly as you are. Just like Thumbelina!”

“Thumbelina?” Jack asked with wide curious eyes and Victoria nodded ‘She was a magical tiny little fairy but she was so loving and kind just like you that her magic made her seem big!’ 

Victoria began to sing…

“Thumbelina, Thumbelina tiny little thing.  
Thumbelina dance, Thumbelina sing  
Thumbelina Thumbelina though you’re very small   
When your heart is full of love you’re nine feet tall”

Jaz and Rachel looked at each other in surprise. Her voice was beautiful.

“Yaaaaayyy” Jack said excitedly when Victoria finished, clapping her little hands. “I really like that song. Your voice is so awesome. You should sing more songs”

Victoria kissed Jack’s forehead “Thank you sweetheart. I sing with your Mummy and Millie sometimes and you know what? I used to sing with your grandpa Chris when we worked together. He was the best big brother a girl could ever ask for even though we weren’t related. Kind of like the way Mummy and Millie are like sisters.”

“Did you know my Nonna then?” Jack asked and Victoria shook her head “No I didn’t. That’s probably a good thing though.”

“But why?” Jack asked as she held her hands out in question and Victoria’s face took on a dreamy expression. “Because if I knew her, If I spent time with her, I would have loved her.”

“But how do you know that?” Jack asked, confused.  
“Because it was always meant to be her. Its like I was made for her and I was always going to love her. You’ll understand that a bit better when you’re older Little One”

“Oh Jaz” Rachel whispered as she saw her friends eyes glass over with the beginnings of tears and she squeezed her hand. Victoria’s words so lovingly and sincerely spoken had been beautiful. She was so happy for Jaz.

“When did you really know that you loved my Nonna?” Jack asked and Victoria’s face lit up with a smile that was so simultaneously soft and dazzling that it stole Jaz’s breath even from across the room.

“I think it was when she asked me out for a drink and I tripped on a stool. Your Nonna caught me and she smiled down at me. And when she did its like everyone in the room just disappeared. The world stopped for a moment. And there was only your Nonna and the butterflies in my tummy and the feeling of being completely safe in her arms all at the same time and the only clear thought in my head was that she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.”

“It was exactly like that for me too. At the same moment even!” Jaz spoke up alerting Victoria and Jack to their presence and Victoria looked startled but smiled shyly at her.

“And what mischief are you two gorgeous girls up to?” Rachel asked cheerfully andJack scrambled out of Victoria’s lap and handed Victoria her cookie.

“Vicki and me are having a midnight snack!” Jack explained and Rachel giggled “Oh are you now? At 3.30 in the afternoon?”

‘Oh you can have a midnight snack at any Nanna!” Jack explained with a serious little face and the adults all chuckled.

“Apparently!” Rachel said with her eyes sparkling full of mirth.

“She said she was hungry and had wanted to try a midnight snack so I thought a more Jack appropriate hour and the ice cream I made her according to her blood results and weight ratio might suffice. I hope that’s alright!” Victoria said gently as she stood and Rachel looked down into the tub in awed admiration.

“You custom made this for her Darling?”

Victoria shrugged “Well yes, It’s pretty healthy, just a combination of healthy high fat ingredients based on her needs with nothing processed or preservatives in a frozen banana and dairy base. I make the cookies for myself and for Annie to put weight on us when we lose it from stress because they’re fast and convenient but they’re quite chunky and I thought the ice cream might be easier consumption for her little mouth. It will help her gain weight quickly and maintain it”

“This is incredible, would you show me the recipe? For all of you. Jack, Annie and you. I love to cook and bake for my family, with my family. And you are family darling” Rachel said sincerely and Victoria’s face lit up in surprised delight.

“Of course I can. Annie and I can be done from the same batch now we’re similar in size and she’s older and finished growing but Jacky Jack’s mix will change. I’ll keep you updated as I adjust it based on her growth and tests”

“You are amazing” Rachel said sincerely as she hugged the younger woman and Jaz beamed proudly. She really was incredible.  
“Your hair is stunning. You look so beautiful Rach!” Victoria said as she squeezed her and Rachel’s face lit up. “Thank you Darling! Now if you excuse me I have a dress to finish for a little poppet and I need said little poppet to come with me” Rachel gently grasped Jack’s hand but Jack ran to Victoria and hugged her legs.

“Thank you for the naps and chats and snacks Vicki! I love you!” Victoria bent down and hugged Jack ‘I love you too sweetie. So much! Go on! Go help Nanna with your new dress!”

Jaz picked Jack up and covered her face in kisses as she squealed with laughter “And you listen to my beautiful Bella. You are the perfect size exactly as you are!”

Jaz cupped Victoria’s face adoringly for a moment ‘Both you little stunners are perfect as you are!”

Victoria leaned into Jaz’s hand and smiled up at her with so much love that Jaz had to remind herself to put Jack down so she and Rachel could get to work.

“Now off you go little monkey!’ Jaz put her down and she ran happily to Rachel, offering her some of her ice cream as they walked out the door. 

Jaz turned to Victoria who looked beyond adorable wearing her little white pyjama shorts and singlet but with the oversized navy silk sleep shirt she was wearing earlier in the morning, unbuttoned that belonged to her and absolutely hung off her lovers tiny frame. It was likely to hide her bruises but she looked so cute.

“And you, Mio piccolo Tesoro, You’ve just confided more in a 3 year old than you have in me the past few days and after witnessing it all while finding it beyond adorable I don’t know whether to be elevated at the divine cuteness I just witnessed, or offended or maybe just ask you why that is?”

Jaz was only being playful, she honestly didn’t expect Victoria to answer especially when she’d been so quiet that day so she was stunned when Victoria avoided her eyes and softly said.

“Well you have this way of looking at me, of examining me with a scrutiny that I’m not used to, and you’re kind of intimidatingly beautiful. And very tall. And so incredibly sexy that well, sometimes I don’t know quite what to say. And you’re a little bit scary. I mean I never ever feel like you would hurt me. Ever. You are the kindest most magical, incredible woman I have ever known. But still. You’re Jazmine Moretti and you can be a kind of intimidating.”

Jaz fought the urge to pick up her beautiful little Bella and squish her so hard she was sure she would cause damage but she just loved her so much, was so incredibly infatuated with her sweet, slightly awkward but incredibly endearing honesty.

“Hmmm….and the reason why I’m a little intimidating is so that I can convince a beautiful little Bella like you to do exactly what she’s told!” Jaz remarked but her tone was so soft and gentle and as she tenderly tipped Victoria’s face to look at her Victoria was helpless but to follow as Jaz took her hand and gently tugged her.

“Starting with this!” She remarked as she led Victoria into their bedroom and walked over to a dress hanging in the corner.

“I know you’re probably anxious about covering your bruises tonight Mi Amore and its so hot. I thought this dress looked like you. It’s slashed down the bulk of the sleeve but will conceal your little wrists and you have the most gorgeous long perfectly shaped little legs for someone so petit. It would be lovely” Jaz explained.

Victoria looked at the incredibly expensive looking ornately beaded babydoll style shift mini dress with its beautiful lace fabric and delicate sparkle. Jaz was so incredibly thoughtful and considerate.It was glorious.

“Of course if you don’t like it or if you don’t feel up to going we don’t have to go tonight my sweet” Jaz said as she hung the dress up and barely registered Victoria running towards her but she managed to catch her diminutive lover as she jumped high, wrapping her arms and legs around her and hugging her tight.

“Wow” Jaz gasped. She’d thought the hug Victoria gave her at the wedding was incredible and the way she had clung to her earlier that afternoon was lovely. But she’d never had a hug like this, not the way her sweet Bella was clinging to her with everything she had at that moment. She could feel it too. It was like they were one.

“It’s perfect. And I want to go with you. I want to be wherever you are always. Thank you for your incredible thoughtfulness” Victoria said softly as she held onto Jaz and Jaz wrapped her arms around her and held her tight. “You are so welcome Red!”

Jaz inhaled the heavenly peony sent of Victoria’s hair blissfully “I love you so much baby! You’re loving, kind, so smart, strong and so brave. You make me so proud that you’re mine!”She gently pressed her lips to Victoria’s and was surprised when her younger lover kissed her back passionately.

“I love you too!” Victoria gasped in between kisses as she unbuttoned the light shift dress Jaz was wearing and found her left breast, slipping her hand into her lover’s bra and caressing her breast gently, her thumb brushing over Jaz’s nipple causing the older woman to moan.

“Daddy I need you!” Victoria pleaded and Jaz felt her whole body quiver and desire flood her. It was the first time Victoria had used that word in a sexual context and she had done it completely unprompted and unexpectedly.

‘What do you need baby, tell Daddy what you need” She said as she held Victoria tightly around the waist with one hand and helped her shed the pyjama shirt with the other.

“Just you Daddy….to just feel you” Victoria whispered urgently and Jaz carried her to the bed, depositing her on in carefully and stripping her of her clothing gently and her beautiful little Bella was pushing her dress up and off and unhooking her bra helping her out of it.

“I’m here, I’ve got you my perfect little Red, you’re safe!” Jaz reassured her in between kissing her lovers swollen lips and Victoria returned her passion with every bit of ardor until Jaz rolled them over so Victoria was on top, not wanting to crush her in passion and her younger lover never faltered, kissing her neck with an ardor that took Jaz’s breath away.

“Red, fuck baby don’t stop!” She pleaded as she felt herself grow impossibly wet under her sweet Bella’s ministrations and her body reached a fever pitch as her petite lover moved down her body and latched her mouth around her nipple, sucking hungrily as she rolled the other between her fingers and Jaz’s hips bucked off the bed as she swapped sides, gently tugging her other nippled between her teeth.

“Jesus” Jaz gasped as Victoria licked, nicked and sucked at her flesh as she made her way down her body and pulled Jaz’s underwear down, positioning herself between her parted legs and lapping at her folds.

“Victoria….baby” Jaz moaned as Victoria’s tongue stroked her scorching hot flesh in languid, insistent strokes before plunging in and out of her as she quivered.

Victoria placed her fingers inside Jaz and began thrusting softly as she fluttered the tip of her tongue against what she had learned to be the most sensitive part of Jaz’s clit and Jaz’s eye rolled back in her head.

“Yes yes yes just like that……good girl, you fuck Daddy so perfectly” Jaz praised her and Victoria added a third finger and began plunging into her harder and faster as she felt Jaz meet her thrusts. She alternated between sucking her clit and flicking her tongue over it until Jaz’s whole body was quivering and then she fucked her relentlessly 

Jaz was out of her mind with pleasure. Sex had never been like this, so intimate, so connected, Not with anyone ever. It’s like Victoria was inside her soul. Like she was completely one with her and that her Bella knew what she needed better than she did.

“Yes yes yes yes baby yes!” Jaz chanted almost in prayer as Victoria brought her closer and closer to orgasm until she cried out and exploded, but as if on instinct Victoria didn’t let up.

“You feel so incredible I’m going to make you come again” she promised as she pushed her through the first orgasm and curled her fingers into Jaz’s G spot, making the other woman scream as she saw white blinding light and her second orgasm hit her before she’d even finished her first. Her entire body shook endlessly and Victoria gently rode the waves of pleasure with her until her body stilled. And then she kissed her way up her muscular inner thighs, her six pack that defied age and across her gorgeous hip before dropping the lightest trail off kisses along the side of her ribs. When she reached the pillows Victoria curled into Jaz and slung her arm across her, snuggling in close and as Jaz wrapped her arms around her, enveloping her in her embrace she curled into her even more.

Jaz bit back tears. She’d never had a lover like Victoria. So in tune, so selfless and giving. So intimately sensual but it was more than that. The pleasure her Bella took from bringing her pleasure was like nothing she had ever experienced.

“That was incredible, you’re incredible Bella” she said softly as she turned towards Victoria and covered her beautiful face in soft kisses before kissing her very tenderly.Her hand wondered down to Victoria’s soaked panties and she moaned at how wet they were. “Can I touch you Red?” She asked, not sure if she was ready after what she’d been through the previous evening. She thought she felt Victoria nodding but prompted her further “Use your words my sweet Bella, you’ve been hurt and It’s my job to keep you safe. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do but I need consent”

“Yes” Victoria said softly and Jaz kissed her “That’s my girl” she whispered as she smiled at Victoria reassuringly and then took off her soaked panties.

“Come up here to me baby” Jaz commanded gently as she sat up against the headboard and guided Victoria to straddle her lap. She took great pleasure in Victoria’s submission and in dominating her but she wanted her Bella to be able to control part of it while she was so vulnerable and fragile. To be able to set the pace, to be able to pause, to stop, to feel safe.

“Why are you so wet little Red? Is this for me?” Jaz asked her as she placed her hand flat against Victoria’s centre and Victoria nodded “Yes Daddy!”

“Mmmm such a perfect, pretty little pussy and it’s all mine” Jaz whispered as she kissed her neck and Victoria’s thighs started to tremble at the decadence of her words. Jaz slipped a single finger into her silky depths and wrapped her other arm around her hips, easily managing her petite frame and helping her Bella ride her.

“Ohhhhh” Victoria gasped as she wrapped her arms around Jaz’s neck and rocked on her hand.

“That’s it baby, hold onto me! You’re mine aren’t you?” Jaz asked in a low throaty tone as she began to brush against Victoria’s clit and she whimpered.

“Yes Daddy” Victoria gasped through pleasure and Jaz felt every ounce of her being come to life.

“Good girl. You are, you’re mine” Jaz praised as she began to thrust a little harder and Victoria felt her legs start to get shaky and she cried out. Jaz added another finger and Victoria dug her fingers into Jaz’s shoulders

“Shhhh Daddy’s got you, just let go baby, give into it!” Jaz encouraged her and Victoria’s entire body started to flush pink and then she completely came apart.

“That’s it, good girl… you come for me so beautifully” Jaz praised her as she continued to fuck her gently through her orgasm but pressed up into her g spot and against her clit, intensifying it and Victoria’s scream was strangled in her throat as she came for what seemed like forever. Until finally she went limp against Jaz. She vaguely registered herself being rearranged and when her eyes fluttered open to peer up dreamily and smile at Jaz she was curled up in her lap with a light throw blanket draped over her as Jaz cradled her in her arms like she was the most precious thing in the world. 

When Jaz looked down at Victoria’s huge green eyes and serene smile shining with so much love and devotion after the way she’d just given herself so fully, been the perfect submissive counterpart to the Daddy in her so beautifully, she had to swallow a lump in her throat.

“Oh but if you aren’t the most gorgeous sweetest little vixen I have ever seen in my whole damn life” she said adoringly.

“Hi!” Victoria said in a husky voice, clearly still in sub space and Jaz giggled at how cute she was “Hi baby, you feeling nice and floaty?”

Victoria nodded and Jaz beamed at her “Good!”

“We need to get ready” Victoria mused but Jaz only tightened her grip on her and kissed her forehead. “Not right now. Now you just need to let me cuddle you for a bit” 

Victoria snuggled even more deeply into Jaz’s embrace. “I love you to the moon and back” she whispered softly and Jaz held her close as she rocked her softly. “I love you to the moon and back too Mi Amore.”

Jazmine Moretti had done a lot of bad things in her life. So many that she didn’t know how or why she had been gifted the exquisite little treasure curled up in her arms so trustingly. The light to her darkness, the warmth to the colder parts of her and the innocence to her depravity. But Victoria Hobbs was everything she had ever wanted and never dared hope she’d get.

And she had never been so happy in her entire life. 

******************

“ Check you out little Lister!” Anne gasped in delight as Ann walked out into the living room wearing white maxi dress with a floral rose print in different shades of red, deep pink and raspberry that hugged her bust, hips and ass in all the right places and was slung low across the back and was less fitted from the knees down. It was one she’d bought her and had custom tailored to her more petit height just before her school exams but she’d lost weight so quickly it didn’t fit. But now she was the vision of health with her sun kissed skin, her hair our and parted in the middle, falling in a halo of soft waves and a bright raspberry coloured gloss on her lips.

“It’s the dress you got me baby. It fits me now!” Ann said excitedly and Anne walked towards her and took her in her arms.”It sure does. My beautiful Princess. You are even more beautiful in it than I imagined, just look at you! You don’t know how much it means to me to see you looking so happy and healthy. You are thriving!” 

Ann pressed her forehead against Anne’s “It’s because of you, your unconditional love, your unwavering support.I could never be here if it wasn’t for you Dude. I love you so much. All the ways and….”

Ann’s voice cracked as she pulled away and she waved her hands in front of her eyes as though she could dry the tears that had started to form in her eyes.

“All the time” Anne finished for her as she cupped her face adoringly.

“I’m sorry, I’m so emotional of a sudden, I don’t know why! And I don’t want to ruin my makeup” Ann apologised and Anne knew it had likely been their fairly intense play that day contributing. She made a note to talk to her about it later.

“Hey, no sorries my precious angel! You don’t know how proud I am of all that you have overcome. That I get to call you my wife” Anne said as she held Ann close and rubbed her back. “So our daughter is really wearing a dress?” She said with more than a little trepidation and Ann pulled back to see Anne looking concerned.

“Yes she is but she asked for it and I’ve seen all the fabric she picked and it’s all so “Jack” and I saw the pattern it was for the exact simple style our baby likes. She’s really excited and it’s been really great for Nanna and her to have this together.” Ann tried to reassure her but Anne still looked a little dejected.

“I know…it’s lovely and I can see that Rach and Jack are going to have such a special bond it’s just that….”

“It’s just what Dude?” Ann asked gently, trying to understand.

Anne took a deep breath. “She is my perfect little poppet. And she’s so incredibly pretty. So beautiful. I know that. But We’re Dudes. We build things together, we get dirty, she’s started helping me fix one of the dirt bikes. She’s the little tomboy side- kick daughter I couldn’t have dreamed up more perfectly if I tried. If she’s wearing dresses and she goes down the avenue of being feminine just like her incredible Mummy and it makes her happy I will support her but I worry……” Anne looked so unsure that it broke Ann’s heart.

“I just worry that I won’t have anything to share with her, to offer her, to be our thing!” she managed to get out and Ann shook her head in disbelief.

“Oh baby no, no that could never happen. You are her hero. You will always be Dudes. You’re going to teach her to ride a bike and help her practise for soccer. She’s going to hand you tools when you fix the kitchen sink for Nanna until she learns how to do it herself because you will have shown her. Jack asking for some dresses doesn’t change that, and even if she does get girlier when she’s older I know you will be just incredible with her. I know you will find a way to reach her where she’s at. The same way you’ve always reached me and had a special bond with me from day one even though we’re so different. But no matter what, make no mistake that in that little girls eyes you hang the stars and the moon and the two of you will always be Dudes. Always. Okay?”

“Okay!” Anne said with a sigh of relief feeling calmer after Ann’s words of reassurance already.

‘Come here!” Ann said compassionately as she hugged her wife tightly “We’re so lucky to have you as our Dude! And you know, I have a feeling once you see her in a dress you’re going to die, in the best way. Trust me, the cute is off the charts.”

Anne inhaled the familiar strawberry and peach scent of her Princess’s golden tresses, forever grateful for her gentle calming voice of reason and maturity well beyond her years.

“Thank you for being you” Anne whispered gratefully and Ann pulled back and grinned at her. “Come on Dude lets go!”

They locked up and headed out to where Jaz’s stretch limo was meeting them all in the middle of the three properties

“You look the perfect combination of handsome and beautiful” Ann said in appreciation as she looked her wife up and down in her caramel coloured dress pants and black button up Ralph Lauren shirt with her low ponytail.

Anne grinned down at her and pulled her closer “Planning on jumping me somewhere at Dinner Little one?”

“No I’ll keep it classy” Ann dismissed. ‘Until I’ve had 3 drinks!” She teased and Anne cracked up and kissed the top of her head.

As they neared the main house they could see Jack and Jonno playing with Jack’s cars on the porch and as soon as Jack saw her parents she ran to them excitedly.

“Mummy!Mama! Look I gots a new pretty dress” she called out and Anne died when she saw her baby. “Oh my god” she gasped as she bent down and hugged Jack when she ran into her arms. “My beautiful little poppet let me look at you!”

Anne took in the perfection of Jack in her simple little navy dress with yellow tractors on it and yellow converse sneakers. Her hair was piled on her head in a soft top knot with a yellow sparkly bow and she looked so gorgeous but still so Jack.

“You look so beautiful and so sparkly!” Anne cooed as she picked her up and Ann bit back her tears at Anne’s reaction.

“Daddy’s and their little girls!” Jaz said softly as she came up behind Ann and put her arm around her babygirl. “Your father used to look at you every time he saw you done up a little more prettily or fancy than normal exactly the same way. And he could never say no to you either!”

Ann took a deep breath and nodded with a bittersweet smile “That’s exactly who I was thinking of when I watched them. I miss him Mama!”

Jaz wrapped her arms around Ann protectively. “I know. I miss him too baby!”

Jonno walked down the steps looking very Dapper and eyed Brian, Marion, Frog and Millie standing in front of the limo chatting and looked at his watch.

“Has anyone seen my wife because its about time to get going and…”

“Oh wow! Go Rach! Wow!” Anne said in awe. 

Jonno turned around to see his wife walking towards them, her hair now all soft tones of ash and wheat blonde, parted on the side with a softly side swept fringe and the ends curling up angelically at her shoulders. Her makeup was done so elegantly and beautifully and she was wearing a stunning cerulean blue lace sun frock that made her blue grey eyes seem even larger and showed off her fabulously toned slim dancers pins. She looked stunning and years younger than she had just a few days earlier.

Jonno hurriedly walked to meet her and took her hands in his as Rachel looked up at him a little nervously. He ever so gently placed her hair behind her ear and cupped her face in adoration as he looked her up and down again in stunned awe. 

“You are so beautiful. You are even prettier now than you were that day standing on the porch in that yellow dress and I am the luckiest bastard alive! Let me look at you” Jonno expertly twirled her out as she chuckled and just drank her in for a moment longer and then twirled her back in to his arms and dipped her, pressing his lips to hers in a gentle kiss.

Anne wolf whistled loudly as everyone clapped. It was an incredibly sincere, honest and spontaneous moment that still somehow had all the romance of an old Hollywood movie.

When he pulled her up she shook her head and gently slapped him ad she laughed but then snuggled into his body as he put his arm around her and they walked the rest of the way to the car

Rachel walked over to Jaz and hugged her, thanking her for all she had done as Jonno started making sure everyone got into the limo.

“Now do we have everyone?” He asked aloud and Jaz looked around and realized that Victoria was unaccounted for.

‘Where’s Red?” She asked in concern.

“Darling hop in and entertain our family, Jaz and I will just be a moment alright?” Rachel said gently and Jonno nodded “Alright sweet pea” He got into the limo and at that moment Victoria drove Ann’s car onto the property and parked it near the limo.

Jaz and Rachel watched in bemusement as she tossed out a pair of cream coloured high heeled Mary Janes and a clutch and then had to practically jump down from the drivers side it was so high up, the same as Ann and then as soon as she’d shut and locked the door began quickly putting on her heels and squatted down to buckle them up. She picked up her clutch, straightened her dress and then ran towards them, all legs like a stunning little gazelle.

Her makeup was dewy with soft chocolate Smokey eyes with long fanned out lashes, peach pink cheeks and a soft peach pink glossy lip. Her exquisite hair was out and she’d softly and loosely braided the front section, wrapping it around like a halo and the little dress was heaven on her. Jaz felt her heart might stop.

When she stood in front of them she took a small package of pills out of her purse “Rach I called in a prescription for you and went and got it. Should you decide to proceed with what we spoke about with Jonno at the River this will be a little bit gentler on your hormones and sex drive than what you’re on as an evening med and is fine as a “sometimes” replacement.” 

Jaz just beamed at her with so much pride wondering if there would ever be a day where Victoria Hobbs didn’t make her so incredibly proud. She highly doubted it.”

She was so loving and gentle in the way that she said it that Rachel took it from her and then hugged her tightly “Thank you for everything my darling!”

“Oh it was no trouble!” Victoria reassured her and Rachel pulled back to look at Victoria intently ‘I’m not just talking about the pills. My daughter and I had a very tumultuous relationship but I loved her very much. And I miss her. I’ve missed having a daughter. But then you came into our lives and it’s like the hole in my heart has started to heal. It’s like I’ve been granted the gift of another daughter. And I’m so lucky it’s you!”

Victoria bit her lower lip to stop it from trembling at Rachel’s beautiful words.

“Darling have I overstepped?” Rachel asked and Victoria shook her head.

“I was just thinking I haven’t a very good track record when it comes to having a mother or a mother figure. Until you. I’m lucky and grateful too” Victoria hugged Rachel tightly and even Jaz had to fight the tears. She knew how much Rachel needed Victoria. But she was beginning to suspect her Bella might have been needing Rachel just as much.

“You have made me so happy” Rachel said as she stroked Victoria’s hair “But Vicki darling, how did you get into the chemist, you would have just missed the closing time?” She added curiously.

“Mum Come on!” Millie called out from the limo window. 

“Well…” Victoria began as she looked from Rachel to Victoria ‘I got there and jumped out of the car and could see the door closing and this man was staring at me and then he said anyone with legs like mine was worth closing a few minutes late for and he let me in. But the whole time he was just like staring and smiling at me. I think he might have been hitting on me for some reason. It was all very strange.” 

Rachel bit back her smile as Victoria stood there looking every inch the confused pint sized supermodel and Jaz had to turn her face away to stop from snorting as her Bella backed away and went and kissed Millie on the forehead before getting into the Limo. She was completely unaware of just how devastatingly beautiful she was, so humble, a little sheltered in some ways and her totally bewildered reaction had been gorgeous.

When she was out of sight Jaz clasped her hands over her heart. “Oh my god Rachel she is so precious. I love her so much!”

“And it shines from you and lights you up my friend. Now come on. Let’s get this show on the road!” Rachel insisted.

“You’re very sexy when you get bossy while you’re all done up like this Lady, Jonno isn’t going to know what hit him later. I can give you some tips if you like!” Jaz teased.

“I’ll pretend you didn’t just say that!” Rachel said tightly but her eyes were full of mirth as she looked at Jaz chidingly and stepped into the limo when the younger woman opened the door for her.

“Tomorrow if you want baby we can start baking some cookies for Santa together so we can get ready for Christmas. And then we can leave them out for him when he comes.” Ann suggested after explaining the concept of Santa to Jack while they were waiting in the Limo for the rest of their party and Jack eyed her dubiously.

“So you’re telling me. Some fat old guy with stranger danger is gonna just come into my house in the middle of the night and steal my cookies and everyone is okay with that. I’m like shook!”

Everyone roared laughing and Jack held her little hands up ‘What’s so funny?”

“You are baby. You’re so funny and we all love you so much!” Ann said through her laughter as she cuddled Jack close and leant into Anne who had an arm slung around them both. 

“Jack choose a song my gorgeous Piccolina !” Jaz encouraged her.

“Hey Siri do have the one that goes ‘I’ve got hoes in different area codes?” Everyone cracked up laughing again even Rachel and Ann shook her head through her laughter. “Uncle Harry is very lucky he’s on his way to Melbourne right now!”

Anne tickled Jack’s little tummy until she was laughing with them and tipped Ann’s chin towards her to kiss her gently.

“You have made me happier than I ever dreamed possible and I cannot wait for our first Christmas as a family!” Anne said solemnly when the kiss broke.

“Duuuuuuude!” Ann whispered in delight as she nuzzled her nose.

It was going to be a beautiful Christmas indeed.


	40. Living in colour.....with nuggets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost this is a story about love, family, trauma and the road to healing with a side of kink and all four of those things are on display with this chapter. Work has been insasne. Sorry I haven’t been updating much lately.
> 
> For those of you who are still reading and enjoying, your support means the world to me. Thank you xx
> 
> I hope you enjoy firery Ann and drunk Victoria as much as i enjoyed writing them <3

Anne beamed at her stunning pixie princess as she laughed and chatted animatedly. They were all having the loveliest time at the pre-Christmas fundraiser dinner Jonno had taken them to at a gorgeous winery about 40 minutes from the farm. The pre dinner canapés had been amazing, the wine was free flowing and Jack had even made friends with another gorgeous little girl the same age as her. She belonged to Ann’s art teacher from the high school she attended when she was at the farm on duel enrolment with Riverview college. Jessica Jones, A lovely young woman around 25 who had been at their wedding and clearly adored Ann or her “Artist extraordinaire” as she’d dubbed her.

And Jack, so sweet, loving and kind just like her Mummy had immediately invited Jessica’s daughter Leila to colour with her at the end of the table, happily handing over her crayons and one of her books. The two of them were thick as thieves in conversation and it was so beautiful to watch.

“Annalise, Jessica told me you were here” came a cold voice and Anne turned to see an unpleasant looking woman regarding Ann carefully and felt her wife tense.

“Hello Ms Travers” Ann said politely “This is my wife Anne, Anne this was my history and geography teacher from Year 7 to Year 10 at the local high school”

“Hello” Anne said in a clipped tone, feeding off Ann’s energy already.

“Oh my god. There’s two of them. Why?” Jack asked with a horrified expression referring to the younger Ms Travers mother Mary from the haberdashery earlier that morning.

Ann bit back a chuckle as did most people in the know at the table. Erin Travers looked confused but fixed her eyed firmly on Ann.

“I’ve heard that despite your incredible HSC score or offers to university you’re not using or accepting any of it. Do you know how many graduating students would have killed for those opportunities you have wasted?”

Ann flinched a little but then squared her shoulders “Yes I do, and I hardly call it a waste when 22 of those students are going to benefit from the placements I was very honoured by but politely declined. Because my baby will only be little for so long and the biggest waste of all would be if I threw away those precious moments for opportunities that will be available to me for many years to come.”

“Your baby? You are too young to have a baby You just finished high school, you’re not much more than a child yourself and you’re giving up your future to raise one that isn’t even yours and be a stay at home trophy to a renowned womaniser”

Everyone at the table gasped and Ann’s eyes blazed “How dare you. That little girl may not have come from my body but she is my heart, my soul, my world and my life. She is mine in every way that counts and I am the luckiest girl in the world that she chose me to be her mother. Make no mistake, she is my baby. Mine and my wife’s. My beautiful, handsome strong protective amazing wife. My best friend and biggest fan who wont ever be party to anything that would make me unhappy because she simply couldn’t bear it. And I am more than happy to stay home with our baby girl because even without my inheritance I know she will be working hard to provide for us and take care of us because she’s our Dude and that’s what she does. Her past does not define her. Not to me and not in any way that matters. Not when right here and now in her present I have never felt so loved, cared for and safe in my whole life.”

Anne looked at Ann in stunned amazement and as she looked around the table Millie didn’t look at all surprised, Marion was in shock, but Victoria simply had a small smile playing at the corner of her lips like she was watching something come to life after a long time and Jaz, Jonno and Rachel and Frog didn’t look surprised at all. In fact Rachel and Jaz both had tears in their eyes.

“Nanna do we hit this one? Or we don’t hit them both?” Jack asked with her little hands up, referring to their earlier altercation with the senior Mrs Travers and Rachel bit back a laugh ‘We don’t hit either of them Darling”

“Okay Nanna. Mummy we don’t hit either of them….even though we want to” She reiterated this to Ann and it diffused the tension for everyone else but Ann’s steely glare never faltered and Ms Travers was literally shrinking under her fire.

‘You know what I never understood Ms Travers? How someone who is meant to be responsible for educating children about the big wide world out there can exist in one of her own making that is so insular and small. Now If you’re done making unwelcome and incredibly judgemental, inaccurate observations about my family I ask you to leave us in peace.”

“You sound exactly Cassandra!” Erin Travers spat indignantly and Rachel spoke up.

‘You’re right Erin. Annie does sound exactly like her mother. The very best parts of her. When we were blessed with those periods of everything that was good in her and I have honestly never been prouder of my daughter or the fact that she lives on in Annie, or of my beautiful granddaughter than I am right now”.

“All I’m trying to say is you don’t know what its like to walk away from academic study and then try to get back on the horse, the struggle.” Ann intensified her glare. 

“Well I held each of my parents in my arms as the life slipped from their bodies, one of them on the side of a road as he bled to death despite my shredded spine and I got back on the horse despite that struggle and the ensuing ones that were utterly horrific and I pretty much won year 12 so I guess I’m tough and self sufficient enough to figure it out. You need to leave now”

Erin Travers looked mortified and huffed, storming off.

And it was remarkable. At exactly the same time Ann and Jack put their small hands up and in perfect unison said “Byyyyyyee” in a sassy exaggerated way.

Jaz lost it and started laughing and then soon everyone was laughing. Jonno put his arms around Rachel and held her, taking a moment to remember the good times with their Daughter. Full of fire, integrity and family loyalty.

Jaz took a deep breath. “That was like looking at a ghost” she said softly and raised her head up as though she was talking to the sky “Did you see that you complicated little shit? You better be proud of our baby girl. She was just you.” She lowered her head and looked at Rachel with so much respect as she squeezed her hand across the table. “Just like you got it from your incredible Mama”

Rachel nodded with a grateful smile and eyes glassy eyes with tears.

“That was like watching three generations of poetry in motion baby. I’m so proud of you!” Jaz said to Ann sincerely.

‘Thank you Mama!”Ann said softly and stood, walking aimlessly away from the table and onto the dance floor.

Frog clapped his hands together delightedly “And she’s back! Haven’t seen that Dubsy since Chris and Cassie Died!”

“Excuse me!” Anne said as she stood from her seat and followed Ann, noting how fragile she seemed all of a sudden after an extremely emotionally charged altercation that she had been absolutely incredible in.

“Are you alright sweetie?” Victoria asked gently as she grasped Jaz’s hand and kissed the side of her temple. “You know you forgot one other incredible, strong, gutsy lady in all that. Just like Annie said about Jack not being her blood, she’s her baby in every way that counts. And I saw so much of you just then in her poise, her restrained fire, the way she stood her ground and didn’t back down”

Jaz turned to the exquisite little flame haired doll beside her who was looking up at her with so much love pride and concern and felt so incredibly humbled and blessed.

“I’m okay baby. It’s hard not to be when you have the most beautiful woman in the world, inside and out in your corner”

Victoria broke into the most dazzling smile of surprised delight that it was a very good thing Jaz was sitting or else her knees went weak.

“In fact I have no idea what I’m still sitting here for when I should be out on that dance floor showing you off. What do you say Red?” Jaz said mischievously as stood looking so very elegant and charming that Victoria had butterflies in her tummy.

“I’d love to!” Victoria said with a little giggle as she took Jaz’s hand and was lead to the dance floor

Ann started to feel a little dizzy. The fight with Erin, the things she’d said, the lights, the music. She turned back on her heels and went to leave the dance floor and felt herself suddenly wrapped in the familiar warmth of Anne’s chest as her strong arms wrapped het up tight and backed her gently into a corner of the dance floor that was less crowded but would leave them less exposed.

“It’s alright My Darling, I’ve got you” Anne whispered reassuringly as she swayed with Ann to the music and rubbed her back.

“You always do” Ann said gratefully.

Ann pulled away from Anne’s chest after a little while and looked up at her wife in frustration. “I hate confrontation, even when I win apparently but Argh! she just made me so mad. The things she said about you, about our perfect baby girl. How dare she!”Anne smiled down at her in utter adoration.

“Wait what is it? Why are you smiling at me like that?” Ann asked in confusion and Anne shook her head, feeling at a loss to express the depth of her feelings.

‘You were magnificent back there. You are magnificent Little Lister. And I loved you the moment you fell from the sky into my arms, I honestly did. I love you exactly as you are. All your incredible facets. I love my quiet little one. The girl who gets shy sometimes, who gets anxious. But this Ann I’ve seen the past week who likes having hot sex romps in bathrooms of public places and tree houses, calling me Daddy, talking dirty, drinking out of a bottle and eating fries in the gutter. The girl who comes to me when she needs help now, who just about got into a brawl at a charity dinner defending our daughter and I with every fibre of her being. I always thought you were the most magical little creature I’d ever encountered but now. Now that you’ve opened up about your torment and suffering and started healing, it’s like I’m viewing you for the first time in HD my sweet beautiful girl. You’re my Pixie Princess magnified. And I’m falling in love with you all over again.”

Ann’s lower lip trembled at the heart rending sincerity of her wife’s beautiful words. “But that Ann is Little Lister. That’s why she’s coming out again after laying dormant for so long. Because you came along and made me yours. And in doing so you not only freed me from the demons that had tormented me for so long you gave me a space to just be me, however I happen to be at that moment in time, with the knowledge that you will love me unconditionally and keep me safe always.It’s like I was just existing in monochrome and with you I’m living in brilliant colour. That’s what being loved by you is like Anne.”

Anne couldn’t fight the tears that filled her eyes and the poignancy of Ann’s description of all she brought to her little love’s life. How on earth had she ever been blessed with such a magnificent little angel.

She pressed her lips to Ann’s in a passionate kiss, not caring who saw. She felt more tears but was’t sure who they belonged to. In that moment it was only the two of them wrapped in each other’s arms on that floor and everyone else just disappeared. When the kiss broke they were both breathless and Anne pressed her forehead to Ann’s.

“I will spend every day of my life thanking the heavens that you fell out of the sky and into my arms that night my precious angel.”

“And so will I baby…..but I really wanna drop kick Erin Travers”

Anne hadn’t been expecting it and she roared laughing.

“But I wont because it will make a scene and upset Nanna and…..oh my god. Dude I totally just made a scene back there at the table, at one of the biggest events of the year. It was really confrontational!”

Anne melted and stroked her hair. Her deeply layered little Pixie “It’s alright baby, the adrenalin is just wearing off and you’re a little bit shaken which is more than understandable. Just dance with me.”

Ann melted into the protective embrace of her Dude and the two of them them were swaying softly to the music for a little while when Jack approached them.

“Mummy, Mama can I please go with Leila and her Mummy and get some juice!”

Ann grinned down at their beautiful baby girl “Of course you can baby as long as you have your best manners. You like Leila don’t you!”

Jack nodded and grinned ‘She is very kind and we are the same in some things a but different too. She has a Mummy and a Daddy. That’s a boy and a girl but I don’t I have two girls!”  
Ann and Anne looked at each other in surprise and Anne squatted down to Jack’s level. “Does that bother you little Poppet? Being different? Having two girls and not a Mummy and a Daddy!”

Jack shook her head “No! I think it’s cool. Besides Dude I thought you were my Dad mate!”

Ann let out a little snort as Anne held her breath to stop herself from laughing at Jack’s hilarious and kind of accurate in a way through the eyes of a 3 year old assessment of the situation.

Jack walked off happily and Anne laughed and shook her head. “She is exceptional!”

Ann agreed “I know, we have the best kid in the world. We’re so lucky!”

“And one day when you’re ready my love I can’t wait to have another one with you. How ever it happens. He or she will be ours just as Jack is and we will love them all the much” Anne said encouragingly and Ann’s face lit up ‘Me either. I want that so much”.

Anne wrapped her up tightly and lifted her slightly, Carrying her into the farthest most hidden corner of the dance floor. When Anne placed her back on her feet, she sighed blissfully as Ann snuggled into her embrace. They were out of time with the song that had changed to one with a faster beat. But they didn’t care. They were very rarely out of step with one another. And that’s all that mattered to them.

Jaz happily twirled Victoria around the dance floor. Her stunning Bella was actually letting her lead for the first time and it was such a lovely moment. But what made it all the more magical was that the petite red head more than matched her as a dance partner and though she adored Victoria’s diminutive size, the sky high Mary Jane heels brought her to 5”7 which added an extra layer of smooth by bridging the distance to her own almost 6 foot height that evening.

“My gorgeous little doll you are really driving those heels. Wow! And they’re high.” Jaz remarked in admiration and Victoria grinned ‘I wore them to be taller so we could dance like this. I’d wear anything and be happy as long as I was with you!”

“Sweetheart” Jaz sighed adoringly as she picked her tiny lover up and spun her around, softly kissing her lips and then her forehead before placing her back on her feet.

“Hey Mum Grandpa is here” Millie said as she approached holding Frogs hand.

“He is? Where?” Victoria said as she froze and Jaz noted the instant change in her demeanour.

“On the other side of the room. With a date that isn’t grandma, no surprises there. He just gave Frog the third degree about his future plans and turned his nose up at the fact that he isn’t attending university” Millie said annoyance.

“I tried explaining that the carpentry business I’m working at is booming. That I’ve been there since I was 13 and one day it will be mine and I’ve been instrumental in its plans and that got great marks in my HSC and I’ll take business courses and anything I need to do to make my business thrive. He questioned how serious I was about Millie and asked if I’d be able to give her a decent life if she couldn’t work and I respectfully put him in his place because I was raised to treat a lady right and I would always provide for Millie and do my best to give her whatever she wanted and needed but that she’s exceptional and she’ll be able to do anything she puts her mind to with my full support.” Frog explained as he pulled Millie close and kissed her head and Jaz beamed. He was absolutely besotted and vice versa. She really hoped they made it.

“Frog sweetheart, when it comes to the things that count, heart, capacity to love, principles, integrity, caring selflessly for others, you are Landon Hobb’s superior as a man in every way. I promise you and I have no doubt of what wonderful care you will take of Millie, nor does anyone close to her alright?”

Frog instantly relaxed “Okay thanks Vicki!”

“It’s your summer holidays, go be young enjoy the night! I mean it!” Victoria said giving them a bright smile and Millie giggled “Okay Mum we will!”

“Do something scandalous and make me proud!” Jaz teased as they were leaving and Millie blushed a little but leant into Frog happily.

Victoria seemed very tense and took her hands in her own and kissed them. ‘Mio Amore are you alright?” She asked in concern and Victoria realised she was giving away more than she had intended to with her reaction and covered with something that was bothering her though it wasn’t the most primary of her anxieties regarding Landon Hobbs

“What do I say if he sees me and he asks me if I’ve heard from Oliver? He’s supposed to be on his way to their property. He was supposed to be there by Christmas”

Jaz understood then. Of course, her reaction made perfect sense. “Shhhh no Red, you won’t end up in an situation like that on your own I promise you. He doesn’t know I have Oliver. You simply say you don’t know where he is, if need be I’ll answer for you. If he becomes a problem I “deal” with him. And Oliver will make it to their property by Christmas after I have very stern words with him about his disgraceful treatment of you. Of course, in the state he’ll be in for a while after that conversation he may wish to have Christmas without the folks and their questions but regardless, you are safe, nothing will happen to you because I wont allow it. And it really is that simple”

Victoria felt a great deal of the anxiety leaving her body already. Jaz just had this way of making her feel safer than she had ever felt in her whole life.

“I love you so much” Victoria said as she threw her arms around Jaz’s waist and hugged her tightly. Jaz smiled softly as she held her. She would never get tired of what a physically affectionate little thing Victoria was. She’d always craved physical affection and touch but it wasn’t until she fell in love with her Bella who gave it so freely and welcomed it in return that she truly grasped how much it nourished her.

“I love you too Red” Jaz said and then hesitated for a moment but had to say it. “Do you think you could tell me what happened with Oliver in the end? Why you finally left him?”

She felt Victoria start to tense again in her arms immediately and when she pulled away from Jaz she looked torn. “Um….does it have to be here? Right now? Is it okay if I have a little bit more of a nice night with you and our family?” Victoria asked as she looked up at her with big worried eyes and she could see the desperation to know in Jaz’s eyes but she just couldn’t. She didn’t feel ready to talk about it at that moment. She felt too fragile and just knowing Landon Hobbs was in the room made everything feel so much more raw.

Jaz melted at the very sweet way Victoria had made her request. And her Bella had been through hell. She deserved a lovely night to take her mind off the traumatic events of the evening before

“Of course you can have a little bit more of a nice night with me Mio Piccolo Tesoro we’re going to have a wonderful night. It doesn’t need to be now. Come, lets get a drink” she said jovially as she kissed Victoria’s hand and they went back to the table.

When they got there Anne was watching Ann vigilantly as she danced with Jessica, Leila and Jack.

“Is everything alright Kiddo?” Jaz checked in and Anne nodded. “Things are great. My Princess just seemed a little sad before we left so I’m keeping an eye on her.”

“She misses her Dad honey. Chris was amazing with her like you are with Jack. She got a bit teary watching the two of you together before we left!” Jaz explained and Rachel agreed.

“I know I didn’t always approve of Chris not being able to deal with Cassie but he was an amazing father and Ann was his world. Christmases are a little hard for her with both of them gone but in a way she’s still got the most stable mother she had in Jaz and she’s had another mother in our gorgeous Victoria the past couple of years”

Victoria smiled softly and Jaz kissed her forehead proudly.

“But it’s a little harder without Chris. He was her constant.” Rachel finished.

Anne nodded “I know how important he was to her. Sometimes I wonder if he would have approved of me being with her. Of being her wife, being Jack’s Mama.”

“He would have” Victoria reassured her.

“How do you know that?” Anne asked her curiously.

“Because he was the one who convinced me to give you a chance” Victoria replied softly and Anne, Rachel and Jaz all looked at Victoria in surprise.

“The day after that party I met you at we had the charity day in the children’s wing at the hospital. You’d asked me out but I thought you were far too young and cocky and a player and not for me, as gorgeous and charming as you were. Then you turned up at the hospital with flowers for me and made a big donation. Charmed everyone and he watched you in action, with me and on your own and said to me “She’s a good egg. She’s what you need right now. She might be a little rough around the edges but she just needs a little polish and a lot of love. And he was so right about you. He had a way of being right about people. And I know if he had have seen just how right you and Annie are for one another, the beautiful family you’ve made with Jack, he would have loved that, loved you even more.”

Anne felt her chest get tight for a second and took a deep breath. What an incredible gift to learn this. “Thank you Vicki” she said in a shaky voice and Victoria reached her hand out and Squeezed Anne’s from across the table, once more the protector of the vulnerable 25 year old woman she’d picked up the pieces of as best as she could. “You’re welcome Bunny!”

“BUNNY?” Rachel and Jaz said in unison at the same time teasingly and Anne shook her head and chuckled. “Don’t! Not either of you! Ever! My baby girl promised me a dance and I’m going to go cash it in before she realised she’s the toast of the party and forgets about me!”

But she looked at Victoria with so much love, warmth and respect and Jaz knew then that she has been so foolish to ever worry about Anne and Victoria’s history. Victoria really had put Anne back together. Right down to the soft nurturing nick name and it had been what they both needed at the time but at the end of the day Anne was a dominant, she needed to top and Victoria was not but in a way had been cast in the role of that. Her submissive sensuality was as innate as breathing to her. things had turned out exactly as they were meant to be.

“Hello Tori. You’re looking even more stunning than usual tonight!” A voice interrupted them and Jaz and Rachel looked up to see a very handsome silver fox type smiling down at Victoria.

“Fuck” Victoria muttered quietly in irritation and Jaz looked at her in surprise then bit back her smile of amusement as Victoria poured herself a glass of wine.

“Hello Landon!” She said tersely and Jaz realised this was Victoria’s former father in law.

“I was disappointed to hear you wouldn’t be joining us for a Christmas drink this year Kiddo. Just because you and Oliver are no longer together doesn’t mean you’re not family. You’ll always be Millie’s mother and Carol and I will always have a place for you in our home and our hearts. You know that. Regardless of anything that’s gone down between you and Olly. I’ll always have a soft spot for you sweetheart.”

Jaz saw Victoria visibly recoil at the term of endearment and completely tense up “Landon thank you for stopping by to say hello. I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening.”

“Tori sweetheart be reasonable, just one drink.” Landon said with a chuckle and Jaz placed her arm around Victoria protectively, instantly disliking Landon. She knew his type. Ever the charming patriarch but slimy as they come.

‘I believe my partner said no. Victoria will be with me and our family for Christmas!” She said pointedly and Landon Hobbs looked her up and down dismissively. ‘And you are?” He asked.

“Jazmine Moretti!’ Jaz replied and smiled as recognition filled Landon’s eyes and he visibly faltered.

“Oh good, I see you’ve heard of me! You need to leave us. Now.”

Landon sighed and looked at Victoria ‘It was nice to see you!” And with that he turned and walked away.

Victoria skulled the entire contents of her glass and placed the glass back on the table emphatically. “Argh. I hate that guy!”

Jaz and Rachel looked at each other in surprise. They’d never heard Victoria speak like that before.

“Why darling?” Rachel enquired gently.

“He’s a bully. Both he and Carol are. I didn’t come from a “good family” obviously. Then it was my fault Millie was born with autism, then I was wrong for wanting to have a career and not stay home full time while Oliver did whatever he wished even though I put mine on hold and made many compromises to be the virtual sole carer for our child with special needs. Then I was selfish for not wanting to have another child with Oliver because I didn’t think he was stable enough and then I was “dramatic” when I’d had enough and I left him and ignoring my duties as a wife because I wouldn’t go back. It’s all about control for them. Millie and I don’t fit. We never did.”

“Oh honey” Jaz said as she wrapped her arms around Victoria and gently kissed her head, communicating wordlessly with Rachel, both their expressions a mask of disbelief. How any family could mistreat the little treasure that was Victoria so cruelly was beyond both of them. 

“I’m sorry for ranting” Victoria apologised and Jaz shook her head “Don’t be sorry honey you let it out. And you fit perfectly with me. With all of us!”

‘Yes that’s right you’re one of us now Darling. You and Millie. And we couldn’t be happier” Rachel agreed whole heartedly.

Jaz’s phone started ringing and Victoria watch as her face clouded over and took on an expression she’d never seen before. One she couldn’t quite put her finger on but it unsettled her. She ended the call but looked at Victoria and Rachel, clearly torn. 

“I’m sorry I really need to deal with this. Work stuff” She said apologetically and Rachel nodded, well aware by now not to question what kind of ‘work stuff’ and honestly she didn’t want to know.

‘It’s alright, Vicki come sit with me Darling I was actually hoping to pick your brain about some choreography for my senior girls in their next Broadway Jazz routine. Your Jazz technique is so flawless!” She said genuinely and Victoria smiled brightly at Rachel ‘I’d love to help!”

“Go on sweetie. I’ll stay here with Rach!” Victoria reassured Jaz and Jaz pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead “I won’t be long Mio Amore. And then I’m more than happy to break that slug’s legs if it means my Bella will have a nicer night!”

Jaz got up and headed towards the exit and Victoria felt a twinge of doubt in her stomach. Doubt that she should have stayed when something was clearly night right with Jaz. Doubt that it was the last time she’d see Landon that evening. Doubt that she could stop Jaz from asking questions about him.

“Victoria are you alright Darling?” Rachel asked and Victoria turned to her and nodded ‘I’m alright, it’s just this expression Jaz had for a moment. I’m a little worried about her. Do you might if I go check on her and look at the choreography when I get back?”

“Of course not, she needs to be kept on a short leash sometimes that one. Best of luck to you!” Victoria chuckled as she’d picked up her clutch and walked over to hug Rachel before she headed off in the direction Jaz left in. 

Rachel watched her go in concern. She’d noticed an expression cross Jaz’s face too, one she’d seen a few times now. She hoped everything was okay with her dearest friend.

“Mama you need to tell this Santa bloke that he cant just come up into my house and steal my cookies.” Jack said emphatically as Anne danced her around the dance floor holding her tiny hand at her chest and with her little legs wrapped around her. And Anne cracked up laughing.

‘I feel like you’re getting the wrong impression of him my Little One but I promise we won’t leave out any cookies. How does that sound?”

“It sounds good!” Jack said in relief and Anne kissed her little nose “Anyway you and I are going to be very busy because we need to set you up a proper bedroom in the cottage at the farm. Starting with a bed. Would you like to help me put one together?”

Jack’s little face lit up ‘And we will be Dudes and build stuff?”

“So much stuff!” Anne reiterated and Jack grinned happily as she put her little hands on Anne’s cheeks the way that Ann did and Anne died as she looked at her with so much love on her precious little face and in her huge brown eyes. “I love you Mama. All the much. All the ways”

“All the time!” Anne finished for her in a voice that was barely a whisper as she cuddled her perfect baby girl close to her. Never in her life had she imagined she would be capable of loving a child as much as she loved Jack. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t hers or Ann’s flesh and blood. She was so much a part of them now that it was like she was.

Victoria turned back to the main winery function room. She’d travelled quite a distance from it looking for Jaz in the secluded little garden seating areas but she hadn’t managed to find her. There was one more left that she could see in the distance though and as she got closer she was sure she could hear a voice. In fact the closer she got, the more it sounded like Jaz’s voice.

As she got closer to the tree clearing she realised it was and she was screaming. No wonder she’d gone so far from the party.

“I DON’T FUCKING CARE I AM GOING TO TIE HIM TO A CHAIR AND SLICE HIM OPEN WITH MY KNIFE AGAIN AND SEW HIM BACK UP THEN SLICE HIM OPEN AGAIN. I WILL PULL OUT HIS TEETH WITH PLIERS ONE BY ONE, GOUGE HIS EYES OUT AND SET FIRE TO HIS LIMBS TO WAKE HIM UP WHEN HE PASSES OUT. HER IS GOING TO BEG FOR DEATH AND THEN WHEN IM DONE I’M GOING TO TAKE MY GUN AND SHOOT HIS FUCKING FACE OFF AND WATCH THE CHUNKS FLY THROUGH THE FUCKING AIR DO YOU HEAR ME ROBERTO??”

Victoria couldn’t breathe. The screaming, the depictions of violence and the guns, worst of all the guns and the shooting. She knew what it looked like when gun bullet impact shot chunks of flesh everywhere. She was engulfed by memories of another time, and then Landon screaming at her, Oliver screaming at her, the scene in the woods the previous evening. And now Jaz and she was so angry. It was too much. She felt completely overwhelmed and she tried to call out to Jaz to tell her to stop yelling but when she opened her mouth no sound came out.

“WELL YOU BETTER FIX IT. GOODNIGHT!” Jaz screamed and as she spun around to see Victoria standing a few feet away from her shaking, her complexion sheet white with tear filled eyes she felt like she was in a nightmare. This was the side of her she had never EVER wanted her Bella to see. Knowing it was one thing but seeing it was a completely different story. She knew she was going to lose her and she could already feel her heart breaking.

“I…..was worried…..about you….please don’t yell……at me…..don’t be mad” Victoria gasped as her panic attack began to escalate and Jaz shook her head, Victoria’s terrified state being all her flames of rage needed to be extinguished.

“Baby I would never…I’m not mad at you. I never meant for you to see that. I never wanted you to see that part of me. And now I’ll lose you” Jaz said as her voice quivered “And that kills me. But that’s my fault not yours, All that matters is that we get you some support. I’ll call Anne.

Victoria felt a fresh wave of emotion wash over her as she realised Jaz would put her first, ahead of her own feelings and heartbreak even when she thought she’d lost her. No one had ever loved her like that.

“No….I know that…..” Victoria took a big gulp of air and Jaz felt ill. Her panic attack was getting worse. It was worse than it was the previous evening

“You’d never hurt….me….that…..I’m always….safe….with you”

Jaz was completely stunned by how assured of her safety she was even mid panic attack and as she moved closer to her, holding her arms out, seeking comfort from her Jaz couldn’t believe it.She hadn’t lost her at all.

“Please hold me” Victoria pleaded.

Jaz bridged the distance between them and pulled Victoria into her arms and soon as she did the younger woman burst into tears.

“Oh my precious little Darling. That’s right, I would never ever hurt you and you will always be safe with me. I’m so sorry I frightened you so much” Jaz apologised as she picked her up and carried her to a nearby garden chair, sitting down with her cradled in her lap.

She was horrified to see Victoria’s skin starting to take on a really alarming blue grey tinge. She wasn’t getting enough oxygen. She’d seen Ann like this. “Baby you’re having a bad panic attack do you have any medication with you.” Jaz said and then noticed Victoria was trying to get into her clutch with shaking little hands and as she opened it for her Jaz spied her anxiety medication and an inhaler. Of course. She must have been the one who had gotten Ann onto the inhaler and Valium combo.

Jaz took the inhaler lid off and held it up to Victoria’s mouth and pressed on it. “Big deep breath……good girl…..and another one” Jaz said as she pressed the inhaler again and Victoria did her best to take another deep breath “That’s my girl, you’re doing so well Baby……and one more” Victoria took a final breath, holding the ventolin in and then Jaz took out one of her tablets and handed her the glass of wine she’d left near the chair.

“Here Baby take this for me!” she said gently as she handed the wine and tablet to Victoria. “Good girl, that’s the way. You’re alright. I’ve got you my Bella” Jaz cooed as she took the wine from her and cuddled her close, rubbing her back and sighing in relief as her breathing began to even out a little.

“I’m sorry…..I’m like this. I just got a fright…You can leave me I’ll be okay…I’ll come back inside soon” Victoria said shakily and Jaz was aghast.

“Leave you? Like this? I would never leave you in this state Red and you have NOTHING to apologise for. The fault is all mine here. And we will go back inside only if and when you feel ready” she said firmly and it was what she said next that destroyed her.

“But I don’t…want to be a burden”

“A burden?” Jaz gasped in shock. “Baby you aren’t a burden. You are my everything. My world. You could never be a burden” And then it hit her. “Oliver used to say that to you didn’t he? You’d have panic attacks when he’d have a rage fit and then he’d tell you you were a burden.”

Victoria nodded with huge green tear filled eyes and Jaz cupped her face reverently “You cant help it my love. You are allowed to have anxiety, you are allowed to have panic attacks and you are not a burden. I love you so much Mio Piccolo Tesoro” Jaz held her close and rocked her gently in her arms, stroking her hair, rubbing her back and bringing her back slowly to a state of calm.

“I’m just not good with aggression or violence” Victoria explained softly and Jaz kissed her head. “I know you’re not my Bella. You’re so sweet, so good and so gentle and I’m so sorry I unknowingly exposed you to that.”

“I was worried about you in there. I still am, even more so now” Victoria said as her heart rate began to return to normal.

And as Jaz clutched the little angel in her arms she had thought for certain she would lose, who still had so much trust in her, who had come looking for her when everyone else had always just let her go off on her own, she realised it might be time to share something she’d never told anyone. Inhaling the comforting aroma of Victoria’s glorious peony scented red tresses, Jaz took a deep breath.

“I know you overheard me tell Annie about my forced marriage as a 15 year old and how I came to be Moretti. But the truth is my husband and father in law were part of a Paedophile ring and I was malnourished, looked very young, like a little girl. Men would be invited to the house to look at me, touch me, take pictures and film. They brought in another girl a year younger than me. Armani. We became best friends because we were prisoners in it together. But she couldn’t take it anymore and she killed herself. I was the one who found her lifeless body and that was what prompted the fight with my husband where he nearly beat me to death and I ran away to the streets and was found by Papa. I don’t like Paedophiles. I’ve made it my mission to extinguish them like vermon ever since and the man I was describing doing all those things too was the mastermind of the whole operation but he knows I’m coming for him and has slipped through my mens’ grasp again. I’ve never told anyone that before. Not even Cassie.”

Victoria had tears streaming down her face as she looked at Jaz in horror “Oh Jaz….Oh my god sweetie…..I am so sorry! They were monsters” She wrapped her arms around Jaz’s neck and held her tightly. 

“I’m alright” Jaz said stoically. “I just thought you deserved an explanation after what you heard. It really wasn’t my intention for you to hear it. I’m so grateful for the way you love me unconditionally but when I fell for you I promised myself I would always try to protect you from that side of my life.”

Jaz pulled back and caressed Victoria’s beautiful face. “And then you saw me at my scariest and were frightened to the point of a panic attack and you still didn’t leave me. You deserved to know.”

And suddenly Victoria realised that she’d never given Jaz an answer to her earlier question. But that it might go a long way to explaining her reaction to the outburst she’d witnessed.

“It wasn’t you that I was scared of. Not really. I’ve been screamed at a lot and I get scared of angry aggressive screaming and threats being screamed at me. You asked me why I finally left Oliver earlier. It was because something happened and he didn’t believe me and I really needed him to. But he and his father just made me so afraid. They almost broke me so one night I just took Millie and I ran.”

Jaz was feeling more and more worried as Victoria spoke “Baby what happened?”

Victoria looked so conflicted “Um…..Landon said I couldn’t ever say anything”

Jaz’s eyes widened. She knew there was something off about that creep. “Red, Sweetheart did he do something to you? You have to tell me. He won’t be able to hurt you I promise you. I’ll protect you.”

Victoria wrapped her arms around her middle self consciously and looked down. “I was very young when I met Oliver at university. Nineteen, no family. The things I spoke about at the table happened but that was mainly his mother. Landon was really lovely to me. He would help me with my homework and buy me pretty dresses, show me off to his colleagues so I could make connections. He said he’d always wanted a daughter and that I was so much smarter and more diligent than Oliver. But then he started touching me in ways that made me feel uncomfortable. Hugs that lingered a little too long, the way he would stroke my hair. I told Oliver and he said I just didn’t understand familial physical affection because of my upbringing and I thought maybe he was right. But then right before I was about to marry Oliver, Landon said I just had to say the word and he’d leave Carol and take me away. That he was in love with me and had been since he first met me. But Oliver hadn’t turned nasty then and I loved him, and I didn’t want to risk Landon’s marriage over what I thought was just a crush so I pretended it had never happened and said we wouldn’t speak of it and I kept my word but…..” Victoria looked away helplessly and Jaz tipped her face back and placed little kisses on it.

“My Sweet Bella it’s alright…..you’re doing so well Little Red . Don’t stop, tell Daddy what happened” Jaz said softly but firmly as she slipped effortlessly into Daddy mode, sensing Victoria really needed that extra level of care, protection and intimacy at that moment.

“The touching got worse over the years. He would find reasons and make them up to be alone with me. I got some respite when Millie was little but as she got older and more independent it was harder and then one night at a party about 6 years ago he cornered me in a bedroom. He’d been drinking. He pinned me against a wall and covered my mouth and put his hand up my dress and then he pushed me on to the bed. It was loud and no one heard me screaming. I tried fighting him but he was so much bigger than me and I was so scared….”

She was trembling and Jaz’s eyes blazed but she forced herself to stay calm “Did he rape you sweetheart?”

Victoria shook her head “No not exactly, I was fighting too much and he couldn’t get his pants off and hold me down and I managed to get away before it got that far thankfully but he um….” She couldn’t say the words so Jaz took a guess and filled in the blanks. “Had his hand up your dress so he touched you intimately and non consensually. You were sexually assaulted.”

Victoria nodded ‘And Oliver didn’t believe me not even when he saw the bruises, He said I wanted it and that I liked it rough because I was a freak , Landon said I wanted it, that I threw myself at him because I’d been drunk too but I wasn’t and I didn’t. And I had them both screaming at me telling me I was the daughter of a junkie and trash, that I should be grateful to even be in the family and I was curled up in a ball on the kitchen floor with my hands over my ears against the cupboard while they yelled at me and told me to stop lying and screamed threats at me. They thought they’d broken me. They didn’t think I’d go. I called Chris. You and Cassie were in Italy I think . He came and got me. When Landon knew I was serious about fleeing and I wouldn’t be under their control anymore he told me if I ever told anyone he would destroy me professionally. And I was on my own with a child to support and Oliver didn’t contribute anything financially and I just didn’t know what to do so I stayed silent. But that’s why I think I went into panic mode when I heard you yelling. What happened with Oliver last night, seeing Landon, the memories, everything just got too much and I buckled. But even though I might get frightened by your angry side I know how much you love me, how safe you make me feel and that you would never hurt me. I wouldn’t leave you I promise…..And I know two panic attacks in two nights doesn’t exactly build confidence in my stability but I’m not bad like Cassie I promise” she pleaded tearfully and completely collapsed against Jaz’s chest, curling into her for comfort

“Shhhhh it’s alright Daddy’s got you Baby.” Jaz whispered as she soothed her and rocked her, holding her tightly “You did so well to get all of that out and I’m so proud of you. You’re such a good girl. You’re my good girl and I’m so very sorry you suffered through all of that for so long but none of it was your fault. Not a second of it and I promise you that neither of those bastards will ever be able to hurt you again. 

“I didn’t throw myself at him, I didn’t want it. I begged him to stop” Victoria cried and Jaz blinked back tears at the image of her tiny little doll crushed under that big sleazy sack of shit, pleading with him to stop violating her.

“I know you didn’t baby. Of course you didn’t. I believe you. It wasn’t your fault! And you are nothing like Cassie baby you just have anxiety and PTSD which is perfectly understandable. I know exactly who you are. Your Daddy’ beautiful, perfect little flame haired doll. My Red, My magnificent Bella and your imperfections only make you more perfect, more beautiful to me because your demons see mine and they walk hand in hand so beautifully together”

Jaz gently pried her face from her chest and forced her little love to look her in the eyes. “I need you to know that nothing that happened to you during that time was your fault. It was Landon’s fault. And Oliver’s fault. And Carol’s fault if she knew but still didn’t intervene. You were just a kid with no one and that animal used that against you and then they trapped you in a cycle of abuse. And what happened tonight, you being triggered was my fault. It was my actions. You are blameless. And you are not a burden. Do you understand me my Bella?” She had that unmistakable tone that even the insecurities gnawing at Victoria wouldn’t argue with.

“Yes Daddy!” Victoria said softly and Jaz ever so tenderly kissed her nose. “Good girl!” She whispered and wrapped her up once more.

So many things were making sense all of a sudden. The inhaler and Valium combo that had been so effective for Ann, it came from Victoria. Victoria’s innate understanding of sexual abuse within family units and understanding of the fall out. She’d lived it first hand, the way she’d shut down the previous evening after the altercation with Oliver and the way it had happened again a little while earlier. And knowing what she knew now she was even more grateful for the little angel in her arms and more determined to do everything in her power to make sure no one ever hurt her again.

******************  
“It’s so hard to just not go crazy for her first Christmas. She’s my little poppet. I just want to get her everything!” Anne said in indulgent parent mode after dinner as Ann sat perched in her lap.

“I know Baby but she’s not used to a lot of material things. That’s why you tend to see her with the same couple of toys. Then we put them away and pull out another couple. She was really overwhelmed by shopping malls at first in Bali and when she saw the beautiful bedroom you made her she burst into tears. That’s why I’ve set the one gift each rule for the rest of the family because I know they all want to spoil her and I just don’t want it to be too overwhelming for her. I know Nanna and Pop and Mama have gotten her some things so she can have her own little space in their homes and we’ve gotten her things for the cottage. Activity and practical type things are really what’s best for her until we integrate her fully into a world of being able to have anything and everything. And you know what? I kind of love that she loves that purple truck you got her and the Vampirina doll I got her so much. That she gets excited over a new book or a new sparkly hair bow or toy car.”

Anne was beaming as she watch Ann talk ‘And I kind of love watching you be a Mummy. You’re so good at it my darling and it absolutely lights you up from the inside out. You teach me so much about being a parent.” She said sincerely and Ann gave her wife Eskimo kisses with her nose

“And you’re always so calm and stable, holding everything together for her, for me, for us when I’m losing my shit!” Ann said and they both chuckled.

“Seriously though, you’re so strong and patient and constant. Our safety and protection. We’re so lucky to have our Dude!’

“I’m the lucky one my Princess” Anne said emphatically as she took in Ann’s gloriously beautiful smile. 

Millie walked over with a passed out Jack cuddled into her shoulder. ‘She’s had enough. Literally crashed on the dance floor”

“That’s my little Poppet. Parties till she drops!” Anne said proudly “I’ll get a car darling!” She said to Ann.

“Oh no don’t do that, they haven’t even served dessert and to be honest I’m kind of at my limit and Jack had asked me to help her with a secret christmas present mission tomorrow morning anyway. Jaz called for a car and its almost here and Frog is going to escort me back to the farm and I can take her back to Jaz’s with me. We’ll get up and do what we need to tomorrow and then I’ll bring her back.”

Ann and Anne looked at each other in surprise. “What kind of secret present mission Love?” Anne asked and Millie laughed “Ah….no I have been sworn to secrecy. It’s really important to her!”

“Well okay. Only if you’re sure Babe!” Ann said as she stood and kissed her little girl on the head and then Anne did the same. They said their goodbyes and Anne noticed Ann’s slightly tense lip line as Millie went and said goodbye to Jaz and Victoria.

‘What is it Darling?” Anne asked and Ann smiled fondly at Jack’s sleeping form from a distance. “I’m just waiting for her to reach her limit. She was so used to roaming around the village in Indonesia that I think she really needs this independence, to go off on her own with our family members and have her little adventures. And I love that she’s bonded with all of them but we were together on our own so much and in Bali. And she was so loved by the hotel staff and ended up loving kids club by the end but she would be fine to a point and then she would totally spit the dummy and then it would be “I want Mummy and only Mummy”

“Well I can understand the inclination sweetheart I know I usually want you and only you when I have to be with other people too!” Anne quipped and Ann slapped her as she cracked up laughing “You goof!”

“What? It’s true?” Anne said as she laughed with her and Ann tugged her towards the dance floor ‘Come dance with me. I don’t want a late one either. I want a family day with our baby tomorrow after she’s finished her secret mission of course!”

“Oooh I love it when you get bossy Little Lister!” Anne teased her as she followed and whispered in her ear ‘Maybe you can ride me in the treehouse tonight again like last night!” And Ann laughed but inside she realised the last thing she felt like was sex. Which wasn’t like her at all. In fact she was actually feeling a little off colour or something. Like something was wrong that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She pushed it out of her mind though. She was probably just tired from a massive few weeks.

Jaz kept a careful eye on Victoria. She’d taken her straight to the bathroom and fixed her own makeup quickly then fixed up her little Bella, knowing how self conscious she was about looking a mess but the valium had well and truly kicked in by then and she was very easy to handle. When they’d gotten back to the table they’d missed the entrees and the mains were about to be served. She was pretty sure everyone thought they’d just had an argument and made up and thankfully there weren’t any questions. Though Rachel had been watching them with interest. She’d had her men move in and take Landon Hobbs from the party and transport him to the same holding shed his son was in before she’d even taken Victoria back inside. She wanted her Bella to know she was completely safe.

The thing was though, as fragile as Victoria had been in the aftermath of her revelation and had to still be feeling, she seemed more relaxed. It wasn’t just the valium or the wine. It was in her energy, her aura. It’s like Victoria finally getting it off her chest had been freeing and she could certainly relate because she was breathing easier now her Bella knew the truth about her loathing of Paedophiles and the pain she’d never revealed before. But more than that, the fact that Victoria had seen the worst, most frightening side to her and not run from her but run to her, was everything.

“Baby please don’t let them take your plate. You only ate a little bit of food” Jaz commanded gently and Victoria held her hand out “Yeah cause I was only a little bit of hungry” she pointed out like it was the most logical thing in the world and Jaz had to bite back her smile at how cute she was.

“I think you’re a little bit of tipsy!’ Jaz teased her lovingly and Victoria started to look a little self conscious and put her wine down but Jaz stopped her ‘No don’t Baby it’s alright, you’re not in trouble, I’m not mad at you. I think you’re lovely like this. You should drink and have a good time.”

Jaz rubbed her back reassuringly as she spoke and kissed her forehead. She then leaned into Victoria’s ear and discretely whispered firmly “I just want you to have something else to eat Red. I mean it!”

Much to her rather delighted surprise Victoria let out a little whine and pouted up at her with big puppy dog eyes in a move that was so natural it couldn’t possibly be contrived. Which was what made it all the more endearing and all the more like kryptonite to the gentle nurturing dominant mode and was in at that moment. 

“But my tummy doesn’t want anymore! It says no!” she reasoned.

“Oh Fuck, Red you are so adorable. I am in so much trouble!” a little voice inside Jaz whispered as the older woman relented, a lot less reluctantly than she’d like to believe, breaking into an adoring smile.

“Okay Baby well if your tummy says no. After what you’ve been through tonight that’s okay this time. They can take your plate.”

Jaz felt a little twinge of doubt inside. This is how she’d started with Cassie, and then it became a game to her, wanting to see how much power she could wrench away from Jaz, pushing her on purpose to see how much she could get away with, topping from the bottom to the point where Jaz would just give her what she wanted because she didn’t want to play. She understood why Victoria was a bit too shaken to eat much but should she have given into her so easily? Should she have told her she expected her to have a proper breakfast the next morning that consisted of more than toast?

She felt every ounce of self-doubt leave her body as Victoria gave her a beautiful smile that was full of love. No gloating or victory and snuggled into her. “Thank you Daddy” she said quietly. “And later on when I’m a little less shaky I’ll probably get my second wind and we can go through Maccas drive through on the way home and you can get me 3 Chicken Nuggets, and chippies. And an ice cream cone. And a cheese burger. Will that make you feel better?” And as she looked up at her with sparkling green eyes Jaz had to swallow the lump of emotion in her throat. Her beautiful Bella. Compromising with her. Meeting her halfway of her own volition even though she’d won without conditions and it came so naturally to her. This Little one was so special and nothing like Cassie.

“A 6 pack of nuggets?” Victoria even upped the anti, with a cheeky smile when Jaz didn’t respond and Jaz took her face between her hands like she was made of china and looked at her with piercing chocolate coloured eyes so full of love and gratitude that Victoria was rendered speechless.

“You, my precious little Darling, are the most beautiful woman inside and out that I have ever known. And I have never been able to be myself with anyone like I am with you. I have never loved anyone the way I love you. And your compromise does make me feel better. Thank you”

Victoria’s lower lip quivered a little at Jaz’s declaration and wanting to protect her from becoming emotional at the table she quickly lightened the mood.

“And I mean it sounds like such a delightful combination. Practically gourmet. How can I say no?” she teased and Victoria broke into giggles as Jaz wrapped her arms around her and pulled her into her lap.

“Darling you’ve had a bit to drink and not a lot of food. You should drink this!” Rachel said with a nurturing smile from beside them, picking up that Victoria had clearly had an upset at some point while she was gone.

“Thank you” Victoria said as she indulged Rachel and took the glass of water from her. She drank all of it and when she placed it down she reached out and took Rachel’s hand. “You’re a good Mum Rach. I know you weren’t told that nearly as much as you should have been, I know you don’t tell yourself that nearly enough either. But you’re a really good Mum to me”

Victoria stood on her feet and gave Rachel a hug and then squeezed Jaz’s shoulder. ‘Bathroom. Be right back” she said softly and as she walked away, after saying something Rachel didn’t even know she’d been so desperately needing to hear, her eyes filled with tears.

“Sit down lady” Jaz said as she put her arm around her protectively. “She’s right you know!”

Rachel took a deep breath as she tried to keep her emotions in check “Oh Jaz. I don’t know what happened between the two of you while you were gone but whatever you do. Don’t let her slip through your grasp. She’s too special.”

“Let her slip through my grasp? Not a chance. You don’t let a woman like Victoria slip through your fingers. You give it a little time let things settle and then…..” Jaz’s face took on a dreamy expression. “You wife her.”

“Oh my goodness” Rachel gasped as her hands flew up to her mouth and her eyes widened in delight.

“May I have this dance with the prettiest gal in the room?” Jonno said very charmingly as he held his hand out to Rachel and Jaz winked at the older woman and put her finger to her lips, signaling for her silence. Rachel nodded in understanding and gave Jonno a dazzling smile ‘I would love to!”

**************************

Ann looked around as she danced with Anne. She could see about 4 girls dancing with their Fathers and 2 of them looked to be about her age. She remembered dancing with her Dad on that very dance floor for the last time 5 years earlier. Only she hadn’t known it would be the last time. If she did she would have held on a little tighter, danced a little longer. She could hear Anne talking but it was hard to make sense of. It just sounded like sounds and noises. Everything was grating on her like a raw nerve. The music, the lights, the feedback from the microphone, the sound of drunk people. She felt cranky and like she might burst into tears at any given moment and like all she wanted was to wrap herself up in a blanket in the dark and quiet. It was such a confusing feeling to her and the most drastic emotional roller coaster she’d felt since she stopped her medication. And she didn’t understand why because it had been such a lovely night. Was this even normal?

“Dude I’m just going to the bathroom!” Ann said and Anne looked down at her in surprise. Her tone was tense.

“Is everything alright sweetheart?” She asked attentively and Ann shrugged impatiently.

“Of course. I’ll come find you when I’m done” she said and turned and walked quickly away from the dance floor.

Jaz was looking around the room for Victoria. She’d been dancing with a lovely older gay man, a pediatrician she’d interned under when she was training but now she couldn’t see her and she’d left her phone at the table. She saw Ann heading towards her. And grabbed her arm.

“Annie Baby have you seen Victoria?” She asked and Ann recoiled snatching her arm back.

Jaz was instantly concerned by her scattered and agitated state “Baby what’s wrong?” She asked and Ann shrugged “I don’t know Mama I just don’t feel right. Maybe I really am crazy like Mum”

“I don’t believe that for a second, you’re my beautiful perfect babygirl. Has something happened?” Jaz asked her gently and Ann shrugged. “I don’t think so. It’s been such a nice night but now I don’t want to be touched, but I do, but I don’t at the same time, the lights are so bright, the music is too loud, I just want to curl up. I haven’t felt this before. I don’t know what it is”

Jaz observed the state Ann was in and listened to what she had described and was struck by an idea. “Baby did you and Ann play today? Kink play?” Ann nodded cautiously.

“What did you do? It’s alright you can tell me” Jaz encouraged her gently.

“My wrists were tied to the rope ring, cats tail whip, just that. Cause I haven’t done anything like that before so Anne wants to take things cautiously” Ann explained.

“So it was your first time actually doing proper sensual impact play with a lover. And what was it like?” Jaz prompted her further. She was almost certain she was right.

“Incredible, like nothing I’d ever felt up until that point. I was on a high after but now……”

“Now you’re dropping. You’re not crazy babygirl you’re just human. You’re sub-dropping Jaz explained with a little chuckle, doing her best to reassure her but a particularly loud song came on and Ann winced.

‘I have to get out of here” She said as she walked off and Jaz knew she needed to locate Victoria and Anne then. She called for two cars and spotted Anne over at the drinks table.

Walking over to where her daughter in law stood she placed an arm around her and discreetly whispered “Annie is sub- dropping.”

Anne looked up at her in surprise ‘What? But I haven’t left her all afternoon and evening. I’ve had her in my arms for most of it. I made sure she ate and drank and….”

“Honey you’re obviously amazing at after care, no one could fault you but that doesn’t stop the drop and you cant hold yourself responsible for stopping it. I think too she’s honestly overtired from a huge couple of months, what with the Mariana drama, the tonsillectomy, everything coming out about what happened to her, being away from home on her own with a toddler full time for weeks, coming back home to so much activity and she’s really missing her Dad. I think it’s all just compounded.” Jaz said sympathetically.

Anne was aghast “My poor little Princess. She didn’t sound herself when she said she was going to the bathroom a moment ago…but I know her, if she’s struggling she’s not going to the bathroom she’s going outside for some fresh air and a quiet space.”

Jaz suddenly pictured finding Victoria in a small quiet/dark space the past couple of days. “I think maybe Victoria who has also gone AWOL might be with her. Let’s go.”

They headed outside to the wrap around deck and found it pretty deserted but a flash of red hair being tossed caught Jaz’s eye around the corner. She’d know that hair anywhere.

‘Over here!” She said as she gestured for Anne to follow her and when they got there the stumbled upon Ann sitting on a couch with her arms folded, pouting and Victoria sitting on the floor with about 7 different mini desserts from the buffet all at different stages of consumption. She was clearly very much under the influence of alcohol

“Sweetheart are you alright?” Anne asked as she sat beside Ann and went to reach for her hand but Ann winced “I don’t want to be touched!” Anne was taken aback and Jaz looked at her sympathetically ‘It’s not just you, she didn’t want me touching her either honey!”

“I just don’t like the stupid music or the stupid lights or this stupid party” Ann said forcefully and Anne’s eyes widened. She’d never seen this side of her wife before.

“Hi!” Victoria said chirpily from the ground as she looked up at Jaz with a big smile and Jaz grinned. Only her Bella could make intoxication look so beautiful.

“Well hello there my sweet!” 

“You’re very tall. You’re always tall but you seem very tall tonight. You’re like high….” Victoria emphasized her point by holding her little arm up in the air.

‘That’s because you’re on the floor baby!” Jaz quipped, beyond amused by Victoria in this state.

‘Yeah cause I just wanted some time alone with my desserts” Victoria gestured to them in front of her and Jaz swallowed a snort as she crouched down in front of her little love and beamed at her. ‘And was it a successful bonding experience Baby?”

Jaz died as Victoria proceeded to really consider her question, getting the sweetest look of concentration of her face.How was she so fucking cute? 

‘Mostly, I feel like the cheesecake misrepresented itself though. It looked light and fluffy but really it was dense and heavy. I felt lied to. Here, you try!” Victoria said as she took a spoonful and fed it to Jaz, looking up at her with big green eyes so submissive and pure in her act of service that Jaz really had to remind herself to behave. 

“What do you think?” Victoria asked her and Jaz nodded “Yep, it definitely tastes like deceit, ulterior motives and hidden agendas” She said indulgently with a cheeky grin.

Victoria reached out and stroked Jaz’s thick glossy dark brown hair that curled up prettily at her shoulders “Ooooh you are so very gorgeous Jazmine Moretti. Especially when you smile at me like that. I’m so lucky!”

Jaz felt her heart beat a little faster as she looked down at Victoria’s dreamy smile. No one had ever known the worst of her and looked at her like that before. Not ever.

“Believe me when I say that I’m the lucky one. But thank you Mio Amore!” Jaz said softly as she took Victoria’s hand and placed a little kiss on it before standing up and moving a little closer to Anne who looked totally bewildered.

“How come you get the submissive who just wants to quietly binge dessert, feed you cake, smile at you adoringly and tell you how hot you are” Anne remarked dryly and Jaz shrugged “I guess I’m just the better Daddy Domme”

She was only teasing but when Anne quietly muttered “Fair enough” Jaz put her arm around her ‘Honey I was only teasing. Mine is clearly in a very happy champagne filled space and doesn’t have a fuck tonne of teenage hormones running rampant through her system like yours!”

Jaz could see Victoria wriggling out of the corner of her eye and when she looked down Victoria was holding up her nude coloured lacy strapless bra “I don’t want this anymore. You can put it your pocket!”

Jaz took the the bra from her with a chuckle and slipped it into the pocket of her designer pants. “You know baby I have another pocket if you don’t want your panties either!” She teased and Ann’s jaw dropped in typical embarrassed teen daughter disgust “MAMA!” She cried out and Anne noted this was again an uncharacteristic response.

“Annie I think your Mum is trying to hit on me!” Victoria whispered very loudly to Ann as she pointed to Jaz. Jaz cracked up laughing as she moved a few feet away from her beautiful Bella to try to get control. She was fucking hilarious in this state.

‘This is one of the best moments my life” Jaz said whole heartedly.

“I’ve never seen Ann like this before, have you?” Anne asked Jaz helplessly and she shook her head “Not to this extent Kiddo!”

“ I have!” Victoria said and they both looked down at her in surprise “It was earlier in the year and Millie and Annie were yelling at each other when I got home from work and then at me so I took their phones and devices and sent them to their rooms and told them not to come out until they could be nice”

“You tell ‘em baby and how did that work out?” Jaz said supportively and Victoria shrugged as she looked up at her sheepishly “I ended up feeling bad for yelling and worried I’d hurt their feelings”

“Oh sweetheart” Jaz said with a giggle. She really was so very lovely.

“But don’t tell anyone I said that cause then I lose my Mum powers” Victoria whispered very loudly again and Jaz dramatically held her finger to her lips and nodded seriously like it was a matter of state.

Jaz felt her phone buzz inside her pocket and pulled it out. She took Anne and lead her further out of Ann’s earshot “The car is here for you two. One of my men is gathering your things and will meet you at the car with them. Get her out of here Honey and wear her down till she lets you cuddle her. I know my babygirl. If you can get her wrapped up it will all come out. Call me if you need anything alright?”

“Thank you Mama!” Anne said gratefully as she hugged Jaz and Jaz squeezed her. “You’re welcome Honey.” She pulled back and cupped Anne’s face in her hands ‘And don’t blame yourself. I know you’re a decent dominant so you know that this happens. At some point it could very well be Victoria in the same state and then we’ll really have our hands full!”

‘Oh god what if they join forces and gang up on us?” Anne asked and Jaz shivered. “Don’t say things like that. They can smell fear. But in short, we’ll be totally fucked!” They both laughed and Anne walked over to where Ann sat looking so lost and bewildered that it broke her heart.

“Come on My Darling, a car is here for us. Let’s get you home!” She tentatively held out her hand to Ann, relieved when the younger woman took it and left it in her grasp. She was rigid and tense but at least she wasn’t pulling her hand back.

“Goodnight” Ann said softly to Victoria and Jaz as Anne led her towards the car park.

“Goodnight my babygirl, get some sleep” Jaz said lovingly and then felt Victoria tugging on her pants. She looked down to see the very impish looking little red head gesturing for her to come down to her level and when she did Victoria looked at her like she was about to conspire something huge and whispered “We should go home too and have a lot of sex”

“Oh yeah?” Jaz said with a raised eyebrow. “How much sex Red?” She deliberately encouraged her.

‘Like heaps!” Victoria said emphatically and stretched her arms out as widely as they would go to illustrate her point.

“That much? Wow….You weren’t kidding when you started throwing your pretty underwear at me were you? We best be getting home to make a start!” Jaz teased as she kissed Victoria’s forehead.

‘Okay. I’m taking my favourite dessert with me” Victoria said matter of factly as she picked up some kind of chocolate looking concoction and Jaz lost it again and broke into giggles. She was an absolute delight like this. “You do that Baby. Come on!” Jaz said as she pulled Victoria to her feet and sent a message for their things to be brought out to them.

Anne opened the car door for Ann and her wife got in wordlessly. Walking quickly around to the other side of the car, Anne wasn’t sure what to expect when she got in and closed her door and the privacy screen. 

After Ann’s fiery behaviour on the deck however, Anne was surprised when Ann lay down across the back seat with her head in her lap. At least she was letting her in to some capacity.

‘You look tired Little Lister. You should close your eyes” Anne said softly as she very gently stroked Ann’s hair and Ann nodded and closed her eyes compliantly.

“That’s my sweet beautiful girl. We’ll be home before you know it!” Anne promised her, noting her stunning little wife was already drifting off to sleep.

“So why is that one your favourite Red?” Jaz asked as they walked through the grounds towards the car and Victoria eyed her chocolate dessert “It looked kind of big on the plate, a bit intimidating and it had this hard chocolate shell that was a little hard to crack at first but once I got inside it was warm soft and soothing .It tasted like naughtiness, happiness and magic. Complex but so beautiful.You would be this dessert. That’s why it’s my favourite”

Jaz felt Victoria’s gorgeous little confession about the dessert steal her breath for a moment and she stopped walking. Taking the dessert from her she handed it to one of her men who was walking past with their things and took Victoria’s other hand in hers.

“And it’s not too much? Too rich?” She asked a little fearfully, showing her vulnerable side to Victoria and only her as the younger woman seemed so gifted at inspiring her to do.

Victoria shook her head and gave Jaz a smile that was so beautiful and dazzling she honestly wasn’t sure what she’d ever done to deserve it.

“No. It’s so beautiful. It’s exactly enough. It’s perfect for me!” Victoria said sincerely in a voice full of emotion.

“Baby” Jaz gasped as she kissed Victoria’s eyes, her cheeks, and her nose “I love you so much!” She ended at her lips, kissing her passionately, but gently. There was no rush. There was just her sweet little Bella who was absolutely everything to her.

“To the moon and back!” Victoria said sweetly when the kiss broke and Jaz nuzzled her nose “To the moon and back Mio Amore. Come on, let’s get out of here!”

Victoria suddenly looked stricken ‘Wait where are my chicken nuggets?”

Jaz surprised a giggle “Baby we haven’t left yet, we have to get in the car to go and get them!”

Victoria sighed “Why can your men do all this secret spy murder shit but they can’t do Uber Eats?”

Jaz lost it and cracked up laughing as Victoria continued “Imma have to talk to them”

Victoria stepped further into the brightness of the moonlight in her semi sheer dress and Jaz caught sight of her pretty pink nipples clearly visible. “Not in that dress, under this light without your bra you’re not!” She insisted.

“Am I see through? Can I look?” Victoria asked and tried to look at her own chest. “I can’t see anything” she said and Jaz broke into giggles again “Because you’re blocking the light with your face and your hair…..come on Baby just get in the car and I promise we’ll get you your nuggets!”

“I could take the dress off and see if it’s see through!” Victoria reasoned and Jaz picked her up making her squeal a little.

“Over my dead body” Jaz said firmly but there was so much warmth in her eyes as she carried her intoxicated little love the rest of the way to the luxury car she favored traveling in.

When they got there Jaz carefully placed her in the back seat and slipped in beside her. It was then that her heart sank as she saw the MDMA and cocaine on one of the tables which would be her usual post party routine and her ever dutiful main driver, Ray who was back from leave and hadn’t met Victoria yet slipped in with them and said ‘Can I rack you ladies up a few lines?”  
This is the second time that evening that Jaz had exposed Victoria to a completely unfiltered view of the nitty gritty in her world.

“Excuse me Sir but I have had 5 glasses of wine and consuming narcotics on top of that would be very dangerous” Victoria said emphatically and Jaz gazed at her adoringly. She got herself into that state on 5 glasses of wine. They hadn’t even been full glasses.Bless!

Ray looked at Victoria like she was some kind of Alien creature and Jaz knew it was because she wasn’t like any woman he had ever seen her with before, not her submissives and especially not Cassie

“Ray this little goddess is my partner, Victoria. AKA “Red”. Victoria baby this is Ray. One of my right hands!”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Miss Victoria!” Ray said as he took her hand and kissed it. “Consider me at your service. I’ll take the drugs away!”

“Your manners are lovely! Your mother must be very proud!” Victoria said sweetly and Ray looked a little taken aback by her sweetness, again unaccustomed to it from any lady of Jaz’s but Jaz’s heart ached with pride at just how very lovely she was.

“I got myself a good girl this time Ray.” Jaz said as she put her arm around her and pulled her close ‘And she is so very good to me. So Very good for me.”

Ray looked at Victoria’s face shining with so much love as she looked up at Jaz and then at how blissfully happy Jaz looked, more at peace than he had ever seen her and grinned. “That’s awesome Mama Jaz I’m really happy for you. Let’s get you girls home!” He went to slip out of the other side of the car but as he did he leant in and whispered to Jaz “She is crazy beautiful. Absolutely stunning” Jaz squeezed Ray’s shoulder, more than happy to brag to one of the most trusted men in her service.

“Isn’t she just?” She agreed proudly.

When Ray had gotten out of the car and gone round to the front Jaz popped up the Privacy screen Victoria looked concerned. “Sweetie I hope he put that stuff somewhere safe because it’s really illegal”

Jaz feigned shock “It is? Oh my god you’re so right. What will we do?” She collapsed into laughter and Victoria poked her in the arm “Hey you’re making fun of me!”

“Oh no baby I’m not making fun of you” Jaz said as she pulled Victoria into her lap and cupped her face “I’m enjoying you. I can’t even remember the last time I enjoyed something this much. You have been an absolute delight and you make me so happy.”

Victoria’s face lit up “Really? That’s good cause I actually think I might be a little bit drunk!”

Jaz barely suppressed her snort and looked at her in disbelief “I never would have guessed!”

Victoria collapsed into giggles ‘You’re lying because you’re so Gorgeous and you love me so much but that’s okay. I don’t mind. I love you to the moon and back anyway!” She threw her arms around Jaz and hugged her tightly.

“I do love you Mio Piccolo Tesoro. So very much. You’ve brought me back to life”

Victoria suddenly pulled back from Jaz, the most gorgeous smile gracing her delicate features “We should have some more champagne!” She suggested excitedly and Jaz looked at her dubiously. This was her Little Red who was indeed little and hadn’t eaten. She’d also never consumed so much alcohol with her in a short space of time and Jaz didn’t want her waking up feeling sick on top of any crash she may have as a result of what had been revealed between the two of them that evening.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea my Sweet” Jaz said gently but Victoria shook her head “Oh it’s a great Idea, here I think I know where you keep it” she said cheekily as she leant across Jaz’s lap and tried to reach the other side of the spacious car.

“Bella I said no. I’ll have to spank you!’ Jaz said as she laughed at her antics and began lightly smacking Victoria’s ass as her younger lover giggled. Jaz pushed her dress up to reveal her gorgeous little peach ass in cheeky cut lace edged beige panties and could see her gorgeous creamy skin was already marking so beautifully and turning a pretty shade of pink from her hand. She spanked her again on her bare skin and immediately began rubbing it. Jaz noticed that Victoria wasn’t laughing anymore and her skin had broken out in goosebumps. And she was moving ever so slightly in her lap. She was turned on.

Almost holding her breath Jaz landed two harder spanks on her cheeks and then rubbed it tenderly, her hands slipping between her parted thighs as she did and Victoria moaned and writhed on her lap.

“Do you like that baby?” Jaz asked, her voice low and laced with arousal.

“Yes” Victoria gasped and Jaz gently wound her hand in Victoria’s hair and pulled it, pulling her head back from the seat “Yes what?”

“Yes Daddy!” Victoria responded to Jaz’s subtle correction and the older woman felt her whole body tingle.

“Mmmmm such a good girl for Daddy” She whispered appreciatively and spanked the juncture where Victoria’s thigh met her ass, rubbing it again and sliding her other hand up her dress to rub the small of her back softly.

Victoria parted her legs for Jaz, blatantly giving her more access. “You are a dream come true” Jaz whispered reverently as she took in the sight of Victoria, completely relaxed across her lap, lying there so submissively with her legs open for her, the side of her gorgeous profile visible as she lay her face on her arms. Her creamy skin marred with Jaz’s finger marks as she pressed back into her lovers dominant touch, welcoming it, luxuriating in it. She was exquisite. And though always aware of the size disparity between the two of them as the light shone in through the window and Jaz ran her hand up and down Victoria’s back she could see and feel the ridges of her spine under her fingertips, take in how tiny she really was lying there so still and quietly without her incredible emotional intelligence and vivacious smile making her appear “larger” than she was or the loose casual clothing she’d been wearing around the farm marring it. She thought back to Victoria’s story of what Landon had done to her and pictured his tall strapping frame. She would have been completely dwarfed under him while he attacked her and must have been so frightened.

And now here she was, laying across her lap making herself so vulnerable to her. Giving herself to her so beautifully and trustingly and Jaz didn’t take how lucky she was that Victoria was hers, that she belonged to her for granted for a second. As impromptu and playfully as it had begun, things had progressed and before they could venture into something like that conversations needed to be had. About the fact that Victoria can always say no, that she doesn’t ever have to do something she was uncomfortable with. She needed a safe word. And she needed to be a lot more sober the first few times they played even lightly and as she ventured into kink so that she was completely aware of what she was consenting to. And it killed her to stop because Victoria was very clearly kinky as hell and she was so beautiful, so sweet and so unbelievably Sexy. But she was her everything and Jaz knew she had to.

“Come up here my stunning Bella” Jaz said as she pushed Victoria’s dress back down ‘Come to me” she commanded gently as she pulled Victoria up to cuddle her and Victoria looked at her in confusion

“Wait why did you stop. I don’t want to stop” Victoria said emphatically with an adorable pout and Jaz groaned as she chuckled. Her little love wasn’t making it any easier being so fucking cute.

“I’m loving this pout of yours Little Red. I wanna bite that lower lip” Jaz said honestly and Victoria nodded happily “Yeah let’s do that! And I’ll go back” Victoria said as she tried to lay herself across Jaz’s lap and Jaz laughed at her. She was just gorgeous.

“Nope, no you won’t” She insisted as she easily blocked the petite red head and pulled her back up. Jaz watched as doubt washed over Victoria’s features.

“Is it me? Is it because I’m not good at those things or…..I do it wrong or……” she trailed off, unable to meet Jaz’s gaze and Jaz was horrified.

“No….Oh god, no my love that’s not it I promise you. Red, baby please look at me” Jaz pleased as she cupped Victoria’s face and as she raised her gaze Jaz could see her eyes were a darker green than usual. She’d already been slipping into sub space. She was utter heaven. Also not making it easier.

“You are so beautiful, so sexy….so….mine that every ounce of me body heart and soul desires you, craves you, lusts after you and sings for you more than any other woman I have ever known or been with and I mean that. But you are my partner, my lover, my best friend. You are my cherished Bella. And I want you to be that first and my submissive second. That means I am going to be all the more cautious with you. And I know that I’m very dominant and its not as simple as separating the two. Not when you have a connection as intense as you and I and not when we have fallen into it so naturally outside of the bedroom. But I am not just your Dominant and you are not just a submissive I play with or a play partner. I’m your Dominant yes, but I’m Daddy and you’re my precious principessa, my Little Red.

And part of my job as Daddy is to wrap you up and protect you from things that could hurt you. Even things that you want, even things that I want to do to you so badly you have no idea. But this is all new to you and I cant be guiding you into more intense things than we’ve done thus far while you’re under the influence of alcohol and when we haven’t had conversations around them. That would be such an abuse of your sweetness, your devotion, your love and trust and I cannot abide by that. The fact is, as incredible and forgiving as that beautiful heart of yours is, I showed you a very dark and aggressive side of myself tonight. A side that is inside me and frightened you so terribly and triggered you to the point of a panic attack. You also opened up about a very traumatic sexual assault at the hands of someone you had trusted. This is not how I want things to be for you as we enter into something so intimate my gorgeous little flame. After events like tonight. In the backseat of my car. You are worth so much more than that. And I’m happy to have this conversation again tomorrow when your head is a little less fuzzy but I couldn’t bear for you to think you’d done something wrong or that I didn’t want you. So I tried to explain as best as I can now. Are you understanding what I’m saying?”

Victoria couldn’t believe how beautiful Jaz was and how thoughtfully she treated her. Every time she thought she couldn’t possibly feel more loved, more safe and protected, Jaz proved her wrong and went another step further. 

“I do understand, I know there’s so much about this stuff that I don’t know but one thing I do know is just how lucky I am to be yours. The thing is that side of you that you showed me tonight, you are not the sum total of that facet of you. The Jazmine Moretti I know makes me feel safer, more loved protected and cared for than I have in my whole life. She’s an incredible head of a family, an unconquerable business woman, an amazing mother to her daughter and mine, a loving Nonna, Daddy, my partner, my lover and yes my best friend. And the ferocity with which you described attacking that pedophile with is the same ferocity you protect me with, Without the fire of one inside you, the other wouldn’t exist. And unconditional love means loving it all. All of you. And I would never want you to be any different than you are, not a single part of you. Not for a second because I think………..no……..I know…..”

Victoria looked down for a moment and when she looked back up her eyes were shining with unshed tears “That you’re the love of my life….I meant what I said to Jack this afternoon. It was always meant to be you….and I’m sorry if I was asking you to bend your rules”

Jaz blinked her own tears back, overcome by the poignancy of Victoria’s words and gently brushed tendrils of red silken hair away from her face. “Oh my precious love. You are going to get me to bend so many rules just like you did tonight and you’ll do it with your pout and adorable sulking, with your smile, your eyes, just by looking at me in a certain way sometimes and though I’ll protest I will delight in every moment of it. Just as I have tonight. But I’ll never break the big ones. The ones that come to you, to keeping you safe, to loving you the way you deserve to be loved and making sure you’re treated the way though deserve to be treated. Because that’s the most important thing. And you are the most important thing Victoria. Because you’ve made me break every other rule I had that I stupidly thought were important prior to you, to get here. And I don’t regret a single thing. How could I sweetheart after what you just said, knowing all that you are” Her voice was barely a raspy whisper when she stopped talking and they both had tears streaming down their faces.

“Well then, I was just wondering if you weren’t busy right now, if you’d like to kiss me? Because I would really like to kiss you!” Victoria said just as she had on the deck at Anne’s wedding but this time with a face so full of utter adoration it took Jaz’s breath away even more so than it melted her. She took a deep breath and crooked her finger, beckoning Victoria closer and Victoria leaned in to lightly press her lips against her lovers and then she kissed Jaz’s tears away and whispered in her ear ‘But I really do want to do all the slutty naughty kinky things with you when you think its right”

Jaz pressed her face to Victoria’s ‘So do I my little flame. You have no idea how sexy you are or how much I want that with you. We’re going to have the most incredible adventures together”

“I even have an excel spreadsheet of things that my patients have talked about that I’ve researched and am curious about. I’ve categorized them according to extremity and risk and lasting impact on blood circulation and dermal layers and probable pain levels based on neurological pain receptor pathways” Victoria admitted and Jaz snorted “Of course you do baby. Are there column graphs?”

Victoria scrunched her nose up “No!.......there may be some pie charts” 

Jaz cracked up laughing and Victoria looked self conscious “You think I’m ridiculous don’t you?”

Jaz looked at her adoringly “No I don’t baby, I think you’re utterly magical. If you feel comfortable at some point and you wanted to make me an editor of the document I could have a look at it and provide you with some data based on the knowledge I have based on my real life experiences and the many variables I’ve come across. Many of your patients coming to you are likely engaging in BDSM play to extremes because its common in people with mental illness and this would have the potential to skew your data. I will tread carefully with you and wouldn’t push you to such extremes ever. I could run some comparison graphs on where our research aligns and where it diverges and you could just look at it. Or if you wanted to discuss it and do a data analysis together we could.”

“Oh my god sweetie could you not make me any wetter right now than I already am please” Victoria said in an uncharacteristic and clearly alcohol fueled sexual candor and Jaz roared laughing.  
‘Am I getting you all hot and bothered with my nerd cred baby?” She teased and Victoria nodded ‘Um…Yes!” Jaz softly kissed her forehead. “We could even export the base line data projections into pie charts and then do all the slutty naughty kinky things and do follow up data to compare how it measured against your original estimates.”

Victoria held her hands up ‘Okay yeah I definitely need a safe word so I can tap out of this convo before I swoon. You need to stop with that. Seriously, you’re dangerous. My panties are going to take themselves off for you in a minute” she broke into giggles and Jaz laughed with her.

‘I love you so much my Bella. So so much baby!” Jaz held her and tickled her as she squealed with laughter. But the second Victoria really started trying to get away from her as she pleaded for Jaz to stop, she did. And gentled her touches to soft caresses along her arms.

“Can you please help me get this stuff off of my face!” Victoria asked sweetly looking very bewildered and a little sleepy as she touched the makeup on her face.

“Of course I can baby.” Jaz said softly as she reached for the makeup wipes in her purse and began to very gently wipe Victoria’s makeup off. When it was all done she tossed the wipe in the mini trash compartment and placed a little kiss on each of Victoria’s eyelids. “You are so beautiful!” She whispered as she reached for her purse again and took out two tablets. “Here Mio Amore I want you to take these to stop you getting a headache and drink as much of this as you can”

Victoria took the tablets and the bottle of water that Jaz gave her and took them. Then continued to drink, surprising Jaz even as she drained the bottle. 

“Good girl” Jaz praised her as she discarded the empty bottle and smiled as her Bella curled up in her arms.

“I think this has definitely become one of my favourite parts of the evening” Jaz said honestly as she exhaled in contentment and stroked Victoria’s hair.

‘Mine too!” Victoria said softly and Jaz looked out the window to get their bearings.

“We should be reaching the McDonald’s soon sweetheart and we’ll be able to get your Nuggets” 

“But I don’t want any nuggets” came Victoria’s barely audible drowsy reply and as Jaz snapped her head away from the window in surprise and looked down at her little love she saw she was curled up in her arms, sound asleep.

She chuckled and shook her head “Of course you don’t”

Bending to place a featherlight kiss on her Bella’s head she wrapped her up snugly and settled back with her against the seat. Blissfully happy to simply watch her sleep.

****************  
Anne eyed Ann in concern. When the car had stopped at the farm, Ann had awoken and immediately gotten out. She’d gone inside the cottage and busied herself with getting ready for bed still without saying a word. And as she sat in her little pink nightgown taking her makeup off she looked so small, lost and vulnerable that it broke Anne’s heart. She thought back to the last time her wife had shut down like that, during the whole Mariana blackmail scandal and it all would have been avoidable if she hadn’t have been such a stubborn pride filled ass. Because she had been older and more experienced. She should have handled it so much better. But in this instant it’s was more important than ever because not only was she now Ann’s wife, in the kink play aspect of their sex life she was Daddy, she was her Dominant. And though it appeared to her that they hadn’t taken outside the bedroom to the extent that Jaz and Victoria had, while she didn’t want to be at anyone’s pace or in any dynamic other than their own, it was time to start showing Ann how that dynamic worked. The things that were in place to keep her safe emotionally. And if Ann was suffering as a result of something they had done together, it was her responsibility to make sure she supported and helped her through it, through this sub drop and any subsequent drops. And she knew Ann may not like it, but she was about to get very firm with her if necessary and find away to break through. She walked over to the dresser and knelt down beside Ann.

“Ann, sweetheart look at me” she said commandingly, pleased when Ann turned her body towards her. It was a start. “I can see that you’re suffering and I believe you are subdropping, possibly the most strongly you have thus far. And you haven’t said word since we left the party. The thing is part of being Daddy is sometimes taking care of you and doing what’s right and what’s best for you even if you disagree and its unwelcome. I wouldn’t be any kind of wife, any kind of dominant if I didn’t do that. If I didn’t treat your submission that you entrust me with as the precious gift it is. You’re so very young and inexperienced and part of aftercare when we play like we did today is being at your side not only as you ride the highs but as you ride the lows as well. When things became so strained between us during that whole Mariana disaster and we became so estranged, something I take full responsibility for I vowed that I would never let you become so shut down again. That I would come to you whenever and wherever you were. Please let me be there for you in this Princess.”

Ann took in everything her wife had said. Her tone had been firm and her words exacting but her face was so full of love and tenderness that suddenly the dam burst and the flood gates opened as she began to cry,

“Oh Anne I’m so sorry, I spoke to you horribly and I’ve felt so awful about it. I don’t know what happened. I’ve just been feeling really tired. I went straight out of the tonsillectomy into the Mariana disaster, my exams, then Bali and I love Jack so much but It was just us and I had to be “on” all the time and then so much has happened since I got back this week. The wedding, coming to terms with the PTSD I’m left with at Hammers party, so much in a few short months and then suddenly I felt so out of sorts and everything was bothering me. Everything at that party felt so loud and overwhelming and I was looking at all the girls dancing with their fathers but more than that, seeing you with Jack, how incredible you are just drove home so much to me that its Christmas and I really miss my Dad” Ann covered her face with her hands and began to cry in earnest.

“Oh my Darling come here” Anne said sympathetically as she stood and picked Ann up before sitting down with her in her lap.

“I know exactly what happened, you sub dropped and you’re understandably exhausted and you’re grieving for a loss that is amplified at this time of the year. Of course you felt overwhelmed. I think it all just hit you at once” Anne reassured her as as she held her close and stroked her hair.

“I’m so sorry for how I acted and for shutting down” Ann apologized through her tears.

“Shhhhhhh that’s enough of that my sweet beautiful girl. You nothing to be sorry for. You had a little moment that was very mild all things considered but look how quickly and how much you just opened up to me. You’ve come so far in such a short time. I am so proud of you. I love you so much.”  
Anne cuddled her while she cried softly and Ann felt everything that had been trapped inside her purging from her system. She suddenly felt so much lighter and for some reason Anne’s cuddles felt even more soothing than usual. She snuggled more deeply into her wife’s arms.

“I feel so much better already. Being in your arms is feeling even more right than it normally does” Ann said softly and Anne kissed her forehead.

“Sweet baby, it’s because you need to connect with me this way after we play. Sometimes when you play hard, you crash hard, the cuddles, the connection. They help. And I’ll know in future not to play anytime we have to be in loud crowded spaces afterwards. Remember in the cave when I showed you that being Daddy isn’t just about kinky sex? It’s about protecting you, loving you, looking after you?”

Ann nodded and Anne held onto her even more tightly ‘Well it’s like that, but you don’t have to understand it all right away. We have so much time and you’re so young and inexperienced. You’re doing so well. You make me so proud that you’re mine my precious angel, my Princess. And in the meantime I’ll get better at seeing the signs that you’re dropping.”

Anne carried her into the bathroom and carefully sat her on the counter. “Lets wipe your tears baby so you’re more comfortable” she said as she wet a face cloth and tenderly pressed it to Ann’s face, mopping up her tears.”

Ann took a deep breath “Dude…I know you said you wanted more treehouse sex tonight but um….I don’t think I can and……”

“Oh no sweetheart, I never would have said that if I had have known how you were feeling” Anne cut her off as she placed little kisses all over her beautiful face and cupped it in her hands. ‘You don’t ever have to do anything that you don’t feel comfortable or ready doing. That’s one of the reasons you have a safe word okay? It doesn’t just have to be for when we play you know. If you’re ever feeling overwhelmed and especially if I’m asking something of you that upsets you please use it, please tell me so I know to check in with you. I can’t bear the thought of you being alone in this! Alright?”

Ann nodded “Thank you for taking such good care of me. I’m very grateful” Anne melted as Ann threw her arms around her and hugged her tightly. She really was the sweetest little thing and an utter dream even in drop mode. She’d seen far worse. ‘You’re so welcome little one. Thank you for letting me. It means so much to me. And on that note, I think I know exactly what it is that you need tonight”

*************

Jaz carried a sleeping Victoria into their bedroom as Ray pulled down the covers for her “Thank you” she mouthed and Ray squeezed her shoulder before leaving the room. Jaz carefully lay her in the bed, marveling at just how easy she was to handle at the end of a “big night” compared to Cassie. She slipped her hand under Victoria’s back and undid the zipper on her dress before sliding it down and off her.

“I’ll be with you in just a moment Sweetheart” she whispered as she kissed her Bella’s forehead and pulled the covers up around her.

Jaz went about readying herself for bed and when she was done she saw Victoria was still soundly sleeping so she went to check on Millie. She broke into a big smile when she saw Jack tucked into Millie’s chest protectively as she spooned the little girl. Both of them dead to the world and looking utterly angelic with pillows awash in long thick strands of deep strawberry blonde and chocolate hues from their beautiful hair.

“Little Darlings” Jaz whispered as she kissed them both on the forehead and checked they were wwwarm enough and that the room temperature was comfortable. 

She went to the fridge to get another bottle of water for Victoria to leave by the bed in case and heard a strange sound. Closing the door quickly she went back towards the bedroom and heard Victoria cry out. 

“Red!” she called out as she ran into their room and saw Victoria tossing and turning in bed, clearly in the throes of a nightmare.

“Noooooo….stop it you’re hurting me” Victoria pleaded and Jaz’s stomach sank as she closed the door and put the bottle on the bedside table.

“Red Baby…..” she called to her as she got into bed beside her and gasped when she touched her bare skin. It was like ice and pieces of her hair were plastered to her tear streaked face that was twisted in anguish.

“Stop it….I cant breathe….Landon I’m scared please stop you’re hurting me……I want Jaz……I just want Jaz” she pleaded, trapped in her torment and Jaz’s eyes filled with tears.

“I’m right here Baby it’s just a nightmare” Jaz said as she pulled her struggling little body into her arms and the second she had her wrapped up tightly, The tension began to leave her limbs.

“Jaz…” Victoria whimpered and Jaz smoothed her hair away from her face and rocked her gently.

“That’s right Baby I’ve got you, I’m right here. I’m not ever going to let anyone hurt you ever again” Jaz promised as she placed little kisses on her forehead, relieved when Victoria snuggled into her chest and clutched at her shirt.

“That’s my good girl, snuggle into me. You’re safe my Beautiful Sweet Bella” Jaz cooed softly as she blinked back her tears. Even wrapped up in her world of torment and pain Victoria still called for her, still knew that she would protect her. How had she ever gotten so lucky? How could anyone have hurt the sweetest little goddess she had ever known so badly?

“Please don’t leave me, you’re the only one that makes me feel safe…” Victoria pleaded and Jaz stroked her hair “shhhhhh Mio Piccolo Tesoro never, I am never leaving you. I am never letting you go. You’re mine”

‘Yours, always” Victoria replied and that time Jaz’s tears did fall. Even in her sleep, her Bella felt her, saw her, heard her.

“That’s right baby. Mine always.” Jaz said in a choked voice and pulled Victoria just that little bit closer. 

If it was the last thing she did, Jaz vowed that she would prove to the exquisite, tormented little angel now thankfully sleeping much more calmly in her arms, that she was her everything. 

Victoria was her forever.

*******************  
Anne smiled as she saw Ann’s eyelids starting to get heavy. She was so cute. She’d brought her wife out to the couch for some Gilmore Girls, ice cream straight from the tub and more cuddles. And much to Anne’s delight as she’d spooned Ann while they lay watching tv, her sweet beautiful girl hadn’t been able to get close enough. She was much more settled and seemed to be getting her equilibrium back.

“Is it bed time Little Lister?” Anne asked adoringly and Ann shook her head “I’m not sleepy” but even as she said it her eyelids were fluttering closed.

‘Oh you’re not?” Anne further questioned her as her face lit up at how adorable she was and Ann turned into her body and snuggled her cheek against her chest. “Nope” she said as she fought valiantly but still she burrowed closer still and Anne wrapped her arm around her protectively.

Just before Ann drifted off she sleepily murmured “Thank you for being my Dude…..thank you for being Daddy. I love you…all the much.”

Anne tightened her grip on her and buried her face in her hair. “No Princess, thank you…” she whispered, her raspy voice hoarse with emotion. ‘All the time. All the ways”


	41. Totes coupley domestic porn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in update. This one is very, very long though lol So I hope it makes up for it. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> This is dedicated to Sophie. Who had the exact conversation Anne has with Rachel about the kitchen cupboard with the real life inspiration for the character of Rachel. My mother. And soft but badass butch that she is, she really is going to grind down a custom screw to fix her kitchen cupboard for her. I’m so grateful for you babe<3

Millie held onto the credit card that Jaz left out on the kitchen bench with a note that said ‘Get what Jack needs for her mission and you two beautiful girls spoil yourselves with this until the one I’m ordering you arrives. I insist. You’re such an amazing kid Millie and I am so proud to have you as my daughter. You and your mother are the greatest blessings I could have ever hoped for. I love you babygirl”

She couldn’t believe how lucky she was to have ended up with another parent like Jaz. It wasn’t the generosity or credit card that had affected her so much, it was the beautiful note. A note Millie would keep forever. Jaz said nicer things about her than her own father ever had.

“And this one for Pop please Millie!” Jaz said as she pointed to a navy blue coffee mug.

“And then I think we’re done!” Jack said as she sounded out the names on the list and counted them and then counted the presents in the basket. ‘Yep we did it!”

Millie kicked herself for not being more present. The photo printing shop just wasn’t very large and it was more crowded and noisy than she had been expecting.

‘You’re so clever Little Dude, the way you read and count and problem solve” she praised the little girl as she kissed her forehead. “Let’s go line up with your shopping!”

“Watch where you’re going!” An older man snapped at Millie before she even had a chance to apologise when she barely grazed him with her basket trying to manoeuvre around the displays. Clearly he was irate about life in general because he walked up to the counter and began raising his voice at one of the staff. The shop was filling up with more and more people and Millie could feel herself really starting to struggle. “Please not now Millie, come on get it together. Jack needs you!” She pleaded with herself. She couldn’t let Jack down.

“Millie are you okay?” Jack asked in concern and Millie forced a smile “I’m fine Jacky Jack!”  
But she wasn’t fine. She was starting to get lightheaded and all she could hear was white noise. She’d barely eaten at the party last night because seeing her grandfather had made her anxious and then she’d given Jack a snack before they’d left intending to get breakfast with her after but she hadn’t eaten herself and it was making things worse. She had the precious baby girl in her arms to think about “Jack I’m so sorry!” she said close to tears as she turned and was about to leave the line when she ran into someone. But as a strong arm came around her, pulling her into his chest and a soothing voice said “Hey Gorgeous, it’s alright!” She knew it was Frog. She felt Jack being taken from her grasp as well as the basked and then he led her over to a quiet little spot that was relatively deserted.

“Too crowded and chaotic?” Frog asked attentively as he rubbed her back and Millie nodded “I’m so sorry!”

“Hey what are you sorry for Baby? Being so beautiful that I almost walked into the keychain display when I caught sight of you?” Frog teased her softly and Millie giggled and avoided his eyes a little shyly but Frog tipped her face back so he could look at her.

“it’s all good, that’s why I came. This place gets crazy around Christmas, you’re not a local you weren’t to know!” He said cheerfully as he softly kissed her forehead.

“One of my mates is assistant manager though so follow me!’ Frog said as he lead Millie and Jack round to a counter at the back of the store. “Jacky Jack, always a pleasure little Dude!” Frog said as he kissed her little nose and she giggled “Yay! It’s the Frog!”

“Hey Derek! This is my beautiful girlfriend Millie, Millie, this is Derek. She’s got quite the haul of custom photo gift orders can you hook her up?” Frog called out to a dark haired young man of around 20 who gave Millie a friendly smile as he approached the desk.

“You’re stunning. Why are you with him?” He joked and Millie giggled as Frog punched Derek in the arm. “Because he’s amazing!” She said as she looked up at him adoringly and Frog beamed down at her.

Derek took the basket and took out the list with the USB and corresponding gift and image file number matched up neatly. “Beautiful smart and organised. You’re definitely punching mate!” Derek teased and Frog laughed ‘Don’t I know it!”

“Thank you so much!’ Millie said as she handed over her card and Derek winked at her ‘Any friend of Frog is a friend of mine. We’ll get you sorted Miss!”

“And then how bout I take the two prettiest girls in town out for breakfast?” Frog asked and Jack nodded emphatically. “Yes yes yes!”

“I would love that!” Millie said gratefully as Frog nuzzled her forehead with his nose. “You hanging in there Gorgeous? Are you alright?” He asked her quietly and Millie nodded as she smiled brightly up at him. “I am now. Thanks to you.”

*********  
Anne wandered out to the lounge room to find a still very sleepy looking Ann wrapping presents for Jack. Despite the sleepiness when she saw her, her beautiful face lit up “Hi baby!” She said cheerfully and Anne melted at the sight of her sleep mussed hair, sparkling blue eyes and rosy cheeks. Even like this she was glorious.

“Hello my darling. I must say I thought you’d be in bed still.” Anne said as she sat on the floor and took Ann in her arms.

“I think I actually need to go back to bed soon but I woke up starving so I had something to eat and I thought I’d take the opportunity to wrap these presents for our babygirl while she’s out of the house. We just need to do the bike now!” Ann said with an accomplished smile on her face and Anne delicately brushed her lips against her forehead.

“I can do that Love. And stash these somewhere. After I’ve tucked you back in bed.” Anne said adamantly and Ann grinned ‘My sexy strong hero.”

“You know it!” Anne said as she kissed her softly. Relieved to see that Ann seemed to be over her drop and she had her angelic little princess back. She’d been so worried about her.

“I made you an omelette. It’s keeping warm in the oven!” Ann said sweetly and Anne hugged her. She was such a sweet and considerate little thing. She couldn’t think of anyone she would rather have raising her children. She was a huge part of the reason why Jack was so divine.

“Sweet baby. I appreciate it, thank you!” Anne said as she gathered Ann into her arms and stood with her “Now back to bed with you!” She said warmly, sighing in contentment as Ann curled into her while she carried her into the bedroom.

‘Dude can you please cuddle me and play my hair to help me fall back asleep?” Ann asked in a small shy voice and Anne’s heart sang. She loved it when Ann openly expressed need for being taken care of, when she asked her for that. She loved her independent little wife unconditionally just as she was and knew it was Ann’s childhood that had made her the way she was, but how she loved it when her princess let her take care of her.

“I would love to sweetheart!” Anne said as she carefully placed Ann back in their bed and slid in beside her to hold her close.

“Thank you for being so amazing last night. I love you so much baby. I’m so proud to be your wife. No one has ever taken care of me the way you do and I am so excited for our first Christmas together as a little family” Ann said sincerely as Anne stroked her hair and Anne had to swallow a lump in her throat. Their first Christmas as a family. She still felt as though she might have to pinch herself, it just seemed too beautiful, too magical. Too much like something she never dreamed she’d have.

“You’re so welcome my love. Thank you for trusting me, for letting me in. You’ve come so far in the time we’ve been together. We’ve come so far. And we’re just going to keep getting better and stronger. I know it because I feel it.”

“We are aren’t we?” Ann gave Anne the dazzling smile that always destroyed her and her face lit up. “Yes….now go back to sleep.”

“Yes Daddy” Ann said with a dramatic sigh and Anne chuckled as she wrapped her in her arms “Don’t be starting things I have no intention of letting you finish Little Lister!”

“Oh I bet I could convince you!” Ann teased as her hand started to wander down Anne’s abdomen but Anne caught it as she shook her head and laughed at her gorgeous little wife. ‘I’m sure you could but I’m not letting you now hush. Let sleep take you. I mean it”

‘Kay Dude” Ann conceded defeat and snuggled into Anne more deeply. “That’s my girl!” She praised her as she stroked her hair rhythmically and apart from a little fidgeting initially she could feel Ann began to grow more limp in her arms until she was sound asleep. Anne felt her tummy growl and the thought of her omelet waiting in the kitchen was incredibly tempting. But she just wanted to hold her wife in her arms and watch her sleep a little longer.

“All the much, all the time, all the ways!” She whispered as she looked down at her angelic sleeping face and smiled.

********************  
“Are you sure you can spare the time before work?” Millie asked Frog as she ate her breakfast, keeping an eye on Jack who was playing with a toy car with a rolled up pancake in her other hand on the ground next to them.

“Of course I can babe. Besides my boss is so stressed out about the numbers for this big job. Even if I did turn up late I don’t think he’d notice. Our accountant has had some personal issues and made a right mess of it all.”

Millie’s interest was piqued ‘Oh. Maybe I could take a look at it for you? I’m pretty good with numbers.”

“I’d rather you enjoy your breakfast Millie, it doesn’t matter really” Frog said gently but Millie looked at him with big earnest eyes “If it matters to you it matters to me!”

Frog broke into a sheepish smile ‘Yeah? Well okay. Here you go gorgeous this is all I have of it. I don’t know if it’s much help” he said as he reached into his bag and pulled out an iPad. He brought up a spreadsheet and handed it to Millie. She studied it for a couple of minutes and Frog grinned. ‘You have a very endearing studying face did you know that?”

Millie giggled and blushed a little and Frog continued to tease her. “So serious!”

‘Frooooog!” She wined and Frog laughed.

“You love her!!” Jack said with an enraptured smile as she watched them both from the floor.

“Jack!” Millie chided and Jack shrugged “Well he does. I’m just saying the truth you know!”

Millie bit her lower lip as she tried to concentrate on the numbers and her fingers began flying over the calculator on her phone.

Frog reached down and fist bumped Jack and gave the little girl a wink.

“I saw that!” Millie chided with a little smile.

“Anyone ever tell you how sexy you look when you crunch numbers?” Frog quipped and Millie shook her head, trying not to blush and laugh as she concentrated and Frog picked up a hash brown from Millie’s plate, worried her breakfast would get cold. He started making aeroplane noises “Open up! It’s the hash brown turbo jet” he said as he held it near her lips and Millie cracked up laughing.

“FROG!”

“Well if she’s not gonna eat it you can fly it over here and imma park it in my tummy!” Jack said with a shrug. 

Frog and Millie both cracked up laughing and Jack held her little hands up. ‘What? If hashbrowns don’t get eaten then potatoes died for no reason”

“Kid makes a point!” Frog said as he pondered Jack’s logic.

‘Both of you are incorrigible!” Millie said as she shook her head but smiled so warmly and leant over to take a bite of the hash brown. “Give the little Dude the rest please!”

Frog handed the rest of the hash brown to Jack who took it excitedly ‘Thank you!” She said and then looked at her pancake in one hand, the car on the floor and the hash brown in confusion. Her little face lit up as she put her has brown inside her pancake like a burrito. “Yes!” She said, quite proud of herself and took a bite.

“Jack how can you eat that?” Frog asked in horror and Jack shrugged “Dude I just moved out of a village where everything we ate came from the dirt or a tree” 

“Fair enough” Frog said with a chuckle and then Millie handed him the Ipad. “Here you go. All sorted!”

Frog took it from her and looked at it then back at her in amazement ‘How did you? Oh my god wow!”

“There’s no cookie cutter characteristics but one of the advantages of me being the way I am are my mad math skills.” Millie said humbly and Frog reached out and squeezed her hand.

“Hey. You’re amazing. There is no “Way that you are”. Your autism is just one of the very small parts that make up Millie and I wouldn’t want you to be any different. Any other way than exactly the way you are. And you’ve seriously saved our butts on this job!”

Frog moved out of the booth and walked to Millie’s side. He leant down and cupping her face delicately, kissed her tenderly.

When the kiss broke he grinned at her happily. “I just need to go tell my boss that my complete legend of a girlfriend got us out of deep “you know what”. Can I bring you back anything?”

Millie shook her head with a little smile. “No thank you. I’m good”

Frog beamed down at her as he gently stroked her chin with his thumb “No. You’re exceptional!” He winked at her and disappeared around the corner.

“And you love him back!!’ Jack exclaimed joyously then looked at her pancake burrito and said ‘I know stuff”

“Jacky Jack are you talking to your hash brown pancake burrito?” A bemused Millie asked her and Jack nodded ‘Cause it knows that I know the stuff!”

“Come here you!” The young woman said as she reached down and picked up the little girl, tickling her while she squealed with laughter. Millie couldn’t wipe the smile off her face.

She couldn’t remember ever being this happy.

**************  
Victoria’s eyes fluttered open and she looked around the room, feeling more than a little disoriented. She was in Jaz’s bedroom, or rather what was now “their” bedroom. She thought back to the events of the previous evening. They were all a little fuzzy but coming back into focus more sharply. The garden altercation with Jaz, confiding in her about what had happened with Landon and subsequently drinking a bit. She had vague recollections of taking her bra off on the deck, handing it to Jaz and demanding……nuggets? 

‘Oh my goodness” she thought to herself as she replayed some of her antics, the ones that were clear and Jaz had just been amazing. She’d seemed to enjoy it and encourage it but more than that, she’d taken such good care of her. Her gorgeous Jaz who even in that moment had her arm wrapped around her as she spooned her. As Victoria turned and caught sight of her lover, her breath caught in her throat.

Jaz was lying on her side with her sleep shirt discarded beside her like she often did when she got warm in the night and Victoria took in the sight of her tousled chocolate coloured hair and creamy olive coloured European skin, her beautiful profile with her long lashes and full lips. And her body that completely defied age. Her beautiful 38D breasts that despite being surgically augmented were so soft and warm to press against. Her flat toned stomach, curved hips and thighs that managed to be curvy and rock toned all at the same time. And those strong arms that always made her feel so safe. She’d never met anyone before who was ripped and soft curves all at the same time. She was absolutely stunning and the most beautiful woman Victoria had ever seen.

Victoria looked down to her stomach as it made a growling sound and suddenly realised she was absolutely starving. It was time for a quick shower and to make some breakfast. Reaching for the notepad she kept on the bed she scribbled a little note for Jaz. Victoria knew how protective Jaz was and figured she’d worry if she woke up to find her gone after an evening like the one prior.  
She kissed Jaz softly on the forehead and smiled as the older woman’s eyelashes fluttered against her cheek a little. They were dancing because Jaz was dreaming about the things she loved. But much to her delight, she knew one of them was her.

*************************  
Jaz woke up and sat up with a start when she reached out and found Victoria wasn’t beside her. Picking up the note she sighed in relief then broke into a huge smile when she read it and saw it was signed “The creepy stalker who thinks watching you sleep is the loveliest way to wake up in the world.”

Victoria has settled in her arms eventually and gone to sleep. But when Jaz had woken up in the early hours of the morning she was sleeping fitfully and she knew her Bella had to be tired. She was really glad she’d gone to eat something though.

Quickly freshening up and throwing her sleep shirt back on, Jaz padded out to the kitchen to find Victoria sitting at the breakfast bar on the phone. Victoria’s face lit up when she saw her and she scribbled something down on a piece of paper and held it up. 

‘Breakfast date with my therapist after last night. Kept you some food warm in the oven sweetie. Get some and come sit!”

She then pushed a business card across the counter to Jaz and underlined the surname of her therapist “Dr Lara Portonella” then drew an arrow beneath and wrote ‘Anthony Portonella’  
Jaz looked up at her in surprise. Anthony Portonella was in the business. He wasn’t a king pin like her but he was big time and honourable, as much as anyone in mafia could be. He had beers with her driver and right hand Ray from time to time. And suddenly Victoria being able to get Ann into the treatment facility with no record for that two weeks after Ainsworth and Sutherland attacked her that final time made sense. As did her comment about knowing what it was like to help good people who sometimes did bad things.

Three things crossed her mind, the first, she was dying to know how Victoria was connected to the Portonella family. Second of all, she was relieved that her therapist was in the business or connected to it because she wanted her Bella to be able to talk to someone about her aggressive outburst the previous evening that had frightened her so terribly if she needed to,without judgement. But mainly she couldn’t believe how quickly Victoria has sought assistance. She was so proactive in protecting her mental health. It was so different to life with Cassie.

And she looked so beautiful sitting there in her casual white and black striped t shirt style dress that sat mid thigh and her little bare feet swinging with her damp hair piled up on top of her head as she ate. Beautiful and so ridiculously young. Jaz kissed her temple and went and helped herself to the Amazing looking bacon egg and chorizo breakfast wrap Victoria had made. As she grabbed some cutlery she was stunned when she heard Victoria say “Lara my partner Jazmine is up now. I want to make sure that she’s in the loop is it alright if I put you on speaker? Okay awesome!”

Jaz watched in Awe as Victoria took her AirPods out and put the phone on speaker. ‘She was such an amazing support to me last night. She should be involved in things that affect our relationship and life together” Victoria looked up to meet Jaz’s eyes with so much love shining in them that Jaz had to swallow a lump in her throat. Cassie had kept her in the dark so much and here was this gorgeous young woman willingly opening up to her and including her in one of her most intimate spaces. Crediting her with support. “Thank you!” Jaz mouthed as she reached across and squeezed Victoria’s hand.

She quickly rounded the table with her plate and sat on the seat beside Victoria. “Dr Portonella, This is Jaz here. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m a fan of your families work!” She said warmly and was relieved to hear the soft laugh coming from the phone “I assure you the fangirling is mutual Jaz, of your work and of the fact that I’ve never seen my girl so happy!” Jaz beamed at Victoria who was looking down shyly as Lara continued.

“I hope you don’t mind, Tori and I sometimes do breakfast date therapy. She counsels me, I counsel her. Today I’m counselling her but please call me Lara and eat something. Something decent. According to this one’s scattered memories she was trying to force McDonald’s on you last night!”

Jaz laughed ‘Thankfully my gorgeous Bella passed out in my arms before I was forced to eat nuggets but I’m glad to see she’s eating!”

Victoria screwed her face up ‘Oh you two food snobs don’t know what you’re missing!”

“And you got to experience her drunk Jaz. It’s a one of a kind experience isn’t it?” Lara teased and Victoria covered her face in her hands ‘Oh my gosh I know it was bad. I’m so sorry!”

Jaz put her arm around Victoria and pulled her close “You were an utter delight baby. Joy and cute and hilarity personified. I haven’t laughed or smiled so much in I don’t even know how long.”

“Awww Tori I love her!! You were right. She’s a keeper!” Lara enthused with what sounded to Jaz like a half eaten mouthful of something so Jaz decided to tuck into her own breakfast.

“So back to the Valium, you’ve been using it more than usual lately. Which is totally fine, but as you know it can decrease sex drive so don’t be afraid to try something new if its not working for you.” Lara encouraged her.

‘It’s definitely not a problem. Last night she took her bra off on a verandah at a party and put it in my pocket mid conversation, got into fights with lack lustre cheese cake, propositioned me, tried to take her dress off to see how sheer it was. Honestly it’s a very good thing she passed out, she’d probably have me chained to the bed gasping for water after having her wicked way with me countless times” Jaz quipped as Lara cracked up and Victoria slid down in her seat “Oh my god” she murmured sheepishly.

“Don’t you hide from me for a second my sweet beautiful Bella. You were spectacular and I loved it!” Jaz said adoringly.

“Besides, I get the feeling you’re the chainer not the chainee” Lara said very astutely and Jaz was impressed “I like you already Lara!’

Lara chuckled and then her voice turned more serious “And how are you feeling this morning now that you’ve finally gotten the Landon stuff off your chest?”

Victoria took a deep breath and Jaz noted the little knot of worry on her forehead and began to rub her back softly. “Um…I feel so relieved, but I feel a little rattled. Talking about it, actually getting it out was scary and so hard. But I was so grateful to have Jaz. She took such amazing care of me and was so patient and loving. She made me feel so safe. I was so glad I confided in her!”

Jaz felt her heart ache as she placed little kisses on Victoria’s cheek. How had she ever gotten so lucky that such a little goddess would trust her so implicitly.

“Wow Tori that’s such a huge deal for you. Especially after a panic attack. Jaz you know that is a huge deal for her right? Letting someone take care of her” She asked and Jaz bit back a smile at the veiled warning of a friend and not a therapist. She had even more respect for Lara now.

“I do. But as her chosen confidante you should know that it was actually me who caused the panic attack.”

Jaz heard Lara’s slight intake of breath before the doctor covered and Victoria looked at her in shock.

“I can tell you love Victoria very much and I want her to have the professional and emotional support she needs, be it in your role as a doctor or her friend. But she can’t do that if she’s trying to protect me. She came looking for me in the garden at the party and heard me describing in vivid detail what I planned to do to someone, someone who deserves it but she is sweet, gentle, kind and loving and that side of my world is foreign to her and I’d planned to keep it that way as much as possible. I didn’t know she was behind me and I was screaming these awful things and at first she was terrified. And when I saw the state it reduced her to I was terrified. Because she’s my world. And because I know violence, screaming, aggression are triggers for her and I didn’t protect her like I should have. Because she’s so amazing she has forgiven me. But I’m sure it’s unsettled her and I just wanted my Bella to know she has my blessing to discuss it with you freely and work through any damage it may have caused.”

There was a pause on the line and then a sigh. And Jaz knew it was warranted. So she was stunned when she heard Lara say.

“Oh Tori I’m so happy for you. This is exactly what you deserve. A mature adult who owns their shit and puts you first. Most people in organised crime would have their partners silenced for their own protection. I’m impressed Moretti!! You really are a keeper. And how does this make you feel Tori bewildered as fuck?”

“Lara is a straight shooter who calls a spade a spade” Victoria explained delicately and both Jazmine and Lara cracked up laughing at her comedic timing.

“I really like her already” Jaz said sincerely.

“Yes I had a feeling the two of you would hit it off! You have things in common! And this makes me happy. And as for last night it was so amazing the way Jaz put me first. She was sure she was going to lose me but I was having a panic attack so she was going to get Anne for me and completely put her own feelings aside. But its so foreign for me, for someone I’m with to put me first ahead of everything, everyone, even themselves. I feel like sometimes I don’t respond like a normal person to Jaz when she does all these beautiful things for me. I just want to tell her how much I appreciate it, how much it means to me but sometimes I shut down and there are times I even have trouble accepting it from her and….I know it’s strange”

“Oh sweetheart” Jaz thought to herself ruefully as she took Victoria’s hand gently. If her Bella only knew just how much she communicated with her even when she didn’t say a word.

“Red, Mio Piccolo Tesoro, it’s not strange at all. The fact that it’s foreign to you doesn’t mean that it or you are strange. It just means it’s a new experience for you and I can see you struggling to let me in, to let me take care of you but yet you push through your fear so bravely I am in constant awe of you. And when you shut down its not your fault my love, it’s a trauma response. You always find a way to come back to me. I know that. And it’s like I said to you a few evenings ago, during those shut down times you don’t ever need to worry about the words you can’t say because you show me over and over again with your eyes, your smile, your touch, the way you curl into me, the way you give yourself to me, in your actions everyday, just how much you love me and how much I mean to you. And I feel more appreciated by you than I have ever felt by any partner in my whole life. Besides, normalcy’s over rated and to be honest I have concerns that you’re not bat shit crazy enough to roll with this family but since you’re such a little stunner and you make me snacks Imma keep you anyway” Jaz emphasised her final words by wrapping her arms around Victoria and kissing her cheek.

‘I love you to the moon and back” Victoria said in a shaky voice, overcome by Jaz’s words.

“Right back at ya Baby!” Jaz said with a cheeky grin and Victoria gave her the most beautiful smile.

“Oh my god you two are so disgustingly loved up. It’s adorable. I mean I kind of want to vomit but it’s mainly adorable!” Lara said dryly and Victoria shook her head. “You and Anthony love each other this much!”

“Yeah we do now that we live in separate houses!” Lara quipped.

“Lara, darling, I don’t know why you don’t just go back to living together. I mean he is your husband!” Victoria said gently.

“Because it’s better this way! We’re having the best sex of our lives. He comes over and fucks my brains out. Is he the electrician, is he an intruder, is he the pizza guy? I don’t know. All I know is that its like starring in a different porno every time and I come like a motherfucker and then he fucks off back to his own house and I get to open the wine that I want and order the takeout I want and watch the bachelorette with no shit!”

Jaz had to turn away from the phone to stop laughing. This Lara girl was fantastic. She couldn’t wait to meet her. 

Victoria rolled her eyes but smiled lovingly. “Okay but promise me if you come to Annie’s wedding in Italy you wont make a scene!”

“Pfft Make a scene? Honey I AM the scene! Anyway I have to go my first patient is here but don’t be a stranger, check in over the next couple of days. I love you to death, Jaz it was lovely speaking with you, I can’t wait to meet you, bye lovers!”

And then the line suddenly went dead.

Jaz chuckled ‘Well isn’t she a whirlwind and a half?”

“That she is. But I adore her!” Victoria said genuinely and Jaz smiled “I can see why Baby. But you’re going to have to tell me how a sweet little thing like you got mixed up with the Portonello’s?”

“Anthony and I grew up together on the same wrong side of the tracks when we were kids, before he became a household name. In the same apartment block. Full of junkies and criminals. We kept each other out of the foster system because we knew it was possible to end up in a home worse than we already had. I had the big brains. I did the homework for both of us even though he was older. He had the street smarts and the charm. And the criminal cunning. He made sure we always had decent looking clothes, I would wash and iron them. He’d get food if we didn’t have enough and I’d turn it into something as best as I could. When I needed something for dancing that wasn’t covered by my scholarship he’d get the money somehow and I never wanted to take it but he’d make me and he’d say “You’re better than all of us. You’re going to do it , You’re gonna get out.”He and his friends were the ones who introduced me to hip hop and street dance culture. It gave me a place to be so I didn’t need to be at home. He’d call me his baby sister. He still does actually. I lived on campus when I was at university. Lara was my room mate and I introduced them”

Jaz had heard this story so many times. Street kids who had really become something. Hell she’d lived that life herself. But it broke her heart to hear about Victoria living it.

“Jesus Baby I’m so sorry you had to live like that. I can’t wait to meet him in person and thank him for keeping my sweet beautiful Bella safe so she could be mine one day. And as long as I breathe oxygen know that your life will never, ever resemble anything like that or what you went through with Oliver and Landon”

“I know. It’s one of the things that makes me feel so safe!” Victoria said gratefully as she put her head on Jaz’s shoulder.

“I like your cute childhood nickname though. “Tori” it’s softer than Vicki. It suits you. I totally understand why you might have been rattled when that animal used it on you last night though, But to me you’re kind of just Red now. My Bella. My little flame.”

“They’re my favourite things to be anyway” Victoria said as she cupped Jaz’s face and gave her the most adoring smile.

“I know. That shines from the very depths of you every time I look into your eyes my sweet!” Jaz said earnestly then leant in closer and whispered “Just be careful though because apparently there’s some creepy little stalker in the house that likes watching me sleep”

“Oh I know her, she doesn’t always watch you sleep. Sometimes she just stares at your incredible boobs!” Victoria said innocently with a cheeky little smile and Jaz grinned. “Do you reckon she’d be up for a threesome? She sounds hot!”

Victoria slapped Jaz’s shoulder lightly as she burst out laughing and Jaz laughed with her. 

Victoria eyed her stunning lover carefully. Her laughter didn’t quite go all the way to her eyes. She couldn’t put her finger on it but something seemed slightly off.

“Sweetie are you okay?” She asked softly as she stroked Jaz’s hair and the older woman leaned into her touch, not even knowing to begin how to describe the gamut of a emotions running through her after Victoria has been so open and inclusive of her that morning, after it had been so healthy, transparent and productive. So different to what she was used to.

‘I’m wonderful baby I just feel a little stiff. I need to train this morning I think. Loosen up” Jaz tried to cover. Victoria wasn’t sure she believed her, but she seemed happy enough and as long as she stuck close to her she was confident Jaz would open up. She usually did eventually.

“Okay well I’m going to get you a fresh wrap since that one will be cold and then I’ll come exercise with you!” Victoria said sweetly.

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” Jaz asked reverently as Victoria moved into the kitchen and she looked over her shoulder at her as though Jaz had hung the stars and the moon.

‘You loved me’  
*************  
Jaz finished on a call and smiled as she headed to her home gym. She could hear the faint strains of music. She was surprised to see the gym empty but then realised it was coming from the adjoining dance studio. How she loved watching Victoria dance. She was brilliant at it. Following the sound she stopped in the doorway and felt her breath catch in her throat as she caught sight of her Bella wearing a pair of tiny black booty shorts and a matching black yoga crop top that crossed over at her chest, wrapped around her back and tied in a bow, flashes of it being revealed by the soft baby pink oversized warm up knit she wore. The incredible finishing touch were the baby pink satin platform pole shoes that wrapped around her ankles also and tied with bows. And her dancing…Jesus.

“Holy fuck” Jaz gasped. She’d never seen Victoria dance like that. There was some kind of fabulous remix of Ella Fitzgerald’s “Too Darn Hot” playing and Victoria’s Jazz technique was flawless as usual but her leg extensions were heaven and the way she ran her hands from her ankle to her thigh sensuously, she was just completely in the zone. Her hips moved effortlessly in circles and figure eight shapes like they were made of liquid heat and as Victoria dropped into a deep full plié or a “Slut drop” as her club girls called it then slowly moved out of it, ass first, pushing it out as she rolled up to a standing position Jaz felt arousal flood her at the sight of Victoria’s long toned legs and perfect little peach ass poking out from her shorts.

But nothing prepared her for when she effortlessly hooked her leg around the pole and performed trick after trick that had Jaz spellbound. It wasn’t the tricks though because Jaz had housed many a killer pole girl in her club and seen them around the world. But she made them look so classy. She made them her own. Victoria was telling a story with her face and body on that pole. And she was so incredibly graceful with a killer strength that completely contradicted her tiny size. It was like watching a sexy ballerina writhing on a pole. Her transitions from pole to floor were exceptional.

Jaz strode across the floor, feeling butterflies engulf her as Victoria spotted her and gave her a gorgeous smile. Reaching down Jaz easily pulled her up by her wrists and caught her in her arms, one hand on her ass, the other clasping her tiny hand in hers as they began to dance to the music. No not dance, writhe and gyrate. Victoria was almost her height in her heels and Jaz’s mouth went dry as one perfect leg whipped up to rest against her shoulder as she grinned cheekily at her “Hi baby”

“Hello my little flexi-flame” She said in a deep, throaty tone as she moved her face to kiss Victoria’s ankle then picked her up by the extended leg and twirled her around.

“Jesus” she exclaimed in desire as Victoria threw herself back against her leg that was on the ground when Jaz put her down, leaving herself completely open and vulnerable to Jaz.

Jaz flipped her back up and spun her so that she could press against her tiny lover’s back. As they swayed to the music she stripped Victoria’s knit off her and tossed it. She reached for her hair tie and pulled her tumbling red tresses loose, inhaling the heavenly scent.

“Do you like this?” Victoria asked her cheekily as she rippled her body against Jaz, her ass brushing against Jaz suggestively and Jaz kissed the side of her neck sensually “So much…” and Victoria could hear the wicked smile of approval in her voice without even seeing her.

Jaz let her hands run down Victoria’s breasts lightly and wrapped one arm around them as the other came down to wrap low across her hip and they began to move in perfect unison to the sultry beat of the music. 

“Look at how stunning you are.” Jaz said in absolute reverence as fixed her gaze on Victoria in the mirror as she undulated in her arms to the music with her eyes closed. The flush in her cheeks and across her chest, the goosebumps on her arms at Jaz’s light touches. The fact that she was turned on becoming more and more visible.

“Your nipples are getting so hard baby. Why are your nipples so hard? Are you cold?” Jaz teased her gently and Victoria shook her head.

‘Are you turned on?” Jaz whispered in Victoria’s ear and the younger woman shivered. “Yes” she replied softly.

“What do you want?” Jaz commanded in between biting Victorias ear lobe as she quivered in her strong embrace.

“I want you inside me!” Victoria pleaded and Jaz groaned as she spun Victoria around and picked her up “That’s exactly where I want to be Red” she said as Victoria wrapped her legs around her and began kissing her as she carried her towards the bedroom. ‘And I’m going to fuck you until you come screaming. But the shoes are staying on!” Jaz promised her, desire filling her dark brown eyes as Victoria blushed and looked up at her coyly. The fact that Victoria was a little shy but so sexually responsive and loved their intimacy so much was the biggest turn on. The contradiction was like a drug to her. It was like corrupting a willing participant. All the thrill of discovery and seeing it through Victoria’s beautiful eyes but feeling so loved, wanted and desired by her little flame and watching her willingly extend her hand as Jaz led her into the darkness or the light. Wherever their encounter took them. Victoria was the submissive of Jaz’s dreams. The one she never thought she’d find. But even when there was no power exchange, when they were just loving and enjoying each other. Her Bella was still heaven.

“I love you” Victoria whispered as Jaz pulled her hair a little, exposing her neck to kiss her there and Jaz moaned against the delicate pale column of her throat “I love you too Red. So much!”

As soon as they reached the bedroom Jaz slammed the door behind them and dropped Victoria on the bed. It wasn’t hard but Victoria felt a little jolt of shock run through her. She tried to dismiss it as Jaz stripped down to her bra and panties and crawled on top of her.She quickly stripped her of her shorts and ran her tongue from the waist band of her panties up to her top.

“I’m going to kiss every part of your hot little body my sweet Bella” Jaz whispered and Victoria went to reach for Jaz but she took her arms and pinned them above her head “No no no, I think I want these here!” She teased as she easily held both of Victoria’s wrists together with one hand. Victoria tried to calm herself. They’d done more hardcore things than that before, she was just being silly. But she could hear Landon’s voice taunting her and smell his cologne, thick and overpowering in the air. She could feel his huge hands pinning her down as she struggled beneath him. “No one can hear you Tori. No one cares” she heard him say. It was like she was right back there in that awful moment.

Jaz heard her whimper and she was already so attuned to her that it just didn’t sound right. It moved through her body differently. It rippled through her like a shadow not a song and as Jaz looked up she was aghast to see Victoria laying there with tears coursing silently from her tightly closed eyes.

“Baby what is it? Am I hurting you” Jaz asked her urgently as she released her wrists and as she innocently brought her hand up to rub Victoria’s inner thigh reassuringly Victoria clamped her legs shut and covered her face with her hands “Please Don’t! ” she cried out as she trembled and with a heavy heart Jaz realised what had happened. Victoria had brought everything that happened with Landon to the surface the night before and it had triggered some kind of traumatic flashback. After the nightmares she’d had it wasn’t really a surprise.

“Shhhh It’s alright baby, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You’re safe in our room” Jaz said gently as she moved up the bed and softly cupped her face, placing little kisses on it. She desperately wanted to take her in her arms but she didn’t want to frighten her further. She didn’t know how deeply ingrained in her flashback she was. She knew that kind of pain and terror. She’d lived it herself.

‘I’m right here. I love you so much my beautiful sweet Bella. I so badly want to hold you but I don’t want to cross your boundaries. If you can hear me and it’s okay for me to cuddle you, Can you try to make a fist for me with your hand.”

Jaz watched as one of Victoria’s small hands slowly curled into a fist and let out a breath she didn’t even know she’d been holding.

“Good girl. Thank you my love” she cooed softly as she ever so gently gathered Victoria’s stiff and shaking body into her arms and just held her very still, softly stroking her hair until she started to feel the tension leave her.

Victoria started to come back to the present moment and registered what had happened. She felt absolutely terrible for melting down the way she had. Jaz didn’t need or deserve this. She was incredible. ‘Get control Victoria!” She told herself. She took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry.” She apologised in a quivering voice and Jaz sighed in relief as she heard her become verbally communicative again. “You have nothing to be sorry for Bella.”  
“Yes I do I’m just having a moment, I’m being silly” Victoria said as she tried to force a more cheery tone and slipped from Jaz’s grasp so quickly it took her a moment to process her absence but as Victoria crawled towards the end of the bed Jaz managed to reach for her and wrap her arms around her from behind. She held her in a way that Victoria had room to move but she wasn’t going to get out of it.

“Baby stop. You’re shaking” She pointed out to her kindly and Victoria tried to struggle from her grasp ‘I’ll be fine, I’ll just splash some water on my face and sort myself out and I’ll be good as new” Victoria tried to reason with her and Jaz was at a crossroads. She could go full Daddy dominant and demand that she stay knowing her naturally submissive nature would likely compel her to obey. And she could wrap her Bella up and kiss away her tears and fix everything for her like she so desperately wanted to do. But this would happen again. And when it did, because of all the times she’d been so terribly hurt and abandoned, ever since she was just a little girl and then all through her adult life, Victoria would think herself an inconvenience and run for the first quiet dark space and swallow her pain for everyone else’s sake.

She thought back to a few nights earlier when she had been so hesitant to take charge with Victoria for fear of traumatising her further after Oliver’s attack and when she’d just been patient and given her a little time, Victoria had come to her completely of her own volition. That’s what Victoria needed from her right now. Her lover. Her best friend. Her anchor. The Daddy might be a big part of who she was but Victoria just needed Jaz.

“No you won’t sweetheart, you’re not being silly. You’ve just had a PTSD episode. You won’t be good as new and I don’t expect you or need to be. I love you exactly as you are. I know what these kinds of flashbacks do to you. I’ve lived them.”

Victoria bit her lip and desperately tried not to cry, so glad that Jaz couldn’t see her face. “I know you have work to do. You could make a start and I’ll be out in just a minute, really.”

“I’m not leaving you. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay here for as long as it takes for you to come back to me. You haven’t done anything wrong. You haven’t disappointed me. I love you with all of me and that will never change!” Jaz reassured her vehemently and felt Victoria starting to weaken a little in her arms. She was no longer putting up the same level of resistance.

“I think I fell in love with you that night we met for a drink, and every day after that. But you know when I knew that I was completely head over heels in love with you? When you walked out onto the deck at Annie’s wedding and said “I was just wondering, if you weren’t busy at the moment, if you’d like to kiss me. Because I would really like to kiss you” And just like that, you had me heart, mind, body and soul, with your gorgeous little question. If you think that you have to fast forward into anything you’re not ready for at the moment or that you can’t hit rewind my precious little Darling because you feel admitting that you’re struggling will disappoint me, please don’t. Because I love you exactly as you are, in exactly the place you’re at always. You taught me how to love like that. And I would rather sit and hold your hand than make love with anyone else”

That was it for Victoria. Listening to Jaz’s words spoken with such gentleness and patience burst the dam and the flood gates opened.

“I’m so sorry Jaz” she said as she lost her battle with her tears and turned in her arms, wrapping her arms around the older woman’s neck.

“There we go, that’s my girl. Come here” Jaz said softly as she pulled Victoria into her lap and held her. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. I knew you’d come back to me. You always do.”

“I don’t know what happened. I was fine and then it happened so quickly and he was all I could hear smell and feel and I just snapped. And I thought I could do it because you’re so beautiful and amazing and I love and want you so much….but I couldn’t” Victoria explained tearfully.

“Shhhhh I understand baby, I’ve been there. I know what it’s like and I know it’s not a reflection of your feelings for me. You weren’t with me, you were trapped back there.” Jaz rocked her softly in her arms and when Victoria pulled away from her shoulder looking so fragile and full of regret it just about broke her heart.

“And I totally ruined the moment. It had been so wonderful and then I melt down…..nothing about that is sexy” she said sadly with downcast eyes and Jaz slipped her finger under Victoria’s chin and tipped her face up. “Then you must not have gotten a good look at your breasts in that top!” she teased and in spite of her turmoil Victoria giggled and Jaz laughed with her. “There’s that beautiful smile I love so!” She said adoringly as she traced Victoria’s lower lip with her finger.

“Thank you for always being so incredible, for taking care of me!” Victoria said sweetly as she wiped her tears and curled into Jaz’s chest.

“My sweet little one, I will always take care of you” Jaz whispered as she untied then unzipped Victoria’s heavy heels and took them off before kissing Victoria’s head and holding her tightly. She repositioned them so they were lying against the pillows and placed light little kisses all over her Bella’s face as she gently caressed her bare skin and stroked her hair. And then she found herself moving towards her lips and kissing her softly. Then much to her surprise, after a little while Victoria was moving against her.

“I just want you to know that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do Baby. And you can ask me to stop and I will always stop” Jaz promised her and Victoria nodded as fresh tears filled her eyes.

“I know….that’s what makes me feel so safe with you!”

Jaz watched in awe as Victoria reached behind her and pulled the tie on her crop top. She looked up at Jaz, making eye contact for a moment before looking away shyly with a little smile and Jaz felt her heart constrict almost painfully with the depth of love she felt for her. She very gently kissed Victoria’s tears away and unwrapped her slowly like the gift she was.

“How did you get to be so beautiful huh?” Jaz asked reverently as she smiled at her with so much tenderness and just lightly stroked the curve of her breast.

Victoria shrugged as little self consciously “I fell in love with you I guess!”

Jaz feigned shock “You did? When did this happen? Did I miss it? Wow this is awkward”

“Jaaaaazzzzzzzz!” Victoria whined as she giggled and climbed on top of Jaz, picking up a pillow and lightly thumping her with it as Jaz cracked up laughing.

“I’m serious! You should have left me a note!” Jaz teased her further but reached up to wipe the tears from Victoria’s cheeks with the pads of her thumbs so tenderly and Victoria threaded her fingers through Jaz’s and leant over her, pushing against her hands “I can’t believe you!” She said through her giggles and Jaz looked at Victoria in utter puzzlement “You’re not exactly motivating to behave any better if being obnoxious gets you on top of me with your boobs mere inches from my face!”

Victoria’s mouth dropped open at Jaz’s blatant but accurate observation and she instinctively covered her chest but most of her weight had been on Jaz’s hands and she let out a little cry of surprise as she felt herself falling only to be caught in her older lover’s strong arms and seemingly rolled onto her side in one graceful movement.

“I got you baby” she said reassuringly and this time it was Victoria who moved in to kiss her lips tentatively. ‘You always do” she said softly and this time as Jaz began exploring the softness of her peaches and cream skin with such tentative gentle caresses there was no fear or panic. Just Jaz and her infinite love and tenderness for her. The softness of her gorgeous dark chocolate tresses brushing against her cheek, Her long graceful fingers skimming the sides of her waist and hips, the warmth of her mouth as she softly took one of her nipples in her mouth, running her tongue over it and causing Victoria to gasp in pleasure.

“Can I touch you sweetheart? You can say no and I wrap you up in my arms and cuddle you very happily right now.”

“Please……” Victoria pleaded as she pushed Jaz’s hand down and gently slipping off Victoria’s panties, Jaz pulled her close and slipped her finger into her silky wetness, not penetrating, just lightly circling her entrance and brushing against her clit.

“Ohhhhhhh” Victoria moaned as she writhed in Jaz’s arms and Jaz ever so gently kissed her forehead ‘Is this okay Mio Amore?’ 

“Yes but I want….” Victoria tried to form the words as the ecstasy from Jaz’s expert fingers began to render her incoherent.

“What do you want baby? I’ll give you anything you want just tell me” Jaz whispered like a prayer as she kissed Victoria’s neck and Victoria slid down a little and pushed at Jaz’s panties, managing to slide them down “I want you too….with me…..I…….Oh” Victoria gasped and clung to Jaz as pleasure began to overwhelm her.

“That’s it baby hold onto me, I’ve got you……” Jaz held her snugly with one arm as she reached over to the bedside drawer and pulled out a long double ended vibrator wand. She positioned one end firmly against her own centre and placed the other end lightly against Victoria, pulling her even more snugly into her embrace and switched it on. The effect was immediate for Jaz as she rapidly climbed towards a climax and Victoria’s thighs immediately began quivering as she cried out and when Jaz pressed the wand into her a little more she completely shattered in her arms as Jaz held her close and whispered in awe “You’re so beautiful, you did so well, that’s my girl, keep coming for me…” 

Jaz’s first climax ripped through her as Victoria’s second one overtook her and they came together, their limbs quaking as they clutched at one another. When Victoria went limp in her arms Jaz switched off the wand and held her close. Jaz softly stroked her hair and could see her little Bella slipping rapidly into dreamland, all heavy lidded and snuggly. She wasn’t surprised after her nightmares the previous evening and the events of the morning.

“Jaz…” Victoria said softly and Jaz looked down at her almost sleeping little doll

“Yes baby?” She replied gently.

“I’d rather hold your hand AND make love with you….I’m greedy” Victoria said sleepily and Jaz felt herself melt as she tightened her grip on her Bella and kissed her forehead.

“No Mio Piccolo Tesoro. You are heaven”

************

Thank you sweetheart” Anne said affectionately as he wrapped an arm around Millie and kissed her cheek as she walked her out “It’s my pleasure. We had a great time!”

Anne turned back to Jack and saw her standing there twisting her little hands “Where is Mummy?” She asked and Anne’s bent down to her level.

“Mummy is sleeping sweetheart and she really needs the rest. But I thought you and I would be Dudes and build some stuff. How does that sound?”

“And Mummy will come too?” Jack asked and Anne took a deep breath. This was new. Well new to her. Normally Jack was more than happy to have “Dude time” just the two of them. But she remembered what Ann had said last night about Jack reaching a point where it was “Mummy and only Mummy’ that she wanted and figured their baby girl was nearing that point.”

“Mummy will wake up soon and join us little Poppet. Yes!”

“Okay lets go do Dude stuff!’ Jack said with a big smile as she hugged Anne and Anne picked up her precious baby and cuddled her close. Crisis averted.

Millie walked into Jaz’s house and saw Jaz in the kitchen with a tin of Italian shortbread and a coffee. “Hey baby girl!” She said as she went to Millie and hugged her. ‘Did you get what you needed for Jack?”

“Yeah we did and then Frog met us and took us for breakfast.” She said with a little smile and Jaz grinned ‘That boy is besotted with you, you know. And from where I’m standing it looks mutual”

Millie giggled as she looked away and Jaz put her arm around the teen and kissed her forehead ‘You have to try one of these Italian Christmas shortbread, they’re made near my home in Florence and they are to die for’

Jaz watched with interest as Millie looked at the cookies longingly but then gently pushed them away. “Thank you for offering but I can’t. Mum doesn’t have many rules but she doesn’t like me or Annie eating store bought Christmas cookies. You should maybe put them away before she sees them!”

Jaz looked at her quizzically and chuckled ‘She doesn’t have many rules but you two aren’t allowed to eat store bought Christmas cookies? That’s one of her rules. Okay why?”

“Well remember how Annie split the inside of her lip open late November last year? Mum said she was gonna email you about it. It was on a Tin of Christmas cookies at school and It was awful, I felt so bad because I’d handed her the particular cookie that had a shard of metal in it so I was beside myself and there was so much blood and Annie was in so much pain. The wound wouldn’t close so Mum ended up having to stitch it up and she moved Annie in full time so she could do a proper Dr clean on it a few times a day and make sure she was getting proper nutrition cause it was so hard for her to eat. Mum said if either one of us had have swallowed the shard it could have cause internal bleeding or a whole bunch of life threatening stuff and now were not really allowed to eat store bought Christmas cookies. But its not like we miss out, she bakes so much.” Millie explained.

Jaz’s heart sank. She remembered that email. She really hadn’t been in a good place at the time and had been pulling herself together to get to the farm for Christmas. When she’d gotten there she’d been concerned that Ann had looked a little gaunt but she’d said she’d had mouth issues from a bad cut and that Victoria had taken really good care of her. She just hadn’t realised yet again how much Victoria had done.

“I can understand why your Mum is scarred. She loves you so much, Annie too and watching your baby girls suffer is every Mama’s worst nightmare. I tell you what, I will talk to her and explain that I know the lady who makes these and that she doesn’t manufacture my stash industrially, its homemade with a personal touch and then you can have some okay?” Jaz compromised and Millie smiled brightly “Sounds good. Besides I have good news I got a job. Well kind of. I sorted out some numbers for Frog’s boss and he was so impressed he’s asked if I can come in and tidy up some more of the accounts for a couple of hours. I can always tell Mum I need the cookies to celebrate!”

“Oh honey that’s wonderful!! I’m so proud of you. Frog’s boss is a good man and he pays his staff well. Can I drive you?”

Millie shook her head “No its okay, Frog is picking me up on the way to get a spare part!” Her phone went off and Millie grinned.

‘And here he is!”

Jaz ran around the kitchen putting pastries and fruit into a bag “Honey you need to take some lunch and snacks!”

‘I’ll be fine honestly!” Millie said as she giggled at Jaz’s antics

“I can’t help it I’m an Italian Mama, I’m culturally engineered to want to fuss and feed you up!” She explained and Millie cracked up. “Okay fair enough!”

“Here you go there’s enough for Frog too!” Jaz said as she handed Millie a bag and Millie hugged her. “I just want you to know how much that note you left me this morning meant to me. I wanna keep it for ever. I love you Mama”

Jaz’s breath caught in her throat. It was the first time Millie had told her she loved her. But more than that. She’d called her Mama.

“Love you my clever beautiful babygirl” she said as tears filled her eyes and she held her tight.

“Off you go!” Jaz said as she kissed Millie on the head and Millie gave her a big smile and a little wave as she walked out the door, looking more confident than Jaz had ever seen her. Part of her felt so proud but part of her felt so unworthy. Two beautiful daughters had been given to her and because of her own inability to juggle everything her beautiful Bella and their girls had been on their own in yet another crisis because she hadn’t been pulling her weight. She felt a sob start to overwhelm her but she sucked it back as she walked to the bedroom door and looked in on her ethereally beautiful little flame haired doll sleeping so angelically.

“You are Jazmine fucking Moretti. You have a chance at a family now, at a real life. You need to be strong for them. Suck it up and get it together!” She told herself. Taking a deep breath she went into her office and got to work. She did what she always did. She let her tough as nails exterior engulf her softness and pain.

Across the Hastings farm grounds Anne tossed a ball to Jack “Good girl, that’s the way Poppet, two hands and take it into your body. You’re such a good catcher!” She praised her. Jack had been asking for Ann non stop and had even wet herself which was rare for her as she was fantastic at toileting. Anne knew it was likely her anxiety and she’d been frustrated with herself which had made her ask for Ann even more. Anne had blown raspberries on her little tummy when she changed her to make her giggle and done her best to distract her and they seemed to have turned the corner because she hadn’t asked for her Mum in a while. Then all of a sudden Jack just dropped the ball and her little lower lip quivered. “I want Mummy” she said in a shaky voice and Anne moved towards her.

‘It’s alright sweetheart don’t be upset” she said gently and Jack twisted her ponytail anxiously as her little face crumpled and she burst into tears ‘I want mummy!” She said as she began to cry and then she really began screaming “I WANT MUMMY!.....MUMMY!” She cried, going red in the face and Anne bent down in front of her “Okay sweetheart we’ll go to Mummy and wake her…..”

“MUMMY!” Jack a screamed and at that moment an obviously fresh from the shower Ann came running out of the house and picked up Jack. “Shhhhh it’s alright baby Mummy’s here” 

“I’m sorry love I tried to keep her occupied while you slept. I didn’t realise she was becoming this distressed” A guilt stricken Anne apologised.

“You’re amazing Dude and she adores you. Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness we’re so lucky to have you….and she knows that. She just wants me right now” Ann reassured Anne as she cuddled Jack who continued to cry.

“Let’s take her inside, I know what will work!” Ann said as she smiled at her gorgeous wife and Anne followed her into the house. When they were back inside the cottage, Ann went straight to the iPod sitting in the speaker dock and put on a female acoustic version of Ed Sheeran’s “I don’t care”. Anne knew it was Jack and Ann’s song.

Anne watched in awed admiration as Ann began to sway to the music with Jack in her arms, singing it to her so beautifully. She was just the most incredible, natural little mother. She always knew exactly what to do. It was like the realisation of the life Anne had dreamt of with her except the reality was so much more special and exceptional than the dream. And as she heard the familiar voice in the background which was so like Ann’s in that moment, Anne’s eyes went wide.

“Sweetheart, the song…..is that you?”

Ann grinned and nodded “I recorded it for her” she said softly as Jack instantly began to calm.

“You know every time I think I couldn’t possibly fall any more in love with you, you prove me wrong. Do you have any idea how beautiful you are, inside and out?” Anne asked and Ann blushed a little and avoided her eyes shyly.

“Thank you baby” she said softly and Anne felt her heart ache. In so many ways, no matter how much confidence she had gained through freeing herself of her trauma, motherhood, or marriage to her and their exciting sex life, she was still the shy beautifully awkward little Pixie she’d first met that night at the party. And Anne loved her for it. She didn’t ever want her to change.

“Is that better babygirl?” Ann asked a much calmer Jack who was only whimpering at that point and Jack nodded.

“Can Mama dance with us too?” Ann asked and Jack nodded again.

Anne moved closer to her two beautiful girls and wrapped an arm around Ann’s waist and one around her shoulders with Jack sandwiched between them both.

“How’s that?” Anne asked her beautiful wife but got a sniffled ‘That’s good Mama” from Jack and Anne’s face lit up in surprised delight. She’d been feeling so helpless.

“See baby? She needs us both!” Ann said gently, instantly aware as always of Anne’s inner thought process.

Anne pressed her forehead to her little love’s as they swayed to the music as a family and Ann softly sang.

Cause I don't care when I'm with my baby, yeah  
All the bad things disappear  
And you're making me feel like maybe I am somebody  
I can deal with the bad nights  
When I'm with my baby, yeah

“I have everything I will ever need in my arms right now” Anne said as she looked at Ann and Jack with so much adoration that Ann’s lower lip trembled.

“Us too dude. Us too!” Ann replied shakily.

**************  
Victoria stood at the door of Jaz’s office watching her work. She was sitting on a stool at the side of her desk and was so commanding and in control in her phone manner. It was so sexy. She followed the line of her gorgeously toned and solid biceps with her eyes as Jaz pushed her hair out of her face. She’s was stunning. The perfect combination of muscle, strength and graceful exotic beauty.

Quietly entering the room with a drink and a sandwich for Jaz, not wanting to interrupt her, she felt emboldened when Jaz gave her a huge smile and mouthed the words “Thank you baby” while she was on the phone.

Victoria put it on the desk and pressed her lips to Jaz’s cheek. She gently pulled her silky dark chocolate hair back into a ponytail, securing it with the hair tie and then she hugged her from behind, lifting her legs up too to wrap around Jaz like a koala and pressing her cheek against her older lover’s.

Jaz had melted at the sweetness of Victoria slipping into her office with lunch and tying her hair, such an unexpected yet lovely little surprise. But it was when her Bella wrapped herself around her and cuddled her so tenderly that she felt herself disintegrate to complete mush. She couldn’t see her but she could feel her warmth all around her and it was just adorable. The second Victoria let go of her, Jaz felt her absence. But she smiled as she heard the words “I love you!” Whispered in her ear. She watched as Victoria walked out of the office and looked at the clock regretfully. Of course she would have woken up from her nap by now. It was lunch time. And she’d been cooped up in her office for hours while her Bella had been left to her devices for goodness knows how long. She should have been taking Victoria out to do something lovely.

Jaz gratefully ate the sandwich Victoria had made her as she settled some accounts and delegated some tasks to her staff. Taking her plate with her, she left the office and as she walked down towards the kitchen she could smell the most incredible aroma of apple, cinnamon and some kind of biscuit. When she got there she could see a tray of little Christmas tree cookies cooling, Christmas Carols were playing and her beautiful Bella was sitting at the table happily making some kind of Christmas wreath from scratch. It looked absolutely gorgeous.

‘What are you up to my Little Flame?” Jaz asked tenderly as she put the plate down and took a seat beside Victoria “I’m baking and making a Christmas Wreath for our front door” Victoria said as she added in some rose pink flowers and Jaz died as Victoria stuck her tongue out between her lips and squinted a little as she focused so studiously. 

“You have the cutest little concentration face I think I’ve ever seen!” She said with a grin and Victoria giggled.

“Did you sleep well sweetheart? And I’m sorry I didn’t know you were awake. You shouldn’t be cooped up here I should be taking you out somewhere or….”

“But I’m perfectly content. I love being at home with you and just pottering. It makes me happy” Victoria gently cut her off as she grasped her hand and lifted it to her lips, kissing it softly.  
And as Jaz looked around at the picture of love, warmth and domesticity she’d filled their home with, the home that had just been a house before Victoria, she realised her Bella was right. She looked perfectly content. Her eyes were sparkling and she was glowing. She loved the simple things and was so easily pleased. It was so lovely.

Jaz cupped her face reverently “You’re so beautiful Mio Amore!”

“Thank you” Victoria replied with a shy little smile and Jaz pulled her onto her lap and moved the wreath across.

“Will you teach me how to help you with this? I’d like to learn” Jaz said genuinely and was rewarded with a brilliant smile of delight from her Bella as she looked behind her “Of course I can baby, you’re so creative I just know you’ll be amazing at it”

Victoria took Jaz’s hands and placed them on either side of the wreath to stabilise it.

“So when you’re adding your floral accents its all about balance. You don’t want to use too many big flowers and you need to make sure it ties in nicely with the bow. This is like a rustic country themed wreath so I’ve gone with a natural buttery beige colour bow and that gives us a bit more freedom with the wild flower colours.” She explained.

Jaz sat listening to Victoria explain the wreath making procedure so endearingly and patiently, and as she reflected on not only the incredible ambience of the room but all the love, joy, passion, stability, comfort, friendship and magic the little treasure in her lap had brought into her world. A Christmas, a healthy relationship so beautiful and unlike what she had preciously experienced she started having more and more trouble containing her emotions. They were coming out. It was happening and she couldn’t stop it. A sob was strangled in her throat as she tried to hold it in and it sliced at her chest and tonsils like a razor blade.

She inhaled sharply, taking in a big gulp of air.

“Jaz sweetie are you alright? Your hands are shaking” Victoria said softly as she gently stroked her thumb over her lover’s right hand and Jaz quickly stood and deposited Victoria back on the seat.

“I just have to make a quick call Red I’ll be right back” she called out as she hurried down the hallway and Victoria looked after her in concern as she disappeared from view.

Jaz closed her office door behind her and went and sat on the couch just as the tears hit her. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. “Oh God I can’t stop it” she gasped out loud as she began to cry harder. She heard the door opening and watched as her gorgeous little flame literally ran to her, Her beautiful features marred with worry and straddled her on the couch, hugging her tightly.

“I’m so sorry Red, I don’t know what’s wrong with me” Jaz apologised through her tears and Victoria rubbed her back “Shhhhhh it’s okay sweetie. You don’t have to know. We can figure out what’s upsetting you together and even if we can’t I will love you and cuddle you and comfort you anyway.”

Victoria pulled back to cup Jaz’s face and look into her huge tear filled brown eyes “Okay?” She asked gently and Jaz nodded before pulling Victoria back into her arms and holding her tightly.

“Millie called me Mama for the first time while you were asleep” Jaz said through her tears and Victoria pulled back to stare at Jaz in wonder as she broke into a smile ‘She did? That’s amazing. She really loves you Jaz. I’m so happy for you, and for Millie”

“But I don’t deserve it, not when she’s so amazing. I’m not a good enough Mama for her or for Annie.”

Victoria was aghast “Baby no, that’s not true. What would make you say such a thing?” She stroked the side of Jaz’s face softly and Jaz took a deep breath “I offered Millie some Italian Christmas cookies and she said it was against your rule because of what happened to Annie’s lip. I remember the email but I didn’t know it was so bad. I didn’t realise. And yet again you stepped in when I should have been here but I was just a mess and…..”

“Your mother had died, you were grieving….”

Jaz looked away hopelessly “No that wasn’t why…….I had……” Victoria gently took her face between her hands and brought it back to look into her heartbroken eyes “You had what sweetie?”

Jaz looked so ashamed that it broke Victoria’s heart. “I had a nervous breakdown. I tried to keep it all together, I really did, but losing Cassie and Chris and then my mum getting so sick and passing away and my baby sister drug overdosing. I just buckled. I ceased to function, and when she got injured by that piece of metal I was preparing to completely leave the facility I was in and come back to Australia, to the farm for Christmas in a strong enough state for people to not suspect because they count on me. Because I’m supposed to be the person who holds it altogether and I didn’t want them to know how badly I’d failed.”

Victoria had tears streaming down her face as she shook her head “Jazmine, my beautiful complex love, you listen to me. Anyone would have buckled under that pressure, losing two great loves not to mention having to keep Cassie afloat day and night and be stability for Ann, to then lose your mother and almost lose your sister. Of course you had a breakdown. I suspected you had at some point because you show too many signs of extensive work done to heal and address your grief.”

“There’s more….it’s awful……I loved Cassie, I did. But I just really fucking hated her towards the end, the person she’d become. It’s like the madness had her for the most part and the only kind of softness she had was for Annie which is how it should be but when she started yet another medication round and started to be the more stable, kinder, sweeter Cassie and she and Chris started rekindling their passion I couldn’t let myself get too close, I couldn’t get my hopes up again only to have them shattered to pieces because I knew it would be short lived, so that weekend they went away with Annie to do the show in the snow she asked me to go but I said no. I needed a break. And I was so relieved that I could fly to Italy and be with my family and know that Chris had her under control, that I wasn’t that person just for once. I was just so tired, all the time. And then I found out what happened. I just wanted a little break, I never wanted them to die. They died and I almost lost Annie. If I had have been there maybe……”

“Sweetie no” Victoria gasped as she swallowed a sob “If you had have been there the impact would have killed you too. You know that. Annie only survived because she was so small and light she was thrown through the windscreen. You wouldn’t be here or what was left of you if anything wouldn’t be you and there would be no you and me, no you me, Millie and Annie. Or Anne or Jack. You need to know that what you have just described is the uniform trauma of everyone who loves someone with extreme mental illness. I see it every day at work. Of course you were grateful for the break, relieved that for just 5 minutes all the pain, chaos, worry and dysfunction went quiet. You were in a living hell. 

It does NOT make you any less of a suitable mother to those girls. It makes you a better one because you have fought your way back from the absolute depths of despair on rock bottom to be healthy and happy for them. You’ve done the work, first for your family when you didn’t want it enough for yourself, and then for you. I am so proud to have my child call you Mama. Even if she is 18 I could not have chosen a better second parent for her. I mean that! She sent me a picture of that note you wrote her this morning. That was you my love. Being her Mama, being good enough. Just like you’re an amazing Mama to Annie and you’re the Mama Anne has never had. I know it’s hard but you need to stop listening to the voices inside you and start listening to the voices who see you and adore you for all that you are. You are enough!”

“Oh my god. I love you so much Victoria. And the way you just included me this morning in the discussion about your mental health when I spent so much time in the dark with Cassie. The way you make your mental health a priority so we can have a happy and healthy life together. I am so incredibly grateful for you baby, I don’t even have the words…” Jaz said as she pulled her in to hug her tightly. Victoria held her and rubbed her back soothingly, just letting her cry and whispering how much she loved her and that she wasn’t going anywhere and they would work through this together. Jaz couldn’t believe how lucky she was to have been blessed with such a little angel who was so brilliant at navigating mental health and human emotion as a professional but who related to her with so much love, adoration, empathy and compassion as her partner.

When Jaz had calmed significantly she softly pried Victoria’s face from her neck and gently caressed it as she looked into her incredible eyes, so fiercely green from her tears. “I think I came undone when I came out here and smelt your incredible baking, heard the carols. Saw you pottering away so happily in our home. The house you have made a home. You’re so sweet, so lovely, so exquisitely beautiful. And there’s this really special innocence about you sweetheart. This untouched air of wonder, of goodness. You love family, intimacy, the simple things. Doing little things together to prepare for a holiday. It was a snapshot from a life I’d longed for deep down but never thought I’d have. It was so different from the dysfunction, the uncertainty, the sheer chaos I was used to that I think it all just hit me.”

“If you like I could burn the next batch of cookies, set off the fire alarm, drop the tray to make a big crash and then have a hissy fit? Would that make you feel better sweetie?” Victoria offered gently with a wry little smile and Jaz broke into giggles. Victoria started giggling too and soon they were both really laughing.

‘I know what it’s like you know, how bewildering it can be, when you’re suddenly handed the most precious thing, the dream you barely dared to dream. That’s how I feel every time I’m in your arms. It does get easier” Victoria said sweetly and Jaz had to fight the urge to start crying all over again.

“Baby” she gasped as she pressed her lips to her Bella’s and softly kissed her. “We are going to have the most magical first Christmas together.”

Victoria nodded with a dazzling smile “And you deserve that Sweetie”.

“No….we deserve that.” Jaz corrected her firmly but with such softness in her eyes as she stroked Victoria’s hair.

“And you know speaking of fantasies we could do something seriously domestically pornographic” Victoria said as she suddenly had an idea and Jaz looked at her in shock.

“Oh….okay. I didn’t see things going there. Do you know what kind of porn you like my love because I have a large collection and…..”

“Let’s make our own!” Victoria said as her idea started to take shape in her head and Jaz’s jaw dropped ‘And that was even more unexpected, Baby have you had a few wines while you were baking and crafting? Are you experiencing any sudden urges for chicken nuggets or throwing your underwear at me”

Victoria cracked up laughing “No! I’m talking next level loved up- coupley, totes domesticated Christmas food porn. Let’s go to the farmers market this afternoon and pick out home grown treats for the Christmas table and get all the ingredients we need direct from growers to make our own salsa for family taco night”

Jaz’s face lit up as she started chuckling “You know what that actually sounds pretty amazing!”

‘I know right? I’m so filthy!” Victoria said with a cheeky smile and Jaz nodded with mock severity “Completely purile and positively scandalous ” Jaz teased her as she nuzzled her nose and Victoria put her hands on Jaz’s cheeks as she gave her an absolutely gorgeous smile. ‘Let’s go make some new memories!”

Jaz pressed her forehead to her Bella’s and sighed in completeness. “Yes. Let’s”

***********

Anne beamed proudly at Jack who looked too cute for words in her little high waisted navy blue shorts with braces attached, white button up blouse and little navy bow tie. They were in the queue for the Santa photos and had picked Millie up on the way as Ann said she and Millie got a Santa pic the year before at a school function and wanted another since it made Victoria so happy. But mainly because Jack wasn’t sold on the idea of a Santa photo until she found out Ann and Millie would do it with her. Ann was wearing a little white broderie anglais lace playsuit and Millie was wearing the same playsuit in Navy. All 3 girls had their hair in two French braids and wore white converse low tops with navy laces and the look was just adorable. With Jack, they all coordinated perfectly. 3 beautiful girls and Anne was unspeakably proud to be there with them.

“It’s so great that you picked up some casual work Millie, you’ve always been so amazing at Maths sweetheart” Anne said supportively and Millie’s face lit up “Thanks. I was pretty happy. And Frog’s boss Mr Martin says he’s really impressed with my work and he’ll be calling me as things come up.”

‘He better be impressed or I’ll sort him out!” Anne said protectively as he wrapped an arm around Millie and kissed her cheek.

Ann melted at how much love Anne had for her best friend and really, her now sister. 

“Mama do I look pretty?” Jack asked and Anne grinned at Jack. She’d clung to Ann since her meltdown but she still needed her Mama.

“You are the prettiest little Dude I have ever seen. Santa is so lucky to be having his photo taken with you today!” Anne said adoringly and Jack sighed “Yeah I still don’t know how I feel about this Santa bloke, he seems really dodgy!”

Millie snorted as she looked away, trying not to laugh and Ann bit her lip to stop herself from doing the same. “Now Jack, sweetie Santa is a lovely and kind man and it will make me so happy to have a lovely photo of us together. Do you think you could just give him a chance?” Ann encouraged her gently.

“Okay Mummy I will try” Jack compromised, never wanting to upset Ann and knowing her Mummy would never do anything that meant she wasn’t safe. 

“Thank you baby girl, it’s almost our turn and then when we’re finished were going to get you a treat for waiting so patiently. What do you think you’re going to ask Santa for, for Christmas?”

“To stay out of my house and not touch my cookies!” Jack replied in a matter of fact manner and Anne snorted as Ann and Millie both tried not to laugh.

“But I will use my manners and say please Mummy” Jack assured Ann and Ann’s eyes met her wife’s, both of them full of so much joy and mirth at their little girl’s straight talking attitude and antics.

‘Yes well, manners are very important!” Ann said as they were called for their turn to have their photo.

“Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas. And what do we have here? Such beautiful young ladies!’ Santa said appreciatively and Anne didn’t miss the way the Middle aged Santa’s eyes lit up when he saw how gorgeous Ann and Millie were. He was blatantly eyeing off their long legs. As Millie and Ann went and sat on one of Santa’s knees each with Jack between them Anne took the opportunity to follow them and very discreetly lean down to Santa.

‘I’m onto you old man and if you so much as put a foot out of line with either of these young women I’ll kill you!” She said with a pleasant smile, making her feelings known.

‘Anne!’ Ann cried out in surprise and Jack’s eyes went wide ‘Oh my gosh Mama you’re so clever. We should totally kill Santa and then he cant come up in my house and steal my cookies!”

“Jack!” Ann admonished as Anne looked sheepishly at Ann but then burst into laughter with Jack joining her.

Before any of them knew if they were all laughing, except for Santa who looked rather bewildered and put upon.

“Look mate it’s like this. You’re not coming up in my house and stealing my cookies. Stranger danger!” Jack said to Santa full of chagrin.

“Merry Christmas Santa! Say cheese everyone!” Millie said through her laughter as Anne moved out of the shot, still keeping a protective eye on the girls and the photographer began snapping away.

************  
Jaz watched Victoria in awed adoration as she hand picked a variety of capsicums at one of the farmers market stalls. She was wearing a simple beige lace sundress with straps that crossed over at her back and a full circle skirt that finished at her mid thigh. Her stunning hair was pulled pack in a single thick, semi undone braid with soft tendrils escaping around her face and she wore a pale straw sun hat and sunglasses. She looked so beautiful and so effortlessly chic. It was the perfect soft counterpart to the black and white kaftan dress she wore herself.

She was worried after showing such vulnerability that Victoria wouldn’t see her as someone who could protect her, look after her and keep her safe. She needn’t have worried as one of the vegetable growers who was rather taken with Victoria put his arm around her, getting way too familiar with her and causing her sweet Bella to instantly flinch, especially after what she’d been through recently with Oliver and Landon and before Jaz even had a chance to grab him by the throat which she was a heartbeat away from doing, Victoria had dropped the capsicums on the stand and quickly moved straight to her side where she cuddled in.

Jaz wrapped an arm around her protectively and moved her into a quieter shaded area ‘Are you alright Red?” She asked in concern as she took off Victoria’s sunglasses and hat and her Bella nodded ‘I just don’t like the man” she said softly as she clung to her and Jaz cuddled her close and kissed the top of her head as she felt her little love trembling. “It’s alright my little darling I have you now you’re safe” 

‘You always keep me safe” Victoria said as she breathed in the reassuring scent of Jaz’s perfume and took a moment to calm.

Seeing who Victoria had run to, the Vegetable grower approached nervously with a bag of what appeared to be the capsicums ‘For the beautiful lady Ms Moretti, on the house with my apologies”

“Wise life choice. And you best be keeping you hands off my beautiful lady in the future!” Jaz said very tersely as she took the capsicums from him and put them in the calico market bag she carried with Victoria’s purchases.

The man gulped and backed away as Jaz ushered Victoria away “Here Red, there’s a lovely little pop up wine bar over here that I think you’ll enjoy”. When they got to a quiet table that really wasn’t near any of the other patrons, Jaz pulled out Victoria’s chair and squatted down in front of her as she gazed up at her dotingly and took her small hands inside her own. ‘What would you like to drink my love?”

Victoria glanced at the menu ‘Maybe the homemade pink lemonade?” She looked wistfully at the tray of it being carried to other patrons “It looks really pretty!”

Jaz beamed at her, once more marvelling the difference of the habitual alcohol and substance abuse chaos she’d come from to her Bella’s sweetness.

Victoria suddenly became aware of Jaz’s bemused expression and felt a little self conscious ‘oh you meant like a wine or something um….

Jaz smoothed some unruly red tendrils back from her forehead “No my sweetheart I meant whatever you want to drink. It’s perfectly you. And you’re perfect for me. I’m going to have the same!” She stood and spoke to a passing waitress and then pulled the spray on sunscreen out of the bag and sprayed it liberally on Victoria’s exposed fair skin along her shoulders and back just in case the piercing afternoon sun shot through under the table umbrella. Victoria sighed in contentment as Jaz rubbed it in then put her hat and sunglasses back on her. She had never felt so loved and cared for. Jaz absolutely doted on her and all she wanted to do was spend the rest of her life making the older woman happy.

“Thank you baby” She said sweetly when Jaz sat beside her and reached inside her bag for hand sanitiser to clean Jaz’s hands.

‘You’re welcome my love” Jaz said as Victoria rubbed hand sanitizer into her hands. When she was finished, Victoria pulled out a folded piece of paper from the pocket in her dress and opened it up, ticking things off with the little pen she wore on a lanyard around her neck.

“What’s that you have baby?” Jaz asked curiously and Victoria showed it to her ‘It’s my meal planner for the week. I tend to plan for the week to make sure I control my gluten intake and Millie still gets enough variety and her favourites and now you too of course sweetie….I mean I know we’re going back to Sydney in a few days for New Years, I leave room for flexibility but I make things that can be frozen and pulled out when we want it too”

Jaz melted. It was more of the every day kind of stability that Victoria brought to her world when she’d never had it before.

“Are you sure I’m not boring you?” Victoria asked her and Jaz shook her head as she leant over Victoria’s shoulder and examined the detail in her plan intently ‘Not at all my love…..it’s more of that seriously filthy loved up coupley domestic porn of yours that turns me on so much!” She quipped and Victoria broke into giggles.

“Speaking of domestic porn baby, I know we got a little side tracked with our emotional day but I’ve gotta ask. How did you get so incredible on a pole, you’re unlike anyone I’ve ever seen. Except….well except for Annie who said she was coached by a friend’s Mum and now I know why she’s so incredibly classy, artistic and graceful on it. Because I think she learned from you.”

Victoria picked up the pink lemonade immediately as the waitress put it down. “Thank you!” She said softly and looked at Jaz with big shy green eyes as she sipped it. ‘I hope its alright. The truth is a classmate at university who was premature like me got me onto it. She said It was so good for whole body strength and muscle density and with my dance background I’d be a natural. I even got my own pole because when Millie was a baby it was one of the exercises I could do at home that really worked me. And Annie is just beautiful at it!”

“Of course it’s alright Red, I’m proud that you’ve taught my baby how to be such a class act doing something so many regard as cheap, And she’s taught some of my other girls your moves too, I can’t wait to have you at the club so you can see your influence as an artist” Jaz said supportively and Victoria’s face lit up.

“Really? Wow….thats very fabulous….I mean because I know I’m a bit of a nerd and not the typical sexy girl type.” Victoria said humbly and Jaz shook her head as she chuckled “If you’re not the sexy type it must have been someone else I was with in the limo last night because wow!” She teased and Victoria blushed.

“Oh no that was me….and I remember everything…and I liked everything that you did to me….that we did…oh goodness I’m doing a terrible job of this!” Victoria picked up her drink and took a big sip as she looked away avoiding Jaz’s eyes.

Jaz’s heart went out to her. She was gloriously beautiful, even in her shyness and slight insecurity and if she could only see that it was the fact that she was a little bit of a nerd and her girl next door allure that made her all the more desirable to her.

She reached over and gently pulled Victoria to sit in her lap and wrapped her arms around her waist tightly. “That’s good to know baby. Thank you for telling me that. Now I know you’d like to explore more of that side of our relationship, obviously when you’re sober and its safer for you. Yes?” Jaz asked softly as she pressed her lips to Victoria’s cheek.

“Yes!” Victoria said softly as she gave her a shy little smile and Jaz stroked the side of her cheek. “You know there is no right or wrong way to talk about this stuff baby and I don’t ever want you to think I expect you to be a cool and collected psychiatrist extraordinaire like you are at work. I just want you to communicate with me as you just did as I lead you down this path so I can keep you safe. That’s all I ask okay?” She gave her a reassuring smile and Victoria instantly relaxed “Okay sweetie”

“Beside’s I still want to see these comparative BDSM data pie charts of yours. They sound hot!” Jaz teased and Victoria covered her face in her hands ‘Oh my goodness!” 

Jaz roared laughing and covered the side of Victoria’s face in kisses. ‘Here baby have you checked your phone? Look at this!” She said as she threw her love a life ring and brought up a picture Ann had sent her.

“Oh wow!” Victoria’s face lit up as she looked at the Santa photo of Ann, Millie and Jack. It was gorgeous. Their 3 perfectly coordinated smiling gorgeous girls.

“Isn’t it just the cutest thing? I can’t wait to have it blown up for my office and the house, and my house back in Sydney.”

“See sweetie? They couldn’t wait to send this to you. You’re so loved!” Victoria said reassuringly as she shifted her position to softly kiss Jaz.

“I love you my sweet Bella!” Jaz said tenderly as she softly tapped Victoria’s nose.

‘I love you too sweetie” Victoria said contentedly as she leant into Jaz’s chest “To the moon and back!” 

*****************************  
Ann sat stroking Jack’s hair, making sure their baby girl was sleeping deeply before she left her. She was a little less clingy after a day of quality time and Anne had read her a Christmas story when they put her down for her afternoon nap. It had been the most beautiful family day and they’d even managed to get a photo of Jack on her own with Santa. Mainly because Anne had distracted the little girl, pulling funny faces at her while she and Millie had slipped out of the shot. When Jack had realised however, what had happened, she’d looked at Santa dubiously and said “Nope that’s it I’m out” and scrambled off his lap and straight into her arms as they all cracked up laughing.

“Mummy loves you!” Ann whispered as she kissed Jack’s forehead and quietly slipped out of her room. She went out into the living room to see Anne working so studiously to finish putting together the bike they’d gotten Jack for Christmas. And Ann felt overwhelmed with love and gratitude for her incredible Dude who always loved and protected them, made sure they always had everything they needed. She couldn’t imagine doing life with anyone other than Anne Lister.

Anne stood up to see her beautiful girl staring at her “There’s my Pixie princess, what do you think of the bike?” She asked and was stunned as Ann ran towards her and jumped into her arms, wrapping her arms and legs around her.

“Wow……” Anne gasped in delight as she held her close. She’d pulled out her braids and with her wild waves and rosy cheeks she looked so beautiful ‘Not that I’m complaining Little Lister but what did I do to deserve this?”

“Everything” Ann whispered vehemently then pulled back to cup Anne’s face ‘You did everything. You’re our everything. The way you looked after me last night and helped me get out of my drop and took such good care of our baby this morning even though she didn’t make it easy just so I could sleep. The way you cheer on my best friend like she’s yours, protect us from sleazy Santa’s, put together bikes for our baby while she sleeps. I am so incredibly grateful to be yours Anne Lister. We’re so lucky you’re our Dude!” Ann kissed her wife passionately and all thoughts of the bike went out the window for Ann as she was engulfed in the sweetness of her wife’s tongue gently caressing hers and driving her desire through the roof in a matter of seconds the way she clung to her

“Sweet baby!” Anne gasped through kisses ‘I’ll always be your Dude! We have a couple of hours, what would you like to do?”

“Oh I have a few ideas!” Ann said naughtily and Anne chuckled “Oh do you Beauty? And where exactly do these ideas take place?”

“Take me to bed and I’ll show you!” Ann replied sassily with sparkling smiling eyes full of desire and Anne gave her a wolffish grin ‘I can’t wait!”

Anne carried Ann into the bedroom and carefully put her down. “Turn around for me my sweet beautiful girl.” She commanded softly and Ann complied. Anne bent to drop featherlight kisses on her neck and began to slowly undo the zip at the back of her playsuit, kissing each inch of her creamy skin revealed until it was undone to her waist and then she peeled it from her gorgeous little body, helping her step out of it and was stunned to find that under the very innocent looking little playsuit, her wife was wearing a gorgeous ivory lace La Perla lingerie set with a tiny little thong that sat low on her hips and as she turned back towards her, a balcony the bra that pushed her full breasts high. Anne felt her pulse start to race.

‘Oh Ann…..You are absolutely exquisite!” She gasped in utter reverence and Ann looked down to avoid her lovers scrutiny but moved closer and into her arms ‘Thank you baby!’ She said softly and Anne caressed her lower back and placed little kisses on her forehead as Ann began pulling her shirt up until Anne raised her arms and Ann pulled it the rest of the way. When she was clad in just her black Calvin Klein sports bra and shorts Ann ran her hands over her ripped arms and shoulders, down her back and across her 6 pack. “I love your body so much Dude, you’re so sexy”

“You make me feel sexy” Anne said seriously, and she did. No one had ever made her feel as good about her muscular physique as Ann did. From the time they got together she hadn’t been able to keep her hands off her, even in her innocence and lack of experience and it had been so validating and confidence boosting for her.

“Do I?” Ann said with a cheeky little grin as she undid Anne’s shorts and let them drop to the floor and Anne chuckled. She loved it when Ann was playful like this. It was her own brand of adorable sexy cute that was so endearing and pretty damn hot too.

“Yes…and I know by now that you’re up to something!” Anne teased and Ann shook her head “Not me, I’m your precious little angel!” She said innocently and Anne roared laughing. It was the first time Ann had turned that back on her in their whole relationship and her timing had been absolutely brilliant.

‘Oh you are? Really?” Anne questioned her as she cupped her face adoringly and was stunned as her precious little angel dropped to her knees on the floor and began running her nails up her muscular thighs ‘Uh huh…..you tell me all the time….”

But as Ann looked up at her with huge blue eyes full of desire, kneeling at her feet as she caused Anne’s whole body to break out in goose pimples with her ministrations her wife knew angelic didn’t even begin to cut it for how beautiful she looked. She was utterly heavenly.

“Ann…..sweetheart” Anne gasped as she felt her boxers growing uncomfortably damp the closer Ann’s nimble little fingers got to her centre and then without warning Ann pulled them down and her mouth was on Anne’s throbbing centre.

“Oh Fuck…Ann…baby” Anne gasped as ripples of pleasure shot through her body. Ann had never taken the lead like this before and it was so incredibly erotic. She felt herself being backed towards the bed as Ann moved forward on her knees, until she was sitting on it and then Ann pushed her back to lay against the quilt as she continued to stroke her nimble little fingers up and down Anne’s inner thighs and lap at her folds. She was in no hurry as she explored her wife’s swollen flesh, placing soft lingering open mouth kisses around her opening and flicking at her deliciously with her tongue. But it was when she felt Ann’s tongue stiffening and plunging inside her, fucking her slowly that her eyes rolled back in her head. ‘Oh fuck, like that….that’s my girl, yes baby yes yes!” she chanted and her hips bucked as Ann started slowly circling her clit with her thumb while her tongue plunged in and out of her.

“I’m so close” Anne gasped, out of her mind with pleasure and Ann smiled against her with the thrill of discovery as she felt the tell tale flutter off her lovers walls around her tongue and she replaced her tongue with two of her fingers, slipping them in and out of her wetness and swirling around Anne’s clit with her tongue as Anne gripped the quilt with her hands like her life depended on it and when she closed her mouth around her clit and started to suck as she fucked her in long firm strokes Anne cried out and shook uncontrollably as her climax utterly destroyed her and she came for what seemed like an eternity.

Ann rode it out with her the entire time, gentling her strokes and smoothing her tongue soothingly over Anne’s quivering flesh as the final tremors of her climax faded and when Anne went slack against the bed Ann removed her boxers from the ankle they still lay trapped on and slipped out of her own bra and thong.

“Sweetheart come here….” Anne whispered hoarsely as she felt blindly for Ann and Ann took her hand and kissed her way up the inside of Anne’s leg before climbing on the bed and quickly ridding Anne of her sports bra before snuggling in to cuddle her skin to skin.

“Mmmm you feel so good!” she said blissfully and didn’t move from her spot, even as Anne sat them up slightly and dragged them to lie upright on the bed against the pillows. Anne took a deep breath and struggled a little to get control of her emotions.

“Look at me my Darling” she asked Ann as she held her snuggled to her where her little pixie wanted to be but gently tipped her face so she could look into her eyes.

“That…..what you just did was so incredible I……I don’t have the words. It has never been like that for me, so intimate with anyone before. Ever” Anne managed to get out and Ann looked up at her with so much love and adoration in her eyes as she softly stroked Anne’s hair that the older woman was rendered speechless.

“I love the kinky things that we do so much. I love that I’m your princess and that you’re Daddy. But I just really wanted to take charge for a moment. To connect with you, to make love to you, touch you, kiss you and cherish you, take care of me the way that you do me just with you as My Dude and me as your Pixie like it was between us from day one, and now your Little Lister. When I’m in your arms you make me feel so loved, safe and utterly worshipped, I wanted a chance to love you that way physically in return!”

“Ann…..baby…..my god I love you so much” Anne gasped in a quivering voice as she kissed her, tasting herself on her gorgeous, incredible little wife’s lips. Ann had articulated her intentions so beautifully because that’s exactly how she had made her feel.

“All the much my beautiful Dude, all the time!” Ann replied in between kisses, moaning as Anne made her shiver, kissing that sensitive spot behind her ear and whispered “All the ways.”

Ann whimpered as Anne kissed a trail down her neck and attached her mouth to one of her nipples, softly tracing the other with her for finger as she sucked torturously at the hardened little bud.

“Oh Anne……please……” Ann gasped as Anne drove her to an absolute fever pitch when she’d already been so turned on.

“I know my sweet beautiful perfect girl, you’re so wet for me, I can feel you against my skin.” Anne let her fingers drift down to play in her wetness and Ann moaned as they made contact with her desperate needly flesh.

“You’re absolutely exquisite” Anne said in complete awe of her beauty as she gazed down at her lovingly and began circling her clit, instantly releasing some of her tension and giving her relief as she sighed in pleasure and her whole body turned to liquid heat in her arms.

“I want the strap Anne, I want you inside me with no space between us….please” She pleaded with her lover and knowing entering Ann that way was always easier when she was complete and utter jelly Anne held her tight and began lightly but furiously swirling her thumb around Ann’s swollen turgid clit as her blue eyes widened in shocked pleasure ‘I want that to my love, hold onto me…good girl. I’ve got you Beauty” Ann came apart almost instantaneously, crying out as she shattered and quivered endlessly in Anne’s arms.

‘That’s my girl, you come so beautifully for me, I love you so much baby, I’m right here” Anne reassured her as she drew it out until Ann was completely limp in her arms and then pressing a lingering kiss to her damp forehead, Anne lay her wife back against the pillows and pulled the strap out of the bottom draw. She deftly stepped into it and reached for the lube to liberally coat it

“Dude….” Ann called for her, with her eyes still closed and Anne crawled over her “I’m right here, I’m going to be so deep inside you, I’m going to make you feel so good” she promised as she caressed Ann’s beautiful face and Ann’s eyes fluttered open to peer up at her dreamily with a soft smile as she used her dancers flexibility to spread her legs impossibly wide, opening herself up to Anne and Anne moaned as she looked down to where the tip of her cock met her wife’s completely exposed entrance “You have no idea how innately sexual and sensual you are. You are my dream come true”

She began entering her wife slowly and very gently and was able to get almost all the way inside her before her little love noticeably tensed in her arms and even then it was nothing compared to the first time. She’d come so far. Anne held herself very still inside her and gathered her wife in her arms. “My precious little angel you take me so well, I love you so much….you’re doing so well…..shhhhhhh” Anne reassured her as she covered her face with little kisses and reached down to delicately stroke Ann’s clit, knowing she would start to instinctively move her hips and draw her all the way in at her own pace which she did and Anne gasped as she wrapped her long legs around her hips, drawing her in deeper still. With the grip she had on her and the way her wet warmth brushed against her, pushing the bumper into her clit Anne knew she wasn’t going to last very long at this rate.

So she began kissing her wife, really kissing her, starting with her eyelids, her darling little nose, her cheeks and her chin before landing on her mouth and pressing her lips to Ann’s in soft, intimate, loving little kisses before kissing her deeply and passionately. They lay kissing for what seemed like forever, impossible to tell where Ann ended and Anne began just as they had wanted, but when Ann let out a high pitched whine and wrapped her legs around her again, matching her rhythm with her own hips Anne couldn’t hold off any longer.

“Dude….baby please I need you…”

“I know my love…..it’s so good….you’re so good” Anne praised her, out of her mind with the pleasure of her impending climax as she reached between them to caress Ann’s clit, thrusting into her a little deeper as she did.

“ANNE!” Ann screamed as she completely came apart and moments later Anne followed, Groaning into Ann’s neck as she buried herself to the hilt inside her and came so hard she saw stars.

“I’m here, I’ve got you baby’ Anne whispered as she held her close while they trembled together. When they were completely spent Anne very carefully disentangled herself from her semi-lucid little beauty and gently withdrew from her. She got off the bed and discarded the strap and noticed Ann was shivering from the loss of contact.

Propping the pillows up against the head board and picking up a throw blanket she very tenderly gathered Ann into her arms and picked her up, sitting up with her curled in her lap and draping the throw over her. Ann instinctively curled into Anne’s chest, listening to her heartbeat and sighing in contentment at the feel of her strong arms wrapped around her and Anne inhaled the heavenly aroma of her strawberries and peaches scented hair that fell wildly around them.

Neither of them said a word, content to simply breathe with one another, wrapped in the moment of the magic, of the love they had just made.

***********  
“It was wonderful, reconnecting with him like that, rediscovering us” Rachel said softly and Victoria gave her a big smile as she checked Rachel’s heartbeat in the kitchen

Jaz watched on proudly as she stacked the last of the dishes in the dishwasher. Family taco night had been a huge success and now the entire clan including the Listers, the Hastings, Millie, Frog, Marion, Brian Victoria, Millie and herself were about to sit down to watch Thumbelina with Jack. A lovely family movie Victoria had suggested to help Jack have positive body image about her tiny size.

Her sweet Bella was such a blessing to the family and as Rachel looked at her with so much love and pride, the love of a mother it was clear she felt exactly the same way.

“I’m so happy for you Rach. Your blood pressure and heart have never been better. Enjoy your recovery. You have worked so hard to get here. And In the new year I’d like to introduce you to a colleague of mine who will be very supportive of your renewed health, physical relationship with your husband and active life as the Nanna of a toddler. I’d like some objective eyes to look over the medication changes I’ve made and make sure we’re helping you to live your best life” Victoria said gently an Rachel nodded 

“Oh of course Darling, I know you’re not my usual doctor or psychiatrist and I’m so appreciative of the fact that you’ve been using your brilliance to pull double duty and help me” Rachel said understandingly and Victoria shook her head.

‘It’s not about me Rach. I’m so happy to help you. I would do anything for you. This is about making sure we do what’s best for you because the thing is…….it was very hard trying to treat Annie objectively when I loved her like a daughter…..and well……it can be hard to treat you objectively when I….”

Victoria took a deep breath and avoided Rachel’s eyes for a moment and when she looked back at her there were tears in them. “When I love you like a mum…..”

Rachel’s own eyes filled with tears as she clasped her hand over her heart. ‘Oh sweetheart……..”

“And I have never had that before” Victoria said in a quivering voice and Rachel reached across to hug her tightly “I know you haven’t….but you do now. And I am just so lucky that you chose me. That I’ve been blessed with a second chance at having a daughter in the shape of the most gorgeous little human inside and out.”

Rachel pulled back to take Victoria’s face in her hands “And as soon as we can find me someone else, you’re fired as my doctor!” Victoria giggled through her tears and Rachel laughed with her “Though I know they won’t be quite as brilliant as our exceptional girl!!” Rachel hugged her tightly again and Jaz blinked her own tears away as she left them to their moment. But she was so happy for both of them. She knew how much they’d needed each other.

Jaz smiled at the sweet scene in front of her as she left the kitchen and headed into the living room to sit in her favourite arm chair. At the sight of Jonno pretending he had the slightest idea of what Marion was doing with the entertainment unit because lord knows technology was not his strength, he just had such a soft spot for Marion. Frog and Brian were describing the big Christmas Eve parade that would happen in town the next day and telling her they had the perfect spot for her to stand and see everything without being in the chaos. They weren’t condescending about it, they were genuinely thrilled to include her in their little family unit just as they’d welcomed Marion and Millie was hanging onto their every word. Anne was doing a highly structurally questionable plait on Jack after her quick evening bath to keep her gorgeous long hair free of tangles and Jaz didn’t even have the heart to intervene and assist as it was so beautiful watching Anne dote on her little “Poppet”. She was doing something so out of her comfort zone but then there’s nothing she wouldn’t do for her babygirl, or for Ann for that matter and she was so grateful to have Lister as her daughter in law or as she saw it, her “Eldest daughter.”

“She hasn’t gotten any better since she used to do that to me Jack!” Marion teased as she took a seat next to Anne and Anne put her arm around her baby sister, pulling her into a mock headlock ‘Watch it brat!” She warned her teasingly and Jack shrugged “I don’t mind Aunty Maz, Mama and I are dudes, we’re not supposed to know this stuff that’s why we got you and Mama!”

“Out of the mouths of babes!” Anne said with a huge grin and reached around to fist bump Jack “That’s Mama’s perfect little Poppet good work!”

“You’re right Jacky Jack. I’m happy to help your Mama. She always took such good care of me!” Marion said as she took the strands out of Anne’s hands to even them up a little but Anne grabbed her wrist, stilling her for a moment and kissed her forehead “I love you kiddo” She said softly and Marion grinned up at her ‘I love you too!”

Victoria walked into the living room from the other entrance and walked over to kiss Millie on top of the head.

“Oh Mum I’m glad you’re here, my hair tie is stuck in my hair and its in an even more frightful mess than Anne has jack’s hair” Millie said very directly as the boys cracked up.  
“Oi! I heard that!” Anne called out from in front of them with a chuckle and everyone laughed.

“Here sweetie don’t panic let me look at it” Victoria said as she knelt down behind Victoria and Frog squeezed her hand ‘Lucky you’re so beautiful because if we have to hack you’re hair off with the garden shears out back you’ll still be a stunner!” He teased and earned a cushion in his face from Millie for his efforts as Brian high fived her “Thatta girl!” he said through his laughter and Frog bit back his smile “I deserve that!”

“Yes you did!” Victoria and Millie said in perfect unison then burst out laughing.

“Here we are everyone now don’t fuss about mess, that’s what vacuums are for!” Rachel said as she came in carrying a tray of bowls of popcorn that were almost as wide as her arm span.

‘Here Darlin let me help you’ Jono said as he rushed to take the tray from her and when he did he paused for a moment just smiling down at her.

‘What are you looking at?” Rachel asked her curiously and Jono dipped to kiss her nose “Your beautiful face that’s what!” He said gently and Rachel broke into a huge smile “Here lets hand this out. Aren’t we so very lucky my dearest . A house full of kids for Christmas.”

“It’s wonderful!” Jono agreed as they distributed the popcorn throughout the room and when the tray was empty Jono placed it on a nearby coffee table and wrapped his arms around Rachel ‘You know, it’s not just luck. You deserve this Rach. You’re a good Nanna and surrogate Mum to these kids and a good wife. It’s me, it’s us who are the lucky ones to have you!”

Rachel beamed up at her husband ‘You know, you can be incredibly charming when you want to be. I love you. All the much, all the ways”

“All the time” Jono finished for her as he smiled and softly kissed her.

‘Get a room you two!” Jaz called out and Rachel winced “Jazmine honestly! Must you always be so crass?”

“Yes Honey. Always!” Jaz shot back as she chuckled but suddenly became aware of Victoria’s frustrated expression as she tried to work the tie out of Millie’s hair.

“I’m sorry sweetie I tried but this requires expert level skills. Here, go to your other mother!” She said as she gave Millie a little push in Jaz’s direction and she said it so genuinely like it was the most natural thing. That’s what made it so beautiful and so incredibly touching for Jaz.

“Mama we can’t get it out it’s stuck!” Millie said without missing a beat as she crawled over to Jaz’s feet and Jaz leant over to wrap her arms around Millie from behind “Well there’s no hair I can’t salvage babygirl especially locks as stunning as yours and we’re gonna fix it. Just trust Mama and try to relax”

Millie turned around to squeeze Jaz’s hand and look up at her with her big blue-green eyes “I do trust you Mama!”

“Thank you baby!” Jaz said in a shaky voice and gently turned Millie back around before picking up her braid. She caught her beautiful Little Flame smiling at them both so adoringly with such an elated emotional expression on her face and when their eyes met Jaz swallowed the lump in her throat and mouthed the words “Thank you”.

Victoria nodded and blew Jaz a kiss before putting an arm around Frog and fussing over him as part doctors, part mother figure, making sure he’d had enough to drink working in the heat that day. And he looked absolutely delighted at the nurturing attention.

“Now honey I’ve worked it loose but I’m going to have to cut it free, just a small section of hair but its at the very bottom and the section you’ll lose tomorrow morning when I give you Annie and Jack trims okay?”

“Okay Mama” Millie said calmly as Rachel came over with a small pair of sewing scissors and Jaz took them from her “Thank you honey!” She said as she snipped the hair tie free and carefully undid Millie’s braid, making sure there were no more major tangles.

‘Okay Beautiful all done!” Jaz said triumphantly and Millie turned around and knelt up to hug Jaz “Thank you Mama” she said gratefully and Jaz held her tight “You’re welcome Baby!”

Victoria gave Jaz a dazzling smile that made the older woman’s heart skip a beat before crawling over to Anne and Jack to give Millie and Frog their space.

“Hey Babe!” Anne said as she put her arm around Victoria and pulled her in affectionately for a side hug. “Hey” she said softly and then she smiled at Anne handing Jack little amounts of popcorn so that she didn’t over eat so close to dinner.

‘I am so proud of you. You have become exactly the kind of wife and parent I always knew you had the potential to be.” Victoria said as she tousled Anne’s hair and Anne looked down at her with so much gratitude. ‘You said it could be like this, over and over again you told me I could have this life, When we parted, after that and every month up until I met Ann. You always called me on my rubbish when I tried to convince myself this wasn’t my dream and you believed in it for me even when I couldn’t. I can’t ever thank you enough Vicki!”

Victoria beamed as she put her arms around Anne and hugged her. “I love you Bunny. I will always love you.”

“I know. And I’ll always love you. And I’m so glad you finally got the kind of love that nourishes you completely, the kind of love that you deserve. No one deserves it more than you!”

“Me next me next I want to give you cuddles too Vicki!” Jack said as she turned around and Victoria cracked up. “You next! you next! Of course bubba!” She said in delight as she picked up the little girl and cuddled her.

“Anne darling do you think you know what is wrong with the kitchen cupboard door?” Rachel asked her as she cuddled up to Jonno, remembering the young woman having a look at it shortly after dinner.

“Yeah It’s missing a screw, it must have come out and that’s why it wont open and close properly. I looked but I couldn’t find it!” Anne replied and Rachel rolled her eyes.

‘Yes well somebody probably ate it dear!”

Anne cracked up laughing “I’ll get some from the hardware store and if I cant find one I’ll grind one down for you and fix it!”

“Thank you darling you are wonderful!” Rachel said gratefully.

Ann walked out into the lounge room clutching her midsection, her beautiful face twisted in discomfort and Anne was about to go to her when Ann walked over to Jaz.

“Mama I think I ate too much spicy salsa my tummy hurts!” She whined uncharacteristically and Jaz held her arms out ‘My poor babygirl. You’ve been hit and miss with Mexican foods ever since you were a toddler. Come here and I’ll rub your tummy”

Ann curled up on Jaz’s lap with her head on the older woman’s shoulder, relaxing slightly as she began to rub her sore tummy.  
Victoria smiled at the touching scene and then turned to see how Anne was handling Ann not coming straight to her and just as she turned her head the 20th century fox into boomed through the surround sound speakers giving Jack a fright and she immediately scrambled out of Victoria’s arms and into Anne’s.

“Mama!” She whimpered and Anne picked her up and rubbed her little back. “Shhhhh its alright poppet its just a very loud sound. I think this is your first time experiencing indoor surround sound. That means the sound comes all around you. But you love music so much and when Thumbelina starts singing you will really like it I promise. Alright? And if you don’t we will turn it down”

“Okay Mama” Jack said trustingly as she cuddled into Anne.

“Sometimes a girl just needs her Mama!” Victoria said with a smile and Anne chuckled. “Yeah. I’ve certainly figured that one out today.”

“And Jaz needs her babygirl today. She needs to know what an amazing mother she is to all her girls” Victoria said quietly and Anne smiled at how happy Jaz looked to have Ann curled up in her arms. It was clear they’d done that many times from the way they just instantly found their position. She hoped that when Jack was 18 if she had a belly ache she would come to her Mama one day because there wasn’t anything in the world she wouldn’t do to take away her little Poppet’s pain.

Jaz relished having Ann curled up contentedly in her arms and looked around the room feeling so fortunate to be surrounded by so much love. At 53 she had a lot of regrets but she would never regret letting each of these gorgeous humans into her heart and life. And then her eyes settled on her sweet Bella, the most magical surprise gift of all. Her exquisite little treasure. When she’d first started spending extensive time with her when Annie fled she’d looked younger than she was but she was always in structured skirts and blazers, her hair pulled back and off her face, sometimes tightly. Her makeup was never over the top but she wore a bit of it and was the consummate cool, chic together professional. But more and more, she’d started seeing Victoria in more casual clothes and since coming to the farm she was wearing softer, sweeter little outfits than ever with no structured hair-dos and not much makeup at all. Sitting there beside Anne in her pretty little sun frock with her gorgeous red hair out in long cascading waves that fell past her chest she looked so tiny and so incredibly young. She looked younger than Anne even and could have easily passed for 26 or 27. It was remarkable. And she was so beautiful. 

So was her beautiful little Annie who’s face was now relaxed and serene as her pain passed. “How’s my babygirl? You feeling better?”

“Yes, thanks to you. I love you so much Mama. Any time I come to you, for as long as I can remember you’re always here for me and it doesn’t matter what it is you fix it. I’m so lucky to have you” Ann sat up and hugged her mother tightly as Jaz bit back tears.

“I’m the lucky one my precious little Annie!” She said in a trembling voice. “I love you so much baby!”

Victoria glanced over at the gorgeous scene in Jaz’s arm chair and felt her heart sing. Jaz had needed that moment with Ann so much. She was so glad her love was being recognised for the amazing mother and matriarch she was. Not one of them were blood to her but still she loved them with all of her and no one looked after their family like Jazmine Moretti and Victoria just knew that Anne was going to follow in her footsteps one day. The next generation.

Ann slipped out of Jaz’s lap and went over to Anne. “Hi my gorgeous Dudes” She said with so much love on her face as she smiled down at them and sat on the floor, taking Jack from Anne and nestling them both between her strong wife’s legs as she wrapped them up instantly.

“Hello Beauty, is your tummy feeling better now?” Anne asked in concern and Ann nodded ‘Yes thank you!” Anne pressed little kisses on her cheeks “Good, I’m glad!”

“Red!” Jaz called across to Victoria gently and when she turned to face her lover the older woman crooked her finger, beckoning her over and Victoria smiled, getting up and going over to curl up in Jaz’s arms. “Mmmm you feel so good Mio Piccolo Tesoro” Jaz whispered blissfully as she inhaled Victoria’s hair.

“Hey Vicki where you going babes were supposed to keep it bros before hoes remember?” Jack said indignantly and everyone cracked up laughing, even Ann though she tried to look exasperated.

“Mackenzie!! You just called your Nonna a Hoe. You cannot do that!” Ann dropped the full name in and even though she was laughing Jack was smart enough to know that meant she was on shaky ground.

“I loved it! That’s Nonna’s little Piccolina!” Jaz said with eyes full of mirth as her body shook with laughter.

“Okay Mummy. Sorry Nonna!” Jack apologised looking contrite and Ann hugged her ‘Thank you for saying sorry Jack’

“What really is a Hoe anyway? I don’t know properly what it is. I just know that I got hoes in different area codes like the song and that you keep it bros before hoes” Jack said innocently and everyone lost it again while Jack just looked on confused. “What’s so funny?” She asked in bewilderment and Rachel cleared her throat, trying to stop her laughter and encouraging everyone to calm with her quiet authority.

“Yes well sweetheart that’s all you really need to know right now….it sounds like a very diverse….er….hoe philosophy you have there.” Jonno started laughing again but Rachel slapped him.

“Now look everyone the narrator is beginning lets all listen!” Rachel urged them and Jack quickly became invested in the movie.

“I love doing life with you Little Lister, and with the mini Lister” Anne whispered in Ann’s ear and she turned back to Anne with a smile that could only be described as utter adulation. “Right back at you Dude”

Victoria took a little Jar of cream out of her dress pocket and opened it. “Here sweetie, this will help your elbow” Jaz looked at her in awe “You noticed my arm was sore? I didn’t say anything about it!”  
Victoria smiled at her lovingly “I know. Cause you’re totes tough. But of course I noticed! I love you. I notice everything about you.”

Victoria pressed around the inflamed area and Jaz marvelled at how lucky she was to have Victoria and her attentiveness. She was so used to being the one taking care of everyone else but her precious little Red didn’t even miss a beat. When Victoria reached a particularly tender spot Jaz flinched. When Victoria pouted and looked up at Jaz with big green sparkling eyes as she moved her lips to the spot and said “I kiss it better” Jaz died. How was it even possible for a woman to be so heart achingly adorable.

“This is the centre of the inflammation. I’ll be gentle” Victoria said, continuing to speak softly so as not to disturb those engrossed in the movie. 

Jaz felt almost instant numbing relief as Victoria rubbed the cream into her arm “Oh my god baby this is amazing what is it?”

“Um…..it’s a little hybrid concoction of that I made to target inflammatory injury” Victoria answered her with a mischievous little smile. “Some natural, some prescription strength and some not so legally obtained”

“You are so sexy” Jaz said with a cheeky glint in her eyes and Victoria giggled. “Listen my little flame, I know you said you’ve helped good people who have done bad things and you’re obviously close to the Portonello family but in future I’d like you to get your not so legal ingredients for your little magic potions through me okay? Just see Ray and he can get you anything you want or ask me if you’re too shy. You’re my Bella and I need to know that you’re safe okay?”

“Okay Baby” Victoria said compliantly as she closed the jar and Jaz kissed her forehead “Good girl” she said softly. “And speaking of your safety and wellbeing, after the movie is over I need to go and release Oliver and Landon so as not to raise suspicion or prompt their family to come disrupt your peace with questions. But first I need to have a very firm…….conversation with them about the fact that they will never, ever approach you or Millie again.”

Jaz saw the fear in Victoria’s eyes and felt her little body tense in her arms and her heart broke “No no no shhhh my little love everything will be alright. They will never hurt you again. I’m taking you back to the house after this and you’re going to take a sleeping tablet for me because otherwise you’ll turn yourself inside out for hours. I will hold you until you fall asleep, I’ll have my men surrounding the house to give you extra peace of mind and when you wake up tomorrow morning it will be Christmas Eve and you’ll be in my arms. And we can do anything you like”

Victoria pondered the common sense Jaz was speaking. “And it will all be over?” She asked cautiously and Jaz smiled at her as she cupped her beautiful face “Yes my sweet Bella it will all over and we will have such a beautiful family Christmas together. The kind you have always deserved.”

“Could we look for an outdoor entertaining setting for the back deck? One big enough for family nights like tonight when the weather isn’t so hot. So Rach and I can cook up a storm and she’s included but gets some help and a break, the boys could fire up the BBQ and we could all gather together and eat, drink and laugh. And you’ve got that incredible pool. The kids could have their nights there and we’d stay out of their way. You have such a beautiful home sweetie. That’s how it should be used.”

Jaz gazed at Victoria in wonder as she softly stroked her face and felt the same butterflies in her stomach that she got every time her Bella alluded to the beautiful life they were going to have together without even trying, ever so naturally because it was just who she was. “No my Sweetheart, I had a beautiful house. It’s you who has made it a beautiful home. My homes will always be beautiful with you in them because you are my home.”

Victoria’s eyes started to glass over and she bit her lip before taking a deep breath ‘And you’re mine!” She replied softly as she leant in to gently kiss her lover.  
When the kiss broke Jaz gave her an adoring smile “I think that is the loveliest idea. Tomorrow morning we’ll look at some pieces online and get an idea of what you like. If we can’t find you the perfect one we’ll contact my interior designer and have one custom made okay?”

“Wow…okay” Victoria said with a bright excited smile and Jaz laughed as she pulled her to snuggle in. She was so very lovely.

“I don’t want you to worry about a thing baby. Everything is going to be alright.”


End file.
